Sometimes it was used as a threat in ryma.

'Dont blow my sharpener, my aunt bought it in USA' or 'When i finish school naenda majuu, i have a relative there.' Then you still see those people in the local after high-school.

Genuinely, what’s the hype? Trust me, if African leaders weren't exaggerating corruption as they do, no African who lives in the diaspora would leave their motherland. A land where youll spot a tree full of fruits in your ushago and you can just pluck one and eat it on the spot. A land where there's community. 'Mama Njeri, si uniangalilie huyu mtoto nifike duka?' That doesnt happen in the UK. Kenya, a land where children play TOGETHER.

I know you're wondering why i emphasised 'together'. The UK has a lot of parks where you can take your kids to play, but they play individually. We usually take my brother there and he has never walked out the park with an actual friend. Wewe unapeleka mtoto na anacheza kwa slide pekee yake. GENUINELY WHAT IS THAT???

They like to tell us about the good 2% of the west then leave out the rest then do the vice versa with Africa. They talk about job opportunities but all along they overwork people just for a minimum wage. You can’t even build a house here or even BUY ONE. That’s why that aunty wa majuu has invested in Kenya by building flats and opening local clubs. Juu huku pesa huingia ikitoka, you cant even enjoy it.

The education system here is rigged as well. Dont fall for their crap. I usually say if 844 was executed well, it would have been one of the most successful education systems. First maths class here was shocking, the teacher took bloody 20 minutes to explain LCM to 16 year old students and the way he taught it was so complicated as well. I had to be moved to the higher tier cause sasa you're going to make me stupid. The teachers cant really teach. College is even worse, teachers create modules and 'provide materials' then you have to learn shit by yourself(not all colleges, speaking from my experience).

AND THE WEATHER??? HEEEE😭😭😭. When i saw these 'Nairobi creatives' using western themes such as winter edition, I LAUGHED. Theres no way we are romanticising the western weather thats so jarring. Im telling you, id function normally if England's weather was similar to Kenya's.

I'll also admit it, I was so happy when i found out that i was coming to the uk but trust me, it's not that good. I FORGOT TO TALK ABOUT THE FOOD. Wehhhh😭😭😭. The food here is not good. Like actual grocery. The vegetables have been imported and have all these chemicals and by the time you cook it, all the nutrients are gone. Unakula tu ndio usiskie njaa. BOMBOCLATTTTTT!

So yeah, fuck that American dream. Honestly i dont think anyone fancies this country, not even the British. Thats why they love to go to african countries, because theres community there.

'Why do kenyans seem so happy regardless of the state of the country?' That togetherness heals us and we forget about all the odds. You can go to Mama Caro and ask her to give you bread and youll pay her tomorrow once you get that Mpesa message and she'll still understand. Huku you cant do such a thing. As a matter of fact, wazunye wakienda restaurant and their child has turned 18, hawawezi mlipia.

'Once you turn 18, we'll talk about how we'll split the rent with you', mind you the child gets a minimum wage that can only pay for fare and food when they go out with their mates.

But ehhhh, 'naenda US after Highschool.' ‘Nikiona hio sign post ya kwaheri kenya, nishafika’ and other stories. Mtu akiwa kwa ndege alikuwa anawatch ‘how to speak like im from topboy’. Unaanza kuongea na mapua kabla uland. Ukipigiwa na shosh unajifanya kiswahili yote ilipotea. Pia si mbaya 🤣🤣🤣

Hi, I'm Nicole and i lost the plot last year.

I've gone through a lot of phases as people would call it in a span of one year. I lost my aunt to cancer in February 2025. That was the first death that really affected me because she was a close relative. At that time i was religious so i had some hope, reassurance that if i continued to be a 'morally upright' person, we'd see each other eye to eye, in the afterlife. Because if heaven is real, i'm certain that she has a spot there. I digress.

I started becoming mindful and cautious of what comes out of my smart mouth in order to not push people away. Because i was afraid of death.

In the middle of the year, a guy from our year in college passed away. I remember he was among my first friends in college but it just faded away.

When i got the news, i was rather bothered.

A lot of whatifs started to ring in my brain. 'What if we were still friends'. WHAT IF WHAT MAHN. I remember that he told me that he wasn't religious so when he passed away so i started questioning if id see him in the afterlife.

Should i quote on what i said again? 'He wasn't religious so when he passed away so i started questioning if id see him in the afterlife.'That's why i stopped believing in this religion. I was guaranteed that i would go to heaven since i claimed to be a christian and the others would burn in the pits of hell, simply because they dont follow a certain domain. BULLSHIT

In the end of the year, a high school friend of mine lost her life in a stampede. I remember waking up to go to work and my other friend sent a screenshot that had been posted about my late friend. I was in disbelief. I felt all emotions at once. I called my best friend and told her about the news since they were cube mates and we were speechless together. It felt so unreal. It was everywhere. I don't know why I didn't in call sick on that day. I thought i could handle it since work would act as a distraction. I was wrong.

I didn't believe in the afterlife in December and i still don't. So whoever is gone now is gone forever. Unless Buddhists and Hindus are right about reincarnation and I'll be able to meet this people again in human form. Feel their energy here on earth once again.

I don't want to be good to someone for at least a day in order to be certain that I'll see them in the afterlife, because thats what a lot of people focus on. Why am i focusing on something foreign, when i can have that opportunity here on earth, where things are certain. Why?

Death, natural or not is inevitable so we need to accept it, regardless of how hard it may sound.

Why do i need to fight for my spot, live my life as an act, in order to get that spot, that spot so that i can finally meet a deceased loved one in the afterlife? When i should have made memories on earth when i still could?

If the afterlife is actually real, hopefully I'll be able to see all these people i mourned.

Saying that I was into girls at that time felt so heavy, felt like i was stabbing myself. I felt like i was tossing myself into a pit of fire.

'I'll never be those gays who buy flags, go to parades, that's just making it your whole personality and it's just too GAY', the internal homophobia was so loudddd.

My plan was to stay in the closet forever. Everytime i saw someone asking me if i was gay in my tik tok comments, DELETED IMMEDIATELY, because i felt like they were trying to get information from me rather than thinking that maybe, just maybe, they were searching for community.

I was so scared of saying that im the big L word(Lesbian) because its so demonised. 'Lesbianism', 'those lesbians'. IS IT A CULT GUYS? Aihhhh weeeee. Even though I was afraid of calling myself a lesbian, i didnt identify as bi😭😭. I was just, THERE. I'd hit you with a 'i have a gf' and that's as far as i could go. My first relationship with a woman was awakening in so many different ways. We were both navigating what we are so we'd tell each other that we are only gay for each other(absolute madness, i don't recommend). We were both religious, so there was a whole clash going on. That ended(wont say why because that's not the point).

The point is, I started accepting who i am, especially in college cause in my school, ALMOST EVB LOOKS QUEER, even the straight ones lmaoooo. I was able to work with a lot of queer people and started feeling comfortable with the culture. Seeing people so loud and proud about who they are had a huge impact in my sexuality. 2025 was the year where i actually accepted who i was and had no shame to it. My other friends who were closeted also became so proud of who they are and it just gave me hope, a sense of belonging as well. We are even talking about going to parades for pride(ALL FLAGS AND SHIT, yeah TOO GAY AND SHIT).

I am not gay, I'm the big fat LESBIAN WORD. I am queer. I love women. I admire women. I love loving women. Others tend to argue why lesbian divorces are soooo high. It's because they communicate and you can leave your partner without the fear that you might get killed(im not being heterophobic, if that's an actual thing). We are transparent. Good news guys, I'm out and proud, even though i dont like the narrative of 'coming out'. I told my aunt that i'm a lesbian and seeing someone and first thing she said was, 'hopefully it's not a super stud'. WHAT? NO SHADE TO STUDS BUT THAT WAS FUNNY considering i was expecting a different reaction from her. She's so supportive and I felt so happy.

Women have a huge impact in my life, not just romantically.

I'm from a matriarchal household, I never grew up with a male figure(i have one now), I have never met any of my grandfathers, and i don't feel bad about it at all. This type of socialisation made me realise that I really don't need a man in my life otherwise I'd be one of those reverted lesbians who always say that they were sinners but now they are saved and straight. I digress

I love being loved by a lesbian, because she knows how to love a woman without the heteronormative expectations.

Anyway, happy pride month to those who have been disowned by their parents for being who they are, to those people who were bullied for being different, to those who haven't accepted themselves and are trying to pray the gay away, to those whose pronouns aren't respected, to those who were killed because of their sexuality, to those who are behind bars for expressing themselves, to those who don't have enough funds to transition and to those who are actually accepted at home. YOU ARE LOVED!

The gen-z’s usually argue that their parents are the major tribalists until you scroll on tik tok just to encounter a video with more than 200k views talking about some, ‘when you can't pull the kikuyu babe so you have no choice but to go back to your lugha chudengenje’, or that sort of the narrative. Tribalism is still on going in our generation and did not end with our parents, it's just in a different form.

Let me take you back to pre-colonialism, before tribalism arose. Every tribe was separated from each other by mountains, rivers and valleys therefore the major tribes that have some weird beef going on rn didnt even meet eye to eye. Tribalism cant really be historically traced since it’s a new phenomenon in terms of politics and urbanism. Heee wazunye kufika, mambo ikachemka. They came with the motive to divide and conquer since they noticed major differences among these tribes that would create a clash if they actually met eye to eye. AND DID, fuckass colonialists!

Pre-independence, there was a rise of two political parties, the KADU and KANU, where the KANU was largely dominated by two tribes, the Kikuyu and the Luo while the KADU was representing the other smaller tribes in all parts of Kenya. The Kikuyus and Luos were united for a very limited time and this is due to Jomo Kenyatta, a Kikuyu, becoming the first president of Kenya. This therefore led to minor conflicts within KANU due to many under-qualified Kikuyus in pre-dominant seats and finally, the withdrawal of Oginga Odinga from the vice presidential seat.

Tribalism has impacted our country negatively (no shit), from corruption, underdevelopment to loads of civic wars(2007 post election violence for example). As much as I usually argue that meritocracy is a myth(Bowles and Gintis) in all institutions, tribalism has created more inequality in terms of employment. Hapa ndio unasemanga hii life bila connections huezi toboa.

‘I dont have the papers but my friend Mbugua ako kwa gava so ataniokolea’

SHENZIIII

The way forward? Tolerance maybe? As a country we need to acknowledge diversity instead of diminishing it. Appreciate that there's loads of cultures that are so parallel to yours. We are so used to tribalism and we made that our culture to the point we became desensitised, the media pushes the narrative, our parents do the same, institutions from schools to churches preach the same narrative. As we speak, we all have a common enemy, Kasongo. That doesn’t mean we should start dehumanising everyone who's Kalenjin. FOCUSSSSSSS NA TUJIANGALIE. Tuache ukabila!

When conversations about the legendary gengetone era are raised, naanzanga kutoka siaka siaka siaka🤣🤣🤣nikitafuta watu wa BTS😭😭😭. Cause honestly, my primary socialisation restricted me from being a Kenyan, which is so wrong.

Nikienda kanisa pastor alikuwa anauliza nani hajui kikuyu, and i was the only nigga raising their hand 🤣🤣🤣mwingine aliniambia niende to my mum so that she can translate to me, MBELE YA KANISA😭😭😭and thats the last time my mum stepped foot into that damn Kiambaa SDA church🤣🤣🤣. Dont blame her.

I was in this primary school where people used to speak with their noses😭. We boss, maisha happened and i found myself in this other primary school where mondays began with a recap of kumkum bhagia iliwatchiwa Friday😭. Nikasema itabidi nimejituma aki. Heee katika harakati za kujituma nikaekwa rep wa english. Bro, mm nikiskia mse amesema 'Me I', I was so quick to correct them, hadi siku moja wakaniamulia. Waliniseti kwa class teacher na hio siku hatukusoma. Niliambiwa niende nitafute black mamba na nisirudi kaa sina. These niggas had a grown ass class 5 student asking for a black mamba huko baby class. Anyway wahenga walihegua ya kwamba yaliopita si ndwele🤣🤣.

Nikarushwa public ingine apo in class six. Huko niligothwa mbaya🤣🤣. Nilijipeleka mchongoano nikaonyeshwa i aint shit. Wah!

After corona nilirudi nikiwa mnoma hawakuamini😭😭😭and thats when my social life became smooth asf.

Back to gengetone, gengetone nilikuja kujua juzi because im a proud kenyan now, clearly. Adi wewe, masako akikushow ati nywele ya Xray hukaa mop, utaskiza doba zake kweli. THE IRONY IS, out of all characters I could dress as for halloween last year, I dressed as XRAY🤣🤣. Watu wakivaa macorset, wamezikaza karibu wadenki, I was roaming around in town with an actual mop on my head. NI MBAYAAA🤣🤣🤣

Bro loads of people who join my live pale tik tok keep on asking about my british accent. Sitaname drop hapa but i aint those people who relocate and within a week, they are video calling everyone just to have an hour conversation about a bo-o of wa-er.

So when you niggas talk about exposer, stop focusing on how we need to be exposed to the western norms. Talk about how we need to be exposed to our culture, because at the end of the day, utagothwa ugotheke na ukiulizwa kugotha ni nn ushindwe, utagothwa mgothe🤣🤣🤣

Songs that might tell you 'shake your ass' but leave me shaking in trepidation.

A song that might direct me to meet with the sandman, but reminds me of a beloved that is dancing in spirit. It's not that I purposely decide which songs should play certain roles in my life because it's mostly circumstantial.

You'll be listening to Kinare by Lil maina then get some news that someone passed away, and every single time that song comes up, you start tearing up. Not because leta kinare nikusetie kifwaka is an emotional bar, but because of the context, and vice versa.

I get taken aback when I find out that some people dislike music. What is there to dislike? What is there to dislike when music evokes past events unconsciously? What is there to dislike when music brings people together to the point that Billie Eilish's fans camp outside the venue some few weeks before the actual concert?

When I decide to listen to some songs, it's because I want to feel again. I want that song to flash some memories so that I find some comfort.

And sometimes I want to dance, aihhhh😭😭si kila saa kuskiza mawimbo zinakunyima raha.

Seeing how people react when someone talks out of depth about them makes me wonder. Why? Why are you causing a commotion because of what OTHERS think of you? Are you not grounded? Are you not self aware? Then i remember it's more subjective than i actually think it is and that brings me back to my concern about myself. Why am i so immune to such? If someone chats shit, don't care, I CHAT SHIT TOO. If someone cheats on me, BLOCKED. If you cross your boundaries after having lengthy conversations about it, BLOCKED.

Honestly speaking, that has saved me from a lot of bs but sometimes i ask myself, is it really necessary?

ANYWAY, I'M IMMUNE TO BS, AND I DONT MIND IT

I’ll go straight to the point. I used to love attention cause I got it a lot, kuna vile i used stand out. Anyway, when I was in form one kuna this girl, lets call her Cabbage(si ati yy ni cabbage). Cabbage alikuwa anauza biscuits kwa class after amenunua kutoka canteen, na juu nilikuwa njaa nikaenda kununua but they were alr done. So akanishow that she’ll make it up to me. Alaaaaa🤣🤣🤣. Anyway that was calm. Heeeee the following day, uyo dem akanipea biscuits for free. Aih hizi ni gani aki.

Mind you hio ni wiki ya pili form one na mtu uliambiwa na mzazi ati ukipewa vitu for free ni kurogwa unarogwa. Lakini vile nilikuwa njaa hio night preps, ilibidi tu nijikaze haga bro🤣🤣but if im going down, im going down with my people. Niligawia kila mtu apo biscuit alafu my friend Tiffo akasema yy hatarogwa na ss so akapeana bika yake😭😭😭.

Heee mm nadhani ni a one time thing. Wapi🤣Cabbage ametoka canteen the following day anakuja kunikulisha Kadafa(KDF ndogo) in a flirty way. Bro, the next day uyu mse akaanza kuniangalia from her mirror, sijui kaa mnarada. She was sat at the front so she was using the mirror to look at me, I WISH I WAS JOKING🤣🤣🤣. Aih saa mi nikasare kumpea hio attention cause i lowkey didnt want to get suspended. That was the first girl that ever made a move, confident nayo ilikuwa juu. Wah kwani niko nchi ingine.

Kuna mwingine alikuwa form two, huyu tutamwita Nduma. Heeee uyu na yy sijui alitumwa na nani but she used to come to our cube every single day😭😭. Mimi ndio nilikuwa na moshene zote saa she used to come near my bed. Aih mnadai niwaambie tulikulana? Ziii🤣🤣but bro mm nilipewa machapo . AND MTINDO NI ULE ULE. Im just minding my own business alaf mtu kazi ni kuniseduce akinirushianga chapo kwa mdomo. Kwani tuko kumkum bhagia, without the exaggerated side effects 🤣🤣. Sjui kaa hawa madem walikuwa wananiona wanasema, YES HUYU ANAKAA TU NJAA. Kumwingisha box ni through chakula😭😭

Oh well I enjoyed that attention but sorry to Nduma and Cabbage.

Love is quite a small word when it comes to describing what i feel for her. And I'm certain that she feels the same way about me. She always brags about me,

This is Waithira mdogo, tebu waimbie

Huyu ni Waithira mdogo, waonyeshe kenye ulichora.

She took me to her church every time i visited her and would push me to sing in front of everyone because she knew i had potential(i don't sing anymore though , my voice is horrid).

I always looked forward to visiting her, I was always welcomed by a fresh cup of milk from her cows and the brown mukimo. I didn't really fancy the njahi mukimo but I think she had a secret formula for hers.

She used to spoil me when i was a kid.

When your family is dysfunctional, the child is always forced to pick sides. One party spoke ill about her and I was gullible, i believed it, even though she never treated me in a questionable way. I was always tempted to go and visit her but i was afraid of the consequences.

Last year in February, I flew back to Kenya to pay back my last respects to an aunt of mine, and she was there. I wasn't expecting her but she put her pride aside and came to mourn with us, regardless of the dispute between us.

A dreary night approached earlier this year when i started connecting the dots.

"Why do i have to pick sides?"

"Why did one party speak ill of the other while the other one didn't try to make the other seem worse in my eye"

Thats when I made a decision to visit her one day when i turn 18 and make things right between us. Apologise for not hearing her out because of all the false information I was fed daily since I was a young las.

On the 26th of March, I was informed that she passed away. I did not feel instant desolation. My thoughts were full of regrets. I wish i knew. Our last interaction wasn't the best but all the good memories overlap it.

I'm watching your funeral on youtube because I couldn't make it. I'm tired of going back home just to bury people who were full of life before my departure.

They mispronounced your name and I know for a fact that you'd be disappointed.

I will always remember your vibrant laugh that was so warm and contagious.

May you rest in peace and I'm sorry for pushing you away. I should have known sooner.

We cheki, sinyoi fudhe. Now who tf said that that armpit hair is unhygienic?

Wait let me correct that, who said that armpit ON WOMEN is unhygienic? Ukienda mechi, kunyoa, kazi, KUNYOA, lunch, KUNYOA. Im on some Germaine Greer shit rn, and if you dont know who that is, I'll tell you. Thats the goat of radical feminism, I dont like that Ann Oakley lady btw, all positive and shit. Im angry AS HELL when it comes to this topic. My body hair is not unfeminine, as a matter of fact, pass me that red dye so that i can dye my pubes. I wont come here to tell you about societal norms sijui nn, hizo ni common sense but we jua, sinyoi fudhe

Siku ya fom, sinyoi, na kaa inakusumbua, shauri yako. Nikienda beach, sinyoi. Nikivaa vest, sinyoi. Bro kwanza with this cold i cant afford to shave. And if it isnt pure misogyny, why are men's pubic hairs not considered as dirty and unhygienic. Eh it's okay for them to have body hair and you lots suddenly love hairy men. Sijawahi skia mwanaume aneenda kuwax, prove me wrong. Lakini mm niwax? Niende nilipe pesa ndio niskie uchungu ndio niwafurahishe? BLOODY HELL. Anyway, si ati im cosplaying as rapunzel huko chini but i wont shave just to make you feel 'comfortable'. SINYOI FUDHE!

Iko wapi ndevu?

The likes and views escalated and dont get me wrong, I was happy, but never satisfied. Four videos per day in the name of consistency but I was just greedy for fame. Fame that increased my ego instead of my net worth. Eh big boss, anajua kujibu watiaji, to the point that I started becoming like people that wished death upon me. I became a troll and I enjoyed every bit of it, unfortunately. People never held me 'accountable' therefore I did more and more.

What is Satifa even about?

Prime

I started comparing myself to other creators in terms of likes and followers alafu nikajiita mkutano cause genuinely hio ni ushenzi. This is not a revelation btw. Things got worse. I distanced myself from a lot of people, including friends and family, and it was more of a pick and choose situation. I won't come and lie to you guys that I was eventually alone because I've been able to keep a lot of relationships and they are my core ones, anyway i digress.

Fast forward to now, a lot of events have happened last year and it has been an eye opener. I stopped regarding myself as this dominant social media persona because I was beginning to lose myself. I don't grieve who i was before Satifa, but I do grieve some individuals that are six feet under. Individuals that were my friends at some point but I pushed them away because of this fame. Fame that doesn't feed me, fame that doesn't pay the bills, fame that doesn't give me joy because I run away from it if I can. Fuck bro, fame really caught up to me. I apologise if you've been under my wrath for no apparent reason (some people ask for it though). At the end of the day, I don't know if ill still have this recognition tomorrow but I will definitely have people around me it I treat them with dignity.

I dropped the fake dreads and the moustache filter because I genuinely needed a cleanse, SO FUCK THE NDEVU AND FUCK THE FAME!

Wakenya tunapenda kusupport ufala.

Those are my default remarks every single time I remember all the stupidity we allow to pass as a nation. You'd rather be in a cult rather than speak sense into people without getting backlash for it.

When i say 'Commander in Chief', you know who the hell I'm talking about. James Maina Ng'ang'a, a head of a sect or a charismatic leader of an organisation known as Neno Evangelism Centre, is referred to as a Pastor but his traits utter something different. I'd say he's a cult leader but his organisation is full of gullible and dimwit individuals who have a questionable level of commitment hence making him an owner of a sect(maybe, might still be a cult). According to Troeltsh, a sect is a group of people with somewhat different religious beliefs and the organisations tend to be small. Ng'ang'a has one 'church' and people travel from different parts of Kenya just to see him. This is not even about God anymore and he said it himself.

Sects usually attract individuals who are marginalised and in this case, majority of Ng'ang'a's followers are from a working class background. Ng'ang'a is a strict individual, I mean that's obvious unless you've not seen him slapping the shit out of some individuals, not accepting some specific amount of tithe and generally just being a fucked up individual.

I'm not 100% sure about this but I heard that you have to pay a membership in order to attend his organisation. Isn't that a cult? His organisation falls under both a sect and a cult. Yet people will still suck on his dick calling him 'mtumwa wa Mungu'.

Unakuja kanisa yangu na matuta?

That's only funny to dense individuals who are anti black. Seriously, are you going to shame women who embrace their 'nappy' hair? And no one is going to bat a FUCKING eye. His organisation is lowkey individualistic, characteristic of a cult. Watu huenda huko kutolewa mapepo wakipigwa makofi in the name of personal growth 🤣🤣🤣. We have genuinely lost the plot. Mind you this guy has been in prison twice and he allegedly killed someone in 2015. AND HE IS STILL ACCEPTABLE IN THE SOCIETY BECAUSE HE'S 'funny'.

We are having loads of cults that are costing people's lives and we still let that slide na that's why our country will forever be in the pits!

Since birth, someone has always been above me and that will remain the same till my demise. From food being shaved in my mouth when I was a baby to now when I'm trying to balance between college and a part time job. I have to capitulate since I have no choice, haven't I? Because if I try to question any 'superior', i'll be stoned to death.

The hierarchical system that makes my head boil is the Kenyan education system. The trauma these people cause students just because they are minors is uncalled for.

I'll start from primary. I vividly remember being peacefully sat in the school bus until the sewage from outside started reeking. All i said was, basi inanuka. The bus supervisor immediately took me to the principal after we got to school claiming that i told the boy near me that he was the one who stank. Luckily, I was given a last chance for something I didn't even do. Six year old me was so confused, till this day i wonder why that woman did that.

From stupid bus supervisors to stupid head teachers. I moved to this other school and had a fee balance. First of all, why am I being the one informed about this? Anyway, this woman called us, having a green pipe in her hand, and flogged the shit out of us. Some students had the audacity to thank her after getting flogged and this showed how physical punishment is viewed as a favour to us. My mother came in later during the day to give Caesar what belongs to him not knowing that I was beating due to the fee balance. Why??? Why are we treating children as second class citizens? I digress.

Childism, as stated by Chester, is the prejudice, discrimination, and systemic oppression against children.

From the way teachers would react if you went into the staffroom to the way they'd instil fear in you. They'd talk ill about you as soon as you step foot outside the staffroom and still preach about gossip being a very atrocious sin during CRE. These people would chase you with sticks just because you weren't running to the parade ground. What's so exciting about those parade meetings anyway? Where they shamed us and spat on our faces. FUCK THOSE PARADE MEETINGS BTW!

Spare the rod and spoil the child is one famous verse they like using. I'd say spare the rod and teach the child because why would you harm such a fragile being, a being that lacks comprehension about authority.

I hope the next generation of teachers actually teach. Treat those children like people, listen to them and see how much they'll learn. In the end of the day, these imbecilic hierarchies will still exist and we can't change that until this system fails(which is currently failing) and there's a rebirth of a new one.

Coming out. What is coming out? Coming out is one phrase I don't like using when it comes to talking about my sexuality. I'll randomly talk about my romantic life and mention the girls i've had something with without any hesitation because I don't owe you any explanation. If you are distressed, I think that's something within you to fix or worry about.

The concept of coming out has a lot of factors to it and one of them is the media. When someone who's assumed to be a heterosexual places the hashtags wlw or wuhluhwuh, all the thirsty gays, bi curious or straight women start revealing their hunger in the comment section. You'd think they found a smocha or nyama choma hidden gem by the way they (we) act.

They'll cheer, they'll hit up on you and you'll get a lot of love and engagement from them. Some of them will comment, i knew it ,and you'll think you found your people.

Wasn't that the purpose of the hashtag anyway? To find people who understand the courage it takes to tell the whole world about your sexuality. Something that isn't talked about in our country. You have always been socialised to end up in a heterosexual relationship, serve the purpose of a functionalist when it comes to family setups where gender roles are key. Where the function of the xy chromosome is to be the breadwinner and the xx chromosome is to reproduce the future voters of the nation. I digress.

Your videos will go on mainstreams just because of that one hashtag and someone will see this as an opportunity to clout chase. Someone out there knows very well that they arent queer and will still use the same hashtags. This might seem like a non issue to some individuals but this is a shallow representation of the LGBTQ+ community. Queerbaiting in Kenya has become more popular especially among girls. You'll start talking to someone simply because they are wlw then they'll casually hit you with a but i'm only gay for you.

If you are curious about such experiences, please don't lie to someone who has been oppressed their whole lifetime due to their identity which is immutable. People don't go through internalised homophobia and conversion camps just for you to fulfil your heterosexual desires through a woman right after they are confident in their sexuality. How would you feel if you found out that the man you're talking to is straight for you just because they fancied the idea of having sex with a woman? The fact that i have to use an example to prove my statement is ludicrous.

Queerbaiting arena is what I'll name it, even heterosexual men are using these hashtags just for some mere likes.

It is not virtuous for someone to let them in just for you to make their environment hostile.

Tushike

Go and shikaa the drink of your choice because I'm about to brutally speak about how the drinking culture is affecting Kenyans abroad.

As we all know, the drinking culture in Kenya, especially among the youth, is a form of a value consensus. Alcohol is more of a social lubricant than a substance and when people are under the influence, there's unity, there's a sense of belonging.

However, as someone, a young person to be precise, who has relocated to another state, I've been able to evaluate a lot of observations from my friends who love sherehe. Personally, I don't drink so I can't speak on experiences that are non-existent to me, however they have affected me in some way.

In the UK, drinking isn't as wild as we Kenyans do it. Someone will have a cheeky drink with family members as they chat and call it a day. Boring, I KNOW!!!

But unfortunately, once you move to Rome, you're conditioned to act like the Romans. Lakini sisi hatupigangi sherehe hivo?

Fights occurred, blood was shed, ambulance sirens, 20+ police officers appeared in the name of sherehe. Some people almost got deported. In the name of sherehe. Friendships were ended instantly and what was supposed to bring people together, divided them. I digress.

Manze huku si kenya, utaenda jela!

A lot of kenyan youths who move abroad know how this lifestyle can affect them negatively but they are not ready for this conversation. The system is keeping an eye and they are aware that they are on thin ice. Once you 'mess' up, deportation IMMEDIATELY! That's why when they go back home they get wasted because these countries don't support that lifestyle. That's not what promotes social cohesion and I heavily emphasise that whatever happens in Kenya stays in Kenya. I'm not discouraging people to express their patriotism but if it harms you or anyone around you, then I think you should be able to control yourself.

I'm starting to understand why a lot of religious people get offended or start being judgmental about deconstruction. It's because religion in Kenya is more of civil rather than a personal relationship with God. It's all about social solidarity and value consensus and once your norms and values differ from the society, you are labelled as deviant.

I’ll start of by stating the functions of religion according to some key functionalists. Malinowski goes ahead and states the psychological functions of religion: to manage uncertainty when events are uncontrollable and to be able to manage life crises. The fore founder of functionalism, Durkheim, states that the primary function is to affirm collective identity and to bind people rather than believing in a higher entity. I would go all the way to talk about Parsons who talks about value consensus but just do your research.

From what I've been able to gather from different debates on religion(from the tiktok comments and other online platforms ), most Kenyans view religion as what the community expects from you rather than God’s existence. Many religious people fail to engage critically to the scriptures they usually follow. As much as the scriptures tend to contain many contradictions, questions and challenges are usually rejected.

As a person who deconstructed from religion, i tend to find myself saying Ngai or Jesus, not necessarily out of belief but because it's a communal and 'culturally acceptable’. However, the bible warns against using God’s name in vein yet the phrase is usually used as a social reflex rather than a holy phrase.

Similarly, when someone says, nitakuombea (I’ll pray for you), the statement functions more as reassurance rather than a religious devotion. It assures goodwill and care regardless of being religious or not.

From a functionalist perspective, religion is simply a central part of consensus theory or the organic anatomy, once religion is dismantled from Kenya, apparently all the institutions start falling down, because it's involved in all of them: politics, education, healthcare, and so much more. This is why deconstruction feels dangerous to many, as it viewed as a challenge to social cohesion.

So yes, religion is more civil than personal in Kenya. It is there to preserve social order and unity and once someone decides to step aside, societal reaction raises questions of what religion is really about, consensus and not God.

NI MBAYA🤣🤣

"Light nigga, dark nigga, faux nigga, real nigga

Rich nigga, poor nigga, house nigga, field nigga..

STILL NIGGA, STILL NIGGA"

You shame a dark skin girl for loving her dark rich melanin.

'She's too confident for her skin colour' and 'who gave her all that confidence', until she tosses her temple into a gallon of carolight, to fit in the narrative of a light skin nigga, then gets shamed for not embracing her skin. When she yearns for love thats when preferences start to matter? Remember that you're also a nigga, STILL A NIGGA!

A dark skin nigga is given all the praise, while a light skin nigga is called gay, because toxic and hegemonic masculinity wants men dark. The dark skin symbolises masculinity according to the system, thats why you call the dark skin girl 'goshodo', remember that you're still a nigga, STILL A NIGGA!

The 'caramel' skinned ones are too afraid of the term, 'dark skin', 'deep melanin'.... The 'milk chocolate ones', what are all this terms? Anything that will save them from being called a 'dark-skin', rest assured they'll be making a non existent queue. At the end of the day you will still drink your cup of oppression, YOU'RE STILL A NIGGA, STILL A NIGGA

To all those light skinned niggas who refer themselves to as 'evil lightskins'. I'm not sure if you're competing with the colonisers on who's more inhuman. Spare me the crap, this is not a competition on whose complexion is more divine.

We are all niggas, ALL NIGGAS

Some of you are anti black. YES YOU, YOU'RE ANTI BLACK!

You don't want the sun to shine on you cause you'll get two times darker. You don't need sunscreen because your levels of eumelanin results are high, yet you don't claim your nigganess. But in the end of the day, a nigga is still a nigga, my nigga and the system doesn't care about your palette colour. In their eyes, STILL A NIGGA, STILL A NIGGA.

I wrote this trying to synchronise with Jaz's song-The story of OJ.

I won't tell you to stop hating your skin colour. Ichukie kabisa. Use a kagunia to scrub all the melanin when you're showering. Not only are you deteriorating your mental health but also giving in to the system that made you hate yourself nigga.

"Light nigga, dark nigga, faux nigga, real nigga

Rich nigga, poor nigga, house nigga, field nigga..

STILL NIGGA, STILL NIGGA"

"when are you getting your hair done"

Telling me this while my hair is in its natural state is a form of micro aggression, to make it worse, these comments come from black folks so, internalised racism.

When I moved out from Kenya, I started embracing my 'natural' hair. I got locs and i'm on a journey that has taught me what my hair craves for......

A lot of institutions in Kenya emphasise on having your hair 'neat and done'. For women, your hair should be straightened or braided and for men, you should get your head polished, I should see my reflection instead of your crown. If a woman wears her afro, she gets backhanded compliments.

"Si kabaya but next time si ukafanye blowdry tu ama ushuke tubraids"

Men on the other hand are regarded as homosexuals or hooligans because they are socialised to have a strong hegemonic masculinity and this achieved through keeping your hair short and 'neat'.

Anyway I'll speak on my experience. I remember when i joined class one i had the pussycat style with some beads on it. IMMEDIATELY A NO. My mum was reluctant to remove them but i had to look 'presentable'. Fast forward to this narrative of shaving your hair so that it can grow healthy again. Not only did i fall for this propaganda but also was tired of the force that was executed on my hair when getting it done. My hairline was nonexistent but i couldn't let my hair be in its natural state because the system condones it therefore my only escape was to shave it off.

The real internalised racism comes in when i joined a national school that allowed braids to be done. Why were we so happy about the idea of getting our hair done more than being called to a top performing school? Anyway, our braids were supposed to be in a bun and if not it could lead to severe consequences. This cold hearted deputy of ours used to check whose bun wasn't stitched up and as stiff as a rock. One girl's bun wasn't as steady and the deputy pulled her bun during the parade. The punishment was to undo the braids without cutting them while kneeling down on the cold tiles of the administration block. Rumours have it that someone's hair was allegedly cut due to one piece of braid being brown. I believe that this is not about keeping your hair in a bun. It's deeper than that.

The school that I transferred to didn't allow us to braid our hair. You'd think that this is what i wanted after all the shit i went through because of braiding my hair in school but no, it wasn't enough. We had to straighten our hair or shave it. This is why a lot of people applied some harmful chemicals on their hair in order to maintain the straightness. My hair got damaged due to the high and the irresistible heat. MY HAIRLINE IS A VICTIM(iykyk). Did i want to shave my hair again? Absolutely not! My crown complimented my features and me taking that away is taking away the confidence I built for years. Eventually we were allowed to braid our hair but once again, IN A BUN. These people are not beating the whitewashed allegations. Oh well, didn't really mind it because in this school, we were allowed to oil our scalps on a sunny Saturday afternoon.

When i relocated to the UK, black hairdressers started becoming a myth. As someone who always had their hair 'done', this was such a negative canon event for me. Could literally go up to three month without getting a new hairstyle, because back in Kenya, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO HAVE YOUR HAIR DONE EVERY SINGLE TIME. I had haddddd enough and decided to start doing my own hair. I didn't straighten my hair and used protective methods to achieve the look i wanted. It was still not enough.

I contemplated about getting locs. There was nothing stopping me from getting them since the institutions that I'm currently in dgaf of what you do to your hair. I did my research and booked my appointment. WHEN I TELL YOU I FELT LIKE CRYING WHEN MY HAIR GOT LOC'ED😭😭. Hii hadi si self hate. It was genuinely not what i expected but I had to love myself

Usipojipenda utapendwa na nani-Savara

I was covering my locs with wigs and durags until I started seeing growth. This motivated me. I learnt how to style my locs and wear them confidently, from barrels to using temporary dyes. I've never looked back ever since. I'm glad that I grew up in a household that doesn't condone locs, as a matter of fact, some of them saw my loc journey and were inspired enough to loc their own hair. I feel free, I don't t feel pain and i look good ASF with them! Not only do i love my crown but also embrace it, moisturise it and wash it whenever I feel like.

My nappy hair doesn't want to get straightened. My nappy hair doesn't want to feel pain when getting braids done. My nappy hair wants moisture. My nappy hair wants to be greased with some Jamaican castor oil. My nappy hair wants peace. My nappy hair crown wants to be free from that colonial bs.

My hair doesn't need to get done because it's already done.

"How many kids do you want to have?"

This question agitated me when I was young because as girls and women, we are always socialised to be mothers. I'd tell them one at most or none at all, mind you i was 10, as my age-mates bragged about having a whole soccer team, and stated that they'd have four kids as the minimum, which was quite telling.

When you say one or two kids, you're considered irresponsible because you don't have the confidence and the nurturing qualities of being a mother. If you say you don't want kids at all, society calls you selfish. Maybe I'm selfish.

"Who's going to take care of you when you grow older"

Why are we even assuming that I'll make it that far. I'd rather be selfish than bring and BIRTH a whole human being just to have some sense of belonging. A lot of people say that children bring you joy. Children bring you a cup of responsibilities and fucking bills and expenses.

Why am I bringing a child into a world full of capitalism. I cant even afford my dream lifestyle yet the first thing I should be thinking of is bring kids?

Post-modernism is minimising the level of education one can consume due to the normalisation of AI consumption and you're telling me to birth a flipping human knowing damn well they'll grow in a society that lacks clean water and poor education? NO

The same way I reject the marriage narrative is the same way i reject parenthood, motherhood to be precise. In the current society, women have rights, which is a good thing. But if we look at it through a marxist feminist's perspective, it's a form of oppression towards mothers. Oakley talks about how women go through triple shift, which is having to pay the fucking bills, raising the fucking kids and cleaning the godamn house. Do you think I want that? Do you think thats my purpose of my life? FUCK NO

Ansley quotes, 'women are the takers of shit', and mothers to be specific. A lot of mums experience domestic violence and have to wake up the following day, wipe their tears and put on a plastic smile which should be some sort of reassurance to their child that everything will be okay. This is why I don't want to be a mother.

I love myself and my non existent children so I cant bear to think of myself in that situation. I am self aware of what i want and motherhood has never been on my list. Me being a mother will contradict my function as a radical feminist. Me being a mother will make my happiness nonexistent. Me being a mother will destroy me. Because once you become a mother you lose your identity. You are regarded as 'mama nani' and poof, your name is forgotten and thrown into the pits. For your birthday, they will come with utensils and as you ponder for a while, you'll be told that those are your gifts. Or to make it worse, they'll buy you, i mean buy your kids' diapers for you as presents 🤣🤣

I can't afford to lose all my personality and identity to a person who came out of me.

FUCK THEM KIDS AND FUCK YOU TOO