Thank you for being here.

I recently wrote about this Mitch Hedberg joke:

“I find that a duck’s opinion of me is very much influenced over whether or not I have bread.” — Mitch Hedberg

Today, I have some more thoughts on the concept...

I’m reminded of a joke by Louis CK, one of the most influential comedians of my lifetime who I don’t talk abou…

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“I find that a duck’s opinion of me is very much influenced over whether or not I have bread.” — Mitch Hedberg

A perfect joke.

A perfect assessment of not only ducks but many humans as well.

If Janet Jackson were a duck, she might still have sung the song “What Have You Done For Me Lately?”

Though if I were writing Janet Duckson’s version, I might call it “What Have You DUCK For Me Lately?” which I understand sacrifices meaning for whimsy, but that is a sacrifice I am often willing to make.

But let’s return to meaning for a moment.

Do you know about loving-kindness meditation?

Whether you do or don’t, you can read some about it here in this 2015 piece from the National Library of Medicine called “The effect of loving-kindness meditation on positive emotions: a meta-analytic review” by Zeng, Xianglong; Chiu, Cleo P. K.; Wang, Rong; Oei, Tian P. S.; and Leung, Freedom Y. K., where they say things like this:

“Loving-kindness meditation (LKM) is a special type of Buddhist meditation that aims to cultivate unconditional kind attitudes toward oneself and others.”

And this:

“Generally, practitioners silently repeat some phrases, such as ‘may you be happy’ or ‘may you be free from suffering’ toward targets... The targets change gradually with practice, following an order from easy to difficult; they generally begin with oneself, then loved ones, neutral ones, difficult ones and finally all beings, with variations across traditions.”

It’s interesting that they consider loving oneself the “easiest,” because there are certainly people who might consider themselves “difficult ones,” but I’ll take these love scientists at their word.

We can definitely agree, though, that it is much more challenging to offer well wishes to difficult people in our lives than non-difficult people (or ducks).

I once listened to a Buddhist podcast that encouraged listeners to imagine ourselves stuck in traffic, an often very frustrating situation. It suggested we look in the rearview mirror at all the drivers behind us, and to send them love. We’ve been there. THEN the podcast suggested that we look at all the people in FRONT of us, and to send THEM love. The very people who seem to be in our way! The people that prevent us from being where we want to be, if only they were not there! But they are there. And they are people. Just like us. Deserving of love.

And also, the good news is, wishing someone well in general doesn’t mean we have to hang out with them! And the OTHER good news is, wishing someone well actually improves our OWN well-being.

It reminds me of this wisdom, often (mis?)attributed to the Buddha or Nelson Mandela:

“Holding a grudge is like taking poison and hoping the other person dies.”

And my addition:

“Being loving towards someone is like taking vitamins and hoping the other person gets healthier. And sometimes it works!”

It definitely works on us!

IT’S SCIENCE!

From the conclusion of the NLM’s LKM MAR (National Library of Medicine’s Loving-Kindness Meditation meta-analytical review):

“The present meta-analytic review confirmed that LKM interventions could enhance positive emotions in daily life and that the on-going practice of LKM could provide short-term positive emotions.”

You hear that, ducks?

You should be kind to people even if we’re NOT giving you bread!

Of course, maybe I should be kind to ducks (and myself) by not yelling at them. My Buddhist friend Gus once shared with me something that one of his teachers told him, something like this:

“If you say to a hen [serious voice, sharply raising and lowering extended index finger with each word for emphasis] ‘you must study emptiness,’ she will look at you like you’re crazy!”

So, don’t try to teach a hen about Buddhism.

But we’re talking about ducks, which is totally different.

Get on board with loving-kindness, ducks!

But sincerely, whether or not ANY fowl practice loving-kindness, I’m on board!
Or in other words, Myq Kaplan LOVES Loving-Kindness Meditation!
(MKL LKM)!

Thank you for receiving.

May you be happy.

May you be healthy.

May you be free from suffering.

May you be safe.

May you live with ease.

Much love to you, yours, and all sentient beings, whether they be difficult, ducks, difficult ducks (Daffy, Donald, and Uncle Scrooge, I’m looking at you!), or otherwise!

PS I believe that Uncle Scrooge lives in Duckburg, which also sounds like it could be Mitch Hedberg’s duck name.

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And now, because I also like sharing my own jokes, here are some of those!

A) is for an Analogy about ducks:

Duck is to goose as dance is to revolution.

B) is for Birds (specifically the duck type of birds):

Some people eat duck and I wish they wouldn’t.
Some restaurants have a vegan version of it that they call “mock duck.”
And that’s also a good name for what you can do if you’re fake fighting with someone; you don’t have to really dodge, you can just “mock duck.”

C) is for a Completely normal idea I had about ducks:

Sometimes a human will have a rubber ducky in the bathtub.
Imagine if a duck bathed with a rubber ducky.
That would be like a human bathing with a mannequin.
Completely normal!

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And that’s just about it from me.
But what about from YOU?
Here are some questions!

1) How are you doing? What is new and good? How is your heart?
2) What have ducks done for you lately?
3) Do you have any favorite birds? Or other animals?
4) Who is someone that is easy for you to wish “may you be happy”?
5) How are you doing NOW?

Leave a comment

And that’s just about it for NOW.
But what about for LATER?
Here are some of my upcoming shows!

September:
— Hanover, PA: Church of Satire at 8pm on September 5
— Lancaster, PA: Tellus 360 at 7pm on September 6
— Cleveland, OH: Hilarities on September 11-12
— Louisville, KY: Planet of the Tapes at 7:30pm and 9:45pm on September 18
— Herndon, VA: GreenFare doors/dinner at 6, show at 7pm on September 19
— Frederick, MD: Cellar Door on September 20 (link coming soon)
— New York, NY: Rodney’s at 8pm on September 23

October:
— Altoona, PA: McGarvey’s at 8pm on October 1
— Queens, NY: QED Astoria on October 4 (link coming soon, birthweek show!)
— Helena, MT: Big Sky Comedy Festival on October 6-10 (link coming soon)
— Provo, UT: Dry Bar taping on October 16 (link coming soon)

November:
— Missoula, MT: The Roxy at 8pm on November 12
— Sandpoint, ID: Panida Theater on November 13 (link coming soon)
— Helena, MT: Helena Comedy Festival at 9pm on November 14
— Boise, ID: The Comedy Lounge at 7pm on November 15

December:
— Missouri (a few dates in December coming soon! Stay tuned!

PS Check out this fun flyer that my wonderful partner Rini created out of a beautiful photo of me by my wonderful photographer friend Sarah Tate!

PPS Bonus: here’s a joke of mine accompanied by photos of me doing stand-up!
https://www.instagram.com/p/DcjYj6XgSnj/! And also, there was an article in the NY Times last week about this very phenomenon in comedy, and I was featured in it! Check it out if you wish to and didn’t already, or want to again!

Thank you for being here!
Much love to you and yours and all!
May you be happy and all such!

“When I started doing comedy, I was throwing a lot of idea spaghetti at the audience walls to see what comedy art might stick.”

The phrase “idea spaghetti” stuck with me, so I want to throw a few m…

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“I have a lot to say about politics. Some people don’t want to talk about politics. They’re like, Nato, why do you gotta talk about politics? What do politics have to do with me? I’m not an immigrant or a Black person or a Muslim or a Jew or gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender or a woman or an old person or a young person or a student or a union member or artist or journalist or scientist or public employee. I don’t breathe the air or drink the water. I don’t live in a coastal region that could be affected by sea level rise or an arid region that could be affected by draught or fire. I don’t like chocolate, wine, or coffee or other commodities that will no longer be available due to climate change. I’m not mentally ill, pregnant, disabled, or currently being shot at, so... What do politics have to do with me?”
— Nato Green, The Whiteness Album

Sometimes I share jokes that might seem silly or light on the surface, but upon further examination, we can find greater substance or depth.

This joke, however, is substantial from the get-go.
This joke is deep on its surface.
This joke is meaningful and important AS IS.

So instead of trying to find deeper meaning in an already deeply meaningful work of art, I’ll say this.

When I started doing comedy, I was throwing a lot of idea spaghetti at the audience walls to see what comedy art might stick. I threw out thousands of ideas (in multiple definitions of the term “threw out.”) And for the few that stuck, I was grateful.

There wasn’t even necessarily a rhyme or reason to what stuck, as far as I could tell. In my first hour of comedy, I had jokes about issues of social importance to me and I had jokes that had no social importance. I had jokes that made sense and I had jokes that made nonsense. I often say that when I started, I was more ASKING jokes than TELLING them. I would basically say, “Audience, is THIS a joke?” and if the audience laughed, I would have my answer.

I didn’t feel as though I was in complete control of what jokes I would end up telling, because I was beholden to audiences to weigh in with their part.

And while that’s still a PART of my process, over the years I’ve learned that I don’t just have to wait and see what sticks to the wall to move forward with an idea. If I throw something a spaghetto and it doesn’t stick at first, or at second, or at nineteenth, if it’s an idea that I care about, I’ll keep working at it. If it doesn’t stick to the wall, I’ll try the ceiling. I’ll try the outside of the building. I’ll try the roof. I’ll launch the spaghetti on a rocket to the moon. And I’ll try pasta shapes other than spaghetti. Ziti. Shells. Whatever your favorite is. (I’m not just going to keep naming pasta shapes here to see what sticks.)

I found that if I spent more time with an idea, invested more effort in the idea, I could shape that idea into something comedically meaningful or meaningfully comedic.

I still come up with some jokes that are silly nonsense and some jokes that are about topics that I find deeply meaningful (and I also sometimes find silly nonsense deeply meaningful).

This is how I frame it now: there are at least two ways that my joke-writing process can go. One, I start with something that I find meaningful, and I do my best to make it as funny as possible. Two, I start with something that I find funny, and I do my best to make it as meaningful as possible. Either way, it ends up funny and meaningful.

This joke of Nato’s (and his entire body of work) is the best of all these worlds.
Funny And Meaningful. FAM.
So I’m grateful that he and I are comedy FAM.

PS I also like that FAM is short for FAMILY, where the FAM part can stand for Funny And Meaningful and the ILY part can of course be short for I Love You.
Thanks for being here as we all make sense out of this nonsense. ILY, FAM.

PPS Here is Nato’s new full special free on YouTube:

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And now, because I also like sharing my own jokes here are some of my idea spaghetti in the form of spaghetti ideas!

A) is for A metaphor:

As a metaphor, throwing spaghetti against the wall makes a lot of sense. But literally, like as a way of preparing and eating it? That would be off-the-wall.

B) is for Before:

In my current incarnation, I’m no chef, but I do think that I may have invented spaghetti in a pasta life.

C) is for Changing:

Marinara used to be my favorite sauce, but then something shifted, like magic… Pesto change-o!

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And that’s almost everything from ME.
But what about from YOU?
Here are some questions!

1) How are you doing? What is new and good? How is your heart?
2) What do politics have to do with you?
3) Any idea spaghetti you’d like to share?
4) Marinara or pesto? Both? Other?
5) How are you doing NOW?

Leave a comment

And that’s about it for NOW.
But what about for LATER?
Here are some of my upcoming shows!

August:
— Watertown, SD: VFW Post 750 at 7pm on August 23
— Manhattan, NY: Abolish Everything! at Caveat at 7pm on August 28

September:
— Hanover, PA: Church of Satire at 8pm on September 5
— Lancaster, PA: Tellus 360 at 7pm on September 6
— Cleveland, OH: Hilarities on September 11-12
— Louisville, KY: Planet of the Tapes at 7:30pm and 9:45pm on September 18
— Herndon, VA: GreenFare doors/dinner at 6, show at 7pm on September 19
— Frederick, MD: Cellar Door on September 20 (link coming soon)

October:
— Altoona, PA: McGarvey’s at 8pm on October 1
— Helena, MT: Big Sky Comedy Festival (link coming soon)
— Provo, UT: Dry Bar taping on October 16 (link coming soon)

November:
— Missoula, MT: The Roxy at 8pm on November 12
— Helena, MT: Helena Comedy Festival at 9pm on November 14
— Boise, ID: The Comedy Lounge at 7pm on November 15

December:
— Missouri (a few dates in December coming soon! Stay tuned!

Thank you for being here!
Much love to you and yours and all!

PS Bonus: here’s a joke of mine accompanied by photos of me doing stand-up!
Follow me on social media for more! And also, there was an article in the NY Times this week about this very phenomenon in comedy, and I was featured in it! Check it out if you wish to!

Here is another post just for you, my supportive subscribers!

Since my most recent public post was about free will and determinism, I am either choosing or determined to talk about that for a little more here. Will I be doing this forever, or is it just a FAD (where FAD stands for Free will And Determinism)?

(And I know that acronym should be…

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I ended my last piece, “Mitch Hedberg, Alcoholism, and Free Will,” by saying “ultimately I think it would be better if we weren’t yelling at Otto for having lupus OR for being an alcoholic.”

In general, I think less yelling is good.

Of course, there are times when yelling is the best thing to do, like maybe if a …

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“Alcoholism is a disease, but it’s the only one you can get yelled at for having. Goddamn it Otto, you are an alcoholic. Goddamn it Otto, you have Lupus... one of those two doesn’t sound right.” — Mitch Hedberg

To me, this joke is about free will.

Let me back up.

A lot of Mitch’s jokes initially seem like they’re about simple, ordinary things (e.g. bananas, donuts, traffic lights), but upon further reflection they often end up leading me down paths towards more substantial, headier, philosophical topics (life, death, impermanence).

And this joke is almost no exception.

Almost, I say, because the joke actually does, on the surface, cover a topic that I would consider substantial to begin with: the idea that alcoholism is a disease.

And what Mitch says about alcoholism seems resonant. We can imagine someone yelling at an alcoholic much more easily than we can imagine yelling at someone who has lupus or another disease as such.

I’m reminded of the wisdom of the Buddhist sage Shantideva.

“In his book A Guide to the Bodhisattva Way of Life, the early Indian Buddhist teacher Shantideva gives another metaphor. If someone hits you with a stick, do you get mad at the stick? What’s the point? The stick has no control. How about the hand wielding the stick? Well, neither does the person, who’s driven by anger and is powerless to stop themselves.”
— The Namchak Foundation

In Shantideva’s own words:

“Although it is their sticks that hurt me, I am angry at the ones who wield them, striking me. But they in turn are driven by their hatred; Therefore with their hatred I should take offense.”
― Śāntideva, The Way of the Bodhisattva

There is a parable I love that also demonstrates this concept beautifully, The Empty Boat (Excerpted from Thomas Merton’s translation, The Way of Chuang Tzu).

The whole piece is beautiful and worth reading, but here is a relevant and noteworthy selection from it:

“If a man is crossing a river
And an empty boat collides with his own skiff,
Even though he be a bad-tempered man
He will not become very angry.
But if he sees a man in the boat,
He will shout at him to steer clear.
If the shout is not heard, he will shout again,
And yet again, and begin cursing.
And all because there is somebody in the boat.
Yet if the boat were empty.
He would not be shouting, and not angry.”

(The boat is like the stick. And not just because they’re both made of wood. You get it.)

I think we can all easily understand why it wouldn’t make sense to be angry and yell at a stick or an empty boat.

When there’s a person involved, it can be more challenging.

And to be clear, I think we should do our best to avoid hitting people with sticks, boats, or anything wooden or non-wooden, and if we see someone doing boat/stick violence, we should do our best to stop them.

There are certainly situations wherein anger makes sense, where anger can be used as fuel to protect people from harm.

AND ALSO, an additional thing that makes sense to me is the aim to understand that the person wielding the harmful implement is as out of control as the implement itself, in a way.

And this is where the concepts of free will and determinism come into it for me, and you may have differing opinions from mine (due to being destined to, perhaps).

Here is one way that I think about free will vs. determinism.

I believe in determinism regarding the past.
(All that has happened has happened because one thing led to another, from the Big Bang until now, and could not have happened any other way, because it didn’t.)

I believe in free will regarding the future.
(Everything that will happen has not happened yet, and there are limitless possibilities, infinite paths that could open up from this point, all dependent on what happens now.)

AND

I believe that neither the past nor the future exist.
(Every moment that I’ve experienced in the past has been a present one. Every moment I’ll experience in the future will also be the present one when I’m experiencing it. I have memories of the past but I only access them in the present. I have plans for the future but I only access them in the present. There is only the present.)

So, where does that leave us regarding free will and determinism? Great question!

Let’s talk about the past as though it exists, because it really seems like it does.

We each were babies once. Before that, who knows. But it seems like we had no choice in the matter. No free will regarding being born. No free will regarding where we were born, where our parents lived, where we were raised, what language we spoke, who our first teachers were, what cultures surrounded us.

So much was chosen for us, decided for us.

And these things shaped our brains.

We did not have a choice in how our brains were shaped.

But at some point, if you believe that you have free will, when did that start? When did it come online? And how do you know that your idea of free will isn’t the result of deterministic causes, of neurons firing beyond your control, because that’s what they do?

As Robert Sapolsky puts it, “We are nothing more or less than the cumulative biological and environmental luck, over which we had no control, that has brought us to any moment.”
― Robert M. Sapolsky, Determined: A Science of Life without Free Will

Quick thing: I think it is very PRACTICAL to believe we have free will, and to act as though we have it. I just don’t know if we do.

In conclusion, I don’t want to beat anyone over the head with this (like with a stick, or a boat), but I guess what I’m saying is, ultimately I think it would be better if we weren’t yelling at Otto for having lupus OR for being an alcoholic.

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And now, because I also like sharing my own jokes, here are some of those!

A) is for A joke about free will:

Many of us can’t help but believe in free will. Maybe it’s fate.

B) is for what’s Better:

What's better, to go with your initial instinct or thoughtful reflection?
What if my instinct is to thoughtfully reflect, but after some thoughtful reflection, I say it’s instinct?

C) is for establishing greater Camaraderie with myself:

One of my natural instincts is to argue, and I don’t know if I love it, so I’m thinking about arguing with that natural instinct more.

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And that’s about it from me.
What about from you?
Here are some questions!

A) How are you doing? What’s new and good? How is your heart?
B) Do you believe in free will? Explain! (If you so choose.)
C) Do you believe in determinism? Explain! (If you can’t help it.)
D) Any further thoughts about anger, sticks, boats, any of this?
E) How are you doing NOW?

Leave a comment

And that’s about it for NOW.
But what about for LATER?
Here are some of my upcoming shows!

August:
— Watertown, SD: VFW Post 750 at 7pm on August 23
— Manhattan, NY: Abolish Everything! at Caveat at 7pm on August 28

September:
— Hanover, PA: Church of Satire at 8pm on September 5
— Lancaster, PA: Tellus 360 at 7pm on September 6
— Cleveland, OH: Hilarities on September 11-12
— Louisville, KY: Planet of the Tapes at 7:30pm and 9:45pm on September 18
— Herndon, VA: GreenFare doors/dinner at 6, show at 7pm on September 19
— Frederick, MD: Cellar Door on September 20 (link coming soon)

October:
— Altoona, PA: McGarvey’s at 8pm on October 1
— Provo, UT: Dry Bar taping on October 16 (link coming soon)

November:
— Missoula, MT: The Roxy at 8pm on November 12
— Helena, MT: Helena Comedy Festival at 9pm on November 14
— Boise, ID: The Comedy Lounge at 7pm on November 15

December:
— Missouri (a few dates in December coming soon! Stay tuned!

And a fun poster by my friend McKinley Cox!

Thank you for being here!
Much love to you and yours and all!

PS Bonus: here’s a joke of mine accompanied by photos of me doing stand-up!
Follow me on social media for more!

I’m grateful you’re here!

Today, I’d like to share a comment that a friend left on my most recent piece, A Philosophical Inquiry into Pinky and the Brain and Time Travel:

“My favorite thing to think about with Pinky and The Brain (one of my favorite shows growing up): the theme song say ‘one is a genius, the other’s insane,’ so which one is w…

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Brain: “What rhymes with June?”
Pinky: “No it doesn’t.”

To start, let me just make sure we’re all on the same page of understanding this wonderful joke.

Brain is asking Pinky for a word that rhymes with June.

Pinky is responding as though Brain has not asked a question but rather made a statement of fact, the fact being that the word “What” is a word that rhymes with the word “June.”

Since that is not in fact true, Pinky is correct in saying “No it doesn’t,” because the word “What” does NOT rhyme with the word “June.”

Both parties were operating in their own linguistic reality, each reality completely logical and consistent internally, but neither of them understanding that the other mouse was operating within and communicating from/about a different system, which is where the humor comes from.

Also, I think that this kind of miscommunication is going on in our world ALL THE TIME.

For example, I recently posted a stand-up comedy video to social media, a joke of mine about time travel. Someone responded that my thoughts about time travel were wrong. I asked him what the “right” way to think about time travel was, and he explained his theory (that there is only one timeline, a continuous loop) which ultimately did not even conflict with mine (that if you could go back in time, you couldn’t change anything because it had already happened, so anything you did was already done the first time).

So already, a miscommunication is afoot… But that’s not all!

He then learned that I was a philosophy major and got even MORE excited to talk to me about time travel, but from a scientific/engineering perspective. I let him know my interest in the topic was more coming from an entertainment perspective (I like watching movies about time travel, reading books about it, telling jokes about it, and so forth).

Specifically, I said this to him:

“I’m a comedian and a human being happy to be living in the present. I love art about time travel. I love the story ‘The Merchant and the Alchemist’s Gate’ by Ted Chiang. I love ‘Back to the Future.’ I love a lot of silly movies and shows and books. I’m not a scientist, and I’m not interested in going anywhere but Now (even if it were possible).”

He seemed disappointed, saying “Thought you were a scientist.”

I asked what gave him that impression, since the whole conversation we were having had stemmed from his comment on a stand-up comedy clip of mine from a social media account which clearly identifies me as a comedian.

He responded like this: “You said you are a philosophy major ... I looked it up online ... that’s science ... theoretical physics”

His conclusion was that as a philosophy major, I was basically a scientist, and he said “I thought you’d actually like to use your knowledge.”

And here is what I wrote back to him:

“I did indeed study philosophy.

A philosopher is not a type of scientist.

If you Google ‘is philosophy science?’ the answer that comes up will be ‘No.’

Of course it’s not as simple as that. There is overlap between science and philosophy. Both involve searching for the truth about the world, in their own way. There are absolutely scientists that are philosophers and philosophers that are scientists. But I am not a scientist. My philosophy degree is a Bachelor of ARTS. My master’s degree in linguistics is a Master of ARTS. Not science.

Of course, unofficially we are all scientists. Unofficially, we are all detectives. Unofficially, we are all artists.

My career is comedian. I use philosophy and psychology (which I also majored in) and linguistics all the time. I seek knowledge and I do use my knowledge, in all the ways that I want to.

It seems that you want to seek and use your knowledge differently than I do, and that’s fine.

But even if I accepted your terms that philosophy IS science, it doesn’t mean that the kind of science that philosophy is, is the same kind of science that can create time travel.”

And that’s not all! To summarize the rest of our interaction, he asked what kind of art I made, and I told him comedy, music, poetry, and various kinds of writing. He then asked if I wanted to work with him on a project as an animator, which I thought was odd because visual art was specifically not one of the arts I mentioned that I do.

I was offering one thing and he was receiving another. And possibly vice versa! Miscommunications galore!

The point is, we were living and operating and communicating within and from different realms. I live in a world where philosophers and scientists aren’t all the same people, and where the kind of philosophical science that I do in fact do is in linguistically parsing the various semantic distinctions between philosophers and scientists, for example. He lived in a world where a philosopher-scientist could create a time machine and where a musician-writer-comedian could manifest visual art. It’s a beautiful, magical world, and I’m happy to be living adjacently to such wonder.

Also, none of what he said rhymes with “June.”

Subscribe now

And now, because I also enjoy sharing my own jokes, here are some of those!

A) is for A joke about time travel:

I’ve loved time travel ever since I was an old man.

B) is for the Brain (and Pinky):

You know how they say we have two ears and one mouth because we’re supposed to listen twice as much as we speak?

Well, we also have two pinkies but only one brain because we’re supposed to drink tea in a fancy way twice as much as we’re supposed to think.

C) is for Coming up with a fun new nickname for a scientist:

We all know the fun rhyme that is “Bill Nye the Science Guy.”

I wonder if this other science fellow ever thought of telling people that he goes by “Neil deGrasse Tyson, the Science Guy, son!”

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And that’s about it from ME.
But what about from YOU?
Here are some questions!

1) How are you doing? What is new and good? How is your heart?
2) Do you have any favorite Pinky and/or the Brain jokes/memories?
3) Any fun miscommunications in your life you’d like to share?
4) How do YOU think time travel works?
5) How are you doing NOW?

Leave a comment

And that’s about it for NOW.
But what about for LATER?
Here are some of my upcoming stand-up gigs!

— Providence, RI: Providence Comedy Underground at 8pm on July 31-August 1
— Brooklyn, NY: Person, Place, Thing at Littlefield at 7pm on August 4
— Watertown, SD: VFW Post 750 at 7pm on August 23
— Manhattan, NY: Abolish Everything! at Caveat at 7pm on August 28
— Hanover, PA: Church of Satire at 8pm on September 5
— Lancaster, PA: Tellus 360 at 7pm on September 6
— Cleveland, OH: Hilarities on September 11-12
— Louisville, KY: Planet of the Tapes at 7:30pm and 9:45pm on September 18
— Herndon, VA: GreenFare doors/dinner at 6, show at 7pm on September 19
— Frederick, MD: Cellar Door on September 20 (link coming soon)
— Altoona, PA: McGarvey’s at 8pm on October 1
— Provo, UT: Dry Bar taping on October 16 (link coming soon)
— Missoula, MT: The Roxy at 8pm on November 12
— Helena, MT: Helena Comedy Festival at 9pm on November 14
— Boise, ID: The Comedy Lounge at 7pm on November 15
— Missouri (a few dates in December coming soon! Stay tuned!)

Much love to you and yours and all!

PS Bonus: here’s a joke of mine accompanied by photos of me doing stand-up!
Follow me on social media for more!

• Myq Kaplan's Arty Har-Hars is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a free or paid subscriber. And thank you for making it all the way to the bottom! You did it! And as a bonus, check out the rest of the Pinky and the Brain scene if you like! Just below this!

• The Brain: Pinky, what rhymes with June?

• Pinky: I’m busy, Brain!

• The Brain: Well, what are you doing?

• Pinky: Oh, just hitting a balloon with a spoon while I croon a tune to this baboon by the light of the moon.

• The Brain: Well, will you be done soon?

• Pinky: Oh, about noon. Why?

• The Brain: What rhymes with June?

• Pinky: [pause] No it doesn’t.

• The Brain: Gah, I’ll make it April.

I have a linguistic adventure to share today.

A few weeks ago, I posted this to my various social media platforms:

“A H R B Q D W E F L M N S X G I J K O P C T V Y U Z

That’s the alphabet in alphabetical order.”

A lot of people seemed to enjoy it, a few people argued about different ways of spelling different letters, a good time was had by most!

Then, in the past day or so, someone tagged me on BlueSky because someone ELSE had posted their own version of it:

Someone on BlueSky responded and asked “Isn’t this Myq Kaplan’s?”

And here’s the thing, I certainly don’t OWN the alphabet. I don’t even have any particular unique claim to this concept. I mean, I thought it would be fun to alphabetize the alphabet (because it’s weird that some of the letters don’t start with themselves when you spell them out, you know?), but I’m not at all surprised that other people have thought of the same idea. Parallel thinking happens!

Then this exchange happened:

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Thank you for being here!

I want to share a few more thoughts about this concept that came up in my most recent piece:

“In order to fly, you need something solid to take off from.”
― P.L. Travers

It reminds me of this quote from a Buddhist teacher:

“The bad news is you’re falling through the air, nothing to hang on to, no parachute. The good new…

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Since I began this project, I’ve written dozens of pieces about Mitch Hedberg jokes and their greater applicability to concepts in life that transcend the surface-level subject matter of the jokes.

For example, a joke that seemed like it was just about bananas could turn out also to be about the Buddhist concept of impermanence.

With THIS joke, the subject matter itself seems to address a larger life topic to begin with: racism.

And maybe that’s why it’s taken me so long to get to this particular joke. Because it can be easier to make something large out of something seemingly smaller, but to make something large out of something already large? That would be like a (bigger) hat on a (currently already fairly big) hat. Like a sombrero on a yarmulke. Or a cowboy hat on a beanie.

Interlude:

When I was getting my master’s degree in linguistics, I had to write a thesis. In determining what the topic of my thesis would be, my adviser offered a lot of ideas. Knowing I was a comedian, one of the resources she told me about was a study of New Yorker cartoons, in which they were analyzed into categories based on whether the image was (and I’m paraphrasing here) realistic or fantastical, and whether the caption was realistic or fantastical.

Accepting those binaries (while acknowledging that reality can be fantastical and fantastical things can be real), the researchers broke down all the cartoons into four quadrants: realistic image with realistic caption, realistic image with fantastical caption, fantastical image with realistic caption, and fantastical image with fantastical caption.

Now, I was not one of these researchers, I didn’t look through all of their work, and I didn’t end up using any of this in my thesis project, but it still stuck with me as something useful. (”Maybe I’ll have a Substack newsletter 20 years from now and this information will come in handy,” I surely thought to myself back in the aughts.)

All that said, my understanding is that the vast majority of the cartoons fell into two of the four categories, the ones where there was a mismatch of the realism and fantasticalism of the caption and the image.

As an example, one of my favorite New Yorker cartoons comes from Bruce Eric Kaplan and features God in heaven saying to an angel with a clipboard, “Oh, and c.c. the Devil.”

That one, I would classify as a fantastical image with a realistic caption, and the juxtaposition of that everyday language with the outlandish picture is where the humor arises.

Others would feature a realistic image with the caption being absurd.

Sometimes, a cartoon might feature a realistic image with a realistic caption, resulting in a kind of social commentary perhaps.

But the rarest combination was fantastical image plus fantastical caption.

And I think the reason why is exemplified most elegantly in this quote:

“We cannot have the extraordinary without the ordinary. Just as the supernatural is hidden in the natural. In order to fly, you need something solid to take off from. It’s not the sky that interests me but the ground. . . . When I was in Hollywood the [script] writers said, surely Mary Poppins symbolizes the magic that lies behind everyday life. I said no, of course not, she is everyday life, which is composed of the concrete and the magic.”

—P. L. Travers, author of Mary Poppins

“In order to fly, you need something solid to take off from.”

The concrete AND the magic.

The fantastical needs to be fantastical in comparison to SOMETHING. Something real.

And this is why so many of my pieces here start from something small. Because in order to create something larger, I must start from something smaller.

And racism is not small.

The good news: this Mitch Hedberg joke is not REALLY about racism.

It’s more about Mitch’s faux exasperation with exaggeration.

His character in the joke is entirely fine with treating people of all EXISTING colors the same. And it’s only when people start bringing in colors of people that do not exist, that he takes issue, comedically. “To hell with purple people!” But really, what does he mean by that? “To hell with people who DON’T EXIST.” Implying care for people who DO EXIST. What’s the opposite of “to hell”? To heaven! To heaven with people who do exist!

And even in his denouncing the non-existent purple people, he also acknowledges that sometimes there might BE a real life existing purple person, purple because they are suffocating, and in that case, he says “help ‘em”! Which is entirely reasonable and kind.

Regardless of the color of someone’s skin, if the person exists, treat them kindly. Help them. Give them what they need.

A joke that seemed like it was about something big but was really something slightly different ended up actually being about something big: loving kindness.

Thank you for receiving this, my existing friends! To heaven with you and with all who exist! (And c.c. the Devil on that.)

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And now, because I also like sharing my own jokes, here are some of those!
These are all about colors, in a way! Enjoy!

A) is for A rhyme with purple:

People say nothing rhymes with purple.
But you know who’ll come up with one? THIS twerp’ll.

B) is for Betty White:

Betty White’s character on The Golden Girls was ultimately the wisest, because it’s nice to see the world through Rose-colored glasses.

C) is for Christmas trees:

A Christmas tree is a paradox because it’s both seasonal AND evergreen.

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And that’s about it from me.
But what about from YOU?
Here are some questions!

1) How are you doing? What is new and good? How is your heart?
2) Do you have a favorite color? What is one of them and why?
3) Do you have a favorite Golden Girl? What is one of them and why?
4) Do you have a favorite New Yorker cartoon? You know the drill!
5) How are you doing NOW?

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And that’s about it for NOW.
But what about for LATER?
Here are some of my upcoming stand-up gigs!

— Brooklyn, NY: Comedy Social at 12pm (noon) on July 19
— Catskill, NY: Avalon Lounge at 7:30pm on July 29
— Providence, RI: Providence Comedy Underground at 8pm on July 31-August 1
— Hanover, PA: Church of Satire at 8pm on September 5
— Lancaster, PA: Tellus 360 at 7pm on September 6
— Cleveland, OH: Hilarities on September 11-12 (link coming soon)
— Louisville, KY: Planet of the Tapes at 7:30pm and 9:45pm on September 18
— Herndon, VA: GreenFare doors/dinner at 6, show at 7pm on September 19
— Frederick, MD: Cellar Door on September 20 (link coming soon)
— Altoona, PA: McGarvey’s at 8pm on October 1
— Provo, UT: Dry Bar taping on October 16 (link coming soon)
— Missoula, MT: The Roxy at 8pm on November 12
— Helena, MT: Helena Comedy Festival on November 14 (link coming soon)
— Boise, ID: The Comedy Lounge at 7pm on November 15
— Missouri (a few dates in December coming soon! Stay tuned!)

More coming soon!
Stay tuned here and/or at Punchup.live/MyqKaplan!
And that’s about all for now!

Much love to you and yours and all!

PS Bonus: here’s a joke of mine accompanied by photos of me doing stand-up!
Follow me on social media for more!

Welcome to the FINAL installment of this multi-part discussion I’ve been having with/about this NY Times interview with Seth Rogen. Thanks for being here!

“There’s the public-facing side of it… But the personal side of it is just so nuanced…”

First, if you want to familiarize yourself with the accusations against Franco, here is the section o…

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Thank you for being here! We are really working our way through my thoughts on this NY Times interview with Seth Rogen that came out on June 13!

Here is the next batch of my responses!

“I come from a group of friends who were very communicative and open and not afraid of sharing what they were feeling with one another.”

I feel very fortunate t…

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“…if famous people aren’t treated in a certain way, it makes them think they’re not as talented as they wish they were.”

I have so much to say about this.

There are so many elements involved here.

Fame. Talent. Success.…

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Thank you for being here! Time for another edition of Me Responding To Seth Rogen’s Words From This NY Times Interview That I Really Enjoyed!

Before I get to today’s batch of ideas, I want to share that just YESTERDAY I got the opportunity to see his newest movie, “The Invite,” which opens next month I believe, and I loved it. It’s hilarious…

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As you may have seen (or intuited from the name of this piece), this is the next piece in a continuing saga of my responses to this Seth Rogen interview in the NY Times. Here we go!

“I was ravenously pursuing a thing.”

Here’s a joke I just wrote about Seth Rogen’s experience starting out doing comedy as a child:

”Even at a very young age, Seth…

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Perhaps you read my piece, “Seth Rogen is great…” Part 1, where I shared some thoughts I had inspired by this NY Times interview with him. And either way, here are some more thoughts about some more of the things he said!

“It’s not that creatively interesting to me to show two people falling in love.”

I love this.

What I love about it is that…

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Feel free to read the whole thing, or just the excerpts I’m sharing here plus my reactions, or nothing at all, or whatever you want!

Some backstory of my engagement with Seth Rogen: I first saw him in …

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Today I’d like to share some thoughts I had about a joke that my friend Ramin Nazer posted to Threads a couple days ago:

“People don’t understand how money works. Elon doesn’t have a trillion gold coins that he swims in. His wealth is stored in something called ‘assets’ and ‘accounts’.

In order to even get a $20 bill, he would need to withdra…

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