During a recent trip to New York, my son and I went to see the Broadway play Every Brilliant Thing. It was one of the simplest plays imaginable — just one actress in a pair of jeans and a purple T-shirt and a little audience participation. I chose it not for the production value but because I wanted to be inspired. Somehow, I had the hunch it would show me how to love life more.

Tracee Ellis Ross (Daniel Radcliffe premiered the play) narrates her life from the age of seven, when her mother became suicidal. To try to cheer her mother up, Tracee wrote on post-it notes every good thing about life that she could think of:

“Ice cream”

“Winning something”

“Hammocks”

“The color yellow”

“Spaghetti with meatballs”

“The smell of old books”

“Really good oranges”

“Beds”

Throughout the play, she thought of countless lovely facets of life, and I’m sure we could do the same. There are so many things that we take for granted every day, qualities of life we certainly would miss if they disappeared: A warm shower. The sun. Wifi. Clean clothes. Fresh fruit. A car with no flat tires.

The play stayed with me afterward, especially its compassionate portrayal of people dealing with depression. Weeks later, after speaking with a legendary psychology professor and watching this play, I’ve developed a precious insight into how to love life more.

Ellen Langer was the first woman at Harvard to become a tenured psychology professor. She did the famous Counterclockwise study, where she took a group of elderly men and had them travel 20 years back in time by attending a week-long retreat at a monastery retrofitted to that era. The men all came back physically healthier and looking younger. And it happened first in their minds.

Langer, the author of The Mindful Body: Thinking Our Way to Chronic Health, has discovered a mind-body connection to our health. She has researched how our minds can make us healthier. This is exciting because that means we have a lot more influence over our health than we may have imagined.

Langer is also known as “the mother of mindfulness.” She believes that mindfulness is a key to great health and well-being. Her prescription is simple. She defines mindfulness in just three words:

Notice new things

There is interesting neuroscience and psychology behind why this can be life changing. When we notice new things, it brings more novelty to life. Life becomes more interesting and full of possibilities, and that makes it more hopeful and exciting. Our relationships also improve because they’re not stuck in ruts. We gain new perspectives on people and appreciate them more when we notice new things about them.

Langer’s mindfulness practice is simple: notice three new things a day. It can be about your spouse, colleague, office, or anything.

Before we look into the benefits of that practice, let’s turn to what happens when we don’t notice new things, when we assume, for example, the people around us are just a certain way. When that happens, we stereotype them and the relationship gets stuck. Let’s say, for example, you’re mad at your spouse.

He is just inconsiderate, you think.

If you label him in this way, it will greatly affect your image of him and your relationship. But if you just pay attention — if you are mindful — you will notice how he behaves differently in various situations.

He was inconsiderate yesterday when he forgot to make enough coffee for two, but he was thoughtful today when he made coffee for everyone.

When you are mindful, you notice his behavior changes on different occasions. You don’t pigeonhole him. You enjoy the moments when you see the good and that will bring out a better side of him and your relationship.

Noticing new things is great for our brain as it becomes more active when we use it more. It is no longer on default mode. It’s paying attention. This mindfulness brings these benefits for your mind and spirit:

· It shrinks and calms the brain’s stress center, the amygdala

· It grows areas linked to memory and focus, the prefrontal cortex and hippocampus

· It quiets the mind-wandering network, the default mode network, helping you stay calm and clear

Being mindful is a balm for our mind, body, and soul, and it’s really not that difficult. It all comes from noticing new things.

Every Brilliant Thing was a poignant portrayal of people who struggle with depression. It also helped me see I could take Langer’s advice one step further:

Notice three new brilliant things every day.

That was the inspiration I needed to see life in a better light — to notice not just new things, but new things that are good. So today, I began to write in my journal positive new things that I noticed. What did I write?

“My son came over just to say hello and ask about my day.”

“My two sons playing guitar together.”

“The enthusiasm of a colleague when she offered to have coffee together after meeting me for the first time.”

This mindfulness made my world more beautiful to me.

Notice three new brilliant things every day. That’s my new prescription for a happier, healthier, more inspired life.

Lucy Standing is co-founder of Brave Starts which helps people in midlife reinvent their careers

My blog is all about seeing our lives in a better light. In midlife, we may feel our options are limited due to age, but it can be a time of renewal even on the career front. Reinvention can happen at any time. It’s especially exciting when it happens in midlife because it shows there are still endless possibilities for our lives.

Today I share my interview with Lucy Standing, 51, who founded Brave Starts, a non-profit organization which counsels people 45+ years and older on career changes. She was invited to the UK Parliament and OECD to speak on how to empower middle-aged people in the workforce. She is also the co-author of Age Against the Machine: New Rules for Working in an Ageist World. One early morning across the waters, we had this conversation:

NATALIE TSO: What is the key to successful reinvention where people can put themselves on a fulfilling path in midlife?

LUCY STANDING: It’s experimentation. The big mistake that people make is thinking I’m going to pay a lot of money to a coach, do a lot of thought exercises, read books and self-help guides. All of that is head-based activity, and it’s not really going to inform you. It’s good to have a little period of reflection, but the only thing that’s going to give insight is the action you take.

It’s like going on a date tells you if you like that person or not. Tasting that food tells you if you enjoy that food or not. So whether or not we like something is only understood in the reality of that experience. You can’t know what you’re going to like until you start doing it. Do the actions. Have a deep conversation with somebody who does that job and ask them, what is the reality of it? What does that look like on a weekly basis?

So people come to you for counsel, to learn how to navigate their midlife career changes?

My goal is to help people plan, prepare, understand and be in a position to navigate the next five, ten years of their life with some clarity. So this is one tip: you have the right to experiment.

Why do you say older workers are an asset?

I think the main strengths are the resilience that we build up through life. You can get pretty lucky and get by if you’re bright and pretty good looking at school. But by the time you get to your 40s or 50s, there’s no way you’ve escaped heartbreak, being fired, a company letting you down, parents dying, friends dying, whatever it might be. The tragedy of life catches up with you sooner or later, so it simply does have that effect.

If you look at studies, what we always see is that the people who have the highest degrees of resilience tend to be older. I can’t think of many organizations that say we want someone who’s fragile and needs a lot of babysitting. I would argue that’s an obvious asset.

Point number two is that if you look at how AI is changing the landscape, it’s enabling so much of the admin, the analysis, the calculus — it’s enabling a lot more of the fluid intelligent activity. Now that AI is taking that element away, what’s really needed in organizations is the judgment — what you know. If you’re a consultant, for example, what’s the deck that’s going to most land with this particular organization? What message will swing them the most? Is it a phone call? Is it an email? How do I follow up? The mechanisms that get things to actually happen and land, that’s still very much within the domain of what we prize and what is referred to as crystallized intelligence.

So it’s not how quickly we know something or how quickly we can process something, but it’s how deeply we understand how things work — our domain expertise. Again, as a skill set, we see this being demonstrated more with people who tend to be at that older stage in life.

Does drive and motivation change in midlife?

There’s sort of four core drivers of human behavior. So one is the drive to defend, which is why we feel envy, jealousy, why we buy insurance. One is the drive to learn, which is kind of around legacy giving back, but also stimulation, curiosity. One is love which is things like bonding, friendship, sense of belonging. And then the other is acquisition, so house, status, ego, big fancy cars.

Let’s say you’re 30 and you’ve made millions and millions more than you’ll ever need. Then actually, you might reach a stage where the curiosity, the learning driver, becomes more important to you. So it’s generally that as we get older, because the acquisition driver is more comfortably met, for most people, that’s when we see the shift in values. You’ve got time now to focus on something that’s slightly different. And what the generalization we can make is that people tend to focus more on what can they give back, what difference can they make to other people’s lives? What can they learn new that’s different and stimulating for their head?

But it’s also to do with how close we get to death, because humans have that time horizon. So, you know, we wake up in the morning, we feel the creek in our bones. You kind of see the wrinkles in my face. I haven’t got that much time left, when you start to think to yourself, maybe I’ve got one more job in me. You start to go, I haven’t really got the luxury of time anymore, so I’m not going to dick around. You know, I’m going to put my time and energy into something I really care about.

Laura Carstensen, a psychology professor at Stanford, calls it socioemotional selectivity theory, which is a bit of a mouthful, but it is basically that my time horizon is shorter so now I’m going to focus more on what I care about. It’s an observation we can also make when people are say in their 20s or 30s, and they get diagnosed with a terminal illness. All of a sudden they stopped doing the long hours at the company which they don’t care about, and they want to spend more time with the people that they really care about and value.

What other suggestions do you have for midlife career transitions?

Form a group of people that you can do this with. Find some people who are also at a stage where they want to explore and figure out what it is that they might want to do next because again, it’s a very isolating experience to do it on your own.

If you look at why people reduce their alcohol intake, it’s a group dynamic and a peer dynamic that’s inspirational and helps to shift the behavior because you’ve got all these sorts of levers like relationship building. You’ve got connection that helps to build the engagement. You’re supporting each other.

Career change for some people it’s a challenge to their identity. It’s a real threat because sometimes people are in a situation where they’ve been out of work for some time and they’re terrified. And sometimes the real inspiration you need is when you see somebody else who’s also terrified that they can do it, and now you’re happy for them. So there’s a real camaraderie through not feeling isolated that kind of gives you a sense of confidence because it’s validating to know you’re not on your own.

The other piece of advice is definitely focus on what you can control, not what you can’t. So a lot of our members, for example, will come to us and they’ll say things like, “Oh my God, I’ve applied for 250 jobs, I’m not getting anywhere. I contact people on LinkedIn and nobody gets back to me.” You’re not in a situation where you’re controlling that, right? So you’re just spending all of your time and energy in a place that you’re not benefiting from, whereas what are the things you can control? Well, I can control who I reach out to. I can control what charity I might want to volunteer for. I can control how much time I spend researching organizations I like the look of. I can control what I learn, what I spend some time developing skills in.

I try and get people to focus much more on the things within their control. Because number one, it’s just much better for mental health. But also, if you’re applying for lots of jobs, it’s a very isolating me, me, me activity. Whereas when you get outside your own head, you help someone else, you volunteer, you spend some time working in a startup. I don’t even care if you’re earning anything or not but do some work experience and the thing you think you want to do, because that’s going to be more helpful to you than anything else.

What do you think holds people back most as they get older?

It is ageism unfortunately. So there are two very clear answers to that. So the first is ageism. So just literally not even being able to get in through a door. You know, we’ve been running an open survey of 6,000 people 50 years and older on our website. And in 2021, 41% of people were saying ageism is a problem. It’s now up to 56%.

The next thing is people not knowing what they want to do next. So, you know, if you have no idea what it is that you’re going to do, your actions are all over the place. There’s a case study with a woman who now lives in Henley. She doesn’t want a full-time job. She wants a very short, sharp project, something she can do once, twice a year. So there’s either a Christmas market or there’s the Henley Regatta.

So she goes to learn about Henley Regatta. Who runs it? How do I get involved there? Who do I contact? She used her network. Someone got her a conversation, had a coffee, and she’s like, I don’t care what job I do, I can do anything for you. Anyway, she’s now working there, so if you’ve got real clarity and focus, then your actions are all aligned towards something that really makes sense,

What is the biggest mindset that needs to be overcome for people in their 50s and above?

Most people are already saying to themselves I’m too overqualified or I shouldn’t go for that. They’re never going to want me. It’s a kind of lazy thinking. There’s sometimes an element of entitlement. I’m really senior. I’ve done all of this stuff. People should be knocking down my door. And it’s like, no, just because you’re older doesn’t get you off the hook of having to prove that you understand the issues the company has and how you’re going to add value. They don’t want to think on your behalf. You have to join the dots for them.

Lucy, what got you into this field?

Doing a career coaching program and just thinking it was rubbish. It was massively lacking in practicality. But, you know, in order to get a louder voice, to pull bigger levers, to be able to go to Parliament, to be able to go to the OECD and say this needs to change, you can’t go there with an opinion. But if I can go there and go, this is how people started with us, and this is how they finished a year later and here’s the data and we’ve tracked it over a year… And I’m in a position where I think I can change things.

Career coaching is just a really bad, unregulated industry so I thought we can really professionalize this a lot. So, you know, it’s a duty.

Photo by Bao Menglong on Unsplash

“My life has been full of terrible misfortunes, most of which never happened.”

- Michel de Montaigne

This line attributed to French philosopher Michel de Montaigne helped me overcome one of my major sources of anxiety after moving back to California from Taiwan. When I came across it, I laughed as it precisely described my inner turmoil.

I was worried about the possibility of a Chinese attack on Taiwan and how a war could hurt my family and friends there. It’s a potential disaster I have no influence over at all. I still am concerned, but I realized worrying about it will not bring peace and will only make my life more uneasy. That insight helped me understand how to increase my personal sense of power by letting go of issues I have no control over.

The Stoic philosopher Epictetus taught about why we should focus only on things that are “ours” — meaning our actions and attitudes. He was born a slave in the Roman empire and became one of the most influential Stoic philosophers of all time. He was greatly admired by Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius, another leading Stoic philosopher. Epictetus’s rise in stature was likely due to his understanding of the dichotomy of control which opens his teachings in The Enchiridion 1-2:

Some things are up to us and some are not. Up to us are judgment, inclination, desire, aversion — in short, whatever is our own doing. Not up to us are our bodies, possessions, reputations, public offices — in short, whatever isn’t our own doing. Moreover, the things that are up to us are naturally free, unimpeded, and unobstructed, while the things that aren’t up to us are weak, enslaved, subject to impediment, and not ours.

I love how he describes the freedom of the things that are “ours.” Back then, his body was not his own as he was a slave, but his mind and character were. If we ponder the things we have control over, there’s a blue sky of what we can do. For instance as a writer, I can write every day, even if I can’t decide who reads or reacts to my words.

The Stoic insight here for dealing with stress is to learn to differentiate what aspects of a situation are “up to us” and what are not. That clarifies where to focus our energy. The actions of others, for example, are not something we can control though we may have some influence over. But if we seek to manipulate others, we’ll become frustrated, as Epictetus describes below in The Enchiridion 3:

So remember this: if you regard things that are naturally enslaved as free, if you regard things that are not yours as yours, you’ll be obstructed, dejected, and troubled and you’ll blame both gods and men.

He then describes how empowering it is to focus only on what you can do:

But if you regard as yours only what is yours, and as not yours only what is not yours, which is the way things are in reality, no one will ever constrain you, no one will impede you, you’ll blame no one, you’ll reproach no one, you’ll never act reluctantly, no one will harm you, and you’ll have no enemies, because you’ll never suffer harm.

You’ll never suffer harm. No one will impede you. Those are compelling descriptions of a life not disturbed by others’ actions. I love how Epictetus describes the freedom and power we enjoy when we cultivate that which is ours. Our behavior. Our attitudes. Our views. These wield tremendous impact on our lives.

Stephen Covey in his classic book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People also framed this concept with what he called the Circle of Influence, areas which you can control, and Circle of Concern, things you care about but have no influence over. Covey said that as you focus on your actions, your circle of influence will grow, as people see you as a highly effective person.

This was certainly the case for Epictetus who obtained his freedom after the death of Nero in AD 68. He began to teach philosophy in Rome, and after the Roman emperor Domitian banished all philosophers from Rome, he founded a school of philosophy in Greece. Whether as a slave or a freeman, he lived up to his philosophical teachings, and thus rose to become one of the most influential Stoic philosophers of all time.

Epictetus’s teachings offer an antidote to anxiety because they help us clarify where our energies should be — on the things we have impact on. When you focus on what is yours and let go of what is not, you’ll be on your way to a more powerful life.

Photo by Oleksandr Pyrohov on Pixabay

Some people may think that visualizing yourself achieving a goal is akin to wishful thinking. It may be hard to believe that just envisioning a scenario can make it more likely to happen, but visualization is effective because it’s mental rehearsal — it prepares you psychologically and neurologically for your desired goal. That’s why elite athletes use it to train for the Olympics.

During the recent Winter Olympics, when Alysa Liu and Eileen Gu were asked what they were going to do at night after winning an Olympic medal, they did not plan to party, but rather planned to visualize their routines for their next competition. That was their idea of a good time — mentally preparing to win their next competition, which they did.

When athletes imagine themselves performing a move, it not only helps the brain prepare for the moves, it affects the muscles. The brain sends electrical signals to the muscles, just below the level they would if they were executing the move in real life. It’s training for the body and the mind, and many athletes use it.

Michael Phelps not only mentally rehearsed his perfect performance, he also imagined how he’d deal with worst case scenarios. That paid off when his goggles filled with water right after his dive during the 200m butterfly final at the 2008 Beijing Olympics. He had already rehearsed what he would do in that scenario. Despite swimming blind for 175 meters of the race, Phelps counted his strokes, won the gold medal and even broke his own world record by .06 seconds.

In a Forbes interview, Phelps shared how visualization has been an integral part of his journey. “I was taught at a young age just to visualize. So for me, it was visualizing a race — how I wanted it to go, how I didn’t want it to go and how it could go,” he said. “So when my googles filled up with water, I was relaxed because I reverted back to what I did in training.”

The power these Olympic champions have tapped into is available to us all. When you imagine yourself doing something, your brain activates many of the same neural pathways as if you were doing it. Visualization builds a blueprint for your future actions and attitudes. You are neurologically paving the way for better performance.

Visualization can be helpful for career performance and reaching personal goals such as losing weight and getting in shape. Jon Gabriel in his book Visualization for Weight Loss shares how he lost 220 pounds after he visualized every day exactly what his new body would look like. He also got creative and imagined a white light sucking all the extra weight off his body. His inspiring visions helped his actions to align with that new healthier version of himself. Others were shocked at his physical transformation, but he wasn’t, as he already saw in detail exactly what his new body would look like and believed it.

A health benefit of visualization is reduced stress. When you’ve visualized a situation, you’ll be calmer and more confident in handling it, because you’ve rehearsed how to deal with it. Less stress leads to less inflammation, which is good for your body and makes it easier to lose weight.

Whether you want to get in better shape, reach a new personal milestone, or become calmer in stressful situations, here are tips on how to get started with the art of visualization:

1. Visualize yourself achieving your goal. Take in all the sensory details of the experience. Imagine the scenario with as much detail as possible, using your five senses — sight, sound, scent, touch and even taste — to help the vision be as realistic to your brain as possible. Connect with the feelings of accomplishment and satisfaction that come with your achievement.

2. See yourself doing what it takes to achieve that goal. Don’t just visualize the outcome, imagine the journey as well. If you want to get in shape, for example, see yourself making healthy food choices, working out and developing new habits as a part of your new healthier lifestyle.

3. Rehearse how you overcome obstacles. We are bound to face challenges on the way to our achievements. See yourself finding solutions to these problems. When you face them in real life, you’ll be more calm and ready to take on the difficulties that come your way.

4. Use morning or nighttime to visualize. The best time to visualize is when you wake or before you sleep. At these times, our brain is in the theta and alpha modes, which are optimal for mental reprogramming because they bridge the conscious and subconscious minds. Your mind is more relaxed and open to making new neural connections. These modes also enhance the impact of your visualizations.

If you want to visualize during the day, enter these more relaxed states by deep breathing, yoga, journaling, walking in nature, taking a bath, or listening to music before you begin your visualization.

5. Visualize a few times a week– Dr. Alexander Cohen, senior sport psychologist for the United States Olympic and Paralympic Committee, recommends his athletes visualize three to five times a week, from 30 seconds to 12 minutes. Take the time to relax and imagine in great detail the version of you that you intend to achieve.

When you practice seeing yourself reach a goal, you reinforce this vision as part of your identity. That activates parts of your brain that helps you use the self-control needed to act to make this vision a reality.

Visualization isn’t daydreaming — it’s rehearsal for the future, for a better you.

Alysa Liu, the first American to win an Olympic gold in women’s figure skating in 24 years, has shown the world how to enjoy the journey. She glowed with joy as she dazzled and delighted all of us watching her free skate performance at the 2026 Winter Games in Milan.

NBC commentator Tara Lipinski, the 1998 gold medalist, said of Liu, “It’s like she is just playing on the ice, not even performing anymore. She’s figured out how to compete without carrying the weight of it. She stays so loose and completely herself out there. That’s the secret every athlete wants to solve.”

That’s what I love about Alysa Liu. If you haven’t heard of her, she’s the skating phenom who was the youngest-ever U.S. women’s national champion at age 13. After competing in the 2022 Olympics at age 16, she decided to retire after burnout from intense training since she was five years old. Two years later, she returned to skating on her terms, taking control of everything from her training, fashion choices, and choreography.

What’s remarkable is that she’s expressed in many interviews that her focus isn’t on the medals. “I was feeling calm, happy, and confident. I’ve been having fun the whole time,” she said. That spirit freed her to be fully herself on the rink, enjoying every moment as she shared the beauty of figure skating and self-expression.

She’s obviously trained hard for the Olympic Games, but Liu has expressed several times that she doesn’t need the medals. When asked in an NBC interview how she felt after winning the gold, she said with a sparkle in her eyes, “This medal isn’t important to me. What’s important is how I got here, my journey here and I never want the journey to end.”

She was ecstatic after giving her legendary free skate performance before they announced the scores and said she couldn’t imagine being higher and happier than that. She also reveled in performing for the crowd, looking up and enjoying their energy. In a sport where the stakes are high and every move you make is scrutinized, her free and joyful spirit was mesmerizing. If you haven’t watched her gold medal performance, I encourage you to do so. You’ll be inspired.

“Joy is her superpower,” said Today Show host Hoda Kotb when she interviewed her. When you’re filled with joy, you also don’t see other skaters as rivals. Liu ran over to hug bronze medalist Ami Nikai in a beautiful moment after they knew their final scores. When Kotb asked her about that embrace, Liu said, “Human connection is what I am all about. I am an older sister and I carry it on with my teammates.” Her warmth to whom others would consider rivals was also a mark of her extraordinary spirit.

In a world that’s obsessed with performance, titles and medals, seeing an Olympic champion prize her journey more than her medal is truly refreshing. I believe loving the journey more than the accolades comes from a place of deep and healthy self-love. Liu cared about her feelings enough to retire from the sport when it was no longer serving her. She used that time to go on adventures she wanted to experience – to drive, go to concerts, attend UCLA, hike to the Mount Everest base camp, ski and snowboard. Having focused entirely on skating since she was five, she finally got to know herself and be herself. Then, when she felt the desire to skate again, she convinced her coaches to take her on, and on her own terms.

Enjoying the journey is a form of self-love. You’re telling yourself you are enough and have much to give this world even if you don’t receive a title. Your personal journey deserves to be celebrated because who you become is even more priceless than any score an Olympic judge can give. Alysa Liu has been a great source of inspiration this week as I delved into her mindset. May all of us, like Alysa, embrace a spirit of joy and self-love as we embark on our personal pursuits.

Photo by Gerd Altmann on Pixabay

If you want to aquire new habits for personal transformation, like getting leaner for instance, there are ways to engage the brain to help you succeed. This post will show you four ways to tap on your brain power to accelerate personal change in your life.

The dorsolateral prefrontal cortex (dlPFC) is at the front of the brain and is often called the CEO of the brain as it helps us make executive decisions, especially ones that require self-control. The ventromedial prefrontal cortex (vmPFC), near the brain’s lower front area, integrates our identity and values into our decisions. When we engage these two areas, we’re more likely to act in a way that’s aligned with our ideal self.

Take myself, for example. At the beginning of this year, I decided I want to lose a few pounds and acquire healthier habits, like walking 10K steps a day and eating more mindfully. It’s been over a month and I aced my new step count, but not quite my eating habits. One of the main factors in these outcomes was how I viewed myself and the habit.

I used to think walking 10K steps a day was too time consuming. Who has the time to walk around so much, I thought. But then I changed my mind about walking. I began to view it as a highly valuable and doable exercise and went from a daily 6K to 10K steps. I embraced the daily 10K as part of who I want to be. Once I aligned the habit with how I see myself, I found a way to do it. I love it because it clears my head and helps me sleep well. Moving more has become a part of my desired lifestyle.

My eating habits, however, haven’t changed so easily. There are a lot more engrained attitudes to overturn. I continued to view myself as someone who “likes sweets and pasta” and who “eats fast,” none of which are conducive to my fitness goals. With little change in the way I ate, I realized I need to view myself and food differently. When I envision myself leaner and eating lighter, I start acting that way.

In a study, psychologist Elliot Berkman and others concluded that when you link a behavior to your identity, it motivates self-control. When you link the habit to your core values, you’re more likely to succeed. You can strengthen your resolve by developing deep convictions about why you want to change, be it for enhanced quality of life or other compelling reasons.

You can also tap the brain to help you change by imagining yourself with this new behavior. Visualization activates many of the same neural circuits in the brain as when you actually engage in the behavior. Athletes use it to train for peak performance, and we can use it as a way to rehearse a new habit. I started imagining myself slowly savoring lighter meals and feeling satisfied with half a dessert. When I hold that vision of me, it’s easier to act that way.

Envision yourself embracing a new habit to kickstart your brain for personal change.

Photo by Grek Rakozy on Unsplash

One more step can help you stay on track: a cue. A study at Caltech found that people made healthier food choices, even ones they deemed untasty, when they were given a reminder to “consider the healthiness.”

Thirty three hungry adults were presented slides of 180 food items and were promised they’d be given one they said yes to. They saw everything from chips to chocolate to broccoli and made yes-no decisions. Once every ten slides, they saw a note to “consider the healthiness,” “consider the tastiness,” or “make decisions naturally.” They then labeled the foods as healthy, unhealthy, tasty or untasty.

Participants chose healthier foods, even ones they deemed untasty, when they were given the health cue, and their dlPFC was more active while making those healthy choices. The dlPFC is like the brain’s central command for self-control — it executes goal-directed decision making. The dlPFC was engaged through that health reminder but not with the other cues.

We can likewise try to tap into our inner CEO by reminding ourselves of our goal. If you’re like me and want to make healthier food choices, you can give yourself a mental note before a meal. Perhaps you can say to yourself, “I make healthy choices,” “Mindful eating,” or another mantra. This primes our brain for desired behavior.

To summarize, here are four ways to hack your brain for personal growth:

Step 1: Align your identity with your desired new habit. This will activate areas in your brain like the vmPFC that will strengthen your resolve to acquire that behavior.

Step 2: Deepen your why. Berkman’s study found that when you amplify your reasons for the new habit, and lessen the value of alternative choices, you are more likely to succeed in your goal. The deeper the conviction you have about why you want to change, the more motivated you’ll be.

Step 3: Visualize yourself embracing this behavior. This will pave neural pathways for you to begin acting in your desired manner. You’ve already mentally rehearsed this version of you so it will feel natural to act it out.

Step 4: Cue yourself. Find a way to remind yourself to do what you want. Don’t let yourself run on autopilot, as you may resort to old ways. Keep your goal in mind with a mantra, a note, or any reminder of your new habit.

These tactics can be employed continually until the new habit becomes a part of who you are.

Photo by Kurt Dushek on Pixabay

A new year offers hope as we enter a new era in our lives. Perhaps that’s a bit melodramatic, but I love that the calendar marks a new beginning for us. I’m excited about what 2026 may bring as there always new possibilities in life. With that in mind, here are five questions I hope will inspire you to have one of your best years ever.

What are you most proud of in the past year?

Perhaps you started new projects or began new habits that led to a better life and a better you. Maybe you helped others or contributed to your workplace in a way that was remarkable or meaningful. What did you do that you’re most proud of? What insight does that give you into your gifts and what lights you up? How can you bring that knowledge into your plans for 2026?

I was delighted to start this blog, something I had in mind to do for some time. As a journalist, I’ve covered many beats – global politics, society, health, and science, but I found this space to be a refreshing one where I can explore insights into the mind via psychology, neuroscience, philosophy and faith. I’m so glad to be able to connect with readers like you as well. I hope to better serve you in the new year so please let me know what content has and would be helpful.

What were the best moments in your relationships?

When you think of your loved ones and the people around you, what were your best moments? If a relationship has seen joy or grown in a notable way, what enabled that priceless connection?

A few months ago, my elderly father told me he wants to get knee replacement surgery. With his mind set on this operation despite the risk, I suddenly realized I don’t know how much more time I have with him. It made me see him and our relationship in a new light and I began to cherish the moments with him so much more. That led to much more joy between us. Since then, I was heartened to hear him say several times that he’s so glad that I’m around. It makes my move back to California to be near family so worthwhile.

What has given you inspiration?

Are there particular people, hobbies, groups or experiences that have offered you inspiration lately? When you identify how they encouraged you, you can continue the connection and build on it.

In 2025, I joined the California Writers Club. The first time I went to an event I discovered the special connection that writers have. I didn’t know anyone there, but it was just so easy to talk to people because we just get each other on a certain level. Not everyone is willing to pour out their heart and mind into words on a page like we do (with no certain monetary return).

When you’ve come across something that enhances your life, take notice and make the most of it.

What new habit would make a difference for you this year?

“We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” That was Will Durant’s summary of Aristotle’s ideas in his book The Story of Philosophy. If you pick a habit to do the entire year long, what one would make a noticeable difference in your life?

Stoic philosophers believe we should focus on what we can control rather than external forces beyond our control. A new habit can be empowering because it’s completely up to our own doing. We can’t control the behavior of others, but we have incredible power over what we do for ourselves.

You can never go wrong in acquiring a habit that enhances your health and wellbeing. It can be as simple as getting enough sleep, journaling, walking, spending more time with friends or anything that does your heart, mind and body good.

My husband and I have decided to take long walks every day to lose a few pounds. One year, my cousin focused on walking and intermittent fasting and transformed his health and physique because of it. “I told myself I just need to do this one thing,” he said. Those habits have since become a part of his healthier lifestyle. What habit would you like to acquire that the future you will thank yourself for?

Who do you envision yourself to be a year from now?

Athletes use visualization as a form of training for their minds and bodies to enhance performance in competitions. An international study of the effects of visualization in sports training found that “imagery interventions significantly enhanced motor performance, motivational outcomes, and affective outcomes. Summarized across all outcomes, imagery combined with physical practice was more effective than physical practice alone.”

Visualization is an effective way to train for success as the same neural pathways in the brain are engaged when you imagine yourself doing something as when you actually perform the action. You are literally paving the path in your brain to succeed in real life. It’s mind-blowing (pardon the pun) that we can achieve that with the imagination.

A few days ago, I started imagining myself with a leaner body and healthier habits such as eating slower, eating less and walking more. Once I spent time imagining it and looking forward to that version of myself, it was much easier to do it in real life as I mentally rehearsed it already. That image became who I saw myself as in my brain and in my heart. I’ll share more about the exciting effects of visualization in upcoming posts.

I hope these reflections inspire you as we usher in the new year. Best wishes to you and yours in 2026!

18th century line drawing of Epictetus

“Blaming others when things are going badly for him is what an uneducated person does. Blaming himself is what a partially educated person does. Blaming neither himself or others is what a fully educated person does.”

- Epictetus, Stoic philosopher

I’ve become a fan of Epictetus, a prominent Stoic philosopher who was once a slave. After he was freed, he became one of the most influential philosophy teachers of his time, held in high esteem by emperor Marcus Aurelius’s teacher Herodes Atticus and Origen, an early church father, who said Epictetus was more popular in his day than Plato was in his.

Epictetus tells us that it’s unwise to blame others and even ourselves for things that don’t go well in life. When we do, it hurts our relationships and leads to more inner turmoil. It also makes it harder to move on from life’s challenges. The blame is likely skewed as well, as it’s often a myriad of factors that lead to an unfortunate situation.

What a freeing thought to not blame anyone! It gives such a lightness to life that can help us face heavy situations. I don’t see this as an excuse for bad behavior or a way to escape responsibility. Self-reflection should be a part of our daily lives and is essential for personal growth, but I believe Epictetus is telling us not to be stuck in this posture of accusing ourself or others as it’s not a constructive state of mind. It keeps us from looking forward and enjoying greater peace and joy in life.

The Stoics believed that one should not focus on events out of one’s control but rather on what one can do, such as manage one’s attitudes, views and actions. Epictetus didn’t spend his life blaming others for the circumstances which led to his slavery (he was born into it) and even his being maimed. Origen said his leg was deliberately broken by his master. Whatever happened, Epictetus focused on the things within his control — his mind, actions and character — and became an extraordinary philosopher because of it.

This holiday season, we can also be inspired by the message of Christmas - that God does not want to blame us:

“He chose us before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. God decided in advance to adopt us into his own family by bringing us to himself through Jesus Christ.”

Ephesians 1:4-5 (NIV, NLT)

The story of Christmas is that God sent His Son to forgive us so that we can enjoy His love, acceptance and forgiveness. He even wants to adopt us as his children. It’s an amazing message of grace, love and freedom.

When we embrace that spirit of forgiveness for ourselves and others, it frees us. As we look forward to a new year, may we let go of our grievances against ourselves and others and enjoy the refreshing freedom that brings.

Photo by Samantha Sophia

“It is by going into the abyss that we recover the treasures of life. Where you stumble, there lies your treasure.”

– Joseph Campbell

Joseph Campbell was an American mythologist famous for his depiction of the Hero’s Journey outlined in his book The Hero with a Thousand Faces. His narrative arc of the hero can be seen throughout many myths, novels and films. One of his most famous fans was George Lucas who credited Campbell as a key influence in creating Star Wars. After watching the original Star Wars trilogy at Lucas’s ranch, Campbell told Bill Moyer in a PBS documentary that “Star Wars has a valid mythological perspective. The hero is one who has given his life to something bigger than himself.”

The idea of being a hero may seem grandiose, but many of us give of ourselves in our everyday lives. You may not venture to another land or galaxy, but that “something bigger” can be your family, friends, a job, or a cause. You are the hero of your own life, especially as you make sacrifices for others and deal with difficulties and disappointments.

See if you can recognize yourself in this arc: The hero is called out of his comfort zone, perhaps to help someone or be part of a mission. You may struggle with this calling, but once you commit, you receive help from a mentor. You cross the threshold to begin your trek into the unknown. You leave your former self and begin this journey of personal transformation where you meet allies and encounter tests and trials.

You eventually face a major crisis, where you emerge with your treasure, which could be new knowledge or personal growth. You begin your return to your world, where you may face another trial that purifies you along the way. You then return to your land with an elixir that benefits others and are transformed through your journey.

This arc is often used as a storytelling template in Hollywood. But it can also be an inspiring source of reflection for your life when you face difficulties. What odyssey did you bravely undertake? How have your challenges changed you? Have you helped others along the way?

We often think of heroes as extraordinary people, but they are you and me, ordinary folk venturing outside ourselves to do something for others. If you’re pouring yourself into another human being, such as raising a child, that is a formidable mission. If you’re building a home, a family, or a career, that too is an adventure that will change you.

When you face tremendous trials, remember this is a normal part of the journey that will shape you into someone more admirable. Besides how you impact others through your quest, overcoming obstacles allows your character to become more complete.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” - James 1:2-4

That quote was a part of a letter written by James, the brother of Jesus, to Christians who were facing persecution, poverty and exploitation by the wealthy. He inspires them to look at their trials as a path towards godly transformation and to find joy in that understanding. After all, the most precious aspect of our lives is not what we achieve or own but who we become.

When you are down about your struggles, try reframing your life story with these questions:

- How is this challenge shaping my character?

- Is this change something I can find pride and joy in?

- How has my journey benefited others?

- What can I offer the world as my character becomes more mature?

- In what ways am I the hero of my own story?

Every hero has dragons to conquer. May you overcome those monsters, and may the battle enable you to become a person you’re proud of.

Photo by Guy Stevens on Unsplash

Practicing gratitude is a great way to enjoy life more and even leads to better mental health. Sometimes we aren’t grateful because we’re unimaginative — we take all that we have for granted.

If you’d like to be happier and healthier, here are a few creative ways to become more aware of the blessings in your life. The first two come from Stoic philosopher and Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius who wrote, “When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive.” When you start the day with that attitude, it’s hard not to have a smile on your face.

1. “Instead of imagining you possess things you don’t, select from among those you do have, the ones you count yourself most fortunate to have, and remind yourself in their case how much you’d have wanted them if you didn’t have them. But at the same time take care not to let your pleasure in them get you into the habit of valuing then too highly, to the extent that you’d be upset if you ever lost them.”

- Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

You could probably do this exercise just by turning back the clock to an earlier year in your life. Perhaps you’d imagine a time before you had your family, current home and career and what it was like back then. Remember how you would dream of having some of the things you have now?

For many years, I wanted to move back to California from Taiwan, where I had lived for many years. When I finally was able to come, my colleague asked me what I liked about being here. My first response? The air, for which she laughed. But I was so grateful for even the air I could breathe (and the SoCal weather) because it was so crisp and refreshing compared to the humidity I experienced for years in Taiwan. What do you like most about where you live?

2. “Imagine that you’ve actually been dead and that you haven’t lived your life to the present moment, and then treat what remains of your life as a bonus and live in accord with nature.”

- Marcus Aurelius, Meditations

If we imagine ourselves to be dead, then we can be grateful for being alive and everything life has to offer – our loved ones, the ability to do things you enjoy, like eat, work, laugh and play. Life is a gift to be cherished. Pondering death isn’t morbid. It’s a great way to enjoy life’s moments more.

3. Imagine if you were invited to dinner with your favorite celebrities. What would you ask them? What would it be like to enjoy their company? If you were at that dinner party, you might think, “Who am I, that I get to be here and talk to all these amazing people?”

All the people in the world are made in God’s image, not just the famous ones, and we can approach life with the same wonder and joy. What if you were to approach every scene in your life with the spirit of “Who am I, that I get to be here? How did I get to be so fortunate?”

This exercise is from Humility: The Joy of Self-Forgetfulness by Gavin Ortlund. Gratefulness, humility and joy are interlinked and they all bring a sparkle to our spirit and wisdom to our ways. May they be virtues we intentionally pursue every day.

It’s lovely that America gives us a full four-day weekend to remember the art of gratitude. (We didn’t have this in Asia.) May you enjoy a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday and may you cherish your blessings all year round!

When you look in the mirror in the morning, what’s the first thought you send to yourself?

Is it “Good morning” with a smile or “Bad hair!” and “You need to lose weight.” I’d often send the latter until I realized how brutal that was. Who greets anyone they care about with such insults? I decided it was time for a new relationship with my reflection.

How you treat your reflection influences how you feel about yourself. There’s a theory from psychology that explains my behavior. In 1972, psychologists Shelley Duval and Robert Wicklund came up with a theory of objective self-awareness which suggests when we are in a state of self-awareness — such as looking in the mirror — we tend to compare ourselves with our standards and focus on the discrepancy.

That explains why I always fell short, literally, as a teenager when I saw myself, as I wished I looked like a tall lithe supermodel. I’m no longer into that bar of beauty, but I hope to be fitter, thus the self-greeting “You should lose weight.” This thought is automatic, but it’s not what I want to wake up to.

I want to treat myself with the same kindness I would a friend. So I’ve started to smile when I see my reflection and send kind thoughts like “You look good in that outfit.” I’m also experimenting with talking to myself out loud. You may think I’m losing it, but psychologists Nicola Petrocchi and team have discovered the opposite — it’s actually good for your mental health to talk kindly to your reflection. In a study of 86 men and women, they found that saying encouraging statements to oneself in the mirror is more soothing than just saying them out loud or just looking at yourself in the mirror.

In the study, they asked participants to write down statements they would say to a friend who was down and self-critical. They wrote down comforting messages like:

“I will always be here even when all things start falling apart; you are my friend, my sister. I will never leave you alone”

“I love you for what you are, exactly as you are, not for what you do.”

“Don’t worry, the sun will come back eventually, and I’ll be here with you till it comes.”

Then the scientists had them write a detailed description of a time when they recently harshly criticized themselves or felt disappointed in themselves. The participants were then split into groups with different instructions: one group said those statements to themselves in the mirror, another group said them without a mirror, and the third group just looked at their image in the mirror.

The group that spoke to their reflection reported more soothing positive emotions and a higher heart rate variability (HRV) which is associated with better psychological health. HRV is the variation in the time intervals between consecutive heartbeats and is a measure of the autonomic nervous system’s (ANS) activity. Higher HRV is associated with better emotional regulation and reduced stress and anxiety, while lower HRV is linked to depression and anxiety.

The psychologists believed that exposure to the mirror, a self-reflection tool, helped the participants empathize with themselves more as “the sense of self seems to be inherently linked to one’s face.” They said looking into one’s eyes and facial expressions are “salient components of our empathetic responses.”

Petrochhi also said it was possible that when a person sees their reflection, there’s an objectiveness similar to what one would have of a friend, and we’re more likely to use milder standards on our friends.

That theory contrasts with the one proposed decades ago, but both theories can help us be more aware of how we’re interacting with our reflection. You can decide how you want to approach yourself. Is it with a smile or scrutiny? If you’d like to be kinder to your reflection, here are a few ideas:

· Smile when you see yourself. Send warm friendly vibes as if you’re seeing someone you care about.

· Give yourself a high-five. This fun uplifting gesture was popularized by Mel Robbins as a show of self-support.

· Say something kind to yourself, as you would a friend.

· Take a few moments to look into your eyes and appreciate who you are.

I’ve tried them and they all lead to a kinder, gentler way of relating to myself. Try it. It’s a much better way to start the day.

Photo by Félix Lam on Unsplash

“Men are not disturbed by things, but by the views they take of them.”

- Epictetus

Those are wise words by Greek Stoic philosopher Epictetus, who had a great influence on Roman Emperor Marcus Aurelius. Epictetus was born into slavery circa 50 AD. His master was Epaphroditus, who himself was a freedman — a former slave that obtained freedom — and became a wealthy secretary to Nero. Epaphroditus allowed Epictetus to study philosophy under Musonius Rufus, a Roman senator and Stoic philosopher who taught in Rome.

Though Epaphroditus was generous in allowing Epictetus to pursue his interest in Stoicism, there are reports, such as from Greek philosopher Celsus, that describe the master as being abusive to the point of breaking Epictetus’s leg, so that he walked with a limp for the rest of his life. After the death of Nero, Epictetus, too obtained his freedom. By then, he became so learned in Stoicism that he taught philosophy for nearly 25 years in Rome.

From disabled slave to respected philosophy teacher, Epictetus had a strength of mind that enabled him to overcome adversity and maltreatment that was beyond his control. He didn’t let the cards he was dealt in life affect his vision for himself and his character.

He lived out his quote — that one’s view of things is more important than those “things.” For him, those “things” included being a slave, abused, and despised by society. He didn’t let any of that deter him from pursuing philosophy. As he studied and lived out the wisdom he learned, he began to elevate his character and eventually his status and influence in society. His study of philosophy would be so masterful that he founded his own school in Nicopolis, Greece and eminent figures sought to talk to him. His place in society was created by who he made himself to be, despite the cruel systems and treatment he was subject to.

What does this mean for us today? We are more than whatever strata society has assigned us to. We are more than our degree. Our job title. Our income. Our age. Our looks. Our weight. Our skin color. We are so much more than the stereotypes people have of any of these. Who would imagine a slave becoming a philosopher that inspired Roman emperors?

If you ever feel limited by your background, your past, your education, your job and how you think others perceive you, remember the power lies in how you view yourself and the possibilities in your life. It doesn’t matter if others don’t see past any stigmas and stereotypes. How you view yourself is what’s key.

If any “thing” is bothering you, try taking a different view of it — tell yourself a different story. That can free you from feeling like a victim. You can empower yourself just by changing the way you think about it.

For example, if you’re not happy with your current job position, think of it as a stepping stone. Think of all that you can learn and contribute in this role. Think of why you chose this position in the first place. It may not be your ideal job, but you can elevate your skills and role by doing more than what’s expected, and that will make you a better candidate for future opportunities.

Let’s say you’re depressed about your age and looking older. None of us are getting any younger, but we can become healthier, stronger and more vibrant than our younger selves. Try enhancing your nutrition, exercise, strength training, and doing things that make you feel alive. In that way, you can take how you age into your own hands.

If you want a new perspective on some “thing” that’s bothering you, try these new angles:

- How will I look back on this 5 years from now?

- Remember, this too shall pass.

- What good can come out of this?

- How does this look from the other person’s POV?

- This is training your character:

“We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance, and endurance develops strength of character.”

- Romans 5:3-4a (NLT)

The apostle Paul, the author of Romans, was also subject to extreme hardship including flogging, stoning, beatings, shipwrecks, imprisonment and more. He was able to write those words, as he lived them, and became one of the most influential Christian leaders of all time.

May we become skilled, like these wise men before us, to see ourselves and our lives in a better light.

Photo by Marcus Urbenz on Unsplash

When life seems dissatisfactory, it’s good to consider how it could be worse. This empowering perspective hit me as I read the first chapter of Meditations by Stoic philosopher and Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius. In it, he lists a long string of “blessings” for which he is grateful including many in the good-thing-this-didn’t-happen category. For example, “my children weren’t born mentally defective or physically deformed,” “that I didn’t touch Benedicta or Theodotus” (who were likely slaves), “that when I was first attracted to philosophy, I didn’t fall into the hands of a sophist,” and so on.

Aurelius perceived the prickly paths he could easily have taken and was so glad he avoided them. He counted this as providence from the divine. I’m a bit of a dreamer and often wonder what more is out there for me, which can sometimes leave me dissatisfied with the blessings I have, the good paths I’ve taken and the treacherous ones I avoided. Aurelius’s list reminds me to be grateful that a host of worse scenarios didn’t happen to me. I could have married a lesser man and have no children, but I have a family I love. I often wish I were richer and more accomplished, but I could have been poorer and unemployed.

In 1956, Nobel-prize economist Herbert Simon, coined the term “satisficing.” The concept blends the words “satisfy” and “suffice” and describes where one searches for the satisfying option rather than the best possible one. It’s grounded in pragmatism and encourages people to be content with what’s good enough. In terms of one’s life, this means we can choose to be satisfied with outcomes that are good and stop worrying that they could’ve been better.

Even in a sad situation, such as losing one’s mother too early, Aurelius found something to cherish. He listed as a blessing “that my mother, who was to die young, at least spent her final years living with me.” My father is electing to have knee replacement surgery, which made me realize I could lose him at any moment. That thought transformed the way I interact with him. Every moment, meal, and day with him is one to cherish and enjoy.

Let’s try this thought experiment. Instead of regretting what could have been, try considering how you could be less fortunate. Ask yourself these questions:

· What if some of your loved ones were not alive today?

· What if you didn’t make some of the right moves you did in life?

· What if you married someone worse?

· What if you were seriously ill?

· What if you lived in war-torn country?

I could be sick rather than healthy. Decisions I regret could have led to greater costs. There are many worse men I could have married. Being glad for what is not is a strategic perspective that can infuse more gratitude and joy into your life. Try it sometime.

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Photo by John on Unsplash

Have you ever felt like there’s an invisible force pulling you to check your phone — your notifications, your messages, and your social media platforms? The average American checks their phone 205 times a day, which is about once every five minutes of our waking hours. It’s a wonder we get anything done or have a decent conversation when our phones break up our days like this.

It’s not really our fault. We have fallen prey to social media apps that are designed to be like slot machines, one of the most addictive forms of gambling. The apps on our phones are out to capture our attention for as long as possible, just like the slot machines in a casino — all for a profit, of course.

Social media platforms have copied the classic gambling machine in these ways:

- They make it compelling to check your phone by providing unpredictable rewards. Will you have a new comment, message or subscriber? You want to know, so you check every five minutes.

- When you get one of those forms of validation, your brain gets a small shot of dopamine, which makes you feel good. Then you want to come back for more.

- The way you scroll through social media is like the slide of a slot machine.

- The pull-to-refresh buttons are like pulling the lever for a jackpot.

- Apps often gamify their experience to make it fun like the way gamblers enjoy the colorful icons, flashing lights and playful sounds of a slot machine.

- Algorithms suggest videos, ads and other content to keep your attention for as long as possible just like the addictive elements of the gambling machines.

These tactics are hooking us. A survey found that 43% feel addicted to their phones, 65% take it to the bathroom and nearly 80% don’t leave home without it. When a notification appears, three-quarters check it within five minutes. All these minutes add up to Americans spending about 5 hours on their phone a day. Do we really want to give it that much of our attention?

According to Michael Bluejay who analyzes gambling statistics, the average slot machine player loses about 50 times the amount they bet on each spin an hour. People play the slots, he says, because they don’t know how bad the odds are compared to other games in the casino. They’re also hooked on the hope of a jackpot.

In the same way, most of us aren’t aware of how badly we are influenced by these apps. They’re rewiring our brains and we’re losing much precious time and attention as that tiny screen fragments our days. If you want to stop compulsively checking your phone, here are a few ideas:

· Keep it far away, perhaps locked in a drawer or enclosed in your purse.

· Use your computer to check email and social media rather than your phone.

· Don’t take it everywhere you go.

· Go phoneless for 24 hours to see how that impacts your mind and presence.

· Use an alarm clock to wake up.

Next time you’re tempted to swipe and scroll, ask yourself if you really want to give your time to that slot machine copycat.

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Photo by Lukas Zischke on Unsplash

There’s an easy way to enhance your mental health in midlife and beyond: take in a bit of culture. That’s right. This post isn’t about the next best workout, it’s about concerts, galleries, and community events. It turns out when you engage with art and culture, it’s really good for you.

A recent analysis of eleven related studies of healthy adults aged 40 and above found that cultural engagement led to better mental health, resilience, well-being and social relations. “In the realm of cultural engagement, older adults find a sovereign refuge against depression, woven with threads of social interaction, mental creativity, and cognitive stimulation,” the scientists concluded.

The study found that it’s good to enjoy museums, galleries, art exhibitions, theaters, concerts, cultural festivals, and community events. I think there’s something about not having an agenda when you walk in a gallery and just taking it all in at your own pace. I love how admiring art slows you down. You can take your mind off work and anxieties and just look at something new, creative and possibly beautiful.

Galleries display the creations of artists who express their unique take on a subject, whether it’s the ocean, the Earth, or its creatures. It’s fun because all we need to do is view what they designed and enjoy any inspiration it brings. It’s relaxing because all we have to do is show up and pay attention. Often, other people are doing the same, so it could lead to pleasant interactions with people around you as well.

Recently, my husband and I went to a concert that my son recommended. I had never heard of the performers who were apparently well-known accomplished guitarists. I didn’t know what to expect, but we decided to splurge on this performance, which we discovered was outdoors. It was a picturesque evening as the musicians played on a stage with California palm trees swaying and the sun setting behind them.

The main guitarist absolutely blew my mind. He not only played sounds I’d never thought possible with a guitar (he was literally a one-man band at times), but he did so with a passion that was truly electric. Watching him inspired me to give more of myself to whatever I do. You never know what new possibilities that can bring to you in life.

The other act was a charming married duo. She sang like a jazz angel while his classical guitar sounds were heavenly as well. The performers were all septuagenarians who were still giving extraordinary performances. I also loved how they shared the inspirations for the songs they wrote and performed. The human connection that night was truly touching.

It was also eye-opening. Witnessing their intense love for the guitar and the sounds it could create inspired me to think of the immense possibilities anyone could explore if they have enough enthusiasm and drive for their work, hobby or any pursuit. Going to the concert was like a stimulating relaxing mini-vacation — we stepped into a new dimension filled with music, beauty and wonder.

It makes sense that events that feature art and music are good for your mind, spirit, and soul. They awaken a part of you that may have stayed dormant if you stayed home. So if you’re looking for a way to renew your mind, try a local museum, gallery or community event. You probably don’t have to go far to discover the beauty that other human beings have to share.

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

What if you could change the effect an unfortunate experience has had on you? Well, you can. There’s a simple, though not necessarily easy, way to do this. Try to find something good, anything really, that came from it. It turns out the ability to see a silver lining — no matter how thin — is golden.

In a study of men and women in their 50s, scientists found that when people see the bright side of their valleys, it enables them to enjoy better mental health in the years to come. They asked 89 people in their mid- to late fifties to describe core scenes from their lives: a high, a low, a turning point and their greatest health challenge.

They rated their narratives on four factors: degree of agency, redemption, communion and contamination. “Agency” refers to the ability to influence the course of one’s life; “communion” is linked to interpersonal relationships; “redemption” is the ability to see the good that came out of a bad experience, while “contamination” refers to being negatively affected by an experience.

They checked in on their mental and physical health annually for four years and found that those whose stories reflected higher agency and redemption had better mental well-being for years. A high sense of contamination negatively impacted mental health while there was no impact traced to communion. People’s physical health weren’t noticeably impacted by their narratives.

So being able to see some light in a dark experience is a great way to enhance mental wellbeing. The good also doesn’t need to outweigh the bad to be redemptive. The scientists said, “The ability to glean some positivity amidst the struggle can be considered redemptive enough to produce positive ends.”

I found this insight empowering as it gives a clear path to not letting unfortunate experiences scar you badly for life. If you lost a job, for example, think of the new opportunities and facets of yourself you discovered during your time out of work. Perhaps you were able to reflect on your identity, value, and skills outside of where you sat in that office.

If you’re facing a health issue, see it as a reminder of how precious life is and how important it is to slow down and take care of yourself. I’ve been a bit frustrated, for example, at my experience with minor injuries when I strength train at the gym. I get inspired by fitness influencers on Instagram and try to emulate them, but end up having to do rehab for months after injuries. But the bright side? I’m learning patience, self-care and awareness, and still gradually growing stronger.

“Turn your wounds into wisdom.”

– Oprah Winfrey

Oprah is an amazing woman whose had many ups and downs in her life. She shared that encouragement to the graduating class at Wellesley College in 1997 and recounted how she was taken off the air as a TV anchor early in her career. She was told she wasn’t fit for television because she would cry for the people in the stories she reported on, like those who lost their homes in fires. Since she failed as an anchor, she got thrown into the talk show arena where her empathy and ability to connect with people enabled her to host the highest-rated daytime talk show in American history.

Not everyone will see such dramatic success after failure. But at the very least, we can strive to have more agency on how a bad experience affects us by being proactive about how we see it.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.” - James 1:2-4 (NIV)

James was writing to first century Christians facing persecution, suffering, and hardship. He encourages them, and us, to see that overcoming trials refines one’s character — and that’s something to cherish and celebrate.

So when it rains on you, try to look for the rainbow.

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Have you ever had a thought that bothered you? Maybe it was something like “That was stupid of me,” “They must hate me,” or “I can’t do this.” Depressing thoughts like these can get you down, but you don’t have to let them get a hold on you. You can disconnect from them with a practice called cognitive distancing.

A great way to pry loose from a nagging thought is by seeing yourself from a third person’s perspective. Pretend you’re someone watching your interaction with that intrusive notion. In a 2019 Miami University psychological study, over 200 students were asked to do just that. They were given the unacceptable thought, “I hope my friend is in a car accident.” Then they were split into groups and asked to write about the thought using varying levels of distance and immersion with it.

Some were asked to write from a third-person perspective. For example: Ann had this terrible thought about hoping her friend is in a car accident, was shocked it entered her mind and tried to get rid of it right away. Others wrote from a first-person perspective which meant they immersed themselves in dealing with the unthinkable thought firsthand.

The study found that when people distanced themselves from the thought, they had more self-compassion, mindfulness and non-reactivity. It concluded that a “combination of self- and experiential distance more powerfully predicted beneficial outcomes than total or partial cognitive immersion.”

So how can we use this practice? Try this with an undesirable thought:

- Name the thought. For example: I’ll never get fit.

- Write about the thought from a third-person perspective. For example: The thought that she’ll never get fit just popped into Ann’s mind.

- Write about the experience with the thought from a third-person perspective. For example: Ann is having doubts if she can get in shape because that thought just entered her mind. She was about to start lifting weights but this thought is discouraging her.

When you create psychological distance from a thought, you start to see it more objectively. It’s then easier to expel from your mind. Now that you’ve shaken it loose, try these visualization techniques to get rid of it:

- Imagine the thought written on a cloud. Now that it’s out of your head and up in the air, watch it float away.

- Write the thought on a sticky note. That note is meant to be temporary. Throw it away.

No need to let an unwanted notion live in your head. Let it fly away.

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If you think back to your teen years, what do you remember? When I discovered my diaries from my early teen years in an old suitcase, at first, I didn’t want to open them because all I remember from those years is being shy and insecure, albeit a good student.

But curiosity got the best of me and I opened those pale pink and blue diaries with the broken gold locks and saw scenes in my life I’d totally forgotten. I was surprised to discover I actually had a lot of friends, and I went to birthday parties, sleepovers, and football games with them. Before reading my diary, my most vivid memory of a birthday party was the one time I got a late invitation to in junior high.

My yearbooks are also filled with nice words people had to say about me, which I’m sure is common, as that’s what people write in yearbooks, but why in the heck did I forget all this? Why did I blow up my insecurities when it looks like I was a fairly well-liked person back then?

There’s a neurological reason for this — it’s the negativity bias that’s wired into our brains. When good and bad things happen to us, the negative experiences have a stronger effect on our psyche. Studies have found that “bad is stronger than good” in the impact of experiences. That doesn’t mean evil overcomes good, it means we remember negative experiences more vividly than positive ones. Some studies suggest this tendency starts as early as infanthood. From a survival standpoint, it makes sense. But for our own mental health and well-being, it’s not good to be so focused on the bad experiences in our lives.

After reading my diaries, I felt happy for myself that I had a better life as a teen than I remember. Now that I’ve adjusted my view of the teen me, I probably could do the same for the rest of my life. How about you? Do you tend to remember your disappointments more than your achievements? Your weaknesses more than your strengths? The arguments more than the good times?

Since we humans tend to lean towards darkness, here are a few tips on how to see life in a better light:

— When you see the negativity bias in your thoughts, name it. Say “That’s just my negativity bias.” That helps you create mental distance and move away from that unpleasant thought.

— Balance your view by recalling the positive aspects too. When I remembered the happy times of my teen years, for example, I could see that whole period in my life in a more positive light.

— Savor the good. Spend a few moments dwelling on what went well today. Help your mind develop new neural pathways by taking it in the direction of hope.

— Practice gratitude to train your brain to see the light in this world.

Overcoming our penchant towards negativity is not about being a pollyana, it’s having a more balanced view of our lives. I just had an argument with my husband today, which was not fun, but it was a form of communication. And tonight, he cooked a delicious dinner for our family. So what shall I dwell on – the heated exchange this morning or the taste of scallion beef stir fry and hearty chicken soup? I’ll remember a few words from the morning, but I’m going to relish the homemade meal.

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"When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to be alive."

– Marcus Aurelius

Even Roman emperor and Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius knew it was wise to focus on the basic blessings in life, such as being alive. When you’re down or upset, cheer yourself up by thinking of the many things you have. For example, consider that most of us have shelter, food, running water, a computer, a smartphone, and perhaps even health, family, friends and a job. It’s so easy to take these for granted. I know I do. But imagine if you had to live without any one of these things.

Practicing gratitude not only makes you happier, it changes the neural activity in your brain and your mindset. In a 2015 study, people who were entering psychotherapy for anxiety or depression were divided into two groups. One cohort just had therapy while the other group was asked to also write letters of gratitude for three months.

After three months, the psychologists measured how thankful they were by repeatedly giving them monetary gifts and then asking them to donate to charity to the extent that they were grateful. During this exercise, they also measured their brain activity in a fMRI.

Those who wrote gratitude letters were found to be more grateful than the therapy-only group and to have “significantly greater neural modulation by gratitude in the medial prefrontal cortex.” That means by practicing thankfulness, their brains began to respond differently. The medial prefrontal cortex helps regulate emotions and negative thoughts. It’s involved in self-awareness, and feeling connected and grateful to others. Their mental gratitude muscle was much stronger after three months of training.

Another similar study in 2018 had 293 adults randomly assigned to either go through psychotherapy, psychotherapy plus expressive writing, or psychotherapy plus writing letters of gratitude. Those who did expressive writing wrote about their deepest feelings and fears while those engaged in gratitude writing wrote letters that expressed thankfulness to others. When tested 4 weeks and 12 weeks later, those that wrote letters of thanks had much better mental health than the other two groups.

I’m a fan of expressive journaling, but that study found that gratitude writing trumps even that. It trains our minds to see what’s good in our lives. It also activates positive neurotransmitters like serotonin, dopamine, and norepinephrine to help us manage our emotions, anxiety, and stress responses.

Gratitude turns what we have into enough." – Aesop

Now that we know the good about gratitude, how can we train ourselves to be that way? Here are a few ideas:

- Start the day by naming three things you’re thankful for.

- Create a playlist of songs that evoke joy and thankfulness and sing along!

- Express your appreciation to someone every day — a text, a hug, a thank you, or a heartfelt expression of gratitude will do.

- Take a photo of one thing you’re grateful for each day.

- End the day by savoring the best moment of the day.

By the way, I’m grateful for you. Thank you for reading and supporting A Better Light!

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How you view aging will affect how you age and how long you live. That’s according to decades of research by Becca R. Levy of Yale University who’s the author of Breaking the Age Code. If you view aging as a drag and inevitable decline, it likely will be. But if you’re able to find joy and strength in aging, you’ll be in better spirits and enjoy enhanced health.

For over 22 years, Levy studied views on aging with a group of 660 men and women, aged 50 to 94, in Ohio and kept track of their survival rates. She found that those with positive attitudes towards aging lived more than seven years longer than those with pessimistic attitudes.

The researchers asked them if they agreed with negative statements such “As I get older, I get less useful,” and positive ones like “I have as much pep as I did last year.” Their findings were conclusive. "Self-perceptions of aging had a greater impact on survival," the researchers say, "than did gender, socioeconomic status, loneliness and functional health."

Positive attitudes even played a greater effect on longevity than lowered blood pressure or cholesterol which increase life span by about four years. It was also more impactful than exercise, weight loss, or whether one smokes or not, which adds one to three years.

“In study after study I conducted, I found that older people with more-positive perceptions of aging performed better physically and cognitively than those with more-negative perceptions,” Levy writes. “They were more likely to recover from severe disability, they remembered better, they walked faster, and they even lived longer.”

Ageism is such a threat to people’s health that the World Health Organization has a global campaign against it called Combatting Ageism that’s supported by 194 nations. In another study, Levy found that negative attitudes towards aging costs $63 billion a year in health care costs in the United States, which is higher than the costs for morbid obesity.

There’s definitely something amiss with the way we perceive aging, and I’m glad there’s science to prove it. As I get older, I’ve come to appreciate myself more and have a deeper ease and confidence than I ever had in my earlier years. I’m also more health conscious and aware of how to build a stronger body. I wouldn’t trade any of this enhanced understanding and perspective for my more naïve younger self.

Besides, there are pros and cons to any stage in life. My college-aged children are full of vitality and strength but may worry about their career direction, finding a compatible partner and making major choices they regret, while I’ve already made many of those decisions. Now I’m looking ahead to what I can enjoy and do with myself in midlife.

Even if you’re young, it’s good to think about your perceptions of aging as it will affect not only the future you but also how you perceive older people such as your parents, whom you can likely influence to face their later years with more optimism.

For me, I’d like for my elderly father and all of us to enjoy the greater insight, clarity and sophistication that comes with living more years on this earth. Let’s enjoy all that we’ve grown to become and look forward to all that will be, no matter what age we are.