So, I’m going to be blunt: I’m not a fan of Christianity. Or rather, I’m not a fan of the vast majority of Christians because they tend to be the exact opposite of what they claim to be.

While I know it’s not all Christians (and I have some Christian friends), the truth is that modern Christianity has done a serious number on me and others around me. I’m at the point where I have decided to sit my kid down and talk about Christianity as a vehicle for spiritual abuse.

People think that I’m a little loco when I say that Christianity (and most Abrahamic religion) is a danger to women. Well, recently Netflix came out with a true crime documentary called Death Of The Pastor’s Wife that proves why I say that to be the case.

Let’s talk about Death Of The Pastor’s Wife and why it’s time to hold Christianity accountable for the women it’s helped murder.

‘The Pastor’s Wife’ is a documentary about the grooming, abuse, and murder of Mica Miller.

There’s no other way for me to sum it up better. Mica was a deeply devout young woman who was in a very popular church led by “charisma pastor” John-Paul “JP” Miller.

When Miller met Mica, she was 16 and he was already married. She was a member of his church, Solid Rock Church in South Carolina. John-Paul Miller had five kids already, with his first wife, Alison.

Mica quickly gained his attention due to her joie de vivre and beautiful singing voice. He groomed her until it became an affair. Mica divorced her first husband, who she married at 18 for JP.

JP did the same, for Mica. He divorced his first wife, got Mica to tattoo his name on her, and then married her. It became a major church scandal and well…that scandal may have saved his ex-wife’s life.

While Mica was penitent about how the relationship started, she said that marrying him would hopefully help “patch things up” with the Lord and the Church. Her family already saw warning signs with his controlling behavior, philandering, and more.

Still, being good Christians and good family members, they did their best to attend the wedding. Once she got married, she started showing all the signs of abuse. She got quieter, she often would be terrified of her husband, and at one point, she even started having voice changes because she took testosterone so she could keep up with his sex drive.

The abuse got worse and worse. JP took videos of them having sex and used them to control her. Every time she spoke out, he’s get her forcibly hospitalized for mental health issues. He began to blackmail her and stalk her. Relatives noticed he had a gun — and got terrified for her safety.

Eventually, she filed for divorce.

She never got the divorce.

She “killed herself.”

Right before it hit the courts, she called 911 to tell police she was going to kill herself and gave directions on how to find the body. John-Paul Miller is currently awaiting trial due to the fact that there’s a mountain of evidence showing that he may have killed her or driven her to suicide.

What’s interesting is that Death Of The Pastor’s Wife points out that Mica is not the only mysterious death around JP Miller. There seems to be another person who tried to pull his wife away from the Solid Rock Chuch, only to be found dead in a pool.

Yet…John-Paul Miller just kept going on his own way. He seemed untouchable because he was just a good ol’ boy.

Mica’s reason for staying was just as bad as how she was killed by John-Paul Miller.

I’ll say this much: in my opinion, John-Paul Miller killed Mica — even if he himself did not pull the trigger. He emotionally tortured her, sexually abused her, and otherwise broke down every single thing that gave her joy until there was nothing left.

I believe he purposefully drove her to suicide once he drained her or that he actively killed her. To me, driving someone to kill themselves is still murder. If evidence comes to the contrary, then I’ll stand corrected but I think it’s fair enough to say he’s a confirmed abuser and monster.

When most women are asked why they didn’t leave a guy like JP Miller, they often will say that they want him to get better, that they’re staying for the kids, or that they have nowhere to go.

Mica didn’t say any of these things.

Mica’s most common-stated reason is because she wanted to be a woman of God and because she wanted her devotion to her husband to be a way to heal the church.

I repeat: Mica stayed with her abuser-turned-killer because she wanted to do the Godly thing. She cared more about keeping people turned toward God through JP’s sermons than she did about saving her own life.

Christian churches often discuss the importance of staying in a marriage as a woman.

Did you ever notice how often women in churches are told to “stand by your man” regardless of what their men did? Did you notice how often women are told to forgive philandering spouses or told to “be the bigger person” when a spouse abuses them?

Did you ever notice how often cheating wives basically get destroyed in church society while cheating husbands simply get to blame a “temptress?” Isn’t it strange how those male abusers never seem to get called out in church settings?

Mica died because she was constantly told that the church mattered more than her life. She died because she genuinely believed that God would reward her for being a kind, forgiving, loving wife to the monster she married.

That didn’t work out very well.

Among churches and fundie circles, a quiet rule of the “game” is that women are expected to tolerate abuse from their spouse in the name of God.

Ever notice how often church speakers talk about Women somehow are supposed to be able to control their spouse’s behavior — something that is physically impossible to do.

A woman who chooses to preserve her own life, sanity, or health over her marriage is a woman who is deemed to be ungodly or sinful or selfish. The Bible clearly states it hates divorce, but there’s a caveat here in Exodus 21:10–11.

Exodus states that if a man denies his wife food, water, clothing, or affection, she is free to leave the marriage. Many churches take that as a sign that safety comes first in a marriage — at least on paper.

Yet, at the same time, it often feels like women are expected to be the ones to bear the brunt of the damage in practice. (Remember Heidi Rodrigues?) It’s becoming a glaring double-standard that even outsiders are starting to notice.

Mica is not the only woman to die from a mix of domestic violence and spiritual abuse.

Let’s just call the pressure to stay with abusers what it is: spiritual abuse. A God that “loves” you but tells you to stay with someone who tortures you doesn’t actually love you. A God that tells you to die rather than to get medical treatment is not a loving god!

Spiritual abuse is about controlling others through guilt, shame, and coercion via spiritual means. Pastors like John-Paul Miller guilt victims into giving away their rights, putting up with violence, tolerating cheating, and worse in the name of God.

And from what I’ve seen, spiritual abuse is a lot more deadly when it’s directed toward women than it is when it’s directed toward men.

Using God As A Reason To Stay In An Abusive Marriage

So many pastors tell women it’s their fault if their spouses cheat or hit them. So many pastors tell women that it’s only “Godly” for them to forgive outrageous abuses. A God who loves women would never want them to suffer in his name, especially at the hands of a monster like JP Miller.

I can’t help but wonder how many other women died because they wanted to be “Godly” enough to save their monstrous husband. How many women died because they wanted to “do the right thing” in hopes that God would reward them with a virtuous man?

Using God As A Reason To Ban Medicine

We’re also seeing spiritual abuse as a reason to ban medicine for women — including abortion as well as contraception. It’s a well-known fact that maternal death rates rise when abortion gets illegalized.

In many cases, abortions aren’t even done on viable fetuses. They’re performed to remove ALREADY DEAD TISSUE from a woman’s insides. Yet, religious abusers don’t care about the facts. They’d rather the woman die and say, “It was God’s plan,” despite it being preventable.

There have been many recorded moments where women chose to die of cancer so they could deliver a baby rather than save their lives and try for another baby. This is most often due to spiritual abuse. They worry that God will hate them if they *GASP!* choose themselves.

While I understand it’s a personal decision, I can’t help but think they would have chosen otherwise if they weren’t browbeat into keeping a baby despite it killing them.

Overtly religious men are the men who are most likely to spiritually abuse their wives.

Whenever I hear a man talk about how “religious” he is, my hackles get raised. This is doubly true if it’s Christianity, simply because of how Christian men get a pass in American society.

Let’s be honest: churches coddle men and give them a pass to be absolute monsters behind closed doors. If you present female, this often means the most “holy” of men are likely going to be the worst predators that you will see.

The scariest part of those holy roller types? It’s that they will prey on the most innocent people, destroy their victims’ lives, and then will be able to continue doing whatever they want to do with no recourse due to the sheer power they wield in the very church they use to scout for prey.

Oh, and it’s also worth noting that these super-religious men — particularly pastors — tend to be very well-connected and very cognizant about the laws they can use to control, silence, and prey upon women. So even if their victims leave the church, they still often will find ways to maintain a stranglehold on these women.

Chilling, isn’t it?

If it seems like churches are a magnet for predators, that’s because they are.

In fact, there were active, documented recruitments of sex offenders, abusers, and other men of ill repute into the Christian church. Their “prize” for joining often seemed to be a “good Christian woman” to marry.

There’s the real rub here, truthfully. Most Christian churches rely on women to survive. Women are the planners, the social glue, the cooks, and the cleaners. Despite all they do for these religious institutions, churches aren’t protecting their women.

Quite the opposite: they’re silencing those who speak out. At times, it’s a social shunning. Other times, it ends when a woman’s body gets lowered into the ground. And of course, no one says a word because it’s “God’s plan.”

Netflix’s The Pastor’s Wife is a perfect example of how much raw power a “God-fearing pastor man” has over women in Christian society.

While women end up paying the ultimate price to please a “God” who seems to hate them, the men who use and abuse them get to remain highly regarded members of those communities.

Mica’s abuse was well-documented. People had actually tried to get her to divorce him. Hushed whispers discussed how he treated her. Everyone saw it. No one said anything because, “What about the church!?”

Because JP was as popular as he was, he’s currently married to Wife #3 and people are trying to rally for his innocence. Mica was quite literally outgunned — as would any woman in her shoes be.

The church she expected to protect her will be her worst enemy. The society around her likely gets pulled by the church’s clout. And the worst part of this ordeal is that her very own family will likely turn their backs to her if they decide to be “devout” enough in their beliefs.

Ladies, don’t be Mica.

A loving God will never ask you to be a sacrificial lamb to a slaughterhouse of abuse. Men who are good and religious will never turn that into a whole PR campaign. And churches that are decent will never blame a victim for the abuse they experienced.

If you’re Christian, then you already know that Jesus was supposed to be the last sacrifice humanity had to make. So…why serve churches that seem to see you as another thing to donate to the altar of religion?

It’s too late for Mica. It doesn’t have to be too late for others. Now is the time to call out the churches that allow shit shit to happen — and the misogynists at the pulpit.

Recently, I had a lot of relationships blow up in my face. I had people repeatedly refuse to acknowledge my boundaries. I kept giving chances to people who would actively sabotage my safety, sanity, or health. And of course, I ended up bearing the brunt of all these interactions.

Lately, I decided that it’s time to do what I call a post-mortem on these situations. If you’ve ever had a really shocking blowup, betrayal, or breakdown happen in your life, it might be a good time to do your own.

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For the longest time in history, businesses catered towards men — even when it was a business that dealt with a primarily female demographic. Or rather, companies often made a point of marketing certain things toward men even when their wives would use it.

I mean, remember all those super-misogynistic ads from the 1960s and 1970s? If not, let me show you what they looked like. These ads would still position men as kings, even when the product was geared toward women.

Ah yes. Because women aspire to be on their knees serving breakfast in bed to a man for…ties? Men definitely needed to feel manly. That’s why ties are ties. Or something.

This was somehow supposed to be marketed toward women. I can’t imagine why this ad campaign failed! Oh wait, it’s because the target demographic they were really trying to grab the attention of was men.

You see, back before the mid-70s, men were the ones who had bank accounts and credit cards. Women had to ask for money to buy all those household goods. So men had the buying power, even if they were not buying the goods.

So of course, companies would give an ol’ tip of the hat to the penis-havers so that they’d be more amenable to buying from a brand.

When laws changed, women became recognized as an increasingly important buying demographic.

The makeup industry was one of the best examples of this: it was almost entirely female-dominated, almost entirely female-bought, and men were just not really “welcomed” in until fairly recently.

However, ads across the board also changed as women gained rights to bank accounts, credit cards, and FICO scores. A good example of this was the way that food and coffee ads generally dropped their sexism — unless, of course, they were diet foods.

Most foods were either geared toward kids or women trying to feed a hungry family. Rare were the brands that weren’t that way. Hungry Man was an early adopter of the “masculine food” industry, but it wasn’t the only one.

The Mr. Coffee brand of the 1970s was actually developed to encourage men to buy their own coffee — no kidding. Or rather, it was the industry’s way to encourage men to brew their own coffee.

As women’s buying power became more noticeable, more and more companies began “celebrating” women by creating specialty items, venues, and services allegedly made exclusively for women.

Women’s-only gyms, video game groups specifically for girls, fern bars… these were all business ideas geared toward women throughout the decades. Admittedly, sometimes it just turned into pointlessly gendered crud.

Today, it’s safe to say that women are viewed as a major buying power for all the right reasons. However, there may be a reason that tides might turn.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about male buying behavior as viewed in the dating scene.

So, in recent weeks, I talked about looksmaxxing and how it’s started to act as the new “men’s beauty” movement. And you know what? I don’t think I really did it all that much justice.

You see, it wasn’t just about the looksmaxxing. The truth is that the way men have snapped up the most idiotic, cockamamie, bizarre “treatments” from people who have literally no medical, gym, or aesthetic backgrounds is astounding. I mean, it deserves to be studied.

For a gender that prides itself on logic, they sure didn’t apply logic when they started smashing their faces in with hammers. There is some serious self-loathing that those looksmaxxers had to deal with in order to get to the point that they’re shooting random chemicals into their minds.

It’s often said that purchases are generally made from an emotional standpoint, then are later rationalized.

Per Psychology Today, different moods can spark emotional buyers to make a purchase. Looksmaxxer influencers are people who can zero in on men’s fear (erm, abject terror) of being deemed unworthy, unlovable, or otherwise low-status.

The funny thing is that they are being told this by other men, not the women who they allegedly want to impress and pursue. If they were to listen to other women, they wouldn’t be looksmaxxing at all.

I mean, women made it clear that having perfect looks ain’t everything. Otherwise, why would some of the most unemployed, grody-looking fuckers have girlfriends? It’s almost like charisma matters more and looksmaxxing flies in the face of that fact.

So, what’s going on here?

Why is looksmaxxing getting so popular, and why are men falling for such stupid shticks?

One can surmise that it’s both the way the influencers push the narrative and the fact that it’s a man saying it. A lot of men are far more trusting of men and far more interested in what men think of them than they are about women.

Looksmaxxing proved that men might be a better “mark” than women today.

When you start up a business, you want to think about who your target demographic is. There are two main routes that a successful business owner can take. We’ll call them Business A and Business B.

Business A

An honest business owner will want a select clientele who expects high-quality work, will pay a reasonable fee, and has a discerning eye for good products. These business owners are generally looking to have lifelong clients and sterling reputations. They’re in it for the long haul.

Business A businesses generally care about the health of their clients and will pull the plug on something if they feel it goes against their ethical fiber.

Good examples of Business A include Ben and Jerry’s, LL Bean, and Liquid Death Water. (Yes, Liquid Death actually does pride itself on having high-end hydration. I am a fan. They’re also sex-positive, BTW.)

Business B

A business owner who is trying to grift and score a quick buck will generally have a target demographic that is easily parted with their money. They will not care what their reputation is in 10 years. They will choose the dumbest, foam-at-the-mouth client they can find and charge as high as they can.

Business B businesses will often ignore warning signs of damage done to others by their companies, try to hide the damage they do, openly lie about their values, and even cause their clients to get addicted to their goods. These businesses tend to have a stigma because they harm their users.

Good examples of Business B would include tobacco companies, PT Barnum’s Circus, kratom companies, Christofascist grifters (not actual preachers) and manosphere dating/Red Pill influencers.

We have gotten to a point where masculinity has become so fragile that Business B types can capitalize on male insecurity.

In the past 20 years, masculinity has been undergoing a serious crisis. Men have been losing their once-steady position in society, feeling adrift in a world that no longer has the same set of solid rules it once had.

Everything from asking a girl out to trying to figure out how to have status among male friends no longer makes sense. And all the while, men have to deal with an increasingly lonely, unforgiving world that they can’t quite seem to connect to.

A male friend of mine once said, “Ossiana, being a man feels like you’re playing a game no one gives you the rules to. And then when you lose, no one cares. No one is there to pick you up. There’s no sympathy, nothing. It’s horrible.”

That would grate on anyone, really.

The end result of this kind of societal treatment is fragile masculinity. It’s a desperation to prove you are “man enough” or that you’re worthy — often to the point of getting violent, impulsive, or just downright self-destructive. If you’ve seen it, you already know.

Fragile masculinity turns a man into a puppet. It’s a fragility that comes with a hair-trigger flareout, a fear that is so deep, so primal that most men don’t even understand why they are so desperate for a sense of masculinity in their lives. They act first, then think later.

The fragility is something that businesses are quick to pick up on.

This type of behavior is a major shift from the stoic masculinity of yore. And companies are aware of what it can mean for their bottom lines as well as the way they will be perceived later on.

Here’s what companies are starting to do, per their “type:”

• Business A types are trying to either ignore the fire in the proverbial kitchen or are trying to offer healthier alternatives. Or they try to expose how Business B types are capitalizing on innocent men, causing spikes in violence, and more. They generally do not want fragile masculinity in their business models because Business A types view it similarly to having explosives in a smoking room. It’s a liability.

• Business B types see that type of vulnerability, and they go “KA-CHING!” Did you notice how many influencers are talking about how “manly” certain products are? Or how many “manhood coaches” are out there? It’s not just you. Those goons are there for a quick buck and when the fad they peddle dies out, they’re gone like a ghost.

Businesses that market to fragile masculinity are dangerous and multiplying.

Yes, the money is good. Yes, the client base tends to buy without even questioning what the seller is saying. Yes, the client base tends to be pretty loyal until their lives are ruined.

However, these companies come with a major caveat: they fuck up men permanently and cause major issues throughout society. The owners and influencers of these companies don’t care. They got their bag.

Of course, I could go on about how these guys can’t run away from the damage they made but that’s not the point here. The point here is that men need to be aware that they’re being taken for fools by other men.

The question is, will the average man fight back? Or will the average guy just be “another one born every minute,” as PT Barnum said? I personally hope it’s the former and not the latter.

So uh, yeah. The more I started to realize how gay I was, the more a lot of things clicked into place. It’s been two months since I’ve really made a point of embracing myself and there’s been a lot of strange happenings that I never saw coming.

A lot of these, I believe, are because I came out. A lot of these are also just because my energy shift has been that profound. So, fellow baby dykes, let me tell you a little bit about my journey.

I realized that being a lesbian also doesn’t negate my standards.

I had two girls (oddly, both trans women) who came onto me that I just wasn’t into. They both had the same reaction: accusing me of being transphobic or body-shamey, or just getting catty with me.

They didn’t take no for an answer well.

I felt bad and wondered if I was a bad lesbian.

Then I realized, “Wait, I’m allowed to like what I like!”

The truth is that there is a crazy wide gamut of lesbians out there, each with our own preferences and looks. Physically, I’m attracted to very femme, runway model-looking girls, “classic” porn star physiques, or petite yet curvy ladies who are shorter than me.

Vibe-wise, I generally only go for goth girls, alternative girls, hip hop girls, or (believe it or not) the “power businesswoman” types. (That last type terrifies me and makes me blush at the same time so I mostly just gawk and run away.)

As for their rejections? The irony, of course, is that my primary lover (and currently only real interest of mine) is a trans woman. And holy shit, she is smoking hot, and I love being the knight who pampers that señorita!

Truth be told, I was just not attracted to those two particular women. They weren’t my type. And I had to learn to get more assertive at saying no to certain people — including people I broke up with who didn’t get the memo that I no longer wanted to hook up with them.

It sounds like such a weird little thing to notice, but it’s really revolutionary. When you’re in the smallest sexuality demographic, it almost feels like you don’t have the right to want what you want, you know?

The more I realized I was gay, the less I was into even speaking to men.

I can count the men I am willing to hang out with on one hand right now. I have a lot of guy friends and we (oddly enough) tend to check out women together, offer dating advice to each other, and also just have lots of fun doing stuff like car karaoke together.

Here’s where things headed downward.

I told men around me I was gay.

My actual guyfriends didn’t care, they just asked if we could get sushi to celebrate and asked me if I needed some good ideas for my girlfriend’s gift on date night. Those are the men that I still talk to. (Shout out to Decarceration and Shawn for being epic bros!)

My “friends” who just wanted to land me…vanished. Or worse, decided that they needed to treat me better so that they could convince me that I was just “too traumatized” and really needed the right guy.

Men really don’t understand how far they are barking up the wrong tree.

A lot of men can’t take the idea that they are barking up the wrong tree, period. It’s shown by how they treat me when I tell them that I’m gay as the day is long.

Random men would tell me they could “eat pussy better than a lesbian,” as if that is supposed to sway me. Others told me, “Not all men are bad, you just had the wrong ones…,” as if that cured everything.

Others swore one date would “cure” me.

The sad thing is that most men treat me better when they find out I’m gay than they did as a straight female-presenting person. That speaks volumes to how they treat women, doesn’t it?

These guys don’t care that they HAD an interested audience for decades. It didn’t matter. All those years of me trying to explain that their top competitor wasn’t women, but women preferring to be alone rather than with men, seem to have fallen on deaf ears.

I personally don’t care if the guy in front of me could send me into another dimension with his dick. I’m not into men. Period. I don’t get why guys don’t get this. I’m not capable of falling in love with a man the way I am with a woman.

The only time I’m sleeping with men is for adult content, and even that might end up getting faded out into oblivion. For me, it really depends on how well the B/G shoots pay and whether or not I am treated like a person by potential castmates. Generally speaking, pros are great at being nice on set.

These guys see women (especially lesbians) as conquests. I just wish they’d get the same treatment from gay men as I do from them. Maybe then, they’d learn.

I wake up every day and thank the deities I’m gay.

Not for nothing, but have you seen some of the dating horror stories going on around TikTok right now? Or the revolting stories of Chrisean and Blueface hitting the net?

There’s a whole Reddit forum asking, “Are the straights OK?”

I assure you, I don’t think they are.

Every time I read another disgusting story about a man mistreating a woman who loves him, I silently thank Asmodeus, Sitri, Bast, and Sekhmet that I am not into men. I just sit there and think, “Mhm. That ain’t my problem anymore.”

And for the trolls, let’s get in front of you: even if it’s “not all men,” it’s enough that it’d be too much of a gambit for me to take these days. Seems a lot of hetero women are agreeing with me too.

My relationship with my ex-husband got way, way, way better.

My marriage was awful for both of us. A lot of the shit that went down caused resentment on my end because I felt cheated out of what I “put into.” I reacted by being a cunt from hell by the end of it.

Truth be told, we both were terrible to one another. I’m pretty sure our personality disorders also tended to bounce off one another — which boded poorly for everyone in a 10-mile radius of us.

I eventually called him up and apologized for my end. I didn’t realize I was gay, and how much of our relationship turned transactional because I couldn’t get over the fact that I was gay. I actually apologized in tears.

He accepted the apology, and we started to talk — not as ex-lovers, but as friends. He apologized for all the stuff he put me through; as it turns out, he had his own issues he wasn’t even aware of during the relationship.

There’s a lot of forgiveness between us right now, and I like that.

We’re friends again, oddly enough. We both agreed our relationship should have been one of roommates and never one of lovers. We were great friends. Just…we were awful marriage partners.

Depending on how things go, we might actually do some stuff together in terms of projects. Even if we don’t, he’s likely to see the cats and have dinner with me.

Quitting kratom got easier.

I think it’s because I’m living authentically and not dealing with as much self-loathing. Or maybe because I have the love of a beautiful woman cheering me on. (Did I mention how hot my girlfriend is? She makes me blush just thinking about her.)

I’m 3 weeks clean, by the way.

I developed a deeper appreciation for trans women.

Dude…Where do I begin with this? Trans women who are lesbians (“transbians”) are playing life on God-Hard Mode. Like, I don’t think cis women understand how rough it is.

Like, not only do they have to deal with Christofascist creeps demanding to see their genitalia just so they can go to the bathroom, but they also have it rough in the dating scene. I have SEEN some of the things they put up with and it makes my blood boil.

For every decent lesbian who just either respectfully declines a transbian on an app or chats her up, there’s at least one or two TERFs who make sure trans women know they are unwanted. The words they say are vile and at times, they’ll get real trans women kicked off platforms like lesbian-only HER.

Lesbian TERFs are so disgusting. Like, I didn’t realize how gross women could be until I saw how they behaved with some of the girls I know as well as the woman I’m dating. And yes, it made me hyper-protective of my girlfriend.

Also, the fact that trans women just have to “deal with it” while keeping a smile on their faces? That made me appreciate how strong and beautiful they really are. If you ask me, that makes them woman enough for me any day of the week.

Dating is just easier.

The above is literally me prepping for a date night (and content shoot and long-night content talk) with my girlfriend.

I can’t get over how nice it is to not deal with heteronormative roles in my dating life. If I wanna give my girlfriend flowers, I can. If my girlfriend wants to give me a sensual massage then watch cartoons with me, she can.

I don’t have to worry about nudging a guy to do something romantic. I don’t have to worry about the heteronormative pressure to keep sweet or put out on certain cues or whatever.

Lesbian dating takes a lot more communication in terms of expectations and the like, but it is so, so, so much easier overall.

The “Gay Glow Up” is real.

Admittedly, mine coincided with quitting kratom, but yes, I did have a Gay Glow-Up. I stopped trying to even remotely fit into hetero standards. Aside from a couple of gothy dresses I wear out of convenience’s sake, my daily outfits have gotten a lot nicer.

I wear a lot more tees and plain clothes, plus goth shorts. I wear cargo pants and tight-fitting jeans. I started to get a little more “in it” with my glamorous-yet-butch accessories.

When fall comes in, I’m wearing more vests, more combat boots, and a little bit more leather. I still war leather cuffs and chains all over my arms and chest. I think the “sexy leather cyberpunk dyke” look tends to work best with me.

Admittedly, this means virtually nothing has changed in my wardrobe. It’s just dialed to an 11. Despite me basically just doing what I always do, people have remarked that something changed.

As one person said, “Since you came out, it’s almost as if you’ve started glowing.”

I guess that’s what living authentically does.

When I was around eight years old, I was watching the news about a major rain storm. The newscasters made it sound apocalyptic, and even predicted that rain would flood its way throughout multiple towns all the way from the ocean.

Dad looked at me stoically and said, “Kid, I’ll bring the kerosene lamp inside. We won’t have warmth otherwise. I’ll bring some non-perishable goods, just in case. We’ll be fine.”

Mom was panicking, so she went off and got some designer candles. I didn’t know what to do, so I went shopping with her because I figured candles would give me light and I was afraid of the dark.

So, I remember helping out with the storm by hauling in a giant Yankee candle in the scent I wanted. It smelled like apples. Mom got a pine tree one because she wanted a more Christmas smell.

At school, all us kids were in a circle hearing about this monster of a storm coming out our way. One kid, a skinny little twig named George, said, “Dad told me that there might even be a tomato!”

Our friend Vincent: “It’s TOR-nado, not tuh-MADO.”

George: “That’s what I saiiiiid! TAWHRMADO! TORNADO!”

Tornado. Oh, the word just hit my stomach hard. I remembered hearing about how bad they can be. How a tornado can destroy a house in seconds. I needed to tell my parents. So after shifting uncomfortably for ages at school, mom picked me up.

We sat at the dinner table that night and I put my brave face on. I told her and dad that school had a big warning for us. I explained that the friends at school said something serious and that they were worried about all of us. Mom and dad were curious and listened intently.

“I think we might get a tornado tomorrow.”

Mom and Dad burst into laughter, smiled and said, “Ossiana, don’t you know? There really aren’t any tornados in New Jersey. Maybe there’s one every 50 years, but you don’t have to worry about that here!”

I got sent to bed with a hug and a mention of being a young idiotic kid. Yet the storm was brutal. We lost power for four days. I could smell ocean water on my street. We relied on kerosene in a ventilated house to heat. And we ate a lot of survival meals for the week. It wasn’t pleasant, but we survived.

This cute Jersey story was funny to me up until the past three years.

I will admit I have an odd interest in tornadoes. I find them terrifyingly destructive. I want to learn about them and ideally remove them from the world forever. I like learning about them and watching footage, but I actually hate that they exist.

In recent years, I started getting a growing number of tornado watches on my phone alerts. Then, I’d get footage of actual funnel cloud shapes seen in New Jersey. Then I started getting actual tornado warnings, which are the warnings that happen when tornado activity is spotted in an area.

Then, a tornado recently hit my ex in-laws’ area. The idea of “tornadoes just don’t happen here” stopped feeling as real. Last month alone, four tornadoes touched down in New Jersey.

Oh, and you thought New York was left out? Nope. A waterspout was actually photographed right off Long Island for the first time since…I don’t even know!

In 2023, 18 confirmed tornadoes hit the Garden State — a totally unheard-of, record-breaking number. Since 1950, New Jersey would typically have 2.5 (typically low-ranking) tornadoes hit per year. Since the 2020s, that number seems to have edged higher to three or even four.

New Jersey is, for once, starting to get a real taste of tornado fear.

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New Jersey is not the only place suddenly getting a rise in tornado activity.

As a person who has Eastern European roots, I occasionally hear about what’s up in the Old Country. For me, the Old Country is Romania. And Romania’s weather has been going a little crazy in the past 10, 15 years.

It’s no secret that Europe has been dealing with blistering heat waves. All of my mom’s friends keep saying that they never remembered entire summers with temperatures almost hitting 90.

Out in the country, things got scarier.

Tornadoes started to occur there on a regular basis too. In 2019, an hourglass-shaped tornado picked up a bus, chucked it, and injured a total of 12 people. It was an F3, and nicknamed the “non-existing tornado” because it wasn’t supposed to be possible.

What’s going on here…?! Europe, especially Eastern Europe, is not what I think of as “tornado alley.”

What’s going on with all these crazy storms and tornadoes?

So, I always imagined that tornadoes had to be on flat areas to happen. Apparently, that’s only half of it. Per meteorology basics, tornadoes are more likely to favor zones that have hot, humid air, flat planes, and aggressive winds.

Many of the areas that are now seeing tornadoes are only starting to have the muggy, humid air that tornadoes need. Jersey has always been humid, but even us long-time Jerseyans can attest that things changed in the past 20 years or so.

The flatter planes? Well, I wonder what *that* could be about. Surely, it couldn’t do with all of the trees and forests that were being plowed over for four-on-one “luxury” developments that all look the same, right? Or it couldn’t be all the vegetation removed for farming, right?

Well, it’s a lot like that “Taco Warning” meme I added. It’s a lot harder to get a taco when you’re missing the shells and seasoned beef. Both Romania and New Jersey just added those two items onto the shopping list.

People often think climate change is just about heat, but it’s not.

Yes, heat and ocean warming are a huge part of climate change. However, so is terrain change and weather changes. A lot of the natural climates and ecosystems Earth had are now so disturbed that they’ve literally knocked normal weather habits out of knock.

We’re seeing certain major wind patterns go to a screeching halt, potentially ruining international trade routes. We’re seeing tornados in areas that never used to have them.

And the truth is? We deserve to see it.

I’ve seen a lot of climate change deniers tell people affected by flooding or hurricanes to just “move to a place with better weather,” as if it’s an endless supply of cure-all home fixes. Some even do it quietly, realizing they probably contributed to the issue as they pack their bags up.

People who act like that need a reality check.

Believe it or not, these are just warning shots fired by Mother Nature.

This is the warning that, if we don’t conserve nature, replant trees, and work hard to coexist with our planet, there won’t be a place to run from the hellish landscape that will take place over our entire world.

You can no longer run off to New York City to get away from hurricane season. You can no longer laugh off the idea of a tornado in New Jersey. And no, you can’t exactly roll your eyes at a haboob in Colorado anymore.

We took it for granted. Now shit’s changing. Boom.

If you haven’t read my work for a long time, allow me to tell you a little thing about myself: I’m a birthmother. I gave up rights to my daughter and am in an open adoption with her two handpicked dads.

I was aware that I was not parent material. I loved my daughter enough to realize that it was best that I love her from afar. At the time, my life situation was absolutely dangerous and would likely have caused her to live a life that wouldn’t have been worth living.

I knew I made the right choice.

I also know the doctors around me knew I chose wisely.

Do you know why?

Because I got up shortly after giving birth (paralyzed legs be damned), hobbled over butt-naked to a doctor, suckerpunched him, then screamed that I needed to eat someone’s blood. I also asked if I could decapitate my daughter and eat her entrails.

They tackled me, put a bite prevention device on me, and strapped me to a wheelchair until I appeared calm enough to leave. I left six hours later, AMA, and got into a fight with a cop.

Lindsay Clancy’s case was very similar to mine.

Well, let’s start with the basics.

• Lindsay had two kids before, with prior diagnoses of Post Partum Depression. Her past DX’s were handled through meditation and light medication.

• Her third child caused her hormones to go even worse. She started hearing voices, getting bad insomnia, and getting a little hyper.

• She had attempted to get help. She was in-patient for five days before being sent home against her wishes. She tried over a dozen medications to treat her symptoms but to no avail.

• Lindsay was totally “coherent sounding” the day before, but she still strangled her three kids to death with exercise bands. She then tried to kill herself by jumping out of the window.

When her husband returned home from picking up her meds, he found her bloody in the bushes after a suicide attempt. 911 was called and all three children succumbed to strangulation.

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I have a very bad hormonal disorder that made me go absolutely, positively ballistic after I gave birth.

Much like with Lindsay, the birth wasn’t when the problems stopped for me. The first three months, I was trying to figure out how to kill doctors in my area. People were afraid to go near me. I drove a steak knife deep into a table for someone just approaching me too quick.

Long story short, after constantly talking to myself, hearing voices in my head telling me to eat my daughter, and having other serious issues, I sought help. More specifically, I sought help while also seeking sterilization.

I got sedated with enough tranquilizers to knock out a horse, got driven to a gynecologist, and was diagnosed with Post Partum Psychosis as well as some type of disordered extreme estrogen production.

Unlike Lindsay, I actually had ONE (out of like fucking 12) doctor actually listen to me and do as I said. The doctor realized another pregnancy would kill me, so I also got surgically sterilized. I am happy about this.

I had to have about 10 Depo-Provera shots in a single week before I could actually act normally. Truth be told, it was closer to 14. I had four shots, then the rest of my treatment was in the very rare pill form.

It was terrifying to be that way. And I thank the gods every day that I had enough self-control to go through with the adoption, keep my distance, and reach out for help rather than give into the dark thoughts I had.

Truly, Lindsay didn’t have that road available to her.

When I read about the Lindsay Clancey case, I immediately thought about my birth.

My birth was one of the most horrifically traumatizing moments of my life.

Aside from being the most absolutely dysphoric thing to happen to a genderless person, what made it truly traumatizing was realizing that doctors don’t care about you as a woman. No one, literally no one, listened to me.

I will never forgive or forget that level of betrayal, dehumanization or rape. It’s why I will be taking my daughter to get sterilized, the moment she turns 18. I never want her to experience the American “motherhood-womanhood” medical experience.

She’s already said she doesn’t want a child and unlike everyone around me at that age, I’ll believe her. I was inches away from mass murder and eating my child’s corpse. The only thing that prevented that was people around me believing me.

Lindsay was not that lucky.

She was ignored by everyone, including the father of her kids.

Lindsey had a bunch of doctors who ignored her until her illness took over.

You know, it’s weird how often society and doctors will see a woman going through mental illness, ask for help, tell them in no uncertain terms that she needs XYZ, and still shrug and do nothing. It’s only when legality, a man, or insurance gets angry that they stiffen up and listen.

Doctors didn’t care about my reproductive choices because they decided it’s in my best interest to have a baby. It’s only when they realized that I might murder the baby and them and also die and become a legal liability that I got fixed.

Doctors let me leave the Maternity Ward after watching me fight orderlies, crawl naked out a hallway, and bite someone. But, you know, I probably was “okay” as a mother. Maybe they think adoption was a bit of an “overkill” option.

Cool, I’m sure they’d have said, “No one could have prevented this,” if they saw me gnawing on newborn bones. After all, it’s not like there weren’t warning signs and cries for help, right?

Lindsay Clancy had repeatedly sought help for her Post Partum Psychosis. She even went in-patient asking for help, only for doctors to just smile and push her ass out the door after only five days.

And here’s the thing: like many women she had to keep herself together. Women get punished by society when we’re falling apart at the seams. She was so used to that pressure, she kept herself together until she literally burst at the seams.

She tried to cry out in a socially-accepted manner. No one cared, no one listened, because it didn’t seem dire enough.

There really is no good “system” in place for women who need mental health, reproductive health, or personal autonomy on medicine.

These kinds of killings are proof of that. Happy parents, be they male or female, do not kill their kids. Men are starting to annihilate their families at growing rates. Women are starting to commit filicide at growing rates.

We need doctors to listen to women when they say they are not okay. We need doctors to not wave women off as “hysterical” when they say they’re not safe around their kids. We need them to listen when women warn them about their husbands.

My heart breaks for her husband, but at the same time, I have to wonder why he didn’t argue on her behalf? I’ve personally seen the way doctors react when a man brings up his property’s (erm, wife’s) health.

Moreover, we need doctors to pay attention for warning signs of Post-Partum Psychosis. Unlike Post-Partum Depression, this illness tends to get worse the more pregnancies a woman has. It also happens to women who have hormone disorders that cause mood swings.

Clancy did something awful, yes. But she tried so hard to find help. She was ignored.

But how could she kill her kids and seem so sane?!

America tends to deeply shame women who do not look like they enjoy every shit-wiping second of motherhood. Women are told, repeatedly, their feelings no longer matter “now that the baby’s here,” and that they come in second place.

The end result is that most women start to internalize it. They do this pretend, glued-on fake-happy face so that they don’t get the retaliation of others. They don’t want to feel like a failure as a mom for not smiling while scrubbing shit-filled diapers next to an infant squalling with colic.

You’d be surprised at how hard women can fight to hide their pain. I call it doing the “stiff upper lip mommy maneuver,” and it’s a way to try to wait until things are calm enough for someone to listen to her complaint without calling her nutters.

In a lot of cases, that maneuver can work. However, this was one time she should have either kicked, screamed, or packed up her shit and left since no one was going to listen to her. She didn’t. She, like so many other isolated moms, didn’t know what to do.

Her only downfall was that she was so used to doing the “stiff upper lip mommy” thing society expects us all to do that she hid her pain too well. Everyone just assumed she was doing fine because she only complained a little or something.

And for the record? I do believe she did love her kids. I absolutely believe it. However, it’s hard to believe that fact unless you’ve actually been in her mind — and having experienced Post Partum Psychosis, I can say I have.

When you wake up from that hormonal haze, it’s like waking up from a bad dream. I was shaking when I realized I almost tried to eat my own kid and tried to stab another family member to death. It took months for me to feel okay about myself.

I love my daughter. I felt horrible when I realized what had been going through my mind. I can’t imagine what it would have been like to only wake up from the haze after realizing I killed my own daughter.

I’d have wanted to die, too. Hell, I’d likely have taken my own life that same day.

Unfortunately, I think that the courts will find Mrs. Clancy guilty and jail her.

America is not kind to mothers. It’s especially unkind to women who break after being ground up into crumbs through its bloody system. In America, the worst sin of all is showing the ugly reality of what motherhood could be to both mother and daughter.

I hate to say it, but I think that the prejudice people have against moms who break will end up making this woman spend her life behind bars. Is it fair? No. But I know all too well that in America, the cruelty is the point.

Ever notice how rare gifts are? We succubi are fans of bringing that back, no strings attached. We explain why it works, how to do it genuinely, why it should make YOU happy to give a gift, and why it creates a great impression in a world where everything seems fake.

We talk about the love hotel booking where we did our content night, how I used it as a way to set an example on how to plan out a romantic night in a hotel, examples of what we did in order make it extra special, as well as the small examples of things that made for an incredible date night.

Meanwhile, Succubi Zsa Zsa talks about how she planned a quick free date that totally took me off my feet. Hint: it involves cars, cigars, and Birch soda.

Our belief is simple: the basic formula for fun times, love, and a great date is simple:

1. Give because it’s fun to. You’re planning a date and giving a gift not to get something in return, but because you want to see your date happy. You want to show off that you’re a good time!

2. Money does not always equal a good date. I’m sorry, but $300 Wagyu ain’t always as fun as a car show. If you have a good budget for a date, we can show you how to work it. Otherwise, look at good memories together.

3. If someone doesn’t seem to appreciate and reciprocate your work, that’s when you walk. Reciprocity is not the same as a transaction. Transactionality is thinking, “Okay, he bought me a $300 steak dinner. I need to have sex with him now.” Reciprocity is going, “Oh wow! He took me to a crazy steak dinner! I know this is the extra mile, so I should figure out what his favorite hard-to-make home-cooked meal is!”
   
   If you feel like you’re always putting in the extra mile or if you feel like you’re always being “bought” to do things, that’s your sign that you need to cut it off. (Of course, talk about this first. Sometimes, things get misread, you know!)

Now, check out our makeovers using SHEIN products. We’ll show you Zsa Zsa’s nails soon! is my demon co-host for this one.

Originally live on Sunday, Aug 25.

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I will be the first one to say that the beauty industry is a deeply double-edged sword. On one hand, it literally got started by ads to encourage women to feel bad about themselves so that they could get a good husband.

In my last article, I discussed the terrifying world of male “looksmaxxing,” a term which is quickly becoming the new era of male “beauty” per the manosphere. I don’t think we as a society are ready to fully acknowledge what this “industry” is doing to men and women.

While both “beauty industries” tend to have similiarities, the differences are what make one so much scarier than the other. Let’s jump in.

In both “beauty” industries, much of the advertising starts out the same.

Did you ever notice how often, particularly in the past, makeup companies or hair companies would try to shame women into not fitting in a certain ideal? In certain years, you needed to be blonde — Y2K bleach blonde like me. Other years, it had to be a gloomy, edgy dark auburn or a chestnut brown.

If you couldn’t hack a particular style or a perfectly hard (yet soft-looking) body in the Y2K, you felt awful. Some of those magazine comments about celebrities were absolutely scorchingly cruel. I mean, think of how many eating disorders started to kick off back then.

In a lot of fucked up ways, the beauty industry did this to people. They got you wanting to hate yourself, then trotted out a solution to your problem that works perfectly. Imagine that!

In recent years, the body positivity movement and diversity movement started to bring a lot more options. Beauty became more inclusive, feminist, and real. And honestly? I’m happy for that.

Over the centuries, women started to combat the hateful messages the media gave them about body standards. They also started to emphasize other parts of what they offer, such as their personalities, their skills, and income.

The Manosphere did the opposite. At one point, the theme of man-centric beauty was about embracing your grizzly self and treating yourself. It got whittled into something deeply twisted, hate-inspired, and insanely unattainable.

A looksmaxxing account takes photos of people who look incredible, downright amazing…and say they’re not enough. Their jaws are not square. Their eyes don’t tilt well. They pick apart men, give them the most unrealistic goal possible, and say that’s the “bare minimum.”

Looksmaxxers insist that good looks will get men love and success — nothing more will do. But it’s not just a matter of good looks. No, they tell men that they are worthless unless they join in their programs.

Why does this matter? I once heard a cult member who had to bring in new members tell me, “You have to make sure they hate themselves enough to actually buy what you’re selling. You want them to be desperate for your end game.”

Self-loathing is a very powerful tool. However, women have learned how to cope with and understand the puppet strings pulling them around. Men, from what it seems, have not.

Then, there are the guardrails women’s beauty has that men’s don’t.

So, I’m going to talk about the biggest, most terrifying aspect of looksmaxxing versus standard women’s beauty care. Women’s beauty is almost entirely guarded by the FDA and medical licensing boards and spa boards. Let me explain this difference.

Women’s Beauty

Did you know that lipstick and eyeshadow both have to be cleared by the FDA? The same can be said about that nice, juicy-scented skin cream you wear as well as the perfume you’re wearing. All cosmetics are under FDA approval requirements.

The FDA is not perfect, but it does offer some modicum of safety. You do not hear about women getting physically addicted to lipstick. You don’t hear about FDA-approved items including uranium.

On a similar note, those high-end spa treatments often have a lot of checks and balances. It has to be clinically proven to be effective by independent boards, then given the green light by the FDA or a medical board. In other words, Botox, saunas, and laser therapies are actually science-backed and safe.

Looksmaxxing, Bodybuilding, and Male-Oriented Goods

You know what isn’t protected by the FDA?

Supplements.

Ask me how I know, or refer to my kratom rehab to find out. Most of the looksmaxxing gear is either outwardly illegal for use the way it’s being sold to use, made from shady stuff, or involves doing very risky things in the name of looking better.

We’ve all had gastation “supplements,” potentially. Maybe they were Stacker 2s for late-night study sessions or workouts. Or maybe you like me and needed some kratom. Or you might be the lochal lech who wants to get some dick work going on with those Horny Goat Weed Pills.

None of those were examined by the FDA and we have no idea whether they work. With me, my Feel Free bottles worked *too well* and turned into a near-lethal addiction I am only two weeks clean from. (It’s great to be sober, by the way!)

The results can vary. Sometimes, you’re flushing your money down the toilet. Other times, that gym supplement you’re taking could become a horrific, agonizingly addictive substance.

I get vitamins to help me focus on work and keep my looks pristine at the local store. Over there, I overheard one man talking about a pre-workout add-on called Phentermine that has become so addictive that he had a friend get institutionalized after he quit it.

Other options such as grey-area steroids and the like? Yep. That will cause nightmare “returns” in the name of looksmaxxing. People have already started to look like walking zombies as a result of the extreme use.

Looksmaxxing, unlike women’s beauty, has no guardrails. Also, unlike women’s beauty, looksmaxxing views these risky choices as a badge of honor. In other words, it’s a luck of the draw on what you get and you might not like what the results are.

Even cautious people might end up using the wrong supplement or technique in looksmaxxing.

The final attitude is also just as disturbing.

Attitudes on beauty between the sexes also change a lot of the final result.

Women’s Makeup And Beauty

So here’s the thing: makeup might be a patriarchal tool in some senses, but it’s also a feminist tool. Beauty salons were one of the final bastions of women’s employment in Afghanistan before the Taliban removed it.

Beauty salons often acted as a safe place for battered women who wanted to get away from men for a while. In the past 50 years, makeup also became a very personal form of self-expression for myriads of people — myself included.

I’m very pro-plastic surgery, pro-makeup, pro-nails, and pro-falsies. My face is my canvas, my body my project car. My makeup empowers me. I love my makeup and self-improvement. It helps me make me happy and that’s something that’s super feminist, because it’s my choice and my body.

Makeup can bring joy. There is an upside to it and a little powder can go a long way. I remember watching The Swan, where women who hated their bodies got extreme plastic surgery and crying out of joy for them because they looked so happy. That’s like a fairy tale for me!

Looksmaxxing

Looksmaxxing is one of those things that starts with an external locus of control: the attention of women. When looksmaxxers don’t get the girls they want (because extreme bodybuilders are not really hot to most of us), they flip out.

They get depressed. They get angry. They start doubling and tripling down. They turn their bodies into a paddling post, a form of punishment for not being perfect enough to be worthy of love. Psychologists are already sounding the alarm over this.

Looksmaxxing is a movement that is started by awful, damaged people, designed to make you hate yourself, works to get you to injure yourself, then spits you out with a new slew of problems once you no longer “work as intended.”

If you ask me, there’s nothing “pretty” about that.

Women don’t understand how toxic the male beauty industry is…

That’s the truth. As a gender, women have had to deal with all the magazines picking other women’s bodies apart, tweaking looks, or whatever. We know it’s awful. On an objective level, every woman knows the insecurity marketing is BS, even if it still affects us.

Over the years, women have begun to adjust how they react to it and have learned to heal the hurt. We have support groups. We work on our personalities. We start seeing the value in people beyond their looks.

Men have yet to do that. And unlike what women dealt with, it wasn’t the same message. Women were also told that sewing, baking, cooking, and other “feminine” skills could help them show value.

Looksmaxxing STRIPS all of that: it’s look beautiful (THIS TYPE OF BEAUTY ONLY) or you’re worthless. And it’s promoted by the worst of the worst men, for men who genuinely should have been in therapy.

This is a movement that rapes men’s bodies, minds, and souls. It strips them of their humanity. And by the time they realize how badly they’ve been trapped, they may have ruined their look altogether.

Have you noticed how many men have been hitting the gym to try a little more muscular? It’s not necessarily about men’s health. It’s more about the aesthetic rather than actual health.

More and more men seem to be falling into a weird trap — one that was actually only seen among a very specific niche of male models that exploded into mainstream views: bigorexia. Bigorexia is an old-school term about men who become so obsessed with getting muscular, bigger, and “manlier” that they go through extreme lengths to do so.

It’s also starting to get paired with extreme body dysmorphia, self-loathing, and insanely high standards on everything from facial features to the way they have to walk. And that term? It’s all starting to go under the umbrella of looksmaxxing.

Most people tend to think about looksmaxing as a movement. It’s not. In a low-key, multi-million if not multi-billion-dollar industry.

What we’re seeing is men finally feeling the pressure that women have been bludgeoned with for decades.

Think about it. The perfume, hair, makeup, weight loss, and beauty industries were traditionally female areas. Most of these are billion-dollar industries on their own — and what do they all have in common?

These industries often prey on women’s insecurities.

Think about how many fashion magazines tend to talk about how you need to “look hot” with the latest beauty trends. I remember the whole “Yoga Butt” thing getting kicked off as a way to sell Lululemon pants to women alongside yoga classes. I’m pretty sure it was even in a magazine.

As a young teen girl, I read those teen magazines religiously because I wanted to learn what I had to do to look beautiful and therefore be lovable. Reality: I was beautiful already and didn’t need the exact items in the magazines to show it. (Yes, I bought every single thing the magazine mentioned.)

We were given this belief that the only way to be loved or find a guy was to be pretty. It was the axe over every girl’s neck.

Here’s the thing, though: they had legitimate products to sell that had to go through the FDA. The beauty treatments were not done by a loon. They were created and performed on people by licensed professionals.

There were GUARDRAILS.

This is different.

The looksmaxxing thing started as an incel concept but quickly resonated with lonely men who couldn’t figure out why women didn’t want them.

The Red Pill movement helped pave the way into this issue. They kept telling men that white men are the best, that Black men are an animalistic group that will harm/devalue all women around them, and that Asian men can’t look attractive because they’re “too feminine.” (I have thoughts on this.)

Looksmaxxers basically tell men that top-quality women won’t want you unless you fit these very insane, very strict, very specific standards that they put out.

How crazy? They will literally take measurements of the person’s eyelid tilt to determine whether you look like a masculine “predator” who women are supposed to adore or whether you look like a feminine “prey” man who women are supposed to detest.

The standards never stop. They need thick hair. More chiseled jaws. Higher cheekbones. Pointy noses. Pouty lips. They keep touting the “Chad” look as the go-to to impress women. It wasn’t working. They needed to make it bigger. Gymming was not enough.

The more they talk about how great being a Chad is, the worse male viewers feel about themselves. The more hopeless those viewers feel about their love lives or status, the more desperate they get to do anything to fit that aesthetic…even when there are millions who are clearly struggling in other parts of life.

It turns into a wheel of self-loathing — one that is being spun by a select few who are either very sick or see too many dollar signs for they ignore.

What does the “Chad” look like?

Let me give you another example of a “Chad” that most people would agree is an icon in the scene.

This is Clavicular, widely considered to be the looksmaxxing icon of the movement. He literally lives off showing people how they can look like him, often through medically untested, high-risk, or downright dangerous methods.

Remember how I keep mentioning that looksmaxxing is quickly becoming a far more toxic version of the beauty industry women deal with?

Well, there’s a real emphasis on toxicity here. I’ve already gone on about how much insecurity has poisoned the male mind. I don’t need to address that anymore.

The toxicity that I’m talking about is permanently destroying men, disfiguring bodies, and potentially annihilating their ability to live normal, healthy lives. The shit they are doing would NEVER be passed by an ethical licensing board.

Let’s look at some of the most insane culprits.

Synthol

Behold, this is synthol, which creates “fake muscles through oils and numbing agents.” More specifically, it’s a mix of 85 percent oil (like paraffin or MCT oil), 7.5 percent lidocaine for pain relief, and 7.5 percent benzyl alcohol to preserve it.

Despite this, synthol can kill you with oil embolisms, broken muscles, infections, cysts, and, well, muscle fibrosis. If it enters your bloodstream, you’re also basically fucked. Synthol is banned by bodybuilding groups for good reason. It’s killed people before.

The Price:

Because it’s a “supplement” and can be sold for “non-injecting purposes,” it’s still legal to be sold stateside despite doctors begging people not to take it. It’s about $100 a bottle. So, uh, go on. Have fun with that. Until it kills you.

Steroids

I don’t think I need to introduce this too heavily. We already know that steroids are bad. We also know there’s a wide range of them, which include anabolic steroids. However, there are so many more types of “gear” that are floating around the net that you might be surprised.

One I almost went on when I was a runway model was Clenbuterol — a horse lung steroid that would literally allow you to just sweat, eat, and lose weight. Problem? It can cook you alive and kill you mid-sesh if you take too much. I thought for a minute because I was that body dysmorphic, then declined.

Steroid abuse is becoming an increasingly bad issue among gym-going men, particularly looksmaxxing men. Clavicular has openly admitted to using anabolic steroids… which, in turn, made him need Cialis (the dick pill) and a hair growth pill.

To be fair, Clav is also using crystal meth to keep his slender frame. So, he’s gonna need the hair growth pill and Cialis either way. Yet, I digress. It’s not a good look.

Because anabolic steroids remove those hormones that regulate your body. Oh, and they also tend to speed up the aging process, cause acne, and change your face shape. While current “on-book” use of anabolic steroid abuse clocks in at 2.8 percent, the real abuse is likely far, far higher.

Just because it isn’t always crazy bad doesn’t mean that the abuse isn’t there. Take a look at my recent drug issue: kratom. I was abusing it so badly that it didn’t actually make anyone notice until I was literally so deep in it that I was dying.

Even then, people didn’t take me seriously until they hear a doctor in rehab say, “You’re gonna die if you keep this up another month.” I’m two weeks clean. So yeah, I believe the abuse rates are far higher.

Price:

Here’s the tricky thing about steroid pricing: they’re often black market-made. So I asked Google’s AI because the span of black market ‘roids can be so crazy variable. I’ve heard of some men spending $300 to $1000 a month on their underground roids, but I didn’t know if that was normal.

Peptides

This is the new beauty industry darling, and I kind of understand why. Some have promising research in anti-aging and some are actually clinically proven to help with serious ailments. So, I’m not against all peptides.

I am against all the crazy “grey-market, research purposes only” use I’m seeing getting touted by looksmaxxers. There are three reasons I can’t start theses things:

1. Injectable peptides are not FDA-approved, nor are they approved by other countries right now. You can’t guarantee their safety.

2. You don’t know who’s making them or how they’re made. You don’t know if it’s in a lab or some guy’s trap house!

3. You don’t even know if it’s effective. So you might as well be flushing money down the toilet.

The effects are not as dire as others on this list, but yeah.

Price:

Per Google, “The cost of peptides typically ranges from $150 to $800 per month for therapeutic protocols, though prices can drop as low as $20 per vial or soar past $1,000 per month depending entirely on how they are sourced and what they are used for. [1, 2]”

Yeah, that’s pricey!

Other Scary Shit

Let’s talk about some of the other weird stuff that looksmaxxing has started to do.

Mewling

You might have heard of mewling (which is doing throat exercises to increase your jawline, right?) Sure. Not that bad. This might just make you look a little stupid or change a little bit of frame, maybe.

Oh wait, they had a guy (who was under attack for misinformation by real dentists) sell extra-hard chewing gum for $21 a pack. (I guess they skipped the whole thing about that Rainbow Stripe gum that hardened into bricks.) The issue here, of course, is that it likely won’t work the right muscles. It also may not even work at all.)

Face-Smashing

Now there’s also face-smashing, which involves “careful, targeted, repeated microfractures” to the face using a hammer or other blunt object. I don’t have to explain this too much, but literally?

Yeah, not done by professionals and there’s no way to really control how your body reacts to the damage.

Extreme Body Surgeries

Chin extensions are common, if you get cleared by a doctor. That’ll cost $4,200 a pop. If you want to get taller and reach the “Six Foot” benchmark of “normal” for the looksmaxxer crowd, then expect to pay between $75,000 and $250,000 for it stateside, in total.

Oh, and fun fact — -you might have to relearn to walk. Many who have had this surgery have called it agonizingly painful and regret it deeply. Imagine just getting confidence and charisma instead!?

This all has to come out of pocket, since insurance won’t cover it. They also won’t pay for the pain meds or rehab since your dumb ahh put you in on this.

Total Male Bodywork

Yes, there are entire male plastic surgery centers that help men now get fancy surgeries that give them the look they want. What I can say is that these are actually fairly safe. They’ll just be insanely pricey to afford.

Take a look at the totals…

These men are not okay. Some boys as young as 15 are using steroids to get women. They don’t need dark market shit to make their lives better. They need to get help, get healthy guidance, and actually, maybe…touch grass for a bit.

Guys, you are worth caring for as long as you show you’re a caring person. You don’t have to be a perfect Ken Doll. In fact, most women don’t like the bodybuilder look at all.

Yeah. The only people you’re attracting are likely other men — and at the end of the day, not listening to women but to men on how to get love from women shows that you might have been interested in male validation all along.

So, guys, don’t let this sham industry drain your wallet. Report that content. Warn others. Ask your guy friends if they’re okay, or why they want a girlfriend. You might be surprised at how much healthier that really can be.

You see, the men who run these scams know that these results alienate you from the women they promised you. That’s good for them. Because it makes you hate yourself more, which will make you ask them what they can do to help you next. They’re vipers.

Men, you’re being hunted in an area with no guardrails. There’s no approval for what you’re taking and no clue about how you’ll react. At the very least, try to hit the gym and the self-care counter at ULTA instead. It’s likely safer.

Right now, the rap world is in an uproar. As a person who dabbles in hip hop as a journalist and has been in very toxic relationships, this whole saga has been raising my eyebrows left and right.

This crime case might actually end up outdoing D4vd in terms of scandal. Maybe.

Meet Chrisean Rock.

Chrisean Rock is a fairly famous rapper and hip-hop figure. Most people, though, know her from the series Baddies as well as its spin-off Chrisean Rock and Blueface: Crazy In Love.

Okay, maybe I have to elucidate a little more: it’s not just her good looks. It’s her bust-out, wild, borderline possessed-behaving antics surrounding her obsession over her relationship with fellow rapper Blueface.

In the past, Chrisean has…

• Instigated some serious fights with Blueface. According to her, he also put his hands on her.

• Had an argument in bed with her kid that was so loud that her son clearly froze up. The kid looks terrified.

• Had a baby with Blueface and drank with the baby in the womb, allegedly tried to “self-abort" her kid, and has been repeatedly seen neglecting her kid. She also talked about aborting the kid when her relationship with Blueface sputtered. She walked that back. The kid’s name is Blueface Jr. Most people would expect me to cut her some slack, but I’m not. Unlike my pregnancy, she knew she was pregnant when she was drinking and she knew she was past the abortion limit. I went through four negative tests, no baby bump, occasional weight loss, and didn’t find out until I was about to pop. This kid was planned. And she did that. I gave up my kid for adoption because I realized I was too much of a mess to be a good mom. I was actually trying to get sterilized and only got sterilized after my birth. She should have ceded parental rights, considering everything.

• Randomly ate a rose. I mean, roses are edible. You can make tea out of them. But what the fuck.

• Tattooed Blueface’s face on her not once but twice. Obsessed much?

In other words, she’s known for behaving like a person who has Borderline Personality Disorder when they are spiraling. But it gets worse.

The subject of Blueface Jr. is heavily contested for many reasons—including his paternity.

Shortly after Chrisean got pregnant and gave birth, her ex, a man by the name of Ronny Doe, started asking if it’s really Blueface’s kid. What he said allegedly made a lot of sense. Crisean was not going to stand for it, but she refused to take a paternity test.

She allegedly threatened to kill him and his manager.

Shortly after, Ronny Doe was killed in a “targeted” shooting attack. All that man wanted was a chance to help his potential offspring get a little bit of help. Strange timing, isn’t it? The murder remains unsolved, a sign of a hit.

After he died, she became very emotional and started turning toward God. Not too long after, Chrisean Rock started to work hand-in-hand with churches….for reasons. She started to say her church is her “happy place,” and I can’t help but feel like she is trying to repent for something.

That might just be me seeing things, though.

Later on, Blueface said that the child had an official paternity test and that Blueface Jr. really was his kid. My question is, why didn’t she just do it then if she was so unbothered?

Either way, they were looking to rekindle, and she once again riled things up around Blueface. Blueface is now dating a girl named Navaeh Akira. She seems to be a lot less awful and, to her credit, she has also tried to extend the olive branch to Chrisean.

Surprise: it didn’t work.

Here’s where it gets really bad.

She recently admitted, on camera, that a person, by name, has “caught bodies” before. She also pointed him out as a Crip, which is also generally something that should only be done by the person who is actually involved in the stuff.

Speaking as someone who has befriended gang members and used to be somewhat involved with certain groups years back, outing a gangster and their crimes like that is one of the ultimate gaffes that a (potential) civilian could do. (She has neither confirmed nor denied that she’s a Crip, which makes this even worse.)

She basically snitched on her ex-boyfriend by name.

On camera.

I’m like, “BITCH…ARE YOU TRYING TO GET SHOT?!”

Unsurprisingly, this basically buried any chance of Blueface ever making the choice to come back to her as a boyfriend, because you know that the heat is going to come up on him and Chrisean too.

The best-case scenario is that the feds start looking through her shit and start pairing shit together on unsolved cases. That will land her in prison and will most likely cause her to spend a lot of time in solitary or Protective Custody. This might keep her alive.

The worst situation would be to stay outside of jail after you just set up and betrayed a bunch of Locs who trusted her. My guess is that she’s likely on a timer. I would be terrified for her safety.

Seriously, this is the fastest way to be forced out of the United States. I don’t even think the Witness Protection Program can help her since she apparently can’t understand how dangerous a move she pulled.

Blueface, please stay away from that woman.

Author’s Note: I take this back. Blueface started abusing Navaeh the moment that she got pregnant. He set up new rules and warned her that he’d leave both her and the baby if she disobeyed him. This man is incapable of having a relationship. He’s not getting arrested. Girl, call your family and get you and the child out of there. Please.

Regular readers will tell you that I rarely defend men, but this time, I actually hope you read this and take it in. You don’t have to rely on toxic, delusional women to make money. I know that people who get involved all have their reasons and I am not judging you for being a gangster.

She strikes me as the type of girl who might run her mouth, so for all I know, you might not even have dropped a body. What she did do, though, was still not cool even if it was a lie. That’s a straight-up abusive life-ruiner.’

I don’t believe that she’s struggling with housing the way I am. If she wanted to, there are places in America that are selling in small towns. If she wanted to, she could buy a trailer. Or rent a small kitchenette-style studio out somewhere in Kansas.

She probably has decent income. Likely more than me. If I had that option, you better believe I’d have gon away from New Jersey and not come back.

I get that toxic relationships are moneymakers and that you enjoy the money she made you, but it’s not worth it. You’re well-off, you have a booming career, you’ve proven yourself to be a good-ish dad to multiple children provided that they don’t betray you. And you clearly love your kids.

I mean, you’re already light-years ahead of Chrisean, that’s for sure.

But for real, bro.

BRUHHHHH.

Navaeh Akira is so much kinder. And so much more capable of being a decent mother. I could see this being a partnership that goes long-term. Just please, don’t go back to Chrisean. Maybe it’s just me, but I’m getting “obsessed killer” vibes and I think you deserve to see your son grow up.

So, please. Spend time with Ms. Akira. Be good to her. You’re good with her—or at least safer with her than with Chrisean. As for Chrisean? I see myself in her and I hope that she gets help—or at least really takes a deep look at how she’s pushed everyone away. She has a lot of self-work to do.

At this point, I’ve started to notice that Q Anon is a brainwashing psyop mostly controlled by the right wing. The objective is fairly clear: use conspiracy theories to get people to ignore the obvious crimes committed by the GOP while keeping them as soldiers in whatever political agenda they have.

This isn’t a conspiracy I’m spouting. It’s been proven time and time again to work. For a while, it seemed like Q was dying out. Now that there aren’t any “drops” happening from the original Q’s, there seemed like there wouldn’t be any new things to cling to, right?

Wrong.

It seems like bots and trolls have started to talk about the Epstein case quite a lot lately…and so, a new Nazi funnel has started to take hold.

It was a Reddit post that turned me onto this trend.

It continues here…

Basically, it’s Q bots pulling the same Q stuff. And that is something we’ve seen before. The person in question here was able to pry himself away from the psyop before he got in too deep. Others wouldn’t be so lucky.

Most of us have noticed that social media platforms have a right-wing bias.

I mean, it’s not just saying that. Google, YouTube, and even Reddit have been proven to have a right-leaning slant. This is deliberate. In fact, multiple studies show groups are funding the amplification of right-wing content.

YouTube even had a big scandal when they would push right-wing creators to left-wing people without doing the same to right-wing people. Interesting how that is, right?

It’s clear that the Powers That Be really want to make people buy into right-wing propaganda, often at their own expense. And that means they will get you in that rabbit hole as much as they can.

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Lately, I’ve been going on a deep dive about cults and I started to notice something. The cults of the 1960s through the 1970s were definitely a product of their time. They were deeply political, counter-culture, and for lack of a better term, hippie flavored.

In recent years, I’ve noticed a lot of people making the assumpt…

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So, I think it’s no secret that I love Japanese culture. A lot. Like, a lot, a lot. I’m a huge fan of Mitsuwa, one of the only authentic Japanese markets in America — which is so conveniently located near my old home.

Mitsuwa is a real gem. They don’t just carry Japanese products and foods. They actually bring in representatives and chefs from Japan to show people how to make the foods, act as a major cultural hotspot for Japanese immigrants, and also throw authentic Japanese-style festivals there.

As part of my sobriety month, I called up my friend Shawn and decided to go to one of their biggest festivals to date. It was the first one I’ve ever seen advertised on Instagram and it offered real food, games, and tastings of Japanese cuisine.

In other words, it’s the closest thing to a Japanese festival you’re going to find in America. I decided to spend some time there and something started to become very noticeable.

Or rather, three things. Let’s get into it.

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First off, Mitsuwa and the local Japanese contributors were very happy to see visitors in traditional Japanese gear.

Fashion-wise, there was a lot to see. I saw so many people in absolutely breathtaking yukatas and umbrellas there. At one point, I even saw a man carrying his $1400 ball joint doll with him so he could photograph her at the festival.

As an American, I often get nervous of wearing other cultures’ clothing because I don’t want to be seen as appropriating their culture. Yes, I appreciate it, but I don’t claim it to be mine.

Festival throwers and goers all seemed to agree that wearing yukatas and other J-fashions was 100 percent good. I generally only wear other cultures’ clothing if I’m actively celebrating the culture (such as when I stuck to three months of Mandarin) or if I am specifically asked to.

People were very respectful of the fashion and oh my god, it was gorgeous.

I was actually happy to see that people were actually wearing Japanese fashions at the festival. Next time, I might break out my yukata too. (I’m just shy.)

The other thing that stood out to me was the difference in gaming.

So, Shawn and I actually decided to spend money to win a prize in gaming. The Mitsuwa festival had a game similar to cornhole — toss “bean bags” into a bucket to win a prize. If you didn’t win anything, you just got a plastic “carrot” bag filled with puffed rice.

At first glance, this sounds like the classic carnival game here but…it wasn’t quite the same. American bean bags are very heavy. They have a certain weight to them. Japanese “bean” bags don’t really feel like they have beans in them. It’s almost like a light layered silicone bead bag layered with cloth.

The “bean” bags always kept their square shape no matter how you threw them, which was odd when you’re used to American bean bags. This gave the bags a weird “throw” trajectory. It was almost like a mix between tossing a throwing star and tossing a bean bag.

Long story short, you kind of had to relearn how to throw them. We both won and the prizes were insane. We each got a small mini spa sample kits with hair oil treatments, shampoos, lip glosses, a silky-soft wash cloth, and a special sunflower conditioner. It also came with a free glass bath accessory bowl — wow!

That beats the pants off those plushies that feel like they were made out of the world’s worst material. Oh, and unlike so many American carnie games? Yeah, not rigged here. I highly recommend gaming if you go to a Japanese festival.

Finally there was the food and the prices.

So, obviously, the food is the big attraction at most fairs, right? Japan took it to the next level — at least, in my opinion. But let’s talk about this a little bit deeper.

Food Quality

Guys…I got to try Wagyu beef for free because it was being offered as a sample.

Oh, we also tried crystal mochi, some really delicious free shots of Japanese energy drink, some tasty soups, and more. Since most of the samples were done indoors at the grocery store section, I ended up buying a bunch of stuff to keep us hydrated.

The mochi definitely stole the show and I understood why. It was the most famous mochi preparation style and flavor in the world. From what I gathered, it’s considered to be a luxury. No cap, that stuff melted in your mouth.

Sampling in Japan is a little different than here, too. They actually send company representatives, will sometimes offer you free swag along with the drink, and will make a point of explaining the company background. Also, the samples tend to be way more high-end than what you see in America.

Actually…

Uh, I don’t think I’ve ever seen free samples at an American fair outside of the fudge and pickle stands. Well, that’s strange, isn’t it? (Is that just a “me” experience?)

American fair foods are very greasy. They are often deep fried or hyper-sugary. They will clog your arteries (fried butter) or just give you an all-American diabetic coma a la funnel cake. They’re also typically served up in massive portions.

If you go to a “foodie” fair, then you won’t get the artery-clogging goodies that American country fairs are famous for. You will get lobster rolls, coal-oven pizzas, and other fancy food truck items. Honestly, those are delicious and I will tip my hat to awesome food truck gods who put a restaurant on wheels.

However, most food trucks still err on the side of heavy food rather than gourmet food. Speaking of which, let’s talk about the other major thing I noticed.

Food Prices

Guys, there were so many free samples at the Japanese food festival. I tried Wagyu beef for free — and yes, I am mentioning that twice. I also got to try new ramen flavors from a favorite brand, mochi drinks, and more. It was deliciously heavenly.

There were so many freebies. That’s something that is very rare these days, especially since entry to the festival was free of charge. I don’t think I’ve ever seen something like that in an American festival.

Actually, even the prices of regular foods was insanely low at the Japanese festival. We were able to nosh on Wagyu dumplings for $5. A decently-sized box of fried chicken cost $5 too. Takoyaki was $8.

The most expensive things I saw were the crystal mochi being made by hand by trained artisans. Those were $12 a pop or two for $20. They also had lemonade for $10 per large jug but I wasn’t really interested in that, since it was too sweet for my taste.

If you’ve ever gone to an American food festival, you already know the prices are often as bloated as the waist sizes post-attendance. I’ve seen mini pizzas go for as much as $20. Small bags of cotton candy for $8. Zeppoles for $10.

The bottom line is pretty simple: it’s a lot more about price-gouging than it is about actually sharing something cool with the masses.

If you ask me, what I saw really encapsulates the difference between American culture and Japanese cultures.

Due to the way our country operates, American businesses tend to focus on the money aspect of almost everything. Even when it’s a festival meant to flaunt our national pride and culture, there’s always that undercurrent of price gouging.

You’ll always see exorbitant prices on at least one food truck. Heck, I remember going to one food festival that had $17 burgers. That’s more than many sit-down restaurants charge, and #sorrynotsorry, that’s too much for a fair food stand to charge.

If there was one thing I wish American festival throwers would change, it’s how they measure success. Money isn’t success. Great stories are. I want to hear them say, “We could charge more, but let’s focus on what people experience for the price and help others enjoy their time.”

Maybe I’m not seeing the forest for the trees. But damn, we really do need a culture change here — am I right?

I looked like shit.

I was laying in bed.

But this is what fighting for your life sometimes looks like.

Reminder: it’s okay to admit you can’t do it alone.

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You know, we live in a fucked up society where privacy is a thing of the past. We all have seen how private conversations have started to get recorded, or how people have literally been called out for faking things because there’s literally hidden camera proof of them being shitbags.

The noticeable reality that you could be recorded at any point has harmed a lot of things in life — including the nightlife industry. Many club promoters have noticed that people no longer dance, often out of sheer fear of being seen doing something uncool on a reel.

Women have become more wary on the street after stories of edgy manosphere TikTokkers trying to get women to get angry or upset while wearing those Meta glasses. Let’s face it: some streamers are scary like that.

Note: I am not a lawyer. I am just going off the research that I got from legal groups and other similar works. If you need legal help or feel you have a HIPAA case, please seek out a lawyer.

Most people think of Meta glasses as a tool used by streamers, but they are showing up in scary places.

Recently, a woman had a most unsettling situation: she discovered her healthcare provider was wearing Meta glasses during her checkup. According to one Redditor…well, I’ll leave this here.

That’s misleading as hell, don’t you think? Why didn’t the nurse say it wasn’t just an audio recorder? I think we all know why, right? This Redditor isn’t the only one who had this kind of disturbing situation happen at a doctor.

CyberNews recently wrote an article about a TikTok account called Taylorsdiary.mp4, where a woman voiced her concerns about a doctor consultation that occurred while the doctor was wearing Meta glasses.

It wasn’t even about not knowing whether the doctor was using the glasses to record, either. It’s just that seeing them knocks a certain level of fear into the person in question. The more she explains it, the worse it gets:

1. The consultation required her to remove her clothing. So, there’s a recording device around while she’s naked. Cool cool cool cool cool.

2. The doctor was male. Most women don’t feel okay with undressing around men, even if they are doctors. They definitely aren’t okay with having a camera guy nearby, so why are these glasses okay? Hmmm. Food for thought.

3. She wasn’t warned that it wasn’t going to be an audio recorder. Uh, that’s not okay at all. When someone says that they are going to be taking audio tapings, you expect an audio recorder or at least a phone

4. The doctor then said they wouldn’t record when she brought it up and said that it wasn’t recording “because the light would be on.” Uhhhh…there are ways around that. In fact, there’s a growing black market of sellers who now specialize in selling modded glasses that don’t light up. Moreover, Meta actually adds a glasses mode called “Incognito Mode,” so even a basic person could disable that light if they chose to.

5. The procedure was for a breast lift. So, uh, yeah. That’s a pretty big part of your privacy being exploited.

According to the article, she later reported the California plastic surgeon. As a plastic surgery fan, GOOD! GOOD ON HER! He needs to be reported for something that egregious.

In the new world of medicine, AI is becoming increasingly common to use.

I was actually thinking of being a medical scribe at my next job because I type faster than I can talk. I don’t know if that’s going to be an option, simply because doctors are starting to hire AI scribes at a breakneck pace.

I’ve also started to hear AI being used as a diagnostic tool — giving doctors suggestions on what an ailment could be. At face value, this could be good. Truth be told, I’m absent-minded, and I could totally see AI making a suggestion for a blind spot that I have or something I forgot.

However, this all makes me wonder why I’m paying so much for a guy who is using an AI doctor version of ChatGPT to make his diagnosis. Like, bro…why can’t we just skip you and go to ChatGPT in that case!?

AI in medicine can be useful, but it’s coming at a very serious cost.

Believe it or not, Meta glasses do make some sense in a medical field — to a point. The site says they can set alarms, take notes automatically, record reminders, and also display notifications. These are useful features if you’re a doctor.

Yet I’m going to point out something we keep glossing over while corporations glaze everything AI-related, okay?

AI is far from infallible.

Folks, have you ever used AI to transcribe a podcast you ran? I have, and I still use it for the automated captions in my work because it is generally okay — especially if you’re using a microphone.

Of course, even I see issues with the auto captions. I notice that AI can’t spell my name right. My thick-as-butter accent tends to come out at times, and it can cause the program to glitch out in the blink of an eye.

Next thing you know, the AI program is making it sound like I’m waiting in a chatroom when I’m actually waiting on line in a CVS. After all, New Yorkers tend to say we’re “waiting on line” when we are waiting in a line.

Obviously, my podcasts aren’t going to turn into life-or-death situations. If this same type of glitch happens in a medical setting, those AI scribes could make a huge, huge difference in how well a procedure goes.

Or worse, those scribes could end up causing the wrong procedure to be chosen.

As someone who works in the medical field and has (despite hating doctors with a fiery passion) linked up with a lot of healthcare workers as friends, I can tell you that I know that AI has caused problems in medical settings.

I know for a fact that AI has made serious mistakes in both transcription and diagnostic suggestions. How do I know? I’ve heard a friend of mine talk about how they caught it and brought it up to their higher-ups.

Had that mistake not gotten caught in the nick of time, that mistake could have caused someone to get hurt or even killed. That’s not okay. That’s a major liability.

People absolutely do make mistakes. I have forgotten where I placed a file before. I’ve lost office keys before. But at the very least, having a person around who can help oversee things can make a huge difference in safety.

And AI? We can’t hold AI accountable the way that we can hold people accountable. That’s doubly true when it comes to the court of law. So yeah, if Meta glasses are recording for AI transcription, that opens up a whole can of worms in terms of safety.

Wait, what about HIPAA? Can’t it protect privacy?

Ah yes, the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA). It’s considered to be the most wide-sweeping medical privacy law in America.

It’s gutted.

Yes, I was shocked to find this out while I researched this article.

HIPAA is a law that requires doctors to keep patients’ information safe and secure. Theoretically, HIPAA violations can be reported and the doctor who leaked things can get fired, fined, or even barred from practice.

In practice…it’s not so simple.

Enforcing HIPAA laws is harder to do than you think. Each state has its own wiretapping laws (single vs. dual-party consent), different state enforcement mandates, as well as major understaffing in the offices that are designed to help HIPAA enforcement.

The Office for Civil Rights, which is the office that handles HIPAA violations, is really overburdened. Many HIPAA cases end up falling through as a result of just being too much for the current system to handle.

Additionally, a HIPAA violation can be both a civil and criminal matter. If your doctor broke a law (say, revenge porn) you might not be able to just file a complaint wih the OCR. They may ask you to bump it off to the police, who might ask you to go back to the OCR.

If you choose to bring a matter to court, you will likely need a lawyer. This can be expensive and also time-consuming. Needless to say, the vagueness of the laws, paired with the heavy burden of proof and lack of support, makes it hard to really compile a case.

The biggest hurdle, of course, is the medical practice you’re trying to report. Hospitals and doctors’ offices realize that a HIPAA violation can tank them if it’s too big. That’s why they have entire branches devoted to HIPAA compliance, legal support teams, and other tools.

They know how high the stakes are. So yeah, they will do anything possible to erase HIPAA and AI-related mistakes from their records. And trust me — they will do anything to make sure that evidence is gone.

Ironically, the one thing that could have really prevented a lot of HIPAA violations is Roe v. Wade.

So, HIPAA had a lot of its teeth taken out by a number of factors, including the understaffing of the OCR and the increasing power that corporate hospitals hold over the field.

There was one major court case that could have helped people whose medical privacy was violated: Roe v. Wade. Contrary to popular belief, Roe wasn’t just about the right to abortion. It was also about the right to have your medical records stay private.

Gutting Roe meant that we no longer have the constitutional right to privacy in medical centers. That’s specifically the reason why abortion care was made legal: it was considered to be a private procedure to be agreed upon by the doctor and patient, no one else.

I got a good summary of why this is such a gut punch here: “…HIPAA protects records held by medical providers and insurers, but it does not prevent doctors or clinics from handing over data when served with a legal court order or criminal warrant.”

Moreover, HIPAA doesn’t stop patients or their friends from leaking medical interactions.

Imagine the following scenario: you’re in Texas. You’re a pregnant woman and your boyfriend drives you cross-state to get an abortion. You’re thankful. He’s so supportive!

While you’re doing the thing, he’s on his phone absentmindedly. He says he’s here, but he’s fiddling around on the phone. He says he’s wearing new Meta glasses or taking his phone with him to the appointment because he cares.

In reality, he’s recording you getting the abortion.

When you come home, he hits you. He demands to take all your money or to send over the evidence of the abortion to the state. You’re stuck choosing between being blackmailed into slavery for the rest of your life or going to jail for abortion-related crimes.

This is the reality of Meta glasses, modern technology, and privacy in America. Chilling? Oh my yes.

Watch your back, vote for medical privacy, nationalize abortion care, and trust no one.

Do not consent to recording devices in your medical room. Do not consent to AI scribes, Meta glasses, or even cellphones out in the open. Know your rights and where they end.

And above all? Vote for people who actually want to bring accountability, privacy, and humanity back into healthcare. That’s all I have to say.

Do our accents really sound that crazy different?

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So, lately, I’ve really been thinking about the Rodrigues family arrest. It’s a much bigger deal than the Duggar boys’ arrests, in a way, because these are not the same type of crime. Child molestation isn’t just unforgivable—it’s one of those crimes hat makes for incredible media coverage.

Domestic violence is not really forgivable in most situations, but you know what? It doesn’t really work as well when it comes to shocking media coverage in most cases. Why am I bringing this up?

Well, it’s simple: fundies don’t generally allow domestic violence stories to leak into the mainstream media. Tim’s arrest is a major twist from the typical fundie script that goes on when a scandal hits a family.

Come, stay for the facts, the conversation and the awkward Southern Christian fundie accent I try.

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I genuinely believe that AI has a bunch of good uses — none of which involve casual usage by people. AI can be a lifesaver for people who need to operate a business on a shoestring budget or simplify their life with a brainstorming session.

While I’m not a fan of AI, I am cognizant of the fact that it’s not going anywhere. With that said, most of the uses I’ve seen people use AI for aren’t constructive. Those uses either seem to destroy skilled jobs, help them fake a persona so awful people can get dates, or turn a bot into a friend that slowly causes them to have digital psychosis.

One of the more insidious ways AI has started to fuck up our lives is by the use of it to troll others. More specifically AI-powered bot accounts have started to pick apart writers discussing important civil rights.

More specifically, female writers.

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The other day, I wrote about the domestic violence issues surrounding a fundie influencer by the name of Tim Rodrigues — as well as the whole Rodrigues clan. (Or as they call themselves, “Rodrigues family serving Christ” or something.)

Since that post went up, even more stuff as popped off.

More specifically, Timmy boy got arrested after Heidi pressed charges.

Don’t believe it? Here’s the case file.

And yes, there is written evidence that Timmy got arrested.

So yeah. To no one’s surprise, another Christian fundie got arrested this week, for a common crime in their circles: domestic violence. He also apparently got popped for being a reckless driver.

Fun fact: some abusers will drive dangerously with the sole purpose of scaring their victims. That’s a sign that most people don’t really talk about and a sign you should know.

Jill, Tim’s mother, has been posting on Facebook nonstop.

Jill seems to be doing everything to try to manipulate the situation by pulling the “woe is me” card. She’s posted photos of Tim’s old birthday cards to her, talked about Jesus on the cross, and some other stuff about how important it is to support your kids.

Needless to say, she’s really trying to get a pity party going. It doesn’t seem like too many are falling for this trap.

Does this sound like narcissistic behavior to you too?

I’m not a doctor, but I’ve experienced a lot of narcissism in my past. I’ve grown up with them in my close proximity. And that’s why I am aware of how narcissists operate.

If you’ve ever dealt with a narcissist before, you might have noticed that the tactics used by Jill and her family are almost identical to the tactics that narcissists use to hide their own abuse. That’s by design, actually.

Of course, this is starting to become common knowledge. Dana Craig even made a poem called “The Narcissist’s Prayer” that encapsulates this behavior perfectly:

That didn’t happen.
And if it did, it wasn’t that bad.
And if it was, that’s not a big deal.
And if it is, that’s not my fault.
And if it was, I didn’t mean it.
And if I did, you deserved it.

One thing I’ve noticed is that Christian fundie churches often act like organized narcissists.

Think about it. To fundie churches, the church is numero uno: not the society it’s supposed to serve. Fundie churches go out of their way to control, will-break, gaslight, and consume its own members.

These types of churches act like a narcissist would — primarily because that’s how they keep their BITE model going. The church wants total control, or else. They want church leaders to soak up all the money, praise, and loyalty, or else.

And if you’re not high-ranking in the church? All the better to abuse you, control you, use you, and possibly discard you when you are no longer useful or profitable for them.

While it’s a systemic issue, those same attitudes tend to trickle down to practitioners.

Much like narcissists, these religious circles don’t grasp the idea that women could be their own person rather than extensions of their church or husbands.

These types of toxic fundies don’t see women as people. They just view women as a resource of labor, child-rearing, and sex. Since they view women as a currency they expect women to submit to abuse.

If you think of the church system as a narcissistic abuser, a lot of things become very clear.

After all, abusers are great at spinning religion into a cudgel to beat others with. These churches often maintain a policy that requires them to keep the men in the religion no matter the cost — including the cost of women’s lives.

The way they do this is by shoving the blame of men’s actions onto women. This is why you often see women being forced to apologize for “tempting men to sin” in churches after sex abuse is discovered.

What I’m saying is that men in these churches are not used to experiencing consequences no matter how fucked they are.

What Tim and Jill weren’t expecting is to get actual consequences thrown at them.

Being a man in the fundie world means that you basically are treated like a slave owner. You practically own your wife and kid. Your wife is expected to cater to your every fucking need because it’s “godly” or something.

Because fundies value men so much more than they do women, these churches will often bend over backward to allow men an easy way to escape consequences.

As a man, all you typically have to do in order to avoid any actual consequences in these churches is look all sad-eyed, cry a crocodile tear, and talk about how you’re going to “humble yourself before God for your sins.”

Then, the church will try to cow your beaten-up wife to agree to stay with you, go to “counseling,” and tell her to “keep sweet” since her dour demeanor is making them uncomfortable.

The tactics used by Tim and Jill typically work like a charm in fundie circles — provided that you’re male, white, and “Christian” enough for Evangelicals to give the nod to you.

I can’t imagine what a shock to their systems it was to see that little Timmy actually got *gasp* arrested for the violence he enacted on Heidi. I imagine it’s the same shock that the Duggar men got when they got popped for sexual assaults on minors.

This arrest is a part of a bigger pattern, which in turn, is a big deal.

In recent years, the fundie world’s pristine veneer has been crumbling to pieces. A world that was often overlooked by police and onlookers due to it’s “moral” appearance is starting to reveal itself as what it is: abusive.

Josh and Joseph Duggar, both of the Duggar Christian influencer clans, got popped for CSAM in 2022 and 2026 respectively. This a big deal because at one point, they were fundie royalty and they were literally treated as aspirational role models.

People are starting to wonder why a family would raise not one, but two or potentially more, abusive men. Moreover, the Duggars have also had repeated brushes with child abuse and child endangerment allegations.

Timothy Rodrigues is now facing arrests over his domestic abuse, too. More importantly, both the Duggars and Rodrigues families are now confirmed to have been abusive towards children.

You might be wondering what the pattern is here. Let me explain it:

• Those guys knew it was wrong to treat others like that, but did it anyway. If Tim didn’t know it was bad, why did he start off his original post talking about how his dad beat him with an aluminum bat?

• The reason they did it wasn’t only because of how they were raised, but because they thought they would get away with it. That’s the truth. If it was just because they felt uncontrollable rage, they would have hurt themselves too. Go ahead. Ask me how I know.

• There’s a growing mountain of evidence showing that if you’re abusive, the church can’t stop victims from seeking justice via legal grounds. Before the 2020s, most Evangelical women would have simply been able to be dissuaded from speaking by church officials. The first Duggar affair was an example of how churches would often pull strings to silence victims.

• Fundie men are starting to realize that they can no longer hide behind Jesus to keep their bullshit going on. Even if the women aren’t the ones talking, feds and mandated reporters will speak up.

• Fundie women are starting to take a stand against the way men treat them. In this case, Heidi’s family was wise enough to stand up alongside her and say that they weren’t going to sacrifice their family member on the altar of religion. However, she’s not alone. Other ex-fundie influencers are also starting to speak up about the church-sanctioned abuse they went through. This has certain types of men sweating bullets, for obvious reasons.

Even 10 years ago, this kind of reaction was nigh unthinkable in the fundie world. Now, it’s increasingly becoming the norm.

Christians no longer can trust their religion to act as a shield from consequences and reputation damage.

Churches shelter abusers. I can’t name how many abusive people I know who were able to hide behind religion as a way to allow them to look like good people while doing appalling things. That’s clearly not working as well as it once did.

Timothy’s arrest, as well as the Duggar arrests, were the proverbial canary in the coal mine. The men involved in those cases were considered to be untouchable by the church and by the societies they grew up in.

Men who have serious church rank used to have serious power — and to a point, they still do. I don’t think most people realize how much power a reputable churchgoer can wield in some American societies.

That clout was a “Get Out Of Jail Free” card for men. It didn’t matter what they did. They were major assets to their ministries which meant that their crimes were always going to be scuttled under the rug.

This is the wakeup call saying, “Ding ding! Time’s up! You can’t be a piece of shit anymore. This time around, you will have consequences and your church pastor won’t be able to keep people under your thumb.”

Now that these men are starting to realize they will still face consequences, I’m curious about whether or not Christian fundie men will adapt to their new reality.

So how will fundie men adapt?

Truth be told, they don’t have a choice. They have to adapt to the reality of consequences. One of the biggest breakout studies about abuse shows that most abusers abuse because it actually gets them what they want. They get rewarded from it and will often rationalize the means of how they got it.

So they are starting to realize they are no longer able to abuse women the way they once were. They can’t do their usual song and dance. Yet I don’t think most of them lack the self-awareness to realize that they are the problem.

So, what will happen?

Will they start to realize that the systems they were raised in don’t make for healthy families? Will they start to break the cycles they were added into? Or, will they try to find another way to try to force things to “return to normal” as far as their power is concerned?

I don’t know the answer, to be honest. What I do know is that abusers rarely give up their power without a fight and they won’t stop unless they realize they’re outgunned. Abusers generally won’t change until they are forced to — and the only way that happens is with consequences.

With all that said, I don’t think that most of these fundamentalist churches will ever actually hold men fully accountable for what they put their wives through. I just hope I get proven wrong.

Is there hope for Christian fundamentalist men?

While this all sounds doom and gloom, there is a silver lining. Timothy’s first post revealed that he also realizes that the way he was treated wasn’t right. That, in and of itself, is a huge deal.

A lot of abusers are not fully aware how bad their actions are primarily because they were raised to think that’s normal. I knew of at least one parent who laughed about all the times her mom backhanded her, typically after smacking her own daughter around while calling her “weak.”

That young girl is now grown — and she realizes that her mom’s behavior is not okay and is currently working on going no-contact with her parent. With that said, she still struggles with her anger and is breaking the cycle by using therapy books and working on herself.

This story is far from unique.

A lot of ex-Christians I’ve met have a moment when they actually have to come to terms with the cruel shit they did because they felt it was what “Jesus wanted” them to do. That’s often the start of their deconstruction — that, or being the one being abused and realizing that’s not normal.

Obviously, the path these men choose is up to them. Some will pass the buck and try to blame their parents for their own actions. Others absolutely will change and deconstruct once they realize how fucked their upbringing really was.

I guess it’s a crapshoot after all.

All I can say is that I’m happy to see this shift in the fundie world and that I hope the men who have normalized abuse are able to get better and be better. I honestly never thought I’d see the day it’d happen.

So, I’m pretty much realizing how much I was the epitome of “too little, too late.” In the past couple of years, I had repeatedly asked people to do certain things.

At times, it was to give me space. At other times, it was for gigs. Even more times, it was for affection or being physically present. Sometimes it was small, like just sharing a post or trying to get someone to help me out with something on my business end.

Well, everything kept falling through until I actually relapsed. People then tried to crowd around me. I was starting to get better…

And now, I just got horrible news about my financial situation. This was preventable if my family had stepped in when I asked them to. It’s just been horrible all around.

And all through this time, I keep hearing people say one word — the word I hate the most.

That word is “sorry.”

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I’m convinced that “sorry” is the ugliest word in the English language.

I hate “sorry.” I hate it with a fiery passion. You know why? Because “sorry” is rarely ever used when it’s something innocuous, like bumping into a person at the mall or dropping a paper on the ground.

“Sorry,” in my experience, carries weight. It’s the word people use when they know they should have stepped in, but chose not to do anything. Or worse, “sorry” means that the person in question knew they chose to hurt you.

I’m sure certain people are sorry. I’m sure they will also feel remorseful if I somehow do better and they find something I have that they want me to provide.

I hate “sorry.”

It’s the phoniest word I can hear.

“Sorry” is a filler word that soothes the sayer, not the person.

Saying you’re sorry generally means that you’re fucked on the situation at hand. And almost every single time I’ve seen people use this fucking word, they do it to make themselves feel better — not the person they hurt.

It’s a word that they use to absolve themselves of doing anything, on the lines of, “Sorry, I can’t do that right now. You’re a bit of a liability. I’m sure you’ll have someone else help you out.”

It’s a word that they use when they want to seem like the supportive friend, a la, “So sorry this is happening to you.”

It’s a word they use to show that they are the socially-acceptable levels of remorse after doing something, thanks to lines like, “I’m so sorry I did that. I know it meant a lot to you. But you know, I’ll make it up later.”

It’s a word that people use as they betray you with a smile.

Or a word they use to try to put their foot in the door when you finally cut them out for abandoning you. A simple, “I’m so sorry things ended the way they did. Let’s talk it out, eh?”

Or better yet, just the simple “Sorry.”

I’m sick of sorry.

“Sorry” is the cheap, rotten food you smell at the bottom of a dumpster.

It’s poisonous to the mind, body, and soul. It affronts my senses in a way that few things do. I physically recoil and feel rage build up in me when I hear that word. I loathe that word.

“Sorry” is the food you smell at the bottom of a fast food place’s dumpster late at night. It’s the last words that the discarded hear. It’s the last word that the worthless hear, often after being told you’re “totally worth it,” while they do nothing.

I use the imagery of fast food dumpsters for a reason. It’s the word that people say to those who have no worth, to those who are bitten into then tossed into the garbage, often while people mutter that they feel “guilty for wasting food.”

“Sorry” is the word people say when they throw out food — food that could have fed the homeless, but just sat in garbage bags because profits were more important than people. I can hear it now: “I just feel so sorry that we have to throw these burgers out. Well, company orders…”

My nightmare is that I’ll hear the word “sorry” directed at me at my own funeral.

And lord knows, I’ll likely hear that in my eulogy with the way things seem to go in my life. My situation is dire. That last tax case issue was the final fucking nail in the proverbial coffin.

I literally couldn’t afford my payment plan. They put me on it anyway. And then I lost two major clients. I was so sick, I could barely work at all. I still kept fighting.

I tried to help myself. I started going to rehab for the kratom I was using to keep my writing going, even though I honestly believe that I could have kicked it without medication if people had just stayed with me when I asked them to. (They didn’t. But hey! I got “So sorry!” as a phrase.)

I was doing well on Suboxone. I was just starting to heal. Then this happened. I asked my lawyer. They said that was all they could do. I asked family for help. They said they couldn’t afford it.

So, here I am.

I’m fucked.

And all the work I did trying to make my situation better just went up in smoke. And it’s not like I didn’t ask. I did. I got “sorry,” after fighting this shit for years.

(Author’s Note: No, I’m not going to hurt myself. It’s just that my current situation is literally incompatible with continued organ function and it’s a matter of time before my body gives out at this rate. I fought, but no man is an island. So, I’m pretty much stuck waiting for my liver or kidneys to quit on me.)

Fuck “Sorry.”

You want to know what I want to hear more than “Sorry?” Well, I want people to say any of the following:

• “How can I help you out?”

• “Do you want to hang out with me?”

• “Do you need anything?”

• “Do you want me to help you promote your writing?”

• “How can we fundraise for you?”

• “Do you want me to offer advice, or just listen?”

But hey, I’m over it. I know that I’m going to likely hear that goddamn fucking word again and again.

So if this was a downer post?

Sorry.