Woke up in Minneapolis today. 5:30am, to be exact. There’s a morning chill outside that’s refreshing, as opposed to the kind of cold that makes your bones rattle, which is what I’ve typically felt in Minnesota when I’m on tour. It’s a welcomed change. I’m a person that enjoys sunrises, so today started off on the right foot checking out the view from my hotel room. Tonight, we’re playing The Fillmore down the road and I’m feeling rested after doing 3 shows in a row. Walked around Minneapolis yesterday with Matty and had some delicious coffee from Backstory Coffee Roasters.

While walking around yesterday, I came across a massive mural of Bob Dylan, who was born & raised in Minnesota, making him an inevitable staple of the state. As he should be. If you follow me on the internets elsewhere, my handle across most social media platforms (including this one) is “No Direction Casa”, which I first penned when Instagram launched in 2010. My initial intention was “No Direction Home”, but it was taken, so the Spanglish version it was. How nimble of me.

Back to Bob though. “No Direction Home” is a reference to him, more specifically a lyric in his song, Like A Rolling Stone:

How does it feel, how does it feel?
To be on your own, with no direction home
A complete unknown, like a rolling stone

When I turned 21, I decided to get my first tattoo.. which ended up being a full sleeve 2 months later1. I got hooked real quick, guys. But, the first words I ever got tattooed on me during those sessions was “No Direction Home” on my forearm. Growing up, Bob Dylan was played in my household quite a bit. My Dad’s record collection introduced & opened my world up to folk music, amongst many other genres like rock, classical, & Motown. I remember how soothing, yet equally mind blowing it was listening to Dylan songs like Blowin’ In The Wind and The Times They Are A-Changin’. Even at an extremely young age, it was prophetic to me.

But, the song that truly blew the door down for me was Like A Rolling Stone. The opening crack of the snare drum with the organ playing still gets me every time. The excerpt of lyrics above have always spoken to me. An only child, starting a band in high school, a complete unknown, painfully shy, entering this unknown world of music, not knowing a damn thing about what to do or how to do it, just rolling with it and figuring it all out as I go. How does it feel? It was every single fucking emotion you can think of wrapped into one.

The Martin Scorsese documentary on Bob Dylan was also entitled “No Direction Home”. It’s hands down my favorite music documentary ever done, which I highly suggest to any & everyone. It came out in 2005, a time in my life where the films’ inspiration would change my whole life.

The story of how this song was written/recorded and how it was received by audiences is a whole story in of itself. A session guitar player in the studio who wasn’t even supposed to play had snuck behind the organ during the recording even though he was told not to. The producer allowed him to give it a go, even though he didn’t even play organ! When Bob was listening back, he told the engineer to turn up the organ in the mix because he loved it so much. The organ is such a seminal, backbone part of that song that you could never imagine the song without it.

This song was also Dylan’s first departure from playing acoustic folk songs up until that point in his career. He was venturing into rock music with electric guitars and a full band in 1965. The first time he played this live, he was booed and heckled. In the documentary, you can hear someone in the audience yell “Judas!” at him. People viewed what he was doing as a betrayal to folk music. But, the coolest, most punk rock thing happened in that moment, which is also caught on film — Bob hears this person from the audience amongst all the other noise coming from them, then turns around to his band and says “play it fucking loud!” And they just rip into an incredible, legendary performance of Like A Rolling Stone.

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To this day, it is considered one of the most influential rock songs ever created. It’s been listed as the No. 1 “Greatest Song of All-Time” by Rolling Stone twice. In 2014, the handwritten lyrics to this song were auctioned off for $2 million, which was also a world record for an item as such.

I was fortunate to come across that mural yesterday and have a moment to reflect. Pay homage to the ones who paved the way, but also reflect on my own personal journey and give myself a pat on the back. Giving myself credit for just doing what I loved even though I had no clue what I was doing exactly.

Following my heart.

Playing it fucking loud.

How’s it going everybody? I’ve been a bit in off-the-grid mode and I must say, it’s been really fantastic for me. It’s a rare occurrence that I’m not touring during the summertime, so I’ve been able to thoroughly enjoy the rampant heat waves living in the valley of LA. I’m not complaining one bit. I’m tanned and thriving.

But, am I missing the road? Absolutely. But, I did travel to Hawaii for vacation; hence the tan. I gorged myself on mountains of shaved ice, pork everything’s, and gallons of delicious coffees. Just before that, I was in Texas for my buddy’s bachelor party, where I also consumed lots of BBQ’d goods & sugary substances. On this trip to Austin, specifically, I had to make a solo road trip to Dallas mid-way through the bachelor party to play So What? Festival in Dallas with the band.

An almost 3 hour drive on a Sunday through Texas on my own turned into quite a reflective moment in time. I rented a car, blasted The Eagles while poorly singing the harmonies to “Life In The Fast Lane”, and expressed some inner gratitude along the way. Gratitude in my life, not towards The Eagles, although I’m very grateful for them too. Reminiscing on how many times I’ve driven through Texas, specifically over the last 20+ years of touring — by van, RV, bus, U-Haul, and car.

The countless, hole-in-the-wall BBQ joints off the I-35. The kind of spots that look eerily similar to destinations in horror films, but you know damn well the burnt ends & brisket will change your life. Rows upon rows of billboards admonishing our sins; how we’re mere steps away from entering the pits of hell. Repent! The luring signs for Buc-ee’s and how some Beaver Nuggets would hit the spot.

There’s something about that Texas drive that took me right back to my early van touring days. Windows down. AC & gas gauge not in working order. Pre-dating the use of cell phones & Waze to navigate our lives. Rand-McNally maps being our best friend. When the drives through Texas took ages, like you were destined to never escape, while at the same time not having a care in the world either way; like previous lives trailing in the hot Texas heat.

Leaving it all behind.

I remembered my early days of playing in Corpus Christi, that sharp smell of sulfur as you inched closer to the Gulf of Mexico. Trying Whataburger for the first time. Everyone I came across being absolutely befuddled I was unaware of this utter nonsense they called a cheeseburger. Yeah, I said it.

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Being exposed to Austin and how it didn’t feel anything like the rest of Texas. I think of the one time I played SXSW with Isles & Glaciers. Also, the only show we ever played and without ever rehearsing together. We went over the set in a hotel room the day before and just winged the whole thing. Going out the night before our performance and bar hopping throughout Austin like I knew what the hell I was doing. Trying to keep up with the whiskey & moonshine crowds was a mistake I learned from & would never make again. Waking up the following morning with a hangover of epic proportions, drinking room temperature Shiner Bock’s because Texans said that would set me right.

Or the first time I visited San Antonio, very eager to visit the Alamo. My whole life up until that point envisioning it to be the size of a small city, while also a bucket list location for me since Pee-Wee Herman goes there believing his stolen bicycle is being stashed under the Alamo grounds . The main memory from that first visit was there was a Ripley’s Believe It Or Not! museum across the street that somehow burst this vision bubble I had, which made me chuckle. And guess what? We visited Ripley’s after spending time at the Alamo. The Texas Revolution and questionable 3-headed taxidermy in 1 day?! I would call that a near perfect day right there. Believe it or not.

I smiled a lot on my drive to play So What Fest. Meeting up with my friends to play a sweltering hot show while the sun was setting. Fighting the urge to puke onstage 3 songs in. Reminiscent of a life spent on Warped Tour.

We’ll save those stories for another time.

All these little moments throughout my life rearing their head while on a drive through the 2nd biggest state in the US. I look forward to more of these moments on my upcoming travels. Reflecting and appreciating the life I’ve lived and continue to build experiences in.

Now, I’m going to go drink some coffee and read a book. Can’t wait to share more stories and get back on the road in a few weeks!

Hey, I’m alive! I’m currently in Grand Junction, CO. We had our day off yesterday in North Platte, NE where a severe thunderstorm was headed our way & fortunately got out of there before it became an issue. It’s been a whirlwind short few weeks of being on tour. It’s felt longer than it really is, but at the same time seems to have moved at a rapid pace. Does that make any sort of sense?

Probably not.

The shows on this tour have been overwhelming, to say the very, very least. The tremendous levels of love & overall energy at these shows has really put what we do in perspective. Justin & I were talking the other day about how all this is bigger than us. The community that has been built around what we do is so beyond our comprehension and it gives what we do so much more meaning. Multi-generations of people coming to our shows, singing together under one roof, all unified in our love for music. Music really is a universal language that brings all walks of life together and it’s a beautiful sight to see onstage.

I want to share a story about someone I met briefly during our set in Nashville. Someone that I learned more about after the fact. The night of our show at Sonic Temple, I went to watch Avenged Sevenfold, and then proceeded to head to the bus to get some sleep. As I was getting myself situated to get some shut eye, I opened up Instagram, saw a video I was tagged in (which happened to be from this wonderful human being in Nashville), and then I wept in the back lounge of our bus. The video hit me at the core. A video that inspires & motivates me to continue doing what I do.

His name is Ivan. At a young age, he was diagnosed with Dandy Walker Syndrome & cerebral palsy. He was adopted by a lovely family who clearly loves & cares for him so deeply. During our set, I saw Ivan & his loving Mom (Cheyenne) having a blast on my side of the stage, so I jumped offstage during one of our songs to make sure Ivan got one of my guitar picks. It wasn’t until later that I learned more about his life & his journey. But, the caption to the post alongside the video just hit me so incredibly hard. I’m teary eyed as I type this.

Watch video here.

You can never, ever put a price on the kind of impact you can have on others, but more importantly, the impact that others can have on you. Ivan’s story inspires me on every level possible. Gives what I do even deeper meaning than it already does. Thank you, Ivan & Cheyenne. Your journey & your story will forever have a lasting impact on me. Also, from here on out, you’ll be on our guest list for any show(s) you want to come out to in the future.

Clearly, this tour has had an incredibly positive impact on me. Just a few shows left this week! And then we’ve got LOTS more to announce soon.

Thank you to everyone who has come out to a show on the Family Tree tour. We fucking love you so much!

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Two wildly different worlds and realities:

Feeding my bird on the couch.

Playing in front of thousands of people singing along to our songs.

The juxtaposition is something else, eh? But holy hell, the importance of separating both worlds while also staying grounded and enjoying both for what they are has been a lesson learned in life. Where a lot of musicians have gone wrong is not keeping both in their own separate categories. And I tell you what. It’s not easy to do.

I love what I do. I always say that I’m so lucky and fortunate to travel the world for a living and play music. It’s quite literally a dream come true for me. But, no one can prepare themselves for that balance you have to find & exercise in your life. There’s no manual. There’s no class for it. You have to figure it out on your own and/or learn from others before you.

Touring can break people. It’s not for everyone. And I think the social media age has helped the outside world understand that. It’s taxing on the mind & body. Touring is an occupation where the excesses of life are there for the taking, but not without consequence. No parents, no rules. It’s destroyed a lot of my friends in the 20+ years that I’ve been doing it. Knock on wood, I’m still here to tell the tale.

Getting home from tour is like jumping off a high-speed moving train. But, then that train comes back to pick you up later on. And then you have to get off it again. Then on again. That train route has been a constant cycle in my life for a long time now.

And I love it.

But, it also took a lot of really high high’s combined with really low low’s to get to a point in my life where I could enjoy both worlds, but more so, truly love them both. There were parts of my life where I did not enjoy touring or being in a band. But also portions of my life where I did not enjoy being home either. I had to mold & build both worlds to my liking, in a way that fulfilled me whole-heartedly in the healthiest way possible.

I’m proud of myself. Like I said before, it’s not easy to do. But, it’s also something that I still work on all of the time.

Something that has helped me immensely is weaving in things that I do both at home and on tour. Most of them are really simple things, but they keep me sane. I try to emulate a similar morning routine, but also a nighttime routine that keeps me in check. Whether that’s waking up a bit earlier than everyone else, having a coffee, reading a book, and even doing this; writing on Substack. Having “me” time. All of these things achieve this really great thing called: normalcy. Both routines I carry out on the road and at home.

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My profession is not normal by any means. I acknowledge and recognize that. I love that it’s not normal; that I took a completely different path than most. That doesn’t mean I can’t find normalcy in it and build routine that is healthy for me. That keep me sane. That keeps me humble. That keeps me grounded. That keeps me being me.

I guess this is just me having a reflective moment on the couch, thinking about how I’ll be back on tour next week, and how grateful I am to be able to do that. The teenager in me still internally screaming. From jumping around in my bedroom on a sugar & adrenaline rush watching Billie Joe from Green Day on MTV, dreaming of doing what he does, not even owning an electric guitar yet — to being on a stage, playing in front of people (with an electric guitar!), and still jumping around after a sugar rush.. and maybe some caffeine now — Shit, I wake up smiling every damn day.

What more could I ask for? See you on tour!

Also, a question for you: Do you find it hard or difficult not to bring your work home and separating your personal life from your profession? Let me know in the comments.

TW: mental health struggles, depression, alcohol

“I think I’m gonna take the night off from drinking.”

After turning down our ritual pre-show whiskey shots, I made this quick (albeit, life changing) aforementioned statement to my fellow bandmates in a small green room whilst touring through Australia. I was met with blank looks reminiscent of a puppy unsure of the words being spoken to them, proceeded by a moment of silence, like commemorating the passing of a loved one. The boys carried on with the typical routine of pre-show antics, we hit the stage, played an incredible show and carried onto the next city.

I woke up the following morning with no headaches, clear headed, and feeling spritely. Who would’ve thought, right?! After waking up feeling great, I made the decision to take another day off from drinking..

Then decided to go through that weekend to extend this “break” I was on..

Fast forward 5 years later and I’m still on said break from the booze.

My decision that night in Australia to forego drinking has opened countless doors for me internally. Metaphorical doors that I continue to go through to this day. I don’t think I ever needed to drink before a show to help loosen up, as they say. It was just the “normal” for me and everyone I was surrounded by. It was part of being on tour and what we did as a band. No one has ever batted an eye at this very normalized, rock ‘n’ roll tradition. I always say that it’s easier to get a bottle of beer on tour than a bottle of water.

This ritualistic-like partying predates me ever being in Sirens. It was like a damn sport when I was in my previous band, D.R.U.G.S. We would watch Pantera’s Home Videos on the bus, memorize every line, & make half-assed attempts at trying to drink like Dimebag Darrell did before going onstage. That was the game: How drunk could we get and still put on a good show. It kinda hurts to say that out loud, but it was part of this spirited debaucherous game before getting onstage. I look back on that time in my life and fully realize how unhealthy that was for me to be doing to myself, both mentally and physically. But, how unfair that was to my band and the people coming to see us. Even if they didn’t know, it’s not a great feeling knowing that I wasn’t 100% for them, or for myself.

Those kind of reflective moments have been immensely important in regards to doors opening up for me the past 5 years of being alcohol-free. Through extensive therapy and self-work, my relationship with myself has changed drastically, which has subsequently changed my relationship with several things around me, including alcohol.

I can whole-heartedly say that I wasn’t the best version of me back then. How can you be when you’re drinking every night? I wasn’t a bad person or a “bad drunk”. Whatever that means. But, I wasn’t honest about my drinking. I was lying to myself & to the people closest in my life for no fucking reason. Well, deep down there was reason. I had amassed this ghostly guilt through the many years of drinking on tour because I wasn’t happy with myself. I had all these bits of lifelong trauma & learned behaviors that would be masked and/or amplified by alcohol. I didn’t even realize it. And it wasn’t just alcohol that perpetuated this internal abuse. It was clinging & subconsciously gravitating to toxic relationships one after the other. Surrounding myself with people who didn’t care about me although I so desperately wanted their validation or to be seen. Consuming utterly terrible food day in & day out, treating my body like a garbage truck, which ultimately led to me being overweight & obese. All of my self-worth and confidence being essentially nonexistent. Feeling like I was nothing. Drinking through those periods in my life only fanned the flames of my inner-self moving further away from achieving any semblance of inner-peace. Drinking definitely wasn’t helping me on my already paved dark path.

I couldn’t recognize that I was depressed. That all those years of sweeping any & everything under the rug was doing nothing but deteriorating me in every way possible. Years before I made the decision in Australia to stop drinking, I started making positive tweaks & changes in my life.

First, I started surrounding myself with people that uplifted, inspired, and motivated me in any way. My relationships were adding value & meaning to my life, as opposed to sucking the life out of me. I realized that the loved ones around me truly loved me for me, which motivated me to be the best version of myself possible. That meant changing my diet & exercising more because I wanted to live. Live alongside them as long as I possibly can. Being a healthy, active husband to my wife. Being a healthy bandmate to my brothers. Being a positive, uplifting musician to our fans.

Purpose.

I found purpose sifting through those foggy years of my life where I struggled to grasp this internal mountain I was climbing. Realizing I didn’t have to do it alone. I always felt like I had to do it myself. That no one cared and I deserved all the wretched shit I was put through in my life. That it just is what it is.

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After cutting back and/or cutting out these things in my life that weighed me down, literally and figuratively, I knew that cutting back on drinking booze was on the to-do list. I rarely or occasionally drank at home, but drinking on tour was always the norm. I didn’t want it to be the norm anymore. It was getting in the way of my relationships, but more importantly, the relationship with myself. I wasn’t being the best version of me. On that tour in Australia, it reared its head for the umpteenth time. A realization that 99.9% of the arguments, issues, or the dishonesty that would arise with me; the common denominator across all these categories would be.. you guessed it: alcohol. It all would come back to that. Plain & simple. And there was no reason to NOT be honest about it. But again, those “bits” of lifelong trauma & learned behaviors were still there, rip-roaring right to the surface and correlated to the issues I was having. There was this underlying layer of shame when I drank which I couldn’t properly identify & dissect until I deep dove into therapy. How could I identify or work on any of that if I was still drinking?

I was exhausted by it. I didn’t want to keep putting myself or anyone else through that infinite loop anymore. I didn't wake up that next morning after drinking with a hangover. What I woke up with was the decision to abruptly stop the moving vehicle on that infinite loop. I consciously hopped out of the vehicle and left the track. I made the decision in that moment to take a much needed break.

What helped me was that I knew I was capable. I had successfully gotten over these other personal humps and worked on several other aspects of my life. I knew that alcohol wasn’t important. I knew that I didn’t need it. I knew the health benefits of cutting back. I knew it would only enrich my relationships, not hurt them. Why not start right fucking now?

What’s interesting looking back on it, I didn’t even think of it as that big of a decision. It was just a choice made and I carried on with my day. When I got home from tour a few weeks later, my wife didn’t even know I had stopped drinking because I didn’t really think twice about it while I was on tour. At the time, I didn’t think it was even worth pointing out or mentioning while I was on tour. Like I said, I made a choice and just carried on. My communication has admittedly always been lackluster (something I’m continuing to work on), so I look back on it now and know this was absolutely something important to communicate, but it also goes to show how much I truly didn’t care about alcohol. Again, I didn’t need it. Today, I fully understand the importance of that decision and I’m immensely proud of myself for making it.

My story is different than others and that’s something important for me to point out. I’m fortunate and grateful for several things. I didn’t (and still don’t) crave or have the itch to drink. I didn’t have any sort of withdrawals. I was surrounded by people who supported my decision and I do feel like my decision impacted others around me to slow down on the partying, which has ultimately helped strengthen my friendships. My wife stopped drinking in solidarity at the time, as well. The people in my life who maybe didn’t treat my decision with as much respect are no longer a part of my life, which says a lot, eh?

Current day, I have never been healthier. At 40 years old, I look back at photos of me in my late 20’s through early 30’s and they can be difficult to look at. Through those years of drinking, eating poorly, and struggling with my mental health - I had completely aged myself. I looked lost. Self-confidence at zero. I can’t go back to that. I fucking refuse. So, I continue the self-work staying on the current path of betterment.

I’ve been very vocal about my story over the years and for the sake of transparency, I’m not saying I’ll never reintroduce alcohol back into my life, but I do know that my relationship with it (and most importantly, myself) has changed so deeply & working on myself to be the best version of me will never stop. There’s no finish line to that. I’m proud of my accomplishment, and quite honestly, it’s something I don’t think much about at all. But, I do acknowledge its importance & don’t want to downplay it whatsoever. Again, everybody’s story & journey is different. There isn’t a right or wrong way. You just have to have purpose and some motivation.

Purpose.

My purpose of sharing this story is maybe it’ll inspire or motivate somebody in some capacity. Doesn’t even have to be about cutting out alcohol. The purpose is to prove the notion or idea that we are all capable. Capable of change & betterment. Nothing is impossible or too extreme, especially when it comes to working on ourselves. Like I said previously, it’s a journey that never ends and once you’ve found that spark to better yourself, tackling that to-do list of things that will benefit your life becomes an incredible process. It’s not easy. Sometimes it’s not pretty. You’ll face hurdles along the way, big & small, but any steps in a forward direction is a win in my book.

Sending all the extra love & positive vibes to those who may need it, or feel like they’re on their own island trying to figure out how to get off it. Don’t be afraid to reach out for help if you need it. I promise you’re not alone.

Much love.

If you, or someone you know, is struggling and/or needing a helping hand, reach out to those who can help: SAMHSA (Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Administration)

Several months into recording an album that seemed to not have any sort of end in sight, we were traveling to frozen tundra cities to write endlessly while feeling like nothing was making the cut. Questioning my very existence of being a musician and if I (or any of us) was cut-out for doing this job anymore. It shouldn’t be this hard. Waking up with anxiety and knots in my stomach from the get-go should have been the telltale sign that this didn’t feel right.

At the beginning of this process, before we even started getting in a room to write, we preferred hanging out at the local Applebee’s instead. Yes, the less than subpar “Neighborhood Bar + Grill” in what felt like the middle of nowhere was more important for us to frequent and hang out at rather than go into a basement to write music. That is the mental space we were in at the time. It’s not fun when music becomes a chore, or a boring 9-5 gig. Just give me a “Perfect Margarita” alongside a chicken tenders platter and I was happy.

Happy.

But, we weathered through somehow. That time in my life where time itself ceased to exist. It’s possible it was a year. Maybe it was 6 months. I actually do not remember because it felt like a literal eternity. Currently, the only memory that sticks out for me outside of the studio was going to a hibachi restaurant one night with everyone, having booze squirted into my mouth across the table every 5 minutes by the chef, and laughing uncontrollably at an equally drunk band member of mine jerking off a balloon at the table until it popped. I think he bit the tip of it, actually. Memories hazy.

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At some point, we were finally nearing the end of the recording process. Having run ourselves through the proverbial gauntlet of writing, recording, writing more, recording more, and scrapping along the way; both songs and at each other. We were together, but so separated at the same time. There’s also a point in the studio process that other artists can attest to: Listening to the same songs (or segments of songs) endlessly for hours or days on end, your brain starts to melt and you don’t know what’s good or bad anymore. This is why we implemented a rule of taking breaks while recording albums after this eye-opening, learning experience. It can break you down mentally and emotionally; sending you spiraling into a world of “Am I even good at doing this anymore?” kind of mental shit.

The studio felt bleak & soul-sucking on this specific day. This was several days into having people come in & out from the outside world, convening into our chaotic cocoon to hear “board mixes” of what we’ve been working on for what felt like since the dawn of time. These people were “the suits” as we sometimes refer to; managers, booking agents, business managers, and label exec’s. This specific day was for the label.

The record label A&R rep was a tall, slender fellow who was very kind. Surprisingly, we had no interference from this label throughout our turbulent creation, which we appreciated at the time. But, looking back on it now, maybe we could’ve used some outside forces of help, although it probably would have proved to be futile. I remember he sat next to me in the back of the control room while we listened to mixes on this uncomfortable IKEA studio couch. This is an awkward, excruciating and soul-bearing experience, by the way. Sitting next to someone you barely know or have a relationship with that is essentially going to be in charge of your art and ensuring it gets as much attention as possible at the label in utilizing internal resources to the fullest. In other words, they’re tasked as the conduit to helping make sure the album performs well from their end.

Our producer hits play and turns the music up to near deafening decibels. Mr. A&R listens to a few songs. He’s not saying anything. He’s looking down at the floor between his knees, eyes wide open, with no emotional tells. We decide to play him what we feel might be the “single” off the album; aka, the big hit. The one that’ll take us to the top. I’m drenched in cold sweat. My hands feel like they’ve been under a frigid cold faucet for 10 minutes, sodden by perspiration. I’ve entered the realm of thinking that he’s about to axe this whole album, tear our record contract up in front of us, burn it on the studio floor, spark his 20 foot long Cuban cigar with said flames and bellow in nightmarish laughter.

We get through the first chorus of “the big hit”, he finally looks up from the carpeted floor, looks right at me straight faced, slowly leans in and asks me one question:

“What color Maserati you going to get?”

One thing I knew in that moment was that all those gut feelings I was having during this whole process in not feeling “right” - well, this defining moment was the nail in the coffin for me. Looking back on that moment, I know he was just overcome with excitement with what he was hearing and wanted to express said excitement in an over-the-top, very “lavish” question to hopefully spark my excitement. It did not. It was the polar opposite. It made me feel dirty, honestly. In those very vulnerable moments where people are consuming your art for the first time, where you feel almost naked with someone hearing what you’ve been working tirelessly on day in and day out in an intimate setting - there’s a million other questions or comments that could’ve been made. But instead, he chose to go with that question: WHAT COLOR MASERATI AM I GOING TO GET?! For fucks sake.

He meant well. But, it definitely didn’t help where I was at at the time.

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It was a learning lesson. That whole era of my life was. It defined and then redefined me. It firmly planted my feet in the ground and has kept me there. I don’t allow outside entities to define who I am as an artist in any capacity, or put some materialistic value on what I’m doing to try and excite me. My advice to anyone getting into the music industry, or into any line of work that you pour your passion into: listen to your gut. If something feels like shit, it probably is shit. Surround yourself with people who will keep it 100% real with you & not bullshit you.

And if you’re wondering, I never got to pick a color for my Maserati because I never got a Maserati. I didn’t get any car, in fact. Our gut feeling as a band was right and we learned what we are not in that process. The path became crystal clear after all was said and done. Haven’t steered away since in my career.

An invaluable lesson in life: Trusting intuition.

And that Chili’s is far superior to Applebee’s.

I’m yawning as I type this sentence. I don’t feel jet lagged, but I can’t stop waking up at 3:45-4am’ish since I got home a few days ago. I don’t feel like my head is in a fishbowl, which is great. I just feel depleted, which I’ve talked about in previous newsletters. The tour depletion is a very real thing and I’m coming out the other end of it.. slowly’ish. But nevertheless, I’m mere steps (or a few long strides) away from that glorious light at the end of the tunnel.

I had a session with my therapist last week and we dove into the tour depletion conversation. I brought up that I’ve become increasingly more emotional onstage every night. Some nights more than others. But, to be very vulnerable with you guys for a moment, there weren’t many nights on this last tour that I wasn’t getting choked up at some point during our set. Typically during the acoustic portion of the set or when we play “Better Off Dead”. Beautiful moments of hearing the crowd sing their hearts out to us, but also personally making connections with people in the crowd every night who I can see are maybe going through something personally. Or just feeling an overwhelming sense of joy & happiness. Or just feeling not alone in a room full of people who feel the same way they do. It could be a vast range of many emotions, but as someone who is an extremely empathetic person, going through the rollercoaster of onstage emotions every night like that is depleting for me.

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Then, when you factor in the physicality aspect of actually playing every night like running & jumping around like a kid consuming cotton candy for the first time; the toll that’s taking on you, you’ve really compounded a lot on the human body. It’s a lot to take in & take on. At least for me, personally.

This depletion I speak of is so fulfilling though. Almost doesn’t make sense, right?

My therapist pointed out that that feeling of positive, gratifying fulfillment after being drained is a complete 180 turn in my life. In the past, that very same empathetic depletion would come from a negative place. A very common theme. That emotional draining coming from the result of people taking advantage of my kindness & caring for them. Abuse the helping hand I’d give and just take, take, take. My therapist pointed out that even after going through all of that negative depletion in my life, I stayed an empathetic person, and that says a lot. I fortunately didn’t lose that love for connection & feeling for others. Our session went even deeper into all of that, which really gave me gained perspective on myself and the progress I’ve made along the journey of being my best self.

Long story short, therapy rules. You should try it, if you haven’t already.

So, the past week of hibernating at home has been positive. I got to catch up on some of my favorite shows like The Mandalorian & Succession. I also got really hooked on this Apple TV series called, “Shrinking”. Highly recommend checking it out. Delves into the world of therapy and facing life traumas.. and it’s a comedy. Interesting perspectives & equally interesting friendship/relationship dynamics that keep the storyline really engaging. I also just started “Beef” on Netflix and I’m sucked in.

My plan is to enjoy time at home before our next tour, which I leave for in about 30 days. So, the countdown to that has begun and even though I’m still coming up for air from the tour we just finished, I’m absolutely chuffed for the upcoming run. “Chuffed” is another word I’ve picked up being overseas, which is also a word that I never knew the meaning of for the longest time.

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More newsletters coming this week. I’ll be sharing about my trip to Seoul and how I think it’s the coolest place in the world.

Also, I’m going to do dedicated newsletters answering your questions. I will also be doing some of those for the audio/podcast portion of this newsletter, which will only be available to subscribers.

Let me know how you’re doing and leave a question down below!

Much love,

Nick

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It’s been such an incredible few days here in London recharging my batteries, roaming around the city, loving Hyde Park, and drinking copious amounts of coffee along the way. I should rewind a bit though. We played our last show of the tour in Glasgow and what an amazing way for us to finish off the run. Scotland always brings their A-game and the show on Tuesday was nothing short of that. I realized after leaving Glasgow that I forgot to eat haggis while I was there! I will spare you the ingredients of what haggis is comprised of, for you will have to consult Google on that one.

Anyways, I had spoken in a previous post about tour exhaustion and how it had been setting in the final week of shows. I don’t know what came over me, but I had a miraculous second wind going into that last show. I don’t know where it came from, but I’m not going to ask questions. I reckon it was the insanely awesome crowd we played to who gave me all the energy I needed. We’ll go with that.

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The end of tour is always a mixed bag of emotions for me. There's the part of me that is so proud of what we’ve accomplished, but so ready to be back home, in my own bed, doing my everyday “normal” routine, and hibernating from the outside world for a bit. The other part of me gets a wee bit bummed. Not seeing my friends until the next tour. We all live in different states and Matty lives in a different country altogether. I love being onstage and meeting the amazing people who come out to our shows. I miss that a lot, as well. It’s always a bittersweet moment at the end, especially when it has been a little longer than most. The everyday human contact I have with everyone in our band and crew just get relegated to text messages, FaceTime, and sending each other DM’s of funny shit we find on the internet every day - which I still very much appreciate.

Touring is such a depleting job. And I say that in the most positive way possible. The main component; the common denominator is playing music every single night of our lives (minus those key days off, of course). That’s what we love doing. It’s what we love sharing together. Finding those very specific people to do that with has been such a long journey for me. But holy shit, I am so grateful that I found that. Expelling every ounce of energy we have for this together is kind of fucked up in the most beautiful way possible. It’s out of a shared love & passion. I was speaking to my Uber driver yesterday who had a million questions about being a touring musician. I told him it’s the best drug in the world; being onstage with my best friends, connecting with our audience, and leaving every bit of myself I possibly can on that stage every night.

You can never put a price on that.

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This tour has been nothing but humbling & fucking incredible. I’ve been asked countless times throughout this run what my favorite show has been. I truly cannot pick just one. They've all had their unique standout traits and they’ve all left a positive, long-lasting mark on me. We’re already talking about our return and I couldn’t be more excited about coming back - and I haven’t even left yet!

To anyone reading this who came out to a show on this tour, I want to personally thank you for being a part of it. Every night that we got offstage, we all had the biggest smiles on our faces; truly happy. The love & support that you show us does not go unnoticed. It just feeds our passion and love for what we do even more than it already does. Your stories & your connection to us is what adds immense value to what we do. You’re a part of our family.

That is something you can never put a price on.

Much love,

Nick

P.S. - I just dropped new limited edition Much Love jewelry + bottle opener pieces! There’s only a few left of each, so if you’re digging any of them, I suggest getting something before they’re gone!

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I’m aiming to reach these levels of mental repose & relaxation he is clearly experiencing today. There comes a point on tour where no matter how much sleep you get, no matter how much vitamins & water you consume, charging your personal batteries to 100% becomes an impossible feat. It’s inevitable. Any & every bit of gas we have left in our tanks is carefully & strategically stored away for when we hit the stage every night. This violent, beautiful onslaught of adrenaline that courses through our veins onstage and the imminent, equally violent crash that supersedes it is quite the toll for the human body to take every night. It’s a drug, really.

I live for that specific adrenaline. One that doesn’t require actual substances to be ingested or consumed. It’s the loud crowd, it’s the guitars, it’s the screaming, the blood, the sweat, the tears, the lights, the energy that completely consumes my being.

But holy fuck, it is a draining game we play as musicians.

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Last night in Leeds, I could feel after the 2nd song of the set, “Kick Me”, that I was falling behind the drums & click. In other words, I wasn’t playing on time and my body & mind were a bit slow & sluggish. When my brain is telling my fingers to keep up, but they refuse to comply. So, before we started our 3rd song, “Leave It All Behind”, I walked to the side of the stage, out of frame from the crowd, and just yelled “FUCKKKKKKK!” as loud as possible.

It was self frustration, but not in an angry way. I’m hard on myself, but also have to give myself compassion when needed, especially in this instance of just being exhausted. That’s allowed. So, there I am yelling onstage to amp myself up & attempt to kick my adrenaline into high gear; like filling the tank up with an emergency gas can you’ve got in the trunk of your car to ensure you make it to your final destination. Fortunately, I bounced back and had an incredible show, feeding off of the insane crowd to help me get across the finish line. Whew! It’s those moments where you have to dig a bit deeper, buried deep down in the doldrums of your core, to find that place to jumpstart the engines and go into “fuck it mode”.

My body hurts. I feel hungover even though I didn’t drink. Everyone in this cafe is in my fish bowl of an existence this morning. What a life I live. And I say that with humility and zero sarcasm. These places I go to figuratively and metaphorically really add so much to my life in so many categories. I’m also proud of myself. Something that’s taken me a lifetime to say. I tell myself that feeling this exhausted is actually a good thing because that means I’m giving it my all. Every. Single. Night. I don’t give it 99%. I give it 100%, even in moments when my mind & body are feeling a bit tapped. Just gotta dig sometimes.

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On this day off today, I am going to do what I can to emulate that man who was sitting next to me reading the newspaper & enjoying alone time this morning. My version of that will be sitting in a hotel room, catching up on The Mandalorian, trying to nap, get some Nando’s, recharging my batteries, and refilling that emergency gas tank to crush the last 4 shows of this UK tour.

Now, it’s time for me to exit this cafe and carry on with my day. Inspired by the classy fellow next to me, I’ll do it with a smile on my face. Happy as fuck.

Much love,

Nick

I wasn’t planning on doing a post today, but I figured I’d take a moment to thank all of you who have subscribed to my Substack. As I’m sitting here in Bristol, appreciating the sun beating down on me (which I haven’t seen in weeks), I’m having a moment of appreciation & thought sharing that with you was important to me.

I had a good conversation with Matty Best (our drummer) yesterday, while walking around London on our day off, about how he wished he would’ve been more present, explored more, and been more appreciative in the early years when we first stepped foot over here as touring musicians.

I said the most important thing is that you are now. How can you fully appreciate something when the world is so new still? Where you are now is growth in the truest form. I think you kinda have to go in so green and fresh to life to truly realize, experience, & appreciate something. At the time when we first started touring and coming overseas, we had nothing to gauge or compare the magnitude of what we were doing. The motivation is there now more so than ever to fully soak in what we’re doing, what’s going on around us, & be humbled by it all.

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I have the coolest job in the world. It hasn’t been easy and that makes me love it even more. This isn’t handed to you overnight to run with it. Every day I get to do this is a damn blessing.

Apparently so the other night in Paris where I got choked up with tears a handful of times throughout our set. Seeing people connect with our music on such a deep level just vigorously tugs at every single heartstring I have.

I’m fortunate to be starting our UK tour today in Bristol. Can’t wait to share more of my travels with you and also more tour/music industry stories.

Much love,

Nick

Or good day.

Or good night..?

Whichever of those greetings pertain to you, hello! I’m currently typing this out from a cafe in Amsterdam at 9:36am. And no, it’s not one of those cafes. That’s actually where Justin currently is, which is not a joke. We were just texting each other and he sent me a photo with a coffee and a freshly rolled Netherlandish joint. When in Amsterdam, right?

I had a recovered tour memory when we pulled into Amsterdam this morning, more specifically with the venue we’re playing tonight: Melkweg. Every band you could possibly think of has played here and continues to. What was initially a sugar refinery in the early 19th century, Melkweg later became a cultural center & hangout for hippies in the 1970’s, then morphing into a venue catering to all sorts of musical genres.

The first time I ever toured here was in January of 2005. I was in my first band, Underminded and this was also the first time I’d ever been overseas in my life. We were newly signed to Kung Fu Records and our very gracious label owner, Joe Escalante, was also the bass player in The Vandals who had us open up the whole tour. What was extra cool about touring with The Vandals at that time was Josh Freese (Sting, Devo, NIN) drummed half of the tour for The Vandals and then Derek Grant (Alkaline Trio) did the other half. What an amazing experience to watch 2 incredible drummers like that every single night.

Underminded was a hardcore punk outfit where I played guitar like a maniac and screamed obscenities into a mic. I was quite a different person back then. I was full of rage, calling out the US political system, addressing gun violence, calling out racists, etc - I had a lot to be angry about, which I still am. I just show it differently nowadays. I also used to literally intro every song with “this next song is about fucking” and go into a song that had nothing to do with that. I wanted to ruffle feathers and create confusion. Very punk rock of me.

My apologies. I sidetracked too much from my initial story. When we played in Amsterdam on my first ever trip over here, I played at the Melkweg. We played in a very small room of the Melkweg, which I’m guessing is still here - I will check today. The dreams of playing the bigger room were not even in the cards for me. I felt fortunate enough that there was anyone even in the building to watch us, or hear us from the bar in another room. The mere thought of playing anything bigger than this was not anywhere near my radar. It was unfathomable. Fun fact: The Used played the big room the same night we played. And they were incredible. I even have a photo.

Many years later, I played the Melkweg again in D.R.U.G.S. I believe that was in 2011 or 2012. This time around, we got to play in the big room with Black Veil Brides. Fortunately, I’ve been in the big room with Sleeping With Sirens several times since. Humbling is an understatement.

My recovered tour memory this morning wasn’t all of the times we’ve gotten to play the big room in this incredible venue, it was the memory of when I played the small room & never having an afterthought of doing anything bigger than this. Not even at the Melkweg, just in general! That memory of being so happy & grateful just being here. Visiting Europe was always this dream of epic, inconceivable proportions. Fast forward to this moment in my life, I get to come here for a living doing what I love and sharing said love with the world.

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There’s been a few nights on this tour that Kellin onstage has told the crowd how appreciative he is for the acceptance of us. I couldn’t agree more with him. Just a bunch of dudes from America, jumping around onstage, & screaming our lungs out together. No matter how big or how small the crowd, it’s still unfathomable to me that I get to do this. What is my life?

By the way, that small room at Melkweg I was talking about earlier; it’s where these no name bands called U2 and Nirvana played their first Dutch shows.

You’ve gotta start somewhere, right?

I would love to know more about all of you! Please leave a comment down below and let me know how your day is going. Or share a story of something in your life that seemed so unrealistic at the time that you now have conquered, accomplished, or are actively working towards.

Much love,

Nick

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*TW: Talking about mental health issues and depression*

First & foremost, I’m going to be completely transparent with you - my memories and recollections of starting & being in the band D.R.U.G.S. is hazy at times. Maybe it was partially from the partying, but probably also due to the stress & depression I was experiencing throughout that era of my life. Positively confirming that there was “trauma blocking” involved, as well. Therapy over the years has been immensely helpful in me understanding more about myself from that time, which sometimes feel like a lifetime ago. In reality, it was 12-13 years ago.

Now, that isn’t to say my time in D.R.U.G.S. was all negative. Quite the contrary! It was some of the best moments of my life being in the studio, making lifelong friends who were also incredible musicians, learning so much about the industry as a whole, and it being a massive stepping stone to where I am today.

But, I definitely walked right off one of those stones and dove off a cliff that resulted in me never wanting to be in a band ever again. Or tour. Or even pickup a guitar for over a year. I don’t even really remember listening to much music after I quit alongside the other members.

I suppressed so much throughout that time of my life. I masked & shoved all that stress, anxiety, & depression under the proverbial rug which didn’t help me in any way whatsoever. But, I learned a lot about myself in that process. I learned about my self worth; my capabilities & talents as a musician, but also a human being.

In September of 2009, Craig was let go from Chiodos. If my recollection serves correctly, I was with him when he received the news. I was pretty much living under his stairs since we were doing a lot of acoustic shows & just a bunch of music related things, in general. You immediately envision Harry Potter in a cupboard, but I was much more comfortable than that. I actually enjoyed my time on/off living in Michigan and made some incredible friendships during that time of my life.

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The inception of DRUGS really happened immediately after the news of Chiodos moving on without Craig. I believe within the first week or two of that happening, we were already working with CRUSH Management along with the help & support of Pete Wentz to start a new band from scratch. Again, maybe it wasn’t that sudden, but I’m pretty confident it was. Scoring a deal with Warner Bros seemed to follow shortly after. They signed the band without ever hearing any music. We didn’t even have a name for the band yet. We were working with an A&R legend by the name of Craig Aaronson who signed My Chemical Romance, The Used, Avenged Sevenfold, and countless others. By the way, “DRUGS” was always the name we used when sending demos to management just so we could have everything organized in our personal iTunes libraries, well before that ended up actually being the band name. When it came time to solidify a band name, management said we should just call the band DRUGS, which I remember all of us laughing about. But they were dead serious. We thought creating an acronym made it a bit easier for us and the general public to digest. I initially threw out “Destroy Rebuild Until Godspeed”. I’m thankful we didn’t go with that one because it quite literally makes zero sense. We decided on “Destroy Rebuild Until God Shows”, which makes a little more sense.

I realized very early on that this was something extremely special and unique. When the other band members started getting involved, it really hit me hard with how top tier all of this was turning out to be - with Craig Owens from Chiodos, Matt Good from From First To Last, Aaron Stern from Matchbook Romance, Adam Russell from Story Of The Year.. and me, Nick Martin from Underminded. Who?! To say it really made me feel out of my depth is a massive understatement. The previous bands I had been in had nowhere near any kind of notoriety and clout that all these guys had had. It was extremely intimidating for me on so many levels. I believe I was the last member confirmed to be in the band, although I was there from inception. Or maybe it was Adam that was confirmed last.

The intimidation levels only elevated when we locked in doing our debut album with John Feldmann, who was a legend to all of us. The sheer volume of seminal albums he played a part in was enough to question what the hell I was doing involved in any of this.

I had very briefly worked with Feldmann before this when I did some backup vocals on the Atreyu album, “Lead Sails Paper Anchor”.

Funny story of when I first met Feldman. I was asked by my good friend, Porter, who plays bass in Atreyu, if I’d like to do some backup vocals / group vocals on the new album they were working on at the time. I believe this was 2006 or 2007. I quite literally got asked in the afternoon, immediately got into my car & made the drive from San Diego to LA that same day so that I could be on the album. I couldn’t pass on the opportunity to be on an Atreyu album, but also fulfill a dream of working with Feldmann. I remember pulling up to his house (where his studio was also located at the time) and was told to just walk in his front door and go into his bedroom. Again, I had never met Feldmann before. Here I am, a stranger walking into his house and being given the scrupulous directions to walk down his hallway into his bedroom. Why?! Well, at the time, the TV show “Lost” was a VERY big deal and the whole band was with him in his bedroom to watch the latest episode. In other words, no one could step away and potentially miss something important in the show, so I had to find my way to them.. Hey, I get it. Upon walking into his dark bedroom where the band was sprawled out on the floor, almost like it was a high school movie night sleepover, the first thing John Feldmann says to me is (who, again, had never met me before), “Hey Nick, find a spot on the floor or hop into bed with my wife & I.” It was quite the ice breaker that made us all crack up. I joined some of the band & studio crew on the floor and watched my very first episode of “Lost” that night, which I later became a huge fan of.

I truly feel like I would not have become who I am today if it wasn’t for that first D.R.U.G.S. album. Specifically, working in the studio with John Feldmann and Brandon Paddock. Those dudes helped me graduate from being a guy that just plays guitar & screams a bit, to a bonafide musician. It’s not that they were hard on me, they just taught me so much that I still carry with me to this day. I had never seen or been a part of making an album of this magnitude before. The speed & efficiency between Feldmann & Paddock and how they worked on a daily/nightly basis was utterly mind blowing to me. Watching Matt Good create these incredible riffs literally out of thin air was just jaw dropping to me. Witnessing Aaron Stern record his drums in Feldmann’s living room was a treat in itself. Craig & John would just hammer out these incredible lyrics and melodies with what seemed like utter ease. I did everything I could to keep up and just soak every bit of it in.

That self titled album was like a master class to me; in songwriting, recording, being in the music industry, A&R, etc. I also learned a lot from Pete Wentz at the time - who was the most gracious, helpful human being taking us under his wing. We’d go to his place after recording sessions, hang out, eat dinner, and watch funny reality television. There was a point during the making of the album that he was considering playing bass in D.R.U.G.S. since Fall Out Boy was taking a hiatus. But, I believe at the time he was also working on Black Cards with Bebe Rexha.

A moment that forever sticks out to me in the studio during the creation of that album was one morning being told that a rough mix of one of the songs we’d been working on was ready for us to hear for the first time. That song was “Mr. Owl Ate My Metal Worm”. Fun fact: it’s a palindrome, which means it’s spelled the same way backwards. We got super hooked on palindromes and thought they made for great song titles. Another palindrome on the album was “Laminated E.T. Animal”. One morning upon entering the studio, we got to listen to “Mr. Owl” for the first time. I will always remember the feeling of hearing that blaring through the studio speakers. Goosebumps all over my body. I remember my jaw dropping & my eyes bulging out of my head when the main riff hit. I couldn’t believe it was us. That we had made that. Experiencing high levels of imposter syndrome, I think we all started laughing because of how shockingly great it was. It was a moment when I knew we had something special. Those kinds of special moments in the studio are what I’m always aiming for. I’ve been fortunate to have more than a few of those moments with Sleeping With Sirens. It’s an indescribable feeling.

The same feeling happened when I heard “If You Think This Song Is About You, It Probably Is”, which I believe I titled. I remember John Feldmann coming back from a quick vacation with his family and he came storming into the studio and said he had come up with an idea for a song when he was away. He’s yelling and air drumming this chaotic song concoction from his head, then grabs an acoustic guitar and starts playing the chords for what turned out to be “If You Think This Song..”. Hearing rough mixes of that for the first time made me want to break shit, which I think was the overarching idea behind the creation of it.

We shot off like a cannon when that album dropped. Selling out shows from the get go and building quite the fanbase at a very rapid pace. But, I also remember us being hated on from the get go. I have thick skin and knew being in this band would only test said skin even more. But, the one that stung the most was Keith Buckley taking digs at us on Twitter at the time and I remember being so bummed because I had been such a huge Every Time I Die fan for years. Still am. Fortunately, we squashed all that years later. I see and recognize that we were easy targets at the time.

But, I will say the funniest shit talking was from James Muñoz, the singer of the Bled, who I was also a massive fan of and had toured with in the past when their album Pass The Flask came out out many years prior. I believe Alternative Press had announced us being on the cover of an upcoming issue and James tweeted something to the affect of:

“What does D.R.U.G.S. even stand for? Doesn’t Really Understand Good Songwriting?”

I’m laughing out loud as I type it. It was a solid burn, guys. You can’t deny it. I’ve learned in this industry that you can’t take yourself too seriously. At the end of the day, it’s not worth losing sleep over people not liking you or your music. Music is subjective, which means not everyone is going to be a fan of what you create, and that’s ok.

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For all the high’s making that album, there were difficult, low times leading up to & throughout its creation. The biggest being that my mom was battling and overcoming breast cancer, which was difficult to see her go through. Her positivity & optimistic attitude through that tough time in her life really put a lot into perspective for me - it still does, in fact. I would go with her to her radiation treatments and all the nurses would smile & be so happy to see her. My mom went through such a difficult period in her life, all with a smile on her face; just ready to kick cancer’s ass. And she did just that. She’s been cancer free for many years now. If you’re reading this: I love you, Mom.

To add to the tough times: During the making of that album, my car was totaled by a drunk driver on Thanksgiving Day outside John’s house. I was in relationships that were so toxic and just thoroughly destroyed my self worth and confidence. I was flat broke on top of all this. I just didn’t feel like I had a proper handle on my life at all & life was going too fast.

I didn’t feel like I could lean on people at the time, even though I know I had plenty of people around me who would’ve listened and cared. Here we were going a million miles an hour creating this band and this incredible album, it was difficult to find time to process & digest anything. Adding inner turmoil within the bands’ dynamics made it that much more difficult, especially when it came to feeling like I could talk to anyone about my stress & anxiety levels.

Looking back, I definitely could’ve spoken up more during the D.R.U.G.S. era of my life. I felt beneath people. I felt intimidated. I felt like the weakest link in the room all of the time. But with all that being said, I enjoyed that fairly quick ride we had together.

The master class of epic proportions! Not just music related, but human related. I learned so much about what I love (and don’t love) about being in a band, or the music industry, and I’ve been more intentional since day 1 with Sleeping With Sirens to seek out & nourish those things I know I love. I still make this a focus for myself to this day - even after 10 years of being in this band.

I’m very proud of that self titled album that we made in D.R.U.G.S. It will always be special to me and hold a dear place in my heart.

I hope that you enjoyed this. If so, feel free to subscribe for future writings & thoughts. Did you enjoy this? Let me know down below and what you’d like to hear or know more about from my life.

Much love,

Nick

Hey everybody,

I’m writing this newsletter up while en route to Budapest, Hungary. We played a wild show in Prague and my neck is in utter shambles today. I can’t tell if it’s from the excessive head banging while playing, or if I just keep sleeping in weird positions causing this explicit pain. It’s that kind of pain that when you reach a certain position, your eyes go wide and you start nervously laughing because it hurts so bad. Maybe I’m the only person that does not. And no, I don’t like pain.

I was fortunate enough to meet some incredible fans at our show last night that came from all over to see us. I met some kind folks from Slovakia, Mexico, Russia, Finland and Israel. All congregating in Prague on a Saturday night to enjoy a loud rock show together under one roof.

It never gets old to me. Or, I should say, it never goes unappreciated & without notice. It fills me with so much gratitude and immense humbleness when people tell me how far they’ve come to see us play. That motivates and inspires the hell out of me to continue doing what we do.

I think a major part of it for me is I never forget where I came from; where I started. Playing in a garage with friends in high school and then graduating to local shows in San Diego, just hoping that anyone would show up. I remember shows that would get cancelled because no one would show up. We’d book our own tours, show up to a venue, and no one would be there. Those moments in my life keep me humble & appreciative for what I get to experience now. The fact that anyone comes to see us is a blessing and I’m thankful everyday to the folks who set aside time in their lives to come watch us act like crazy people onstage.

I’m already exhausted out here. The other guys are feeling it too. But, we love what we do so much and having those moments like last night helps keep the personal batteries charged. Meeting people from all over the world while playing all over the world just makes my head explode & my heart happy as hell. I don’t think I’ve ever taken this for granted, but I also don’t think I’ve appreciated it as much as I do now. Time has served the purpose of instilling this unworldly amount of love for what I do. A few times in my life, I’ve grown out of love of doing this. Well, maybe that’s not necessarily true. I think I just needed breaks from it and also find the right people to do this with; those people being Sleeping With Sirens.

Matty & I were chatting before hitting the stage and just talking about when we were kids picking up our instruments and making any noise from it, that we never dreamed that we’d be doing this for a living. Matty asked me, “If someone would’ve told you when you were 12 years old that you’d be playing to a packed venue in Budapest with people singing along to your songs, what would you have said?”

“Budapest? I don’t even know where that is. And no one even knows who I am in my 7th grade class.”

Enjoy the journey. Keep dreaming.

Thank you for inspiring me,

Nick

Is this interesting at all to you? Would you be interested in hearing more? Maybe I can even answer some questions like this - making it a bit more personal. If so, let me know what you’d like to hear in the comments.

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Hey everybody,

First off. How was your weekend? Enough about me for one second.. and then we’ll get back to me. I want to know how you’re doing. Leave a comment down below, introduce yourself, and let me know what you got into this weekend. I’d appreciate it. Let’s get on a first name basis here, folks!

I’m currently writing you from Copenhagen, Denmark; which I believe ranks as the 2nd happiest country in the world. Actually, I brought up this fun factoid up to someone from Denmark today and they said that that poll must’ve been from 20 years ago, because they’re not that happy whatsoever. I couldn’t tell if they were being sarcastic with me or not. How could they not be the happiest country? They have incredible food, one of the leading countries in sustainability, 33-hour work weeks, a liberal society that benefits all citizens, you can drink the tap water, health care and education are free.. I mean, LEGO was supposedly invented here, for Christ’s sake. How could you not be fucking happier than a pig in shit?

To add to this, I couldn’t help but notice walking around Copenhagen on my day off, that even though it was grossly frigid cold, I quite literally saw so many people with huge, infectious smiles on their faces. Like, genuinely very happy people. Quite the contrast in comparison to other places I’ve been to in the world where people walk around looking like they’re going to destroy every living being in existence & make a bed with their bones to later have a nap in.

The 2nd happiest country in the world is saying quite a lot. I mean, the United States doesn’t even rank in the top 10. We sit at #16, which isn’t terrible. But I definitely wouldn’t say it’s great either, guys. There’s something to be said about their quality of life here, including all the aforementioned reasons above.

I went down the wormhole for a bit & I’m going to bring up my findings. It may potentially ruffle feathers, but I think it’s immensely important & interesting to point out. In 2021, there were 39 homicides registered in the whole entire country. Not Copenhagen, but the whole entire damn country. 39 total homicides. Gun laws are also extremely strict. How strict, you ask? There were 4 shooting deaths in all of Denmark in 2022. Yes, you read that correctly. 4. Like, counting on one hand: 4. By comparison, there were an estimated 20,138 gun deaths (excluding deaths by suicide) in the United States in 2022.

Again, I fully realize that there are many factors that come into play with why Denmark would be ranked #2, but you also can’t help but take a moment & make some obvious comparisons between Denmark & the US.

This Is A Happy, Positive Newsletter. I Promise.

I come to you from the future. 36 hours later from the last paragraph I wrote, while on a long drive from Norway to Sweden. It was a moment for me to take all of that in and not completely go on a gun violence rant - because that’s not singularly what this is all about. But, I was also 30 minutes out from hitting the stage and playing a show, so I had to put my laptop down and get in the proper headspace. I didn’t want to get onstage full of Hulk-like raging proportions.

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I share these facts (which I welcome to be checked) & encourage healthy conversation. They’re not easy conversations. They’re not fun topics to talk about. Believe you me, I wish we lived in a world where we didn’t have to talk about them.

I’m sharing these thoughts, feelings, & facts because while I’m traveling, it seems like I’m experiencing these cultural & worldly differences firsthand in real-time. On this trip specifically, it’s hitting me like a shit ton of bricks. Reflecting on the world as a whole and what’s transpired not even over the past few years, but the past couple decades of my life (I really just aged myself saying that) is a lot to take in.

And it’s not necessarily negative feelings in these reflections. Things constantly evolve & change. That’s life in a nutshell. Traveling the world & experiencing other places is so fucking healthy for me. It inspires & motivates me on so many levels of my personal life; my well-being. Seeing how others function on a daily basis, seeing what makes people happy; what makes people tick. The quality of life and what plays a role in this. Putting all of that in my back pocket and taking it with me everywhere I go, hopefully injecting people with this healthy optimism & happiness I’m fortunate enough to catch along my journeys.

We can learn so much from others if we’re just open to doing so. Being able to acknowledge that you don’t know everything. Being able to say “hey, maybe my way isn’t the right way”. Maybe this notion, belief, or ideal that I’ve held onto for so long can be challenged & questioned. That that is ok. When I said that things constantly change & evolve - that very much includes us.

Maybe this specific newsletter today has gone in several directions since I’m allowing my brain to just go after consuming a double espresso. Maybe it’s this beautiful view on our drive to Stockholm, Sweden that’s got me reflecting even more today. In any event, I appreciate you making it this far.

I think the moral of the story, what ultimately makes me come full circle with this rant: it’s important to learn from others outside of our bubble, challenge every bit of ourselves, & be kind along the way. If other societies & cultures can achieve such feats as being the happiest countries in the world, we should all be striving to learn, put into practice & join them at the top of those lists. Right?

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Hey everybody,

It’s been a long morning for me in Berlin, Germany. I went on quite the (what seemed at the time) unrewarding journey to a cafe to finally type up this newsletter. Spoiler alert: I’m currently nowhere near where I initially planned. I woke up with a strategy to take on the day & expel my emotions through this state of the art laptop strapped to my back. My inner impetus taking the wheel, preparing for my heart to be fulfilled putting words onto a proverbial page to flood your email, hoping to be opened amongst all the other emails we’re all “too busy” to unsubscribe from.

My arduous uphill 0.7 mile trek to the cafe I thought I’d be spending the morning at; the cafe that would be my catalyst to accomplishing my personal want’s today had signage up that brought my grand scheme to a screeching halt. That signage simply stated:

No Wi-fi. No laptops allowed.

What?! Why?! I need my technology, Berlin! How dare you foil my plans of newsletter’ing to my 80 subscribers! By the way, thank you very much for being subscribed. If you’re not, join in the fun & festivities:

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Back to my sorrowful, woeful but supremely over dramatic moment of despair. I felt like once I was in this absolute prison of a cafe, I couldn’t not order a coffee after my laborious pilgrimage. I settled on an oat milk flat white (which was utterly delicious), took my seat, and quickly glanced around the room. Then was my “I get it” moment. It punched me right in the face

If you didn’t read my previous newsletter from Milan, I give advice that I also clearly need to heed to sometimes. That advice being: chill out. Everyday on tour, one of the most common questions asked among band & touring crews is “what’s the wi-fi password?”. And I am very guilty of this. To be fair, the argument can be made that cell phone reception gets real ruthless when you’re traveling abroad & keeping in touch with friends & family is of utmost importance. But, besides that, our minds are just subconsciously yearning to doom scroll Instagram (or <insert social media of choice here>), feeding our brains with the latest band or relationship drama or current location of “this is not real life” travel influencers.

That was a bit tangent-like. My apologies. When I read the signs saying I wouldn’t be able to technology in this cafe, it felt defeating for all of 10 seconds. Suddenly, I was present. Not concerned with the newsletter. Not on my phone. Not doom scrolling. Not Twittering thy Twitter. Not seeing what band dudes were talking shit about other band dudes on this mornings feed. Not reading about how the world is rapidly approaching its end. I was surrounded by others just enjoying their coffee and time with their friends. Disconnected in the most healthy way. I found myself just gazing outside the window & appreciating being back in the beautiful city of Berlin. The dreary weather almost hypnotizing. It got me thinking about last nights show in Hamburg and how incredible the crowd was & how gracious everyone was.. Oh, look at that.. taking a moment to reflect! A triumph, I tell ya.

You’ve probably read so many articles at this point in your life about how social media breaks, or even just breaks from technology, are extremely beneficial to all aspects of your health. Thank you to Isla Coffee Berlin for keeping me in check this morning. Giving me the opportunity to pause. Today, I challenge you to put your phone down for an extended period of time and tell me how it makes you feel. Let me know in the comments down below.

What happened next? Well, I continued my migration around Berlin in search of a cafe that I could setup at to finally type this newsletter out. The spark for today’s newsletter coming from my experience of being pleasantly denied working on this very newsletter. Funny how that worked out, eh? One cafe I checked out had no places to sit. I continued on, walking many blocks to another cafe that no longer exists. Finally settling on this beautiful cafe called Bully’s Bakery. Upon my arrival, watching them making the baked goods from scratch signaled to me I was in the right place. If you ever visit here, try the chocolate croissant and espresso. Thank me later. And thank you for no wi-fi this morning.

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End Of The Week Round-Up / Next Week..

Our first week of shows back in Europe have been incredible. Tonight’s show in Berlin will be our 4th show thus far. Day off tomorrow where I plan to relax as much as possible and continue reading “The Tipping Point” by Malcolm Gladwell. Yesterday, I finished reading “The House In The Cerulean Sea” by T.J. Klune and enjoyed it very much. What’s it about? An orphanage of “magical” children (one of them being a very comically dark character named Lucy, the son of Lucifer) up against a village of people who do not want them around anymore & are pushing to close down said orphanage, basically. I tried explaining the book to Kellin yesterday and I was met with a hilariously blank stare from him, and rightfully so. I’m admittedly not the greatest at explaining books to others, especially when it comes to fiction. But I’m a fan of Klune and eager to read more of his works.

I came across a tweet yesterday that it’s the 12 year anniversary of the self titled D.R.U.G.S. album coming out. It’s an album I’m incredibly proud of. Although it was a more difficult time of my life, I treasure the memories that were made around that album and touring cycle for it. It was definitely a supergroup of musicians that I definitely didn’t feel worthy of being in a band with. Plus, working with John Feldman & Brandon Paddock was intimidating enough in itself. But damn, we made something real special. I’ll talk more about this in next weeks newsletter, actually. It’ll be fun revisiting the album and some stories from that era.

Photo Time

I leave you with some photos from this week. Some taken by the amazing Nick Stafford and some taken by me & my amazing iPhone.

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Before I get started, I just want to thank YOU for subscribing to .. And Out Comes The Introvert. Sincerely, very much appreciated. It excites me to just write and share my thoughts/stories with you. Again, thank you so so much. If you feel so inclined to like, leave a comment down below, or share with your friends - that would be very awesome of you.

I’m currently in the beautiful city of Milan, where the coffee flows like the River Thames (which is in England, whoops!) & their charcuterie boards make the finest American deli shop look like close relatives to the Lunchable family. There’s something I can’t shake in the first 48 hours of being here: this feeling like I’m the dumbest or most embarrassing person in the room as I walk through Milan visiting cafes & stores. I can feel the eyes. As if I’m wearing a cartoon-like dunce cap of epic proportions on my head; the sheer height of it piercing the clouds above me. And quite honestly.. I understand and I’m even humbled by the feeling. You know, possibly it’s just the bright red hair and all the aging tattoos on my body. But, it’s hard not to think that maybe there’s a connection due to our political & social climate over the past several years that has made us look a certain way to the rest of the world. I mean, it could absolutely be a number of reasons that are creating this kinda uneasy feeling from my end. Maybe it’s just good old fashioned paranoia.

But, it seemed to become more so prevalent due to the actions of other Americans I’ve witnessed firsthand on my journey over here.

On my flight from LAX to Milan, I heard many an American complaining incessantly to their seat buddies & to the wonderful flight attendants about how uncomfortable the seats were, that the meals on the flight were terrible, that they’ve had better experiences on other airlines - and the list goes on. To say I was annoyed by them would be a massive understatement. It posed a question in my head that constantly rears its head:

When did we get so damn complain’y & unpleasant about any & everything?

My empathy to any foreign country in regards to being put off by us in any way is quite sizable. And no, I’m not saying only America has their problematic peoples. Or that every American is vexatious and bothersome. Calm down. But to my fellow Americans, I’m sending an important, simple message: we need to chill out, humble up, and be appreciative. Yeah, it applies to everyone, I know. But, I’m singling out my people here.

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I had a “moment” yesterday while ordering a coffee. The barista immediately realizing I’m American. I decided order a San Pellegrino alongside my latte. For those that know me, I’m an avid, borderline addictive consumer of sparkling water; ingesting copious amounts everyday as if my life depended on it for survival. When I asked to add that to my coffee order, he looked at me & semi-snidely asked, “You do know it’s a sparkling water, correct?” At first, I was mildly taken aback with such a question that seemed so utterly ridiculous to me. But, the other part of me thought (and chuckled) that likely there’s people who order this and think it’s a fancy, local Italian cocktail; which isn’t really where the problem lies. It’s that they probably get upset after receiving it, realizing it’s just delicious sparkling water that is not going to get them fucked up, which causes them to express their unjustifiable anger to said barista. And these people are most likely to be American. Yeah, I said it. And you know you nodded your head saying that’s probably true because you’ve probably witnessed similar activities in other settings.

But hey, I could be wrong. I could be overthinking all of this & making a big deal out of nothing. But guess what? It’s my newsletter and this is how I feel. Haha! It’s also definitely not the first time I’ve felt and experienced this over the last 20 years of traveling abroad. There were definitely significantly difficult times during my first tour over here in the early 2000’s when George Bush was our president, who was not liked whatsoever in other countries and rightfully so. I remember people literally yelling in my face about how horrible our country was everywhere we went.

Now, I want to take a moment to vehemently express & get across to you that even the barista from yesterday was still so extremely helpful & kind. My driver who picked me up from the airport was wishing me the best on our upcoming tour. An awesome Italian fan of ours recommended her favorite pizza spot to me & she did not leave me astray. It was delicious. I did some light shopping yesterday, and the person who rang me up at the checkout was so sweet. She asked if I would take a survey on how she did and I gave her 5-stars across the board, which she was over the top thankful of me doing. My server at the hotel this morning kept bringing me espresso’s (even though I didn’t want anymore) and made me a to-go cup of even more espresso to take with me before I made my way to a museum.

(Editor’s Note: I, fortunately, did not suffer a heart attack from the ungodly amounts of caffeine running through my veins. Thank you for wondering and worrying about me.)

For all of the “off” vibes I may have felt, there was still a great sense of kindness along the way, as well. That maybe it was a moment for me to personally reflect & acknowledge. What are your thoughts?

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Moral Of The Story

Whether it’s just general paranoia from my end or slight distaste from the outside world, I still feel like we can always do better. Maybe I feel a level of guilt & embarrassment for what our country has been in the news for over the past several years, causing this proverbial dunce cap to be adorned. Maybe due to the pandemic, we sunk a little further into our own bubbles and loss sight of our neighbors across the globe. Some of us had to burrow away a bit to stay sane and keep our mental health in check. Me being one of those people.

That aside, I feel that sometimes it’s hard for American’s to say they’re embarrassed, angered, or frustrated by the actions of our country that have negatively affected other countries in the process. Along the way, maybe we left several bad tastes in many mouths. Hey, I love our country, but I can also acknowledge how it has absolutely impacted the world around us and maybe diminished the views of us a bit. Although, Pew’s most recent poll regarding International public opinion of the U.S. has been generally positive, recovering a bit in 2021. So, maybe we can chalk it up to a hodgepodge of emotions, sprinkled with some post-pandemic (even though it’s not really over) shame-like trauma.

Are You Good, Nick?

You might think, “Is Nick good? Does he want to be overseas on tour?” My answer to that is: Fuck yes I do! I’m so excited and eager to be back overseas again. I’ve missed so much about it. One thing I’ve promised myself to do more of on tour is visit more museums. So, I did just that over the weekend and visited Museo del Novocento. Here’s some pieces that I loved:

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Then, some of the band & crew got dinner at a spot we always go to when we’re in Milan called Ristorante Papà Francesco. Most of us ordered the pasta made inside a cheese wheel and it was insanely good. The people here are always so friendly and take great care of us. Of course, we had to end the night with some tasty gelato from Cioccolatitaliani.

If You’ve Come This Far

Thank you for reading my babble. I truly appreciate your time more than you know. More newsletters on the way as our first show commences tonight in Milan! Then we’re off to Germany next! Also, extra special thanks to the folks who went for the paid subscription - I will have a special video for you this upcoming week that will only be made available to paid subscribers.

Please leave a comment and share amongst your friends. Would love to discuss and chat more in the comments. Hearing your thoughts and insights would be amazing.

Much love,

Nick

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Before I clicked on the “Register Now” button on Substack (the wonderful site allowing me to communicate to you through this very email), I second guessed myself. The dark, ominous shadows of a proverbial tidal wave crashing down upon me; my inner-voice vociferating its deafening, yet unsurprising cries of (in no particular order):

“No one cares!”

“WHY would anyone give a shit about what you have to share?!”

“Introverts are pretty boring by nature, dude.”

“Stick to music.. that needs work, bud.”

“What in the living hell is wrong with the people on 90 Day Fiancé & is there a new episode available to watch on Discovery+?”

Many other similar sentiments & random questions rang through my head. And honestly, what’s the worst that could happen? You unsubscribe at the bottom, maybe toss me into the eternal internet abyss; aka the void (otherwise known as “the trash”), or you decide to completely cut ties with me & never follow or support a single thing I do from here on out.

Ok. I took this too far.

I apologize.

Let’s Start Over

For those who don’t know me - not that I expect you to, even though the curious ones currently reading this probably found out from me - my name is Nick Martin. I’m a touring musician who currently resides in Los Angeles alongside my beautiful wife, Jenna, and our 18 year old cockatiel, Chou Chou. I’ve been in this crazy, terrible, soul sucking, yet insanely awesome thing called “the music industry” on & off for over 20 years. I’ve been in many bands along the way like D.R.U.G.S., Underminded, Isles & Glaciers, and Cinematic Sunrise. I currently play guitar in the band Sleeping With Sirens with my best friends. I’ve traveled the world many times over and am still fortunate to do just that for a living. As I type this, I’m at LAX waiting to board my flying to Milan, Italy to start a one month long tour throughout Europe & the UK.

A little more about me:

• I launched a coffee company called Charlie Royal in Feb 2022, specializing in making cold brew coffee at home. Long story short, I LOVE coffee. Like, a lot.

• I’m a theme park enthusiast. Yeah, I’m a Disney adult.. Get the fuck over it.

• I have a YouTube channel where I document aspects of my life, including being in a band & getting a behind the scenes look at the craziness that comes along with that lifestyle.

• I love movies. I love garbage reality television, too.

• I threw up on my first girlfriend I ever had in the 6th grade. She broke up with me 3 days later. I’ll save that story for a later post.

• Pineapple on pizza is a win.

• My wife & I have a blog called Two Small Fries which we use to show off all the places we’ve traveled & the various antics we’ve gotten into.

  

My wife & I @ The Magic Castle. We clean up good, right?

The Goal

To be brutally honest, it’s kinda TBD.. and that’s the fun part. My initial thoughts are I’d love to share stories from my life, give insight about the music industry, but also share more about me when I’m on the road. Don’t get me wrong: I love making videos for my YouTube channel & will continue to do so, but using this medium allows me to share even quicker, as well as photos & videos from my phone on the fly. Also, I believe we’re inundated with news/stories everyday through our awesome social media feeds that can sometimes impact us in negative ways, whether consciously or subconsciously. I’d like to share stories/videos of things that I come across that will potentially brighten your day; not ruin it. I may interview some friends of mine along this journey, too.

Would love to know more about you, as well! Some proper Q&A in these newsletters will be great. Subscribe. Leave a comment. Tell a friend. You know the drill with these things.

Much love,

Nick Martin

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P.S. Lets take a poll..

P.S.S. - Who Doesn’t Like Photos?

Especially when it’s a dinosaur with a tux on..

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