Life has felt really strange lately, I’ve felt equally powerful, as I have broken. It feels like an episode right out of Insecure. It’s giving… Season 3, Episode 4 “Fresh-Like”, where Issa and her Mirror Bitch pep-talks start to transition into self-discovery but she has a long way to go, a very long way.

It’s like the most healed version of myself, meeting the most broken version. They know each other, they understand each other, they’ve needed each other to make this moment possible but they’re at a crossroads. They battle. Who’s more real? Which is the truest version? Which one’s shape is the most authentic for me to fit into?

I have written this over and over again. I am a Black, queer, woman in America who has a resounding passion to see Black people free. My liberation framework centers Black, trans, women’s freedom. Once they are free, we are all free.

This past year, my life has transformed me in ways I never imagined. No really. This time in 2025, my every day friend group had changed — I was no longer friends with people I thought I would grow old with, I was working my corporate America job at a place I’d been working for the past decade, I was in a brand new relationship with my partner, I was living in my own place — my life looked different.

Does this not sound like the entirety of season 4 in Insecure?

I’m the fixed water sign, Scorpio. Nope, I don’t want to hear it. I’m not manipulative, I am very sensitive and change is really hard for me. I like routine. I suffer from deep anxiety, so I like to have parts of my life that are repetitive. It gives me some space to have familiarity and that familiarity me feel safe. Well, the thing about your life taking a full 180 is, every routine I created to make myself feel comfortable, changed.

In May of 2025, an EF-3 tornado tore through the historically Black parts of St. Louis, North City. I co-piloted one of the biggest emergency hubs with my dear friend, Kayla R., the executive director of Action St. Louis. From May 16, 2025 - end of June 2025, I existed in two places, my corporate job and the emergency relief hub. It was hard balancing work meetings while getting my job done and also doing some critical communication and operational work at the hub. Everyday I felt unsure, uneasy and extremely determined. I remember taking a therapy session from my car at the hub one day and my therapist asking, “Are you okay?” My response was, “No, I’m not but I can’t pick that up right now because I need to keep going.”

I never really picked it back up.

It’s been fight after fight from the moment the People’s Response Hub closed, we went into organizing around the Ram’s Settlement dollars. I also host a festival under my organization ForTheCultureSTL, called the Culture Kickback. I’m a seed of Michael Brown Jr. so each year on the Sunday after August 9th, we hold a festival meant to commemorate Mike Brown and reclaim Black joy by supporting vendors, musical acts, live djs, community resources, free food and community.

In 2025, the Culture Kickback ended in a downpour. We didn’t even make it halfway through the festival. Can you imagine spending months doing work to fill-the-gap of community needs after a natural disaster, then hosting a festival that ended in a disaster? It felt like, Season 2, Episode 6 "Hella Blows" of Insecure, I worked up the courage to have the festival again and all the excitement, ended in a blow.

Quick question: would you have been mad like Issa, or would you have given Daniel the benefit of the doubt?

Back to The Culture Kickback.

It was really bad. The wind had people’s tents flying, product getting dropped in the mud, the water mains broke so it began flooding, people pulling their cars onto the field to get their things, folks running all through the grounds trying to make it back to the car and the rain burned! I was running through the vendor area, doing what I could to help but I couldn’t even keep my eyes open due to the murkiness and sting of the rain. All this happening while the weather forecast says it’s not supposed to rain that day and that it’s NOT currently raining. Nothing could have prepared us for that moment, we had everything we needed: paramedics, firefighters, cool down buses, food, water, tents but NOTHING for torrential rain.

Truth be told, that moment shattered me. In a midst of a time where I needed something, anything to remind me and motivate me — the opportunity was washed away in every rain drop that ended the festival. All the hard work we put into making The Culture Kickback happen, in a limited amount of time because of the emergency hub, felt like it went to waste and on top of that, people’s belongings were destroyed.

Shortly after the chaotic experience at The Culture Kickback, Kayla ended up calling me about a position that would be coming open at Action. I’m not going to lie, when she first called me about coming to work at Action, my nerves completely took over. I had just celebrated 10 years at my corporate job that I was very comfortable at. I didn’t see myself doing anything different because that job gave me balance, a way to pay my bills and do the community/activism work I was passionate about.

Then, she called one more time and deep down I knew I needed to take the position as the Communication Director of Action St. Louis. I needed to challenge myself plus, it was an opportunity to get more embedded with movement work.

I said yes.

Another change.

I started my new job in October of 2025 and I was terrified. Sure, my undergrad degree is in journalism and video production plus I have my master’s degree in multimedia studies, and sure, my corporate job was around designing e-learning courses but this felt different. Communication Director. It felt like a lot more was at stake and I was opening myself up to a brand new routine. I felt like Issa, giving myself pep talks before every room I walked into.

No lie, the first few months I worked at Action, I cried every single day. I felt out-of-the-loop from the imposter syndrome that had taken over me. I questioned everything. I thought I was incapable of getting a handle on what the job role called for. Fast forward. Times are a lot better and I’ve been able to do some really cool things as the Comms Director — I’ve even led some really impactful campaigns but I still don’t feel like I’ve adjusted fully.

Non-profit work means that there is no real routine. Days can start and end at different times and inside of an organizing organization, there’s always a new fight to engage in. It’s currently August 2026, let me tell you about the year we’ve had so far. In January we moved into a new building with a capital campaign, The Northside Movement Center, then there was the Ram’s Settlement fight to get more money to North City for tornado recovery; coinciding the Ram’s fight was the Board of Police Commissioners and their attempt to tank our city’s budget and we had to stop them, the budget fight was really two fights because we also had to organize and testify to demand more money go into social services and right after that, we landed in election season.

Listen, election season is DIFFERENT! For my role, it’s creating innovative design concepts that are needed immediately, late days, canvassing, direct door knocking, social media education covering what’s on the ballot, editing, graphic designs, quick meetings that end with multiple deliverables, team leadership and development and constant decision-making.

Did I mention that I have extreme anxiety?

Whew. I’m proud to say that I really stepped up to the moment, however, it took a lot out of me. Remember at the beginning of this article when I said the healed and unhealed versions of myself are meeting — yeah, they got real acquainted. I had to challenge myself, every step of the way, to believe that I could do it. Self-doubt consistently showed up and I had to keep walking her away. That in itself takes so much energy.

Look, I'm a loud mouth, who vocalizes what I have to say, a lot. I share it in-person, online, I make videos about it, I even write about it. Mainly because I want our truth to be well-documented. This has created a facade that I am unapologetic and unafraid. Many people don’t know how hard I suffer behind-the-scenes and it’s isolating. I feel like I have to be what folks expect me to be: a public speaker, a nonstop fighter for injustice, who can step in and fight whatever is happening and can do whatever needs to be done without doubt. Sometimes people don’t see my humanity and treat me like I have the perfect equation of what to do when injustice happens.

HA! That’s the furthest thing from the truth. Every time I go to speak my voice shakes, my hands tremble, my heart races, my stomach sinks and my brain has a million thoughts a second. Don’t get me wrong, I’m honored that people see me in such a light that they trust me to help them in times of need. It’s also a really hard and heavy expectation to hold.

Needless to say, life lately has felt like constant anxiety and uncertainty on a loop but when you’re in it, you may not always feel it. I’m the “put your head down and get through it” type, so while I’m in it, I don’t really think about what I’m experiencing. Then, when it’s over and I get a moment to just be with it, I end up feeling the weight of it all. We have a week off from work and all of it is creeping up.

I keep asking myself, when will it not be so hard to believe in myself. The self-doubt, the feelings around what I could’ve done better, what I should’ve been sharper at and just the reoccurring trauma that it is to be Black and fight for progress in this city is on replay. St. Louis is not an easy city. The folks that hold power does not desire to do right by its people, unless its developers and investors with special interests. They always seem to do good by the corrupt but not the everyday, working class citizens. Activist, organizers and advocates play a special role in a city with elected officials and hidden money, that doesn’t want to do right by the citizens. We are the constant defenders of the people.

It’s like a game of gaslighting, we know the truth and that different choices can be made, yet, our government continuously tells us it can’t make a way for us, while somehow making a way for downtown revitalization, data centers, corrupt developers and shady businesses. They know it, we know it, they still lie to us about it. The unfortunate part is, people do believe them.

It’s heavy and it’s constant.

My hope is that one day, all of this will matter. All the sacrifice, all the suffering, all the challenges, all the showing up, all the ‘putting it to the side’, will make a pathway for a different St. Louis, a different country — one that will take care of its people.

The reality is, this city makes it difficult to pick up the care that you need for yourself, it’s easy to get lost in the fight of it all. This state and America adds compounded stress within it too.

I started this article having no clue where this writing would take me. Turns out, it led me to exactly what I needed. Me. Connection. Honesty. Vulnerability. Openness. A reminder to pick it back up, pick me back up.

I have learned a lot of lessons in 2026 and the biggest has been, you have to pour into yourself anyway. These same themes and lessons are woven all throughout Insecure. You can’t wait on it, or put it to the side. You have to deal with it, even when it’s deeply uncomfortable.

If you wait for later, you may regret it. Set up intentional check-in time with your mental health and ensure you are alright, it’s also okay if you’re not okay. This world will steal all of your joy, happiness and everything else you have, if you allow it. Also remember that change is inevitable and growth spurts hurt for a reason. You are always walking yourself to the best version of you, as long as you try. Take it from me and Issa, let your best and worst versions meet each other, you needed them both to make it exactly where you are today and where you’re headed in the future. Be kind to yourself and always center your healing journey, your Mirror Bitch is depending on it.

We got this.

Why did Wesley Bell win and why did he win by such a gap?

The equation is quite simple: Misogynoir x 18 Million Dollars from AIPAC x the flooding of Misinformation/Propaganda/Blatant Lies about Cori Bush = A Black Woman Losing Her Election. The math is there but for some reason, folks are having a really hard time believing that AIPAC and misogynoir can create that kind of whirlwind of an impact.

Guess what? It absolutely can.

What is AIPAC?

Before we go too far, let me tell you about AIPAC. AIPAC is the lobbyist organization for the American and Israel partnership. They are flushed with money because millionaires and billionaires are part of the organization. They claim to exist to “strengthen the American and Israeli government and military affairs”. AIPAC pours millions and millions of dollars into key political races to keep American elected officials “pro-Israel”.

From AIPAC.org they say, “AIPAC is leading the fight in Washington to ensure America stands with our ally Israel.”

They’ve literally put it in writing that their entire mission is to persuade our elected officials and military to act on their behalf.

The reason they want to influence elections is simple, they want politicians in office who will work for them — to vote in their favor, to send Israel money and weapons.

Wesley Bell has accepted over $18,000,000 from AIPAC, more than every other Missouri official that has accepted AIPAC money, combined. That means something, his integrity is compromised and it’s pretty dangerous. Bell sits on three very important committees: Foreign Affairs, Armed Services and the Government Oversight Committee. He has taken votes in favor of Israel, in both committee meetings and the full congressional meetings.

If AIPAC is willing to drop this kind of money in elections across America, really consider what else they must be doing behind-the-scenes.

Listen, of course AIPAC would be willing to spend $18 million on him, he’ll always be a vote they can count on — he’s already sent them billions and does their bidding. Of course the deal is good to AIPAC too.

Israel is influencing our elections, controlling our politics, integrated into our military, selecting our elected officials, dictating our foreign affairs and our government as a whole and we should all be very concerned! We should all be very loud about it.

Wesley Bell is aligned with Israel and his voting record reflects it. He has abandoned St. Louis, while sending funds and weapons to Israel. This is information that is factual and easy to research. Our congressman is bought out by foreign interests and I truly believe that this would be disparaging evidence about him, that would have concretely cost him this election, in any other reality, if his opponent were not a Black woman. Especially if his opponent spoke loudly about Wesley’s dealings and they themselves, stood firmly against AIPAC and for the people.

Bell would have lost by a landslide because people would have been able to see him plainly for his calculated and distrustful ways but when the other candidate is a Black woman, the vision is always just blurry enough for someone disingenuous to win.

Let’s Talk about Misogynoir

Misogynoir is a social framework coined by the queer Black feminist Moya Bailey. Misogynoir speaks to the specific combination of racism, sexism, patriarchy that only Black women face. It’s a lexicon made up of “misogyny” combined with the French word for black, “noir”.

In her book, ‘Misogynoir Transformed: Black Women’s Digital Resistance’ Bailey says, “[For Black women] the stress and material consequences of systemic oppression make it nearly impossible to have physical, mental, and social well-being in a white supremacist patriarchal country.”

The Sociological Frameworks and Structures White Men Created

The social and structural society we live in today was built by heterosexual (they was gay and hiding it), cisgendered (some probably weren’t), White, men. White men that never carved out space for Black people and especially not Black women. The systems they created from: education, public safety, housing, healthcare, government, transit, jobs, incarceration, social identity, etc. were all shaped and defined by the reality of white men only. Groups that share intersections with White men, do share in some of White men’s access and benefits.

White women get to utilize the privileges and benefits from many of the systems and resources created for White skin (e.g. weaponizing policing) and Black men have limited benefits from absorbing the byproduct of the systems created for White men’s success (e.g. higher pay rates and workplace power).

Black women do not share any intersections with White men— we are neither white nor men. Absolutely nothing in this society was designed for our privilege. We don’t get the access, benefits or resources from any of it, nor do we absorb any positive byproducts from the systems White men created.

The Breakdown of Misogynoir

Misogynoir works just like every other ism, phobia and oppressive system in this world, it’s deeply woven in the fabric and DNA, especially in America. This world was designed with misogynoir coursing through every atom, every cell and at the nucleus of every foundation. What makes misogynoir even more sinister, is that, the reason it exists in the first place, is the same reason most people doubt its validity — it particularly pertains to Black women. And who in society actually cares about doing the work to be better for Black women? Black women are frozen in a dynamic that both is our struggle and why our struggle matters to no one.

This world refuses to see the unambiguous systemic harm, Black women in America face.

Have you ever wondered why little Black girls are aged up, how they somehow bear the responsibility of grown men’s attraction to them — instead of the blame being placed on the adult male. The hypersexualized nature placed on Black women in general. Or, why the #MeToo movement had to be created to include Black women who have been assaulted. Did it cross your mind that in corporate America majority of “DEI” hires are White women, while Black women get left behind; and in that same breath, 300,000 Black women were immediately terminated when Donald Trump was reinstated in office.

Black women are subjugated to higher mortality rates during childbirth, than any other group. Mainstream makeup brands don’t even create foundations dark enough for our skin tone. We have to search “for Black hair” or “for Black women”, in order to find Black representation. Our hairstyles are deemed ‘ghetto’ on us but cool on White women. Black women are given tropes and stereotypes that are steeped in anger, superhuman strength, manliness, over-sexualized behavior, mammyfied nurtures, ghetto and, and, and… in a way that eventually leads us to our demise.

We don’t even have to utter a word and these tropes supersede us. They show up everywhere we go: to the doctor’s office, birthing room, classroom, work, grocery store, our own homes, influencer opportunities, retail shopping, at the nail shop — literally anywhere we are simply existing.

It is like micro-aggressions and implicit biases but harsher. Black women experience both the byproduct of racism and patriarchy, individually and we also experience a phenomenon that only impacts us, the byproduct of racism and patriarchy, combined.

Black women don’t get the luxury of telling our own stories first, other people’s perspectives and inherent biases meet them, before they meet us. This even happens amongst other Black women, that’s how indoctrinated we all are. We aren’t given the grace of being ourselves, or being misunderstood, we don’t get to be quiet or reserved, loud or obnoxious, happy or upset, or just sad, without it being misconstrued and taken for something more nefarious. We are then required to extend ourselves further, than any other group, in order to correct the misconceptions placed upon us. Black women must give additional emotional labor if we simply want to be understood.

Black women who sit in leadership positions and do political work, face the same tropes and stereotypes but it’s more profound because more people are involved.

In 2025, St. Louis City Mayor Tishaura Jones lost her seat due to an unprecedented and unpredicted snow storm, even though she worked to improve our snow system and took accountability, it didn’t matter. Once the public has something on a Black woman, even when it’s something out of her control, it’s still all her fault, all by herself and it becomes her legacy, forever.

Currently Cara Spencer, the now white woman mayor, has completely failed the Black community after being hit by a tornado. Black neighborhoods are still suffering a year and a half later, by the intentional neglect from Cara Spencer’s tornado recovery plan. However, the public outrage has not nearly been as extreme or on the same level that Tishaura faced. So much grace has been extended to Cara, even from Black impacted people. You see, society singlehandedly curates the formula for Black women to fail, to be disliked, to be picked apart, to have everything held against them, to never have the ability to move on. It then tells us we deserve the everlasting whooping and that we’re wrong when we defend ourselves, even when we know the outcome would be completely different for anyone else. The gaslighting, right?

To make it short, the world is not kind to Black women and girls.

There isn’t one practical version of a Black woman that is acceptable. I want you to try something. Sit with yourself for a couple of minutes and imagine a prototype of a Black woman that would be acceptable in this world. What would she look like? How would she talk? What kind of space would she take up? What is her shape? How is her hair? What body type does she have? What wardrobe does she have on? What is her education level? What job does she hold?

Now examine how you got to your conclusion. How did you try to resist this practice? What biases arose that you tried to push out of your mind? What inner thoughts came up as you did this practice? How did your ego show up to tell you that this doesn’t impact you? What happened when you went beyond your ego and allowed yourself to feel how misogynoir shapes your thinking of Black women?

Cori Bush, Wesley Bell and Psychological Warfare

We’ve talked about the dangers of AIPAC, misogynoir and a little about Wesley Bell. Now, let’s use Wesley Bell and Cori Bush’s race to dive deeper into the intricacies of misogynoir and exactly why it is that deep.

So why did Cori Bush lose?

The internet is having a really difficult time believing that 18 million dollars from AIPAC and constant attack ads would be enough to have that kind of impact. Well, yeah, it’s enough.

The United Democracy Project is the Super PAC under AIPAC. To give you more context and a deeper perceptive of what it was like to be a voter in the Missouri Congressional District 1 race, let me paint you a picture.

This is you.

Everyday you come home to around 2-4 insidious mailers about Cori, I’m not exaggerating — every single day. These mailers were sent out to everyone in Wesley and Cori’s district and sometimes they even sent them outside the district.

The mailers attacked Cori’s voting record, how many bills she passed, clipped up news media headlines and persuasive quotes on her not playing nice with other democrats. Oh and these ads also darkened Cori’s face and used the worst possible pictures they could find. Remember, you receive these daily.

Not only were you receiving mailers, you also saw constant attack commercials on replay, from every streaming app you were currently on — HULU to YouTube and everything in-between. It isn’t just one commercial here and there, it’s every commercial break and each had a minimum of two attack ads on Cori.

Oh, you thought it stopped there? Absolutely not, you also receive multiple text messages from AIPAC, sending you those same attacks on Cori but this time, they sent it directly to your phone with additional slander included.

These are all the mailers, texts and ads I saw and received directly. This isn’t even close to all of it.

Imagine being inundated with disinformation multiple times a day. Now imagine not having political education on attack ads and believing politicians have to give you true information. Imagine not being given digital media literacy, or knowing how to research what’s true or not — or just not having the capacity to look into it.

Imagine being a regular citizen with kids and jobs, just trying to survive in this economy while keeping a roof over your head and food in your belly. These are the ads and mailers you would take with you to the voting booth. And why would they question them? Why would they think they’re being fed lies? It feels like someone desperately trying to warn them about someone for their own safety.

This is the exact byproduct of misogynoir I was referring to, no one asks questions about slander that pertains to Black women.

Also remember that Wesley Bell could afford to create this slander fest with the backing of AIPAC, Cori Bush could not afford to fix it in the same regard.

There’s a term and framework for what St. Louis experienced and it’s beyond propaganda, it’s called psychological warfare.

How Wesley Mixed Psychological Warfare with Misogynoir

Study.com says that types of psychological warfare are manipulation via leaflets, radio or other media broadcasts, visual intimidation, fake social media accounts, and the use of propaganda to encourage an enemy's surrender or terror. Wesley Bell and AIPAC used every single one of the strategies against Cori consistently.

Ebsco.com says, “Psychological warfare encompasses a variety of strategies aimed at influencing the mental states of opponents and the populations they represent, primarily through the use of propaganda and psychological operations (psy-ops). The objectives of psychological warfare focus not on physical harm, but rather on confusing, deceiving, and demoralizing the target group, ultimately affecting their attitudes, behaviors, and emotions.”

Yes, Wesley Bell and AIPAC used war tactics on St. Louisans to convince us that Cori was more harmful for us, than Wesley Bell is. They leaned into misogynoir to cement this belief. An organization with that much money, has the power and skillset to create the narrative for us to believe, then create the dynamics to feel like we came up with it on our own.

Cori had no chance with 18 million dollars being flooded into St. Louis with one objective, to defame her. Pair this psychological warfare with misogynoir and you’ll see that it was nearly impossible for Cori to rectify the situation, even with hard factual evidence and truths that these ads were blatant lies and disinformation.

And remember, people don’t even consider themselves to be impacted by misogynoir, or believe that it can warp their thinking. So in their minds, them just “not liking Cori” or feeling like “she had too many scandals” or “she’s too loud” isn’t misogynoir or phycological warfare, it’s just their truth.

Yet, when I asked people to name what Wesley Bell has done better than Cori for St. Louis, crickets.

Here’s the facts:

• Wesley co-sponsored 1 bill into law, Cori co-sponsored 8

• Cori slept on steps to extended the eviction moratorium, Wesley has not

• Cori extended and expanded RECA, Wesley tried to take credit for it

• Wesley voted to send billions of dollars in weapons to Israel, Cori called for a ceasefire

• Wesley had his own citizens beat at his only in-person town hall, Cori did not

• Wesley secured $0 in tornado recovery dollars, Cori secured $82.2 million for the 2022 floods

• Cori said she would vote for Kamala, Wesley said there were other candidates who would make a good president

• Cori worked with Missouri republicans to get things done, Missouri republicans and democrats have never mentioned working with Wesley Bell for anything

• Cori brought millions of dollars home to community organizations, Wesley tried to take credit for that too

• Cori explained every ad and narrative about her — every single one, Wesley refuses to talk about his dealings with AIPAC

• Wesley lied and said Cori was attacking him when the ads clearly show who was doing the attacking, Cori defended herself against his attacks

• Wesley voted to thank ICE, Cori denounced ICE from the beginning

• Wesley shares the same donors as Donald Trump, Cori does not

• Wesley has donors that are on the Epstein list, Cori does not

• MAGA republicans wanted Wesley to win, they poured millions into his campaign to ensure Cori lost

• Wesley was harmful to the Black community as a municipal judge, prosecutor and congressman, he’s also a career politician, Cori’s whole focus is bettering the material conditions of Black people

Factually speaking, Cori Bush was the better and more effective candidate for congressperson but facts aren’t enough when dealing with misogynoir and psychological warfare.

A Black woman’s merit, talent and abilities are secondary to if she is “likable” or not.

Even though Wesley Bell is proven to be distrustful and to work for interests outside of St. Louis, that was okay in comparison to Cori Bush’s likability.

Wesley has not done anything to make a significant difference for St. Louis and he abandoned tornado impacted residents but, he still won by margins. The overarching response to this is, “Cori Bush just isn’t likable”. People become dogmatic when it comes to telling the truth about Black women. That is how misogynoir works and AIPAC knows that, so they flooded the streets with darkened images and false information about Cori.

It worked.

Misogynoir will be the Downfall of us All

My hope is that, as a society we will undo all the isms, phobias, and oppressive systems we’ve been indoctrinated to believe. I hope that we will begin to examine ourselves on how we uphold these systems and take a close look at this world and reconsider what we believe to be true. There is a heavy resistance surrounding my thought process, it’s reduced down to making excuses for Black women and people — even from other Black people.

However, if this article resonated with you at all, I ask that you have the conversation with yourself and the people around you. Read about misogynoir and all the other isms and phobias, learn about how it shows up in you and your belief systems, consider reshaping your relationship to the reality you know. Then center the truths of Black women and people, to strengthen your understanding of America and how to dismantle its oppression. That’s the only way we make impactful change.

Everything is at stake from local to federal levels. We are all suffering from high costs, systemic racism, over-policing, housing crisis, contaminated food, poor education and late-stage capitalism. We will continue to suffer until we shed ourselves of all the misogynoir, isms and phobias that keep us from moving forward. We will also continue to vote and move against our best interests until we drop the defensiveness and allow ourselves to take blame for the misogynoir that’s inside all of us, then do the work to undo it.

A better American can exist.

True freedom, liberation and genuine community is on the other side of our hate.

Disclaimer: This article is not saying that Cori ran a perfect campaign. Or for that matter, that she was the perfect congresswoman. She did not and was not. Neither did nor was Tishaura Jones, or any other Black woman in leadership. But they were not at all bad or bought. That’s the difference. So let that defensive argument go. Okay?

Black women do get it wrong and there are also Black women who are insidious.

The argument is not to say Black women are never wrong. This article is to break up our relationship and blind spot to misogynoir and make way for us to examine it further. We should move towards being able to analyze someone’s character traits separately from misogynoir. And to stop allowing misogynoir to be a barrier to what actually is best for us.

The primary election is right around the corner on August 4th (early voting has started). St. Louis has the very important task on deciding which democrat candidate will move forward to the general election on November 3rd. It has gotten…. intense between the two top contenders, Cori Bush and Wesley Bell.

The last congressional battle between Wesley Bell and Cori Bush was, viciously nasty. I don’t think St. Louis was prepared for just how low the race would get on Wesley’s behalf. He orchestrated a hate train towards Cori Bush that was tightly wrapped in misogynoir.

I have been very vocal about this race and speaking to who Wesley Bell truly is. Recently I asked myself why. Why am I so vested? What is at the core of my desire to speak as loud as possible and as much as I can? What’s at stake?

It’s the ‘what’s at stake’ question that landed me directly in my answer — the people of St. Louis and our transition from survival, to being able to thrive. I want (particularly) Black St. Louisans healthy, happy and free. That’s what’s at my core, that’s why being loud is so worth it.

Side note: before folks get upset at the Black St. Louisans callout, if Black folks in St. Louis are well and thriving, that would mean all of St. Louis is well and thriving.

My heart is so deeply invested in the race with Cori Bush and Wesley Bell because real humans are suffering right now and Wesley Bell is a large part of it. Where St. Louis goes next, is a critical piece to what St. Louis will look like and be for decades to come. Right now we need someone who will unapologetically defend us, fight for us and demand morality from this country.

For over a year, I’ve watched tornado survivors scream for help and protection from every level of government — Wesley Bell mainly stayed silent.

He didn’t humanize impacted residents on the conversation around “insurance”. Nor did he remind people that no matter what, folks deserve help. He didn’t add context to the history of redlining in St. Louis or how insurance companies have been dropping tornado impacted residents from coverage. He didn’t even introduce a bill, a resolution or make a plea for help until a YEAR later.

Matter of fact, I was a panelist on a PBS town hall, where he was also a panelist, just a few months after the tornado. He told impacted residents that they’re on their own because the rest of country doesn’t understand the how bad the devastation is; AS IF IT’S NOT HIS LITERAL JOB TO MAKE SURE THEY KNOW! He left them alone in this fight and he told us he would.

His abandonment doesn’t stop at tornado victims either, it’s all marginalized communities. He voted to thank ICE, even while his own constituents were suffering from ICE. He only changed his mind after ICE became too controversial, with too much bloodshed.

History of Wesley Bell’s Scandals

What deeply pains me about the narrative surrounding Cori Bush, is that it’s rooted in plain ol’ misogynoir.

Wesley Bell has an abundance of proven scandals, lies and deceit. It’s WELL DOCUMENTED that he accepts MILLIONS in outside interests (AIPAC & rich folks) and we see how it shows up in his VOTING records — the records that matter most! He continuously votes to send BILLIONS to Israel, while his everyday, working-class constituents struggle to make ends meet.

He used the family of Mike Brown Jr to weasel his way into the prosecutor seat, then abandoned them in such a harsh way. He has spent almost $200,000 of taxpayer dollars on just 3 cars, 1 for him & 2 for his friend.

Wesley Bell has only been able to hold ONE in-person town-hall because his security BEAT and CHOKED community members who showed up, to finally be able to engage with their congressperson. The last “public” event he held was a on the phone, as a TELEPHONE town-hall. I know right? What the heck is a telephone town-hall? Well, he held it that way so he didn’t have to see us and got to directly chose who spoke.

He has some very SKETCHY allegations with his young staffers. Plus, he frivolously spends taxpayers dollars, all the time.

I’ve not even mentioned his time as a public defender, Velda City municipal judge, or Ferguson Council Member. It is very clear that he is a career politician with ambitions to climb the political ladder.

How Misogynoir Plays into the Harm Black Women in Leadership Face

We can have factual evidence of who Wesley Bell truly is, yet, it’s Cori being ripped apart by clipped up videos & propagandized headlines, so folks can curate a narrative that is easy to debunk.

It’s because Wesley and his team knows that faux headlines about Black women stick since Black women aren’t afforded grace, research, truth, nuance or their own integrity.

We don’t get to tell our own stories, they are told for us. Even when we show who we are and what we value, what someone else says weighs more. Someone else’s narratives will be heard over our own voices, even when their narrative is completely misconstrued.

Not only do we not get the pleasure of being believed, we then have to hold all the slander and stereotypes that comes with it, as if it’s true. Our image then absorbs every lie and every skewed truth. This happens without people ever looking into a single them themselves.

Black women are not given the luxury to have complexities and for those complexities to not define us fully. It’s almost automatic for people to believe the worst of Black women because that’s what America has indoctrinated us to believe.

There are only certain roles that are “acceptable” for Black women: nurturers, quiet, meek and resilient — hell, we even get bashed when we do play those roles.

When we move into leadership positions, misogynoir is already waiting on us because America never meant for us to get there. So, it creates pathways for our downfall, before we even get the chance to fully make it through the door. If we’re too loud, take up too much space, fight for what we believe in, center ourselves, hold folks accountable, change systems, demand different, then best believe, they are coming for us.

And it’s not just the big “they” either, it’s everyone, even ourselves.

We, as a society, are so uncomfortable with Black women that our default is to undervalue them. Someone says we’ve done something wrong, then we must be the problem. It must be true. If someone says we’re untrustworthy, then we must be, because we’re outside the limits America has placed upon us.

Misogynoir feels like that parent who always blamed you for something you didn’t do because they were hurt themselves and instead of apologizing, they got mad about how you defended yourself, then said you did that wrong too.

Black women are not perfect and that’s a hold misogynoir has on us too. When we don’t show up perfectly, that imperfection is used against us like a weapon. We don’t get to make mistakes or get it wrong, we don’t get to make difficult decisions and we damn sure don’t receive restorative justice afterwards, even when we make amends.

Cori Bush is not perfect, none of us are but her moral integrity is lightyears ahead of Wesley Bell’s, so why is she being reprimanded in this way? Misogynoir.

There is a stark difference between a Black woman who is morally unsound because of her direct actions, versus one you’re being told not to trust. If you struggle to see the differences, then you do suffer from seeing the wholeness and humanity in Black women.

We must all work to reevaluate our relationship to misogynoir and veto that shit!

Wesley Bell is playing into the Misogynoir and it’s Disgusting

MAGA racists, far-right wing republicans, folks that were on the Epstein list are some of Wesley Bell’s DONORS. At some point, you have to ask yourself why would mega rich racists want him in office? Answer: they need someone willing to do their bidding, to play their game, to make it easier for them to do bad.

Just this month, Wesley Bell sided with Donald Trump and republicans to send BILLIONS of dollars to Israel and to cut off the humanitarian aid to Gaza.

3-months after the May 16, 2025 tornado, he wasn’t in St. Louis or DC working to secure funds for recovery, he was in Israel being told what the return on their investment would be.

Yet, Cori is untrustworthy? No, she’s just a loud Black woman.

The higher Wesley climbs in his political career, the more he’s willing to do.

• Voting records should tell you, who’s for you.

• How Wesley Bell vs Cori Bush shows up for STL, tells you who’s for you.

• Who can PHYSICALLY show up in the district, should tell you who’s for you.

• Who receives dark money should tell you!

There is FACTUAL evidence that Wesley Bell is committed to other interests outside of St. Louis but we’re focused on smearing Cori Bush? Are we unwell?

Wesley can spew straight LIES, but because she’s a Black woman, folks are more willing to believe it.

Wesley Bell can’t even speak to what he’s done for St. Louis, in his time as congressman. Actually listen to his interviews, he always dodges the question and brings up his time in any other role but congressman. That’s because he can’t truly speak to what he’s doing in congress, he would have to admit:

1. His main concern is voting to keep money moving to Israel

2. He hasn’t been impactful for getting resources or funds to St. Louis

3. His quietness around tornado recovery is intentional

4. AIPAC is spending money on him for him to do their work

5. Every bill he introduced (except for 1) never made it further than being introduced

He’s even been caught lying and trying to take credit, MULTIPLE times, for things Cori did while she was congresswoman.

We can Choose to Defeat Misogynoir Right Now

Are we really going to let misogynoir keep a corrupt man in office? I’m sick to my stomach at the short memory, plus the hate for Black women and how those two things paired together, lead us to deeper suffering, when we have a chance to minimize some of it.

Are we really fighting to keep a man in office that took A YEAR, before he did anything around tornado recovery?

I KNOW Cori would have done everything in her power to make sure North St. Louis was protected after a natural disaster. Because she did it without a position or title. She would have said “St. Louis and I rise” with the charge to get funds and resources to North City at every congressional meeting, she would have been on the news, radio, and every media outlet to get our story out, she would have been in the community day in and out to hear the stories directly and see the devastation up close, she would have worked with organizations doing the work to help amplify and give them resources, and lastly she, most certainly, would have placed pressure on every political figure and office that had power to do something.

Listen, there’s a lot of outside influence happening in this congressional race and a whole bunch of folks trying to drown out the voices of people who actually live here and have seen Wesley and Cori up close.

Don’t be the problem in a race that won’t impact you. The likes and comments aren’t worth people’s lives becoming harder because the wrong person is in office.

Trust, they have brought up every allegation and accusation they could muster up around Cori and she’s been cleared ON EVERYTHING.

She’s done NOTHING illegal. She hasn’t done anything outside the regular normalcy but Wesley’s team and AIPAC are feeding us misinformation because they think that’s all it takes.

She’s answered EVERY QUESTION on ALL the skewed information. Wesley won’t answer any questions around AIPAC, tornado recovery, his voting records, lawsuits or why he can’t campaign on his own merit.

So many people say who and what they would have done during enslavement, Jim Crow era and the civil rights movement. I’m here to tell you, that many of you would have been the opps, like the straight up problem and would be the reason more progress couldn’t be made.

Many have self-interests that actually harm real people.

Folks have been SUFFERING since the tornado and as a person who helped build and sustain an emergency relief hub because our government DID NOT, I am serious about this election.

I’ve watched people hurt over Wesley’s neglect and choices.

Last cycle, I said St. Louis wouldn’t survive a Donald Trump, Mike Kehoe, Wesley Bell administration and we have not been. Folks can’t afford housing, to feed themselves, they aren’t safe in their neighborhoods while also being displaced from a tornado.

St. Louis can NOT afford another two years of Wesley and Donald Trump. I’m urging y’all to talk to your folks about who the real Wesley Bell is and to vote for Cori Bush.

Vote like St. Louis depends on it, because it does.

This article is for Cori Bush, Tishaura Jones, Kayla R., Lex M., KVtheWriter, Tee Parks, Kristian B., Angel Reese, KeKe Palmer, Jada Pinkett, Meg The Stallion, A’ja Wilson, Chelsea Gray and every Black woman and girl who hasn’t been given the rainbow… just know you deserve every color.

I felt washed with a sense of gratitude that inspired me to just jot my thoughts down this morning. This article isn’t intended to be more than gratefulness meeting mindfulness and writing it out.

I spent this weekend deep in community, partially canvassing and creating content against Amendment 4 and 5 in Missouri, some August 4th ballot initiatives that go against the people. One of my favorite love languages, is ensuring Black folks are informed. The other part of my time was spent at MATI (Music at the Intersection), a music festival here in St. Louis, it was an opportunity to put the heaviness of the times down and breathe deeply.

While at MATI, I consistently ran into folks who thanked me for my voice, determination and truth-telling to power. It felt… good; to be seen, to be reminded that the work I do, does matter. It felt warm. Warm to my skin, warm to my soul, warm to hug other people who could have walked by but decided to stop and pour in instead. Those moment and interactions, mean so much to me.

As a Black, Queer, Woman who sits in the activism and organizing space with an affinity for boots-to-ground protesting, it gets lonely. There’s a lot of noise, many opinions, threats, racism, uncalled for feedback, dissection of who I am, and my favorite (not really), the desire to prove me wrong. It exists on social media and in-person. I can’t tell you how many conversations have started like, “Hi. I see you on social media and I appreciate your voice even though I don’t agree with everything you say” or “Hey. I’m your arch nemesis online but I thought I would say hello to you in person.”

Insert awkward meme

We are strangers, what am I supposed to say after that statement?

Me: “Oh well, hey, thanks for sort of agreeing with me!” Or maybe, “Cool, can we save the argument for online? I really want to hear this song.”

A simple hello, nice to meet you, would suffice.

Let me make it plain, no one is my enemy, unless you hold true power to change the material conditions of Black people and you choose to oppress us instead or, you do participate in actively harming our community. That’s it. If you argue in my comments, that’s exactly what it is for me and it doesn’t mean much more to me than that. Listen, over the years, literally, thousands of folks have had something nasty to say or needed to check me in the comment section.

What always baffles me is the amount of people who are offended by me wanting a better life for Black people in America — specifically, St. Louis. You’re more mad at me for defending us, than you are the people who continue to invest in systems that keep us poor, under-resourced, jailed, murdered and limited opportunities? Sometimes I wonder if it’s because the person is benefiting from their individual relationship with the system/the folks who hold power in these systems, other times, I wonder if it’s because people really can’t imagine new realities.

What keeps me motivated in movement work, even when it’s really hard, even when it seems impossible due to the nefarious nature of the world; is the fact that I truly believe everything we know now, doesn’t have to exist in the future. I think humans will grow beyond our barbaric desires to punish, extract, harm, steal, and have a hierarchy culture, where someone always needs to be last for someone else to be first.

The America we’re experiencing now, was built on the dreams of rich, White men with racist, capitalistic, and colonizing interests.

The future America does not have to hold that.

I believe the America of the future will look completely different because people will desire different, to right our wrongdoings and to move to a more holistic culture. Capitalism will fold in on itself, the power-structure we are accustomed to will oppress too many people and humans will grow forward.

These are my thoughts, all day long.

I dream of true liberation, while I’m wide awake. The thing is, these realities already exist. We experience them all the time and this weekend was a reminder of that for me.

Think of how we interact at festivals, community events and intentional spaces that practice human-first systems; we are able to exercise what new realities would be like. When we dance together, do something kind for a stranger, compliment a person we don’t know, spend time learning new information about each other, feel invested in keeping an experience pure, protect each other and relinquish our desire to be seen as perfect, we get closer to what living holistically is supposed to be.

I’ve been deeply, invested in the activism space for nearly 12 years. I have learned so much in this time, I’ve sharpened my liberation framework and have continued to soak in information around me. I believe liberation work, to be my lifetime work and it comes in many forms: activism, loudness, writing, softness, community, love, accountability, learning self, demands, force, peace, organizing, grace, selfishness, quietness; all combined and all alone.

I believe none of us are free until Black, Trans, Women & Non-Binary folks are free. Our liberation is directly tied to the person who sits at the very bottom of America’s hierarchy today.

I want us to be and feel empowered in this world.

I want Black kids to grow up.

I want Black men to see old age.

I want Black women to feel loved and have autonomy.

I want Black trans & queer folks to feel accepted, safe and cared for.

I want Black disabled & neurodivergent folks to be afforded access to the resources and care needed.

The world I want to live in, takes dismantling everything we’ve been indoctrinated to believe and be accustomed to, and knowing different, can be actualized.

I want us to be able to be our whole selves, existing in our full authenticity, without fear. I want us to have access to resources and opportunities without systemic barriers. I want us to feel deeply loved, for simply existing.

I want to live in a place that desires to make people whole, not just detain them.

I want to live in a place that wants to invest in people, not just extract from them.

I want to live in a place that honors the land and nature we share this planet with, not intentionally harm it.

I believe it can happen. I believe it happens in ecosystems everyday. I believe we access it many times through the people we are closest to and love the most. I’ve seen it up close, many times.

I believe it happens through honest dialogue. I believe it happens with true accountability. I believe it happens by holding mirrors up, even when it makes people uncomfortable. I believe it happens with radical movements that don’t bend. I believe it happens through real protest and disengagement from societal norms. I believe it happens by offering protection for those willing to do the work. I believe it happens by being committed to community and practicing human-first systems.

I believe it happens when we are the truest versions of ourselves, out loud, for everyone to see. We deserve it, the people around us deserves to love it and we heal ourselves and the world by being it.

Liberation is found in the microcosms that lead us to the macrocosms.

I am grateful for the offering this morning extended me. I am grateful for the interactions this weekend has afforded me. I am grateful for the moments that feel like enlightened connections, clear and knowing.

I am grateful for the reminders that love exists all around us.

That’s why this Juneteenth weekend has felt so cumbersome.

On the eve of this year’s Juneteenth, the Board of Aldermen, alongside the president of the BoA passed BB22 into perfection.

May 16, 2025 Tornado Response

Board Bill 22 is the Ram’s allocation bill. This bill allocates the remaining $250M of the Ram’s settlement money into three pots: $80M Water/City Infrastructure, $55M Downtown Revitalization and $120-$125M North City/Tornado Recovery. If you haven’t heard of the Ram’s settlement or Board Bill 22, I wrote about it in an article called, ‘St. Louis City Officials are Setting Advocates Up’. However, I still want to give a little more background.

Out of the $120-$125M going towards North City, only $89M is actually for tornado recovery. The 89M is open to neighborhoods outside of North City, that were also impacted by the tornado.

This may sound like a significant amount for the North City/Tornado Recovery bucket but for the past year residents, community members, advocates and organizers have been calling for a range of $150M-$250M to go to North City for Tornado Recovery. North City is the demographically Black part of St. Louis, that has faced decades of divestment and neglect. So when it was hit by an EF-3 tornado on May 16, 2025, it exposed and highlighted that very neglect and exacerbated it. Since then, North City has been left to mainly fend for itself. When I say fend for itself, I mean it has been brutally abandoned. The city even bulldozed a tent encampment filled with North City residents, who lost their house due to the tornado, two-days before the one-year anniversary of the storm.

Do we understand how inhumane that is?

On April 17, 2026, St. Louis Mayor Cara Spencer and SLMPD, even violently arrested advocates who disrupted the mayor’s State of the City. Folks who were desperately trying to get elected officials attention for North City. The city has framed us to be more of a problem, than their own willful and intentional disregard of North City rebuilding needs.

Let me be crystal clear, every single level of government has failed North City, both pre and post the May 16, 2025 EF-3 tornado. Our Congressman Wesley Bell, has done absolutely nothing and was even called out by investigative journalists for not going after federal HUD - Community Development Block Grant dollars. State legislators passed a bill for $100M but that has mainly gone to demolition and debris removal, while people want to rebuild and need shelter/support to do so.

However, city legislators doing so, is especially egregious because they see the damage up close. Impacted residents have come out to every budget meeting to testify, shown up to tornado town halls and have transparently told some of their most vulnerable stories to the mayor and alder people.

Watching city officials handle tornado recovery for the past 13-months has been sickening. They’ve moved too slow, created the unnecessary Office of Recovery and have given excuses at every turn; while spending millions on consultants and contracts from businesses outside of St. Louis. The most nauseating part is, they want us to believe they are doing the best they can and are actually doing a good job.

Board Bill 22: The Ram’s Allocation Bill

When BB22 was introduced it went to the Housing, Urban Development and Zoning (HUDZ) committee. This committee is supposedly one of the most progressive. They presented 3 opportunities for people to come testify on the bill as a whole. About 10 people showed up in total for downtown, a few city department heads showed up for infrastructure and over 100 people and about 10 hours of testimony in total for tornado recovery. I testified.

The city also opened a survey after they intro’d BB22, asking for input on what people thought about the allocation pots. The survey results clearly showed that residents, workers, business owners, etc, from all across the city — wanted less money for Downtown Revitalization and more money for Tornado recovery. There was hundreds of emails sent to alders and president Megan Green, asking to increase the tornado allocation amount.

It was in the city’s own data.

The city opened up a home stabilization and repair program with a $50K cap per household. Over 3,000 households applied, which equals $150M. This is why the demand was no less than $150M going towards tornado recovery. What’s been really strange to me is Julian Nicks, the Chief Recovery Officer of the new Recovery Office, didn’t even advocate for this amount. When directly asked what amount he needed to run his program fully by the HUDZ committee, he hesitantly said $110M and $120M if the city wanted to. If the city wanted to? Is that not weird? Why would the guy over tornado recovery be fine with city legislators underfunding his own program? The program that sits squarely in his department.

Since the beginning, it was clear that no one was truly on the side of North City.

On June 18, 2026 the full board of alders debated and discussed BB22. The North City alders did do a little advocating for North City over Downtown Revitalization. They talked about what their residents lives looked like before and after the tornado — how neglect was always there. Sharon Tyus, 12th ward alderwoman, has been an alder for a total of 15 years, she spoke to how much investment downtown has received over North City throughout the years. After a pretty lengthy history lesson from her, still, none of the alders introduced an amendment to take money from downtown to pour more into North City. Downtown is getting money for things like event attractions and entertainment, when there’s people still suffering from a tornado. Downtown St. Louis has organizations, foundations, funders, investors and stakeholders already, just ask Greater St. Louis. It didn’t need the money.

The alderman of the 4th ward, Bret Narayan even tried to pass an amendment eliminating the portion for the North City small businesses grant out of the bill because they, “just don’t do grants well.” HUH? Black businesses in North City have received zero help in this year and this alderperson tried to take it away. Luckily, not a single other alderperson voted yes for it. Narayan also tried to make the 31M Neighborhood Plan inside of the North City bucket a loan! Yes, a loan. He only attacked the North City/Tornado Recovery buckets. This shows why alders should have done more because if we don’t say North City is worthy enough, who else will? Well, our electeds clearly don’t think so either.

The bill passed into perfection, so no additional amendments can be made.

City officials including the mayor, the comptroller, the boa president and the entire board of aldermen failed North City and they did it on the eve of Juneteenth.

They won’t claim it as a failure though, they will celebrate it.

They will call it a “historic investment”! They will claim it as one of the “largest” allocations into North City. They will try to manipulate us into thinking they did something different than the elected officials before them. The ones that left North City disinvested from for decades. There will be interviews with the mayor and alders celebrating what they “accomplished”. Downtown/GSL will call this a “progressive” move for the entire city. All the while, people will be sleeping outside, living without electricity, struggling to pay bills at multiple locations, moving out of North City and having to go without. Elected officials will even say, “we know this isn’t enough”, to try to cover up for the fact that they could have done more and made the choice to not.

They left the one program for stabilizing homes underfunded by almost 50%. That’s over a thousand households who thought help was finally coming, and will now be told they are on their own, again.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m aware that the number seems large. They want it to be the case because if enough people think it’s enough, they get their win. I implore anyone reading it to know it wasn’t enough and be vocal about it. Tell your friends, tell your neighbors, tell your elected officials. The only number worth something would have been the $150M, and the only way they would have been able to claim a ‘historic investment’ is if they gave the entire $250M.

There is nothing more worthy, to put it all on the line for, than investing in a traditionally neglected area — simply due to racism — that was then devastated by a tornado. That would have been the righteous thing to do. That would have signaled learned lessons. That would have been the thing that separated these elected officials from any others. It would have been an opportunity to show real reconciling between the historic harm North City has faced.

My heart sinks at the realization that North City residents will continue to suffer. That the same ole traditional racism that tells us, “it just wasn’t an appetite to do more” or “we had to shrink it in order for it to pass” is present and well today.

Mayor Cara Spencer, President of the BoA Megan Green, Chief Recovery Officer Julian Nicks, 1st ward alder Anne Schweitzer, 2nd ward alder Thomas Oldenburg, 3rd ward alder Shane Cohn, 4th ward alder Bret Narayan, 5th ward alder Matt Devoti, 6th ward alder Daniela Velazquez, 7th ward alder Alisha Sonnier, 8th ward alder Jami Cox-Antwi, 9th ward alder Michael Browning, 10th ward alder Shameem Clark-Hubbard, 11th ward alder Laura Keys, 12th ward alder Sharon Tyus, 13th ward alder Pamela Boyd and 14th ward alder Rasheen Aldridge — you failed and your legacy will always reflect that. None of you decided to risk it, every single one of you played it safe for Downtown. Years from now, the names of the GSL staff who stole this money may not be remembered but yours will. Historians will look back at this time and see it was another Mill Creek, another Pruitt-Igoe, another Ville.

It will be a continuation of the stories we’ve grown up learning about, where St. Louis government decided to divest from Black communities. I hope the headlines don’t save you. I hope your legacy will always land you back to this moment. I hope North City gives you zero peace. I hope you feel your failure.

I also hope it haunts you so much that you try to right this injustice. I hope it encourages you to do more, to be better. I hope it holds the mirror up and reflects how indoctrinated by the system you are. I hope it changes you, how you show up, how you fight for the most marginalized communities.

When we are long gone, I hope articles, videos and media like this are discovered, that tell the truth about this time. I hope future generations learn to be different than what these elected officials have chosen. I hope future generations see this and are disturbed that more wasn’t done to protect North City. Most of all, I hope they remember.

We will.

North City will remember. We will remember.

Let me pause here and give you the back story of what all is happening in the St. Louis city landscape.

Back Story

Board Bill 1

For this article, I want to talk about two polarizing political moments currently happening in the city of St. Louis. Both have garnered deep citizen engagement.

I’ll start with Board Bill 1, which is the city’s general operating budget for the July 2026 - June 2027 fiscal year, or FY27. This is where each city department submits their budget request to Paul Payne, the budget director. He balances the budget and presents it to the Board of Estimates and Apportionments (E&A), which includes: Mayor Cara Spencer, BOA President Megan Green and Comptroller Donna Baringer. After it passes E&A, it then goes through the rest of the budget cycle.

We should rewind to last year, when Missouri Governor Mike Kehoe, forced a coup and the state of Missouri took over our police department. If this sounds odd, it’s because it is. Only two police departments in the entire country are controlled by their state and yes, both are in Missouri — Kansas City and St. Louis. If that sounds racist, it’s because it is.

Let me tell you about St. Louis Metropolitan Police Department (SLMPD). SLMPD is the most murderous police department per capita. They literally just killed someone in a mental health crises last week. They also have 70 pending civil lawsuits against them, doubling — almost tripling the amount of pending cases in cities with a similar population. Having such a deadly and problematic police department moved from under a blue city to a red state, has caused an obvious number of issues.

One of those issues being the Board of Police Commissioners. Whew, let’s talk about this board! This is an unelected board, that was handpicked completely by Governor Kehoe. Do you think this police board has legal experience? No. Do you think they have a background rooted in policing or policy? Also, no. Do you think they represent the true demographics of St. Louis city? HELL NO! The BoPC is comprised of rich, White, men who have businesses in St. Louis city, a Black woman with no legal or policy background and the current mayor (any active mayor would automatically serve on the police board). There are no Black men that serve on the board and nobody that lives North of Delmar (Black neighborhoods of St. Louis).

In the takeover, the governor has mandated that St. Louis must give 22% of its general revenue, to pay for the state owned police department. Egregious, right? That would be around $189 million from this budget cycle. Wayyy too much but legally required. Guess how much this unelected and inexperienced police board is demanding from the city’s budget… $250-$333 MILLION!

That amount would bankrupt the city. It would cause a ripple effect that would include: massive layoffs of city works, cutting social services, defunding basic city services and completely stunt the city’s growth. Not only are they demanding that of our current budget but they also want $68 million from the FY26 budget because they believe, one-time payments and the city’s reserves are included in general revenue. If you’re wondering what “one-time payment” they’re referencing, it’s the Ram’s Settlement Funds. This was a $790 million pot of money split between St. Louis City and County, when St. Louis sued the NFL because the Rams left St. Louis. The city received $280 million from the settlement. *Luckily, just today, a judge ruled that one-time payments and reserves are not included in the general operating budget.

This brings me to polarizing political moment number two, Board Bill 22.

Board Bill 22

On May 16, 2025, St. Louis was hit by an EF-3 tornado that ripped through North City — a historically disinvested Black area in St. Louis. A year later and every single level of government — from federal to local — has failed in recovery efforts. Tornado impacted residents have been living without roofs, electricity, shelter options or any real resources or support. It has been heart shattering watching FEMA, insurance companies, state government and local government turn their backs on North City, simply because Black people live there. Over 5,000 homes were damaged in the tornado and for the most part, residents have been left to figure this out on their own.

During the days immediately following the May 16th tornado, grassroots organizations and every day community members stood up emergency hubs. These hubs filled the gap for months after the storm; giving out free food, household materials, body products and more. Some hubs gave out construction materials and helped tarp roofs and board up windows. The advocating started immediately with community members begging ALL levels of government to step in and do their part. A year later and the President of the BOA Megan Green and Mayor Cara Spencer have finally introduced Board Bill 22 — the Ram’s allocation bill.

The bill breaks the $230 million left of the Ram’s funds into 4 allocation pots: $31M North City, $70M Tornado Recovery, $55M Downtown, $65M Infrastructure and $25M Reserves. The problem is, most of these other buckets DO NOT need this money. They have other investments, funders, foundations and ways to solicit money. City officials only giving $70M towards tornado recovery shows the value they hold on seeing North City truly being able to rebuild.

Advocates and organizers have been calling for, at minimum, $150M going to tornado recovery because that’s the CITY’S own data. The city opened up a repair and stabilization program at a $50,000 cap per household and over 3,000 applied — that gets us to $150 million for this program. We know the need is greater and the city can’t do it alone but this investment would trigger more investment from philanthropy dollars. It would also show North city residents that city government is serious about keeping folks in their homes.

Now that the backstory is complete, let’s resume.

I know that was a lot of information but I needed you all updated on the backstory, so you could understand how it’s all intertwined. Both Board Bill 1 and 22, are going through the process concurrently. What does that look like? Community members inside of city hall A LOT, to testify against the BoPC’s oversized budget and for more funding for social services that actually saves lives.

We’ve also been at city hall to testify on Board Bill 22, advocating for more money to go towards tornado recovery. For example, last week we spent 4 hours testifying on BB22, the very next day we spent 4 hours testifying on BB1. We have been deeply civically engaged in tornado recovery since last year: attending tornado town halls put on by the city, hosting our own meetings with impacted citizens and continuously stepping into the gap when the city failed during the winter. On top of that, we ensure residents are aware of city application deadlines, give out free groceries when SNAP benefits were reduced and all the big/little things in between.

I’m naming all of this to say, we have constantly been around city officials. We have had to work with them to mitigate the harm Black folks in St. Louis face. Black folks would be neglected if we do not, so we hold a line city government does not. Transparently, the relationship with some elected officials has not been easy because plainly, they’re egotistical. They are more concerned with optics than impact and when called out about it, their defensiveness overrides the reality of the moment.

I remember how petty the mayor was in the the early days of tornado recovery. She’d try to act like she wasn’t aware of us, one of the largest emergency hubs named The People’s Response. They’re annoyed with us because we hold them accountable in a way that does not stroke their ego. And, we refuse to let them leave North City behind.

In April of this year, Mayor Spencer held her ‘State of the City’ address. Under her blessing, SLMPD violently arrested citizens bringing awareness to the neglect of North City.

We have done nothing more but utilize our voices to testify and speak truth to what is happening, with both the budget and tornado recovery. Yet, top city hall officials are strategically trying to create a story that makes us out to be bad.

The Plot Against Organizers

Both St. Louis City Mayor Cara Spencer and St. Louis City Comptroller Donna Baringer, two top city officials, have insinuated they feel threatened by us. Donna Baringer has extended this even further by claiming the BoPC doesn’t feel safe, to come present their budget because of us. Us?

This is the same board that is currently suing the city, while also trying to bankrupt the city and when subpoenaed by the Budget committee, they dropped off 700 page binders. Does that sound like a board afraid of us? The more egregious part is, the question Mark Maxwell asked was simply, “Do you think the BoPC should have showed up to present their budget?” That’s it. A simple yes or no question.

So why did Baringer make it about us?

It’s because city hall elected officials are plotting to create a narrative that we are dangerous. Remember when I said they’re annoyed with us? Well, they’re moving from annoyed to something more sinister. They want to position us as ‘unsafe’ in folks mind to:

• invalidate our voices - if they can make us a threat maybe people won’t listen to us

• wiggle out of accountability - if they are scared of us, they can strategize to keep us away and out of the conversations

• harm us - SLMPD has already brutally arrested organizers to the point of people needing medical attention, they want to continue that behavior. Beat us into submission, if you will…

• demonize us - if they put a target on us, they get the green-light to do whatever they need to “tame” us without backlash

• minimize our power - if they win this narrative, anything we do will be villainized which is an attempt to silence us

• hide behind us - by making us the bad people, it blinds folks from the actual harm they are doing

Calls to Action

I am writing this article to not only document this attack from city officials but to also raise awareness. They are coming for us and I’m saying it out loud early. I am calling on those reading this to not fall for the scheme. We are not dangerous, we have not harmed or threatened anyone. Here’s what I need you to do:

• denounce the narrative - if you hear this narrative from your folks, tell them the truth

• share the truth - you don’t have to share my content but please uplift and amplify folks shedding light to what is happening

• speak truth to power - you hold power, tell elected officials you are disappointed in this nefarious attack on their constituents

• join in - we need every involved right now, the bigger the movement the harder it is to create a narrative they can lie about and control

I want to be very clear, what these elected officials are doing is a dangerous!

It’s a precedent that mirrors the ones of the White House and MAGA republicans. We know where naming Black people as ‘dangerous’ leads. Lives are on the line. Freedoms are on the line. Our safety is on the line. This is a ploy to keep citizens from being able to speak out and hold accountability towards the actions of those in office. Our government should not be ran by people who cannot hear harsh truths without feeling threatened. Hearing harsh truths, being held accountable, constituents voicing concerns — are a part of their jobs.

We will not stop speaking out! I will not be made smaller to be more digestible for anyone. We won’t stop holding elected officials accountable either. The truth is, they are failing all of St. Louis city right now, not just North City. Making backdoor deals with developers and data center investors, not listening to the voices of constituents, putting targets on the back of concerned citizens and allowing SLMPD/BoPC to go rogue without any repercussions, is all their own failures. We cannot allow them to make us their scapegoats. They have to stand in their bad behavior and decisions all on their own. Before I end this article, I want to double down on the fact that city hall is playing with our lives, freedoms and safety — I take that seriously.

The integrity of St. Louis is on the line. Will this be a city built by the shady deals and desires of the mega rich or for the everyday, working class citizens who invest their whole lives into this city?

Furthermore, what does it say about a city that shapes organizers as a threat, while intentionally neglecting the Black communities they should be protecting?

State of the City Background

On Friday, April 17, 2026, St. Louis mayor, Cara Spencer held her State of the City address. Originally, the date of the address was a week prior and was open to the public. However, her administration did not check the date to see if there was Blue’s hockey game. There was a game and since the city does not own that parking lot, parking would be too convoluted, they decided to move the date. Citizens already began registering to the previous date and time but when the new date was announced, Cara’s administration changed the address to attend in-person as invite-only (the invite-only crowd will come up later).

That was alarming. I had never seen a mayor privatize such a public and important address before. I mean, that’s a huge contradiction to the platform of transparency the mayor ran on. Now that we have understanding on how the State of the City became closed, let’s talk about the People’s State of the City.

The People’s State of the City Background

Right now, there are multiple issues happening in St. Louis that the public is really engaged in: tornado recovery, data centers, SLMPD/BoPC and their egregious police budget, housing rights, ICE, folks dying in jail, divestment from social services and more. Cara has been silent or making excuses when it comes to most of these very serious issues, which has left committed St. Louisans feeling frustrated and conflicted.

That frustration was exacerbated when Cara decided to privatize her address. So, in true St. Louis fashion, community members decided to hold our own ‘The People’s State of the City’ to address the problems we have been raising. The event was held on the steps of City Hall. We scheduled it an hour before Cara Spencer would be holding hers inside. The People’s State of the City was people-led, centering the voices of those most impacted in the differing issues; over a hundred folks showed up.

Let me set the current landscape of St. Louis City. There are two — really three, different St. Louis’ currently.

1. Corporations, developers, and political leaders looking to buy and sell St. Louis for their own interests

2. A rogue police department and Board of Police Commissioners working to deepen their pockets, solidify more contracts and militarize for their own personal gain

3. Community members, impacted voices and grassroots organizations trying to stop St. Louis from being sold to the highest buyer, filling the gap of unmet needs and fighting for a St. Louis that actually supports the community and all of our things

State of the City & People’s State of the City

The morning of The State of the City, the mayor’s administration decided to open it to the public. I’m guessing this happened because of all the public scrutiny they were receiving for it being closed to the public in the first place. We arrived to City Hall, set up and executed the People’s State of the City. We heard devastating yet powerful speeches from community members who deeply care about St. Louis and are afraid of were leadership is taking it. After our very successful event ended, some folks who attended the rally went inside to hear the mayor’s speech. From the moment I stepped inside, I could feel the unwavering, unwanted energy. I walked through the security check and was met with a lady screaming, “HEY! HEY! What city department or organization are you in?” I told her I was a citizen coming to hear from the mayor. She said, “Citizen viewing is on the third floor.”

That one interaction confirmed exactly what I was thinking, the public wasn’t actually wanted here. Cara and her administration wanted the room filled with “yes” folks. People who would remain quiet and respectable, while she lied about her accomplishments in her first year as mayor. The podium was set up on the steps that looked down on the first floor but community members were ordered to watch from the third. More hierarchy. More clear indications of who was deemed important in the room. I understood what was happening, in order to seem inclusive, they opened the event but they surely didn't want to see us or hear us.

I did not go to the third floor.

Instead, I sat with a group of people who took up space on the first floor — you know, where the invite-only crowd was welcomed and we were not. I could feel the divide of the three St. Louis’ at that time. The tension was thick and it was obvious the two other St. Louis’ teamed up, against us — against the people.

The room was packed with folks who have traditionally never listened to the cries of impacted community members. Who never stepped foot in North City. Who scroll past articles about the devastation North City residents are still facing after the May 16th tornado. The ones who stick their noses up at advocates deeming us, “unreasonable and ill-informed”.

They are the people who wear blindfolds to the true reality of St. Louis, to keep themselves clean. They purposely ignore all the people dying in the city jail, or how data centers will plague our water and skyrocket our energy bills — they are so far removed from the truth of St. Louis, that they’ve convinced themselves our concerns are not real.

We had photos of some tornado impacted neighborhoods blown up and popsicle fans that read, “fund the Northside”. Some of us held them up as we waited for Cara Spencer to arrive. A few awkward speakers later and it was Cara Spencer’s time to shine. Disruption occurred before Cara Spencer finished stumbling through her first sentence. Advocates who are so passionate about the well-being of our city spoke out.

I spoke out.

I can’t tell you what it feels like to be head down in trying to keep this city from folding in on itself, and then seeing the person willing to crease the paper. I felt all the disappointment, anger, sadness, unmet needs, intentional neglect, and harm from this mayor course through my body. Seeing her, prepared to uphold the lie and the “invite-only” crew ready to receive it, broke my heart.

I think about the most marginalized folks in our community, every single day. I think about what their day must feel like. The hardships they face. I think about how the oppressive systems within St. Louis further exacerbates their struggles. I think about how they’re willfully ignored. My heart sinks knowing there are people suffering so deeply in this city and this city won’t move the needle to do more. I think about the potential this city has, if it decided its residents were more important than corporate interests. Our people are being purposely neglected and failed — this city can absolutely do more for them. All of those thoughts ruminated in my mind when I saw her at the podium, ready to minimize the hardships. We chanted. We spoke out. We pleaded for folks to listen. Our voices strained at the opportunity for Cara to finally listen.

Then St. Louis Metro Police Department arrived.

When SLMPD came, they targeted Black women. They began pushing, using obscenities and forcefully attacking the folks they deemed, “protesters”.

Side note: I am forever proud to be known as a protester — someone willing to risk it all to have their voice heard. However, the way media and non-supporters uses the term ‘protesters’, is meant to minimize and reduce the actual time invested, education, well understood and well versed knowledge we have in the issue areas.

We were targeted and attacked by SLMPD. They were so violent that multiple people needed medical attention after the encounter. An officer forcefully pushed me and screamed in my face, “SHUT THE FUCK UP, BITCH!” The invite-only crowd and Cara Spencer watched in discomfort until Cara mustered up the courage to say a few words. At that moment, the invite-only crowd stood and clapped.

They clapped.

… clapped.

That is the part that continues to replay in my mind. How could you see what we are advocating for, how could you see the violence SLMPD just committed and you…. clap. It’s nauseating knowing we share a city with people so hateful that clapping was the response they gave to seeing community pain up-close. Seeing the monsters of this city stand and clap sent me into a spiral of words.

“All of yall are inhumane”, are the only words I could find to say in the horror and shock of the moment.

It’s true though. They are inhumane.

They don’t see us, or our humanity. They purposefully don’t see the people we are standing with and for. They don’t see our livelihoods or worthiness in this world. They don’t see the brightness in our futures or the hardship in our realities. They don’t see the intentional set of circumstances created — from before we were even born — that separates our worlds. They don’t want to see us, because then they would have to acknowledge their own ways they’re complicit.

They don’t see living, breathing, human beings — or maybe they aren’t living, breathing, human beings. They are humans following the directions and instructions of America and all of its indoctrinations. They are made by design, following the hive mindset America told them to have. They don’t see us because they don’t see; they don’t need to, they just follow the orders that’s given to them. Convincing them of our humanity, would mean to convince them they are human, first.

After telling the audience and Cara Spencer how inhumane they are, I walked out not knowing the chaos building outside. SLMPD had arrested 5 people, injured multiple people and was now trying to have an active stand-off with advocates. Officers taunted us with batons and canisters filled with mace, letting us know they were ready to continue brutalizing us.

The thing that enrages me is officers knowingly get to hide behind their badge. They get to hit and hurt people with the knowledge that if folks responded in the same, they’d be thrown in jail. SLMPD is filled with cowards, this is the same police department that was exposed for sending texts on how they couldn’t wait to beat protesters during the 2020 uprising. They wait for moments like these. Moments they get to team up with each other and brutalize people. Knowing that folks on the other side of that brutally, will have to restrain themselves or face what they really want, us in cages.

The stand off didn’t materialize this time and eventually police got called away. We sat outside of city hall for hours, waiting on our folks who were detained to be released from across the street, at the city (in)justice center. Is that not the perfect depiction of St. Louis, our city hall sits directly across the street from the city jail — a jail were over 22 people have died since 2020.

The Aftermath

The next day both Cara Spencer and SLMPD released statements that were outright lies, on the sequence of events and what transpired. Once again, the two St. Louis’ teamed up against us. Even though the city is currently suing SLMPD, they curated a narrative that favored them and shamed us; the very same people and organizations that have been holding this city together. An enemy of my enemy, I guess? But, what does that say about a mayoral administration that teams up with police because they see their own constituents as their enemy? This is the St. Louis we are living in.

It has been mainly quiet from elected officials and White politically engaged influencers about what happened on April 17th. I guess they are only righteous about data centers and not humans begins. It’s ironic how these influencers will use us to push their content, but won’t stand with us when we are harmed. It’s equally ironic how these elected officials will call on me to give me insight on city government, so I can expose the truth, while they keep their hands clean. But, will not stand firmly that what happened was egregious, unacceptable and both the mayor and SLMPD should be held accountable.

I just need you all to know that you are seen.

I see you. I see the soullessness of the “invite-only” crowd. I see the media and how they sided with Cara Spencer and SLMPD. I see the quietness of White folks who claim to be progressive. I see the folks who have made our advocacy a bigger problem, than the neglect of city residents done at the hands of the government. I see the ones who choose to nestle closer to “power”, rather than stand in solidarity with the people. I see the folks who prioritize faux relationships over justice. May the universe expose you to yourself.

One last thing. White people, you MUST do something about your anti-Blackness! I don’t think this city, state, country or world realizes that humanity will never move forward, until it settles with and repairs the violence, harm, and systemic oppression it has plagued on Black, Brown and Indigenous bodies.

On March 28th, almost every major city was flooded with rallies and demonstrations under the guise of the “No Kings” protests. I’ve seen headlines like, “Red flare for Trump: ‘No Kings’ rallies a show of political force” and “Huge crowds gathered nationwide for the third ‘No Kings’ day protests”. Organizers of the nationwide day of “protests” estimate that 8 million people participated to show Trump — “America has No Kings.”

My immediate thought is, Donald Trump isn’t the only villain — America as a whole is.

I understand the branding of this event is to hold Trump accountable but when we make one singular individual the problem, you ignore all the systems, history and others villains that are also at play. The facism we’re experiencing today, didn’t start with Donald Trump. Also, Trump isn’t the only person committing barbarities, the Epstein files and the harmful legislation we see across America tells us that.

Trump is just one example of how the centuries of America’s horrors can and will manifest. We didn’t just stumble into Trump’s second term, the history of White men and their decision making got us here. Then, the desire of upholding White supremacy curated this specific time. We aren’t here by chance, we’re here on purpose — by design. Impacted communities have felt the weight of this moment increasing and have warned others what was to come and it didn’t matter.

The moment we are in is dire — folks are dying, being ripped from their families, being thrown in jail, massive genocides across the world are being committed and uplifted by this administration but this is not where it started. America’s heritage, it’s very roots and foundation, is planted in colonialism, racism, capitalism, oppression and hate but reading the No Kings toolkit, under why they’re mobilizing they state:

✋ They’ve gone too far: This is bigger than political disagreement. This administration has defied our courts, killed American citizens, disappeared people off the streets, and slashed our services—all while orchestrating a massive giveaway to their billionaire allies. Enough is enough. For anyone who thinks they’ve gone too far, this movement is for you.

This insinuates that the centuries of enslavement, Jim Crow era, segregation, mass incarceration, genocide of indigenous people, attacks on BIPOC and LGBTQIA communities, etc. were simply, political disagreements. The statements throughout their website and toolkit ignores the centuries of devastation marginalized communities have faced, here in America. I do understand that this is probably not the intention of the organizers behind this rally, however, we have to connect what we see today — to its roots causes — America as a whole. We can’t pretend the problems started with and only are maintained by, Donald Trump.

Short narratives, create short-sighted community members who won’t be determined to build long-term relationships to movement work. Or, they won’t see the multifaceted concrete problems either. They won’t join local organizations, they won’t participate in organizing against the oppressions that exist in their own cities, and they won’t pay attention to all the other atrocious that existed before and outside of, Donald Trump.

When you frame that America’s problem is simply Donald Trump, then when he’s gone, folks will return to their normalcy. That is a huge disservice and a glaring problem — not only to those doing this work but it also leaves gapping holes to actually moving America forward. It will continue to leave impacted communities to shoulder the weight of carrying out effective change.

Since the organizers of this rally can mobilize millions of Americans, it has to do more than rally against Trump. It has to be more than a day for folks to march with signs, in costumes, while dancing to some pop song. It has to rally against all systems, politicians, oppressions that create people like Donald Trump.

No Kings website calling for “Peaceful Protests” creates a false dichotomy of ‘good vs bad’ in movement building

If you look on the No Kings website and Toolkit there is a reoccurring theme that is overarchingly stated — these rallies are meant to be peaceful. Under the ‘About’ section on the No Kings website it says:

Our peaceful movement is only getting bigger. “No Kings” is more than just a slogan; it is the foundation our nation was built upon.

…peacefully mobilized millions of people to take to the streets and declare with one voice.

They even have a ‘Don’t’ section on the website that exclusively discourages folks from utilizing any form of civil disobedience. I have been in the activism realm for 12 years, I know that there’s a strategy for different forms of civic disruption, rallies, protests, and disobedience. However, “peaceful protests” in particular, has been a termed weaponized by the far-right as a guise to curate what is acceptable disruption and what isn’t. It’s used as a way to ensure the demonstration will be seen as digestible, meek, gentle and submissive.

During the protests of 2020, mainstream news outlets, politicians and the government as a whole, took the headlines of peaceful vs violent protests, to ostracize protesters who used more assertive forms of civic disruption. We have even seen legislation be introduced by republicans and accepted by democrats, that would make running over protesters okay because they don’t deem them peaceful. It’s all interconnected, which is why how we shape the narrative around disruptions matters. No Kings calls itself a protest but protesting by definition, is an act of civil disobedience. Protests without it, is just a performance. No Kings should desire to claim civil disobedience.

No Kings creating their campaign in this light, reinforces a pain point that creates tension around what is considered “peaceful” or not. That pain point is then used by MAGA and republicans to justify incarcerating, arresting, sentencing anyone who sways outside of what they decide non-peaceful to be.

It’s once again, a blindspot that this organization creates when it’s more concerned about optics vs impact of the times we are in. Down the road, this framing could be used in a way that isolates and puts a target on the backs of advocates and activists, who choose civil disobedience as a way to hold this country accountable.

The No Kings Protests doesn’t do the work to deconstruct & dismantle root problems inside of it’s supporters

The No Kings rally and many massive demonstrations creates an “us vs them” arc, that erases folks need to do their own internalized work. They create this untrue narrative that if you’re on the “us” side then you’ve got it all right, but BIPOC and LGBTQ communities know that “us” still isn’t always safe. “Us” is still riddled with folks who hold anti-Black frameworks or deep homophobia. These spaces don’t actually challenge White folks or Americans, to dismantle and deconstruct their own relationships to capitalism, racism & patriarchy.

There was a White man in one of my comment sections, arguing with me because he decided that attending a sole No Kings rally was enough. He wanted to bypass the point of the status I made to tell people that if that’s all they had to give, it’s enough. He tried to force the argument that showing up one time meant you did the work. When I challenged his thinking by calling it a “privilege” to attend one rally and think it’s enough, he stated that claiming privilege is, “tired & cheap nonsense”. As if privilege is some made up term and not backed research in sociology, psychology, and economics.

Whew — and this is someone who would consider themselves an “ally”.

This is why massive rallies that are often lifted by White organizers, are receiving so much feedback from directly impacted communities, queer communities, Black & Brown folks and folks who really are deeply committed to change.

These rallies don’t actually meet the moment in a way that creates real change, or promotes long-lasting dedication to being deeply organized. Folks have also describe it to me as an opportunity for people to “get their start” in movement work. As a Black, queer, woman who has watched countless people be murdered by police, or jailed, face egregious discrimination, and all the other oppressions — that reasoning just isn’t enough. People grow into their relationship in liberation work at their own pace, I know that, but Donald Trump being the nucleus is a dangerous entry point. Entry by a parade is also dangerous because movement work is not usually fun. Movement work is not usually just sign making and cosplay. Movement work isn’t usually a convenient few hours on a Saturday afternoon.

Getting your start here, overlooks all the other dangers that exist outside of Donald Trump and what movement organizing actually entails.

These rallies are low-stake, well in advanced pre-planned demonstrations that don’t have much risks attached to them — there’s no civil disobedience, no economic boycott, no shutdowns, etc. Attendees aren’t sacrificing much but a blocked afternoon and they aren’t disrupting root problems. Donald Trump and MAGA will make a few tweets, have a few rants and go on about their day.

These massive rallies are made for “well-meaning” White folks. It gives them the opportunity to do some arts and crafts by making signs, commit to one singular afternoon rallying, demonstrating and chanting with a large crowd — and that’s it. There’s no commitment to the movement afterwards. No encouragement for folks to get involved locally or combat there own anti-Black frameworks.

Offering feedback around this, usually ends up with many White folks — or folks in general — getting defensive, upset and combative.

Well-meaning White folks can be some of the most toxic groups of people because many of them are unwilling to engage in movement work in dedicated ways. So when you talk about the harm in this behavior, they perpetuate the same minimization, erasure and belittling as their MAGA counterparts. Since they aren’t loud with it, they think they aren’t participants in exacerbating the same damage. I just spent months writing a 4 part series about this exact thing — pacifying White folks won’t save us either.

You deepen your relationship to movement work by listening to folks inside the work

Listen to Black people. Listen to Black women. Listen to indigenous communities. Listen to trans people. Listen to people of color. Listen to the organizers, activists and advocates that have been invested in social justice movements, not moments. The criticism around these demonstrations aren’t to attack anyone, it’s to offer an extension into the actual work.

Photos of a massive crowds — even thousands of them — won’t save us.

It won’t push the needle towards justice either.

The work of true liberation will be built on the backs of those committed to the work in the in-between. Those who are willing to get and stay involved locally. Those who will continue to show up, even when there aren’t massive crowds and flashy signs. It will be done by those most impacted by these systems because we don’t have the privilege to look away — and the people willing to listen to us.

Real liberation will not be made from those who gave an afternoon and went back to business as usual that evening.

This is not meant to insinuate that there aren’t plenty of attendees who are actually involved. However, for many, No Kings will be their only moment inside movement. For them, it’s rooted in the optics, the signs, the dressing up and being apart of a large crowd — not deconstructing or dismantling.

That’s the opportunity No Kings and every other massive demonstration should step into. They should strive for deepening their attendees capacity and commitment to the work. I’m not saying they don’t aim for that, however, as it is now, it is riddled with blindspots and true activism has to be incorporated more concretely.

There’s no shame for organizing or supporting it but there HAS to be accountability for long term commitment embedded too.

My ‘Dear White People’ articles sparked exactly what I knew it would, White rage. So let’s talk about it. I started that series explaining why I typically don’t make content for White folks to consume. It’s not just their biases, refusal to listen and minimization of Black voices that makes me want to avoid it either. It’s also their unnecessarily vile, nefarious, racist and bigoted behavior — also known as White Rage — when they feel upset or uncomfortable.

You can suggest White folks practice being anti-racist and they will respond by defending themselves with unequivocal racism. If it wasn’t so deadly, it would be comical just how illogical White rage is — it constantly contradicts itself, it’s redundant and its mere existence isn’t even rooted in reality. It’s almost always childish, with the insults and character traits being like a toddler (no shade to toddlers). White rage breeds as an angry mob — what one thinks and does, most of them think and do. They feed off of each others pathetic, ego-driven, heinous, child-like actions. Needless to say, when one found my posts about White folks doing work around anti-Blackness, many swarmed my Facebook and Substack flooding them with thousands of racists comments.

White supremacy protects itself by weaponizing violence, anger, egregious backlash and rage — both physically and online. Anyone holding accountability towards Whiteness, must be prepared to deal with the psychological whipping that White people WILL give. This whipping is given in an attempt to curve other folks from holding them accountable. Sounds a lot like lynching doesn’t it? That’s because White people are not far removed from their ancestors or the behaviors of their past. White people are in relationship WITH racism, rage and abuse — being this way isn’t by force, it’s by choice.

White rage is found everywhere — it’s systematic and it’s social — it is their go to default.

White rage is dangerous. We know it, we’ve seen it, we’ve experienced it. It has no limits or bounds, it has no lines that it won’t cross. Everything is acceptable under the umbrella of White rage. I wrote articles encouraging White folks to do the work to dismantle their own racism, I spoke harsh truths, I didn’t soften for their ego but I didn’t go low; I didn’t need to. What was I met with? Blatant, old fashion racism and disrespect — bigoted attacks on the way I look, belittling my intelligence and mocking my pure existence.

My History with White Rage.

I am not new to White rage. I have a long history with it, actually. It started in 2014 but ramped up years later. There was this Facebook page called, “Impeach Senator Jamilah Nasheed” with over 4,000 supporters on the page. I’m unsure about the origins of this page but Jamilah Nasheed is a former Missouri State Senator, a loud Black woman. My guess is this group started because a Black woman was in leadership and White rage didn’t like it. I started being harassed by this page during the Jason Stockley protests here in St. Louis, Missouri, in 2017. We were protesting the non-indictment of officer Jason Stockly over the murder of Anthony Lamar Smith from 2011. This Facebook page was filled with police, police supporters (LEO supporters), and plain ol’ racists.

They targeted a few of the organizers during this time, I was one of them. They would stalk our Facebook profiles, screenshot every piece of content we posted, then share it to that Facebook page. The comment sections would vigorously be filled with hate, traditional racism and repulsive insults of organizers. At first, it was the usual and annoying hate, nothing that we weren’t already use to handling. Then it shaped itself into something really dark. They focused on me and it became threatening. They doxxed me, showed up to court cases, followed me, sent me messages on how they wanted to slit my throat and throw me in the Mississippi River, like they use to, and this continued until the page was dismantled.

This was before bot accounts existed. These comments and dms were from real humans who held their own protests and rallys in the St. Louis region. Some wore masks like the KKK, to conceal their identify. Many of them lived in St. Louis, meaning that I could be walking next to them at anytime. It was this eery, lingering feeling that things would go from threats to direct harm at any moment. White rage doesn’t stop at individual accounts, it happens far beyond person-to-person.

White rage is in policy.

The thing about White rage is that it exists everywhere. It’s as embedded in this country as racism is — matter of fact, the two are tethered. White rage reinforces White supremacy and vice versa. We can clearly see White rage in the policy backlash today, throughout America, that formed after the 2020 uprising for Breonna Taylor, Ahmaud Aubrey and George Floyd. The 2020 protests curated a world wide movement that implemented policy change, held police accountable, investments in Black businesses, shattered glass ceilings and it spread EVERYWHERE. We were seeing change in this world! White rage couldn’t allow that to continue, THAT’S what we’re living though today with the Project 2025 agenda.

White rage is alive and well in what we’re experiencing here in St. Louis. The state took over our police department and formed the Board of Police Commissioners which is now demanding upwards of $330 million of our city budget. This budget would tank St. Louis city financially. White rage is found in each and every policy that penalizes Black lives, controls women’s bodies, attacks trans rights, gerrymanders our maps, implements voter suppression, defunds violence prevention initiatives, divesting from our youth and more. All of this IS White rage, meant to control by oppressing and it’s all happening in Missouri, right now. That’s how erratic White rage is, it is willing to destroy itself in the name of itself.

White rage isn’t always loud.

White rage is not always the physical violence or policy harm, it’s also in the details and microagressions. When White women weaponize fragility and “fear” to call the police on us, that is White rage. When White people decide to erase and minimize the voices of Black people, that is White rage. When White people do that thing where they completely dismiss your entire point and center themselves to try to reframe the narrative, that is White rage. When White people discover something another culture has been doing, steals it and renames it like they came up with it, that’s White rage. When White led organizations purposefully leave out Black community members, that is White rage. When White led non-profits continuously shape their work around the lives of Black people instead of centering Black people, that is a choice, that is White rage. The undermining and reducing of someone’s intelligence is also, you guessed it, White rage.

White rage is dangerous.

The thing about White rage is that in its day-to-day practice, it’s often attached to scenarios that are minuscule. Small encounters like a BIPOC person seemingly inconveniencing a White person or a White person not being to navigate a space like they want. We know what comes with White rage; harassment, belittling, unrealistic and illogical realities, and many times death. Black people are killed by police in America at 3x the rate because of White rage. Black people fill up the carceral system for petty crimes because of White rage. Black people receive harsher sentencing from the same crimes of their White counterparts because of White rage. Black birthing people have a higher chance at dying during delivery because of White rage. 320,000 Black women lost their job when Donald Trump came into office because of White rage. Redlining is because of White rage. In St. Louis street names will change once you cross into certain areas because historically, White folks did not want to share street names with Black folks — that is White rage. Every detail in America can be attached to White rage.

White rage make the lives of BIPOC communities more difficult, everywhere. Environmental injustices that disproportionately impact Black neighborhoods and people is White rage. Black school districts being underfunded and discredited is White rage. Black folks not having access to healthy food inside our communities is White rage. If this article is feeling repetitive, it’s because White rage is repetitive — a rinse a repeat method. White rage doesn’t change its form, it simply shape shifts to fit itself everywhere. White rage does exactly what it’s supposed to do, suppress others in the falsehood of preserving itself. However, one day, White rage will become so dangerous that it will have no choice but to fold in on itself.

White rage in activism.

BIPOC social justice advocates, activists and organizers often absorbs the parasocial relationship from White rage. That’s where my constant rub with White rage comes from. For the past 12 years, since Mike Brown Jr was murdered in 2014, I have increasingly seen what White rage will do to myself and my counterparts — especially online. Social media has become a playing field for White rage because folks feel safer to be racist behind their keyboard. They feel that no real ramifications will come from what they say online, so they say the most horrendous things to BIPOC communities. It’s weird, actually. There will be people who don’t like me or what I have to say, they will follow me just so they can respond something racist, at some point. They also have pages and groups across social media platforms, like the “Impeach Senator Jamilah Nasheed” page, where they stalk and harass advocates to “ratio” them. White rage can easily extend from online harassment to being outright dangerous, especially when they lock in on someone.

This is a continued experience for me. For some reason, the angry White mob loves to lock in on me, so I’ve dealt with a lot from them. I’ve received every sort of threatening message you can think of online. One time, a social media post I made was used in a news article that I was unaware about, I don’t even remember exactly what the post was about, but it triggered White rage. Suddenly my social media pages where flooded with racist comments, they emailed my website threatening me, they called my job requesting I get fired, they even sent a letter to an old address to show they knew where I use to live. The White rage I’ve had to deal with didn’t exist online only, they lived in the St. Louis region too.

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There was a time that I had a court case and the Impeach page found out about it. They showed up to that court date and had to be put out the court room because they tried to crash the judges bench, demanding they arrest me and put me in jail. The sheriff had to lock the door. They beat on it trying to get in until they were threatened to be held in contempt of court. I have been tracked and followed from protests and from places where I live. They would taunt me and consistently tell me how much they wanted to kill me. To this day, I don’t want to live anywhere there’s access to my front door from the street because of White rage. Nobody does this work because it’s “fun”. It’s not, it’s constant harassment and feeling unsafe in this world and this is a very real part of that work. Fighting for Black liberation doesn’t necessarily mean you will initiate contact with White rage but White rage will find you to try and punish you.

Educating Whiteness means White Rage.

As a Black, queer, woman who stands firmly in all her intersections, I deal with the harassment from white rage across all of these. They attack my Blackness, my queerness and my womanhood. White rage is a constant fester, it’s there in my comments when I wake up and they are there in my dms calling me a n*gger when I go to bed a night. Every now and again, I may get a month or two where they go dormant. Just a second without them, then I may say something, have a protest, make a piece of content they don’t like and just like that, they’re back. It took me years to build resilience to this mistreat, it use to really bother me. I would be exhausted by my reality of everywhere I went, everything I did, every social media post I made — White rage would come and find me. I expect it now and I’ve gotten use to it. I can see my comment section and dms fill up with racist slander and keep moving through my day. But, NOBODY DESERVES TO SETTLE WITH HARASSMENT!

This is why I could care less when the supposedly, “well meaning” White people say they “don’t always agree” with the harshness in my words or feel like I’m being divisive. I’m stand firmly that I’m not. My words, harsh or soft, has never stopped White rage from calling me n*gger in return. Anytime, anyone offers White people a space to grow and strengthen their anti-racist practice, White rage will be there, no matter how soft they are. Black people consistently shoulder this weight by trying to change our realities. We see how White rage swells in even the smallest details. White rage is everywhere and I’ve grown really accustom to identifying it. I am an expert on White rage — how it shows up and operates. I see White rage even when it tries to disguise itself in, “well this doesn’t apply to me” or, “I’m a victim of the patriarchy” or, my favorite, “you’re being so divisive, do you want my help or not”.

Dismantling White rage isn’t the job of BIPOC communities.

Coddling White rage isn’t our work either. Undoing White rage is the work of White people themselves and is one of the first steps of anti-racists frameworks. White rage is dangerous and it will continue to be, until it is punished and eradicated by its own people. White rage has the ability to exist with no consequences, while simultaneously spewing consequences to anyone seeking to destroy it. White rage, like all anti-Black, White supremacist and racist practices — has to be held accountable and be deemed non-acceptable. None of these practices should feel safe for people to showcase but again, that is the pressure that has to come from their own community.

This article is to show the dark side of activism and advocacy work. My aim is to paint the picture on what’s on the other side of this fight. Nobody, I mean no one, deserves to deal with the things that are now a constant in my life. When I say that I don’t make content for White folks to digest, it’s because of White people.

I’m sure this article will deal with it’s own set of backlash and White rage — see you in the comment section.

For the past month, I’ve written three articles holding the mirror up to White folk — naming their erasure during ICE, racism toward BIPOC communities (the B is bolden because I can only speak from my experience in being Black, I encourage you to find material from all impacted sectors) and how White women explicitly play both sides while trying to erase the harm they cause.

• Dear White People: Renee Nicole Good - Watching Your “Ah-ha” Moment is Nauseating

• Dear White People: You’re Getting It Wrong - 100s of Comments Later & White Folk Proved My Point

• Dear White Women: Your “Well Meaning” is Racist - Fragility & Patriarchy Doesn’t Absolve Your Racism

There were many White folks who read it and admitted to their knee-jerk, uncomfortable feelings, then sat with it. They were curious about their complicity, how inherent racism coursed through their existence and how they could do the work to deconstruct the indoctrinated racism they know. But, there were plenty who had a vampire in the sun reaction — extreme aversion. They nefariously attacked my intelligence, lashed out trying to hurt my feelings and outright attempted to minimize/undermine/invalidate me in order to curve their own ego death.

I want to make something unequivocally clear.

I didn’t write this series to shame White folks. To be honest, I don’t care enough about White people to invest this amount of my time for the sole purpose of hurting your feelings. White people are not my nucleus, I am okay with my existence not coming into contact with most of you. Again, not to intentionally hurt feelings but I truly do not think you all are safe. I grew up in plenty PWI spaces, I’ve seen you up close. America also teaches us to center you and I have learned that you don’t have the ability to do what it truly takes to be an “ally” — a title you want to wear as a badge of honor, while not actualizing it. I have been in movement spaces with White people, those who crown themselves the most “well-meaning”. Then watch you all intentionally cause division between Black organizers, hoard leadership to keep yourself in positions of power and treat Black people as nothing more but uneducated victims. I see you. I especially see the ones who deem themselves, “one of the good ones”.

I don’t think of White people much outside of the way I have to — the ways I can’t get away from, those ways that you live which directly harms us. I have to pay attention to the damage you cause because regardless if I like it or not, it impacts our community. Other than that, I’ve curated a life that doesn’t center you. So, do you get it now? I could care less about trying to hurt you. These articles are simply a reflection of your culture and community from the vantage point of someone impacted by it. I created these articles out of honesty. You need to feel the harm that you cause. You need an ego death. You need words that do not extend grace or make space for your harmful behavior. Wherever you go from here, is up to you.

I’d also like to name that this article was written from the voice and experience of ONE Black person. A light-skinned Black person, at that. My experience in this world is still through a lens of a more “acceptable” shade of Blackness. We are not a monolith — as you decide to learn and read more you will see different perspectives. That’s okay, as long as it isn’t problematic. I personally look at liberation through a lens of intersectionality — centering the experiences of Black people while uplifting the voices of all impacted communities. I believe that as a society, we can’t be free until Black + Trans + women are free. The Black trans community deals with some of the most layered harm and are some of the most mistreated people in America — and in this world — once they are free, we are all free.

As I close out this series, here are 4 things I think you should take away:

1. Decenter yourselves

2. Read/Listen/Learn

3. White Women: Own Your Part

4. Practice Undoing Anti-Black Frameworks

1. Decenter Yourself

There is so much power for you to find when you decenter your own realities and center the experiences + voices of Black, Indigenous, Brown and Immigrant communities. Once you do so, you open yourselves up to the opportunity of seeing the world in fullness — in full color. You enable yourself to amplify narratives outside of your own. America’s indoctrination of Whiteness will teach you that your outlook is the only outlook and experience that matters. It limits your viewpoint and ability to see a world different than your own, it devalues and forces us all into being and acting one way and it shapes your awareness of the world to only center the White privilege projected from you.

Decentering gives you the opportunity to embrace others and to do so in really meaningful and impactful ways. It will carry you into new truths and outcomes. If your goal is truly to be an ally of some sort, the first step is letting go of every reality the world has told you is true. To challenge White supremacy, you have to cultivate a world where Whiteness is not the nucleus. You have to create realities that expand and extend you outside of yourself. To many communities, you are the villain and those are true realities you have to be okay with. There’s also existences in the world that do not include you at all. You have to learn about those so you can dream of new worlds and work to dismantle harmful systems with a clearer vision.

2. Read/Listen/Learn

Alongside of doing the work to deconstruct your own reality, you must also read/listen/learn to the experiences of others. Again, I implore that you begin the work of decentering yourself first, before you try and digest the truth of other communities. If you don’t, you won’t actually change or be open to these truths— everything will be evaluated via the lens of your feelings. Reading/listening/learning from others will be constant ego deaths. You will find that your reality in America causes an infraction to almost every other reality. To discover your own implicit biases you have to be willing to lean into the voices of others that will hurt your feelings.

Social justice education helps you become not only culturally conscious, but helps you to grow your own activism and advocacy work. In the teachings of others, the ones most impacted by these systems, you will begin to find and identify your own voice while and hopefully it will help you become a better White person. Racism is multifaceted, it is more than White folks discriminating against other communities. It’s an expansive ecosystem that includes institutional harm, systemic power structures, human biases, sanctioned violence, environmental injustices, microagressions and so much more to uphold it. You won’t be able to understand the full picture — just how deep it is and how shallow it goes — if you don’t get the material from diverse perspectives. Read, listen, learn and continue this cycle.

Learning is imperative to deconstructing, you can’t do one without the other.

3. White Women: Own Your Part

White women, you are racist and you play into one of the most dangerous parts of White supremacy. You see, White men show their true color (or lack thereof) because in an America made by them — they don’t need to hide in it. They can be as loud as they want to be in their racist, capitalistic, problematic ways because, it’s their design. The more they lean into White supremacy, racism, patriarchy — the more pseduo-power they reap. You, White women, you try to hide in it because you benefit from being invisible inside of it. You are able to invoke White supremacy when you like but since you aren’t equal to White men, you try to relinquish your power to absolve yourself. You live in two worlds: the one that projects you above other races and the one where you are the victim to White men. You find strength and blindness living in this in-between. You’ve learned how to manipulate both existences to build power and that power directly harms everyone else outside of White men.

Yet, you shield yourself from truly seeing how problematic this behavior is by hiding behind White men, poking out when you’re ready to assert yourself. Then re-victimizing yourself by blaming White men for centering the patriarchy and not bringing you with them. You split yourself trying to survive in both worlds. In order for you to do the work, you have to break away from your desire to be equal to White men. Which means, breaking up with your racism. You should feel the most empowered to find your own path outside of White systemic oppression because you have the most possibility of a different reality. If you get out of your own way.

4. Practice Undoing Anti-Black Frameworks

Not being racist isn’t just listening and learning — it’s a practice. Something that you have to choose to be every single day, until this world is naturally anti-racist. It can only naturally become that by you changing your relationship to it. Undoing anti-Black frameworks is beyond “showing up” in the big moments, it’s how you do the work in the in-between. People shouldn’t have to die, face massive injustices, or even experience direct harm for you to do something. You should be advocating everyday, all the time. Get involved in your community, jobs, school systems and ensure that the things you can control, aren’t racist.

That includes the people in your family and friend groups too. There will never be enough Black trauma porn to suddenly make your loved ones “get it”. It will be you directly challenging them, re-shaping their understanding — forcing them to see the problematic and racist ways that live in them. Practicing undoing racists frameworks, may also include you distancing yourself from the ones you love who refuse to get it. Some White people are simply okay and desire to be racist, that should not be something you can reason with or allow.

The End.

Well, White people, our road together — ends here. May this series be one for reference around your own anti-racism. May this series inspire you to admit the anti-Blackness that exudes through you. May this series help you reflect and embolden your desire to stretch past being well-meaning, into actualizing frameworks that will change the world around you. May this series spark something within you — if it makes you uncomfortable, great. If it makes you upset, that’s fine. If it makes you sad, it’s okay. Hopefully, those emotions move you to do more than feel. Hopefully, they encourage you to activate around them. There are a vast amount of brilliant BIPOC folks for you to learn from. The best start you can give yourself, is leaning into it. You have all the power within you, to aim to be as safe for communities of color. That’s the decision you have to make.

Some of you have read these articles and received nothing out of them. I take no remorse in that. I accept that my writing is meant for exactly who it’s supposed to be for — the reader open to it. My words have been true, direct and unwavering — it has not made space for your feelings, ego and “ but not me”. I understand that for some, that’s too much to bare, you still desire to be coddled. There are still opportunities out there for you to learn from folks willing to be more digestible for you. My sternness is not an excuse for you to not grow. White folks, unless you are giving your very best to foster true liberation for impacted communities, you are not safe. Some of you will never be safe. Some of you will try to be. That journey, White people, will forever be your own to take. There is nothing any person of color can do to make you better, that’s internal.

Dear White People, become anti-racist or stay the problem — the choice is yours.

I remember St. Louis’ Women’s March in 2018. I was asked to be one of the speakers during the program that day. I hadn’t done much public speaking at that point so I was, terrified. Nights before, I stayed up thinking about what I was going to say — words are important to me, so I’m not the one to talk unless I have something intentional to say. Then it landed on me, I wanted to talk about the contradictions of this day and feminism. How White women loved a ‘movement moment’ but didn’t often stick around to do the work after. That morning I arrived and there were pink pussy hats, #MeToo signs, and Reclaiming My Pussy innuendos from White women everywhere. We marched to our location and my nerves were racing watching speaker after speaker, and then it was my turn. I was the last person to speak. When I got on the stage and looked at the crowd, most of them had left. A lot like today, White women come in for the flashy parts — to make fun signs, wear movement merchandise, take pics and leave before the work is done. I still gave my speech.

After the death of Renee Good and then Alex Pretti, I wrote two articles, Dear White People: Renee Nicole Good and Dear White People: You’re Getting it Wrong. Typically I do not intentionally create, write or make content for White folks to digest but watching the real-time erasure of minority voices in the fight against ICE has been infuriating. The responses from White folks to these articles has sparked this series.

White people have an extremely hard time accepting that their skin color, whether they want it to or not comes with sets of privileges, opportunities and hierarchies that directly cause harm and systemically oppress others — especially Black, Brown, Indigenous and Immigrant communities. Acknowledging this does not inherently make you malignant, what makes your responses racist is when you minimize these truths in an attempt to erase the harm you cause. White women, you especially have the tendency to do this as you’d rather use the patriarchy, your fragility/white tears, turning on the ‘Karen’ feature and dismiss Black voices instead of owning your part.

Sidenote: I will use harsh words — I will curse in my writings, I will talk about how pissed off I am. Black women get to show our disdain without the “angry Black woman” trope. I don’t have to write kinder, I don’t have to use language that is more palatable to your ego, I don’t have to police my words for your interpretation. I’m reclaiming the power to speak harsh truths. Your "hurt feelings” will not force me to lighten my tone. Society coddling you is exactly how we got here.

The two Dear White People articles I wrote has gained a bit of traction on Substack and my Facebook page. The comments have influenced the continuation of this series. Reading through them, I realized many are from White women who feel they are absolved from their anti-Blackness, by trying to negotiate reasons accountability doesn’t apply to them. They consider themselves “well-meaning”, or they consider themselves to also be an impacted community due to the patriarchy. As if patriarchy and racism are interchangeable, or as if White women’s relationship to the patriarchy is somehow equivalent to Black women’s. I get that you also deal with male supremacy but that doesn’t cancel out your own racism and actually continuously dodging accountability reinforces your racism.

Imagine anytime you talked to a White man about how his inherent patriarchy impacted you, he ignored it — told you it wasn’t true, dodged it, called the police on you, lied on you, tried to dominate you and caused you harm. You would know that he did uphold the patriarchy whether he told you he was “well-meaning” or not. His behavior showed you… well, White women, your behavior is telling.

I just want to specifically name that telling a Black woman she’s being divisive, or attempting to minimize/police the way she calls for White people to self-reflect, IS RACISM. Silencing and refusing to listen to the voices of Black folk because you don’t like what they are saying, is upholding the same systems that have always tried to quiet our voices to keep the status quo. You can’t be part of the movement AND weaponize the power your Whiteness holds when your ego feels bruised.

That is the SAME HARM, the same reactions of your ancestors that you claim you are nothing like, and I want you to sit with that. I want you to see how quickly you discard Black people when you don’t like what we have to say, and how that is rooted in racism. I know, it’s hard to look at yourself in the mirror like this but THAT is what being an “ally” takes. It takes seeing the micro-aggressions that live inside of you. You don’t take the power away by pretending it’s not there, you take it away by reckoning with it and doing the work to dissolve it.

The comments below are from White women responding to my Dear White People series:

I want to set the tone right here for the rest of this article. White women, there’s no way you can wiggle out from your part in racism. No matter how much you deny it or try to shield yourself from it.

White women’s racism isn’t so subtle.

“Showing up” during horrible injustices isn’t you standing against racism. Showing up is a natural human reaction to the horrors we can’t turn away from. Speaking out because you watched someone be killed on video is just as common as a partner getting you flowers on your birthday — anybody with a heart should do it. Being anti-racist is how you show up in the in-between when the horrors aren’t on display, how you center minority experiences/voices when the world isn’t talking about it, how you consistently practice anti-racist frameworks when nobody is watching. Saying you are not racist doesn’t actually prove that you aren’t, anti-racism is a verb — it’s action. The thing is, most of you are inherently racist because of America’s indoctrination and to undo it, you have to acknowledge it. But you’re too scared to say it. Say it and then do the work to not BE IT.

I think White women shield themselves from seeing their own racism by limiting the forms of racism you accept to be true. The loud and bold types; the MAGA hat wearing, calling the cops touting, those that claim the n word more than Black people — the big undeniable kinds of racism is all you’re willing to categorize as racist. I want you to know that willful ignorance won’t save you. I think it would help you to see the subtle micro aggressions that live inside of you as anti-Black too. The “I don’t see color”, feeling tense when a Black person walks by, feeling superior around Black folk (like you just know what’s best), invalidating Black voices, not even considering Black people’s reality — you know, all the things you don’t have to admit you do. The invisible parts that aren’t so loud and bold is still racist, even if you don’t admit them outwardly. And trust, the Black folks nearest to you still see it.

In fact, White woman can be some of the most dangerous upholders of systemic oppression because your unwillingness to accept accountability causes you to react in very dangerous ways (Karen), it has caused Black folks to be killed (Carolyn Bryant), and your complicity causes you to make decisions that harms other groups (53% of White women voted for Donald Trump, three times).

White women weaponize the patriarchy.

I’ve seen White women consistently use their rub against patriarchy as a reason they are not a contributor to the harm Black people face. They try to relinquish their power in White supremacy because it’s not quite as powerful as White men.

Patriarchy: a social system where men hold primary power and authority, dominating in political, economic, and social structures, leading to systemic disadvantages for women and girls and reinforcing male privilege.

There is no denying that patriarchy is real and extremely toxic. White woman are impacted by patriarchy but the way in which you experience it, is vastly different than how Black women do. Black women have no tie to White men. We are not white, we are not men. White men built the patriarchy, so in order to hoard the power within it, they had to carve out some for you. Black women’s experience of White male domination, will always have the ambiguous additional layer of racism — something you will never have to face. Absolutely NOTHING White men built includes or extends to Black women. Patriarchy and racism are two systems tethered for us, there is no separating one from the other — like most of systems of harm we face.

White women, history has proven that for you patriarchy is something you don’t actually want to dismantle, you want to be folded into it. You have always been fine with using Black women to labor for your liberation and then leave us behind once you achieve it. You rely on patriarchy as a way to separate you further from us, to give yourself the hierarchy. That’s why so many of you lean on White men and the systems they’ve built to uphold your needs within it. It’s the reason “Karens” are quick to call the police, you move against your own best interest like voting for Donald Trump despite him being a misogynistic rapist pig and you perpetuate the same oppression you swear you face.

And I know many of you may be reading this right now and be thinking, “well I don’t do those things.” Yeah, well you do others like weaponizing white tears when your feelings are hurt — really as a way to refuse guilt, consistently center yourself in moments that call for minorities to lead, look at Black people as “victims” instead of a community of people more than capable of taking care of ourselves and simply NOT LISTENING TO BLACK PEOPLE. I’ve been in the movement space for over a decade and I have seen so many moments of White women throwing temper tantrums when things don’t go their way. I’ve heard and read words from White women threatening to “quit” the movement because they didn’t like it. Well guess what, Black people can’t just quit oppression.

White women are selfish.

The problem with most, “well-meaning” White women is that on many accounts you enter Black spaces carrying a trope of saviorship. You want the kudos and the recognition for being accepted inside of movement spaces. You wear it like it’s an outfit. Like it’s edgy and cool or like it’s your way to, “give back” as if liberation will be won between your volunteer times of 4-6p. It’s also your secret way to stand in the front of the room, since you feel slighted by patriarchy. White woman are limited in the spaces open for them to lead, especially when White men are there. You end up coming in our spaces looking to fulfill your desire to lead, to own something. You don’t get to cosplay leadership in Black spaces to soothe your need to feel worthy in this world. One thing I often think you all misunderstand is that the liberation we are seeking, is one that does not include any structure of the current America we know. Which means you know even less about what actual freedom is than we do but you enter spaces wanting to assert and dictate rather than listening, undoing and contributing.

White women also have a tendency to teeter the line and move the goal post, all in the name of themselves.

They have the ability to use racism when it benefits them and call on patriarchy when they want to erase their part in it. Black people see it, we experience it, we feel it. You all try to obscure your part in supremacy by individualizing the relationship White women have to the system. The “well not me” doesn’t save Black people especially when the majority of White women voted for Donald Trump ALL THREE TIMES. The pink pussy hats in 2017 didn’t implore you to do more than take a picture wearing them at protests, post it, then go home to be with your White husbands that definitely voted for Trump.

I would assume that seeing how divided White women are on Trump would encourage you to fix the mess amongst yourselves, not try to dictate our work.

Another theme I’ve been seeing in the comments is White women trying to reduce their harm by adding intersections. Once again trying to eliminate their harm by saying that they’re queer, disabled, trans, etc.

No matter how many intersections you want to include, you will never face the same level of oppression or layers of discrimination as Black communities do. Calling that out does not erase the discriminations you do face but trying to use it to disarm yourself is anti-Black. The problem is, if we only fight for the harm you feel, then Black, Brown, Indigenous and Immigrant communities will never fully get free.

• If you’re White + woman facing patriarchy, a Black + woman faces patriarchy, misogynoir and racism.

• If you’re White + queer facing homophobia, a Black + queer person faces homophobia and racism.

• If you’re White + disabled facing ableism, a Black + disabled person faces ableism and racism.

• If you’re White + poor and facing classism, some Black + poor faces classism and racism.

As a human being on this planet, White women, you have every right to name your harm and center yourself in all the worlds you exist in. However, when you enter our world, our harm will always have additional layers. This is not oppression olympics, there’s nothing for you to prove, it’s how America was designed.

White women throughout history.

Ida B. Wells-Barnett, specifically her writings between 1890-1895 talked about the 10,000 lynchings that took place in the last 3 decades since the 1863 emancipation proclamation. In her book, The Red Record, Wells-Barnetts takes a bold questioning of Lynch Laws. Lynch laws is what she described to be White folks normalization of lynching Black people in American southern society. In her writing, she calls out the stark irony between the “reasons” White people gave to lynch vs what was actually true. One of the reasonings commonly attributed to lynching was White people claiming that Black men were dangerous rapists. Even though throughout enslavement it was normal for White men to leave their women and children with enslaved Black people while they traveled across the state. They weren’t scared for their women and children then but when they needed a reason to lynch, this was one.

White women were the reason for 1 in 4 lynchings that occurred. White women were used as pawns and they allowed themselves to be, they even played into it many times. White women weren’t docile during these times, they were complicit, they were encouraging of it because they found power in it.

Let’s add more context shall we?

White women would have consensual sex with Black men and if caught or afraid to be caught, many would claim assault. This was a common occurrence happening in the south. White women would lie and allow Black men to be jailed, snatched away by angry white mobs in the middle of the night, put on display as a spectacle, be assaulted and then lynched. We are not too far removed from this history as many White women still willfully stand on the line while endangering Black folks in doing so.

Now add in your parts during enslavement - White women were known to be more cruel than men out of their desire to be seen as equal, post-enslavement, suffrage movements, the Jim Crow era up until how you took up space in the #MeToo, Women’s March, etc. White women you have a long history with being just as harsh, taking up too much space and consistently using the work of Black women to your benefit then leave us behind.

White women, you are to blame too.

White women, I know that you’re tired of being held accountable. I know you’re exhausted from being “beaten down”. I know that you want to be able to move on without acknowledging your own anti-Blackness but allowing that would be a disservice to actual change. Allowing you to stay problematic would only be harmful to our community in the end. White women your behavior has historically and recently been a direct pain point of minority communities.

The work White women need to do is to let go of the idealogical desire of being equal to White men. Instead you should shift to undoing the systems you all have created together, that also oppresses you. White women have some of the most de-centering work to do. You are not safe to Black communities when you play both sides for self-gain.

The truth is, many of you will examine this writing and try to find yourself in it. When in reality, what you’re doing is trying to prove yourself that you’re excluded from it. I bet you’re thinking, “none of this sounds like me.” For even the most “well-meaning” of you, you can find yourself between these words if you truly opened yourself up to look. I would urge White women to listen ego free, to stop trying to “prove” with words and do so with action and to rid themselves as much as possible of the indoctrinated racism that courses through their bodies.

I’ve been sinking for a long time now and it’s to a point that I don’t know what to do with it. I often tell my therapist that I feel just below the ocean’s surface. When I open my eyes beneath the water I can see the distorted sky, clouds, birds and sun. Sometimes I can even feel the warmth on my skin but most of the time, I feel like I’m drowning. I feel like I can’t quite catch my breath — like the moment I try to float, I fall below the surface and it’s quiet.

It’s lonely.

I am brave, a lot. I’m not afraid to talk truth to power but I am afraid to talk. I look around in most of the community spaces I’m in and I’m usually silent or scrambling to figure out what to say. I don’t usually know what to say or how to be “normal”. People see my bravery, people see how much I care about Black and marginalized communities but I don’t know if they realize that my bravery extends from never wanting anyone to know what this feels like. The feeling of isolation, the constant feeling of being an outsider, the feeling of loneliness that runs so deep it rewires your brain, the feeling of never truly believing that you’re enough or capable.

I stand unapologetically for everyone else because I know what it’s like to be surrounded by people and feel like no one really understands. I know what it’s like for folks to trust you with their vulnerability but not feel safe enough to be vulnerable yourself.

I am attempting to be open in a way that not many people know. This is scary as hell but my hope is that this will be a step forward.

Parents

I didn’t conceptualize how hard and neglectful my childhood was until I started to work through it in therapy. I’ve mentioned it before but I don’t know who my father is — not a name, face, that side of the family or anything. My mom grew up in a place and time where she was not emotionally safe in her family. In turn she has internalized trauma that’s been projected onto her children. I didn’t grow up with a mom that nurtured me or poured into me. I didn't hear, “I love you” from my mom until I was 20 years old. She simply wasn’t emotionally available, loving or protecting in the ways a child would need from their parent.

She’s alive and we’ve had many hard conversations where I tried to be truthful about my experiences growing up. Today our relationship is significantly better but the damage from the past and her inability to take full accountability has put a limit on my openness. She’s part of that generation that, “did the best they could” and avoids the harm they’ve caused by centering themselves. While it’s understandable our parents were also neglected and didn’t receive the support they needed, it’s still hurtful.

I have a REALLY small family that is riddled with drama. I literally have ONE cousin and I have about 11 family members in total. That’s it.

Siblings

I have 3 siblings. My oldest brother Stinson Erick McClendon was murdered when I was four. I only had the opportunity to meet him one time and he was killed shortly after. The one memory I have is him being the nurturing adult I was looking for and right after, he was gone. He let me play the video game instead of watching his show and he looked out for me while we were visiting. That meant everything to me. He was a Scorpio like me — his birthday was November 12th and mine is November 10th. I have a feeling that if he was still alive, we’d be close.

I have another older brother who carries his own emotional damage from my mom and his dad so my relationship with him has been fractured my entire life. He popped in and out for the majority of my life but when I got older, I looked for him and found him. Let’s just say the relationship didn’t pan out the way that I was hoping. It was a let down to find him, thinking he was ready and wanting a relationship with me too, only to find out that his pain was still in the way.

I grew up in the same household with my older sister. Although, she didn’t like me much. We’re seven years apart and when I was born, she saw me as the one taking her shine. She was seven so how much blame can you put on her? Especially when she didn’t have the support to help her navigate those feelings. Unfortunately those feelings held up though, all the way until I graduated college. It obviously put a strain on the relationship and now we’re in a place that I’m unsure how to define.

I love all my siblings and I desperately yearn for those close sibling relationships I see my friends have but they hurt me, deeply.

Childhood - Trigger warning: SA

I was introduced to trauma at a very young age. At the age of six my mom, sister and I lived in an apartment building called, Rolling Hills. It was about 6, two-story buildings in the complex. Each floor had, I think, eight units — four on one side, four across the hall. If you were facing the entrance, we lived in the first unit on the right hand side. He lived in the the same building, on the same floor, in the last unit on the right hand side. His name was Emmanuel. He attended the same church we did, Corpus Christi Catholic Church. Yes, I grew up catholic. That was an experience all on its own. He was supposed to be my God Father. He assaulted me most Sunday’s after church.

His ploy was to be the “good guy”. He would position it as giving my mom a break by taking me with him after church on Sunday’s. He would offer to get me things like uniform clothes or buy my dinner Sunday evenings. To a mom struggling to make ends meet, that was a dream. However for me, I was living a nightmare. I can’t remember everything he did to me but I remember the day I learned it wasn’t supposed to be happening.

It was years later, years of being molested by him. By this time we moved and he moved out of Rolling Hills. He went back to Nigeria for some time, got married and came back with a wife. One day I was at his house. He had me standing in front of him, between his legs as he was touching me. His wife came home and closed the car door. That alerted both of us. I remember feeling him jolt. He was obviously caught off guard that she was back home. He picked me up and threw me on the couch that was semi-adjacent to where he was just sitting. He scurried to the back of the house, with this look on his face unlike I’d ever seen before. I was probably around 10 years old and shook that he had just tossed me like a doll across the room. Landing on that couch and witnessing the fear he was experiencing from almost being caught, was the moment that confirmed to me that I was being assaulted.

After that, I use to cry and beg my mom to not make me go over there. It didn’t completely stop by then but I went over there less. The harassment continued until I was 16 years-old. By the time I turned 16 he had a young child with his wife. She was now pregnant with their second child. She ended up needing to stay in the hospital on bed rest so Emmanuel called my mom to asked if I could babysit their daughter while he went to work. Once again, I begged my mom not to make me do it but he was paying and we were poor so I had to. This was during summertime. The routine would work by getting dropped off by my mom in the early mornings, take care of his kid then when he came home, he would drop me back at my house.

I was always uncomfortable. I was always waiting on edge anticipating for something to happen. Most days it was just looks or him getting a little too close, sometimes a quick unnecessary touch here and there. I don’t remember how long the babysitting lasted — if it was weeks or months. One day, my mom dropped me off and I went inside to make a palate on the living room floor like I always did. I got there early in the mornings and in an attempt to curve interactions with him, I would quickly make a palate on the floor. I would try to pretend I was asleep while he was getting dressed so he wouldn’t talk to me — I never fell asleep while he was there. I arrived one day, thinking it would be the same, this day I walked in and it was different. He closed the door behind me but he wasn’t dressed for work, he was still in his pajamas. I felt confused as nervousness coursed through my body. He told me that his daughter was sick and he was staying home from work to tend to her. I told him I would leave since he’d be home that day but he insisted I stay for awhile and he would take me home later since my mom already pulled off.

I remember feeling timid, terrified and uncomfortable. After awhile he sat next to me on the couch, he put his hand on my knee and I believe he asked if I wanted something to eat. I hopped up at his touch and thought of the quickest excuse that I could. I told him that I had basketball practice and since he was home I wanted to go to practice. I didn’t wait for a response. I gathered my things and walked over to the door, he was already grabbing the door handle to open it. I felt a ting of relief because I saw outside right beyond the screen door. I just had to get past him. He was partially blocking the door so I paused waiting for him to move to the side so I could get out. He gave me that look and then tried to kiss me, I ducked the kiss and ran out the door. He didn’t live far so I walked home trying to think of an excuse to tell my mom on why I was home and never wanted to comeback.

Thankfully that was the last time I stepped foot in that house. To this day I remember the feeling of his warm breath on my neck and ears over the years.

He still called the house every now and again to talk to my mom but I didn’t see him much after that.

In summer of 2024, I randomly searched his name and found out he died the year before. I felt relief for a second but soon I was consumed with wonder more than anything. I wondered if he even remember what he did to me. I wondered if he did that to any other kids. I wondered if he ever felt bad or regretted what he did. I wondered who his children and wife thought he was when he passed away. For a long time, I didn’t process this part of my life. I actually thought it didn’t have an impact on me. I had compartmentalized it as something that shape my protection of others in this world but didn’t traumatize me. It wasn’t until I started therapy in late 2024 that this even came up and I realized it caused me and younger me immense harm all along.

Adulthood

Because of Emmanuel I grew up afraid of adults. Hell, I was afraid of everyone. Nobody really felt safe. Coupled with that, I was the kid who didn’t have much so I was picked on a lot. It drew me further and further into seclusion. Humans felt less and less safe. In high school I came out as bi (now I’m a raging queer), which caused a whole other level of rumors and taunting. Let’s just say in my formative years through young adulthood, I just didn’t have a great relationship with people. I was unable to build stable trust with most people in my life.

I was a hurt young person and I projected it everywhere. I wanted so badly for someone, anyone to come see me and all of my pain. I discovered in therapy that I’ve been yearning for validation in my experiences. Little me became big me, and we both have been wanting someone to come in and save us. The hard part was realizing the only savior for me could be me, but how could I do that when adult me didn’t even see me.

I’ve been through a lot in my life and unfortunately I haven’t had a lot of support in it. I have struggled with who I am in this world for most of my life. In 2014 when Mike Brown Jr was killed, that was the first time I felt a connection to passion. The first time I felt like I was meant to be alive. I was 24 years old and I mustard all the grief, hurt and pain that I didn’t even know was there and put it into fighting for him. But police murders didn’t stop at him, so I found myself meticulously fighting for Black lives, queer lives, trans lives over and over because I knew what it felt like to be invisible. I knew what it meant for people to not see your humanity or needs. I found a voice and I channeled it into protecting others because I know what it’s like to feel unprotected. I stumbled into advocacy in a way I was not expecting.

More Recent Days

For awhile I really felt like I was floating above the surface. I thought I figured it all out. My activism caused me to go beyond all the things that made me feel afraid. I was stepping outside of my comfort zone, creating organizations, speaking up, leading, advocating and using my voice in a way I felt really good about. Until it was no longer enough to keep me above surface. I slowly started sinking. I didn’t know that in centering others, no matter how soul gratifying it felt, was still a part of neglecting myself and the inner child that needed me. Welp, that shattered my reality and I spend a lot of time trying to put back the pieces. Most days I’m okay but many days I’m stuck in this cycle of wondering if healing will ever be a real possibility. Days are hard enough, the world has so many atrocities — it’s so easy to sink even further below the surface. Then to add to it, I’m an outspoken Black, queer, woman in America, that comes with it’s own levels of trauma.

Sometimes my grief, pain and trauma feels so uniquely ambiguous that I’m sure nobody will ever understand. Sometimes I feel like it’s too late to try and explain how my brain operates to my friends. Sometimes I feel like if people knew, it would push them away because it’s too much to handle. Sometimes I feel like I’d let my community down if they really knew how much I mentally suffer. I also struggle with knowing what my friends are carrying, so in an attempt to protect them, I hold mine all to myself. It’s getting really heavy to carry and I’m getting tired. I’m exhausted with having to justify to myself that my childhood pain is valid and it’s understandable how I got to where I am today. I’ve tried to fix as much as I could for everyone else and even when that’s been rewarding, I still not enough for me to subsequently fix myself.

Trigger Warning: Suicide

Recently someone I have immense respect and love for died by suicide. His funeral was yesterday. I am not suicidal however, part of me is writing this for him. To let the pain out, to put it in existence. We hold so much inside of us and I know I’m not the only one who does. Sharing my story out loud has always been on my heart but the vulnerability and whatever is on the other side of send is frightening. But, what is more frightening is holding it all in, in hopes that one day it will fade away.

The Other Side of Send

It’s the first day of Black History Month and usually I would be DEEP in my Black and proudness. Today I didn’t. I woke up feeling extremely heavy. I felt the weight of everything happening locally, nationally, internationally — both inside and outside of government. Then I felt the weight of my isolation and loneliness. Which was followed by the desire to journal — then write. I guess I have picked up some healthy habits. Recently, I’ve been trying to trust what I feel and what came up for me is that it’s time for vulnerability. Now is the time for sharing, if sharing will free you. I don’t know what will be on the other side when I press send, but I hope it’s a step towards my own liberation.

Tai Davis forever. ♾️

First, did y’all catch the meaning of aha being spelled “ah-ha”?

‘Ah’, the scream and horror you felt seeing Renee Good’s Murder. ‘Ha’, you wouldn’t handle this moment seriously and I knew it. To many of you this would be a joke and it was.

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I didn’t expect that article to get the traction it did on here and Facebook, but it did. I was flooded with comments saying how divisive I was, how ignorant I was being to White people, how I needed to take the “ally-ship” and shut up. Now, while I didn’t think the article would be read over 30,000 times, I did foresee the comment section.

White people fail to realize that for Black and Brown people, we are forced to learn you — almost before we learn ourselves.

We grow up in this world being taught how to navigate… you. We learn your behaviors, how you show up in this world, how you take up space, and we ESPECIALLY learn how you respond when your ego is hurt. We’re taught to not hurt your ego because doing so can get us killed. It has gotten us killed. My last paragraph in that article was about exactly that, the ego I knew would show up — and. it. did.

You all got so NASTY in the comment sections. You demanded to be allowed into the movement with open arms and zero accountability or awareness for you, your elders and ancestors role in today’s America. I read comment after comment of you trying to erase the harm that Whiteness autonomously causes and place it on… I guess the other invisible White people? You shared with me how tired you were of the shaming and how I should refocus on where we are so we don’t get “lost again”. After all I wrote and all you could make it about was, you.

The not so ironic part is… you did exactly what I knew you would.

Alex Pretti was murdered by ICE in Minneapolis just days and blocks away from Renee Good. He was shielding a comrade when he was yanked down and murdered by several ICE agents. Conservatives moved quickly to try to change the narrative from murder victim, to armed criminal deserving to die. This is another reality Black and Brown folk are way too familiar with. So, what did we do? Defend Alex. Tell his story. Honor his truth. Made sure his name was repeated over and over again.

He didn’t need us to do that though, because you all did exactly what we knew you all would do.

You absorbed Renee and Alex, then left Keith Porter and all the Immigrants out of the conversation. You always do it so quietly too — a post here, a graphic there, AI videos of just those two, calling for a National Strike with only Pretti and Good in the title. Except is not quiet. It’s the same loud screech that Black, Brown and Immigrant communities always hear. It’s the shrill in your vocal cords demanding to center your reality, while drowning ours out. It’s the patter of your tears loudly smacking the land as if this land isn’t covered in our blood. You, you constantly make it all about you. Then when called out about it you victimize yourself or swear it was just an “innocent mistake”. It’s not a mistake. It’s your inability to center anything other than you and I can’t always blame you — America made you this way.

In the few days since Renee and Alex have been murdered, I’ve learned so much about them. I’ve heard stories and statements from their families. I’ve seen videos of friends and coworkers honoring them. I’ve learned what their passions and hobbies were. Media and social media taught me how they have always been the perfect human beings.

You know what I learned about George Floyd? Addict.

Mike Brown? Bigger than the average human.

Jordan Davis? Played his music too loud.

Breonna Taylor? Ex-boyfriend was wanted by cops.

Tamir Rice? Played with a toy gun that looked too real.

Eric Garner? Sold loosies.

Sonya Massey? Mentally unwell.

Our stories don’t get told in fullness or in beauty. It gets stripped down to the worst piece of propaganda and that’s what gets cycled through the news and social media. Then we’re left alone trying to get the truth out and you don’t pay attention. You don’t even have to consider the truth or why it matters — you don’t even wonder about our humanity.

Remember, we grew up having to learn you. You didn’t grow up having to learn, us. You didn’t even need to see us, notice our cries or feel the terrors we face living in this country. But I guess you can’t see someone else’s nightmares when they’re dreams come true to you. Your blindness to our realities is a direct contribution that plays into us being terrorized, caged, criminalized and murdered. America needs you to not notice or care about it, it depends on you not figuring it out. Your inability to center Black and Brown voices helps to sustain the cycle of America’s imperialism. That’s why they will kill you if you stand too close to us.

Side-note: ‘America’ isn’t some pseudo-reality we can’t name. It’s those accepting the status quo, politicians (Democrat & Republican) writing harmful legislation and thanking ICE, the mega-rich demanding tax breaks, problematic business owners monopolizing their respective industry, those indoctrinated into believing America, and those aligned with racism, patriarchy, homophobia, transphobia, misogynoir and all the other ‘isms & bias’.

The headlines are now about the two White folks (unjustly) killed by ICE and not the systemic oppression of Black and Brown communities. Yes, all these stories deserve to be told but only one is monopolizing the conversation. To tell you the truth, the story here isn’t even just about ICE. It’s about the conditions minority communities face in this country that leads to departments like ICE existing. When you take over and make it about you, the story becomes about honoring you, not abolishing the systems that are killing us.

White people — you are getting this moment wrong.

Since you all don’t know what to do but are too egotistical to listen, you’re trying to find things to do — like sell “resistance merchandise”. You want to SELL RESISTANCE MERCHANDISE, deep fucking sigh. I can’t make this shit up. I don’t know if you know this but those pink pussy hats didn’t stop Trump from getting back into office and over 50% of White women voted for Donald Trump, twice. There are obvious priorities that need to be made here.

As I stated in the last article and as you all have proved in this one, Renee Good and Alex Pretti can not be your foundation in the movement space. You have shown exactly why that is. Instead of ensuring Black, Brown and Immigrant voices are amplified or telling the truth of the horrors America places on our bodies, you are wanting to cosplay activism. You have to do the deep work of ensuring everything you do isn’t anti-Black/Brown/Immigrant but that work can’t be done when you refuse to acknowledge it’s there.

Honestly, I feel exhausted writing this so I think I’m going to stop here. I don’t usually make content for White folks to digest because honestly most of you won’t even pick it up to examine it. Trying to get most White folks to understand is insufferable because if it tells you too much of the truth, is a little too spicy, doesn’t taste the way you want it to — then you spit it out, directly in our face.

Rest in Power, Keith Porter. May the most high protect all Brown bodies.

Rest in peace Renee Good and Alex Pretti, I am so sorry your lives were snatched away.

If you don’t know what to do, Brittany Packet Cunningham created a Minnesota Resource Thread.

My mind is racing, my breathing is shallow, my body is tense, my stomach has a pain and my heart feels like gravity’s personal trampoline — I can feel the uneasiness moving throughout my body. Truthfully, trying to formulate the accurate words to describe how I feel, what I’m thinking, and how I’m processing this moment is difficult, so I hope we can navigate this together.

Headline Reads: ICE has Assassinated another Person in Minneapolis Today.

His name is Alex Pretti, an ICU nurse who was out legal observing. For those unfamiliar with movement terminology, a legal observer (LO) is a person attending a protest that does not engage in the actual protest — their job role is to watch whats transpiring between protesters and police, takes notes, document and record information. The entire functionality of a LO is to ensure the truth is documented.

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Now we have to ensure his truth is told and known.

Before moving forward I want to lay the foundation that who Alex was, the resume he built, him being an American citizen and supposedly not being ICE’s target demographic isn’t want makes his murder unjust. His murder is unjust because nobody deserves to be jumped on, shot and killed. Period. Documented or undocumented, American or Immigrant — none of it matters. No additional reasons necessary.

We have to be careful with the language we use to shape the narrative of who’s worthy and unworthy. We could accidentally shut the door on the most vulnerable communities and that’s not what we want to do.

Alex Pretti was simply doing his job, filming ICE and observing the scene. He eventually had to shield a comrade and himself because of ICE’s unwarranted escalation.

They swarmed him, pepper sprayed him directly in the face (twice), ripped him away from the woman he was protecting, shoved him down, pistol whipped him then shot and killed him at point blank range.

That is an indisputable murder in cold blood and unsurprisingly the right-wing conservatives are already trying to skew the truth and change the narrative. It’s ironic that White supremacists identify themselves as the “right” huh? The most boring them about them is they have no logic, nothing of theirs is rooted in reality, they have to inflate their ego to feel important and they can’t formulate a real thought on their own. The only thing they have going for themselves is how absolutely nefarious they are willing to be to keep the charade going. It’s a charade we are all too familiar with.

We have felt moments like this before.

I feel the heaviness of Alex’s murder radiating through my body because i have been in distinct situations just like this. My memory is flooded with what this exact encounter feels like. Many protesters, activists, organizers and advocates have done what Alex did countless times before but no one expects to be killed for it. That’s what feels stuck in my body. Having survived so many moments that started exactly like Alex’s did and seeing the scenario end in murder is, gut-wrenching.

This is the same state-sanctioned violence that we know but it’s exacerbated, because it’s backed and accepted by the federal government. We know what to do to keep ourselves safe. We can feel the switch when police are about to escalate. We know the sounds of the chaos while it happens. What I haven’t experienced is that one-second of piercing quietness when folks realized a gun went off and Alex was killed. That part is unfathomable.

Federal agents across this country are being paid to terrorize people. They follow it up with beating, brutalizing and murdering human beings — with the approval and praise coming from President Trump and his administration.

We’re experiencing a summation of history meeting itself in the present. Historically, if a White person used their whiteness to shield or stand in solidarity with Black people, that meant they risked being killed too. The deaths of both Renee Good and Alex Pretti show that MAGA is demanding White people to pick a side. Being White is no longer an automatic access to safety, you must now be White and assimilate to White oppressive culture if you want your privilege. This is very telling, we are being shown that a deeper dawn of White supremacy is here.

More people will continue to die.

The dangers we face exist in a multitude, it’s not a monolith, it’s not one thing at a time. Oftentimes are timelines are bouncing from one terror to the next and today is no different. Here in St. Louis and across the southeast region, there’s a snow storm with freezing temps happening. My heart aches for our unhoused friends and also the North City residents who were impacted by the May 16, 2025 tornado that are still living in homes that have gaping holes in them. Folks can and will die in this weather and it’s in the hands of city government. This city didn’t move urgently enough to curve the danger winter conditions cause or give folk what they need.

I bring this up because during the election season I repeated that we wouldn’t survive a Trump, Kehoe, Bell & Spencer landscape.

Well, we are not surviving and watching it play out in real time is demoralizing.

The people are being failed, abandoned, targeted, mistreated, abused and murdered at all levels of government. What we are experiencing is pure evil. This is wickedness. This is all the horrors we’ve imagined and screamed about coming to life.

These egregious events are increasing and we have to do everything in our power to stop it.

We can’t normalize today’s society — evil politicians, billionaires running government, data centers being prioritized over people, passive leadership, our lives being threatened at every turn, economic collapse, environmental damage, suffering — so much suffering; the time for the people to rise is now!

They are purposefully trying to instill fear to keep us from organizing but we cannot let it stop us. It’s time we put it all on the line.

It’s not enough to just name the thing. We’re can’t just chant abolish ICE. We must actively disrupt it. We all must actively disrupt all of America’s atrocities. There should be no business as usual, we should refuse capitalism and we must be in community, real community, with each other.

So what are you willing to risk?

It’s going to take us all standing in our collective power and solidarity — aligned with what is most moral, humane and ethical. That means standing with your immigrant neighbors, Black & Brown neighbors, Trans neighbors, queer neighbors, disabled neighbors, and every intersection in between.

We have to do the work.

I’m so sorry, Alex.

Let me ground you in my current reality.

We, as a society, are inundated with constant terror and it lives everywhere — in the news, online, social media, literally all over the place. As someone who deeply cares about the liberation of impacted communities, especially Black folks who sit at multiple intersections, seeing, reading and witnessing constant harm is suffocating. I have lived this reality over and over again. I’m from St. Louis, MO and I grew up 5 minutes from Ferguson, so Mike Brown Jr and the Ferguson uprising deepened my relationship to activism. I’ve witnessed the current terror we’re seeing countless times. I’ve been arrested, brutalized by cops, doxxed by white supremacists, received hundreds of messages on how they would kill me more times than I can remember… and I continued fighting. What we see today is a refection of a reality that has always existed.

As I doom scroll on social media, some of what I feel is the literal, “we warned you” mixed with annoyance and irritation which is typically not who I am. I use to be a lot more nurturing with a “let me hold your hand through this” lens on my advocacy. I made a lot more space for folks getting it wrong. These days, as I consider what to say, I feel the rage zip through the Glutamate neurotransmitters in my brain with the thought repeatedly landing on, “fuck you for not listening”. I know this is a little bit of wishful thinking because of layers and layers of nuanced systems, decisions, choices and racism + capitalism but,

we didn’t have to be here.

Watching the discourse White folks are having around Renee Good is equally nauseating as it is infuriating. I’m a Black + Queer + Woman who vehemently fights for Black and Brown communities and it took zero ‘proving’ to see the horror in Renee Good’s murder. I accidentally stumbled across the video and automatically felt it in my spirt, no further evidence needed. It made me reflect back to Mike Brown Jr, Sonya Massey, Alton Sterling, Philando Castile, Tarika Wilson, Tony McDade and the thousands more of Black names and bodies whose death was deemed debatable. Now witnessing White folks mourn Renee Good without needing a background story, with no statement implying “wait until we get more facts”, with no having to prove she was a victim, or with no “let it play out in court” is — aggravating. It’s a realization that White people always had the ability to see the horror in our deaths but you reserved your compassion in order to defend your hierarchy in American society.

Now you “get it” and it’s unfair.

Mainstream media has been steadily replaying the video of Renee Good’s murder while news analysts, podcast hosts and any bigot with a mic tries to justify her murder. White people are tasting what we have been chocking on for decades — it’s a, for lack of a better term, a “mind-fuck” to watch an unjust murder happen so clearly on video, while others break it down to make the victim the villain. It’s manipulative isn’t it? It’s traumatizing, right? Now multiply this times x1000 for the amount of Black names we’ve had to do this for.

What makes me cringe even more is this statement I keep seeing surface from White folks, “If this could happen to a White woman in broad daylight on camera, I can only imagine what’s happening when we aren’t watching”. Huh? This is not the awareness moment you think that it is, it’s actually really fucking offensive because we’ve been screaming about what’s happening. These are words that should be reserved for Black, Brown and Immigrant communities because the warning is for us. White folks being murdered by defending themselves against ICE isn’t indicative that White folks are now the target, its a signal to how unsafe we are, not you. There won’t be hundreds of more Renee Good’s, your Whiteness will absolve you from that. However, there will be hundreds more of Keith Porter Jrs or Silverio Villegas Gonzalez. This doesn’t even account the people who have died being detained inside ICE’s Nazi camps — I mean immigration detention facilities and prisons.

White folks have to be better at de-centering themselves and centering the communities that are harmed most.

It is dangerous how White folks are mobilizing for Renee Good, and let me explain why. Renee Good can’t be your foundation for joining the movement. She can be your wake up moment but she can’t be what motivates you to change the community around you or to stay committed to this work. If you only get active when a White woman is killed, then you will continue to ignore the systemic conditions that lead to Black and Brown people being constantly detained, harassed, targeted and killed. If seeing the death of a White woman is what catapulted you to care, then you won’t stay once the sensationalized feeling of, “now they’re after us too” dwindles and reality sets back in because honestly, they’re not after you.

Another bothersome social media talking point I’ve been seeing from White folks is regarding the self-identifying Black Panthers that are carrying guns at protests. You all have been making statuses about how safe you would feel if Black folks with guns were protecting you in your neighborhood. Record player scratches. Excuse me? First off, NO YOU WOULD NOT! I can see the headline now, “Black Man Brandishing a Gun Killed in Affluent Neighborhood”. And you won’t be outside marching in his honor.

Secondly, you see armed Black folks and your first thought is that they are there to protect, YOU!? Not the Black and Brown people that are consistently tormented on this land? The selfishness in that line of thinking is unbearable. I know you think you’re liberal for saying it, but once again, it shows your implicit bias and lack of humanity you hold for folks of color.

Three, let’s talk about how this expectation is a reinforcement of racial hierarchies dated back to slavery. Black folks have always been forced to put our needs second out of the will to survive Whiteness. White folks have always leaned on that hierarchy as a benefit of their Whiteness. Here it comes again. Now that you feel unsafe from the police systems designed to protect you, you expect Black people to be your saviors. Underscore, circle, bolden, and highlight this as the exact reason why this “ah-ha” moment is so infuriating to me. White folks have the tendency to only see the harms American society causes when it’s in direct relation to them. That is not activism, that is re-centering your desire to uphold your benefits.

You cosplaying activism won’t save or help the movement.

In reality, the danger you’re absorbing is the byproduct of the danger communities of colors face. You're experiencing what happens when you have a closer proximity to Black, Brown and Immigrant bodies. They are willing to harm you if you get too close to caring about us. At any moment this can get too scary, too real and you can decide to go home, then that’s it, you’re safe again. You have to deeply care for skin colors unlike yours, educated yourself on your internalized racism and fully dive into and commit to this work. I would recommend learning about the realities of Black + trans people, they’re one of the most marginalized and endangered groups of people in America. Once you fight for them to be holistically free, then you’ll be doing real liberation work.

White folks, it is far past the time for you to hold and own your part in movement work. That comes with a lot of unlearning, de-centering and taking action all at once. Your comment section rants and changing your profile pics to a black box in “solidarity” isn’t enough. You can’t have one toe in the movement while your whole body is protected behind the door. You HAVE to step out fully, you have to shed yourself as much as possible from the protections of Whiteness, you have to put your body on the line, you have to disrupt the normalcies, you have to listen/align with Black, Brown and Immigrant voices and you have to settle with the fact that your skin color causes harm in this world, even if you believe you don’t personally. America’s harm is built from the conditions your ancestors and elders made and it’s the same conditions you benefit from.

If Renee Good’s assassination made you feel something, great! If these words come off harsh… I don’t really care — softness has not saved us from your willful blindness. Your hurt feelings are not above Black, Brown and Immigrant folks being able to live. Quite frankly, I hope hearing honest communication from communities of color hurts your feelings more. I hope you settle with hurt feelings. I hope that hurt moves you to read and learn about your history, your relationship to it and how you personally attribute to systemic oppression and the direct harm it inflicts. I hope it deepens your capacity to engage. I hope it hurts your feelings so much, that your hurt feels is no longer the nucleus for you. I hope the hurt feelings heal you, so you’re able to deprioritize them. I hope your soul opens up and feels it, I hope it washes over you and cleanses you.

And I hope that cleansing grounds you in doing this work through the lens of love, respect and compassion for a Black, Brown and Immigrant human beings.

Well… I mean, there is someone out there, alive or deceased, that helped to conceive me. But, I don’t know him. I don’t know his name, I don’t have a face, a story — I know absolutely nothing. I just know he exists or had to exist because, I’m here.

Yes, my mom is alive and yes, I’ve asked about him a bunch of times; and no, I’m not certain why there aren’t answers.

I’m 36 and for the first time, I’m allowing myself to explore the complicated feelings and grief surrounding not having a parent. Honestly, this is a wound that has been festering since childhood.

What I’ve landed on is, all these years I’ve been deeply hurting.

It’s an emptiness that not many folks understand. It’s a constant ache and void that may never be filled, like an open ended question you can’t answer yourself. A curiosity about a whole side of aunts, uncles and cousins — a whole other set of grandparents, that don’t even know you’re one of them.

I wonder how many potential “I love you’s” or hugs I’ve missed out on, from him and his family. Or what version of myself would I be if I had him… them.

It’s endless “what ifs”. What would our reality have been? What type of relationship would exist? Would he have loved me? Did/does he know about me? What features of mine belong to him? If he did know, why didn’t he come around? What is his family like? Would I be so wounded if I had of a dad?

I come from a mom who had trouble with emotional availability and nurturing when I was younger — due to her own trauma. I’ve been holding compounded grief.

And listen, carrying pain so big as a child with no one showing you where to place it teaches you things. You learn to fold your needs, your thoughts, your emotions as small as possible and stuff it in your pocket, then try to forget they’re there.

I started an intentional healing journey in 2024 and let’s just say, so much has come up. I feel so emotionally chaotic, in a very je ne sais quoi kind of way and, it’s lonely.

There’s no automated signal that shows folks I’m struggling — there’s no deathversary, no anniversary, no significant dates that symbolizes to the people in your life that you need support. Nobody calls and says, “Hey! Just remembered you don’t have a dad, how can I support you?”

Or, after 36 years how do you call someone and say, “I’m currently in fetus position sobbing over a person and family, and wonders and curiosities and feelings, and adventures I’ve never known. And it’s FUCKING ME UP RIGHT NOW!”

What if I grew up with a dad who took me to father/daughter dances. What if I heard him say “I love you” over and over again. What if we had moments only shared between us. What if he protected me from the predators I came across. What if he taught me that I could be whatever I dreamed of. Who would I be?

But the what ifs are only proof of what isn’t.

So I shove it further down in my pocket, to the point it now feels like the seams are ripping. Triggers appear at any time and any place.

I do not have a father — not a name, not a memory, not a photo, not anything. I don’t even know if he is/was a good person or if he’s alive but, I’m grieving him.

And how do you grieve “nothing”?

There’s no relationship, no bond, no experience, no moments that give me the excuse to grieve.

I’m realizing this and admitting this in real time. I’m grieving the unknown. I’m grieving possibilities. I’m grieving what never had the chance to exist. I’m grieving never being able to utter the words, “my father”.

It’s immobilizing.

I also want to make space for knowing there’s a bunch of trauma that can come with a dad. I KNOW there are problematic and harmful fathers. This is not to minimize or romanticize fatherhood as a blanketed fix to wounds. There are folks out there so harmed by their dad that they wish they didn’t have one. I absolutely get that.

Right now, my chest feels heavy, like it’s about to burst or cave in and I have nowhere to put it.

I feel damaged. Swollen with tenderness.

I just left a movie screening of a friend whose dad passed. It was gut wrenching. Loss is so big and grief is so hard to navigate. Recalling the memories, the connection, the love. Viewing old photos & videos or listening to old messages — hearing songs that make you think of them. Smells that take you right back to the moment they were alive and vibrant. It’s insurmountable pain that lingers forever.

I’ve held onto lingering pain and for so long I felt like it wasn’t valid enough to receive support. Not valid enough to be real. Not valid enough to signal I’ve been hurting in solitude my entire life.

“Grief is just love with nowhere to go.” Well, how do I navigate not knowing if I would have loved him or not and, I’ve never known him to love him or to lose him.

I still don’t know what box you check for, “not even knowing his name”.

These words are an outcry, an echoing for the emotions someone who doesn’t have a parent can feel. This for the folks who feel isolated in the wounds they carry. This is for those who feel deeply impacted by non-traditional wounds — you are seen, loved and your story does matter. This is for younger me, who felt the sting of his absence but didn’t have the words to express it, we are healing.

This is from a girl who’s grieving not having a father.

I hope this writing highlights how micro-doses of capitalism contributes to the macro harm of humans and earth.

Capitalism breeds hyper-indepence. The true nature of capitalism is to extract the most while providing the least. Capitalism’s relationship to human beings is constantly scanning our lives to see how quickly it can take something from us. When we think about the new ways of shopping, of watching, of eating they sell it to us by claiming it will make our lives easier. Don’t worry about getting up and going to the mall, grocery store or movie theaters — you can simply do it all online.

It’s killing our relationship with each other.

Not too long ago, shopping was an experience. I remember being a kid rolling my eyes as soon as I heard my mom pick up the phone to call her friends so they could go shopping. She would drive to their house or they would come to ours and we would get in one car together. I can visualize this so vividly because, I hated it. I knew these moments would mean hours at one store as they talked and talked, walked slowly through each section of the store and touched every single item they passed. By the second store I was begging to stay in the car while they shopped. Oh, and by the third I was tugging on my mom’s arm asking, “can we go home now?”

Looking back I realize shopping wasn’t the main point of their experience - the connection and community being sustained between my mom and her friends was. Shopping was just the willing tool. Our relationship with shopping was community, we were customers.

Capitalism has taken us from customers to consumers and there’s a difference. Customer is a derivative of the word custom, meaning businesses had to customize their strategy to fit you specifically. How they marketed their business, the experience you had the moment you stepped through the doors, how they spoke to you, how they helped you, how they guided you through the process, the deals they created for you, the feelings they left you with was all customized for you as an individual. As a customer, the business was in relationship with you.

Online shopping isn’t the ease of shopping, it’s consumerism. Consumerism is the byproduct of capitalism, it turns all human interactions into a data point. It teaches us to skip the human parts and get straight to the point — spending money. It’s no longer about what the shopper experiences, how we feel or those slow moments with our friends. It’s ads using body types that don’t look like ours. It’s generic “one-size fits all” marketing strategies that care nothing about you as a person. Consumerism uses shame to engage its audience and low quality products to sustain it. There’s no community found in consumerism, like capitalism it looks to take as much as it can, as quick as it can, while giving nothing in return.

I’m a millennial, so I’ve lived in a world before and after social media. I remember Bebo, Black Planet, Myspace and when Facebook first started, you had to be invited by someone else to join. I grew with social media. I learned how to weave it into my world. Social media came with me as I navigated high school, when I went off to college, to young adulthood and as I grew in my activism. I used social media to speak to the world when Mike Brown was killed around the corner from my childhood home. I found community in many ways during the earlier days of social media. Now, I’m not romanticizing social media, it has it’s issues all on it’s own but there was a time I felt more in control of what I interacted with online.

Then my algorithm changed.

Well, before it changed I had to learn there was an algorithm to begin with. Somewhere between posting pictures after 4Loko parties in college and posting videos of protests happening across the world, capitalism saw the potential in social media.

Let me pause here to say, capitalism isn’t some invisible evil corrupting the world. Capitalism is practiced by real people - developers, investors, politicians, millionaires and billionaires who know the harm and risk of their practice but, they decide to do it anyway. Let me also add, everyday people like you and me do not practice capitalism, we’re impacted by it. We’re victims of it. The mega rich with oligarchs are the only ones practicing capitalism because they have the power to manipulate it. Okay, let’s continue.

Social media has become a space for paid ads, forged algorithms, and forced interactions with pages you don’t even follow. Capitalism is having its way - I barely see posts from the people I follow anymore. It’s stripped the community I’ve built online by replacing it with consumerism. You want folks to see what you have to say? Pay to boost it. Want to scroll and try to find posts from the folks you follow? Well, there will be an ad every third swipe.

This is what capitalism does. Any place where community can be found, where real humans are; it finds a way in and strips it of what it’s meant to be to create some shell of what it was and stuffs it with more chances to consume.

Activism is community at its core. To organize, to advocate, to fight back takes trust in the people around you. There’s many layers to why organizing grassroots efforts is complicated today but one of the main issues is… you guessed it, capitalism.

One. Capitalism creates hyper-individual experiences. Like I mentioned above, capitalism has gotten its claws in many community-led experiences and stripped our relationships with each other. I’ve been reading a book called ‘Emergent Strategy’ by Adrienne Maree Brown, it’s about how natural colonies and systems, like ants, are able to execute large tasks by working together because they’re in community with each other. She also talks about the importance of true relationship building and how it’s made and sustained by small moments of connections. Moments like introducing yourself to someone because you like their outfit or digging a little deeper past the ‘how are you’. Or even something as small as giving a friend a ride home. Those tiny moments extend into bigger opportunities of conversation, trust, love and community.

Guess what divests from micro-community moments, mhmm you’re right again, capitalism. We have less and less moments for random human interactions because more and more of our society is online: Amazon, Instacart, UberEats, Netflix, etc keeps us digital and inside. I will be the FIRST to admit, I use DoorDash a lot and I see how it impacts my interactions. To combat this, I — we must be willing to go outside more. Remember when we use to tell folks to, “go touch grass”? Well, we all need more of that.

Two. Capitalism is transactional and since it’s at the root of American society and culture we’ve all unconsciously internalized it. As capitalism gains transactional power, we subconsciously assimilate it and become more transactional in our relationships with each other. Again, there’s more context around our fear of other human beings but a part of it will always be, capitalism. Liberation work depends on communal sacrifice - we have to give our time, resources, knowledge, skills without looking for immediate repay. When we automatically ask for something in return, that is our relationship with capitalism showing face.

Three. Our ability to give a damn. Capitalism ruins so much, so fast, that many folks get overwhelmed with caring. Or, the daunting reality that capitalism and consumerism is killing this planet at rates we can’t control individually, is suffocating — so folks choose to turn a blind eye. The truth is, activism is already exhausting and capitalism exacerbates that by accumulating more and more to have to advocate for or against. For example from data centers causing air pollution, to toxifying water due to mass production, the carceral system using humans beings as low wage workers, schools being underfunded while millionaires get tax breaks, poverty increasing because of inflation from large businesses extracting, small and local businesses suffering from costs of materials — are all issues directly caused by capitalism. Plus, there’s plenty more.

Our world is moving faster than humans were meant to, we consume more than we need each day, we’re more disconnected from each other, we’re stripped of our creativity and replaced with blanketed inhumane solutions.

Money isn’t the root of all evil, capitalism is and we have to assess our relationship to it.

So show do we combat capitalism?

Build authentic community.

Create art. Give love. Physically show up. Spend non-consumerism time with friends. Slow down. Unplug from social media. Go to therapy. Get into nature. Support the people in your community. Work to unlearn the ways capitalism has indoctrinated us. Bring back the long form: long form writing, long form media, long form reading, long form society. Advocating and organizing against the ways capitalism harms society — or, at least shutting up while other people are. Reimagining and re-envisioning our society then executing your vision.

We can’t cover it all alone, but together we can — if each of us takes a piece and is committed to long term change.

Most importantly, we combat it by giving a damn!

Bullying… the mayor… on snow removal?! HA! That’s excessive.

I was intentionally present during the mayoral cycle this term.

I attended 8 mayoral forums, watched multiple mayoral tv debates and listened to several podcast interviews during the election season. I’ve also be consistent in keeping up with electoral work for the past decade. Cara Spencer ran on snow removal (after an unprecedented snow & ice storm + 14 days of freezing temps) trash removal and potholes.

She weaponized that snow storm over and over again. She promised that under her administration, she would handle it more efficiently. Out of all the issues she could have focused on (filling city jobs, state takeover of policing, public safety, unhoused needs, local businesses, supporting divested communities, youth empowerment, reimagining the carceral system, jail deaths, etc) she made snow removal a main point.

Spencer being hyper-focused on these areas, minimized the conversations that should have been the focus during these debates. Key areas that would actually be beneficial to hear how St. Louisans would live under the different mayoral candidates and their administrations.

So yeah, those who paid attention during the campaign cycle are hypercritical on how she navigates winter weather because SHE made it a priority.

Cara Spencer and her team went full blown PR a couple of days ago during the first round of snow. She found the nearest Black folks and did her favorite thing — pulled her phone out and used the Black community as props. She even did content inside of a snow plow machine to prove she’s doing snow removal, better.

Except she’s not.

The same issues happened, because the same truths are true under her, as they were under Mayor Jones, as they were for every Mayor before them — the city and MoDot need to invest, update and staff so procedures actually change for the better. Cara Spencer is not doing these better, she’s just better at propagandizing the moment.

The problems of this city isn’t Black and White - critics are aware of that. However, there is a problem with racism in leadership.

It’s the “bullying” framework that really baffles me. It’s ironic that when remarks were made against a Black woman mayor they were viewed as accountability but when made against a White woman mayor, it’s bullying. The goalpost continues to move, making it nearly impossible to have fair criticism for anyone who sits in the mayoral seat. Tishaura Jones was not perfect, Cara Spencer is not perfect and no administration will be perfect, but there is a stark difference between perfection and effective leadership for the Black community.

Cara Spencer’s leadership in the Black community has been failing since the moment she got into office and when community calls it out, it’s reduced to being “mean” or “hard” on the Mayor. However, when the White community was literally racist toward Mayor Jones it was shaped as, fair critiques. Cara used that to her advantage during the mayoral campaign cycle.

Cara Spencer didn’t care when she purposefully and intentionally manipulated talking points, which resulted in Tishaura Jones being bullied and belittled.

We must hold the accountability without wavering, Cara Spencer uses racism and stereotypes to her advantage whenever she can. There’s been ample opportunity for Spencer to step up and be the Mayor she claims to be — from sink holes, to tornados, to snow removal and through it all, she’s been failing. Instead she takes photos as faux proof that she’s doing the work, instead of actually doing the work. That is why it’s this far out from the tornado and there’s been no effective groundwork laid out from her administration, just headlines and photos.

As a comms person myself, I will give it to her communications team. The content, branding and headlines has led folks to believe she’s executing. I’m deeply reflective on the unfair disadvantage placed on Black women who hold positions of power. Had Tishaura Jones handled any of these things the way Cara Spencer is, there wouldn’t be half the grace, understanding, or leniency Cara’s receiving.

Black women are not afforded the luxury nor space to make mistakes, to f*ck up, to get it wrong — or even get it right, if it’s not beyond exceptional.

So no, Cara Spencer is not being bullied. She’s being held accountable to the standard SHE SET when it comes to basic services and being told the truth that her White mediocracy is seen and won’t be accepted. Any mockery directed towards her began because she made a mockery of the real issues St. Louisans face.

The only people being bullied are the same people that have always been bullied in this city — the Black community.

Reminder, folks camped outside of City Hall & Lyda Krewson’s HOME during Lyda’s mayoral term. We pulled up to Krewson’s house at 4am! Cara Spencer receiving media accountability is light work and quite frankly, isn’t enough.

- Ohun Ashe

The history of today is rooted in colonialism, capitalism, genocide, theft and all the other horrors that White English evangelicals brought to this land.

I’m reminded of what Indigenous communities, Black communities and all oppressed communities have built and continue to build out of these nefarious practices — care, support, fellowship and love.

2025 has been another year filled with vengeful attacks towards oppressed communities. As we connect with our loved ones today, may you be reminded that the love you share is a revolutionary act.

A reminder that community saves us. That centuries upon centuries and generations later, we never forgot. We speak TRUTH on what today is and how every recipe passed down, every shared laugh, every prayer, every memory made is in power.

America will never be whole, this world will never be whole until justice is served and the land be restored.

I honor the spirits of the Indigenous peoples of this land. I honor the labor and blood spilled by my ancestors to build this land. I honor the traditions birthed out of suffering, our families legacies and, our collective refusal to be oppressed.

To the Wampanoag people, may your cultural heritage breathe in this land forever.

To the righteous people of this land, I am thankful for your resistance, your sacrifice and your strength.

I feel like I’m making a dating profile but I wanted folks to get a chance to walk into my world a bit.

In 2024, I started an intentional healing journey. It was the 10th year since Mike Brown Jr. was assassinated by former Ferguson police officer, Darren Wilson (B-I-T-C-H).

I’m one of those folks whose life changed because of Mike Brown Jr. I created an organization called ForTheCultureSTL because of him. The entire trajectory of my life shifted; my reality changed, who I thought I was and what I thought I knew — all became different.

I thought I prepared myself for the 10 year, knowing I wouldn’t be able to escape the endless reflections but I didn’t realize it would completely shake my world up, again.

I started recalling all of the arrests at protests, the brutality my body took from police, extremely cold nights and summer days where I felt like I would melt. I remembered the days I would get on social media and read post after post of White supremacists saying they wanted to kill me, how they would kill me and how unsafe I’ve felt. I could still feel the ache and tenderness of my feet from marching for hours and the vibration of chants that echoed off my vocal cords. My body, my spirt, my emotion traveled through 10 years of infighting, neglect, wins & losses, hardships, more deaths, communal grief and sometimes just plain sadness.

Now what happened next was completely unexpected. The recalling started to travel further back into my early 20s and teens, back down to my childhood. I barely even remember anything from those days but your body stores the memories your mind doesn’t have the capacity to keep. Things I didn’t even realize were locked away came spilling out my closet.

It wouldn’t stop & I started to feel like I was suffocating in my own mind.

It became unbearable so I decided to try something, anything. I started by reading books on epigenetic trauma, getting into therapy and journaling.

Whew.

Let me tell you, I was NOT ready for all of the things that came up. Childhood wounds, old memories, and deep seated aches — I could feel my inner child take the driver seat. Suddenly it felt like the journey I began in order to heal, pulled me into more chaos.

Until recently.

I’m just now able to connect that the chaos I’ve been experiencing, was me pulling on my issues at the roots. I think of it like spring cleaning. I had to dig through my shit so that I could begin to organize it, straighten it up, throw away what’s no longer needed, hell, even put away the piles I’m not ready to tackle yet.

It’s taken over three-hundred-sixty-five days to realize I’m not just absolutely failing at this whole “healing” thing. That actually, even though I’m not always perfect and I don’t always get it right, I’ve been advocating for what I’ve needed this entire time.

Journaling has been one of my favorite parts of this journey. It’s one of the things that actually helps me clear the clutter in my mind. Every now and again, I feel inclined to share because I’ve been in some pretty dark places and:

1. It’s helpful to just put it out there, take some power back, ya know?

2. If I can help someone else feel less alone then, hell yeah!

3. Sometimes I want to be heard out loud too.

So, I’m starting a Substack. A place for me to share the inner parts of my story, my thoughts around life, my truth in activism and my curiosities.

If you made it this far, I appreciate you. Transparently, part of my pain is feeling lonely, so thank you for being in this with me. :)

Ohun Ashe