Why have we normalised the idea that we must endure constant pain just to earn a good life?

Well, life has been incredibly tough lately—so overwhelming that it feels unfathomable. But obviously, "we push," right? "It’s going to be okay," right? Honestly, I am tired of hearing all these feel-better clichés. This piece is just a fruit of my thoughts.

There is really no reason to be born just to suffer. Enduring pain simply because "it’s part of life"—who even came up with that? I swear my mind speaks much better than what I am able to type out here. I don’t even know if this is going to make sense, but then again, should it?

There is more to life than romanticising pain and suffering. Why can’t I just be happy without losing myself first? Why must I bear pain in order to become stronger? Why should I feel the urge to let go of the things I normally love just to keep my life in order? None of it makes sense. Every single day, I come to the realisation of how exhausting it all is.

Bophelo keng?

We define life in so many different ways. I believe that when you find yourself trying to extract meaning from your own life by comparing it to someone else's, you invite constant contradiction. We often feel lost, not just because we don’t know what we are doing, but because we recognize the adversity of life and still feel like we must emulate someone who looks like they "have it all." What about your unique perspective? What about your own self-worth? You can be anything you want to be in this world—as unique and extraordinary as possible. Our biggest obstacle is simply that little devil whispering in our heads: "What are people going to say?" How do you stop that voice from becoming your own?

What triggered this title—Struggling as a trial to a better life—is the constant pressure we feel, face, and normalise. Perhaps it is in human nature to endure pain, but is it really necessary? What should a person do to avoid, or rather prevent, the absurdity of "no pain, no gain"? What do you mean I should feel the urge to give up but choose not to because "the best results come from hard work and dedication"? If that dedication requires me to go to bed with a heavy heart and wake up questioning why am I doing this all over again, then I am definitely dropping the ball right there. Why should the results require so much suffering?

"What's the meaning of human life if it could just end in one day, in just a blink of an eye?"

— Zara, (The Sheep Detectives)

We know life could end at any moment. Yet, we still find ourselves carrying heavy weights on our shoulders—trying to fix past mistakes, trying to please people, trying to prove we aren't who they think we are. We try to be the golden goose for our families, friendships, and relationships. But in the middle of all that processing, guess who lies in bed wishing it would all just stop? You.

So why do you keep letting it happen? Why do you always have to be the understanding one? Why should you be the one experiencing the pain? Your goal is simply to be happy and have a good life, so why must all the good stuff come tied to problems? Why must we cry before we win? What is this life?

I am pro-Stoic. If things are out of my control, why should I stress about them? Life is so full of obstacles that the moment you try to escape one, you fall into five more. Why should my life be so rigidly fixed? Why should I plan everything ahead and expect perfect results? Why should it feel like I am constantly chasing after happiness? The phrase "I do not chase, I attract" shouldn't just apply to relationships. You shouldn't have to chase after a "better life" when you can see that what comes with it is unbearable. Relax. Don’t be lazy, of course—just relax and work at your own pace. You shouldn’t rush just because someone you know has it better at 23; you don’t even know the true backstory of their life. Be your own self. Define your own identity.

Eventually, you’ll feel better if you are doing something you actually like, and if you are basing your life on the things that bring you joy. What you find normal shouldn't depend on what the next person says. Life is too broad to spend it doing the exact same thing as everyone else. Again, be unique. Being different doesn’t make you abnormal. What you find perfectly fit for your life doesn't necessarily need to make sense to anyone else.

Struggling shouldn’t be the automatic indicator of a better life.

The Bible is a mutli-genre historical text that reflects the specific era in which it was written in. I believe the people who wrote the Bible experienced that specific life, and they were morally conscious. Jesus, in this light, was an activist. Every other writer in that book simply operated with the experiences and knowledge they had at that time. They took the rules and laws that the divine power gave humans, and innately tried to link those rules to their specific way of living in those years.

Writers like Paul, Matthew, and the authors of Romans were trying to make us aware of how God created us and how we are expected to live. They tried to teach us the rules, the laws, and how to live freely without leading ourselves into an abyss. Hence, they tried to tell us what is right and what is wrong. They had their own beliefs and conscience, but they knew that not all people would really trust them if they did not scare them a little.

This is where Hell enters the picture. If I have the knowledge and an idea of what could be right and wrong, and I try to live my own life by that, I will obviously challenge myself. No one can truly tell you what Hell is, where Hell is, or what actually happens there. But to keep you abiding by the rules, laws, and morality, I could convince you that if you do not follow these rules, you will end up in a burning place.

The Divine Within and the Role of Activism

It is easy for people without deep knowledge and understanding to fall into those traps. But that was Jesus' responsibility: to ensure they always chose right. His message, "You are what you are, God lives within you,"tells you that there is no physical messenger who gave me the responsibility to lead and guide you all. Instead, it is the conscience I have, which I believe God gave to each of us—though not all of us are aware of it. I feel it is my duty to help you unlock your inclination and be what I believe you are.[Jesus’s POV].

I believe Jesus was an activist because during the eras of the Bible and the writing of its messages—the times of missionaries and wars—a lot was happening in the world that somehow belittled human beings and their nature. I believe that if there were no Jesus, the story of his life would not be as it is now. There is really no difference between the activism Jesus engaged in during those times and the activism of recent conscious people.

The Bible is simply a mix of rules and laws, the awakening of moral conscience, an understanding of human nature and power, and a reflection on overall well-being versus the state of the world in those years. It reflects the experiences of the people who lived during those times—those we would believe are the "messengers of God"—amidst wars, inhumanity, the stealing of land, and expropriations.

How it Relates to the Current World

How does this relate to the current world? Rules and laws do not expire, morality doesn’t deteriorate, and humankind doesn't change. Most importantly, culture doesn’t change or evolve. What has changed is how we live, what we adapt to, how neurodivergent we are, what the current world is like, and the challenges we face worldwide. That is what changes.

The Bible is not a book that teaches us how to live our lives, except in how we should view and awaken ourselves. It does not necessarily dictate how the world should look in recent times. The Bible is the evolution of history, the experiences of those who wrote it, and the story of Jesus. A Bible could still be written with the current world view but using the same rules and laws that define right and wrong. Heaven and Hell could simply be redefined and given new names—or worse, Hell could be defined as a naughty corner.

Do not confuse yourself with the historical context of life if it contradicts modern life and your beliefs. Adjust those rules and laws in the Bible to suit current life.

The importance of life comes down to morality, self-consciousness, and being able to understand right and wrong in as many ways as possible. Do not live in fear, thinking, "If I do not do what John says, I will be punished." Be your own John perhaps. Define your life and align it with what keeps us from trouble and suffering. Do not rely on the Bible just because it is labeled "holy." Notice the importance of Jesus' story and notice the messages, but most importantly, do not romanticize the sufferings in the Bible. Do not relate your life to how people in the Bible wrote about life; those people probably never thought the world would even come this far.

Debunking the Biases of Lifestyle Judgments

Do not hate on clubs and glorify not going to clubs in the name of "the devil is a liar." What do you expect the people who run clubs to eat? Are you hating on the same businesspeople who create jobs for your brothers and sisters? Do not hate on music, calling it secular and claiming that God doesn't allow that, when that same music brings food to a family’s table. The list goes on.

If we all hypothetically agreed to and abided by everything in the Bible, what would the world become? Are we going to be baking bread and living off of coins? Using donkeys as a mode of transportation? Trading with animals? Even gospel music artists themselves need money to feed their families—don’t you think that side of belief is biased?

If we were all not to listen to secular music—fede, I agree that most artists make songs with the most inhumane lyrics—but can you even imagine life with only religious music? Always crying and singing about pain? Always asking Jesus when he is coming back, knowing very well that that day will never come? Always crying about your prayers not being answered? How would you live with that? If you’re not partying, you are at church? If you’re not singing about romantic love, it’s going to be Jesus' love always? Think about that for a second.

Embracing Your Power and Reality

I genuinely use the word "God" because that is the name I was brought up to know as a higher being. Regardless of whether "God" is a bird that gave us life or a tree that gave us life, the most important thing is acknowledging that you are a powerful creature. You need to learn about yourself, love yourself, think, question, and seek answers. I don’t care what you recognize as a "God," but do not live in a fictional historical fantasy. You are in this day and age: evolve, get yourself out of trouble, but don’t limit yourself to a book that keeps running in circles.

Consider our context: nine rooted indigenous South African languages—the tenth being one unspoken language—alongside different cultures and traditions. And yet, the Bible is the holy book, the book of life, and the Christian God is the only truth and light? This is absolutely not an attack on Christianity, but the idea sparks a genuine question.

Similarly, you know very well you don’t get the idea of marriage, taking someone else's surname, and your only role in a household being in the kitchen. And yet, people still romanticize the historical factors that lie in the Bible—ideas of how a household should be, who should be superior to whom, and so on.

Find a meaning in your own life. Yes, consider references, but do not let what doesn’t relate to today’s reality become your reality.

A learner in Grade 9 is not at fault for choosing subjects that will hinder their learning process in Grade 10. How can we blame a grade 9 learner for choosing Accounting instead of Tourism? How can you look down on a learner who chose Maths literacy over pure maths? How did we end up with the conclusion that choosing Maths & Science in high school makes you the most intelligent learner more than the other?

I went to a public high school — ma gaeng straight, where pure maths and accounting are compulsory major subjects in FET. That privilege you had to swap or change a subject you were failing? We didn't have that. We didn't have Maths lit. Our school offered (and still does) commerce: Accounting, Business, Economics and Mathematics.

Science stream: Physical Science, Life Sciences, Accounting and Mathematics. Those are the two streams in that school. The nice part is that you can get entry into both streams when you apply to university or college, but is it enough?

The problem is that in grade 9, we never got the opportunity to sit down with our parents in a hall where some experts and teachers guided us through the FET process and subjects- why we should choose commerce or why we should take the science path. We had zero idea of what to expect when we got to grade 10. We never got the opportunity to select the subjects we preferred to pursue when we progressed to grade 10. Now imagine how tough that was for some of us. Don’t ask me “why didn't you do your research” — My teacher should be my research in grade 9. When we got to grade 10, the first day, it was as if we were tasked to find our direction, it felt more like you need to make a decision now, whether good or bad, the results will tell because no one is coming to save you. You had to find a class that was either Sciences or Commerce. You can already imagine how messy that was.

I already knew my path —I always wanted to do commerce, so I was chilling. By the way, I’m majoring in Accounting and Business now, an aspiring accounting and business pedagogical practitioner! But now think about all the other learners who still didn't know what to choose, and it got to the point where some no longer chose streams based on what they liked or what would be good subjects for them, but rather followed their friends into those other classes. Think about it: there are only two streams in that school, and they both have accounting and business. Where would you run to? We were about 10 in our commerce class, and I remember two guys coming to our class, and one said, “Eh poi kamo agona majita a re vaye”.

Now with the overall experience, how do we expect these learners to meet the same benchmarks when they only found their path at a later stage? Launching ad hominem attacks to students who were failed by the education system is unjust. Just because you were advantaged enough to correct your trajectory early doesn’t grant you the right to look down on someone that had to pave their on way.

What problem do we, as South African youth, have? That's the question we need to ask ourselves. The system already doesn’t favour us, and yet you still find it okay to discredit other students. Re shwela gore re tseni di public schools perhaps? I’m still asking - How will we even be assertive leaders if we constantly degrade and discredit our peers' ability to choose pathways to their success and careers?

Lang bhora.

Students in 1976 were protesting against issues related to government-sanctioned apartheid within the student community. In 2015, we had student-led protests against the increase in tuition fees — #FeesMustFall— yet when our generation takes the mantle, we fracture our solidarity over who attends which tertiary institution or pursues which qualification. I draw this parallel because it begs the question: is Gen Z’s defining legacy going to be one of academic elitism and classism?

Maybe let's start here:

Perhaps let's talk about the unfairness in our education system instead of making jokes about people’s degrees and courses?

If the Education system in South Africa was fair, schools (mostly public schools) would bridge the gap between Intermediate subjects and Senior & FET subjects.

For example, it's really pointless to be taught EMS in grades 7-9 only for your school not to offer commercial subjects. If the high school doesn't offer Geography & Commerce in FET, then EMS and Social Sciences shouldn’t be taught in the senior phase.

Because , another example, I’m being taught Social Sciences, and I excelled in it during my earlier years, but my school doesn’t offer Geography and History as majors in the FET, suddenly I’m expected to find a completely different subject just to maintain my academic standing, simply because I wasn’t allowed to further my knowledge and understanding in the social sciences field. I didnt have the privilege of changing schools because my parents still believe that my high school is the top-performing school in my village and that it produces quality learners. Sometimes parents hold us back because of the life they’ve envisioned for us.

The quality of education in our high schools varies and hinders us upon first entry into college or university, but you and I are here; we’ve both been admitted to tertiary institutions. Now, why should you continue to discourage me from doing what I want to do?

The structural flaws of our education system cannot be dismantled overnight, but the very least we can do as peers is to allow individuals to function as the primary agents of their own destiny. We must respect their right to cultivate and pursue self-directed career paths.

Shout out to , , for keeping this conversation going.

But we’ve normalised being quick to judge and criticise people’s choices of degrees and institutions. And mind you its not in every case where I chose to go to a certain institution- gakena choice, thats where I APPLIED and got ADMITTED! That alone makes me happy. Yes I would’ve liked to go to UCT but I didnt even apply for it because why swantshe ke be le pressure? Whats the point of having all these tertiary institutions if everyone is expected to be in the almighty elite schools like your Stellies, UCT, UP, WITS & UJ? Hebuhnna.

I’m a 3rd year B.Ed student in Sol Plaatje University in the Northern Cape, Kimberley. I also didn’t know of this institution until I was applying for admission (I applied in all universities that didn’t require an admission fee). Already that tells you how much I wanted to further my studies and gore kae, I didnt care I wanted a school that offered the degree that I’m doing. When I got accepted to that university thats when I started doing my research about it and finding out that its a newly established university. Eh the amount of questions I have been getting because of the school I’m in and the PROVINCE that I am in? Sometimes batho nkare ba gafa nyana. “Why did you pass all these schools and go to SPU?” As if my father is the owner of these institutions and I could be accepted in all of them. “Why didnt you go to UJ?” I applied ko UJ and they rejected me, so what? Why should it even be asked when someone is already in an institution and doing whatever course they want? Isnt it good enough to see a fellow Black brother and sister furthering their studies? Our biggest concern is unemployment and you’re worried whether someone is doing “a serious course” or not?

There was this one TikTok content creator pushing a “Serious/not a serious course” programme as his niche, and go tseba modimo fela how much I wanted that guy to stop whatever he was doing, because how do you tell a grade 10 learner to choose subjects that are going to get him/her into “serious courses” when they get to university? Ke motivation mang ona o? Tjesess. Isnt it enough that some people are already having troubles with convincing their parents about studying what they want to pursue instead of what their parents want them to pursue? Isnt it enough that people are trying to chase their dreams and not what other people think would be a great fit for them?.

Degrading someone’s career choice because you found something that interests you and gets you societal validation is not something to be proud of. The same way a person is into fashion and would love to go to school for fashion, is the same way you wanted Accounting and was able to get admission in that degree. Bothata bokae mo because re skolong kaofela?

And also looking down on Bachelor of Education Degree is so frivolously annoying and stupid because what do you mean B.Ed is not a “serious course”? “We have a lot of teachers” la hlanya perhaps? The very same degree that got you wherever you are is now not a “serious course”?

My friends always say that, “Mo university agona course e simple”. Just because someone is doing Bachelor of Arts, there still could be something that’s threatening their career, if someone is doing Hospitality, they could still fail if they’re not doing the right thing. So when you say “serious” courses, what are you referring to exactly? You can be an unemployed architect, you can be an unemployed Engineer, Doctor, Teacher- you name them. so what’s the actual problem here?.

We have a lot of problems already for us to allow the varsity hierarchy—this belief that ones intelligence is measured by their attendance in the “South African ivy league” university to be on top of our worries. 26 public universities in South Africa and you’re telling me that before stressing myself about my final matric paper, I should stress about making it to the top five best institutions that would make me more socially admirable? Yerrr.

If you don’t have anything good to say about people’s choices in life- tswalla molomo owe wagao omo golo Asseblief!—why do you even feel obliged to have a say about what people do with their lives??

Let people be comfortable in what they’re studying instead of weighing them down with unnecessary pressure to feed your superiority complex.

Dankie.