Doing my Best

Burnout or Boredom?

Laura Fariole — Thu, 06 Aug 2026 14:30:31 GMT

You may not have a burnout problem.

And no, I’m not minimizing the very real problem of burnout in the first place. I have been there, it is not a place I recommend going.

But, I do think it is tempting to label something as burnout and resign ourselves to it being a long haul to get out of it instead of looking around and wondering if it’s actually a problem with boundaries, or perhaps and maybe more controversially – boredom?

Here’s what I mean: we are in an era of constant stimulation. I’ve been challenging myself lately (and failing) to do *one thing at a time*. It is so hard. I’m incredibly used to “multi-tasking” right now which isn’t true multi-tasking but instead distracting myself from being fully in the moment, and present. When we remove presence from our day to day we remove a connection to what we’re actually doing and eliminate any potential for gratification. The reward is the tiny dopamine hit we get from scrolling *while* performing a task instead of the reward of finishing the task in the first place.

Washing dishes like it’s the most important task I’ve ever done.

One of the first lessons I received in being present is doing the dishes. When doing the dishes, try to be fully present in handwashing the dishes. I personally despise doing the dishes. It’s a sensory nightmare rivaled only by washing my face in the evening. But if I can look past that and focus on the plate I’m scrubbing like it’s the most important thing - like it’s my child’s face that needs to be cleaned - the task of doing the dishes hits differently. I notice the bubbles and their iridescence, I notice the shift in water temperature, I notice how gratifying it is to go from slippery with soap to fully clean, I notice what changes when I scrub back and forth or in circles.

Before this exercise, I would distract myself as much as possible from the task of washing dishes to make it more palatable and I was missing the point. That made time move more slowly, it made my brain too distanced from the reward of doing a simple human task. When I physically slow down and get in the moment time moves faster, actually.

This might be all familiar to you but in a world where I’m constantly seeking a dopamine hit or a distraction it felt revolutionary to actually focus and hold myself to the task. It is hard! I often find my mind and hands drifting back to my phone, looking for something else to fold into the moment, and reeling myself back to the present. I imagine the more I practice, the easier it will get.

This kind of dopamine-seeking can lead to burnout because it actually overtaxes the brain. It makes you feel busier than you are. Nothing feels truly satisfactory because you’re never fully present to do the thing itself. If I spend all my time with my kids actually scrolling I feel like I didn’t get any time with them at all. And if I spend my time scrolling feeling bad that I’m not with my kids that doesn’t feel restorative either. I actually don’t think scrolling is a restorative activity in the first place, but that’s another discussion. Replace it with reading, and the problem persists: if I spend my time reading my book in the backyard feeling guilty that I’m not engaging my kids in a game then the mental restoration doesn’t fully set in. I can’t access it through self-imposed guilt. Meaning I’m fighting an uphill battle I’ve created for myself.

My burnout is self-generated.

If nothing gets my full attention, nothing feels fulfilling, and I can sense the fraying begin at my edges. Moving slower, more intentionally, focusing on one thing at a time, all helps stave off the burnout and keeps it from blossoming into something so large I need to opt out entirely.

Doctor-prescribed, yet ineffective.

This kind of boredom-inspired-burnout, or task-avoidance, or distraction, is also why taking a vacation doesn’t help. Sure maybe you pared down the tasks eating at your energy all day long but the crux of the problem is the instinct to distract in the first place. The true solution is to figure out how to be with one task at a time, one moment at a time, without distraction at all.

Which makes me wonder how much of what we call burnout is actually depletion by a thousand half-presences. If we’re never fully anywhere, nowhere can ever fill us back up.

The Silent E and Other Lies

Laura Fariole — Tue, 28 Jul 2026 12:03:17 GMT

My daughter is learning how to read.

When Kindergarten began last year, she got a pack of ten sight word cards. Like her mom, she’s a pretty intrinsically-motivated gal, which means we ripped through batches of sight words every couple weeks. In order to get her next batch of sight words, she had to be able to recite her current words without sounding t…

The Ecosystem

Laura Fariole — Thu, 16 Jul 2026 12:32:00 GMT

“When mothers are depleted, children feel it. The research on maternal mental health and child development is unambiguous. A mother’s wellbeing is one of the single strongest predictors of her child’s emotional, cognitive, and social outcomes. She is not just a person. She is an ecosystem. And we are running her into the ground.”

I read that this morning…

It's Not Just About the Job

Laura Fariole — Tue, 02 Jun 2026 13:31:40 GMT

Hey, hi. It’s been a while. I’ve been hibernating.

Something surprised me a couple months ago. I had left my big bad FAANG (MANGA??) job and hit the ground running with coaching and consulting. I thought I was ready for an all-consuming adventure.

Who could have predicted that was a recipe for disaster?

In the dark night of my soul, I realized the sludge …

Water Against Stone

Laura Fariole — Wed, 11 Feb 2026 15:00:18 GMT

For as long as I can remember words and stories have been a critical part of how I navigate the world and life. As a young child, before I could read, I’d lay in bed at night tracing the flowers of my wallpaper with my finger and craft stories in my head about young princess warriors going to battle for justice. When I could read and write, I insatiably…

Journey Into You: This Weekend

Laura Fariole — Tue, 13 Jan 2026 00:00:35 GMT

On Saturday, January 17th at 10a come meditate with me and Toni Haugen on a journey into yourself. I’ll be guiding a meditation while Toni is available for community acupuncture to help you feel safe and grounded in your body. Together, we’ll solidify your vision for 2026.

And there’s a reason we’re doing this two weeks into the year, and it has everyth…

The Shapes Stay the Same

Laura Fariole — Fri, 09 Jan 2026 18:31:04 GMT

I recently made a major change. In the middle of winter when we aren’t supposed to be changing, we’re supposed to be hibernating like seeds buried in the ground. I’m seeing so many posts from people saying “now is not the time for a new year new me it’s the time for rest and introspection.” And while I agree, this change has been buried and germinating …

The Magic of Small Spaces

Laura Fariole — Sat, 20 Dec 2025 13:31:09 GMT

We recently had a full house for Thanksgiving. Well, not so recently, I guess since Christmas is next week (ahhh). We had my husband’s family all here, his two sisters, mom, his sister’s husband and kiddos. It was loud and busy and messy and all I could see was exactly how small my house is, especially my kitchen which everyone wants to be in all of the…

On Being Wrong: and how to apologize about it

Laura Fariole — Fri, 05 Dec 2025 14:03:19 GMT

The other day I noticed a page ripped from a library book. It was a Disney/Pixar book of characters which my 2 year old had immediately lit up over since his current obsession is Buzz Lightyear. He frantically flipped through the pages searching for Buzz and pored over the details once he found him. Later in the day I noticed a page was ripped and when …

The Radical Notion of Mothering in Community

Laura Fariole — Tue, 21 Oct 2025 20:07:21 GMT

When I first became a mom, I was so obsessed with performing “good mothering” that I distanced myself from the support I desperately needed. What does it mean to perform “good mothering”? Well, it’s like when someone says “hey how are you doing, how’s the new baby?” and you’re actually covered in at least three bodily fluids, two of which are not yours,…

Finding the Magic in Motherhood

Laura Fariole — Sat, 11 Oct 2025 13:30:27 GMT

Before I became a mom, I anticipated joining the ranks of the mystical. Mothers seemed magical to me, so connected to their children, to the world around them. I had visions of being this gorgeous earth goddess, connected to all life forces, growing and supporting a new living being with my body. It was going to be beautiful. I was going to be beautiful.

The Power of the Glide

Laura Fariole — Sat, 27 Sep 2025 13:02:46 GMT

The other day I took my child to swimming lessons, and there was a girl next to us telling her dad about the different strokes she was learning: freestyle, backstroke, and breaststroke. She really didn’t like breaststroke because it felt so slow to her.

I smiled, remembering that exact feeling from my own childhood.

I grew up as a competitive swimmer (usi…

Chappel Roan’s Thoughts on Parenthood

Laura Fariole — Tue, 15 Apr 2025 17:51:40 GMT

I recently saw that Chappel Roan interview where she’s talking about her friends with kids and how they’re all “miserable.” She said “I actually don’t know anyone who has kids and is happy…” And, I had THOUGHTS. I saw this video a week ago and I have literally been thinking about it since then. I have always felt really strongly about being a parent, as…

It's Been a While...

Laura Fariole — Fri, 28 Jun 2024 14:08:43 GMT

I have been thinking about and brainstorming a new post here for a while now. I know it’s been a long time since you’ve heard from me. I apologize for that, sincerely, to everyone and especially to my paid subscribers. This isn’t what you signed up for and I totally understand if you want to unsubscribe.

In the past few months we have grappled with a lo…

Motherhood and the self, which is which?

Laura Fariole — Thu, 14 Mar 2024 13:14:05 GMT

I have a running list in my mind of groceries and facts about my babies: tomorrow is pajama day, the baby’s allergen protocol, the toddler needs new jeans (did she grow overnight?); and a longer list of oft-neglected thoughts of myself: I should get up early and write more regularly, I need a dress for events this summer, things to get for a baby and br…

Across the Universe

Laura Fariole — Sat, 17 Feb 2024 15:04:35 GMT

“Mom, do you think we’ll still be together when we die?”

I was in the middle of cleaning the kitchen after dinner when my almost 4 year old asked me this. Nothing like going from scraping avocado off the highchair to considering existential existence in a matter of seconds.

”Yeah, I think so, I think we’ll be together no matter what forever.” I told her…

The Joy of Suffering

Laura Fariole — Mon, 12 Feb 2024 14:34:45 GMT

How is it possible that January was approximately one million weeks long and February already feels halfway over?

Last week after putting the baby to bed and kissing my big kid goodnight, I logged onto my iPad and called a friend who I haven’t talked with in years. Literal years. We caught up and talked about the kids because that’s my favorite topic of…

The Mystery of What you Don't Know

Laura Fariole — Fri, 02 Feb 2024 15:07:59 GMT

When I was pregnant with my first baby I was terrified of everything I didn’t know yet. I studied and read books like there would be a test I could sit down and take. If I could only store enough of the “right” answers in my brain I’d be (we’d all be) F I N E. Well, what I know now is that there isn’t one test but a series of tests, pop quizzes, and essays that mostly appear unexpectedly and the content is always changing. There is no “right” answer, there are many probably good answers, and those also change. How fun, right?

I was searching in the pages of books and the voices of podcasters for some unknowable truth. We’ve been doing this whole populating the planet thing for so long, someone must have unlocked how many types of babies there are in the world and what they need in a given moment. And while on a very (very) broad scale that’s true: usually the answers are food, sleep, or unbridled chaos (just kidding, snuggles is the third one, but also, chaos), it’s also true that there are as many ways to soothe a crying baby as there are babies in the universe. Uncanny! Almost like we are unique individuals. How rude.

Everyone is Growing Up

Laura Fariole — Sat, 27 Jan 2024 15:33:50 GMT

My husband and I were talking the other night about how we sometimes find ourselves doing a mundane task in our home (for me, it’s almost always putting groceries into the pantry, for my husband it’s corralling J for bedtime) and we have a freeze-frame moment: wait, who said I could have a house and kids and be an adult? Who said I could be the parent? …

Go Bills

Laura Fariole — Sun, 21 Jan 2024 22:09:59 GMT

I have a lot to say but none of it is quite coherent enough to share yet, so I’ll leave you with this. We’re pretty confident that G’s first word was “hey.” He says it consistently and in appropriate context. It usually comes out sounding like “heeeyyyy” to which his sister responds “Hey-ay-ay-ay, let’s go Buffalo.” So tonight, while we all watch (every…