Welcome back to my Midweek Edit!

Today is a busy and exciting day in my neck of the woods. I’m moving my college-attending child into her housing this morning and then heading off to the airport for a fun trip. I’m looking forward to telling you more about that next week.

I trust that wherever this finds you, you’re thriving and savoring the last days of summer.

In the Midweek Edit, I share the things I’ve been reading, watching, buying, cooking, and thinking about—all too good to keep to myself.

Choose what stays. Let the rest evolve.

Until next time,

O

Whenever my favorite writer, Anne Lamott, is on a podcast, I listen. Anne was recently on Good Hang with Amy Poehler. She is one of the wisest and funniest humans. If you haven’t read her work (how could you?!), go to the library and check out Traveling Mercies to start.

I’m in the middle of The Midnight Train by Matt Haig. It’s wonderful! In the novel, our protagonist, Wilbur, is on a life-review journey, where he gets to revisit what the author calls the “Russian nesting doll days” of his life — the kind that are always inside of us. So good. This book will make you think about your own Russian nesting doll days: the beautiful ones and the ones you never want to relive and how they shaped the trajectory of your life. Please read it. And then, if you haven’t yet seen the movie Eternity, watch it. It’s unrelated to the book but deals with some very similar themes.

Mad Mabel by Sally Hepworth is definitely worth the hype. Grumpy 80-something Mabel’s quiet life is interrupted when a neighbor turns up dead, and her painful past comes back to haunt her. I really enjoyed Mabel, her bosom friend Daphne, and adorable, though often annoying, Persephone. Mabel made me laugh out loud many times. It’s a charming read.

I found Home at Last with Tan France (Netflix) delightful. Tan, of Queer Eye fame, and his husband designed a stunning house, and this miniseries is a highlight reel of that journey. Their taste is my taste, and I want to move in.

Furious (Hulu) is dark, disturbing, weighty, and profound. I couldn’t stop watching it. An FBI agent is investigating a female serial killer, but the series goes far beyond a conventional crime thriller, exploring female rage, power, violence, and the forces that can push someone past a breaking point. It asks some uncomfortable questions. This show feels particularly timely and relevant. I’m unsurprised by its nearly 100% Rotten Tomatoes score.

I’ve tested a slew of different lifestyle sneakers over the last couple of years. None of them really worked for my feet or my style. I know I’m not alone, so I wanted to relay that I’ve finally found the most comfy and stylish kicks. They’re one of the best purchases I’ve made in recent months.

These On Cloud 6 sneakers in white are my new loves. They’re the perfect white walking shoes. No shoelaces required. And they’re superbly comfy for my wide feet and true to size (the regular width works for me). When wearing them sockless, I like to use the Pedag Summer Cotton Inserts to keep my feet dry and cool.

West Elm just came out with the cutest collaboration with the legendary Russ & Daughters. I had to grab a few of these ceramic matchboxes because they’ll make lovely hostess gifts, as well as one of these hanukkiahs (a menorah used on Hanukkah). I’d gift one to a kid heading to college or moving into their own place.

A Moment That Changed Me: My Husband Died and Birds Began Behaving Strangely Towards Me

The Midlife Exit

The Second Ascent Letter

Why So Many of Us See Our Loved Ones After They’ve Died

One of the things I did on Sunday was read and work through some of the assignments in my friend Deborah G. Riegel’s newest book, The MeMenu Workbook: You Deserve to Be the Main Dish in Your Life. Deb is a superb executive coach, and together with chef and beloved TV host Carla Hall, she created a workbook that provides women like me with a method for opening up to, envisioning, and then working toward new goals or even a new season of life.

With the generous permission of the authors (thanks, Deb), I’m sharing the “Future Energy” journaling exercise below, which I personally found very useful in envisioning the version of myself I hope to build toward.

So, here you go:

1. Write your “facts” bio. In a few sentences, describe yourself as you’re right now - your work, hobbies, habits, day-to-day life. Keep it factual.

2. Write your “Future Energy” bio. Now describe yourself the way you hope someone would speak about you in the future - the qualities you want to be known for, the experiences you hope you have had.

3. Compare the two. Choose one quality or habit from your Future Energy bio that you can begin living into now, even in a small way.

Each Midweek Edit, I share one account that has earned a spot in my social media #joyfeed. As always, take what resonates and leave the rest. This week’s recommendation:

@krystal_bick

Krystal’s content is always fun and inspiring. She is full of whimsy and rage, a combination I very much enjoy. I love opening up Instagram to find what she created for that day.

IN CASE YOU MISSED IT

Three Desserts I’m Making for Rosh Hashanah

What I Read, Listened To, and Watched On My Grief Journey

My Travel MVPs + The Best Places to Eat in Vancouver

The Pavlova Playbook

50 for 50 and a Potato-Crust Beet Quiche

Tools in My Grief Survival Kit & Fish in Crazy Water

My Rhubarb Olive Oil Cake Recipe

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Rosh Hashanah, the Jewish New Year, is just a few weeks away. Soon, Jews will gather in synagogues and around tables with prayers and hopes for a good new year. I’m grateful for a life punctuated by holidays, with each one having not only its own set of laws and customs, but also its own food traditions. And then, of course, there are family traditions.

For the Jewish New Year, baked goods often involve apples and/or honey, reflecting the custom of dipping apples into honey and wishing for a sweet new year. So, naturally, there are a lot of honey cakes and apple cakes. Often, these recipes don’t use dairy because the observance of kashrut (Jewish dietary laws) doesn’t allow meat and dairy ingredients to be mixed or eaten as part of the same meal.

As a baker, while I’ve learned to be very creative with my desserts to make them taste “dairy,” I still love me some actual dairy in my recipes and simply plan the menu accordingly. So, one of the recipes below does, in fact, call for butter and mascarpone and it’s something my family looks forward to every year.

These are the three recipes that have become part of my own Rosh Hashanah rhythm: one with apples, one with honey, and one that carries a whole lot of family history. I make them once a year, which might be part of what makes them feel so special.

Mascarpone Apple Cake

Mascarpone, or Italian cream cheese, gives this apple cake its irresistible flavor and richness.

You don’t need to celebrate Rosh Hashanah to enjoy it. It’s an excellent, moist apple cake you can bake year-round and enjoy with tea or coffee or just because.

I like to use Granny Smith apples in this recipe. Honeycrisp and Pink Lady apples also work well. I’d avoid apples that fall apart or become mushy easily, but you do you.

Ingredients:

• 3 cups peeled and diced apples (about 5 medium apples)

• 1 tablespoon lemon juice

• ½ cup unsalted butter, at room temperature

• ¾ cup plus 2 tablespoons granulated sugar, divided

• ½ cup brown sugar or coconut sugar

• Zest of 1 lemon

• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract or vanilla bean paste

• 1 cup mascarpone cheese, at room temperature

• 2 large eggs, at room temperature

• 2 cups all-purpose flour

• 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon

• 1½ teaspoons baking powder

• ¼ teaspoon kosher or sea salt

• 1 tablespoon powdered sugar, for serving

Method:

Preheat the oven to 350°F. Grease a 9-inch springform pan with butter, line the bottom with parchment paper, and lightly dust the sides with flour.

In a medium bowl, toss the apples with 1 tablespoon of the granulated sugar and lemon juice. Set aside.

Place the remaining ¾ cup granulated sugar, brown or coconut sugar, butter, lemon zest, vanilla, and mascarpone in the bowl of an electric mixer. Beat until well blended. Add the eggs, one at a time, mixing until incorporated after each addition.

In a medium bowl, whisk together the flour, cinnamon, baking powder, and salt. Add the dry ingredients to the wet mixture and mix just until barely combined.

Using a spatula, fold the apples into the batter, then transfer the batter to the prepared pan. Smooth the top and sprinkle with the remaining 1 tablespoon granulated sugar.

Bake for about 1 hour, or until the cake begins to pull away from the sides of the pan and a toothpick inserted into the center comes out clean or with a few moist crumbs. Cool completely before removing from the pan.

Dust with powdered sugar before serving.

Burnt Honey Olive Oil Honey Cake (dairy-free/pareve)

I tested a bunch of honey cake recipes over the last week just to see if there was something else out there I might be missing or if my recipe needed tweaking. I’ve concluded that this recipe is still a winner. Burning the honey, using extra-virgin olive oil, and adding ground ginger give this cake its distinct flavor.

Honey should provide more than sweetness; it needs to provide flavor. So make sure to use a good, strong tasting honey.

While I hope you make my recipe, there are two more honey cakes I highly recommend trying if you’re feeling adventurous: this superb and foolproof Red Wine Honey Cake with Plums from The New York Times (no notes!) and this unique Siberian-inspired Pine Nut & Honey Cake. For the latter, I suggest reducing the butter to 2 sticks and the sugar to ¾ cup.

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Hi Friend,

Welcome back to my Midweek Edit!

At a recent meeting, a newer widow shared that she’d been making her way through the stages of grief and felt she was finally nearing acceptance. I gently told her I wished it were that tidy and straightforward. That once we officially come to terms with our person’s death, we could exhale, tie a neat bow around that season of life, and move on from our heartbreak.

In my experience, grief is annoyingly cyclical.

Anger, for example, was an emotion I experienced for the first time only recently.

I was driving home from my former boss’s funeral. Like my husband, he died in the prime of life. He was a good man. He had so much life left to live. It wouldn’t have surprised me to feel angry at the unfairness of it all, yet again.

But my anger came to a head as I approached the hospital where my husband died. I dreaded being anywhere near that place again. I’d tried to avoid that route home, but something nudged me to drive by.

The anger caught me by surprise. It’s not an emotion I’m very familiar with. It flooded my whole body. I cried and pounded the steering wheel. Angry at Matt. Angry at his doctors. Angry at his suffering. Angry at my suffering. That day, I felt anger like that for the first time since my husband’s passing.

Just when I think I understand grief’s contours, it shows up in a new form. Over the past year and a half, I’ve found myself turning to books, podcasts, films, television, and the wisdom of others to help me make sense of what I’m feeling and, sometimes, simply to feel less alone in it.

So, since August is Grief Awareness Month, I’m dedicating this installment to a roundup of resources that have, in one way or another, helped me navigate and process grief. If you’re grieving or simply want to better understand how to respond to someone who is, I hope you’ll find something worthwhile below.

Choose what stays. Let the rest evolve.

Until next time,

O

A NOTE: Of course, none of the resources below are substitutes for therapy, grief counseling, or other support you may need. They’re simply resources that may offer some comfort, insight, or companionship along the way.

• A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis

  “No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.”

• Crying in H Mart: Memoir by Michelle Zauner

  On food, memory, and mother-daughter love.

• In Love: A Memoir of Love & Loss by Amy Bloom

  Intimate and devastating: “The love of my life was disappearing, and I was watching him go.”

• It’s OK That You’re Not OK: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture That Doesn’t Understand by Megan Devine

  Grief doesn’t need fixing.

• Loving the Gone by Sara Rian

  Poetry on loving someone who’s gone.

• Memorial Days by Geraldine Brooks

  On sudden death.

• Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, & Finding Joy by Sheryl Sandberg & Adam Grant

  How to rebuild after the unimaginable.

• Signs: The Secret Signs of the Universe by Laura Lynne Jackson

  How to embrace the unexplainable and open up to and even ask for signs from the dead.

• The Amen Effect: Ancient Wisdom to Mend Our Broken Hearts & World by Sharon Brous

  About the healing power of showing up.

• The Beauty of What Remains: How Our Greatest Fear Becomes Our Greatest Gift by Steve Leder

  What death can teach us about living.

• The Hot Young Widow Club by Nora McInerny

  Widowhood without the platitudes.

  Midlife Tastemaker is a reader-supported publication. To receive new posts and support my work, consider becoming a subscriber.

• The Invisible String by Patrice Karst

  A children’s book about enduring connection.

• The Irreverent Grief Guide: How to F*cking Survive Months 1-3 by Elizabeth Kupferman

  Exactly what the title promises.

• The Wild Edge of Sorrow: Rituals of Renewal and the Sacred Work of Grief by Francis Weller

  Processing grief is necessary, sacred work.

• What To Make of a Life: Cliffs, Fog, Fire, and the Self-Knowledge Imperative by Jim Collins

  How to rebuild when life changes course.

• When Breath Becomes Air by Paul Kalanithi

  On mortality and meaning of life.

• When We See You Again by Rachel Goldberg-Polin

  About a mother’s extraordinary love and unimaginable grief.

• Bridget Jones: Mad About The Boy

  On widowhood and daring to begin again. So many good laughs in this one.

• H is for Hawk

  It’s hard to watch this film, but then, grief is hard to experience.

• Inside Out

  Why every emotion has a purpose.

• Life & Beth

  Loss forces a woman to reconsider her life.

• Live From the Other Side with Tyler Henry

  Tyler is a medium, who speaks to the dead. This show is incredibly comforting.

• Manchester by the Sea

  Some grief cannot be conquered.

• Shrinking

  On grief, therapy, and mostly friendship. My kids and I really love this show. If you watch just one thing from this list, let it be this series.

• Sorry for Your Loss

  An honest portrayal of widowhood.

• Supergirl

  Her strength is shaped by grief.

• The Bear

  Beautifully captures how grief hides inside ambition.

• The Madison

  How one family deals with sudden loss.

• This Is Us

  Family and grief across decades.

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All There Is with Anderson Cooper — I’m grateful to Anderson Cooper for his vulnerability around and invaluable conversations about grief. If you’re new to his work, start with his interview with Francis Weller.

Good Grief with Amanda Kloots — I’ve been following Amanda’s story since her husband, Nick passed away from COVID in 2020. She now has a podcast where she shares what she and others have learned from grief.

Thanks for Asking with Nora McInerny — You may have heard of Nora from her books and famous TED Talk. She’s made a career out of talking about loss and grief, and she is brilliant at it. So, do listen to her TED Talk and then the earlier iteration of her current podcast, Terrible, Thanks for Asking.

@andthatsgrief

@thememorycircle

@untanglegrief

@sara_rian_books

My Travel MVPs + The Best Places to Eat in Vancouver

The Pavlova Playbook

50 for 50 and a Potato-Crust Beet Quiche

Tools in My Grief Survival Kit & Fish in Crazy Water

My Rhubarb Olive Oil Cake Recipe

Leave a comment

I just returned from a trip to Vancouver. My husband was born and raised there, we were married there, and for six years, when our kids were little, we called it home. Many relatives and dear friends still live there, so it will always hold a very special place in my heart.

Visiting Vancouver now is bittersweet because my favorite Vancouverite is gone. Still, I find myself returning to our favorite places, discovering what’s changed, and thinking of Matthew at every turn. In its own way, it helps me feel close to him.

On my last morning there, I stopped by my favorite café for one final stellar cappuccino and the most scrumptious almondiest almond croissant. As I sat there, it occurred to me that I should put together a list of restaurants worth saving for your next trip. So I did.

Due to my dietary restrictions, every recommendation includes vegetarian and/or pescatarian options, which may be helpful if that’s important to you as well.

While we’re on the subject of travel, I’m also sharing the products I never leave home without—the travel MVPs I’ve tested, loved, and now rely on.

Till next time,

OB

• Stylish luggage and these packing cubes.

• This umbrella - trust me, get this compact, sturdy, yet elegant one.

• Never board a long flight without compression socks.

• Chase Sapphire Preferred is my favorite travel credit card.

• I take liposomal vitamin C and spray propolis immune support when on the plane and/or if I get the slightest tickle in my throat. I take magnesium for sleep support every night and drink out my hydrogen water bottle throughout to stay hydrated.

• Comfortable lifestyle shoes and these loafers: both made for lots of steps. My Prada loafers were discontinued; I would test out these or these.

• Compeed gel bandaids are the best for blisters. They actually stay on!

• This or this hand sanitizer.

• This adapter is incredibly convenient.

• I carry this portable charger in my small crossbody bag when on the go and often pack this one for longer car or airport trips.

• A great book.

• These high quality basic T-shirts make great layering pieces.

• A comfortable neutral crossbody bag or this one is a must, especially in Europe.

• This expandable travel bag is perfect for anything I acquire along the way. It folds down into a small pouch when not in use.

• I always wear these shapewear skimmies under dresses or skirts, especially on hot summer days. I’m simply not interested in chafing.

• A shawl and a classic denim jacket are essentials for cool summer evenings and overly air-conditioned spaces.

Where To Eat in Vancouver, BC

49th Parallel Coffee Roasters & Lucky’s Doughnuts - With several locations, this local favorite is home to excellent coffee and freshly made doughnuts (including amazing vegan and gluten-free options).

Anh & Chi - My daughter’s friend introduced me to this fantastic Vietnamese restaurant. There are plenty of options for vegans and vegetarians, and I adore the interior design.

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Greetings from beautiful British Columbia! I’m here for a dear cousin’s wedding and a much-needed visit with family and friends.

Welcome back to my Midweek Edit, where I share the things I’v…

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In my rough calculations, I’ve made nearly 500 pavlovas to date. Ever since my maternity leave for my oldest child, when I fell in love with Martha Stewart Living, both TV show and magazine, pavlova …

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Hope you’re staying cool in your part of the world.

Welcome back to my Midweek Edit, where I share the things I’ve been reading, watching, buying, cooking, and thinking about—all too good to…

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Happy Canada Day to my friends and loved ones up north. To my fellow Americans, I hope you have a wonderful Fourth of July weekend.

Welcome back to my Midweek Edit, where I share the things I…

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Between my longer essays and recipe posts, I publish a Midweek Edit to share things I’ve been reading, listening to, watching, cooking, buying, and thinking about—all too good to keep to my…

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