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"The people I trust the most are those who are always tenderly wrestling and negotiating with their own shadows, making preemptive strikes on their personal neuroses, and actively cultivating a sense of humor about their own absurdity." -

on this special episode of ✸ 𝕞𝕪𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕔𝕒𝕝 𝕗𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕜𝕢𝕦𝕖𝕟𝕔𝕚𝕖𝕤 ✸ I sit with my friend Noah Souder-Russo [ on substack] to chat about one of our fave topics: astrology and human design as cosmic languages that help us navigate relationships and intimacy… including with our own shadow parts.

if you are curious about astrology and human design as tools for making the unconscious conscious [aka shadow work] this episode is for you… and for all our fellow shadow freaks ofc ♡♡♡

hope you enjoy!

let us know what you think in the comments :)

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p.s. thank you Noah for kindly sharing with us an original piece of music for this episode <3

* Notes:

• you can find on instagram here.

• the quote by is “SHADOW WORK WITHOUT JOY IS TORTURE”*

• Existential Kink: Unmask Your Shadow and Embrace Your Power, by Carolyn Elliott

“The Daimonic is not human.
Injustice is not human. The world is not human yet.

That’s why we have to wrestle and recognize the Daimonic forces at work in life. We have to stand it. We have to stand firm and weep and gnash our teeth and bear the paradoxes of God and work to form the world from within.”

— M. C. Richards

I first listened to M.C. Richard’s “Wrestling with the Daimonic”almost a month ago [thanks to the Weird Studies Podcast], lying on a blanket in Central Park while sipping a matcha and enjoying a cookie…

and it was just one of those moments when encountering a text becomes an experience [dare I say psychedelic experience?], where a hidden door in the garden of the soul is suddenly opened, something important is named and you just know you will never be the same again.

in this episode of the ꧁♢✸ 𝕞𝕪𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕔𝕒𝕝 𝕗𝕣𝕖𝕒𝕜𝕢𝕦𝕖𝕟𝕔𝕚𝕖𝕤 𝕔𝕙𝕒𝕟𝕟𝕖𝕝 ✸♢꧂

—which, this time, is more like Hammock Musings— I riff on first impressions of this text as it moves through my being a few weeks after this initial encounter. As well as 2 other topics that are VERY on my mind: disclosure and dreams… and their possible relationship?

anyways, here’s to the ever changing ever unfurling nature of our self-expression and our self-discovery <3

would love to know your thoughts!

“Not solutions for all time, but for this time. We must wrestle with the temptation to become absolute. We must learn to live in the mystery of time and unfolding.”

- M.C. Richards

“You do not need to travel far to encounter powers

of the deeper world or to hear oracles speak. You are

at the center of the multidimensional universe right now.

The doors to the Otherworld open from wherever you are,

and the traffic moves both ways”

—ROBERT MOSS

what would happen if we proceeded as if the divine mystery is in all things, like our beloved mystic Hafiz says?

how would we move through the world if we acted as if God’s body is everywhere and everything, as our queridísima Mary Oliver exclaims?

One of the ways we encounter the marvelous, the weird and the sacred and experience MAGICK in our everyday lives is by cultivating synchronicity.

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In this episode we get into what it means to navigate by synchronicity [playing with signs and symbols], we touch on things like animism [the worldview that all things in nature possess a spirit or sentient consciousness] and the ways of Wyrd… finally, how we might [if we so choose] end up dancing with the trickster or wrestling with the daimonic.

hope you enjoy amores ♡

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Notes:

• Sidewalk Oracles, by

• M.C. Richards’s “Wrestling with the Daimonic,” read by Phil Ford

the time has come for us to talk about magick, mysticism & kink … !

as I share in this episode, discovering magick has been one of the most unexpected & exquisite surprises of my life.

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it is now an integral part of my mystical path and continues to be such an exciting avenue of exploration… one that I hope to dive into here with you all much more in the future.

my intention is that this episode serves as a little introduction. to clarify what it is I mean when I use these terms, how I understand them and my own experience of them… so far.

* here is some of what we cover in this episode:

• occultist Gordon White clip about Death and Jung’s definition of God » min 5:28

• my favorite definitions of magick » min 6:46

• what is mysticism? » min 13:20

• sex educator Tristan Taormino’s definition of kink » min 16:05

• What Mystical Kink means to me » min 18

• my magical beginning story [with Pronoia] » min 25:15

[I can’t believe I forgot to mention synchronicity & kairomancy — but surely they deserve an episode of their own so… coming soon]

ok you magical cosmic sluts, lets get into it ♡♡♡

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notes:

• Video

• Love Poems from God: Twelve Sacred Voices from the East and West, Ed. Daniel Ladinsky

• Existential Kink: Unmask Your Shadow and Embrace Your Power, by Carolyn Elliott

• 50 Shades of Kink: An Introduction to BDSM by Tristan Taormino

• Pronoia Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings, by Rob Brezsny

“The whole purpose of music is to talk to God”

—Toribio

pero actually, is the whole purpose of music to experience God—in the flesh?

did you know the root of the word Sacred means both “holy” and “taboo”?

… and what is more taboo than sex and death? [& feminine erotic power]

in this episode we start with these questions and let that move us through such things as:

• the intimate relationship between death and Eros

• music as [ancient] sacred technology

• the feminine as life force energy & as a force of nature,

not soft (only, primarily) but fierce, raw, primal, feral, wild.

• dark goddess >> deep sacred feminine

• feminine religious experience as an embodied, erotic experience of the Goddess [creative life force] in the flesh, in the body, in the earth. She is Creation.

• to experience your [feminine] erotic power is a religious experience

• cunt power

• Genuine power coming from the Soul

• Sex Magick, or Erotic Magick >> more on this soon :)

• Lilith as an archetype of Erotic Feminine Power

hope you enjoy!

may you tap into the exquisite blessings of the goddess, in the flesh, on this Taurus New Moon♡

Notes:

this episode is brought to you by Enrique Iglesias Experiencia Religiosa 💫

finding myself deeply moved and transformed by the profound conversations that took place— all the courage, vulnerability, tenderness and open-heartedness expressed by such an exquisite group of humans.

made this video as a way to honor and express some of what I have been wrestling with during these months… as well as some of the insights and findings along the way.

wanted to share it here too because it feels like a good way of saying, this is where I am right now.

very much feels like the end of an important chapter. and the opening of possibilities in this moment [more on this delicious new moon energy coming in the next couple of days].

one thing I am absolutely clear about in this moment: I am here for the messy, honest, raw, tender, courageous, passionate conversations about the edgy, the taboo and the sacred.

• the powerful meaning of the word CUNT

• some possibilities and examples of what it is [or what it can be] to CHANNEL FROM THE CUNT

• Monogamy, polyamory and being a COSMIC PLEASURE SLUT

• very cool fact about the word PRIESTESS

• the HOLY WHORE or SACRED PROSTITUTE archetype

+ a lil poetry treat from my fave mystic at the end <3

Even though my voice is sniffly in this recording I did not want to redo the episode as I am keen on keeping things as real, messy, human and true to the moment as I can.

Plus, allergies and all, you can also hear how I was genuinely turned UP and electrified by this topic.

let me know your thoughts below!

in wildness and weirdness,

paula

[ art by Pierre Schmidt ]

notes:

1. shout out to for being so cunty and talented and brilliant.

2. Cunt Wisdom by

   Digging for Stars

   The World's Least Favorite Word Means Womb Wisdom

   Growing up there were certain words that were not only taboo, but completely forbidden. Never mind that my Southern grandmother thought words like darn and shoot were ‘by-words.’ There was another category of slang language that was unmentionable - names you dare not even think of…

   Read more

   6 months ago · 3385 likes · 355 comments · Amanda Coleman White

3. Thread on the word Priestess

4. The Sacred Prostitute: Eternal Aspect of the Feminine by Nancy Qualls-Corbett

to encounter the depths and rich complexity of the cosmos, we require ways of knowing that fully integrate the imagination, the aesthetic sensibility, moral and spiritual intuition, revelatory experience, symbolic perception, somatic and sensuous modes of understanding, empathetic knowing. Above all, we must awaken to and overcome the great hidden anthropocentric projection that has virtually defined the modern mind: the pervasive projection of soullessness onto the cosmos by the modern self’s own will to power.

— Richard Tarnas

get in honey butter,

on this Venus day,

we’re singing the body electric, the anima Mundi, the deep-souled cosmos.

… we’re dancing [sensuous modes of understanding] into cosmic belonging.

hope you enjoy.

with wild dripping devotion,

paula

Notes:

• Feral Vulnerability and the animal in us — MFC episode 5

• His Dark Materials trilogy

• Cosmos and Psyche by Richard Tarnas

• Care of the Soul by Thomas Moore

• I Sing the Body Electric by Walt Whitman

this is a little [new moon in pisces] love note

about dreams as doorways into the mysteries of the soul

pero also, as doorways into the divine mysteries,

AND —if you’re willing to entertain wild possibilities— as doorways into the mysteries of the cosmos, even…

perhaps,,,

[*I have a little inkling I might spend the rest of my life exploring this thesis*]

with wild devotion and lust for the mystery,

paula

does the breaking of the spell [of white-supremacist, capitalist patriarchy] also require speaking what has not been spoken?

also, navigating ontological shock at the body level during pisces season…

and few other soul-trinkets this neurospicy pisces is finding very clarifying, meaningful and grounding as we voyage through the turbulent unknown waters of this present moment.

PS. left a little treat at the end: go to min 51 for some refreshing mercury retrograde invitations via the embodied astrology podcast.

>> Notes:

Jeff Foster posts referenced:

Breaking the spell of patriarchy - Kristina Kyser

What is ready to be spoken? - Charles Eisenstein

Embodied Astrology Podcast

all these people talking about locking in,

so many talking about crashing out….

so,

do we lock in

or do we crash out?

well, the answer is pretty simple... [at least for me]

imma do both.

I’m gonna crash out

AND

LOCK TF IN.

but by crashing out I don’t mean giving up,

or giving in to self-destruction.

I mean, I’m going to let my self feel this moment,

experience it fully,

—the fury, the terror, the disgust—

let the heart break,

the body shake,

the tears turn into storm,

the rage, erupt from the deepest parts of my being.

I’m going to let myself be changed by this moment, by this fire,

completely,

in service to love, aliveness & life.

… so that, I may let what wants to come forth, from the depths of the earth, emerge from my being.

and only, then, truly, LOCK TF IN.

Notes:

• Dark Goddess video that I shared is by

• here’s the feminine rage & dark goddess playlist I mentioned ;) drop your recommendations below <3

• prayer to call back your energy by :

i call myself back from all times and all places

i am my own

i contain the answers i seek

in any moment under any circumstance, i can enter the sanctuary inside my heart

i can meet with my soul

and merge with divine love

i can choose to allow my soul to lead me in this lifetime

[i am a bridge between heaven and earth]

i am in service to love

in each moment i can return to the mediator between worlds; my own heart.

in each moment, i can be with the truth that’s always within me

• prayer of protection: Spirit Rap by Astarius

Some of it is terrifying. some of it is appalling. Its all quite overwhelming.

One way to look at this present moment, is that collective shadows that have been hidden for a long time are finally coming to the surface to be seen and acknowledged [eventually composted and transformed— one hopes].

In some ways, it is a time of collective reckoning.

In this episode, I’m interested in looking at the shadow side of power [which is so glaringly obvious right now in the US presidency, government and in the whole epstein files real life horror show]

…as a good reason to get curious about our own personal relationship to power.

What it means to come into intimate relationship with our inner authority, our inner knowing and truth…

in a way that contributes aliveness to the web of life that holds us all….

What it might look and feel like to be on the Wild Sovereign Soul Path, as Michael Meade calls it…

For this topic and in this conversation, I am taking a lot of inspiration from

» my current obsession: Philip Pullman’s fantasy trilogy His Dark Materials and The Book of Dust.

hope you enjoy, you wild sovereign souls.

with all my ferocious love,

paula

notes:

• Living Myth Podcast: In the Shadows of Power

• Ordinary Magic by Toko-pa Turner

in the midst of all this chaos and disruption and in the face of horrendous state sanctioned violence…

I am sitting in the discomfort of not knowing,

I am sitting with more questions than answers…

and my favorite question to ask in this moment is:

WHO BROUGHT WHAT TO THE APOCALYPSE* ?

[which I heard from Caroline Casey in her Visionary Activist Show]

as in…

WHAT AM I BRINGING TO THIS MOMENT OF REVOLUTIONARY CHANGE

and

how do I connect— and be in community—with others who are also here for collective liberation?

in this episode I share some of the resources, ideas and practices that I am learning are very helpful to navigate these turbulent and uncertain times,

in the hope that something here might be helpful to you too <3

below you will find the links to the creators and videos mentioned in the episode.

with fierce devotion to life, revolutionary love and collective liberation, and reminding you we are in this together,

always,

paula

*apocalypse as in, times of revelation and the lifting of the veil.

notes:

• Three fifty collective

• AJ Hawkins : “What if I’m not built for the frontlines?” video & “composting a dying world” resource.

• JoJo Abot video

• Recipe for Resilience post

• Therapy Jeff “Your body wasn’t built for this” video

we have as our very first guest,

talking about one of my most favorite topics these days: DISTURBING & DISRUPTIVE FEMININE FORCE.

and we recorded this episode together in person (with my 2 cats who, of course, made their presence known to everyone) ≽^• ˕ • ྀི≼

it was so much fun as always to talk with Sydney, and incredibly tender and awe-inspiring to learn more about her own experience of the disruptive feminine in her life and being expressed through her art.

hope you enjoy, you sweet curious creatures of desire.

with all my ferocious love,

paula

notes:

• check out the feral forecast for our 2 previous conversations:

  • Neptunian children must dream

  • The erotics of Pluto in Aquarius

• the “Symptoms” comment I mentioned:

• Take Back the Magic: Conversations with the Unseen World, by Perdita Finn

• The term I couldn’t recall in minute 56 was Epigenetic Memory

• Crone, Witch, Oracle, Priestess, Sacred Prostitute by Maya Luna

girl, what even is a paradox?

why in the world would a mystically inclined femme want to fuck with it? [fuck it? be fucked by it?]

can you experience erotic innocence if you are a slut?

what does it mean to be a mystic who is fully in her erotic power?

this is just the tip of the iceberg. the start of a [lifelong] conversation.

but I just HAD TO go there.

hope you enjoy, you sweet curious creatures of desire.

with all my ferocious love,

paula

PS: if you are looking for opportunities to connect with other FABULOUSLY MAGICAL POWERFUL WONDERFULLY WEIRD humans [as well as with your own creative and erotic power] — we have created alkimia:ërös just for you ❦ check out our brand new website for more information and send me a DM if you have any questions ❦

notes:

• The Divine Romance by Paramahasa Yogananda

• Love Poems from God: Inspirations from Twelve Sacred Voices of the East and West , translations by Daniel Ladinsky

• Matter and Desire: An Erotic Ecology by Andreas Weber

• “Sex” by David Whyte

• Receptivity Remedies, Rob Brezsny

its a new year!

and I am here just speaking to what is stirring in the depths of my soul:

♡ the heart as a place I-we return to, again and again;

♡ alchemy as a way to become intimate with change;

♡ eros as life force,

♡ love as a practice of enlivenment

and RILKE, of course ♡

hope u find something here to start 2026 more deliciously.

and, queridxs, if any of this gives you glimmers like me, check out alkimia:ërös — it might just be for you ♡

oh, and here is the text I read:

Fearful of the New

The tendency of people to be fearful of those experiences they call apparitions or assign to the “spirit world,” including death, has done infinite harm to life. All these things so naturally related to us have been driven away through our daily resistance to them, to the point where our capacity to sense them has atrophied. To say nothing of God. Fear of the unexplainable has not only impoverished our inner lives, but also diminished relations between people; these have been dragged, so to speak, from the river of infinite possibilities and stuck on the dry bank where nothing happens. For it is not only sluggishness that makes human relations so unspeakably monotonous, it is the aversion to any new, unforeseen experience we are not sure we can handle.

—Rainer Maria Rilke

Borgeby gärd, Sweden, August 12, 1904

Letters to a Young Poet

notes:

• His Dark Materials Trilogy

• Matter and Desire: An Erotic Ecology by Andreas Weber

• The Wild Unknown Archetypes Deck and Guidebook

• John Keats concept of Negative Capability:

  “capable of being in uncertainties, Mysteries, doubts, without any irritable reaching after fact & reason.”

[you are encouraged & invited to listen to it as you walk through your favorite park or beloved landscape, or perhaps in bed as you drift off into sleep]

…the starting point is “the animal in us”,

but we soon wander off into other territories, such as:

> soul retrieval and the underworld,

> animals as mirrors, as soul guides,

> nature as doorway into the magical,

> Animism and the Enchanted universe,

> Erotic ecology [and its definition of love],

> high sensation, high sensitivity and being uncomfortable in the body,

and ending with Andrea Gibson’s poem Tincture ♡ which asks us to

“imagine, when a human dies, the soul misses the body...”

hope you enjoy 🌕✨

***

Notes:

• The definition of embodiment I was searching for is by Grey Doolin, who said that embodiment is “being present to the sensations that are currently moving through your body“.

• Here is @MysticMealz on TikTok talking about Emulation Theory 🍄

• the book I mention is Matter and Desire: An Erotic Ecology by Andreas Weber.

“Since childhood, I’ve been faithful to monsters. I have been saved and absolved by them, because monsters, I believe, are patron saints of our blissful imperfection, and they allow and embody the possibility of failing”

GUILLERMO DEL TORO

in the last episode of mystical freakquencies the main topic was angels, and this week all I want is to talk about monsters.

I’m going to say its the scorpio new moon [happening tonight], and all the scorpio energies blasting in this moment [I like to imagine Venus, Lilith, the Moon, Sun and Mercury are all getting freaky together as we speak].

… which is why, perhaps, I couldn’t help but see Guillermo del Toro’s Frankenstein as c o m p l e t e l y drenched in scorpio codes.

in other words, this movie made me remember my love of the dark, to see myself in the monster, to love that monster in me… and in you!

hope you enjoy <3

Leaning into the [Mercury in Retrograde] invitation to review, rethink, recalibrate, reimagine…

today I’m revisiting some of my initial experiments with magick,

mistakes and lessons learned through trial and error, when practicing shadow work and sex magick,

also going into:

super-charged spells [aka prayers] & playlists,

and how I experience magick these days

—as opening myself up to an ever-present, ever-unfurling, ever-evolving, ever-changing dialogue with the divine mystery—

... as a way of meeting the marvelous, the weird and the sacred every day.

all of this inspired by a wild devotion to be in a deeper, more erotic & intimate relationship with the secret lover

[aka the Holy Guardian Angel].

hope you enjoy!

in wildness and weirdness,

paula

***

Notes:

>> Correction: the quote by Adriana Rizzolo is “SHADOW WORK WITHOUT JOY IS TORTURE”

📓 Pronoia Is the Antidote for Paranoia: How the Whole World Is Conspiring to Shower You with Blessings, by Rob Brezsny

📓 Sidewalk Oracles: playing with signs, symbols, and synchronicity in everyday life, by Robert Moss

📓 On Keeping an Alchemical Journal [Podcast episode]

talking about some spooky, strange, very intimate, very erotic, very out there, very sacred experiences…

You can even hear it in my voice which sounds funky due to … allergies..??

(I’m also a little giggly, hope you won’t mind that.)

Honestly, I might decide to delete and re-record this episode at some point but for now I am committed to this experiment in doing the thing and showing up even if its raw, a little too honest and vulnerable and messy and very imperfect.

so lets get spooky and raw… in honor of scorpio season ;)

🦇🦇🦇✨✨✨✨

»> here are the links to the sources I mention:

• Eric wargo - on precognition:

• Pressure point song:

• the Feral feline episode is dropping next week - stay tuned, and in the meantime check out her fabulous podcast.

• Secret Body: Erotic and Esoteric Currents in the History of Religions, by Jeffrey Kripal

• The UFO Rabbit Hole podcast:

• Jacques Valle

• Diana Pasulka

🦇🦇🦇✨✨✨✨

stay spicy and wild,

paula