I am dialed IN.

Not only that, I am lit with envy. I want to be you.

I’m no stranger to reflecting on how my phone use impacts my quality of life; I mention it pretty often in my essays. It always felt perplexing, borderline distressing, that I feel trapped in my own cognitive dissonance around my phone use…constantly. I do not want to mindlessly scroll. I do not like mindlessly scrolling. I often FEEL BAD mindlessly scrolling.

and yet.

AND YET.

There I am again, scrolling through things that make me stare at my curled fingertips. There’s music, a hook, perhaps an attractive thing to stare at, or an answer to a question I did not ask right there in front of my eyes.

Mid-summer, I was fed up. The discomfort of living out actions that didn’t align with my values seemed to finally peak: I couldn’t take it anymore. I have this impression, this fantasy, that when I’m a “real adult”, I won’t maladaptively use my phone anymore. Excuse me? The “adulthood” of my mom’s generation is gone. Adults everywhere are addicted to their phones.

If I don’t change, nothing will change.

Not for nothing, I’ve been here before (perhaps you have, too).

Ways I have tried (and failed) to decrease screen time in the past:

• Set a time limit for websites/apps I wasted time on

• Banished specific social media sites/apps from my phone

• Set an unknown-to-me password to use websites/apps I’d waste time on

• Deleted every app and accessed them only from the web browser.

• Change my phone to grayscale.

Subscribe now

Lately, everyone is talking about the Brick; I really like the concept but I currently don’t own one and didn’t actually feel enough of a tug to the product to buy one. It doesn’t get to the heart of what I started to notice about my phone use.

I began to realize I have no historical data suggesting I can “moderately” use tantalizing media on my phone. Consistently: boundaries blur, intentions are forgotten, and my actions are a runaway train, checking checking checking. I started to sense over the summer, oh I just can’t do this at all on my phone, can I?

This insight informed:

The number one mindset change that helped me:

I want my phone to be inconvenient (a la The Brick), to be clear, that is a high priority to me. But I realized something even more important to my behavior change process: I had to change how I related to my phone and how I feel about my phone when I pick it up and use it.

Thus, my North Star in this process became:

I want my phone to feel boring.

What a bore, my phone.

Uhg, how boring it is looking at my phone.

Where is my phone? Who cares, it’s so boring.

If I want to make my phone feel inconvenient and boring, I had to actually make it inconvenient and boring.

To be clear, my motivation is not to get my screen time as-close-to-zero as possible. Rather, it is to use my phone responsibly and when I actually want to, not just get sucked into scrolling without my consent.

I adopted the spirit of a Dumb Phone: what utilities on it are 1) useful or 2) actually positively impacting my life?

This is a very personal reflection, so take a moment to ponder this for yourself. Here are some obvious and subtle things I realized about my wants and needs:

• I want access to a phone, search engine, map, camera, calendar, texting, Spotify, budgeting app.

• I need some sort of limit on my email account (it becomes a go-to “check” when I have other apps unavailable) but I also don’t want to fully delete my email from my phone.

• I feel totally fine about Marco Polo, Snapchat, texting - I use these to keep in touch with loved ones and do not experience time being wasted on those apps.

• I decided now was not the moment in my life that I would completely banish access to the social media I use. In the past, I have explored eradicating them completely but it hasn’t stuck; this is a longer term goal but not something I was ready for. HOWEVER:

• My phone can no longer be a way that I engage with these apps anymore. At all. (Substack is an exception! see below). Functionally, I do not need my phone to serve that purpose anymore. I can check all these websites on my iPad or my computer.

Crucially, to support breaking my patterns, my phone needs to be more boring (negative experience) than the boredom (or other uncomfortable urge) that is motivating me to look at my phone in the first place. I think people fail at the phone problem when they don’t see runaway phone use as a two-prong issue:

1. Mitigating the addictive nature of phones (through whatever means is right for you).

2. Address the urges, emotions, drives within us that are soothed/satisfied/numbed by our phone.

Point (1) is way easier than (2). You buy a Brick, set a time limit, whatever. But if you don’t prepare yourself for, or actually spend time with the urges or emotions that arise when the phone no longer numbs them…it won’t be sustainable.

The tool that really helped me:

Next, I needed to build an environment of inconvenience in my phone. I want it to be bumpy and annoying to use my phone because that will help me decipher if I am actually fully in control of my action in that moment. Versus just getting swept up by habit or an urge.

A client told me about the app ScreenZen; this app has been working well for this purpose.

It seems like the differentiator of ScreenZen is a delay function. You are prompted with a pause screen whenever you open an app or access a URL that you specify. You have to wait on that pause screen for a pre-determined amount of time before the app will open.

Additionally, you can completely block websites or apps.

My inconvenience formula is this:

• A 30 minute daily limit on Slack, Gmail, and Substack (each). This limit is also further broken down into 5 minute increments. 6, 5-minute “sessions” per day (i.e. you access the app after 20 seconds for 5 minutes. Then it re-locks and you have to wait 20 seconds again.)

• A complete block on all social media apps.

• Within my phone settings, I also have all notifications turned off and no little red flags that appear on the home screen apps.

The story I tell myself when I wish I could look:

“This isn’t what my phone is for. My phone is so boring.”

So what happened?

It’s been about 6 weeks with this setup - enough time to get over the emotional hump of changing behavior, not quite long enough to predict if this will become my new normal.

My phone definitely feels boring! I also feel more mindful when I grab my phone to check something because the 20 second delay allows me to sense when I am just checking to check.

I have micro-moments of my life back. Those passing moments standing in line, waiting on the train, or even as I am walking somewhere are not times I look at my phone anymore. There’s nothing to do there.

In total transparency, I have started using my iPad to check social media. But, the iPad is mostly tethered to my house, is too heavy to hold comfortably for long, and hurts my eyes so I don’t usually stay for long. Plus, if I physically get up to go find my iPad, I probably am actually interested in what I’m going to look at. Some of my accounts are only available on my desktop computer and I am brainstorming how to snuff those out more frequently, too.

I didn’t realize before how checking my email gives me a flutter of anxiety. I would click the Gmail button out of habit or an urge or boredom and it would load before I could sense ANYTHING in my body. With that 20 second delay, I could actually feel that flutter and click away from the app.

I also love how the six checks per day gives me a sense of scarcity: do I really need to look at this again? What if I need to check my email later? It’s a great mindfulness tool while still offering my brain the option of the relief of "a dopamine hit”. Though my parameters feel strict, it feels less black and white which I think will help me with sustainability.

The other day I remembered the best video on the entire internet: the baby panda sneezing and startling mom panda. I pulled up YouTube and hit the block screen. “Oh yeah, I can’t look at this on here.” I put my phone down.

Nothing, truly, is that urgent. Frankly, if it is, literally every single person around me has a phone with access to YouTube. I do not need to read the Silo discussion threads on my phone. I do not need to watch a YouTube video (or godforsaken short) on my phone. I can live without theses things.

I’d argue I must learn to live without these if I want to live a life with my phone as a functional object rather than a doorway to the internet, i.e. a portal to dissociate from myself and/or the world around me.

The most noticeable now-empty time my phone used to fill is the hour right after I wake up and the hour and a half right after work. Mornings feel expansive when I don’t have anything to delay me fully waking up and starting my day. Harder-for-me self-care tasks are easier to say yes to when I don’t have distractions on my phone eating up precious morning minutes.

After work was a vulnerable hour for phone use, too. Perhaps I’m a little tired, I want a break, or I want to be laying. A scroll was often something that “worked” with those feelings I had. Now, I feel more motivated to actually assess where my energy is after work and choose another activity that aligns with my energy. I’ve baked cookies, read my book, watched a YouTube video laying on my bed, cooked dinner earlier, went on a walk, did PT exercises, made up a new recipe, decorated my planner, meditated…honestly I could go on!

Every now and then, it did feel like I was mindfully saying yes to a “quick check” but what is quick? 30 seconds? Five minutes? A half hour? At what point in the process do I lose my awareness of time?

What is the cost of a “quick check”? My entire early evening? Anxiety? Over stimulation? A sense of calm? Feeling present in my life?

Who is paying that price?

ME. I am paying that astronomically high price.

For what, a panda video?

Vera’s essays were a massive inspiration to me earlier this year, check them out here:

Vera Hester

how i broke my phone addiction this year

The Christmas days are behind us, perhaps a relief for some. The holidays are a conflicting time of the year: hundreds of songs and movies applauding the romantic nature of Christmastime, yet reality can often be disappointing. My Christmas was quite good: there was more food and drink than we could finish, a few presents and very little arguments. Stil…

Read more

8 months ago · 3167 likes · 91 comments · Vera Hester

Vera Hester

no phone summer: june

Never would I have thought that my no phone summer, the pledge to myself to not use my phone for the months of June, July and August (up until my birthday on August 29th) would lead to both this much and this little commotion…

Read more

a year ago · 159 likes · 21 comments · Vera Hester

Vera Hester

no phone summer: july

Right away when my no phone summer commenced, I began to make up my mind on what my experiences recap in September would look like. It would include a conclusion along the lines of “you can change yourself, but you cannot change the people around you”, because one of the first things I noticed when tucking away my own little screen, was that other peopl…

Read more

a year ago · 76 likes · 6 comments · Vera Hester

In the days that followed, I thought about my therapist who showed up to work on a Tuesday like any other day. I sat in my normal room, in my normal house, at our normal time. But, something special happened. Through the offering of their presence, openness, and curiosity, I could sense openness within me. This openness equipped me with the capacity to offer those same qualities to myself. I wrote in my journal, “I don’t know exactly what’s there, but for the first time, I know there is something underneath this. I can sense it’s presence.”

This experience got me thinking about the other people who have offered their knowledge, gifts, training, presence, and expertise to me in the effort to help me feel better. In short, I thought a lot about those who take care of me outside of my family/friends. Around that time, I wrote a substack essay version of a thank you note to those who have cared for me. The essay draft sat for a year until I revisited it today.

Like all bodies, sometimes my body demands care, sometimes my mind demands care, sometimes my heart demands care. This constellation of needs leads me to healthcare providers, specialists, and peers who support me.

I feel intense motivation to find emotional or physical peace (if it is possible); I have an attuned sensitivity to when things don’t feel quite right and am impatient to improve my experience, whether that relates to my physical health or mental well-being. Thus, I’ve collected carers. Selecting them feels like choosing glass marbles for my collection when I was a kid; they’re so similar and yet, each completely unique in what they offer and what they give me…and I treasure them.

It is vulnerable to be cared for. It is vulnerable to be brave and say…

I need help

I am in pain

I don’t know what to do

I feel scared

What really led me to revisit this dusty draft was a question I was chewing on this week:

Can you ask for care?

Do you receive care?

What is it like for you when you receive care?

When you imagine being cared for, what comes to mind? Some things feel obvious: Complete a task on my behalf. Show up to support me. Offer me a meal. Listen. Give me a hug. It might also look like: a doctor performing a checkup, a therapist listening intently, or a physical therapist teaching you how to move in a new way.

Noticing how I feel when I am cared for is pleasant. It feels really, really good. I feel calmer, more capable, and I feel the tether between the one caring for me and my need for their care. It makes me feel more human. More alive. A sliver more “okay” in the world.

Care is treated like a limited resource. I don’t have time to give her a call. I forgot to write a card to drop in the mail. No one is able to help me. Care does take time, might cost money, and definitely requires presence and community.

But care is all around us. Care is our neighbor giving us salt when we ran out mid-recipe (Thanks, Alex). Care is a friend saying “I’ll watch your cat”. Care is babysitting beloved littles. Care is sending the text: “I know you’re in pain. I am here and here’s how I want to help…” Care is our loved one letting us pick the movie. Care includes the act of receiving all of these things, too. Opening our eyes to care can expand it’s reach in our life.

What would be required of you to extend the boundaries of what you define as care?

Is it possible to extend the boundaries of what care we allow ourselves to accept?

Expanding our boundaries of what care “is” multiplies the care we feel.

Joining a choir expanded my definition of care and being cared for.

I joined a choir last fall. It is single handedly the best thing I have done for my mental health in a long, long time. I expected to enjoy it and I expected I would be happy to make the weekly commitment.

The thing I did not expect was how I felt so cared for in this space.

I didn’t expect to gaze to the front of our rehearsal space and feel such admiration and gratitude towards our Director for helping us (me) feel more connected to my heart.

I didn’t expect her presence and leadership would make me feel cared for.

I didn’t expect the care that arises between peers who sing together.

I did not expect to feel my whole body relaxing knowing I just had to listen and receive her instruction. My Director is not doing her job “for me”. But, I receive her care as if she is. I receive her cues to stretch my body, warm up my vocal cords, her passion, brilliance, care, and love for music as if she showed up in that room just for me.

The care is right there for me to receive. It’s tangible and it’s there for all of us. We give it to each other and receive it from each other.

I am so glad I noticed. What a gift noticing gave me.

Our lives can be sweeter when we are present with these moments of care.

I go to my choir each week; a lot of times I am tired from my day (/life/the world). But, I try to remember to be AWAKE to what this group creates together. I invite my senses and my awareness to be physically and mentally in this space where I am cared for. I remind myself to Pay Attention™️ to this gift I am receiving (and hopefully giving!).

This magnifies the positive effect of the space. I am physically there, of course. But then I linger in what is lingering in and around my body: calm, resonance, and care.

Being fully aware and awake at my 2 hour rehearsal each week does not minimize the awful things happening outside the doors. Sometimes, building skills of presence feels small amidst the backdrop of life in a modern world that tries to distract us, scare us, and trap our attention around every corner.

But this small thing does make me feel more alive.

I want to feel alive. I don’t want to numb myself from my aliveness. It’s so easy. My fingers click on plastic and drag across glass, tap, tap, and my eyes just look; they don’t see.

I don’t want to spend my life just looking at things, especially pixels behind glass.

I want to see things. I want to see them so I can feel them and allow them to wake me up to my life.

This is what makes me feel cared for. Cared for by myself and others.

I return to the question, modified:

What gets in your way of being cared for and caring for others?

When I originally wrote that thank you note to those who care for me - I was following a trailhead that took me a year to integrate. I am building the belief that care is limitless. That receiving care can be effortless, like an exhale on an “ooo” after singing about the stars.

Can I realize who has helped me in all the ways they have helped me?

Can I appreciate the impact they have on my life?

I suppose I’ll be asking myself these questions for the rest of my life; it is so easy to forget. But, I hope I remember to keep seeing the ways I can expand my boundaries to welcome in more care, more joy, more fear, more grief, more belief.

Those who have cared for me have increased my capacity for all those “more’s”.

Thank you.

This post is a personal one! Though I write on this platform in a professional capacity, I am expanding my writings to include some personal essays on the topics of health, well-being, self-inquiry, and body peace. Skip this one if a personal exploration of body experiences (including health symptoms, negative body image) doesn’t feel like a good fit today!

I was in the first grade the first time I felt it.

The scalding Florida sun was on my back and the track’s broken gravel pushed into my left shoe.

Kiara was running right beside me until I stopped.

I felt the tightness, the pain, the clearest sense: I can’t breathe.

Hotter than the air I couldn’t breathe, I felt the fire of shame light up my seven year old body.

What is wrong with me? Why can’t I keep going?

I watched Kiara’s braids bounce as she continued away from me.

In that moment, with the limited skills I had as a child, I “figured out” that what was wrong with me, was, well…me. My breathlessness meant that my body was broken and that it was my fault.

Had my PE teacher already terrorized us about how our fitness is our fault? Our health is solely in our control? We determine our stamina, muscle strength, and cardiovascular fitness?

Had I already learned that bodies can be right and wrong? (the first lie)

I can’t remember.

The next memory floods in and I’m in the third grade.

Instead of the track, we are running out on the field. This was so much worse; the square of light poles we ran around were so far apart.

This side of the school was drenched with that nearly-white mid-morning sun. My eyes were half shut, the light hurt them; I felt dread.

I remember running to the first pole. The first moments of intense movement are okay. But halfway to the second pole, it starts again.

Tightness, pressure, breath somewhere ahead of me, just beyond my reach.

Later on, somewhere between eighth and ninth grade, I had consumed enough Girls Life and Seventeen magazine articles and images to learn that the solution to my blossoming despair about my body was simply to change it (the second lie). Looking back, I can see that my body’s cardiovascular symptoms crashed against and became imperceptibly woven into the body dissatisfaction common during adolescent development. My emotional experience around my body was tumultuous.

During this time, I regularly returned to that same elementary school track with my best friend. We biked the mile to our old school, I propped my kickstand, and removed my helmet before walking onto the track. My PE teacher taught me that seven laps were a mile. As a teen, I wanted to overcome what little me never could; I had to run seven without stopping. I returned for months, but in all honesty, I don’t remember if I ever ran all seven.

In high school, I joined a club lacrosse team and self-selected into a defensive position. Half the game, I stood around (our offense often held possession). By then, I knew I couldn’t play forward or mid-field; I didn’t have the stamina. I dreaded conditioning days, always falling behind on the warm up jog in the tree-lined neighborhood by my high school. During games, I’d fold my body into an “L” shape with my torso parallel to the ground, half my body weight leaning on my lacrosse stick, heaving to catch my runaway breath.

It’s homecoming season, freshman year and I’m in the dressing room at Dillard’s trying on dresses for the dance. I feel confused why all the dresses with a halter top look so weird; I wonder how, with the size of my breasts, I didn’t have any cleavage. I deduce the problem is my breasts. We settled on a halter dress with a periwinkle satin insert across the chest that my grandmother would sew.

Early college was a reprieve. I roller bladed and biked around campus. I went to spin classes. I occasionally ran at the gym; this time the track was bright red and elevated over the basketball courts.

Around my junior year of college, my partner at the time loved to run. I would begrudgingly go with him, but again, would always fall behind.

I felt intense frustration, sometimes even rage when we ran together.

My pace would slow and I would signal for him to go ahead, “don’t wait for me, just leave me behind” I’d nearly scream at him.

Rage was the accessible emotion, underneath it, shame: I was so ashamed to be seen.

I couldn’t accept being accommodated. I couldn’t hold his kindness because my own hands were so full of judgment.

Subscribe now

There was one, one, singular time that I jogged for two miles without stopping. It was night, it was cool out. “Fourteen laps”, but this time it took the shape of one long loop. I wasn’t even proud of myself—I couldn’t believe it, but I had learned so long ago I was broken that one success wasn’t going to heal that tender hurt inside me. I laid on the grass after completing the loop. I felt a little sad.

By the time I reached my senior year in college, a classmate invited me to go to a yoga class with her. That dark room was a crucial, life-altering starting point of me stubbornly owning what movement felt good and right in my body. After that, I biked, I walked, I did yoga. Along the way, I added pilates and dance to the mix. I mostly left running behind.

But, my body spoke up in yoga classes too. A forward fold to standing would illuminate my vision with stars. Heart openers created prickly, pointed pressure in my chest. A heated class would make my heart hammer, I’d feel faint. I never quite felt like I “got” breathwork—a deep inhale always hurt me and I couldn’t sit comfortably for very long. Still yet, there were times I couldn’t breathe. At least now it was okay, and encouraged, to take a break in child’s pose. My teacher’s consistent reminders to honor my body’s cues slowly began to re-wire how I experienced my body’s clear boundaries. My teachers changed my life.

In my mid-20s, the internalized body blame was so strong, still, despite seven years of health, body, and nutrition-related education, I never considered that there could be a medical explanation for my symptoms.

But, as things sometimes do: everything changed in an instant.

I was 28. I was watching a continuing education eating disorder webinar led by the brilliant Dr. Mehler who said something along the lines of:

“Patients with bulimia who have pectus excavatum are at higher risk for stomach rupture from vomiting due to their sunken chest bone.”

He said these precious words so casually. They weren’t on his slides. He just happened to throw it in, a curious and interesting “fact” about risk assessment.

Oh my god.

My heart started racing; I was breathless (the irony). I opened a new tab on my browser: “pectus excavatum”: pectus excavatum is a congenital skeletal deformity in which the sternum and ribs are sunken into the chest cavity. It can result in compression of the heart and lungs.

Oh my god, I have this. My chest bone is sunken; this is what is wrong with me.

As I read the symptoms on the Mayo Clinic website, my body mapped the echoes of sensations I’ve felt nearly every day of my life. My sensations are symptoms. I felt two decades of ambiguity, confusion, self blame evaporate from my body. The shame cooled; the fire extinguished.

A memory came to mind, I’m small enough to be laying in the bathtub, maybe 5 or 6 years old. The sage tiles crowd my peripheral vision as I look down at my chest.

The dent in my chest is filled with water, despite my body not being fully submerged. I splash the water with my fingertips. I sit up and watch it empty. I lay down and see it fill again.

Observation, curiosity.

There was a before time.

A time before the shame.

I’ve been there before. Now, I’ve returned.

Hello, little one.

Leave a comment

If you are looking for further ways to connect, here’s how…

💭Are you curious about 1:1 nutrition counseling? Schedule a Free Discovery Call.

🫱🏻‍🫲🏼Are you a eating disorder professional seeking supervision? Schedule a Free Discovery Call to learn about my supervision support.

👩🏼‍💻I write another newsletter for RDs & private practice owners; subscribe here.

I want chips. I shouldn’t have chips. Okay, I can have them, but only 1 portion. A portion is 12 chips?! That’s preposterous!

In one type of reaction, some folks experience the self-inflicted rule of one portion and a rebellious part comes forward to lead an eating experience that feels compulsive or out of control.

In another type of reaction, others may experience that rule and instead decides to remove all permission—A restrictive part coming forward to talk them out of eating the food at all.

In our culture, to clearly feel your desires and to seek pleasure is generally frowned upon. Choices, especially food choices, are to be optimized for fuel or nutrition.

I do not agree with this.

I have snorkeled through the minds of enough clients to know that the rules/expectations around food can lead to extreme reactions (see above) that feel emotionally draining and challenging.

If we want a different outcome, we need to approach the experience before the reaction takes place. In the before, we are examining fears (My body will change), assumptions (I won’t stop), or worries (I am out of control). What if arithmetic could help?

When I read The Housekeeper and the Professor by Yōko Ogawa, I was struck by the math equations embedded in the text. It got me thinking about how formulas and familiar algebraic rules could help clarify the sometimes confusing experience of a food craving.

We’ll start with a basic formula that will get more complicated as we go along. Boiling down a food craving to its most simple, a craving is simply a food you prefer with a sense of urgency:

Urgency + Preference = Craving

You like a food and you notice you want it (ideally right now). This is familiar to all of us.

Of course, it is not that simple. Because the above doesn’t capture all that someone encounters when they notice they would really like some chocolate, or cheesy crackers, or steamy croissant.

No, they notice the craving, then they are bombarded with a cultural story about that food. This could look positive:

Excitement(Urgency + Preference) = Delightful Craving.

If they feel positively about that food and are free from food rules, that excitement can make the craving sharper, and likely will make the experience of eating even more delightful.

However, if the cultural message about the food is negative or feels like something they “shouldn’t do”…well, that could look like:

Food Rule(Urgency + Preference) = Scared of the Craving

or

Doubt(Urgency + Preference) = Insecure about the Craving

These two experiences lead to a significant change in the way someone experiences a craving. One may feel insecure about the craving, feel that the food must be “perfect” in order to say yes, or they start to overthink whether or not it is “appropriate” or “moderate” to have the food (i.e. looking outside of themselves for conditions that make eating “ok”).

Cravings also can be intertwined in experiences of emotional eating. For this, let’s imagine someone encounters a trigger (loneliness, overwhelm, stress, etc.); this trigger will bounce against their current emotional state. If food is a primary coping tool, that intense emotional energy could wake up a preference, leading to a craving.

Urgency(Trigger *Emotional State)= Craving

Of course, no individual experience can be alchemized in a math equation, but there is value in slowing down and exploring how your emotional experience impacts the way you experience the desire for food and how multiple elements can compound together to intensify the experience of the craving. Self-compassion is more accessible if we can understand the buzzing energy instead of blaming it.

Already, you can see how quickly emotions or rules can complicate cravings.

We also must acknowledge that the current physiological state of the body (when the craving arises) also will impact how the craving is experienced.

I frequently talk with my clients about the impact of restricting their caloric intake. Namely how it will lead to rumination about food (i.e. “food noise”), fatigue, poor emotional regulation, and physical impacts such as malnutrition, alteration to hormones, and altered gastrointestinal function.

If restriction is present, food cravings will be one of the first changes that someone notices…

Hunger(Deprivation*Urgency) + Preferences = Craving

Caloric deprivation multiplies hunger. Add in a food preference and the craving can become very strong (the strength of the craving is directly related to the level of restriction!).

Preference*Hunger = Craving

Hunger naturally multiplies the intensity of our food preferences. Hunger itself can help facilitate cravings; it is a biological push to ensure we eat!

Finally, I want to talk about the #1 thing I work on with clients: practicing giving them permission to eat.

People assume that permission changes the equation like this:

❌ Permission(Urgency + Preference) = Bigger Craving

People assume permission to eat multiplies the craving.

In the beginning, this can be a phase someone experiences. There can be an uptick in cravings as the mind/body builds trust that the food it loves will be regularly available.

Over time, here is what happens when there is permission:

✅ (Urgency + Preference) ÷ Permission = Smaller Craving

Permission actually makes the urgency of a craving smaller. Permission eradicates novelty (multiplies cravings), reduces urgency (reduces scarcity), and creates an environment of neutrality (see above equations about how stories impact cravings).

So, how can you apply algebra to your own food experiences?

• Give yourself full permission to eat foods you crave.

• As you explore the above, notice if there is any “Conditional permission” present in your life (i.e. “I can have dessert X times per week” or “I can have X food if I exercise”) as conditional permission also makes cravings confusing to navigate.

• Eat the food you are craving. This works most of the time.

• Practice trusting your body and your cravings. The more your body knows you will feed it when it is hungry (ideally what sounds good if accessible), the less intense your cravings will feel. (Alongside this is trusting your fullness!)

I am so curious how this idea landed - how can arithmetic help you clarify your experience with food cravings?

Leave a comment

This post was inspired by Ogawa’s book and my first post on Substack which was about the math of meaning…specifically wonder and awe. You can read the poem here:

If you are looking for further ways to connect, I’d love to hear from you!

💭Are you curious about 1:1 nutrition counseling? Schedule a Free Discovery Call.

🫱🏻‍🫲🏼Are you a eating disorder professional seeking supervision? Schedule a Free Discovery Call to learn about my supervision support.

👩🏼‍💻I write another newsletter for RDs & private practice owners; subscribe here.

Subscribe now

It’s funny to read my words back on that essay…“One week I was thinking we might move to Durham, the next, Boston.”

Well, dear readers, we moved to Boston.

This summer, we made our way to the outskirts of Boston, following the trailhead of an exciting work opportunity for my husband. Last year, we moved from Athens to Atlanta over the course of probably 20 car trips. We packed and unpacked our car to the brim over and over, so we didn’t have the experience of needing “EVERYTHING” packed all at once. This time around, all our stuff had to fit in the POD that late-May day. I still can’t believe the stamina it takes to simply put shit in boxes. Wow.

We landed in Massachusetts in the golden shine of summer and boy did we summer. We were buzzing with moving adrenaline and hit the ground running. We went to the beach, a baseball game, a play, and hosted family. Our schedule was jam packed with visits from family and friends, a trip to Maine, two to NYC, and the jostled chaos one feels having to use Google Maps to get to the grocery store.

I’ve leaned into I’m new here energy. I ask people what I need to see. I sit on the train gazing at the skyline. I roll my eyes at the minor inconveniences of city living. I keep vision narrowed towards small delights in my new neighborhood. In many ways, I feel relief to live in the Northeast. I am relieved to be in a place we likely will stay for a while. I am relieved to feel grounded after 10 months of “how-long-will-we-live-here” in Atlanta. I also am glad to live in such a beautiful place with so much happening.

Amongst this busy season, people kept asking me some variation of: How’s Boston?/Do you like Boston?

My breath would catch every time.

“I’m not sure yet.” I’d say. I was being honest.

The move felt right and logically was the right choice but that doesn’t take away from the challenge of moving across the country. (Did you know moving is in the top five life stressors?) The challenge of moving to a new place, far from home, far from what’s familiar is no small feat. And for me, three-ish months isn’t enough to figure out how it all feels.

Transitions are hard for me (many of us) and the last couple years of my life have been colored with so much change.

I was swept up by the logistics/chaos of moving which kept my mind busy, and as the dust has settled, I can see with more clarity all that was woken up by this move. The fears for the success (or failure?!) of my business. Stress about financial burdens. Worry I won’t be able to handle the winter. Leaving my beloved community behind. Sadness I am far from my family. Tending to my heart and parts has demanded so much of me. All that was familiar was peeled away. I am attempting to greet those parts with gentleness and doing my best to listen to them with trust and reverence (instead of silencing them).

As a result of this, I sense that I will look back at this move as a moment of transformation in my life. Moving forces transformation. It is impossible to continue living the way you were before. This is so uncomfortable. There is no chill. It is a big freaking deal. And likely, on the other side, I will know myself better, know my desires more intimately, and feel that inner sturdiness knowing that I made it through.

Sometimes I wonder how other people take care of themselves during emotionally taxing times…here are some things that feel so comforting to me:

• Support from my family, friends, and colleagues

• Revisiting Pema Chödrön’s books

• Reading How to Be a Living Thing by the fabulous Mari Andrew

• Morning writing and movement

• Hot soups

• Walks outside

• Therapy

• Embodied dance sessions with my sangha and alone

• Keeping the windows open all the time, staring at the blue sky

• Scrolling on my phone (This does not feel comforting, but rather, it can be numbing. Not ideal but it did happen!)

Nutrition Made Well and Substack updates

I moved my business, Nutrition Made Well, to Massachusetts and applied to be licensed to provide nutrition counseling to clients residing in Massachusetts, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island and North Carolina. Months passed of endless admin tasks, nervous energy, and worry. Interestingly, my “work life” feels similar despite so much change happening behind the scenes. I see clients, chart, do my bookkeeping, network, etc…just in a new space. And yet, everything is different!

Right now, I am imagining how I want my professional self and NMW to exist in this new city (and in digital spaces). I feel a bit like I am in a professional cocoon—perfectly timed for the dip in temperatures and shorter days.

Part of this re-imagining includes More Soon. I have time slotted to spend more time writing these final few months of the year but you might also notice a shift in what is available here on Substack. I am planning to move some of my “practical” nutrition-centric essays to my website. I am hoping Substack can be a landing space for my exploratory pieces: reflections on my own emotional processing (like this), well-being and behavior change explorations (like this), and (hopefully) some guided meditations that are IFS informed and can help you spend more time inside. Once I figure out the tech element of “a blog”, I will update you here in case you really love my nutrition essays (like this, this, or this!).

That’s all for now, thank you for being here.

Subscribe now

If you are looking for further ways to connect, I’d love to hear from you!

💭Are you curious about 1:1 nutrition counseling? Schedule a Free Discovery Call.

✨Are you a eating disorder professional seeking supervision? Schedule a Free Discovery Call to learn about my supervision support.

👩🏼‍💻I write another newsletter for RDs & private practice owners; subscribe here.

I’d argue that I didn’t “force myself” to, either.

As my clock neared 7:15, class time, I felt a part of me rising up, a strong part that did not want to move. I could feel her digging her heels in, dreading the weight training I had planned.

When I say “move” I am referencing how we colloquially say “exercise”, “physical activity”, “working out”. Read more about that here:

Still lying in bed, I weighed my two options:

• honor my in-the-moment preference (today my preference was to definitely NOT move my body)

or

• honor my (plan and) preference to move my body regularly

From the get-go, honoring either of these choices would have been a good choice for me as they are both in line with my value system. Immediately, this mental orientation releases the pressure valve: both are morally equal. This helps me dig in with more honesty to figure out what choice is right for me. If it felt like movement was a morally superior choice, it would be hard to discern what the right-fit choice would be.

I also avoid strict weekly “goals” for my movement pattern For me, those would also make honoring my body’s cues harder. Let’s say I have a standard of: “I move X days per week”. What happens when I am one day short of my goal but on that one day my body is exhausted?

I do not invite circumstances or rules into my life from which I can be critical of myself. No way!

OK, so if I don’t have an external rule to follow and if I don’t “force” myself to move…how the heck did I make a choice to move my body when I didn’t want to?

Let’s slow down and review why I chose to move:

• I had been planning all week to take Kara’s live class on Range this morning (side note: Range is incredible and you can find a catalog of free classes here).

• I prioritize the live classes on purpose; when I take a recorded class, it is harder for my brain to dig into the class.

• The class was a weight training class; weight training is less frequent in my movement pattern but is very important for my health (mid-30s, wooo)

• I knew I didn’t have any other time I could fit movement into my day and I did feel a sense of movement being important today

• I had ok energy levels, my body felt able to move, and I had the time

AND there was a part of me coming up that was like: “NO, STAC”.

The no was clear but because my body felt good and my energy was ok, I decided I would take the class. (as I edited this essay, I previously had written “HELL NO” but a hell no would have been a clear as day stop sign - the intensity of the “no” today was softer…not a hell no).

Importantly, I did not force this part! I intended to take the class with permission for this resistant part to be around. (side note: there are many days in my life I choose movement is not the right fit and I sit on my couch in the morning reading a book!)

I knew that if I tried to banish the part of me that didn’t want to move, she would get stronger and I would end up, halfway through class, laying on my yoga mat, staring out the window or petting my cat. My intention here is not to label distracting myself as “bad”…I am being honest that ignoring her will result in her taking over! Instead, I am trying to work with my resistant part to allow me to live closer to one of my values.

I need to invite her along.

Here’s how I did that:

I asked this resistant part what I would end up doing if I didn’t take the class.

This was what sealed the deal for me. When I asked what I would do with my morning if I didn’t take class, I knew that I would end up getting pulled into scrolling on my phone, and frankly, that pissed me right off. It is totally against my values to mindlessly scroll so it helped encourage me to stick with my plan.

I was sure to be doing my ideal movement

I absolutely adore Range! There is not a chance in hell this resistant part would have agreed to any other movement choice but a class on Range. I reminded myself: “You enjoy this. You find this fun! We can stop if we need to!”

I complained out loud, I signed, I said “uhg” lots of times

I found myself periodically soft-shouting “I don’t want to do this!!!” and “UHG!!!” I exhaled loudly, I rolled my eyes, and I really let myself FEEL this part’s boredom and disinterest (to be clear, the class was great! This is no way a reflection of the class!). What’s funny is when I just let myself be present with the sense, the part relaxed for a few minutes and I could focus on the movement again. Then the feeling would come back and the cycle would repeat.

I modified my environment and tools to be more physically comfortable

I wore comfortable, loose clothes. I opened a window. I pointed a fan directly at my body. I made a cup of tea to drink throughout. I used a lighter set of weights.

I let myself give way less than 100% effort

I floated between 0-70% effort today and I modified the movements when I needed to. (This part did instigate some distraction; I just noticed and pulled myself back). I mentioned my energy was “ok” so I let my exertion fall within that “ok” range.

Most importantly, I let myself quit.

At around minute 35, the class shifted in format to my favorite of Kara’s styles…a more intuitive, fluid movement style. But today, that resistant part’s soft “no” shifted to a “HELL NO”. Like I mentioned above, hell no is a stop sign. It is so intriguing to me to observe how things I absolutely LOVE become unapproachable depending on what parts of me are active. Anyway, I sent a little gratitude towards my screen and shut my laptop. This part and my body told me I was done, so I was done.

I believe we can move our bodies when we don’t want to (see above) without it being disordered. However, I encourage my clients to be really present with their intention, resistance, and anticipated outcomes to prevent overriding protective resistance. I don’t believe parts are always “right” when we feel that sense of “I don’t want to move” but I also don’t believe we should force ourselves to move our bodies if it doesn’t feel right to.

Shockingly, to summarize my views on the question: “Should I move my body when I am resistant to it?” is…it depends. It depends and you are the one to go inside and discover the nuance of your resistance.

Sometimes these resistant parts need our attention in order to:

• Gain permission to have a break

• Modify the type or intensity of movement

• Get a snack before movement to feel more energized

• Switch to movement that is more passive (walking or riding a bike rather than a dance class)

• Find a friend to be in community with

The goal is not to silence our resistance but to get to know the texture, the feeling. Sometimes resistant parts guide us to honoring rest, relaxation, or prioritize another well-being practice. Other times, we can tuck our resistance in our bicycle basket and take them along for the ride.

I moved away from my favorite town and the one I had lived in for nearly a decade. My husband wrapped up his six years of academic training and I left my work in academia for self employment. My family moved out of my childhood home. My entire friend group moved away. My friends hit milestones that impacted our relationships. I could go on!

I am in transition again (more on this soon) and wanted to take some time to reflect on the rituals and things that helped me get through a roller coaster 18 months. I need the reminder!

A lot that happened in my life the last year and a half were, objectively (thankfully), “Good”! Yes, some things were challenging: tears on the bathroom floor challenging. But, graduations are good, new jobs bring excitement, new cities open up new chapters. But still, change is tough. What really took me by surprise was the intensity of the change. The intensity made me feel jerked around by my goodbyes and hellos: high highs, low lows, and worst of all - a lot of change felt outside of my control.

When life feels out of control, many of us turn to coping skills that may have a negative impact on our well-being. This could look like getting out of a movement routine during a time of change, substance use to manage big emotions, a felt sense of needing to change/control food in a more intense way, or leaning on numbing behaviors to ride the wave of change (dissociating, “this doesn’t matter” energy, doomscrolling, etc.). I find the strategies below help me stay connected to the change in a way that makes them feel less overwhelming, so I can stay committed to routines and self-care that helps me feel my best.

Goodbyes are important to me. Nostalgia and big feelings run deep within me; I can turn melancholic almost instantly with a subtle remembering of what was, goals not achieved, or how things used to be. (in IFS language, we’d say I’m blended with a melancholic part - put simply, this part “borrows” my focus and attention to color my experience with the depth of nuance, longing, and sadness).

Many of us feel like our default setting is to resist change. I’ve learned how to lean into the resistant part of me and let them guide my goodbyes so I can feel closure, grounded in my life’s endings, and create a felt sense of a true goodbye.

Take it from a girl that needs goodbyes, here are some ideas of how to say goodbye:

these two songs came up on my playlist as I was writing and they felt really connected to this theme. 

1. Make the time to say goodbye

This feels like a no brainer but when you are moving house or tumbling through the end of a busy semester before graduation, it can be easy to simply miss the opportunity to say goodbye.

When I left my academic job last summer, I walked through the 1,200 square foot lab, pausing in each room. I closed my eyes and let the memories from each physical space capture my attention and fill up my mind. This space was one I was connected to as a student and a staff member; it was my first landing space in Athens and it was the last one I left, too.

When my parents put my childhood home on the market, I rushed to book a flight (I ultimately rushed to book another one, too; one goodbye wasn’t enough). Once home, I tried to memorize the light in our living room. I sat in my room and imagined all the iterations of me that room held. The dollhouse I loved. The trundle bed I got too tall for. The laughs with friends; the teenage fears that paralyzed me; the hours of homework. I sorted through my first grade journals, chuckling at the foreshadowing: I have always been me, after all. I reviewed the first long story I ever wrote, Dream World from the 5th grade. I helped my dad leaf through his book collection, deciding which stories to take with him to his next home. I helped with a yard sale, whispering a thankful goodbye to our things as they found new homes.

The last morning I spent in the house with my parents, we found a way to say goodbye that felt right for us. Here are some ideas you could try…

• Leave your mark - carve your initials into a rock, leave a little penciled note in the bottom of a closet, hide a memory stone or marble in the garden outside.

• Touch the walls, stand in the threshold, mimic the posture you held during a crucial memory in your physical space

• Bless the next people that will be in the spot you are in right now

• If you are not in the physical space, imagine yourself there or look at photos to help jog your memories

• Let the memories roll through your mind like home videos, pause, replay, or skip until you feel a slowing of the memories

• Take a goodbye photo (see mine above)

• Express gratitude for the memories, physical space, and experiences you had there

2. Create Ritual

Take time to think about what would help you feel like you are truly saying goodbye. You might:

• Light candles to hold your memories, joys, and hopes - then blow out each candle once you’ve honored each one

• Write a letter to what you are saying goodbye to

• Say a prayer or use a spiritual practice to connect to your goodbye

• Have a farewell party, invite your friends and ask each to share a memory they hold dearly of your time together

• Sort through items you want to bring with you, or pick an item to represent the transition you are in (a smooth stone, piece of jewelry, song)

One thing I did that felt so loving towards my process of letting go was creating a playlist of songs that captured different moments of my life in my childhood home. Lucky for me, I occasionally lead an embodied dance class, which I featured the below playlist for my friends to dance along with me. They held space for me as I danced through each song and it was a gift I received with so much appreciation.

3. Savor the last moments

It feels so tender to know “This is the last time I’ll…”

I always make sure I have one final favorite coffee shop visit, or one more of my favorite restaurant meal. It is important to say goodbye to places that held you, welcomed you, or grounded you.

Over the last few months, sometimes I couldn’t let that phrase in (this is the last time); it felt too painful to imagine it as the last time. In lieu of witnessing the impact of the change (never being there again), I invited in all of my senses so I could really be there, and remember that moment. I offered myself: You can always come back, yes it will be different but it doesn’t have to be forever if you need it to not be forever.

4. Archive your experience

As I am writing this essay, I am archiving some of my changes. Notably, this was not my intention - so thank you for reading.

By archive, I mean: create a way for you to be with your memories quietly. Express gratitude. Let yourself weep. Let yourself smile. Remember. Say good riddance. Create a piece of something tangible so you cannot forget. Hold this thing that was important; honor it.

This could be art, poetry, a collage, a letter, a list, a scrapbook, a playlist, an essay, a photo book.

Honor what it gave you. Honor what it took from you. Honor how it changed you.

I write more about goodbyes in this essay…

5. Notice if you’re holding on tightly

I am calling myself in, here.

My mind (i.e. parts of me) can conjure up such challenging feelings when saying goodbye to something meaningful to me. These parts don’t want change. They don’t feel excited about new things. They are scared of change!

This can lead to these parts of me holding on so tightly to what is about to change or what I am leaving behind. I can have a habit of not giving these parts space. A typical internal experience goes a little like this:

Scared part: “I don’t want to move! I love it here. What about what I want?”

Immediately(!) another, optimistic part will pop in: “Don’t worry it will be fine! We’re not too far and things will be smooth there.”

…from there, the optimistic part just keeps chattering. I lose touch with that scared part.

Effectively, what I have done here is (accidently) silence the parts of me that are scared. This likely means they’ll pop back in later, perhaps in a more intense way. Or I will feel this nagging sense of something pulling my energy downward. That sense is trying to get my attention.

I am practicing trying to notice when I silence parts of me that are resistant to change. Instead, I try to invite them in, help them sense my inner sense of calm curiosity, and just…let them be scared.

Usually, when I do this, they relax. They remember that *I* am not going anywhere, and I will always be there for them, no matter the changes life throws my way.

6. Remember “Friends for a reason, friends for a season, friends for a lifetime”

As a lover of friendship and community, it can be so challenging to charter change that disrupts friendships or your physical proximity to friendships.

I feel such sadness about friendships that I know will not be sustained amidst the change. The tether isn’t strong enough to withstand the change but that doesn’t mean I won’t mourn their presence in my life.

On the other side reside friendships that will try to withstand the change—the friendship will shift and bend to accomodate a new set of circumstances. This will feel sad; of course it will. But I’ve come to trust that the friendships meant to withstand change…will. I have felt surprise at some of my friendships that have fallen away due to change, and been delighted at the ones that cruised over the speed bump of changed circumstances. One is not better than the other; both are necessary in life.

One of the casualties of change is the way things were.

& this can feel electrifying, terrifying, devastating, inspriring, or a mixture of all of them.

Let yourself feel them and then, let yourself say goodbye.

If you are looking for further ways to connect, I’d love to hear from you!

💭Are you curious about 1:1 nutrition counseling? Schedule a Free Discovery Call.

🫱🏻‍🫲🏼Are you a eating disorder professional seeking supervision? Schedule a Free Discovery Call to learn about my supervision support.

👩🏼‍💻I write another newsletter for RDs & private practice owners; subscribe here.

Essays linked:

You don’t need self-control or motivation to change your behavior.

You need to understand what your body wants and what your mind wants.

This really hit me as I poured myself a bright green matcha that I really wished was coffee.

And yet, I’m not drinking coffee today, or any day (lately).

For five years, I’ve felt the pressure to avoid coffee for acid reflux. The first time I cut it out, in the middle of my (intense and headache ridden) withdrawal from caffeine, I wondered: Is this just who I actually am? All these years, was my motivation, hope, and drive simply because I was caffeinated? Listen, it got better (lol) but it felt so real to me at the moment!

My love for coffee is why it is so hard to make this behavior change stick. Back and forth I go - in seasons where my digestion is feeling particularly prickly I’ll give up coffee again and when things settle, I subtly escalate from stolen sips to my allotted half a cup. Comically, along the way, my body is now so sensitive to caffeine, I can’t have a whole cup without heart palpitations.

It is hard to give up something you love because your body asks you to stop. Wrestling between what we want vs. what our body wants can feel so tiring when we are just trying to take care of ourselves.

Let’s think of this polarization, for ease, like this:

• What the mind wants to do (or not do)

• What the body wants to do (or not do)

In general, deciphering what the mind wants tends to be a bit more straightforward: “I love coffee and I want to drink it”. There may be a mental narrative of “likes” and “dislikes” or emotions like boredom, dread, anticipation, avoidance, or excitement that help to shape our interest, or disinterest, in something.

The body communicates what it wants differently. My body does not want coffee: it tells me this with the racing of my heart and acid reflux.

Sensing and interpreting our body’s cues is called interoceptive awareness. Everyone’s ability to sense and perceive body sensations is completely unique.

If you’re new to the idea of tuning into body signals, check out this essay on interoceptive awareness, then come back here!

It may seem harder to define the preferences of the body; here are a few health-related examples:

Ways a body might say yes:

• Digestive comfort: regular bowel movements, neutral sensations after eating, hunger

• Physical ease: relaxed muscles, lack of soreness, long deep breaths, a sense of contentment

• Energy cues: Feeling energized, clear-headed, sleepiness around bedtime

• Absence of discomfort: No pain, no acid reflux, no racing heartbeat

Ways a body might say no:

• Digestive distress: constipation/diarrhea, irregular bowel movements, stomach pain, painful bloating, acid reflux

• Emotional discomfort: anxiety, overwhelm, irritability

• Stress signals: heart palpitations, shallow breathing, tension in your belly

• Musculoskeletal tension: low back pain, hip aches, muscle tightness, tension headaches

As my clients build awareness of what their body wants/likes/dislikes and what their mind wants/likes/dislikes, behavior change becomes more doable.

It is more doable because they can break apart the different sensations and feelings they have about any particular behavior change. In short, they “get it”. What a relief it is to feel more clarity with one’s body and mind! “Getting it” means more acceptance, gaining clarity on what actions to take to support yourself, and exploring different parts of you related to behavior change.

Subscribe now

Dissecting your preferences

Step One:

Practice noticing and naming the preference of your mind and the preference of your body. If noticing your body is new, pause here and begin to sense your body more often; this essay has some ideas of how to do this. This type of inquiry can take time to gain understanding so be patient with yourself!

Step Two:

From noticing, we translate the preferences into action. Now, whether or not you are aware, you certainly are already taking actions! But for the sake of these examples, we’ll imagine there are body + mind preferences that you are now aware of.

Considering the mind’s preference, body’s preference and what actually takes place, there are a few different different combinations that could be experienced--we’ll explore a few below.

To keep the next section more simple, I am going to use the phrases “Yes” and “No” to imply the preference of the mind and body. I also use the phrase “Behavior”: “Yes” or “No” to capture whether or not a health behavior takes place.

You will be able to explore different combinations of preferences and identify specific tools to support you based on the specific combination.

Experience 1: Mind + Body say YES

This experience is wonderful! Likely, behaviors feel attuned, somewhat “easy” or maybe effortless. They probably require very little external “convincing” to get you to do them.

Examples:

• Getting a massage

• Taking a post-lunch walk

• Moving your body in a way you enjoy

• Getting into bed when you are sleepy

Tools: Likely, little support is needed. Note if behaviors stop happening, a first step is exploring what has changed to prevent the behaviors from happening.

This experience is more complicated. Most commonly, this circumstance arises when folks avoid behaviors they like or that feel good due to over-scheduling, lack of access, fatigue, their body’s ability, finances, etc.

Examples:

• Loving yoga, but lacking funds to afford a class, or time to attend a class

• Feeling exhausted but needing to stay awake to work

• Love for home cooked, nutrient-dense meals, but work schedule interrupts a meal time

Tools:

• Setting boundaries with family or friends

• Scheduling time for behaviors

• Asking for help

• Get as specific as you can with what gets in the way of the health behavior as it is likely outside of you. One caveat may be a physical symptom like fatigue - if that is the case, explore what could be contributing to fatigue or other physical symptom.

• Be honest with the time you have, and utilize convenience items when you can to help make the behavior happen (examples: shorter workouts, pre-chopped veggies, etc.).

This is not a circumstance where someone “lacks motivation”, rather, external factors impact one’s ability to engage in a behavior they like. Because of this, accountability or other “motivating” strategies may feel less relevant. Focus on your individual barriers and see what solutions are present in your life.

Experience 2: Mind says NO, body says YES

Next, let’s explore the experience of the mind NOT wanting to do the behavior. If you are recently diagnosed with a disease with new behavior change recommendations, this experience may be one you are familiar with. This might sound like “I don’t want to pay attention to saturated fat intake” or “I don’t like physical activity” or “I don’t want to go to bed!”. This type of behavior is the hardest to source internal motivation to do (and can benefit the most from “behavior change” strategies).

This experience likely requires some external support to make it happen. When the mind doesn’t want to do something, using behavior change strategies like habit stacking can help make it feel easier for the mind to say yes.

Examples:

• Completing physical therapy exercises to reduce knee pain (even if you hate it)

• Going on a morning walk even if you are tired

• Eating a serving of vegetables even if it’s not your favorite food

This experience of behavior change is one our culture idealizes. Oh you hate exercise but you do it anyway? You are a superstar of self-control. I have a lot of issues with this mindset, but just know, it is okay if you need a lot of help to make behavior change happen!

Examples:

• Not completing physical therapy exercises despite knee pain. The mind might avoid a behavior through forgetfulness, struggle to fit it into a schedule, or dismissing it.

• Not going to bed on time due to revenge bedtime procrastination

Tools: If this combination presents itself in your life, spend time journaling to understand why your mind doesn’t like the behavior. From there, you can implement some behavior change tools to help you accomplish the behavior (if you decide you want to):

• Identify alternative “actions” that get you similar benefits (i.e. if you hate running, try biking)

• Answer the question, “What could make it 1% easier to say yes to this behavior?”

• Source accountability with a friend or movement class registration

• Link the undesirable action with something you enjoy

• Create a routine rather than rely on motivation (motivation and self-control are fleeting!)

• Outsource the “labor” of the task - such as purchasing pre-chopped veggies

• Hire support: a health educator, behavior change coach, dietitian, or therapist

Most importantly, have compassion for yourself! It is challenging to pursue actions we don’t want to do! You can learn from all of your experiences, what works, and what doesn’t!

Experience 3: Mind says YES, body says NO

This is an important experience to explore as it also captures an essence of the lived experiences of addiction and eating disorders.

This experience can feel intense: a strong desire to do something alongside the body telling you not to. Likely, since the body is saying no, there may be consequences of the behavior.

Examples:

• Using alcohol to relax (Consequence: the body might experience poor sleep/hangover symptoms)

• Drinking caffeine in the afternoon (Consequence: sleep interruption)

• Restriction (Consequence: hyper-fixation on food, extreme hunger, risk for binging increased)

• Smoking, excessive screen time, or drug use (Consequence: addiction or extreme difficulty discontinuing the behavior)

It is very challenging to NOT do something the mind wants to do for the sake of taking care of the body. Offering yourself so much space to make mistakes, learn from them, and implement tools to help you is crucial for this experience. Likely creating sustainable patterns that help you honor your body’s cues will lead to improved well-being.

Examples:

• Avoiding coffee because it upsets your stomach

• Begrudgingly following a gluten free diet if you have Celiac disease

• Urge surfing instead of purging

• Quitting smoking

There can be a lot of internal conflict in this type of experience because the mind’s preferences are often louder than the body’s preferences. The mind can convince us to do a lot of things that our body really doesn’t want us to do or will actively harm the body.

Tools:

• Support groups like AA, NA, eating disorder treatment

• Identify alternative behaviors you can engage in instead of the one your body doesn’t want.

• Increase your awareness of environments or circumstances that trigger desire to engage in a behavior the body doesn’t like.

• Practice mindfulness techniques and learn strategies to support your nervous system

• Source professional support from a dietitian, therapist, or medical team (and tools like medications)

Equipping yourself with the knowledge of what your mind wants and what your body wants will absolutely transform the approach you take to change your behaviors.

Most importantly: your actions, and what informs them, is 100% unique to you; no external rules required.

Motivation and self-control are not the ultimate answers to accomplishing health behaviors. As we outlined above, sometimes the issue isn’t motivation, it’s having enough time. Sometimes the challenge isn’t self-control, it’s addiction. It isn’t that you don’t care about your health, it’s that you are burning the candle at both ends.

This framework is a portal to being kind to yourself about the reality of your experience and taking steps to care for yourself, one want at a time.

Subscribe now

If you are looking for further ways to connect, I’d love to hear from you!

💭Are you curious about 1:1 nutrition counseling? Schedule a Free Discovery Call.

🫱🏻‍🫲🏼Are you a eating disorder professional seeking supervision? Schedule a Free Discovery Call to learn about my supervision support.

👩🏼‍💻I write another newsletter for RDs & private practice owners; subscribe here.

Essays linked:

Leave a comment

It was mid-summer in Florida, approximately 95 degrees, and we had only a few text exchanges before the date. Looking back…what on earth was I thinking?

This guy was a pre-med student and at some point between the PeopleMover and Space Mountain, he explained proprioception to me. I am a big nerd, but I was a semester away from my own physiology class, so I did not know what proprioception was. I remember walking on a curb at the park when he brought it up.

The fact that I was stepping along the curb like a balance beam was relevant, because proprioceptors are the cells in our bodies that sense our movement and location in space. They help us maintain our balance and estimate how much work our muscles need to do. These cells then send signals to our brain, which divert messages to our eyes and inner ear to help us sense our body’s position, movement and acceleration pattern.

Despite how cool proprioception is, I am even more struck by the sister system in the body: interoceptive awareness.

This system is critical to how we experience food, nutrition, health behavior motivation, and the impact of health behaviors while also minimizing the need for “self-control”.

Interoceptive awareness is our ability to perceive and interpret sensations and feelings coming from inside of our body.

Researchers use the term body awareness to reference both of these sensing systems. Body awareness is your subjective experience of these two sensing systems that enters your conscious awareness.2

How we experience body awareness is impacted by psychological and emotional factors including:

• Attention

• Interpretation

• Appraisal

• Beliefs

• Memories

• Conditioning

• Attitudes

• Affect

I imagine each of the things on this list like a little filter leading down a flowchart. There is a trigger sensation (tensing of abdominal muscles)—attention may grab the sensation—interpretation may be positive or negative—beliefs about the positive/negative interpretation can trigger a feeling—maybe that feeling brings a memory of another time you felt that way…and on and on. Here’s an example with hunger and two possible beliefs a person may have coupled with possible outcomes:

No two people will experience their body in the same way. I have worked with many clients who feel disconnected from their body, clients who know it’s time to eat not because of hunger but from other physical sensations, and clients who only experience hunger or fullness when they reach the extreme end of the sensation.

This is an intrinsic and interactive process within ourselves. We are the awareness of the body’s states.3 We are attuned watchers of our body sensations, which are colored by our unique life experiences, genetic dispositions, and mental health.

If it feels challenging to drop inside to sense your body - you are not alone!

Throughout life, many of us learn to disconnect from our bodies and it’s sensations. Perhaps growing up, food access was unreliable, thus, hunger was a strained or dangerous sensation. Numbing body sensations can be a protective mechanism the body employs to ensure immediate safety. These types of adaptations the body makes in times of distress help to maintain some semblance of safety in the moment - even if there are unintended consequences down the line, such as a tough time feeling physical sensations.​

Importantly, mental health diagnoses also impact how the body is sensed. For example, those diagnosed with obsessive compulsive disorder exhibited hyperawareness of body sensations but also tend to experience worry about the sensations and feel their body is less safe.4 5 Not feeling safe in one’s body was also a mediating symptom that bridges interoceptive awareness and eating disorder symptoms.6 Where one lands on the spectrum of neurodiversity may also impact how body sensations are felt and interpreted. The research tool many of these studies use is accessible here and includes many examples of interoceptive awareness:

None of these experiences mean there is anything wrong with how you sense your body. However, it may mean that implementing tools and support can help you care for your body with more ease. It may also be worth dedicating time to “paying attention to your body” or working with a therapist or dietitian that can help you build these skills.

I cannot overstate how harnessing the power of interoception will absolutely change your experience with motivation, “self-control” and health behavior changes.

Tuning into our body’s cues can guide your choices towards ones that feel right for you. Culture teaches us to use self control to stop eating XYZ food. It says use motivation to get yourself out the door for a bike ride. It says to use moderation to ensure a balanced eating pattern.

But, interoceptive awareness can help us uncover:

• What amount and balance of foods feel good in our body

• What type of movement we enjoy and can commit to with less “willpower”

• What amount of sleep we need to feel our best

• How emotions are linked to your drive to eat

• When to stop eating

Exploring your interoception will equip you with insights directly from your body which can guide your behaviors naturally. Perhaps “willpower” will become irrelevant. You don’t need to force a behavior; rather, you can find a behavior that feels good and is naturally positively reinforced by your interoceptive awareness.

Tuning in may feel complicated, but a 00’s throwback can illuminate how approachable this can be.

Thinking about body sensations reminds me of the “Needs” bars from the original Sims game. As a middle schooler, I noticed my Sims’ “Fun” bar got too low if all they did was chores. Their “comfort” bar increased while they were sitting on the couch. Their “hunger” bar declined as the Sims-hours passed. I accidentally let these bars get into the red, too; I was so busy telling them to do random Sim-tasks that, seemingly suddenly, they would fall asleep standing up or they would wet their pants.

Your body has these same needs as the Sims.

I bet you can call to mind an interoceptive skill, too.

Conjure up a time you were stuck in a car or on a train when you really, really had to pee. Your brain was alight with alerts: “Get to a restroom asap”. You might have also felt physical discomfort or pain, and you may have even felt the sensation of your bladder emptying when you made it to a restroom. This is interoception!

Other examples of interoception include:

• Hunger or fullness

• Feeling your heartbeat

• Digestion symptoms like gas, bloating, reflux

• Breathing sensations or breath pace

• Eyes feeling heavy

• Anxiety or panic responses - clenched muscles in your abdomen, a drop in your stomach, feeling lightheaded.

Each sensation on this list might feel easy or hard to access. Maybe jot down a few notes to the below questions that can get you started with your exploration of interoceptive awareness.

1. Thinking about the Sims “Needs” bars - how could I make my “needs” more in the green?

2. How do I know if it is time to eat?

3. What sensations help me understand when to stop eating?

4. What does my body feel like before I do something that makes me nervous?

5. Do I know where in my body I experience emotions?

Next week we are taking this knowledge one step further with a framework to help you dig into your health behaviors.

Subscribe now

From the archives…

In this essay, I outline a few strategies I used to get back into my body…

Somewhat simpler.

Marginally more manageable.

I have a few rules or mantras I live by that help make my well-being more accessible. Some of these rules help make behaviors that negatively impact me harder to do. Others help make good-for-me behaviors easier or help me be more kind to myself along the way.

Subscribe now

Rule #1: I do not need to change my clothes or wear sneakers to go on a walk

You know what would happen if I believed I needed to wear sneakers to take a quick after lunch jaunt? I would not walk! Dresses: welcome! Birkenstock’s: welcome! Jeans: welcome! Any and all attire is appropriate for a lovely, break-up-your-day walk.

Rule #2: My phone charger lives in the kitchen and my phone gets plugged there at night

This makes it logistically impossible for me to use my phone in/before bed and also helps to discourage me snoozing my alarm in the morning (this is a work in progress!) I hope to graduate to the level that my phone gets plugged in at 6pm in this spot but I am not there yet.

Rule #3: I always have staple foods I can use to throw a meal together.

I keep a running list of foods that I want to have around to make a meal at the drop of a hat. Importantly, this list needs to feel easy. Canned tuna, frozen vegetables, a green that lasts a while in the fridge (arugula, cabbage), salad dressings, potatoes, lentils, frozen veggie burgers, frozen chicken tenders, microwavable rice, etc. With this shelf stable-ish collection, I can throw together a weekend lunch without planning ahead of time. This saves money on take-out and helps me feed my body with care and ease.

Rule #4: I do not have social media apps on my phone

I am very strict with this. For many years, I accessed accounts via the phone browser but I also stopped this habit earlier this year. I don’t have the passwords committed to memory so I literally can’t log in (time limits didn’t work for me & trust me I would log in if I knew them). I hoped this would totally transform my relationship with my phone but notably, my screen time has not decreased much. I still find ways to distract myself on my phone but at least it’s not on apps that exploit my attention (I do still have access to these accounts on desktop!).

Rule #5: I give myself many options

I don’t believe in restriction around food; I know that permission to eat is what frees us and actually guides us to our preferences. These options empower us to truly investigate and understand what we want. I keep numerous options in my house: multiple hot beverages I like, multiple treats I like, a few books I am excited to read, multiple movement options, a selection of relaxing activities, or an extra of a go-to product so I don’t have to live without it!

Rule #6: I try to not make it about me

If I don’t follow through with a well-being related behavior, I am not unkind to myself. I don’t shame myself. I don’t say mean things. I don’t attack my character. If an unkindness sneaks through, I try to repeat it out loud, sense how “off” it feels, and perform a little “do over” with myself.

Rule #7: I know where I am in my cycle

This knowledge helps me contextualize the sometimes intense or confusing body experiences I am having. Recently, for example, I really couldn’t calm myself down and I felt my stress levels sky high. When I noted where I was in my cycle, I felt a teensie release of pressure, “Ah, of course this is hard for you today; take a rest. Have lunch. Drink water".

Rule #8: Comfort guides me

I am mindful of my body’s physical comfort preferences and let them guide my environment. I ensure I am comfortable in the temperature of the space I am in (I’m cold in a warm breeze). I wear comfortable undergarments that are the right size (this is huge; please go get a proper bra fitting.). I only use warm, soft lighting in my home. I only wear comfortable clothing and shoes. I keep my surroundings quiet. I let my body lay when it asks to and I will make accommodations, if possible, to allow my body to be more physically comfortable. Its astonishing how much easier life is when your body is not distracting you with discomfort or pain. *A little note: pain happens and chronic pain conditions exist. Of course, we cannot terminate pain or discomfort from out life! But I will do what I can to have greatest access to comfort that I am able to provide myself.

As you can see, these aren’t entirely “RULES”, but rather, guidelines I have in place to help keep me on track with what is important to me. These help me feeling soothed, calm, nourished, and kind. Some of these have come to be through discomfort, like too much scrolling, while others have been driven by my commitment to tending to myself with care and compassion. Frankly, these are the rules that are useful to me which leads me to my final rule:

Rule# 9: Banish rules that are not *hyperspecific* to you!

If it feels right, take a moment to note the rhythms, habits or routines that help you feel like *you*. If you had to boil down the wisdom of your life to simple “rules”, what would yours be?

Send me my 10th rule, please!

I would be so delighted if you shared yours with me below :)

Leave a comment

Life is feeling so, so heavy right now. I am sure many of you can relate. These little pockets of joy are little lifelines to the goodness in me and around me.

Seemingly, this practice of noticing is the hardest when you need it the most. I am really needing the infusions of joy in my life, and maybe reading about mine will help you remember some of yours.

Teaching yoga and dance online

I have mentioned on numerous occasions how important dancing is to me. After a beloved teacher retired a dance class I religiously took, I helped to organize a way for a group of us to keep dancing. I adore everything about this. I love scheduling the emails. I love meeting and dancing with my friends. I love the little notes of gratitude I receive in my email inbox. I love leading free-form dance. I love crafting a playlist and cueing my friends to go inside of themselves, follow a sweeping violin in their body, or weep. Here’s the link to our fabulous teacher Jurian, who still occasionally offers pop up yoga dance classes and offers yoga each week.

Would you like to weep? Give this a listen:

Tarot??

I don’t know much about tarot but my friend pulled three cards for me as I held the future of my private practice in my mind. Apparently these cards mean hope, expansion, exploration, forward momentum and a visionary leader who is passionate, bold and enthusiastic. Umm, yes please!! (can we also appreciate the incredible art?)

Four ways I am taking care of myself

1. Practicing coming back: I started going to a warm yin yoga class each week. Sometimes we do “self-care” things because we like them; other times we do them because we need it. I certainly like this class but I go because it feels essential. I can sense how important it is that I have time to stretch, breathe, and aim to be present. Yesterday, I kept lovingly saying to myself, “Come back, you’re away again”. Practicing this for 75 minutes every week feels supremely important right now. Come back, you’ve gone too far without me is a new mantra I am trying to integrate into my mind’s inner monologue.

2. Creating (and prioritizing) mindful goodbyes: My parents are selling my childhood home. Even though it’s a little bit inconvenient to travel, I am making the trip home to say goodbye. When I leave physical places behind, I like to sit in every room, take some breaths, and let the memories born in that room flow through me. I feel apprehensive about doing this for a place I have been physically and energetically tethered to for 30 years, but it is time for them to move forward to their next exciting and beautiful phase of life.

3. Remembering I am loved: I have a photo of a 2-year-old me being held by one of my grandfathers. He is looking at me, smiling, with what I imagine is love in his eyes (he looks at me, so you can’t see his eyes in the photo). Tiny me is mouth-open-grinning. I am making a little practice out of staring at this photo and remembering and feeling his love. Today is my grandmother’s birthday, she was born 107 years ago. My other grandfather visited me in a dream last week; in the dream I couldn’t speak to him but could feel him hugging me. I guess this whole paragraph is to say: if you have a living grandparent, maybe give them a call.

4. Actively find wonder: I have been mindful to find wonder and awe. Sometimes I forget that we can actively pursue wonder and awe--we don’t have to wait for them to happen to us. I have been screeching with delight as I drive around Atlanta, enjoying the blooming trees. Also visiting the aquarium which was very awe-inspiring.

Bonus!! Daily allergy meds:

Subscribe now

Reading

The past two weeks, I have had such a noticeable urge to constantly read. Memoirs, novels, professional books: I can’t get enough!

I tend to feel kinship with controversial main characters (i.e annoying or unlikable according to Goodreads reviewers). Last year I encountered and loved All Fours by Miranda July and this year it was Same As It Ever Was by Claire Lombardo. I can’t fully express it, but I just felt some cosmic empathy to the complex inner workings of their minds. I “got” them, so to speak. I LOVED Same As It Ever Was. I was totally captivated by Lombardo’s beautiful writing style, character building and expression of the ordinary-ness of life.

I devoured Nicole Antoinette’s two books How To Be Alone and What We Owe to Ourselves in a span of 72 hours. The books serve as trail diaries of long distance hiking and though I am not a long distance hiker--I was so inspired! I also really appreciated such clear examples of positive, loving self-talk. Nicole also writes a fantastic substack!

Professionally, I am totally swept up with An Internal Family Systems Guide to Recovery: Healing Part by Part by Amy Yandel Grabowski. This book is an amazing resource for clinicians who use the IFS framework and clients hoping to gain a greater understanding of their parts.

Consumable things I can’t get enough of:

• Maple tahini cookies. I eat these for breakfast. For dessert. For a snack. Literally whenever and wherever, these are amazing. I double the recipe and omit cinnamon and maca from the recipe just due to my preferences.

• $1.77 blackberries from Kroger. Need I say more?

• Matcha lattes, especially iced ones from Spiller Park

• Dandy blend mixed with a tablespoon of cacao powder and some glugs of soy milk. This drink is a little heartier than tea and is so quick and easy to put together.

• I cannot stop with these bougie “chocolate gems”. As in, I have placed multiple Target pick up orders with zero other items in the order obsessed. Wellness culture aside (& the food dye of it all), the crunch is far superior to a namely competitor and the chocolate splits in such a satisfying way when you bite into them!

Greeting my parts instead of silencing them

If Internal Family Systems is unfamiliar to you, perhaps check out a post I wrote introducing the concept:

Something I have been working (tirelessly) on is aiming to greet parts of me that come forward instead of silencing them. My particular brand of silencing includes: numbing on my phone, distracting myself, ruminating as a means of avoidance, or “problem solving” to be able to mentally dismiss the feeling.

I’ve used similar statements below to tend to my parts…

• Oh you’re scared; come here, let me breathe with you

• We can’t fix this, it’s bigger than us, come back here with me

• We don’t have to change anything today; share more with me here

• I’m here, I’m not going anywhere; I will always be here

• I know you’re here but I can’t quite find you; show me where you are

Thank you so much for reading and taking a glimpse into my world. Tell me, what has been invigorating your spirit this spring or bringing sparkle into your life?

Leave a comment

The YouTube algorithm has learned that I care about nutrition. This makes sense because I am, indeed, a dietitian. I do indeed care about nutrition. Call it mad curiosity, call it research to understand what my client’s see out there, call it boredom: 10 seconds pass and I view the video. What nutrition content is on YouTube shorts1? What I Eat in a Day videos.

But I swear, all these small young women start every video with their nutrition identity. (cue elevator music as I briefly scroll Shorts to literally transcribe these intros):

“What I eat in a day, as someone who doesn’t restrict but still likes to be conscious about what I’m eating”

*intro talking about weight loss* “Here’s what I eat in a day to reach my goals while nourishing my body”

“What I eat as a gal who eats low carb but also aims for satisfaction”

My most detested: “I’m someone who priorities protein, here’s what I eat in a day”

This last one is so abundant. So many people say this! Why does it irk me so much? It already feels antiquated—overdone, exhausted, stale. Why does it even matter to ‘be a person’ who ‘prioritizes protein’ in the first place? I mean, for these women on the internet, it matters because it’s narrow, hyper-marketable, and a symptom of the personal-branding era. It’s so sellable, aspirational, or even inspiring. Darkly: it’s so consumable, so ripe to swell viewer’s insecurity and envy.

In the context of behavior change, the identities we adopt do indeed shape our reality…how we eat, move and experience our sense of self. Some research shows that embodying a health-focused identity can help make behaviors more sustainable. But, protein, metaphorically the Lego bricks of the body, shouldn’t be exploited for a personal brand. It doesn’t need to be the foundation of a personality.

We exist in a social media environment that incentivizes forming an identity around your eating pattern (and body) to build a brand, sell people another veggie chopper from Amazon they don’t need, and gain followers. Or sell an ebook! Fun.

I am picking on protein here as I must have missed the moment when tofu cubes became a personality traits. We are so much more than our diced amino acids!

But, to be fair and ~balanced~: there are certainly reasons that someone may want to eat more protein. I don’t hate protein! Actually, I love it! Protein helps us to feel full. It helps stabilize our blood sugar and energy. It becomes increasingly important to have adequate dietary protein to help combat age related muscle loss. Physical activity increases the need for protein. Protein foods are important sources of nutrients (vitamins and minerals) that help us thrive. Protein is wonderful.2

But, selling people a promise they will look like you, have your beautiful kitchen, have access to healthy, prepared foods if they eat like you…just sucks. Shaping your identity around what you eat might predispose you to developing an eating disorder, or drastically complicate your relationship with food.

I think about this a lot because it is literally my job to teach people how to eat and it feels preposterous to imagine spending a session teaching my client how to eat like me.

I think the way that I eat is great. I enjoy the food I eat, I ensure I am getting adequate and varied nutrients throughout the week. I enjoy fun foods without guilt or shame and I implement tons of nutrition skills every week to help me feel my best.

And not once, ever, did I aim to teach a client to eat like me. Because eating like me is not what you need to do:

You need to figure out how to eat in the way that is best for you.

A young woman-in-tech with a side hustle from Chicago isn’t going to help you figure that out.

In our current iteration of the internet, we have thousands (millions?) of people telling us how they eat, implying we need to eat how they eat. When you get a million people’s eating patterns in front of your eyeballs for approximately 15-55 seconds, it makes loads of sense why:

Everyone is so GD confused by how they need to eat!

I’m not going to tell you to eat like me; I am going to share nutrition principles you can try on and try out in your own life.

“I’m a dietitian and what I’m going to tell you is boring and not aesthetic but you may poop more regularly, feel more satisfied, maybe have a little more energy, and perhaps ENJOY your food more”

Here’s how to support your body:

• Drink water: Your pee should be light lemonade, not dark, not crystal clear. Hydration = happier poops.3

• Eat regularly: most bodies thrive eating every 3ish- 4ish hours. You need to feed your metabolism to have an optimal one.

• Eat enough. Comfortable fullness is your new target. If fullness hurts, or you don’t feel it at all - revisit your portions at your next meal.

• Eat a variety of plant foods. Plants will also help you poop, combat the development of chronic disease, and feel satisfied.

• Notice your satisfaction: Satisfaction is an emotional state as well as physical state. Begin to take note of what foods give you that grounded “YESSS” feeling.

• Eat multiple food groups (including…protein!!! yay!!) at most meals, aim for at least two at snacks:

  • Protein + Starch + fiber source (fruit, veggie) + Fat is an award winning combo. The Oscar goes to: dinner

• Give yourself full permission to eat. Mental restriction leads to overeating

• Moderation is a myth. I could go on but for today I will not. Just know that minds will justify just about any portion size you choose. Instead, focus on eating with presence and without distractions, especially if you struggle to stop an eating occasion when eating a particular food.

There you have it. Pick one that feels interesting and come back to this post when that behavior feels well-grooved in the habits of your life!

What you eat can be the most boring thing about you: perhaps let it.

You can see it a mile away.

Appointment blocks all over your work calendar, evening commitments, and obligations spilling into meal times.

I am in the midst of an insane week and I am diving into what actions I took to make sure I am well fed this week. I offer a glimpse into my process and sprinkled ideas along the way you can take into your next insane week.

Before diving in - you might enjoy a previous post where I outline the mindset I use when stocking my fridge:

Step one

Take a deep breath. Busy weeks are hard, but they also pass—you can do it!

Step two

Get a birds eye view of your week and make notes about these questions:

• Breakfast: Do I have time to eat in the morning?

• Lunch: What lunch foods do I want? Will I use leftovers for lunch? When am I packing lunch?

• Dinner: What nights will I not have time to cook dinner? Am I able to use convenience foods or takeout this week to help with dinner?

• Snacks: Will I be on the go during snack times? What do I need snacks to do? (portable, shelf-stable, etc.)

• What other life things will tug at my stress this week? (examples: laundry, cleaning house, social commitments)

• What is within my control to help me feel more grounded?

Step three

Identify how much time you have at your disposal to prepare for the week. It may be a few hours, but if the answer is zero to a few minutes, be honest. You can only be as prepared as you are honest! If you don’t have time, name it, and plan to utilize convenience foods, call in for help, etc. to get through it.

Let’s glimpse into an experiential practice; I will reflect on these questions amongst my crazy week this week…

Breakfast:

Do I have time to eat in the morning? Yes…but I do have an 8AM appointment one day and need to drive about an hour an a half during my typical breakfast time one day, so I’ll need foods that are ready to go and/or portable.

Lunch:

What’s for lunch? Will I use leftovers for lunch? Yes to leftovers.

When am I packing lunch? I will pack it the night before for the two days I will be away from home.

Dinner:

What nights will I not have time to cook dinner? Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday

Am I able to use convenience foods or takeout this week to help with dinner? No due to budget/time constraints and needing to eat foods according to a GI health diagnosis

Snacks:

Will I be on the go during snack times? Wednesday and Thursday I will be in the car/out of my normal space/routine

What do I need snacks to do? (portable, shelf-stable, etc.) Shelf-stable, easy, filling

What other life things will tug at my stress this week? (this step is to validate that you are a dynamic person with much to do!!)

• I have a pile of clean laundry that is just hanging out in my room waiting to be put away

• I have numerous personal life meetings this week that I am anticipating and will take emotional energy

• I have to be “on” a lot this week - I am giving three academic presentations, and have numerous work-related meetings in addition to client sessions this week.

What is within my control to help me feel more grounded?

• Take dance breaks

• Move my body on the days my schedule allows

• Go to bed on time

• Therapy

• Limit caffeine intake

• Clinical supervision (Support I receive from a more seasoned dietitian)

• Connecting with old colleagues

• Feeling prepared for my presentations (something I LOVE to do)

• Restful activities when able - reading, relaxing in the evenings, etc.

Subscribe now

Step Four:

Decide how you want to use the time (from step 3) you have to prepare for the week. Once you get the lay of the land, you should have a sense of the week, and perhaps, a sense of what could support you during the week.

In my case, I had the jolt of worry about the week on Saturday. I knew I had most of Sunday to accomplish these things. I made a short list of things I knew would support me:

1. Prep meals on Sunday

2. Review/finalize presentations for the week

3. Write and sign all my clinical notes from the week before

I felt a lot of apprehension over “prepping meals” on Sunday; namely, I didn’t want to do it! I used to spend hours on Sundays prepping meals, especially in college when I was really strapped for time. Now that I am settled into a predictable work schedule, I would rather do just about anything on a Sunday over meal prep. At most, I will prep luches for the week on a Sunday; I find cooking dinners is pretty approachable with our household routine. However, this week really intimidated me and I felt strongly I needed to prep some food to take care of future me. This week, I spent about three hours in the kitchen so I wouldn’t have to think about cooking during the week - it was a fair trade!

You can also see I wanted to get a little bit of work done before the week started. “Prep” may be food related, but it might also be: chores, clearing our your inbox, picking outfits, scheduling out your calendar, etc.

In order to make my Sunday meal prep most effective, I considered the below:

• I chose to make complete meals (protein, carbohydrate, fat source, veggie) instead of meal components; redundancy is OK for a week like this. I love this video outlining how to use meal components creatively throughout the week so you don’t get bored!

• I picked familiar recipes so cooking “felt” easier

• I made four recipes within these guidelines:

  • Something in the Instant pot: Chicken and lentil salsa verde bowls (served over white rice

  • Something in the oven: A chicken sausage sheet pan meal with potatoes (no recipe for this - any combo of veg/potato will work) and veggie burgers to be served with fries and a salad.

  • Something on the stovetop: A nice variation of cabbage soup. I added red lentils and orzo in place of brown rice because I (alarmingly) found little creatures in my bag of rice!!

• I also whipped up a shredded apple and oatmeal bake to make breakfast a little more seamless on the mornings I need to be out of the house early.

Try thinking about the cooking method instead of “recipes”. This allows you to pick recipes that can cook at the same time using different kitchen applinces. Originally, I thought about doing a crock pot recipe, but ended up with the cabbage soup recipe I figured would taste better on the stove.

Importantly, I picked a super easy dinner for Sunday night that served two purposes: (1) It would feel easy after a busy day in the kitchen and (2) It would make more leftovers. I made this sheet pan gnocchi recipe (I used frozen broccoli and I added 2 cans of white beans to add a protein source). It was so stinkin’ easy and quite tasty.

These meals should feed my household (2 adults) through Friday. Today (Monday of said busy week) I am feeling so relieved that I don’t have to think about cooking all week. I can focus on my work/life admin tasks and not stress about figuring out lunch or dinner.

I have the memory of my former meal-prep days surfacing; even my body feels the memory of chopping peppers on a Sunday. I will gladly not do this again next weekend, but I am so grateful I did it this week.

Here are some other meal planning tips you might take or leave depending on your circumstances:

• If you order some takeout, order an extra meal or two (or even just the cooked protein you can bulk up with home cooking) so you can use leftovers for lunch or another dinner

• Use grocery pick up or delivery services (Kroger pick up is free with an order >$35)

• Consider pleasure, comfort, and satisfaction when planning. What meals, snacks, or desserts can help you feel cared for or insanely satisfied?

• Keep dinner simple: starchy/fiber-rich carbohydrate + protein + veggie (use a fat source in cooking or add one on top via cheese/dressing).

• Utilize convenience foods: rotisserie chicken, frozen dinners, frozen vegetables, pre-cooked grains, pre-cooked proteins, “hot bar” foods from a specialty grocery store, canned meats or beans, etc.

• Think about dinner ahead of time: this could be a meal prep but also a crock pot meal, defrosting leftovers you have in the freezer, or having easy-to-make meals like low sodium canned soup + grilled cheese on the menu.

• If you cook a meal, double the recipe

• Consider take out delivery if your resources allow

• Have some no-cook options available: Items to make an adult snack plate, sandwiches, wraps, salads etc.

• Outsource the cooking task that is you find most annoying (for example, buying proteins that are pre-cooked like meats, tinned fish, canned beans, lentils, frozen meats, etc.)

• Ask for help; get all the members of your household involved!

Step Five:

Check in with yourself throughout the week! Likely you are experiencing some stress or perhaps overwhelm. Can you take a moment to go outside? Put your phone on Do Not Disturb? Read a few minutes before bed? Take a dance break?

What activities help you feel most supported? How does food fit into the self-care matrix?

Did you miss my most recent post? Keep reading —>

Leave a comment

I wrote a post about movement: next up was sleep. Weeks passed; my deadline passed. I couldn’t bring myself to write about it.

When I looked around my life, my sleep wasn’t feeling…great. I noticed a regular bedtime about 1.5 hours past when my body was cueing me to go to bed. I sometimes couldn’t say no to another episode of the Sopranos. I woke up feeling exhausted and regularly stayed in bed scrolling because I couldn’t get up.

I didn’t really want to reflect on my routine and sleep hygiene. I also didn’t want to learn more about how I was harming my body by not getting enough rest.

Most notably, I didn’t want to say no to my desire to stay up late.

Sound familiar? For most of us, the first line of defense against psychological pain is avoidance; how human of me!

The whole point of Well-being on Purpose (WoP) is to have space to explore the complexities of behavior change related to well-being. This individualistic reflection falls flat if we don’t look outside of ourselves to interrogate the world in which our behaviors take place. It feels similar to the proverbial “Don’t shop on Amazon.” Okay, important, but also, I literally can’t get my toothpaste from a local store, I checked, and shouldn’t someone with more power than me be doing something about Amazon? It’s a both/and situation: do what you can and also your individual actions are not enough.

Insert: an interim WoP article meant to contextualize health and well-being behaviors in 2025

First, we must name and truly face how hard (/impossible) it can be to take good care of ourselves when our wages are stagnant, we live in a political dystopia, experience inadequate social safety nets, and a technological hellscape (no ref for this one - that’s just my opinion) amidst a climate crisis.

Though money isn’t everything, money is pretty damn important and evidence suggests those with more wealth will enjoy better health. The median salary of a middle income household in 1970 was $66,000 (adjusted for inflation)¹. This is $11,000 more than a job offer I received in 2021 with five years of experience and a masters degree. I then looked at US Census data from 1970. I am delighted to report that the same job offer in 2021 is about equivalent to the median income of a man in 1970 ($6,670 or $54,270 adjusted for inflation). Too bad we’re in a cost of living crisis! I did accept that job; it was a significant raise from my previous employment where I was making <$50,000 per year.

Financial security affords us: access to nutrient-dense foods, perhaps nutrient-dense prepared foods, safe transportation, a safe and (if you’re incredibly fortunate) walkable neighborhood, clean water, adequate and safe housing, the ability to financially resolve an emergency, access healthcare, specialist care, and “extra” health-promoting services like therapy, massage, a registered dietitian, and more.

Additionally, if you have regular access to resources (leisure time, knowledge, money, physical abilities, etc.) you are one of the lucky ones. Resources are not guaranteed and degree of access correlates to race, socioeconomic status, education, gender identity, class, etc.

Yet, I return to the truth that we must take care of ourselves amidst the chaos, even if the system is actively designed to make this exceedingly challenging. Taking care of yourself is more important than ever.

I want to be sure to name this loud and clear: individual health is not exclusively an individual responsibility:

• We deserve nations that legally protect our soil, water, crop, and air quality.

• We deserve a government that ensures all citizens (and residents and immigrants and visitors) have access to affordable foods that meet our vitamin, mineral, and macronutrient (carbs, fats, proteins) needs.

• We deserve employment laws that legally require and protect paid time off, prioritizes paid family leave, and adequate vacation time. Oh and, actually pays a living wage.

• We deserve regulations that place legal restrictions on companies vying to keep us addicted to technology, manipulate our attention, exploit the price of goods, and co-opt our peace for profit.

• We honestly deserve more than this but, y’know, we’re starting from the bottom.

  

Amidst these mammoth issues, how insignificant is my individual conflict to get to bed on time?

Well, it turns out, pretty significant. Sarah Eckel wrote a brilliant piece outlining how important our lack of sleep is for the economy. If we are awake for more hours of the day, there is more time for us to see ads, want things, and purchase items. We can’t buy things or passively consume ads if we’re sleeping, folks! Companies work hard to make it more challenging for us to choose to go to bed. Days later, I’m still seething.

Framing my intimately personal conflict to get to bed around the blurry image of my sleep as a barrier to consumption is the cultural context of my well-being “behavior”. This won’t change soon.

I can notice the profound negative impact exhaustion has on my life and am left to the responsibility of changing my individual behavior. The problem is, we now live in an environment filled with such tantalizing, exciting, engaging “things” that mustering up the self-control to say no is…much harder than ever before! Taken together, I’m going on a limb to say: it takes more energy/discipline to “go to bed” than it did 50 years ago.

As an individual with bright, glimmery screens begging for “one more episode!” In order to take care of myself, I must voice a compassionate (if not authoritative) “No” to the glowing economy in the room a la Netflix or HBO Max. I must distance myself from revenge bedtime procrastination³ for my own well-being. I must plug my phone to be charged in the kitchen.

Rest is resistance and sleep is one of the most personal and vulnerable acts. Our body catches sleep alone (even if a loved one sleeps nearby), we assume a physical position of rest, our body temperature drops, we linger with closed eyes before unconsciousness greets us, we’re quiet, we’re cozy, we dream. We are not watching the Sopranos. We are not flicking through an ad. Now that our caveman brain knows all the entertainment we’re giving up to go to bed, this objectively essential experience (sleeping)...sorta sucks, is kinda “boring”; it’s againt our instincts to deny enjoyment/pleasure.

But it sucks more to be tired.²

I am entering my sixth month of self-employment after over a decade of employment in Universities (allow me to count working at the Financial Aid office at a University in high school, thank you) with a strict 8-5, M-F schedule.

Identifying my own work hours, observing how my body feels at different times of the day, and truly feeling the depth of true autonomy over my time has deepened and expanded my attunement of caring for my body.

Please don’t quit your job! I am not saying this to romanticize self-employment (that 1970s white man is financially better off than 2025 me). I share this because, even as an intrinsically motivated person around health/wellness: it was not possible for me to take care of myself in the ways I needed when I was working a traditional job (+ small private practice on the side).

Maybe this is due to a mis-match of circadian rhythm (lil preview of the eventual WoP: Sleep article), maybe it was because my work:financial compensation ratio did not allow me to outsource life admin tasks (like ordering take out or buying costly prepared foods, cleaning services, etc.), or maybe it’s just because I was either overworked (traditional nutrition counseling job), lacked meaning (research job), or was constantly splitting my brain between tasks (part time research job + part time private practice).

What I found when I was working 8-5 was this:

• I could not, ever, consistently create a morning routine which included moving my body, despite movement being important/enjoyable to me

• I struggled to continue to attend group yoga classes in the evenings due to fatigue/life admin “Stuff” that needed to happen. I couldn’t afford the time it took to drive to/from class. I often took an online movement class while dinner was in the oven.

• I largely simplified my food intake to be “convenient” or “preppable” to make eating the least amount of work possible.

• Most urgently, I could not tangibly slow down my mind enough to actually benefit from self-care practices. Katie Lemons discusses this phenomenon in a few essays.

Ways I have been able to take care of myself working full time in my private practice Nutrition Made Well:

• I am able to move my body in the morning. This has had a profound impact on my aforementioned low energy levels.⁴

• I am able to organize my eating pattern in a way that works better for my body/digestive diagnosis.

• I never have to pack a lunch (this sounds silly but this would trigger profound agitation after nearly 18 years of packing my lunch)

• I can adjust my work locations to my physical needs (a couch, a library, kitchen table, coffee shop, standing desk, etc.)

• I can, except for client calls, completely change my working hours to accommodate my energy and mental health needs.

I suppose this transition post is to validate: If you are struggling to make well-being practices a part of your life while working a full time job and commuting and serving on the PTA or local political group or WHATEVER:

IT MAKES SENSE. THIS IS BY DESIGN.

Our system is not designed for personal well-being. Our system is designed to keep us exhausted and barely hanging on, and worst case scenario: sick.

You should not have to wake up at 5AM (if you’re not an early bird) to go to an intense fitness class with no time for a breakfast that didn’t come in a package⁵. You should not have to meditate endlessly to barely survive a toxic work environment.

We can’t out-smart a system with wellness wheels or mindfulness or a meager PTO offering.

Women are being sold lies on the internet (MAHA post to come); let me loudly say: your health and well-being should not be (and quite frankly, isn’t) exclusively a personal responsibility. Well-being should be a core value of our society, protected by services, resources, and emergency support funded by governing bodies.

It’s challenging to facilitate well-being when your experience of the world is colored with fear, worry, climate despair, political terror, etc.

Truly, what we all might need to start with?

A nap.

Reflection questions:

• What practices are helping you stay connected to your body?

• What challenges are you facing in caring for yourself?

• What changes would you make to our society to better support individuals?

Subscribe now

Share more soon

1) Other sources cite about $55,000

2) A core memory I have with my husband is gleefully convincing him to keep watching the thriller Hijack with Idris Elba. We stayed up until 4am watching the series straight through and it felt so joyful and fun. We slept until almost noon the next day. I’d do it again in a heartbeat!

3) When we have no goddamn time to rest throughout our day, of course we remain awake until the wee hours to get a few sacred moments of relaxation

4) Color me changed: in my last WoP post, I lamented morning movement! I am a convert.

5) Breakfasts in packages are fine: I mean that you don’t have time to make a breakfast that is larger, has more food groups, and is more satisfying due to time constraints.

I wondered if it might be useful to read a more personal account of feeling, seeing, and flowing with emotion. The essence of this post feels a little different; though I have written previously about Internal Family Systems — here is a deeper glimpse into what self inquiry looked like for me today.

Right before we ended the Zoom call, I felt a tensing in my body.

Prior to my cursor hovering over the “Leave Meeting” button, I was in that glowy and magical feeling I get after connecting with my community. I am filled with a full-body blooming of connection alongside the knowing that we, together, are sowing the seeds of safety, support, and friendship.

Then my belly twists and buzzes.

Mere milliseconds later, my brain lit up to figure out the sensation; it had already flickered out.

The Zoom meeting ended. I close the window. What was that?

I open this document to parse it out. The tensing is gone; I still felt the glow. I want to capture it.

It feels hard to articulate that glowy feeling; the feeling that comes from shared time with beloveds. I feel my efforting: stop, pause, I hear. I see if clarity comes.

In a blink of a moment, I feel an absolutely striking, hollow emptiness; the feeling is akin to the moment right before you (desperately need to) take a huge inhale. Another millisecond passes…I feel the kind reminder: slow down…I am still somewhat anchored by that glowy feeling, which helps me to slow.

I call it back…the empty moment-between-a-moment to get a better glimpse:

I am struck with the torrent of despair, the verge of tears, the wrench before the sob--the grasping before the gasping.

I feel alarm at how familiar it is.

    Air fills me. As quickly as the dark emptiness comes, it goes. 

The next moment:

    Breath fills the cracks of hopelessness.

    Breath shines the light on the dark corners of aloneness.

    Breath bathes me in the feeling of understanding.

A little bit of a whoosh sensation arrives and wakes up my thinking—

Is that emptiness always there? I wondered.

Have the depths of my own darkness always been half a heartbeat in-between an inhale and exhale? And then, with twinge of trepidation:

Is the driveway to my sorrow always this close?

I sense vulnerability. The feeling that my aliveness, hopefulness, and connection is tethered to my sorrow, my despair, my longing is disorienting.

Thinking awakens, again: “people” say this - “there cannot be good without bad”. But, uh, right here!? Right with my inhale and exhale?!

I am in my mind, now, no longer in my body: In my most alone, my most despaired, my most sorrowful - the thing that pulls me in from the waves of loneliness is the warm shores of someone. The sandy, gritty sense of the beach beneath my feet watching the waves in lieu of body surfing.

This can be a physical someone // It can’t always be a physical someone

Memories flash by: a memoir, a memory, a pet, a novel, a dance, a film, a painting, a spiritual practice, a journal, an empty path in the woods.

I feel Me.

It may need to be Me.

Me with a hand on my chest as I feel my ribs starting the hug, an exhale just rounding the corner:

     I love you and I am listening

     I sense you

     I am doing my best to be here

Subscribe now

ps. let me recommend the book Healing through the Dark Emotions: The Wisdom of Grief, Fear, and Despair.

I was totally baffled by the under-consumption trend earlier this year. In the social media world, “under-consumption” referred to deliberately consuming fewer resources or purchasing fewer goods (products). I was intrigued to watch the internet (read: influencers) attempt to re-calibrate what is “normal” as it relates to spending money and acquiring things. I was on board with being mindful of purchases but I couldn’t help but notice:

We should be talking about how we are spending our attention.

To no one’s surprise, it is not at all challenging to quantify where our attention goes since nearly every tool we use on our phones/computers tells us exactly how we spend in the attention economy! (you gotta laugh so you don’t cry)

This post is a round up of my attention consumption habits from 2024 in multiple categories: books, screen time, podcasts, entertainment, and personal spending!

In essence, I explore:

1. What did I consume?

2. Did I overconsume?

3. What price am I paying to consume this?

Goodreads

I am embarrassingly motivated by the Goodreads yearly reading challenge and I have spent a lot of time reading to hit my goal of 35 books.

This year I consumed: 17 fiction and 18 non-fiction books via physical book, audiobook, and Kindle; apparently this is around 11,000 words! Fun!

• Top fiction book of 2024: The Armour of Light by Ken Follett

• Top Memoir of 2024: Briefly Perfectly Human: Making an Authentic Life by Getting Real about the End by Alua Arthur

• Top Non-fiction book of 2024: Wanting: Women Writing about Desire by Margot Kahn

• Top Professional book of 2024: Profit First for Therapists by Julie Herres

💰The price I paid: About $50 on a couple books (Avid Libby user, here!) and my time. Occasionally, sleep if the book was particularly good, and restorative silence as I sometimes listened while walking.

💥Did I overconsume? No! Is there too much reading?! Reading is my primary hobby and, if anything, I would like to read more rather than less. I see zero negatives to reading and it is an important means of exploration, imagination, learning, and resting.

Substack

Substack is a magical land of discovery; I follow writers, medical professionals, creators, journalists and more! I am delighted to peek into the lives of others, read the perspectives of talented writers, and enjoy encountering the recommendations from writers I follow.

💰The price I paid: Approximately $15 a month for paid subscriptions (hoping to add more in the future!). Sadly, I also spent a bit on comparison and negative self talk. I have encountered lovely writers living lives that mirror my biggest fantasies which activated a critical part of me to come forward. I must tread carefully!

💥Did I overconsume? This feels tough for me. If I consider the ratio of how much Substack I read compared to how much I wrote, then yes - I feel as though I overconsumed. However, Substack is much better for my brain than other social media platforms and overall I don’t feel my time is wasted on the platform.

Screentime & Social Media

I hesitate to even look. Oh dear friend, I feel shame bubbling up inside me as I write this sentence to avoid looking at my screentime data! The social media I peruse on my phone includes YouTube, Instagram, Substack, LinkedIn, and Reddit.

Checks phone -

I could spend a whole post breaking down the nuance between the time I spent texting loved ones, leisure/intentional time, accidental screen time, watching a YouTube video, or doomscrolling…but for the purposes of this reflection, I don’t think it matters; it doesn’t matter because, to me, it simply feels like too much.

💰The price I paid: Time, my peace, my attention, my focus, feeling settled, and the hyper vigilance of knowing I will likely encounter something devastating. It feels like an extremely high price and is a source of significant dissatisfaction.

💥Did I overconsume? Yes, yes, yes. Despite the herculean efforts to make social media/my phone as boring as possible, create boundaries, unsubscribe, not using the apps, create alternatives, create incentives to not scroll - I haven’t landed on a balance that feels just right. Perhaps this is just a 21st century work in progress? If this is something you navigate, too, I really recommend the book Stolen Focus by Johann Hari or Katie Lemons’ Substack review of the book.

Television

The Sopranos takes the cake for the most time dedicated to a TV show this year. We are rationing the last season because we’re sad to see it go.

💰 The price I paid: This one cost me some sleep, nervous system activation/exposure to graphic scenes, and time I could have spent collage-ing or reading. Inadequate sleep also impacts my focus and productivity, so perhaps this “price” include actual dollars not earned.

💥Did I overconsume? Sort of? TV contributes to my buckets of quality time with my partner and evening relaxation. But, watching this show at night made it nearly impossible for me to honor my bedtime and the intensity of the show is a little too much at times for my brain and body.

Money

Financial health is profoundly relevant when talking about well-being; securing safe housing, access to food, healthcare, and financial resources to take care of our bodies and mind is somehow a luxury in America?

For the purposes of this post, I am reviewing my personal spending (my line-item for fun money) which equated to $620.85, or about $50 a month. Looking through my transactions, this included meals/desserts out with friends, a Switch game, coffee shop dates, hobby supplies, a couple books, and a flight home to see my family.

💰 The price I paid: in this case, $620.85. But also, I spent some stress anticipating what I wanted, choosing what “things” I was interested in and deciding what I wanted “most”.

💥Did I overconsume? No; the experiences I had and items I invested in were intentional and purposeful. This spending directly connects to my core values of quality time with my loved ones and creativity.

Podcasts

This year I spent 14,684 minutes listening to podcasts; this is 244 hours or 4.7 hours per week. According to Spotify, my #1 topic was Business & Technology. I thought a lot about finance and business practices this year as I dove into full time self-employment in my private practice Nutrition Made Well.

💰The price I paid: Imagining all the hours I spent with ear buds nestled in my skull, the price I paid was quality time with myself, silence that could have felt nourishing, and spontaneous connective moments with my partner.

💥Did I overconsume? Yes. Sometimes I felt a little compulsive or anxiety-driven listening and found myself a little finicky with silence at certain points of the year. I also really value headphones-free walks, and podcasts made those less frequent.

Takeaways

My 2024 was INTENSE. Looking back through these attention-grabbers, I can see why these habits were in my life (self-soothing, entertainment, relaxation, avoidance, calming fear, learning!). I will continue the endless path towards feeling more active in how I spend my attention instead of these things passively stealing my attention. I want to underconsume other people stuff, so I can give more of my attention to myself, my loved ones, my creativity, my values…my life!

Of course, I will leave you with a few reflection questions:

• Where does your attention flow to when you are stressed, anxious, scared, overwhelmed?

• What is your relationship to your attention? How do you foster it?

• What steals your attention? How do you get it back?

• What incentivizes giving your attention to something? (stress, overwhelm, entertainment, learning, etc.)

  Leave a comment

A little P.S. …

There is irony here that a dietitian is talking about “consumption” and not talking about food!

If the Kroger app created a “Spotify wrapped”-style analysis of my grocery habits, I would excitedly review them. However, they do not, and parsing through grocery receipts is not something that excites me. That being said, I will reveal a screen shot from “Your Favorites” on the Kroger app…

Share more soon

Welcome to part one of an eight part series where I am exploring the research behind, and my personal experiences with: movement, sleep, emotional health, work/life balance, presence, social, spirituality, finances.

Catch the introduction post right here to learn a little more about the experiment!

Subscribe now

The past two weeks, I have been focusing on observing my movement routines, preferences, and experiences.

A client once asked me “Can I be healthy if I don’t exercise?” We spoke at length about what it means to her to “be healthy”. I asked about multiple domains of well-being and discussed her perspectives for about a half hour (mentioning this to say: there is a lot of nuance here!).

"Health" arises from a combination of our genetics, behaviors (sleep, nutrition, alcohol/tobacco use, movement, doctor/dentist visits, etc.), environmental factors (socioeconomic status, exposure to pollution, stress), and lifestyle habits over time. This is why you will often hear me saying: You can’t control your health; you can control the behaviors around health (and sometimes environmental factors).

Movement, nestled in the “behaviors” category above, does support health indicators over time: movement helps to prevent/slow muscle and bone loss, helps to regulate our blood sugar and blood pressure, increases the oxygen to our brain, keeps our cardiovascular system functioning optimally, helps reduce pain, soothes our mental health, aids our sleep, and keeps our muscles and joints flexible and active (& more!). 

We all have a right to our bodily autonomy and if a person doesn’t value health, they do not need to engage in health behaviors. Period. It’s simple. There are also physical disabilities that impact someone’s ability or access to a movement pattern they enjoy. If someone does value health and desires to pursue health, the “health benefits” of movement aren’t replicable by other health behaviors and play a unique roll in supporting well-being.

Movement recommendations

The American Heart Association recommends 150 minutes per week of moderate-intensity aerobic activity, or 75 minutes per week of vigorous aerobic activity spread throughout the week. Add in moderate to high intensity muscle strengthening activity two days per week.

• Moderate activities include: brisk walking (>2.5 mph), water aerobics, dancing, doubles tennis, biking slower than ten miles per hour.

• Vigorous activities include: hiking uphill, running, swimming laps, cycling (>10 mph), jumping rope.

Disordered movement patterns

More movement is not always better. For some, movement can feel compulsive, responsive to how much food they ate, or one of the only tools they have to regulate their emotions. When someone has a disordered relationship with movement, we observe:

• “Excessive” exercise - in duration, frequency, or intensity

• “Compulsive” - guilt, anxiety motivates movement or is a result of a lack of movement1

• “Degree of guilt experienced” - feeling like a bad person for not exercising2

From those experiencing disordered eating or eating disorders, it can be important to take a break from movement when pursuing recovery. Movement may not be healthy when…

• Regularly engaging in physical activity more than once per day

• Movement pattern interferes with other important areas of your life

• Experiencing frequent injuries

• Self-punishment or purging

• Causes more stress than relief

How I defined movement in my own life:

Long ago, I edited my movement routine to perfectly align with my preferences. I started by asking the below questions; I have included some examples below for your own reflection.

• How do I like to move?

  • Intensely / moderate / gentle

  • Guided / unguided

  • Lots of sweat / less sweat

  • Also consider type of movement: sports, lifting weights, swimming, walking, pilates, yoga, jogging, hiking, etc.

• How do I not like to move?

  • Consider all of the above

• Where do I like to move?

  • Indoors

  • Outdoors

  • Nature

  • Gym

  • Fitness studio

  • Space with no mirrors

  • Cold space / hot space

• With whom do I like to move?

  • With close friends

  • By myself

  • With strangers

  • With a small group of acquaintances 

• What amount of money am I willing to spend on equipment or classes?

I prefer: moderate intensity, alone, guided or unguided, ideally outside but also in my home. Not a gym, sometimes a studio space with a small group. This is specific and the specificity is useful! Take the time to consider all the details that would help you to be excited about movement. This will help you prioritize movement with the fewest barriers.

Using the recommendations above and my preferences, if I mostly prioritize moderate-intensity movement, I can expect to need to move for 30-45 minutes about 3-5 days per week to meet recommendations for general health. I also should choose a few options that use body weight or weights for strength training.

Though this sounds “prescriptive” - I don’t sweat it if I don’t hit the recommendation; I gather data about my experience and try to let that inform my future plans. I trust that because I move in way that feels good, I will want to move with regularity. Some folks like more structure or routine! That’s great, find what works for you!

A general reminder:

• Your body needs rest days

• Movement >10 minutes “counts” (according to “experts”) towards your movement goals (walking to work, gardening, housework, activities of daily living!)

• Your movement pattern has nothing to do with your worth as a human

• Movement may look different week to week: it. is. okay!

I pursued thinking about my movement pattern for two weeks and gathered data about the experiment.

Ideas I had for practicing movement:

• Walks around my neighborhood or in the apartment gym

• Yoga Dance classes online 

• Pilates classes via Range (Kara offers a few free classes here)

• Yoga classes at a studio

• Swimming

Musings on the experiment:

What was most noticeable these two weeks was my avoidance of a neighborhood walk. At my old apartment, I had a well grooved walking path. I had favorite houses, beloved flower beds, and predictably shady stretches. Now that I moved, I have some apprehension about walking in my new neighborhood. What if I got lost? What if I didn’t like the route? What if it was too sunny? Ultimately, during this experiment, I did a couple walks outside and my route was on a slight incline and very sunny. Very mid-ranking for me thus far but hopefully I discover more in the upcoming weeks!

A couple days into the experiment, I noticed my own expectations arise: I had so much focus and creativity after pilates on Monday, maybe I’ll have that again, today. I also had a clear preference for that to happen again (lol). Expectations prime our preference for any given activity and color the richness of the experience. I don’t want to create conditional habits (“I move so I am creative”), rather, I want to build out a routine of habits that support my creativity, energizes me, and supports my body. But, I did love the reminder that my creative energy can be fostered by mind-body connection but I don’t want to begin to expect this from movement.

I also monitored the details that made me avoid movement. Fatigue, not wanting to get hot, and not finding time in my schedule were the most likely culprits for movement avoidance. This isn’t a problem, just helpful information to consider when setting future goals.

Things I hope to take forward:

I have always loved moving my body later in the day. I am better fueled, have more energy, and find the transition from day to evening complements a pilates class or walk. However, with my new schedule, moving in the morning has been really helping my energy levels throughout the day. I also found myself to be inconsistent with late afternoon movement since we moved so morning movement has helped me hit my personal movement goals. I hope to take forward the open mindedness that even though my preferences don’t line up, mornings might be an ideal time for me to move in this season.

Things I learned:

• Having easy access to a gym (<1 minute walk) positively supports movement patterns, even though it’s not my preferred movement space

• Walking in new neighborhoods can feel disorienting; I’m surprised at how much mental encouragement I have needed to explore my neighborhood on foot

• Movement should be things you enjoy. If you are having to source an insane amount of “motivation” or “willpower” to do an activity - find a different one!

Subscribe now

The next two weeks, I will be exploring SLEEP!

What is your favorite way to move your body? Tell me below!

Leave a comment

On any given week, a peek into my fridge will look very different. Ingredients for meals will change with the season and how much time I have for cooking that week. But all foods that cross the fridge threshhold have a purpose and today I will introduce you to a key question to help make your food life easier:

What does food need to do for me this week?

Do they need to be pre-cooked? Do they need to be comforting? Do they need to fuel a workout? Do they need to be delicious? Convenient? Cold? Hot?

I have included my “needs” below to help get your mind moving on this concept. All the foods I eat regularly fit into one of the below needs. It helps me ensure I have access to nutrient-dense foods but also tasty foods. This approach also helps me to think about foods differently, which can help me get new ideas each week!

My client’s and I often discuss meal planning at length and identify a specific plan that works best for them and their scheduling/nutrition needs — it can take some time to land on what approach works best for you so if you haven’t found ease with meal planning, don’t lose hope!

Without further ado, I need…

Foods with a plan

• Ingredients needed to make meals

• A variety of produce items (bonus points for numerous colors of produce items)

• A few protein choices to last throughout the week (tofu, chicken, eggs, beef, etc.)

• Pre-chopped/washed produce to make cooking easier

Ready-to-eat food

• Leftovers or meal prep

• Washed berries

• Washed apples

• Noka Smoothie pouches

• Perfect Bars

• Pasta sauce or parm/butter combo to whip together a quick sauce

Foods to make nutrient-dense choices easy:

• Pre-made breakfast burritos (example from this week)

• Batch cooked miso white beans (example from this week)

• Batch cooked wild rice (example from this week)

• A leafy green (change this weekly!)

• Pre-made smoothie base

• Veggies to eat raw (tomatoes, carrot sticks, cucumbers, olives, etc.)

• Pickled vegetables

Flavor enhancers & joyful foods

• Sauces, pickles, dressings, bullion

• Iced tea

• Iced coffee

• 100% juices

• Cheeses

• Lemon/lime juice

• Jams/jellies

• Capers

• Tomato paste

Culturally-relevant foods:

• Turkish cheeses & sparkling water from Turkey1, Ayran (salty yogurt drink)

• Hummus

Foods high in important, harder-to-get nutrients

• Salmon (omega-3 fatty acids)

• Kale, yogurt (calcium)

• Soy milk (Vitamin D)

• Potatoes (potassium)

• Oatmeal muffins (fiber)

• Nuts, seeds, nut butters (minerals and heart-supporting fats)

Bonus! Organization with food safety in mind:

• Meats are housed in bins to prevent leaking onto other foods

• Foods are cooked, eaten or frozen before the best buy/sell buy date

• Leftovers are consumed within 3-5 days (according to most food safety experts, 5 days is pushing it on freshness).

• Food is stored in glass containers as opposed to plastic

• Temperature is maintained <40 degrees F

• Non-perishable foods stored in the door (this is the warmest spot of the fridge)

Re-make the lists above with foods that work for your food preferences and your life! You might even have a look through your fridge and see where different items fall.

I will be coming back with a few more posts this fall all about meal planning and strategies to reduce the burden of meal planning—what questions do you have about feeding you and your family?

Leave a comment

One way that I have been combating breezing by important moments in my life and burnout is tending to my mind in intentional ways. Two ways I did this at the start of 2024 was to incorporate weekly reflections; each Sunday, I write a 3-5 sentence blurb about what happened and what I did that week. Then, each month, I started tracking domains of my life on a wellness wheel. If you are unfamiliar,  for each “spoke” of the wheel, the closer to the center is a lower rating (“bad”) and closer to the outside of the circle is a higher rating (“good”). In the fictitious example below, movement is going well, presence is so-so.

In January, I printed out twelve one-inch wellness wheels and taped them into my planner--confident that this *one step* would elevate me to nirvana and create a cascade of change that would support my well-being. I remember the electric excitement that I felt: if I can see what isn’t going well, I can do something about it!

But, doing something required time I did not always have and mental fortitude I was allocating to other domains. What was most lacking in my routine were the slow, gracious, and spacious practices done in quiet by myself. Things like watercolor painting, nature walks, connecting to my greater purpose, meditating, and journaling.

I have decided to dig into each of my wellness wheel “spokes” and write about it here on Substack. I plan to intentionally pursue each domain for 1-2 weeks and report back how things are going.

This is an opportune moment for this experiment. I have written about the complexities of pursuring behavior change, and as I readjust my well-being rhythms after moving to a new city, I want to experiment with new routines! I also had a major job shuffling; I am currently self-employed, which is new to my schedule (interested in working with me? Book a free discovery call!)! As I continue to build my nutrition counseling caseload, I have some spaciousness to explore my routines. This feels so wonderful (and also a little scary!). 

The long and the short of it: I have time to explore well-being in a way that I was limited before.1

If you want to explore this in your own life, feel free to personalize the domains that are most relevant to your life! You could substitute in: nutrition, hydration, health practices, intimacy, intellectual pursuits, physical health, mental health, career, etc. 

As a reminder, the domains I will be exploring are:

1. Presence/mindfulness

2. Finances

3. Movement

4. Spirituality/connection to purpose

5. Social

6. Sleep

7. Emotional

8. Work/Life balance

Each post, you can expect:

1. How I define the domain in my own life

2. Ideas I came up with to practice the domain

3. Musings on my experience with the practice

4. Things I hope to take forward

5. Things that I learned

I am starting this week with movement, because, well, some of the domains feel a little intimidating (!!) and my old movement routines were all linked with my previous home/neighborhood so it feels like a juicy place to dig in. A true fresh start.

What domains are tugging at your attention? Let me know in the comments!

Leave a comment

Subscribe now

A few months ago I committed to looking around my life and finding the magic.

Then the most jostling two months of my life happened.

My full(ish)-time job ended. My husband finished his PhD and was applying for jobs that would definitely take us away from a town I had lived in for nearly ten years.  One week I was thinking we might move to Durham, the next, Boston. We even toyed with moving to Florida to stay with family for a bit before finding our next spot. But the reality was: we truly had no clue what was coming next.

So, uh, it wasn’t a super serene time to be me? 

Two months later, choices were made, we moved, our place is unpacked, and the only thing between me and true rest is a couch delivery. I am only sort of kidding, here; I do not recommend a dining table bench as the primary sitting spot in a home.

Now, as the August sun beats down on me, I struggle to remember the summer of goodbyes. My favorite season sort of got lost amongst the big life choices we were faced with and countless trips moving our stuff. I reference my Google calendar to remind me: “oh yes, we all [sisters + husbands] visited Mom and Dad” “oh yeah, we celebrated a big birthday” “of course, my lifelong best friend visited me in Athens”. It’s hard for my mind to remember these things because my body is remembering the grief of leaving the home I loved, fear of the unknown, and the general sensory spike of anticipation and newness.

This feeling of my mind not gripping tightly onto my memories has been around at least since December of last year. I’ve written about burnout before and I wonder if it is related. Regardless, I continue on aiming to take the best care of myself that I can. For now, that looks like: swimming in the pool, evening walks, nutritious foods, hot baths, reading books, dancing, and sleeping.

August has brought me time to settle into my job, my private practice, Nutrition Made Well, and enjoying the feeling of doing the work I love all day! (Looking for nutrition counseling? Book a free intro call!). I wake up and cannot believe my day is dedicated to work that I am so, so excited about. And that I can do it in a 77 degree room--more on that below.

On to what captured my attention! These are just normal things I am feeling my body and mind craving.

1. Green smoothies

   Found me: Wow, probably about 7 years ago?

All month I have been craving smoothies. I’ve made this green smoothie for years (sans spices this time) and store extra in the fridge for a few days. In the morning, I’ve been adding tart cherry juice, unflavored protein powder, ice, super seeds, and frozen avocado to the base and delighting in drinking a summer garden! (A nutrition note: this smoothie is a lower-energy food and is not enough for a full meal! I pair with Trader Joe’s hash browns, oatmeal with fruit, or toast to have a fully balanced meal).

2. A new-to-me bookshelf

   Found me: FB Marketplace

Our previous apartment had the most gorgeous built-in bookshelves. I was un-enthused at the bookshelf prospects I was finding online. They were too big, too ugly, too dark, too modern. This gem found me and I could not be more delighted! The color! The curved edges! We even used books as bookends! I’m charmed.

3. Keeping my house 77 degrees

   Found me: Ah, because my skin gets goosebumps when a fan is on in a warm room and ~I hate noise~.

I lived in an apartment in graduate school with the loudest AC imaginable. We named it because of the ferocity of it’s presence. I am extremely sound-sensitive, especially to background noise -- and this new place has a very loud AC. Lucky for me, I am freezing by nature and I am stubbornly keeping the house a warm 77 degrees while I am working from home. Quiet and warm - a dream.

Subscribe now

4. An actual home office space

   Found me: Well, the apartment was found by driving around our new city!

My clients may have never known that for the past 2.5 years, I took our sessions in the 2.5 feet between the end of my bed and the doors to my closet (see the glamor shot below). Every Tuesday and Thursday, I would top a storage basket with a box and my laptop stand for our sessions. Now, I have an office space! I could (and have) squealed with excitement. 

5. Season 4 of the British version of Ghosts

   Found me: When I was willing to fork over the $15 to Amazon

I delight in this funny, cute, little show. I prefer the charm of the British version and highly recommend you check it out if you haven’t seen it! Season 4 and 5 are behind a paywall that I finally succumbed to and I am glad it is back in my life.

6. Hot baths and other people’s magazines

   Found me: the mailbox; bless USPS & Kathleen

Kathleen, someone who used to live here, never forwarded her mail and I have about 20 of her magazines that were waiting for me in the mailbox. A couple nights a week I take a bath and read her magazines. Thanks, Kathleen!!

7. Google Tasks app

   Found me: My sister told me about it! I prefer the interface compared to how the “to-do’s” show up in Google Calendar.

I am loving the Google Tasks app (not thru the Calendar App!). There are a few health-related habits I am working on re-integrating into my routine. I have timed daily reminders for myself when I anticipate being able to do the habit. So far so good! 

What has been finding you lately? Have you had to exert effort to find the magic in life?

Share