Onah’s Newsletter

Why don't we use friendships as blueprints for our romantic relationships?

Onah Grace — Sat, 01 Aug 2026 15:33:38 GMT

I don't remember who my first friend was.

There's a picture of us—one, wide-eyed and as clueless as you can be when you're a year and a half, and you're strapped next to another girl who looks just as clueless as you are, or even worse. I don't remember her 'cos we moved houses, so even if I see her now, it would not strike a chord that this was the girl I probably danced Awilo Longomba with.

Yes, my parents have a cute memory of me going to a nearby bar to dance Awilo. A memory I cannot even relate to because I have two left legs and cannot dance, but that's a story for another day.

Over the years, I would have many temporary friendships like that—friendships that lasted a term or a session because my parents were always moving like nomads.

One of such was Esther from Nursery 2, a light-skinned beauty who danced with her two hands held up in the air. I have no idea why that is what I remember about her. Also, thinking about it, I think she was more of my friend than I was of hers. I was 4-ish, but I knew. You know these things. You see them play more with others and become besties on your birthday because, of course, your mummy brought cake, but you know. You know they're holding your hand a little tighter during break because of your party packs, but you love them still.

Esther is the babe directly behind me.

When I was about to enter secondary school, my parents finally decided they had had enough of being nomads, so we settled, and I met the people that would eventually be referred to as my childhood friends. I'll go on to attend the same secondary school with some of these people, and it would be my first introduction to actual friendship.

It also provided a format for the kind of friend I would be and the type of friendship I naturally gravitated towards. For one, I soon realised I was a clique person; not necessarily large groups but, I just did better when I was not putting the entire emotional strain on one person. I even tried the whole best friend thing at a point and realised I made for a terrible best friend, so I left it. Jealousy wan kpai me lmaooo.

But those friendships were one of the best parts of secondary school for me. I go through my memories of that period, and their faces are everywhere, smiling back at me. Grateful for the exposure because it made me understand how much I needed this thing called friendship.

I got to uni, and I knew I needed my own friends again, and God, in His kindness, provided. I had a friend from JAMB lesson who connected me to her own friend, and with time, I met my friends, one orchestration after the other.

I didn't go to a boarding school, so uni became my first introduction to "permanent friendship"—friends who lived next door, whose rooms became extensions of yours, whose routines slowly became part of yours too.

This would go on to be one of the best practical sessions for friendships for me. I learnt so muchhh. Learnt so much about myself and the people I met.

I was reminded again that I was a clique person, and I soon found my clique. A small one. Not knowing that before leaving uni, I would have a clique that was made of more children than Jacob had. But that's story for another day.

Like I said, I learnt. There's so much you learn in friendships. Healthy friendships.

You learn that the best friendships are unplanned. That they're not necessarily the ones where you send a text and say, "insert networking speech," and, "I would love us to be friends." You learn that they are the ones where you're talking about a random book together, and then one day you linger in their room for longer than you would and... you just continue to linger.

You learn that there's no formula to these things. No one-size-fits-all. That you just need to navigate each one as it comes. Because friends are people, and people, people.

You learn that God can orchestrate friendships. That one random meeting, or being somewhere at a particular time, or being put together for a group project could lead you to meeting someone who would go on to be more than just a random meet-up.

You learn human beings. You learn their quirks. You see them eat beans and bread, beans and Indomie, like little cultists, but you realize that you love them the same. You see how their faces light up when they talk about something they love by 11 p.m. You see them laugh, snort and even fart. You see them completely.

They say romantic relationships are the deepest exposure you'll get to a human. I don't fully agree. I think friendships—wholesome friendships—will beat those hands down. But don't take my word for it, lmaoo.

On a more serious note, we all know people enter relationships with the urge to straighten their creases, to tuck in parts of them until they're sure it's safe to untuck. Funny part is the part where it eventually untucks, one way or the other, whether you plan for it to or not. The same happens in friendships too, if we're being honest.

You cannot meet someone on the first day and tell them you like beans with your Indomie; they'll leave you. You tell them when you've shared some meals together.

But I say wholesome friendships will not just be your deepest exposure, but your fastest one. Because our minds tend to feel like there's less at stake, we bring down our guards earlier. Maybe if we did the same for our relationships—romantic relationships—we would have better ones, but please, stop taking advice from single people.

Talking about things you learn, you learn not just them but yourself. You learn what you're like when you're sad or angry. You see, through their eyes, what you are like when you're arguing and the argument is not going in your favour. If you're in a healthy friendship, you learn what you're like when you're loved without expectations. You learn even how you need to be loved.

I genuinely think that if we used friendships as our blueprints for romantic relationships, we would have really solid ones. Solid and healthier relationships. You've seen how these people hold you and make space for you. How they call you out on your bs with kindness and wake you up vigorously by 3am because they know alarms don't work for you. How they do weird things like buy you boxers on your birthday because you really wanted them. You see them love you in all these many ways and you know what to expect and what not to accept. You know what you deserve just because you've been shown it.

A wise person said friendships will be one of the greatest romances of your life. It’s as true as truth. You should let them be.

I tell myself that maybe I'm so big on friendship PR because I've been lucky with them, and yes, maybe. I really think I am and I'm deeply grateful for all the orchestrations that led to me meeting these wonderful people. Deeply grateful that our paths crossed when they crossed and our shy hellos turned to banter and gist. Grateful, every day, for the blessing that is friendship.

If you've still not found your people, I pray God leads you to them. People that would love you even though and despite. People that will hold you when you need to be held and laugh at you when you need to be laughed at. May you meet them. May you be them.

Happy International Friendship Day.

I'd really love to hear some of your thoughts about friendships. What has been the best thing about friendships for you?

If you liked this, please stack and restack.

PS: I thought today was International Friendship Day only to realise halfway through that it was yesterday. Nevertheless, regardless, upon still.

On Chakelekes

Onah Grace — Sat, 27 Jun 2026 20:25:21 GMT

The first time I saw chakelekes, I would have been 4 or 5. More like, my first memory of them. I don't remember exactly, but one of the kids said that if you waved to it while they were passing, they would leave a white streak on your fingers.

Passing to where, you may ask? It was mostly always to drink water. Or, at least that's what I was told. Who knows? Maybe they were going to buy night food. Okpa, maybe? Or fries? One can never know these things in details.

I loved them—these beautiful, sparkling birds that were so well behaved, always flying in organised patterns, and were still so generous and indulging.

And so I waved. Furiously. "Chakeleke finger, give me finger! Chakeleke finger, give me finger!"

Thinking about it now, there were better ways we could have worded it, but the most important thing was that they understood us. Wrong English and all. They did.

And the first time I saw the streak, I couldn't believe it. It felt like something out of a movie. Didn't know what exactly made them listen to me that particular day. Maybe it was because I shouted louder? Or I raised my little fingers high up so they could see them? I guess we'll never know.

But I just know that after that day, I became such a firm believer in their existence and benevolence.

There were days after that, days when they would fly by in a hurry, as they always did, and I would wave frantically, but nothing. But it didn't deter me. I had seen them give me the "finger" before, so for all I cared, they were real. Maybe it was something about how I asked them? Maybe I was shouting?

Saw something here recently about them. It made me laugh and reminded me of childhood and the many wonders we had. Wonders that have now become mundane. It reminded me too, weirdly, of faith—childlike faith. Of believing for things because we've seen similar?

Maybe we should all believe God like we believed in chakelekes. Who knows? Maybe there's something about that childlike, almost naive—but unwavering—belief that God actually needs us to have.

PS: Looked at my finger while writing this and I still have one of my streaks. It's on the middle finger of my left hand. It was the funniest thing.

Please, indulge me, what's your chakeleke story?

We should write tributes for people when they can still read them.

Onah Grace — Thu, 12 Feb 2026 22:57:26 GMT

In secondary school, because my father was drawn to the extraordinary, I had a locker that was twice the size of everyone else’s. It wasn’t even shaped like a regular locker. It was just square, with a flat top. I hated it. So much. Because I know it wouldn’t have taken him anything to make me a normal one. My brother had the same, but that didn’t make it any better.

Because it was too big to fit anywhere else, I had to sit at the back with the noisemakers. Boys who flew their shirts and wrote their homework in class - more like copied from the prim and proper girls. Boys whose notes were always half-empty.

And that was how I became close to Mimi.

We had been in the same class once or twice before, but this was how we actually became friends.

He was annoying. Very annoying. The definition of nonchalant. Because why don't you like education? I used to wonder how someone could be that nonchalant. He loved Lacasera. And Pastries generally. He hated pictures. He laughed loudly and made people the butt of jokes. I would later learn that it was a cover.

Sitting close meant we talked more. I even borrowed one of his friends at a point, lmao. My locker became a drum on Friday afternoons and, honestly, those afternoons are some of my best memories of secondary school.

I slowly became fond of him. Fond of this loud boy who called me "hammer head of horror." What does that even mean? Fond of this noisemaker who was so unserious.

Even after secondary school ended, we kept in touch. Something that didn’t happen with many others. We talked about uni. About his family. About relationships. About life.

When medical school was dealing with me and I felt like nobody understood, he did. Even if he couldn’t relate exactly, I knew he understood. He had had his own fair share of life struggles. He did understand.

I always said I was going to visit one day. We’d stroll and catch up properly - beyond texting and once-in-a-blue-moon calls.

As years went by, the texts grew farther apart. Less frequent. But every time we talked, it was easy to catch up and fill in. He liked my writing. He liked me writing to him.

So I wrote to him when I could. On his birthdays too.

Around July last year, I saw a fundraiser. I couldn’t believe my eyes.

I told a few friends that he had literally crossed my mind some weeks prior. I was supposed to reach out. Seeing that fundraiser destabilised me. I’ve seen many fundraisers before, but that one was different. It reminded me of the Igbo adage: "A na-ebu ozu onye ọzọ, ọ dị ka nkụ." Loosely translated as when they carry another person’s corpse, it looks like firewood - because it isn’t your own.

I wrote something about it but couldn’t bring myself to post. It felt too real.

A few days later, I saw his picture on a mutual friend’s status. I was shaking before I even opened it. And then I saw "RIP."

It felt like my heart broke into pieces.

The emotions were layered, but the top layers were grief and guilt. At some point, I couldn’t even separate them. I thought about all the times I said I’d visit and didn’t - because of medical school. The same medical school I left to attend his burial.

I thought about how, on his last birthday alive, I didn’t post him because he forgot mine. Imagine the pettiness.

I thought about how I didn’t know how sick he was because I didn’t check in. And that one breaks my heart the most.

So many things I wish I had done better. Written more. Checked in more. Not assumed I had it worse so I deserved to be checked on too. It all feels so silly now.

I’m glad I wrote to him when I could. I’m glad I told him I loved him - even if it was always in my "I kind of love you" way. The one I do so nobody will follow me to do friends-to-lovers. Does any of that even matter now?

What did I learn?

Nothing.

Because you don’t "learn" from this kind of thing. Learning would mean you get to apply the lesson and treat them better. But you can’t. They’re gone. Gone and gone.

I’m keeping this here so I can always remember you, Mimi. And because you loved when I wrote to you. Thank you for the friendship you gave. Thank you for being the friend you were.

I’m happy you died in a good place with your Maker. I’m happy you lived - even if it feels like it was only for a fleeting moment. At the burial, I overheard someone talking about how hard you fought, and weirdly, it made me proud.

I’m proud of you.

I love you. Miss you.

The same med school I used to rant to you about will soon be over, and you won’t even know, mehn.

Bye.

See you.

---

PS: I would have dropped a whole "10 things you should do" list, but omo, you know what to do. Just love so much that you’re left with grief and not guilt. Doesn't make it better definitely but at least you can live with knowing you loved them as much as you could.

Write people their tributes when they can read them. What's the point in reading it when they are not there to hear it?

Give them flowers when they still have working noses. In fact, plant them a garden - just do it while they can see it.

It won’t matter when they’re not around anymore.

I love you, in Nigerian Parlance.

Onah Grace — Sun, 08 Feb 2026 18:57:11 GMT

If you grew up in a typical Nigerian home, Igbo or Efik or Kanuri, whatever tribe really, you can probably count on one hand the number of times you heard your family say I love you. And please, if you were given forehead kisses at bedtime, kindly sit this one out. This one is not about you.

In my house, we don’t say I love you, we don't use such fickle words. We say, “If you like, leave your clothes outside again when rain wants to fall and see if I will bring it inside for you.”

We say, “I left yam for you in the pot, but it’s just two, so hurry and eat.”

We plug your phone when you sleep off with it on the couch, and no, it’s not because of love. It’s because we know there might not be light in the morning.

And before you blame anybody, wasn’t this how we were all taught?

Taught by parents who sent you money and said “Remain blessed” instead of I love you, because isn’t any reasonable child supposed to know they are loved after receiving pocket money? Parents who cooked your favourite food whenever they knew you were coming home, and still never said those three words out loud. Parents who worked day and night to give you the future they knew you deserved, but somehow couldn’t bring themselves to say that eight-letter phrase.

I find it funny how this natural conservativeness eventually follows us everywhere. It shows up in our parenting, eventually. Shows up in our friendships. We’re raised not to show too much, not to care too loudly. So we simply don’t. What do you mean you’re randomly texting your friend I love you? On a hot afternoon? Is the person sick? Are they dying?

And no, contrary to popular opinion, I don’t think it’s a bad thing—this conservativeness, this habit of showing without telling. After all, don’t they say actions speak louder than words? I don’t think it’s a flaw. I think it’s part of what makes us who we are. One of those quiet quirks that somehow makes us all the more lovely.

Can we be more expressive? Should we break “generational trauma” and actually say the words instead of assuming showing is enough? By all means, yes, we can. Yes, we should.

But next time your dad says “Bless you” when you tell him I love you, I hope you smile, knowing fully well that the man just said I love you too. And next time you find your phone charged to one hundred percent in the morning even though your data has been completely hotspotted, I hope you smile and recognise it for what it is: love, shining through in its own language.

So, how do you people say I love you in your family? I’d really love to hear.

Forehead kisses children, please stay out of the comments.

Cheers to a beautiful year?

Onah Grace — Sun, 01 Feb 2026 16:53:04 GMT

Sneaks in like pikin wey thief peak milk. I can explain, I promise. Just stay with me.

On one of my birthdays, I was praying about the new year and the word that came was “A perfect year.” Early that same morning, someone sent me a birthday message, and she mentioned it too. I was so elated. So excited. I almost couldn’t wait. I mean, a perfect year was going to be perfect, right?

Oh well. Let’s just say perfect is relative. Because omooo. That particular year was…thinking about it now, I just dey chuckle. I literally fell to my knees in despair, cos of how everything was going.

After the perfect year, I had another period where the word was beauty. There was even a timeline. Again, I was excited. Beauty? Ohh, okay, so literally, things would start to bloom and take shape and all of that. Within that timeline, something significant happened. And yes, it was a good thing, but no, it wasn’t the beauty I was expecting.

But this time around, I had better perspective. I started to realise that the beauty in question was most likely not going to be literal, or more like not going to be what I expected it to be. So I looked out for it in different places. I kept my eyes open and my heart receptive. With time, I started to see it. Even before I got to the end of the year. I saw beauty in different things. In how I was exposed to situations I needed to stretch me. In how I received tremendous help at every step. In how there was a constant supply of strength. How I made so many new connections and more impact.

Somewhere along the line also, it hit me that that my perfect year was actually perfect. Perfect because in the middle of everything that was happening, I had this strong feeling that I was in the right place. I just couldn’t shake it off. Perfect because I kept seeing dots connect and lines fall into place, and every time, I was reminded that maybe a perfect year is not perfect because everything goes smoothly, but perfect because there’s alignment and you're in the right place, even if that right place is a fiery furnace.

Maybe a perfect year is not perfect because everything goes smoothly, but perfect because there’s alignment.

So this year, when my Pastor was making a prayer and said, you’ll have an excellent year, I said Amen. And in a conference some days later, the speaker was talking about how that excellence is basically living life how God wants it lived, it made so much sense.

So I know now that a beautiful year is only beautiful if it is beautiful in the sight of God. And an excellent year is only excellent, not because there was excellence, even though there should be, but because it was lived according to plan.

A beautiful year is only beautiful if it is beautiful in the sight of God. And an excellent year is only excellent because it was lived according to plan.

I don’t know what a beautiful year would look like for you, but here’s me wishing you a beautiful year, in every sense of the word. A beautiful and an excellent year. And the accompanying strength you’ll need.

I pray you find an oasis in the desert and wells in dry lands. I pray you have help and clarity for every step and that you're aligned and right in the center of God's will for your life.

Amen.

I'd love to hear you. What would a beautiful year look like for you?

A little housekeeping…

I’m really, really grateful to those of you that have been here since day one. Thank you for not giving up on me. I know some of you probably just forgot to unsubscribe because you weren’t even seeing anything, just kidding, just kidding, thank you still.

Why did I stop? Life. Life and things. Men and things were doing. Long story for another day. Would definitely share, so help me God.

There’s also the part where every two market days I’m looking for where to buy niche, but omo, you people will collect general merchandise. So that I’ll stop using niche as excuse.

If you're new, welcomeeee. So glad to have you here. I'll still do a proper introduction. I was thinking of a cool one liner intro to add to this thing but it's not flowing so let's leave it till the proper introduction.

This one is for Chisom Chime, and all the times she came to my DM to ask me why I'm not posting. And trust me they were a lott. Thank youuu.

Merry Klismasss.

Onah Grace — Sun, 25 Dec 2022 13:21:39 GMT

If you're still signed up here, you're definitely the kind of friend/lover everybody needs in their life.

I left you here with all the cobwebs and you still stayed? Nah. It's giving true love. Thank you so much for staying. Means a lot to me to be honest.

I just thought to check in to know how you're doing and you know, just say hi. And oh, Merry Christmas too.

So, what's up? How are you? What has been going on in your life? I know you didn't ask but I still didn't snap pyjamas picture this year o. Toh. But it's well. Delay is not Delilah.

Let's get to you…

Merry Christmas, dear friend.

Whether you're spending the Christmas alone or with friends or family, I want you to have fun and enjoy yourself. To bask in the joy that the season brings.

‘Tis a season to be happy and merry. I hope nothing steals your joy. May it be full and overflowing from deep within your heart.

I hope too, that you never forget that you're one of the reasons why we're here. Why we're celebrating. For God so loved you, that He gave his only begotten son. Just for you.

Love no dey pass like this.

I hope you accept this love in its fullness. I hope you soak it in.

Merry Klismasss! I'm sending you love and light and a warm hug.❤️

PS: I'll do better henceforth. I really will. Thank you for staying.

Valentine Don Reach Las Las.

Onah Grace — Sun, 14 Feb 2021 12:01:24 GMT

As at 12pm today, I was still wondering if I should write to you or not. I finally stopped wondering and started writing this. Shame shame shame to Uncle Procrastination. Whines my stiff waist.

Happy Valentines Day, dear fan. Sorry, I meant Garri Banger. That was the name we chose right? Lol.

If you have issues with Valentines don't bother reading through, you hear? But if you don't...we meuvee!

Love is actually a beautiful thing friend. I know this sounds cliche but trust me, love really is beautiful.

One day, you meet someone and you realize you would do anything for this person. It's beautiful tbh. Wipes imaginary tears.

What makes it even more beautiful is that it will reach all of us. It will. Cos I know I would someday find someone who loves garri as much as I do. Someone who wouldn't mind adopting 10 kids or more. I know.

So, if you're spending today alone, remember I said it would reach everyone. Even if e no reach you this year, next year still dey.

Don't put yourself under undue pressure. Don't let anything make you settle for less than you deserve. Nwanne, it's God when and not God anyhow. Relax, you'll get what you deserve. Just be willing and open when it comes.

To those that have someone already, I'm so happy for you and I pray that what you have lasts forever. Just take it easy with the oppression today plix.

Remember, there's one whose love cannot be compared to any other. One who is the prototype for love. One who loved us all so much that he gave his only son. Who has seen this kind of love before?

Never forget that He loves you. Desperately. Furiously. Intensely. And all he wants is for you to accept this love that He freely offers. Trust me, no one can love you the way He does. They can only try. He is Love Himself! Accept his love today.

Sending you Love and Light...as always.

Let me go back to my awwwing and God whening on Twitter. It's single I single, I did not steal fowl. Btw, you should follow me dear. See link below. T for Tenks.

Follow me on Twitter here:

Peek Into My Head.

Onah Grace — Thu, 04 Feb 2021 17:32:04 GMT

Hello dear, it's been a minute. What have you been up to? How's the harmattan treating you?

I've been good o. Apart from this evil harmattan that keeps drying me up. Sobs.

What have I been up to? I joined a writing community (the same one that organised the challenge where I wrote to you everyday last month). One of my first tasks is to write a user manual for myself. I hope this gives you a clear glance into the awesomeness that I am. Kidding not kidding.

Okay, let's get right into it.

The first set of questions are focused on me:

What Are Some Honest, Unfiltered Things About You?

• I love God and everything he created; Nature being the most beautiful of them. Then babies, cats and pups in that order. I see God as Father. I also enjoy church especially worship concerts a whole lot!

• I am an amazing overthinker. It's funny how I actually set time apart for this thinking marathon. I can just lie on my bed and begin to think of things that may never happen in the next hundred years.

Sometimes, this can be unhealthy in itself but I try to steer my thoughts towards positive things only.

From another angle, this overthinking helps to shield me from shock because, beforehand I must have thought about it already. You cannot shock the shockless yunno?

• I love people but I love my space. Do you get? I'll explain. I really love human interaction; the whole being around people, talking and laughing. But, deep down in my heart I'd rather be alone, brooding with my thoughts. It's confusing but that's just how I am. So, what I do is, occasionally I just withdraw and kind of recharge.

• I can be extremely very self sufficient cause I hate to feel like I'm being a bother. It's the very bottom for me. I'm the kind of person that would be dying from a terminal sickness but still won't want to tell anyone cos I feel I'd be bothering them.

Even things as slight as talking to people when I'm down is very hard for me. I'd rather just chest it and get through somehow somehow. Or even when I tell, I'll just make light of it so they don't give it too much thought. So far so good, it's been working for me tho.

• Helping people is something I find most fulfilling. Something I can devote my entire being for. I'm yet to find something that brings me so much joy, besides babysitting that is.

• Having deep conversations is one of my favorite pastimes. Times spent talking with the people close to me is something I cherish. I could go on and on just sitting there...listening to them and talking only when I need to.

• I am extremely anti- confrontational. It's one of the hardest things for me to do- confront people that is. I'd rather just get it off my mind. I've realised that this is not always helpful so I'm learning now to confront people as much as I can. I'm not yet there but we getting there.

• I love to affirm people but I can't do same for myself. If anything, I think I'm way harder on myself than anybody else in the world. I like to think that if I believe in myself half as much as some people do, I'll create things that'll blow my own mind. But irris warrit is.

What Drives You Nuts?

•Entitlement. Staying around people that always feel entitled drives me nuts. Literally. Nobody owes you shit, fam!

•Seeing people who treat people according to their class. The whole If they're way up, it's okay to be nice to them but when it comes to those lower, it's okay to treat them like dust. I honestly think that this right here, is a very shitty attitude.

•Rudeness too.

•People who are manipulative. Urghh. Thinking about it alone is driving me nuts.

What Are Your Quirks?

•I tend to be very self defensive when confronted with my flaws. Lately, I realised that I don't even know when I do this anymore. It's like reflex. My eyes just bulge out from their sockets and I begin to list rational reasons why I did what I did, instead of just accepting that I was in the wrong. It's terrible I know. Working on it.

• I can be very indecisive over something as little as a book to buy. And each time this happens, my next instinct is to act on impulse because that's the only way I would ever get to make a choice.

•Is drinking garri at midnight a quirk? Cos lately I've found out that I cannot sleep unless I drink garri. I've found myself doing this as late as 2am (Don't tell my Daddy please. Sobs.) Truth be told, I highly doubt if this is normal.

How Can People Earn An Extra Gold Star With You?

•Kindness. I really appreciate people who make efforts to be kind to others around them.

•Thoughtfulness. When people do things they know I'll like tho I'll never ask.

What Qualities Do You Particularly Value In People Who Work With You?

• Dedication to duty. I love working with people who are committed to see that the work is done.

• Passion. There's just something about people who are passionate about what they do that makes me really happy.

• Innovativeness: Bring some innovation to the table, fam. Think of better ways we can get the work done. Routine is honestly boring.

What Are Some Things That People Might Misunderstand About You That You Should Clarify?

• I tend to talk a lot on paper. I'm not that loud in real life, writing just has a way of bringing out the sass talkative in me.

The next set of questions are more focused on how I interact with others:

How Do You Coach People To Do Their Best Work And Develop Their Talents?

• Firstly, by getting them to love what they do. Reminding them that If they don't do so, they might never find fulfilment in it.

• Teaching them to express theirselves freely. To think outside the box.

• Providing a conducive environment where they are free to contribute their thoughts knowing that it counts.

•Helping them discover their strong points and work on it.

What’s The Best Way To Communicate With You?

Get me talking about something I'm passionate about, we'd talk for ages.

Start a deep and reflecting conversation. Better still, rant to me about yourself, I'm a pretty good listener.

What’s The Best Way To Convince You To Do Something?

Rash doesn't work with me. Soft does. Calmly explain to me why I have to do that thing and how it would help others. Don't bother trying to pressurise me into doing it. That's all and I'll do whatever you bid.

How Do You Like To Give Feedback.

I like to give feedback in a way that it doesn't make the other person feel bad. I'm certainly not the person that'll tell you how it is. I'll just find a way to encourage you and then show you where it can be better.

How Do You Like To Get Feedback.

Same way I like to give it. Don't make me feel bad about it. Just acknowledge the work I've done and show me how I can do it better.

I've talked too much again. Anyways, I trust this has given you a glimpse into all I am. I like to think that I'm quite interesting. Smiles gleefully. Believe it or yes.

Answering these questions was kind of clarifying and therapeutic for me. You should try them yourself.

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We should find a name soon, don't you think so? Maybe something like the Garri Benders. How you see am?

I Finally Found The Hack!

Onah Grace — Sat, 30 Jan 2021 18:44:26 GMT

For centuries, men have been on the hunt for a hack that helps you stay consistent. Many have gone on this hunt and returned empty handed but I went and I conquered.

For 30 days, I have written and published here for you to read. It has been anything but easy to be honest. But, it was in doing so that I found this hack and I have no regrets whatsoever.

I'm sure you're probably rolling your eyes and getting annoyed as to why I don't want to spill already. Hehehe. Would you beat me kwanu? LOL.

Don't mind me. Here is the hack.

The hack to being consistent is being consistent.

I'll say it again.

The hack to being consistent is being consistent.

There's no other shortcut dear, I'm sorry.

If you want to write consistently for 30 days, the only way to go around it is to actually WRITE.

If you want to design consistently for 30 days, the only way to go around it is to actually DESIGN. Yes, that's it.

Long talk will get you nowhere. Action will.

Oh and yeah, put a structure that will be able to keep you in check.

For me this structure was my boss- Ajewole Oluwatoni. Lead Tutor at Smart Academy.

Honestly, there were actually days when I didn't want to write anything talkless of publishing. But then, I'll just remember him and grudgingly write for the day. Please don't tell him I said grudgingly.

So, it actually helps to have a structure that would keep you in place. It really does.

An accountability partner can also help you with this. Make sure it's somebody firm and not somebody you can easily cajole into letting you be lazy. Find somebody that fit commot your teeth if you misbehave.

So that's that for that.

I've told you three major things today.

To develop consistency, you actually have to be consistent. There is no shortcut around it.

Find a structure that would help keep you in place.

Getting an accountability partner can also be a very good way to stay in check.

And here we draw the curtains. A round of applause, please? Thank you, thank you! That's okay.

I just want to use this opportunity to give a shout out to all my fans reading this right now. Omo! You guys are the best. Thanks for the massive love, comments, shares and all.

I regret to announce that the giveaway I planned would no longer be holding. E be things. Just know that my God will bless you for me.

This is not a farewell note o. I'll still be writing to you. Once a week? Twice a week? I don't know, I'm still thinking. Anyhow sha, I'll let you know before anybody else cos you be my person. Winks.

So, Ciao Adios...for a while.

Sending you Love and Light and Warm Hugs and Chilled Garri if you like.

PS: Which of my articles in this challenge was your favorite. I'm just curious.

PSS: Leave me a sweet note, a love letter or anything, lemme blush.

It's Okay To Give Up.

Onah Grace — Fri, 29 Jan 2021 16:59:47 GMT

Everyday, we hear people say don't give up, don't give up. Sometimes, even when you're obviously crumbling under the weight of whatever it is you're going through, you still hear people urge you to keep at it and not give up. Somebody cannot just give up in peace. SMH.

It's not a bad thing in itself but then, certainly, there must be a time when it's okay to give up. A time when you just damn everything and give up with your full chest.

When then should you give up? I'll tell you…

It's okay to give up when your methods are not yielding results. You've tried this method over and again yet nothing to show for it? Give up. Do it with your full chest dear.

Don't stay there and keep shouting I won't give up, I won't give up.

Nwanne, give up!

Give up and go and try another method. If the previous one was not working then, certainly, something was wrong somewhere. Find that thing, work on it and see yourself produce better results.

It's okay to give up. Give up to be better.

❤️&💡

Click the button below to share with your friends that need to give up too.

PS: Just so you know, tomorrow is the last day of this challenge. Yipee! I have mixed feelings tho. I've really enjoyed writing to you everyday for the past few weeks. Every moment we've shared together is imprinted in my heart. Sobs. Don't mind me, I'm just being dramatic.

But honestly, thank you for following up till now. I'll miss writing to you everyday. In case if you were about to ask, I'll still write to you. Definitely not everyday again but as frequently as I can.

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Love and Light and Warm Hugs for the Harmattan.❤️

Rub a lip balm too. It helps.

Valentine Gift Ideas.

Onah Grace — Thu, 28 Jan 2021 16:19:29 GMT

If you're single and you opened this post, there's a very high chance that it's because of your stubbornness that you're still single. Ordinary don't open something, you won't hear.

It's barely 3 weeks to Valentine and everywhere is already rowdy. It's amazing really. Anyways, that's not why I'm writing to you. I just say lemme suggest for you gifts you can buy for the LOYL. Gifts that'll sweep them off their feet and right into your heart where they belong. Plays soft music in background.

1. Chocolate.

Nobody hates chocolate or maybe I've just not seen anyone who does. I honestly do not think anybody hates chocolate. So, buy them Chocolate and carve yourself a place in their heart.

Chocolate is a symbol of love, happiness, relaxation, joy, optimism, and good times.
It's Google that said this one o.

2. Cassava flakes.

Cassava flakes are an amazing way to express your love. It leaves an imprint in the heart of your significant other.

These cassava flakes are best accompanied with nuts, ice and milk. Just get the entire combo and have it sent to them and watch them fall over and again for you.

3. Kuli Kuli.

Another amazing gift that would make the LOYL speechless. What can be more romantic than getting Kuli Kuli delivered to your doorstep on the 14th? Nothing!

They would love you more than ever before. Just try it and see.

4. Matching clothes.

It's a season of love and wearing matching clothes is just the perfect way to show this love.

Buy Adire 3 yards and sow something stunning. If the 3 yards did not contain, you people should sow only one one shirt and wear it with black trouser.

5. Daily Guide.

This year, everybody must draw closer to the Lord. Yes, they must. Buy the LOYL Daily Guide for their spiritual edification and progress. Jesus would be so proud of you. That's the Lord work you're doing right there friend. Ohh! Imagine the number of stars that will bedeck your crown in heaven. Hallelujah!

I really hope you find these gift ideas useful. I trust you would. I only wish I could be there to capture the smile on their face when you give it to them.

PS: What would you like for Valentine? Don't be shy. You never can tell who is reading.

If I Am Made President Of Nigeria (Unpopular Edition)

Onah Grace — Wed, 27 Jan 2021 12:48:34 GMT

1. I'll make suya a national meal.

Suya will be served at every national event. Be it Independence day celebration or House of Assembly meetings. Wahala for who no gree chop.

2. I'll change the color of the national flag.

Which one is Green, White and Green. Who thought of that color sef? Green? Tueh!

Abeg, I'll change the color to something more captivating. Something like beige, emerald green and onyx black. Or cockroach brown and peacock blue.

3. I'll change the national anthem.

I'll start by changing the beat to highlife. Imagine school children dancing to highlife at the assembly? E make abi? I know sha. Might also add a rap solo in between.

4. I'll appoint a minister for food and chop life.

This minister would be in charge of ensuring that there is always enough food for the citizens.

There'd also be yearly garri festivals where winners of the garri tournament go home with a sac of garri and a painter of groundnut.

These are just a few of the many things I'll do if I'm made president. I'm a woman of integrity and as such promise to keep true to my words.

With the following points of mine, I hope I have convinced you as to why you need to vote for me in 2027.

PS: You were thinking I'll say build new roads? LOL. Alaye rest abeg. If you get there, go and build the roads yourself.

You Go Dey Alright.

Onah Grace — Tue, 26 Jan 2021 10:55:31 GMT

When you're going through a hard time, it's normal for you to hear people say things like everything happens for a reason.

You'd also probably hear things like all things work together for good and the other cliche encouraging statements. Funnily enough, it's always easier to say these things than be at the receiving end. LOL. Story for another day.

To be honest, it's really hard to believe that everything happens for a reason. Really hard. You have a lot of questions lurking in your heart. So many doubts too. But then, we believe because the one who holds the full blueprint says so.

We're able to trust because He sees the end from the beginning. So, if he says this thing would work out for our good, we can only believe. Do we even have an option when we don't see the full picture ourselves?

It's safe to trust him. Don't be afraid to take the plunge.

You don't see the full picture so you might as well trust the one who does.

If He says it'll turn around for your good, surely it will. You may not see how, you may not know when. You don't even need to know how, just trust.

It's not going to be easy but, trust still.

—————————————————

So, we are convinced that every detail of our lives is continually woven together to fit into God’s perfect plan of bringing good into our lives, for we are his lovers who have been called to fulfill his designed purpose.

Romans 8:28 TPT

https://bible.com/bible/1849/rom.8.28.TPT

Every detail! The hurts, the pain, the rejections, the failures, they are all continually woven together to fit into God's perfect plan for us.

One day, everything would finally make sense. Trust me, it will. You'll finally understand the reason behind those trials. You'll finally be able to admit that indeed, all the pain was for your good.

Till that day comes, keep believing. Keep trusting. You go dey alright las las.

Sending you Love, Light and Divine Strength... as always.❤️

Bia Nwokem, Rise up!

Onah Grace — Mon, 25 Jan 2021 09:45:28 GMT

Hey friend! What's up?

It's another Monday. A good day to remind you to aspire to acquire what you desire yen yen yen.

But, you know what? I won't tell you any of that.

How long would you wait for someone to motivate you? How long will you lie there looking all helpless?

How long would it take before you stop waiting for someone to tell you not to give up on those dreams? How long?

Wo! I'm not here to beg you. Go and give up! Yes, I said it. Give up!

You think it's me you're doing? You think it's my future you're toying with?

You're on your own o. This world has no space for failures. There is no compensation for failure, none at all.

Nobody has strength to pick you up. You better stand up and wipe your buttocks and be going. Yes, stand up and be going.

The world is not going to stop moving just because you failed. You're not that important. I am not either. It's left to you to stand up and continue moving.

I don't know how you will do it but just do it. Do it for yourself. You owe yourself that much.

No matter what has happened, it's time to dust your bumbum and rise up. Rise up like a phoenix from the ashes. Rise up!

You've been on the ground for too long jare. How many months now? It haff do.

By the way, you are not your failure. Yes, you are not. Stop beating yourself up too much. Rise up and get to work. It'll get better. I promise you, it will. Just rise.

................

PS: It's not like I'm shouting o, I just hate seeing you on the ground like that. So I'll say it softly this time... Rise up darling, the world is waiting. Can't you see your fans out there cheering? Rise and take your place in history. Rise! You can do it.

Sending you Love and Light and Divine Strength.

What is Love?

Onah Grace — Sun, 24 Jan 2021 14:02:03 GMT

If you asked me what love was at age 1, I'd tell you it's having a mum who breastfeeds you even before you ask. A mum that changes your diapers and wears you cozy sweaters. A dad that let's you do piggy rides on his back.

If you asked me what love was at age 5, I'd tell you that love is having a mum who wakes you up to pee so you don't pee on the bed. That love is having a dad who buys me ice cream, dolls, shoes and pink dresses.

If you asked me what love was at age 9, I'd say it's having a best friend who wore matching sweaters with me.

If you asked me what love was at age 15, I'd say it's probably those rumblings in my stomach whenever Jay walked into the class. The flutters in my heart whenever he asked me if I had an extra pen.

If you asked me what love was now, I'd tell you that it's drinking cold garri on a hot afternoon and savouring every slurp. I'd tell you love is that thing you feel when you chew suya. The bliss that makes you close your eyes and savour every bite.

Amidst all this, I've seen a love that's greater. Greater than the "chilliest" garri or the most seasoned suya. Greater than the love of a mum and dad. Greater than the butterflies in my tummy.

Greater than anything man could offer. That love is the love of Christ. It's a love that gives, a love that forgives even the vilest of sinners. A love that heals hearts. This is love. Love in it's purest form.

Good news is, it's offered freely for you too, just accept it!

❤️&💡

Would You Take A Drive With Me Down Memory Lane?

Onah Grace — Sat, 23 Jan 2021 15:37:12 GMT

Hey friend, what's been popping? Hope you're cool?

Ready for the drive? You have your seatbelts strapped right? Okay. Let's go.

Childhood for me was fun. So many wonderful memories, some good, some bad, but wonderful nonetheless. It's strange how I can remember even things that happened when I was 4. Am I the only one like that? I hope not.

So much cutenezz😩. Btw, I was roughly 3 here.

My favorite pastime as a child was listening to stories and reading them. God being a sweetheart and a master planner, gave me a Dad who is an amazing storyteller. My best times growing up were those times after dinner where we curled up at his feet and listened to him tell us stories after stories.

Thinking about it now, many of these stories were not exactly true. I mean, this man told us that the moon drinks coke! And to think that I believed. SMH. Anyways, you wouldn't blame me. I had no reason not to.

I loved reading stories even more than I loved listening to them. I could stay in a room all day reading a novel. It won't even cross my mind to get food. Whenever I was sweeping and came across any book, I won't touch the broom again till I'm done. This particular one got on my mum's nerves a lot. There were times she'd feel like cutting my head off. LOL.

Then one day I did something that stunned even my very self. I was reading this very interesting novel. It was such a page turner that I couldn't afford to drop it. Guess what I did? I read this book all the way home. I was literally trekking under the sun and reading this novel.

My mum didn't catch me but her friend did. This woman went home and told her everything in details. When I came back home, my mother treated the ment. Since that day, I have not tried that advanced level of stupidness again. I can't even try it.

I still love reading novels but I'm not that addicted anymore. I plan to read at most 60 this year though. I won't mind recommendations.

Another thing I loved was garri. I still do. LOL. I legit finished drinking garri a few minutes ago. Our love is one that never dies. So, see what happened, my dad had warned me about taking garri alot. But, being the stronghead I am, I didn't hear.

One unfortunate night, I woke up and sneaked to the parlour to make garri. It's not like I didn't eat night food o. It was just the devil. I promise you I was as quiet as mice but then, my father walked in on me with the plate of garri in my hand.

Me, staring at my father like….

I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me and my garri. But that was not to happen because in the next few seconds, I received one of the most outstanding slaps ever. At that point, I wasn't even seeing anything. I just jejely dropped the garri and walked back to my room. I cried till I slept off. I'd say that one of the best things about adulthood is that now I can make garri even by 2am without any fears whatsoever. Thank God my daddy won't see this. LOL.

I could go on and on about many other memories I have from my childhood but I'll stop here. Also, I'll love to hear from you. What were your most outstanding moments? What moment is stuck in your head? What did you love to do as a child? Tell me something. Anything. I'm listening.

❤️&💡

I Have A Confession To Make.

Onah Grace — Fri, 22 Jan 2021 13:10:18 GMT

Okay, I know I wrote to you few days ago saying that you should write for one person and not for likes or comments. But you see ee, let me tell you the truth, that thing is not easy. It's not easy at all. It's easier said than done.

Somedays, I post these newsletters only to come and see just 2 likes and I'm like Omo! What's goin on nau?

I try to remind myself that I'm writing this for you but, I won't lie, it gets really discouraging. Very discouraging. Sometimes I'm tempted to ask if it's worth it. Deep down in my heart I know it is sha, but you get?

I wistfully imagine what it would feel like to wake up to 200 likes, 50 shares and 100 comments. You know that kind thing nah? I know I should not but I do and then get disappointed when I see my whooping 5 likes. LOL.

I've made a mental note to stop it. To be grateful for every single view or share my newsletter gets. To know that it's not about the applause but the effect it leaves on hearts. To be satisfied even if it's just one heart that's touched.

By the way, for all it's worth, I'm grateful for you that's reading this now. At least even if nobody else reads you will... wouldn't you? I know you would. Thank you for being my die-hard fan. I should sign you an autograph one of these days. LOL.

So, this is me promising you that I'll keep writing. That I'll remind myself always that I'm writing for you and not for some fickle likes. Who cares about likes anyways? Rolls eyes. You my dear, are worth more than a thousand likes. Winks.

Till I write to you again, stay safe.
❤️&💡

PS: If there's anything you'd love me to write to you about, please, do tell me.

PPS: Just so you know, I know this letter is between us but I totally won't mind if you share this with somebody else. At least I get to write to them too.

PPPS: LOL. I just added this one for the fun of it. Bye!

PPPPS: You know you won't die if you like this post abi?

For The Weary Heart...

Onah Grace — Thu, 21 Jan 2021 12:55:05 GMT

Hey friend! Hope you're fine?

I was awake very early this morning. I mean as early as 4am. If you know me well, you'll know that this is no mean feat. Remind me later so I'll tell you what kept me awake.

Well, I'm sure you've heard the saying that it gets darkest just before dawn. I always thought this was cliche until I saw it for myself.

I've tried this experiment several times and each time, the outcome remained constant. The experiment is this, I checked how bright the sky was at 4am. It was just fairly bright. And then, I checked again at 5am. You would think it would be brighter as you progress, wouldn't you?

But no, that was not the case. By 5, everywhere seemed to get darker, way darker than before. But then, just as the day began to dawn, that darkness gave way for the most beautiful sunrise. It was so breathtaking to watch.

I'll tell you why I narrated this. Many times, we go through things in life only to get to a point where it seems like things just got darker. It's normal. This is only but an indication that dawn is on its way.

No matter how dark it gets, friend, I want you to remember that it's always darkest just before dawn. Things would get harder just before they get better. Don't let the darkness make you despair. Don't let it make you want to throw in the trowel. Don't!

Just hang on a little more. Yes, hang on. Your dawn will come and it'll be beautiful. It'll erase all the memories of darkness. Hang on!

Sending love and light to everyone going through dark moments right now. I pray your dawn comes...and quickly too.

❤️&💡

PS: I think the sunrise is one of the most beautiful things that God created. Omo! What a beaut!

It's Okay To Be You.

Onah Grace — Wed, 20 Jan 2021 15:48:21 GMT

I've always loved people who have a flair for handcrafts. I've always been intrigued by how they could create a beautiful piece out of scraps, how they could weave things so intricately to form a beautiful design.

I tried my hands at some but I always seemed to be too clumsy to produce anything worth admiring. I even tried learning to crochet. It took me like a hundred years just to be able to stitch well. I always wondered how other people found it so easy.

I loved pottery too. Our arts teacher made it so easy but everytime I tried, I just ended up muddling clay and paper mash together.

Drawing? I wasn't any better. My love for it wasn't enough to make me able to draw. My few attempts at painting were also really horrible.

Name any handcraft you know- bead making, hair making, tailoring, I suck at them. At a point, I began to wonder if something was wrong with me. Why couldn't I be as skillful as the people around me. Why?

Eventually, I had to accept that this handcraft thing is not for me. To accept that I'll never be that perfect crocheter or that skillful hair dresser (I can't even weave to save my life).

The realization hurt but I just had to tell myself that I had tried. It was time to focus on what I knew how to do and leave what I couldn't do. So what I did was, I focused more on writing. At least, thank God I knew how to write. I began to pour my energy and everything into it, to get skilled in it.

I still have a very long way to go but, I'm not where I was before. I'm seeing improvement in my writing daily and it makes me so glad. Secondly, I've accepted that maybe handcrafts will never be my thing but then, writing could actually be my thing and that's okay for me.

I'll tell you to do the same thing. Stop forcing those things that don't come to you naturally. Stop! Focus on the one that does. Throw your weight into it and aim for the top.

Find your thing and do it. Don't be that cheetah that envies the bird flying without realizing that he's an excellent runner.

It's okay to not know how to do some things. It's okay to be an awful crocheter. LOL, it is. Just be you. It's okay to be you!

How To Relocate To Canada With Just 10k.

Onah Grace — Tue, 19 Jan 2021 16:12:50 GMT

First of all, I must congratulate you for taking the bold step to leave for greener pastures. It's a move worthy of commendation. We need more people like you to go abroad and change the narrative. When you people get there, please help us and melt the snow so we can join later.

Here is a step by step procedure on how you can relocate to Canada with just 10k.

1. Buy data.

I'll tell you what you'll do with this data. Use it and upload subtle snippets that show your time here in Nigeria is over.

Captions like, 'Canada in a bit,' 'Canada fam, what's the temperature today?' You can also add Canadian flag to your bio. Just a little hint ear and dear.

2. Buy clothes.

You know we are not used to cold so, you'll have to buy clothes you'll use to keep yourself warm.

Another issue is that you have only 10k so, you'll have to buy these clothes from bend-down select. Clothes you'd need- sweaters, waterproof coats, gloves, scarves and thick socks. Also, buy a hat to complete the abroad look.

3. Throw a moving away party.

It's not easy to take the decision to travel out so you gats to celebrate. Invite family and friends. Buy them drinks and suya from that 10k. Give out house appliances you can't travel with. Then, kneel down as they pray for you.

4. Pack your luggage.

After all said and done, pack your luggage for the D-DAY. Make sure you don't leave anything important behind. Add eggroll you'll be eating inside the aeroplane, just in case.

5. Time to leave.

It's finally time to leave for good. Your future is finally on it's way to becoming bright. Congratulations dear.

Drive to the airport early. You don't want to miss your flight, do you? I bet you don't.

When you get to the airport, you'll see one aeroplane that the conductor is shouting "Canada, Canada, one way." Enter and sit by the window where you'll be watching the clouds.

Safe landing as you travel, dear. Snap pictures and post so we can also aspire to acquire like you.

Ciao Adios!

❤️&💡