I see their face.

I see their face after the text confronts our hearts.

The families I see whose patriarch just got a diagnosis.

The marriage I see that is literally hanging on by a thread.

The mom who is just so tired for all give and no take.

The dad who is trying to provide the dream life for everyone under his roof.

The zealous.

The timid.

The scared.

The anxious.

I see them all. Not all at once. But over time, throughout the week, I see their faces.

And I pray. Man, do I pray. That these words that the Lord has for us would fall on our hearts with grace.

With a hard text to preach like this, the last thing I want to do is to hurt the hurting.

May my theology not leave my lips as cold and distant. But may they be laced with love, conviction and hope.

The text…it doesn’t play favorites.

Ecclesiastes 7:1-15 if you’re curious.

Look it up and consider how you’d preach it.

It’s raw. It’s honest. And, it’s also kind.

And so here I go…like a little boy who just graduated from training wheels begging his dad to not let go.

I tremble, sweat, and stammer over my words knowing the delicacy of the situation and the harsh picture of the text.

My hands noticeably tremble as I work through the pages of notes.

But man oh man, did the Lord show himself to be so kind to meet with us — right where we were.

In our hurts.

In our weariness.

In our angst.

In our zeal and passion.

In our fears.

The Lord was so kind to gently and tenderly press the truths of the gospel deeply into our hearts.

It was a hard text. But we needed it.

We’ve been through a hard season as a church. Limping wounded warriors back for another week of the gospel.

Yeah, we needed it alright.

However, I fear that I needed it most.

I needed to remind my own forgetful heart of the gospel.

The faces I saw all week as I prepared for this sermon didn’t leave me. I saw them. And I still see them.

A grown man wiping the tears from his face still grips me. It wasn’t a subtle tissue dab in the corner of the eye. This was an open palm wipe the tears from streaming so he can try and see the words.

The faces of the people and families are inescapable, but the face I try my hardest to avoid in preaching is mine.

So I look him in the mirror one last time. Not to make sure I look ok. I don’t care. I wear the same thing everyday. But I look my sorry self in the face one more time to remind myself, that I too, need this gospel. I too, need this message. As hard as it may be.

I am so weak. So timid. So fear-filled. So anxious. So panicked.

Why?

He has never once left me to my own. He has been with me, stayed with me, and guided me every step of my life. And the same was true that Sunday. It's still true today. He is still walking behind me, beside, before me and I’m begging Him to not let go.

Follower of Jesus. He has not, and will not let us go. He is not only holding on to us, but He is riding beside you and me as we try and ride on two wheels.

It was a hard text. But I needed this message more than anyone.

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But I wasn’t brand new.

It felt like I had gotten off the operating table to come to this place.

I was hurting. More than my words knew how to explain.

I just wanted to be fed with the gospel.

Get in. Get out.

So my heart limped into the sanctuary and sat down where people aren’t. Near the front row, of course.

I read the announcement slides no one reads, except me...like it had a secret message for my eyes only.

I avoided eye contact with folks passing by because I didn’t have it in me to have the small talk they felt like they needed to have.

I was relieved to see the countdown get to 10.

9.

8.

7.

You get the idea. I was ready for the service to start.

The service finally began and I stood up to sing.

But I couldn’t sing.

I knew the song.

I knew the truth of the song.

I just couldn’t sing.

I was so hurt.

I was so wounded.

I couldn’t utter the words.

The tears blurred my eyes.

I couldn’t see the words anymore.

But something beautiful happened.

I heard the song.

It was being sung by the saints.

They believed the song.

They loved the song.

But I loved something even more.

I loved that I could hear the church.

The saints!

The ones who believed the words and could sing the words.

The saints who have their own stories like mine.

They were singing over me.

I didn’t know these people. They didn’t know me. But they sang faithfully over me.

I wept through the service as the gospel was sung over me. I hung on to every word being preached as if it was going to sew me back together from the operating room I stepped out of.

I borrowed the faith of the saints that day. Because I didn’t have it myself.

Some Sundays are like that.

Take heart.

Receive what the Lord has for you. He will sustain His creation.

That’s you.

You are His wonderful creation.

He has you right where He wants you.

Maybe a saint needs to borrow your faith on Sunday.

Sing your guts out.

You may be off pitch. You may have found a different key than everyone else. But the wounded and limping saint don’t need a perfect three-part harmony, they need the gospel faithfully sung over them.

So if you are gearing up to get off your own operating table, may the saints sing over you.

And when you can finally utter the words again, may you sing over the saints.

The Church.

She isn’t perfect.

But she is beautiful.

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I hope that these reflections will shape and sharpen you in your pursuit of Jesus.

Before we get into the text I want to spend a little time preparing ourselves for the type of Psalm we will be looking at along with some general principles or tips as you encounter them. We will be looking at Psalm 109, which is an Imprecatory Psalm.

What is an Imprecatory Psalm?

An imprecatory psalm is where the author calls down curse, calamity, or judgment over their enemies or the enemies of God. The Psalms include a decent number of Imprecatory Psalms. Around 10 or so.

In all honesty, people struggle with Imprecatory Psalms. C.S. Lewis in his reflections on the Psalms talks of his tension with imprecatory Psalms, especially Psalm 109. Lewis would call this “the worst” imprecatory Psalm in scripture. Calling on the Lord time after time to curse in some way or fashion. And when David or the Psalmist is including such raw, unfiltered emotion, he was talking about those that would be label as evil. It was not someone who cut him off while he was on his donkey, this wasn’t that little league umpire that can’t get a call right. It’s not the bully on the playground by the monkey bars. These were a people who were bloodthirsty. They hated God and the people of God.

How do I engage with the imprecatory Psalms?

Remember that this is poetic in its literary form. This specific Psalm is inscribed at the top that this Psalm is for the choir director - so this is a song! I’m not sure it would land itself on Positive, Encouraging K-Love, but it’s poetic. It’s a song. There is usually rhetorical hyperbole in the psalm along with a very literal righteous anger. Derek Kidner has a really great commentary on the Psalms, and he was so helpful in my studies for this Psalm. He says that the psalmist will pile up horror after horror to convey the idea, more than to express what he literally desires would happen. The outcries are similar to that of Job and Jeremiah.

Imprecatory Psalms are not after personal vengeance, but rather God’s Kingdom and God’s Glory. On the surface, you may think after one pass through on 109 and say, I don’t know, Adam— sounds an awful lot like personal vengeance. You say what you mean, and mean what you say, right? This sounds very personal. And yes, I agree. It does sound harsh. It does sound cold. The psalmist is crying out for the wrongs to be made right (BY GOD) and for the crime to fit the punishment. For those that brought wrong to him or the world, that they would be dealt with (BY GOD). The crucial piece to this is who the Psalmist is taking these raw feelings and emotions to. The Psalmist is crying out TO GOD - He is taking it to the Lord and leaving Him with the results. Here’s why. This battle is entirely the Lord’s. The Psalmist knows that. When the psalmist is praying an imprecatory Psalm, what they are praying, in short, is “God, Your Kingdom Come.” The psalmist is after God’s Kingdom, that God would establish His Kingdom here on earth.

Derek Kidner is also helping me out with this one. Imprecatory Psalms are for information, not imitation.

Let me explain for a moment.

These scriptures, even the imprecatory psalms, are inspired, inerrant, and breathed out by God. And they are profitable for us. With that in mind, these Psalms can offer us something. So ask yourself when you encounter a prayer that on the surface seems vengeful, harsh, out of sync with the rest of the psalms…What do they teach us (me) about God? What can it teach about those that oppose the Kingdom of God? What can a psalm like this teach us about prayer? But to take the verse, pluck it out of the Bible and pray a calling down of judgment on the person who got your order wrong, for a person that made a wrong leadership decision in your mind, or for the person that really grinds your gears. I would again encourage you to take it to the Lord, your most accurate self in all the rawness that that is.So now, after we’ve geared ourselves up for what an imprecatory psalm is and some general ways to engage them, let’s dive into Psalm 109. We will start with the first five verses.

Psalm 109 // PRAYER AGAINST AN ENEMY

^{For the choir director. A psalm of David.}

1 God of my praise, do not be silent.

2 For wicked and deceitful mouths open against me; they speak against me with lying tongues.

3 They surround me with hateful words and attack me without cause.

4 In return for my love they accuse me, but I continue to pray.,

5 They repay me evil for good, and hatred for my love.

Verses 1-5 — The Situation.

We can see from the text that David is calling upon the Lord. He is saying, don’t just watch this happen - do something! Then he explains what is happening. There are wicked and deceitful mouths open against me. They speak against me and anything they speak is a lie about me.

Do you see what David is doing? Countering the situation with the Lord. They are speaking against me and they are lying! Lord, speak on behalf of me, against them! Don’t be silent! Verse 3 helps us gain context of the situation. They (the wicked) surround me with hateful words and attack me.

Notice what happens next. He says that they attack me, without cause.

David is claiming innocence.

In other imprecatory psalms like Psalm 69, David does not claim innocence but he does call on God to rescue him. He says in Psalm 69 verse 5, “God, you know my foolishness, and my guilty acts are not hidden from you.” This is not what we see in Psalm 109. He goes on to say they returned my love with accusation. They repaid me evil for good. They gave me hatred in exchange for my love.

This Psalm points towards very few people in the New Testament. But, we can look to one. Jesus was repaid evil for good, Jesus was repaid with hatred, when all He brought was love.

David, in response to this situation, goes before God and brings him his most accurate, honest self.

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Verses 6-20 — The Ask

6 Set a wicked person over him; let an accuser stand at his right hand.

7 When he is judged, let him be found guilty, and let his prayer be counted as sin.

8 Let his days be few; let another take over his position.

9 Let his children be fatherless and his wife a widow.

10 Let his children wander as beggars, searching for food far from their demolished homes.

11 Let a creditor seize all he has; let strangers plunder what he has worked for.

12 Let no one show him kindness, and let no one be gracious to his fatherless children.

13 Let the line of his descendants be cut off; let their name be blotted out in the next generation.

14 Let the iniquity of his fathers be remembered before the Lord, and do not let his mother’s sin be blotted out.

15 Let their sins always remain before the Lord, and let him remove all memory of them from the earth.

16 For he did not think to show kindness, but pursued the suffering, needy, and brokenhearted in order to put them to death.

17 He loved cursing—let it fall on him; he took no delight in blessing—let it be far from him.

18 He wore cursing like his coat—let it enter his body like water and go into his bones like oil.

19 Let it be like a robe he wraps around himself, like a belt he always wears.

20 Let this be the Lord’s payment to my accusers, to those who speak evil against me.

Can you feel the weight of the words being expressed to God here?

To be able to formulate words like this — It begs the question.

Can I even ask that? Is this even appropriate? Why is this even in the Bible?

Have you ever thought that you can’t really bring what you’re really carrying or thinking to the Lord?

David wants the enemies of God to be brought to justice. They need to pay for the wrong they have caused him and others. He wants the wrongs to be made right. David is asking the Lord some things that you and I may look around and think, “If I ask God with this level of severity….can God even handle my raw, unfiltered heart and emotions?”

In light of Psalm 109:6-20, the most beautiful thing you can bring to the Lord is your most accurate self.

Please read what I did not say. I did not say bring God your truth and let Him be ok with that.

No, bring God, your raw, honest self.

Your current state.

Bring your disappointment. Bring your anger. Bring your confusion. Bring your doubt. Bring your most accurate self to the Lord.

This prayer, (or song, rather) sounds a lot different than my prayers today. Sure, I don’t pray for lines of descendants to be cut off. I don’t pray for the memory of someone to be wiped out completely.

But I can learn something about my prayers in light of Psalm 109.

My prayers typically start out with “help me to be more this way…” “empower me to be more that way…” And if God answers that with a “yes”, that would be pretty neat I guess. But I’ve also been convicted lately that my prayers are pretty safe.

They are palatable.

They are domesticated. Tame. Eloquent. Neat and tidy.

And I read Psalm 109 and I think there is such access to raw and honest emotion. God probably hears my prayers and would just say to me, “The fluff is nice, Adam. But what are you really asking of me? What is your heart really desiring?”

There’s a moment in the book of Nehemiah where the king actually asks Nehemiah that question: What are you really asking?

In the book of Nehemiah, we learn that Nehemiah was serving as cupbearer to King Artaxerxes of Persia in Susa around 446 B.C. He had received news from his brother Hanani about the unfortunate situation in Jerusalem. The walls were literally in ruins, the gates burned, and it left any place or people in a vulnerable spot. So Nehemiah prayed to God, confessing the nation’s sins and seeking divine intervention. It’s honestly a beautiful prayer in chapter 1 of Nehemiah. Then in chapter 2, four months later, it says. …“when wine was set before him, I took the wine and gave it to the king. I had never been sad in his presence, so the king said to me, “Why do you look so sad, when you aren’t sick? This is nothing but sadness of heart.” I was overwhelmed with fear and replied to the king, “May the king live forever! Why should I not be sad when the city where my ancestors are buried lies in ruins and its gates have been destroyed by fire?” Then the king asked me, “What is your request?” So I prayed to the God of the heavens and answered the king, “If it pleases the king, and if your servant has found favor with you, send me to Judah and to the city where my ancestors are buried, so that I may rebuild it.” (Nehemiah 2:1-5, CSB)

Hold up.

Can he ask that?

This is the kings cupbearer. This is an important job, you make sure the King doesn’t die by the inside out essentially. His request is going to put the king in a tight spot. The king needs a cup bearer. Some king found that out the hard way. But the king asked him, Nehemiah, what is your request? And it had to take guts to ask the king if he could be off assignment to go and to address his heart which was outwardly very sad. And to go and rebuild the wall.

Let me ask you.

What would you pray, if the king asked you, “What is your request?” What would you pray if the answer was a 100% yes?

I think our prayers would change.

We would word them differently.

I think we would be less eloquent. We would have less fluff. We would have fewer formalities, and more courage.

I think if we prayed prayers that we truly believe would be answered, we would shoot for the stars. Instead of praying for comfort and ease and good days, we would pray for the miraculous.

But we’ve been tamed.

We self-preserve.

We stopped shooting for the stars because we’ve been disappointed. The prayer didn’t get answered. The loved one died. The diagnosis remained. The child left. The business failed. The promotion never came. The debt increased. The situation worsened.

We stopped believing.

We started shrinking back our prayers to what’s palatable, safe, to prayers that could go either way, so we are not disappointed. I did this for years. I would literally leave a moment where I prayed for someone or a situation and the Holy Spirit would tell me, “You need to pray bigger. You could have prayed for more.”

How safe are your prayers? Do you find yourself protecting your heart in case of disappointment in your prayer life?

What if you prayed as if you didn’t know any better?

What if your prayers would be so courageous, so upfront, like asking the King to leave your current assignment? That you would make others say, wait. Hold up…can they even ask that?

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Verses 21-31 — The Shift

21 But you, Lord, my Lord, deal kindly with me for your name’s sake; because your faithful love is good, rescue me.

22 For I am suffering and needy; my heart is wounded within me.

23 I fade away like a lengthening shadow; I am shaken off like a locust.

24 My knees are weak from fasting, and my body is emaciated.,

25 I have become an object of ridicule to my accusers; when they see me, they shake their heads in scorn.

26 Help me, Lord my God; save me according to your faithful love

27 so they may know that this is your hand and that you, Lord, have done it.

28 Though they curse, you will bless. When they rise up, they will be put to shame, but your servant will rejoice.

29 My accusers will be clothed with disgrace; they will wear their shame like a cloak.

30 I will fervently thank the Lord with my mouth; I will praise him in the presence of many.

31 For he stands at the right hand of the needy to save him from those who would condemn him.

We see a beautiful turn in the Psalm. David acknowledges the Lord, as having dealt kindly with him - for his name’s sake. Calling upon the covenant promises that God has made.

There is something beautiful that happens in the heart of a believer when they pray in faith. Faith-filled prayers do not pray what they see. A prayer that prays in faith prays that the ocean before me actually becomes a road. A prayer that prays in faith prays that that person I see is not a problem to be fixed; they are a soul that needs relationship with God. When you and I pray in faith, where we see bones, God sees life. When we see a cross, God sees the victory of an empty tomb. When we pray in faith, God will move in power. That is not to say that all of a sudden God becomes a genie to summon and make your wishes come true.

But what if we actually prayed in a way that activated and stretched our faith?

When we pray in faith, we will stop praying powerless, safe, tidy prayers and we will start praying through the Holy Spirit that would make the world say, “Can you ask that?”

Let the imprecatory psalms guide you to pray in new territory. Let the Psalms give you the words to pray what you’re really feeling inside your heart.

• God, would you take this cancer diagnosis, this grievous sin, this sinful relationship, and dash it upon the rocks?

• God, would you wring this suffering out for all it’s got? Hold nothing back.

• Destroy any other kingdom that dares to stand in Your way in my heart.

• God, break the addiction in them or in me. Sever the vine that keeps feeding this sickness inside me.

• God, smash the idols I keep entertaining. Toss them into the sea without bottom or shore.

• God, Your Kingdom come. Ransak my heart with your glorious, everlasting, eternal Kingdom.

Jesus is the greater David.

He was repaid evil for the love he gave and offered. If anyone had a right to pray a prayer like this one, it was Jesus. He was betrayed in the gospel accounts by Judas Iscariot. Betrayed our Savior with a kiss. Handed him over to be put on trial and eventually crucified.

It was at the cross where Psalm 109:6-20, meant for us, but was placed fully on Jesus.

Jesus was innocent. He was given hatred and evil when he offered love. He was betrayed by a friend. Mocked by the onlookers. Made the object of lies and evil. Hung shamefully on a cross.

Every curse you could read upon in scripture, should go towards you and me. But, it was Christ who stood in our place.

How do we respond to a reality like this? Let the Psalm inform us on how to respond

30 I will fervently thank the Lord with my mouth; I will praise him in the presence of many.

31 For he stands at the right hand of the needy to save him from those who would condemn him.

Fervently thank Him with your mouth.

Praise Him in the presence of many.

For He is worthy of any praise you could utter.

I was leaving the therapist office once again. Same business as usual, just one small shift though. He forecasted the next session to me.

He’s never done that before.

“Next time we are going to put some work into why you would put yourself in a relationship like this one.”

That pissed me off.

I DIDN’T KNOW SHE WAS ABUSIVE.

I was under the spell. I was blind. I was stubborn. I was weak. I was hurting. I didn’t know that I was being abused in so many different ways.

I’m glad he forecasted. I think the session would have gone downhill. I needed the 7 days for the reaction to subside.

I step back to the same office 7 days later. But I leave that office with something I hadn’t had in years.

Freedom. Empowerment. Steady health.

New horizons.

I pulled the plug on my social media relationship a few days ago. Just Facebook and instagram, really. Those were my vices.

I stayed for silly reasons.

I had to stiff arm them a few times over the course of our relationship.

I found myself slipping back into unhealthy patterns. I neglected my self. I valued deeply the comments and likes of others. I desired to be shared massively in hopes that I will truly make a difference in this world.

Social media promised me so much.

• fulfillment

• community

• engagement

• purpose

• loyalty

It was a check they couldn’t possibly cash.

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So I kept going back to it. Then I pump the brakes only to find myself downloading the app again.

Why do I do this to myself?

Why do I give unharnessed access to people who don’t value or hold my heart in the same way I hold others?

My love for humanity is not reciprocated.

So I sit in silence.

I still log in..of course, for the same silly reasons. But I don’t say anything.

I’m scared to, honestly.

I just know anything I say will be offensive, wrong, misleading, or taken in a way to twist and use against me.

I’ve played that game before. And it sucks.

It isn’t safe here. My true thoughts aren’t allowed here. Not because I’m full of hot-takes.

I’m not.

But because people will say to me in the comments what they would never say to my face.

So I sit in silence, and allow the toxic nature to gnaw at my vibrancy and zeal on life.

I can hear my therapist saying it now.

Let’s take a look at why you keep allowing yourself to be in a relationship like this.

I wish I could say. “I DIDN’T KNOW.”

But I do now.

It keeps happening because I keep allowing it to happen.

This new horizon feels like what I’ve been describing. A necessary ending to a relationship that never had my heart in mind…ever.

Remove yourself from the relationship and you’ll start to see in 20/20.

Peace out socials. You squander many hearts.

You no longer will be able to do so with mine.

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