Back with that thing where I try very hard not to obsessively edit and instead, write to you like the bestie you are. Start here to catch up, I’m a week into our late summer travel adventure — for the month of August, we’re traveling across the UK and France to see family and friends.

Writing to you from my bed in the Lake District, England. It’s a stunning corner in the north of the country, a national park, and UNESCO world heritage site. It has lakes, walking paths, and fells (mountains) to explore. It’s also highly underrated. I find it hard to explain its magic to those outside of the country, particularly Americans. Lakes? Got ‘em in America. Mountains? Yep, those too. But there’s something so unique about this part of the world that keeps me coming back year after year.

Maybe it’s the endless walking pathways weaving through little villages, anchored by the comfort of a cosy pub and a yummy lunch.

Perhaps it’s the fact that England is fairly flat, so the dramatic valleys and pikes are even more special.

Or maybe it’s just the calm, slower pace of life, mixed with the feeling of pride I get at the beauty of my country!

Either way, it’s glorious to be back.

We’ve shaken the jet lag (shoutout to melatonin gummies), are well into the swing of travel, and excited to bask in the outdoors. This is the longest stop of the trip and the one I’m most excited about.

Things I want to remember about this week:

1) Watching my kids run through fields with reckless abandon

Within an hour of our arrival to our beautiful Airbnb, we were on a walking path ready to go. And a moment on where we’re staying — I have high standards and am very picky, but this house literally made me gasp when I entered. The building is sturdy and old, but renovated in the best of ways while keeping its soul.

We love the house.

Anyway, my kids are outside animals. Sometimes it raises my blood pressure beyond measure (one of my twins is more prone to injuries than the other) but for the most part, parenting is easier outside.

2) The elderly stranger I met who raved about how gorgeous he was in his twenties

I’ve never spent a lot of time in the north of England and it shows. The more I’m there, the more I’m convinced of its eliteness over the south (fellow Brits, I’m not trying to start anything, promise).

But I grew up a proud southerner, thinking that London was England. Not physically ofc, but that the culture, norms, and vibes of the south applied to the whole country. When I first moved to California, the biggest culture shock was how chatty people were with strangers. I told Americans how different it was from England and how we actively avoid each others existence in public (especially on the Tube). But the more time I spend in the north, the more I realize that was London, and southerners, not England.

Rambling to say, I’m in love with northerners and how direct, chatty, and warm they are – stranger or not. One long day, after walks and entertaining the kids etc — side note, can we talk about the exhaustion that is parenting twenty-four-seven on vacation? I love it, it’s a huge privilege to travel for this long, and it’s so special… and and and I’m still tired beyond measure.

Husband said we aren’t used to “parenting full time” and though I chafed at the term (we def aren’t part-time parents!) he’s right — no school, no daycare, extended family dynamics, figuring out routines, being on the move and logistics, for a whole month — cue a load of fun and a lot of “overstimulated mum” time.

Anyway, I decided to take myself to dinner after the kids were in bed and husband was working. I have introvert and extrovert tendencies, but was feeling drained and wanting to sit in silence. My slight grumpiness melted away as I overheard two tables to my left strike up conversation, a couple of university students and a couple in their sixties. I thought it was pleasant and even was a bit jelly – the vibe overall was friendly, we were eating outside in a beautiful setting, it was summer, warm, life was good.

The tables moved on and an older couple came to sit by me. The man immediately was interested in chatting and rapped off a string of questions: “hows your food?… Don’t order sticky toffee pudding, that’s something to order if you want the night to be over… That drink looks lovely…What you up to tomorrow?… Oh you’ve family, have you been enjoying your time here?”

After I got over myself and realised it was not going to be a quiet dinner (immediately thought of ’s fishing encounter), I started asking him and his partner questions too, and before I knew it, was having a delightful time.

The highlight of the conversation was the man, Nigel, telling me how he’d spent the summers of his youth at the Lake District. He painted me a clear picture: He was nineteen, drove a Ford Capri he’d painted dark orange. He and his friends had gone in on a speedboat, fixed it up, and would drive from their homes an hour away to boat and waterski all summer. Club Tropicana by Wham blasting on the speaker. Time of his life. “I was so gorgeous, I tell ya.” His partner: “Don’t get him started, he’ll show you the picture”, and before we knew it, he’d whipped out a pic on his phone. Head full of shaggy dark hair, tanned from the sun, shirt unbuttoned in a deep v — handsome lad.

He was so proud to tell me all this, I hope he had the same story and picture for other strangers. But the lesson was this — I aspire to be in my seventies, telling random people how epic my life was, complete with receipts.

We forget that when we’re older, we’ll look back ourselves right now, and think how beautiful we were. I literally do that all the time… omg 25 year old me so slim and beautiful all the life in her eyes still, well rested and buzzing with energy 😆 So don’t forget to tell yourself how gorgeous you are today.

Also, which pic would you whip out for strangers? That shows you in your glory days! Now I really want to see everyone’s…

3) How fast it took me to get SO bored with a capsule wardrobe, no matter how intentionally chosen

There’s a fine line between being creative with how you use the same pieces and being straight up bored.

And at the same time, I know why. I have not been the most stylish girly this week. It’s been a lot of outdoor stuff and style has fallen to the wayside… For example, I have worn not one lick of makeup since we’ve arrived. Very unlike me!

I only packed a few outdoorsy clothes, but I’ve enjoyed wearing linen and unexpected pieces for walks and hikes, especially since most has been with the kids, so not intense.

Some of what I’ve worn this week…

Because I’ve been doing lots of the same thing (hanging with sheep, walking, running, and more walking), none of my more formal or stylish pieces have been worn, so yep, I’m bored.

Take me back to my wardrobe, give me all the options and excess, please. Is this the exact opposite of what I said this time last week? Yes, yes it is. I care not.

Next week we’re in France and I’ll be celebrating my 11th wedding anniversary, putting on makeup (gasp) and getting Dressed Up, so maybe I’ll be more inspired being back in the city and having more reasons to put a look together.

That’s it for this week, my love. More soon!

Nicole xx

But! I chose this title to give myself permission to write a piece without my slightly neurotic need to edit twenty times, stay up until 3am, and then be inevitably gasping for a break come summer.

I’ve been writing in my journal since I was five years old. Five! It’s one of the facts I’m proudest of.

You may think, what does a 5 year old have to write about, but I had opinions. It’s hilarious stuff. Maybe I’ll share snippets some day. But whenever I read it, one thing jumps out: there’s no self-editing, no questioning, no overworking a sentence structure… just vibes.

This space of the internet has become the most fabulous creative outlet and I don’t want to be here just for a good time, but a long time. And the reality is, I have three children under six, a full time job (temporarily covering two additional roles) an outdoor community organization, and I husband I adore who should have more than the frazzled remnants of my brain at the end of week.

So, what if I just… write. Like I’m texting a friend. Which you are, at this point — I’m inspired by and have the honor of hopefully inspiring you too. And perhaps it’s a need to make sure your time, dear reader, is being spent well, to make every part of my writing so engaging and good and OF VALUE that I’m just… doing the most.

But today I trust that if I’m rambling, or taking tangents, that it’s okay, that my brain is enough. So, now I’ll stop talking about writing and just write. (This entire section would have been cut if I were writing from my laptop, btw. Oof this is stressful!)

I’m currently writing this lying on my back, typing on my phone, in our Airbnb. It’s 630am and our first morning in England. At some point around 2am, my little Kai Kai kicked my husband out of bed, but everyone is still sleeping. For 3 kids after essentially 24 hours of travel door to door, that’s impressive.

There’s a magical feeling about being up before anyone in the house, which I basically never experience because I am a SLEEPER.

I love food, but when times get hectic, I can go for a long time on just a few bites. Workouts, same, the goal is to fit one in, but I can function fine without.

But sleep?! I discovered pretty much immediately after I delivered my firstborn that I’m a pretty crappy version of myself without sleep. Even though I want to be that girly, I’m not up by 4:30 am, working out and writing in my journal by 6:30. I gave myself crap about it for a long time — maximize the day, working mum, use those hours. But alas. I just love sleeping. So, in these magical minutes, I’m here chatting to you.

Some early-morning, post-flight thoughts on my hazy, jet-lagged brain:

1) home is a weird concept when you live in a place you weren’t born in, but clothing can ground me when feeling untethered.

My parents met us at the airport, right off the plane (side note, omg one of the last bastions of unadulterated joy can be found at the arrivals section. Not outside, not in the car park or rideshare zone, but right beyond the customs arrival door — grandparents kissing missed grandbabies! Lovers reuniting! Friends hugging!) and as we drove, I was reminded that “going home” is always a weird one.

I’m a US citizen, lived in the country 15 years, born and raised in London, also a UK citizen, but when you don’t live in the place you were born, you’re always a bit… in between. Cultures, spaces, languages — I consider myself badly bilingual as I speak fluent British and American — it’s all a gift and a curse.

My husband has a childhood home, his family are farmers and they have acres of beautiful land that his incredible dad works insanely hard on. Whenever we go back to visit, it’s to one place. It’s predicable and comforting.

I do not have that, my parents divorced when I was 21, my mum who I spend most of the time with when I’m home, has moved a fair amount (including a stint 10 mins from us in Washington for a year!) so when I come “home”, it’s not to one place, and this time is a whole new to me part of the country.

But, I’m used to being between, finally understand the superpowers of adaptation, and realised I don’t rely on a location to feel home. It’s why I put so much time and planning into packing. I feel grounded in the texture of a reliable pair of trousers that have seen me through everything thing from work trips, to cheese-covered kiddy flights. Literally — unbeknownst to me, one of my gremlins threw an entire snack pack of cheddar onto my seat, which I discovered after 3 hours, had been slowly warming under the right bum cheek of my linen trousers. My fam took immense pleasure in calling me “cheesy booty” the rest of the day.

And then there’s the anchor of these trousers. I bought them from Oysho in Portugal this time last year, had never even heard of the brand. But today in a new place, when I don’t know how the day will unfold, they’re the first thing I reached for. I deeply appreciate that about clothing, things can quite literally be comfort items — I know that as you’re reading, something comes to mind for you. We all have them.

2) friends remind you of a version of yourself that only exists with them.

Our dearest friends hold pieces of ourselves, like Harry Potter and his horcruxes, but maybe less intense?! For example, I have fantastic friends and community in the US, but no one there will ever have known me as a 16 year old, or a university student, or a fresh 20 year old. My friends in England do, and I have to work a bit harder to get back here, and it’s more work to maintain the friendship (because life, timezones, travel, my goodness!) but it’s always so worth it. Not only because they help remind me of those parts of me, but because I recognize I do the same for them.

We’re all just girls, man. Despite all we do, achieve, experience, bring into the world, create, handle, we’re just girlies at the end of the day.

I met up with the friend on the far right of the pic this afternoon and there’s so much to be said for the fun of hanging with childhood friends. Even when it’s not perfect, even when you haven’t spoken for years and life has gotten in the way, friends unlock a version of yourself and it’s glorious.

And 3) far more surface level, but hitting me with a bang: my closet needs a major edit. Less is more, and more has crept all the way in.

I’ll be on this trip for a month and I challenged myself to pack extremely light. I ended up bringing 9 tops, 6 bottoms, 2 dresses, 2 bags, and a record-breaking (for me) 5 pairs of shoes.

Having such a small, but versatile wardrobe, even 24 hours in, has reminded me that I need less in my growing closet back home. I had a goal of buying more secondhand, which I’ve achieved, but even still, my wardrobe is in need of a firm hand.

All in good time, once I get home. But for now, there’s the fun of late-summer fun to be had. Because despite everyone, for some reason, moving onto autumn in August, we still have a whole month of summer left! And damnit, I will squeeze out every last drop. Long live summer!

Ok that’s about it for my brain dump, hope you don’t hate this format too much, see you soonnn! Xx

Onward!

Picture this. It’s the height of summer. You’re wearing a billowing, oversized linen shirt and a gorgeously layered set of necklaces. You don’t want all the fabric to overwhelm your frame, so you unbutton most of the shirt.

This exposes a glimpse of collarbone and décolletage, widening the neckline and adding balance. But then… a strong breeze! It catches the undone buttons and suddenly the bra you hadn’t given a second thought about is on show and officially part of the outfit.

What are you wearing underneath??

It’s an excellent question, and one I get asked constantly. Because what you wear underneath impacts the line of the outfit, the silhouette, how the fabric lays, and most importantly, your confidence wearing it.

You know how they say the most important makeup product is your skincare routine?I believe underwear is the foundation of your fit.

So this week we’re covering various summer styling scenarios, what I wear underneath, and road testing some new bra purchases.

Disclaimer #1, this one is for my fellow small-chested girlies first and foremost. I used to be a C cup, but after two pregnancies and breastfeeding three kids (two of them at the same time #twinlife), my boobs simply gave up and I’m now a B on a good day. I’m a self-proclaimed bralette girly and do not like underwire. I like my underwear to be seen not heard – sensible, functional, minimal – do it’s job well and be quiet about it.

Disclaimer #2, items featured are things I’ve spent years trying and loving — nothing gifted or affiliate, just bought with my own hard-earned money (sadly. someone sponsor me, quick).

If you ever considered upgrading your subscription, today is the day, because this one is paid for the first time ever. Mostly because my boobs are actually out and I feel like you should probably pay for that. Yep.

Let’s go… First scenario:

When you’re wearing a big, oversized shirt with just a few buttons done up

As we’ve established, the reason so few buttons are done is to show some skin, add balance, and help the lower half of the shirt drape. With a billowy shirt, it’s all about lines and angles. So I want lift and some shape, but mostly a bra that will not interfere with the shirt’s clean line from top to bottom.

I want a lightweight, minimal, black bralette. The goal here is when you get a glimpse of it, it doesn’t scream “BRA”, but could be confused for a cami or crop top. Sometimes the sight of it actually adds a bit of dimension and edge to a more romantic style.

I’ve tried so many bralettes in this category. And even though I don’t feel particularly aligned with the brand or the woman behind it, the bra I reach for whenever this scenario comes up is the

Read more

That film put androgyny and utilitarian style on the map for me, Trinity changed my perspective (to this day) on what a woman could be, but one idea really blew my nine-year-old mind:

That what we see isn’t everything there is, it’s just all we’ve been shown.

Regular guy, paper pusher, dissatisfied with the monotony of life. Then Morpheus uncovers another world entirely. But until that moment, what Neo saw WAS the world – except that his experiences, his choices were all filtered by his own perspective.

In my own tenuously-linked-but-crystal-clear-in-my-head way, I’m here to connect dots like no one else can (or probably should):

We’re in a style matrix.

We are ruled by the algorithm, which it trains us to look for what we already know. And yet, we must remember that computers are machines. No matter how smart, they are trained on data – they cannot create, only replicate.

We engage, the algo serves us more of the same, we react, the cycle continues. Before you know it, your feed is a nonstop churn of posts, videos, and images that are entirely CBK-coded.

There’s a real risk of not only being uninspired but gasp…boring.

All is not lost. Just like Neo, we are in control of what we see – if we want more, we have to search for it. Even as the adverts and the data collection and the personalized bloody content keep coming for us, we’re still trying to curate style that is truly ours, right? Part of that starts with the images that inspire us.

So, what if we expand that pool. Red pill or blue, baby?

We’re going full Morpheus as we step out of the matrix, refresh our algo, and feed our eyeballs with the delectable summer visuals we need.

The algorithm’s favourite woman

There’s a scene in the film where a woman in a red dress glides past Neo. She’s blonde, gorgeous, and impossible to ignore. But she’s not real, coded specifically to distract him. Decades on, that woman is ironically still favoured by the algo.

There’s been lots of chat here about the kinds of people we’re repeatedly seeing in summer visuals. Now look, I love a thin blonde white lady as much as the next black woman (lol what a sentence) but when that’s all I see, as if that’s all that exists, I tire.

So dull, so rote. Surely there are other bodies who frolic in waves, who eat delicious food at sun-kissed lakeside cabins, and other somesuch summer jaunts.

nailed it. I’ve been to Paris a handful of times, and can confidently say the street-style roundups often miss – intentionally or not – the many, many varieties of people who make Paris the melting pot it is.

The range is the point. Paris is culturally iconic not because we see the same thing all the time, but because we don’t.

Not including a range of people is a disservice to a city at best and misrepresentation at worst. (well, true worst would be the impacts of white supremacy, bias, and prejudice on tourism, global marketing, fashion, and substack… but that’s a conversation for another day – let me rest, abeg.)

Point is, people are tiring of the rinse and repeat. As this platform grows, people are urging us to search for, see, and show more.

There’s a reason the Ralph Lauren campaign with Morehouse and Spelman Colleges created earthquake-level impact on the culture this time last year. Yes, the visuals were dreamy, the stories impeccably told. The partnerships felt intentional, respectful, and non-extractive.

But these aren’t people mainstream culture typically connects with charming coastal towns, Martha’s Vineyard, or country-club core. Despite that, they exist – the campaign paid homage to generations of African American families creating meaningful legacies on the vineyard. It was fresh, meaningful, and inspiring.

What is summer inspo for anyway?

We know that personal style isn’t created through a screen, but in real life. That said, visuals can help.

With endless looks, feelings, and vibes, inspo can narrow down what speaks to us. Visuals can almost bottle a feeling, remind us of what’s wonderful, whimsical, and energizing. This can happen with a similar style or body to you, and it can happen without – inspiration can be found anywhere and everywhere.

The issue is that we rely so much on our tech, we’re at risk of forgetting there is more beyond what we’re shown. So when we repeatedly see the same pool of products, items, visuals, who ultimately benefits…?

Follow the money, honey

Companies. Not to fully put my tin foil hat on, but it all comes down to capitalism.

It is not in companies’ interest for us to have a broad, wide-ranging pool from which we draw inspiration. Big biz want us to need the item of the season – there’s serious money to be made from the high-end dupes and mid-range versions that follow.

So if much of what we’re digitally fed is deeply biased by a system driven by capitalism rather than art, the antidote is clear – go and find the real thing.

The Group Chat: Summer as a feeling, not an aesthetic

The main event. As I invited some incredible writers to pull together summer visuals and stories with range, said something that’s stayed with me – she thinks of summer as a feeling rather than an aesthetic…

The internet makes summer look like performance. But the best summers are less perfect than expansive. Long days. Salt water. Friends. The brief, golden feeling that life has opened past its usual edges.

So here it is, some deeply human, visceral feelings that summer brings, with delectable visuals to match.

Bodies that have lived

There’s something magical about the moment that warm sun hits your body in a swimsuit for the first time. And a gratitude I feel when I consider all my body has done for me and will continue to do. From the simple discoveries of childhood to the lived experience of maturity, the body is with us every moment.

I think of old ladies in bikinis on beaches in Rio, Naples, Ischia, and along the Amalfi Coast, sunbathing, swimming, holding hands, gloriously uninterested in aspiration. Their bodies have carried years, stories, lunches, griefs, and joys.
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The aliveness of colour

The slow transformation as winter melts into spring and blossoms into summer, the colours following the seasons, with bright rainbow shades the ultimate vision of summer dressing. Last summer in Portugal, I ate a mango coconut gelato 4 times in one week mostly for the taste, but equally for the glorious colours.

I may be biased, but Zimbabwe has the MOST delicious mangoes. A favourite pasttime of ours is devouring as many mangoes as we could, sitting under the Avocado tree with my late grandparents.
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Summer to me is colour, texture, and coconut water. Sun on my skin and sand between my toes complete me.
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The groundedness of heritage

Summer often brings opportunities to return to meaning, be it a place, a sound or a taste. Delicious nostalgia runs deep and brings with it a sense of self, weighty and calming.

My mom was born in Cartagena, Colombia. Islas del Rosario, the tropical fruits, my ideal beach style (red, of course), and my mom's fashion are summer to me.
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I heard the song agua sin dueño by Danza Invisible on a bus from Bilbao to Donosti and it completely captured the mood of the trip.
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I’m immediately transported back to my Zimbabwean heritage and summers with my late grandmother at their homestead.
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The whimsy of time well spent

Time is the most finite resource of them all, and for me, summer reminds me of the deliciousness of life. The nature, the growth, the opportunities to come together, it’s all yummy.

Longer days and sunshine make you want to find more whimsy. More dancing around barefoot, more twirling in a sundress, more laughing with the people you love most.
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My idea of summer is happy, colorful, and carefree. It’s a time when things feel less urgent and like I can take a breather. When I can laugh with my people as we celebrate. It’s my favourite time of year.
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My summer goals are to stay cool (literally). Breathe, in natural fabrics. Stay bright (also literally). Handmake garments. And get more whimsical manicures.
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The expansiveness of water

As a Pisces, I love living near water year-round, but the motion and life it gives in summer is particularly special, like the soundtrack of the season.

Summer makes me think of expansiveness. Water. Horizons. The temporary suspension of responsibility. The freedom that arrives when we stop worrying about how we look in summer and start enjoying the fact that it is summer.
– 

Sol Joseph’s shot is truly an art piece. From the enormous hat to the soft colors… for me, summer is a time to practice the art of doing nothing. This calmness and peace is almost visceral in this image.
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A toolkit to free your mind (and your feed)

1. Decide on what you want to see. It’s very difficult (and overwhelming) to try and have every life experience, body, race, gender etc etc represented in one set of visuals.
   For me, I don’t see enough women who are curvy, older, black or brown in substack visuals, so as I’m sure you’ve noticed, that’s what I overindex on in an attempt to balance things out. For you, there may be other people you don’t see often enough. Decide who is missing, where you want to find your range, and search for it. Which will be more successful if your algo understands the assignment…

2. Train your algo: The more you engage with something, the more you’ll see it. The moment I lingered on posts by black women, my entire feed shifted within days. Substack is unique and we love it here, but lest we forget, it’s still built upon an algorithm. If you want to shift it, you have to feed the beast. Engage with creators, spend a few seconds longer on their videos, collaborate with someone surprising –make the algo work for you.

3. Engage with people to broaden your pool. A shortcut to bringing more range to your feed is filling it with what you want to see more of.
   
   Start with every writer who shaped this piece, and a few more whos words and visuals will make you feel something. Subscribe to them, engage with their work, broaden your feed.
   
   The fabulous Substack contributors who shared their summers with us:
   of Notes from Amy, , of Lovely, of tomato tomato, of La Deeply Shallow, of La Petite Colombiana, of Usha Joy, and .
   
   And a few more to get you started:
   of Girl Get In!, of xo, coco, of reviews in the garden, of All things fat with jessica torres, and of Somewear.

Most importantly… stay vigilant. Always be asking what you’re not seeing, who you could be inspired by, and who isn’t being shown.

That’s it for today! Thanks for being on this ride with me, you know how my brain works at this point, just out here connecting crazy things. But the visuals, Neo, the algo, quite the meaty topic to discuss. So share your thoughts below, I need to hear ‘em. How are you curating inspiration in an algorithmic capitalistic world? What visuals or creators have you been moved by this summer?

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ICYMI

If you’re new, here, welcome – start with the essential summer pieces here. We started with wide leg linen trousers, oversized shirts, flowy maxi skirts. We covered a lot of ground. But this week, we’re going slow and detailed. We’re giving the hallowed, versatile maxi skirt the attention she deserves.

The maxi skirt: why it’s essential

The trickiest part about summer style is fewer layers means fewer opportunity to create a dynamic fit. The hotter it gets, the less we care about what we wear and more about cooling down. I love the one-and-done of a maxi dress, but a skirt gives you more to work with, more building blocks to piece together an outfit that still feels like you. It’s gauzy and light, it’s study and structural, it’s slinky and sleek – so many summer skirts, so little time.

Why it’s tricky for shorties

The trending skirts are worn on the hips, mid waist, with some drop waist numbers for good measure. Or they are heavy in volume, pleats, waterfalls, ruffles, fringe — a lot of fabric.

A maxi skirt can overwhelm a short frame faster than a maxi dress — a dress is one unbroken line of fabric, a skirt means more material, more lines to manage.

These skirt variables often require a lengthy, or at least proportional torso, and height. So how do we tweak for a petite, short torso’d body? Firstly, you gotta know what kind of maxi skirt you’re working with.

The players

At the start of the year I had about two skirts in my wardrobe that I rarely wore. I find skirts can feel too formal, girly, I don’t love the silhouette, and haven’t been able to nail the styling. But, inspired by the imaginative pieces from SS26 runways and silk maxis of 2025, I wanted to play!

For my body and proportions, I know I wanted full and pleated, in a light gauzy fabric or a cotton poplin. Why? Because it’s an easy, entry-level styling option. An accentuated waist, no patterns, column of colour, no ruffles or fussy details makes it a relatively simple wardrobe addition. My style leans edgy, bold, and modern, so I was intrigued by the contrast offered by the flounce of a high-waisted, ladylike maxi.

What works: the styling principles

• ✅A high, defined waist allows me to pair volume with volume. I tried this skirt with several lighter, slinkier tops (see below), yet a big, slouchy knit felt the best. The vneck and pushed up sleeves exposed some skin and importantly, the cropped knit allows the full line of the skirt to show. Balanced with a minimal, barely-there sandal.

In my try-on sesh, I reached for a vest top, but it just felt off. The tucked in, high neck alongside the skirt was reading as apron-y or even matronly.

If I want to pair these skirts with a vest, it needs to be sporty, cropped, and a bit cheeky to bring fresh air to the skirt and all the fabric. I love the outfit below with a flash of tum, full skirt, and kitten heel.

The muscle tee below gives some edge along with the architectural cuff and earrings, contrasting the preppy sweater and raffia flats. I wouldn’t usually wear mary-janes with a full skirt as it’d feel too prim and proper, but the texture and square toe adds something a little off and makes this work.

• ✅Using footwear to add balance. A substack guru recently shared wisdom on balancing a lightweight, minimal sandal with a heavier, weighty outfit and a lighter outfit with a chunky, substantial sandal (someone help me out and remind me who?!). I do this often and in the outfit below, the sheer of this skirt as it meets a solid, cotton knit and chunky platform fisherman sandal feels right.

• ✅Adding waist detail to counteract the prim. Back to this tricky vest top with skirt, I can overcome the overly sweet, apron-y vibe by throwing something light around the waist, in this case a long sleeve tshirt. It adds a sportier vibe and messes it all up a bit, feeling less smart and more mussed.

What doesn’t work (and why)

• 🙅🏾‍♀️Too prim and proper with the shoes. So, my long awaited Aeydes arrived!

  And I love them.
  

  But not with these skirts. Perhaps with a column skirt and chunky tee – certainly with a denim short and oversized blazer. But with the high-waisted skirt, they skew too pretty, not edgy or messed up enough for me.

• 🙅🏾‍♀️The hip-y look. In the below outfit I like the colour story, but not so much the silhouette. Even though it’s a cropped tshirt, it ends at my hip which feels awkward and throws off proportions – tucking the top into the high waist would work better.

  

Love the hippy look for Katie, not for me.

• 🙅🏾‍♀️Layering too much fabric around the waist, especially with competing lines. I can do it with a very light long sleeve, but the scarf trend below for example, is too much fabric for my frame. Even though I adore the fit…

  

  The sharp masculinity of the oversized top with the ladylike pleats and the pop of personality from the scarf? With the laid back flip flops? So good. Could I wear this outfit? I tried my own version…

I really hoped I’d prove myself wrong, but alas… There’s a lot not working.

• 🙅🏾‍♀️Too much volume and fabric. The skirt has a clear waist which helps, but the scarf is going against that line and drawing the eyes outwards. On my short torso’ed body the scarf is reading as an apron instead of cool girl chic.

• 🙅🏾‍♀️No skin on show. The high-neck, oversized tee, long sleeves, and long skirt means there’s little skin on show to counter all the fabric.

• 🙅🏾‍♀️Drape and lines working against me. In the reference image, there’s a subtle, but important angle she’s tucked the tshirt to make it not horizontal, but slightly diagonal. I didn’t notice until I was writing, but it’s critical for the overall drapey, effortless feel, which is missing from my rendition. Make your drape and lines work for you, not against you!

Inspo from the short-girl archive

These women aren’t all necessarily petite, but they are styling their skirts in a way that your petite bod will thank you for. Notice far left ’s tuck of a billowy shirt alongside pops of colour; in the middle, Monikh's tonal dressing to avoid overwhelming her frame, and far right balancing the skirt’s bold volume with a sporty crop, flash of skin, and minimal sandal.

One more lesson from Monikh – she often uses tonal to maintain intentional dressing. Note the column skirt and texture play, but neither is overwhelming as the tones draw the eye vertically.

And a final word on length. I like my maxi skirts long, to my ankle. The styling below is excellent – who doesn’t love a moment to incorporate sporty with the flouncy, but be wary of this length.

On me, this length of lower calf length with a trainer would be awkward and overwhelm my body. Ironically, the longer the skirt, the taller I often look. So be intentional with the length.

The cheat sheet for your next maxi moment

If you’re anything like me, a little repetition goes a long way. And we all have attention spans of goldfish (thanks social media brain rot) so, a summary of everything we’ve learned together:

• ✅Know your skirt. Clean lines, full, waterfall, fringe… The possibilities are endless, as is the styling — understand what you’re working with before all else.

• ✅ Lead with the waist. A defined, high waist can serve as an anchor to pair volume with volume, ensuring you look intentional rather than overwhelmed.

• ✅ Follow with the top. A sporty or cropped vest adds yummy contrast to a classic, sweet skirt. A slouchy knit works if it’s cropped and shows some skin. The top can either bring visual space or weight, be selective.

• ✅ Use shoes to balance. Heavy outfit, minimal sandal. Lighter outfit, chunkier shoe. Don’t let your shoes tip the whole outfit into prim territory.

• ✅Skin, skin, skin on show. The more fabric, the more skin needs to be shown somewhere. A flash of tummy, bare arms, pushed up sleeves, use skin to cut through the volume.

• ✅ Go long, baby. For me, lower calf/midi length is an awkward middle ground. Ankle length means clean lines.

• ✅ Watch your lines and drapes. Tucking is important, drapes against maxis are too. Check your tucks and make your lines work for you, not against you.

• ✅ Tonal dressing keeps it intentional. When in doubt, stick to the same colour family and let the silhouette do the hard work.

Okay that’s it. Skirts are so fun, I actually convinced myself as I wrote. What about you, have I convinced you to try one out, style one sitting at the back of your wardrobe, or shop around to find a little secondhand deal?

If you’re well-versed maxi skirt styler, how do you play around with long skirts on a short body? Shortie or not, tell me below, I LOVE hearing from you. And if any of this was useful, send it to a short girly in your life so she can live her best short girl summer. (“Say “short” again... “short””)

Thanks for being here for these somewhat chaotic articulations of my style brain – see you next week byeeeex

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Craving another short-girl style sesh?

Saturday

Sneaking in a day earlier than usual for our biannual mummy-daughter sleepover!

I don’t really experience mum guilt over being a working parent, but I do get eldest sibling guilt. As an eldest child, I feel for this girl. She was a Covid baby, hung out with her parents all day every day, straight chilling solo for three years, and then… boom!

Not one sibling, but two. At the same time. And they’re both BOYS. She’s the ultimate eldest daughter, carrying far too much responsibility even at six, so I try to hang with her solo whenever I can. One eldest daughter to another! We get it.

We got a hotel for the night, went to dinner, and watched a movie of her choice. Which is how we wound up watching Sheep Detective, where Hugh Jackman is a shepherd who is murdered and his flock team up with the local rural community to solve the case. So random. She loved it.

We visited our local “Before I Die” installation, had a little walk, and then watched Barbie back at our hotel. If you can’t tell, this girl adores films. Between Barbie’s “irrepressible thoughts of death”, the installation, and the shepherd sitch, I answered more questions than anticipated about our mortality, but we went with it and had the best time.

Back home, I was greeted by two boxes of The RealReal goodies. Delivery day, baby!

I’ve been wanting a black full cotton maxi skirt for about a year, not an easy item to shop for on TRR, a site offering pretty limited visual info. This skirt was final sale (the gamble!) but I’m in love. The shape is dramatic but sleek, the quality and weight of the cotton is luxe, even the length is on point. I’d been after something calf length, but it’s so intentionally made I’m hesitant to hem. To hem or not to hem?

Meanwhile, during our fashion try-on show, Theo got into my shoes, found a kitten heel of his liking, and tottered around for twenty minutes.

Sunday

Church day, and this was my outfit of the week. My skirt’s maiden voyage – had the most fun putting the pieces together.

Felt like I was going to a funeral, except without the sadness or death (goodness, I will stop, promise) and the chic of an all-black party. Which is my idea of a good time anyway.

My friends had an abundance of gorgeous summer dresses and their breezy, beautiful styles brought me so much joy. Along with the baked goods we devoured in the sun.

Monday

I bought the long sleeve version of my favourite white tee in the world. If you’re up for something different to the beloved Margot or Flore Flore, try the Harley tee. Perfectwhitetee is exactly what it says on the tin.

Incredible weight, slightly sheer, twisted hems that sit just right, the neckline is so good. And then thank goodness, they made a long sleeve version, which I’ve been coveting for sometime and loved with these trousers. It marks the 5th new item I’ve bought this year (not counting secondhand or vintage) and it’s a solid add. No affiliate or promo links here, just items I bought and truly love – frankly a bit too deeply for something I’m sure to irrevocably stain any day.

Tuesday

I added this vintage top to my wardrobe and a new plant baby to my bathroom. I have... whatever the opposite of green thumbs are. When I told the fam I bought new plants, Ava said “Mummy, you know you’re not supposed to buy more when you kill them” (As I said, eldest daughter to the max).

In my defense, this one comes with a self-watering pot (who knew they existed) AND I bought plant insurance to replace it when I inevitably kill it. The irony is the thing is called a Cast Iron plant, it’s supposedly unkillable. Watch this space 😮‍💨

Back to style, I found this number in my local Vintage Depot and had to snag it. I love pieces that somehow look modern and vintage at the same time. Into everything about this top, natural fibers, sleeveless shirt, and the contrast piping. Still figuring out how to style it, but it’ll be a summer go-to I feel. (*whispers* and it was $15. Oop!)

Wednesday

My outfit of the week runner up. I loved this fit. The sporty meets sleek and chic, with the colour-play plus function was ideal because it was a big one…

The birthday of my twin baby boys! It was part one of the celebrations, we’ll go big next week while my dad is in town, but it was perfect. Cake, little crowns, arcades, and bouncy castles — kiddy perfection.

I did a half day of working from home, then hung with them at our bouncy-castle-land-come-arcade, and the weather went between rain and sun. The fit called for polish, versatility, and fun. The shorts let me bounce around, layers helped when I was inevitably boiling, and the shoes pulled everything together with some personality – they are fast becoming my summer MVP.

Thursday

This day was PACKED. First up, my little girl is about to finish her first year in school, and unshockingly, I volunteered in her classroom far less than I intended.

I squeezed in an hour between work meetings, but not before an advised outfit change…

Far beit on me to induce nightmares with my odious style choices.

I changed and felt a crisis was averted, because on further inspection I see how the nutcracker’s eyes could appear edgy-cool to adults but fully creepy to kids. Regardless, there’s so much magic in a classroom of six year olds. After classroom conversations discussing if foxes wished they could use their bushy tails to fly (sonic the hedgehog style) I hung out with them at recess and was quickly recruited into the girls’ “spy club”.

Later, a ballet class drop off and errands including picking up goodies for a friend’s birthday dinner I was organizing later that evening. There’s few things that give me delight like randomly carrying a gorgeous, fragrant bouquet around.

Post kids bedtime, it was time.

I had a few options, but went with this…

This Sablyn halter top, Freda Salvador fisherman heels from TRR, with my low slung baggy Agoldes. My first experience with Freda Salvador and I’m immediately a lifelong fan — the comfort, the buttery soft leather!

It was my first time wearing the top, and I learned the neckline and side cuts render it impossible to wear an actual bra. So I wore a crappy, cheap stick-on bra that I felt slowly peeling its way off throughout the course of the night.

Encouraged by the lifesavers of my Context Chat, I finally pulled the trigger on a Cakes sticky bra and will report back.

Useless bra aside, we ordered a load of food and drinks, celebrated the birthday girl and had a lovely time. In a world where it’s not often easy to be a woman, female friendships are one of my very greatest delights.

Friday

On Fridays, we wear sheer skirts!

We’ve been on a sunny, warm weather streak and I’m really into the skirts I got from TRR. So of course, it was the day it poured with rain the entire time. But I still enjoyed this fit.

The clunkiness of the fisherman sandal grounds the floaty sweetness of the skirt, as does the cotton knit graphic jumper. Skirts are not my go-to for a regular day, they often feel too formal. This felt relaxed but cute for a day of coffee shop working and errands.

Back home, my Cos order arrived. Honestly, my heart wasn’t in the order and it showed. I bought four things and I’ll be returning them all. One of note… I was so into the idea of this dress, a linen mini has been on my wishlist since last spring, and the colour was excellent. But tell me, when you look at it on the model…

and then on me..

… aside from the hemline, does it remind you or anything? Something one might wear when admitted to hospital, perhaps!?

So much potential, but it’s a no for me. Which is a win, because then I don’t add to my new purchases count (I don’t have a strict no buy number, but I’d like to stay under fifteen items for 2026), and kept the focus on my TRR finds.

Saturday

Today was home day! We’ve been prepping to put grass into our garden the last few weeks (they call it “sod” here, which is very much an insulting word in the UK btw!).

We’ve worked with the kids around in an attempt to teach them the value of hard work etc etc. But it’s mostly resulted in them having free rein and us discovering something horrifying like them lobbing tools across the neighbour’s fence (!) using their newfound potty skills to wee in the yard (mere steps from a bathroom) or ridding our peach tree of its unripe seeds, guaranteeing zero fruit this season.

LOL what fun! The teaching opportunities! Please tell me it’s not only my children.

Finally, in an excellent and calming finish to the week, I went to a besties house where we yapped all night on her sofa in sweats, and that was the entire purpose. The best.

Screenshots

What the scrolling spirits moved me to capture this week…

Obsessed lately not with an item, but a vibe. Specifically, writers here who are managing to perfectly encapsulate summer in an image. Visuals so delicious and visceral you can almost taste them. did it so well in her latest post. More on this next week, I’m going all in on summer visuals, it’s going to be fun.

Also: I don’t go out of my way to find celebrities on Substack, but I stumbled upon this week and endorse everything she posts.

Just look at her mother! So stunningly regal. And I’ll never not be obsessed with watching successful people pour back into their mums because yes yes yes they deserve it!

Dropping bars. This in particular caught my eye because I too use my bathroom like a lady-den. Show playing, sweet treat in hand, a drink, a book… Bath time is 45 mins in duration at the absolute minimum.

On that note… Who else spends too long in the bath?! One thing I look forward to about cooler weather. In the mean time, where are you finding delicious summer visuals? What did you last wear to dinner and did you love it? If you have bra solutions for tricky tops, here for it and trying them all. Also any recs to stop my rowdy twin boys from rowdying would be great too kthanksbyeee x

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ICYMI

I’ve been so excited for warmer weather that I forgot what comes with it – my body on display. The wardrobe shift to strapless dresses, mini skirts, sheer fabrics, and the final boss of summer dressing, the bikini. Even a barely-there sandal requires a bit of foot vulnerability!

This picture below is from late August of last year. I bought this bikini impulsively and it was a big deal. I felt confident in it on top (despite being unable to clasp it, clearly), but bottom was another story. I hadn’t worn swimwear without high-waist coverage since my first was born six years ago.

It took me an entire month of near-daily beach trips before I had the courage to say to Husband – think I should wear this today? Yea of course, it’d look great. So I did.

The first time, I slyly hid my tummy, big shirt over the top. By the end, when this pic was taken, I cared not one bit. Then, I saw a woman in her seventies. She had a low-rise bikini on and a tummy like mine – I have diastasis recti from my pregnancies, and it’s still quite visible.

And I thought – imagine spending the next thirty-five years being self-conscious about something I’ll still have when I’m seventy anyway.

The summer acclimation spectrum

Every year there’s a spectrum of slow adjustment, an acclimation much like entering the ocean. Dipping a hesitant toe in – donning a flip flop after a long winter. All the way to jumping in headfirst – a two-piece bikini, no high waist – everything I’d rather hide on display.

It takes me a while to fully arrive in my summer body. Where I ignore all the reasons why I shouldn’t and couldn’t, and I just wear the thing. I accept my body in all its forms, a swimsuit doesn’t phase me, I’m in water with the kids, I’m unruffled by the beautiful my-body-is-untouched-by-time Gen-zers, and I’m finally in the "this is me, take it or leave it” stage. I wish I lived there all the time, that sweet, sweet summer style nirvana.

What if we cut to the good part?

But much like my children who refuse to stop growing at an overwhelmingly fast pace (rude), summer doesn’t wait for us to be ready. So what if, instead of wasting time, we cut the warm-up and got to the IDGAF part… faster? Instead of leading with the nerves and the I’m to old for that and I’ll wear this when… We led with what summer offers us, don our mental armour, and get into it?

What summer offers us

I’m from London born and raised. I’m also of Jamaican heritage. The older I get, the more I’m so aware of how very different those cultures are. But it allows me to swing the pendulum.

I know oh too well the layers of protection that weather and clothing can provide. A base shirt, a knit, a trench with a collar popped against the wind, topped with an umbrella to protect the face from errant showers. Literal armour1. I’m also Jamaican, a culture that has absolutely no issue with bodies in all their glory – a big batty gyal2 is not a thing to hide! Beach vibes, teeny tiny outfits for carnival, sun too hot to stress – very unapologetic, very comfortable.

So though I grew up in slightly soggy England, I have experienced, from multiple vantages, exactly what summer has to offer: Sun on skin, warmth to your bones, endless days. And so much time to play! With our kids, our pets, our partners, friends. Weddings, boats, paddleboards, long walks, outdoor cinema nights, tennis matches – mother nature comes out in force and so do we.

And on the sartorial side, the fun continues. touched on this so beautifully recently:

Showing skin can feel vulnerable… Yet there is a way to bare ourselves that feels more controlled than overt; a peek of a hip bone, a flash of an ankle, or the promise of a shoulder. Baring parts of ourselves is what makes us feel human.

Though it can feel like a loss of protection, there’s beauty to be had in the reduction of layers – in the sheer, in the barely there. I love a wide neck with a shoulder hem slightly draping off the shoulder; a halter in a bold cut. I love seeing a fellow mum in a killer outfit and feeling incredible3.

So how do we get there?

A mental toolkit for skipping to summer nirvana

This is one of those times I’m asking for a friend, and the friend is very much me. Because I don’t want to waste another half of summer warming up to it. So here’s what I’m working with:

• What do you want to show off? This is no different to any other season, we work with where we’re confident and run with it. For me, that’s my legs and arms. We start there.

• What would you rather not show? For me that’s my tummy and my boobs. The latter isn’t necessarily about being conscious, just doesn’t quite vibe with my style or proportions. I like the silhouette and the lines less. Love a high neck.

• What are the easy fixes? The ways to reach nirvana fastest without bending yourself into loops (lol)? I love a high neck, but get very conscious of my boobs in a cute little halter sans bra. So the question becomes: what actually works under tops you can’t wear a bra with? (Do strapless bras that also lift exist? Does everyone wearing those sticky nipple things have perky boobs unaffected by breastfeeding? I need to know!) What are the simplest pathways to feeling confident?

• How can you ease in faster? Sometimes it’s diving in headfirst early in the season, doing it before you feel ready. Tips? Wear less around the house, practice breaking your mind into the idea of your lovely body on show before you’re in public. I’m a big fan of buying a swimsuit early in the season, be it new or preloved, and taking try-on pictures. The more comfortable you feel wearing it in your house, that confidence translates outside. There’s something about clothing on body to mind cognition, it’s a thing, look it up I promise.

  

• Use the acclimation spectrum to your advantage. Adding a flip flop —> bare legs —> a linen shirt over a swimsuit —> shorts —> a one piece swimsuit —> a two-piece, no high waist. That’s mine. Figure out what the spectrum for you, try each step, each one is a win.

• Never forget the context (and choose your moment). Sometimes it’s just not the day for the low-rise bikini, it’s not something you want to deal with, or the context isn’t right4. And sometimes you feel like a bad bitch, as the yout dem say. Both are valid, we just don’t want to wait for end of August for the latter.

• Get in the photos (and get in the water) Find yourself a person who will take candid pictures of you out in the wild. With your loved ones, your pets, whatever. This one’s especially important for the mums: I spent a while being so fussy about the pictures my husband took that he eventually stopped taking them. And then I really missed it. Now I have loads of pictures with my kids – unflattering, chaotic, sandy, slightly unhinged pictures, and I love them anyway. And then, once you’ve got the photo, get in the water!

  

• And finally, if you get truly stuck and need some direction, I’m leaving you with this. The most helpful thing of all: An entirely silly flowchart I wanted to make with AI (because what else is AI good for if not pointless charts 😏) but ended up painstakingly creating myself over the course of two house. So please do my ego a favour – zoom in and play my little game? Spoiler alert, all roads lead to wearing the thing. WHAT DID YOU EXPECTTT ;)

What if we collectively agreed to embrace all the clothes and the sun on our bodies in their beautiful, imperfect glory? And spent the extra brain power on something more fun. Is that so crazy?! Okay tell me what it is you’re avoiding and what you’re wearing? Also please – what are we wearing under halter tops? 100% not asking for a friend kthanksbyeeee x

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4

This year for example, my company retreat is not only smack in the middle of summer in July, it’s at a location with a hot tub and pool. That we are expected to use. Now I have to figure out a coworker approps outfit situation? The audacity!

---

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Dressed in Context

Let's Get Real(Real)

It’s almost summer. Sun rays are flowing, days are longer, hemlines are shorter. Last week we flirted with the key pieces we’re adding to our summer repertoire, but where do we actually find those items…

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Today we’re talking The RealReal. Amazing once you figure it out, but the platform can be less than approachable.

Can you return items? How do you find anything in the first place – there’s so much! It can be hard work, and thats assuming you’re average in terms of height, weight, and body proportions. Add in a body of under 5’4” – I’m 5 ft exactly – and things can get hairy. But one you get it, it’s so worth it (scroll to the bottom for my TRR Hall of Fame).

So, we’re demystifying the process for shorties shopping this secondhand mecca. And if you regular-sized folk want to join us, by all means ;)

Btw this is not sponsored, but it bloody well should be, the levels of detail we’re about to get into.

If you’re brand new to TRR, this is an excellent starting point. But if you’re here, it’s likely you’re familiar with the platform and haven’t had much success. So here’s my recipe for success when it comes to shopping TRR in a shorter than average body:

Know Your Measurements (And When To Ignore Them)

First instruction: pay close attention to the listed measurements and simultaneously, completely ignore them. I know, bear with me.

The shoulder seam is a non negotiable, and the one measurement I can’t rationalise around. If the shoulders are too big or small it’s really hard to alter that. Same with the chest, too tight across the boobs is a complete non starter.

Everything else has more flex – I ignore the length or inseam of bottoms, that can be easily changed. Waist, I keep loosely in mind but don’t obsess over, fit varies across fabric and bodies.

To be honest, most of my shopping decisions are visual. I look at the cut, the lines, how it falls on the model and imagine it on my own body.

An example of do as I say, not as I do: A green trench has been on my wishlist since 2023, I saw this Zadig and Voltaire trench and thought yes. Gorgeous colour, love the balance of the dark buttons and wide lapels.

I did not look at the shoulder measurements.

The other thing is I’ve learned is to envision where something will sit on me vs the standard TRR mannequin. If a piece lands just below knee length on her, it’ll be full length on me. If it’s calf length on her, it’ll be floor-skimming on me.

Search For Short Girl-Friendly Brands

I am not using TRR as it was intended most likely. By that, I mean I’m not looking for Chanel bags and Prada boots, they’re not really my style. But I’ve found TRR works beautifully for all the brands others aren’t looking for as much. Even more ideal is knowing which brands do well on a smaller frame. Not officially “petite”, but petite-adjacent. This is prob something I should gatekeep, but I cannottt.

The brands I expressly look for on TRR that I’ve found to be extremely short-girl friendly: Proenza Schouler (dresses and knitwear), Agolde (denim), Wales Bonner (knits and sporty styles), Sandro (coats and tailoring), Tibi, Marcell von Berlin (blazers), Anna Quan (blazers and dressed) and Co (asymmetric knits, linen).

Go In With Heaps of Patience

Much like vintage and thrifting, TRR shopping is a long game. Create your “searches”, mine reflect my wishlist… and then wait. If you can wait long enough, and your items are niche enough, they will go down in price. Hopefully, without them getting snagged by someone else.

Just think of TRR as a load of stylish seaguls, patiently waiting for a sunbather to look away from her bag of crisps before you pounce. It will happen eventually. And when it does, everyone at the park will stare as you clumsily attempt to wrestle a bag of crisps out of a bird’s beak… but I digress.

My point is, even with saved searches, a solid sense of your wishlist, and a lengthy obsessions list… it still takes time for prices to drop, and to scroll through newly added items. I consider it a slightly healthier form of scrolling, though no less addictive. But the pay off — once you get good at TRR, it’s truly satisfying.

Vision, Darling

Imagination is critical. Sometimes it’s like viewing a dilapidated building at an open house and squinting your eyes past the rubble to what could be. Remember this Wales Bonner jumper that made my whole winter and had some of you scouring the web for your own? This is how it looked on the site.

This is how it looked on me.

And that long wool coat from earlier that I wore on repeat through winter? This is how it looked on the site:

And on me…

We can safely agree that merchandising is not part of TRR’s biz model. Pieces are unstyled, they aren’t helping you see how the item could fit perfectly into your wardrobe – I assume they’re saving those efforts to give us as many curated items as digitally possible. So you really need discernment between what could work even if it seems a bit crazy, and what seems crazy but will actually never work. It takes a while to build that muscle. In the mean time, there’s returns!

Fabric Smarts

Various fabrics sit differently on the body. For shorter frames specifically, fabric does a lot of work. I’m more wary of structured fabrics, crispy poplins, heavy canvas, which hold their shape away from the body. Sometimes that can read as the clothes wearing you rather than the other way around. Softer, more fluid fabrics like silk, relaxed linen, a good chenille, follow your body and don't fight your proportions. Keep an eye on the fabric composition and plan accordingly – it's a useful lens when you can't feel the fabric yourself.

Before we move on, sidenote – and this is the TRR hill I will die on: There is NO WAY TO FILTER BY FABRIC AND IT IS A TRAVESTY. The way I would be filtering for allll the natural fibers and leaving polyester, nylon, and polyamide in my dust.

Similar Items

The similar items at the bottom of the page is a goldmine. Sometimes I shop in this way exclusively because typing search organically isn’t intuitive and I don’t trust it to give me exactly what I want. But right now I’m looking for minimal kitten heel sandals, once I find the right thing, I scroll right on down, and thank the system.

Okay, so you’ve found your treasures, waited for the right price, and they’ve arrived at your door (glory be, delivery day)! What now? Here’s some quick resources.

Cleaning

This is my second hand clothing bible. I follow theses instructions to the tee and I’m never disappointed. ’ process has helped me remove stains, mustiness, and the final boss of secondhand shopping — smoke odors:

The Thick-Thrift Diaries

Smells Like Thrift Spirit: How to Deodorize Preloved Clothes

I thrift, therefore I launder. A lot…

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7 months ago · 620 likes · 51 comments · The Thick-Thrift Diaries

Try-Ons & Returns

You need a try-on session! Unbox those bad boys, get in front of a mirror, start playing around with your wardrobe and introducing it to the new clothes in town. See how they vibe, does it feel like hard work or a natural fit?

Here’s me in real time, ahead of a trip determining exactly what I keep and what goes back. Sometimes the outfit just needs a little something to work beautifully:

When it comes to returns, it’s a pretty smooth process, which is important when you’re buying expensive items. Everything is relative, items are discounted, but I count anything above $150 as the higher end of what I typically spend on TRR, and that’s hard-earned money. You want to buy with confidence, knowing you can return. TRR returns have a $15 fee which is annoying, but I always wait until I have a lot to purchase and a lot to return, so it feels more like a wash than 1-2 items.

Tailoring

Whether your new to tailoring or not, I wrote a solid list of my learnings for when you’re at tailor, the process, easy tweaks vs meatier alterations, and how to get the best results: Tailoring Know Hows

Organizing

And then, to make sure all of these new-found treasures are sitting pretty in your closet, read this by – the style organization section in particular is gold. The whole post, no exaggeration, will change your life and make it all shine:

The Wardrobe Edit

How To Be Organised in 2025

Creating content online for 15 years means I’ve experienced many eras - the ombre dip-dye era, the disco pants era, and the ukulele music as a backing track for the entire YouTube video era. In 2017, I had a major life organisation era, which resulted in the release of my very own book…

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2 years ago · 7678 likes · 144 comments · Anna Newton

And lastly….

My TRR Hall of Fame

So, what’s the benefit of all of this additional work? We have lives, kids, careers, reality TV episodes to be consumed by, I get it… Here’s the pay off: heavily discounted luxury finds, excellent quality, preferred fabric compositions, worn-in but lovely condition, and unique items that showcase your personality and fabulous sense of style.

So, in addition to the Wales Bonner jumper and Sandro coat above which take the Top 2 positions, here’s three more to complete my Top 5 TRR finds:

And that’s it – hope this is helpful! Does this make you more likely to dip a toe in the TRR waters? If you’re a shortie and already a TRR regular, what gems have you found? What have you learned in your time using TRR? Any other short-girl friendly TRR brands I missed? Share in the comments, I read every single one.

Kbyeeelove x

PS. Two other excellent TRR-related reads I’d be remiss to include because they’ve had me mesmerized:

36 Tempting Things on The RealReal Right Now – ’s eye is always on point, secondhand changes nothing.

How Much Does A Mostly Secondhand Outfit Really Cost? –  nails this on the regular, proving time and time again that sustainability is oh so chic.

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ICYMI

Last June, I was walking back to our rental in Barcelona fresh from a workout when a torrential rainstorm started. Holding my newly acquired, oversized shirt over my head, I laughed to other strangers at how much rain there was in the middle of summer. I was fully drenched, and yet I remember that moment vividly because I felt completely myself. Strong after a workout, full serotonin high, walking a new city, under a new shirt serving as a highly ineffective umbrella.

This year, as we approach summer, we’re prepping. Scrolling, picking through The RealReal, Poshmark, and eBay with vigor and vim. The vibe of the moment? Low slung maxi skirts, slip dresses, volume, pleats, oodles of material. What does this mean for those of us less endowed with height? Well, as I said last season, fashion has always been for the tall. But does that mean we go without? Nay! We adapt! In a summer of tops that could be dresses on us and dresses that could be tents, consider this our cheat sheet. Essential pieces packed with outfit tweaks made to serve us.

Before All Else: Know Thy Body

So you’re a shortie, but let’s get specific. Proportions matter, so do measurements. Do you have long legs and a short torso? Long torso, short legs, or are you fairly proportional? Curvier, athletic, something else entirely? The beauty of humans is there are more types than I can attempt to name. And even if we find a label that applies, consider how your body fluctuates throughout the month – my cycle effects my weight distribution, which changes how my clothing sits from week to week. I’m not an expert in style or fashion, but I am an expert in my body. I have a very short torso long legs, I have a small but strong body (5ft), with a tummy I’m rehabbing post three kids, and a bum my mama gave me (thanks, ma).

For me, it’s never about trying to look tall or add height (being short is a core personality trait at this point) but it’s about ensuring you’re wearing the outfit and the outfit isn’t wearing you. That it’s not dominating or overwhelming your frame and that we’re not being swallowed whole by swathes of fabric and volume.

1. The wide-leg linen trouser

Why it’s essential:
I am obsessed with a wide-leg year round – warm weather changes nothing. The only shift I make is material: linen blends, cotton poplin, and weighty hemps are beautiful in a wide leg, especially with a touch of pleating at the waist.

They are functional and versatile, can be dressed up or down, and shapes run the gamut from palazzo to barrel. Also, they’re comfy, with give and movement for running after littles or eating a hearty meal at dinner – I reach for them often when mum-ing, the more physically demanding of context I find myself in.

How I make it work as a shortie:
With a short torso and long legs, the wider I go with the trouser, the more balance the top needs to provide.

• We’re looking for the perfect fit at the waist. I can’t go big or baggy, and I can’t do a mid or low rise, it throws of my proportions

• Length that grazes the top of foot – the blue ones above puddle and could do with an inch off, but too long is better than cropped. (Cropped lengths look awkward af on me)

• I tuck the top — always. With any extra shape of volume on bottom, a tuck of the top makes space for all the talking the trousers are doing.

• Ok I always tuck the top, except… when the top is already cropped. This red top below actually finishes at an awkward length, the widest part of my stomach. There are quite a few bottoms I can’t wear it with, but the high-rise of the trousers, the boxiness of the tee, and the colours just work. Which leads to my next point…

What doesn’t work:

• A mid or low-rise waist. Same top, and now you see better what I mean – the top’s hemline isn’t meeting the waist and the trousers are pooling past the point of slouch. Also, the width of the tee blends right into the width of the trousers giving me a rectangle shape – not my aspirational silhouette, must be said.

• The dress on trousers trend. See where the below top ends, cutting me off at an awkward place. Having a top that ends mid-thigh doesn’t work, the balance is off. Especially with this sharp contrast of the colour. The flip-flop adds balance with some skin on show, but without a heel to give a few more inches, it feels a bit flat.

I will say, I have seen this trend work on some petite women, with tweaks. Not so much colour contrast for one, a sleeker trouser for two, it can be done. Maybe I’ll experiment.

Back to what else isn’t working. This is surprising, because I love a belt, but it’s working against me here.

The belt’s high contrast with the trousers cuts me off in the middle. But mostly it’s how loose I’m wearing it. Because it’s ill fitting, there’s a weird strip of cream, then black, then the rest of the trouser. Without the belt, the eye would keep going up to the tee and add a few extra inches of visual length.

More inspo from the short-girl style archive:
Inspiration from screenshots and internet wanders over the years. Not all of these women are petite, but the styling is petite-friendly. Notice ’s wide, unbuttoned v-neck, ’s sleek flip flops, and ’s peek of shoulder all adding balance to volume. Note the use of belts throughout (and they fit properly!); Monikh and Jen B’s colour stories drawing the eye vertically. These details transfer regardless of height and are what we’re borrowing for our own styling.

2. The oversized linen shirt

Why it’s essential:
Ah, the beauty of a breezy, loose, linen shirt. It’s an easy layer to add visual depth to an outfit, especially a workout co-ord or swim set. Buttoned and tucked, it adds laid-back polish to jeans, and it’s fab tied around a waist. But sometimes the extra volume can be hard to style without it swallowing you whole.

How I make it work as a shortie:

Unbutton, unbutton, unbutton. I cannot wear an oversized shirt with all the buttons done up. In fact, the fewer the better.

I love to wear mine over a coordinating set, especially in summer. I’m not into athletic wear when I’m not exercising except in this one case – the look of a cropped black bra and shorts under literally any coloured, big shirt is so cool to me.

It also works so well around the waist, not only as a something to add dimension, but it emphasizes a waist on an outfit, it can give some visually interest silhouettes and depth.

Not wearing your shirt as a belt? What about as a shawl? I used it below to dress down this formal halter maxi and add some colour and fun.

What doesn’t work: An oversized shirt with an oversized bottom — wide leg trousers, baggy shorts, too much fabric, no balance, it doesn’t look great.

• A big shirt with big hair. With an oversized shirt I usually wear my hair in a ponytail, braid, or something sleek and simple. Otherwise, the hair competes with the volume of the shirt and it all looks more crazy than cool (erm, see below).

• Lastly, in the outfit above, a flip flop with thinner straps would have added some much needed sleekness to the look, the chunky sandal with the rest of the big is too much.

• Buttons done up. This is the vibe when I keep the buttons functional…

It’s giving, nightgown. I don’t have the height for the hem to end at a respectable, breezy mid-thigh. Hence, buttons shall remain decorative forevermore.

More inspo from the short-girl style archive:
I usually lean into a colour-blocked shirt, but I like how the vertical stripes below draw the eye down – and ’s sunshiney co-ord achieves the same thing by removing the contrast break from the waist altogether. And I’m glad to see we all got the same “buttons optional” memo, with the wide v-necks adding visual balance.

3. The Flowy Maxi Dress

Why it’s essential:
Is there anything more essential in summer than a maxi? One piece, no thinking, quick way to look like you’re making an effort. A maxi is my go-to when I want to feel put together, really comfortable, or both. The challenge is making sure it doesn’t wear me.

How I make it work as a shortie:

You can go full length but as always, balance is everything. I lean fairly hard into three things.

• A v-neck, the deeper the better (are you noticing a theme here…) keeps the neckline open and draws the eye up, which is important when everything below is fabric.

• A slit, wherever possible. Gives back some visual leg and breaks up a large block of material (even a small one makes a difference).

• And a belt, or anything that cinches the waist (which is where a tied shirt works well) — gives the dress a waist when the cut doesn’t. Without any of these, a maxi dress turns into a lovely tent.

What doesn’t work:

This isn’t awful, but it does make me look pint-sized…

….the extra fabric of the shirt with the length of the dress, lack of heel, and fuller coverage of the slides makes me look dominated by the fabric. Going sans shirt would have made all the difference.

More inspo from the short-girl style archive:
As our short girl queens the Olsens teach us (someone tell me which one is pictured bottom row left I’m so sorryy): when you go long, you go sleek. It’s hard to wear volume and full length at the same time. And where you can, show a little skin – in her case, forearm and foot.

I’ve been on the hunt for a minimal black kitten heel sandal for a year now (very open to your recs) and top row right with the halter is doing nothing to assuage that, bumping it up on my wishlist. But footwear is a common thread here – with long flowy dresses, minimal footwear is very helpful.

And that’s it! Done and it’s only 3:45am (hello, impending Substack hangover).

I love summer dressing, it all feels like freedom. Gauzy fabrics, warmth on skin, sunscreen in the air… But if you’re built like me, ie. low to the ground, short on torso, long on opinions, it can all feel a bit much. Hopefully this one is proof that pieces can work on us too. You just need to know where to look, what to adjust, and when to leave those buttons undone (hint: always).

Tell me, do you find any of these three pieces tricky to crack? And if you've nailed it, tell me how in the comments, I read every single one ❤️

Go forth short girlies. It’s our summer too 👯‍♀️ kloveyoubye x

ICYMI

In fact, if I were being judged by a mothering panel, which for some reason in my head consists of Kerry Washington, Angela Bassett, and Emma Grede… they’d give me a solid NINE for effort, TWO for presence. (Though based on Grede’s three-hour mum hot take, maybe that’d bump my score).

I’ve been gone two weeks out of four this month. Washington DC and San Francisco. Lots of FaceTimes with my kids’ foreheads, lots of random hotels rewatching adorable videos on my camera roll, lots of airports, lots of goodbyes. But also, the reunions! The squishy hugs as I’m shocked how much they missed me (there’s a meme that being a Boy Mum is like hanging out with a guy who’s just not that into you – it’s SO TRUE!)

If you have also been working, playing, whatever-ing far from your kids this week, here’s some tips for mothering remotely:

• Be where your feet are. This is my fav travel mantra. By 5pm on Thursday I was done. My social battery was flashing empty, I had about four hours of meetings and socializing to go, I was dealing with a problem for my CEO for my second role… when husband happened to text that my little boy was uncharacteristically sad and missing me. I went to the bathroom and almost cried. I wasn’t there and he missed me! But I looked myself in the eyes and said these words, which always work when I get overwhelmed. Be where your feet are — be present, stay grounded, you can’t be in two places at once, stop trying.

• Find the positives, focus on them. Time with a team I enjoy, sleep uninterrupted (by children at least— hotel sleep is hit or miss). An iced matcha that no little hands attempt to grab, steal and/or spill everywhere — a drink you actually get to consume!

• Don’t feel mum guilt. Just don’t feel it. Reject it from your system like a bad curry. Someone once told me that only the great mums worry about being great mums. So I worry about a lot of things (I’d love to expel that from my system) but I do not feel guilt about being a working mother.

So. While I won’t be bragging to anyone about proximity to my kids this Mother’s Day… I can offer you a load of outfits with a working girl flavour from the trips I’ve done this month.

DC Travel Day

Off to the races. I had a 1pm departure which gave me enough time to get the kids up, feed them, and load them up for husband to do drop off. Then got myself together and got on my way.

Cross-country trip, so 5.5 hours on the plane, enough that you feel it. Went with a comfy tee and trouser combo. I want to be able to fall asleep in the clothes, but look polished enough that it doesn’t feel weird when I inevitably bump into a colleague in the airport. These trousers fit the bill – tie waist, drapey, subtle tailoring. The trench hides a multitude of sins and refines everything, always. And the brown bag with the heritage details adds some formality despite its slouch.

SF Travel Day

Same trench, different story. The base of this outfit is blues with the bag, jeans, and shoes keeping things mellow.

San Francisco is such a casual city, I could get away with the trench adding a little drama, but chilling everything else all the way out.

DC 1st Outfit

DC’s buttoned-up personality always throws me at first. And landing at night is a bit disorienting style-wise. I spent ten mins craning my neck from my hotel to try and get outfit context from people on the street. Sadly I was too high up to see actual outfits, so I went with my gut.

It was a day of being in office with collagues all day, and then we always head to dinner, and then a night cap which inevitably ends up being 2 hours long. So really, dressing for 9am-10pm+. The brown and blue stripe worked well together and gave formal without actually being too dressed up.

The fun slides moment to shine!

They brought some levity which was very welcome in this outfit that didn’t feel altogether me. Which is weird given I wore almost the exact same thing in SF the week before and loved it – thoughts on why coming below.

SF 1st Outfit

I really liked this! The oversized blazer added the polish along with the structure of the bag. The cuffed jeans, messy bun, and shoes brought the chill.

Bonus fit, I got to meet my SF-dwelling bestie for drinks and wore this. My comfy but dressy trouser, mary-janes, and my fav sweatshirt because one always needs an extra layer in the city.

PS. Peep my Cuyana travel set in the background. It’s no exaggeration to say I travel nowhere without them.

DC 2nd Outfit

Back in formal DC, finally feel like I got there with this outfit. It feels very much me but also DC. It helps that it rained that day, so adding an extra layer was warranted. And the colour story, pleating, and a belt that added formality meant I could get away with a tee to the office.

This was my fav outfit of DC week. So throwing in a matching bevvy because why not keep the good times rolling?!

SF 2nd Outfit

Back in SF, this was my fav outfit of the week. Flippies to work is bold I know, but in a city where running leggings are acceptable workwear and an old boss once came to work in a biking shammy (my eyes, oh gosh my eyes), flippies it is.

A few things make this better than the earlier version in DC. 1 – I had an extra button undone, which gave a deeper v, widened the line of the neck, and made it more dramatic contrast to the high waist of the trousers. 2 – I had straight hair here and curly earlier. Hair is a styling tool! I wrote about how it shift a whole fit. And 3 – the peek of the flipflops and my feet gives more visual balance than the colourful slides I wore earlier — but I would not dare wear them in DC.

You’re being a bit extra, Nicole.

Reader, you may be correct, but we’re allll about context here. Dressed in Questions is not the name of this little corner of the internet ;)

DC Home Outfit

All in all it was a very shirt-heavy week in DC. I did not bring a blazer and regretted it. I could (and would) have worn a pair of blue jeans with a blazer thrown over, which would have been very in keeping with the local vibe. Instead, I relied on my trench and shirts, which was fine, but not my fav week of outfits. Nevertheless — back to my babies I go!

SF Home Outfit

A touch warm for April, but this was my favourite outfit, and totally me. I loved the layering and the colour combo — will be keeping this one in my back pocket for autumn.

Overall, I loved my SF outfits far more than my DC. And though we can blame it on the fact that I lived in The Bay and know it like the back of my hand, where DC remains a style black box, we can also attribute it to packing. I packed far less and had so many more wins.

Which brings us to just a few screenshots…

Thanks to doing the thing by explaining a new (to me) packing concept. It’s worked a treat!

Was moved to capture this outfit from . A pop of colour, the peek of texture, and a flip flop is a bit of me — loved this.

And is glowy excellence in this dress. I love when people manage to stay true to their style even in moments of extreme contextual difference — formal, casual, it’s them. The color, the shape, the clutch are all just so good.

And that’s it – back to my babes, just in time to be regaled for Mother’s Day.

Thank goodness the mothering panel isn’t a real thing (though society can feel that way at times). Whether you were with your kids so much it drove you crazy, or you had to dip into all the mothering remotely resources at your disposal, Happy Mothers Day – all I hope for you (and me) is a really bloody good nap. kbyeee!

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ICYMI

Last week, with new friends over for dinner, she announced that “mum was a fashion girl, back in the day” and everyone’s eyes swiveled to me. (Kids, always laying your ish bare, amiright). But the truth is, she’s every bit the fashion girly now, at six years old.

She’s a founding member of the Family Style Panel ™️1 and is someone I consciously dress for when picking out outfits. She’s a girl who will lay out her clothes for school the night before, always with a clear vision for colour, texture, and pattern.

I love Ava’s eye, and wanted a home for it here. Plus, we all have things hanging unworn that we rarely reach for, and sometimes you just need someone with zero filter or skin in the game to pull it out for you.

Despite using religiously, I still don’t wear all my clothes enough. On any given day, my girl will pluck something obscure from the depths of my wardrobe with a “oh wear this, mummy, it’s beautifulll”, which I typically sidestep with a “ah, that won’t quite work today”. But what if I just said… yes?

Introducing: The Ava Edit

The ultimate goal for my closet is a tightly edited set of clothes I can move in, parent in, work and travel in, that reflect my personality, fun, and function.

So, for this new series, I’ll wear anything Ava selects from my closet. We’ll include her thoughts behind the fit and I’ll have a go at styling the least worn piece. I’ll either end up with inspo to reach for it more often, or confirmation it’s consignment-bound. And, Ava will share her life and style wisdom with us all, because where else would we get it if not from a six-year-old baddie-in-training?

I’ll still keep her behind an emoji-cloak of anonymity, but I am including snippets of her adorable little voice from our session today. Here she is introducing herself:

Right?! She’s too much.

The Brief

We’re going to a friend’s birthday party later today, put an outfit together for me!

This was Pre-Ava-Styling. Not a lick of makeup, a hectic day of solo parenting, but the sunnies make the world of difference and there’s something about a sliver of short under an oversized top that gives me joy. (Is it the spring equivalent of a peek of white tee under a knit?)

The Creative Director’s Picks

Firstly, Ava is a maximalist. She loves to add layers, colour, print, and she’s very girly. Sequins, bows, and glitter give her sartorial joy. Her style is more dressy than my casual preferences, she prefers dresses and skirts over my trouser-loving self, and she’s never one to wait for an occasion to wear sparkles.

For today’s picks, she beelined straight for my scarves, grabbing a black embroidered piece I bought in India ten years ago and rarely wear. Next was this Staud dress I purchased second hand and last minute before a work event in LA. I haven’t worn it since. Soon after she went for a vintage brown fur clutch.

Then she grabbed these calf hair mary-janes from Lachoix.

Then accessories. Part of the magic of this project was her putting everything on without any input or meddling from me – and she took great pride in it.

Here’s where we landed…

Accessories shot…

Her style notes:

What did we learn? She’s deeply inspired by colour and pattern. When I ask what drew her to each item, the first thing she mentions every time is colour.

Would I have put this outfit together? Nope – as we’ve established, Ava is the max to my min, but when you look at the outfit, it actually flows beautifully.

The colours are cohesive – the red as a base, the black popping against it, the scarf holding everything together with notes of both, the brown fur literally softening the edges. And though I don’t typically clash patterns, the shapes of the dress, scarf, necklace and even texture of the fur, are in harmony — soft curves and semi circles. Kind of cool.

The Rediscovery:

Now it’s my turn. I was up for the challenge of building outfits around this impulse-buy dress given I’ve only worn it once. For context, here’s how I wore it to my work event…

Not in love. I like the colour and the pattern of the dress and wanted to add edge with the leather and belt, but they end up competing. The neckline of the cropped trench jacket against the collar of the dress, with the cami underneath — too much going on for my liking.

So I got experimenting. After Ava’s starting points, I buttoned it all the way, added a cuff, belt, and a raffia mary-jane.

I’ve always loved a buttoned up collar, and I can see myself wearing this to church, a wedding, or to a work event I’m hosting in future.

On to look number two. Unbuttoned with a black base, the dress becomes a duster…

I liked this look the most – it’s dramatic, geometric, and has edge. I added satiny Cos wide-leg trousers, a vintage Roland Mouret belt, and a cami. This is perhaps the version I wish I’d worn to my work dinner.

And the third. This was the most casual of the looks I came up with…

A high-necked vest, vintage Levi’s, and Mercedes Castillo sandals made this look feel like me. There’s good tension between the pieces, and yet… I’ve no idea where I’d actually wear this. It’s too dressy for a casual moment and too casual for a dressy one. Perhaps a relaxed drinks reception in a laid-back city like LA?

The Verdict: Keep or Consign

Well I’m keeping this dress. But – it’s on notice. It could do with a hem – the length holds me back from reaching for it for church, where I’m often running after the kids. And it’s made for someone with a longer torso, so the fabric can bunch without a belt. I really like the colour, the pattern, and there’s not a shirtdress I don’t love. But, if I don’t find myself wearing it this season, consignment it is.

Ava’s Final Word

Me: Ava, how do you decide what outfits you want to wear and what to put together?

Ava: Laying out my clothes on the ground helps me decide, see colours, and know what goes together. And then, the pattern. If I have stripes, or something else, I put another shape with it, try it out, see how it feels.

Lastly, she wants you to know that if you’re out there, having a really hard time putting clothes together… “I will help you with it! But only if that’s okay with you. And if I can lay out your clothes.”

There we have it. I enjoyed this one. Short, sweet, but oh so fun. Your turn! What’s the piece at the back of your wardrobe that needs the discerning eye of an Ava and an hour of try-on experiments? Let me know below kbyeeee xx

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ICYMI

As a child, I never liked it when exams required you to “show your workings”, how you got from question to answer. I’d literally take my pencil and remove the messy scribbles of my workings – I liked a neat, tidy page, all effort hidden away: Ta-da, I did it!

This month at work I’ve taken on two additional roles while we hire for each. Over a sixty minute call, as two brilliant women attempted to handover everything relevant in their brains, I was painfully aware of what I was taking on.

I have a history of seamlessly making things happen, and I know I’m not alone. As women, mothers, sisters, girlfriends – we just get it done. When I went on leave with my first child, my boss had no idea how much I’d been doing until the week I left – they actually promoted me while I was out on mat leave. It shouldn’t take everything falling apart for people to see we were holding it all together, but sometimes we’re too efficient for our own good.

So this time, I didn’t take it all on silently. When the senior team assumed the new responsibilities would be 25% of my current workload, I did the maths with my team – nope, it’d be more like 70%. I called a meeting with the CEO and walked her through exactly what I was taking on. When she asked if I had what I needed, instead of profusely demurring and not wanting to make a fuss, I said “actually no, not yet”. I met with my boss and bosses boss, I asked for a leadership coach, and the executive team sent emails to the entire staff making sure everyone knew what was happening.

Sometimes, you need to show the workings out. You can do all the things (goodness knows women always will) but every now and then, it doesn’t hurt to show how the sausage is made.

Recently I took the kids to the park, and as we got ready my daughter said “oh I’m so excited to see E!”, E being her bestie. I said “but darling, she won’t be here, because we haven’t planned it.” Confusion. In her mind, her bestie always “happened to be” at the same place she was, why would today be any different?! I explained that I check with her mum in advance, arrange a time and place, and we meetup. The concept blew her mind. Sometimes, you need to see how the sausage is made.

So this week, I’m applying the same logic everywhere – I actually let husband in, instead of silently becoming an overloaded, smoking circuit board moments from an intense explosion, I mentioned it to my family and friends so they understood why I was quieter than usual1, and now I’m telling you.

And I’m extending it to style too. Trying to think through not just the final product, but how I got there, even if most of it is intuition, good inspo2, and vibes. Let’s see how I fared.

Sunday

Starting the week strong with zero outfit pictures 🫠 but this is what I wore.

I always try and show you pictures of clothing on me, because while I love a flat lay3, there’s something that hits different about seeing it on a body – proportions, hemlines on a shortie, the silhouette, it’s all good data. But alas, we’ll work with what we’ve got.

It was just one of those days. I was running low on steam from the previous week of spring break, everyone out of routine, craziness of work, and the cherry on top: knee deep into my luteal phase. Death spiral commence.

Still, I had two wins of the day. 1) I was immensely comfy because these Annina jeans are the closest thing I’ll get to sweats4 – I’m convinced it’s the 5% cashmere in the fabric composition and 2) I’ve cracked the code to distracting my littles long enough to cook when I’m solo parenting.

Baking trays, a few cups, a few drops of food colouring. They mix away with their chopsticks and turn into mini mixmaster-scientists for 30 mins at least. Two year olds are not known for attention spans past 5 mins. Especially when you’re a twin with essentially a human mirror who eggs you on in the most insane endeavours known to man. AND you’re a boy, their attention spans are essentially nonexistent. That these two were still for that long is quite literally unbelievable.

Monday

Day one of my period, glory be. PMS was a killer this month and I needed that relief like mad.

Sidenote: Have you ever been perfectly in cycle-sync with a bestie for like, an entire year?

Concerning hormonal superpowers aside, this outfit was fine and all, but the high-waisted jeans? On my overworked tummy? Such a no.

Reached for these sweats and immediately felt ease. My smirk at thinking I could ever wear high-waisted, no-give, 100% cotton jeans the first day of period. LOL.

Back in work land, kicked off the week with a zoom call where our whole team showed up with zero plan or agenda and unsurprisingly, it went terribly. Sadly, the CEO was witness to it all, and the CEOs of two other orgs. Starting the week with a solid 🫠🫠🫠😑

But it’s okay, because I threw on my trusty comforting Uniqlo cardi to go pickup my girly from school and we had a lovely time modeling flowers she picked us.

Tuesday

That cuff was the star of the show today. I liked the subtle lines and angles of this outfit, which was pretty boring at the base. I rarely wear black and grey together because they read as flat to me and skew a bit too minimal for my style. But the flippies, cuff, earrings, and of course trusty glasses, took it from boring to dare-i-say,   intentionally pared back?

Wednesday

It was sunshineyyyy and I felt it. Ebbing out of sad weather and sad cycles, towards spring with each day. Wanted to reflect that in my outfit, and light colours and fabrics were it.

I picked up this Arket knit in Barcelona last year – its 100% cotton and a lighter knit which has faired well and had a lot of wear. I’m really into a low v at the moment and kind of loved pairing it with a headband for a preppy look, with the low slung jeans pulling the outfit too far across that prep line.

This was my fav outfit of the week, echoed by the Family Style Panel. “I like that outfit mummy, I like that the stripes have stripes”. Agreed!

Thursday

Thursday was a day of back to back meetings, plus husband went to chase the last power days of the season at Mt Baker Ski area, so I was a soldier down for the morning routine. I wanted colour so grabbed this jumper I got at Ese O Ese, also in Barcelona last year. I have not been impressed with the quality, it has a large hole on the sleeve within a few months of wearing. Has repairing it been on my to-do list for the last 6 months? Of course. Do I wear it anyway? You bet. I’m obsessed with the colour.

It was take my girly to ballet day and I usually try to squeeze in an extra 45 mins of work while she dances, but was utterly over work and decided to read instead. Reading Yesteryear by Caro Claire Burke, a story about a trad-wife style influencer who wakes up in the harsh realties of 1800s to an actual homestead life. I’m only two chapters in I HAVE THOUGHTS, you guys.

Friday

Not only did I make it to Friday… It’s flowerrrrr dayyyyyy!

I got through the first week in the new role, and I knew I’d need something to perk me up by the end. I loathe a week where the only thing I can say I’ve done is work and more work.

Needed a weekend pick-me-up even with all the kids. Especially with all the kids. I told husband we should make our yearly pilgrimage to the tulip festival and he made it all happen – invited friends, figured out food, I barely lifted a finger, he is amazing, the end.

Outfit-wise, I needed something I could chase the kids in5, but still cute, because all those gorge flowers, obvs. At the same time, I wasn’t going for super dressed up, though I saw some women in the most incredible dresses coordinating with their families, and it was so fun to watch.

We attempted to get dinner with our friends and their baby afterwards, and unsurprisingly, it was a mess. Who knew getting resys for four adults, three hangry children and a baby on a Friday night would be hard? But we did it! Was it fun? Did we have stimulating, uninterrupted adult conversation? Not exactly, and absolutely not, but sometimes parenting with your friends in total chaos is the fuel you need for another week, so we’re taking the win.

Saturday

Our Saturday mornings have been nuts recently, but today I got my dream.

All I wanted was for the kids to lie in (ie. until 7:15am) for them to cuddle up in my bed and watch Bluey so I could stay horizontal for an extra 20 mins, and to slowly get ready for the day. It’s a low bar, but it happened and it was glorious. I hate rushing with a passion, and slow Saturday mornings are my love language.

Outfit-wise, I dug out the linen from last summer! I’m determined to give my linen a longer lease on life this year, and spring is not too soon. These trousers in particular, I bought last year in Portugal from Oysho and they’ve been a dream.

Other perks of the day, I of course have covered my house in flowers I bought from the tulip festival.

And then… in the evening, husband convinced me to swing by a bday party for a brand new friend who was 36 weeks pregnant and having twins. It was at 6pm (ie kid witching hour), we went in and quickly realised it was a house party and we were the only ones who’d brought kids.

My boys ran around like crazies, before one sustained a minor burn from a trendy, wood-burning stove and I realised this was my personal nightmare: Parenting in a room of complete strangers, none of whom have small children, while my kid gets hurt, screams, and everyone awkwardly stares.

Needless to say, we stayed for a grand total of 7.5 mins before hightailing it out with copious well wishes for the pregnant bday girl (I’m sure we brought her great calm for her future to come lolol).

Phew. Still, we laughed about it in the car ride home (not always the case) so all was well. That paired with the rest of the day being the chillest Saturday on record, my bright linen trousers, and the fact that we escaped said party with our kids somehow tightly clutching fists of pizza (dinner is sorted, hurrah!) made for a pretty fabulous day.

Annddd… There we have it. The workings, the messy scribbles, a week where I was tired and visible at work but also got dressed. Are you a show-your-workings person or a ta-da-I-did-it person?And most importantly, have you ever made a house party cameo with a swift exit? Please tell me your stories, misery loves company ;) kloveyoubyeeee x

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I love the idea of structure. I was the kid who liked colouring inside the lines, I found comfort in boundaries. Even as an adult, my creative pursuits have a clear formula, instructions, pre-measured materials – they tell you exactly what to do. I follow a plan, get a desired result.

At the same time, we know that the best moments of creative genius come when we aren’t told what to do. White space, blue sky, all that. I’m constantly telling my kids that it’s okay to be bored because boredom is where you find the magic.

I feel the same way about style. Whether you’re starting out or in a rut, is there a chance we’re making it all too… intense? Outfit formulas, must-do’s, must-haves, capsule wardrobes, stop doing, start doing… It’s kind of a lot1.

Enter… “Don’t You Worry ‘Bout a Thing”

I’ve always loved music, but this song means more to me than most.

During a high risk pregnancy with my twin boys in 2023, I was on bedrest for three months. For three whole months, I didn’t stand for more than ten mins at a time.

I’d gone into early labor twice, had two surgeries to keep me pregnant, and bedrest was the final intervention.2 So, bed it was. Those months were some of the hardest of my life. I never realised how critical movement was to the passing of time until I was in the same room moment to moment.

But I found a few things that kept me sane. Putting on clothes and makeup every morning without fail. Good friends who diligently visited and brought me flowers. And music3.

Each day, after my husband and daughter left, I would blast Stevie through the house to gear up for another 24 hours in bed.

Years later, this song still gives me glossy eyes, it really got me through! But I also realized how it applies to both life and style. So stick with me here as we take a ride through the song, have fun, and chill our style all the way out.

🎵 Everybody’s got a thing, but some don’t know how to handle it. Always reachin’ out in vain, just takin’ the things not worth having

On finding your thing: Potentially unpopular take, but I believe everyone has style. Some are just really good at hiding it.

I reckon there’s something innate that attracts us to particular styles, art, colours, and visuals. Design preferences rather than style maybe. But we see the thing and our brain comes alive, it’s tickled! But then perhaps we learn to mask what we inherently love, tone it down, or shift it to fit current trends.

Consider what your thing is, and that’s not just clothing by the way. Let’s not forget: Personal style requires a personality. A beautiful, deep well of experiences had, trips taken, paths walked, songs felt. Whatever you’re drawn to, from art to travel, those will feed into your style.

The question to consider: Everybody has a thing — what’s yours? What gets you excited, itches your brain in the best of ways? When you think back to years past, what have you always worn regardless of trends or fashion?

For me, if we go back to 2021, the year after I had my first child, there’s a few things. Firstly… the colour black. I love it how it looks against my skin tone and it always feels chic and cool.

Second, geometric shapes, sharp angles and lines have visually drawn me in for a long time.

And oversized or baggy anything. I like the idea of being small but taking up a mighty amount of space. Plus, the cool girls I grew up watching in east London wore oversized, loose clothes. It’s how my brain was wired!

If we go back even farther to my twenties…

Simple lines with a touch of borrowed from the boys are also my thing.

As is a dash of vintage…

And of course, you know by now that I’m a life long tonal dresser. Something about it soothes my brain…

🎵 They say your style of life’s a drag, and that you must go other places. But just don’t you feel too bad, when you get fooled by smiling faces

On the comparison trap: Recently my Barre teacher said “no one knows what your body has been through”, so don’t compare to anyone else’s. Same applies here. There’s lot of noise out there when it comes to style. Algorithms, personalized ads, relentless sales tactics, it can have you feeling like you have to keep up, consume, and do something different.

“They” will always have an opinion, people will always have a say. But they’re not dressing your body, your life, or your context. Only you can do that!

The question to consider: Have you ever felt a time where you’ve drifted from yourself style-wise? Where perhaps you’re buying all the things, finding deals, adding to your closet, but it feels more confusing than ever?

For me, that was both times after I’d given birth, had no idea who my new postpartum self was, or how to dress her.

My daughter looked over my shoulder as I wrote this post. Our convo: “Mum, is that you?!” “Yep”. “Oh um… I didn’t really recognize you, because um.. usually you don’t really wear that outfit”. “It’s okay if you don’t like it, darling”. (Visibly relieved) “Okay yea, I don’t like it.”

LOL.

On that note, here’s a look back at the “smiling faces” I’ve been fooled by. Nothing egregious, but I was sartorially confused, distracted by others (far too much IG scrolling), and indiscriminately buying without a plan.

Leopard print has lured me in more than once. But even with its recent resurgence in popularity, I learned my lesson – love for you, not for me.4

The pioneer chic, house-on-the-prairie vibe of 2021 also hooked me…

But as Stevie says, if you’re fooled or get off track, don’t feel too bad! As the meditation gurus suggest – note it, recognize the behaviour, and keep it moving.

🎵 Everybody needs a change, a chance to check out the new. But you’re the only one to see, the changes you take yourself through

On style evolution by your standards only: One of the hardest parts about living our lives on the internet is we’re so visible. Our experiments, the wins, the embarrassments too. But you don’t make progress without trying, without failure, it’s the only way through.

When I started my style journey I would photograph every outfit, and even every item before I bought it when I shopped IRL. It helped me gain another perspective. Some (most) of these early pics make me cringe a bit internally, and I’m certainly not done with my journey, but I feel really good about the progress I’ve made.

We’re all just figuring it out, we all need to try things! And if, like me, you’re a bit type A, lean into learning without needing immediate perfection.

The question to consider: Is there something you’ve been scared to try? Perhaps its playing with more colour in your outfits, maybe you’re eyeing a graphic band tee that seems too ‘out there’? Maybe you just want to wear heels more often in an anti-heel world (thanks, gen z 😏)

Final thought: As Stevie intones, only you can see the changes you take yourself through, so what does progress look like for you? What’s the feeling that comes with being really grounded in your style, when will you know you’ve nailed it?

For me, it’s having a tightly edited wardrobe of clothes I can move in, parent in, work and travel in, that still reflect my personality, fun, and function. With a touch of edge and swagger, because life’s too short not to be a little swaggy!

A few outfits from this week that feel like style progress…

Progress for me is an outfit taking me through multiple eventualities in a day with small tweaks and still feeling comfortable and cool!

🎵 Don’t you worry ‘bout a thing. ‘Cause I’ll be standing in the wings when you check it out

Over to you — one of the many things I love about Substack is how incredibly supportive it is. And not just performatively so, both privately and publicly, it seems to attract the most genuine lovers of life, style, and community. So for those figuring it out, don’t worry, have fun with it, I can’t wait to see what you do — I’ll be waiting in the wings ❤️ 5

This one was fun. We really got into the weeds of my brain here, I scribbled the idea out for this post on a plane home and it thrilled me, so thanks for coming on the ride. And now I know exactly what song I’m off to blast on the speaker… But first, tell me: When you’re truly not worrying or pretending, when you have that feeling of twirling around the room with glee, what do you imagine wearing? What are you turning to over and over?

Kloveyoubyeeee x

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ICYMI

I was featured in my local newspaper this week. Eek!

Three years ago, I started Black to the Outdoors, focused on getting people of colour into nature together. It started selfishly – I wanted more friends who looked like me to play with outside. Then it grew into something much bigger, about belonging, adventure, and community.

As readers of the words I pore over on a weekly basis, it won’t surprise you that words of affirmation are my love language. So it meant a lot that someone – a professional no less – spent time and effort writing about this community. I saw the online version, but it took longer than I care to admit to remember that “news” also meant “in print”. Once the penny dropped, I had to go and buy an edition, natch.

Family reactions ranged from “Mummy, is THAT what the news looks like?!” (my six year old had literally never seen a newspaper. Lol) to “we’re framing this” (husband) to “there’s TWO mummy’s” (the two year olds).

Which got me thinking. Ever since I asked the question what’s in your starter pack, you’ve really shown up to answer. People want to think about this! But as I sat with it, I wondered – do we have more than one starter pack? There’s two mummy’s. And maybe even more!

I love style and fashion. I’m a mum of three hilariously wonderful children. I work full time for a philanthropic organization. I’m a snowboarder and leader of an outdoorsy community group. These are just a few of the identities I hold. There are consistencies across context, but they certainly don’t dress the same. But there are go-to’s and elements native to each. I could think of three starter packs right off the bat: my “mum” starter pack, my snowboarder starter pack, my working girl starter pack.

So this week I’m considering – what are the multiple items that could ID me across different parts of my identity?

Saturday

Today was the last snow event of the season. Each is the culmination of months of organizing, prepping, and encouraging folks totally new to the mountain. Loaning out snow clothes so they aren’t cold (freezing is a fast way to ruin your first time out), organizing carpools (people aren’t always confident driving in snow), arranging discounted tickets (shoutout to Mt Baker Ski area) and generally… mentally prepping people to strap a piece of wood to their feet and slide down a mountain. By the time we get up there, I’m usually exhaustedly gleeful.

I definitely have a set of go-tos for snowboarding. I love with gear that you can buy one set of high quality gear you love and that’s it for years.

My snowboarding starter pack would be this Burton jacket and pants, a liberal dab of cheek glitter (a recent tradition started by a random glitter-spreading dude one day) step-in snowboard bindings (I gifted this to myself postpartum and I’ll never go back to sitting and strapping in. IYKYK) and AirPods (I recently discovered the joy of solo runs with bangers as a soundtrack).

Sunday

Church day and I’ve had this fit in mind for months, felt good to actually put it together. Lots of slouch with the oversized jumper, glasses and wide trousers, but the belt and pointy boot pull it together. This was a highlight of the week and very under appreciated by my family style panel™️ .

Monday

The weather was sunny and it had me feeling like Spring was here to stay. I was going for something light and airy, but slouchy too. This top was… fine. The cotton is so soft it feels like pjs – great for comfort but sometimes feels a bit unfinished when worn by itself.

After work I layered up and took my girl for games and stories at our fav park. It’s sunny and still utterly freezing. At the same time, we’re all desperate for a change in seasons, collectively willing Spring to stay. Hence laying out but being bundled up.

I am not out here wishing for a cold girl summer, so… roll on sunshine.

Tuesday

And roll it did. It was actually warm and bright today! Enough so that I whipped out these bad boy slides. I just saw a meme that said “Everyone’s talking about what we’re wearing for spring. What am I wearing for spring? Exactly what I wore last spring.” I feel that way about these slides. They never get old, and always signal sunshine to my brain.

Wednesday

Colour meets more colour. As the weather turns I cannot get enough, and primary colours are giving me all the joy.

My Completed Works order arrived and I welcomed these beauts into my collection. I’m really into brushed-matte silver anything lately.

Thursday

It poured with rain all day, and yet I refused to wear practical shoes. This outfit was a fav, I’ve worn these trousers eight days in a month, and they’re so versatile. For this tonal dresser, they seem a bit magic, taking on the tone of whatever they’re paired with, today they looked a little green, which I loved. This was my first time wearing this jumper all year and I vowed to wear it more.

This impractical outfit got me all the way through kid ballet drop off and daycare pick ups — take that, rain.

And my second pair of Completed Works earrings, named “Jelly” – they don’t match each other, they’re kind of uncomfortable to wear, and I deal with it happily because they’re just so cool.

Friday

I usually lose steam by end of the week and have a Pilates class mid day so Fridays are never my best outfits. Threw this jumper over my top and leggings for class and added these trainers. Not revolutionary, but fine.

You know what is revolutionary? That this Brit living in America can order wholesale levels of her fav biscuit via the interwebs.

Saturday

Easter egg hunt day, and usually a long but lovely one with all the kids. Their daycare hosted a huge easter egg hunt and it was nice to let them go wild searching, but even better to hang with the parents.

It’s funny how you can not have anything in common with another parent other than your kids adore each other, and yet years down the line, you find that these parents are part of your village. Despite my protests of not wanting “mum friends” (what a dumb dumb) some of these people are my very favourites.

Later that night.

Your girl went outttt.

This is not a drill. I went out. Out, out.

I’m 36, but feel positively ancient plus I’m chronically over-prepared so did the uncreative “going out outfits” search – thanks TikTok for the inspo.

Then I saw this vid…

Challenge accepted!

Some make up, my classic going out top (that top would definitely be in my dancing starter pack) and I was ready. I played around with some very high platform shoes from my younger days, and liked the look. But as I was driving in the flats I happened to grab on the way out, I decided last minute I was sticking with them, and thank goodness I did.

We danced so hard a friend said “it was dumb to go running earlier, I could have saved my energy for this”. Nothing will get you burning cals faster than 3 hours of dancing to reggaeton.

A night was had.

Screenshots

What the scrolling spirits moved me to capture this week…

Keeping the outdoors fashion girly theme going, I enjoyed planning their hiking wardrobe – very much putting the fun in functional.

Cracked me up. Because if you’re sensitive snowflake clothing item, mine is not the home to be in, friend.

And that’s it! Tell me, do you feel like you have multiple selves and starter packs? And when was the last time you went out to dance? It felt so good – especially in flats, which are now in my dancing starter pack. The gen z girlies taught us “business casual in the club” millenials a thing or two about comfort and casual above all – I am indebted!

ICYMI

These are the items in my six year old’s starter pack.

Even at her age, she knows exactly what she’s drawn to and what feels like her. Sometimes, the older we get, the harder that becomes.

We’re in the midst of a cultural shift and more than ever, we’re hunting for clothing that feels specifically, uniquely ours. The phrase personal style is used so much that it can start to feel intimidatingly unattainable, like a test complete with pre-examination hives. But it doesn’t have to be. At its core, personal style is about finding joy in the things that feel most like us. And that’s something you literally cannot fail.

Which brings us to the question: What’s in your starter pack?

What are the five items so essentially you that someone could use them to cosplay you entirely? That feel like an encapsulation of you? And without them, you feel a little off?

I took this question to the Notes streets, and started to guess what others’ answers might be – friends, colleagues, style writers I enjoy. And it was easier for some than others. Some of us have a clear sense, and some are still figuring it out, finding their way to the elements that feel uncopyably theirs. The items exist, so does the intentionality, but the signature isn’t quite there – that’s the messy middle gap I want to play in this week.

Enter… The Group Chat. We’re looking to some of my fav Substack writers, their starter pack answers, and the lessons for finding your own. A visual group learn and frankly, my favourite kind of post to write.

The Group Chat

The Starter Pack

Louisa’s laid-back style is deceptively simple – a white tee, jeans, loafers, but the devil is literally in the details. It’s the shape of the jeans with the gloss of the loafer, the cinch of the white tee with the relaxed braids.

The Lesson: Starter packs aren’t necessarily built on a statement piece. The cut, shape, or detail of an everyday item can make it feel most like you.

The Starter Pack

Simply put, Viv is iconic. Vintage-led, colour-forward, she uses print as a punctuation on the outfit and is inspired by her surroundings from seasons to location. “Ugly chic green” brings a tongue-in-cheek edge and it’s all deeply personality driven.

The Lesson: Let your personality come thruuu – whether it’s deliciously snarky or sweetly wholesome, it’ll show up in your style either way – make it intentional.

The Starter Pack

“RayBan Wayfarers IIs, black ballet flats, Aquaphor, and 2937 tabs open on iPhone”

Traci’s style is classic with an edge of modern silhouettes and clean foundations. Her Ray-Ban Wayfarers II are so on brand that double-takes do happen when she’s without them! A proud member of the Accessories Club2, her most reached-for items say a lot about the power of a solid finishing touch.

The Lesson: An accessory in your wardrobe can feel most like you – across outfits and contexts.

The Starter Pack

“Skirt (thanks it’s secondhand), blazer (that, too), Ganni buckle ballerinas + sheer socks, vintage brooch, and so much sunscreen”

From my vantage, Tina’s items are hers not because she wears these exact things constantly, but because they all convey a feeling. She mixes the hardware of silver studs with the natural of the animal print, and pulls it together with the structure of a blazer and the flow of a skirt. This is very consistent to her style across outfits.

The Lesson: Your starter pack doesn’t have to be items you wear everyday. Have a good sense of the feeling you want your clothes to convey on the regular.

The Starter Pack

Ritika’s style is both intentional and utterly uncontrived – each item plays off the others to feel sculptural, the colour story impeccable, like a character behind the scenes bringing the whole thing to life.

The Lesson: Colour need not be loud, but sometimes it’s the thing that calmly grounds the rest of the outfit.

The Starter Pack

“Something green, something Simon Miller, something sentimental like the necklace with my daughter’s birthstone, something leopard print, and something caffeinated!”

Elin’s starter pack tells you everything you need to know – bold patterns, pops of colour, meaningful accessories, and a drink with a jolt. She has whimsy and practicality in spades, which is absolutely what life with young kids demands!

The Lesson: Your items can hold contradictions – fun and functional are not mutually exclusive.

The Starter Pack

Nina has a way with contrast – high and low, structured and relaxed. Through many of her outfits, her blazers do heavy lifting and are paired with something punchy and unexpected.

The Lesson: A good blazer is one of the most versatile items you can own – if you’re willing to get creative with how you use it.

The Starter Pack

“Bangs, Salomon sneakers, my Ganni tiger print skirt, Swarovski sparkle necklace, and a cup of coffee with half n half.”

Katelyn mixes sporty, preppy, and secondhand into something that feels totally her own. There’s only two of her items in the image I pulled but this fit is a great case study for unexpected pairings, adding contrast all over the shop.

The Lesson: Your personal style doesn’t have to be obviously cohesive. Sometimes the push and pull between items is the cohesion.

The Starter Pack

“A white tee, ballet flats, something striped, a hot bevvy, and a squishy baby ❤️”

Tricia’s style is classic and relaxed with stripes, flats, and her divinely cute baby making the top five (why is this pic making me broody). She keeps her style practical without losing the fun, which anyone navigating babyhood knows is a win!

The Lesson: Your life, in its current stage, is a key part of your starter pack. Dressing for any other lifestyle is a non-starter.3

The Framework: Building Your Starter Pack

Pulling all the learnings from the group chat, a few things to help as you find your way:

• It’s not always about the clothing. The fiction book, the joyfully chaotic kids, the nostalgia-inducing sweets – items you don’t leave home without can say more than anything in your wardrobe. Consider what you grab on your way out of the door that isn’t clothing. That’s important info!

• It’s the feeling, not just the look. Your items don’t have to be ones you wear day in day out, but they should consistently point to the same vibe. Pick three recent outfits you felt most like yourself in and think about what they all had in common.

• The more specific, the better. The fit of the jeans, the tone of the colour. Which hairstyle, what kind of jacket? The more specific you get, the closer you are to naming your signature items. Next time you reach for something for the seventh time that week, note exactly what is is, the specifics, and what is it about that one that you love to grab.

• Contradictions are welcome. Fun and functional, sporty and preppy, wholesome but snarky, let your personality shine through and it’ll help the push and pull to be the cohesion. What are some pairings you’ve hesitant to put together? Have a low stakes wardrobe try-on sesh, take notes from ’s contrast theories and embrace the items that don’t quite “go”!

My Starter Pack: Applying the Lessons

For me, glasses are both fun and functional4.

A while ago, I decided that if I need them, they may as well add some personality. Ever since, I’ve spent serious time on the shapes, materials, and colours added to my frame collection.

The silk press is a practical necessity.

Braids thin out my already fine hair (a sad reality I’ve finally accepted), natural curls are too high maintenance for this season of life, and my hair thrives when I add heat and leave it alone. (Plus, I like the look, ofc.)

The long coat is a feeling.

It makes me feel taller, like I’m taking up space, and a longer outer layer is a dramatic silhouette I enjoy.

Lastly, a book, always.

I’m simply a bookworm with pride in my ability to cross a busy road with my nose deep in a chapter.

These things all feel extremely me at this point. Across contexts and outfits, they’re consistent.

Thank you to Louisa, Viv, Traci, Tina, Ritika, Elin, Nina, Katelyn, and Tricia, for playing along on the Notes and letting me raid your images. You’re all fabulous examples of personal style and I had far too much fun guessing your starter pack answers before you even replied.5

Now over to you. What’s in your starter pack? I need to hear! Drop your five below. And if you’re still finding your way to them, start with the one item you’d just feel off without. That’s always a good place to begin.

And if any of this resonated, send it to someone who’s in the messy middle of figuring out their style.

Kadoreyoubyee x

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ICYMI

I was in San Francisco for work again, but this time, I got it right. I’ve stayed here before in a dark little hotel I’d rather forget – this week I found a delightful spot on the Embarcadero waterfront and watched the sun rise over the water every morning.

The people running, the water lapping. I loved it.

I’m now back home in Washington, and have come to the conclusion, heavily biased by the fact that this has been the wettest, greyest winter I can remember1, that life is significantly easier in the sunshine2.

Not better or simpler – life can be hard wherever you are, of course. But when the weather brings you joy, it’s just one less thing to worry about. So while I was in the sunniest of climes – SF had historic highs the very same week I was visiting – even on a work trip, I had a lovely time. But because of all the travel, I didn’t have time for my usual writing. So instead, this week is a thinking-out-loud collection of the things that have inspired me this week. Including outfits – none of which had layers – a first for 2026!

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Cleo Sol ☀️

Sunshine, you make me feel alive

Little more, little more, just a little more

And if you’re like me and reading this from a slightly soggy or chilly location, allow the sounds of Cleo3 to embrace you as you read.

Getting dressed without the impending threat of rain

In years past, I felt my style was best in cooler weather, because of the opportunities to add personality via layers and the endless combinations of pieces. But the more solid I feel in my style, the less I have to rely on those. I loved warm weather dressing this week!

Not having to think about water-repelling jackets, rain-safe fabrics, soggy hemlines, not to mention the dire consequences of moisture for a silk press, is a ton of mental load I didn’t have to consider. Getting dressed is easier in the sun.

This was my fav outfit of the week and I enjoyed the colour story. And who doesn’t love a notebook-as-accessory moment4…

Sun also means sunglasses, which 1) make everyone look 190% cooler and 2) round out an outfit nicely. Want to dress down? Add sunnies. Want to feel more refined, add a subtle cat-eye or an oval. Just want look cool? Something angular. Sunnies make dressing easier.5

I wore my classic All Saints trench to dinners and when I wanted to be extra. In the heat, layers you do add feel kind of dramatic because they’re utterly unnecessary. You’re wearing them because you want to, not an attempt to avoid hypothermia.

All day sun in all her glory

As I said, I lovedddddd my little hotel. The room was funky and had two small windows, but those windows were doing the most. I had a little routine of raising the blinds for sunrise and then lowering them after sunset — of course I raise and lower shades at home too, but decidedly less thrilling when you’re raising them to rain and lowering them because… you’ve had quite enough of watching it!

Really, truly, bloody good food

Unagi nigiri, off-menu ukoy at liholiho’s, platano maduro at Cubitas, paratha and duck curry at Teakwood, these are a few of my favorite things… 🎵

On the second day of my trip, a colleague said she didn’t like eating. That it’s just another thing to do, a slightly annoying necessity of the human condition. Internally, I gasped.

Could never be me.

The idea of eating perks me up multiple times in a 24-hour period. And SF is a food lover’s dream*6. But then you take it up a notch — food… in the sunshine?! Be it a sandwich on a hastily laid blanket or outdoor seating in delectable sun-rays… Eating is easier in the sun.

Beautiful interiors

I’ll never not be inspired by excellent interior design. It feels very Californian to use natural materials like wood in a modern way, and both PCH and Liholiho’s did that so well.

(Stylish) time with coworkers IRL

I have worked from home since 2020. It’s taken me 5 years to start getting sick of it, though I’ll always love the flex it gives me with my kids. But I’m starting to visit the office more, because it just felt good to not be out on my remote island working solo.

I’ve worked for the same organization for nine years and the people I work with are a large part of what’s kept me here. Nine years means they know me pretty well, and apparently, means they know my style too.

One night my cool girl Gen-Z colleague asked the table: what would be in your starter pack? Half of us needed the concept explained first and then everyone weighed in on mine: A pair of stylish glasses, a silk press kit7, and a novel with a bright cover came out on top.

Indeed, the one day I ditched my glasses in favor of contact lenses, a coworker said they barely recognized me. And another mentioned she wished I could style her, that she has good pieces but no idea how to put them together. I told her to text me any time. My CEO piped up how great I was at styling her for big events, which, guilty as charged, something we fell into as I was prepping her to speak but had strong opinions about her outfit. I just cannot turn it off.

Over the week we had dinner, went on lovely walks, had ridiculously good lunch sushi, and even did a matcha making class. All of these things, graciously accompanied by generous lashings of sunshine ;)

Raising kiddos

Back home, and always inspired by parenting these lovely rugrats! They are outside children, they thrive in fresh air, and sunshine makes that much easier.

What’s inspiring you this week, my loves? Are you getting any sun and what would be in your starter pack – I need to know!? Give me a like or comment below.

See you next week!

It’s been written about by a lot of folks and discussed half to death. This article in particular got chins-a-wagging – a dry, scathing critique of paid subs and brand partnerships – affiliate links and all. It’s since been paywalled (the delicious irony!) but points were made and we all had feelings.

I fluctuate when these things happen, the lighthearted Jamaican in me wants to say it’s not that deep; the British-American side thinks it’s critical living in capitalist societies to examine these things.

I’ve never been against affiliate links, but I thought it a bit much, encouraging us to buy more when it’s the last thing we actually need. But as always, there’s nuance.

When I was newly postpartum, was the first Substacker I subscribed to, and no exaggeration – was nothing short of revelatory. I had no idea what to put on my body, and though our proportions are different, she showed me silhouettes, styling, possibilities and yes – where I could actually shop for those things.

This take in particular cemented my shift in thinking…

The magazines I grew up idolizing – Vogue in particular – those featured brand placements didn’t appear out of the goodness of Anna Wintour’s heart. They’re based on long-term relationships, deals done over lavish dinners, free samples sent to editors with a hope and a prayer (I sent many of them myself as a fashion intern many moons ago). If the same thing is happening now, but democratized because we all have the power to build our own little empires, that appeals to the socialist within me, and the capitalist too I suppose. I support the notion of power not being concentrated at the top, but spread across society, and particularly by women.

Some people do shill items like one-woman production factories, and that feels inauthentic (and dangerous). But some get it oh-so-right and a well-placed, trusted rec will never go unappreciated.

So apparently this is a mini love letter to those doing the work and moving at the speed of trust, with really good bloody judgement along the way.

And I’m getting there too. Almost three years postpartum from my twins (six years since my daughter) I have a good sense of my style, I know where I love to shop, and try to prioritize vintage and secondhand, with a smattering of new.

Which leads us nicely to what I wore this week.

Sunday

Kicking things off with my actual birthday. Because last week at the hotel was just the pre-birthday. My Pisces girls understand ;)

After a lavish two days of eating all the peaches2, I came home and got loved on by my family.

A nice walk at my fav place, brunch with my favourite girl, cake and balloons, finished with dinner with my fav guy. I honestly had the best day.

For dinner, we got a babysitter, which meant no threat of little PB&J covered fingerprints, plus we had sunshine. So I got excited and got out the whites. I layered a coat over — of course, but I’m determined to usher in spring no matter the actual temps outside.

Monday

Monday was a work from home day, I styled these vintage Levi’s for the first time and still so in love. I like how they have an old school “mom jean” fit, they’re super easy to reach for, and I never feel the need to belt them. With this slightly oversized breton, they made a classic but fresh outfit.

One thing husband and I decided to outsource when we could, was deep cleaning. I often say it’s the best thing I spend my money on as an adult, and I’m only partly joking. On Mondays, there’s a fleeting two hours between the cleaners leaving and my kids get home, where my house is spotless, magical, and untouched. With fresh flowers? Just a middle aged-mama’s dream!

Tuesday

My Soeur order arrived today! Bought four pieces to try and loved one – these trousers. These are my second new purchase of the year. Threw a ribbon leftover from a gift in my hair and was shocked how dainty I felt all day.

The trousers just worked. I can tell when a piece is meant to be, because I’m immediately inspired to try it on with a load of other things in my wardrobe3…

Enjoying the tension of the sporty with the pleating and the raffia mary jane.

Volume meets volume (and a slimline trainer).

Need an excuse to wear this fit – I got this suede, fringed beauty on TRR and have only worn it once. This year, I’m determined!

Wednesday

Back to the vintage finds. Today was the day for these Halston sangria coloured trousers. I knew I wanted to do something tonal with a bit of blue. I liked with this shirt, but untucked was throwing the proportions.

Better with it tucked, but still felt not quite it. Paired with the glasses and very neat hair, it felt too formal. So did we have another mini try-on sesh in the middle of the day? Yes, yes we did.

Removing the shirt and adding the mary janes felt tonal and fresh.

This Maison Labiche sweatshirt is such a chameleon hero piece and I always reach for it to add punch to an outfit.

Amped up the sporty with these Jeffrey Campbell trainers and we like.

These trousers are the gift that keep giving and will take me deep into spring and summer.

Thursday

Another chill work from home day, and time for these silkies to make their debut, to the highly impressed audience of me, myself, and my zoom screen.

Tried some things with this tee since it has so much volume. Tied the oversized jumper at the back with a hair tie and tucked to give the peplum more room to shine. Didn’t quit nail it, but it was playful!

Some dear friends took me for a belated birthday dinner and I reached for these trousers again – they can be dressed up or down so easily. Went full tonal and added these blue suede boots.

Donned this navy coat, tugged a bit at the neckline of my jumper, and enjoyed the asymmetric line vibing with the earrings. `

Friday

Womp wompppp, the dud outfit of the week. I had a Pilates class booked mid-day, the morning with the kids was particularly insane (read: we all slept in by accident), and I just didn’t know what to wear. The joke is, I ended up cancelling my class last minute, and my day was cannibalised by a self-review process I learned was due by END OF DAY. I loathe self reviews – all I hear is “tell us in detail, why we should keep you employed – and make it good”.

I did, however, get the awful thing done. Shudders. Roll on the weekend!

Saturday

A fun day! Husband took the kids in the morning while I washed my hair, wrote the very words your’e reading, and packed for an overnight getaway — back to Vancouver for a comedy show!

I liked the layering, but it felt a lot more me with just the one…

Added my trusty coat and black Vans for a laid back, no fuss, look.

We arrived and went for a lovely sunny walk along the water, before napping like only parents of toddlers can. I vaguely recall muttering “who the hell naps at 5pm” before completely passing out.

Then it was time to get ready for dinner and a show. The black silkies made a repeat appearance. Because of the deep smoker smell requiring a washing machine exorcism, they’ve gone from a true black to more of a washed black (literally).

But since I only packed four items – hastily grabbed - the trousers added some tone and depth to the sea of black.

Screenshots

What the scrolling spirits moved me towards this week…

Speaking of well-placed, trusted recs… loved ’s post on Skipping to Summer. Is this swimsuit now on my wishlist? Oh yes. That square neckline feels so fresh.

After lamenting about styling the “wildcard” houndstooth vintage skirt I bought last week, the ever-fabulous sent this inspo and I’m plotting how I can recreate it ASAP.

Not a post, not even on Substack, but I’m positively gasping for prolonged sun exposure. A girly can dream (and scroll)!

And that’s the week – a birthday, a comedy show, a smoky exorcism and enough vintage finds to keep me inspired for a minute. Not too shabby.

As always, a like or comment means the absolute world and helps people find our little corner of the internet. Tell me your thoughts on the great affiliate link debate, how you “ate the peach” this week, or just validate my hatred of self reviews, I’m all ears! 🍑🍑

Kthanksbyeeee xx

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Not in a she’s really got it together way – I typically do not in fact, have anything together. More in an… I’ve lived in this body long enough to know what it needs, what it likes, and what looks ridiculous on it. Or, what looks so ridiculous it actually works (the line between absurd and stylish is razor thin, my friends!)

A few years ago I went shopping with a friend. She’d suggest items for me and I’d definitively say “yes” or “nope”, and she was like “umm you really know what you’re looking for.” I got a bit self conscious, taking a few things into the fitting room I knew were “no’s” for the sake of appearing open.

But increasingly, I’ve stopped pretending that I don’t know. I do, and it sounds like a small thing, but it isn’t. It’s knowing, yes. But it’s also stepping into that knowledge. As women we have a lot of intuition, but we’re often ignoring it for fear of society, judgement, shame – before we’ve even had the chance to act on it.

The Inspo: Eat the Damn Peach.

I saw this comic years ago, before I even had kids. A woman sees a ripe, perfect peach and immediately decides to save it for her children. Her husband sees the same peach and immediately decides to eat it. This whole concept stuck with me. That as women, we have a tendency to save the best for those we love, wait to enjoy it with them, or ignore what we want and get our joy vicariously.

But she invites us to eat the damn peach. Thousands of women sent pictures putting themselves first, from reading a book in the sun instead of being “productive”, to trying dessert they don’t usually get to eat because their kids finish it first (eff that btw – I made a lemon curd cheesecake recently and definitely gave myself bigger servings. Baker’s tax. Sweat equity. Sue me, kiddos)

My point is, sometimes it feels really hard to do something for yourself. This week, I booked myself two days in a nice hotel. Generally, I don’t feel mum guilt. I travel often for work, I love my career, I help provide for our family, and save for a few wobbles, have a decent semblance of (whispers) balance. But I did feel guilty for this one. Because I wasn’t working, hanging with my husband, kids, or even my best friends, I was just solo. I felt… introvert guilt?!

But I ate the peach. I went on the trip, and surprise surprise, it was exactly what I needed.

The Hotel: Asking For The Thing.

After a late night working so I could properly take the rest of the week off (PTO tax!) I dropped the kids to school, packed, and got on the road. I got to my hotel in Vancouver by the skin of my teeth. Somehow, I completely lost phone data between the US and Canada (never happens) and had to find the hotel without it.

If you know me, you know how horrendous my sense of direction is. Like, get lost going round the block bad. So no-one was more relieved than me to pull in. I’ll share what happened next at the risk of sounding like a slight ass, but hopefully you’ll understand.

Previously, I’d asked for a room facing Vancouver Art Gallery, they were the most beautiful views in the hotel.

When I checked in, it was a lovely room… with a view of a very large, very ugly rooftop. I sat for a moment and thought, well the room is so gorgeous, I shouldn’t be disappointed… but I was. Living just across the border, I’m in the city often, and wasn’t going to be out exploring all day. My plans entailed baths, journaling, naps, shopping, movies, and room service. If all went well, I’d be hanging in my room a lot.

So I called front desk and asked politely (but confidently) if I could have the view I’d requested.

Within 10 mins, I was in an equally lovely room… with an incredible view of the gallery1.

If you were expecting a thing, you’re paying for a thing, and the thing isn’t delivering? You deserve to ask. You’re not being overbearing, obnoxious, irritating, or crazy. You’re simply asking for your expectation and that’s okay. If it’s a no, it’s a no (it’s rarely a no). Ask for the damn thing.

I got settled in as I figured out my shopping game plan. Across the street was a huge mall, with COS and All Saints, both on my list to visit. The vintage store was a 30 min walk. So tempting to go mall first, but I stayed strong and took the walk.

The Store: Buying the Damn Thing

I arrived and was in heaven — beautifully organized clothes as far as the eye could see.

Here’s what was on my wishlist…

You know how when you shop at regular stores, you find an item and you can get it in various sizes, colours, there’s coordinating items, it’s part of a collection? Shopping vintage is the opposite. It’s an exercise in gambling, Russian roulette, and pure patience.

But there’s also a reward for knowing. Yourself, your body, what you’re looking for. What you see is exactly that. If it’s not right for you, it’ll be right for someone else, but when it is right for you… it’s like striking gold. For petite girlies especially, vintage can feel like a leveling of the playing field — you’ve spent years learning exactly what works on your frame, being able to eyeball your measurements on a garment, the fabrics that will skim and those that will swamp, that knowledge is total currency here.

Things I bought

Trousers: Straight leg mid wash jean

Put these on, boom, knew immediately. The second item on my list, right off the bat. The high waist, the wash, the shape… Vintage Levis 550s, which I’d just read about in ’s jeans coverage. Couldn’t believe my luck. And then…

Linen drawstring

These 100% linen beauties, they need a hem and they’re a touch big, but I couldn’t pass them up. The pleating, the soft volume – they’re even better in person and I’ll be reaching for them come summer.