Seeing all the trends girls follow, thinking it levels them up when it just brings them down. The worst one I’ve seen is the famous “I’m just a girl”.

Whenever that sentence is said, my blood will most likely boil inside my body.

You are not just a girl, you’re a woman with a brain.

So you saying “I’m just a girl” after doing dumb things just means that being a girl is dumb, which will only sustain the idea of “the dumb little girl”

The trend of the women coloring their color textbooks while their boyfriends are doing “big boy work”. Who in their wrong mind had this stupid idea.

The man is doing math I did in seventh grade and you are applauding him while you are acting like a child.

Don’t get me wrong there is nothing wrong with coloring. You putting yourself in the position of a child while your “man” is working like any other human being is absolutely ridiculously disgusting.

Society has portrayed women as underdogs compared to men and we all know it. It’s not for women themselves to start following that same movement.

“Just a girl” itself is weird. You’re not JUST a girl, you’ve been blessed to be born a woman.

I understand this all started as a joke, but the image it has made of women, reducing them to pink, to childlike hobbies, to being petite and not taking too much space, and not being able to educate themselves is the biggest shame I’ve seen.

I repeat myself when I say that you all are women with a brain.

You’re not too dumb to get an education.

You’re not too dumb to be in STEM.

Understand that, for all the women that walked so you could run. How many Marie Curie’s would we have had if society hadn’t planted self doubt into women’s brains ?

You’re not too much nor not enough, you are a woman.

Own it.

When I ask myself “why did I start writing ?” I always thought it didn’t really have an answer. In a way it didn’t ; a tormented mind once so full had to let its thoughts transfer to paper.

But it is no surprise it came to me through my first year as a teenager.

People believe teenagers are just “always in a bad angry mood” and “think they know everything” but the only reason we are so angry as you must say is because of the world that the past generations have given to us.

Angry is an understatement because I am revolted.

I am revolted at the fact that as an Algerian Muslim woman with an Arab name, I am less legitimate to be in a renowned field. I need to work twice as hard just to have half of what a white male has.

I am revolted at the world for thinking that being different whether it’s skin color or face features is scary.

You all love to say it’s different but tell me now : different to who ? Aren’t you different for me ? Of course but who decided you came first ?

I am revolted because of the genocide that is happening in Palestine. I stand by the Palestinian people through hardship and ease, for our people have experienced the same story.

I am revolted because of ICE, even without being near the USA, because no one is illegal on stolen land, and surely not the immigrants that have built your country. A country that for your information, was never yours in the first place. The Americans of nowadays were always the real immigrants.

I am revolted because of the extremists, for an extreme case of a thing becomes so far from the thing that it has no correlation whatsoever.

I know my religion, my faith, Islam, and I guarantee it was never near what the extremists stand by.

I give my heart and my all support to the women whose rights and voices have been detained. You are stronger than the ones against you.

A young mind will never mean an idiotic one. It’s a fresher one, one that still hasn’t been brainwashed.

For my values and beliefs, for all the causes I stand by, I will never tolerate sitting here in silence. If my people ever sat in silence, we would still be colonized.

I come from a country that freed itself without any help from a third party. Only by the people. And my people have taught me to be strong minded,

For all of it, I am a writer at heart, and my voice shall be echoed and heard, for myself and for those whose voices have been silenced.

I wrote this tiny piece few years ago. Arabic is such a beautiful language I am grateful to call it one of mine.

‏لا أعرف ما صار ذلك اليوم… ‏غمضت عيني وزرت ‏أسماء جديدة. ‏

أخذتني أحلامي إلى أراضي ‏أخرى ‏رائعة. ‏نسيت الآلام، ‏كأنها انمحت. بعد مدة استيقظت، ‏ولا صوت مسموع غير اصوات الامي. ‏

ولو كانت الحياة نحو الأحلام ممكنة، ‏لم أفكر أبدا عن الموت

English translation

I don’t know what happened that day… I closed my eyes and I visited new skies.

My dreams took me into other extraordinary lands. I forgot my pain as if it erased itself. After some time I woke up, and no sound was heard, except the sound of my pains.

And if life through dreams was possible, I wouldn’t have to even think one second about death.

Subscribe

We’re all bad in someone else’s story.

Lately I’ve seen people social media trying something new: they try to not do anything for the only sake of boring themselves out. Here they are sitting with their thoughts.

I’ve tried to do it. I tried to sit with my thoughts. Yet the more I think, the more I feel my mind getting loud.

It is easier to sleep ; it is easier to listen to music, to watch videos or a film, or do any other activity possible for the only sake of not having to sit with my thoughts.

But the more I run away from them, the faster they chase me. Which is why I’ve been thinking : Am I a bad person?

The thought keeps running in my mind because who defines right and wrong? Who defines good and bad? Who can sit at my table, analyze me and my doings and tell me that I am good or bad?

The moment you sit with your thoughts is the moment you allow yourself to judge your own doings. Maybe I am the problem, maybe I am the monster.

I sure am a monster in someone else’s story, but I am no hero in mine.

Or maybe I’m just a teenager.

Maybe I’m just a dumb kid trying to figure out what to do with my life. A dumb kid trying to understand how life works : how to act with people, what to say and what to do.

Unfortunately, at the end of the day, I may not have blood on my hands, but I sure hold the tears of the ones I’ve hurt.

Guilt and regret eats me alive everyday for the things I’ve done, though I was unaware. How could anyone with a soul wish to commit wrong things to others willingly ?

I know I don’t, doesn’t mean I didn’t.

I have asked for forgiveness many times and tried my best to undo the past yet as I unravel my mind and go through my memories, the one I look at in the mirror makes my heart shake and I feel hatred.

I can only wish to be better in the future and it is a promise I am willing to never break.

Have my doings made me bad or was I bad to begin with and commit these doings.

Which is why I ask myself : Am I a bad person?

If I’ve hurt another soul, made other eyes cry because I was too unaware of the world around me, am I a bad person ?

The concept of every person longing to be “disgustingly overeducated” always seemed off for me.

Another trend everyone has joined that, at first glance, seems to promote knowledge and education, when it really doesn’t at all.

The word “overeducated” itself feels so off. How could one ever be overeducated? It would mean for one to have reached the summum of education and knowledge which is absolutely ridiculous.

Knowledge and education is a journey. History, geography, arts, politics, biology, medicine and much more are each unique subjects. You can never reach the absolute knowledge, and you surely can never be above it.

Socrates said :

The only true wisdom is in knowing you know nothing.

How could anyone be so full of themselves to assume they can be above knowledge itself.

Most of all, these trends do not promote education and knowledge the way they should.

It’s not about seeking the knowledge for yourself it’s about being seen as great and “overeducated”.

No one will ever call you overeducated. And you cannot name yourself that way either.

The only thing you can and should do is run after knowledge, knowing you know nothing.

Thus who believe they are overeducated have reached their goals : knowing everything. But you can never everything, as you are not a divine being.

We are only humans. The only way to know as much as you can is assuming you know nothing, in order to gather new informations and therefore, increasing your knowledge.

I must say, I mean no hate towards anyone who has wanted to be that way. It only felt right to explain my train of thoughts.

I believe we should promote knowledge for the sake of education, not for it to be a performance.

Subscribe

It’s abominable to always feel like you must write something extraordinary to call yourself a writer. Words don’t have to rhyme, or to be so difficult that your readers have to look it up. You don’t need to force yourself to find deep metaphors or complicated ones. Surely, you don’t need to hold back your thoughts. Fact is you only think and feel that way because you feel like you are performing…

I read a substack post that said :

The seats are empty, the theatre is dark. Why do you keep performing ?

It is only the sad truth : you are not expressing yourself, you are trying to look extraordinarily smart, poetic and creative, in front of a crowd that either doesn’t exist, or doesn’t care. Forced writing will never be writing.

For my thoughts have droned in ink… I am a writer at heart.

Therefore, how can i still call myself a writer if i think three times before typing a word? Not even on the texts i post, in the ones i write for myself. For the only reason that i’m not expressing myself, i’m waiting for some great words to come out of my mouth, in a world when no one has been blessed with ears.

Which is why it is important you write without performing. Write your thoughts, correct errors later. Stop trying to be one of the Great. The greatest died not knowing they were even good.

Besides, you must fathom that just because you write, doesn’t mean you will always find the words.

I have always been in love with art, and almost tried them all.

Some feelings can’t be expressed through words… Sometimes, you will feel your heart heavy and won’t know why. You will take your pen and you paper and put it into shapes instead. Adding or removing colors.

When i feel heaviness in my heart i write, and if i can’t write i draw. If i can’t draw i paint, and if i can’t move my hands, my whole body shall move through dance and THAT is the beauty of art.

Art is what we live for. Over and above, if you’re on substack, you are a a Dead Poets Society lover. As we all know the quote, it only feels good to read it again.

We don't read and write poetry because it's cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.

I repeat : these are what we stay alive for.

So get up, take your pen, your paint or your guitar and…

Just express yourself.

If you liked this post, find more on my account !

Subscribe now

Life is never the same, after a goodbye you never wanted to say…

The process of losing someone is tough. It is in fact probably one of the most harsh experience out here.

The hardest part is having everyone give out opinions and advices you never asked, knowing they do not know what it feels like. Yes, to all the insufferable teachers ; hearing “I know it’s hard but you must keep working” not even a month after the events is not going to do anything.

Working hard will not let me forget the call I received that night. Working hard will not let me forget the infinitely long ride we took to her house. Working hard will not make me forget how holding her hand felt lifeless. Working hard will not stop me from remembering how loud the house was, filled with all the people that ever loved her coming from hours of ride, and hours of flights. Working hard is not going to erase that night from my memory.

Working hard will not let me forget her.

Eventually, with the whole family gathered and taking care of each other you slowly start to heal together. Yet some wounds can only be seen and healed by yourself.

I started seeing death everywhere ; because each time an argument occurs I will think “If they die, the last thing they’ll remember from me is our argument”. Meaning that nothing matters anymore. I will keep on having good grades if God allows me to, but bad grades, tests, problems, nothing matters, nothing stresses me out. I still feel that way, but it’s true. All the things I’ve ever stressed about don’t matter. At least death made me realize that.

Unfortunately, every car ride with my headphones on, I’ll imagine someone else I love ending their journey on earth.

Atrocious, isn’t it ?

The truth is, by saying “I see death everywhere”, I mean it literally. The moment you truly loose it, is when instead instead of imagining someone else’s body, you see your own.

Here I am laying on the ground, lifeless. Not because one would have commit, absolutely not, but because seeing death everywhere made me see it in myself.

There is something wrong with my brain.

There is something unbreakable between me and Death.

For awhile I was simply angry, or numb. Time goes by and it doesn’t get easier until it does. I am still not healed, but I am healing. The thing is even when the wound is healed, you can still see a scar. I am tired of hearing that I will end up going past it.

Looking for a future will never mean forgetting my past.

So even if I forget her face sometimes, I can’t forget HER. Nor my amazing memories with her.

Mostly I can’t forget the events.

Grief is not about forgetting but about accepting.

There is something wrong with my brain, but I know that eventually there won’t be.

For all those who lost someone, stop listening to the unexperienced. Look for help and keep your circle safe.

It will get better, just not easier.

The pressure of being perfect is crazy in a society where you whole future is defined by choices you make at the ripe age of fifteen.

How ridiculous is it? We live in a world with so many professions, so many things to do I that I sometimes wish I had more lives than one…

If I were to have more , I would have the ability to not only do more, but to know more. There is so much to know as my mind gets curious and my soul seeks knowledge.

I could be behind a desk and out in the field.

I could research in a lab and be face to face with patients.

I could even have polar opposite jobs : going to the court as a lawyer right after I published my third fantasy novel.

Physical and brainy.

Artistic and scientific.

Political and having my own gallery.

Being a renowned doctor and the owner of a chill coffee shop.

I could do way more than two jobs if I had the passion and the time.

I’ve been looking for so long to find balance in this society.

Needing those additional lives to find solutions to that precise problem.

Unfortunately, I don't have more lives. I was looking for the word “and”, yet I only found the word “or”.

It is so saddening to have limited options. The worst part is having to choose your options this early. I haven’t even found the time to find out who I am and you think I have the ability to find out who I want to become ?

This whole situation is simply complex.

No one even offers the help necessary to figure that out…

Yet again, even if they did, there will always be a part of me telling me that the only person capable of such choice is myself.

This is my first article / text. If you liked it don’t forget to follow or share your thoughts on the subject in the comments because I would be delighted to read and understand each one of them.

I am also very opened to criticism and advices.

Thank you all again.