Hello my sweet reader. How are you? Are you holding on to the final days of summer or are you ready for fall? My summer has flown by. Mostly because I’m working too much. The first step to treating workaholism is acknowledging workaholism.

To that end, I’m really excited to put out some work I’ve very proud of later this year. My special release date got pushed back to 9/10 - sorry y’all, editing takes time! I’m about to wrap a new narrative comedy series which will also be out for free on Youtube later this fall. I’m adding more dates to my tour, including DC this spring!

I’ll be back next week with a regularly scheduled essay and the week after that will mark 5 years on Testosterone for ya boy, so I will be reflecting on that. In the meantime, stay healthy, hug your loved ones, call your mother.

SONG OF THE WEEK: Sue Me by Audrey Hobert

Sue me, I’m new to this song and I’m listening to it on repeat. Yes, I’m addictive in nearly every phase of my life. SUE ME.

NEW MATERIAL TOUR FALL 2026

9/4 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

9/5 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

9/6 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

10/8 - AUSTIN, TX

10/9 - AUSTIN, TX

10/10 - AUSTIN, TX

10/22 - BROOKLYN (ON SALE SOON)

10/25 - CINCINNATI, OH

11/5 - ATLANTA, GA

11/6 - ATLANTA, GA

11/7 - ATLANTA, GA

4/8 - WASHINGTON DC (ON SALE SOON)

4/9 - WASHINGTON DC (ON SALE SOON)

4/10 - WASHINGTON DC (ON SALE SOON)

4/15 - RALEIGH, NC (DATE WILL BE UPDATED ON CLUB SITE SOON)

4/16 - RALEIGH, NC (DATE WILL BE UPDATED ON CLUB SITE SOON)

4/17 - RALEIGH NC (DATE WILL BE UPDATED ON CLUB SITE SOON)

4/18 - CHARLOTTE, NC (DATE WILL BE UPDATED ON CLUB SITE SOON)

As always, if ticket price is a barrier to entry for you (especially if you are trans) please fill out this form and I will do my best to get you in! Comp tickets are first come first serve and can be limited depending on the venue.

Last but not least, watch BOYS CLUB! All five episodes of season 1 are out now on Youtube and you could watch all five in about 30 minutes. Perfect for your lunch break.

NICO’S JULY BOOKSHELF:

Let Us Play: Winning the Battle for Gender Diverse Athletes by Harrison Browne and Rachel Browne. BUMPING THIS AGAIN. Great resource that gets further into the myths around gender and sports.

Take Back the Game: How Money and Mania Are Ruining Kids’ Sports and Why it Matters by Linda Flanagan. This book is another great resource to unpack some of the larger issues with youth sports beyond gender.

NICO’S JUNE BOOKSHELF:

Girl on Girl: How Pop Culture Turned a Generation of Women Against Themselves by Sophie Gilbert.

The Candy House by Jennifer Eagan.

NICO’S MAY BOOKSHELF:

This month has been going so fast I don’t even remember which of those books I read in May. IF ANY! Thank you for all the recs, they’re going on my list. I’m recommending a TV show today:

Widow’s Bay on Apple TV - This is a comedy horror its super funny and scary! Really enjoying this. First four are already out and the last two come out tonight 5/27!

NICO’S APRIL BOOKSHELF:

Girl on Girl: How Pop Culture Turned a Generation of Women Against Themselves by Sophie Gilbert.

Snuff by Chuck Palahniuk.

Let Us Play: Winning the Battle for Gender Diverse Athletes by Harrison Browne and Rachel Browne.

Valencia by Michelle Tea.

NICO’S MARCH BOOKSHELF:

Heart the Lover by Lily King.

The Secret History by Donna Tartt.

The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry by Gabrielle Zevin.

NICO’S FEBRUARY BOOKSHELF:

Blitzed: Drugs in The Third Reich by by Norman Ohler.

The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead.

Stag Dance by Torrey Peters.

NICO’S JANUARY BOOKSHELF:

Town & Country by Brian Schaefer.

Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin.

Stoner by John Edward Williams.

LESS by Andrew Sean Greer.

Happy-Go-Lucky by David Sedaris.

Subscribe now

I’ve been rewatching Game of Thrones over the last several weeks. I watched it for the first time when it came out from 2012-2018. I’m generally not in favor of binge watching. Well, I’m human, I love to binge watch. I just mean as a practice and a term I think its insane to distribute things in bulk to be churned and burned through like the little piggies at the trough we all are. I digress…

The reason I bring up that I am binge watching Game of Thrones is because it struck me quite differently on my second watch. Game of Thrones is such a massive show with so much going on, its hard to see the connective tissues when you’re just trying to remember who killed who and who’s related to which house. Now rewatching and generally knowing where the story is going, I’m seeing it in a different light, a more emotional light.

Game of Thrones is a dark show. It doesn’t shy away from the brutality of its world. Its a show about power and ambition. All of the core characters are vying for power, striking deals, chopping off the heads of their enemies. And nearly all of them have the same justification for what they do: the family. Everything is about protecting and serving the family name. The lineage of the family dynasty must carry on through time. What does it mean when the family line dies? What does it mean when all the people you knew and who knew you are dead?

A few weeks ago I went upstate to my grandparents hay farm to visit them and my dad’s side of the family. I come from a line of Irish American hay farmers. Its a small family farm. My grandfather was born in the house he and my grandmother still live in. His father was born in that house. And his father’s father came from Ireland and built the house.

My grandfather is a 85 year old Irish Catholic hay farmer who doesn’t spend much time reminiscing on the family lineage. I asked him how old the house was and he said he wasn’t sure he’d have to check the deed in the cellar. I wish I made him go get it because I’d love to see a deed from the 1800’s. Real life history!

On Friday, my younger cousin came up to the farm with her husband and new one year old baby Ella. Its amazing how long a group of adults can be entertained by watching a baby walk back and forth across a room. My cousin and I talked about how meaningful it was to see the next generation of our family playing in the same house we used to play in, running around the same farm we used to run around as kids.

I don’t see myself having kids. I don’t know if I think that because I’m 28, because I’m trans, because I’m a broke artist, because I’m a depressive, because the world is increasingly scary, because I coached kids soccer and know what those little gremlins are really like. Regardless, I don’t see it in my future. Even still, seeing my cousin’s baby on the family farm; seeing the traces of my family in her eyes made me want to save money for her college fund. I was immediately wishing for a future where I make enough money to set up college funds for all my siblings’ kids and my cousins’ kids. I felt the tug of the family line. The need to participate in its upkeep. Like a little lord of Westeros, I pledged my life to House Carney.

What is that instinct? Do we all have it? Are we hard wired to see our kin and protect them? I think so - I’m no scientist but that feels like an evolutionary trait.

My family has been discussing the sale of the farm a lot recently. My grandparents are old and no one in the family wants to take over the business. Its not the kind of work people generally want to do, its something our family had to do and its the reason any of us are able to decide we don’t want to do it now. When we’ve had this conversation in the past, I’ve felt very removed from it. I understood why it would be a hard decision on my grandparents but it felt like the only logical thing to do. Now, being back there with my cousin and her baby, I felt the crisis of losing the farm. This is our family’s farm. Its been in our family since 1890. Carney’s from Ireland crossed the Atlantic Ocean and settled in Upstate New York because it was really rainy and cold there too. They picked rocks out of the fields by hand, they raked and bailed the hay, sold it to local Mennonite communities and small horse farms. Decades of poverty and making ends meet, generations of alcoholism and Catholic repression. My grandfather started working the farm full time at 15 and last summer he put in his millionth bail of hay. And now its time to let it all go.

I found myself again praying for a future where I make a lot of money and could buy the farm outright. Own it for our family forever. Let the fields run wild or let the Mennonites harvest the hay from them. Frame the deed and put it in the living room. Gather all the cousins once per year and toast to House Carney, long may she reign.

Without the down payment to buy it outright, in order to keep the farm in the family it would require one of us in my generation to take over the farm operations. But when it comes down to it, none of us wants to do that. Even though I just spent the last several paragraphs talking about how much I want to keep the farm in the family, I don’t want it bad enough to give up my career. Is that selfish? Or is that what our ancestors moved here for? Did they move here with the hopes of future prosperity for the family? Did they feel the tug of the family line and desire to provide for the generations to come? Did they have any idea the family line would berth a transgender standup comedian? Did they have any idea what any of those words mean when they set sail for Upstate New York?

Without the farm, we can still gather. We can still share stories of our family and watch the younger generations grow into their own iteration of the family line. None of us will live forever, the farm won’t live forever, at some point the name Carney may fade away; but we won’t be here to see that. Maybe in 100 years my descendants will find the remnants of this Substack and talk about how one of the Carney’s actually lived up to his family name.

SONG OF THE WEEK: Mr. Jones by Counting Crows

I keep forgetting the segments of this newsletter that I came up with… Anyways! Song of the week, a classic!

NEW MATERIAL TOUR FALL 2026

8/21 - NICO AND FRIENDS IN BROOKLYN

9/4 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

9/5 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

9/6 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

10/8 - AUSTIN, TX

10/9 - AUSTIN, TX

10/10 - AUSTIN, TX

10/25 - CINCINNATI, OH

11/5 - ATLANTA, GA

11/6 - ATLANTA, GA

11/7 - ATLANTA, GA

12/3 - RALEIGH, NC (FYI THESE ARE BEING MOVED TO APRIL 2027)

12/4 - RALEIGH, NC (FYI THESE ARE BEING MOVED TO APRIL 2027)

12/5 - RALEIGH NC (FYI THESE ARE BEING MOVED TO APRIL 2027)

12/6 - CHARLOTTE, NC (FYI THESE ARE BEING MOVED TO APRIL 2027)

North Carolina dates being moved because I’m going to a friend’s wedding :)

As always, if ticket price is a barrier to entry for you (especially if you are trans) please fill out this form and I will do my best to get you in! Comp tickets are first come first serve and can be limited depending on the venue.

Last but not least, watch BOYS CLUB! All five episodes of season 1 are out now on Youtube and you could watch all five in about 30 minutes. Perfect for your lunch break.

NICO’S JULY BOOKSHELF:

Let Us Play: Winning the Battle for Gender Diverse Athletes by Harrison Browne and Rachel Browne. BUMPING THIS AGAIN. Great resource that gets further into the myths around gender and sports.

Take Back the Game: How Money and Mania Are Ruining Kids’ Sports and Why it Matters by Linda Flanagan. This book is another great resource to unpack some of the larger issues with youth sports beyond gender.

NICO’S JUNE BOOKSHELF:

Girl on Girl: How Pop Culture Turned a Generation of Women Against Themselves by Sophie Gilbert.

The Candy House by Jennifer Eagan.

NICO’S MAY BOOKSHELF:

This month has been going so fast I don’t even remember which of those books I read in May. IF ANY! Thank you for all the recs, they’re going on my list. I’m recommending a TV show today:

Widow’s Bay on Apple TV - This is a comedy horror its super funny and scary! Really enjoying this. First four are already out and the last two come out tonight 5/27!

NICO’S APRIL BOOKSHELF:

Girl on Girl: How Pop Culture Turned a Generation of Women Against Themselves by Sophie Gilbert.

Snuff by Chuck Palahniuk.

Let Us Play: Winning the Battle for Gender Diverse Athletes by Harrison Browne and Rachel Browne.

Valencia by Michelle Tea.

NICO’S MARCH BOOKSHELF:

Heart the Lover by Lily King.

The Secret History by Donna Tartt.

The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry by Gabrielle Zevin.

NICO’S FEBRUARY BOOKSHELF:

Blitzed: Drugs in The Third Reich by by Norman Ohler.

The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead.

Stag Dance by Torrey Peters.

NICO’S JANUARY BOOKSHELF:

Town & Country by Brian Schaefer.

Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin.

Stoner by John Edward Williams.

LESS by Andrew Sean Greer.

Happy-Go-Lucky by David Sedaris.

Subscribe now

This year has been a big investment year for me. By that I mean I’ve spent all of my money on projects I’m independently financing and releasing - including my debut standup special which releases on Youtube at the end of the month.

I toured my standup hour for 3 years, spanning over 90 headlining shows and was feeling ready to tape my special. I talked to my reps about getting in front of Netflix and HBO to see if they were interested in buying and producing it. The response I got was lukewarm. The exact answer was maybe, but reading between the lines I could tell there was trepidation. Either they didn’t want to tell me it was completely out of the cards or they were afraid to ask these streamers on my behalf. The other routes available to the modern standup are to tape a special that is up to Netflix/HBO quality (ie camera and sound quality) and sell it to them after its already taped. This is an expensive and predatory process as most standups cannot afford to do this nor should we have to pay to play. The other available route is self financing and releasing on Youtube. This is still expensive but less expensive as you don’t have to shoot it up to the TV/streaming standards.

The reality is the only way to make money as a standup is touring. Specials are an amazing marker of a chapter in your standup career, but they are not money making ventures. Their best monetary value is in promoting your next tour dates. To that end, I knew I was ready to tape my hour and I knew I wanted to go back on the road this fall and could not return with the same material. It was time and I was just going to bite the bullet and do it myself.

Here are some of my highs and lows of doing it yourself:

The Highs

DECISION MAKING. When you’re paying for the project, everything is your decision. The upside to having other people finance your work is you don’t have to pay for it, but the downside is the people paying often have opinions they want heard. When you pay for your own projects, every decision is yours to make. From the creative, to the hiring, to the release timeline. You are the decision maker.

OWNERSHIP. Making something independent with your own money means you get to own the rights to it. If it goes on your Youtube channel or socials or website, its yours and yours alone. You’ll never have to worry about it being pulled down off a streamer because they decided to clear house on a random Thursday.

COMMUNITY. This is by far the best part of making your own shit. You decide who gets to work on it with you. Let’s say you’re lucky enough to get tapped for a Netflix or HBO comedy special. The executives at that company are going to brainstorm a list of production companies and directors for you to work with. Maybe you already have a director in mind, maybe they’ll just give you the guy who does all the mainstream comedy specials. Regardless, you’ll be on set for the biggest night of your young life with a bunch of people you don’t know and who don’t know you. Because I independently financed my standup special, I chose who I worked with. I hired every single position and was at least familiar with everyone on set that day. I hired trans people, I hired young people, I hired people who WANTED TO BE THERE and were proud to be a part of the special taping.

LEARNING. This is the most valuable part of making your own stuff. When we made BOYS CLUB last year, I wrote, acted, produced and edited. I saw the show from its incipience to the finish line. I was in every phase of the process and each phase taught me more about the last. We rewrote portions of the season 1 finale after having shot the other episodes because editing taught us about how to write with the edit in mind. You can’t learn those lessons from your desk. You can only learn those lessons from making something from start to finish. I want to make narrative comedy projects and I don’t want to wait until I’m at the helm of a massive budget or in a writer’s room with a bunch of people I respect to learn how to do this. I want to learn now. I want to try and fail in the obscurity of my independent work.

The Lows

COST. You don’t envy my bank account at the moment, I promise you that. It is very expensive to film anything. Its gotten cheaper in some ways and in others its gotten worse. For example, thanks to AI and data centers, the chips in hard drives have gotten super expensive and the price of hard drives to store footage has gone up 400% in the last year. My special cost around $8k to film, with very kind “favor” rates for labor in every position. I made nearly $4k in ticket sales for the shows which cut my personal cost down significantly. Nonetheless, that’s still a sizable amount of money. I don’t have the money to pay anyone for post production services so I am editing it myself alongside my director Shiv who is doing so as a favor to me. My producer Vic has a color house connection for color grade and my sound engineer is willing to do a sound mix for free. If I had to pay for editing and post production assets, it would add at least another $3k to the budget if not more.

The upside to working with Netflix or HBO is also their marketing budget. The benefit to the internet is we all can do some marketing ourselves, but as we all know, the internet is becoming more of a pay to play slot machine every day. If you want to grease the wheels of the algorithm, you have to be posting constantly. Netflix and HBO have the gravitas and PR connects to secure high level interviews and podcast appearances, while doing so alone means reaching out to anyone you know with a podcast asking to come on to promote your work.

SOLITUDE. While there is freedom and agency in embarking on your own, there is also great solitude. I’ve been fighting the feeling of solitude all year. Yes I’m the only decision maker, but I’m the ONLY decision maker. I don’t have the head of Netflix telling me this is a great special. I don’t have the HBO execs telling me this is the beginning of a long friendship between me and the streamer. I don’t have a financier who is willing to dole out extra cash to make sure it reaches everyone who wants to see it. Its just me. Its just me, the 24 hours I have in each day and the willpower to make something I believe in.

My biggest take away is DO IT. Make your own shit. The cavalry isn’t coming. The network executive who believes in you isn’t coming. They probably just got fired from Peacock and is on their way to FX where they’ll continue to make safe decisions and get fired again. Identify the budget you can work with and write something you can afford to make. Don’t be afraid to ask for help. Don’t be afraid to ask people to work with you for free. If you make something cool, if you respect their time, if you give them the opportunity to make something they want to make, people will willingly join your band of misfit artists.

The future is independent! Go make it yourself!

NEW MATERIAL TOUR FALL 2026

8/21 - NICO AND FRIENDS IN BROOKLYN

9/4 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

9/5 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

9/6 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

10/8 - AUSTIN, TX

10/9 - AUSTIN, TX

10/10 - AUSTIN, TX

10/25 - CINCINNATI, OH

11/5 - ATLANTA, GA

11/6 - ATLANTA, GA

11/7 - ATLANTA, GA

12/3 - RALEIGH, NC (FYI THESE ARE BEING MOVED TO APRIL 2027)

12/4 - RALEIGH, NC (FYI THESE ARE BEING MOVED TO APRIL 2027)

12/5 - RALEIGH NC (FYI THESE ARE BEING MOVED TO APRIL 2027)

12/6 - CHARLOTTE, NC (FYI THESE ARE BEING MOVED TO APRIL 2027)

North Carolina dates being moved because I’m going to a friend’s wedding :)

As always, if ticket price is a barrier to entry for you (especially if you are trans) please fill out this form and I will do my best to get you in! Comp tickets are first come first serve and can be limited depending on the venue.

Last but not least, watch BOYS CLUB! All five episodes of season 1 are out now on Youtube and you could watch all five in about 30 minutes. Perfect for your lunch break.

NICO’S JULY BOOKSHELF:

Let Us Play: Winning the Battle for Gender Diverse Athletes by Harrison Browne and Rachel Browne. BUMPING THIS AGAIN. Great resource that gets further into the myths around gender and sports.

Take Back the Game: How Money and Mania Are Ruining Kids’ Sports and Why it Matters by Linda Flanagan. This book is another great resource to unpack some of the larger issues with youth sports beyond gender.

NICO’S JUNE BOOKSHELF:

Girl on Girl: How Pop Culture Turned a Generation of Women Against Themselves by Sophie Gilbert.

The Candy House by Jennifer Eagan.

NICO’S MAY BOOKSHELF:

This month has been going so fast I don’t even remember which of those books I read in May. IF ANY! Thank you for all the recs, they’re going on my list. I’m recommending a TV show today:

Widow’s Bay on Apple TV - This is a comedy horror its super funny and scary! Really enjoying this. First four are already out and the last two come out tonight 5/27!

NICO’S APRIL BOOKSHELF:

Girl on Girl: How Pop Culture Turned a Generation of Women Against Themselves by Sophie Gilbert.

Snuff by Chuck Palahniuk.

Let Us Play: Winning the Battle for Gender Diverse Athletes by Harrison Browne and Rachel Browne.

Valencia by Michelle Tea.

NICO’S MARCH BOOKSHELF:

Heart the Lover by Lily King.

The Secret History by Donna Tartt.

The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry by Gabrielle Zevin.

NICO’S FEBRUARY BOOKSHELF:

Blitzed: Drugs in The Third Reich by by Norman Ohler.

The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead.

Stag Dance by Torrey Peters.

NICO’S JANUARY BOOKSHELF:

Town & Country by Brian Schaefer.

Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin.

Stoner by John Edward Williams.

LESS by Andrew Sean Greer.

Happy-Go-Lucky by David Sedaris.

Subscribe now

I can look at a recipe and go pick up all the ingredients on the list. But I’m never good about thinking through the whole week. Will I be able to use these jalapeños in another recipe? Or will they wilt away in my fridge like all the other ingredients that stumped me? When I walk into the grocery store my mind goes blank. What do I even like to eat?

I recently bought an air fryer as a solution to my dinnertime crises. I, like many before me, love my air fryer. It has completely expanded my dinner menu. I’m making meatballs, breaded chicken cutlets, sweet potatoes and other friable foods.

The Monday before my special taping in June I was determined to have a nourishing week of meals. I decided to make fish tacos in the air fryer. They were simple, delicious, light, flavorful, filling. I texted my girlfriend Maddie and told her I’d solved my dinner crisis. I’m officially a fishmonger.

After I finished my meal, I cleaned up the kitchen, put the leftovers in the fridge and headed out for a show. Hours later I returned and was greeted at the door by the unmistakable odor of fish.

God damn it. The whole apartment smells like fish! I live in an older building (pre-war, which war? All of them?). The walls are thick and they hold everything - heat, humidity and of course, the smell of fish.

I texted my roommate, I’m so sorry for the smell. I put a fan in the kitchen hopefully that helps! The smell was subtle enough that if you were in the apartment for five minutes, you’d stop noticing it. But anytime I left and came back, it hit me again.

I left on Tuesday afternoon for Philly for my last road show before the special. I came back after midnight and was again accosted by the lingering fish smell.

I was starting to panic. My friend Shiv was coming to town the next day to direct my special and was staying with me. How embarrassing. Welcome to my home, hope you don’t mind the smell of Monday’s fish!

Wednesday morning I poured over reddit threads and articles about alleviating fish smells. I bought lemons, vinegar and a candle. I tried everything and the fish smell would not leave.

I couldn’t believe it. I just found a food I love to cook. A healthy, relatively inexpensive, convenient, easy food that I can never ever cook again.

When my friends Shiv and Vic arrived, I immediately got out ahead of it. SORRY FOR THE FISH SMELL I’VE DONE EVERYTHING I CAN!

Vic offered that boiling cinnamon on the stove works to get rid of smell as it was the key to making weed brownies in a college dorm undetected.

I tried it and it definitely made the kitchen smell like cinnamon, but now the apartment smelled like cinnamon, lemon, vinegar, a cedar wood candle AND fish.

Now I was in my head. Do I smell like fish? Am I walking around with this fish smell on me? Am I going to tape my special tomorrow smelling like fish? Will the audience notice?

The morning after my taping, I woke up at 4am for a flight to LA for the LA premier of She’s The He. I stayed in LA for 4 days and returned to NY the following Tuesday - over a week since fish-gate.

I walked into my apartment. Fish.

Are you fucking kidding me!? STILL???

I was mortified. My poor roommate. I can’t believe I stunk up the whole apartment for over a week and left him with this stench. I apologized profusely and told him I’m never making fish again.

Back to the drawing board and the daily question: what to make for dinner? Something easy, something airfry-able and definitely something odorless.

NEW MATERIAL TOUR FALL 2026

8/21 - NICO AND FRIENDS IN BROOKLYN

9/4 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

9/5 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

9/6 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

10/8 - AUSTIN, TX

10/9 - AUSTIN, TX

10/10 - AUSTIN, TX

10/25 - CINCINNATI, OH

11/5 - ATLANTA, GA

11/6 - ATLANTA, GA

11/7 - ATLANTA, GA

12/3 - RALEIGH, NC (FYI THESE ARE BEING MOVED)

12/4 - RALEIGH, NC (FYI THESE ARE BEING MOVED)

12/5 - RALEIGH NC (FYI THESE ARE BEING MOVED)

12/6 - CHARLOTTE, NC (FYI THESE ARE BEING MOVED)

North Carolina dates being moved because I’m going to a friend’s wedding :)

As always, if ticket price is a barrier to entry for you (especially if you are trans) please fill out this form and I will do my best to get you in! Comp tickets are first come first serve and can be limited depending on the venue.

Last but not least, watch BOYS CLUB! All five episodes of season 1 are out now on Youtube and you could watch all five in about 30 minutes. Perfect for your lunch break.

NICO’S JULY BOOKSHELF:

Let Us Play: Winning the Battle for Gender Diverse Athletes by Harrison Browne and Rachel Browne. BUMPING THIS AGAIN. Great resource that gets further into the myths around gender and sports.

Take Back the Game: How Money and Mania Are Ruining Kids’ Sports and Why it Matters by Linda Flanagan. This book is another great resource to unpack some of the larger issues with youth sports beyond gender.

NICO’S JUNE BOOKSHELF:

Girl on Girl: How Pop Culture Turned a Generation of Women Against Themselves by Sophie Gilbert.

The Candy House by Jennifer Eagan.

NICO’S MAY BOOKSHELF:

This month has been going so fast I don’t even remember which of those books I read in May. IF ANY! Thank you for all the recs, they’re going on my list. I’m recommending a TV show today:

Widow’s Bay on Apple TV - This is a comedy horror its super funny and scary! Really enjoying this. First four are already out and the last two come out tonight 5/27!

NICO’S APRIL BOOKSHELF:

Girl on Girl: How Pop Culture Turned a Generation of Women Against Themselves by Sophie Gilbert.

Snuff by Chuck Palahniuk.

Let Us Play: Winning the Battle for Gender Diverse Athletes by Harrison Browne and Rachel Browne.

Valencia by Michelle Tea.

NICO’S MARCH BOOKSHELF:

Heart the Lover by Lily King.

The Secret History by Donna Tartt.

The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry by Gabrielle Zevin.

NICO’S FEBRUARY BOOKSHELF:

Blitzed: Drugs in The Third Reich by by Norman Ohler.

The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead.

Stag Dance by Torrey Peters.

NICO’S JANUARY BOOKSHELF:

Town & Country by Brian Schaefer.

Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin.

Stoner by John Edward Williams.

LESS by Andrew Sean Greer.

Happy-Go-Lucky by David Sedaris.

Subscribe now

Hello my sweet reader! Just a quick one today. I hope you’re having an amazing summer. I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling that mid summer slump. I’m getting through it, but I’m still feeling the equal and opposite seasonal depression that usually kicks my ass in February. I told myself this year I’d plan a bunch of work in the summer to alleviate my anxiety and existential midsummer dread. It turns out I’m still feeling those things AND I have a lot of work to do. Ce la vie.

A couple exciting announcements:

1. She’s The He is on VOD! Rent it on AppleTV, Amazon, Google, or whatever other mega corporation holding us hostage you see fit. I love this film and everyone I was lucky enough to make it with. If you haven’t seen it check it out!

2. My debut standup special drops in less than a month on Youtube! By subscribing to this newsletter you will be among the first to know when it drops, but if you are feeling like you want to be extra supportive of all things Nico, you can subscribe to my Youtube.

   

3. I’m directing a new narrative comedy series that will be dropping on my Youtube channel later this year.

4. I’m running new material! I’ll be touring this fall with the new jokes, working out what the next show will be. All dates and tickets below. Would love to see you there!

Be well, sending love your way.

Nico

SONG OF THE WEEK: Stunning by Um, Jennifer?

My pals, and fellow trans sweetie pies Um, Jennifer. Check them out!

NEW MATERIAL TOUR FALL 2026

8/21 - NICO AND FRIENDS IN BROOKLYN

9/4 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

9/5 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

9/6 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

10/8 - AUSTIN, TX

10/9 - AUSTIN, TX

10/10 - AUSTIN, TX

10/25 - CINCINNATI, OH

11/5 - ATLANTA, GA

11/6 - ATLANTA, GA

11/7 - ATLANTA, GA

12/3 - RALEIGH, NC

12/4 - RALEIGH, NC

12/5 - RALEIGH NC

12/6 - CHARLOTTE, NC

As always, if ticket price is a barrier to entry for you (especially if you are trans) please fill out this form and I will do my best to get you in! Comp tickets are first come first serve and can be limited depending on the venue.

Last but not least, watch BOYS CLUB! All five episodes of season 1 are out now on Youtube and you could watch all five in about 30 minutes. Perfect for your lunch break.

NICO’S JULY BOOKSHELF:

Let Us Play: Winning the Battle for Gender Diverse Athletes by Harrison Browne and Rachel Browne. BUMPING THIS AGAIN. Great resource that gets further into the myths around gender and sports.

Take Back the Game: How Money and Mania Are Ruining Kids’ Sports and Why it Matters by Linda Flanagan. This book is another great resource to unpack some of the larger issues with youth sports beyond gender.

NICO’S JUNE BOOKSHELF:

Girl on Girl: How Pop Culture Turned a Generation of Women Against Themselves by Sophie Gilbert.

The Candy House by Jennifer Eagan.

NICO’S MAY BOOKSHELF:

This month has been going so fast I don’t even remember which of those books I read in May. IF ANY! Thank you for all the recs, they’re going on my list. I’m recommending a TV show today:

Widow’s Bay on Apple TV - This is a comedy horror its super funny and scary! Really enjoying this. First four are already out and the last two come out tonight 5/27!

NICO’S APRIL BOOKSHELF:

Girl on Girl: How Pop Culture Turned a Generation of Women Against Themselves by Sophie Gilbert.

Snuff by Chuck Palahniuk.

Let Us Play: Winning the Battle for Gender Diverse Athletes by Harrison Browne and Rachel Browne.

Valencia by Michelle Tea.

NICO’S MARCH BOOKSHELF:

Heart the Lover by Lily King.

The Secret History by Donna Tartt.

The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry by Gabrielle Zevin.

NICO’S FEBRUARY BOOKSHELF:

Blitzed: Drugs in The Third Reich by by Norman Ohler.

The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead.

Stag Dance by Torrey Peters.

NICO’S JANUARY BOOKSHELF:

Town & Country by Brian Schaefer.

Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin.

Stoner by John Edward Williams.

LESS by Andrew Sean Greer.

Happy-Go-Lucky by David Sedaris.

Subscribe now

I was attacked at the beach. My body is fine, but my ego is severely bruised. Yes, fine, I was attacked by seagulls.

I spent the weekend in the north shore of Boston with my girlfriend Maddie at her parents’ place. On Monday we took the day off and went to the beach. We packed steak sandwiches with mayo and an amazing slaw her mom made for fish tacos the night before.

I sat in the sun and slowly unwrapped my steak sandwich as we gossiped about people we kind of know. Out of the corner of my eye - I saw a flash of white. I turned and locked eyes with an seagull diving towards me. I panicked, I yelped, I threw my sandwich at the incoming thief. A dozen seagulls flocked, I had no idea they were all watching and waiting. Within seconds my steak sandwich was gone.

I could not believe what just happened. I just got robbed by seagulls. Well, I threw my sandwich at the seagulls, but they attacked me. Well, they got close, but they would have attacked me. You should have seen how close this bird came to me!

It all happened so fast. I looked around to see the small remains of bread getting picked at by the surrounding seagulls. The people around me looked over to see the commotion. Is that a grown man getting attacked by seagulls?

I couldn’t believe my instincts. Throw the sandwich and yelp. I couldn’t even call what I did a yell or a scream. It was, and I quote, BAH! Take it! I can’t believe I did this with my sweet girlfriend next to me. Her valiant protector, a man afraid of birds. I guess this would be my reaction if I got mugged. Fight or flight? Scream and throw my steak sandwich.

A woman walked by with two children. One kid said “are the seagulls going to attack us” and the woman responded “no they’re only going for people eating sandwiches on the beach.” I sat in my shame and hunger for the next hour. I can’t believe I just made such a scene at the beach. Was it my fault for eating a sandwich? Am I at fault for packing a lunch? Is there a secret Boston beach code I’m not adhering to? There is no ego death quite like sitting on the beach, under the peering eyes of children, families and older ladies as your stomach growls for the now picked-apart and sand-covered steak sandwich.

About half an hour later a seven or eight year old boy named Massey (I know this because his mom reprimanded him several times) started provoking the seagulls with his soft pretzel. I watched with anticipation hoping this kid would take my place as the beach idiot. The seagulls started to descend and surround him. This kid doesn’t know who he’s up against. The seagulls started to fly at him, he screamed, threw his pretzel and fell into the sand. I stood up and yelled GET HIM! Look who’s the beach idiot now! Well, I didn’t really. But in my head, I totally dunked on this child. I ate my other snacks under the safety of a beach towel, like the courageous man I am. Pack a lunch and stay safe out there.

SONG OF THE WEEK: Sun Daze by Florida Georgia Line

This song goes great with getting attacked by seagulls at the beach.

NEW MATERIAL TOUR FALL 2026

8/21 - NICO AND FRIENDS IN BROOKLYN

9/4 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

9/5 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

9/6 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

10/8 - AUSTIN, TX

10/9 - AUSTIN, TX

10/10 - AUSTIN, TX

10/25 - CINCINNATI, OH

11/5 - ATLANTA, GA

11/6 - ATLANTA, GA

11/7 - ATLANTA, GA

12/3 - RALEIGH, NC

12/4 - RALEIGH, NC

12/5 - RALEIGH NC

12/6 - CHARLOTTE, NC

As always, if ticket price is a barrier to entry for you (especially if you are trans) please fill out this form and I will do my best to get you in! Comp tickets are first come first serve and can be limited depending on the venue.

Last but not least, watch BOYS CLUB! All five episodes of season 1 are out now on Youtube and you could watch all five in about 30 minutes. Perfect for your lunch break.

NICO’S JULY BOOKSHELF:

Let Us Play: Winning the Battle for Gender Diverse Athletes by Harrison Browne and Rachel Browne. BUMPING THIS AGAIN. Great resource that gets further into the myths around gender and sports.

Take Back the Game: How Money and Mania Are Ruining Kids’ Sports and Why it Matters by Linda Flanagan. This book is another great resource to unpack some of the larger issues with youth sports beyond gender.

NICO’S JUNE BOOKSHELF:

Girl on Girl: How Pop Culture Turned a Generation of Women Against Themselves by Sophie Gilbert.

The Candy House by Jennifer Eagan.

NICO’S MAY BOOKSHELF:

This month has been going so fast I don’t even remember which of those books I read in May. IF ANY! Thank you for all the recs, they’re going on my list. I’m recommending a TV show today:

Widow’s Bay on Apple TV - This is a comedy horror its super funny and scary! Really enjoying this. First four are already out and the last two come out tonight 5/27!

NICO’S APRIL BOOKSHELF:

Girl on Girl: How Pop Culture Turned a Generation of Women Against Themselves by Sophie Gilbert.

Snuff by Chuck Palahniuk.

Let Us Play: Winning the Battle for Gender Diverse Athletes by Harrison Browne and Rachel Browne.

Valencia by Michelle Tea.

NICO’S MARCH BOOKSHELF:

Heart the Lover by Lily King.

The Secret History by Donna Tartt.

The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry by Gabrielle Zevin.

NICO’S FEBRUARY BOOKSHELF:

Blitzed: Drugs in The Third Reich by by Norman Ohler.

The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead.

Stag Dance by Torrey Peters.

NICO’S JANUARY BOOKSHELF:

Town & Country by Brian Schaefer.

Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin.

Stoner by John Edward Williams.

LESS by Andrew Sean Greer.

Happy-Go-Lucky by David Sedaris.

Subscribe now

Hello my sweet readers! I hope you’re having an amazing day. Are you staying cool? Are you drinking enough water?

I’m back to square one. The shallow end. The first page. I taped my debut standup special in June and now its time to come up with new material. I always knew this day would come some day. And if I’m lucky it’ll happen several times over.

I started writing material for my first special before I had any idea I’d have a special. Those jokes were born of days and nights spent at open mics. Then eventually bar shows, then booked opportunities, then college gigs, then one off headlining shows, then a headlining tour. All the while I was trying to write more and get better at telling the jokes I’d already written.

I did not set out to write an hour of material about being a trans man, but that’s what ended up happening. I was responding to the immense amount of change happening in my life. I journaled every day. I wrote down every crazy thing the kids I coached said to me at soccer practice; every time I got weirdly labeled by a stranger or misgendered in a surprising way. Everything felt channeled towards the common thread of this radical change I was experiencing.

Once I began headlining in 2024 I knew the core stories of the show and all of my writing was geared at shaping the show around these stories. This gave me direction and joke areas to focus on.

I knew in December that I wanted to shoot my special in 2026. I felt ready. I spent all of my 2026 winter and spring tour dates getting the show tighter and better. Pushing myself to figure out what works, what I’d gotten complacent about and how to make this the strongest representation of my comedy.

Until June 18 my head was deep in this show. I wasn’t even considering new jokes aside from lines that would work in the special. Then I shot the special and all my jokes that had been keeping me safe from failure were officially off the market.

Now I’m at stage one. I haven’t been at stage one since 2021 when I first moved to New York and did my first open mic in Brooklyn. What do I talk about now?

There are days where the blank page is very exciting to me. I can talk about anything I want! It doesn’t have to fit this structure I’d committed to. I’m a better comic than I was in 2021, surely this will feel easier this time around. And I’ve been writing new jokes this whole time, certainly it will be fine, right? RIGHT?

Then there are days where the blank page terrifies me. Oh my god I have to have at least 45 minutes of material by September when I hit the road for some new material dates. At present I have 10, maybe 15?

Talking about being trans on stage was always a blessing and a curse. While I always ran the risk of ostracizing audiences who didn’t want to hear about it, more often than not its a buzzy enough topic that I can usually get people’s attention. My new material is much more mundane. I’m talking about talking to my dad on the phone - a much more universal experience but is that going to make people lean forward in their seats?

The fun job of comedy is taking any topic, mundane or buzzy, and making it funny, subversive and surprising. I try to tell myself if I could make strangers care about my transgender experience for 10, 15, 30, 60 minutes, then I can make them care about anything.

I’m excited to get on stage with a less rigid structure than before. I’m excited to find my comedic voice through new joke areas and stories. I’m excited to keep connecting with audiences around the country. I know you all work hard for your money and I’m grateful when you spend it to come see my shows. I hope to see you there this fall, we’re going to have a lot of fun! Come help me figure out what the hell is so funny about how my dad talks on the phone.

SONG OF THE WEEK: Purple Haze by The Jimi Hendrix Experience

NEW MATERIAL TOUR FALL 2026

8/27 - NICO AND FRIENDS IN BROOKLYN (TICKETS SOON)

9/4 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

9/5 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

9/6 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

10/8 - AUSTIN, TX

10/9 - AUSTIN, TX

10/10 - AUSTIN, TX

10/25 - CINCINNATI, OH

11/5 - ATLANTA, GA

11/6 - ATLANTA, GA

11/7 - ATLANTA, GA

12/3 - RALEIGH, NC

12/4 - RALEIGH, NC

12/5 - RALEIGH NC

12/6 - CHARLOTTE, NC

As always, if ticket price is a barrier to entry for you (especially if you are trans) please fill out this form and I will do my best to get you in! Comp tickets are first come first serve and can be limited depending on the venue.

Last but not least, watch BOYS CLUB! All five episodes of season 1 are out now on Youtube and you could watch all five in about 30 minutes. Perfect for your lunch break.

NICO’S JULY BOOKSHELF:

Let Us Play: Winning the Battle for Gender Diverse Athletes by Harrison Browne and Rachel Browne. BUMPING THIS AGAIN. Great resource that gets further into the myths around gender and sports.

Take Back the Game: How Money and Mania Are Ruining Kids’ Sports and Why it Matters by Linda Flanagan. This book is another great resource to unpack some of the larger issues with youth sports beyond gender.

NICO’S JUNE BOOKSHELF:

Girl on Girl: How Pop Culture Turned a Generation of Women Against Themselves by Sophie Gilbert.

The Candy House by Jennifer Eagan.

NICO’S MAY BOOKSHELF:

This month has been going so fast I don’t even remember which of those books I read in May. IF ANY! Thank you for all the recs, they’re going on my list. I’m recommending a TV show today:

Widow’s Bay on Apple TV - This is a comedy horror its super funny and scary! Really enjoying this. First four are already out and the last two come out tonight 5/27!

NICO’S APRIL BOOKSHELF:

Girl on Girl: How Pop Culture Turned a Generation of Women Against Themselves by Sophie Gilbert.

Snuff by Chuck Palahniuk.

Let Us Play: Winning the Battle for Gender Diverse Athletes by Harrison Browne and Rachel Browne.

Valencia by Michelle Tea.

NICO’S MARCH BOOKSHELF:

Heart the Lover by Lily King.

The Secret History by Donna Tartt.

The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry by Gabrielle Zevin.

NICO’S FEBRUARY BOOKSHELF:

Blitzed: Drugs in The Third Reich by by Norman Ohler.

The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead.

Stag Dance by Torrey Peters.

NICO’S JANUARY BOOKSHELF:

Town & Country by Brian Schaefer.

Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin.

Stoner by John Edward Williams.

LESS by Andrew Sean Greer.

Happy-Go-Lucky by David Sedaris.

Subscribe now

This summer has been extra fun for me because I am an avid soccer fan and the Men’s World Cup has been on every screen, every hour of every day since it kicked off on June 11.

If you’re a soccer fan, this World Cup has been electric. Messi, Mbappe, Haland and other incredible stars have been scoring goals like mad men. Most of the games have been competitive, many have been decided by late goals, some cinderella story teams like Cape Verde have made a name for themselves on the global stage. I could watch this sweet prince celebrate his goals until my last dying day.

Of course, this tournament has been shrouded in controversy for the last several months or even years depending on how invested you are. The United States has been, to put it lightly, unfriendly towards a number of nations who are participating in the year’s tournament. Most notably, the Iranian team had several staff members barred from entering the country. They also had all of their matches scheduled to be played in the US, yet were not allowed to be on US soil except for game days. Meaning they stayed in Mexico, traveled to the game on the day of the game, played the game and traveled back to Mexico on the night of the game. This is a totally ridiculous standard of hospitality for a host nation and unbelievably unfair conditions for the Iranian team.

The United States is a completely unchecked global power, as we are all watching unfold every day. When it comes to military force and political power, the US has spent the last 250 years masking imperialism and violence as foreign policy. Most countries are unwilling or unable to hold the US accountable for its actions. However, FIFA is not a country. If Trump got mad he can’t bomb FIFA. FIFA hosts the largest event in the world, by far. Nothing is more globally popular than the Men’s World Cup. This event has more social capital and monetary capital than anything else. As the two evil villains Trump and Infantino (FIFA President) rub elbows, we are reminded that FIFA had the opportunity to pull the hosting duties from the US at any time to use the social forces of our beloved game for good, but instead they’d rather twirl their mustaches and find a new island to frequent.

Our dictator’s grubby paws extended into the FIFA cookie jar again this week when one of the USMNT’s top players Folarin Balogun was given a red card for dangerous play in the Round of 32 match against Bosnia and Herzegovina. The FIFA rule for decades has been if you receive a red card in a competitive match, you receive a one match ban. Depending on the level of foul it can be up to a few matches banned. Notably, Cristiano Ronaldo received a red card in the final qualifying match ahead of the World Cup and was supposed to be suspended for the first two games of the tournament. FIFA pushed the suspension a year so that Ronaldo wouldn’t miss the matches and FIFA wouldn’t miss the chance to cash in on the world’s most famous soccer player. They’d already set a precedent for doing this which gave our commander in fuck ass the opportunity to push his ole buddy Giani Infantino (FIFA President) to suspend Balogun’s red card as well. All of this so that the USMNT could get waxed 4-1 against Belgium.

There has been some discourse on soccer podcasts and among soccer journalists about what the US should have done about this. We clearly can’t trust FIFA to do the right thing. The defense of the red card reversal has been that Balogun’s foul was not red card worthy. I agree with that, it was a pretty soft call in my opinion; however, the call on the field is the call on the field. You can’t have daddy call the ref and say hey change it because we’re sad! Its unfortunate that no one in US Soccer wanted to step in and say hey we don’t want his help. How might fans feel if Putin pulled this stunt on behalf of Russia?

USMNT Coach Mauricio Pochettino was quite excited to have Balogun back in the squad. And to be fair, its an unfortunate predicament for the players. None of them want to say hey actually this isn’t right, we don’t want our best striker on the field. Its also awkward for Balogun because he wants to play. A player only gets so many World Cups in their life it would be hard to look at your teammate and say sorry buddy, we have to stick up to the men in charge and say we won’t stand for this kind of political influence. So what then? There’s no way to stick up to Trump? We just let him meddle in everything until he bites it?

The other part of this conversation that most people won’t consider, is that this would never happen in the Women’s World Cup. First of all, there isn’t a nation’s president in the World who would care enough about women’s sports to insert themselves (they only care enough to ban trans women and girls from playing). The FIFA president certainly does not care if Marta or Trinity Rodman or Sam Kerr are out with red card suspensions. He’d probably say who is that again? But if it did happen, or something similar, I feel there would be more outspoken players pushing back on what’s happening. Maybe not. But historically the USWNT has been on the forefront of feminist movements, equal pay fights and specifically telling Trump to fuck off when he provoked them during their 2019 World Cup campaign (which they went on to win). Women’s professional athletes are used to being overlooked, not cared for and even actively targeted by governing institutions. They know the government at the very best is giving them only mild support. The badge they wear on their chest does represent the United States, but more accurately it represents the USWNT and the institution of women who have fought for their right to be paid fairly and valued for their incredible contributions to the sport, to the country and to women and girls.

The whole saga felt like an apt description of our political times. Trump and other billionaires mess around in our daily lives, just because they want to and can. When men are asked to stand up to it, they frequently cower. They make excuses, they find reasons to blindly take daddy’s handouts. They say there’s nothing we can do but accept his help and play the next game with our teammate who should be out. And their cowardice continued to spread as they made fools of themselves on the field losing 4-1 to Belgium, even with daddy’s help. I’d rather have watched them lose 8-1 if they told Trump to piss off. I’d more proudly tell every Uber driver who asks me who I’m cheering for in the World Cup “uh… I guess the US?” Thankfully for all of US we’re only 351 days away from the Women’s World Cup. Let the countdown begin.

SONG OF THE WEEK: Knee Deep by Zac Brown Band

Had to get my country music on when I was poolside with my girlies this forth of July. Stay cool out there!

NEW MATERIAL TOUR FALL 2026

7/9 - NICO AND FRIENDS IN BROOKLYN (10 TICKETS LEFT)

9/4 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

9/5 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

9/6 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

10/8 - AUSTIN, TX

10/9 - AUSTIN, TX

10/10 - AUSTIN, TX

10/25 - CINCINNATI, OH

11/5 - ATLANTA, GA

11/6 - ATLANTA, GA

11/7 - ATLANTA, GA

12/3 - RALEIGH, NC

12/4 - RALEIGH, NC

12/5 - RALEIGH NC

12/6 - CHARLOTTE, NC

As always, if ticket price is a barrier to entry for you (especially if you are trans) please fill out this form and I will do my best to get you in! Comp tickets are first come first serve and can be limited depending on the venue.

Last but not least, watch BOYS CLUB! All five episodes of season 1 are out now on Youtube and you could watch all five in about 30 minutes. Perfect for your lunch break.

NICO’S JULY BOOKSHELF:

Let Us Play: Winning the Battle for Gender Diverse Athletes by Harrison Browne and Rachel Browne. BUMPING THIS AGAIN. Great resource that gets further into the myths around gender and sports.

Take Back the Game: How Money and Mania Are Ruining Kids’ Sports and Why it Matters by Linda Flanagan. This book is another great resource to unpack some of the larger issues with youth sports beyond gender.

NICO’S JUNE BOOKSHELF:

Girl on Girl: How Pop Culture Turned a Generation of Women Against Themselves by Sophie Gilbert.

The Candy House by Jennifer Eagan.

NICO’S MAY BOOKSHELF:

This month has been going so fast I don’t even remember which of those books I read in May. IF ANY! Thank you for all the recs, they’re going on my list. I’m recommending a TV show today:

Widow’s Bay on Apple TV - This is a comedy horror its super funny and scary! Really enjoying this. First four are already out and the last two come out tonight 5/27!

NICO’S APRIL BOOKSHELF:

Girl on Girl: How Pop Culture Turned a Generation of Women Against Themselves by Sophie Gilbert.

Snuff by Chuck Palahniuk.

Let Us Play: Winning the Battle for Gender Diverse Athletes by Harrison Browne and Rachel Browne.

Valencia by Michelle Tea.

NICO’S MARCH BOOKSHELF:

Heart the Lover by Lily King.

The Secret History by Donna Tartt.

The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry by Gabrielle Zevin.

NICO’S FEBRUARY BOOKSHELF:

Blitzed: Drugs in The Third Reich by by Norman Ohler.

The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead.

Stag Dance by Torrey Peters.

NICO’S JANUARY BOOKSHELF:

Town & Country by Brian Schaefer.

Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin.

Stoner by John Edward Williams.

LESS by Andrew Sean Greer.

Happy-Go-Lucky by David Sedaris.

On the last day of Pride Month the Supreme Court opted to waste countless taxpayer dollars, banning trans children from participating on sports teams that match their lived-in gender.

I bet Brett Kavanaugh can’t even run a 5k, but sure let’s hear his thoughts on how we should organize our young athletes. None of these people are educators, none of them are coaches, none of them are related to a trans person and yet their outsized influence on our culture is being wielded once again.

People ask me about this a lot because I’m a trans man, former college soccer player and former youth soccer coach. I get frustrated every time it comes up because its typically used as a trojan horse for transphobic and misogynistic rhetoric.

Youth sports do deserve our attention, our systems are broken and inequitable. In the US they’re tied to a larger grift of over priced college education. The Youth Sports Industrial Complex is one of the last squeaky farts of the middle class who’s being squeezed and sold the myth that a few extra soccer practices are what stands between their child and a college education; what stands between their family and generational economic mobility. Sports are tied to status, they’re tied to money, they’re a whale in the ocean with a million barnacles clinging on trying to suck every extra dollar and leave the whale for dead.

Youth sports are an insanely unregulated marketplace. I call it a marketplace because that’s what it is. Its full of grifters trying to pull every last dollar out of families with the promise of a bright athletic future for their child. The odds are that for the 1,000+ kids at any given soccer tournament, only one will make it professionally and only a handful will play at a high collegiate level. The fact that our youth sports systems are set up with the end goal of competitive success is a failed starting point. Not only is this an unrealistic goal for a majority of youth athletes, but its also undermining all the things we claim to care about when we talk about youth sports: teamwork, sportsmanship, work ethic, etc. Does your seven year old need to be on a travel team? Or will they learn just as much about being a good teammate from playing on a rec team? Or hell, would they learn the same from a semi-organized game in the park?

The price of extracurricular sports is going up at an astronomical rate. Most American families spend more on their child’s sport than any other “luxury” in their budget. Sports should be accessible to everyone, not something you only have a shot at if your parents have the money to spend on it. If the Supreme Court wanted to do something about fairness in sports, perhaps they’d begin with the biggest disadvantage: money. Like everything else under capitalism, the root of the problems here are money. Who has it to spend, what these programs cost, and the unregulated grifters who are monetizing every piece of the youth sports pie they can get their hands on.

Now, let’s talk about gender. Sports are the only gender segregated extracurricular activity we have. Aside from the Boys and Girls Scouts, all other extracurriculars like band, musical theater, tech club, etc are co-ed. Sports are the only activity we've decided must be gender segregated. This is based in the universal assumption that men and boys are bigger, faster, stronger and better than women and girls. Soccer is my favorite sport in part because of the diversity of player profiles. There isn’t one type of person who makes the best soccer player. Right now The Men’s World Cup features the little magician Leo Messi at a whopping 5’ 6 as well as the Viking Norwegian striker Erling Haaland at a towering 6’ 5.

Both stars in their own right, both capable of doing unbelievable things on the field, while being physically opposites. Moreover, when you’re a little guy like Messi, you have to find new and inventive ways to make space for yourself on the field. So what might happen if we mix genders for youth sports? Will smaller framed girls be able to show larger framed boys new ways of adjusting their play style? Will smaller framed girls who have been playing against girls who have already gone through puberty be able to hold their own just fine with the boys? Will they be able to teach smaller boys how to deal with taller boys?

I like to use an example from basketball: I remember watching the JV boys team play right after my JV girls games every Tuesday and Friday night. They were sloppy and generally untalented. But they were a bit taller, quicker and stronger than the girls on my team. I remember watching them get away with some horribly inaccurate passes because they could jump higher to catch them or stretch their arms farther to reach them. It dawned on me then that my teammates and I were forced to have better fundamentals because we couldn’t rely on athleticism to make up for a pass that was thrown a foot above our heads. When you watch the NBA or the WNBA you’ll notice the games are played a little differently because of physical factors, dimensions, etc. Shaq has gone on record saying he prefers to watch the WNBA because they play more fundamental basketball. How might we find a really beautiful new iteration of sports by learning from one another across gendered lines?

When it comes to socializing, some of the worst men I’ve met are those who went to all boys schools, played lots of sports and just generally didn’t spend a lot of time with girls as peers. If most of our athletes won’t be stars, don’t we at least want them to be empathetic human beings? Don’t we want to incentivize fair play and good teamwork so that sports can be a place for play and for learning life lessons and growing in a safe environment? Will boys and men be less likely to see women as sexual objects and non-equal members of society if they are constantly playing alongside them, competing with and against them?

The problem in youth sports goes so much deeper than whether or not a trans girl in Iowa is playing volleyball or not. We are being made to believe that this is a genuine conversation we need to be having as a society. Our Supreme Court decided it was worth weighing in on. Do not get lost in the transphobic sauce! Children need our protection, but not from trans children. They need protection from their games and their memories being coopted for capitalistic gains, adult egos and a national talking point aimed at distrust, disruption and fear mongering.

To all the trans athletes out there, keep playing!! I love you and I stand with you.

NEW MATERIAL TOUR FALL 2026

7/9 - NICO AND FRIENDS IN BROOKLYN

9/4 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

9/5 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

9/6 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

10/8 - AUSTIN, TX

10/9 - AUSTIN, TX

10/10 - AUSTIN, TX

10/25 - CINCINNATI, OH

11/5 - ATLANTA, GA

11/6 - ATLANTA, GA

11/7 - ATLANTA, GA

12/3 - RALEIGH, NC

12/4 - RALEIGH, NC

12/5 - RALEIGH NC

12/6 - CHARLOTTE, NC

As always, if ticket price is a barrier to entry for you (especially if you are trans) please fill out this form and I will do my best to get you in! Comp tickets are first come first serve and can be limited depending on the venue.

Last but not least, watch BOYS CLUB! All five episodes of season 1 are out now on Youtube and you could watch all five in about 30 minutes. Perfect for your lunch break.

NICO’S JULY BOOKSHELF:

Let Us Play: Winning the Battle for Gender Diverse Athletes by Harrison Browne and Rachel Browne. BUMPING THIS AGAIN. Great resource that gets further into the myths around gender and sports.

Take Back the Game: How Money and Mania Are Ruining Kids’ Sports and Why it Matters by Linda Flanagan. This book is another great resource to unpack some of the larger issues with youth sports beyond gender.

NICO’S JUNE BOOKSHELF:

Girl on Girl: How Pop Culture Turned a Generation of Women Against Themselves by Sophie Gilbert.

The Candy House by Jennifer Eagan.

NICO’S MAY BOOKSHELF:

This month has been going so fast I don’t even remember which of those books I read in May. IF ANY! Thank you for all the recs, they’re going on my list. I’m recommending a TV show today:

Widow’s Bay on Apple TV - This is a comedy horror its super funny and scary! Really enjoying this. First four are already out and the last two come out tonight 5/27!

NICO’S APRIL BOOKSHELF:

Girl on Girl: How Pop Culture Turned a Generation of Women Against Themselves by Sophie Gilbert.

Snuff by Chuck Palahniuk.

Let Us Play: Winning the Battle for Gender Diverse Athletes by Harrison Browne and Rachel Browne.

Valencia by Michelle Tea.

NICO’S MARCH BOOKSHELF:

Heart the Lover by Lily King.

The Secret History by Donna Tartt.

The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry by Gabrielle Zevin.

NICO’S FEBRUARY BOOKSHELF:

Blitzed: Drugs in The Third Reich by by Norman Ohler.

The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead.

Stag Dance by Torrey Peters.

NICO’S JANUARY BOOKSHELF:

Town & Country by Brian Schaefer.

Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin.

Stoner by John Edward Williams.

LESS by Andrew Sean Greer.

Happy-Go-Lucky by David Sedaris.

Subscribe now

I’ve had a very busy Pride month. I taped my debut standup special last Thursday (woohoo!). I’m really excited for you all to see it. We had a great time in the room and it’ll be available for free forever on Youtube later this summer. My good friend and genius Shiv McCarthy directed it (writer/director of She’s The He).

Speaking of, we had to jet set the next morning to get to LA on Friday for the She’s The He LA premier! Its been so fun to share this movie with people and the reception has been incredible. Both NY and LA theatrical runs have been extended and you can pre-order on Apple TV! It’ll be available to rent and buy on June 30.

I stayed in LA a few extra days to act in a short film on Sunday. Its an 80’s period piece and I got to rock this incredible hair.

Before I left for set on Sunday, I stopped by a coffee shop to do some last minute prep work. I stepped onto the sidewalk to meet my uber when a massive pickup truck pulled up onto the sidewalk next to the coffee shop. The dude nearly hit me, so I looked over a little startled. He was parked diagonally and in front of a gate in a way that I figured he must be getting out to open the gate and pull in. He got out of the truck, slammed the door and looked over to me and said something. I genuinely didn’t hear him so I said “sorry, say that again?” and he yells back “tow me!” I laughed. I’m not the cops. I don’t give a fuck where you park. His teen daughter followed him into the coffee shop without looking up from her phone. Happy Father’s Day!

The Uber driver who picked me up from set had his phone rigged to the dash and was playing a World Cup game. Typically I wouldn’t be happy with someone driving distractedly, but if we go down watching Messi score a hat trick, then so be it. The World Cup has been so much fun this year. The soccer is great, the off field stories have found a way to be fun as well despite it all. When you see real people from other nations meeting real people from Kansas, you realize so much of the xenophobic conversation about immigration has been fed to us online. When real people get together, we are much more loving and much more human.

I took a redeye back to New York on Monday night because that was the cheapest option. The TSA Agent who was running the security line was worse than any I’ve ever experienced. I fly all the time, so I’ve seen my fair share of TSA Agents and lines. The whole process is a great metaphor for what its like to live in the US or under capitalism. We’re doing something dumb that we know doesn’t really work or prevent anything, they’re constantly changing the rules, the people running the line are mad at us, we’re mad at them, but none of us in the room have the power to change anything because these decisions come down to us from people who fly private. This guy was barking at us like it was our first day of Marines training camp. You don’t do anything unless you’re told. If you’re not told to take off your belt, don’t take off your belt. If you’re not told to take off your shoes, don’t take off your shoes. Meanwhile, I’m standing there waiting for him to shut the fuck up so I can ask him if I need to take my laptop out or not. Nothing gets me going more than someone speaking to me like a child. I heard an international passenger next to me say to his friend “America” and I wanted to say loudly, no, no he’s just being a dick.

When I got on the plane I passed a row where two children and their father were on my right and then across the aisle on the left was their other father. The dad sitting alone was not happy and leaned over to say to his husband, “you see? That’s my problem. He’s not being that way to everyone. Look how nicely he just asked that lady to put her bag up. No attitude.” They were of course referring to the flight attendant who is also a gay man. Gay on gay crime during Pride! Come on, ya’ll! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, gay men cannot be trusted.

I’m hitting the road this fall with all new material. I hope to see you there!

SONG OF THE WEEK: Oh No by Softee

I love this song it always puts me in a good mood!

NEW MATERIAL TOUR FALL 2026

7/9 - NICO AND FRIENDS IN BROOKLYN

9/4 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

9/5 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

9/6 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

10/8 - AUSTIN, TX

10/9 - AUSTIN, TX

10/10 - AUSTIN, TX

10/25 - CINCINNATI, OH

11/5 - ATLANTA, GA

11/6 - ATLANTA, GA

11/7 - ATLANTA, GA

12/3 - RALEIGH, NC

12/4 - RALEIGH, NC

12/5 - RALEIGH NC

12/6 - CHARLOTTE, NC

As always, if ticket price is a barrier to entry for you (especially if you are trans) please fill out this form and I will do my best to get you in! Comp tickets are first come first serve and can be limited depending on the venue.

Last but not least, watch BOYS CLUB! All five episodes of season 1 are out now on Youtube and you could watch all five in about 30 minutes. Perfect for your lunch break.

NICO’S JUNE BOOKSHELF:

Girl on Girl: How Pop Culture Turned a Generation of Women Against Themselves by Sophie Gilbert.

The Candy House by Jennifer Eagan.

NICO’S MAY BOOKSHELF:

This month has been going so fast I don’t even remember which of those books I read in May. IF ANY! Thank you for all the recs, they’re going on my list. I’m recommending a TV show today:

Widow’s Bay on Apple TV - This is a comedy horror its super funny and scary! Really enjoying this. First four are already out and the last two come out tonight 5/27!

NICO’S APRIL BOOKSHELF:

Girl on Girl: How Pop Culture Turned a Generation of Women Against Themselves by Sophie Gilbert.

Snuff by Chuck Palahniuk.

Let Us Play: Winning the Battle for Gender Diverse Athletes by Harrison Browne and Rachel Browne.

Valencia by Michelle Tea.

NICO’S MARCH BOOKSHELF:

Heart the Lover by Lily King.

The Secret History by Donna Tartt.

The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry by Gabrielle Zevin.

NICO’S FEBRUARY BOOKSHELF:

Blitzed: Drugs in The Third Reich by by Norman Ohler.

The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead.

Stag Dance by Torrey Peters.

NICO’S JANUARY BOOKSHELF:

Town & Country by Brian Schaefer.

Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin.

Stoner by John Edward Williams.

LESS by Andrew Sean Greer.

Happy-Go-Lucky by David Sedaris.

Subscribe now

I am a later in life gamer. I’m also sort of a later in life man. These things are of course in conversation. I’ve effused my love of video games in the past, check out an early essay on my Substack: An Earnest Case For Video Games.

I like video games because they provide me with an outlet for leisure time that won’t allow me to be on my phone or too in my head. I’ve come to crave the challenge and the sweet success of finally beating a really hard boss. I’ve dived into video game content creators, reviewers and tutorial guides for hard areas and enemies. I’ve come to love the community of reddit users who explain how to get up to that top platform or where to find a really useful sword.

Video games are a capital-B Boyish activity. I of course do not mean only men and boys play video games, I mean the entire ecosystem and community around gaming is tailored to men and boys. Most games have male protagonists, though thankfully newer games often allow for character creation with a lot of customizable options. Most games feature violence, male heroism, and sometimes sex and sexual violence.

I used to hate video games. I saw them as something I wasn’t allowed to enjoy as a teenage girl. The way boys talked about them felt ostracizing to me. I wanted to badly to be one of the boys and activities like video games became the target of my rage. What a waste of time and all they do is reinforce and condition boys and men to be violent.

Now, as an adult and a gamer, I wonder how much of that is even true. I don’t consider myself a violent person at all, I don’t like super gory movies, I don’t get excited when I chop a guy’s head off in Elden Ring. So am I the norm or the outlier? Are most men interested in violent video games because they want to release violent urges? If that’s true, then are video games actually helping some men and boys to get this out of their system? Neither option makes total sense to me. I don’t feel like I got an urge out of my system when I watch a documentary about weed instead of smoking a joint.

Perhaps video games don’t make men and boys more violent, but they probably make players less affected by violence and condition certain behaviors to be associated with “being a hero.” The masculine heroes of mainstream games are running around hacking and slashing like a lone wolf assassin. Are men and boys subconsciously taking this in as masculine attributes to emulate?

The most anticipated video game of maybe the last decade is Grand Theft Auto 6 (GTA 6) which is releasing this fall 2026. This is the sixth iteration of the very popular Rockstar Studios series which follows players in an open world running around the streets of Miami, Vegas, LA, etc over the course of the six games. Missions and quests include street racing cars, stealing, drug deals and shootouts. GTA has become sort of synonymous with violent boy video games. Its one of those games like Call of Duty who are so popular they make it into the mainstream media. Most non-gaming women who know GTA, know its that game where you can kill sex workers.

GTA was notorious for allowing players to enact violence against anyone. Its often chalked up to: you can kill anyone in the game, so people are killing sex workers. Is this leading to more violence against sex workers? Less because men are acting on that urge in a video game instead? Or is it just normalizing that a group of 15 year old boys find running over a sex worker on GTA 4 to be a really awesome and hilarious sleepover activity?

Now, to answer the question this essay initially asked: Am I the kind of guy who plays Grand Theft Auto? I have come to really appreciate video games as an art form. They’re such massive projects, both technical and artful. When I ride around the islands of 11th century Japan in Ghost of Tsushima and watch the grass blow in the wind I’m awestruck at how beautiful it all is. Grand Theft Auto 6 is supposed to be an unreal experience. Gorgeous vast open worlds, picturesque portrayals of Miami, unbelievable graphics working on a very modern game engine. Every gamer I know can’t wait to get their hands on it. Part of me wants to see what its like to play, but then the other part of me, perhaps the part of me who was raised in this world as a woman, can’t imagine buying a Grand Theft Auto title. How would I explain that to my girlfriend or girl-friends? Yep, just spending my free time playing that game that is best known for killing sex workers.

I know that is not the reason I want to play the game, I know that’s not the reason my friends want to play the game, but how does one delineate personal pleasure from supporting a franchise who profited off of simulated violence against women? I also know that GTA is not the only franchise or video game where violence against women exists. I also know that they’ve made changes since the earlier iterations in the franchise received this backlash and criticism. Maybe the one upside about a video game that started in 1997 and has its 6th game releasing nearly 30 years later is that we can see the evolution in how women and girls are portrayed on screen. Sort of like how when you go back and watch early episodes of Always Sunny in Philadelphia you think, oh god they put this on TV? But if you watch all the way through, you can see the characters and the actors and the show itself have evolved with time. And to some extent, all we can ask of anyone is that they learn and evolve.

Me deciding to play or not to play this game isn’t going to protect women, sex workers or anyone else from sexual based violence. But it could put a bad taste in the mouths of my girl-friends and frankly that’s more than enough for me.

What I’ve found most frustrating in talking to men about this game, is the complete lack of care about the brazen violence against women, or their immediate desire to defend the game. Straight Men love men more than any other demographic (except maybe gay men). When it comes to being a man, the manliest thing you can do is align yourself with other men. Men defend men because they’re also defending themselves. My friend isn’t a rapist, I’m not the kind of guy who is friends with a rapist - said the male friend of every rapist ever. To admit that these problems exist and that we as consumers can decide to opt out for reasons of personal morality would be an indictment of themselves. I’d rather play this game than acknowledge how deep rape culture and sexual violence is engrained in our society and how I’ve inadvertently or knowingly perpetuated that.

A game developer defended the mechanic in the game where a player can engage with a sex worker then kill them to get their money back as “satire.” As a quick aside, the word satire has been bastardized by every idiot who wants to say or do something they shouldn’t without consequence. The definition of satire is wit, irony, or sarcasm used to expose and discredit vice or folly (as of a person, government, or society). Satire requires at least some of the audience to know its satire. Its also really difficult to make effective satire for an audience as broad as the GTA fanbase. Satire would be if after you killed the sex worker the game ended and you lost all your progress and it said welcome to hell you piece of shit.

Anyone who was raised in the world as a woman knows how weird and uncomfortable it felt to be sexualized for the first time, likely when you were a child. We know we are living in a world where the president of the united states and many uber wealthy men are confirmed rapists and pedophiles. The fact is violence against women has become so engrained in our culture that it exists in a video game as something players can do for fun. While sex workers may or may not be more negatively affected since the release of this game, women everywhere will be reminded this fall that millions of men are more interested in a video game than siding with the women in their life.

Its not that deep. I’m not saying every man who plays GTA is consciously thinking they don’t care about women, but that’s exactly my point. Its subconscious. Its in a video game. Its a sleepover activity for teen boys who will go to homeroom the next day and say something gross to a girl in their class because they’re subconsciously reminded of the patriarchal power structures and their place within it.

The network of sexual violence and systemic misogyny we live under is daunting. We cannot even seem to get the mainstream media to stay on the biggest story our country has perhaps ever known: our president is a pedophile. So what can we do? Can we start to pick away at the trickle down affect? Can we opt out of things that bring us personal pleasure for the hope that it can make the women around us feel safer and more valued? If you play GTA 6, I hope at the very least you tip the sex workers handsomely.

SONG OF THE WEEK: Gorilla by Little Simz

In honor of taping my special this week, I’m sharing the song I walk out to at every show! Gets me hyped up every time.

NEW MATERIAL TOUR FALL 2026

9/4 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

9/5 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

9/6 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

10/8 - AUSTIN, TX

10/9 - AUSTIN, TX

10/10 - AUSTIN, TX

10/25 - CINCINNATI, OH

11/5 - ATLANTA, GA

11/6 - ATLANTA, GA

11/7 - ATLANTA, GA

12/3 - RALEIGH, NC

12/4 - RALEIGH, NC

12/5 - RALEIGH NC

12/6 - CHARLOTTE, NC

As always, if ticket price is a barrier to entry for you (especially if you are trans) please fill out this form and I will do my best to get you in! Comp tickets are first come first serve and can be limited depending on the venue.

Last but not least, watch BOYS CLUB! All five episodes of season 1 are out now on Youtube and you could watch all five in about 30 minutes. Perfect for your lunch break.

NICO’S JUNE BOOKSHELF:

Girl on Girl: How Pop Culture Turned a Generation of Women Against Themselves by Sophie Gilbert.

The Candy House by Jennifer Eagan.

NICO’S MAY BOOKSHELF:

This month has been going so fast I don’t even remember which of those books I read in May. IF ANY! Thank you for all the recs, they’re going on my list. I’m recommending a TV show today:

Widow’s Bay on Apple TV - This is a comedy horror its super funny and scary! Really enjoying this. First four are already out and the last two come out tonight 5/27!

NICO’S APRIL BOOKSHELF:

Girl on Girl: How Pop Culture Turned a Generation of Women Against Themselves by Sophie Gilbert.

Snuff by Chuck Palahniuk.

Let Us Play: Winning the Battle for Gender Diverse Athletes by Harrison Browne and Rachel Browne.

Valencia by Michelle Tea.

NICO’S MARCH BOOKSHELF:

Heart the Lover by Lily King.

The Secret History by Donna Tartt.

The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry by Gabrielle Zevin.

NICO’S FEBRUARY BOOKSHELF:

Blitzed: Drugs in The Third Reich by by Norman Ohler.

The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead.

Stag Dance by Torrey Peters.

NICO’S JANUARY BOOKSHELF:

Town & Country by Brian Schaefer.

Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin.

Stoner by John Edward Williams.

LESS by Andrew Sean Greer.

Happy-Go-Lucky by David Sedaris.

Subscribe now

WEE LAD TOUR NEW DATES ADDED:

JUNE 16 - PHILADELPHIA

JUNE 18 - NEW YORK CITY SPECIAL TAPING (EARLY SHOW SOLD OUT, LATE SHOW LOW TIX)

I came out as trans as a 23 year old adult and that was hard enough. I can’t even imagine what its like to be a trans kid right now. I don’t know that I even consciously thought about or knew the word transgender until 2020. That sounds crazy, but I genuinely can’t remember ever thinking about it concretely or even being aware of trans people in the world. I certainly didn’t know any trans people. My brain was protecting me from something I didn’t feel ready to look at yet.

I was clearly aware of it in my subconscious. I see all the signs quite clearly now. Like being a college student who ordered men’s clothing that I would try on in secret, think I looked stupid and then shove in my closet until move out day where I’d be forced to reckon with them again. My dad shared with me that when I was about 5 Oprah had a trans man on the show and my eyes widened: what the heck is that? Is that me? I didn’t see myself anywhere except for Mulan. I mapped myself onto women’s soccer players. Mia Hamm’s autobiography featured a photo of her on a boys team around age 7, rocking a short bowl cut. So that’s who I am. I’m destined to be a professional women’s soccer player. I attribute much of my success in my soccer career to the fact that a soccer player was the only version of myself I could stomach or understand.

I can’t imagine being a trans kid right now. The rhetoric is unceasing and violent. At least when I was a kid, nobody around knew about trans people enough to see that in me. Now horrific language, dogma and talking points are spouted by adults and children alike on the internet and in real life. I worry for these kids, I think of them often and I pray for their safety and a future that welcomes them as they are. It was hard enough to come out when people weren’t so outspokenly awful, I can’t imagine having the courage to come out now.

This weekend was the NYC premier of She’s The He, a trans high school buddy comedy written and directed by my friend and genius Siobhan McCarthy. The movie intentionally takes on conservative tropes around trans bathroom panic and subverts it into a story about a young trans girl finding herself amidst her best friend’s idiotic plan to get close to the hot girls by dressing as trans women (that’s me, I play Alex the idiotic cis boy bestie). This movie has been a really important part of my life both as an actor and a person. I was so moved to be a part of something so special and so heartfelt. A movie that was created by a nearly all trans/queer cast and crew made for trans and queer people. Not some Hollywood sob story version of our lives, but an authentic, raunchy, stupid, silly and warm comedy.

After the premier on Friday night we participated in a Q&A and then went onto the sidewalk under the iconic IFC marquee and met some of the people who just saw our film. Among the crowd were two teen trans-masc dudes. Probably 15-17 years old, the exact target demo for this film. They approached us shyly, shaking as they spoke and presented Misha (she plays the lead, Ethan) and me with these adorable hand drawn cartoons of us on the movie poster.

They gushed about how much they loved the movie and how excited they were to meet us. One of them confided in me that this was his first experience wearing a chest binder and that his friend he came with had lent it to him. I almost started crying on the spot. I felt so much gratitude that all of the hard work that Shiv, Misha, our producers, myself and other cast members had put into making sure the dream of this film has stayed alive through a festival run full of film executives and distributors who didn’t quite know what to do with this transgressive film - because those people don’t fucking matter.

What matters is that those two kids who approached us saw this film. When their days are hard, when they’re feeling dysphoric, when they’re unsure of who to turn to, this movie will always be there for them. This movie will welcome them into an insane romp that centers and celebrates them. A film that will always resolve happily with two smiling protagonists who grew together and love each other. Its not a film that’s meant to dismantle systems or that will make a lot of bigots change their mind, but its not for them. This is a film that says, hey trans kids we made a movie for you because we love you and we see you. I’m so incredibly grateful and proud to play a small part in that and to have been a part of this film. I hope trans kids everywhere get to see this movie and I hope they know that we, trans adults, are thinking of them, protecting them and rooting for them. May they grow up to be the messy, beautiful and perfectly created trans adults I know and love.

GO SEE SHE’S THE HE WHEN ITS IN YOUR CITY! OR WATCH IT ON VOD LATER THIS YEAR!

SONG OF THE WEEK: BFF by Slayyyter

Yes, I’m repeating myself because I love this goddamn song and its the needle drop at the end of She’s the He so its really only fitting.

THE WEE LAD TOUR 2026

6/16 - PHILADELPHIA

6/18 - NYC (EALRY SHOW SPECIAL TAPING) SOLD OUT

6/18 - NYC (LATE SHOW SPECIAL TAPING) LOW TICKET WARNING

NEW MATERIAL TOUR FALL 2026

9/4 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

9/5 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

9/6 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

10/8 - AUSTIN, TX

10/9 - AUSTIN, TX

10/10 - AUSTIN, TX

10/25 - CINCINNATI, OH

11/5 - ATLANTA, GA

11/6 - ATLANTA, GA

11/7 - ATLANTA, GA

12/3 - RALEIGH, NC

12/4 - RALEIGH, NC

12/5 - RALEIGH NC

12/6 - CHARLOTTE, NC

As always, if ticket price is a barrier to entry for you (especially if you are trans) please fill out this form and I will do my best to get you in! Comp tickets are first come first serve and can be limited depending on the venue.

Last but not least, watch BOYS CLUB! All five episodes of season 1 are out now on Youtube and you could watch all five in about 30 minutes. Perfect for your lunch break.

NICO’S JUNE BOOKSHELF:

Girl on Girl: How Pop Culture Turned a Generation of Women Against Themselves by Sophie Gilbert. I’m shouting this out again because I’m finally really getting into it and I’m so captivated. If you like pop culture, feminism, sociology and enjoy reading about Paris Hilton, Brittany Spears and Lena Dunham - this is for you.

The Candy House by Jennifer Eagan.

NICO’S MAY BOOKSHELF:

This month has been going so fast I don’t even remember which of those books I read in May. IF ANY! Thank you for all the recs, they’re going on my list. I’m recommending a TV show today:

Widow’s Bay on Apple TV - This is a comedy horror its super funny and scary! Really enjoying this. First four are already out and the last two come out tonight 5/27!

NICO’S APRIL BOOKSHELF:

Girl on Girl: How Pop Culture Turned a Generation of Women Against Themselves by Sophie Gilbert.

Snuff by Chuck Palahniuk.

Let Us Play: Winning the Battle for Gender Diverse Athletes by Harrison Browne and Rachel Browne.

Valencia by Michelle Tea.

NICO’S MARCH BOOKSHELF:

Heart the Lover by Lily King.

The Secret History by Donna Tartt.

The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry by Gabrielle Zevin.

NICO’S FEBRUARY BOOKSHELF:

Blitzed: Drugs in The Third Reich by by Norman Ohler.

The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead.

Stag Dance by Torrey Peters.

NICO’S JANUARY BOOKSHELF:

Town & Country by Brian Schaefer.

Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin.

Stoner by John Edward Williams.

LESS by Andrew Sean Greer.

Happy-Go-Lucky by David Sedaris.

Subscribe now

WEE LAD TOUR NEW DATES ADDED:

JUNE 16 - PHILADELPHIA

JUNE 18 - NEW YORK CITY SPECIAL TAPING (EARLY SHOW SOLD OUT)

Hello my dearest readers. I hope you’re having an incredible Wednesday or whenever you’re reading this. Happy Pride! I hope your month is full of friends, laughter and day drinking if that suits your fancy.

I just got back from my second to last tour date before taping my special. Its getting pretty surreal. I can’t believe I’ll only do this show three more times! I was in Sunnyvale, California last weekend. Where? Exactly.

Sunnyvale is a strange little silicon valley town 30 minutes outside San Jose and slightly less than an hour outside San Francisco. Its sort of a tech wasteland where Waymos are born and eventually go to die. It must be the only town in California without a dispensary in the area. Not a gummy in sight. I’m sorry, I thought this was the Bay Area??

The club is called Rooster T Feathers, which has to be one of the best comedy club names I’ve come across. I love independent clubs like this, they’re keeping live performance and standup comedy alive in places you’ve never heard of!

The hardest thing about touring is the travel and the sleep schedule. If anyone has tips for how to wind my body and mind down after a show, please let me know. The adrenaline and the high of performing can only be nullified by the right thc gummy and as I mentioned, Sunnyvalians are apparently opting for some sort of anti-aging tech bro juice and getting high on their own ideas.

I ended up watching several documentaries to pass the time at the hotel by myself. I watched Have A Good Trip: Adventures in Psychedelics which is mostly celebrities talking about dropping acid. Nick Offerman and Adam Scott play fun characters teaching about the science around LSD.

Then I watched Money Shot: The Porn Hub Story which is about the investigation into Pornhub’s lack of oversight regarding trafficking and revenge porn among other horrors. It uses that investigation as a way in to explore the greater realm of the porn industry and who makes money and who gets screwed over time and time again (can you believe it, its the sex workers and performers).

Then I watched Vardy which is a sports documentary about one of England’s most charismatic soccer players, Jamie Vardy. Its a classic rags to riches story of a guy who thought he was done playing soccer making it to the top of the English Premier League. For my money, its what the Beckham documentary wishes it was.

And then I watched A Trip to Infinity which is a documentary about the concept and existence of infinity. Yeah, that’s how fucking bored I was. I watched a documentary about infinity. It was enlightening and confusing like much of math and science. We know so much and yet we know nothing. Nothing makes you fall right to sleep like ruminating on the concept of space, time, and wondering if the universe is finite or infinite. They seem to think its finite, according to this documentary. Finite, but expanding. Finite, but expanding and I’m but a speck in the cosmos watching a documentary about infinity, sober as the days in sunnyvale are long.

I’m getting really excited about my special taping in a few weeks. The early show is sold out so if you haven’t gotten your ticket yet, join us for the late show its going to be a blast and I won’t talk about infinity even once.

SONG OF THE WEEK: BFF by Slayyyter

This is the needle drop at the end of She’s The He, the movie I’m in that is premiering in NYC this weekend!!!! Tickets here. LA mid June and follow the film on Instagram to keep up with where else we are screening. It’ll be on VOD after that :)

THE WEE LAD TOUR 2026

6/16 - PHILADELPHIA

6/18 - NYC (EALRY SHOW SPECIAL TAPING) SOLD OUT

6/18 - NYC (LATE SHOW SPECIAL TAPING) LOW TICKET WARNING

NEW MATERIAL TOUR FALL 2026

9/4 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

9/5 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

9/6 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

10/8 - AUSTIN, TX

10/9 - AUSTIN, TX

10/10 - AUSTIN, TX

10/25 - CINCINNATI, OH

11/5 - ATLANTA, GA

11/6 - ATLANTA, GA

11/7 - ATLANTA, GA

12/3 - RALEIGH, NC

12/4 - RALEIGH, NC

12/5 - RALEIGH NC

12/6 - CHARLOTTE, NC

As always, if ticket price is a barrier to entry for you (especially if you are trans) please fill out this form and I will do my best to get you in! Comp tickets are first come first serve and can be limited depending on the venue.

Last but not least, watch BOYS CLUB! All five episodes of season 1 are out now on Youtube and you could watch all five in about 30 minutes. Perfect for your lunch break.

NICO’S JUNE BOOKSHELF:

The Candy House by Jennifer Eagan. This is a novel about tech, social media - kind of Black Mirror-ish. Its really interesting and if you’re finding yourself reeling about AI and our future, perhaps you’ll enjoy this.

NICO’S MAY BOOKSHELF:

This month has been going so fast I don’t even remember which of those books I read in May. IF ANY! Thank you for all the recs, they’re going on my list. I’m recommending a TV show today:

Widow’s Bay on Apple TV - This is a comedy horror its super funny and scary! Really enjoying this. First four are already out and the last two come out tonight 5/27!

NICO’S APRIL BOOKSHELF:

Girl on Girl: How Pop Culture Turned a Generation of Women Against Themselves by Sophie Gilbert.

Snuff by Chuck Palahniuk.

Let Us Play: Winning the Battle for Gender Diverse Athletes by Harrison Browne and Rachel Browne.

Valencia by Michelle Tea.

NICO’S MARCH BOOKSHELF:

Heart the Lover by Lily King.

The Secret History by Donna Tartt.

The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry by Gabrielle Zevin.

NICO’S FEBRUARY BOOKSHELF:

Blitzed: Drugs in The Third Reich by by Norman Ohler.

The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead.

Stag Dance by Torrey Peters.

NICO’S JANUARY BOOKSHELF:

Town & Country by Brian Schaefer.

Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin.

Stoner by John Edward Williams.

LESS by Andrew Sean Greer.

Happy-Go-Lucky by David Sedaris.

Subscribe now

WEE LAD TOUR NEW DATES ADDED: MAY 28, 29 - SUNNYVALE, CA| JUNE 16 - PHILADELPHIA |

JUNE 18 - NEW YORK CITY SPECIAL TAPING (LOW TIX BOTH SHOWS)

Its the year of the Horse according to the Lunar calendar, which is exactly why I ended up drunk and alone at a movie theater watching Obsession on Sunday night.

According to the Harvard library (sorry to quote those cucks), “The Year of the Horse is traditionally associated with energy, independence, confidence, and forward momentum.” I wasn’t born during the year of the horse so maybe I won’t get the extra luck, but in January when Lunar New Year eclipsed I was very taken by the year of the horse. Something about the energy of it spoke to me and I’ve been trying to live by that as a guiding principal this year.

In practice that’s looking like saying yes to everything. I can have a tendency to protect my oh-so-precious schedule. I get anxious about spending time on the wrong things. I’ll opt to stay in out of fear of being too tired the next morning to be productive. Year of the horse means there’s no time to worry about this. Just go do stuff! Energy, confidence, forward momentum!

I had plans Sunday to go see the NY Liberty vs Dallas Wings with my friend Jessie, then we were going to get a couple games of pool in, then I was going to venture up to Kips Bay to see Obsession with my friends Sam and Julia. Giddy-up!

Jessie and I arrived at the Barclays Center early to get food and peruse the merch. This was a sold out game, packed with Liberty and unfortunately quite a few Dallas fans. Paige Bueckers plays for Dallas so there were lots of UConn fans there to cheer on their former star. My only pet peeve about going to Liberty games, is I need the fans to know we are not at a library. Ellie the Elephant came out to hype us up right before tip off with a dance to NUEVAYoL by Bad Bunny and the crowd was politely nodding along like the NPR readers they are. Somebody tell these people its progressive to get rowdy!

Jessie and I enjoyed two tall boy Surfside’s each - not sponsored content, but its my favorite spiked tea/lemonade - so we were making up for the lack of enthusiasm from some of the readers around us. The Liberty lost and we made our sad drunk commute down 5th Ave in Brooklyn to Gingers Bar - a lesbian bar with a pool table. Last time we played there, we ran the table for over an hour. This time every lesbian in the area decided to play pool. We got another beer, and at this point I was low on food so I was feeling every bit of it.

I checked my phone and it was time to get to the train if I was going to make the nearly one hour commute from Park Slope to Kips Bay to meet up with Sam and Julia to see Obsession - which I agreed to the night before when my head was up the horse’s ass.

Alone on the subway with a bottle of water trying to sober up a bit before seeing this horror film. Twenty minutes into my train ride, Sam texts: sorry guys I’m feeling under the weather I’m not going to make it. No problem, he’d already seen it anyways. Julia and I rarely hang out alone, this will be fun! The train gallops forward. I transfer to the second leg of my journey, then Julia texts: I’ve been waiting for the L train for over 15 minutes. I think if I can leave by 8 I should still make it. Shit. I checked the MTA updates, someone was struck at Grand Street. If I were in charge of the MTA it would only take 1 person ever being struck to put some railings up in the stations, but what do I know?

I’m pretty certain she won’t make it. I’m about to pass the station to transfer to a train home. Do I get off now? I already paid for the ticket. Onward!

I cozied into my recliner next to the empty seats where my friends would have been and readied myself for the buzzy new horror hit.

I hated that movie. Okay, hate is strong. But I was deeply unsatisfied by the story. Maybe I’ll write more on that later if anyone is interested, but my point is nearly two hours later I was sobered up, alone in Kips Bay having just watched a movie I wish I didn’t see this evening. But the thing about the year of the horse is you’re not always going to be satisfied. Sometimes you’re going to say yes to things that end up being a huge waste of time. Onto the next. Confidence, independence, forward momentum!

SONG OF THE WEEK: NUEVAYoL by Bad Bunny

Ellie, if you’re reading this I was shaking my ass when you were shaking your ass to this song!

THE WEE LAD TOUR 2026

5/28 - SUNNYVALE, CA

5/29 - SUNNYVALE, CA

6/16 - PHILADELPHIA

6/18 - NYC (EALRY SHOW SPECIAL TAPING) LOW TICKET WARNING

6/18 - NYC (LATE SHOW SPECIAL TAPING) LOW TICKET WARNING

NEW MATERIAL TOUR FALL 2026

9/4 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

9/5 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

9/6 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

10/8 - AUSTIN, TX

10/9 - AUSTIN, TX

10/10 - AUSTIN, TX

10/25 - CINCINNATI, OH

11/5 - ATLANTA, GA

11/6 - ATLANTA, GA

11/7 - ATLANTA, GA

12/3 - RALEIGH, NC

12/4 - RALEIGH, NC

12/5 - RALEIGH NC

12/6 - CHARLOTTE, NC

As always, if ticket price is a barrier to entry for you (especially if you are trans) please fill out this form and I will do my best to get you in! Comp tickets are first come first serve and can be limited depending on the venue.

Last but not least, watch BOYS CLUB! All five episodes of season 1 are out now on Youtube and you could watch all five in about 30 minutes. Perfect for your lunch break.

NICO’S MAY BOOKSHELF:

This month has been going so fast I don’t even remember which of those books I read in May. IF ANY! Thank you for all the recs, they’re going on my list. I’m recommending a TV show today:

Widow’s Bay on Apple TV - This is a comedy horror its super funny and scary! Really enjoying this. First four are already out and the last two come out tonight 5/27!

NICO’S APRIL BOOKSHELF:

Girl on Girl: How Pop Culture Turned a Generation of Women Against Themselves by Sophie Gilbert.

Snuff by Chuck Palahniuk.

Let Us Play: Winning the Battle for Gender Diverse Athletes by Harrison Browne and Rachel Browne.

Valencia by Michelle Tea.

NICO’S MARCH BOOKSHELF:

Heart the Lover by Lily King.

The Secret History by Donna Tartt.

The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry by Gabrielle Zevin.

NICO’S FEBRUARY BOOKSHELF:

Blitzed: Drugs in The Third Reich by by Norman Ohler.

The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead.

Stag Dance by Torrey Peters.

NICO’S JANUARY BOOKSHELF:

Town & Country by Brian Schaefer.

Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin.

Stoner by John Edward Williams.

LESS by Andrew Sean Greer.

Happy-Go-Lucky by David Sedaris.

Subscribe now

WEE LAD TOUR NEW DATES ADDED: MAY 28, 29 - SUNNYVALE, CA| JUNE 16 - PHILADELPHIA |

JUNE 18 - NEW YORK CITY SPECIAL TAPING (LOW TIX BOTH SHOWS)

Before I even begin, I have to say I hate to pit women against each other and this is not that. This isn’t a Taylor vs Charli Soulcycle class nor is it a call for Ellie and Mrs. Met to get in the ring WWE style. Rather, this is my exploration of live sports, the mascots teams choose to embody and what that says about the future of their fandoms.

I’ve been a long time supporter of Mrs. Met. I went to a Mets game with friends a few years ago and was immediately taken by who I can only describe as the curviest baseball I’d ever seen. I didn’t realize the Mets had married mascots. Mr. Met and his wife Mrs. Met are one of baseball’s most iconic couples. They have three baseball children, the little Mets.

I laughed and laughed thinking about our hyper-gendered world. Did they seriously make a girl-baseball to be Mr. Met’s wife? They gave her curves and a ponytail coming out of her baseball head just to make sure no one could ever mistake her for a boy-baseball.

I could not stop thinking about Mrs. Met and her dedication to representing a Long Island mother of three. I followed her Instagram account, which was at the time @MrsMet00 - as if to say hey we added those 00 at the end so you remember this is a broad with tits! Mr. Met on the other hand, held the Instagram account @MrMet and was verified. There was clearly a lot more work being put into his account. To be fair, he is the main mascot, I guess. But why have a second if you’re going to relegate her to an unverified, glorified fan account? To make matters worse, after a few years of light online success, they took Mrs. Met’s Instagram away and combined her with Mr. Met. They took away her platform! As if to say, this broad with tits is spoken for!

Thankfully, they brought back her account and removed the zero’s to reinstate a little dignity to our beloved bodacious icon. Nonetheless, she’s still a bit of an accessory to Mr. Met. There’s no women’s Met’s team that she represents, so why is there a Mrs. Met in the first place? Would fans grow worried for the eternal bachelor if Mr. Met never found his better half? Would women be bored at Mets games if they didn’t see a baseball that reflected unattainable beauty standards back to them?

Just one borough away a legend is reinventing what it means to be a mascot and maybe even a woman.

I saw the Liberty’s home opener with my family over Mother’s Day weekend. I love women’s sports. I love watching women play, I love being around mostly women, families and real fans. There’s nothing worse than spending a lot of money on tickets only to be stuck around a bunch of men who want to get drunk and fight and scream.

The NY Liberty have some of the biggest names in women’s basketball including Breanna Stewart and Sabrina Ionescu. But perhaps none are as famous as Ellie the Elephant.

Ellie is not an accessory to anyone. She’s hardly an accessory to the Liberty. She IS the Liberty. Ellie was clearly built organically to represent the community of women, and particularly black women, who make up the WNBA and much of Brooklyn.

The Liberty game featured four quarters of basketball and dozens of side shows for commercial breaks, timeouts and halftime. Halftime kicked off with a performance from the Timeless Torches, a dance squad made up of women ages 40-80+. My mom was more excited to see them than the game itself.

Then Ellie brought the house down with a Whitney Houston lip-sync mashup complete with three costume changes. It was the best half time show I’ve seen since Bad Bunny at the SuperBowl. I really encourage you to watch this.

The entire evening is a celebration of women and women’s excellence without ever having to say that. It just is. Everything about the WNBA and the NY Liberty feels authentic and organic. It feels like they’re actually throwing their elbows around and making space for women and girls to feel at home, to feel strong, to feel celebrated. Not only is the game itself interested in uplifting women, but everything the Liberty does between plays is also reinvesting in their fanbase of young girls - showing them diverse ages and races of women who are supporting this fanbase and community in a variety of ways .

I would love to see Mrs. Met catch the 7 train to the G train to the Barclays center and join Ellie in her freedom. I bet she’d put on one hell of a halftime show if they let her! Maybe she’d do a Taylor Swift lip-sync mashup, but you can only ask so much of a Long Island mother of three, who stands by her man so fervently.

Obviously the Mets organization probably doesn’t spend much time thinking about how they’re creating a more inclusive environment for women and girls at games. Nor would I suggest that we should look to the Mets for guidance in that area. The notion that representation matters has been overused and contorted into optics-first politics; however, Mrs. Met and Ellie really aptly show how those organizations seem to view women. When the mascot is a stand in for the organization and the gendered-embodiment of the team, perhaps representation really does matter. Perhaps mascots are one of the places where we as a society can actually decide how an anthropomorphic version of us can exist. Perhaps mascots are an opportunity for us to discuss gender and its limitations as we decide how curvy a lady-baseball needs to be. If you see me riding off into the sunset with Mrs. Met, know that I’m taking her to the Barclays center to learn how to shake ass in the name of feminism.

SONG OF THE WEEK: Doo Wop (That Thing) by Lauryn Hill.

This song always makes me want to bop around the city in the sunshine. This whole album is so good.

THE WEE LAD TOUR 2026

5/28 - SUNNYVALE, CA

5/29 - SUNNYVALE, CA

6/16 - PHILADELPHIA

6/18 - NYC (EALRY SHOW SPECIAL TAPING) LOW TICKET WARNING

6/18 - NYC (LATE SHOW SPECIAL TAPING) LOW TICKET WARNING

NEW MATERIAL TOUR FALL 2026

9/4 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

9/5 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

9/6 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

10/8 - AUSTIN, TX

10/9 - AUSTIN, TX

10/10 - AUSTIN, TX

10/25 - CINCINNATI, OH

11/5 - ATLANTA, GA

11/6 - ATLANTA, GA

11/7 - ATLANTA, GA

12/3 - RALEIGH, NC

12/4 - RALEIGH, NC

12/5 - RALEIGH NC

12/6 - CHARLOTTE, NC

As always, if ticket price is a barrier to entry for you (especially if you are trans) please fill out this form and I will do my best to get you in! Comp tickets are first come first serve and can be limited depending on the venue.

Last but not least, watch BOYS CLUB! All five episodes of season 1 are out now on Youtube and you could watch all five in about 30 minutes. Perfect for your lunch break.

NICO’S MAY BOOKSHELF:

This month has been going so fast I don’t even remember which of those books I read in May. IF ANY! Thank you for all the recs, they’re going on my list. I’m recommending an old fave today:

Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil by John Berendt. This is a non-fiction winding tale of a murder in Savannah, GA (my hometown) and the colorful characters who make up the city. Maybe I’m biased because I know the area and some of the characters mentioned, but its an unassuming meander through a very specific part of the world.

NICO’S APRIL BOOKSHELF:

Girl on Girl: How Pop Culture Turned a Generation of Women Against Themselves by Sophie Gilbert.

Snuff by Chuck Palahniuk.

Let Us Play: Winning the Battle for Gender Diverse Athletes by Harrison Browne and Rachel Browne.

Valencia by Michelle Tea.

NICO’S MARCH BOOKSHELF:

Heart the Lover by Lily King.

The Secret History by Donna Tartt.

The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry by Gabrielle Zevin.

NICO’S FEBRUARY BOOKSHELF:

Blitzed: Drugs in The Third Reich by by Norman Ohler.

The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead.

Stag Dance by Torrey Peters.

NICO’S JANUARY BOOKSHELF:

Town & Country by Brian Schaefer.

Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin.

Stoner by John Edward Williams.

LESS by Andrew Sean Greer.

Happy-Go-Lucky by David Sedaris.

Subscribe now

WEE LAD TOUR NEW DATES ADDED: MAY 28, 29 - SUNNYVALE, CA| JUNE 16 - PHILADELPHIA |

JUNE 18 - NEW YORK CITY SPECIAL TAPING (LOW TIX BOTH SHOWS)

Hello my sweet readers! How are you today? I hope its warm and sunny where you are. I hope your dreams are coming true. I hope your crush texted you back.

I’m doing a short one this week! If you want to read an essay about the first date I went on with a woman, I am a featured contributor on The Lesbian Bar Project this week. Check them out!

I’M IN A MOVIE

She’s The He premiers in New York and LA this June! After a great festival run including the world premier at SXSW and our international premier at BFI in London, the film is being distributed in the US. Current theatrical releases which can all be found here. After that it’ll be out on VOD or something like that. I’m just an actor, I don’t have all the answers. But follow the film to keep up with updates.

NYC TICKETS JUNE 5 OPENING WEEKEND

LA TICKETS JUNE 19 OPENING WEEKEND

I’M FILMING MY STANDUP SPECIAL

On June 18 I’m filming my debut standup special at the Bell House in Brooklyn. I’m really excited to film this show and put it out for you all. If you’re in NY you do not want to miss this. If you don’t get your tickets by the end of May it’ll be sold out. Maybe even sooner! Move with haste, friend!

If you’re in Sunnyvale, CA or Philly you will be the last 2 cities to see this show before the special taping. The last people to ever see it live! Wow! Come be a part of inconsequential history with me.

I’M COOKING UP SOMETHING NEW

I’m working on a new scripted narrative comedy project. From the minds behind BOYS CLUB comes something new and exciting. If you haven’t watched BOYS CLUB yet, check it out!

I’M HITTING THE ROAD AGAIN

This fall I’m going back to a few cities to start building my new show with a new material tour. It’ll be all brand new jokes. It’ll be fun! Tickets are already live for most of those cities.

SONG OF THE WEEK: Brain Stew by Green Day

Y’all, I’ve been slacking and totally forgot to put a song of the week for the last few weeks. I’m still feeling in my angsty boy era.

THE WEE LAD TOUR 2026

5/28 - SUNNYVALE, CA

5/29 - SUNNYVALE, CA

6/16 - PHILADELPHIA

6/18 - NYC (EALRY SHOW SPECIAL TAPING) LOW TICKET WARNING

6/18 - NYC (LATE SHOW SPECIAL TAPING) LOW TICKET WARNING

NEW MATERIAL TOUR FALL 2026

9/4 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

9/5 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

9/6 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN

10/8 - AUSTIN, TX

10/9 - AUSTIN, TX

10/10 - AUSTIN, TX

10/25 - CINCINNATI, OH

11/5 - ATLANTA, GA

11/6 - ATLANTA, GA

11/7 - ATLANTA, GA

12/3 - RALEIGH, NC

12/4 - RALEIGH, NC

12/5 - RALEIGH NC

12/6 - CHARLOTTE, NC

As always, if ticket price is a barrier to entry for you (especially if you are trans) please fill out this form and I will do my best to get you in! Comp tickets are first come first serve and can be limited depending on the venue.

Last but not least, watch BOYS CLUB! All five episodes of season 1 are out now on Youtube and you could watch all five in about 30 minutes. Perfect for your lunch break.

NICO’S APRIL BOOKSHELF:

Girl on Girl: How Pop Culture Turned a Generation of Women Against Themselves by Sophie Gilbert.

Snuff by Chuck Palahniuk.

Let Us Play: Winning the Battle for Gender Diverse Athletes by Harrison Browne and Rachel Browne.

Valencia by Michelle Tea.

NICO’S MARCH BOOKSHELF:

Heart the Lover by Lily King.

The Secret History by Donna Tartt.

The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry by Gabrielle Zevin.

NICO’S FEBRUARY BOOKSHELF:

Blitzed: Drugs in The Third Reich by by Norman Ohler.

The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead.

Stag Dance by Torrey Peters.

NICO’S JANUARY BOOKSHELF:

Town & Country by Brian Schaefer.

Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin.

Stoner by John Edward Williams.

LESS by Andrew Sean Greer.

Happy-Go-Lucky by David Sedaris.

Subscribe now

WEE LAD TOUR NEW DATES ADDED: MAY 28, 29 - SUNNYVALE, CA| JUNE 16 - PHILADELPHIA |

JUNE 18 - NEW YORK CITY SPECIAL TAPING (LOW TIX BOTH SHOWS)

This week’s essay is a long winded response to a reader question! Don’t worry, I will answer it very directly at the end as well. If you want to submit questions, I’ll answer them periodically and when I have more time I’ll perhaps get back into my Ask Nico series.

Hi Nico! Any advice on how to act normal in a barbershop? For the past few years I’ve been getting haircuts from my boyfriend (also trans) but it takes him a really long time and also I kind of just want a professional haircut. However, I’m anxious about going to a barber bc I’m six months on T, don’t pass most of the time and don’t know any of the men’s haircut terminology. Any help would be appreciated.

When I moved to Brooklyn in 2021, I was a lesbian flirting with they/them pronouns. My hair was, always has been and often still is a sensitive subject for me. I regularly have stress dreams where my hair is crazy, or long or shaped like a mushroom. Any queer person knows to arrive at a haircut you love, you must first try on several that don’t quite work.

Since I was a kid I wanted a boy haircut. Not a short haircut. A boy haircut. The hair salon was always a point of contention. I would tell him not to blow dry my hair because I couldn’t stand the site of my little 10 year old coconut head all blown out.

When I cut my hair short again for the first time since childhood when I came out as a lesbian in 2018, I struggled to find someone to cut my hair. First there was the guy who did the initial chop, who asked me before he cut my ponytail “you didn’t just go through a breakup or something drastic did you?” Well… Then there was the nice woman at the salon in my college town who understood the assignment half the time. The other half I felt closer to a soccer mom with a new short cut. Then I moved to New York briefly in 2019 and saw a Russian barber in the East Village who gave me a $20 haircut. Sometimes it was a great haircut and sometimes it was exactly what I paid for.

When I moved to Brooklyn in 2021, I decided to try the barbershop closest to my apartment. I booked with a barber at random - let’s call him John - and I went in for my first haircut. He was cordial, chatty and wanted to do a good job. He explained the patterns my hair made and why he needed to cut a certain way. I liked the haircut he gave me and it was down the block. Finally, I’d found a barber I liked.

I saw him at this shop two or three times. Then I went to make an appointment and couldn’t find his name on the sign up form. I messaged the barbershop on Instagram and asked if he still worked there. I was not about to lose this barber. Someone from the barbershop messaged me back detailing how John had an explosive fight with the management, how he wasn’t a good coworker and would give rushed haircuts to get more clients in.

I didn’t care. I found John’s personal Instagram and messaged him asking if he went to a new salon. He told me he’s opening his own spot not far from the old place and he’d be open in a few months. When he opened the new shop, I was among his first customers.

For almost a year, this man cut my hair. I got so many compliments from friends and strangers. I sent all the barbershop-going friends in my life to John. By six months in, I’d referred at least three to four people to his regular clientele.

My only qualm with this guy wasn’t even something I could blame him for. I met him when I was still going by my old name - remember I was a lesbian flirting with they/them pronouns. But over the year I saw this guy, my life changed dramatically. I came out as trans, changed my name, started testosterone. And for a while the only person in my life who called me anything but Nico was this barber. I didn’t know how to tell him. I was too nervous to explain myself to him or ask him to call me something else. Thankfully because I’d referred so many people, my sweet friend Aidan filled him in when John brought me up.

The next time I saw John he called me Nico and he told me Aidan told him and he was sorry he didn’t know. I said its okay I didn’t tell you, you couldn’t have known.

Then the haircuts started to slip. He cut me way too short before I did my first ever Netflix is a Joke taping. He stopped listening to what I was asking for. I wasn’t super happy with my haircuts.

Then to make matters worse mid haircut he started to talk about how he knew me before and was using my old name. John is from Eastern Europe - I’ll chalk some of this up to a language and cultural barrier. But nonetheless, this wasn’t the most comfortable haircut I’ve ever gotten.

I was in a spiral about finally living my full life everywhere except this guy’s barber chair. I took the coward’s way out - I stopped seeing him cold turkey. I blocked his Instagram after he tried to message me and see if I was coming in. When he asked a friend where I was, he very smartly said Nico moved to LA. So if you ever meet John… I live in LA. I still hide when I pass his barbershop, even if I’m on the bus.

After that I did a standup show hosted inside a queer barbershop called Otis & Finn. The audience were the barbers and friends. I started going there after because all the barbers already knew I’m trans because they’d seen my set. That’s always my favorite way for strangers to know me.

For the last few years, I’ve been seeing my buddy Ashton at Hairrari, another queer owned barbershop. Ashton is incredible, he’s a fellow trans guy and its my first genuinely relaxed barbershop experience. I know I’m going to get a good haircut, talk to my friend, and won’t feel anxious about being a bro in the barbershop.

Now to more concretely answer your question, my friend: Shoutout to your boyfriend for cutting your hair, but I agree its great to turn to a professional for such important matters. As you could see in my diatribe above, that first year on T was a nightmare for me with barbershop and haircuts. My fear was always if I go to a salon they’ll give me a feminine haircut, but if I go to a traditional barbershop maybe I’ll feel out of place or get misgendered. Isn’t being trans awesome!! My advice to you is to seek out a queer barbershop - they know what they’re doing! If you can find a professional transmasc barber, you should feel right at home. If you have to opt for a traditional hyper masculine barbershop, this is the terminology I’m familiar with: I used to do short on the sides with longer on the top so I would ask for a “2” on the sides and “clean up” the top. The 2 refers to the size of the clippers. A 1 will shave all the way down buzz cut style, a 2 gives a little more hair, a 3 a little more. I think it goes up to 4. Reference pictures can be helpful if you want to avoid talking at all. Hang in there! You’ll find someone good. Thanks for the question my friend, be well!

THE WEE LAD TOUR 2026

5/28 - SUNNYVALE, CA

5/29 - SUNNYVALE, CA

6/16 - PHILADELPHIA

6/18 - NYC (EALRY SHOW SPECIAL TAPING) LAST FEW TIX LEFT

6/18 - NYC (LATE SHOW SPECIAL TAPING) LOW TICKET WARNING

NEW MATERIAL TOUR FALL 2026

10/8 - AUSTIN, TX

10/9 - AUSTIN, TX

10/10 - AUSTIN, TX

10/22 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN (TIX SOON)

10/23 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN (TIX SOON)

10/24 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN (TIX SOON)

10/25 - CINCINNATI, OH (TIX SOON)

11/5 - ATLANTA, GA

11/6 - ATLANTA, GA

11/7 - ATLANTA, GA

12/3 - RALEIGH, NC

12/4 - RALEIGH, NC

12/5 - RALEIGH NC

12/6 - CHARLOTTE, NC

As always, if ticket price is a barrier to entry for you (especially if you are trans) please fill out this form and I will do my best to get you in! Comp tickets are first come first serve and can be limited depending on the venue.

Last but not least, watch BOYS CLUB! All five episodes of season 1 are out now on Youtube and you could watch all five in about 30 minutes. Perfect for your lunch break.

NICO’S APRIL BOOKSHELF:

Girl on Girl: How Pop Culture Turned a Generation of Women Against Themselves by Sophie Gilbert. I know I just said I wanted fiction recs and thank you so much to everyone who sent one! They’ve been added to my list. I heard about this book on a podcast and really anything that looks at our world through the lens of gender is always interesting to me. This is a really interesting and current dissection of the 90’s-present and how porn and pop culture have used feminism and femininity as a weapon to turn women on themselves. Its really great so far.

Snuff by Chuck Palahniuk.

Let Us Play: Winning the Battle for Gender Diverse Athletes by Harrison Browne and Rachel Browne.

Valencia by Michelle Tea.

NICO’S MARCH BOOKSHELF:

Heart the Lover by Lily King.

The Secret History by Donna Tartt.

The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry by Gabrielle Zevin.

NICO’S FEBRUARY BOOKSHELF:

Blitzed: Drugs in The Third Reich by by Norman Ohler.

The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead.

Stag Dance by Torrey Peters.

NICO’S JANUARY BOOKSHELF:

Town & Country by Brian Schaefer.

Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin.

Stoner by John Edward Williams.

LESS by Andrew Sean Greer.

Happy-Go-Lucky by David Sedaris.

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WEE LAD TOUR NEW DATES ADDED: SUNNYVALE, CA| PHILADELPHIA |

NEW YORK CITY SPECIAL TAPING

Hello my beloved readers. I hope you’re having an amazing day. I just got back from Denver and Phoenix which were wonderful shows in their own special ways. Denver was easily my top 3 favorite stops on the tour. Right up there with Toronto (love and miss y’all) and DC (love and miss y’all too). Phoenix was fun because I love watching old people who wandered into the club come to terms with the fact that they’re strapped in for two drinks and sixty minutes of comedy from a trans person. It brings me great pride to watch them squirm until they realize they’re actually having a great time.

I’m really excited to tape my special in Brooklyn this June. When I first dreamed of being a standup comedian I thought about what it would be like to have a special. The media landscape and entertainment industry have changed dramatically even since I graduated in college in 2019. In some ways, its easier than ever to have a standup special. The only thing that stands between a comic and a special is a camera, selling tickets to a show and having material. Easier said than done, but gone are the days of hoping and praying Netflix, HBO or Comedy Central executives give you the thumbs up.

I’m self producing the special and it will be out later this summer for free on Youtube. Every ticket sale is going right back into paying for the production, so if you want to help me out - get your tickets to the show!

I have been crafting this hour, touring it and tweaking it for the better part of 5 years. The first open mic I did in New York City was on April 29, 2021. 5 years ago today. Sometimes I feel like I was shot out of a cannon, which I know is a blessed position to be in. But I also feel like I started getting attention for my standup before I was even sure what it meant to be a professional standup or how to write an hour of material. I feel very grateful for all of the opportunities I’ve earned to showcase myself and tour and build this show. I’m proud of the work that’s gone into it and the patience I’ve exercised in crafting what feels to me like a finished piece that’s ready to exist in the world as a full hour-long body of work.

Talking about being trans on stage has been an interesting experience these last five years. Weirdly, when I first started talking about it, it felt kind of exciting and easy to bring up. 2021 was post-covid-lockdown-peak-Biden-pre-genocide-America. There was some hope, there was some cultural reckoning around race, gender and sexuality. Over his presidency and into our current nonsense, the cultural conversation boiled over and slowly but surely it felt more dangerous to talk about, less profitable for the suits around me. I got in my head so many times. Talk about something else. But why? Why would I abandon the material that helped me laugh at my experiences and heal through my pain? Why would I abandon material that is unique, interesting and above all else: tried and true funny?

I finally feel ready to put this show out because not only do I feel happy with the quality, but I also feel the jokes are no longer totally reflective of my day to day life. A lot of this material was born out of early days of coming to terms with my transition. My changing body, my changing social presence, my changing life.

The Wee Lad Tour is coming to an end. I kind of can’t believe it. I can’t believe after June 18, I’ll never tell these jokes again. These jokes which I have been crafting and holding on tightly to for years are about to be out of my notebook forever. Part of me feels sad. I want to thank each of them for serving me so well, for showing me parts of myself I didn’t quite understand until I wrote them, for connecting me to so many people and helping me express myself in a time I felt no one would ever understand me.

After the special comes out, I’m back on the road this fall for a new material tour. I’m excited to continue to share the journey with you all. Be good to yourselves, I hope to see you all at the special taping, or on the road.

THE WEE LAD TOUR 2026

5/28 - SUNNYVALE, CA

5/29 - SUNNYVALE, CA

6/16 - PHILADELPHIA

6/18 - NYC (EALRY SHOW SPECIAL TAPING)

6/18 - NYC (LATE SHOW SPECIAL TAPING)

NEW MATERIAL TOUR FALL 2026

10/8 - AUSTIN, TX

10/9 - AUSTIN, TX

10/10 - AUSTIN, TX

10/22 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN (TIX SOON)

10/23 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN (TIX SOON)

10/24 - INDIANAPOLIS, IN (TIX SOON)

10/25 - CINCINNATI, OH (TIX SOON)

11/5 - ATLANTA, GA

11/6 - ATLANTA, GA

11/7 - ATLANTA, GA

12/3 - RALEIGH, NC

12/4 - RALEIGH, NC

12/5 - RALEIGH NC

12/6 - CHARLOTTE, NC

As always, if ticket price is a barrier to entry for you (especially if you are trans) please fill out this form and I will do my best to get you in! Comp tickets are first come first serve and can be limited depending on the venue.

Last but not least, watch BOYS CLUB! All five episodes of season 1 are out now on Youtube and you could watch all five in about 30 minutes. Perfect for your lunch break.

NICO’S APRIL BOOKSHELF:

I’M SLACKING! I fell off my reading grind this month. Looking for a new novel to sink my teeth into. Something transportive. Let me know if you have recs in the comments!

Snuff by Chuck Palahniuk.

Let Us Play: Winning the Battle for Gender Diverse Athletes by Harrison Browne and Rachel Browne.

Valencia by Michelle Tea.

NICO’S MARCH BOOKSHELF:

Heart the Lover by Lily King.

The Secret History by Donna Tartt.

The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry by Gabrielle Zevin.

NICO’S FEBRUARY BOOKSHELF:

Blitzed: Drugs in The Third Reich by by Norman Ohler.

The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead.

Stag Dance by Torrey Peters.

NICO’S JANUARY BOOKSHELF:

Town & Country by Brian Schaefer.

Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin.

Stoner by John Edward Williams.

LESS by Andrew Sean Greer.

Happy-Go-Lucky by David Sedaris.

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JUNE 18 7PM (EARLY SHOW)

JUNE 18 9PM (LATE SHOW)

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WEE LAD TOUR: DENVER TONIGHT | PHOENIX TOMORROW

Often when I hear straight people talk about dating, I get genuinely concerned for them. Straight women, of course, because of all the horrors that could come with dating straight men. But also, straight men who seem completely unsure of how to date and be around women.

The chasm between cis-straight men and women feels gigantic. Its the miracle of their attraction to one another that keeps them in each other’s orbits. Sometimes when I talk to straight men or women about dating I wonder if they’d be much happier if they were gay. You sound like you prefer the company of men.

My girlfriend Maddie and I are obsessed with a show called Temptation Island (first five reboot seasons on Peacock, latest two on Netflix). The show is a reality dating show in which four heterosexual couples on the brink of breaking up are split into a Men’s Villa and Women’s Villa. Then 12 singles of the opposite sex are brought into the villa’s to tempt the single-ish main four. Each episode the four men and four women attend a bonfire ceremony where they watch footage of what their partner is doing in the other house. As you can imagine, someone cheats every single season.

This may sound like good ole fashioned messy chaotic reality tv show dating. And it totally is. When I first started watching it, I thought who in their right mind would go on this. Now I think every straight couple (and hell, probably most gay couples) should have to undergo this experience.

Straight people are struggling with the ever changing landscape of gender norms. For generations women have been going into the workforce, but now they’re higher earners, more highly educated, placing higher in the job market. The old world is flipped on its head leaving women wanting a man to meet her maturity level and men wanting a woman who wants to depend on him like the old days. Neither party is happy because those people don’t really exist. The gap is widening and the frustrations on both sides are pouring out.

Temptation Island is the solution. More specifically, Mark L. Walberg is the solution. No, not that Mark Walberg. Mark. L Walberg is the host of Temptation Island and he is more than just a simple reality tv show host. He serves as a therapist, father, caretaker for these 8 crazy fucks who decided to test their love on Temptation Island. He is capable of taking the most asinine and unintelligible sentence and flipping it back on the person to ask them to delve deeper into themselves. He can help a woman who has to watch her boyfriend cheat on her week in and week out rise from the ashes anew and rip her ex a new one at the final bonfire. He helps the woman stand their ground and the men learn to understand their feelings.

You would think that going on a show like this would result in irrevocable psychological damage; but in fact I think due to Mark’s incredible presence as a host, they actually come out changed and sometimes healed. Its clear that the root of a lot of the issues between these couples is the inability to effectively communicate with one another. Its as if straight men and women speak completely different languages. Mark L. Walberg is the universal translator. Most of the couples break up by the end of the experience, but all of the individuals leave much stronger, clearer and more empathetic. Sometimes all it takes to learn how to talk to your girlfriend is asking her the right questions. And sometimes all it takes is a three week excursion to a tropical island surrounded by booze and hot single women who you inevitably flirt with and maybe even hook up with and then watch your girlfriend retaliate by falling in love with a hotter, better, smarter man until you’re forced to sit with the silence in your head that asks you why you cannot treat your girlfriend as an equal: to which Mark says how does that reflect how you feel about yourself?

THE WEE LAD TOUR 2026

4/22 - DENVER TONIGHT

4/23 - PHOENIX TOMORROW

5/28 - SAN JOSE (TIX SOON)

5/29 - SAN JOSE (TIX SOON)

6/16 - PHILADELPHIA

6/18 - NYC (SPECIAL ANNOUNCEMENT AND TICKETS COMING SOON!)

As always, if ticket price is a barrier to entry for you (especially if you are trans) please fill out this form and I will do my best to get you in! Comp tickets are first come first serve and can be limited depending on the venue.

Last but not least, watch BOYS CLUB! All five episodes of season 1 are out now on Youtube and you could watch all five in about 30 minutes. Perfect for your lunch break.

NICO’S APRIL BOOKSHELF:

Snuff by Chuck Palahniuk. You may know him from his hit book turned hit movie Fight Club. I love Snuff. Its a novel about a woman making a snuff film (porn film reaching for the record for most sex in a day) and each chapter is from the perspective of different men who have signed up to participate. Its funny, strange and a great read. Check out Fight Club too if you haven’t!

Let Us Play: Winning the Battle for Gender Diverse Athletes by Harrison Browne and Rachel Browne.

Valencia by Michelle Tea.

NICO’S MARCH BOOKSHELF:

Heart the Lover by Lily King.

The Secret History by Donna Tartt.

The Storied Life of A.J. Fikry by Gabrielle Zevin.

NICO’S FEBRUARY BOOKSHELF:

Blitzed: Drugs in The Third Reich by by Norman Ohler.

The Underground Railroad by Colson Whitehead.

Stag Dance by Torrey Peters.

NICO’S JANUARY BOOKSHELF:

Town & Country by Brian Schaefer.

Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow by Gabrielle Zevin.

Stoner by John Edward Williams.

LESS by Andrew Sean Greer.

Happy-Go-Lucky by David Sedaris.

Subscribe now