How was your week?

Shaun and I had a great week at home while the girls were away at my mother-in-law’s for their annual “Grandma Camp.” It’s wild how quiet the house gets when they are away. Even Blue seemed a little unsure of what to do with herself.

Shaun and I, on the other hand, had no problems as empty nesters. ;) We started the mornings with coffee together on the deck before we holed up in our respective offices, and every night we had dinner outside. It reminded me of our life before kids, back when we were in our 30s, cooking dinner for each other, listening to our favorite music, and laughing at each other’s dumb jokes. My dad used to say, “I don’t just love your mother, I like her, too.” I didn’t fully understand what he meant when I was younger, but I do now.

(Wow. I’m getting really nostalgic lately, huh?)

Anyway, I have to ask you all something...

At Whim, we’ve been noticing something lately, and I’m wondering if you’ve noticed it too.

It started during pre-season at networking events and on social media, and it seems to have followed us right into the wedding season on vendor calls, at networking events, and even on event days.

The complaining starts almost immediately.

Everyone has a story, and everyone wants to tell it to anyone who will listen. (ie: “the one with the difficult client.” “the one with the bad leads.” “The one with the transportation disaster.” “the case of the missing rentals.”) The list goes on.

The reality is, this isn’t new. But lately it feels like it’s gotten much worse.

So much worse, that we’ve noticed it’s happening IN FRONT OF CLIENTS.

I have to share a few recent stories because I think we’ve figured out why it’s happening. But yeesh, it’s a lot.

Recently, on a meet-and-greet call with one of our brides and a hair & make-up artist, the artist started complaining about a previous bride who hadn’t taken care of her skin and how she couldn’t be expected to fix it. It was intense for the client and embarrassing for us. Needless to say, we won’t be booking her. TBH, she wasn’t one of our regulars. But it wasn’t cute.

Another time, one of our brides asked the sales & events manager at their wedding resort how the season had been going. The bride was honestly just making small talk. Instead of a quick answer, the manager launched into a monologue about back-to-back weekend buyouts and how she was exhausted and hadn’t been able to catch her breath all season.

Both times, we just sat there thinking... What is happening?

I, personally, was stunned for a multitude of reasons:

1. I want every client to feel like they’re our only client.

2. Clients are neither therapists or friends.

3. Dealing with problems is literally our job. (In case anyone forgot.)

4. If you’re stressed enough to vent to a client or a potential client, that’s probably a sign that something bigger is going on.

My lead planner Amira was actually the one who brought these instances up last week, and she had a really interesting theory.

She calls it the water cooler theory.

Since COVID, hardly anyone works in an office anymore. We don’t have coworkers walking by our desks or someone to grab coffee with after a tough meeting. We lost those little, low-stakes moments that gave us connection and a place to talk.

So now, every vendor call, networking event, venue tour, and wedding has become the new water cooler. People see other humans... and they unload. The problem is, these aren’t low-stakes environments. They’re actually some of the highest-stakes environments and places to be in. .

I started to think about this, and my first thought was, maybe I shouldn’t generalize this into an entire industry. Maybe it was just a few stressed out folks. But it’s happened more than these two instances. And, I realized the issue is twofold.

First, has our industry forgotten that not everyone is the right audience? Is burnout so prevalent that people will complain to anyone, anywhere for a reaction, connection & empathy?

Second, and maybe more importantly, complaining feels like bonding, but actually (and scientifically) makes things worse.

So, I did my research.

Back in 2002, researcher Brad Bushman pretty much debunked the old catharsis theory, the idea that “letting off steam” and venting helps us feel better. His research found that venting actually increases anger instead of releasing it.

Then there’s something called co-rumination. It’s when we keep dissecting the same problem with another person or group. While it feels like bonding, it actually raises cortisol and deepens anxiety.

Of course, it’s easy to do. Humans are wired to complain, wired for drama. (Would anyone watch real housewives if every single episode was drama free?!). And emotions are proven to be contagious, especially the negative ones. Research shows that negative emotions spread faster than positive ones.

So in a world with no water cooler release, a lot of burnout, and a craving to connect, how much venting is too much? Where do we draw the line?

The reality is, a quick “today was rough” or “that was a lot” is normal and healthy. You acknowledge it, nod and everyone moves on. The trouble starts when the group keeps circling the same complaint without moving toward a solution. That’s co-rumination. It’s dwelling instead of processing, and it raises stress instead of relieving it.

So maybe the question isn’t whether we vent. Maybe it’s to whom, and whether the conversation has an exit and solution.

I have a great (positive) example from our last wedding.

It was almost the end of a perfect day... except the shuttle drivers were terrible. No matter how much we communicated with them, they just weren’t getting it. Our planning team stepped outside the after-party for a minute and started venting. I was right there with them.But the conversation was getting really negative quickly. Amira could feel it, and she stopped us. She said, “Okay ladies, let’s save this for wine at the house later. Right now, everyone has to say one good thing that happened today.”

Aside from me being so proud of this leadership moment she showed, the entire conversation changed at that moment. We started laughing about “roses and thorns”, complimenting each other, and remembering all the things that had gone right. It was a simple reframe, and one we all knew we needed. The night ended on a high note.

So one last thing, and I think it’s the most important.

Research also shows that negative emotions narrow your thinking. Positive emotions do the opposite. They literally help you see more possibilities, solve problems more creatively, and notice opportunities you would’ve otherwise missed.

Don’t we all want more of this?

So here are a few ideas to help ruminating water cooler complaints move into something, more…hydrating? ;)

• Name the spiral out loud, ie: Saying “Okay... we’re spiraling,” gives everyone permission to redirect without shutting anyone down.

• Put a time limit on the venting, then move to problem-solving. Instead of, “That shuttle company is the worst,” ask, “What do we do differently next time?”

• Borrow Amira’s move. End a hard day by naming one thing that went well. It’s not about ignoring what went wrong. It’s about making sure the negative energy isn’t the last thing everyone carries home.

And this should go without saying, but...

Don’t. Complain. To. A. Client.

Our clients shouldn’t have to carry the weight of our jobs. They’re hiring us to carry the weight of theirs and to create an experience that feels calm, supported, and magical.

I know peak season is hard. We’ve all been there, when emotions run high. But, before venting to a client or a group, take care of yourself. Take a breath, call a friend, go for a walk, journal, give yourself time to reset.

If you take care of yourself first, my friends, that will always change the conversation at the water cooer.

Thoughts? Are you experiencing this too, and how have you dealt with it?

Leave a comment

As always, my not-so-guilty pleasures

• I learned that I LOVE powerwashing! We rented a power washer this past weekend to clean our teak furniture. Its so satisfying, I’m obsessed. It was a fun project and the table looks like new.

• This little pleasure is so small, but I love it. I recently put a pretty water glass next to my bathroom sink. It’s the most comforting thing to have there, especially since most of the time my giant water bottles are strewn all over the house, but nowhere to be found at bedtime.

• Trader Joes takis, that is all.

Good things ahead:

Ceci and I have a little side project this week - we’re painting her dresser. She picked out the color (a light mint) and we got supplies at Home Depot last night. Off we go! I’ll share the finished project next week. I love having these projects to keep me busy, spend time with my girl, and help me break from peak season!

How about you, what’s on your docket?

Until next week,

Natalie

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Happy Summer!

Eeek, it’s been almost five weeks since my last newsletter! I guess I took a bit of an unplanned hiatus. It was the end of school for the girls, a new summer schedule, lots of dog training appointments for the new pup, a busy work season, and lots of travel. But I missed writing here tremendously. Writing every week makes me a happier person.

Things are going well on my end. Since my last post, I’ve traveled to Cabo with friends, hosted and produced several events with Whim, and now we’re finishing up a week in my favorite place: my mom’s house on the lake in New York. The kids spent our time here running around with Blue, fishing off the dock, baking bread with Nonnie, and playing late-night Wiffle ball with their cousins. I worked a bit while we were here, so my weekdays were filled with production plans and calls, but I made time for rituals like walks and post-dinner wine with my mom. Shaun and I snuck away for coffee, long walks, and dinner dates, and we got plenty of patio time with the family.

I’ve also been feeling extremely nostalgic while we’ve been here, which is rare for me. I’m usually someone who looks forward rather than back.

But this nostalgia has brought with it an overwhelming sense of gratitude. The kind that feels big and warm, like the sun.

I think it’s because last summer looked so different for me.

Shaun was going through treatment at Dana-Farber, our house was under construction, and the girls spent much of the summer away so they could have as normal of a season as possible. Shaun and I kept saying, “Next year, we’ll be back at the lake.”

Well... here we are.

One year later, we’re on the other side. A healthy husband, happy family, a new home, a d a dog who has completely taken over our lives. ;)

Looking back at this time last year filled me with gratitude for our family and for our resilience. I guess what I’m learning is this:

Looking back is sometimes exactly what helps us move forward.

On that note, I have to tell you about my favorite part of the week.

We hooked up ye olde VCR and watched home movies from the ‘90s.

Wow. What a trip.

We watched my dad in his prime, laughing, joking, and telling hunting and fishing stories to his buddies. He passed away in 2015, so seeing him exactly how I remember him was a gift.

We watched our house overflowing with people during family parties, my cousins and me running around the yard, my first dog Brandi proudly wearing a giant Christmas bow around her neck, my mom sporting her famous “Don’t Worry Be Happy” sweatshirt, my sister getting her first pet bird, Gilligan.

My girls watched in awe. They couldn’t believe how much their cousins now look exactly like their parents did then. They “cringed” at my on-camera antics and poor clothing choices. (they were right to cringe, for sure!)

But, what struck me most was how different those videos felt from the ones we take today.

Today’s iphone videos are 30-second highlight reels, curated into a “perfect” and sharable moment.

But these were hours of ordinary life, just happening. Random conversations, laughter, imperfect camera angles, people wandering in and out of rooms, kids playing in the background. It felt less like watching a video and more like sitting back down in those exact places and times. And those moments instantly felt vidid in my mind again.

On our last night at the lake, we invited our extended family over for pizza and turned the home movies into an event. We laughed over our terrible outfits, zits, questionable haircuts, and all the awkward phases. We celebrated the people we’ve lost and the videos into stories. We ended the night feeling so much love, appreciation, and gratitude.

Of course, after that, I had to see what the research says about nostalgia and happiness. Turns out, it’s positive and correlates directly with happiness.

Psychologists used to think nostalgia was something closer to homesickness, almost sad and wistful. But newer research shows that nostalgia is considered a deeply social, mostly positive emotion. When people revisit meaningful memories, the warmth almost always outweighs the sadness.

Even more interesting, a 2023 study published in the Journal of Happiness Studies found that nostalgia makes us happier because it increases our feelings of gratitude. And we know gratitude can increase our happiness by xx percent.

That was exactly what I felt watching those old VCR tapes. It wasn’t just a memory but instead a full-body appreciation.

Researchers also talk about something called self-continuity, the idea that revisiting your past helps connect who you were, who you are today, and who you’re becoming.

Maybe that’s why looking back can actually help us move forward.

So I’ll end with this.

Have you looked back lately?

It doesn’t need to be a grand gesture like hooking up 30 year old VCR cables (however, I was proud of myself for that, lol). It can simply be checking in with yourself, ie:

• What was I worried about last year at this time, that has already happened? (and I lived to tell the tale!)

• What did I wish for then that that I have now?

• What did past me stress about that isn’t even on my mind now?

• How far have my partner and I come in the last few years?

Even better, make it social. Grab a few home movies, mementos, yearbooks, or photos and flip through them with someone you love. Trust me, the happiness is worth it.

And since nostalgia such a social and communal thing, maybe next week, I’ll write a bit more about how we can hone into nostalgia for more hospitable experiences. I’d love your thoughts on that!

Leave a comment

As usual, my not-so-guilty pleasures lately:

• I’m living in this summer dress from J.Crew Factory. I have it in black, and just ordered the red. It’s just an easy everyday dress, and I constantly get compliments on the cut.

• This was on my mom’s bathroom vanity (thanks to my sister) and I’ve been using it all week. I’m hooked. My skin feels great.

• I’m currently reading Firefly Lane - one of Kristin Hannah’s earlier books. It’s a little slow, but I can’t tell if it’s just me. I tend to read a bit less during the peak season, so I’m ok with it.

Good things ahead:

Back home tomorrow, and the kids are at grandma camp with their other cousins! A house with just Shaun and I! (and blue!)

What about you, what’s on your docket? I hope it’s something future you will remember fondly.

xo

Natalie

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Happy Memorial Day weekend! How are you? Did anyone have weddings this weekend?

On my end, I only have a few moments to write today, as my house and brain are full with multiple middle and elementary school kids, the dog, and chores I don’t really want to do. At this stage of my life, rainy long weekends feel different than they did 10-20 years ago, you know?

Anyway, as most of you know, we adopted a puppy a few weeks ago (Blue). She’s the sweetest, most loving pup and she’s making our house feel even more like a home. Yet, we’re all adjusting to a new routine.

Specifically, the mornings, between 6am - 9am, tend to be her most playful, zoomie, and chewy (!!) times of day. These are the hours we had finally grown accustomed to waking up slowly, getting ready for school, work, or relaxing with coffee and a book on the weekends. The Pinneys are creatures of habit, so it’s definitely different. But I’m trying to remember, the only consistent thing in life is change. Just like with babies, kids, jobs, family, life - routine doesn’t last forever. They (and we) adapt to change. So I’m embracing it, and I’m learning from her too.

With Blue, I’ve spent so much more time outside on walks, chatting with our neighbors and other dog owners who I’d never meet otherwise. We’ve hiked in the woods as a family more recently than we have in months.

But it’s our walks that have taught me the most.

Some days Blue loves to lead the way.

Some days, she’s easily distracted, pulling the leash towards the next shiny thing to catch her eye (or nose, or mouth).

Some days, she is so focused, it feels like she knows exactly where she’s headed.

Other days, she is hesitant as hell to move forward.

I can relate.

As a business owner, a creative director, a manager, an event planner, a happiness writer… I go through all of the same feelings. Some days I feel like a natural born leader. Other days, the next shiny thing (idea, thought, focus area, email, opportunity) distracts me from my true path. Then, there are days when I’m totally locked in, completely focused on a design plan, budget, or business goal. And, I’m sure you can relate - there are the days when I’m hesitant and uncertain, and wish I had a boss who could tell me which way to go.

What I’m learning with Blue (and myself), is:

an important piece of happiness is direction.

It turns out, research backs this up. Studies on happiness and wellbeing consistently show that what we need is not certainty, but rather direction. A sense of where we’re headed, even loosely, is one of the strongest predictors of life satisfaction.

What is also interesting to me is that it’s not the arrival that increases happiness. It’s the orientation, that path you can see or want to see. It’s moving forward that keeps us satisfied.

But the biggest thing I’ve learned about direction when walking Blue, finding the path and training her to stay on it takes a lot of work. She needs structure, clear communication, consistency, rewards, and (my) patience to pause when she freezes rather than dragging her forward. She needs me to be calm, and to help her feel safe enough to keep going.

Don’t we all need that from ourselves?

So, on days when we feel like Blue on our own paths - overstimulated, hesitant, unfocused - perhaps we can learn from this little pups walks and training. Here’s how:

• Celebrate the good walk: Reward yourself (and your team) for staying on track. Notice the focused morning, the detailed work, or the productive meeting and acknowledge it immediately. That’s the walk going well!

• Stop when you’ve pulled too far: When the shiny thing / squirrel wins and you’ve chased three new thoughts before lunch, don’t get down on yourself. Pause, reorient, and come back to the path. Maybe there is a reminder on your desk for extra effect (mood board, perhaps?). The walk only continues when you’re moving in the right direction again.

• Find people who will nudge you gently: Get a mentor, business coach, or creative partner. We all need someone who walks beside us and helps us remember where we were headed.

• Meet yourself where you are on the hesitant days: Dragging a reluctant dog forward only makes them fear the walk. On the days you can’t move, the answer isn’t ever more pressure, is it? It’s usually a smaller step. Get outside, make one decision, clean part of your desk, open the document. Tiny steps forward are still steps forward.

And let me acknowledge one last (important) thing about this little walk of ours. We’ll never 100% know if we are on the “right” path. But a path is a hell of a lot better than no path. And, I will say this, when Blue knows where home is (it’s like she can smell it, feel it, taste it) she moves with a lot more confidence, speed, happiness, and even a little swag. ;) Notice that in yourself, too.

And there we go, I’ve become the person who relates everything to their dog. ;)

What about you - how do you find direction when you feel distracted, nervous, uncertain? I’d love to know what keeps you on your path.

Leave a comment

As always, my not-so-guilty pleasures:

• If you miss watching The Summer I Turned Pretty as much as I do, then you must watch Off Campus. I binged it in two days with zero remorse. Very cheesy college rom-com, and I hear they’re filming season 2 now! Need a Briar U hoodie. IYKYK.

• It’s spring in New England! Recently I stopped for a few minutes on a walk to listen to the birds chirp and the trees rustle. The quiet made me realize how loud my brain has been lately, and how peaceful nature is.

• I really do love these lymphatic brushes. I feel like they open up my sinuses and help my allergies. I’ll pretend they are contouring my face too. ;)

Good things ahead:

This upcoming week feels slow and I’m good with that. We have a band concert for Cecily, my regular Tuesday Mahjong night, and lots of dog walks (for me and Blue!). What about you? What’s on your docket?

I hope that whichever path you’re on, you can remind yourself that some direction, not the destination, will make you the happiest.

Until next week,

Natalie

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I’m writing this on Monday evening, so technically: happy Tuesday to you! How’s it going on your end?

Over here, my new 5-month-old puppy, Blue, is keeping our family very busy. We’re deep in the middle of potty, crate, and leash training this little “baby dog,” as I call her, and honestly, I had forgotten what it’s like to have an infant in the house. Our family’s quiet little routine has officially been ripped up like a chew toy, hehe. But with it has come more family hikes, more cuddle time, and a lot more fun, so I’m good with it.

Anyway, a few weeks ago, after writing this post about “green juice for the soul,” I decided to do a little detox of my own and deleted Instagram from my phone for the week.

I do this about once a year, and honestly, I should probably do it more often. Almost immediately, I noticed the same things I always notice when I go off the grid:

I was more focused, creative and calmer. I exercised almost every day, meditated more, and felt startlingly present in my actual life. I signed a new client, went to mahjong, texted friends I miss. And maybe most importantly, I missed absolutely nothing online. When I finally logged back in, I scrolled for a few minutes and immediately thought, why do I care about any of this?

The other thing I couldn’t stop thinking about when I got back on was the word we see on social all the time…“Followers.” Ewww. The word grosses. me. out.

Truthfully, in life, I’ve never really been much of a follower. I’ve always been a bit of a black sheep.

But sometimes this industry has a funny way of making me feel like I should conform anyway. And honestly, I’ve learned that lesson the hard way more than once and recently, too (more on that next week).

Wearing the fanciest outfit or carrying the most expensive bag doesn’t make one a leader (although fashion is fun, don’t get me wrong). Neither does shouting your skills from the rooftops or trying to do exactly what everyone else is doing because its the “it” template.

Somewhere along the way, social media convinced all of us that visibility and leadership are the same thing. That if enough people are watching you, listening to you, or following you, you must be leading. But I don’t think that’s true.

And, you know me, I then made it a point to look into leadership data to provei t.

Research on effective leadership show that the 5 skills tend to appear over and over again in great leaders:

• communication

• emotional intelligence

• integrity

• calm decision-making

• the ability to help other people grow

And I found two things especially interesting:

1. No research pointed to follower count as an indicator of leadership. (LOL - go figure)

2. No research said the best leaders are the most technically skilled people in the room, either. This one I think is really important to note.

If you're an event planner, a caterer, a florist, a venue manager, a mixologist - and you've ever felt like you needed to know more, do more, or be more technically perfect to be taken seriously as a leader…. The research says otherwise. The best leaders aren't the most skilled in the room. It goes far beyond that…

The best leaders:

• Know how to create calm in high-pressure moments.

• Communicate clearly.

• Anticipate needs before they become problems.

• Make people feel safe, seen, and taken care of.

• Support their team

Honestly, the more I write this, the more convinced I am that true hospitality may actually be one of the purest forms of leadership we have.

I think maybe this is why social media feels so hollow to me lately. Where influence is about being seen, hospitality is about seeing other people….and isn’t that what leadership actually is?

I guess my point is, if you work in hospitality or events, and you’re trying to develop stronger leadership, the foundation is already inside you. It’s not about doing what everyone else is doing. It’s not even about how good you are at your craft.

It’s about how well you take care of yourself and other people.

It’s about practicing the traits that make us human. Things like communication, empathy, steadiness, self-awareness, and emotional intelligence. Everything we talk about here on Happily.

So I guess this is a reminder to myself and anyone who needs to hear it - if we focus less on fitting in (online or IRL), perfectionism, and the worry of “imposter syndrome”, and more on becoming grounded, healthy humans, we’ll see both our leadership in hospitality and happiness grow ten fold. Seems like the right metrics to me.

So, I want to know from you, what are the best leadership qualities or examples of amazing leadership you’ve seen in our industry? Are these qualities cut from the same cloth of true hospitality?

Leave a comment

Oh, ps. Here’s blue.

And, as always, my not-so-guilty pleasures:

• Lately, I’ve been discovering Lily of the Valley in the most random places (on hikes, on my walk to school, growing on street corners). So, I’ve been snagging a few stems and putting them in little bud vases around the house. The smell is divine.

• Speed Demon, on repeat. Very NKOTB/Michael Jackson coded.

Good things ahead:

We have a client mock up on Thursday that I’m really excited about. The colors are going to be delicious. And I’m meeting with my book club to chat about The Keeper of Lost Children, which I just finished.

What about you, what’s on your docket?

Until next week,

Natalie

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First, Amira, Whim’s lead planner, got married, and we spent the first part of the weekend in Newport celebrating. I haven’t danced that hard in a long time, and it was a blast.

Then, during the second half of the weekend, my family adopted a DOG! Her name is Blue. She has one blue eye and one brown eye, and she’s a five month old rescue from the island of St. Croix. We had been eyeing her online for weeks and visited Schultz Guest House on Saturday to officially meet her. We adored her instantly. Truly love at first sight. She already thinks the girls are puppies too. So yes, get ready for a lot more Blue here on Happily. =)

And today, I’m excited to chat about giving an EFF. haha. No, really - it’s a very important distinction in both happiness and hospitality…efficiency vs. effort.

A few weeks ago, Shaun and I spent an evening in Harvard Square celebrating our 15 year wedding anniversary. We were living there when we got married, so it felt like a true trip down memory lane. The square felt so different, yet exactly the same. We walked along Mass Ave to our old apartment and pointed out the restaurants that were still there. Some were long gone, but still classics worth mentioning. We talked about the highlights of our marriage and our family. It made my heart really happy.

We went to dinner at Alden & Harlow, one of our favorite spots. The server was lovely, and when he asked if I had any allergies, I told him I was gluten free, but not Celiac. Then he did something worth noting.

He knelt down beside the table, pulled out a pen, and circled every gluten free item on the menu. He marked up his favorites and crossed out anything he thought I should skip.

And to be clear, this wasn’t a disposable paper menu. It was the actual menu.

This was one of the most intimate and hospitable gestures I’d experienced in a long time.

The extra effort he took felt comforting, generous, thoughtful, and kind. Because we all know, he could have simply told me my options. He could have waited for me to ask questions. He could have handed me a separate gluten free menu and moved on.

But instead, he put time and effort ahead of efficiency in the name of good hospitality.

For those of us in hospitality, caring for people’s needs is part of the job.

But in our fast paced, hustle culture, efficiency is often valued more highly than effort.

And honestly, I think it should be the other way around.

Here are a few examples where I personally think efficiency often wins over true hospitality (and it shouldn’t).

Tasting rules, like “only two additional guests allowed.”
I understand the concern about too many cooks in the kitchen. But in a high hospitality-valued market, parents or stakeholders are often paying and naturally have opinions. While limiting attendance may save time or friction during the tasting, those stakeholders will still have questions and thoughts later. It’s almost always better to have those conversations directly and in person, rooted in trust. Plus, it’s a valuable opportunity to spend time with the family and get to know them better. When we put in the effort, we make it an experience, not an efficient limitation.

Automated questionnaires and invoices.
Sorry, friends, but in a high hospitality-valued market, automated communication reads exactly how it feels: Automated. (Honeybook, Triple Seat - OMG). Hospitality is built on human connection. Even if you’re using a template as a starting point, send it from a personal email and add a few thoughtful notes. That extra effort will create connection and usually helps move things along more efficiently in the long run. Remember, It’s much easier for clients to ignore an automated email than a personal one.

I could go on.

But here’s the thing I know…true hospitality takes effort. It takes time and care. It is not efficient.

As do all good things.

There is no hack to good health. Healthy habits take practice, consistency, and intention.

There is no hack to happiness. Happiness requires gratitude, self awareness, and care.

There is no hack to relationships. Relationships take work, humility, and letting go of ego.

And there is no hack to good hospitality either, my friends.

The reality is, efficiency certainly makes systems run smoother. And I’m all about that in the right places (operationally, internally). But effort makes people feel cared for. And isn’t that what hospitality and human happiness is all about?

Here are some questions I’ve been asking myself regarding work, ever since that server broke out his pen:

• Are we optimizing for speed and checklist completion or for connection?

• Is this process making our clients feel supported or simply managed?

• Are we removing friction or removing humanity? (my fav)

• What moments deserve more presence and less automation?

• What would happen if we spent ten extra minutes here?

And the thing I find most interesting is that you can ask any of these questions about your work, but also your relationships, and even your self-care, right?

• Can I move slower today to connect?

• Who can I better support someone today?

• Can I practice relationships by not avoiding friction and allowing humanity to simply…happen?

• Instead of placing an automated grocery order, can I go out and grab a few things at my favorite store…to you know, see REAL PEOPLE?

• What would happen if I spent ten extra minutes at lunch or on a walk?

I think there’s something here, you know? Like maybe the things that matter most were never meant to be efficient in the first place

So I’m curious, what (the) “eff” are you going to practice today? Thoughts, comments, ideas and examples around efficiency vs. effort are always welcome!

My not-so-guilty pleasures this week:

• I’ve been recently adding vanilla, honey & cinnamon to my coffee, which is called a Bees Knees at my local coffee shop. Its yummy and reminds me of this old post!

• Reading Grace Atwood’s Scratch Pad substack every Saturday morning is my favorite.

• Lastly, I think I’m going to start Summer House….. Moira convinced me.

Good things ahead:

A walk with Blue at lunch time! How about you, what’s on your docket?

And whatever you’re up to today, I hope a little extra effort goes a long way for you.

Until next week,

Natalie

Happy Monday! I hope you had a wonderful weekend. I’m just getting back from Hilton Head after a much-needed week off in the sunshine. I’m thrilled though, because the sun is shining here in Boston too, which is making the transition to the Northeast a bit easier. Either way, I promised myself I would bring my own sunshine this week, regardless of the weather. I hope you can, too!

OK, I have to say - this recent post by Brad Stulberg really hit me. In case you’re not on Instagram, here’s the post (below, bolded by Brad, along with a few of the images), and here is the full article on Substack.

“We are addicted to shitty flow.
Psychologists David Pizarro and Paul Bloom coined the term “shitty flow” to describe the experience of being in a flow state, but in ways your higher self does not desire.

Doomscrolling. Swiping reels. Making prop bets. Checking the news for the most gruesome headlines. You feel immersed—but when you come out of it, you feel anxious, empty, and shitty.

The problem is that shitty flow is everywhere, and it’s getting harder to escape. It’s on your phone, in your browser, sold to you at every commercial break. And every time you choose shitty flow over the real thing, you erode your ability to focus, create, connect, and do hard things that actually matter.

If all you eat is junk food, eventually you get diabetes. Our collective addiction to shitty flow is giving us diabetes of the soul. And the treatment is the same: replace the ultra-processed version with the real, more nourishing variety.

We’re in a battle for our brains and souls, and we need to win.”

– Brad”

I was honestly moved by this. As someone who constantly thinks about what I put in my body, the comparison to what I’m feeding my brain hit me like a ton of bricks.

What we put in our brain matters just as much as what we put in our bodies.

I love behavioral psychology and neuroscience, but the paralell of online consumption being the same as food got me. Here’s why:

My personal / self-care advocate take:

I had an amazing vacation. I lazed around, read a few books, did no work. But I found myself mindlessly scrolling on my phone whenever the kids were in the pool or Shaun was driving, and it left me completely empty. The content felt toxic: terrible news, unsolicited advice, endless posts about “how to be better and more successful in the event industry,” and articles I’m fairly certain aren’t even real thanks to AI. I felt gross.

So when Brad compared shitty flow to fast food, leaving us empty, without nutrients, and still hungry, I was blown away.

My vacation consisted of way too many online Skittles.

Because my feed is full of them. And isn’t it funny - it’s called a FEED?

Most of you who read this are in the event and hospitality industry, and you might agree. Lately, it seems like many posts and online content in our industry isn’t really about hospitality at all. Hospitality is kindness, connection, care, service, purpose, gratitude, thoughtfulness, and love. (Research shows happiness is built on exactly the same things, by the way.) But I rarely see social media in our industry that focuses on any of that. Sure, we all love pretty things, and we love love stories, or the occasional motivational or educational post. But most of it lately has left me feeling irritated, envious, insecure, and honestly a little lost in my personal and professional goals.

A good friend of mine told me that her husband has been off social media for over ten years. He focuses on close friendships, hobbies, and hiking and she notices his inner voice is often clearer than hers. Not exactly data, but I personally love the idea of a clear inner voice.

Just like good food helps our bodies function better, our brains need to be fed the goods stuff. Love, connection, self-care.

I don’t want to be preachy, but I’m personally fed up with brain junk, post-vacation, no less, when my belly is already full too (ha). I’m ready to slim down mentally.

So I’m asking you, too.

What nutrients does your brain need today for a clearer inner voice? Brad shares a few ideas above. Mine are below.

I’m thinking of this like green juice for our brains:

• Do 20 jumping jacks at your desk.

• Plan lunch with a friend.

• Pre-make a healthy snack for later (BYOB).

• Schedule a Zoom coffee date with someone you’re excited to learn more about.

• Find a hobby.

• If you must be on social media for work, lead with kindness. Who cares about likes or views. Fuck it.

• Talk to a stranger when you’re running an errand (come on, New Englanders — we can do this).

How about you?

Now, my Industry take:

I mentioned a bit about hospitality above.

But also, the event industry has spent years optimizing for “Instagram-worthy moments” ie; flower walls, neon signs, branded backdrops, huge facades. Really cool stuff. But, have we become so focused on creating moments worth sharing that we’ve stopped asking whether they’re worth feeling? I’m realizing that might be shitty flow by another name: immersive on the surface, but empty underneath (depending on why they are designed.).

So, what green juices do our events need to feel more nourishing for the human beings in the room?

Some thoughts:

• Design for feeling first, always. The first questions should always be “how do we want people to feel?” Many of you I know do this, which is fabulous.

• Bring back an element surprise. A handwritten note, an unexpected moment, a question that catches someone off guard.

• Create phone-free pockets. It can be moments, not the whole event. People are relieved to have permission to just be there.

• Design for strangers to meet, ie; intentional seating, shared activities, structured introductions.

• Slow it down with fewer agenda items and more breathing room.

• Hire for humanity and train for presence not performance. Staff who are genuinely curious, not scripted, change the entire vibe of a room.

I’m excited to hear what you think. Ideas for more brain nutrients and green juice - professional or personal - welcome!

Leave a comment

My not-so-guilty pleasures this week:

• Writing this first, before catching up on work. =)

• I’ve recently become addicted to Ladder workouts, and I adore Coach Jennifer from Team Endure. I love her programs, because the strength workouts and nutrition plans are consistent for 4-6 weeks at a time, logging is easy, and there’s a group chat on the app. Plus, Coach Jen is over 40. There’s not a lot of clutter on this team - just good clean advice and simple, impactful exercises. She’s not trying to entertain a class. She is a no nonsense personal trainer, and I love it. Let me know if you want me to get you a free trial!

• I'm deep into Percy Jackson and the Olympians books (just started book 5). My daughter Cecily convinced me to read them, and I am as obsessed as I once was with Harry Potter!

Good things ahead:

This week is my FIFTEEN year wedding anniversary, OMG. Shaun and I are spending the night in Harvard Square (where we got married and lived fifteen years ago). We’ll likely go back to Grendels’ Den, where we had our first date after seeing the movie Juno!! I’ve just aged myself. ;)

What about you, what’s on your docket? More green juice?

Until next Monday,

Natalie

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How are you? I’m currently on vacation in Hilton Head, SC. My sister lives in Bluffton, so we’re here visiting her and my nephews, who just happen to be the cutest 6- and 8-year-old boys you ever did see.

OK, I’ll get right to it this week. This post took me two weeks to write, so dig in!

By now, my kids are sick of me replaying Justin Bieber’s two Coachella performances over and over. Not the first time. They were over my love for Swag months ago too. But listen, I swear there’s more to it.

I’ll start here. Stay with me.

Since I was a kid, I’ve had a longstanding love for the Jackson 5. I had all the albums and watched the movies and documentaries. In college, my nickname was Billie Jean for how many Michael Jackson songs I’d be willing to perform at a bar on a Friday night. Regardless of Michael’s personal issues and the difficult, abusive upbringing he had, one thing can’t be argued. He had raw musical talent.

His voice was like nothing anyone had heard before, both as a child and as an adult. His iconic dance moves were completely his own. He changed the entertainment industry forever. He made entertainment feel way bigger. Music videos turned into mini movies, and concerts became full-on events people would travel for. Big productions, amazing costumes, impactful choreography, and stories in every song. He broke barriers. The King of Pop made the entire world listen and follow because of his musical authenticity on stage. Dang, what a feat.

Is there anything more beautiful than someone completely in their element?

Honestly, I’d be willing to bet he changed the hospitality and events industry too. Experiences, storytelling, travel. Sound familiar?

By breaking the norm, he created things the mainstream could experience together.

The fact is, I’ve always had a thing for people who break the norm. I’m also fascinated by how suddenly, when someone breaks a norm, it can quickly become the norm. The Tipping Point is one of my favorite books. How can something so unique spread like wildfire and be adopted so quickly by everyone? But that’s for another day.

The reality is, at the core of happiness, humans really all need the same thing: to connect.

So, on to my next favorite tormented child star, Justin Bieber.

I’ve been a Belieber since day one, which honestly checks given my MJ love. Over the last few weeks, I’ve been knee-deep in his two Coachella performances.

Justin performed his sets with only his laptop. A stripped-down performance, singing along with old YouTube videos of his younger self. He brought up several friends to sing with him, including SZA and Big Sean, and surprised is buddy Billie Eilish. He talked to the audience about his struggles in a raw and real way.

If you are in the events and hospitality industry and haven’t watched Biebers Coachella performances, I suggest you do.

Justin’s performances have the internet split. Lucky for me, my algorithm is filled with Beliebers. But some folks say the performances were lazy. In my opinion, there was nothing lazy about them. The moments were raw and real, and they felt like you were in his recording studio just shooting the shit with him for a few hours.

And that right there is the point.

It didn’t feel like a performance you were watching. It felt like something you were a part of.

That “you’re in it with me” feeling is what people are craving. They don’t want front row seats, they want backstage access. They don’t want to watch the moment, they want to be inside of it.

In the events industry (among others) this is an important shift from production to presence. It’s no longer about how much you build, it’s about how deeply people feel it.

Belieber or not, Justin broke a barrier by choosing to perform in his own way. To use his own voice, to pare down the production, and to forget the synchronized dance moves I’m sure he was made to think were critical as a child star. He went back to his roots. His voice, his medium (YouTube), his friends, his family, his raw talent.

I’ll ask again, os there anything more beautiful than someone completely in their element?

And from the Tipping Point, we know that once a barrier is broken, once something so unique is done well, it spreads like wildfire and becomes the norm.

So regardless of your take, the real reason I want you to watch it is because I think he’s telling us exactly what the next generation wants in events and entertainment.

Gen Z has grown up online, and while it’s their medium, they don’t use it in the same way other generations do,. They don’t want to use it show off. They don’t want “things” anymore. They’ve seen how putting on a show for everyone else feels, and how it doesn’t align with who they are inside. They’ve experienced the show others have put on online and have been let down in real life.

They want to touch grass. To be themselves and for others to do the same. They want to see raw emotion they can feel and believe. True human connection, purpose, and honesty. Because to them, real connection is all they’ve ever craved.

And in events, we’re seeing that change too.

• It means guests don’t want to just watch anymore. They want to feel like they’re in it, with access. Guests want to. be part of something, not sitting on the sidelines of it.

• It starts to look like fewer scripted moments and more organic ones. Less choreography and more interaction. They want less “watch this” and more “come into this with us.”

• It means that stripping things back isn’t a compromise, it’s a choice. And when it’s done well, it actually signals confidence, intention and clarity.

• They want fewer elements, but each one matters more. Simpler design, but stronger intention behind every choice. For example, cutting anything that feels performative or unnecessary.

• It also means talent matters more than theatrics. Not just acts that fill space, but moments that actually connect.

• It means the goal is no longer to impress. It’s to connect. For a long time, events and hospitality has asked, “How do we impress people?” Now the question is, “How do we make people feel something?” And those are two very different events.

And honestly, this is where it gets slightly uncomfortable for us.

Because designing for connection is a lot harder than designing for a reaction.

And here’s the other tricky party. Clients don’t always know how to ask for this. They won’t say, “I want something authentic.” They’ll say, “I don’t want it to feel like a production,” or “I just want it to feel like us.”

It’s on us to translate that.

In the hospitality industry, this is often what our high-end clients want most, especially Gen Z and, hopefully, Alpha. We’ve seen so many clients at Whim let go of the big productions of the past. Truly, most of Whim’s clients say to us, “We do not want this to look like a production.” And listen, it’s not just the younger generation that’s sick of it. I once had a mother of the bride, one of the classiest people I know, tell me, “Natalie, if I see one more circus performer at a wedding doing acrobatics, I will freak out.”

And here’s what I’ll tell you. This is not “quiet luxury” or whatever buzzword people want to use. This is her genuinely knowing herself and staying true to her belief system. This is confidence. This is authenticity. For her, the wedding is about the marriage and celebration of two families coming together, not putting on a show.

Here’s the thing, though. That doesn’t mean a big production can’t be authentic too. Sabrina Carpenter and Madonna’s Coachella performance was also genuine in a completely different way. Those two women were a perfect duo because they love theatrical performance, and more importantly, they both love making a splash in a taboo way. Madonna has been this way since the 80s, and it’s a big part of Sabrina’s brand.

Making a splash, going over the top, putting on a show CAN be genuine too, but only if it’s who the client is.

For example, thanks to Mindy Weiss, there is nothing more over the top than a Kardashian event. And that works because, frankly, they are over the top.

Either way, the point is, the next generation wants to believe. But we need to give them something to believe in. And the only way to do that is through real authenticity.

So here’s what I ask you, hospitality professionals, especially in events:

• Are you working to create a big production because that’s what your clients actually want, or because it’s what you think you need to do to succeed in this industry?

• Are you pushing a crazy idea because you know your clients will love it or because your portfolio will benefit from it?

• Are you posting for likes and views or to make people feel something?

• AND.. are your clients asking for something more stripped down, and does that scare you?

Remember, less is more if it’s done authentically. You can still deliver exceptional hospitality, make fantastic money, and leave a lasting impression.

Pairing back is scary because it’s vulnerable.

Choosing less means you can’t hide behind production. You can’t rely on spectacle to carry the experience. You have to trust the feeling, the people, and the moment. You can’t hide behind photos, things, or facades. Sometimes you can’t even show the work. But you can feel it. And isn’t that beautiful?

Here’s the reality. Regardless of which side you’re on, there’s one thing I think we all need to do in our hospitality work:

Invite people in to something real.

The next generation is telling us they want to believe - in people, in real experiences, in something grounded and immersive, in intimate connection. To be completely lost in the moment. To be completely in their element.

And, is there anything more beautiful than that?

Those who have been reading here know genuine social connection is the #1 predictor of human happiness…So, I want to hear from you…

How do you keep your events real in a landscape where likes and views are often valued more highly than human connection?

Leave a comment

As always, my not-so-guilty pleasures this week:

• My friend Keri started at Substack - check it out. It’s all about tented events and how she treats them as a precious extension of someone’s most favorite place.

• Natalie Denyse’s Substack about the next generation going analogue and brands immersing younger consumers in real life is so good. A must read.

• My new favorite little snack that brings me so much joy every afternoon: cottage cheese and hot honey on toast. Shoutout to my friend Dana. I’m officially obsessed

Good things ahead:

In just a few minutes, Shaun and I are headed out to dinner at the Montage Palmetto Bluff, where Hailey and Justin Bieber got married. LOL. Fitting. ;) No really thought, it’s one of my favorite resorts - very secluded and private, and the food at the River House is fantastic.

What about you? What’s on your Docket this week?

And I’d love to hear your thoughts on the Coachella performances, and how you think they’ll impact the events industry too!

Leave a comment

ps. For those of you that are new to Happily, thanks for reading! As a recovering event industry workaholic, I’ve spent the last few years working on my own personal happiness and have seen tremendous growth in my Event planning business because of it. I serves up bite-sized tips to help hospitality business owners put themselves first and watch their business thrive. Thanks for being here and filling your cup. <3

Until next week,

Natalie

I’m coming off a lovely weekend with friends and family, feeling refreshed, with just enough social time and just enough chill time (the sweet spot, right?). On Friday night, I had my OG happiness group over for caviar and comfies (big thanks to Raw Silk!). It felt so nice to have friends at my new bar making dirty martinis while we snacked, laughed, and just were together.

The rest of the weekend was filled with girls’ soccer and lacrosse games, and some cozy catch-up time at home. How about you? Is your peak season kicking in yet, or are you still soaking up pre-season? Whatever it looked like, I hope it included a little fun. =)

I recently came across a quote from Eleanor Roosevelt that perfectly captures why I write this newsletter:

“True hospitality consists of giving the best of yourself to your guests.”

This spoke to me deeply, but I think it could be interpreted in two very different ways:

One Way:
Hospitality means giving all of yourself to your guests, leaving you depleted, exhausted, and with nothing left.

The Second Way
By working on your own happiness, becoming your best self, you naturally offer true hospitality to others.

For many years, I lived in Option 1. But over the last few years, I’ve been practicing Option 2.

And that’s exactly why I write this for our industry weekly (or almost weekly, hehe). Because it’s so easy to slip back into old patterns. More work, more hours, more burnout.

But you don’t deserve that. And neither do your family members, your team, your clients, or your guests.

Let’s be honest for a second. “Hospitality” is a buzzword right now. Everyone is an expert, at least according to their marketing. But I do wonder….how many of those experts are actually doing the work to be happier themselves? I’m not saying that in a judgmental or skeptical way, but more so one of genuine curiosity.

Because at the core of true hospitality is something we don’t talk about enough.

The human psyche.

Behavior psychology research shows that the happiest people are happiest because they:

• Prioritize social connection and relationships

• Practice positive mental habits like gratitude and reframing

• Stay physically active, often with others

• Have purpose and meaning

• Practice kindness

And isn’t it interesting, that the most truly hospitable companies:

• Prioritize relationships over transactions

• Invest deeply in those relationships

• Operate with purpose, meaning, and curiosity

• Lead with kindness, a growth mindset, and gratitude

So here’s the thought I’ll leave you with today.

If you’re marketing your company, your brand, your work as an experience in the highest level of hospitality, are you showing up as your best self first? Or are you hoping happiness will come after success?

Because if it’s the latter, you’ll always be chasing it. (wise words from shawn achor)

So here are a few small reminders to keep YOU top of mind, as we head into the season and beyond:

• Drink water (truly, start here)

• Protect time for dinner with friends, even when you could take a meeting

• Let go of systems that make things faster but strip away connection

• Take on less. Clients, work, hours. Space is required for care

And, I’m going to say something that people may not like or agree with. I believe that if you are stretched too thin you cannot provide true hospitality, at it’s highest level. Not because you don’t care, but because you don’t have the space. Too many to-do’s, too many clients, too many directions. Not enough time. Any by time, I don’t mean time to finish and do this work. I mean not enough time for your own self-care, creativity, rest, and most importantly, life. The life you need to give true hospitality.

Pre-season is your opportunity to check in on your self-care, and happiness. To reset and to decide how you actually want to feel this year, not just how much you want to produce.

The best hospitality you will ever offer comes from a life you enjoy.

Thoughts? Examples? Experiences?

Leave a comment

As always, my not so guilty pleasures:

• This past month, I’ve been having Zoom coffee chats with industry folks from across the country that I’ve been wanting to meet. Last Friday, I met Sarah Bradshaw from The Edit, and I absolutely adore her. First of all, she zoomed in from the airport looking incredibly chic in the best sparkly denim trench. But beyond that, I learned something cool. Before she photographs an event, she creates her own mood board to help her step into the story she wants to tell and identify the moments that matter most to the client. I think this is an incredibly valuable part of her creative process, and I loved how much work and intention she puts in upfront.

• I FINISHED THE CORRESPONDENT. All caps because it’s a must read. Now, I’m reading the Keeper of Lost Children with my book club. Great so far.

• Justin Biebers full Coachella performance and Peloton Jen Sherman’s review made me so unbelievably happy. Belieber 4 life.

Good things ahead:

We’re off to Hilton Head to see my sister and my nephews this week. I cannot wait for 80 degree weather and reading Elin Hilderbrand on the beach.

How about you? what’s on your docket?

Until next week,

Natalie

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Happy Monday and I hope you had a great weekend! Shaun was in CT doing a gravel ride with friends, so the kids and I had a “girls night” on Saturday. We did a little shopping, went out for dinner in town, and then watched a movie (High School Musical). Even though we’ve seen it a million times before, we cracked up at how cheesy it is (how bad the clothes are and Zac Efron’s early acting skills) but we couldn’t look away. It was funny.

On Sunday, I felt motivated to organize at home, make lists, and write out our April calendar. This is very Cancer energy, and while I’m a Scorpio, the moon is currently in Cancer. Cancers love getting their space comfortable, taking care of “life admin,” and resetting their environment.

Speaking of life-org energy, I’ve started making monthly mood boards. This idea was given to me by Moira on one of our happiness calls.

She mentioned that lists don’t motivate her as much as images do, so she made a mood board of the things she wanted to accomplish or feel so she could see it daily. I loved this concept!

I did one last month, and reflecting on it now, pretty much everything came true! Which makes me so happy. On Sunday, I created a new one for April, and I would encourage you to do the same. It’s easy and actually backed by research (of course, science below).

Honestly, doing my own mood board felt like a little treat for myself. It’s rare that I do things like this for me. I hem and haw over these boards for clients, stressing about color tones, graphic design, and image placement. I threw that out the window and let go of any pressure. Mine is below, along with the template I use. =)

And, as you know, I’m a sucker for research. So I was curious if there’s been any research on this in terms of happiness. I found that while mood boards themselves aren’t heavily studied, the psychological processes behind them are. For example:

• A 2015 study by Emily A. Holmes found that repeatedly imagining positive future events improved participants’ mood and optimism, showing that positive mental imagery can directly influence well-being.

• Work by Laura A. King on the “best possible self” exercise showed that reflecting on an ideal future increased happiness and life satisfaction over time.

• AND MY FAVORITE: a classic study by Jeroen Nawijn found that people experienced a significant boost in happiness while anticipating a vacation, but not necessarily long after the vacation ended. In other words, the anticipation phase (having something to look forward to) produced more sustained happiness than the event itself. Anticipation activates reward systems in the brain (linked to dopamine), meaning that simply expecting a positive future experience can elevate mood.

And my own opinion, I believe reminding myself every day, week and month that I have something to look forward to is a skill that takes practice. And it’s become a major part of my happiness strategy.

It’s why I include a “Good Things Ahead” section in my newsletter, and we share one good thing ahead in my happiness groups too.

So essentially, a mood board for the month is just that. A visual of what you’re looking forward to.

Try it! Here’s the template I used on Canva. If you find yourself stuck, it helps me think about the way I want to feel or things I’m looking forward to, and then find images that match.

Honestly my friends, you take care of so many people in your work and life, so this small practice is a little gift for you. Feel free to share yours if you’d like, or don’t. ;) Just have fun making it!

Leave a comment

Here’s mine:

My not-so-guilty pleasures this week:

• I’ve been taking an afternoon treat break almost every weekday at 2 or 3pm. My butler preps my Coke Zero and cuts the limes ahead of time. It’s definitely a small moment of joy. Also, I’ll confess: I like Coke Zero better than Diet Coke. Please don’t shun me.

• I finished No Friend to This House (obsessed). A must read if you liked Circe & the Song of Achilles.

• My window treatments came in for my kitchen and I’m obsessed. I keep staring at them. These were a splurge but well worth it. They are the jewelry of my house - as my mom says!

Good things ahead:
We are hosting Easter here next week, and it will be the first time many of our family members see our new house! I’ve accepted that it won’t be fully decorated, and that’s ok. Curation takes time and care to make it personal. I’m excited to host!

Anyway, what’s on your docket?

Until next week,

Natalie

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Happy Monday!

I’ve missed a few weeks on the writing front this month for absolutely zero reason other than... oopsies. ;) So here I am after a lovely, very social, very fun weekend.

I’m just getting back from the Cape, where I was at a wedding shower for Whim’s lead planner, Amira!! It was so, so much fun and strawberry-themed. And on Friday, Moira and I went to House of Dez at the Newbury, which was filled with familiar faces and so beautifully done. (I’m still not over the custom perfume.) And now I’m going to sit down and watch a movie with my girls. How about you?

I don’t really have a big happiness lesson this week, or at least not anything revolutionary…But do you want to know something cute that’s been helping me a ton lately?

My daughter Mia introduced me to a game she plays in her 3rd grade class. It’s called “Notice & Wonder.”

Everyone picks one thing within their current surroundings that they notice, and one thing that they wonder about. My guess is this is used as a tool to get the class to quiet down. But as someone who could never teach elementary school, you are saints, I’m not totally sure. Either way, I love this game.

I especially love playing Notice & Wonder when I’m in a stressful situation.

Or when there’s something I can’t figure out.

Or when I’m creatively challenged.

Or when I’m really irritated, feeling emotional, or unhappy.

Here’s an example of Notice & Wonder:

Right now, I notice the beautiful Sicilian ceramic pine cone I have on my desk from my trip to Sicily for Engage in 2023. I notice how proud she sits on my desk and how pretty her hand painted cactus flowers are. I wonder who the person is that painted this, and what they are doing right now.

What I love about this game of Notice & Wonder is that it takes you out of the emotional part of your brain and drops you back into curiosity, which feels so much gentler. It helps me stop spiraling, stop trying to solve everything all at once, and just be where I am for a second. And usually, that second is enough.

And of course, there’s actually science behind this. When we’re stressed, the more reactive part of our brain (the amygdala) takes over. But when we shift into simple observation and curiosity, like noticing something around us and wondering about it, we activate parts of the brain linked to attention and regulation.

Studies show this can actually calm the stress response and help us feel more grounded.

I’ve also used this strategy to help my kids when they are upset. After all, aren’t we all humans in need of emotional regulation and self care, regardless of how old we are?

So whatever Monday brings you, take a second to Notice & Wonder. Drop a comment and share what comes up for you!

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My not so guilty pleasures this week:

• I recently finished reading Daughters of Sparta (I love me a Greek Mythology book), then went lighter with Elin Hilderbrand’s “Beautiful Day” (which is about a wedding on Nantucket, and honestly is a New England wedding to a T). I have another Greek mythology I’m starting tonight called No Friend to This House. And, I also bought the Correspondent. Anything good on your reading list lately?

• Mia and I went shopping last weekend and couldn’t put down this shower gel. I bought it. Its fruity and flowery and I adore it.

• Ok, I’m a nerd. But this drying rack is bringing so much joy to my life and kitchen. No more dishes drying and piling up on my beautiful quartz countertop!

Good things ahead:

I have many things to look forward to in my life this week, therefore multiple exclamations ahead. Mia is in a play on Tuesday! Cecily has a showcase at school on Thursday! I’m learning Mahjong with neighbors! I’m writing a case study (dissertation? op ed? haha) about the changing landscape of Hospitality in our industry!

How about you? What’s on your docket?

And let me know what you Notice & Wonder today. Nothing is too big or small!

xo

Natalie

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Is it me, or is the sun shining on this March day the hint of spring that we all need right now?

This weekend was a lovely one, and I hope it was for you too. On Friday, I attended the Boston WIPA gala, and on Saturday I went skiing with the kids. On Sunday, we spent the day around the house, each of us doing our own things but also together. Cecily and I also went for a walk in the neighborhood, and the cold air seemed to revive us. This, for me, is the epitome of a perfect weekend.

The weekend also started off with something really positive, so I have to share. One of my happiness groups meets every Friday. One of the gals, Deanna of Harrison Films, had just come back from Engage Evrima on the Ritz-Carlton Yacht Collection. As many of you in the wedding industry know, Engage Summits are experiences meant to be over the top, a peek into an extravagant and experiential ultra-luxury event world while allowing attendees to connect and learn from each other. She was excitedly telling us all about it, and we were reveling in the amazing experience she had. She said the craziest part: each of them had their OWN BUTLER on the yacht! We joked that now that she was home, Grant (her husband) had to take on the task of being Deanna’s butler, as he brought her a coffee on the call. It was funny and cute and gave us all a laugh.

I also shared that I was unable to go to Napa to help at ITC due to the snowstorm. I told the girls that I let myself be really disappointed and depressed for the day (thanks for that advice Moira). I think some part of my brain thought that going to Napa was going to heal my seasonal affective disorder, motivate me around my health, and get me in a more positive mindset. So the disappointment was REAL. But here’s the thing: by allowing it, it pushed me to treat myself to a nervous system reset since I’d be home. That meant a turmeric/ginger tonic in the morning (link below!!), no work before 10 am, phone in another room at night, 20 minutes of movement every day, and in bed by 10:30. It felt like a spa week, honestly, and I’m grateful that I did it.

And then it hit us on the call.

Don’t we always need to BYOB: be our own butlers?

We all laughed - but also couldn’t ignore how important that really is.

A butler tends to your needs. Has your ginger drink or coffee ready in your favorite mug in the morning. Folds your clothes to perfection. Prepares a beautiful spa salad for your lunch. Does turndown service: sprays your bedsheets with lavender linen spray and leaves a lovely glass of water by the bed. Treats you to a gorgeous egg scramble with avocado and salsa, and yogurt and fruit for breakfast.

And listen, while I’ve never had a butler per se, I also know that oftentimes on vacation I feel how wonderful these little treats can be.

But can’t we have them every day?

After all, we are in hospitality, aren’t we? Let’s BYOB: be our own butlers. It’s my new version of Treat Yourself!

Maybe your butler:

• Refills your water bottle before you even realize you’re thirsty (and adds a lemon).

• Puts your workout clothes out the night before.

• Schedules the haircut or appointment you desperately need to make.

• Orders the good olive oil.

• Leaves you a handwritten note in your planner that says, “You’re doing great.”

• Makes your bed feel like a hotel, even on a Tuesday.

• Cancels an obligation on the calendar for a cozy night in.

Being your own butler doesn’t have to mean going on a luxury vacation. Sometimes it’s just making today or tomorrow easier for yourself.

Remember, Future You is a very deserving guest.

So….drop a note of how you’re going to be your own butler this week!

I’ll go first. I prepped a stunning “spa salad” (kale, apples, cucumbers, chicken, rice, and I’m pairing it with Flamingo Estate Persimmon vinegar and olive oil), waiting for me for lunch. My butler loves making me food ahead. ;)

What about you?

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And as always, my not-so-guilty pleasures this week:

• Pretty much obsessed with this detox lemon ginger tonic in the morning. I’ve been drinking it before food and coffee, and it’s helping with my blood sugar spikes and my skin (I think?).

• Have you subscribed to Sarah Bradshaw’s substack called “The Edit” yet? Sarah is a wedding photographer who writes a weekly post and interviews fellow industry creatives, entrepreneurs, and thought leaders. Her posts are quick and always pack a punch for me, and I just adored this one, titled Pursue Great. Run, don’t walk, to read it.

• I’m really into snowshoeing right now. We still have 2 feet of snow on the ground, so I figured, if you can’t beat ’em, join ’em. We’ve been going on the trails near Willowdale.

Good things ahead:

Mia is playing in a half-time lacrosse scrimmage at the Harvard Women’s Lacrosse game this coming Saturday afternoon. I cannot wait!

What about you? What’s on your docket?

Hopefully you are keeping your butler busy. xoxox

Until next week,

Natalie

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It’s been a few weeks! Things are a bit chaotic here. We are finishing up the last bits of our home renovation, design plans are moving along at Whim, and I feel like the kids have had a day off (snow day or holiday) at least once a week since early January. I don’t mind it, but I keep finding myself craving routine and hitting my head against the wall when I don’t find it.

This week, as I wondered, “Will I ever get back to my routine?” I realized maybe the problem is actually my expectation of a routine. As a mom of elementary and middle school kids, is a routine even possible? The answer is yes, for a hot minute. ;)

Just like the early days. When my girls were babies, we would find a rhythm that worked for us, and then a few days later it would change. I guess that continues as they get older too. While my girls are more independent and do not need me to eat, clean themselves, or generally stay alive, they do need me for other things. Human taxi, emotional support animal, cheerleader, permission granter, and systems creator. Thus the cycle continues.

I will not wish it away though. They are my greatest joys. But if there are any parents out there reading this who have older kids, middle school especially, I would love any advice on finding little moments for yourself between soccer practice, play practice, homework club, dinner, work, and more. =)

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Now back to our regularly scheduled program in hospitality & happiness, hehe.

Here is one thing I thought about this week as I observed myself.

First, I find it very hard to be creatively motivated this time of year. Anyone else?

Even though it is “supposed” to be the time for creativity, the February doldrums and lack of vitamin D hit me every year. It is a slower time, and I struggle with it.

Then I read about this Harvard study on motivation and fulfillment at work.

The Progress Principle by Teresa Amabile found that making meaningful progress in work, even small wins, is one of the most powerful drivers of motivation and fulfillment.

The key finding: what mattered most for motivation and fulfillment was not the big end result.

It was the feeling of forward motion in the process.

The study showed that when people are only focused on outcomes (ie: big launches, the wedding day, the review, the applause)they are actually more vulnerable to burnout.

UM, is this our industry OR WHAT?

Here is why burnout is so much more likely in this model:

• The reward is delayed.

• The validation is external.

• The nervous system is in constant push mode.

• And once the big moment passes, there is a crash.

On the other hand, the study found that when people find meaning in the process itself, the small wins, the craft, the daily improvement, they experience more sustained engagement and less emotional depletion.

So the reality is burnout is not just about overwork. It is about working hard without experiencing internal reward along the way.

This got me thinking. Back when I worked in marketing, we had Key Performance Indicators (KPIs) tied to measurable outcomes like:

• Revenue.

• Conversions

• Engagement.

• Growth.

And in hospitality, especially in heart forward work like ours, if the only KPIs are:

• The flawless event

• The five star review

• The client praise

• The rebooking

• The likes and views on social

• The revenue

…then our nervous systems are constantly waiting for a big external hit of validation. If those are the only indicators we measure ourselves by, we are constantly chasing an outcome. And to boot, in the off season, it’s not nearly as regular.

So in either situation, outcome based fulfillment is exhausting.

What if we had internal process KPIs instead? Not “Did the event go perfectly or did I land that new client? or did I ace that design plan?” but:

• Did I stay grounded when something challenging happened?

• Did I listen deeply to one person today?

• Did I protect my break?

• Did I solve a problem creatively?

• Did I leave work without carrying it home?

• Did I create one small moment of care for someone?

• Did I make meaningful progress?

This study reminded me that my “lack of motivation” and “lack of creative fulfillment” this time of year might just be because I am looking for some big achievement, like during the season. Perhaps setting internal KPIs like this each day will help me feel fulfilled by the process, not just the outcome.

And honestly, perhaps the routine I am craving in the mom world is not about structure at all. Maybe it is about noticing the small progress in the process, too.

What about you - what are your internal KPI’s this week?

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As always, my not so guilty pleasures this week:

• I organized my linen closet using these sheet label bands, I could not contain my excitement! SO GOOD for this Scorpio Virgo.

• I have been watching Disney’s Percy Jackson series with Cecily and it is so good. I love anything with the Greek gods, and I’m glad it is something we can watch together.

• Favorite scent for my guest bathroom.

Good Things Ahead

I’m headed to Napa next week to assist on staff for ITC. Who will be there? I’m so excited to see my girl Vanessa, who is designing it. She can make me (and everyone else around her) cry laughing, so I know it’s going to be a fabulous week!

What about you? What’s on your docket?

And, let me know what your internal KPIs are going to be this week!!

xo,
Natalie

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But to be honest, I’m having a little trouble writing today because of everything going on in our country.

When I see so much hatred coming from our government, I feel conflicted. I feel deeply concerned for humanity as a whole, while also toggling between helplessness and hopefulness in my day-to-day life. I feel angry that our country elected leadership capable of such cruelty toward innocent children and families. I feel sad for families ripped apart. And I feel guilty when I complain about ordinary things like an unfinished house or when I work on a beautiful wedding.

For a split second, I even wonder if it’s silly to write about happiness when humanity has been struggling with kindness. And yet, here we are, more awake to it than ever. This moment has lit a fire and forced us to see humanity more clearly. Which means self awareness, kindness, community, purpose and happiness is even more important now than ever.

I remain hopeful. I believe kindness has to win.

I just finished reading The Women by Kristin Hannah, which centers on the Vietnam War. What struck me most, beyond the lack of acknowledgment of women in the war, was sitting with the reality that the government was lying to the American people then too. For years, they claimed the U.S. was “winning,” while hundreds of thousands of people died in a war that ultimately had no clear purpose. Protesters against the war were “radical” at first. It took the people of our country twenty years to come to terms and acknowledge Vietmans hell amongst the lies they had been fed.

Today, I don’t know how long it will take for a majority of Americans to fully acknowledge that they are being lied to, or to agree that these acts are not okay.

What I do know is this: right now, kindness and community matters more than ever. We need the majority to choose kindness. To practice it. To lead with it, especially when it feels hard. And especially when you feel angry.

And the good news is, I’m seeing more and more people that were once silent speak out.

Research shows that happiness, optimism, and kindness are contagious. And so are negativity, violence, and anger. What we pass along matters. We’re living in a deeply divided country and not everyone will ever agree. But we just need the majority, to be better, hopeful, compassionate and kind.

And, we need each other. It’s clearer than ever to me, especially after being on social media this weekend. On my algorithm, everyone is speaking out against ICE - trying desperately to get others to act, share their pain and be part of a community they align with. To feel heard among friends, neighbors, peers, clients and colleagues.

I do feel Step 1 is using a platform to share your voice and raise human values back to the majority. But I also believe the internet is an isolating place if you’re there for too long.

I firmly believe that the bigger step, Step 2 is in-person community. Getting off our phones and being together in real life. For some, it means rallying or protesting in their towns For others it means being with friends and family they love. Isolation breeds anger, and fear. But remember, the happiest and healthiest people in the world do things together, as a community.

We must be together to pass on love and kindness even when it feels uncomfortable. Even when we’re upset.

And Step 3 is acting with purpose- doing small acts every day for the change you want to see. They don’t have to be big, just consistent. I’ve written about the study in a nursing home where those who tend to a small plant in their rooms daily are happier and more fulfilled than those who do not. In this case, this not only helps your stress but will bring new life to your purpose. For human values to be the majority. If you’re upset, this is your plant. Tend to it in a small way, everyday.

So today, I urge you to plan one very small thing you can do for kindness - use your voice, be with your community in love, or find a small act of purpose. Political or personal. Mental or practical. Tend to it. I know it’s hard to do when things feel out of your control. But, if you are kinder, more loving, and move with purpose, it inspires others too. Its an energy.

An energy that needs to shift to the majority.

A few ideas:

• Call your senators - full script here.

• Help Minnesota here

• Pick one news story and respond with action instead of doom-scrolling (donate $5, sign one petition, make one call)

• Share your views online, even if you’re nervous to do it.

• Write a note to someone you love

• Call or text someone you care about

• Instead of complaining about work, tell a coworker something specific you appreciate about them

• Leave a generous tip for someone who won’t expect it

• Write a positive online review for a small business or someone’s work

• Forward an article, podcast, or song to someone and say, “This made me think of you”

• Thank someone by name who usually goes unnoticed (custodian, admin, delivery driver, barista)

• If you’re feeling overwhelmed, choose compassion for yourself and rest without explaining it

• Share credit publicly instead of privately

If you have additional ideas, ways to help, or ways to show kindness to yourself or others, I’d love for you to share them here. If 180 readers each do one small thing, my hope is 180 more humans feel that love and pass it forward too.

Kindness doesn’t mean ignoring what’s wrong. It means choosing how we show up anyway…Thanks for being here.

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ps. Here is a little act of kindness from my daughter Cecily (12) to my daughter Mia (9). They had been fighting over jolly rancher candy on Thursday night after Cece got a full bag after her show opening. I put a stop to the fighting and they both went up to bed. When Mia woke up on Friday morning, she found this note from Cecily and a jolly rancher in her backpack. =) It was heartwarming. More of this in our world, please.

With love,
Natalie

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I’m officially back in the office after three glorious weeks off. We moved into our renovated home, celebrated Christmas here and New Year’s in our neighborhood, made cookies, watched Emily in Paris, unpacked boxes, made a lot of lists, shopped for furniture with my mom, and drank a lot of wine. It was exactly what I needed.

I always joke that I need a vacation good enough that I forget all my work tasks, business goals, and even my clients’ names. (kidding, I love them.) But honestly, a real vacation for me is a mental escape from work to the point where I remember who I am without it and then actually feel excited to come back.

That’s me right now. How about you. Did you get some time off?

This weekend also kicked off the ski season for my family. I don’t ski, so I usually sit in the lodge and write while they hit the slopes.

On Saturday, I was sitting at a table just outside the Pistol Pub at Gunstock. A woman told me I could sit there, but that they weren’t serving food to those tables. Totally fine for me, I had just eaten and just wanted a place to write.

I opened my laptop, and a few minutes later, another waitress came over with a glass of water. She wasn’t serving those tables, but she said, “Figured you might want some water. Let me know if you need anything.” It was such a small thing, but a genuinely kind one. I ended up asking if I could order a glass of wine.. She smiled, nodded happily, and brought me a cabernet.

And this, my friends, is the tale of how genuine kindness works in hospitality.

If you’re heading back into your hospitality job today, whether it is your own business or one you work for, chances are you are thinking about increased revenue, sales goals, better tips, how to improve your processes and how to get more people through the door in 2026.

I have the answer.

Genuine kindness.

• Doing things because you want to, not because it is required.

• Asking your customers what they need instead of assuming.

• Helping because it is actually helpful, not performative or feels good for you.

• Making someone’s day.

• Remembering why you serve.

When researching this post, I came across this substack, called Notes on a Napkin. He writes about the business model of kindness. Here, he quotes restaurateur Jeremy King:

“The moment we look at people through the door as income, we’re finished. But if you look at them as an opportunity to give them a good time, the money follows.”

So that’s it, isn’t it.

All the marketing plans, sales goals, and business development you are working on this year, do they all start with how to be kind? How to give people a good time? How to help them feel a little more relaxed, a little more seen?

Side note: Here’s whats even crazier. As I sat there with my cabernet and wrote this post, another server came over and said “hey, we’re short staffed so these tables are closed for food, but if you need anything, I can absolutely get you some food.”

HOW KIND IS THAT.

(did I looked hungry? haha)

But you know what I mean, right? There are many people that are so burned in this industry that they would thrive on making it a point to share multiple times “You can’t order here - we’re short staffed.” I’m all for a boundary, but instead, these two acknowledged and offered something out of kindness, which always speaks louder.

And remember, here’s the thing we do not always say out loud. Kindness is easier when you are taking care of yourself, when you are rested, supported, and have purpose.

So here is what I’ll ask of you today.

• What is one kind thing you can do for yourself today?

• What is one kind thing you can incorporate into your 2026 goals?

This is permission to be human in an industry that thrives on it, but can easily lose site of it at the same time.

I would love if your shared a kind thing you are incorporating into your 2026 hospitality goals. It would make my day, someone elses’, and likely yours too!

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My not-so-guilty pleasures:

• I got a lovesac couch in Oyster etched chenille. I scoffed at the price tag at first but you can wash every single part of it in the washer and it has a lifetime warrenty. Functional and the color is so pretty. Plus I got it on SALE.

• I organized my office and found 8 pretty notebooks, all unused. I’ve acknowledged my addiction and will use them in 2026. You heard it here first.

• I love getting my tarot card reading on ChatGPT. Anyone else? My reading for today is spot on. : Your card for today is The Star ✨Which feels very on-brand for where you actually are right now, even if your nervous system hasn’t caught up yet. The Star is the card that comes after the storm. It appears when something truly heavy has passed and your system is learning how to breathe again. It’s quiet. It’s not fireworks. It’s the gentle, real healing that happens when you’re finally safe enough to exhale.

Good things ahead:

My new desk comes tomorrow. It’s beautiful. I’ll send a pic!

I’m still trying to think of one kind thing I’ll do as part of Whim’s 2026 business goals. I’m eager to hear yours!

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Until next Monday,

Nat

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I hope you are so engrossed in the holiday break that you have no idea what day it is or when the new year will ring in. That’s basically me right now. I just realized it’s Sunday and time to write my newsletter. Eek!

Currently, I’m in my new office. It’s 9:55 pm, and everyone in my house has just gone to bed. The house is filled with moving boxes, and nothing is in its place yet. My mom is fast asleep on the couch downstairs (her room in the basement isn’t quite done), and the rest of the house is dark. I snuck into my new office, which has yet to have a desk. I gave Ceci my old one and finally got a new one today (coming January 6.). Then I remembered I don’t have a lamp in here (well, I technically do, but it’s missing a light bulb) and my overhead light hasn’t been installed yet. So here I sit on the floor, surrounded by boxes, in the dark, on my phone, writing what comes into my head.

Shaun and I have a saying when our life feels chaotic. He looks at me and says with both a sigh and a smile, “These are the days.” It started off as a sarcastic remark, but has morphed into something more. A reminder that indeed, these are the days. The days that make up our life. Our memories. The days that shape who our kids are and who we become. The days that are uncertain but full of possibility. The days we feel unorganized and notice our imperfections more than ever. The days that someday will be the good old days.

These are the days.

Our house is 80% done, but we moved in anyway. My kids are so happy to be home in their rooms, in the community where they feel safe. I feel more connected, even while texting my neighbors, to see their houses out my window. We have spent the last ten years watching each other’s families grow, beeping at each other as we drive down the road, stopping to say hi when we go on walks, having wine together. I am more appreciative of this neighborhood than I ever have been before. Being back reminds me yet again:

These are the days.

And the last 44 years were the days. Each of these days builds up to the story of who we are.

What I like about “These are the days,” it has no negative or positive emotion to it. Not the best days. Not the worst days. Just the days. The days that make up the stories of our lives. The days that I am grateful to have had, good, bad, beautiful or ugly.

In the same token, I often think about a beautiful rock I saw on the Pacific Coast Highway when Shaun and I were on a bike tour, before we had kids. It jutted out of the water along the rugged coast. I often think about how the ocean has been splashing and slamming onto that rock every day for hundreds of years. The water is likely still crashing over it now, just as it did when I noticed it fourteen years ago and many years before that. Some days it splashes and some days it slams. But the rock does not wish to be more than it is or wish for the water to stop. It just is. It is not living, of course, but it is being, isn’t it? It is a rock. In California. Being a rock on the earth and those are its’ days.

As humans, we have the ability to shape how we feel about our days, even if the same water crashes onto us each day. One day it can feel joyful and cool, making us feel clean and alive. Another day it can feel vindictive and angry, slamming down, covering our heads and clouding our vision. But we are simply humans, being. Some days the world splashes and some days it slams.

The beauty about humans though is just that. We have the ability to shape how we feel about the days. There are two ways I could look at today.

1. My house is a disaster and I have no lights or a desk. I am unsure of when the house project will be fully done. I feel stressed about how much this is costing and when the EFF is it going to finish.

   Or

2. These are the days! Someday I will sit in here and take a work call or write a book and I will remember when I wrote this newsletter in the dark. Those were the days.

And, I know this is first-world chaos. But the truth is, our nervous system doesn’t sort stress by category. It just asks, “Am I safe? Am I supported?” But the beautiful part is that we’re wired to find steadiness again, no matter what the stress. Any darkness or chaos or mess can be shifted, not by pretending it isn’t there, but by noticing what’s still good inside it.

“These are the days” is the emotional truth. The rock is the visual metaphor for the same idea.

So today, I’ll be standing steady inside the unfinished and unpredictable days, and letting them count. I encourage you to do the same.

Because after all, these are the days.

With love,

Nat

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Hello my friends,

I didn’t get a chance to write earlier this week since we moved into the house, so I figured I’d take a few minutes here to say hi and Happy Holidays!

We are currently enroute to my sister-in-laws house for Christmas Eve (Shaun’s driving, I promise!) so please excuse any typos on my end. 🤪

I’m excited to celebrate tonight, as it’s been quite the year for our family. But it’s ended so much better than it started. We are back in our newly renovated home, with just enough time to set up the sweetest little Christmas tree for Santa’s arrival. Shaun is feeling great and in remission. So tonight, I’m wearing the sparkliest top I own, as I’m of the mindset that sequins is for celebrating all joys - big or small.

I also wanted to share a quick holiday reminder to everyone who thinks they haven’t purchased enough gifts for loved ones, haven’t made enough food for the festivities, haven’t decorated enough, haven’t been thoughtful enough, etc. etc.. (which was me this morning.)

• YOU ARE DOING ENOUGH.

• YOUR PRESENCE IS THE GIFT.

• THE MOST MEMORABLE MOMENTS ARE MADE FROM BEING IN THE MOMENT.

Yes, all caps.

I loved this reminder from Peloton’s Jess King. Be the gift - share stories, connect, be curious. That is the ultimate gift for any child or family member.

I’ll admit, I needed this. Between all of the house and holiday tasks, I’ve been a bit of a grumpy bear - snippy and mentally preoccupied. Trying to check off the list.

So as I head into Christmas Eve, I want to keep “being in the moment” top of mind. As cheesy as this may sound, I made a quick acronym to remind me of how to stay present, (with a very MERRY way to remember). 🥰

M - Memory sharing

Tell the stories. Share your memories and laughs.

E - Engage

Be curious. Ask the questions.

R - Really listen

Phones down, eyes up. A strategy my therapist taught me: mirror what the other person is saying (ie; repeat it back), it helps people feel heard and helps you listen better.

R - Repeat what matters

The hugs. The gratitude. The rituals that make you feel grounded.

Y - You are enough

Exactly as you are. Exactly where you are.

Presence is the real present - to yourself and others. 🥰🥰

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That’s all for today my friends. I hope you have a very merry, healthy and HAPPY holiday season. Thank you for reading and sharing, and doing what it takes to take care of you and your happiness. You are enough!

Merrily,

Natalie

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Is anyone else feeling senioritis lately? Holidayitis. I have little interest in doing much work - although I have plenty to do. We take 3 weeks off starting 12/17 and I’m so pumped to get into the house this week, and settle in before Christmas.

I am also finding myself grateful, and reflective.

Last weekend at our 23rd annual Thanxmas party in NH, there were several moments where I stopped in full gratitude, savoring the scenes in front of me. Cecily carrying around 2 year old Cora (one of the newest members of the Bluezoo Crew), Shaun having eggnog with all of his college buddies in the kitchen. Getting dressed with my friend Tara like the old days when we lived together. Mike’s array of magical Christmas lights, Mia playing with the pups. Generations of kids and families enjoying the celebration, one that originated from a silly college idea to have a party after they won a random free turkey at the dining hall. Pretty heartwarming, given these Plymouth State kids were once complete animals. 🤣

And last week, in our happiness groups, we reflected on our happiness habits too. Each of us shared one thing we’d learned from the group this year, or one thing we were especially proud of im our own happiness practice. It was really enriching and connecting.

So I’d love to take a moment to ask you the same thing:

What’s one thing you’ve taken from this newsletter into your every day happiness practice this year? Or what’s a happiness habit that you started that stuck with you?

I’d be delighted to hear, but this question isn’t for me as much as it is for you.

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I heard a lovely, simple quote that reminds me of our happiness work this year.

“What you pay attention to grows.”

It’s so true. Paying attention keeps it going. For me, I’ve learned that the more in tune I’ve been with my needs, it has become much easier for my brain to notice when I need those things. And when I build happiness habits around those needs, and practice with effort, my brain’s alarm bells ring naturally. They tell me when it’s time to rest or use a practice for my self care. I swear my brain chemistry changed along the way. Now, self-care takes less active effort from me, some days better than others. I hope for you, too. Ultimately:

What you pay attention to grows.

Your self care needs are essentially little seeds that need to be tended to. Eventually the tending becomes a natural part of your day.

And on that note, since happiness grows from connection, awareness, and small daily practices, I’d love to look ahead together.

Instead of resolutions, let’s think in terms of happiness seeds, small things we want to nurture in the new year.

Choose one to take you into 2026:

• What’s one relationship or community you want to nurture more next year? (connection seed).

• What’s one playful or creative habit you want to protect or restart? (creativity seed)

• What’s one thing you want to stop forcing, and set boundaries around (ease seed)

Feel free to share here or keep them somewhere you see regularly. What you pay attention to grows.

I also want to say how grateful I am for this little newsletter and your community. I’ve been writing for over a year, which is something I haven’t done regularly since I was a kid. Thank you for sharing, commenting, and keeping me curious and connected!

Not so guilty pleasures this week:

• This Westman Atelier lipstick is one of my favorites. I wear “Ma Biche” for special, fun occasions. It’s a punchy, sassy red that really glams up a look. It lasts forever too!

• I am obsessed with giving this gift this year.

• A stat really hit me this week: If every American shopper swapped just one $40 purchase from Amazon or a big-box retailer to a local small business, it would put over $10 billion into local economies. My favorite local businesses are Gus & Ruby, SOWA winter festival, Petrova Chocolates, Brookline Booksmith, Sweetbay (in my town), and many more.

Good things ahead:

Omg I’m getting into my house this week!!!! I’ll share pics soon!!!!

What about you, what’s on your docket?

Until next Monday,

Natalie

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Hopefully you had a fulfilling and looooong Thanksgiving weekend, whatever your holiday had in store for you. <3

We spent the weekend in Western Massachusetts with Shaun’s mom, my sister and brother in law, and our niece and nephew. In typical fashion, we kicked off turkey day with our annual “Gobbler Challenge” (creatively named by Shaun) which is really just a hike wherever we happen to be celebrating that year (lol). I always love starting the day with fresh air and seeing my kids rosy cheeks.

Over the weekend we got into the holiday spirit. We stuffed our faces, celebrated Mia’s birthday, watched Elf, baked cookies, and visited the cutest Christmas tree farm where it lightly snowed for the first time. I felt holiday magic in full force.

Honestly, I’m feeling very grateful lately, especially since we move back into our home next week and Shaun is feeling better than ever. This spring and summer gave us a run for our money, but also taught our family patience and brought us closer.

I think this is part of the reason I am not feeling stressed about the holidays. I am not interested in panic purchasing, massive to-do lists, or rushing. Instead of focusing on being done, I’m focusing on having fun.

As you know, this has been my motto almost all year (more here) both at work and at home. And it is working.

If something I am doing is not fun or feels like I’m trudging through it, rather than focusing on checking a box, I try to find the fun in it. Yes, checking off a to-do list is rewarding and fun in itself. But I’m learning it’s much more rewarding and productive when the process to check it off has been fun, too.

Here’s an example at Whim. About a month ago, Moira was trying to sketch a bar element for our November wedding. I could tell she was frustrated and stuck. I gave feedback but she still did not love where it was going. On on of our calls she said, “I don’t know. I just need to finish this.” And I told her, “No. You need to take a break. Go to a museum, study something that inspires you, go for a walk, go shopping. Do not touch this for a few hours. If you are just trying to get it done and you are not having fun, it will not be your best. And most importantly, you won’t be proud of it.”

She was annoyed at first (even if she would not admit it, I could read her face instantly, haha) but I reminded her that if she told me the same thing, I would be annoyed too. Still, I meant it. I told her to step away.

She stepped away and ended up organizing and displaying her mother’s heirloom china that afternoon. A few days later she came back with an epic sketch.

I feel the same way about the holidays and about my house project right now.

Here’s an example at home: Last week I spiraled, thinking about moving day. There is still so much left to do, and IMO, my contractor is about two weeks behind (Haha) He is doing a great job though, and I don’t want my to-do list or his (or my fear and anxiety about both) to steal the joy from it. So instead of texting my friends irritated updates about the timing of trim and tile, I started working on moodboards for each room. Creativity is fun for me, and it keeps me in fun mode rather than in done mode.

Here is the thing. I love a to-do list. But what I keep noticing in my happiness work is that my to-dos are no longer the first thing I think about in the morning or the last thing on my mind at night. They do not nag me the way they used to.

I think it’s because I finally understand that my list will always exist. It will never be finished. Fun, however, is something I have to choose. I have to invite it in, make room for it, and be present in it. Because I have been building this habit all year, this morning I woke up with the feeling of something missing. And then I realized what it was.

A nagging to do list. Holy sh$#.

I realized that now my to-do list takes up about 20% of my brain, and fun and happiness take up about 80%. That still surprises me. How did that happen?

Habits.

When we build habits that invite joy and engagement into everyday tasks, we naturally support long-term well-being, creativity, and even productivity.

Pleasure brings balance. It protects us from burnout while still allowing us to get things done.

When we enjoy what we are doing, we thrive. And for those of us in hospitality and creative work, fun may be the most sustainable way to live, work, and lead.

Of course, not everything we must do is fun. But inside that 20% of tasks, I’ve been trying to add fun where I can. I reward myself when I finish something annoying. I take breaks when I’m stuck. I weave in a signature strength when I am in a grumpy mood (like gratitude or connection). I cuddle my daughter while I finish accounting receipts.

For years, I plowed through responsibilities so I could get to the fun things later. Now I think the only thing worth plowing through is snow. (which must begin in December and be gone by February 1st by the way.)

I want to share that I understand there is much happening in our world that is not fun. But finding moments of joy amidst it all still matters.

So here is my question for you:

Is there something you are plowing through just to finish when it could be more fun if you approached it differently?

Is there something around this time of year that usually stresses you, but could you do it in a way that invigorates you?

Can you add one fun thing to your to-do list today? Leave a comment. I love when you share!

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As always, my not-so-guilty pleasures

• Call me basic, but I got a Merry sweatshirt (like this one) at a local shop this weekend, and I’m very excited about it.

• The kids and I made a color-coded white board family calendar, and the first thing out of Ceci’s mouth this morning was, “Mom. I love the calendar.” Yaaas my little organization queen.

• Currently, I’m reading Nightingale. I’m captivated by Kristin Hannah, who practiced law before becoming a full time writer!

• I’m taking serious joy in unsubscribing from all the holiday promo emails. Seriously. haha.

Good things ahead:

Our annual Thanxmas party is this weekend (wearing the merry sweater) and making my famous Cornbread Cassarole.

What about you, what’s on your docket?

And how will you be having more fun today / this week?

My guess is, you’ll likely still get the same amount done (or more!), so why not try it?

ps. I saw this cutie this weekend and loved it.

Until next week,

Natalie

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Happy Monday! How was your weekend?

I’m coming off mine on a high note. We wrapped our last wedding of the year, the Bills won, and my family celebrated Shaun’s birthday for three days straight. 😉 It felt like the perfect balance of work and play. Cecily and I baked cookies on Sunday, I went for a long walk with my friend Jamee, watched Mia’s basketball game, and finally bought a couch for our new home.

Speaking of which… our new windows are in and the light flooding into the kitchen is insane. We haven’t moved in yet (planning for early December), but I cannot wait. Today we meet with a paint consultant and landscaper. Wee!

The house project has been keeping me creative at home, and 2026 design plans are keeping me creative at work. So I’d love to continue our topic on creativity and happiness this month.

Last week, I wrote about how creativity increases happiness by 45%.

But that brings up an important question:

How do we actually get into creative flow?

Most people I’ve talked to say it’s really hard to pinpoint when they’re most creative. Same, friends, same.

For me, I’ve learned I cannot force it. And yet, it’s equally difficult to build habits around something you can’t schedule. If I put “be creative” on my calendar, my brain will do the opposite. Or I’ll feel this unnecessary pressure that leads to less creative action and more self-doubt.

For me, creativity comes in bursts. It resists routine. But something hit me this week, something so simple and obvious. We talked about it in one of my happiness groups.

Boredom.

One of the biggest sparks for creativity is actually… being bored.

Not the kind of bored where you are apathetic, depressed or lacking interest in the things around you. The kind of bored where you are relaxed, chilling, with nothing to do.

I did some research and learned boredom is multifaceted. Researchers from the University of Konstanz in Germany categorized boredome into 5 types:

1. Indifferent boredom: A calm and relaxed state where you are bored but content, sometimes described as “cheerful fatigue”.

2. Calibrating boredom: Characterized by a wandering mind and uncertainty. You are open to new activities but don’t yet know what you want to do.

3. Searching boredom: An active and restless state where you feel an unpleasant frustration and are actively looking for something to do to escape the boredom.

4. Reactant boredom: Involves strong negative emotions, a feeling of being trapped, and a high level of arousal and restlessness. You have a strong motivation to escape the situation.

5. Apathetic boredom: A very unpleasant, low-arousal state of helplessness or depression, where you feel a lack of both positive and negative emotions.

For the purposes of creativity and happiness, I’m talking about types #1-3.

In these states, boredom is not anti-productive. Instead, it’s quite the opposite. Dropping a few studies here.

• Mann & Cadman did a study and found that people who completed a boring task (copying numbers from a phone book) were significantly more creative afterward than those who didn’t experience boredom. (this was in 2014, do they make phone books now? haha ) The same study found that boredom increases mind-wandering, which directly leads to more original ideas.

• Research also shows boredom triggers a shift from routine thinking into exploratory thinking, increasing creative problem-solving.

• And my favorite - another study showed boredom functions as a motivational cue. Your brain saying “you need something more meaningful,” which often leads to creative behavior.

Very cool. And, in real life, here’s an example that came up with the kids last week that also proves this point.

Last Sunday, after a very full (and very fun) weekend in Vermont, we drove home and finally sat down to relax. Cecily had a birthday party to go to, so Mia was alone with us. Within an hour, she started to whine:

“I’m BORED!”
…and proceeded to dramatically slip off the living room chair like a melting snowman.

“Oh hell no,” I thought. We had just returned from 48 hours of non-stop activities. Shaun and I told her gently: “It is OK to chill. We’re not doing anything tonight. If you want something to do, you’ll need to figure it out yourself.”

She gasped, offended.

“FINE. I GUESS YOU JUST EXPECT ME TO FIND MY OWN THINGS TO DO.”
(As if this was the most unreasonable request of her childhood.)

We yelled back from the couch: “Yes! Exactly!”

Three minutes later, after a small tantrum exit, she began hauling all her stuffies into the kitchen… then her blankets… then puppy bowls, books, and snacks. She built an entire fort under the chairs, a doghouse for imaginary puppies, and sat inside for two hours, totally absorbed and content. Her mood flipped like a switch.

That’s the thing about boredom. It creates space for play and creativity.

Which lead me to wonder…Do I allow myself to be bored, enough?

TBH, I usually fill quiet moment with tasks, scrolling, or household chores. Being bored is a little uncomfortable for me. Like Mia, it’s irritating at first.

But when I think about when I’m most creative in life, it’s usually in places where it’s tough to do anything other than just BE. For example, a few places I’m always most creative are - in the car (when I’m driving or passenger), listening to a podcast, walking running or biking, or when I’m using my hands like arranging flowers for my dining room table or doodlling. There’s little opportunity to multitask and my mind has space.

This off season, I think I’m going to focus more on being BORED. Being ok with doing nothing. Being a little angry about it at first (like Mia), then trying to approach it with a calm, relaxed mindset and seeing what happens with no expectations.

Because here’s the other thing…if boredom increases creativity, and creativity increases happiness, studies also show happier people are more creative. (I’ll leave the chicken or the egg conversation for another day.). Win, win.

So, let’s be bored together this week!

I’m curious how this resonates with you and your creative practice. Thoughts? Questions? Things that came up while reading this? This topic is harder for me to assess so the more comments and insights, the better!

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As always, my not-so-guilty pleasures this week:

• We just got a CAVA near us, and I had the most delicious bowl on Friday. I’m now recreating it at home this week. I forgot how much I love grape leaves, hummus, and tzatziki, so we stocked up at the grocery store and my CAVA-inspired salads are officially prepped for the week!

• Four Winds is such a good read. Highly recommend.

• For cozy season: I’m loving the fit of these Vuori beanies right now. they’re the perfect soft but not overly slouchy vibe.

Good things ahead:

We have tickets to Wicked 2 on Friday night for Mia’s birthday. I cannot contain myself!

What’s on your docket?

And, tt’s ok if you’re note sure yet. Because sometimes the most productive thing you can do…is nothing.

Until next week,

Natalie

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