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The three songs that wake you up in the morning play a huge role in your day without you even knowing it. Did they play someone’s favorite song? Does that mean something? Why did they choose this song? Is it foreshadowing? Am I just being crazy?

Another thing is meds are in the morning. People who take daily meds are called into the DR early, early. To me, this was always annoying to hear that person’s name waking me up every single day. Wouldn’t it be easier if they were out of the house and their medicine call didn’t startle my ears?

On All-Stars, I became one of those people whose name they heard every single morning. “Nicole, please come to the Diary Room.” Well, I made it to the last day that season, so maybe that nuisance isn’t something after all, or maybe it was just another hurdle to jump.

Playing against the people on the inside of the house is hard enough. Imagine playing against the people on the outside too. That was me. You don’t even know the half of it. And I still made it to the finals.

You have no idea what hurdles I jumped in that game, so before I talk specifics about people and their moves, you need to understand the complexity of Big Brother. It is so much more than you see, even for you live feeders.

My pick rn is Barrett. It’s the people who are playing the game without letting you see they are playing the game.

What do you want to know in my Big Brother series? Every alumni is breaking down the show, so let’s do something different.

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I watched a couple seconds of each person on CBS’s Instagram.

That’s it.

I haven’t watched hours of interviews. Or even a full introduction. I haven’t listened to podcasts. I haven’t stalked their social media accounts. These are simply my very first gut reactions as someone who has spent a lot of time inside that house and knows that first impressions are often completely wrong.

And honestly? That’s what makes this fun.

Let’s start with Ashley.

For whatever reason, Ashley isn’t jumping out to me as someone I see doing particularly well. This is one of those feelings that I can’t fully explain. Every season there are a few people who immediately catch your attention and a few who don’t, and right now she’s in the second category for me.

Barrett, on the other hand, is someone I immediately liked.

He gives off really good vibes. My first impression is that people are going to trust him. He feels approachable, harmless, and easy to work with, which is exactly the type of player that can be much more dangerous than they appear. The players who seem innocent at first are often the ones who sneak much further into the game than anyone expected.

Chuk didn’t leave a huge impression on me one way or another. He was just using his hands very routinely.

Then there’s Drew.

The second I saw him, I immediately thought of Zach Rance.

Drew gave me that same larger-than-life energy. Whether that’s good or bad for his game remains to be seen.

Lyric is probably my biggest winner pick right now.

I don’t know exactly why, but something about her stands out to me. Maybe it’s confidence. Maybe it’s presence. Maybe I’ll completely change my mind in a week. But if I’m making an early prediction, she’s one of the people I’m most interested in watching. If I had to pick a winner I’d choose her of the 14 current players.

Then there’s Jason.

Unlike most of the cast, I’ve actually met Jason in real life a few times. Every time I’ve gone to visit Frankie in New York, Jason has been there, so I’ve had the chance to be around him outside of a reality TV setting.

And honestly? I love his personality.

He’s one of those people where when he’s talking, you want more of him. He’s naturally entertaining, naturally charismatic, and incredibly likable. Some people try to command a room, and some people just do. Jason falls into that second category.

What makes him especially interesting to me is that he’s already been on television. He knows what it’s like to live in front of cameras. He knows what it’s like to perform under pressure. He knows what it’s like to be judged by viewers. That experience is a huge advantage that shouldn’t be overlooked.

A lot of people walk into the Big Brother house and spend the first few weeks simply adjusting to the environment. For someone who’s already lived a public life and appeared on television, that adjustment period can be much shorter.

The more I think about it, the more I see Jason as someone who could go very far in this game.

In fact, if I’m making a ridiculously early prediction based on absolutely nothing except gut instinct, I could easily see Jason sitting in one of those final two chairs on finale night.

Mallory is another one I’m curious about.

I don’t see her winning, but I do think she has potential to do well. She feels like someone who could quietly work her way through the game while bigger personalities attract attention around her. I think she’s going to make jury for sure.

And then we have Rome.

From Michigan. I don’t see him going far bc my first impression was that he seemed a little cocky and a little mouthy. Sometimes that confidence works beautifully in Big Brother. Other times it gets people evicted before jury. We’ll see which version we get. I think gone before jury.

Now let’s talk about the rumors.

The rumor that has me most excited is Rick Devens.

I love Rick.

I think he’s fantastic television. Survivor 50 was so much fun because of players like Rick. He creates moments. He creates chaos. He creates entertainment. Whether you love him or hate him, you’re paying attention when he’s on your screen.

And honestly, Big Brother could use more people like that.

Could he become a Big Brother legend if he ends up on the cast? Absolutely.

Another rumored returnee is Angela, and I am fully on board.

Do I think Angela is a likely Big Brother winner?

No.

Do I think Angela is entertaining?

Absolutely.

Not every player is destined to win. Some players are destined to make the season memorable, and Angela definitely falls into that category for me. She has personality. She gives people something to talk about. That’s valuable.

The final rumor I’m watching closely is Dee from Survivor.

If Dee is actually on this cast, I think she could go very, very far.

In fact, I could easily see her sitting in the final two chairs on finale night. She has the kind of social awareness that translates extremely well to Big Brother, and that’s often more important than winning competitions.

So there you have it: my completely unqualified, based-on-a-few-seconds-of-video, probably-going-to-age-horribly first impressions of the Big Brother 28 cast.

Top 4 in making it far

1. Dee (if on cast)
2. Barrett
3. Jason
4. Lyric

All based off 3 second gut instincts 😂

I’ll be here every week throughout the Big Brother 28 season sharing my thoughts on the biggest game moves, strategy, alliances, blindsides, and everything in between from the perspective of someone who’s played the game.

If you’re watching along this season, make sure to come back each week. I can’t wait to see how these first impressions hold up once the game actually begins.

Holy crap. I remember when I thought 30 was old. I was already 12 when my mom turned 34. I have a 4 year old and 4 month old twins. I can’t help but feel behind and rushed most days. I can’t help but think about blinking and my kids are in high school. You hear it so much about time going fast, and annoyingly it does. I saw a study on how to slow time down. It’s by doing different things outside of a routine. Spontaneous things. If you do the same things everyday those moments get mushed together much easier in your memory. That’s why a kids first of everything is so special, it’s the first time the brain/body is having that experience. Pretty wild to think about. Sometimes I feel like I’m on cruise control and that’s okay but not for my whole life. I don’t want to be thinking about tomorrow or next week. I want to think about now. It’s really hard to do that and I’ve been working on it. I’ve been absent more without guilt on the internet. My kids have one childhood and I don’t want it to be competing with an algorithm or screen time.

At 34 I feel like I’ve lived many lives. Going into year 34 I’m going to try to be a bit more patient and a bit more kind. I’m going to work on where my attention goes and not try to fix things that I can’t. I’m going to judge others less and forgive quicker. I want to be a person God is proud of, especially on the difficult days.

Love you guys!! Thanks for being here with me 🩷

I also wanted to mention that Bloom Pop is included in the Amazon Prime Day deals right now, so if you've been wanting to try it, now's a great time! I believe it's available in stores now too, if you'd rather pick it up in person. I'll link it below:

Linked here!

You’ll need:

• 1 can Bloom Pop Rocket Blast

• Ice

• Frozen blueberries (they double as “ice cubes”!)

• 1 Bomb Pop

• Optional: cherries or any fresh fruit!

Directions:
Fill a glass with ice, pour in your Bloom Pop Rocket Blast, toss in a handful of frozen blueberries, and top with a Bomb Pop. Garnish with your favorite fresh fruit, then enjoy!

My Tip: Freeze your fresh blueberries ahead of time! They’ll keep your drink cold without watering it down, and they’re the cutest touch for the holiday weekend!🫐

Like, actually good at them.

I could remember appointments.

I could answer texts within a reasonable timeframe.

I could go to the grocery store and only get the healthy ingredients I intended to buy.

I could start a task and—this is going to sound crazy—finish it.

Now?

I have a four-year-old, newborn twins, a farm, two senior dogs, a husband, a business, and approximately 47 half-finished projects spread throughout my house.

The other day I reheated the same cup of coffee three times and never drank it. Now I started doing iced coffee bc it’s easier. (And it’s yummy)!

I found my phone in the refrigerator!!

I couldn’t remember if I brushed my teeth.

Or gave Beyoncé her medicine.

By 10 a.m., I’ve usually solved at least 5 crying fits, changed several diapers, fed Arrow breakfast a few times, tried to get my dogs to eat, fixed a broken toy, had to find another pair of sweatpants, and forgotten what the original problem was.

And somehow, despite being busy every second of the day, I still look around at night and think:

“What exactly did I accomplish today?”

The laundry isn’t done.

The house isn’t clean.

The emails aren’t answered.

The text messages are piling up.

If you’re waiting on a response from me, just know I probably typed it in my head and never actually sent it.

Sorry about that.

The funny thing is, before kids, I thought being productive meant crossing things off a list.

Now my biggest accomplishment some days is getting everyone fed before crap hits the fan.

The goals have shifted.

And yet, I still catch myself comparing today’s version of me to the version of me from years ago.

The girl who had one child.

Or no children.

The girl who could leave the house in under 5 minutes.

The girl who didn’t need a 17 step escape strategy to go to a t-ball game.

Of course she got more done.

She wasn’t carrying what I’m carrying now.

Sometimes I think motherhood has a funny way of humbling you.

Not because you’re failing.

But because it forces you to redefine what success looks like.

Maybe success isn’t an empty laundry basket.

Maybe success is a little boy who still wants to tell you every thought that enters his head.

Maybe success is two babies growing exactly as they should.

Maybe success is old dogs snoring on your legs.

Maybe success is a house that’s lived in, not perfectly maintained.

Maybe success is simply making it to bedtime with everyone feeling loved.

I don’t know.

I’m still figuring it out.

But lately, when I catch myself thinking, “Wow, I’m really bad at everything,” I try to remember that I’m actually doing some of the most important work I’ve ever done.

It’s just work that doesn’t usually come with a completed checklist.

So if you’ve been feeling like you’re dropping balls lately, maybe you’re not.

Maybe you’re just carrying a lot of them.

And maybe keeping them all in the air—even imperfectly—is proof that you’re doing better than you think.

I’ll be back soon with new posts, podcast episodes, and Weekly Makes once I’m feeling better again. Thank you for always being so understanding and kind in this space.

Hope you all have a good week!

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It’s basically a wearable nail polish holder that keeps the bottle secure while you paint, which makes doing your nails on the go so much easier.

I also love pairing it with the Olive & June quick dry polishes because I genuinely do not have time to sit around waiting for my nails to dry anymore 😅

This is one of those impulse buys that seems unnecessary until you use it once and realize how convenient it actually is.

I linked the nail holder plus a few of my current favorite polish colors in my Amazon storefront. Check the first pinned post!

Linked here

Online. In public. At the grocery store. Tractor Supply. School pickup. The internet especially.

“Cut his hair.”
“He looks like a girl.”
“Why do you let him look like that?”

And honestly, the funny part is… before hair was ever even part of the equation, people mistook Arrow for a girl anyway.

He was just a really pretty baby.

Big eyes, long lashes, soft little features. People would say “she’s so cute” constantly, and it never bothered me because people were just trying to be kind. It wasn’t malicious. It was just quick assumptions made in passing conversations.

But then his hair started getting longer.

And curlier.

And suddenly people didn’t just have assumptions anymore. They had opinions.

At first, I couldn’t imagine cutting it because of the curls alone. I feel like every mom understands this part. Those little baby curls almost feel sacred in a weird emotional way. Like once they’re gone, a version of your child disappears with them.

So we left it.

Then something unexpected happened.

Arrow wanted to keep growing it.

And honestly, that became the end of the discussion for me.

Because my job as his mom is not to create the version of him strangers are most comfortable looking at.

My job is to make him feel comfortable in his own skin.

If he likes his hair long, then okay.

And for the record, he handles the comments way better than most adults probably would. We’ll politely correct people when it happens now because at first I would just let it go, but then I realized that probably wasn’t fair to him.

So now when someone says “she,” I’ll usually just say, “Oh actually he’s a boy with long hair.”

And immediately people get embarrassed.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry.”

And I always tell them the same thing:
“No it’s totally okay. We get it all the time.”

Because we do.

And truthfully, I never want someone to feel dumb over an honest mistake. He does have a really pretty face. I understand why people assume it sometimes.

What confuses me more is the intensity people seem to have about it afterward.

Especially online.

There’s this strange assumption that because he has long hair, I’m somehow forcing something onto him. As if long hair suddenly changes who he is.

But he’s just… Arrow.

A little farm boy who likes being outside and getting dirty and playing with his friends and running around barefoot and collecting eggs and being wild and loud and sweet all at once.

He’s never once dressed in girls clothes. He’s never once expressed discomfort being a boy. His classmates know he’s a boy. His friends know he’s a boy. The people actually in his real life are not confused.

And honestly, all of his friends adore him. Boys and girls.

Which is why sometimes I sit back and wonder where exactly the disconnect is happening.

Because Victor had long hair when him and I met, and nobody questioned him. Nobody acted like his masculinity disappeared because his hair touched his shoulders.

So why does it make people so uncomfortable on a child?

I think maybe adults have become deeply uncomfortable with anything that doesn’t fit into a neat category within two seconds.

We want to identify people immediately. Label them immediately. Understand them immediately.

And when we can’t, people weirdly panic.

But childhood is supposed to be the phase of life where you get to exist a little more freely than that.

And maybe that’s part of why I protect his choice to keep it long.

Not because hair itself matters that much.

But because I want him to know that who he is does not need to be adjusted for public comfort.

Will he cut it someday? Probably.

Honestly, maybe this summer is the summer he asks for a haircut. Maybe he decides tomorrow he wants it shorter. We bring it up occasionally because I never want him to assume it has to stay one way.

If he wants to cut it, we’ll cut it.

But it’ll be because he wants to.
Not because strangers bullied him into it.

For now, he’s just a happy little boy with blonde curly hair and dirt on his feet, completely unbothered by conversations adults keep trying to have about him.

And honestly, I think there’s something kind of beautiful about that.

I don’t usually buy the perfectly arranged ones though. I’ll grab a few bunches I like and put them together myself so it actually feels like me.

The only problem is they can look kind of thin if you just stick them in a vase.

So this is what I do to make them feel a lot fuller without buying a ton more flowers.

What you need:

• A few different types of flowers

• A vase or jar

• And for filler… (this is what actually makes the difference):

  • A small daisy-type flower (like chamomile or feverfew)

  • An airy greenery (anything light and branchy)

  • A small clustered filler (like waxflower or baby’s breath)

What I do:

First I trim the stems and pull off any leaves that will sit in the water.

Then I start with the greenery. This is what makes the biggest difference. It fills space right away and gives you something to build off of.

After that I add in the bigger flowers and spread them out instead of putting them all in the center.

Then I go in with the smaller flowers and fill any empty spots.

I turn the vase as I go so I’m not just making one side look good.

And I don’t try to make it perfect. Some pieces stick out, some sit higher. That’s what makes it look better.

What actually helps:

• More greenery than you think

• Different heights

• Not overthinking it

It’s really simple but it makes a big difference, especially if you’re working with a smaller bunch.

I do this pretty much every time I bring flowers home now.

Vase Recommendations

I love using something like this instead of a traditional vase. It has that vintage feel that makes everything look a little more styled, even if it’s just a few branches or leftover stems. It comes in different sizes too which makes it easy to switch it up.

Vintage Vase Link

You can never fail with a classic glass vase. The floral design makes it feel a little more styled, and it comes in a 2 pack too!

Glass Vase Link

Mostly because I’m a mom now and the thought of leaving my kids right now feels almost impossible. The logistics alone make me overwhelmed. But if I’m being truthful, I know that’s not the entire reason.

One of the opportunities came before the twins. Before life got even fuller and louder and busier. And I still didn’t want to do it.

That surprised me.

Because for a very long time, reality TV felt like such a huge part of my identity. It completely changed my life. It gave me opportunities I never could’ve imagined growing up in a tiny town where the world still felt really big and far away. For years, if someone would’ve asked me if I’d ever go back on TV, the answer probably would’ve been yes without hesitation.

But something changed.

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Last month’s subscriber giveaway winner was Kaylee Ann (@xokaylee). Check your messages here on Substack!

For May, I’m gifting one of you a box of clothing in your size. Put together just for you!

How to enter

All paid subscribers are automatically entered each month.

Each month I randomly select a winner and share it in the following month’s giveaway post,…

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I definitely didn’t fully succeed… but aside from Saturday, I did create more distance between me and my phone.

Saturday I caught myself uploading things to Vinted, and before I even realized it, I was fully sucked into doom scrolling. It happens so fast. And when I’m tired, I don’t even think about it… I just do it.

One thing I really noticed this week is how much my anxiety is affected by my phone. The more I’m on it, the worse it gets.

Same with my to-do list.
Same with my relationships.

Human interaction feels natural.
Technology interaction… doesn’t.

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Or even something you can sit down and make during a quiet moment to yourself.

Nothing over the top or time consuming.

Just something sweet that makes you slow down for a minute.

What you need:

A DIY flower bouquet kit (I linked the exact one for the rose bouquet here)

It uses pipe cleaners to create the flowers, but everything comes ready to go, which makes it really easy to do with little ones. No prep, no extra supplies, and no big mess to clean up after.

It also comes with step by step instructions and a video, so you can follow along if you want a little guidance or just let your kids do their own thing.

How to make it:

Let your kids start building the flowers using the pieces in the kit.

They can twist, bend, and pick colors however they want. Or you can follow along with the instructions to make specific flowers if you want something a little more structured.

Why I love it:

I’ve never really been a minimalist, I love creating and having little things around the house that feel personal.

And Arrow loves his little trinkets too, which makes it even more fun to sit down and make something like this together.

It’s so cute in a vase, and it turns into something you can keep out with a little extra meaning behind it.

If you try this one for Mother’s Day, I’d love to know what you or your kids end up creating!