‎

‎He was problematic but as a kid my favourite, he didn't bully me.I'll one day talk about tribalism in families, especially in a community where half the residence can be traced to the same great grandparents. So this ninja anaitwa Saddam, I always wondered why as a father you'd call your youngest son such a name.

‎

‎Before we had cats it was snakes. To one side of our home house it's a maize farm and beside it grazing grass. Clearing season invites the snakes living around into the houses. Saturday evening, our neighbours from the road had their wedding reception na ilikuwa nimetoka mapochopocho mbaya. Came back home muddy, kwanza hapo whips before you're forcefully washed by cold water. "mummy, ona slippers zangu zinatembea". Yes slippers moving, before I could register anything we were in another room in the hands of mum screaming. Next thing deep in the farm frying that snake, my uncle had done it, he was the first to respond and dealt with it, no ounce of fear detected.

‎

‎Blood doesn't wash off with just soap and water, this isn't something you learn in class. Also you have to let it dry to wash better, serial killers in the chat please confirm ...

‎Drunk and frustrated, aki it's easier to die than to talk. The first time I tasted complete defeat was when I had all my gadgets stolen. I had just replaced my phone(mzazi) which was stolen in circumstances hata me sijui, hapa utaekewa mchele ndio ujue wali si bora. It wasn't that but anybody who claims they don't fear stainless steel ebu tupee lessons, tutanunua hadi course atp. You try opening your lock and it's easier than usual, open the door let your heart out. Si hata angeacha charger, I stared at my phone specifically this devil of an app+ call log. Emergency receiver until there's actually one. Dad no, mum hell no , lakini pia we utatokwa aje back to back ?

‎

‎Did he also have no one to talk to. He always looked happier without the alcohol, calm with a rejuvenated face. "vitu zangu sahi ziko sawa na soon hii license lazima niitumie na logbook yangu"  You know what back to back failure does...

‎Martin Seligman talks about learned helplessness, repeated inescapable failure crops a thought of your actions don't matter. From thoughts of living the best life to just getting by. With really good reasons them mofos you share a surname have to go first. Then you let YOU go.

‎

‎ready

‎The smile disappeared, a whole different person baptized in liquor.

‎set

‎"hamnitaki hapa na mimi naona nifanye tu kazi ikue rahisi"

‎

‎Take one

‎Stainless steel is beautiful don't be deceived. This was no kitchen knife, the stab must have been smooth, too cold for a reaction. Walked away a knife embedded in his left arm. "enda ulale na usijaribu kutoka kwa hiyo room" gladly mum, gladly. During this period, there had been a number of homicidal cases with the main suspects killing themselves as the final act. Somebody my dad knew had killed his four kids and offed himself, kinda believed the place was cursed for real.

‎

This incident(take one)didn't disturb me as much, I mean if he really wanted to he could have sliced his left arm or a stab straight to the heart. Again I was nine, this isn't what a nine year old should be thinking about when it settles on death.A distant cousin of mine, their mother done become a pharmacist and snatched that bitch, the sunny afternoon ate up the inside real quick. Acid they said, but oh dear, her mind already ate the last of her being. The funeral was peaceful, fast, minimal viewing, nothing happened, nothing does.

‎

‎ready

‎You could hear the laugh blanket the place, so comfortable sight changed. The vision was now clear and a lighted path, oh yes.

‎set

‎"nimeona njia sasa"

‎

‎Take two

‎You guys don't get how football is that deep. Best way to express yourself in an object. The touches, runs tackles and it's accessible. Game so good we enjoyed playing barefoot, it was a rule not to wear shoes in our games. Its a farm nowadays, the family does love planting, gives life to the dead space. The home graves disappear and gives us fields to play.

‎"ball iko side ya Ile mtu bigi ya avocado, we fikia."

‎"lakini zii, acha niendee naona ni kama kuna mtu huko"

‎So I ran, if only I could keep running, my eyesight was a bit good then. The left eye was still maybe a bit clear and the myopia wasn't that bad, so I saw and heard.

‎I always thought of freezing as stupid, what do you mean you couldn't move out the way of danger. "kujipima kilo" some old sheng they used. Just there dangling, seconds. The events may not be remembered right but the picture is there. One could also express themselves with a rope, what a lesson.

‎

‎"hiyo mti ikatwe" This particular avocado tree was the largest in the homestead. Had the most beautiful of fruit. Let me tell you how home hospitals work, the doctor is probably an uncle who's seen all of you grow. Everything runs by the chief who's also just some aunt somewhere. No case is filed, it was an accident and the cord markings around the neck, just assume that. I remember relatives I had never seen passing around. The loudest quiet story I've ever been in. Embarrassing, a disgrace, that's what my grandfather told me.

‎

‎Why was I there the second time? I had no balls for that. Someone was done with it, the first cousin with a knife, fast enough to get him off he was the first to go at him. Do some shii and you'll be touched, properly guzwad, the African way mamae.

‎Aunt went off next, my mother washed her hands she said .Felt like the last time this 'family' would meet, yes it was, it was sthe last time. The peeping was generational, had me knowing the best way to enjoy family is to ignore family. A lot of truths shared and the father had it back at him. The circus was up and the snakes were out.

‎

He had no ounce of fear for life had pounded him enough. The snake probably hadn't seen someone like that. You don't hit a snakes head to death na mwiko. He just didn't care.

‎Quick wood to be sold. The tree had died up. Some of my beliefs do stem from this moment, an old auntie wanted the tree down the first day. A bad omen, an invitation to this 'mashetani'. Mashetani ain't no way, a bit lost and on the verge of giving up, maybe needed a hand and reassurance. An afternoon out and time to speak their mind. Mashetani was an easier explanation though.

‎

‎"hiyo mti ikatwe", bitch had my favourite tree cut down. My father, his father what did that make me. 4:1 is the ratio, testosterone be leaking. The women also be the manliest you get.

‎Did he get manipulated, did he accept he was the problem? I'm a dead beat cousin, nobody even be pronouncing my name correct.

‎

‎21 was a good year. You get access to more family files and the drinking gets more justified. The lost relatives make more sense.

‎0130hours, save me from this habit of walking alone. Blunt at hand quarter na straw, it's the festivities and as usual just alone. I meet a familiar face, "umeshindaje", first time in like 9 years. Those 'niko poa pia' while hasting away, I tried that. Obvious disappointment with the smoke in my hand. Judge me I'll put a wig on mine and go off.

‎"Twende shots ndio turudi, nadhani hata hakuna mtu hizo sides" Nobody turning down such an offer in the am hours.

‎

‎Lets take a picture, 1 am, drunk and high off my mind. More alcohol to the system, a clean recipe for truths to be said. This man now, we haven't talked closed to a decade, last I was a kid and the last memory of you was you hanging.

‎

Somebody told me it was disrespectful but in our family we rarely use titles. I call my grandfather mzee and everyone by just their names. Hey there, told you nobody cared.

‎

‎"maisha huwa na vitu mingi" Satisfiable answer, not like I ever wanted to know anything. I'm the same age you was and sadly I DO GET YOU. Hiyo ndio Ile masaa unaambia msee we weka shot wacha story mingi. The damage was done, every time I remember it, it becomes more clear. You were helpless, it's not what you really wanted, I'm sure up there you did regret for a bit. For a bit it was everything you ever wanted but better is what you needed.

‎

‎This was supposed to be a short recollection. A number of friends with cut tattoos and some kid who made it through. Had the school hiring a therapist /counsellor/ pastor. We really do like solving problems on paper. I still do joke about this, I still call my uncle a bitch. Highest form of self love manade and as the uncles would say "mpe hiyo kamba tena"

‎

A mate decided to fly from the eighth floor, could've invited us but black suits with red eyes, that's a better look.Is it self love? the thought yes but how can the moment be born out of love. Love hurts but stopping the heart?

‎Swear I was thinking about it like this. The casket closing, sand thrown then the evening just bland. You had tapped somewhere, right? it was easier to run I get you. My punches are doing nothing and no way I'm waiting for a knockout. You ran, did it feel nice? When your bones surrendered to the ground hope you loved it.

I'll pour no libations fuck you.

‎From butterflies in my stomach to worms under my skin, back to basics you said  
‎It was all love now the mention of your name getting on my last nerve
‎Not to say I lost it, I was lost in it, kunena mia nyasore no
‎Cut the tree of the ground log a new life, smile I was your knew life
‎Let my feet fail at your door, called me a cab home, baby you don't want me 
‎
‎I still have your letters, letters you never saw, words I always said, how can I clear your name 
‎Spare me the goodbye, let's skip to the drama, bring roses to this graveyard named heart
‎My rusty fingers on the silver strings, let me pluck your soul out 
‎Let my knees fail and my hands write for you. 
‎I loved you in my poems, I'm mourning you in our songs 
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‎Can't run away from what, time me let's sprint 
‎Still have that one picture of yours, you said it was ugly , hated how your hair looked, loved the way your eyes stared 
‎Home has a price tag and it's your heart, funny how it payment only works with interest
‎Let my eyes fail for I can't unsee us but no I'll lie I don't need you 
‎Soon this picture will be deleted, I'll see the ass you was 
‎
‎I looked into the mirror today, funny how I saw only me 
‎My heart can't sob no more, to forget I'll bury you deep into the earth's core 
‎What it took to learn you can't love for two
‎Na on god mtu ataje jina yako kando yangu, Ngai
‎My pen will no longer bleed for you and in my head I'll blame you 
‎You with your needle tatted your name in my heart, kiss me again with that bullshit 
‎I'll blame you love for you chose this soul

yes
‎

"you know I still loved you"Nyanchwa 1530hours, the sun is trying as hard as possible to be seen. The grey persists, the kind of grey that's uninviting, it screams don't come out with your jackets. Here we are cold, I feel like stretching my hand, I want her to have it. Take me again, I want us to hug, hold each other like we did every chance we get. Her demeanour, calm as ever we continue walking, each step an invite to shout...

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‎4/7/20, the July weather is at its peak. The pandemic doing even better keeping us in our duvets. *131# safaricom PLC I need more, lemme talk to my darling. We last saw each other in April, who knew how long we'd be out. "my fellow Kenyans" Mutahi clears his throat to assure us the lockdown is proper on, another thirty days I'm sure of not seeing you. The texts aren't doing enough, the four hour calls are not enough, we need each other now and you know.

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‎August we finally meet, there in all her majesty. She knew me not to say much so we hugged, I didn't want outside her arms. It was warm, I was home. The lockdown had really taken a toll on us. I missed her, I didn't know how much till we held hands while walking. 16, the beauty of being 16 and in love. I'd write poems, letters. Y'all remember she could sing, creative orgasm.

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‎19/4/19 .

‎I was ready, my young heart was decided. Oh soldier soldier, I was going to claim my love. Our day, marked it now I had to walk it.  Our usual spot in the library, we were to meet there to start our day. Yes, our day, the lil gift box in my jacket. One thing about this place it's that its cold. Let the beautiful sunrise  not lie to you. Other than our hearts the one thing she took serious was the study sessions. Head buried deep, today I was in kinda of a hurry. I wanted her, I needed her out with me.

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‎She's glamorous, today taller than usually or my eyes just too sunken. The welcoming smile always there, she holds in the hug I let me be. The cute jokes while holding each other, two minutes never been shorter. A good afternoon for a walk,just cold enough for the heart to smile. We don't hold hands just feel the presence.

‎"Us sounds nice"

‎Could've started better, probably yes but who says not to break ice with a bullet.

‎

‎....

‎"The lockdown is a bit nice here"

‎"Nairobi really kept me inside, you know anyone who's been sick?"

‎"Well, some bodies laid but hii pandemic naye imetushow tunafaa tumove mbio"

‎"Funerals within 5 days, that's new, a lot of culture shock going on, kwanza wazee hawafurahii hii maneno."

‎" we give the earth what it wants"she said as we walked.

‎....

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‎"You better say what you're saying". The sun's a bit nicer now, the clouds just enough space for lady to be seen. I'm nervous can't lie. I don't want to move fast or hold the clutch too long. Minus school time we've known each other for like five months and this holiday was enough to be us. Time kept ringing, do I dive? A certain place we knew. A beautiful garden, there were purple flowers there. Specifically under this tree a view was sold. From afar lawn mowers crying for the course. The green was enchanting and this tree a story hub. Closer as we sat  and held her hand, she leaned in.

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‎" I like us together and I believe I love you"

‎"Believe, that's fancy coz me I do"

‎"Nakupenda"

‎"Yaani you still can't say that, uko sure na chenye unataka kweli"

‎It's mad silent, the tree has stopped swaying and now the branches a whole audience. I liked it, that she could talk, draw me in, get it all out of me . Three words, just three words, why was it so hard, it's what I wanted, I loved her.

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‎"Nakupenda na nimekuwa nakutaka, najua chenye na mwenye nataka.Mwenye nataka ni wewe na chenye nataka ni sisi".

‎The necklace was in my hand, I thought of it being romantic. Suddenly I flinched, before she could say nothing, I over thought it again. "don't do it for the necklace, sio lazima pia like si we're all free to do what we want" It was the many stories I had read online DON'T LEAVE KIDS WITH PHONES(unregulated). Quietly I heard the yes, a tighter grip on my arm.

‎

‎...

‎Soft hands new to this. Favourite songs have seasons and it feels wrong but life. Sunflower used to play a lot, maybe because of the spider verse movie. Galway girl Ed Sheeran, had no reason to relate but I really loved that song.

‎"kissed her on the neck then took her by the hand oh baby I just wanna dance". What do you know about Malikia by sauti sol, that uje unizalie feels corny now but what a song, usinifungie pazia Malikia.

‎...

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‎We were doing it for real, a relationship yes we was in one. But nothing changed, the afternoon felt better but the day was the same. Funny how there was never a kiss, does the lion possess a foggy memory,.oh but age! Memory works funny, it's believed we exaggerate the good memories to make us feel better and traumatic ones feel realistic. All this for a simple heart to process, can't little one just pump blood, why add more pressure to something caged . Very complicated anatomy for something very brittle but have your legs ever given away. Touch does that, your mind floats hands roam and legs give away. Moments we shared and the heart kept it. Nothing changed for I didn't see. The rest of the walk was amazing, it was ritual for me to walk her home before taking couple kilometres to mine. What can I say, young love.

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‎10/10/20, a bit grown into this thing. Everything but penetration, logistics and timing really didn't accommodate past the nasty 0200hrs texts. We were really growing and somehow differently. Everybody developing a niche was really it, the conversations were getting better and the questions brighter. The pandemic did a better one, making us dive deep into shii we'd regularly not encounter. Maybe dove too deep. I realized I wanted her to myself only and we were growing. Posted a nigga, my girl posted a ninja. I never really thought of that until I thought of it. Never been one to stay quiet, usually silent after asking questions, so like the possessive boyfriend I was; I asked who the calamity of a kijana was, juu nani huyo was coming in between our love. Her homeboy, okay sure and never thought of it again.

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‎You have to appreciate pranks, the creativity and courage it takes to pull one, oh to die for. "It's over" damn girl it's Tuesday in the morning and we're deep in this lockdown shit what do you mean by it's over. Didn't know what to reply so who else to turn to other than my boy Weezy. Corny ahh with a bandanna but did get the girls so who better to ask. What do I do and had a good talk on disaster management. Assesment and damage control. Didn't pick my calls so had to get my keyboard game up.

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‎  1.Assesment

‎Scan the area, ensure there's no more looming danger and check on fatality and survival rates before going in

‎  2.Damage control

‎"Are you okay with it being over?" " You're for sure whatever we have is given and we don't belong?" " I don't know what's happening but I love you, maybe we talk." Yes, I couldn't fathom losing my love and texts was going all in one tick.

‎Unatoka kwa room 9am unapata pia breakfast hakuna ni wewe uingie jikoni, when it rains it pours. Nimeachwa, bois wangu ananishow we usijali hii mambo ya kawaida.Ako offline simu hashiki, Niko DMS nasimp, trying to get your girl back ni 'simping' so yes.

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‎3.Clearance

‎Grief works differently. Did what every other sensible teenager would do and went on Reddit, lockdown Reddit was crazy. So I asked, what to do in a breakup. A subreddit with the perfect story. DETACH AND RUN. Yes, walk away and run really fast. 'usikae crime scene sana' It's deep in the afternoon for sure my baby is not coming back. Previous year someone you loved was one of my top songs because it was beautiful. That particular day I was actually listening to Lewis Capaldi and damn me. Day one not even over and suckling to Capaldi, Juice wrld on the cue. Felt really tired, so that's why it's a heartbreak. The heart pumps  faster to meet all the broken pieces, the body is slower but your mind is racing fast to nowhere, it all runs back to done.

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‎2130hours, "it was a joke". I was relieved but also revealed. It was okay but I was grieving. A lover I had lost, told my boy this shii and was like at times they do that. So at times they shoot you and come back with stitches later. This was soft and told me not to think much about it. My young mind was roaming on if I did this to you would it be a joke. Stood on business and avoided her that month but I was missing me, missing my baby.

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‎December. The year finally coming to an end. We're meeting more, we're happier I'd say. Distance was really doing something, it takes the piss on relationships, who's stronger it baits! Maybe the last month free so had to make the most out of it, more outside dates and walks, more exploration here there. One thing never left though, the thought of getting my heart broken. Threading more carefully. There was this shell in the making, a strong foundation to it, can't see underground. Have I talked about how one of my boys tried to sabotage my game talking bout how I was outside. A fuck all story, makes you want to throw hands but why when you can just leave it. Things were really good though and forever was even a topic

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‎Forever, once on a phone call she mentioned this and for the first time I really thought of what forever was. Day after day, year after year, that's what forever meant at least then. We all know forever can be three months right, like forever means doing things that feel good until they don't. Forever felt kinda scary, will we not ever get bored? When of forever I thought of parents in families, so forever is tolerance. Forever feels closed, accommodation and compromise that's forever.

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‎Still had one of the best December's though, kissed some girl on new year's for the plot, thought of her still. Yes you read that right , kissed some girl.

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‎07/02/21, it's been a full month at school. No signs of half-term have to hit it till end of March. COVID had quenched the thirst for education and nothing book wise was going right. Writing became coping and with that, the first letter to all the girls I have ever loved. The movie to all the boys was a teen banger. Wrote an account of all the could've and have nots. If you've been following, this character has only ever been in love with Moraa and her alone since the sunset of '18. So to all the girls...

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‎Remember zombozo, yeah that's the dude 'homie' she had posted a while back also had a frame together in December but they were homies, so what if this could help me. Before change of timetables our school offered some free time on weekends, if brave enough one could come back to class on Sunday evening from Friday afternoon. It was not church based so time to yourself and time really gets you to think about you. Really thinking about who I was. The lover boy I was the cover was translucent now. My boy had asked me about that shii and why I was going crazy when she was joking about it being over. "si we nadhani uko na madem, mbona uteseke" Madem wagani bro na ni yeye tu. For real it was only her, she was with the heaven we had created.

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‎Might be judging me about the other girls but listen, it was only three and never amounted to nothing . Come on, it was the pandemic, people were lonely and you could catch a hug maybe a kiss here there. Is it wrong, absolutely yes, in a relationship why would you see other people. That's where our Nairobi philosophy comes in "ni wako ukiwa na yeye". I was clinging to this even more, was it because of the guilt? Let's go back to the boy who had set me up, on further research ninja alikuwa na evidence kwa kalatas but could've got myself out of it. This thing they call manipulation.

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‎Would you go out of your way for love? It's a question I really pondered on and in conclusion no. Maybe love in relationships isn't my thing. Everything was crumbling and I could no longer see myself with her. It was the thought of her knowing of what I had done and forever. Think about it, do you want your forever in pieces, the heart is brittle and can only play for too long. DETACH AND RUN. It was time, scheming scheming, made a plan for a way out.

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‎3/21, holidays. Ignored her intentionally the first week, didn't feel like talking."It's over" regular okay and game was on. "yes, we're done". Finally I was into the bit, maybe she was giggling for this time the energy was matched. Three days and mine was still over. She decided to cut the bit and talk to her love but I was done for real. You and I is no more. Matters of the heart, baby we can't fight it let's just accept . She wanted it to be a joke soo bad but not this time. She had made my work easier, my heart easier to bear for I could blame it on her jokes. Yes I turned it on her, asked if for real she didn't want to leave. You don't play those kinda jokes if deep down you don't mean it, everybody knows that. I claimed that and ran with it. She had pushed me away and also remember zombozo, brought him in and pushed some kind of narrative. I didn't shout, just created stories to keep my slate clean, wanted to leave no scar.

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‎I could tell you how she felt but that's not my story at all, hope she still writes.

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‎1600hrs Nyanchwa, "you know I still loved you ". The words pierce more. So I learned something about cuts and wounds, surprise surprise they must leave scars. What about scars, if they don't heal the wound can open again. Older now, done with highschool and never got a girl since, let me tell you why...

‎maybe not

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‎That April still lingers in my mind, now mostly as a lesson but for sometime it was something to attribute pain to. Why did I ever leave, like she didn't know could've just pretended and lived happily. Yes, I loved her, still loved and that afternoon with her a lot replayed. I wanted her but had loved her, her that was no longer there. Wow, people grow, what a shocker. We confessed on nothing but eyes, eyes speak on territories the pen avoids.

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‎4.usiwai rudi crime scene

‎How did we get here? It's a random afternoon, fomles na mabois tukasikia kuna event Fulani ya youth church tukaamua hiyo lunch inatuhusu sana. In one of my unholy side quests we met again. Wish it was that, see we hadn't talked for a while for like ever because you know she moved on which was really good. The details to the meetup......not today. But we met, it wasn't us two though but we took a detour, stadium road. Guys, we didn't have each other's contacts at all, like communication was dead and this conversation wow. Relieved and and revealed, ours was a good time when it was. The 16 shenanigans, go for love come out with lessons. I was feeling absolutely and I had no right to, I had called it over and quit for real. Never gave a second chance, know what I said when she asked if we could try again.

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‎I had sent her a quote, we all know of it if you've played in this town- " you never get the same person twice , same water doesn't pass the same stream twice" something like that. Oh dear, I did that. Burnt home and nuked the water around it. Also thinking of it, maybe the best thing that could've happened at the moment. At my current age I believe in seasons, growth and most importantly change. Events if the littlest can turn out canon. Should I have apologized and gone back, yes, we was young and hadn't even got to really taste each other. But what, be with someone you know can leave because there's a seed  that will.probabky sprout. Stay in a relationship where everything is a chess move.

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‎Claimed my wrongs and left, did I turn it on her, yes, made me feel a bit better for leaving. Last usual statements; 'you deserve better'and I stood by that. Wasn't the best of times but was time to grow to something and later one maybe someone better. Yes forever is promised, why let words confine. Baby if it's forever go and live your best six months. okay I digress there.

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‎Never imagined us as adults having conversations, talking as completely different people. Talking about future plans and dreams without the mention of us. She asked if I still loved boobs, used to joke on it a lot. You know what, might get a pair of my own for how bitchy I was. A heart to hurt.

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‎Hours had disappeared in between, the sun was setting on us and it was time. This time it wasn't just a goodbye, it was for good. Funny how we used to sing along to SMA by nasty C together. Loved it when Selena wrote a song for young me, 2020 past life really didn't mean much. "Last night was the last time in my past life" Lives change and we have to let it. In the conversation you know memories can deceive. The good illuminates so much it makes you think that it can still be, so let's see. There was thoughts we could be friends again but as the sun set it really dawned on us. There was a reason we stopped talking, no matter how we hide it will unravel so why do it again? Why even try to lie?

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‎No kisses by Bensoul is playing, the acoustic fills the moment, not the lyrics exactly but the song is just beautiful. It was a goodbye you know why, we just walked away.

Kabla hujaenda nitaenda

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‎No you don't

‎Never been keen on faces

‎Hate on mirrors

‎On top of the stage can't land mine

‎So I ask, who is it you see?

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‎Language that's my identity

‎Even the name is given

‎That reflection is me!

‎All this skin gotta cover something

‎So I ask, who is it you see?

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‎Presence feels odd

‎Time borrowed space rented

‎Adrift can't escape this rifts

‎Just a spectator under the bruised sky

‎So I ask, who is it you see?

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‎Turn the next page on an empty chapter

‎Blank it stares back

‎Engulfed in the weight of this name

‎Stage lights are dimming

‎So I ask, who is it you see?

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‎Nights like this the moon sings silently, the heart screams but the eyes show none. Nobody was there, felt more of an obligation. Usually only her look got me hard but the light at the corner of her eyes. It was diminishing, could feel her body there and a soul that had surrendered to a price tag.

‎"You good scar?" The tag was scarlet because of her flashy curves but it called her scar the way she a rebel on the pole. The Ghanian owning the 'pleasure district' praised her six senses, said she had an eye for heaven. Yes heaven, that's what every suit paid for.

‎"right there, yeah just right there" she's used to this from me so you good Scar pricked a finger and it was bleeding. We've always locked eyes, that's what it thought.

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‎"I have something you like". Something, yes, not someone but some thing. A fresh ting straight from the islands, thaaackk just like you like. He did this to every blazer, he had a label, the friend we needed and have. A lil change off the paycheck, it was really nothing. So how did I know of this place. My dear uncle, the black sheep with a touch of diamond. Exquisite and slurry.

‎"give the boy a drink, he a man now". It was 19 and this would be its first  drink minus all the study group disguised benders. It was then, her corps de rêve. They must have caught it looking, they must have caught it lost in her sight.

‎

‎"Yours for the night Owura" the Ghanian accent you could never say no to. 

‎"remember Kira" It was a name I hadn't heard in a while, more than a year I'd say. Yeah, she made the Thames look dry on a one am. Her hips could do things Shakira couldn't imagine. She was a marvel from the Nile basin, her melanin radiated beauty, her Amazonian figure sold. Yes I did remember her, we was regulars. She was my love, wonder why she said no to us.

‎

‎"Sand castles, mum would give us flags, coloured to stick out. Play during the day dance at night. Mum always smiled, it was the universe we knew. Universe for ours was colours and lots of food. Ow the fish, how a small people came up with so many recipes and all of them sweet. You know it sir, like when you were a child playing with your parents."

‎Play, that wasn't common, table tennis maybe but Deni and Ash were privileged bitches who couldn't play. Maybe football, yes, I really enjoyed that, really don't know why I ever stopped playing. Oh, it was that move to school, really did shift lives with that.

‎

‎"We all have to work, you do what you do I do mine" cold, the devil had cracked tone and needed hearing. Cold, the room had become, cold and now freezing. "The shores gifted us a lot and with that curses. Sir, what do you know of visibility? Past your suit your heart takes on the same colour. The shore gifted us visitors. Money has this funny way of asking people what were you saying. Soon our home was not anymore because of paper, our homes given because someone in a wig lacked balls. Sir, what is it you know about safety? To eat, sleep and see the sunrise sir, we don't share a heaven."

‎

‎Unless straight through the heart a knife stab can't kill a man, The bleeding out is the real killer, so do you have patience. Hit a critical point and wait it out. Murder has to be rational, you don't want to go in with forty stabs, it really develops motive.

‎

‎"Stop calling me sir, I'm Ima, by now we fahm baby"It said feeling the coldness the room had spiraled to.

‎"The world is yours to take, yours to see" the psych professor used to say this. Felt like he had to but never really heard him. Was he saying the world is yours because of the brilliant minds in the room or because of the tax bracket.

‎"Sir, what do you know of visibility?" Her words were hung on and it started thinking. I saw and knew of a scarlet. A scarlet I called scar, scar oh my why scar.

‎

‎"You see yourself good sir maybe even a god. With that watch you also own time. Sir, we all have a part to play." She refused to call me by name, It was client and it was seeing it. Don't get me wrong, it knew, it always knew she was a transaction away and no more.

‎

‎"sir, the bus is moving and everybody is on board." Everybody is on board. Was it trying to be nice to her. Why did it even look into her eyes. Paid for the boobs not these woes so why does it want to listen to more.

‎

‎The shore that tooketh is the shore that giveth. The world at my feet and she was part of the world. Who was I to see myself nice to her. Nice to her, me nice guy a complete delusion bred of the expensive tuitions. Deni Ash and me, why did I see me different? The shore that cursed her gave it a life and it was living.

‎

‎"Everybody is on board" it was hearing now.Board like sold and ship, no return ticket.The bus wasn't one you walked in, it was in there everyday , long before the fake smiles, long before uncle handed it a night of his life.  It was there long before uncle called him a man.

‎

‎Didnt once check its collar. Her empty hands a testament to the nothing she was amounting. I enabled it, I made it happen. My collar also a tag on it, same price as Scarlet and it was paid for.

‎

‎"Ima, who's the whore here?"

‎

‎

‎

‎Sipped, light up again

‎Its easy like this

‎A detour to Elena road

‎dust dust dust

Trees scanty, bushes smiling occasionally

‎never quiet, the place or the head

rarely alone, two three bodies crowded

‎An abandoned project stones flash the sidewalk, the murram is driven dead

‎ lets take a walk

‎

‎maybe three days without foggy mornings

‎Donkeys bellowing, milk always in time

‎the landscape a reminiscence to a place never been

‎Shops open late, eight is too late for me, maybe too used to the town hustles

‎Sunrises are super warm, the girl downstairs said she liked the way I say kairetu so hi to her

‎Nostalgia a pill, something in the morning tea that confesses love

‎ the tarmac is well maintained, a walk in Ng'othi

‎

‎It sells safety under the sun,belonging is cheap, don't stay too long darling

‎The smile fades with the sunset, it welcomes another home

‎Metal rules the night, stats stats and stats as the moon claims another

‎Yellow buses. another morning, another day, it sells belief

‎A left to wr15 ,homes line up and trees are seen

‎Quiet, the quiet that alarms, unsettling as it is it sells calm

‎A crisis dressed in white, take a thousand pictures still no peace

‎

‎Chill for a Sunday, just the regulars up and about

‎under the acacia just how I like it and lit the joint

‎The cows and goats are closer today, reminiscent of real memories now

‎Chasing cows from the maize fields, the sugarless porridge that ended up being sweet always

‎Do the kids in Elena road ever get this, do the mamas chaf grain while talking of last Thursday?

‎Another puff, maybe walk down to the stream

‎

lets take a walk

‎

‎

‎kengele kila mahali

mbioni wawingu, kuni moto waanza

‎mahindi anua, nguo silowe

‎tele leo nje sipatikane

‎mifugo waita mbali, kuku mayai beba zote

‎

‎sare na mkoba mgongoni, vicheko kila mahali

‎matatu dere kanyagia, wadwa thi dala

‎udongo kiu yatibu sasa, harufu ya ardhi yatanda

‎mafiga leo kando jiko tutawasha, uji tayarisheni

‎radi kwa umbali, "nishafika"

‎

‎mlango pole pole naufungia nyumba yangu ndogo

‎paani mvua shajitambulisha

‎ghasia za siku baraka hii tuoshee

‎vikembe dirishani cinema hii iliitupa ulmwengu

‎blanketi na sweater tafuta, baridi ya yenyemelea

‎wapenzi kitanda shawakaribisha, wapweke ongezea chai moto

‎

‎boda boda mepunguza kasi, honi kelele zanyamaza

‎makanga hapigi matatu tena, redio nje haziongei

‎sokoni vurugu bado, za siku bado kutaftwa

‎ghasia za siku baraka hii ituoshe

‎Kabla tuanze kuogelea Nairobi, jioni hii tung'arishie

‎

‎koth biro

‎mvuke toka kikombeni pole pole

‎dirisha nafungua kidogo hewa hii nipate

‎ikitirika shairi laingia nataka hii wakati

‎kalamu na chai sote tufurahie

‎ nje twatazama tena, amani kazliwa vitani

‎kwaheri siku hii

Canvas blank

‎Another piece they await

‎A piece of me for the world to see

‎Hang it everywhere call it priceless

‎What about this is exciting?

‎This  a mad man with a pencil

‎

‎Canvas blank

‎My heartbreak your classic

‎Drawn out trauma see a masterpiece

‎Best selling traded with my soul

‎What about this is exciting?

‎This a mad man, put a face behind

‎

‎Canvas blank

‎Hate the dark afraid of fire wanting light

‎What do you see in these poems, these stanzas full of fake rhymes

‎What do you see in these paintings, the many colors just splashed

‎What about this is exciting ?

‎This a mad man, confine in him

‎

‎Canvas blank

‎That one day in February they cried to life

‎January when he wore shoes stepped in that class

‎December the first Christmas all of us with fanta orange the smiles were real

‎April when he asked will you be mine and how they left in March

‎What about this is exciting?

‎This a mad man, with clear light make your rainbows

‎

‎Canvas blank

‎River's flowing the edges too harsh

‎All this turbulence, what to save

‎This a mad man, confine in him, in the mirror who you see?

‎Void of life the eyes stare back, collided by who,what is seen

‎Fairest of them all,cruelest of them all, why only my name triggers me

‎Ingegereri buya,an ka

‎What about this is exciting?

‎This a mad man

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‎

‎

‎

‎This particular night the moon is a perfect half. Another flicker sound, grey hoodie by the corner. There's a good view of the place from up here, there's a couple a street away. They're arguing, the lady is walking away. Probably some nihga shiii but he runs to her, with two arms he holds her tight. She can't move, no, she doesn't want to move. They do this, she's melting he's pulling her closer.She laments, articulates her worries, she questions, he's probably not listening, just looking around to mitigate the damage. They walk back in, maybe the best fuck of the night. Communication works funny. How do you think you're heard best?

‎

‎The moon is lazy tonight, the stars are waving away. It's not moving, the stare is mesmerizing.It notes, the events of the night, the disparity, it records.

‎He walks to my end, the strides silent. He gestures pressing his thumb, share the lighter. Greetings fully done with one hand sign. Lights up says wagwan and back to their corner. 77 conversations  in a brief moment, questions answered best by silence.

‎

‎Zina was a cutie. A kid who understood and didn't care, a good time was always had with her. But she could fight and wasn't quiet, didn't care what was in between your legs. Couldn't define friendship but us was really happy. She also brought in packed lunch, this particular day she brought in omena and it was chaos. She was roasted and thing is it was just another day and it happened to be her. Casar also had one of those days, how he didn't wear boxers ,we don't know why but 'shuka na yeye'. Anybody could get it and it was just fine. The walks home cheerful. Kicking the ball then my favourite activity then, eavesdropping. I mean you do get a lot from that. Confessing on crushes to friends, note that info, ati what are they to do, yeah note that.

‎

‎Not another one, for this morning maybe. The moon is alone now demanding sight. It wants talk, wants to be heard. Troubles of the day, the sunset a memory now. What do you talk of at night time. Why so scared of the dark if never out in it. Darkness sold quiet terror, taught us to walk bear. It sold to others also. A time to shine, a time to thrive, a chance to turn a dollar in. It sold secrecy, premium privacy where you choose to be seen. Hell yeah it sold sex as a bedroom act. It's very unsettling and really comforting. Time to rest, rest the 'troubles' of the day.

‎ A new black hoodie for the holidays. It was my little ritual every end of term, get a beautiful hoodie for myself, they were mostly black and grey and I don't know why... "Did you know of Mera?" My mother never asked me about other kids and especially not girls so why today about her. Also, she asked if I knew of. "We laid her to rest around two months ago, was she a friend of yours". Fuck you mum. I immediately called one of my friends and she confirmed this. Three months without a break and this was the first news I got. Thought of the cakes she used to bake and blocked. Same age, same age, how does that happen? Yes a new black hoodie, a holiday in mourning for real.

‎

‎ Thoughts do buy time. A second to a memory, an hour for a question. It's 4am now. The grey guy walks over and says hello again. He asks of the moon. Yes, it still was weirdly stagnant." Just like people maybe, stuck on the good we've lived. Exes we still text, relatives you shared moments with and with friends, the night outs you probably just remember glimpses"

‎Maybe the moon didn't want to be seen tonight, it expected alone time tonight. "Maybe yes" a third voice this one softer. So lost in my thoughts didn't notice we were three and the joint was on me. " A bigger bed with softer sheets and blankets, also many pillows, recipe for a good night. Tears should be deserved, but somehow everything gets," she said casually also staring at the.moon. " Fear to be seen, imagine being seen with tears" grey hoodie said also gazing at the moon. They probably knew each other, something was said in the lines of si next ukipika chapo unishow.

‎

‎ Its dimming in my hands, just the ash almost burning my fingers. Maybe time to wrap the morning and end the day. The night really is amazing. So many stories as the lights disappear, hearts in turmoil everywhere. "Runaway, runaway as fast as you can" yes Kanye. The night gives escape, a chance to restart, sure it's not another day but it's sure another time.

‎"There's this fries place that's open 24/7, what do you guys say" Ami as I came to know her said. So we all knew about my place. In pajamas and hoodies reeking of marijuana, munchies hitting crazy, yeah 0425hours was the perfect time for hot masala. "let's walk" Had lived in that place for three months but only knew of the caretaker, just wondering.

‎

Subscribe

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‎

‎

‎...

‎picha yake kanikwamia, yeye tu

‎kujeni! njooni! napotea

‎busu shazamia, kanikumbatia huyu malkia

‎waridi kutafuta dua niliweka moyoni

‎mejibiwa, hapa shafunga nizikeni

‎

‎nyako ni

‎nipe kalamu, mate taniishia kumwongelea

‎mbingu nyie hamjaona, tabasamu yake asubuhi

‎hakuna anayepamba zaidi ya ye, unayoihataji mi nitakuwa

‎pete tumepata vitenge shonee

‎hera ni biro tieka

‎

‎Nishikilie

‎...

‎penzi linavyokimbia, miguu hapa kaganda

‎shaniachilia, mtima mimi nilupeleka kichinjio

‎macho yako situoni tena, pataitwaje nyumbani bila wewe

‎kizimbani mashtaka ya nani moyo ukiugua

‎

‎tong'ichera kama tari nche

‎hospitali talilia nani jeraha hili bila donda

‎tarudia nani kubandika malkia tope

‎mbinu zako shaona bayani, porini wakufungie na wenzake

‎samahani tulipatana njiani, samahani ndoto zetu

‎ugani kwako, refa puliza tuanze tena

‎

‎Adwari

‎...

‎uliyofanya nitaonaje kama ulikataa

‎ukisema unanipenda pekee nani takataa

‎kinichukua kwa mikono yako unifanye wako tena, itakuwa nani kama si mimi

‎siwasikizii yako niliridhia

‎moyo uliovunja labda wewe tu uuchukue

‎

‎naye narora

‎mazuri mabaya sisi binadamu, wasio dhambini basi ardhini

‎tazama leo jua laashiria siku mpya, siku hii tuiweke yetu

‎kandarasi penseli sahihi tuifute, wino moyoni kaandika jina letu

‎Kujeni! Njooni! napotea

‎ ni wewe.

‎

‎

‎

‎

‎something about the 3pm sun

‎peak, yes peak

‎not it's hottest, just shinning

‎the forehead is spared, a settling to it

‎doesn't scream, doesn't whisper, allows talk

‎the body is slow

‎The station clock is ticking louder, the calm, a calm braced

‎just the trolley wheels clattering, the tears the wrappings, glass echoing the room

‎outside it's light, the air is anticipating

‎get theirs in the evening, yearn you'd say, crave time

‎

‎it burns slow

‎deep, yes deep

‎resignation to the day, an angle altered

‎its not serene but seen, eyes can look

‎meaning it doesn't prey, exists

‎the calms as the water streams down, the gushing, the rocks just accommodative

‎the seven discharges are finishing, the finance department is working today

‎walks from the theatre, all responding we want

‎acceptance

‎not great but a good day

‎could been better but what's best

‎

‎it doesn't stay

‎runs fast, yes fast

‎let's take a walk in CBD

‎checkered flags everywhere and a timer always beeping

‎tense, minimal space curvature, hands tight

‎the mamas bags close to their bodies, the men sizing each other by step, all these no eye contact

‎everything in moments, capture what you want

‎it doesn't welcome only it invites

‎sells despair to overprice hope

‎

‎so something about the 3pm sun

‎it unsettles, it disrupts

‎calm in a way to blind

‎tiring, it pushes rest,

‎oh river go splash take me along

‎the station is packed, maybe we can take our t...

‎...

‎a bell from thirteen, of course a bell from 13

‎the emergency kit on my back, yes another day , another day

‎sell it to me again, 3pm sun

‎

‎

‎

‎

‎

‎

‎Brown lesos and alot of beads

‎Afros and the women gracing theirs to the waist, the shining scalps

‎Colours yes, a lot of colours, red is easy from the earth, black and grey

‎Their necklaces hanging, matching bracelets that held meaning more than history

‎oh to be there!

‎

‎Drums a lot of drums, strings gracing a goodbye to the sun

‎Feet moving elegantly, hands in the air the fire brighter the beats faster

‎Mamas showcasing getting the young men to pull the strings harder

‎The earth, what a beautiful dance floor

‎

‎The sour fermented grains, the honey going around

‎The girl from the corner now in front, her voice silencing the place

‎The crying children shush, the devil sits 

‎She speaks to hearts, floating on the melodies her vocals

‎The moon on her dark skin glistening red tattoos

‎

‎Sweat down their foreheads now

‎Her voice welcomes the stars, they join in and around the moon they dance

‎Her eyes a mirror, her tattoos, her piercings, a look at the crowd she shows love

‎The night is warmer in all it's darkness, it was her

‎surely something like this must have happened somewhere in Nyansiongo in 1703

‎

‎

‎

‎ sight with the shoreline

‎ you dive, you swim

‎ my place, tis I named home

‎ a heart, tis I named mine

2355hrs

‎

‎songs and more music

‎ karaoke with the stars

‎ hips, hands, feet we move

‎ you dive, you swim

‎ rest our days together

‎

0145hrs

‎good morning

‎ the sun another chance

‎ very good at goodbyes

‎ don't pick up, please

‎ you dive, you swim

0230hrs‎

‎hungry for I've been full

‎ heaven I saw with an angel

‎ to be held again

‎ not too deep how?

‎ dag this hole myself.

‎

0330hrs

Comment

‎How was your night?

‎How is the day going?

‎Heard a lil cough, you good?

‎You been on calls a lot, everything right?

‎Have a good night

‎

‎Rada

‎What's with that smile ?

‎You usually don't make that face

‎How're your steps

‎Outside will do us good today

‎Have a nice afternoon

‎

‎Rada

‎Is the year coming through?

‎Your dreams , ears here for you

‎Will winter find you?

‎Capture the moon, seize the day

‎Have a beautiful morning

‎

‎I say rada a lot. Any situation any moment, I've adapted rada to it. It's not just an icebreaker but the easiest way to let your heart out, simplest way to lend your ears. See you smile I'll go rada, see you sad it's still rada.

‎I want to say I see you, no, I see you. Your story I need not hear, the nod, the forced smile, I see you.

‎So I'll go again, rada.

Comment

‎

Bunge shabandika choo

Uvundo sote tumetwikwa

Kidonda , funua tena waone

Kupumzika tafadhali twaomba

Shule hakuendeki

Maabadini mmesheheni

Picha zenu kila mahali

Ndoto mwauza ghali

Shusha, shusha tafadhali

Bilioni ni nambari tu

Gunia i wazi, mbinuzo twaona

Mandugu kawapa panga, ukumbini wafuata damu

Vitendawili tumepata jawabu, wajinga sisi

Hii jasho si machozi, kazi apana msiba

Vijikaratisi kuwaapisha

Alama ya X msumari kwa jeneza

Million hamsini mwatuonaje

Sina sinani mwisho nauona

Mate yanikaukia, debeni tupatane

‎wipe your eyes, there's no checkered flag

‎sorry I lied, sorry I smiled

‎make your bed and sleep, tonight exhale with the sunset

‎rejoice your winnings, this day you made yours

‎let your hands feel

‎

‎oh dear child go outside and play

‎make friends, give flowers

‎make your art, dance to the beat of the night

‎arise at dusk , rest the day at dawn

‎the moon is up and yours to seize, a worthy star by their side

‎run the world barefoot

‎

‎oh dear child board that bus

‎the earth yours to explore, maps for you to make

‎pack your bags, dress that dress

‎kiss in the rain, claim your love

‎sorry I loved you, sorry I didn't say it

‎a full course meal in the cinemas, the views from hills

‎all yours to see

‎

‎oh dear child, come back home

‎a distant lover we made, sorry I smiled

‎the maze is not yours alone, share your load my darling

‎the wall you built we paid for, here arms are open

‎its home, don't just live in your room

‎dear child I see your laden shoulders, you can cry

‎

‎my darling go and live

‎

‎

‎

‎

‎Academia is usually a sensitive topic especially in this country where everything is about who memorized best.

‎You're not an A student but everything screams potential. Probably you passed primary school with 407 in your KCPE.  Your dear father is gassed, another proper one he's sending to the community. A doctor, your lovely mum is happy, happy because she's smiling and let you take the day off. No ululations, no cheers. The supper table is a bit warmer, the fish is sumptous, mbuta just like you love it. It's a normal evening, it's just different news. Eight years at the top nothing less was expected. "huyu hata angefika 420 ni mchezo tu" that's the congratulations you suck it up and await to go chase dreams.

‎

Its AGM, most of your mates are quiet. The forced excitement dies with each look at the report form. Maybe you all share a fate. It's an A-, first taste of "failure". The Math grade stares back, a C , a good looking curvy C probably why it landed at A-. It's beautiful brains around, many As to look at, tis what it feels like to chase the top. It's tidy and you know they'll not like it. "hapa kwa maths useme ni vitabu gani huna" congratulations, congrats you tried in your first senior highschool exam, congrats and you'll do better for it's a good start. New books, better authors that's the road, the path unmoved.

‎"ni kukaa hapo nyuma na kucheka kucheka, ama ni hii mambo ya kuwa captain shule" he's angry, he doesn't want an explanation he's just stating. Can't nod nor shake your head, apologize for your best. "sorry, I'll do better next time. I'll do better next time since form two. Sorry, I can't be your strongest soldier. I need my hours of sleep in bed, I'll go to games and run as soon as it's four. I'll dance my week off every Saturday I get. I also read, pay attention and everything".

‎The B- persists, school is getting harder, three months you call it off. It's not easy, it's simple, you know you'll do it, you know you'll get a good grade out of that place . The cold is getting to you, the many escapes you had in school outings, the near expulsions and suspensions, it's a stretch. The young bloke has grown over four years. KCSE, easy, you don't do much just place your best.

‎January, the dinner table is quiet. The faint lingala music tries to lighten the mood. Head burried deep in the plate. Nothing happens, nothing does happen unless you want. "A course in health, engineering or maybe mathematics" congratulations, congrats you've finally done it, it's time for you to step out. Your best is just enough, just enough to get a show smile, just enough to get a hug. You hold your mum, it's awkward, first time it's ever happened. Do you say thank you, "I'll think about it" they have something planned, they always have, why speak now, why insult their intelligence.

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1420 hours safaricom replied, it's a B+, you just smurk. IG is a bit distasteful but a walk can't do at the moment. You'll meet them, they'll see you. Four years they dreaded to ask, you can feel the fake hellos metres outside the gate. It's disappointing, you sold dreams.

‎"I sold dreams, so I sold dreams"Fuck the primary school mates, you made math look hard, you made the top easy to get.

‎Fuck the brain, you never read, you always slept, so why give it good. Always keep them guessing, always keep them talking about the potential. What potential, one that was set because of that 94A in chemistry. Didn't you see it, when I picked the mic.

‎

Youre probably in STEM, a calculus CAT in the morning. Your friend crying anatomy in their story.Campus is education in itself, you learn more, you're educated in the reality of life. Just enough can't. Just enough doesn't cut it. You still live to please, still the brightest pillar.

‎Chins up mate, now do it for you.

‎

‎We created heaven, see us here

‎We the angels, look at us glamour, look at us shine, look at the robes we wear, the gold on our necks the stripping diamonds

‎We're angels don't you see, the way we dance so in tune to the earth, our voices magical, we sing to the universe, not angels we're gods

‎Reality you see not, a line the difference to tomorrow, what is this?come we make hay, come we praise, praise that is we who live, with we it has to work out, chant and chant, stamp and stamp, clamp and clamp and sing we created heaven here,

‎Fear not the gone, hail that they went,live with us, us that breathe tomorrow, hale we're immortal, not heavy if we share it, you feel it can tell the touch is off,scary,malicious and also soft, welcoming,home that's us all around, rockets, space, seasons, science- who do you want to lie to at the end.

‎Fire's lit the wine is out ,making a face I had to start with the tequila, the lil jist, the wine pours at this moment I love it, my belly's hot so are my feet-kubanjuka is a must

‎We created heaven, the art we make, the jobs we take, smiles that come with the cheque, the baby's first step, at the altar yes I do, the butterflies with that first kiss, hats thrown during graduation, that last full stop in high school, we make this, how we're isn't it all magic

fret not the going for we're immortal , hail hail

‎Us

‎

‎@Lavi

‎

‎"shots on me" a smile accompanies a deeply knitted voice. It's demeanour screamed confidence, shouted I know. Vanessa caught the slipping Luo accent. They hit it off, a full on conversation, he's knowledgeable, a criminal defence attorney. He allowed her go off, she hadn't been this full for a while. Maybe it's the cologne, this 6'1 flesh of chocolate reminded her of a place. A haven she had made, a place her heart had closed. His smile more questions to her. Does she take this chance, wash herself of Otis, put the soil to rest But again how, how do you open after an end like that?

‎

Loosing someone you love while young sucks, sucks that you can't claim being a widow/widower. Just there at 25 nursing veteran wounds. It's a different type of heartbreak, a whole lotta emotions noke of should explore.

‎"I know how you feel" "it will get better". Whips the next time I hear this at a wake. You know how feel then you know we should be quiet. Do you just move on, bust a nut for the road , let that nighah in coz maybe yeah. Or close up, grief, mourn the lovers we never become. The songs are still very recent, out favourite coffee is up everyday, I see us everyday.

‎‎mimi na wewe hivo ndio tuliagana, forever that was the promise

‎mbona sasa simu hushiki, namba yako nimeshindwa futa, I added another call the 14th time and still couldn't believe, what is your cousin saying, mbona marafiki zako wanasema RIP, this evening was us, us to rest, umeenda na why so fast, naumia kulia sitaki, ulifaa hapa unishike mkono, nguvu mchanga futi sita wanaekelea, msumari nchi sita rohoni zawadi ya penzi, Mimi na wewe.

‎Navyokujua hawajui, nitarudije nje bila wewe

‎They keep saying it'll get better as if I didn't have the best. "wewe ni mdogo" they say that stern eyes, that's comfort provided. Like everything has to disappear juu wewe ni mdogo.

‎mimi na wewe

It's when a friend finally says they can't, when someone asks how do I love again? Yes how do I love again, a broken heart can't go for a trade twice. The hot glue burning ‎the hard hand, the glass pieces carefully back together, it's ugly really ugly but can be seen. It's rough, rough like the morning after, rough like the nights the you question meaning of the second pillow. It's ugly you can't touch. It's ugly it scares anyone so who you think can see. The plate is never the same but the owner picks and owns. Before the room the glass cuts them fast, it's their blood that goes first, the epicenter of the pain. So how do you get that?

I can cry, for how long though????

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