so, thank you, august, for showing me how much more special life can be when you’re living the dream you’ve always dreamt!

movies

i am not proud of this short list, i wanted to be able to watch more (and also wanted to watch the odyssey) but time is not on my side lately, i get home from class exhausted and having to study for the rest of the day, which kinda makes me sick that i can’t watch all of the movies i want whenever i want anymore :(

• spider-man: brand new day - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - yes, i watched it again (and im craving a third rewatch)! i just loved the movie so so much, i can’t stop thinking about it. tom’s acting in this was insanely good, it’s gotten me back to reading peter parker fanfics after 5 years!

• the matrix - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5 - pretty scary as someone who hates ai

• wit - ⭐️⭐️⭐️ - had to watch it for my ethics class, and this is so sad???? made me tear up

• the whisper man - ⭐️⭐️⭐️ - a good murder mystery imo, just not that great i guess… i was hoping for more horror

• the invite - ⭐️⭐️⭐️.5 - i waited so long to watch this one, but it was supposed to be a solo movie date and ended up being a movie night at home, but i laughed a lot, and the visuals are perfect, i need that apartment

books

with books, august was really good for me. i read a lot of good books and also found a new favorite!!

• if we were villains, M.L. Rio - ⭐️⭐️⭐️.5 - such a captivating story, beautiful and terrible at the same time. i expected a little bit more since i love the secret history, but it was amazing nonetheless.

• blue sisters, Coco Mellor’s - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - words cannot describe how i felt reading this, Avery is me ok.

• stoner, John Williams - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5 - classic of the month! loved the college vibes (very fitting) and i found myself very touched by his life

• the bell jar, Sylvia Plath - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - secret project coming up, so i can’t say much about this one yet 🤫

tv shows

i finished the 3 seasons of daredevil (loved), started the 5th? season of outer banks, and watched sterling point (LOVED).

podcasts

i need to get back into my podcast listening routine, i ended up abandoning them during august.

music

i still cannot listen to phoebe’s new album (im scared), but gracie’s was on repeat as you can see, and my study playlist was on during all times.

purchases

as for purchases, i bought many essentials, such as a heat protectant for my hair from revlon and sunscreen, a mini hairbrush to add to my uni bag, new hair claw clips, and my favorite thing ever: my pink nespresso cup!!!! i love it, iced coffees have never been the same.

this is it for august, bestiessss!!!! i have so many things planned for my substack, i have not forgotten you, i promise! see you next week <3

now that uni has started, i also get home exhausted, but i’m not miserable anymore, i actually kind of love? the feeling. i leave my house on weekends and do not feel guilty that i “lost” study hours, because, honestly, life is not only about studying 24/7. to live life to it’s full potential, i realized that socializing with the people i love is also a part of it.

of course the perfectionism is still there, it has not left me, but i’ve been trying to tune it down since i almost had a burnout a few years ago. it’s a slow journey and non-linear, there are days that i catch myself falling back into that old pattern of thinking. and yet, once i realized my life is not going to end if i didn’t finish my winter reading list by the end of winter, i became much lighter. not everything i do needs to be a chore, nor does it need to be done perfectly.

circling back to living life to it’s full potential, now that i’m in uni and in my 20’s, i’ve been going out almost every weekend, and it is so fun. i forgot how much fun it is, to leave the house and enjoy some time away from class with my friends. i’m also more motivated to study during the week, because when the weekend comes i want to be able to spend time with my parents and friends without needing to do 1001 things that i ended up not doing during the week.

going from a depressed 16 year old to a never-been-happier 20 year old changed me, i am not the same person i was 4 years ago, i like to go to parties, i don’t overwork myself to the ground, i actually take breaks between study sessions now and the best part: i have the urge to live more and more each day. i romanticize the shit out of my life, because yes, i do get home tired and exhausted from a whole day at uni, but i try to stay positive about it all since this was my dream one day.

i feel like that’s the secret for a well lived life, romanticizing it but also acknowledging the hard moments without negative thoughts. in a way, uni brought the whimsy back to my life, i have new friends, new motivation, and a new will to live my life and i am loving every single second of it.

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ugh how i missed sharing my thoughts with you! i’ve been thinking about writing this for a few weeks now, and finally found the time! hope you liked this short and personal essay (my favorite kind to write), and i’ll see you next week!!

july was a great month, i bought my iPad (and got addicted to it, i hate my phone and how small it is compared to it), had a girl’s night and watched the sunset in one of my favorite spots during a warm winter day (crazy weather lately), got a much needed haircut and got my nails done, spent time with my boyfriend, travelled to this city called Foz do Iguaçu in Brazil that shares a border with Argentina and Paraguay, and i had so so much fun! I’ll share everything i bought on the trip later on this post, but i’m so happy with everything! finally saw the iguazu falls on both the argentinian and brazilian sides, and drank a lot of amazing argentinian wines (currently drinking a pinot noir that i got there).

unfortunately, i haven’t been consistent with my gym routine, which is something i really want to change in august. but life has been super chaotic, as i came back from my trip, my dog had a really weird bruise on her face and i took her to the vet (she’s okay now, but because she’s 16 years old, i was super worried) and i also watched the new spider man movie on wednesday and i loved ittt!!

movies

it was a good month for movies! i watched a few and got to update my winter watchlist!

• sentimental value - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5 - looooved this movie! i delayed watching it, afraid to be disappointed by it, but as an older daughter, this movie touched a deep part of me, it definitely deserved best international film at the oscars!

• obsession - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5 - such a creative plot to a horror movie, i cannot believe there was a time i hated horror movies, thank god that phase is over, otherwise i would not have watched this masterpiece.

• the life of chuck - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - i was really confused at first, but when it clicked? instant 5 stars. def worth the watch.

• the sheep detectives - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - i sobbed so much watching this… it’s an amazing movie, please watch this, it’s so cute!! corny, but super cute (and sad)

• ratatouille - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - one of the best disney movies imo, i love everything about it! brings back a lot of memories from childhood

• the shining - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - finally rewatched it! i really like this one.

• scream - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - def a horror month for me, but i just love them nowadays!

• scary movie - ⭐️⭐️⭐️ - boyfriend really wanted to watch it, it’s very funny, but not my favorite.

• wuthering heights (2026) - ⭐️⭐️⭐️.5 - also watched this with boyfriend while i was reading the book and i stand on my first rating of it! i do like it, i just wish it was similar to the book

• bridget jones’ diary - ⭐️⭐️⭐️.5 - also a rewatch and a movie on my winter watchlist, but i finally caught the p&p references lol

• dead of winter - ⭐️⭐️⭐️ - watched this on my roadtrip and had a good time! very tense

• i saw the tv glow - ⭐️⭐️.5 - i got the message it was trying to say i just did not like it?

• spider-man: no way home - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - oh yes, i finally rewatched this after 5 years (i’ve never watched it after it was released in 2021 because it hurt too much), i can definitely say it still hurts just as bad, if not worse.

• 2001: a space odyssey - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - i’m ashamed to say i had never watched this before, but i loved it

• spider-man: brand new day - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - ugh, spider-man is my favorite superhero and i love tom’s spidey and peter parker. this movie was really sad and human, i loved everything, i cannot wait 5 years to see what happens next, please 😭

books

• bunny, Mona Awad - ⭐️⭐️⭐️ - i was expecting something more, i don’t know what it is. i enjoyed reading it, but something was missing for me to love it.

• famesick, Lena Dunham - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - i love memoirs, and this one was not any different, i love Dunham’s storytelling and i could read 1000 more pages of it. what she went through is unbearably painful and i cannot imagine how she kept going.

• wuthering heights - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - my classic of the month for july, i loved reading it! by the end i was a tiny bit bored, hence the 4 stars rating and not 5, but it’s safe to say i adore the Brönte sisters!

a slow reading month for me, but i took my sweet time with them and enjoyed every moment and word.

tv shows

while i read famesick, i started and finished girls (it was an obsession okay, yes i watched every single episode in less than a month). i also finished again the falcon and the winter soldier again (i blame brand new day for rebooting my marvel addiction) and i started daredevil as well! i also watched widow’s bay on apple tv, and i need more seasonsssss, i was addicted.

podcasts

music

Gracie’s new album was on repeat this month! my favorites were daughter from hell, minibar and men like you. (but i loved them all).

purchases

and now, the most awaited part (i think? hope?) of this post: everything i bought on my roadtrip!!! i made so many good purchases girls, i cannot believe it!

my parents got me new AirPods!! who remembers on my wishlist post, i mentioned my AirPods were on their last days? my parents were kind enough to buy them as a gift for me, and i love them. it’s the AirPods 4 — the normal ones, without noise cancellation!

i bought a candle from bath & body works, mahogany vanilla! it smells so clean and i love it! a bag from guess, i was looking to buy a bag that i could wear on the go and also out at night/to parties, and this one was perfect, it was on my budget and fits everything i need! i also got a victoria’s secret wallet, and it’s so cute, i’m in love and a vs bra as well! the bra is so comfortable, it's insane. and my favorite thing ever, medicube face masks! i was so excited to buy them, i can’t wait to try them out!! i didn’t buy that many things because i got some expensive things that i wanted, but i’m really happy with my purchases!

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hope you liked this catching up, i’ll see you next wednesday for a fun and a most anticipated one for me <3

i feel like it’s a great way to start, i’ve read so many classics by now that i would not have picked up if it was up to me randomly choose a book to read. and i also feel like this strategy can be applied to any genre of book you want: want to read more nonfiction? read a nonfiction a month! do you only read nonfiction and want to venture to fiction? read a fiction book a month! it’s simple, but very effective in my opinion.

after 2 years of doing this, i now changed it to at least one classic a month, because sometimes i do pick up a book that is considered a classic but that i didn’t choose it as the “classic of the month” (which is what i like to call the ones i choose!). and, in honor of reading 24 classics, i wanted to share all of them with you, categorized by how hard to read they were, so if you are a beginner to the classic world, you can also start this monthly project!

beginner classics

• white nights by Fyodor Dostoevsky (also the first classic book i read, back in july 2024!)

• the great gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald

• a christmas carol by Charles Dickens

• the metamorphosis by Franz Kafka

• the death of ivan ilych by Leo Tolstoy

• bonjour tristesse by Françoise Sagan

intermediate (but still very easy to read) classics

• northanger abbey by Jane Austen

• persuasion by Jane Austen

• mrs. dalloway by Virginia Woolf

• to kill a mockingbird by Harper Lee

• the bluest eye by Toni Morrison

• agnes grey by Anne Brontë

• a room with a view by E.M Forster

intermediate to advanced classics

• the picture of dorian gray by Oscar Wilde

• to the lighthouse by Virginia Woolf

• a room of ones own by Virginia Woolf

• pride and prejudice by Jane Austen

• an apprenticeship or the book of pleasures by Clarice Lispector

• sense and sensibility by Jane Austen

• slow days, fast company by Eve Babitz

• the age of innocence by Edith Wharton

• jane eyre by Charlotte Brontë

advanced classics

• madame bovary by Gustave Flaubert (i found this one very hard to read, but i do want to revisit it soon)

• quincas borba by Machado de Assis (a brazilian author that everyone adores, but i had a hard time getting into the story)

if you want to keep up with my classics of the month, i made a list on goodreads that i update as soon as i finish them that i’ll link here!!! and also, to share this months classics, i’ll be reading wuthering heights by Emily Brontë! i’m really excited for this one, since i read the other two Brontës this year and loved them! (it’s a Brontë year for me). and please share your favorite classics with me!

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i absolutely hate being like this, and i have been trying to get out of this all-or-nothing mindset that comes with perfectionism. i never start anything, unless i know it’s going to be perfect, or i have all of the perfect things to start it — like my youtube channel, it took me years to start it, and when i did, i started doubting myself because my editing was not perfect, so i just stopped posting! i hate hate hate this mindset, it has stopped me from trying so many things, in fear of being judged for failing, or just judged in general.

setting unrealistic high standards from such a young age damaged my life in an irreparable way, i don’t remember a time when i wasn’t constantly thinking that i should not try something if i know it won’t be perfect on the first try, which is absurd, of course it is, but in my brain that makes perfect sense. i think i think like this because i was always told i needed to set the example for my little sister and cousins, not that it’s a bad thing, but i internalized that as i need to be perfect for others and set this ridiculous standard for myself. i brought this up to therapy last year, because i was exhausted of trying to be perfect and never achieving it, i constantly skipped workout days because if i didn’t start on monday (for whatever reason) i could not start on tuesday, i had to wait until next monday. i still do this, it’s an unconscious problem, if i don’t go one day, i probably am not going for the rest of the week.

“They told me all of my cages were mental
So I got wasted like all my potential
And my words shoot to kill when I'm mad
I have a lot of regrets about that
I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere
Fell behind all my classmates, and I ended up here” - Taylor Swift

after this rant about how i hate being a perfectionist, i also wanted to share the ways i’ve been trying to overcome it (at least in a few areas of my life): posting weekly articles here, even if it isn’t perfect, even if it has grammar mistakes, even if no one reads it! this has helped a lot, i used to post once a month here, but posting weekly made my life so much better, my account grew and i met so many great people here! i try to ask for help every time i need, of course sometimes i’m stubborn and do not ask for it, but i’ve been changing my mindset around it. i used to think it was a sign of weakness, but i realized it actually is a sign of strength and courage. rest is also being productive, i learned this the hard way, my therapist told me i needed to prioritize rest, otherwise i would be burn out by the end of the year (specially when i was studying for uni exams, which are exhausting and demand a lot from you). i realized i needed to rest, and actually taking a break is not the end of the world. which is why i read and watch a lot of movies/tv shows, in a way, the only way i can actually rest is actively doing something, but at least i'm not thinking about anything else during it. (it’s not ideal, but it’s the way i found to not think rest = failing!)

my uni starts in less than a month now, so i’ve been trying to change my mindset around being perfect, because i know it made me miserable in high school. striving for the most perfect grades was tiring, it burned me out every time the end of the school year came, it was not healthy at all. of course, i will still try to get good grades but i now know i don’t need to be perfect, i can rest, i can ask for help!

i know this path i’m on is not easy and will probably never end, since i grew up thinking this way and changing the way you always thought is very hard. but i wanted to share this with you, in case you’re deep in a perfectionist crash out, hating yourself and the way you think: it gets better! the healing journey is not linear, there’ll be days you’ll doubt yourself, but there’ll also be days that you’ll just try new things for the sake of trying new things. you’re not alone in this <3

june was insane, filled with moments together with everyone i love! i went out with my best friends for drinks and chats, baked an insane amount of cookies, watched my nba team become nba champions (still not over that), had brazilian valentine’s day and in the next day, brazil played in the world cup, which is an event itself! i hang out with my friends, saw my long distance friend Bia just before she went on vacay, which was amazing! my bestie also came over yesterday to watch brazil x japan! so so fun, i love the world cup (and being brazilian).

i have not been consistent with my 75 soft challenge, i should be able to do it properly, seeing i am not currently studying nor do i have any work, but i’ve been feeling very down lately, specially with the cold winter days. but i’m trying to get back into a steadier routine in july!

movies

• the break-up - ⭐️⭐️⭐️ - very fun and silly!

• before sunrise - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - a rewatch of one of my favorite movies of all time, i never get tired of it! if you never watched it, please do it right now and let your life be changed forever.

• paris, texas - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - i honestly was pretty bored in the first half, but the movie is insanely beautiful by the end.

• a time to kill - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5 - i have a very unpopular opinion, but after i read to kill a mockingbird i could not understand why it was such a revolutionary piece about racism (partly because Brazilian literature is years ahead on the same topic) but this movie is what i wish to kill a mockingbird was! insane acting by Matthew McConaughey

• the visit - ⭐️⭐️.5 - i watched this with my boyfriend on valentine’s day, he enjoyed it more than i did. i was expecting way more from the movie!

• the theory of everything - ⭐️⭐️⭐️ - i honestly thought i would enjoy it more, i just did not care for it! it was fun and the acting was good, but something didn’t click for me.

• spider-man homecoming - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - a comfort movie of mine! tom holland’s spider man IS my favorite, and i don’t want to hear a single thing about it (i hear enough from my boyfriend)

• spider-man far from home - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5 - great movie with a huge plot twist! can you tell i bought tickets to watch the new spider man movie? i was doing a rewatch, but i can not bring myself to rewatch no way home lol, i watched once when it came out and never had the courage to relive the traumatic events.

very bad month of movies for me, but i got addicted to a tv show later in the month, and i’ve been watching sentimental value for some time now, i just never seem to want to watch it lol

books

great month of books! i finished my autumn tbr in june and already started the winter one!

• memoirs of a dutiful daughter, Simone de Beauvoir - ⭐️⭐️⭐️ - i love Simone, but god was this a boring memoir! so dense for what reason!!!

• martyr!, Kaveh Akbar - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - insane!!! this book is devastatingly beautiful and so well done! the topics it touches on are so important and interesting to our current time

• the age of innocence, Edith Wharton - ⭐️⭐️⭐️ - gossip girl if it was written in the 1870’s (also just remembered that they do a play about this book in gg!!) i liked it, the writing is amazing and easy to read but the story itself, while perfect on paper, was not executed well in my opinion! i was very bored throughout most parts of the book

• pachinko, Min Jin Lee - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5 - this book is amazing, as a history lover this felt like a history lesson for me, as i had no idea koreans had gone through so many hardships and struggles, even when the war was over! very enlightening and interesting read!! the only thing that kept it from being a 5 star was the time jumps!! they skipped so many years, i would read 100 pges more if it meant i could read more about them

tv shows

i finally caved and started love island! it’s an addiction. i watched most of the new season in two days and i’m up to date now on the episodes. i also am almost done with gilmore girls’ season 6. i did start every year after, but this one did not become an obsession, i haven’t finished it yet.

podcasts

music

with a new song from Taylor and Olivia’s new album, june was amazing music wise! i also got obsessed with Noah Kahan’s latest album (late to the hype) and Gracie’s new album can not come soon enough!!

my favorites from you seem pretty sad for a girl so in love are begged (unfortunately, there was a time in my life that i would have related very bad to this song, so it’s a very personal one), expectations and u+me=<3!

i did not buy anything this month! who is proud of me? i’ve been saving money for my trip in july!

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this is a short one, but as always, i really had fun doing this and sharing my month with you! hope july is amazing to us <3 see you next week!

you see, it’s easy to romanticize the winter when it happens during the holidays, but my winter is in the middle of the year, i don’t have the magic of christmas to look up to, or the snow to be even more magical. i got cold days, unstoppable rain and the hope for spring to come early. but, i will try my best to minimize the winter blues this year! i am on a mission!!!

winter essentials

• cinnamon oatmeal - a simple, yet warm and cozy food for winter breakfasts!

• vitamin d - just came back from a doctor’s appointment and while my vitamin d is ok, she asked me to take some for a month since winter is here and the sun tends to be shy

• warm socks - a winter need! i have to buy some more but i just love wearing cozy and warm socks

• matching pajama sets - a way to romanticize your morning and night routine! having a cute matching set is amazing and i love taking a shower before i get into bed just so i can cozy up myself in my pjs!

• thick moisturizer - cold = dry skin, so a thick moisturizer is very much welcome! my favorite is the avène cilcafate one!

• reading by the fireplace - if you have one, it's the best way to stay warm and to read by! grab a blanket and a book, and sit for hours on end! the perfect way to end a super busy day

• make hot chocolate - i need to try this one! i love hot chocolates!

• reading winter books and winter classics - just one of the best ways to romanticize a season: reading seasonal books. although it’s hard to find winter books that aren’t holiday themed, i will be sharing my own winter tbr with you in this post!!

• working out 4-5x a week - moving your body on the winter is so so important! i know it’s hard, i also have some days where i just do not want to go to the gym, but your body will thank you!

• no scrolling before 9am and after 8pm - try out a new (or old) hobby this season! no socials during those times, you’ll notice a huge shift in your own life if you keep doing it consistently! (it really is that damn phone, i swear)

• warm cup of tea before bed- i'm not a huge tea fan but i did find one that i love! it’s a camomile, honey and vanilla one. i drink it every night before bed, it helps me stay warm, and to sleep better.

• watching a movie under the blankets - one of the best things to come out of the cold months: warm blankets and movie marathons!

• sleepover with friends - just because we’re adults it does not mean we have to abandon sleepovers! make hot chocolate, bake some cookies or brownies and pick a tv show or movie to watch with your friends! avoid isolating yourself too much

• cashmere scarves - the best way to add color to the outfit and stay warm!

my winter tbr

i’ll share my tbr from last year and also the one i made for 2026! i feel like it’s so much better reading cozy books in the winter (some of these might not be classified as winter, but who cares!!!)

2025

• atmosphere, Taylor Jenkins Reid

• the only one left, Riley Sager

• quincas borba, Machado de Assis

• lapvona, Otessa Moshfegh

• the woman destroyed, Simone de Beauvoir

• intermezzo, Sally Rooney

• a room of one’s own, Virginia Woolf

• dinner for vampires, Bethany Joy Lenz

• the nightingale, Kristin Hannah

• babel, R.F Kuang

2026

• bunny, Mona Awad

• fame sick, Lena Dunham (sometimes i just choose books i really want to read lol, they don’t really have to be wintery)

• blue sisters, Coco Mellors

• wuthering heights, Emily Brönte

• almond, Sohn Won-Pyung

• stoner, John Williams

• if we were villains, M.L Rio

• frankestein, Mary Shelley

• winter garden, Kristin Hannah

• the passion according to G.H, Clarice Lispector

a few other recs for winter books: the secret history by Donna Tartt; a good girl’s guide to murder by Holly Jackson; white nights by Fyodor Dostoevsky; i who have never known men by Jacqueline Harpman; dracula by Bram Stoker; Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy; northanger abbey by Jane Austen; the brothers Karamazov by Fyodor Dostoevsky. (any russian literature classic is automatically a winter book in my opinion! also murder mysteries are more then welcome in the winter reading lists)

winter movies

i love watching movies under blankets or by the fireplace at night! so cozy up and let me share my lists of winter movies! (again, all for the vibes of the movies, please don’t come for me if you don’t agree! these are all based on my own opinion since some of them i still have yet to watch!)

• the shining

• the godfather

• when harry met sally

• wuthering heights

• matrix

• scream

• 2001: a space odissey

• frankestein

• the life of chuck

• little women (2019 is my favorite)

• black swan

• coraline

• eternal sunshine of the spotless mind

• anatomy of a fall

• nosferatu

• the grand budapest hotel

• bridget jones’ diary

• edward scissorhands

• harry potter and the prisoner of askaban

i am excited for winter for the first time in years, only because uni starts in august and we have our anual family trip at the end of july! thanks for reading this week’s post! if you are reading this and it’s currently summer for you, i have a post about my summer tbr and my old summer post as well, if you want to check that out! thanks for reading, and see you next week <3

just because you are going through a rough patch in your love life, in your studies or with your family, does not mean that everyone else has to be miserable to keep you company! i’ve been noticing this pattern of the need to make everyone as sad as you are even more lately, specially after i got into uni and every single one of my friends and relatives started telling me i shouldn’t be so excited and happy because when uni starts i will be miserable and wish to leave that place asap. like, sure, if you are choosing a major you hate, you definitely are going to be miserable in uni and hate everything that comes with it, but why is it so hard for them to understand that i actually want to be a dentist and i’m excited to learn all about it? i’ve always wanted to go to uni, my scape from the hells of high school was the fact that soon i would be studying something i actually liked and not everything and more. same with the past 2 years, which i was studying for uni admission exams, that have the same contents as high school. i couldn’t handle it anymore, all i wanted was to study something new, learn new things… not the same subjects i've been studying since i was 15!

everyone told me that uni would be so much harder than studying for uni admissions, but they’re not right, at least in my opinion (and in the tiktok i saw that inspired this rant). studying to get into uni is hard, not because of the subjects, but because it makes you depressed and anxious. one exam can determine wether you’re attending uni next year or not. tell me how that is not nerve racking and anxiety inducing? knowing that if you don’t pass, you’ll have to wait a whole year to get in again destroyed my mental health and was one of the reasons i decided to change from medicine to dentistry.

i think we should all love ourselves and our lives more. the grass isn’t always greener, and you should be trying to make it as green as you like on your side! romanticize the hard moments, they are always teaching you something. a few days ago i was reading my old journal, from when i was 16, and i was absolutely miserable, but i am so grateful to have gone through that, it taught me so much. same goes from when i was 18, studying for uni admissions (yes, we’re coming back to this sorry, it’s a huge part of my life!), on the verge of a burnout, hating myself more than anything. i look back now and i’m so happy i didn’t get what i wanted during that time, i would have never appreciated it in the right way. time teaches you and also heals wounds you never thought possible to be healed.

it’s true what they say: misery does love company. we normalized trying to put happy people down just because we, ourselves, are miserable. but that is just so so wrong. why must they be miserable as well? why can’t we want them to be happy and look at them as an inspiration, as a way to see that we can also be happy?

we should always look on the bright side of life, and always be grateful for every single moment we get. studying at the third best university in my country is such a privilege, why can't i be excited? why should i dread something that hasn’t even started yet? both my parents used to tell me that when we go into something with a negative mindset, of course it won't work out the way we intended it to. but if you go into it with a positive mindset, life will reward you in some way.

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so, if you ever have gone through something similar, my advice is to just tune out the misery and romanticize the shit out of it!!! it is your life, not anyone else’s! let's look at life with a glass half-full kind of mindset, and i promise you, you’ll start seeing life with different eyes. thank you for reading, see you next week <3

the first type of love i think everyone experiences, is parental love. my parents are one of my best friends ever, they are my biggest fans and i know i’ll always have a home to come back to whenever i need it. i know i’m lucky, and it’s not the same for everyone, specially to have both parents still married and in love. my parents are the blueprint for me, they are partners in life and in evert aspect, they barely fight in front of me and my sister, even 20 years later! we have had our fights and our relationship is not perfect but i never doubted their love for me. and i feel like that’s a very special kind of love to have, one that cannot be substituted or changed. my dad’s love for me is shown whenever i talk about my interests (like Taylor Swift, Harry Styles, books and movies) and instead of just listening to me, he actually gets interested in it and asks questions about them. my mom shows her love for me whenever she makes my favorite food without me asking, or when she goes grocery shopping and comes back with a sweet treat i’ve been talking about for a while. their love taught me that love is something you choose every day, not just something you feel. i cannot imagine not having their love for me in life and i love them both so much, sometimes it hurts to think that i'm not going to live with them forever!

another love, that to me, is one of the most important, is my grandma’s love. i have a deep connection with her, i could always talk to her about anything and she would do anything to see me smiling. she’s the bestest grandma in the world!!!! she gets so happy whenever i just drop by to see her, or when i go to have lunch at her house! she cries every time i do something special, like on my birthday, when i got my first white coat, she cried from happiness, she’s so cute. i saw a while ago, a tiktok that said “your grandma’s prayers are still protecting you” and never has something been more truer. i love that woman!!! i am not ready to lose her (she’s still pretty young and very healthy tho!)

still on the topic of love inside a family, we’re moving on to sisterly love. i am the eldest daughter in my family, my sister and i are 3 and a half years apart but ever since my mom told me, 17 years ago, that i was going to be a big sister, life has never been the same. having a younger sibling changes you, it changes the way you see the world, it changes your own life. it’s not like we don't fight, when we were kids we were always fighting, but the magic thing about sisterhood is that 5min later we’re best friends again and laughing about something else, the reason for the fight completely forgotten. my sister will never understand the maternal feelings i have for her, because i am the eldest daughter, but she is kind of like my own daughter to me, she’s my first baby and i love her, even tho she steals my clothes and doesn’t clean them after!

now, another type of love i’ve been lucky enough to experience is the love of a dog, more specific, my childhood dog. we adopted her when i was almost 4 years old, and here we are, i’m 20 and she's 16, still a happy and healthy (as an old dog can be). Jully has been with me for most of my life, and we grew up together, she has known every version of me. sometimes i look at her and realize that she's one of the few constants i've ever had. no matter how much my life changed, she was always there waiting for me when i get home, like i’ve been away for years instead of only hours. she doesn't care about my grades, my plans for the future, or whether i'm having a good day. she's just happy to see me. having her by my side during most of my life has taught me a weird kind of love, a love that doesn’t need words, a love that is so pure and beautiful

although i’ve had my fair number of crushes in my teens, it wasn’t until i was almost 17 that i actually fell in love. Lucas was my classmate since the first year of high school, although our friend in common tried to set us up the year before, i had completely forgotten about that. i thought he was cute but never really thought much about it, and then one day, we were at the beach together with our friends, and something just clicked between us. i, of course, didn’t fall in love with him right there and then, but ever since then my love for him only grows each day. i love the way he supports my dreams, the way he celebrates my own achievements as if they were his, how gentle he is with me, how he listens to me — i could spend this whole article writing about him, so i’ll stop here lol. Lucas is the best boyfriend one could ask for at 17, he isn’t perfect (and i think you guys are starting to notice a pattern in here, that love is not perfect and should not be!), we've had rough patches, but every single time, we've come out of them knowing each other a little better. it’s my first relationship and so is his, so we’re always learning and growing together and it is so beautiful. to know someone like we know each other sure is very intimate and scary, but he makes life easier. back in 2024, i was going through a rough time in my life, studying non stop, on the verge of a burnout, but whenever i was with Lucas nothing else mattered, he loves me so much that all of my worries would stop and life would feel lighter once again. our love is easy and fun, but whenever life gets hard i know i can also count on him to be there for him and vice versa!

but!!! romantic love is not the most important kind of love there is, although i do love it! the love i have for my best friend Bruna is out of this world. it feels very close to the love i have for my sisters, which is insane. we met back in 2022, in school, and never looked back. instant best friends. our connection is magical! all of our memories together are filled with laughter, dreams coming true (seeing Harry and Taylor live), deep talks at night… i do think platonic love is sooooo important to have in our lives, it teaches you something entirely different than romantic love. there’s this quote (more like chapter lol), from the book “everything i know about love” that i think about every time i’m hanging out with Bruna:

“Nearly everything i know about love, i’ve learned in my long-term friendships with women… i know what it is to know every tiny detail about a person and revel in that knowledge as if it were an academic subject… i know what it is to love someone and accept that you can’t change certain things about them. And i know how liberating it feels to be loved and accepted with all my flaws in return… i know what it is to feel like you've always got a lighthouse to guide you back to dry land; to feel the warmth of its beam as it squeezes your hand standing next to you at a funeral of someone you loved. i know love can be loud and jubilant… It’s laughing until you wheeze… And i also know that love is a pretty quiet thing… It’s folding pages of books you think they’d find interesting…”

i also have this deep emotional feeling about my girlfriends in general, each of them adds something different to my life and life is just so much better with them by my side. i am deeply and eternally grateful to have such gorgeous and smart women as friends, they deserve the world!

i recently remembered this quote from Ethan Hawke during a red carpet interview: "the one who's in love always wins. it doesn't matter if you get your heart broken. you're living. when you're feeling, you're alive. you know, the sun doesn't care whether the grass appreciates its rays, right? it just keeps on shining. That's you." I found it so beautiful and inspiring, because yes, to love is to be alive!

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in conclusion, i’ve never understood the need to rank different types of love, the love i have for my best friend isn’t greater or smaller than the one i have for my boyfriend. they are completely different feelings and they both occupy different places in my heart, as do my family and my dog. love is not a one-size-fits-all kind of feeling. it is unique to every single person you’ll ever love. it asks different things of us, speaks different languages and arrives in different forms. i am thankful for every single person i have ever loved and i can’t wait to experience different kinds of love as life happens!

thank you for reading, and i’ll see you next week!!

the first half of the month of may was (and always is) very chaotic. my dad, my mother in law and my boyfriend all have birthdays during the first two weeks of the month, and there’s also mother’s day in between them. for my dad’s birthday, he loves trying out new restaurants, so we went to this one in my city and had a delicious meal with some drinks. my mother in law did a little get together at her house and my boyfriend also chose a restaurant.

i also went out with my gorgeous girlfriends during a sunny saturday, it was amazing. i don’t think there’s quite anything as good as going out with your girls to a café and just talking for the whole afternoon and then going on a little walk around the place. i miss them every time i’m not with them, life was much better when we saw each other every single day in school. and i baked a date & walnut cookie! so delicious.

i also started a 75 soft challenge, that you might have seen, since i shared on my notes my rules! it's been going very well, we are 15 days in right now, i just had to spare the 30min movement daily for 7 days because i took my wisdom tooth out, but i’ll get back on that tomorrow. i decided to start this challenge as a way to keep me motivated to keep these simple habits even after uni starts — we all know the academic year is always a mess, and we usually don't prioritize ourselves.

movies

i was on the movie watching grind this month!

• jane eyre - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - i watched it basically right after finishing the book, and it honestly is a great adaptation! i missed a few things that the book touches and they didn’t add to the movie, but overall, a great book-to-screen adaptation!

• the silence of the lambs - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5 - i have a thing for movies that feel like criminal minds (one of my favorite tv shows ever) so of course i would eat up this movie! i don't know why it took me so long to watch it.

• the housemaid - ⭐️⭐️⭐️ - i read the books in 2024, right when the hype was fresh and i enjoyed it. i forgot every single thing that happened in those books tho! but the movie was entertaining at least (minus Sidney Sweeney’s acting, that was horrible)

• the devil wears prada 2 - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - i took my mom and sister to the movies for a mother-daughter movie night and we all loved it! the first is, of course, soo much better, but my expectations for this one were so low, since i usually hate sequels. i loved the topics they touched, the death of print magazines is very personal to me since i grew up with my mom buying them and reading the teen ones. bring back printed media!

• wuthering heights - ⭐️⭐️⭐️.5 - i haven’t read the book *yet* (i will read it soon) and the rating will go down, i know it will. i enjoyed watching it for the most part, i’d say, but the over sexual content was very weird in my opinion. i didn’t really like the soundtrack lol, i know it's controversial since everyone said it saved the movie, but i just didn’t like it.

• murder by numbers - ⭐️⭐️⭐️.5 - me and my kind of shitty crime/murder mysteries forever! this was very fun, and the plot is very clever, but there’s a lot of plot holes in my opinion.

• magnolia - ⭐️⭐️ - absolutely hated this movie, it took me more than a week to watch it completely. i was expecting a deeper connection between every single one of the characters but nothing happened!!!!!!!! maybe i didn’t get the movie but i just could not enjoy it properly.

• the goldfinch - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - also another great book-to-movie adaptation, specially for a 800-page novel. this is another proof that you don’t have to change the plot of the book to make it an interesting movie.

• how to lose a guy in 10 days - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - no words. my favorite movie and rom-com ever! there's nothing quite like it, the NYC in the early 2000’s vibes are amazing in this movie, the costume and the plot is just everything to me. i also am a knicks fan because of this movie, so it felt very fitting to watch it now that they’re in the nba finals after 27 years!

• good will hunting - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - i suddenly remembered i have a fall watchlist to complete and so i watched this movie in a very cloudy autumn day. very fitting and i loved the movie as well.

• the da vinci code - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5 - i watched this one with my sister, and it is my guilty pleasure. i love this movie, ok.

• isle of dogs - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - i thought i would cry a lot, which is why it took me too long to watch it, but i love Wes Anderson’s movies, they’re all so unique and clever!

books

a slow reading month for me, but mainly because i read a huge book during it and then started one that was smaller but took me twice the time to finish it (i didn’t even finish it in may)

• the years, Annie Ernaux - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5 - “save something from the time where we will never be again”. what a book! i loved reading it, the way she told it was different but so beautifully done. the mix of her own history with the world history made it seem she wasn’t just telling her biography, but her generation’s. it was my first Ernaux book and i am eager to read more of her works!

• the goldfinch, Donna Tartt - ⭐️⭐️⭐️.5 - this was the huge book i read in may. i enjoyed it, but got really bored during the middle of it, i was eager to know what was going to happen and then nothing really serious happened? i don’t know if my expectations were too high (due to my love for the secret history) but i was hoping for a different ending, a more chaotic and exciting one.

• agnes grey, Anne Brönte - ⭐️⭐️⭐️ - very quick read and beautifully written! although the story is kind of dull and honestly, agnes is not a great governess! but i liked it, i also wish we would have more of the romance? it was so quick and barely touched on, but i was invested in it.

tv shows

i watched something very bad is going to happen in the beginning of the month, and i loved it. i’m not a very big horror fan, but i can appreciate a good movie/series. i also started 90210, the 90's one, and am obsessed, it's very silly but very entertaining and fun to just put on while cleaning the house and the dishes. i also watched off campus, and i enjoyed it! i read the books back in 2021, and although they are cringe and the tv show is also very cringe, i had fun watching it. i also started the fourth season of gilmore girls!

podcasts

i didn’t really listen to a lot of podcasts this month, but these were my favorites:

music

a very musical month! i loved gracie’s and olivia’s new songs! i can’t wait to listen to olivia’s new album on the 12th of june!

my favorite products

i didn’t buy a lot of things this month, for i am saving my money for my july family trip, but i got a few new highlighters and pens and bought 4 new books! there was this huge sale going on, so i had to. i got the bell jar in that beautiful hard cover edition, the hour of the star by Clarice Lispector, martyr! and white nights.

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so yeah! this is all for this month’s recap! see you next week <3

realistic wishlist

• apple AirPods 4: my AirPods are barely hanging on and i feel like it’s time to buy new ones again, as it has been basically 4 years since i bought mine. i won’t be purchasing them in the near future, but it’s definitely something i need to buy

• too much of life - Clarice’s complete chronicles: i am a big Clarice Lispector fan and i need to have her chronicles in my book collection

  

• nespresso pink ice tumbler: i've been waiting for this one to come out in Brazil!! i already wanted the green one, but when they released the pink, i have to have it asap

• kindle colorsoft: not that i need a new kindle, since my 2021 one is up and running, but i reallyyyyyy want the colorful one because of the colored covers and highlights!

• ipad: i need an iPad before uni starts, i feel like life would be much easier with one and i wouldn’t go on my phone as much? i don’t know, i might be delusional a little bit

  

• vlog camera: i’ve been vlogging so consistently nowadays, but i really wish i had a vlog camera with me so my videos would have much higher quality and, again, i would be off my phone!

• cute (and overpriced) stationery and notebooks: as uni starts approaching me, the need to buy stationery and notebooks starts growing and growing. there’s this brand in Brazil called cicero, with the most beautiful notebooks and planners i’ve ever seen and i will be purchasing something

unrealistic

• pink dyson airwrap: i dream of this ever since 2023. my hair would thank me so much, i use a lot of heat on it every single day, so it would be a nice change but unfortunately the budget i have right now is not even near its price

• miumiu's adventure leather bag: i think this might be my dream bag, at least of the moment. i know it’s basic but it’s so beautiful to me, and it would match most of my outfits

  

• ninja creamy: i tried convincing my parents to getting one but they don’t understand its greatness!!! i am a big ice cream girlie and would love to make my own and a little bit healthier as well. who knows, maybe when i get my own apartment i’ll be able to buy it!!

• rhode’s latest spring products: unrealistic because rhode doesn’t sell in Brazil, but i loved the colors, specially the blush and the pink lip tint!

this week’s post is going to be very short and not that much essay-like, because i’ll be taking my wisdom teeth out and am not in the mood to write any think piece this week! buttt,

i started learning english when i was 8, but i’ve always been immersed in the language, i actually wanted to learn it because i wanted to understand the lyrics of my favorite one direction songs (lol). learning another language made the world feel suddenly larger and more accessible, i started dreaming of another world, of London, New York City, Los Angeles… all i wanted to do was get on a plane and see the world now that i knew how to speak another language! so the yearning for another city never left me, it just grew each year.

there’s another important part of my life, that i would day shaped my longing to move somewhere else and just leave my hometown / country. on my early teen years, i was obsessed with the idea of studying abroad, all i talked about was doing an exchange program during high school. my parents also really wanted that for me, but it was too expensive for them at the time, and my dad said: “if you go to uni, they have programs for you to study whatever you want abroad. never give up on that dream”. but that dream never went away, it evolved into wanting to go to university somewhere else, in the US, London, Paris, Italy, Portugal… i would stay hours and hours researching what i needed to do to study abroad during uni, i would dedicate all my time and energy to getting good grades in high school, but then again, getting financial aid as an international student is not the easiest thing in the world, and i ended up pushing that dream away from the front of my brain.

i would watch videos of international students, get jealous it was never going to be me and cry in my room, i wanted to get away from this place, i wanted the freedom that came with studying abroad. to me, studying abroad always represented the possibility that life could become better and more meaningful than i originally imagined, not because I believed another country would magically solve my life, but because I couldn’t stop imagining who I might become there. i would daydream of studying in London, walking on unfamiliar streets, having my own flat, i craved it (still do tbh).

for a while after that extreme romanticization of studying abroad, that longing for somewhere else evolved into a need for traveling, not necessarily living somewhere else right away, but just going to another city. i had already went to two other countries, other than Brazil (where i live): Uruguay, when i was very little (and i also went back last year!); and Chile in 2019, when i was 13. i was obsessed with Chile, i loved that i finally saw snow for the first time. after that experience, i was a goner. traveling made my longing worse, not better; once I realized how much existed beyond my own little life, i couldn’t stop craving more of it.

however, i still have this guilt of wanting to move abroad and start my life somewhere else. i never want to leave my family’s side, the idea of putting an ocean between us feels almost unbearable sometimes. still, i can’t escape the feeling that parts of me belong somewhere else (that not even i know exactly where). i can’t fathom leaving my little sister, my best friend (although she also yearns for this) or my grandma. i know i would not see them as regularly as i do now and it scared me. what if something happened while i was away? what if i missed too much?

i used to think this constant longing meant I was ungrateful for where I came from. but the older I get, the more I realize it has never really been about rejection. i don’t despise my hometown, or my country, or the life I’ve built here. it’s a kind of fear of never really knowing myself fully if i never leave. there’s something terrifying about leaving everything familiar behind, but there’s also something terrifying about never doing it. unfamiliar places have always represented possibility to me: the possibility of becoming softer, wiser, freer, more alive. sometimes i look at cities i’ve never visited and feel a strange kind of recognition, as though my soul knows that’s where i need to be

i never really thought getting married and having kids would fulfill me, but traveling the world would. i want to eat pasteis de nata in Portugal, try tiramisu in Italy, croissants in France, go to convenience stores in Japan and Korea. i yearn for that, for versions of myself i haven’t met yet, for streets i haven’t walked and cultures i've never seen. i think i’ve been longing for them my whole life, and always will!

i who have never known men by Jacqueline Harpman: i first heard about this book in an Eva Meloche vlog in 2024 and was immediately intrigued. the book follows a group of 40 women imprisoned underground and guarded by men with no explanations, told by the perspective of this one girl who was basically born underground and never knew the world outside. it is a beautifully written book about what it actually means to be human and to this day left me with a lot of questions and a desire to read it again for the first time! (after reading and loving this, i always look forward to Eva’s book recommendations)

the secret history by Donna Tartt: i read this back in 2022, i had no idea what this book was about and went in completely blind, my grandmother got me the paperback for my 16th birthday and i read it during the winter. i was obsessed by the first page, i could not put the book down. i love me a book with an unreliable narrator and this is exactly it. you’re in the dark just as much as the character, Richard, is. the book follows a group of elite classics students at a small college in Vermont who become completely consumed by beauty, intellect, and their obsession with ancient Greek culture. (and even though the "main” part of the plot happens on the prologue, i won’t tell you much about it because in my opinion, going in blind is the best way)

book lovers by Emily Henry: romance books with a lot of character development? count me in. a book with the main character being an eldest daughter? 10/10. i know not everyone likes this book, but i connected with it on a deeper level, mostly because i related a lot to Nora, us both being eldest siblings and doing everything in our power to keep them happy but forgetting about ourselves. Nora has always been a city girl, but when she goes to a small town for the summer with her sister, she keeps running into a book editor she already knows from New York, and the two slowly fall into this sharp, funny, unexpectedly emotional relationship. It’s romantic, but also really about ambition, family, burnout, and the fear of not fitting into the version of life people expect from you. (very thought daughter, right?)

everything i know about love by Dolly Alderton: a memoir / coming-of-age story following the author through her twenties. a very insightful book about love, friendship, life, and just how lonely growing up can feel. i loved the diary entry style of the book, and i loved how Alderton told her story to us.

the death of ivan ilych by Leo Tolstoy: the book follows a wealthy Russian judge whose ordinary, comfortable life is interrupted when he becomes seriously ill. As he realizes he’s dying, he starts questioning whether he ever actually lived meaningfully at all. i first read this back in high school, my literature teacher made us read it, it was my first russian classic and i left hypnotized by it. i still think about this book and actually reread it last year (it got even better the second time). this small novel makes you think so much about your own life, about death and the human experience.

mrs. dalloway by Virginia Woolf: the novel takes place over the course of a single day in Clarissa Dalloway’s life as she prepares to host a party that evening. the novel slowly unfolds into something much deeper — memories of youth, lost love, aging, loneliness, regret, and the quiet ways people struggle to connect with each other. the story also follows Septimus Warren Smith, a war veteran dealing with severe psychological trauma after World War I, whose life becomes unexpectedly linked to Clarissa’s. Virginia is well known for her stream of consciousness writing style, and although it's not everyone’s cup of tea, it is very much up my alley.

happy place by Emily Henry: set in a beach house in Maine, the book moves between the present trip and the history of their relationship, it’s also really about growing up, drifting apart from people you thought would always stay in your life, and the strange grief of realizing that happiness doesn’t always look the way you imagined it would. i connected to it on a deeper level, med school dropout? did Emily Henry read my journal entries? i also love second chance romances, when done right of course, and Emily Henry can do no wrong in my eyes.

normal people by Sally Rooney: normal people follows Connell and Marianne from their last year of school in a small irish town through university, constantly pulling toward and away from each other over the years. it’s a book about love, loneliness, timing, and how deeply people can affect each other without ever fully saying what they mean. and i get it, this book is not for every one, but the way Sally Rooney writes about these two characters is so deep and devastating.

atmosphere by Taylor Jenkins Reid: set during the 1980s space shuttle era, it follows Joan Goodwin, a physics professor who gets selected to train as one of NASA’s first women astronauts. as she enters this intensely competitive, high-pressure world, the book explores ambition, identity, friendship, and love against the backdrop of space exploration. i left this book devastated, if there’s one thing about Taylor Jenkins Reid is that she knows how to make a sad book that will leave you destroyed. (whatever you do, do not read the last few chapters with space oddity by Bowie on repeat! only if you want to finish the book even more destroyed)

beautiful world, where are you by Sally Rooney: this is my favorite book of all time, as of yet! it’s about two best friends in their late twenties as they navigate relationships, work, mental health, and the strange feeling of trying to build a meaningful life in a world that feels unstable. a very much necessary need, specially during hard times (i actually feel like rereading it soon).

the woman destroyed by Simone de Beauvoir: a collection of three stories about women confronting loneliness, aging, betrayal, and the slow collapse of the lives they thought they understood. Simone is a genius and ahead of her time, the topics she wrote in the 60's are still necessary and relatable.

my husband by Maud Ventura: a woman who seems to have the perfect marriage, but beneath her polished daily routine she’s completely consumed by obsession with her husband. and the last chapter? mind blowing. this was a great book and i loved to see how unhinged her inner thoughts actually are!

an apprenticeship or the book of pleasures by Clarice Lispector: a lonely schoolteacher living in Rio de Janeiro, as she slowly learns how to connect with herself, other people, and the idea of love. thoughts drift constantly between philosophy, emotion, memory, and observation, making it feel deeply intimate and almost hypnotic to read. It’s existential, introspective, and written in that very distinct Clarice way where ordinary moments suddenly feel spiritually overwhelming. this was my first Clarice book (i finally got the courage to read it, after years of being afraid somehow?) this book is beautiful, the way Clarice writes is astonishing and captivating!

jane eyre by Charlotte Brönte: Jane, an orphan who grows up neglected and isolated before becoming a governess at Thornfield Hall, where she develops a complicated relationship with the mysterious Mr. Rochester. As Jane tries to build an independent life for herself, the novel explores class, morality, religion, love, and the tension between passion and self-respect. with it’s strong gothic atmosphere, this one is a new addition to my favorites! i loved the prose, the story but specially, i loved Jane. she was amazing, after all she has been through, to still see the good in life is very inspiring.

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that’s about all of my 6 stars books! i hope you enjoy this little post and maybe take my recommendations! have you read any of them? let’s discuss!

i was expecting a lot of references to paintings, sculptures and the process of making fashion, like using the body as a canvas. and the results did not disappoint me! besides the basic men, who, as always, went with their black suits (i don't even care about them anymore), this year — to me — was one of the less misinterpreted themes from the past galas.

but let’s talk now about the outfits i absolutely loved!

Emma has outdone herself with this look. I love seeing her interpretations each year, but this is one of my favorites from the night. The dress is so beautiful and i can see a lot of the paint brushstrokes of Van Gogh and Edvard Munch in it. I thought the idea was very unique and perfectly executed!

cinema is art! i loved this take on what is art from Sabrina. The dress being made of the film of ‘Sabrina’ was genius and i loved it.

Kendall, in my opinion, is the most fashionable of her sisters, and always dresses perfectly to the met gala. this year was no different, Zac Posen’s interpretation of the Winged Victory of Samothrace was perfect.

we’re now entering the universe of Gustav Klimt in the met gala! a lot of looks were inspired by his works (and i love that). Gracie’s was one of my favorites from the night as well and it was inspired by Gustav Klimt’s Portrait of Adele Bloch-Bauer I

Hunter's look, which is also incredibly beautiful, was inspired by Gustav Klimt’s Mäda Primavesi!

when i saw Heidi Klum walking the carpet, i was shocked. this look is so cool and so well done! the reference is impeccable and she went all out with this one.

i love when men are not afraid to dress a little bit more feminine, and i love Connor’s look on his first met gala!

a modern take on what kills Ophelia, Janelle Monáe’s look is amazing and their interpretation of the theme was chef’s kiss!

is this a basic look? sure! but i also loved it, sue me. i loved the silhouette of the dress and the color as well.

The Execution of Lady Jane Grey as the inspiration? INSANELY GOOD.

i liked a lot of this year’s outfits on met gala and decided to just share my favorites with you! see you next week <3

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my birthday celebrations were amazing!! i went out with my close friends to a bar on the saturday before my birthday, and had so much fun, i loved my outfit, i loved the place i chose and i loved seeing (most) of my friends. then on my birthday, i had a celebration with my family and it was amazing, my mom made us a parmesan risotto and i made a tiramisu as cake (tiramisu is my favorite dessert, i had to make it). everything was amazing and delicious, but the most special memory of that night to me was that my godmother (who is a dentist, and if you’ve read a few of my other posts you’d know i just recently got into dental school) got me my first white coat! that moment is engraved in my mind forever.

then, of course, the next big thing that happened in april was me and my boyfriend’s anniversary trip to Curitiba in Brazil! we loved it so much, everything was beautiful, the weather was super warm for this time of year and we got blue skies the whole weekend. the botanic garden was our favorite thing to see, it is so beautiful and we walked a lot through the huge park, i definitely recommend seeing it. we also went to the biggest museum in latin america, Museu Oscar Niemeyer and i loved it, the curation they had there that weekend was really good.

movies

i confess, my movie watching habit was very bad this month, and i barely did. by the end of the month, i was watching a movie a day again, but during it, i was watching more tv shows than i normally do.

• uptown girls - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - i watched this in honor of my 20th birthday. this movie is so dear to me, because when i was a child, i was always told i was too mature for my age and always wanted to be an adult. but now that i am one, i yearn to have those days back.

• the drama - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - one of my most anticipated releases this year, i went to the movies with my best friend to watch it! we loved it and we laughed a lot during it!

• striking distance - ⭐️⭐️⭐️ - i have an obsession with shitty cop/murder mystery movies i - usually - find on Netflix lol. this was no different, very interesting plot but i thought it could have been done better.

• clue - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - i loved this one, and i loved that there were 3 endings to the movie! so clever and kind of unique in a way.

• marty supreme - ⭐️⭐️⭐️ - maybe my rating is a bit controversial, but i do not think this movie was sooooo good as everyone was saying it was. yeah, Timothée’s acting was amazing, but i preferred him in little women and call me by your name (please come back indie french movie Thimothée, we need you). i also thought the story was kind of boring at times, and the movie felt too long. maybe i went with too much expectations because of the marketing campaign, but i enjoyed it, just not as much as i thought i would.

• practical magic - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - a rewatch, but one of my favorite movies ever. the fall 90’s vibes are unmatched, and sisterhood will save you from anything!!!! can’t wait for the sequel this year, although i don’t always like them.

• you’ve got mail - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - another rewatch, another great movie. this is the blueprint for romcoms in my opinion, i love it. the aesthetic is everything and i need my house to look like a nora ephron movie scenario.

• the menu - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - brilliant, unique and amazing plot. entertaining from start to finish. made me crave a cheeseburguer lol

books

i was so sad i hadn’t found a single 5 stars book this year, but that changed this month (it’s like i said, good things always happen to me in april), and i found not one, but two 5 stars books!!!!

• the white album, Joan Didion - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5 - great collection of stories Didion wrote, i loved it, including the ones she was talking about mundane and uninteresting things.

• madonna in a fur coat, Sahabattin Ali - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - my first 5 stars book, and oh did i leave crying because of it. it’s so good, it took me a while to understand what was going on, but in the end i already knew it would become a favorite of mine. so full of yearning and sadness.

• didion and babitz, Lili Anolik - ⭐️⭐️⭐️ - veryyyyy biased towards Babitz, and yes, she says that in the first few words of the book, but i thought she was making Joan Didion look bad, at times, to make Eve look better. i did like the ending.

• jane eyre, Charlotte Brönte - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - my classic of april and my new favorite book (tied in first place with beautiful world, where are you). i loved reading about Jane’s life, the last chapter were very special to me and i cried a lot reading them.

tv shows

of course, i finished watching the second season of the pitt, and i loved it. i also watched a lot of criminal minds episodes during my free time. washing the dishes? criminal minds. getting ready? criminal minds. laying in bed doing absolutely nothing? criminal minds. and that is the reason i barely watched movies lol. i also watched the new season of starting point, the basketball show on netflix with kate hudson, this season was also good and it is a guilty pleasure of mine.

podcasts

my most recent obsession is this history podcast, i love how she tells the stories!

music

i made a playlist with all of my favorite albums, and have been listening nonstop ever since. i also found my love for shawn, one d and gracie’s music again by doing that.

my favorite products

one of my relatives got me this perfume, it is perfect for the colder months, sweet but not too sweet, a little bit citric and also warm and cozy.

this one is not really a product, but a jewelry my boyfriend got me for our anniversary. the most beautiful ring ever! i never take it off, and will always cherish it, remembering our first trip together and the start of a new tradition (we are already thinking about next year’s trip lol)

also during my trip i bought a tangle teezer on sephora using my birthday discount. i had already tried my best friend's and it is worth the price so i just had to get it, since my hairbrush was overdue for a change.

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and that is it for this month’s recap! so sorry for the delay, as i usually post wednesdays (and today is friday)! see you next week <3

boots and skirts

i don’t know why, i just love a boots and skirt combo during fall… it’s so cool girl and fun to wear. high boots and short skirt? perfection. with a jacket or trench coat? double perfection in my opinion!!! (expect this outfit from me this weekend, i will deliver this!) (i have no idea how i’ll fit my boots in my small suitcase, tho!)

brown everything

brown is the autumn color, but i also am very biased towards it, i do enjoy it more than black for my outfits (although i do love a black dress and heels). but brown is so beautiful, i have a brown leather jacket i love, a muted brown sweater that is perfect for cozy weather, brown gazelles and a brown leather belt as well. brown is the new black, i swear

suede jackets

listen, i was planning on getting one for this trip but i ended up not finding the perfect one yet, so no suede jacket for me this weekend. i think it’s a very fall-coded jacket, everything suede is very fall coded really, but i think the jacket adds something to the outfit

dark jeans wash

my most recent clothing purchase was a dark washed pair of jeans from cotton on, and i don’t think i’ve taken them off. They are so easy to style, it matches every single color, but with white? i love it. such a basic staple on my wardrobe but i absolutely love and encourage everyone to buy one as well

oval tortoise sunnies

did i bought them because they were trendy in 2024? yes. did i also find that they fit perfectly in my face? also yes (i wouldn’t have bought them if i actually hated how they looked me, obviously, but i am grateful for the trend, because now i know one style that looks good in me). i am in love with mine, also from cotton on, it’s the ophelia oval sunglasses! i don’t know if they still sell them, but if they do and you want something like this, go try them out!

trench “cortos”

back in july 2025, i was a few days away from my roadtrip to Uruguay, strolling around the mall, when i found a trench corto, a perfect one on sale, the last one on my size. I had to get it, and i loved wearing it during my trip. It’s so fun, and better to carry with me than a trench coat. And i do feel like it adds something to a somewhat basic outfit, you know?

adding “pops of color” with bags

although i don’t own any colorful bag, except for a pink cross body one, i am crazy over basic outfits and a red bag, for example. it’s so fun, and simple really, but i love the way the red pops. or adding colorful shoes, too. i seriously need to start adding more color to my outfits this way.

cozy knits

last, but certainly not least, cozy sweaters and cardigans! i love when the weather starts getting crispier and chillier so i can start wearing them again, they are so comfortable and so easy to wear. a autumn staple!

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i know this is a short post, but i love talking about fashion, specially now that i’ve been finding my own sense of style (in a way, it’s not original, but it’s what i love to wear!). see you next week!! <3

foods & drinks

• boiled (free range chicken) eggs for breakfast - for a while i was eating yogurt bowls nonstop, but my newest breakfast obsession is 2 boiled eggs with salt.

• tangerines - whenever the weather starts getting colder, my obsession with tangerines starts growing again. my dad is obsessed with them and from an early age i’ve enjoyed eating thousands of them and this year is not any different, tangerines are back in seasonal produce and i’m enjoying every single moment.

• iced pumpkin spice lattes - if you live under a rock, you wouldn’t know this, but it is currently autumn where i live, so homemade pumpkin spice syrup was a necessity for me. i first tried pumpkin spice latte back in 2023 and it’s safe to say i really enjoy it. the syrup i make has pumpkin puree (also homemade), brown sugar, cinnamon, pumpkin pie spice and water — very simple, but delicious nonetheless.

• oat milk - since i developed a lactose intolerance in 2021, i’ve been drinking almond milk (i used to watch emma chamberlain, so drinking almond milk was a given) but this year i’ve been enjoying more oat milk, it’s more creamy than almond and tastes delicious in my coffees.

• chocolate post-dinner - since easter weekend i’m just loving a sweet treat during my book in bed time, very comfy and ofc delicious.

routine

• watching youtube - ever since february, when i subscribed to youtube premium, i’ve been watching it day in day out. organizing my room? youtube. doing a scrapbook page or journaling? youtube video, getting my nails done at home? youtube video. i know it’s bad, but i have to watch something when i eat, so youtube it is (or a movie sometimes).

• podcasts while washing the dishes - i’ve been doing this since last year, and it’s amazing, i really wanted to start listening to podcast but i cannot for my life listen to it without doing something else, so washing the dishes fits perfectly with it.

• reading before bed - nonnegotiable in my life. i can’t sleep if i don’t read at least a single word on my kindle before bed. i literally read my book even after a night out. sometimes it’s a few chapter, other times is just a page, but it helps with my sleep, i swear.

workouts

• 3x a week strength training - i’ve been going to the gym since last september, and i already have noticed so many changes in me (also because of my diet, ofc) but in january i changed my routine to 3x strength training instead of 5x a week — which was what i was doing in the beginning. my spread is: monday = lower body (more focused on legs); wednesday = full upper body; friday = lower body (glutes). it’s what’s been working for me.

• 2x a week pilates at-home - i am a pilates girly, and have been for quite some time now, so doing it twice a week has been very refreshing and fun to me. i recently started doing pilates by izzy’s 25 day pilates challenge, but on my own pace!

• inclined walk as cardio - 12% incline, 4,5km/h for 30min is my favorite cardio lately. i also love reading during the 30min so time passes quickly and i have more reading time in my day. i only do this intense cardio during strength training days!

beauty

• laneige lip sleeping mask in vanilla - my favorite lip products are from laneige but this one takes the crown. i use it every single night, when i don’t, my lips miss it. i wake up with moisturized lips and barely need to use a lip product during the day so it is worth your money.

• avène’s cilcafate - i use it 3-4 times a week and it’s my holy grail, i’m almost done with mine and i already repurchased it.

• warm brown-toned rose blush - i have one from this brazilian brand called vizzela, but i think it’s similar to rhode’s toasted teddy (just a little more rosier, i would say).

• soft matte concealer - i recently got one from the brand nina secrets (also brazilian) that matches my skin tone perfectly and is also so good, it has a medium/high coverage and is actually quite moisturizing, it looks awesome in my dry skin.

• bare vanilla body splash - as soon as autumn is here, the vanilla products come out. i am obsessed with the comfiness of bare vanilla, i usually put it after my showers, and it adds up to the autumn romanticizing experience.

outfits

• white t-shirt + jeans combo - i know, i know, it’s not groundbreaking, but honestlyyy it’s basic for a reason, it works every single time!!!! and it just looks so good, i swear.

• matching pj sets - i got another one for my birthday — check my newest youtube vlog — and i just love putting them on at night, they are so comfy and cute, i also love spending my mornings in them, sue me.

• kitten heels - i am a firm believer that kitten heels elevate every single outfit. i love that they’re comfortable, you know, my feet are not hurting after 3min when i wear them and they’re cute!!

books

• reading 2 books at the same time - i started doing this last year, i was strictly a start one after finishing one girl for quite some time, but since i started buying more physical books, i have to also go through my physical tbr, so reading one paper back and one book in my kindle was perfect and i haven’t looked back since.

• reading [at least] a classic a month - a little challenge i started back in july 2024, i wanted to get into classics but it was not something i would pick up voluntarily, so making it a fun challenge helped me a lot and i’ve been doing it since then (sometimes i do read more than one, like this month i read a joan didion book, madonna in a fur coat and currently reading jane eyre, but i only considered jane eyre as a “classic of the month”)

• literary fiction - i got back into reading because of booktok in 2021, i was reading only romance books nonstop, like 100 of them every year, and recently i started to kind of hate them? i don’t know, my taste has definitely changed and literary/woman’s fiction have been my favorite genres lately (maybe because i’ve been reading more classics? or just evolving in my taste really.)

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hope you enjoyed this post! see you next week <3

i had great teenage years, filled with friends and people i loved and it makes me sad that i’ll never sit in a class with all of my best friends, talking about everything and nothing at the same time. it’s a sadness i can't really explain, honestly, but going from seeing my besties every day to seeing them a few times per year has been the worst moment of my adult life.

i also learned a lot of things in these 20 years of life, and although they might seem cliche, it took me a lot of time to actually apply some of them to my life, so i wanted to share them with you!

20 lessons i learned in 20 years

1. romanticize your daily life - this is key to living a happier life in my opinion, taking even the most mundane thing and romanticizing it makes your life easier and lighter!

2. dream big always - there’s one phrase i like that says “the universe is not on a budget, so why would you not ask for everything that you want?”, and i live by it, there’s no reason for why you should not dream bigger and bigger.

3. you can always start over - change is the one consistent thing in our lives, and i realized that just a few months ago. it’s better to embrace it than to fight it, starting over is always an option.

4. time will pass no matter what - why not go on that trip if you can, time will pass anyway. why not spend it pursuing you dreams, ambitions, and goals rather than not doing anything.

5. until it’s done, tell none - my wise mom told me this my whole life, but i never really listened to her until a few years back when i noticed how things were not working the way i wanted them to whenever i told a lot of people what was going on. so please, believe me, until it’s done, tell none! (this also goes for posting on instagram, i never post in real time!)

6. always be present - we tend to always look into the future or the past, but we never are truly present in the moment, i learned to appreciate the right now instead of spending my time thinking about what my life will look like in a few years or the what ifs of the past.

7. bloom at your own pace - it is not a race, you don’t have to buy a house by 21, build a company and become a millionaire by 22. this is you life, live by your own timing.

8. don’t be afraid to be seen trying - trust me, i’m a perfectionist, i hat when i’m not good at something straight away, but this just does me more harm than good, i’m trying to unlearn this behavior.

9. selfcare = nonnegotiable - in 2024, i barely took care of myself — mentally and physically — and it was the worst, my mental health was in shambles, so please, take care of your self, take some nights off for a self care routine, take an everything shower, put a face mask, put your comfort tv show and make a delicious meal just for you!

10. surround yourself with good people - if you surround yourself with people who drain your energy, you’ll never be able to thrive, you have to surround yourself with people who cherish you and celebrate you, who help you with your problems without asking for anything in return.

11. you can do hard things - it’s true when they say you are your worst enemy, we tend to diminish ourselves more than anyone ever could. you are able to do everything you put your mind to! trust yourself.

12. joy has a habit of returning - spring is our reminder that even in the darkest moments of our lives, joy and beauty will return.

13. do it scared - like i said before, i am a perfectionist, i hate starting things if they’re not perfect. take my youtube channel for example, i never started it because i thought i had to buy a ultra high quality camera to start filming, when in reality, you just have to start it. it was the best decision i’ve ever made, honestly. so do it scared, do it even if it’s not perfect

14. comparison is the thief of joy - this ties in to number 7, comparison will never be beneficial to you, it only stagnates your life. and specially in this age of social media, we’re comparing ourselves more and more each day. just remember it’s your own pace you should be living by, not anyone else’s.

15. let love in - when i was 15 to 16, i decided i was too good for love, specially romantic love, but if you let love in, life is so much better. when i first started dating my boyfriend, my life had never felt lighter and happier.

16. give yourself time to rest - 2024 was a weird year for me, non stop studying, getting home at 7pm and leaving it at 7am, i was exhausted and never got any rest in between these moments because i believed it wasn’t productive and i was almost burning out. tuns out, rest IS productive and you should not take it for granted.

17. always be a little kinder than necessary - this applies to your parents, siblings, friends, coworkers, strangers on the street, the people who work on restaurants, shops… it doesn’t hurt to be kind, even if you’re having a hard day.

18. healthy body, mind and soul - you should always prioritize your health, be it physical, mental or energetic. find a workout you like, go see a therapist and start journaling, be grateful for every small thing in your life and set boundaries.

19. protect your inner child - this is a very important one for me, you should always protect and heal your inner child, they are still inside you, so why would you neglect them.

20. your anxiety is lying to you!!!!! - i learned this in therapy, my anxiety makes me overthink too much and i have yet to learn how to not listen to it, but admitting it is the first step. i try to always take a step back and breathe whenever i’m feeling anxious.

i know most of these are cliches, but it doesn't hurt to remind yourself of them from time to time!

all i wish from my 20’s is more traveling, more love, more dreams, more kindness, more trying, more changing, more accomplishments and less comparison, perfectionism, fear of failing and racing to achieve a life is not mine.

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see you next week <3

march was a nostalgic month to me, as i’m entering my 20’s i started to reminisce about the past 10 years, how i changed, how my life is changing and kind of accepted that life is just an everlasting changing cycle and you can either embrace it and be happy or fight it and be miserable. march was a lesson on growing up, on how i feel about being an adult and what i want my life to look like from now on.

movies

i got back into my movie watching self this month, finished my summer watchlist and started my autumn one as well! i also went on my first solo date to the movies to watch a movie i was so excited to watch: project hail mary!

• the life aquatic with Steve Zissou - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - one of my favorites from Wes Anderson, the soundtrack is amazinggg

• roman holiday - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

• the secret agent - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5 - still bummed it didn’t win anything at the oscars

• Harry Styles. one night in Manchester - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

• a summer’s tale - ⭐️⭐️⭐️.5

• poor things - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5

• urban legend - ⭐️⭐️⭐️.5 - i’m a sucker for 90’s movies, sue me

• Hannah Montana 20th anniversary special - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5 - not 5 starts because of Alex Cooper, she was very bland and didn’t add a single thing to the special

• copycat - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

• project hail mary - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - amaze amaze amaze!!!

• don’t say a word - ⭐️⭐️⭐️

• awake - ⭐️⭐️⭐️

books

this was a great reading month for me, i finished my summer reading list right on time and the books i read were, overall, pretty amazing as well.

• greek lessons, Han Kang - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - my first Han Kang and i loved her writing style, it took me a while to get into the book and understand what was going on, but towards the end i was so in love with the prose, and the way she told their story so beautifully.

• my brilliant friend, Elena Ferrante - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - also my first Ferrante’s book, and i know this one is a bit controversial, but i honestly enjoyed it a lot, the story is realistic and heartbreaking, i can’t wait to keep reading the tetralogy.

• a room with a view, E.M. Forster - ⭐️⭐️⭐️.5 - not my favorite classic, but it was a good book nonetheless, i just didn’t think it should be classified as a classic — although the social commentary is pretty awesome and it is very forward for the time it was written.

• project hail mary, Andy Weir - ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️.5 - i finished this the same i watched the movie (great experience, would recommend), i’m not a sci-fi girl myself, although i do enjoy science, but i loved this one, the ending was a bit rushed and not as good as i was expecting tbh (and yes, the movie is a 5 star but it’s because as a movie it is amazing, as a book i didn’t get 5 star feeling lol, i’m very picky with my stars)

tv shows

i tune in every friday for the pitt and love story (but that is over now, unfortunately). i am loving this new season of the pitt, and i’m sad it is almost done now. i loved love story, one of my favorite tv shows of this decade for sure. i started my yearly rewatch of gilmore girls once again (it’s my third time doing it) and have been watching a few episodes of sex and the city and criminal minds, two tv shows i love and that are somewhat a comfort show to me.

podcasts

music

Harry’s new album has been on repeat practically non-stop since march 6th, but i also listened a lot to TTPD and one direction (actually i’m listening to them as i right this lol)

my favorite products

i repurchased my favorite hair mask ever after a month without using it, my hair was in desperate need of it again, it has a blend of acids and it’s a concentrated mask, so very thick and nourishing for my hair.

my new pink pj matching set for the colder months that i’m obsessed with it. it’s a way of romanticizing my night and morning routine and it is so comfy, i wish i could spend the whole day in them.

i also purchased the best top for my birthday celebration this saturday!!! i am still in love with polka dots, they were never a trend for me, i find them to be such a cute and fun way to add something to my outfits. i’ll show you what my outfit was next week and in my notes!!!

and at the last minute of the month, my parents gifted me my dream uni bag!!!! it’s from this brazilian brand called AREZZO (they have international stores, so you can check out if you like) and ugh i wish it was august already. i’m so excited for this new chapter of my life.

and my favorite subscription is, of course, youtube premium once again! i’ve always been a youtube kid growing up, and i love watching — and posting — vlogs there.

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see you next week for a birthday recap <33

it was a comfortable kind of sadness, one that makes you nostalgic about a time you’ll never have back. my childhood was filled with pink clothes, barbie movies and dolls, watching tv after school, toys everywhere, i never stopped to think that it wouldn’t always be like that, i’ll never have that back no matter what i do but that i can always reminisce.

i still love pink, barbie movies, watching old disney channel tv shows from time to time, having stuffed animals in my bed, going to the beach, and traveling. i prioritize healing my inner child so much nowadays, because in a way, she is me and i am her. i am the girl i’ve always been and little me would absolutely love our life. it might look different from what she dreamt of — i did want to be a pop star like hannah montana — but the more i think about my younger self, the more i see how similar we still are.

although i don’t have the same best friend, i finally found one that doesn’t make me feel like i need to put on work into our friendship, i don’t have to hide my true self from her, worry about her not wanting to be my best friend anymore for a silly reason (Bruna, obrigada por ser a melhor amiga do mundo que eu poderia pedir, minha inner child é muito mais feliz tendo você do meu lado). little me used to dream of a best friend like this!

i think Taylor Swift portraits this feeling perfectly in her song never grow up, it’s such a beautiful song, i always cry whenever i put it on, remembering all of my childhood and teen years and all the lives i lived during these almost 20 years and how it hurts so much growing up and leaving this amazing past behind me.

“And don't lose the way that you dance
Around in your PJs getting ready for school” - Taylor Swift

growing up is such a strange feeling, i always wanted to be the age i am when i was a kid, and now all i want is to go back and enjoy those days even more, take in every single moment, all the sleepovers at my grandma’s, all the roadtrips to her beach house, watching dvd’s, playing with my friends, watching tv with my little sister and eating our dinner, getting to stay awake past 10pm on weekends and watching movies with my mom and my dad.

i love going through old photos of my life, of moments i barely remember because i was too young, but that thankfully i have all these photos to look back on. back in february, when me and my boyfriend were at my grandma’s beach house, my grandparents were telling so many stories of my childhood to him, and oh how i love hearing those stories, it made me realize i am the same girl, always was and always will be, i can change all i want, she’s never leaving me.

if i could say anything to little Ana, it would be this: never change who you are for someone else, the right ones will love you for who you are not for who you pretend to be. i am extremely proud of us!

i’m sorry if this essay is all over the place — i honestly feel all over the place right now. i just really wanted to share this nostalgia feeling i had while watching hannah montana’s anniversary and remembering that my 20th birthday is in 13 days (12 when this goes live). this is a love letter to my younger self, without her i wouldn’t be the woman i am becoming <3