studio moments:

consumption list:

• 🗣️ introduction to the abolitionist approach to animal rights by Gary Francione

• 🗣️ hot topics: the case against pet ownership by vermont law and graduate school

• 💻 is it wrong to keep pets? by morality of everyday things

• 💻 owning pets is morally wrong by Youssef Abdulhusainn

• 🗣️ the ethics of keeping pets by Christ Hines

• 🗣️ narcissistic pet ownership and animal rights by prof Sam Vaknin

• 🎙️fresh jugo- Lucy Luckovich

• 🎙️deep color podcast- Madeline Donahue

• 💻 woman in philosophy: Angie Pepper on animal companions

• 📄 the case against pets by Jessica Pierce

sketchbook pages:

spider map:

July 2026

173MB ∙ PDF file

Download

Download

some completed works:

• 📑 Linda Montano, Anorexia nervosa and an art of
  hunger by Lydia Brawner

• 📹 Linda Montano- anorexia nervosa

• 📕 going hungry by Kate M. Taylor

• 📑 extended suicide with a pet by Brian K. cooke

• 🎙️ Raul De Lara- sound and vision podcast

• 💻 artists space- Audrey Wollen Lynne Tillman

• 💻 192 books- Wayne Koestenbaum in conversation. with Audrey Wollen

• 💻 a (brief) history of 4chan- MLYP

• 💻 something weird is happening to surrealism in the last 100 years- patchwork television

• 💻 Mandy El-Sayegh- louisiana channel

• 💻 France-Lise McGurn- louisiana channel

• 💻 are you losing your religion?- khaotic viewing

• 💻 every artist- ophelia arc

• 💻 every artist- ophelia arc studio visit

• ✍️ OPHELIA ARC TALKS TO PHILLIP EDWARD SPRADLEY

studio moments:

sketchbook:

spider-map:

June 2026

4.12MB ∙ PDF file

Download

Download

and as a little treat:

if you made it down this far, here’s a snippet of this months essay that i do not plan on releasing any time soon

“There is something about losing your shit in private that allows for it to just melt into the space. Eventually pretending it never happened.
All the episodes become one, and you lose the ability of perceiving time and of retaining any sense of normalcy.
Now,
living in an apartment with another person, I am  aware of the ways my reactions have a deep and profound effect on others.

You can rot in isolation but when you inhabit the same space as someone, it will cease to only be self emulsion and eventually reach to consume parts of them.”

work i’ve made (some are at the show):

consumption list:

• 🖼️ 🗣️ Louisianan Channel: artist Alison Katz

• 💻 fine art meets graphic design: how to be a conceptual artist

• 💻 the most visually fluent generation is creatively illiterate

• 🖼️ 🗣️ Timestamp: artist Caroline Asher

• 🖼️ 🗣️ Timestamp: artist Amy Bravo

• 🖼️ 🗣️ Timestamp: Brenda Zlamany

• 🖼️ 🗣️ Timestamp: Cathleen Clarke

• 💻 situationalist movement: the myth of the creative director

• 📕 Psyche on the Skin by Sarah Chaney

• 📄 Umbilical Phantoms by Siri Hustvedt

  

  Umbilical Phantoms

  512KB ∙ PDF file

  Download

  Download

• 📄 Suicide: A Précis! by Ahmed Naguy1, Hytham Elbadry2, Hossam Salem

• 📄 Hol(e)y Moly!: Historical damage and repairs in medieval manuscripts by Thaw Conservation Center

studio moments:

mind map:

May 2026

3.09MB ∙ PDF file

Download

Download

I personally have no interest in listening to anything Oprah has to say, with her weight watchers-ozempic sell out, platforming of controversial figures and my overall disdain for the billionaire class. I grew up on Oprah playing at all hours on the tv. My mother, a staunch bootstraps republican, had her in the roster or rotating figure heads including Jim Cramer, Joel Olsteen, and “dr” Oz1. However this video hit my algorithm, not in its own virality but in countless counter think pieces written by others in response. Her take, as you can imagine, is “apolitical” attempting to appease as much of the audience as possible as to gain viewership from both sides. The underlying tone however is one of classic boomer perception. She tries playing the middle man but like with most of her career, it’s not necessarily what she says but who she decides to platform. After searching the episode it’s clear what side she’s on based on the ways she interacts with the two opposing sides, but still able to stay rather “apolitical” on the matter, the way a hinge date will say they aren’t political and don’t pick sides. As if there are comparable sides. One is understanding that personal experience and family dynamics is just that, personal. And the other is of implication that people are becoming too soft in prescribing what they consider traumatic or abuse.

This is still ironic to me but of course given context of how she runs her multitude of programs, not surprising. It’s fairly well known that Oprah has suffered a tremendous amount of harm at the hands of her mother, I won’t dwell on that part too much as she explains it best herself. (here are some links on her account of this abuse, TW for child sexuality abuse) Knowing this about her past, I always assumed Oprah too had cut contact with her mother, and foolishly that she would be understanding of people’s personal decisions of the matter, who wouldn’t given her situation? This however wasn’t the case. Oprah recalls for Ebony Magazine2 in 1993 that after 7 years of her mother not wanting anything to do with her, she came out of the woodworks. Mind you this was once Oprah began solidifying as the tv personality and daily talk show mogul she came to be. To this she responds

“What you owe your parents is honor and respect because that’s what the Bible tells me. And so I have provided a great economic life for both my parents.”

Reading that, I can see why she so flippantly appointed the act of going no contact as a trend, and not the scary, difficult and painful process it is. I’m sorry Oprah wasn’t strong enough to stand up for herself. To respect her worth as she carved her own life despite the horrors, but I find it incredibly rich to see her take this position given that her social standing allows her to put herself into a situation that for others less financially secured could not afford to take. I have many gripes with Oprah, bringing into the light not one but two fraudulent doctors, white men mind you that have gone on to cause an immense amount of pain and harm to marginalized individuals and children like the one she was growing up with her mother, but one cannot begin to understand the choices one makes after suffering insurmountable amount of trauma so I won’t sit here and dismiss that, instead I’ll tell a bit about my own story.

Growing up my father and I were always close. My dad and I had this understanding, it’s us, and then there’s everyone else in the family. I was his whole world, always told in secret that I was his favorite. How I’m the best thing to ever happen to him. My dad was known at my school to be the cool dad. Every birthday he brought ice cream and baked goods to celebrate with the class. He’d take me out of school to grab lunch together, just the two of us. He’d let me miss first period to try a new cafe together. With my mom being the manic unstable person she was he made sure to bring me along with him everywhere. I spent my weekends at the nursing home where he was a maintenance mechanic. Everyone at his job loved my father, voted most likeable with a trophy to match by the nursing home patients and staff. All the different departments would gladly have me help them out throughout the day, laundry loved us, kitchen staff loved us, the activities crew loved us. I was his whole world and him mine. I felt like the luckiest girl alive.

My mother and I were never close. I could feel the reservation and disdain she had for me and my brother. I recall overhearing her explain how she regretted having a kid when I was around 7. I asked her about it and she didn’t object, said it’s the truth and that it wouldn’t be worth it for me to have kids, it’s a waste. It’s funny because I guess she was right, it was a waste. Now her daughter doesn’t speak to her, and her son is a permanent stain on her life. An alcoholic with a shit personality that was there long before booze.

I originally left home at 17. I graduated high school early, ran off to Chile for a bit and then enrolling at Hunter college. I moved into a place in the Bronx with a girl I met online that would turn out to be my best friend all these years later. I often get the question of why I left home so early. I grew up in a rather affluent area. Presumed to have everything I could possibly need. It wasn’t easy of course, I picked up odd jobs to afford college applications, save up for rent for when I ran off. No one leaves a life, for the harder route without a cause. A scared animal will always run. I never officially told my mom I was moving out, but she could feel me doomsday prepping. The last physical altercation I had with her happened when I asked for my birth certificate and social security card. She kept saying she didn’t have it, and then that I wasn’t responsible enough to hold onto it, and something about it being hers since I’m her kid and I’d have to get my own. When she wasn’t paying attention I took my opportunity and stole her closet key. Almost every room in the house had locks from the outside, cabinets and drawers as well. This key was important though. She carried it on her person at all times, and I figured I’d use it as ransom. She chased me , tackled me, knocked me to the floor. My dad is screaming for me to give it up and that I’m being dramatic. My mom kicking on me, me grabbing her foot, eventually crouching onto the ground to hide the key close to my chest. She was so frantic and exasperated that she finally gave in. “Here you fucking animal”.

If you told me as a kid that I would leave my home and cease contact with my father, I wouldn’t believe you. My biggest fear with CPS coming to my house was being taken from my dad. He was my lifeline, the only thing tethering me to that house, this last bit died off at around 14 though. There are many accounts online of women noticing the switch in where their fathers stopped loving them, grew distant. It usually happens to line up with growing up3. I don’t bribe that was the case with my dad though. For me it happened when I developed an eating disorder, following years of many unmanageable and undiagnosable mental illnesses and medical monitorization. Just before I got forcibly detained in a facility my dad would come to tell me “you’re not my favorite anymore, no one is” that’s when I realized we were at the beginning of the end.

I’ve made my dad cry plenty of times as I got sick, his anger like many a man of his time culminating in fury and rage. Throwing glass plates, vacuums, office supplies, laptops. For the longest he never laid a hand on me. My brother on the other hand got a large brunt of the beating, when my mom would come after me he’d hold her back. He worked a lot to provide for us so she got a good few hits to me regardless but I appreciated the effort. One day after months of my shit, he snapped, I had been caught throwing out my breakfast, sneakily hiding it in a water bottle which had grown mold from months of milk residue and miscellaneous stuck on food. When I got home from school he had me go into my bedroom, he closed the door behind him, an apple turnover in one hand, a large glass of whole milk in the other. First asking then pleading and finally screaming at me to eat it. To this day I hate both. I refused to open my mouth, the milk spilled. He picked up my rubber souled shoe and went in. This is the first and last time he would hit me, raise a hand at me, it burned, he wailed on. I think that’s when it died, his love for me or at least the hope of regaining it. He hadn’t been the same since. I last spoke with him three years ago, at 22, 8 years after it all, he still carries it all. There was no point, we haven’t spoken since.

On Reddit there’s a forum r/estrangedadultchildren4. There, users categorize themselves as

NC= no contact

LC= low contact and

VLC= very low contact.

If you have ever met someone estranged from their family, you know it’s never just one event. It’s usually the death by a thousand cuts followed by the salt on the wound. The salt being the last thing. I slowly moved through the stages of estrangement, low contact leading to very low contact when the pandemic hit and finally pulling the plug completely just as I got to rhode island for grad school. I had a hard time justifying putting up with the treatment. I know many kids don’t have the best relationships with their families, but here I was freshly out of highschool, paying my rent, paying my way through undergrad, saving up for grad school and then finally there with a fresh start. They didn’t owe me anything, but neither did I and finally with moving out of state, it felt like it was just time. I couldn’t remember the last thing I told my mom. Truthfully I really don’t care. I never got on with her and always knew we would at the very least be on very minimal speaking terms for the rest of my life. My dad on the other hand was a different story. The last thing I said to him was thank you after asking him to pick up a large sculpture I had shown in a town not too far from where I had grown up. The piece was called my dearest Amanda, and it felt utterly symbolic to have him part with that, even if he didn’t know that it would be the end

He tried reaching out. I don’t believe he realized I had cut him off yet. He updated me on what he did with the piece “I hung her up in the attic by your own room, my own boospie to have at home”, boospie was the nickname he gave me as a child.

I still think about him, cry every once in a while, remember something and get angry all over again. I’m still not sure I’m making the right decision, this is something I contend with a lot and probably always will. My dad stopped reaching out after the first christmas that i didn’t contact him. He got the message and had never tried to reach out since.

You may be wondering what the “salt” was to the thousands of cuts. the final thing. In part it was two things in close succession. The first was when my aunt from Chile came to visit me, to congratulate me on graduating undergrad. She let me know that she was really hurt that I never thanked her for the 2000 dollar gift she sent me months prior as a graduation / Christmas gift. I told her that I was sorry and that I never received it and had no idea. She turned worried and frantic. She asked if I got her handwritten letter. I said no. She reached for her phone, I asked her what was wrong. She starts stammering to herself, “did i take a picture please tell me i took a picture”. she didn’t find a picture, she texted my dad. I soon realized that my parents pocketed the money. I wasn’t surprised, it wouldn’t be the first time my mom did this. My dad had gone to chile a few months back to see his mom and sister and that’s when she sent him back an envelope, pleading that he did not open it. Inside contained the letter, the money, as well as a family heirloom sent from my grandmother, a beautiful bracelet. That’s when I actually got upset. I didn’t care about the money. I definitely could have used it. I had worked full time and part time gigs while in undergrad just to afford my craigslist bedroom and paying for the move for school, but the bracelet was irreplaceable. safe to say the whole day was ruined. my aunt crying, blaming my mom saying she was the one that did it. I told her I believe her, but that at the end of the day my father was a grown man. He should have just given me the envelope as opposed to passing it to his wife. She was hurt. She called him and texted again. He proceeded to tell her he never got the envelope and that she’s crazy and must be forgetting. classic. i never did get that envelope, i got the bracelet though, i called my dad who put my mom on facetime, she picked it up like it was a doggy bag, “this thing? this is what you’re crying about, it’s huge and ugly” i said yes and got them to send it to me.

The second part was when I introduced them to my boyfriend, not by choice. I had a show near them that my grandma wanted to see, the same show that would culminate in my dad picking up the piece and never hearing from me again. I enter the house and my mom offers us a drink, asks how we are doing. I ask where my dog is, the dog I got at 11 and grew up with. I would like to introduce her and I haven’t seen her in so long. My mom said she was playing outside and not to worry. My dad comes in, meets my boyfriend and I ask him where the dog is, seeing as he was just outside. He says the dog is upstairs sleeping. That’s when I noticed, there’s no dog scent, no dog food bowl, no dog bed, no dog pee pad. I started getting upset. Where is the dog, my mom doubles down. She’s outside. My dad lets out a nervous giggle. My first thought is that they killed her.

a few years ago they sat me down and talked about euthanizing the dog because they didn’t want the burden of her anymore. They went on vacations 4-6 times a year and didn’t want to pay for a dog sitter. I told them that’s inhumane and no vet would do that, my mom said she’d be able to figure it out, I managed to convince my dad to talk my mom out of it. Now that she was gone, it’s the first place my head went. It’s especially sick because this dog was my dads buddy. She loved that man, they slept together, my dad would come home from his lunch break to give her tuna, they watched tv together. Over the years I would see notifications of Nextdoor posts about a barking dog left on a porch for days on end. My parents started leaving her for up to 7 days at a time. The first time I found out about this I was in New Paltz, didn’t even know they were traveling, and had no way to get home and get her. I would have kept her with me but all the shitty rooms i rented had strict no dog policies. I was ultimately cornered to leave her but that didn’t mean I didn’t love her.

Hearing my mom lie like that, even when cornered disgusted ,me, shed done this my whole life. They’d eventually tell me they gave the dog to a lady my dad had met. I said I needed proof of life. My boyfriend asked if I wanted to leave. I debated it. I was only here for my grandma and it would be the last time I saw her before I left for Rhode Island. I stayed. My mom offered more alcohol, we went to the show, my dad wanted to go to dinner after to celebrate. He chose a Peruvian restaurant, notoriously, a cuisine known for not having vegetarian options. I picked at mais chulpe (Peruvian dried corn), and he complained that I never eat. I reminded him that I have been a vegetarian (at that point) for 5 years. He said I always make excuses.

Estrangement is not much of a “trend”. It’s a shot in the dark, a decision made when you feel it can’t get worse so you try anything, like buying an Etsy witch spell or trying hypnosis. When I meet people today that have children of their own, they bristle to learn this of me. I think it plays with their worst fears of losing their own children. They try giving me advice that I should reach out, that they are my parents, that they love me as if they know me or them. I don’t blame people for this reaction, I understand it’s hard to imagine. For many parents their kids are their whole world. How does one live when their connection to the world ends? What I tell people is a small glimpse into the bigger picture. It fails to capture the gravity of anything. I could trauma dump till the cows come home to seek some sort of understanding from everyone but its a futile attempt. people make hard decisions in the face of hard circumstance

The decision I made lives in me like some sort of malignant tumor.

It haunts me.

They haunt me.

I may have left my childhood and family and home behind but its marks are still there, its lasting impression. I live in a house where no one yells at me, but there is yelling and it’s coming from my mouth. At least there’s no more Oprah on the tv.

some works i’ve made (and may be showing may 14th):

consumption list:

• 🎙️ can brainrot be art? beeple thinks so by The Art Angle

• 🎙️ addiction with Hanna Pickard by Overthink

• 🎙️Whitney biennial trend, a new baroque art star, and banksy unmasked by The Art Angle

• 🎙️ discipline by Overthink

• 🎙️ evil by Overthink

• 🎙️ illness by Overthink

• 🎙️ loneliness by Overthink

• 🎙️ ophelia arc by Art Critter

• 💻 the intermediary: waymo, the whitney biennial, and fantasy of automation by Shannon Kim

• 💻 beer, software, and internet art by Shannon Kim

• 💻 the tragic downfall of deviantart by Randy Moon

• 💻 the ai fruitification of misogyny by Voicenotes with Jordan Theresa

• 💻 ai writing is “bad”… so now what? by Mina Le

• 💻 why 90s america was strangely obsessed with chicken soup for the soul books by Millennial Yearbook

• 💻 gallerinas: charlotte york, aesthetic labor, & the 90s art boom by Dear Americana

• 💻 the camp of catholicism by Mooknee

• 💻 corporate theatre, busywork, & made up jobs | internet analysis by Tiffanyferg

• 💻 silicon valley is breaking everything by Taylor lorenz

• 🖼️ 💻 artist mandy el-sayegh: “i’m trying to process this reality, because none of it makes sense”

• 🎙️ 💻 how liberals monetized trauma | catherine liu on marx, trump, and identity politics

• 💻 Anne Sexton reading Wanting to Die

• 💻 the manosphere hates “westernized girls” by Alice Cappelle

studio shots:

pdf drop, not puddle since i mainly focused on these two texts to guide my series:

Holy Stigmata

524KB ∙ PDF file

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spider map:

April 2026

33.5MB ∙ PDF file

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sketchbook pages:

studio moments:

spider map:

March 2026

3.7MB ∙ PDF file

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Download

consumption list:

• 📕 body high: death, drugs, and eva hesse by Ryann Donnelly

• 💻 how to manage multiple interests and actually create something by Anna Howard

• 💻 instructions for living a life: pay attention. be astonished. tell about it by Anna Howard

• 💻 the anti-continence era has begun by Amanda Maryanna

• 💻 become your own muse by Anna Howard

• 💻 the truth of asylums | a forgotten history by Asylum Archives

• 💻 the shocking truth about lobotomies by Asylum Archive

• 💻 americas first asylums | poorfarms by Asylum Archives

• 🎙️ autotheory: encounters, embodiments, critique by CityLightsBooks

• 🎙️ Cryilla Mozenter by Sound and Vision

• 🎙️ understanding prong collars with Ridge Vogel by Think Like a Dog

• 🎙️ pit bulls: bad to the bone? by Science Vs

• 🎙️ pitbull terrier - episode #6

• 🎙️ the young painter curators are rushing to work with by The Art Angle

• 🎙️ Charline Tyberghein by Sound and Vision

• 📑 The prong collar revisited by Julia V. McDonough

• 📑 are we born into trauma? by Frederick Woolverton

eeny update: shes been doing so much better. we have now become daily commuter buddies aside from the days i have to film for this upcoming doc series im doing with EveryArtist. still incredibly dog reactive which has been more of a challenge with the nice weather lately but she’s definitely been improving. also we have ben collating together, mainly due to her need to be involved in tasks requiring zero dogs but its actually been really exciting in terms of getting me to think of my next series following what im up to now.

xoxo,

ophelia

consumption list:

• 💻 the robot body by Sarah Davis Baker

• 💻 how to actually get smarter by Mina Le

• 💻 twenty one pilots and simone weil: the same philosophy by Groovyghostnotes

• 💻 i read simone weill to understand twenty one pilots lore by Groovyghostnotes

• 🎵 📹 twenty one pilots- drag path

• 💻 why people think culture it’s dead by Shannon Kim

• 💻 where did these weird 3D gifs come from? by Lugalan

• 🖼️ 🗣️ mike kelley with john welchman at the walker art center

• 📄 “i was really surprised”: watch late artist mike kelley reflect on the many misinterpretations of his stuffed-animal installations on Artnet

• 📄 expert visible mending tips from artist celia pym by Alyson Walsh

• 📄 the sacrificial and the carnivalesque in th abject artwork of mike kelley by Holly McWhorter

• 📄 talking failure: mike kelley and julie sylvester

• 📄 the use of stuffed animals by hospitalized adolescents: an area for psychodynamic exploration by Steven L Jaffe and Katherine French

• 📄 kelley and pain by T Clutch Fleischmann

studio moments:

mind map:

February 2026

6.06MB ∙ PDF file

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sketchbook pages:

and lastly, the link to the essay which is 4 pages so i dint want to copy paste it as a whole. obviously no pressure to read it but this is after all my breathing archive

see ya next month.

xoxo,

ophelia

• 🎙️ life drive and the feminine Bracha L. Ettinger by Lacan in Scotland

• 💻 2026 creative impulsivity challenger by Anna Howard

• 💻 the life design process that changed my art by Anna Howard

• 💻 growing a digital garden to end my doom scrolling

• 💻 the world is re enchanted when we pay attatention by Anna Howard

• 🗣️ David Graeber: on bureaucratic technologies and the future as dream time

• 🎙️ how does an emerging art gallery make it now by the art angle

• 🎙️ why no one trusts art prices anymore by the art angle

• 🎙️ Kwamé Azure Gomez by sound and vision

• 🎙️ how painters today are reframing the frame by the art angle

• 🎙️ how to curate a life: lessons from 3 art world tastemakers by the art angle

• 🎙️ a long strange trip through the New York gallery scene by the art angle

installation shots of Synnecrosis:

studio moments:

snippet from an essay (i’m writing an essay a month but can release this in full because its being published in spring teehee):

Work for a compensatory rate is work that is corrupted by capitalism, much like the invisible labor needed for the backbone of a capitalist system is not work as the word is intended to be defined

work (noun): activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result.

I see all of the labor I put into my art as Work, not work as defined by a system reliant on its exploitation of others but as defined by its fulfilling properties. It can be enjoyable, but many times it’s grueling, annoying or cumbersome with the pay off being found in its result or completion, the jouissance of labor. My schedule is one of rigor and my implementation of strict discipline is one with the faintest stench of a catholic upbringing. Monday through Friday I attend the studio between 9:00 am to 7:00 pm and 10:00 am to 7:00 pm. On Mondays and Fridays I wake up at 7:00 am, do my morning routine of contortion or yoga (an alternating schedule to not injure myself) and arrive at the studio at 10:00 am. At this point I enter a windowless 11x16 ft room and close the doors until 7:00. Tuesdays through Thursdays I wake up at 6:00 am, do my morning routine and arrive at the studio at 9:00 am. My routine both in and out of the studio is one rooted in a reach for salvation, or maybe as a form of penance. There isn’t a minute I don’t spend listening to something, my showers are timed by ten minute news videos, my crochet cycles timed by online lectures and podcasts, my days mapped by audio books, the music I listen to being that of familiarity so I can read as it plays. This allows my mind to continually be in motion with my hands operating in a similar fashion. I’m practically always crocheting, I crochet on my walk to the train, on the subway and of course when I am in the studio. This is more muscle memory than anything else, obsession more than task or chore. Crochet is a form of time keeping, its proof that I exist, time may feel still or even fractured but i know i am present in its wake for there is output as a result to the input of motion, i make myself machine,

pure.

sketchbook:

oh and here’s the press release for Synnecrosis

studio shots:

consumption list:

• 🎙️ surfing by Overthink podcast

• 💻 how to manage multiple systems and actually create something by Anna Howard

• 🎵 naked city by Absinthe (full album)

• 💻 charlie kirk and the conservative death cult by F.D Signifier

• 💻 greed is destroying the world by Drew Gooden

• 💻 frankenstein is actually about being a woman by Final Girl Digital

• 💻 why does the unicorn persist as an icon in contemporary art? by Josephine

• 💻 the semiotics of memes by Duncan Clarke

• 💻 art in the AI bubble by Shannon Kim

• 💻 the robot body by Sarah Davis Barker

• 💻 the very strange history of unicorns by Kaz Rowe

• 💻 the witch and how she became digital

• 💻 how charlie kirk memes are radicalizing gen z

• 💻 the death of art institutions, neoliberalism and intellectual traitors by Brett Park

• 📕 Dead weight by Emmeline Clein

• 💻 art deco vs. art nouveau: whats the difference by Nats Can Fly

• 💻 the books and essays that changed my life in 2025 by Anna Howard

• 📄 the anorexic passion for the mirror

• 📄 agency through bodily alterity

• 📕 a lacanian reading of anorexia (intro) by Dominico Cosenza

some sketchbook pages:

mind map:

December 2025

70.7MB ∙ PDF file

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“I had the premonition that if I stayed,
The house would eat me whole.
Looking now an how you turned out to be 
All carnage and rot
I know my forebodings were justified
I stew in what i can only recognize as a form of survivors guilt”
I find myself revisiting the psychological space that is upbringing, fantasizing its alternative endings. Thinking all that could have been and never was. Catching a glimpse in the mirror only to see the spider in the reflection  

I am just like you but worse.

ophelia

studio moments:

spider map:

November 2025

17.6MB ∙ PDF file

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consumption list:

• 💻 the blurryface full saga lore by justadoody

• 💻 how to add joy and whimsy back into your life by Anna Howard

• 🎙️ the death and love symposium hosted by Julie Reshe

• 🎙️todd mcgowan existentialism after ignited by Julie Reshe

• 🎵 naked city - absinthe (full album

• 🎙️ loneliness by overthink podcast

• 💻 jack stauber a brief analysis by Daniel Profeta

• 💻 claudy jongstra by louisiana channel

• 💻 shirazeh houshiary by louisiana channel

• 🎙️ confidence by overthink podcast

• 🎙️ the humiliated father, a conversation with daniel tutt by Julie Reshe

• 🎙️ simone medina polo, why is the death drive not identical with being toward-death by Julie Reshe

sketchbook pages:

mind map:

October 2025

4.92MB ∙ PDF file

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studio shots:

consumption list:

• pinterest photo by Shannon Kim

• 💻 the woman who gave birth to rabbits by history calling

• 💻 how the entire internet became ai slop by Taylor Lorenz

• 💻 why are houses beige? the history of neutral homes by Nicole Rudolph

• 💻 the internet crackdown no one saw coming by Taylor Lorenz

• 🎙️ femininity by overthink podcast

• 🗣️ new crits talk with Sara Cwyner

• 💻 beer software and internet art by Shannon Kim

• 💻 men who hate their girlfriend by voice ones with Jordan Theresa

• 💻 critical thinking, media literacy, and the surveillance state by Anna Howard

• 🎙️ aging and destructive plasticity | a conversation with catherine marabou by Julie Reshe

• 🎙️ limerence by overthink podcast

• 💻 reating in the age of us traction and AI slop by Anna Howard

• 🎙️ ai chatbots by overthink podcast

sketchbook stuff:

• 💻 art in the consumer debt crisis by Shannon Kim

• 💻 a writing practice to help you think by Anna Howard

• 💻 how cringe culture destoryed authenticity by Annamarie Forcino

• 💻 how men become aziz ansari by Olurnatti

• 💻 why i hate found above object ar by Shannon Kim

• 💻 the invisible illness we don’t understand by Ro Ramdin

• 💻 situationist movement: the my th of the creative director by Shannon Kim

• 💻 the five kinds of paradox by Jan Misali

• 🎙️neighbors by Overthink Podcast

• 💻 your life is not an optimization problem by Anna Howard

• 💻 the decline of tumblr… what happened? by Company Man

• 💻 unbecoming: maternal ontology by Julie Reshe

• 🎵 o superman by Laurie Anderson (listen to the whole album it’s insane)

• 💻 stop devaluing the arts and humanities by Tess Bloxham

• 🎙️ masculinity by Overthinking Podcast

• 💻 the negative body: disability and aging as destructive plasticity by Julie Reshe

• 💻 where is jack stauber by Daniel Profeta

• 🎙️ Emily Coan: sound and vision

• 📑 life is not disposable by Katie Tobin

Trauma and transcryptum: towards a feminist methodology for the analysis of narratives of trauma

688KB ∙ PDF file

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Studio moments🐇

no mind map this month because it has a lot of stuff for an upcoming show that im trying not to completely spoil so here’s a picture of my beautiful baby girl instead. rip petunia, thanks for getting me this far. 🐇❤️‍🩹🎀

sketchbook dump🐇

a drawings i made🐇

Foreshadowing? manifesting? Some articulation or whatever or whatever🐇

For years, Freudian psychoanalysis has been in a tense and fraught relationship with feminism, marked by its persecution and the accusatory framing of mothers as inherently to blame for how children are raised and who they become. Winnicott’s theory of the “good enough mother” and Melanie Klein’s model of understanding the mother and child as interacting parts with their own subjective autonomy attempted to resist this framing, yet their teachings have barely entered mainstream discourse, leaving intact the stain of incestuous father–daughter relations and wombs pathologized as wandering. At its core, the source of this tension is a collective trauma. The trauma of being born which is inherently one of reciprocity: the body subjected to the mercy of a foreign inhabitant, and the foreign inhabitant burdened with the life sentence of being born.

This source of inspiration exists like the sound of a fluorescent light, I can count on it being there, oscillating between blaringly loud and incredibly subdued. as i’ve grown older and further from my mother i have come to wonder how we are to grapple with the idea of being the traumatized and the traumatizor. to engage in a form of empathy even if from afar. how do we return to the maternal space not as a house of horrors but as a site of fertile creativity and as a framework for understanding both ourselves and those around us?

ANYWHO, thanks for reading, consuming, digesting etc. see ya next month

love always,

ophelia

consumption list:

• 📺 how life changes when your realizes the rules are made up by anna howard

• 🕸️ new spider species makes decoys out of corpses and trash

• 🕸️ every spider in your house and what they’re doing by MyWildBackyard

• 🕸️ every spider in your backyard explained by MyWildBackyard

• 🕸️ spider spinning web time lapse video

• 🕸️ professional web design by spiders

• 🕸️ how orb webs are made

• 🕸️ the black widow, the spiders in your house by travis mcenery

• 📺 how to manage multiple interests and actually create one thing by anna howard

• 🧑‍🎨 🗣️ artist in conversation: nina katchadourian

• 📺 the internet keeps getting worse. let’s talk about it by jared henderson

• 🗣️ the reality of the art girlfriend finance boyfriend trope: gentrification & its correlation to art by shannon kim

• 🗣️ art in the consumer debt crisis: klarna, abercrombie & fitch, christine sun kim by shannon kim

• 📺 it’s time to get weird by the gray area

• 📕 on being ill by virginia woolf

• 📕 unshrunk by laura delano

• 📕 girl online by joanna walsh

• 📺 julie resume: maternal ontology

the pdf palace 🏰 :

Symbols of terror: the witch/vampire, the spider, and the shark by Robert C Lane and Saralea E. Chazan

1.18MB ∙ PDF file

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🕸️

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Sibling cannibalism in the false widow spider is dependent on spiderling density and the reliable availability of fresh prey

771KB ∙ PDF file

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🕸️

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Anorexia Masochism Self Mutilation Autoerotism The Spider Mother by Robert C. Lane

954KB ∙ PDF file

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🕸️Foreshadowing🕸️

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When The Spider Speaks Compressed

19.5MB ∙ PDF file

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organized by cecklim.com

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link city (as extracted from the map below:

• ninakatchadourian.com

• SPIDER FEMINISM - Arachne to arachnology via the web.

• cathexis

• This Spider Makes Fake Spiders. But Why?

• The spider that builds its own lifelike decoys

• net casting spiders

• stabilimentum

spider map:

August 2025

44.1MB ∙ PDF file

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more soon more— love always,

ophelia

consumption list:

critical essays on literature, language, and aesthetics

A method of her own: tracing memory in Marion Milner's The Hands of the Living God

psych survivor zine

244MB ∙ PDF file

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Psychoanalysis And Feminism Anorexia The

141KB ∙ PDF file

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• 💻 facing your fear of being misunderstood is the creative process by anna howard

• 🎙️ online mirrors with molly soda by the internet is dead

• 💻 a brief history of kidpix by maybe: salem

• 🎙️ the vision machine: paul virillos theory of perception and the image by overthink podcast

• 💻 the decline of literacy and the rice of ai by silver fox

• 💻 the peppa pig pro birth conspiracy by izzzyzzz

• 💻 the internet is getting worse, here’s why by jared henderson

• 💻 liberal feminism is dying, now what by alice capelle

• 💻 mass censorship, are you ready? by taylor lorenz

• 📕 girl online a user manual, by joanna walsh

• 📕 how to lose your mother by molly jung-fast

• 📕 all that glitters by orlando whitfield

sketchbook:

studio moments:

mind map of the month:

July 2025

31.8MB ∙ PDF file

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mind map 🎀

June 2025

27.6MB ∙ PDF file

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pdf pile and sites 🎀

The Ana Sanctuary Womens Pro Anorexia Na

388KB ∙ PDF file

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psychoanalytic inquiry

477KB ∙ PDF file

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Thegirlinthecorner

641KB ∙ PDF file

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the feminist surrealism of unica zürns outsider art

i seem to be a klein bottle

Spotlight on … Bracha Ettinger The Matrixial Borderspace (1995)

studio moments 🎀

consumption list 🎀

• 🎙️overthink podcast: water

• 💻 Julie Reshe: Maternal ontology

• 💻 facetatt philosophy: Ethel Cain

• 🗣️ Bracha Ettinger: psychoanalysis and matrixial borderspace

• 🗣️ Bracha Ettinger: lecture and painting

• 🗣️ Bracha Ettinger: late lacan and after

• 💻 solar sands: humanities greatest sin

• 💻 books and cats: how Sylvia Plath exploited the trauma of others

• video I watch because I’m estranged from my mother

• 💻 numberphile: Klein bottles

• 💻 4D toys: what does the 4D Klein bottle look like?

• 💻 jos leys: two moebius strips make a Klein bottle

• 💻 Drew’s campfire: paradox of the möbius strip and Klein bottle

• 💻 Drew’s campfire: order and chaos of the double pendelum fully visualized

• 💻 signified b sides: the manosphere is evolving

• 💻 Louisiana channel: Cory Arcangel

• 💻 facetatt philosophy: Ethel Cain, preachers daughter

• 🗣️ Julie reshe: feminism and depressive realism, a conversation with jeannie wright

• 💻 Julie reshe: being with towards death

• 🎙️ Overthink podcast: earth

• 💻 solar sands: reality isn’t always right

consumption list:

🎙️ sound and vision: Cameron Martin

🎙️ talk art: Puppies Puppies

🎙️ talk art: Brook Hsu

🎙️ Jane Rendell: psychoanalysis writing architecture

🎙️ talk art: Jesse Darling

🎙️ promise no promises: Jesse Darling

🎙️ sound and vision: Sarah Martin-nuss

🎙️ the conversation art podcast: episode 364

🎙️ sound and vision: Banks Violette

🎙️ a bit fruity podcast: the antisemitism panic

📺 exploring the world of max and ruby

🎙️ a bit fruity podcast: the celebrity ozempidemic

📺 according to alina: digital gardens and common place books

📺 Sarah Davis Baker: the internet use to be a place

📺 daily mind trap: what’s wrong with eating humans?

📺 daily mind trap: the rabbit hole effect

📺 daily mind trap: how to feel alive again

📺 lofi cinema: your beating tricked into thinking this is beautiful

📺 lofi cinema: are you creating for yourself or others?

🗣️ Jesse Darling: material histories

📺 jeejay: body horror in kids media

🗣️ miserere: Jesse Darling

🗣️ modern art oxford: history is what hurts

🗣️ the menil collection: Robert Gober

📺 kurzgesagt: why your brain blinds you for two hours of the day

🎙️ lepht hand: schrebers paranoia

🔊📚 memoirs of my nervous illness

🔊📚 Deleuze and Guattari: rhizome and 1 or several wolves

🔊📚 Deluze and Guttari: 9 microplastics and segmentarity

📺 Cheyenne Lin: how much does a child cost?

sketchbook dump:

studio moments:

thanks for sticking around during my mfa arc, now… real life.

consumption list 🎀

📹 the prophecy, how to save the hood | ted x risd

📹 new social environment: jack whitten

📹 a little fruity: the tech bro oligarchy

🗣️ mark armijo mcknight in conversation with garth greenwell

📹 why mothers are so miserable

📹 how to fall down a curiosity rabbit hole and reconnect to your creativity by anna howard

🎙️ cleanliness by overthink podcast

🗣️ maggie nelson and darcey steinke on the brooklyn rail

📹 diedrick brackens, craft in america

📹 we need to talk about kevin, and his mother by antiheroines

🎙️ dartmouth artist in residence talk, yasi alipour

🗣️ undoing suicidism with alexandre baril on theory and philosophy

📹 redefining madness: clarice lispector by heaven sent honey

studio moments 🎀

pdf puddle and articles 🎀

📑 For Mindy Seu, Digital Archiving Isn’t Just a Job—It’s a Lifestyle by delia cai

📑 feminist polemic now! the forgotten form cracks open better questions by grace byron

📑 making space in an online archive by mindy seu

📑 when the battles lost and won by audrey wollen

📑 Hans Bellmer in The Art Institute of Chicago:The Wandering Libido and the Hysterical Body

Kate H Wells Ancestral Irreplaceable

134KB ∙ PDF file

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Total Institutions By Kathleen Jones And A

111KB ∙ PDF file

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my beloved april mind map 🎀

April 2025

27MB ∙ PDF file

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sketchbook pages 🎀

ophelia

(selected!) stuff i made this month

some sketchbook spreads 🎀

consumption list!

📺 third places, stanley cup mania and the epidemic of loneliness by Mina Le

📺 what happened to cool tech?

🎙️ being with towards death, julie reshe

🎙️ death drive and being towards death, a conversation between todd mcgowan and julie reshe

📺 gen z and the decline of critical thinking by Raya

📺 wait… facts care about your feelings and feelings care about facts? by olisunvia

📺 convinience culture is killing our creative impulses

📺 god is a girl online by final girl digital

🖼️ 🗣️ nick mosrzewski in conversation with naomi riddle

📺 why selfish women heal society by anna howard

📺 it is that deep, you just refuse to swim by celine

📺 the uncanny nature of being in a body by alastair

🎙️ what are children for? a conversation with Anastasia Berg

📺 max &ruby max issues the bus , max’s worm cake and max’s rainy day ep. 3

📺 the most hated sculptor you probably recognize by solar sands

📺 conspiracy by contrapoints

🎙️ a woman’s season in hell by heaven sent honey

🎙️ writing by overthink

🎙️ intuition by overthink

🎙️ cecilia vicuña by the great woman artists

🎙️ katharine grosse by the great woman artists

🎙️ esteban jefferson by sound and vision

🎙️ ecstasy by overthink

march mind map💗

March 2025

8.62MB ∙ PDF file

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studio shots (potentially some spoilers 🤫)

studio moments:

website whimsy:

Maggie Appleton: a brief history of& ethos of the digital garden

• this is a good place to start but the whole website is a beautiful rabbit hole

the cabinet of solar plexus: blog spot

• i dont know how i got there but im glad i did

art bouillon

• amazing unica zürn stuff and then i just stayed for everything else

consumption list

📕 unica zürn: art writing and postwar surrealism

🎙️ the art angle: small art trend

🎙️ the week in art: 2/6

🎙️ sound and vision: greg ito

🎙️ the art angle: identity politics

🎙️ the week in art: 2/13

🎙️ sound and vision: remembering Walter Robinson

🎙️ sound and vision: Rose Nestler

📕 🎙️ the open work by umberto eco

💻 the death of nuance and the critical thinking drought

💻 interview with painter Lois Dodd

💻 creating a digital garden to end doom scrolling

💻 can street art survive modern capitalism?

💻 philosophy tube: was Nietzche woke?

💻 final girl: why lolita is impossible to adapt into film

pdf puddle:

41782 Mulder Ac Divine Flesh

4.19MB ∙ PDF file

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🎀esra Plumer Unica Zürn Art, Writing And Postwar Surrealism I

22.1MB ∙ PDF file

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Eco Umberto The Poetics Of The Open Work

185KB ∙ PDF file

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a natal lacuna (translated)

4.51MB ∙ PDF file

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layout for thesis that no one’s gonna see because it’s in rhode island

and if you made it this far below is a screenshot of book III, pg. 15, of course it’s not completely legible as it requires the corresponding books to read in its entirety but consider it foreshadowing of sorts

sketchbook slop 🧶

link lounge 🛋️

• a crack in my venn diagram

• knots in time

• strangely disturbing and disgustingly human

• the curious world of dollhouse graves

• web weaving (ps. this is my favorite website in the whole universe)

pdf puddle💧

Statements Of Intent By Mark Godfrey

2.54MB ∙ PDF file

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Without End No State Of Drawingness No, Rather: The Executioner's Taking Off

2.81MB ∙ PDF file

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An Archival Impulse By Hal Foster

7.96MB ∙ PDF file

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Of Other Spaces

3.08MB ∙ PDF file

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Political Discourse And The Hospital Heterotopia

983KB ∙ PDF file

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Adrienne Rich: The Dream Of Common Language

855KB ∙ PDF file

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consumption list🍴

📚 i’m like a pdf but a girl

🎙️ sound and vision: 2024 recap with Brian Boucher

🎙️ sound and vision: emily noelle lambert

🎙️ the art angle: 2024 year in art

🎙️ the art angle: lucy lippard on a life in and out of art

🎙️ the art angle: arts new yen for psychoanalysis

🎙️ the art angle: what makes spine tingling art

🎙️ overthink podcast: disagreement

🎙️ the week in art: the year ahead, 2025

🎙️ overthink podcast: dark moods with mariana alessandri

🎙️ the art angle: the vibe shifted in art, now what?

• 🎶 perverts by Ethel Cain

• 🎶 Magic Oneohtrix Point Never by Oneohtrix Point Never

• 🎶 The Money Store by Death Grips

• 🎶 alligator bites never heal by Doechii

studio moments💫

and for those who made it down here: another small excerpt from my book i’m working on xoxo

on the state of drawingness

I’ve been thinking a lot about the subconscious, possibly because I've been giving into my urges of spilling onto a page; or because of Unica Zurn— or both or neither. Regardless, my drawings made on a whim had always felt like sludge coming out of a frivolous desire to move my hands, but the carnage preceding the drawing is the drawing and the drawing is the makeup of all that it has consumed. This conclusion, a result of reading Without End no State of Drawingness no, rather: The Executioners Taking Off now serving as a form of justification (or rather permission) “The drawing carries traces of blows, of bruises and even of blood.” Many of my drawings do contain my blood, not on purpose, but rather accidentally since I often sew the paper (always by hand), pricking myself in the process but not bothering to stop in fear of interrupting flow, it becomes part of the state in which it was all created. I'm realizing now that the drawings themselves are not coming out of nowhere like the way we had once believed maggots to arrive on rotting meat. As if dark magic. Parasitism from thin air. Rather there’s a whole veiled system, ecology, that's existing outside of our sight. “The drawing wants to draw what is invisible to the naked eye.” As I write this response I'm glancing over at this free association drawing I did yesterday, it's random and it’s nothing but also everything. It's everything that the fly which laid the egg that produced the maggot had once consumed. It's not far from how I write either, which happens in bouts and spurts and can be traced back and linked to scrawlings spread across sketchbooks spanning months or years, across screenshots of mildly concerning thoughts furiously typed into the notes app on my phone. Organized chaos.

“its suffering but its joy”