the relationships you have, the people you get to call, the moments you think are ordinary, and even the version of life you’re currently living you might miss all of it one day.

in this episode,i reflect on gratitude and the importance of appreciating life while we still have the opportunity to experience it. inspired by Ibhandla, we talk about being grateful for the people around us, the relationships we have, and life itself.

maybe life isn’t perfect, but there is still something worth being grateful for.

so, what is something in your life that you might one day miss?

if you still don’t get it from those two videos let me use words. FGM is a tradition done to maintain the girl’s “purity” so that her husband can find her “clean”, also it is used to reduce the female’s sexual desires. some other reasons is to prevent any sort of sexual abuse.

keep in mind this is not done in the hospital under proper health care. so, there are no painkillers or anaesthetic. also keep in mind parents make their daughters go through this process at a young age. imagine a six year old going through such pain just for indoda??? yah neh.

a lot of women go through a lot all around the world EACH AND EVERYDAY. we’ve heard about women in Afghanistan and now this?? wow.

this is truly saddening and heartbreaking. but just keep in mind that just because you were born in South Africa and you aren’t going through such thing it doesn’t mean you are free. UNTIL ALL WOMEN ARE FREE NONE OF US IS FREE. this world does not favour us unfortunately and we have to stand together and fight for our rights.

tasha.🧍🏾‍♀️

is it our responsibility to carry everyone once we’re successful? or are we allowed to build a life for ourselves first?

i’d love to know what you think

do you think our success belongs to our families? let me know in the comments.

thank you for listening and growing with me. 🤍

note: i have started posting on YouTube, kindly subscribe that side.

just so you know, i’m not the type of girl to say, “i'm not materialistic as long as you give me the love”. aowa bafana, you’ll never hear me say that.

i am not gonna lie. money does matter in a relationship. and whether we like it or not, it truly, truly matters. in a relationship chelete ya hlokahala and from both parties, to be honest. because to maintain the relationship it's very expensive.

okay, love alone can be enough, but to a certain extent.

reason why i say money is important in a relationship because we can't always hore rona hare kopana the only thing that is keeping us entertained is sex. this is where the problem comes in, 'cause we're gonna keep ourselves entertained, and then we'll end up having bana unplanned.

kids are so expensive. we don't even have money for entertainment, how are we gonna be able to afford those kids?

entertainment is important, for us to be able to say, you know what? we had a very busy month let’s go out and have some fun. even on our birthdays we are able to go out and spend on each other. this keeps the ship on fire.

or when i need a set of nails, my ndoda is able to cash send a young 1k.

i love a man that is willing to provide. i love me, a man, that is a provider. a man that is willing to step in his masculinity and provide for me,ndiya ithanda leyonto. mina indoda i need him to be a provider, to be willing to do those things.

and if you're not willing to do that then it’s fine as long as you’re not mine.

and I'm not saying that I'm promising you to be a submissive wife or girlfriend. don't expect me to be a domesticated wife or girlfriend, just because you give me money.

i'll do that if i feel like doing it, not because a man feel like i’m accustomed to do them because he’s been feeding me his money, to do my nails.

as i said a relationship needs money from both parties. meaning, as much as you will be helping me with nails and hair, i will also be willing to buy you new tires.

also keep in mind i’m the type of girl that bechas. sorry bafazi, but i do give men money when i’m in love. so, i don’t expect you as indoda to fold arms and wait for me to give you money. ke ae batla chelete ya hao lenna.

so that is how our relationship works. we help one another, whether it's financially, emotionally or whichever way, even domestically we can help one another.

so, imali is very important, and yes, i am materialistic, and i will love you nemali yakho. and if we both don’t have money, it won’t work.

tasha.🧍🏾‍♀️

enjoy.💋

1. whether you wait for marriage or not you cannot stop certain things. and i am not saying this to discourage those who are waiting for marriage to engage in sexual activities. my chat here is life is unpredictable. you can be holy and it will still put you in hell. sis Nozi kept herself “pure” waiting for her husband (even though the guy was just a boyfriend) and right when she thought she had found the one. this happened. or maybe is because she didn’t wait for marriage asazi.

2. as much as we don’t know what this life has in store for us, do not let it put you down. sis Nozi is one person that has showed me that even if you find yourself in a bad situation try to find the good and run with it. Nozi when she was diagnosed she did not believe it and did not even tell her religious strict mother. she kept it to herself. she was scared and felt like she has failed her family. but, today she used the very same thing that she thought it was gonna destroy her life to save lives of many and most importantly to make her the Nozibele Mayaba we know today.

3. support really matters, sometimes (if not most of the times) you need someone besides you to keep pushing you. and for Nozi it is her husband, Skhumbuzo Mayaba (bashemane haba bad laitsi). nozi needed support from home but she got none. and she explains it well how she was always expected to do things and never appreciated. so from me to you chomi, always support your loved ones, be kind, and show them love it really means a lot.

4. sometimes you’ll have to forgive people that have never taken time to apologise for their wrongdoings. Nozibele never got an explanation from her ex boyfriend (the one that infected her). the ex literally said “a batlang closure a reke wig” kadlala. but, this is one of the hardest pills to swallow. i have been in this situation (will talk about it one day, i need to block people that know me irl first though). Nozi had to forgive herself and forgive that guy. the guy did say sorry at some point, but sorry is not enough if you not gonna explain yourself.

i have a lot to say but i’ll keep it till this far. Nozibele is one of the women i look up to. she’s a queen that never allowed a guy to tilt her crown. she kept her head high and kept going. get yourself a copy and read. if you cannot afford just search her youtube channel Nozibele to just get a glimpse of what her story is.

tasha.🧍🏾‍♀️

are you siding with mordecai or rigby ? why? for 5 marks.

sorry for taking time to drop i’m home, i don’t have space to record.

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however, i have my 2 cents about this song. the way this song sounds so beautiful is one of those songs you’d play on your wedding day because of how it’s curated and you can easily forget the lyrics.

so here is my 2 cents to Anthony and other Anthonys out there.

here Anthony is pleading with Charlene to come back home to him. he is also giving her the reasons why he has not been able to give her the quality she’s been begging for. yes, she’s been. it is not like she has never discussed this with him before. this is evident in the song cause HE says “she must have told me a thousand times or more”. and he did what with that??? NOTHING.

“baby i’ll be sitting here waiting on you to come home again”, all of a sudden you can sit home?? aowa anthony didn’t you have things to keep you busy?? wait he is not home. he is in the studio recording this song for her. couldn’t he use this time to get her instead???

yoh anthony wang kwatisa. i know she might be tired of your excuses but trust me if you went there to get her she’d probably rethink her decision. manje you are SITTING WAITING?? no my brother you don’t do that.

and then he starts with promises, men and promises they can’t keep?? chommies for life. he continues to say “promise i’ll be here to the very end by your side; to protect, and to love you, and to be with you for life”. is it?? why couldn’t you do that while she was still with you? she had to leave for you to see how serious she was? then you continue to say you forgot about loving her. yoh anthony my brada? hayy i won’t get into this one cause i am not so much of a participant in the mjolo thing so maybe it happens to forget to love your partner.

and to my brothers out there who are like Anthony please go get your Charlene, don’t sit and wait for her to come back home. don’t release a song (but if is gonna be as good as this one i can let it slide) come and get me please. deep down nami i miss you but andizi bhozza yam.

tasha.🧍🏾‍♀️

i was also reminded of the video i saw on TikTok by Asiphile Vena check out her podcast Imizuzu noAsi.

the book i am talking about is The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Dr. Joseph Murphy:

Enjoy.

can we kindly normalise that?

i was having a conversation with a friend of mine (male) the other day. and we were talking about the consequences of sex and what not. and in that conversation we both emphasised how we are not yet ready to have kids.

while we were still at it i told him that “if you gonna make someone pregnant though, be sure to take all the responsibilities that comes with that regardless of your readiness.”

“what if i tell her to make an abortion then she refuses?”, he asks.

“well it’s her body and it is totally her choice. have you had an abortion before? do you know the dangers that comes with it? if she’s not comfortable with that let her be”, i answer.

“but natasha-“

i interrupted him, “no buts, if you don’t want kids keep your thing in your trousers”

he stays silent.

“and also if i happen to hear that you are a deadbeat father, i’m cutting off this friendship thing we have going on”, i said.

the last statement caught him off guard cause he thought maybe this was just one of the topics we argue about and it ends there. but, no. he was wrong. this was a personal subject for me.

i have read and heard how difficult it is growing up without a father while he is still alive and well. it is even worse when that same father is able to father his other kids but not you.

my friends aren’t losers, i don’t befriend losers. deadbeat fathers are losers and i don’t want that in my circle of friends.

we are breaking generational curses here and fixing our country for the better. and one of those is making sure that each and every kid has a present father regardless of the situation between him and the mother.

it is our turn to become adults let’s do the right thing.

being an absent father is not cool.

tasha.🧍🏾‍♀️

in this episode i mostly speak about the difficult side of varsity because i know a lot of us struggle silently and feel alone in it. but i also don’t want this to discourage anyone from furthering their studies. varsity is still such a beautiful space for learning, growth, meeting different people and discovering yourself outside of who you’ve always been.

so if you’re struggling, this is for you. and if you’re about to start this journey, don’t be afraid. give yourself grace and allow yourself to experience it all 🤍

to those of you who don’t know me i am Natasha Makhaba, a young black girl in her early 20s. figuring out life.

this is just a seed i am planting for my future self. be here and grow with me.

ig: t4tasha(natashaistoolong)

tiktok: t4tasha(natashaistoolong)

substack: t4tasha(natashaistoolong)

i say this line a lot when my friends ask me “natasha why are you single? you’ve been single since ke o tseba” then natasha comes with her repetitive line “nna bashemane ke a ba tshaba”.

i just read an article by @Thabiso Sapies called iPassion YaseKasi.

and got me reflecting on which parts of my life did kasi impact mostly? and trust me kasi has impacted almost every aspect of my life.

but today i want to talk about my love life, which does not exist

life in the township is not equal, there are people that are really suffering, people that are suffering, people that seem to have everything under control, and those that seem to be “rich”.

and being part of the community of ekasi means you’ll meet people from all these situations, be friends and most importantly dream together.

i used to play house-to-house (aka dolly house) and fantasise about how beautiful our life are gonna be with my friends. and i till this day still hold on to that luxurious life i used to dream about. and i still believe that i can get there because I DON’T HAVE A CHILD.

i remember seeing the girl i used to play with and dream with pregnant. i was 16 at that time, i was in disbelief. not because it was my first time seeing a 16 year old pregnant but a girl i used to fantasise about luxurious life with pregnant. when i go home and told my mother, the first thing she said was “ahh esele ha botjha ba hae bo fedile, yoh bashemane batla o senyetsa bophelo”.

context: she was from a home where they were really suffering, where she was somehow expected to play a role of a mother to her siblings. while the mother is at ha mareta (name of our local tavern). no father figure.

my mother’s words stuck with me and i started seeing boys from a different point of view.

more girls got pregnant and dropped out, it became a thing in my kasi

and i was like “tasha we have dreams we can’t be fooled by boys, they shela you say no or befriend them”

till this date. i have tried to be in relationships but they never last cause i’m always like let me not prolong this cause i know this guy at some point will ask for me to be intimate with him. so, plan ke hore we jola for a week max then gone kanje (for lamza and just the feeling of being love).

there are many reasons why i am scared of men but the main one is that they can actually plant a seed in me and in 9 months time that seed would be a human being that is stuck with me forever. yoh ngeke, oh at least not now.

i need to get the bag first and be mentally prepared for that. kamo tshaba ngwana nna.

tasha.🧍🏾‍♀️

according go google “the practice of magic, rituals, and spellwork, often aiming to manipulate natural or supernatural forces to influence events, people, or environments” this is witchcraft.

so in sesotho we call this boloi.

a belief I MYSELF refuse to believe it’s existence for peace sake.

i am girl from a township. where you get people from the rural residing there to zama bophelo, people from the city/suburbs who had to comeback kasi cause life did them dirty, then you find us who were born and raised there (most of us want out). majority of the people here tend to believe that boloi is the reason why they’re not successful. and i think that mentality is the reason why they’re not successful. and other factors of cause, but let’s focus on this one for now.

there’s a saying that says whatever you allow your mind to perceive as true it will become your reality. i’m just paraphrasing from the book “the power of your subconscious mind” by joseph murphy (one of my favourite books). and this is what i believe.

so let’s link this to the kasi people that believe in boloi. these people blame their failures to boloi most of the time, right. so, they have a negative attitude towards failure. they never view failure as a learning curve or a lesson rather. this makes them to not go back and try again since there was some boloi involved so basically in their heads even if they go back and try again is gonna be pointless unless the spell in boloi is destroyed or reversed. which i believe that it kinda delays their progression in life. cause that is out of their control.

i remember asking this girl in my kasi why did she drop out? she said that no one in their household is successful because of boloi so it’s pointless for her to still study because she’s gonna end up like her sisters. i was shocked (mind you i was still in high school, immature, and took everything that people would tell me as it is). i got home told my grandmother. the first she said is i shouldn’t associate myself with people with that kind of mindset cause she’ll feed that in me and i’ll start blaming everything on boloi instead of taking accountability.

and yes till this date i agree with my grandmother. cause what do you mean that we have to sweat and work hard to get good grades but you rest and blame boloi??? when are you gonna be the problem?? take accountability and fix your life. why are you always the victim?? aowa.

also let’s say boloi exist and they loya me. why would they do that?? what would that person gain? bro i don’t even have money in my account right now. i don’t have a paying subscriber on substack. i don’t have a degree yet. i am not a nepo baby. my parents are trying by all means to feed and clothe me. i don’t have a coach bag. (okay, let me shut up before i mention my wishlist) but you get me right??

i don’t mean to paint kasi as a toxic place, it is not a bad place like that i was just speaking like a kasi resident and what i have observed regarding boloi in kasi. there are people in the rural areas and suburban areas that believe in boloi.

i do make comments like “ke boloi boh” whenever i see/hear this that are out of this world, for fun though.

and to people here that believe in witchcraft please comment down below why? (i’m interested)

tasha.🧍🏾‍♀️

should be typing my assignment but here i am typing a substack listening to i want you around by snoh aalegra.

this song reminded me of one of my favourite creators on tiktok “njabs”. he has a video where he explains how much he loves coexisting. i really understand him.

coexisting in romantic relationships is one of the things that can strengthen a relationship even though we might not be aware. the beauty of being in the same space with your lover and you both busy with your own business. in silence. not the awkward one. but the comfortable one. you there busy scrolling on superbalist shopping and he’s there busy with his laptop.

we don’t need to be always talking or kissing (kiss me any chance you get tho) or touching. just existing in the same space quietly. sometimes we can be touching but still doing our own business as individuals. let me try to create a scenario in your head. imagine you and your lover on a couch he’s scrolling on his phone watching boring reels on instagram and you there reading a book, and you cuddling at the same time.

snoh says “i don’t wanna kiss you, i just wanna feel you, i want you around” and that is exactly what i mean.

i just love this feeling.

tasha.🧍🏾‍♀️

i have been hearing this word “easy target” which simply means that a guy does not have to go through hell before they get you. well maybe you can label me as that. because, i am an easy target if i like you.

i am such an easy person if i like you, i will allow you in my world. if i don’t, i literally don’t like you. i never understand why i should play hard to get knowing very well hore ke ao rata. what if you don’t even chase me???

then what?

i’m gonna sit here and regret?

aowa.

judge me all you want.

also why am i being called an “easy target” if i have given 1/50 guys a chance?? i like you, you like me why should we wait for 90 days for you to prove to me that you truly like me?? honestly speaking i don’t understand the concept of you

saying no to someone you know very well hore wa mo rata. then, hope that they’ll chase you. being chased is such a beautiful feeling ngl. but manje we live in times where these guys don’t even want to chase anymore. they try once or twice and they’re out.

to make things clear neh, i have standards trust me. just because you did not have to sweat to get me doesn’t mean you should relax. i want those dates, i want those flowers, yes i want to be respected and loved in a right way. cause one thing about me you easy come you’ll easily go. i am not desperate for love or uncomfortable in my singleness. i will leave your ass. i don’t bekezela and i don’t have attachment issues.

and also notice how i use the word “like” instead of “love”. this is because it takes time for me to love a person. loving involves real, deep feelings, and i think it’s impossible for a person to love you solely based on what you present when they first encounter you. i cannot say i love sban sban because of how they think and articulate themselves or maybe because of their looks. i’d be lying to myself, however i will definitely like you based on those things i just mentioned.

so, yes i am an easy target if i like you and trust me it won’t be hard for you to get me.

(btw i’m listening to simple things by miguel)

tasha.🧍🏾‍♀️

let’s dive into the song and what it truly means to ME.

ubomi abumanga simply means that life has not stopped, and it is not over. it reminds us to remain resilient despite of what life throws at us. it encourages us to wake up and choose life. which is kinda difficult for some of us (not me tho). i love being alive.

for me it also kinda reminds me to be comfortable in my individuality. to be okay with being unique and doing life in my own way. we tend to want to copy how people do life. this takes away the beauty of life. do your mistakes, live your life, learn and grow. you can’t grow if you live your life as a viewer in other people’s lives. create your own story. ubomi abumanga and angeke bume for you. keep on writing your story for yourself. make life worth living and be present in your own life. be the main character.

let’s go back to resilient. my father usually say to me “adapt, improvise, and overcome”. and this is my meaning of resilient. the ability to firstly accept the situation. we usually want to change situations to make our lives easier (if it’s possible please do that) and sometimes it is impossible. so, acceptance is the first step. you take life as it is. second step you adapt. we are human beings we are made to adapt and adjust in different situations. we will forever be exposed to different situations or conditions that are totally new. cause it’s our first time living. so, we have to adapt and see how we can change certain things to fit the new conditions or situations. then we improvise. we look at what we have and how we can make a better life out of that. we won’t always have all the resources we want. so use what the world offers and make your life better. lastly we overcome, our favourite stage in life. the process is quite draining. but trust me we’ll overcome everything. you are capable.

this song means a lot to me. cause whether we like it or not ubomi abumanga.

tasha.🧍🏾‍♀️