Being cool is lame. I see so many people around town wearing cool outfits but, with atrocious auras. I think to myself, wow: it’s so easy to look cool. If I had a bad cool radar, I might think these people were actually interesting and hip with it. They never are. I can tell. How? you may ask. I don’t know, I just can.

A guy I went on a date with once showed me this piece of writing about Early Adopters and I’ve never forgotten it. Or maybe it was a university professor? Doesn’t matter, actually.

Some people SET trends. Other people IDENTIFY them and adopt them, early. And the rest of you (the huge majority of people) pick up the slop. You adopt way after everyone else because you live in fear of being judged or deemed uncool. Public opinion possesses you.

I’m paraphrasing but, the piece explained how fake-heads walk around LOOKING like real-heads (due to their Libra-like ability to chameleon) and are able to easily infiltrate subcultures. People allow it because some people are not sinister or judgemental enough to notice when try-hards, fakes, posers, and grifters are encroaching the zone.

I used to hate to declare myself an early adopter because it felt conceited but, I’ve come to terms with it. Some may disagree but, it’s the truth. It doesn’t mean I know everything, but I do know more than a lot of other people. And if you’re reading this Substack, you probably do, too.

This idea came to mind because good style is everywhere right now. People have successfully stopped looking cheap. Most people I see around are pretty well-dressed. That is a collective accomplishment 👏 My eyes thank each and every person contributing to public aura.

What is especially nice about this, is that the ~aesthetic~ is CBK, Hailey Bieber, 90s Calvin Klein. That is to say, simple, classic American fashion. Ralph Lauren has never been more relevant since the height of his layered polos (which I am seeing a lot, again also).

While I appreciate the material representation of worn-in Levi’s, white t-shirts/shirts, loafers, subdued colour palettes and a generally clean look, it makes me feel duped somehow.

I have referenced this Kanye thought more times than I can count but, he once classically ranted about how bad clothes pollute the optical sea. I concur. He talked about how the needy only have access to the ugly. Not fair, obviously. So the fault of the insane epidemic of ugly clothes lies with the designers at fast fashion houses that were not adequately replicating the fashions of the moment. Or idk maybe I’m ad-libbing off his idea. Anyway. Point is, maybe the rapid speed at which trends disseminate now has led to more people dressing in alignment with what’s current.

Obviously, I live in a sort of metropolis so my view is skewed, but, I do peruse the web and see a lot of basic girls accomplishing a decently refined look. You can even tell by how the girls on Love Island dress. I know eBay sponned and Leah Kateb kinda changed the entire game (hate that expression, sorry but had to use because frankly she did) but, still. These people are pretty generic inside. No offence. Not that I would know, because I don’t know them inside but. That’s my opinion.

We spend a lot of time possessed by the word ‘gatekeeping’ when the truth is nothing is gatekept anymore. The gatekeeping smear campaign worked. Everything today is about ‘un-gatekeeping’. They say this is the Information Generation. We have so much information we don’t know what to do with it.

I just read Kylie Jenner’s WhoWhatWear feature and got pissed that she said she “might start a Substack” because it “seems fun”. That was extremely annoying to me. I’m like girl leave me alone. Don’t bring all the basics here. Even though they’re already sorry (no shade).

While I’m having that thought though, I’m also thinking how ridiculous it is for me to feel threatened by one of the biggest celebrities of all time. It’s a good thing for all Substackers if people like Kylie join the platform.

We’re living through a monumental shift right now. Instagram has maintained a MONOPOLY over all social networks for almost 15 years. That’s insane. I’ve wondered to myself countless times whether it was even possible for another platform to eclipse it or even challenge it in the slightest. TikTok was one ✅ Substack is two.

“Cool” things are becoming very easy to find. People are giving away cool information for free. I hate when old-heads say shit like, back in my day we had to work to figure out a song name or whatever. (I lived through the pre-Shazam era too and I hated every minute of it. I owe a lot of my life’s joy to Spotify and Shazam). There is, however, something to be said for cultivating one’s own interests.

Allow me to speak for us all when I say, we’re collectively exhausted by the Cool Girl. I don’t want to be a Cool Girl. Even though I know I am a cool. girl.

It just feels like suddenly every girl is a The Row robot and they all go for dinners and drink natural wine and listen to the same playlists and pretend to read the same books and shop “vintage” and make me wanna stuff a fork in my ear.

I’m sorry it’s just so misleading.

Indulge my spazz for a moment.

I have always been cool, I was born cool. And while coolness and great taste/instinct is something you are born with, it’s also something you need to cultivate and maintain. You need to stay hip with it. You need to always be learning. You need to have a Gemini placement.

I see a lot of people talking about references lately and shitting on people who use Pinterest as moodboards. I don’t hate Pinterest, I think if you combine Pinterest-usage with your own personal curiosities and research you can build a #algorithm that can still be engaging and teach you something.

In fact, just recently, I learned of a designer that I have only found 2 articles about and very few TikToks that I may write an article myself on. I thought to myself, it’s boring to feature him because he’s “everywhere” because I’ve seen that reference image 100 times on Pinterest. But, then I realized, that what’s “everywhere” to me is not “everywhere” to you because I am cooler than you. So there will be a lot of people who will hate me for spreading the good news about him (though his clothes are not even really purchase-able anyway) but, who will be like omg she didn’t know him. Loser. And she calls herself a fashion lover. So anyway ya I am part of the un-gatekeeping problem. But, what I’m saying is…well, let me tell you my story.

Basically, I have always wanted to be cool and constantly felt less cool than the people I saw around me. Probably comes from:

1. Age (now I am the cool girl that younger girls look up to) and,
2. Insecurity (which I have recovered from by realizing nothing matters).

When I moved to Toronto I wanted friends.

I got friends and then I wanted cooler friends.

I got cooler friends and then I felt like I wasn’t cool enough to hang with them or keep up with them.

I felt like I didn’t bring anything interesting to their friendship.

I was like a leech.

All take no give.

I feared everyone would realize I brought nothing to their lives and kick me out socially.

My worst nightmare.

That is a bad way to think because friendships are not necessarily transactional in the way I thought. They are transactional in a different way. An exchange of love. An important realization for myself nonetheless.

I started watching movies and reading books and listening to music and going to the museum and doing my homework with passion and participating in class. (This is when I fell in love with university.)

This made me really annoying to everyone around me, though. Because I couldn’t do any of those things without announcing it to everyone, at any given moment.

I started to notice nobody gave a fuck what niche French film I watched that week. I started to realize people found me annoying and probably performative (that is me beating the autism allegations btw, I AM socially aware).

So I challenged myself to do all that same stuff and not tell anyone about it. Which was really hard because I love talking about myself. But I did it. And it changed everything. I realized I had developed a friendship with myself. I became the person I loved to spend time with the most. And that gave me a sense of security and confidence that nothing else could have. I believe it changed me forever as a person.

It also gave me a #repertoire. I knew what I liked and I knew that it was all unique to me because I was experiencing all of it alone. I didn’t have anyone to talk to the movie about. Just me and my diary. When you don’t have someone there to validate whether the thing was good or bad, you have to decide based on your feeling. It’s an incredible experience. Learning to listen to yourself. Especially after constantly looking to other people to affirm your beliefs.

My bf at this time and I were negative nancys together. And I realized that that was cope. Saying everything sucks is way easier than saying you loved something. Saying you enjoyed something is a form of vulnerability. Because if the other person disagrees, you will feel like an idiot. But, that only happens when you let it happen.

What happened to me, was that the more I learned the firmer my tastes became. I sought out more things that resembled the things I loved and kept learning. The more I learned the more my opinion broadened. The more I was able to appreciate more things. The more nuanced of an opinion I was able to form.

When I started to talk about things I loved with other passionate people, they gave me really cool recommendations that were specific to the things I’d talked about that sent me down other rabbit holes to discover new things all the time. It became so much more fun to talk about stuff with people because I had a clear point of view.

People talk a lot about “finding your personal style”.

I hate those articles/videos/whatever they are because they never say anything useful.

There is no “rulebook” to finding personal style.

A lack of personal style, unfortunately, is simply a lack of personality. A lack of backbone. A lack of sense of self. A lack of character. A weak individual. I will say it, if no one else will.

I’m not saying people with bad style don’t have personalities, btw. Bad style is also a form of personal style. Personal style doesn’t inherently mean good style. It just means a style (had that argument with an ex bf once, I won obviously because I am right).

Famously, the only useful thing those people ever say is that finding your personal style is mostly about feeling good in your clothes. Which is the problem nerds have. Because nerds could probably look cool but they look so wimpy in their clothes because they just don’t care and feel generally aesthetically inferior. If they had more swag then they would read as cooler.

Because it really isn’t about what you wear, it’s how you wear it.

But how you wear it is more than just posture and fit and attitude. Because that is code for confidence and confidence is deceivingly not that easily attained.

In March of 2026 I wrote:

Genius.

Because it’s so true.

These The Row Bots are walking around looking like everyone else and I can tell because I can read their aura. And their aura is telling me, I dress like this because I saw it on Instagram.

I also see stuff on Instagram that influences how I dress. But, it’s different.

Maybe it’s different because there’s thought behind. It is not as simple as copy-paste. In fact, finding the thing that feels like an authentic self-expression is very hard to do. You’d never know, with how much shopping I do but, it is.

So I think that makes me, not a cool girl but a real girl.

I am coining the term. Real Girl.

It was actually already coined by the fabulous, Tessa Andriopoulos, on her finsta. Tessa, I hope I’m not blowing you up.

I asked Tessa to elaborate on how she chose that name but, I have yet to receive a response and cannot wait to publish because I’m impatient. But, I’m sure there was a good reason about how it’s a place where she’s just posting the real shit. No fronting.

*Update: Tessa’s response is here:

And that’s what being a Real Girl is all about. That’s what makes a Real Girl cooler than a Cool Girl.

I will end on this, I came across some old ads for a brand called Tussy’s ads for a line they launched called RealGirl in the late ‘60s.

These ads are cooler and realer than anything we see today.

Found these very pertinent and still relevant questions:

And a little description of who she is, fabulous:

She’s a micro, macro, mini-meshed, maxi-fleshed, twiggy haired dream. She cuts out, pastes on, paints and papers herself for fancy. The shape of her clothes is beginning to follow the curve of her body. And she’s more exposed now than ever before.

What she is, is natural and very real. But we come to it by looking through plastic, around mesh, and beyond her luminous glow.

The RealGirl prides herself on being clear-voyant about foot fashion. The invisible leather on her new square shoes is proof she has magical powers in toe.

Her silver mini-skirt is the kind of currency a RealGirl treasures. Here she wears a tiny denomination that shows a lot of shape. And a lot of leg.

To let you know the RealGirl’s a slave to fashion, we’ve chained her at the waist.

And she’s the first to admit rhinestones (and plastic jewels) are a RealGirl’s best friend.

If something’s going on, the RealGirl’s in the middle of it. Her new mini-sweater is the smallest thing to hit the fashion world.

And she wears a RealGirl button to tell us waists are in again.

A RealGirl thinks her eyes, cheeks, lips and nose are lessons 1, 2, 3 and 4 in anatomy.

Now there’s a whole new line of makeup that follows her facial structure as if it were designed just for her. More natural line and shape shows than ever before.

RealGirl Make-up paints and powders her where she wants to be fancy. And looks almost bare where she doesn’t want it to show.

RealGirl by Tussy.

For girls who like looking like girls.

I have more to say about girls. And I will be saying it. Just wait.

Working too much is horrible, I am realizing. I get uglier by the day because I have no time to take care of myself or hang out with my friends or exercise or sleep or simply RELAX, and I’m over-eating because it’s the only time I have to myself. That is brutal honesty.

I can’t stop thinking about how much more in control of my life I felt when I was unemployed. Which feels ironic when everything seemed to be spinning OUT of control. The only (but major) stressor I had was wondering if I’d ever find another job or if I’d have to move back in with my parents or live on the streets or something. If current me told last year’s me that this is where I’d be, I’d be shocked. And I probably would have enjoyed my unemployment a lot more.

My biggest regret is not spending that time blowing you guys up on Substack. Because if I had, then I might be working for myself right now. (For the record, I did try, I just…could have tried harder and had more faith).

Naturally when I am feeling this stressed I turn to my one true love: shopping.

Addiction is real, people. At one point I got a lot of women in their 40s-50s coming up in my algorithms who were going through their closets and talking about how their shopping addiction got them into 5 figures of debt. Pulling out some crazy beautiful pieces that you just know WERE worth the money in cost per wear and other things that you’re like ya …I know an impulse purchase when I see one. It’s hard to talk an addict out of buying something they don’t need but that is spiritually calling to them, I should know.

It’s painful stuff to watch and I tried to avoid it because, well, nobody wants to peer into an unflattering mirror. But, in my heart I know that they are me. Sometimes I put my credit card number into a website and I don’t even think my brain processes that I just spent money. Most of my brain thinks credit is not real money. And, technically speaking, it isn’t. It’s imaginary money, that’s kind of the whole principle. Really stupid idea for people like me, who believe they should never have to pay for anything in life. So I have to work very hard to remember: you do have to pay for that. The same thing can happen even if I use a debit card actually. Money is just not real to me 🧘‍♀️

Anyway, I am working on learning about managing my money and becoming more responsible because I strongly believe that I will make boatloads of it in this life. And eventually I am gonna need to invest it or something. I may never get married so, I might have to figure all this out by myself.

So anyway, as I said, I have been managing my stress via retail therapy. And here’s what I bought…

For the home

I started a job very close to Chinatown and in preparation for my week of cottages, I decided to pick up a fresh pair of beaded slippers. Because I need slippers. If there is one thing about me, it’s that I HATE walking around a house barefoot. Don’t care how clean it is. Just don’t like the feeling.

Of course I did not just get one pair (I am a hoarder, hence the shopping problem), I got a few and I also noticed they had a lantern that was calling to me.

My ex bf had a huge paper lantern that he put in the middle of my living room when he lived with me. So the hooks were already there and the cable was already measured and ready to use. I think he offered me the lamp when he left, but I forced him to take it as a form of torture. I’m pretty sure I said, take the cable too I’ll never put anything there. I definitely said that to make him feel bad. I don’t know why I’m like that lol.

So I decided to buy the lantern because the hooks were just begging for it and a girl like me cannot turn down a piece of chinoiserie. No such thing as too much chinoiserie in my books. If I had all the money in the world, I would buy these listings on marketplace and my apartment would look perfect:

I actually really want this couch and if you all say I should buy it then, I just might.

Imagine sleeping in there??? Heaven.

Anyway k so, bought the lantern, set it up, looked fab. I needed the same light bulb he had because it has a remote and the remote is crucial since the light just plugs directly into the wall and I can’t be bending down every night to unplug it.

The light bulb in question is the Ikea Kajplats. The cool thing about this light bulb is that is changes colour and dims, both on a pretty wide range. I looked on Amazon and went to Home Hardware and they did not have anything comparable. I just needed to have the Ikea one. So I started browsing the Ikea website to figure out what I could buy needed to meet the minimum shipping requirement because, of course, I was not going to order just ONE light bulb. That would be ridiculous and I don’t think they will even let you complete the purchase.

Here is what I bought:

IKEA PS 2026 Chair — 89 doll hairs, very cool chair. If you ask me, this will be one of those ikea items that will become “collectible” in 20 years and sold for $500+ on whatever the new marketplace of 2046 is.

IKEA Mofalla Chair — another 89$ chair, not as fab but, I was not going to return a foldable chair, that just seemed silly so, I kept it.

IKEA Mammut Chair — ok kind of obsessed with this 15$ children’s stool. I bought it hoping that it could go in my bathroom as a stand for this acrylic swivel tower I have that houses an insane amount of beauty products that I must have displayed in order to stall more beauty product purchases. If I feel crowded by my things then I hopefully am less inclined to acquire more of them. Unfortunately, the stool was not really working for this purpose, but I love the colour and feel like it could go kind of anywhere in my apartment. I might get another. It’s could be a cool plant stand or night stand or something idfk.

I also bought a bunch of bed sheets, which are pretty rough in texture and also are not that long so they don’t really cover the entire mattress but, they do. However, would not recommend.

For the wardrobe

On my cottage weekend pt.1, my best friend’s mom was rocking a pair of Yeezy 350s that my bestie bought her a long time ago. I started figuring to myself: hey, those are kinda great shoes. And I’ve been on a Yeezy tip lately thinking to myself that given the circumstances, his clothes/shoes should be cheap to buy secondhand, so now should be a good time to cop. While he is still problematic. Let it be known that I forgive this man for his mental illness and believe in his vision for the world of fashion. Let him cook. Maybe he would stay out of politics if he was busy designing clothes!!!

I may have written about wanting a pair of PVC shoes and scouring Poshmark SURE that someone was selling a pair of Yeezys for less then $200 but no dice.

Then, on my cottage week pt.2, the Yeezy conversation came up with different friends. We started talking about the chokehold streetwear style had on people 10-15 years ago. How streetwear was basically the gateway drug to ~high~ fashion. We talked about how fulfilling it is to buy yourself the thing you desperately wanted back then but couldn’t afford. The day I buy myself a pair of Chanel two-tone slingbacks and a classic flap will be the day my dreams are fully realized 🙏

I wasn’t really a streetwear girl, but I dabbled because my university boyfriend was kind of into it. I would have given anything for the Air Yeezys and even more for the Red Octobers, but by the time he started his partnership with Adidas, I was already hating his standom. I thought anybody who participated was a cuck. Maybe that was cope. I had also just started working at SSENSE and these drops became the bread and butter of my #business as a Personal Shopper and, equally, the bane of my existence. So I never had much of a desire for his shoes. Except for the 500s which I have always loved and did, in fact, purchase a pair that are just a teeny tiny bit too small :’( Otherwise, I would be rocking.

So chic.

And obviously, since I am feeling like shit, I have been determined to start going to the gym. I need endorphins.

350s felt like the appropriate shoe for the gym. Even though one of my friends told me that they were a really bad ergonomic choice. Kim Kardashian is always wearing them. They seem like her gym shoe of the choice. So maybe my friend is wrong.

They are not what she is seen wearing here, but I really love this outfit formula of fitted jacket/top, capri leggings, big inappropriate bag, sunglasses, and a sleek but flat and slightly wide shoe.

This specifically, is my favourite of all time. When I worked at SSENSE I almost bought this exact Rick sweater so I could recreate this outfit.

So I went on TRR and I bought Yeezy 350s because they were $50, far cheaper than any other platform. And then because I was already on there, I threw in this Bill Blass skirt for $27. Had to. I was also 10 seconds away purchasing THESE insane Saint Laurent sunglasses for $195 which is absolutely NUTS. I was like wow, jackpot and karma for the devastation I endured losing my pair (which I still have not worn out of fear, btw).

Like how fabulous are those? I had added to cart and was ready to check out and then got an error message. Suddenly the glasses were on hold :/ I was like maybe it’s me? maybe they’re allocated to my cart so I waited 15 minutes to see if they’d release and by the time I refreshed they were sold. RIP 💔

Anyway, despite paying duties and crazy shipping fees, I had missed my old friend TRR who I have not frequented in a while in favour of eBay/Buyee and to be honest, I think sometimes the deals are just better on TRR. Might bring it back.

LAA

Pt.2 of the cottage week took place in NY. If I would have had more time, I would have spent a week in the city afterwards but, unfortunately, I did not. But, one of the #guests at the cottage had gone shopping at the LAA store in Soho and bought a few things. Her haul inspired me, because I have been stewing on placing an order but, couldn’t remember if they charged me duties or how long the shipping took.

So I placed an order. Let me walk you through it.

A big part of the logic was that, I need new clothes for the aforementioned gym (duh) and working out in LAA is really my favourite gear. I’m not a dry-fit queen.

I’m pretty sure they launched these two-tone nylon tricot shorts last year when I was peak skinny and looking amazing and I hummed and hawed and didn’t end up ordering. #Regret. But I love them. they remind me somehow of the Greg Ross mini shorts that icon, Ninar, has and looks fabulous in.

@ni.n.arYou can wear whatever when you have a beautiful heart btw #fashiontiktok #summeroutfit #minishorts

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I am not sure exactly what my outfit idea is but, I feel like you never don’t need a pair of mini shorts to be worn under things. I also bought them in the blue colour because I could not decide. We will see what I go with.

I also picked up the spandex mini shorts in black. And I just remembered the reason, I bought them was because I have the cheerlearder skirt from a few years ago and was really debating cutting the skirt half off because I love the shorts underneath.

It seems like the cheesecloth fabric is a new addition this year, it’s the first time I’m seeing it. I was intrigued because it reminded me of the Intimissimi top. I bought two in white to hopefully layer them. And one in black which, I’ll probably never wear.

Not sure if these spandex crop tops are sufficiently supportive as sports bras but, I loved the yellow and mint and especially the idea of them together/layered so, we’re gonna try it out.

Then I got a baby rib tank in white because, idk I’m always searching for the perfect white tank top only to realize that the problem is almost always my body and not the tank top.

The last thing I got, that I have major doubts I will love, are the foldover yoga pants. At first, I thought this type of yoga pant was a fad. It reminded me too much of the yoga pants of my childhood. I tried a pair on once at Aerie and I did not find them flattering on me so, we will see if these are cute. But, if they are then I think it’s a nice thing to just have.

I kind of regret not getting a regular pair of sweatpants but, who knows - I may do some returns or exchange.

I also want to say all of this was inspired by the original Baywatch, which I have just started watching for the first time.

I need to specify “the original” because apparently everyone but me is aware that a remake has been made. The remake is not set to air until January 2027 so, I don’t know why so many of you know about this but, it’s irrelevant to me. The remake already kinda looks like shit and if you’ve seen the show, I think you can see how it will be very difficult for them to make anything that will hit the same.

The first season is the most wholesome and cute. It’s such a family show. It reminds me of 90210, Melrose Place, and all those amazing shows from the 80s promoting #familyvalues.

I’m currently on season 2 and so far, it sucks. I read a bit about it and apparently season 2 is widely accepted as the worst. In fact, I was advised to skip ahead to season 3. I will power through though, because I like to have all the information.

So I have not reached Pamela Anderson yet. I cannot wait for that though. And I found out Jason Momoa was on the show. Who knew.

Jill Riley was one of my faves and I feel like her story was not developed enough. She comes onto the show as kind of a tough bitch, which I loved. But she had great style. She had this leather jacket that looked so cool on her. Not translating in pics but. watch and you will get the vibe.

Great hair too.

And I am learning a lot about the 80s. Like, they actually worked out a lot, lifting weights and stuff. They drink coffee ALL the time. At breakfast, lunch, and dinner. It’s crazy they’re always like, more coffee? I’m like…guys you are gonna shit your pants, slow down on the coffee.

And, that life guards carried around these red things they call ‘cans’ that they use to save people. They don’t seem super practical but, they seem to work.

Brandy Melville

Then, I think I already talked about my trip to Brandy Melville to find Ninar’s camouflage tee that I could not find. But, basically, what kept happening to me was, that I would go buy a few things, and then inevitably need to exchange bc some things just looked like shit, and then every time I went back to exchange (bc no returns), I would end up leaving with more than what I was trying to return. That is how they get you.

I probably spent like $300+ there by accident. But, now I have almost restored my collection from my nasty t-shirt expulsion.

At this stage, I do not exactly even really remember what I bought aside from the t shirts I already told you about and a few white tank tops I have yet to wear and the camo tee I did purchase but is not the same Ninar’s because it’s very oversized. And a pair of undies.

Agent Provocateur

Speaking of undies. When I was feeling very insecure about my bodily scent, a paranoia crept in that if my t-shirts smell then probably so do all my bras. I’m pretty sure I’ve already told you that I only wear Agent Provocateur. It’s not snobbery and if you’ve worn their bras then you know that. Anyway so I decided to replenish the bra assortment just in case. Because I did buy some last year but, I don’t love the fit.

Kay, Mallory (seems to fit small compared to the others), Aliza, Jayce + matching undies because I have no matching sets.

So cute, best bras. If you have not tried then, ur truly missing out.

For the face

Korean Products

Seeing as I am going downtown all the time like I told you earlier, I am very close to all the Korean beauty stores. I don’t know what has been up but I keep breaking out randomly. I decided to pop to the shops on my lunch break one day to purchase new pimple patches.

My favourite pimple patches of all time are actually these:

I bought them in Portugal and Greece a few years ago and they were honestly so life-changing. They are SO thin and I swear there is some ingredient in them that just makes them work better. They also came in a big format that I ended up desperately needing to handle a cyst that presented itself and was actually a huge overseas medical emergency. If you want more information on that please DM me. It was insane.

Anyway, I went to the Korean store near that hand-pulled noodle spot (after visiting my friends at Cafe Civil for lunch, working downtown is so fun and fab)

And bc I was on a lunch-break time crunch I just asked the girl, which of these pimple patches is the best one and without hesitation she pointed at the Kose Clear Turn Gomenne Suhada Kinshinai Patch. The packaging was a little wack-a-doodle so I bought those and the classic COSrx (which I actually really hate and think they don’t work and mostly just make the spot worse) and I got another random one that is really really bad and like sticky on both sides, it’s very weird.

Anyway, THIS one that she recommended is the closest to the Compeeds because the patches are EXTREMELY thin. You need tweezers to apply them. They’re almost blurring its so crazy.

Like idk if you can tell here but, first pic is with second pic is without. Crazy.

And then again, not unlike Brandy but actually very MUCH unlike Brandy since I am not visiting these stores to do returns, I just keep going to different stores out of a compulsion I can’t explain (there are like 6 in the downtown vicinity). I was specifically looking for the Round Lab pine Cica Cream that I got in a gift set at Walmart and randomly decided I love. The Round Lab Pine and Mugwort cleansers are my faves. Best texture, best clean without stripping but still actually cleaning. I massage them into dry skin and then slowly add water.

Idk what happened to that cream but, it is nowhere to be found so instead I bought 100 other things.

I used to have the Beauty of Joseun Ginger Toner because someone online said they used it. I’m not sure it ever did anything but, sometimes I wonder if it did so I debated repurchasing. I was actually going to get the TirTir toner but then I started to get paranoid that it would break me out just like the Rhode one did. I realized I have almost no astringent toners and that’s what I’m always looking for when I am breaking out and have the millennial urge to burn the acne off so I bought the Beauty of Joseun Green Plum Toner. Not as astringent as a trusty dusty Clean & Clear toner but, idk so far it appears to clean. Anyway nothing burns a pimple off quite like my tried and true (and I do really use this almost every single time. This product has become more like a medicine cabinet staple than anything else):

On a different day, on my way to Brandy Melville to complete a return and repurchase I stopped into that store that has the huge staircase and also sells treats and things, again looking for the cica cream to no avail and on my way OUT, I noticed the Happy Bath Baby Powder Moisturizer. As soon as anything says baby powder or just powder in general, I’m intrigued. That is my favourite scent profile. It smells fabulous just like baby powder and is a very nice thin but moisturizing consistency. Great purch.

At my sisters wedding she gifted us Biodance Masks. I did not realize you were supposed to sleep in these things so they melt onto ur face so, I used it but not to it’s max potench. So I bought a few versions to try because I felt like I was missing out, seems to be a well-loved item.

Then, just when I thought I was k-beautied out, Michael Kirreh, posted some July faves on TikTok in which the Anua PDNR Hyaluronic Acid Moisturizer was mentioned as the “best moisturizer [he] has ever used in [his] entire life”. Michael mentioned it was semi-sweat-resistant and noticed #improvedtexture. So I had to purch because, the package was just saying something to me idk. So far love it.

@michaelkirrrehthings i enjoyed in july (favorites) mentioned: 1. rick owens vintage high top 2. anua pdrn 100+ hyaluronic moisturizer 3. haru haru wonder black rice spf 4. american life by madonna (fave songs: hollywood, american life, love profusion, nothing fails) 5. the invite (watch it don’t google it just go in with no idea) #favorites #fashion #fashiontiktok #skincare #fashiontok

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Then I have no idea why I bought this but I also ordered the Dr. Althea 345 Relief Cream Mist. The mister is crazy extremely fine and satisfying to press. I love it. I think it will be a great addition in the winter as a way to finish off your makeup.

And last, but not least, my greatest purchase of all:

Laser Hair Removal

I started going to a new lady because my old lady really fUCked me UP! This lady is changing my life. She uses the Alexandrite machine. Don’t know why anyone would pay for anything else. That machine is elite. Initially, I went to touch up my face that was growing back despite the countless laser treatments I did at a DIFFERENT clinic where I ended up with the craziest acne moustache you’ve ever seen for months on end. A horrifying experience that honestly was a testament to my delusion and strength of character. Because walking around like that was…mortifying. I should sue. Anyway.

My new girl is amazing. I am not even red when I leave. So I started with my face and then graduated to bikini which honestly is a life-changing decision akin to lasik that I cannot believe I didn’t do sooner. and I’ve decided I’m also going to do my legs and RE-DO my armpits that the girls at the other clinic FUCked up AS WELL. Goodbye epilator. You will not be missed xox.

If you have questions about the laser hit me up I am passionate about the subject.

This year, something stood out to me. I started to notice how often the boys use the term “double standards”. I even tweeted about it:

A year or two ago, I came upon a reel of a man building something for his wife with a caption along the lines of: Fellas, this is how you treat your wife.

The message was: good strong masculine men are kind and loving to their wives. They provide.

It had a very mid-century kind of feel about it. Men are the head of the household, the anchors of their families. Good men are dutiful.

I know that men as providers has been a long-held belief but, I feel that in the last decade, men’s attitudes around gender roles/relationships/sex etc. have undergone a significant transformation.

I’m speaking anecdotally, so my experience may be coloured by my age and entourage but, when I was in university I remember thinking the word ‘date’ being embarrassing and passé.

We didn’t go on “dates” we hung out.

Watching Tell Me Lies took me back to this era. The most unrealistic thing about Lucy and Stephen’s story to me, was when Lucy tells Stephen she feels she’s kept hidden and is upset he doesn’t bring her around his friends or as his date to parties.

He snaps back at her, saying he chooses to spend his hard-earned money taking her on nice dinner dates - she should be GRATEFUL and, yet, she’s complaining about not going to frat parties together. A way to make her feel silly for an instinct she was right to have.

That moment struck me.

I remembered worrying about that. Feeling like my boyfriend then thought it was embarrassing to be seen together.

Of course, age was a huge factor but, the reason it was even a thought was because it would not have been considered ‘manly’ at that time to be a loving doting boyfriend. That could not be farther from the truth today where men seem almost in competition about who is more submissive to their baddie gf.

That era was the height of referencing women as ‘bitches’, a formerly controversial term that no longer seems to incite outrage. Women have ‘reclaimed’ it, I guess.. I still don’t like it and find it grating and disrespectful. But, it was the time of Travis Scott, where every rapper could be seen out with stacks of cash and patron and tons and tons of ‘bad bitches’. None of them had girlfriends, they were always ‘fucking random bitches’.

Women played into this dynamic, helping to develop it. Maybe by lack of choice, maybe internalized misogyny. The competition of the “cool girl”. Men wanted “chill girls” who were down for whatever and not making a fuss. It was a way of saying, don’t hold me accountable, don’t expect anything from me, lower your standards - without saying that outright, all muddied beneath the veil of feminism.

Which worked, because at that time women would get offended if a man held the door open for them or helped them with their suitcase. I can do it myself!!! These are thoughts I remember having, that today, stun me lol. Today I need the door held open. Hell, I don’t even stretch my arm out anymore, I walk right through the damn door and guess what? Someone always holds it open lol. Male or female. I don’t care.

And I do need your help with my suitcase, I don’t want to do it! It’s the same as my subway rant I’ve been popping off about on my stories. I keep seeing grown men sitting on the train and they don’t even flinch for the elderly, pregnant, or just women in general. They should be getting up. It’s ridiculous. No spatial awareness. No chivalry. One of these days I’m going to spazz.

Women were fussy about wanting to do things ourselves because holding the door open used to mean a man thought you were too weak to do it yourself.

Today it has a new meaning.

It shows respect for the feminine mystique lol.

This transition is very important. I should have done women and gender studies because I find this shit fascinating.

Ok so, we used to get mad when they held the door open. Because feminism at that time was about women being just as [insert whatever quality] as men.

I also remember paying for my own drinks at the bar. When offered, I would insist on getting my own. Probably partially out of fear of being drugged but, also out of not wanting to feel beholden. A drink is not that big of a deal and doesn’t have to mean that much but, it felt like I owed them something that I didn’t want to give. A conversation, my attention, a kiss, a promise to spend the rest of the night together. My freedom, in other words. And I would rather have had the choice than feel like purchased cattle.

I remember going home for Christmas and spending NYE with my sister and our friends. Someone suggested we go find guys to buy us drinks and I remember shuddering in disgust. I thought it was so gross to use men like that—I found it very suburban and un-evolved (sorry girls! I take it back if that counts xo). If the cost of not paying for your own drink means talking to a bunch of guys you have no interest in and getting stuck having to give someone your phone number or even just play along for 5 minutes, then I’d rather pay 8 dollars. I have a job and I’m not that broke.

Today, I don’t mind letting people buy me drinks. Most men are dogs and when you can tell they are, they deserve to be treated as such. Of course, I can identify a nice man and when I do I will be a little sweeter but, overall, I regret that my parents did not teach me earlier to ask for a lot from the opposite sex, who will do nearly anything for the prospect of a meagre kiss on the mouth.

I think it’s stupid that I was paying for my own drinks before frankly lol. But, I’m also not afraid that the person paying expects something of me anymore. And I don’t fear a psychotic reaction if I decide I’m not interested (which I definitely used to and would credit to how far cancel culture has brought us lol because now men live in fear too). But back then, buying a girl a drink was a form of leverage that was used against her if she declined affection.

I could be wrong about this (and, Rohan, if you’re reading, please correct me if I am) but, I’m pretty sure my bf and I used to split every dinner bill exactly in half. I thought it was fair and I was proud of it. Anyone who dated me after that knows I’ve since developed a habit of always letting my boyfriend pay. I refuse to do the dance of pretending to pay. I find it embarrassing. So if you offer once, you will pay. Don’t offer unless you mean it.

This was also the cultural moment when people were not getting married but staying together for 10+ years and not having kids out of principle. A rejection of 1950s ideals. Our generation wanted to do things differently. Dismantle gender norms. Which also meant that women were encouraged to be sexually promiscuous - act like a man, if you will. If he can do that, then so can you. And attempting to take down the slut characterization at the same time.

We were not supposed to view women who slept around as “slutty”. This is a double standard women have lived with forever and probably will until the end of times.

We see that, too, in Tell Me Lies. Lucy’s revenge against Stephen’s back and forth with Diana leads her to hook up with the bartender, Max. It was supposed to be empowering for her. But, I think for most women it’s not fun and ends up being more hurtful than anything. And then she is judged for it, when Stephen has been doing the same thing but, it’s perceived differently when he does it.

The overarching sentiment is that back then, it felt like you were being difficult and non-understanding if you were to ask effectively anything of your boyfriend.

Chivalry really was dead.

It was the rise of the term ‘partners’ for hetero couples, a framing as equals.

But I think mostly what it did was allow men to be lazy and not get called out for it.

If we put it simply, I think it led women to pursue more for themselves and men to fall behind.

Which has led us to where we are today, where women are more present and powerful in professional sectors and men, seemingly, more and more, either unemployed or turning to trades. So when you’re dating a bunch of loafs and you feel like you’re doing all the work and making all the money, you start asking yourself questions.

This all coincides with Trump’s presidency and rising costs of living. And Red Scare podcaster Anna Khachiyan painting a picture of a barefoot pregnant woman caring for her children while her husband cares for her. And so became the tradwife.

For the last few years, it felt like men did a lot of learning to try to accommodate the cultural shifts. Cancel culture breathed fear into their hearts. They stopped kissing on the first date or even pursuing much at all, or taking a more discrete approach to avoid a grapevine of nasty stories from scorned women.

You notice it on Love Island. When they get yelled at by the women they are mostly silent. They’re forced to listen. When they do speak up they get yelled at even worse. They cannot get a word in edgewise.

The men who have attitudes, like Simba, are shredded. And rightfully so, because he is a loser who is huffing and puffing because he feels sexually deprived. He’s the kind of guy that is probably horrible in bed and only thinks of himself. And he has no idea because no girl has ever had the heart to tell him. Or she’s wrapped up in her own misogyny that she’s blaming herself. I do not buy his redemption arc. The fire pit declaration was weird. I think he’s a dog.

So long story short, the term double standard is on the rise. Men are feeling burned because they are publicly flogged for behaviours that women are permitted to with a free pass.

I understand the impulse to be frustrated. That said, its not a zero sum game. A lot of women adopt tactics from men out of necessity or for protection. When we watch Love Island, we can see how the majority of the women all behave similarly and generally with respect for their partner, while most of the men disrespect their partners at the first opportunity.

To be clear: I agree that there were a lot of double standards this season.

Kenzie v. Sincere was complete mayhem. Intention does not change anything. There are plenty of evil men, men like Sincere, who probably genuinely believe they are “exploring their options” and “can’t decide who they like more”.

The point is, you owe it to other people to be fair and respectful with their feelings. She was very clearly playing each of them the entire time to keep her options open. She might have been coming from a scarcity mindset after seeing that she was not top dog in the first week. But, that doesn’t excuse any of it. Granted, people like Caleb are stupid for “putting all their eggs in one basket” but, there is absolutely no difference between Kenzie and Sincere and they both deserved to be publicly vilified.

One that really pissed me off was the Lola/Fitz/Julia debacle. I have been a Julia stan the entire time and agreed with her from start to finish. The way Lola reacted at movie night was very 1950s misogyny. She was clearly backing her man, which is a very kind and wifely thing to do.

I understand preferring to have that conversation in private but, in the process she disrespected herself and made herself look like a complete idiot. Then she spazzed on Julia in front of everyone, when the real dickhead was her boyfriend, who also KNEw it and went out of his way to apologize for it and frankly, seemed perplexed that Lola was not more upset. He proceeded to patch things up with Julia, effectively behind Lola’s back and in quivering FEAR of his raging gf.

When they have a conversation on the daybeds you can see him smirking and hiding behind Lola like the coward that he is. I think they will break up in a few months when he realizes how annoying and crazy she is. She is a weird controlling freak and I hated her. I feel a very sinister energy from her and I find it shocking that sweet Sabrina Carpenter loved her so much.

But throwing down on Julia like that was uncalled for. My poor queen. The double standard here lies in completely forgiving Fitz and DEMONIZING Julia when they both played a part. If your bf goes out and some girl at the bar hits on him even though she sees a wedding band, it’s up to HIM to resist her advances. I don’t believe the woman should be to blame. In these scenarios it’s the difference between the committed person versus the single one. Not a gender war.

If we take a look at Priya vs. Lorenzo, both had kind of a hard time holding double a couple but Priya did it in a pathetic way and could not take a hint or get a vibe check so she was portrayed as an idiot. While, Lorenzo moved more elegantly and made everything feel like it was his choice. He also never sweat about not finding someone. Less fame hungry, I guess. I did not fuck with Priya if you could not tell.

There is also just the general view of women exploring versus men. When women explore they feel they are allowed because they’re "testing their connection” and somehow it’s different than when the men do it, and it’s almost seen as cheating.

Culturally we expect men to be after one specific woman, while the woman has many suitors and should have her pick of the litter. That’s what make this type of thing so insulting. The idea that you’re not the only girl in the world is difficult to grapple with.

Ellie/Elicia/Finley are an interesting example of this. Ellie completely spazzing out when Finley’s interest was peaked by Elicia.

Granted the women do, generally speaking, move more respectfully. They are less “lustful”. They explore through conversations not through silly “games” used as an excuse to kiss. I think Yasmin even pointed out that you can get to know someone and decide if you like them without kissing them. It’s a stark contrast to Kenzie’s kiss as a handshake but, I think it’s a fair point that applies heavily to real life.

Love Island’s popularity seems to be on the rise and I see more and more cultural debate and analyses of each episode. I kept seeing tweets about Jasmine being portrayed negatively on the show which I thought was a whole bunch of baloney and exposed some people’s perhaps hidden racism or misogyny:

I maintain that Jasmine acted like herself and she was completely loveable the entire time. She was opinionated but eloquent and thoughtful. She never missed in any of her rants and I think went to show what an intelligent woman she is. I thought that was something everyone could see?

I didn’t like the way she handled things with Julia but I will chock that up to her secret affair with Lorenzo that she has yet to succumb to lol.

Staying with Kavan was really disappointing to me, based on what a strong woman I thought she was but, I will not #judge her because I have been her. She must live this experience. Watching her was refreshing.

Anyway I think it’s very interesting to have these discussions. And it’s just making me think that we are getting very close to men starting to feel like THEY are being used and abused and that they are owed some respect. I suspect a regression may be on the rise. So enjoy your expensive dinners and engagement rings while they last girls xoxox

But, the point is that wearing a skirt sometimes feels like shouting: LOOK AT ME. I guess it is kind of the most feminine thing you can wear after a dress. Which is maybe why it’s so embarrassing. Internalized misogyny.

Anyway, I am actually seeing skirts everywhere. Even on the streets.

Skirts, t-shirts, and a pointy shoe or a flip flop in some cases. Ballerina flat is a nono.

This is clearly the Nho Girl effect at play. But wearing a skirt is actually very liberating. Moving around in a skirt is far superior to wearing pants or shorts on a hot day. You might not think so at first, but it is.

I bought this skirt from the Zara sale. It’s sold out not so you can’t copy me but, I love that it is a jersey material. So it feels like wearing a t-shirt on your legs but, it looks more elevated. The only drawback is that it’s a little see-through and I know I used to say underwear lines were cool but…idk, here, it’s a different story.

Someone with bad eyesight said this colour combination was giving easter but, I think it’s very cool and current. Especially with an earth-toned bag like my Hermes.

The t-shirt is Brandy and it’s my new favourite, I just went to buy a backup. The fit is mwah.

I have been overhauling all my t-shirts because, I’m tired of feeling like the old ones are too dirty to wear. I need to let them go.

The same day, I changed the t-shirt to a different new one from Brandy (trying to avoid them from getting so nasty so quickly by not sweating in them for too long) and the shoes and added a new-ish leather jacket I bought at Palmo Goods, which is my new favourite jacket and I want to wear it all the time so this night where it was mildly cold was the perfect occasion.

Great outfit.

Here I am again at home looking fabulous in the pink skirt. It is so comfortable.

Then I saw this video and I just had to have that skirt.

I went to Chez Claude on my lunch break and bought the first t-shirt that caught my eye. Now I like it too much to cut it up the way she did and anyway it was sleeveless so I’m not even sure it would work the same way.

The shirt was already pretty big when I bought it so all I did was stretch it over my hips and it fit like a glove.

In this photo, I tucked the sleeves in a bit so they were not sticking out weirdly but as you can see there are cutouts where the armholes are:

I did not completely hate the idea of the cutouts and was trying to figure out how I would incorporate them without it just looking completely weird. It probably did look completely weird and odd to a lot of people but, I wore it anyway because I was running late.

Initially, I had tried weaving a ribbon through the sleeves in the back and tying a knot which actually did work and turned it into more of a pencil skirt which was very cool. Maybe I should take it to a tailor and have darts put in? … Good thinking, Picky.

Anyway that was not going to work for that soiree because it also created two gaping holes on my bum so, instead I put a belt through the arms holes and fastened it in the front and that worked pretty well. I’m not sure why scientifically speaking, but it did.

A lot of you freaked out when I posted this. And I understand why. Very iconic fit.

And you know something? Just as an aside, because I don’t think I wore a pencil skirt once in the winter I was afraid I would not enter skirt territory by the time summer rolled around. But I have. And I love it and I can tell the folks on the streetz love it too. Old people always smile at you when they see you in something resembling a pencil skirt, even if it is a t-shirt mangled around you.

When I posted that skirt, my very cool friend, Laurianne, sent me Gina Corrieri’s profile. She makes some crazy cool shit that I would love to own or make.

I guess I don’t have that much else to say except, take a look at just how many girls are rocking pencil skirts. I have compiled a list. Sometimes I feel like it’s lazy to just link a bunch of people’s Instagrams like you’ve probably all already seen this shit but, when you look at it…it is pretty indicative. A case study some may say…

Just feels like cool girls are wearing skirts.

These are new Ralph Lauren shoes I bought that are really hard to walk in but, they look cute here with a black skirt. This is the black skirt that started it all. Given to me by my mother. From Banana Republic. Probably ancient. PRobably Petite. It fits me perfectly.

I have yet to wear this Dior one because well, my clothes are just a chaotic mess right now and I haven’t had time to think what could go with it.

Then of course this Zara skirt which I think I already mentioned. I should not have kept this. It rides up when I walk it’s very annoying and it’s a little too long. I might go get it tailored. It sucks that tailoring shitty clothes isn’t free :\

And then something needs to be done with this number. The fit on the skirt is a little weird. Maybe I will do a tailor trip together. Also do not ask me for a tailor recommendation. I do not have one.

Were I to speculate on why women are so into skirts right now it might just be the Carolyn Bessette-ification of our society. A chic midi skirt just feels, well, chic.

In the first article I wrote on the subject, I probably cited this image of Karolyn Pho. I found this picture when I started Googling her because she was the wife of Jason Stewart and I was curious about her life. I did not know she dated Shia Laboeuf, I thought that was very glam of her. Then I came across this photo and I was like?? That outfit feels extremely Chanel in a way Chanel had not felt for a long time. It’s just elegant.

It also felt very Nonna Chic which I also wrote about. So that’s probably what started my skirt obsession. Old lady Church outfits and this photo. Then the skirt in question was presented to me and I couldn’t say no.

But ya, most girls really just wanna look like this:

And while I do like the Flore Flore tee, pencil/slip skirt, pointy shoe formula. I think I prefer the skirt worn in a wackier way. Or I guess somewhere in between wacky and “elevated Calvin Klein minimalism”.

Don’t forget about my Pinterest board that was started for the LAST skirt post that I still use. Where anything remotely skirt-related goes, even things that are not skirts.

But yes, I want to do skirts the way Mother does skirts:

My forever soulmate spiritually connected style sister <3 I hope one day I get to meet her. She will love me.

Here are girls wearing skirts in a way that I think are fab.

Sometimes I go through my Marketplace saves and think to myself: Wow, I really have great taste.

If I splurged on all, or even some, of the things I save I would have my dream apartment.

Alas, I have some weird inexplicable aversion to furniture shopping so instead the bookmarks are a graveyard and my apartment stays looking half finished. One day, I will put in the time, effort, and money but, that day is not today. That day is not tomorrow either. That day might have to wait until I get my license. And who knows when that day will be.

Sunglasses

I did, though, recently cop a pair of Port Tanger Soledad glasses on Marketplace that are my newest obsession.

Those of you who follow on me on Instagram should remember my Saint Laurent sunglass saga. I don’t know how or where but, somehow, I misplaced one of my most precious belongings. It was a devastating loss and the grief possessed me for weeks. I still pray to Saint Anthony every day in hopes they will turn up.

I replaced them because, well, I had to. Wouldn’t you? I could not live with the loss. And I was so mad at myself for being so careless that I thought I deserved to be punished by repurchasing an inordinately expensive item I’d never normally even have spent that kind of money on.

So they've been replaced. And I haven’t even worn them.

They’re not the same. They’re tainted now, by the embarrassment and shame haunting me over losing them. Irresponsible. Unforgivable. I’m an autosadist :). So they just sit on my desk. Looking at me. Reminding me of what a pathetic loser I am. I hate losing things.

I wondered if someone found them and tried to scalp them on Facebook, so I began perusing and that’s when I came across the Port Tangers.

The reason I am telling you all this is that, I bought the Saint Laurent ones when I worked at SSENSE and had debated between 4 pairs among which were these exact Port Tangers. I polled my adoring fans on Instagram and everyone boringly said to get the SLP even though, I thought the Port Tanger’s were cooler. My sister told me I looked like a bug. I thought I should make a sensible decision so I bought the Saint Laurents and never looked back. But I did still, always think they were cool.

In hindsight, the Saint Laurents were the smarter decision (so thank you to my fans). They became my favourite and most chic pair of sunglasses that made every outfit look expensive. If you’re debating a pair of classic sunglasses, Saint Laurent is the way to go. Very cinematic. Very Hollywood.

This post—that I hope my parents do not read otherwise they will give me a money-spending lecture (you need to spend money to make money ok. abundance mindset)—just reminded me of how much I am shopping..

Because I admittedly forgot about these Guccis I bought impulsively at Honnête:

Gorgeous shade of green, how could I say no? And I love a big sunglass. Clearly I’m just trying to heal my trauma from losing the SLP. Nothing will fill that void, not even a replacement pair. Smfh. I need to get over it.

Vintage

At Honnête I also impulsively purchased the below Armani purse that I have yet to wear and this crazy Dior skirt that I also have yet to wear. But of course, I needed both. You know, I think the mark of a really great purchase is when you want to wear it out of the store. When you go home and its the first thing you feel like wearing that night. That means, you will reach for it all the time.

In this little collage below you will also find:

1. A boy’s section camouflage t-shirt I bought at Walmart (I feel like everyone else has camo tees and I get jealous, my friend Ninar (find her on TikTok it is a very good binge she has the craziest wardrobe) has one that is the perfect fit and looks so cool on her)

@ni.n.arIn cdmx and my wallet is open #cdmx #fashiontiktok #haul

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1. Carhartt Brandon pants, I think I already talked about these. Also re-discoverd my Simone Rocha bag in that photo. Totally forgot about. Still don’t wear it but, I might one day. Cool purch on my behalf.

2. Zara cotton pencil skirt in grey that is only slightly annoying because the back slit is super high randomly and it rides up when I wear shorts under it which, I must, so not ideal. And it just went on sale so. I could have gotten it for less. Never impulse shop when you have a wedding coming up. Bad idea.

3. Gimaguas white long-sleeve with arm cutouts that I’m obsessed with and am too afraid to ever wear it because I just know I will fuck it up immediately.

4. And new white tees with scrubs I stole from my sister even though she asked me not to because, they are a great summer pant and look too good on me

5. Oh and those weird greige Zara pointed shoes that are actually kinda comfortable so. whatever. worth it.

I also stopped into this little shop that I hate going to because I find the shop owner annoying but, a lot of cool girls shop there and endure the annoying shop owner so why shouldn’t I? I deserve cool things too. I can put up with her.

At this shop, I purchased the below tuxedo. I did not bother to try on the bottoms bc they seemed like they would fit and I didn’t want the shop owner trying to snap a pic of me. She loves doing that. I know her tricks. I do not want to be featured on her Instagram. Sue me!! I’m not photogenic. People pay for that!! This face costs money honey.

I have recovered from my blazer addiction but, in the process I got rid of a lot of my blazers. Sometimes I miss them so it felt like a safe time to reintroduce. Though, I’m not so sure because the impulse to wear it constantly is very powerful…

Then, I saw this little jacket-skirt set. I loved the jacket and again thought, who cares if the skirt doesn’t fit, I need the jacket. It is Genny, an Italian brand that was at one point designed by Gianni Versace prior to opening his own label. Very cool info, though I think it looks nothing like Versace and I absolutely thought the lady at the store was lying to me about that when she tried to sell it to me.

The silhouette is kind of like a very late 1970s take on 1940s militant. I think maybe I made this up but, it felt like something the blonde girl in the Tarantino movie about WWII would wear. Tried to find pics but couldn’t because, as I said, I think I made that image up.

Stripper heels

Ok so a few weeks ago, I was with my very chic friend, Logan, helping her pack for a trip. She was bringing a very tiny carry-on so we had to pack strategically. I am actually an expert packer because I am a realist. She started trying on outfits and was picking shoes (the biggest things to bring and that need to be the most passe-partout). She has a pair of Zara PVC sandals that were the perfect heel height and looked amazing with every outfit.

If I’m not mistaken and if she is not armani privé on Instagram, I believe they are these:

This packing exercise created a need. A need for PVC shoes. I looked on Poshmark for the Zara ones she had, to no avail. Then I thought maybe I could get a pair of Yeezy ones for cheap but, that also was not happening.

Then I started to think, should I get a pair of the MNZ Olympias? I used to think those shoes were played out and also that wedges didn’t suit me. But, I was willing to give it a shot because I feel at this point they are kind of classique and the PVC need was really haunting me.

I found a pair in my size for 97 bucks on Mercari. Had to cop. That’s insane. I did and they are perfect and I love them and they go with everything.

Fresh vintage tees

Here I am wearing the MNZs, along with the tuxedo suit pants, and a new graphic tee I bought at a new vintage store called Oui Allo.

I do fear we are nearing the end of this type of graphic tee trend but, for now it still feels cool so I will continue to collect.

This one is a Museo del Jamon Madrid tee:

Then the West Indian Herpetology tee which, means the study of reptiles FYI. This tee was the one I was least sure of and ended up being the one I love the most. Remember what I said about when you reach for something you bought right away? That’s what happened here.

The third tee is navy with yellow writing that I haven’t snapped a pic of yet so, standby.

Here are some fit pic inspos:

Fresh white tees

The refreshed vintage tees came from a kind of overall tee haul I had to do because all my t-shirts smell.

I have talked about this with friends who think I’m insane. I don’t know maybe I’m just disgusting but, there are t-shirts I’ve bought with odours baked in and there’s also stuff I’ve owned and worn so much where I’m responsible for the cemented smell. It’s mortifying because when you wash it, it smells clean until your body heat reactivates and it’s all over. And you’re stuck out at 2AM smelling like BO. And you’re like its not cause I’m gross really, it’s cause… I just don’t know how to wash my clothes or I’m too cheap to replace my 150$ perfect fit t shirts. I’m sick of it.

My favourite white tee was the Margo from Leset but, that t-shirt is too expensive to continue repurchasing. Leset, hook me up with a lifetime supply.

I bought a bunch from Aritzia. And these are my new faves that I wear all the time and will probably go and buy like 10 of each so that I always have new ones.

1. Interlock Cotton Function is my favourite of the 4 styles because it’s the thickest.

2. I think the Key Cotton Thessa is my second favourite but, tbh I can’t be sure because I can’t really tell the rest apart.

3. The Soft Feels All Time reminds me the most of the Leset but, it’s definitely a little thinner and it runs small so you have to size up. It’s also more casual looking than the Interlock or Thessa which both feel more chic.

4. Wisp Cotton Nysa is my least fav because it’s super thin and as you wash it the collar just gets like wonky looking. But it’s nice under sweaters because it’s so thin so I think I will love it for the winter.

A guy who owns a vintage store told me to soak my shirts in vinegar and baking soda to get rid of the smell so I might try it on my Leset tees because I don’t want to get rid of them but…I’m doubtful. If anyone has advice, I am all ears.

Clutches

I’m very into eel leather at the moment and the idea of clutches in general. I have been shopping on eBay but, have not yet pulled the trigger.

or something more like just a regular clutch

Or best of both worlds:

I actually just realized this all started because I saw of Off Season (check out her Substack) wearing this Tod’s bag and I remembered that I once also wanted to make Tod’s cool again.

So I was also debating this but I hate pink. I prefer her white version and I, too, have been obsessed with white leather.

Old lady heels

This is the last thing I’ll discuss because I need to stop making these so long, are that I think old lady shoes are so in. I’ve been talking about old lady vibes so I won’t keep beating that horse but, go read my article about Nonna Chic or whatever I called it. Genius piece of writing. The Zara pair I got are kinda like that. I have collected a few fabulous pairs actually. These from Brown’s. My best pair. They are so comfortable.

I stumbled upon this Instagram account and love their shoes:

But what I really covet, are a pair of Judes, which I think will be the hottest new shoe.

Before I discuss my very up and down feelings about lip filler, I want to unpack my feelings on aesthetic enhancement at large:

I considered writing a separate article about how the natural-looking results often credited to expertly-executed Botox and filler, are actually Sculptra and peptides.

Everyone insists these “highly-skilled” injectors can completely transform your face with filler and botox. Those tools, though, now feel borderline barbaric. What is being done simply cannot be achieved through filler and botox alone. Everyone should know that by now because even I am late in calling this out.

I noticed, what I now know to be, Sculptra, around a year ago. It was not exactly “Instagram Face” that prompted it but, a sort of eery similarity among the most beautiful women I follow.

Maybe it started with Kylie Jenner. I started to notice a sort of glimmer in her eye that felt different than before. Something about the colour or shape. Her eyes just felt, bigger and more beautiful than ever.

Then, I noticed the same thing with Maura Higgins. And then a bunch of other celebrities. And I felt insane. I was like since when? Have they always just had the most beautiful eyes known to man?? Have these women always been this stunning and symmetrical or is something going on?

The eyes feel different to me. Maybe it’s the makeup. It’s definitely partially the makeup. But, there was something else, something very snatched about the face overall.

Then, I happened upon a meme of a Tim Burton ass face with the word Sculptra superimposed. I’ve already Substacked about how gaunt = gorgeous (everyone with fashion brain thinks this). So, if Sculptra makes you gaunt and more angular then I am, obviously, in.

If you’re out of the loop, Sculptra is a form of lactic acid injected into ur body to produce collagen. It takes months for you to see the full effects and helps “build structural volume, smoothes wrinkles, and restores lost contours”. It seems to be considered more effective, more subtle, with more consistent results and less room for error than fillers. The only side effects I’ve read about are nodules and granulomas that can form permanently.

Below is a great example of what Sculptra can do. Extremely subtle, you can hardly even tell. Very easy to assume it’s just botox and filler (which she might also have, idk) but, seems to just tighten and harmonize. Her face feels less lopsided. She looks well-rested. There is something overall sharper and more refined that is hard to specifically pinpoint.

So I think Kylie and Maura Higgins, along with all the other shit they do, are doing Sculptra.

But they are not the only ones.

The most beautiful influencers you follow that you’re like hmm.. she’s aging backwards, I think are also doing Sculptra.

Check out the before and afters I have painstakingly collected:

Of course, I don’t know for a fact that these ladies have had Sculptra done. This is all speculation, but they are people that I notice have gotten more beautiful, seemingly suddenly and I have not stopped wondering what it was. Is it filler and botox or is it Sculptra? What on earth is it and do I need it. Because they look great.

The interesting thing about all these procedures is how changing one thing on a totally different part of your face can re-contextualize other areas. Elongating your chin can alter the perception of your jaw and mouth. They call it ‘facial balancing’

A lot of the ‘facial balancing’ though, imo is hokey pokey they tell you to take your money. A lot of them are not actually skilled technicians giving bespoke recommendations. They give the same spiel to everyone.

I’m skeptical as to whether we are actually talking about harmony or whether we’re modifying faces to suit our current tastes. It’s subjective to the era. It’s trend-driven. Tendance, quoi. One hundred years ago, small pouts were in. So maybe none of this will look good in 20 years and everyone will regret having touched their face. Just like the 2016 lip filler era when everyone had to get their filler dissolved. Which is another consideration of having ‘work’ done at all. Is it a mistake because there’s no way it can really be timeless?

I see a lot of articles exploring the future of beauty and the normalization of ‘tweakments’.

If you don’t participate you’ll be left in the dust. I particularly love this one from Roe Magazine: You Don’t Have To Get Plastic Surgery, But Good Luck Competing If You Don’t.

I feel we are collectively unpacking feelings of superiority over not having any cosmetic work done (guilty as charged).

I find these articles usually boring and faux-philosophical. I think we should let go, a little, of this obsession with dissecting cultural phenomena and applying broader meaning to them.

Having said that, I, myself, have been feeling the lip filler pressure.

It’s so low stakes. You can get a little and have a subtle but, powerful transformation.

It makes you sexier. And, who, does not want to be sexier? Full lips symbolize sensuality.

I had this reflection while doing investigative research on a girl I saw online with a substantial amount of lip filler. When you see her before pics, you see someone with a totally different vibe. She seemed sweeter, slightly older, and frankly, smarter. With the lip filler, she’s certainly sexier but, she also feels, and forgive me for saying this, a bit more promiscuous.

I couldn’t stop thinking about how that would be such a mind fuck for me. To emerge from the medispa a totally different person. How do you reconcile the person you’ve always been and this new version of yourself that seems to have a totally new aura? It must take years and hours of staring at yourself before you finally start to understand that, that, is you.

I’m sure even the way people interact with you changes. It must create a sort of insecurity in yourself. The new attention you get must reinforce the belief that it was something you ‘needed’ and that, it did make you more attractive, just like you hoped. It’s probably similar to the attention you get when you lose weight.

So you’re feeling good on one hand for all the positive attention you’re getting. But worse on another because you’re seeing the difference in how people treat you.

And I don’t know obviously but, I would imagine that if fuller lips makes you appear more sensual, then the attention you get is different by consequence. Girls who are beautiful in an intellectual way are treated differently than girls who are beautiful in a hot and sexy way. The Velma Daphne effect as I famously pointed out years and years ago:

I don’t know if I’m ready to confront that truth. Or if I even want to be treated that way. Maybe I like the attention I get the way it is.

Maybe a part of it is that I don’t want to feel sexualized. I want to be desired but, not for my looks. For my charm, taste, personality, and intellect.

Except, I also do want to be desired for my looks.

And I don’t want to feel like I’m ‘cheating’ anyone. There is nothing worse than the fear that you are a catfish. That you’re more beautiful in photos than you are in real life. A fear that is a constant in my life, and that explains why I watch my own stories 100 times over. And why I am always going through my own Instagram profile or Photos app to look at myself. I am body checking in a sense. I’m making sure that the person in the photos is representative of the person I see in the mirror. It can be debilitating.

Like so many of us, I live with chronic body dysmorphia. So the thought of adjusting something that I will have to get used to is almost unthinkable to me. That’s why it’s so baffling to me that people can

1. trust someone else to change something on their face that they have no control over. It feels like such a gamble. And if it turns out badly now you are ruined forever.

and

2. that even if it doesn’t turn out badly, there’s a chance you won’t like it. Maybe you will just feel like a freak because your face is such a part of you.

I feel the same way about a nose job. How do you mentally comprehend that that is your face now. It’s just so weird. I don’t know if I’m explaining this well. Your face is yours. It would be weird to feel like you had someone else’s. It’s not like clothes where you try an outfit on and you decide you don’t like it and you take it off. It’s not even like a tattoo where a stencil is laid and you have an idea of how it’ll look. It’s kind of irreversible and you have no idea exactly how it’s going to turn out. You must have faith. Or you must really hate the way you look and so the stakes are nil.

I feel superior to women who have had injections for the following reasons:

1. God made me naturally more beautiful than you

2. I am more confident than you

3. I am less of a sucker than you

4. I am immune to capitalism/societal pressures because I have a strong sense of self and character and do not bend to fleeting trends

5. I am a classic beauty

Admitting then, that I’ve considered lip filler is admitting to having insecurities, which is illegal. Nobody can know I’ve even thought about it. And it would be so obvious if I did get them that I’d just be telling on myself to everyone. Which would be embarrassing. And which would contradict everything I preach.

It also blurs the divide between the Velmas and the Daphnes. Which is kind of the crux of this article. People I never would have thought would be interested in that kind of augmentation (Velmas) are taking part. Girls that lean more feminist than bimbo are getting filler and botox. It’s becoming ubiquitous. So as Roe Magazine wrote, if you don’t participate then you’ll be left behind.

And I’ve been thinking a lot about the bimbos. When you see the kind of girls who go on reality shows who are skinny and workout and do a full beat every day and have a perfect blowout and always have their nails done and have amazingly smooth and tanned skin, it’s very easy to quickly write them off as superficial and dumb. It’s easy to think that what they care most about in life is being beautiful. And as a society we consider that vain.

This winter, I had a Love Island binge. I was watching from the moment I finished work till the moment I went to bed. It was too much. And as I was sitting there watching these bikini-bodied girls flirting with these gorgeous men, I realized that I was jealous.

I was jealous of the dedication it takes to be that beautiful. It’s not easy. I thought about what they ate. I thought about all they must know about how to do their makeup. About how they manage to keep their bikini lines perfectly smooth. How much time they spend in the gym. All this stuff takes time, discipline, and a will that I’m not sure I have. I’m not sure I could be that girl. But I would like to be, if I really think about it. And it wouldn’t detract from who I am as a person. It wouldn’t mean that I’d have to change anything about myself except how I look. It wouldn’t make me dumb or boring. It would just make me hotter.

I downloaded Crave on my phone and told myself I could only watch Love Island if I was on the treadmill. I challenged myself to get into the mindset of those girls. Try to be a hot girl. In the end, I am not really sure that I have it in me. But, I can be honest now that I wish I did. And judging those women just comes from a jealousy in myself.

Roe Magazine wrote another great article aligned with the topic titled If All You Are Is Pretty You're Not That Interesting. The article touches on the idea that influencers who capitalize on their looks (ones they largely paid for) are coasting off beauty alone and are not actually that interesting. Which resurfaces this idea that extreme beauty comes at the cost of intelligence or interesting personality. Maintaining that level of attractiveness is all-consuming.

This type of thinking is reductive and anti-feminist and yet, when we observe the behaviours of these girls on Love Island and on Instagram/TikTok we might find that they often seem to ring true. Or at least, that’s what those characters are leading us to believe.

So, I want to get lip filler because I think it would make me 15% more beautiful.

But, I don’t because of all this inner turmoil I have over what it would indiciate about me as a person. To participate in vanity culture.

There’s another layer to it that feels insulting to my ancestors. Insulting to God, who crafted me in His divine likeness. How dare I insult all those that contributed to creating me?

I am also a hypochondriac and live in fear that I am the 1% of people that will end up with some kind of horrific complication. The Linda Evangelista effect I mentioned in my last article.

We’re getting to the end, I promise. But, I was talking about this with friends yesterday and my very perceptive Capricorn bestie, Bianca mentioned No Makeup Makeup. When she said it, I didn’t make the connection (I am slow). But, last night I was stewing on it…

Men say they don’t like cosmetic work. They love to say that they prefer girls who are natural. Of course what they mean is that they prefer not to KNOW if a woman has had anything done. They prefer for her to be genetically beautiful. But, they can’t tell the difference. This is what they think lip filler looks like:

Women know that lip filler can look as natural as this:

And a man would never be able to tell that she’d had any done. He would think she was just born like that.

And this is a tough beauty standard to uphold. When you see someone who has natural lip filler you think, why not me. So that’s where I am.

When I asked you guys on Instagram, the feedback reflected this.

The men had this to say:

“Don’t do it”

“Filler in general is bad, you gotta work with what you have!!”

While the women responded:

“All I know is that it’s addicting”

“Love lip filler with all my heart”

“Just an interesting phenomena. Erogenous zones (boobs, lips, butt) getting bigger while women get smaller re: ozempy”

I thought about doing it as an ‘experiment’ for an article. But that just felt like an excuse. A way of doing what I really wanted to do, disguised as journalism or something more morally sound or altruistic. Instead of calling it what it really is. Which is that, I just wanted a little bit of lip filler.

I think I probably still won’t but, mostly because I am too scared and still don’t know how I feel. And if you’re not sure then you shouldn’t. But, who knows. Maybe some of you secret lip filler havers will come out and tell me that it changed how you feel about yourself and I will have to reconsider.

I’ve been wearing the same nasty pair since 2021. They fit poorly because they’re huge in a bad way, and way too long. I’ve worn the shit out of them, so they have massive holes where they have dragged all over the floor, precisely where I probably should have hemmed them but, instead chose to let them slowly disintegrate because I thought they looked cooler with heels that way. Even with heels, they drag all over the floor and are, quite frankly, disgusting. God only knows what kind of diseases those hems are carrying.

I didn’t buy big jeans because it was à la mode. I just have the type of body/legs that don’t look good in a lot of bottoms. So I don’t pick bottoms based on what’s cool, the way I might for a top (but, even then…), I buy bottoms based on what fits. What I consider flattering. I would dress very differently if I had a straighter slimmer body but, whatever. I’m over it! I swear.

So, I like my bottoms loose because I don’t want you all looking at my legs. Lmao. This is why skinny jeans will simply never come back for me, unless I decide one day to get liposuction. But I’m too afraid to be Linda Evangelista’d so that’ll probably never happen.

Until recently, I survived exclusively off these jeans I’ve been describing, pictured below. They are Levi’s 501s.

But wearing those jeans all the time began to bore me. And eventually, I realized they didn’t even look good.

They started to disintegrate and fade from all the washing, which I was forced to do because of how much they mopped up from outside.

It was hard to let go of them because nothing else seemed right.

Nothing, except for my ex-bf’s Wrangler’s that he found for like 10$ at Value Village that fit me perfectly.

In fact, better than him, if you ask me.

That he should have offered me in the divorce, based solely on the fact that they look better on me. But, which he did not. For whatever reason, I do not know.

And sometimes, that’s why you have to breakup.

I have looked for his Wranglers, which are the Relaxed fit in 30x30 see the reference below, if anyone wants to find me a pair. I have looked and have not found. They need to be 30 length otherwise they don’t look right. And I don’t want to hem them to 30 length because it’s not the same. Because I actually did find them at a store near me, but in a 32L and they are not the same. And I know if I hemmed them, it would not be THE same!!

So moving on. I have been after a pair of jeans.

I credit myself as an early establisher of the extra long rise, worn low trend:

But I hate this silhouette now. I feel like at first, and I can’t find any of evidence of this but, at first it felt like lazy and effortless in a “I threw on my bfs jeans” kind of way and then the girls like Zara-ified it. And I am not against Zara entirely anymore, but, I don’t like when you can tell things are from Zara and for some reason, jeans, a majority of the time, are a dead giveaway. Don’t know why. And also depends on the person.

I am of the belief that the only type of jeans you should wear are Levi’s/Lee/Wrangler. Shoutout to Naked & Famous also, I would work for you guys if you’re interested—they have some nice jeans. Call me.

Then, of course, there are premium brands but, if you’re buying jeans like that then what I’m saying is irrelevant to you.

That pretty much means you should only be wearing Levi’s. Let’s keep Levi’s in business. Denim monopoly! Uniform! Because actually, I saw SSENSE recently uploaded some vintage Levi’s cuts that were actually very nice and I kind of want a pair. I did not realize they were between 400-600 bones. So, obviously I will not be buying and nobody should actually on the basis that, wtf. But, it’s important they exist. @Levi’s lower the price wtf is wrong with you, we are in a recession? They’re jeans!! Don’t take the piss, come on.

Sometimes people say ohhh, Levi’s don’t look good on me. Wrong. There is a pair of Levi’s for everyone. You just really have to dig and also you have to know your measurements. And of course, but that goes without saying, you need to try vintage. Because all vintage Levi’s are different.

This video illustrates really well just how many cut/fit options there are and that there do exist real experts in denim fit to help. I really want to go visit this gal in Paris and finally find my perfect pair of jeans.

I keep a folder in my phone of the measurements of my favourite jeans (the aforementioned ex-bf’s Wranglers) for when I’m shopping online. Once you figure this out you begin to be able to eyeball it off a photo or just jeans on a hanger.

What I should have measured, but forgot, was the leg opening and individual thigh widths but, whatever this is close enough.

Bearing that in mind, I have been passively shopping for jeans for the last year.

I was not looking for anything in particular save a replacement for my black jeans/a copy of the Wranglers or something better.

The Levi’s Engineered had a bit of a chokehold on the fashionistas of the world but, I bought a pair that were a little too small and decided they were not for me. Even if I had sized up. Too much like Lemaire, which is the old me.

No, so what actually happened is I was looking for a pair of Carhartt pants because I styled this pair on SSENSE and I was like wait these are fkn cute.

Like in hindsight maybe the blue tee was too much and the glasses were definitely not necessary but, I love those pants. They’re so cute. I didn’t wanna spend $250 on CARHARTT so I looked on Depop.

I bought a pair on Depop but, they’re too tapered and I don’t love the fit so, of course, I ended up getting the Black Brandon’s in the SSENSE sale anyway. I always do that, buy a thing that’s less good than the original thing and then spend more buying both. Stupid.

The seller from Depop had free shipping on orders of 2+ items so naturally, I did a little peruse and found a pair of Ralph Lauren jeans and a pair of Lee’s. I don’t really know what compelled me, other than the free shipping but, I bought both pairs bc I couldn’t decide between them and I think they were like 20$ each.

See both pictured below next to them on me.

The Lees (first 2 pics) have a very sick wash IRL but the fit kinda sucks because they are too tapered and it feels like they were altered or something. The top is weird. It’s like really wide. Idk how to explain. They’re not flattering on top which is a real shame because they feel great.

The 3rd pic in my #slideshow is a pair of size 36 Levi’s 501s I bought at Chez Claude which I love. They fall off without a belt which is annoying so I need to buy a new belt, but I love the way they look.

The second flat lay are the Ralph Lauren’s which are size 34s and so are also huge but, not only huge they are also long. They need to be cuffed or hemmed or something but, I hate to hem idk why so… I have not really decided what I’m doing with those yet. The material though, is elite. Very stiff very thick denim.

THEN, gay straight bestie and myself went to Palmo Goods where I purchased the black pair of jeans in the last photo AND the leather jacket worn in all and which is a U of T letterman jacket, which is so special because I am a U of T alumna (that’s a flex, btw for those of you who don’t know I’m a snob).

And actually all of this started because I saw this girl in the streets of Montreal:

She has perfect legs so of course, everything looks good on her but, when I spotted her, she was wearing a pair of jeans with rips at the back of the thigh that were very cool. I’m pretty certain they were these:

Bobbi, if you see this - I am a fan. You’re the best dressed person in Montreal. It is an honour to walk these streets alongside you.

She also has a great collection of carpenter pants solidifying my need for them. I’m sure she buys hers somewhere very cool and elusive. Mine will have to go through wear and tear to look as worn and cool as hers.

We can map the denim trajectory as such:

Skinny jeans

High-waisted skinny jeans with rips at the knee

Waxed skinny jeans

Then we had a sort of boyfriend fit

Kinda cropped straight jeans

Same vibe/French girl 1970s straight fit

High-waisted oversized jeans with a kind of 90s vibe

There of course was also a point where jeans generally speaking fell out of fashion and we were seeing a lot more trousers

Then the rise of the vintage Diesel jean

This is the long rise I’m kinda talking about

And then something happened in the denim world. I don’t know what but, suddenly everyone is wearing mid-wash, mid to low-rise, whiskered, distressed, with a slightly green/dirtied tinge, CUFFED jeans. Or jeans that could be cuffed. Anyway they’re not extra long. And we’re seeing a lot of belts.

It has a sort of 2005 vibe to it. I am not going to break my head (I’ve already wasted over an hour looking for this picture. If anyone remembers, I shared a pic/video on my story where I said this denim silhouette is extemely important right now. It has of course disappeared into thin air but, those who remember remember) trying to find this picture but, it’s sort of a Cristiano Ronaldo vibe. Soccer player vibe. Jamie Dornan x Keira Knightley vibe.

I am so stupid, I found it.

Whatever so anyway. If I were to speculate why this denim silhouette is entering fashion it’s probably the natural progression of Y2K. We are drawn to flares but, don’t want them so exaggerated because what we are really into vintage that is distressed. Prior eras loved vintage that was maybe more retro (new but designed to look old as we established in a previous PN) but, that is not exactly in right now. Fabrics matter right now. Production matters. Wear and tear matters. Texture matters. Actually maybe that’s what it really is. The texture and depth you get from this kind of wash is very special.

This is probably also to do with our gradual acceptance of capris. At first they were the enemy. We are growing to love them. And 2005-2007 was THE prime time for a pair of long denim capris from the Gap with a wide cuff at the bottom.

I really don’t know what the cuff is about but, I kind of like it too. Maybe we are also just sick of our clothes dragging all over the floor.

So please, have a look at the collection of pics I compiled of what I think is about to be the hottest jean that I bought accidentally on Depop so I could get free shipping. Those are called natural instincts baby. Born a fashionista, always a fashionista.

I could have made a collage but, I am too lazy and this has been sitting in my drafts for far too long so. Deal with xoxox. LMK what you think. If you have a theory on this jean coming into fashion please, hit the comments with a vengeance. Xo

Heeled flip flops are a shoe that don’t bring much up in me. I don’t love them and I don’t hate them. Sometimes I consider getting a pair, but then I don’t.

The only reason I can conjure to explain why I have not purchased a pair is because my gay straight bestie hates them. He doesn’t just hate them, because he hates a lot of things, but he HATeeees them. He cannot seem to really explain why…but, he feels passionately about them. I’ve noticed a lot of men feel this way. And you have to respect their freedom to opine.

I don’t exclusively dress for the male gaze but, when I don’t it’s for a fashion item I could not imagine my life without. So when I’m humming and hawing over heeled flip flops, all I can hear is my gay straight bestie telling me they’re so ugly and I decide, I do not need them. I trust his opinion so, I have been waiting to see if his hatred for the heeled flip flops will infiltrate my brain and allow me to finally see what he sees or, alternatively, whether I will develop a strong need for them. Neither have happened yet, so I’m writing this.

And the only reason I can think of to explain why men hate heeled flip flops so much, is that you look stupid when you walk in them. And it’s true. The click-clacking around of a regular flip flop is bad enough. The noise of a heeled flip flop is even worse. They are wood and leather instead of plastic/foam so the clacking is loud and grating. Especially when you are running or speed-walking. And especially when you are missing the heel caps.

It’s possible that men also just see them as a flip flop, with a heel; instead of what they are, which is a heeled flip flop. They are not perceiving this shoe as an independent item: a heeled sandal.

Women and fashion lovers might understand this idea through the concept of a sneaker with a heel (I am thinking of those ugly Miu Miu sneakr heels). A ridiculous add-on to a shoe that is commonly worn in it’s original variation and is extremely popular. We can also call to mind the New Balance sneaker loafer. Same idea. We know it’s a sneaker, but we’ve added a loafer bit.

Heeled flip flops are not that. They are a shoe in their own right.

Men are seeing HFF (heeled flip flops) as another shoe we girl-ified. So I do sort of understand. Why they might think it looks silly. But that, according to me, is misogynistic. (I am very into calling out misogyny as it regards to making women feel silly for being girls, being a girl is amazing and we should never feel frivolous or trivial for it.) Because why can’t we girl-ify a shoe? Let us live. Being a girl is not silly. We need to stop this.

The HFF rose to popularity maybe two summers ago? During the summer of the capri. Which was also the summer of the flip flop. Flip flops continue to rise in popularity as evidenced by all the ongoing Havaianas and Brazil fever. We are no doubt going to experience unchartered levels of Havaianas collabs this summer.

Flip flops were obviously made cool by the Olsen twins. What about them exactly, is so chic? I realized today—while trotting in my new Carhartt Brandon pants, Walmart boys section camouflage tee, Repetto black patent Mary-Janes, and my Aquascutum trench coat generously gifted to me by my bestie, Alexe, and which I receive so many compliments and comments on and it truly, fits me like a glove—that contrast is a definitive pillar of my #aesthetic.

The middle of my outfit makes sense, a camo tee with workwear pants. The extremities of my outfit also make sense: a trench coat + little ballerinas. The HMUA is also somewhere in between, my hair parted in the middle and straighter than usual but, makeup very dewy with an nearly red lip. This is known as the sandwich method. And what it says essentially, is that you cannot tell what kind of girl I am. I am girly but, not exactly. I am boyish but, not exactly. I am unpredictable. Simply irresistible.

I am getting into pick me territory here. And so what if I am a pick me, by the way? I think I might be. Anyway this is by no means a revolutionary idea but, I think contrast just is what makes anything interesting. Combining things that aren’t supposed to go together but, make sense anyway. This is why girls love wearing ballerina flats with basketball shorts and a little frilly top. Is she sporty or is she girly? Why not both. She is layered and complex. You cannot put her in a box. Please recall my note on misogyny from earlier. I think this type of thinking is sort of in retaliation to that. Do not force women to choose.

But that’s what makes flip flops feel interesting. You are almost wondering why people like the Olsen twins would wear them. To put it dramatically, it adds depth to someone’s character. When they could wear any type of shoe, why choose a flip flop?

I did some research…

Did you know that we call them flip flops because of the sound they make? Originally, they were widely known as thongs. I hate when people call them thongs. Not because it recalls the undies but just because it feels like they want to be provocative for no reason or European when they are not. I can hear the difference btw when someone calls them thongs authentically and when they’re doing it performatively.

They were considered cheap and informal for a long time. Think of the classic American dad on vacation who refuses to wear anything other than shorts, flip flops and a hawaiian shirt to dinner. Grounds to send him home. Not meeting the door policy. It’s kind of crazy to picture that type of straight man in flip flops because well, as we all know, it’s disgusting for men to have their feet out. But, nevertheless, it happens. And there’s a reason why there are signs prohibiting flip flops in nice establishments.

Last summer I wore my black Havaianas almost everywhere, at every occasion, and as early in the summer as I possibly could. Aside from the impeccable vibe they bring, they really do go with every outfit.

They also bring a welcome solution to my age old issue of pants dragging on the floor. If you size up in your flip flop then you have a little extra room in the back for your baggy pant to rest on. A little shelf. And that is extremely important to me. That is why I love my great great great ex bfs size 10 Nike slides. If you’ve been to my house you’ve seen me wear them. Ridiculous to think that when I worked at SSENSE in 2019 I wore those to the office.

Ok so back to the last summer.. since moving to Montreal and befriending Alexe I have adopted a sort of New York way of dressing. Leaving the house in an outfit that I could feasibly wear all day to a lot of different types of events. So whether you see me at 11AM or 11PM my outfit suits the vibes. Mostly.

That makes a flip flop very useful actually. Because if the rest of your outfit is chic, then the flip flop can take you pretty much everywhere.

I met a wacky dude at a bar who asked me if I could only wear one shoe for the rest of my life what would they be and without hesitation I said flip flops. I also don’t want to live anywhere where a flip flop wouldn’t be appropriate footwear year round.

Butttt, having said that, there were nights when I went out in the flip flop and I did feel a bit embarrassed. Wishing my feet were not out. Wishing I could have had a chance to WASH them because they were probably filthy. Fearing that someone would step on them. I felt exposed and informal in a way that I did not love.

Ultimately of course it was fine, it was just interesting to observe that feeling. Where I felt like flip flops could do no wrong because I have been The Row brainwashed to believe they are classically chic but, a deep part of me knows they are a casual shoe that actually used to be considered unfashionable.

When you love clothes and you see them presented a certain way, sometimes it feels like they always existed like that. It is so natural to see the Olsen Twins in flip flops that it becomes hard to grasp that they did subvert the longstanding perception.

I forgot that 20 years ago baby Picky (me) was judging families on vacation in hawaiian shirts, shorts, and flip flops. Thinking ew they’re so gross. Get real shoes. But, flip flops are real shoes. They’re elite shoes. And actually today, I’ve understood that nothing is off limits. Nothing is ever a categorical no.

For example, I was trying to find photos of Carrie wearing HFF but I could not locate. She wears a lot of heeled sandals, which, spiritually don’t feel any different to me as I already said but, in my search I ended up on a reddit thread talking about the contradictions in what Carrie said she’d never wear (a scrunchie and furry shoes) and evidence that she did in fact wear those things:

So now girls are wearing HFF.

I find it shocking for these shoes to be so contentious because they are really just a heeled sandal. Like it’s really not a big deal or any different from any other heeled sandal.

So I still don’t know how I feel about a heeled flip flop except that maybe, I don’t see the big deal? They’re just heels like any other. But I guess I would prefer a regular heeled sandal over a heeled flip flop.

Like these Christen heels which, apparently are very uncomfortable but so chic and WHITE which I have been after, are so beautiful.

They remind me of my Signum heels from The Row which my gay straight bestie also hates but which I love and don’t consider to be flip flop. Though sometimes I do feel like they look like ankle cuffs or restraints.

And if I want to wear a flip flop then why wouldn’t I just wear a flip flop? I did just purchase these Zara Christopher Esber knockoffs that I am very excited about. ANd I think I’d rather rock those than HFF…

We could get into the weeds of what makes a good heeled flip flop and what makes a tacky one. Because of course I have not yet touched on all the nuance.

The wedge is cute IMO if it’s conservatively low:

I love the jelly shoe clearly and I like the heel height here and the way that it comes from the middle of the heel and not straight down the back of the edge:

Here we have two pairs of heels from Jude and as you can see, the heeled option that is just a regular sandal is so much more chic and elegant:

Though I guess the flip flop is more city girl Calvin Klein 1990s SATC vibe. I don’t really love the triangle shaped heel:

These I love, though they are a bit high. I love the silhouette of the front sole, it’s perfect elongated and slender and rounded but not too round. I love this shape. I love when it tapers in a way that resembles the anatomy of the foot. Just perfec.t

These, horrible and ugly. Hate the square stiletto it’s fugly. Hate the square toe. Hate square shoes in general. Straight gay bestie agrees but actually I know this because we disagreed over a pair of square shoes I wanted. I don’t remember what they were now. But, these look cheap. I can’t even start on the flip flop portion which just looks cheaply done and is bulky and clunky. I also don’t know what’s going on with the sole but, something is wrong there. You can j ust tell these will be uncomfortable.

These are more well-made, but they are also ugly. It’s the square toe. It’s how thick the straps are. It’s the shape of the straps, how long they are like they go too far back on her foot, she is too strapped in. I don’t like how chunky the heel is AND that it kicks inward. Just no.

These Manolos, sey as hell. Thin straps, very chic and simple and clean. Little heel. Slip sole and again perfect silhouette at the front, kind of curved and tapered off. I love. These are the perfect like barely there shoe where its just like they go with everything and feel like a naked shoe.

These Toteme are ok. I wouldn’t pay for them though.

Same with these like idk what brand this is but, they are chic-er than some of the earlier options but, ya idk I’m looking at them and I’m just like do I need these? Not sure.

So maybe in conclusion, I agree with my straight gay bestie. Just wear regular flops.

This article is an extension of the below piece I wrote on the aesthetic and attitudinal shift towards traditionalism.

In that piece I explore the burgeoning interest in the ‘old-lady’/old-world vibe. The conclusion was that we are tired of being marketed to and are yearning for something that feels like it’s always been there, eclipsing the need for youthful validation. Something that’s stood the test of time, against the invasion of sans serif avocado toast coffee shops.

I, myself, have a penchant for the traditional ~oriental~ vibe. Many have joked that I’m cancellable for the chinoiserie items in my apartment. I love lacquer, what can I say? It’s glam. My parents used to have a samurai sword in our childhood home, this is not my fault. Do not cancel me.

But, even my interest in this decor (vibe pictured below) is something I’ve questioned. Not for whether it’s cultural appropriation because, I don’t believe it is, but, more on why I’m drawn to it.

There is a current interest in … artifacts? Art collector’s house. What the chinoiserie actually represents is, status and wealth. That’s what ornamentation is all about. Craftsmanship is something reserved for nobility. Art collector types love for their homes to be filled with objects that regular folk cannot access and that new money folk don’t know how to appreciate.

So allow me to flow in a direction that will feel off-beat and eventually start to make sense:

TASSELS

Tassels and the 1920s. They popped up kind of suddenly and quickly became unavoidable. I’m conflating the two because I think there is a strong relationship between tassels and the Art Deco movement.

Sophie Buhai is one of four figures I’ve pinpointed in influencing this trend. The others are: Pirrie Wright, The Row (duh), and Merci C’est Vintage. Probably more. Don’t care to include any others. You get the gist.

Pirrie Wright

Pirrie Wright is at the top of my arbitrary list. She is a “micro” influencer (stupid term), seeing as she only has 20K followers, but is followed by an elite class of ‘Cool Girls’, a sort of ‘those who know, know’.

…I also forgot about Silvia Dusci, who has a very similar overall vibe to Pirrie, so honourable mention to her but, I feel like Pirrie has just got it like that.

Pirrie, (what I call her, even though her name is Martha), seems to be absolutely besotted by Art Deco and Art Nouveau. She loves a swirl. She loves metal. Carvings. Engravings. Geometric shapes. She has an extraordinarily discerning eye.

She used to work for Cartier, which I thought was kinda random and therefore very cool. Similar to Brynn Waller at Sotheby’s. Classy.

These are great examples of Nonna Chic: working with companies that are foundational pillars of luxury and sophistication therefore having somewhat of an old-lady vibe. But making it cool because they decided to work there.

If you spazz in the comments because I called Cartier and Sotheby’s old-lady I’m going to scream. If you don’t know what I mean by that then you’re brain dead, please unsubscribe. You have no common sense.

Anyway, Martha would be likely to purchase one of a kind pieces collected by the one and only, Mariana Vergara, at Merci C’est Vintage.

Merci C’est Vintage

If I had a dream job, it would be to run a store like MCV. It’s truly exceptional.

MCV unearths treasures. There is just no other way to put it. They’re relics. They transport you to another time and place. She collects things that belong in a museum. It’s amazing. Every time her posts come up on my Instagram, I want to overhaul my entire wardrobe and it gives me a burst of energy to start vintage shopping.

What I find cool about her store is that unlike everyone else, she’s not focused on collecting capital D designer items, they’re just beautiful ornate expertly-crafted pieces. They’re the type of gems you find on vacation in France with your mom at a brocante.

The Row

A lot of the tassel-y/Merci C’est Vintage/Sophie Buhai etc. ‘aesthetic’ derives from this:

Nobody’s, and I mean nobody‘s, Met Gala looks have ever mattered more than the Olsen Twins.

I don’t like to give The Row too much praise*…mostly because I think it gets enough already but, these are the exact outfits that linger in the minds of people like Sophie Buhai, MCV, and Pirrie Wright et al.. The type of reference that sparks a genius idea because they represent things we don’t see much of anymore: originality and real taste.

*If you haven’t yet read Neelam’s Open Letter to The Row, then you must. Very interesting, I won’t say more. Just read it. Or watch the video she made about it.

Neelam Noted

Open letter to The Row - we need to break up

Five years ago, I was just a girl on a bench in her room, talking into a mic. Then you arrived, all quiet luxury and runway invitations, and it felt like love at first sight. You courted me, welcomed me into your showroom, made a fuss over me in-store, and handed me VIP access to sample sales. You swaggered, and I swooned. You seemed like the perfect pa…

Read more

10 months ago · 1399 likes · 185 comments · Neelam Ahooja

The twin’s Met Gala attire is a parallel to what I just said about MCV’s finds not being ‘designer’; the girls are not decked out in brands the way most celebrities dress for these events. They feel like (and probably are) real clothes that they actually own, even separates that they could feasibly (and often do) dress down. It’s not unthinkable to imagine Mary-Kate in that yellow Balmain robe and a white tank top with ripped jeans and flip flops. They’re wearable..

And they’re personal. There aren’t really any other celebrities who do red carpet this way, who are able to respect the rules of formal attire and retain their sense of self. We usually get the impression that the clothes were chosen for them and we’ve accepted the idea of designers dressing celebrities up like barbie dolls for these occasions. We don’t expect celebrities to have personal style on red carpets. It’s totally normal to completely credit the stylists, who we know did all the work.

I, myself, hate dressing for formal events like weddings because I can never find anything that suits the formality and still feels like me.

Art Collector Vibes

So the tassel obsession (and all that comes with it) absolutely comes, without a shadow of a doubt, from the Olsen twins’ style of dress. It’s a little bit Edie Beale Grey Gardens, a little bit Yves Saint Laurent, a little bit Yohji Yamamoto, a little bit Margiela Hermès, a little bit a million other things that you guys can all correct me on in the comments.

An ex-friend of mine once pointed out that part of what distinguishes The Row from other brands is their Instagram. The grid is a curation of art references shaping their world. The only time they share product photos is via targeted ads but none live on the profile.

Their store interiors mirror this stylistic approach. They feel like an art collector’s home. There are lots of podiums with sculptures and artifacts. They are reminiscent of these kinds of spaces:

My Pinterest feed is filled with this type of interior, one that I don’t know exactly what to call. Art collector’s home is the way I’m putting it. Though I’m sure someone is familiar with the proper term and will call me stupid and lazy for not researching it in the comments.

This type of wealth is special because it’s the kind of money and taste so exorbitant that it leads to the collecting of objects that belong in museums. And that’s kind of where the tassel trend takes its inspiration imo. And the same logic to explain the Olsen twins Met style. There’s something ancient about it. Something regal. There is something about 1. being able to access those items and 2. being able to reimagine them in a way that feels relevant and modern that displays exceptional taste.

Tassels

The origin of tassels (which I did try to research and gave up) is long. But it sounds like they were signifiers of status and accomplishment (think graduation caps). At some point they became decorative items for the home, functionless, exclusively there to flaunt wealth and prestige.

And there is something about them that feels sumptuous, sleek, and rich.

Tassels are an easy way to partake in this overarching trend that is borrowing from old-world opulence. Silk, velvet, and fur are more present than ever. Embroidery and brocades are popping up everywhere. Little details that cost extra like frog closures (new term I learned from ) and braided trim.

Very important to have people like her, btw. I had been wondering what to call this and didn’t want to write anything about it because I wasn’t sure how to describe. But this is sort of in the same world:

Viktor Gichev is another fabulous example of the type of clothes I’m talking about. His clothes feel like they were taken out of a museum. I took a course on fashion history in University and his stuff actually looks like stuff we looked at but were not allowed to touch because they were so precious. They’re works of art.

And they’re the types of clothes I’ve been wanting for so so long. Things with details, things that feel special, ritzy, and extravagant. I was searching for an opera coat on eBay this week while “researching” this article. And even just the term, opera coat, takes me out of this reality and into a better, more glamorous and elite one.

Conner Ives also fits into this kind of mold I am describing:

I do think, there’s something sinister about this ‘trend’, though.

Pia Baroncini’s Christmas is sort of what spurred my domino thought.

Pia’s Christmas was very Nonna Chic. It was candlelit and had a sort of…almost Little Women vibe to it? It wasn’t that opulent now that I’m reviewing the photos but, that combined with all the other beautiful Christmases I saw on Instagram put an idea in my head.

An idea about how as the wealth gap grows, the signifiers of wealth change. And despite the wealth gap growing, luxury goods are more ubiquitous than ever. You can find designer goods at thrift stores or online for accessible prices. So if the two social classes are dressed the same, how could anyone tell them apart?

My observation, if true, is definitely a subconscious one but, I think we’re seeing the wealthy class move away from bleak prison-style beige interiors and towards poshness. A Downton Abbey Christmas, if you will. I don’t think rich people are choosing to have WASPy vibes to distinguish themselves from the poor necessarily but, there is something maybe about traditionalism/conservatism trending that makes these type of Metropolitan (1990) vibes seem appealing to the upper classes. I’m not sure that they’re fully aware of it.

Maybe minimalism has finally been fully exhausted. I definitely think that clean Kanye West Dune aesthetic feels ‘new money’ in a way that I (and many others) find boring and lame and characterless. It is the idea that you can’t buy taste.

Except now you kind of can, because everything is available online. You can read this Substack and understand that if you just inherited a mass of wealth, the trendier thing to do right now is to buy old things that embody a kind of Titanic-type grandeur. But I guess you’d have to have enough taste to even know where to look…

Stop Saying “Sourcing”

Claire Henderson, one of the smartest and hardest working people I know who seamlessly blends compassion with #businessneeds, and I got to talking.

Claire and I had been noticing the exact same thing. I had not named it, but I inferred it in my piece on the Hermes Garden Party (which got unfairly ignored btw). I said:

This is why I find the Cami Quittner’s of TikTok, who seem to be multiplying, annoying. Because it feels like it’s stealing from people like my ex bestie or other great cool girls who have such a reservoir of fashion knowledge and really do this out of the love for the clothes. They don’t buy in mass and overhaul their wardrobes every 6 months. They’re building something slowly, carefully, with respect and intention. I hate to be a fashion purist but, the chokehold consumerism/capitalism has on us sometimes gets to me.

No shade to Cami because she was just the first person I saw do this but, it felt like all of a sudden ‘collectors’ became inescapable. Everyone has developed this new ‘hobby’ of ‘sourcing’ designer vintage items. And they cannot call it shopping (what it really is) because that would make them just like the girls they look down on who shop at Aritzia and wherever else.

I think I didn’t share this piece yet...? But I am writing something else about why we’re drawn to distressed clothes right now. In that piece I reference Emily Chan’s Vogue UK article: Why Don’t We Wear Our Clothes To Death Anymore? In it, she writes:

Given the high turnover on resale sites nowadays (which has led to criticism that the second-hand market is becoming similar to fast fashion), perhaps people are trying to keep their items in tip-top condition with the view of reselling them later on.

Which is exactly right. Because you’re not ‘sourcing’ anything. You’re shopping babe. You’re using the word sourcing to performatively distance yourself from consumerism. To make it seem like you’re a slow-living intentional and sentimental person. When the truth is, you’re just like everyone else and you have a crippling shopping addiction that you are in denial about.

Cami’s haul was actually sickening because what is a quick cute little haul to her, is a collection of all of the really expensive and coveted items I would buy in a year. To her they are just little accessories. They’re just things she’ll wear and throw away. They’re cheap so they don’t really matter to her. They just signal to everyone else that she is cool and takes the time to know what to buy.

Idk I feel like a hater right now but, it’s true. This is the same shit as everyone having to call their collection of clothes ‘ARCHIVAL’ when most of the time it is NOT. because they just cannot admit to anyone that they like to shop.

I have a huge problem with fashion people who think fashion is art. Fashion can be artful but at the end of the day it’s a business. And there is nothing wrong with that. Things are bought to be worn. There is something socialist about acknowledging the basic need to purchase clothes. The way people get defensive over this stuff because they want to be so far away from someone like Zuck is just. exhausting. Rant over. Sorry.

1920s

We haven’t yet touched on the 1920s.

When I was trying to aesthetically unpack the Olsen Twins appeal I could not stop imagining Edie Beale in her famous head scarf. She wore it because she had alopecia but it was such an iconic part of her look I could have easily believed it was the fashion of the day. And I, actually, did believe that.

When I saw this I was like ok… what was with the hats at that time? There’s something about it that I can’t describe but, I want to. Something exotic but, luxurious? Why was luxurious back then always exotic? I guess it’s the famous Gauguin vibe that travelling was for the ultra rich so bringing back treasures and flexing your worldliness was cool.

Today, travelling is common.

We call ourselves worldly and cultured almost as a form of mockery (or at least, I do) because it’s all just so generic. So many people have travelled, it’s all become un-exotic. I saw a video of a girl today saying her “true passion [in reference, I think, to work?] is travelling”. A completely moronic thing to say.

I could write another Substack on travel as modern day’s colonialism and maybe I will. But, know, that I think it’s sick and twisted. Doesn’t mean I won’t take a vacation but, I’m looking at it from the outside thinking: what on earth are we doing?

I’m not the only one sensing this. A lot of people now are trying to have ‘authentic’ travel experiences. They love to ‘unearth’ secret towns “locals don’t want you to know about”. Picture that episode of Emily in Paris. That’s actually what we’re all actively doing but, refusing to acknowledge because we all think we’re different. We’re really just dulling the world.

Anyway, I think it’s interesting because this kind of exoticism is a pillar of what I’m describing and also maybe more necessary to society than we realize? It’s such a dirty word.

Then I started imagining head gear on anyone and everyone and Veruschka came to mind. Here she is in a very Dune/Alaia-looking hood.

Greta Garbo in a turban:

Sophia Loren in a turban:

Bianca Jagger in a turban:

Liz Taylor in a turban:

Audrey Hepburn in a turban WITH tassels:

Everyone in a turban.

And so on and so forth.

So I guess I found my point.

Which is that,

Representations of other cultures through things like tassels and beading and silk were, and still are, displays of wealth and signifiers of taste. That type of aesthetic is not lost today, despite the democratization of travel and access to expensive goods through things like debt.

We all yearn to be Yves Saint Laurent lounging in a villa in Marrakesh:

The Olsen twins are sort of the modern Yves Saint Laurent in a way. They embody this ethereal nobility and exotic aura

that is very rare in our sanitized world. I think that’s why everyone is so obsessed with their brand.

Just look at them:

I predicted this shift in 2021. The desire for clothes that feel special. Crafted. One of a kind. We went from buying wacky shit from young independent designers to curating a little more carefully and with a little more class. If you watch Paloma Elsesser’s Vogue video from 2020 and compare to she wears today, you will see exactly what I mean.

So those are my thoughts. The Olsen Twins continue to command fashion because they are the only people with personal style. They are so rich that they want exotic goods that are so out of reach that people are doing everything to pillage to reach a new echelon of fabulous.

Capitalism lives on.

Goodbye.

I am very selective not selective enough when it comes to who I’ll go on dates with. I don’t like to waste people’s time. I don’t like the idea of ‘giving someone a chance’. I give everyone a chance all the time. But, I know what I want. I am a people-reader (Scorpio, hello). I might even know your motives before you do. And I can tell who will understand me and entertain me and charm me, pretty quickly. That’s just the truth.

It’s also important for you, the reader, to know that as a young lady, I entertained a lot of boys who were obsessed with me for various obvious reasons but, who I was not interested in, in the slightest. I can honestly say today, that the only reasons I did entertain them were:

1) because I liked the attention and,
2) because I didn’t think I could get that attention from someone I actually liked.

That is what breeds incels. So, now I know not to give false hope. And that’s a crucial lesson to be learned in respect. Don’t play with your food. Even though, I must say I love to. It’s very fun. And actually, that is where I meant to go with my Power Kink article. But, it’s fine, I’ll write another later. We’re not done talking about it.

So, if I do agree to go out with you, then it means I consider you to have some potential to be a suitable partner for me. Suitable partner does not equal husband, let that be known. Because, sometimes, mama just needs a fling. And don’t we all? (We do, btw). But, it means I intend, within reason, to continue seeing you. I’m not necessarily checking to see if we vibe because I probably already know that we will. For a few months, at least.

I go girlfriend mode very quickly. I am a born girlfriend. Default setting. I know I’m doing it and, look, it’s hard to stop. Physical touch is my love language. I love to hold hands. I love to trail a finger along someone’s arm or atop their shoulder and down their back, or just hold their face. Naturally, I would never do that before we kissed, but after, anything goes so long as we are in private. And if you start in public, then I will probably follow suit. If I like you and you just wanna play house, I’m your girl.

An ex-lover once told me I had ‘amazing fingers’ lol which I found a strange thing to say and when I pressed, he told me that I’d given him a hug hello and had gently touched, almost tickled the small of his lower back. It must have been so soft because I genuinely did not realize I’d done it. And I thought to myself, wow I am such a lover! That is so sweet! I’m perfect 😇 And that is soooo piscean of him to notice and even more so to tell me that he liked it. I loved that.

Me and that lover kissed on the first date. And it was such a perfect kiss that it would have been completely unthinkable not to see each other again. We didn’t have much to say to each other. We don’t have much in common at all. Apart from that electric kiss. So we dated for a couple months. And then he told me that I was not the future mother of his kids and we broke up.

Last year, I started seeing a guy I would end up dating for a year. We met at a bar and spoke briefly but, I was sure he was not interested and that I’d never see him again.

When he left, he said: “I’ll see you around”, which, is an insane thing to say to someone. And, of course, I loved it because what the fuck does that even mean? You’ll see me around? Where??? I’ve never seen you before. Except, I actually had seen him before, at a cafe where he worked and then, too, I was like who tf is that? he’s my husband. I need to find him. I thought it was insane not to ask for my phone number if the attraction was mutual, so I assumed he wasn’t interested, just as I’d suspected, and that I had probably forced unwanted conversation on him, as I’m known to do.

I went home disappointed. I strongly debated following him on Instagram. But, I said to myself. No. Listen young lady, you only want to be with someone who really wants to be with you. If you have to follow him, then that goes against your principles. The next morning I woke up and he had followed me 😏

He asked me on what I still consider to be an almost perfect date about a week later. We went to a Jessica Pratt show, which, is extremely romantic, and was also fun because I had not even realized I already listened to her.

Admittedly, going on a date to a show is not unlike going to a movie. That is to say, a little awkward, except maybe worse, because you feel like the other person is watching and judging how you move to the music which, is a nightmare for me as I’m already very self-conscious about dancing in front of people as a rule, even though I do it all the time.

After the show we drove around a bit, listening to music in his car (my absolute favourite date activity and truthfully, all I want to do but, I feel like you’re not supposed to say that so I entertain other things like drinks because it feels more socially appropriate) until we decided to grab a drink at a bar (see, the normal thing to do).

We had an amazing time and sat in his car before he dropped me off for 2 more hours listening to music and talking (I told you, it’s all I really want to do). At this point, I already knew he was my husband. I told you, I don’t go on dates with people I don’t already know I won’t love. It was a perfect night and the perfect way to end it, in my opinion, would have been with a perfect kiss. But, no. we just hugged. I blamed myself later—my awkwardness—for why we didn’t kiss.

Two days later, I ran into him at a bar. We spent the rest of the night together, he walked me home, asked to see me again, and then finally, after waiting for what felt like forever but was really only one date and two actual days, we kissed. Which apparently, according to my diary, was perfect except for the fact that he tasted a little bit like what I could only imagine to be cocaine. Wouldn’t know, never tried it.

But it turned out that not kissing on the first date was intentional on his part. When I found out I was gobSMACKED. Who the fuck doesn’t kiss on a first date?? If it goes well? That’s the whole point? That’s the entire fun part like it made zero sense to me. Why are we here if not for the prospect of a perfect kiss? Please explain.

Then I found out that all his friends agree with him. Apparently it’s a sort of unwritten rule in their circle. To ref my Hinge article, I understand it could be a bit much to kiss a stranger you just met online, but, realistically, I don’t. I’m a lover. I love to kiss. Who doesn’t love to kiss? I’m absolutely going to think you’re not interested if you don’t kiss me at the end. Or, worse, I’m going to think you were too shy or embarrassed and then I will lose a little respect for you. I guess, if I like you enough then I will make up an excuse for you, something like what I did, thinking it was my fault. But, either way, my belief: that is crazy.

Kissing on the first date is soooo American dream. It’s so *Hollywood*. White picket fence. High school. It’s textbook. Cliche. Classique. Whatever you wanna call it, it’s a custom Americans have been living by forever. Or, so I thought.

That boyfriend and his friends seemed to think it was fun to build the tension. History suggests that I would tend to agree. And a part of me does. If you don’t kiss, then you spend the entire next date thinking about when you will kiss and what’s more thrilling than that? Nothing. It makes you feel like a teenager.

I just honestly thought it was a very normal thing to do. I thought everyone did it. So much so, that when my boyfriend’s friend took a friend of mine on a date I warned her: Don’t freak out if he doesn’t kiss you, they apparently don’t kiss on the first date.

Feels almost religious or something.

A part of me wondered if it was an age thing. They were a couple of years younger than us and certainly less machismo than most men my age. So maybe not kissing on the first date came from a positive influence on the modern man’s respect for women. Or, out of a fear of coercing her? You don’t want to get caught planting one on a chick who, turns out, was not interested but you couldn’t tell.

That’s why you need to read cues. Which I’ve always said. You should be able to tell if she wants to kiss you. And fellas, I think most of the time if she likes you and she had a nice time, which you should also be able to tell by looking in her eyes: Are they sparkling? Do they look a little glossy? Then yes, she wants you to kiss her. Is she lingering. That is a telltale sign. Is she drawing out the goodbye? Swaying back and forth instead of rushing upstairs. You should probably kiss her. If you want to, that is.

I googled, and in 2019, Refinery29 wrote an article with these rules:

• You should not kiss on the first date or they’ll think you’re not looking for anything serious.

• You should kiss on the first date, or else they’ll think you’re not interested.

• You should kiss on the first date, but only a light peck, not a full-on makeout sesh.

• You should not kiss on the first date if you met on an app, but if you already knew each other, it’s fine.

• You should kiss on the first date, but only at the end of the date, not in the beginning or middle.

I guess they were trying to say that there are no rules but, most of those rules seem pretty damn perfect to me.

I don’t see why a kiss on the first date would imply unseriousness unless it was a crazy makeout which, I get but also sometimes is just the vibe. And maybe just means you have amazing chemistry. Sometimes you can’t control the energy. You just need to go with the flow.

I asked a bunch of my friends what they thought:

I didn’t know some of you were playing footsies that’s insane. Playing footsie and then only doing one classy short kiss…sounds like an interesting date.

If you’re wondering, the answer is NO

I love the pointing out here of WHEN the kiss should happen. I have never kissed in the middle of a date, only on the doorstep - hence my USA white picket fence mention. I’m not sure if I kissed two thirds of the way through, that I could stop. But, maybe if it were in public that would create a limitation. Maybe this is a better strategy. Let it be known that this #contributor does not live in the Americas so, maybe the customs are different elsewhere.

Love this rare take. Don’t cross her boundary!!! Plenty of time for that later is right. Get to KNOW me.

The distinction of good eye contact here is important and interesting. Eyes are the window to the soul, they say.

Did not think this person would respond this way^ respectful icon. No need to rush things but, love the feeling of feeling silly that we waited when we didn’t have to.

The general consensus appeared to be: yes you should kiss on the first date, within reason. If the vibe is right and it makes sense.

Then I polled you all on Instagram and you seemed to think I was stupid for even begging the question. It was an almost resounding yes:

I guess you guys love kissing as much as I do.

The rule seems to be that if you feel the chemistry why not act on it?Chemistry is a huge part of compatibility. I spoke to one friend who shared with me the tribulations of a long term relationship where sexual compatibility was more of a challenge than it had been with previous partners. I know all about that.

Tension also seems to be a vital element for a lot of you. Which got me wondering about why surpassing a physical limit breaks the tension? Is it because it’s the part we enjoy the most? Or because ultimately we are animals and subconsciously we know that’s our only real purpose? Does it differ for men and women? Do men feel like tension building is more important than women do? To preserve the feeling of the chase.

Tension builds intrigue. It’s another word for suspense. It defines the beginning stages and describes the thrill of getting to know someone. Tension can build in a conversation, in good ways and bad. It’s just pent up energy.

For me, and call me a saint (I am one), there is a tension present in the experience of getting to know someone. There’s an excitement that builds when I find out we like the same things, or maybe that we especially DON’T and an intrigue in wanting to understand why. To know you better, deeper, and more intimately. Of course, that could go on for a lifetime because we never truly know someone but, I guess my question is why would a kiss, or any level of physical touch for that matter, be this essential thing that breaks the tension?

It’s true that after you kiss, there is an undeniable shift. I talked about body chemistry in a previous stack—I believe something fundamental in you changes when you’ve been that close. You feel more at ease around the other person. On the topic of me being a default setting girlfriend, once we kiss my body intuitively treats yours like it belongs to me. I’m sure that scares some people or they think I’m crazy and obsessive. It’s almost immediately obvious that I’m an attached person who will be hard to shake off. That’s not true of course, I’m fickle and I might change my mind before you do. But, you probably have the impression that I’ll want a million things from you just by the way I rested my head on your chest or hugged you goodbye.

That’s also loneliness, I suppose. A need for any kind of affection.

Physical intimacy certainly changes the pace and makes it hard to go backward. You can’t undo what your body knows. So you feel close to someone that you, really, aren’t.

We won’t dance around the principle rule of dating. Many are divided on the subject of whether sleeping together on the first date is a nono.

In my view, yes. But, that contradicts some of what I’ve already said. Because just because you surpass a physical barrier doesn’t mean you are done getting to know someone. It just means you’ve lost interest. It might suggest, though, that you were never interested in that person intellectually in the first place.

I’m a sapio-sexual. I have a Gemini moon, I am addicted to information, I’m addicted to people who are interesting and exciting and curious and know about things. I love to learn. I just couldn’t date someone I found boring. That sounds obvious, but many men do.

So my point doesn’t really stand in a world where men date for physical companionship and comfort, while women date for intellectual stimulation and partnership. Unforch.

Something else that came up was, ok you can kiss, but what kind of kiss? Some say just a peck. Others think you should fully make out and some were even more extreme.

Maybe I’m asking myself this question because being in a position of never dating just for the sake of it, I might put more pressure on a date because I’m coming with a different level of intensity and intention. Even if I know it’s just a fling, I still expect a certain level of treatment and I also expect a certain level of connection. The other person should be completely enamoured by me. I’m allowed to be mildly interested (re: power kink) but, they cannot be.

Maybe that’s why I don’t understand the idea that a kiss “ends” the tension.
If anything, it should deepen it. Complicate it. Make you more curious. And if it’s a passionate one (or many) then, even more reason to be bewitched by me.

I also talked about this in my articles on Paloma Elsesser and another on Going Braless but, as a sapio-sexual, I cannot bear the thought that someone would not be interested in me for me. I want to be admired and appreciated for my beauty but, I want you to be more interested in me because I’m interesting. Hence, I guess, my supposition that a physical limit shouldn’t or doesn’t need to be the last one. And maybe it isn’t, for a lot of you. Maybe I’m just projecting…

Vintage has officially taken over. I was scrolling the gram, as you do, and saw a girl who buys absolute junk talking about ‘vintage’ shopping and I just thought to myself: wow, everything is meaningless.

I guess there have always been people who don’t get it and ruin everything. We are just now confronted with them, and their shitty hauls, face to face every day online. I am forced to bear witness to your overconsumption of crap. I watch girls basically buying Shein at the thrift and calling it ‘Y2K Vintage’. We need to tighten up the terminology.

Vintage used to mean something. It used to be a word that implied gatekeeping. It was the most annoying thing when you asked someone about something they were wearing and they said oh! it’s vintage! Like bitch so you think ur better than me?? And yes, they did. It had a sort of je ne sais quoi about it that made you want to throw everything you own out and only buy vintage.

I hate to be the police on this shit because I think it’s annoying when fashion lovers shit on other people’s fashion choices. But, sometimes, it must be done.

This girl, below, has the awareness that I need from a lot of you. This is what 90% of the girls who think they are ‘vintage shopping’ are actually wearing. ANd I just can’t stand it anymore. You look cheap, I’m sorry. Stop.

@caramelkels__i really left the house thinking i’m the baddest😭😭😭

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These types of girls are denigrating the sanctity of the word ‘vintage’. Vintage has a meaning by the way, and it refers to objects that are between 20-99 years old. Anything older than that is antique.

So you are not ‘vintage shopping’ when you go to the thrift store and buy a random sweater from Winners that some auntie dropped off last week. What you’re buying is used clothes. Or retro, meaning current but, designed to appear old. But mostly it’s just secondhand or pre-owned ok. Let’s keep the terms precise please.

Any maybe, it’s people like me…who are tired of this shit, this cheapening of something that used to mean something, who are now turning to things that are very old.

I had written a whole long piece about tassels (which, I debated titling: Cool Girls Are Tweaking For Tassels or Is Cultural Appropriation Cool Now? lol maybe you’d have to read it to get it or know me irl - many advised against that title but, feels honest imo. Whatever.) that I should will revisit and publish but, in it, I explored the idea of ‘artifacts’ rising in cultural importance.

I am seeing a lot of articles circulating on Substack claiming that taste is today’s most valuable currency, solidifying my point in my tassels piece, which was, that everyone wants to give off Art Collector. It feels like there is a pressure cooker of wealth-signifiers that is about to blow the kitchen up. It’s like a race to make sure everyone knows you have the best taste and coolest most rare ~objects~. Because you know, things just simply will not do. Things are not fancy. Objects are special. Duh.

I’ve said it already, but all of this, in my opinion, is in response to the overconsumption and diluted quality of goods over the last 30 years. We are tired of wearing plastic. See my famous quote from my Nho Girl piece:

So if TRR used to be for fashion aficionadas and is now for the fashion victims, where are the cool girls shopping?

Personal Shopping will rise in popularity over the next 15-20 years as sourcing clothes becomes more and more difficult because you guys are acting like everyday is fkn boxing day madness.

Finding unique clothes right now is a lot of work. And I wrote about that too in my world-famous Hinge article:

I felt this immense pressure to be browsing for clothes. So much of the content I consume is girls showing the cool new vintage shit they found. It revs the shopping engine in me. I can almost feel myself like about to literally growl lmfao I don’t know how to describe it. I get this urgent, panicked feeling like, I should be shopping.

There’s stuff to be bought and instead I’m wasting time on Instagram. I could be assembling a perfect totally covetable wardrobe if I just had the discipline but, I’m just lying here. Doing nothing. Silly.

I implore you to read Megan O’Sullivan’s piece, it’s very good.

The panic I used to feel swiping through the people on Hinge was the same one I could feel wash over me when shopping the SSENSE sale. At some point it’s overwhelming. My brain gets foggy. I can’t see anymore. I stop registering. I have to stop. But, I don’t? I pick it up again 10 min later because the task is incomplete. I haven’t gone through all 471 pages of the sale. I haven’t gone through all the men between 29-43 within an 8km radius of me.

You never will.

There’s a reason online shopping feels so intense and stressful today. It’s the competition inside you to be the coolest and find the coolest thing. The resources are nearly infinite and the hunt should feel gruelling, shouldn’t it?. How else are you going to prove to everyone that you have the best taste??? That you scoured the darkest corners of the web to discover ~objects!~ other people don’t have the patience or creativity to find.

And the girls are getting creative btw. Because what is cooler than TRR or eBay? Auctions and Estate Sales. Those are the real gatekept sources. I know it’s obvious but, finding good ones is extremely time-consuming.

I could almost cry looking at the beautiful things Grace Brinkly bought at an Estate Sale that she FLEW to Idaho for. That is commitment. Girl.

@gracebrinklycraziest haul I’ve ever posted. This is also like 1/8 of it so much more to come. Also missed you guys ❤️

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In March, Devon Lee Carlson also shared a haul of amazing vintage pieces she got on Live Auctioneer:

@devdogmoneyLive auctioneers haul……

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What makes these special is that they’re not specifically designer. They’re just so old. And I think that’s kind of the new new. Is like, my shit is an ARTifACT.

My Pinterest over the last few years (and increasingly so) has been littered with particularly amazing vintage t-shirts (which are the worst investment because they almost always smell but, they are just so cool it’s hard to resist) among other really cool, very old things like gloves, shoes, etc.

I have even wondered if the recently re-launched Herbert Levine, was inspired by the resurfacing of their shoes on Pinterest.

Because if you’re not an absolute shoe freak who works in a shoe museum, you may have never heard of Herbert Levine. The company closed in 1975 but, their shoes were worn by Marilyn Monroe, Ava Gardner, Barbra Streisand, Lauren Bacall, Liza Minelli, and Cher. Talk about icons!!!

They’ve just reopened in 2025. I don’t see a lot of mention of this but, it’s a trend I’ve noticed, the reviving of old brands. Santa Maria Novella and Officine Buly are two case studies I think I mentioned in my Clinique article. Luvanis, the private investment company responsible for this, actually specializes in resurrecting these long-dormant luxury brands known as ‘sleeping beauties’. If I was a VC this is what I would invest in.

So this again, supports my claim that extremely old is in.

Then we have stuff like this, the obsession with distressing. Actually wearing your clothes:

HRH Collection made a video spazzing out about girls who wear their Birkins in a precious way and how lame and ‘new money’ that is. She is right, of course, as always.

Because, I’m sorry Dorit, but nobody wants to see anyone wear a Kelly like this, and she should know better.

This specific tweet, brings up maybe the most famous instance of beating your clothes up. The Olsen twins. Who may have single-handedly started this trend. And maybe, actually, the entire Nho Girl aesthetic is based on their style.

Those girls, but Mary-Kate in particular, are clearly Jim Morrison/Mick Jagger-ed downnnn. They loove a little rock and roll.

And the really amazing thing about rock/punk is that, despite how long those subcultures have existed (let’s say ~60 years approx), it’s actually very hard to authentically replicate the vibe. That’s why the girls who go to Burning Man or Coachella or whatever have basically just developed their own style that is publicly recognized as inspired by, but clearly distinct from, their rock influences.

It is not just about the things you can purchase. Rock is truly an attitude. You can’t buy it. And maybe that’s actually what everyone is trying to achieve. ~*Aura*~.

Emily Chan wrote an article for Vogue UK on Why Don’t We Wear Our Clothes To Death Anymore? in which she covers the popularity of the re-sell market and her suspicion that people are keeping their clothes in better shape to maintain resale value.

But, she also says that TRR shared that demand for items in ‘fair condition’ doubled in 2023. That could indicate that people are increasingly ok with clothes being in rough shape for the ‘aesthetic’ or, that more and more people want to buy into luxury fashion and are willing to fork over for the name brand, undeterred by a less-than-perfect condition.

I, myself, famously wanted a pair of tall boots a few years ago and found a fabulous pair of Margielas for less than 200$, if I recall correctly. The only pair I could find on the market anywhere near that range were from Mango and they were lined in polyester so… there is also something to be said about that. You can find better made things from name-brand designers that are only slightly worn that you could take to a tailor/cobbler/dry cleaner, all STILL for less than something off the high street that is probably garbage and won’t last you nearly as long as the LESS expensive designer thing. Are you following?

We also cannot forget the dearly departed Jane Birkin, who, famously, was the first ever to beat the shit out of her namesake Birkin(s).

In Agnès Varda’s film Jane B. par Agnès V. from 1988, Birkin is seen spilling the contents of her bag out onto the floor to show Agnès what’s inside. What’s in her baggggg girl. Chic.

Of course, it’s easy to be careless with things you didn’t pay for. Which is maybe an element of this that isn’t always addressed. That’s why, as HRH Collection put it, it’s so “new money” to be precious with your things. Because you’re acting like you can’t afford to replace them. You’re acting like 10-50+K for a bag is a lot of money to you. And it shouldn’t be! Obviously.

It is also worth mentioning that the rich cosplaying as poor has gone on for a very long time. Why, is hard to say. But they were even doing it in the 1800s.

But, I guess that’s also where we are now. There is this race to amass wealth. And to make it look like you’ve always had it and that you didn’t have to work for it. Effortless.

The last thing I will say, is that a large part of the Nho Girl aesthetic is predicated on the clothes being TORN to ShREDZZzz.

See here:

It’s kind of amazing. To see just how important it is for the clothes to be destroyed. I have that same Hermes Fourre Tout but, mine doesn’t have the same feel when I wear it. It doesn’t slouch the same way. I don’t even know HOW or WHERE someone takes that bag to get it that ripped up.

That bag though, wouldn’t really feel so cool were it not perched on that very sleek and chic tubular chrome chair. The whole image takes us into the world of someone like a Carolyn Bessette at Calvin Klein. A chic working woman.

There is a contrast baked into all of this that is a crucial element. The ripped up hoodie with the Balenciaga bag dangling off her arm captures it exactly. I really do think it suggests: these are the only things I have. The only things I own are fabulous. I can’t help it that I’m cool. It was just what was there. It’s kind of like saying that designer things are just as every day as a dirty hoodie. And maybe it says something about intention. And a strength of self. I bought this hoodie 20 years ago, it’s ripped up but it’s still my favourite because it’s mine.

I used to love when people would talk about every little scuff on something showing all the signs of love. How much something was used is a testament to it being a favourite. I feel the same way about wrinkles on a face. I have no fear of smile lines or crows feet. There is something special in all the unique ways something ages.

So maybe that’s a part of it too, in this world where everything is becoming more and more perfect and frozen in time, letting things age feels defiant.

I met a guy, maybe nearly a year ago, who said something to me that completely changed the way I view my dating life.

We were actually talking about another guy who, come to think of it, also gave me some useful advice about my Hinge profile 5 years ago. That guy told me I had too many photos up which comes across as insecure. Shocking news to me. I’m not insecure?? I just think I look gorgeous and want to share? Famously don’t get hot girls who don’t immortalize their beauty with a published picture…

He said if you’re hot then you only need to put max 3 pics and guys will match. It felt like he was saying a certain echelon don’t need to play the game earnestly. And, though I was never on those apps entirely in earnest, I realized a part of me did feel a need to prove something to all these freaks I didn’t even know. A way of saying, you can trust me. I’m a real normal person, that you might like. But, I really didn’t have to do all that. I’d come across more confident if I had fewer photos, a way of saying: I don’t feel the need to be on here so my profile was made in a flash.

So that changed my life.

And now I don’t use dating apps at all, as you all know.

I always found that guy attractive even if unconventional. I certainly have a type, which I won’t divulge, but he fits the type.

So the life-changing conversation about him came up at 3AM with a bunch of friends in my living room on the floor continuing a liquored soirée. I was having a private conversation with the first guy, let’s call him Joe, about the complications of my dating life.

We were debating the physical merits of the other guy because naturally, I said he was hot and Joe questioned me. Don’t remember how the other guy came up tbh, but they’re friends so maybe Joe mentioned him and I steered the conversation in my direction, as I’m known to do.

Joe had what seemed to be a very interesting point to make about my relationship patterns and draw towards that guy, when we were interrupted by the collective gasp when I said that guy was hot.

A gorgeous friend of mine present, a casting director, said: “I work with beautiful people all day; it’s literally my job, and I can tell you that he is not attractive.”

So everyone was in agreement that I was insane to think that he was good-looking. A girl can’t have an opinion I guess! And suddenly, our private conversation became a group discussion.

Joe’s theory about me, was that I was more attracted to the subject’s ambition, power, and success than I was to him physically. The room agreed, all save my gorgeous friend who did her best to defend me, ty mama - appreciate you.

But he was probably right. I’d never framed it that way, and I don’t think it was an insult? And, I actually don’t think he ever got to fully finish his thought, even though we spoke until 8 in the morning but, I guess he was right and I guess that makes me a clout chaser.

I want to be someone with influence and I want to be with someone with more influence than me. Not insane imo!

And then I went on a little trip again with my parents a few weeks ago. My dad could not stop talking about these shoes he’d been eyeing but didn’t buy for my sister’s wedding. Crockett & Jones. Never heard of this brand. I said it around a few people who made the same face my dad did, shock and dismay, when I said I was unfamiliar. Apparently it’s top of the line men’s footwear.

When it comes to a splashy purchase I’ve lost the ability to gauge a normal price. I know the average cost of a regular pair of jeans or a t-shirt, but if you’re investing in a nice pair of derbys, 800 bucks seems like a fair price to me. The alternative in my world is Tom Ford at 2500 or Dries Van Noten at 1700. That makes 800 mid range, sick as that may be. I, myself, at age 21 blew my entire tax return and some on a pair of Dries derbys for 750 lol. You can’t put a price on a thing of beauty, I say!

So we walked by the Crockett & Jones store and my dad was like, Oh my god!! He seemed so excited, so I suggested we go in. I’m thinking, it’d be nice for him to just try the shoes on. In my mind, it’s totally feasible that he might buy them. Not here, in London, obviously because the exchange is outrageous, and maybe not even now but, eventually, it is possible.

Now my dad is wearing like his retiree tourist gear so he’s not looking his usual spiffy self. But, no matter. We go in and immediately, I feel like he has retracted. He seems to feel awkward in there. Like he is meeting a celebrity or something. And he famously, always said they’re just people who p** and p** just like us. Gross way to put it, but true.

My mom and I suggest he try the shoes on, question of figuring out his size on the off chance he does decide to purchase someday. He agrees, but is babbling the entire time. Literally won’t stop talking. Feels like awkward fill the silence talk when there hasn’t even been any silence, he just seems to feel uncomfortable and is fumbling. I am surprised he’s acting like this because I have seen him be charmingly demanding in high-end stores plenty of times. In fact, much of my behaviour in these kinds of stores was modelled after him. A kind of elegant nonchalance. A belief that your store would not be here were it not for clients like myself.

He tries the shoes on, but they look a little silly because he hasn’t got the right trousers on and they’re the wrong silhouette. He needs a pair rounder in the toe box that don’t elongate his foot so much. He barely has the shoes on long enough to do even a quick jaunt around the shop before he’s in a hurry to fling them off. I feel he is rushing so I tell him he should try the other pair because I feel this one is too long for his foot, the shape isn’t right. I say all this out loud.

He says no no, no need. Puts his backpack back on. Keeps talking to the guy but, sort of inching towards the door. Ends up saying something about how, you know, he wouldd have bought the shoes but he juust bought another pair so he doesn’t really neeed them and anyway this isn’t the right colour blah blah blah. I don’t even know what he’s saying, I’m just thinking: omg stop.

We leave the store.

Immediately I’m like, Dad, you need to act a little cooler, a little more mysterious! They don’t need to know everything. They don’t need to know you’re not going to buy anything. There was nobody even in there! You can waste their time a little. Have a little fun! My mom agrees.

I explain that shopping is like flirting. You should make them guess a little. Use the silence to your advantage. Withhold. It’s way more fun like this.

You’re allowed to level with staff in a store and tell them, the exchange rate sucks for you, so you’re not going to buy them here in GBP but, you’d been eyeing them at a shop where you’re from but, wanted to try on X style or colour before you special ordered. Just like flirting, you catch them off-guard when you talk about something like price or quality in a very fluid nonchalant way. They don’t know what to say.

Most customers don’t mention that type of thing to sales associates. I once went into a Balenciaga store with an ex-friend and while she was considering a bag, I said: That leather looks cheap. Which is a shame because I love the silhouette but, since Demna has been at Balenciaga it seems like the quality just gets worse and worse and the price goes up.

What is the sales lady supposed to say to that? I’m right. It’s the truth. And it doesn’t really matter because it’s not the reason people buy those bags anyway. They buy those bags for the style and silhouette. For the status.

When you do that, you almost break the 4th wall or whatever. You force the sales person to go around their usual spiel. It’s disarming. And I love it. It’s shifting the power dynamic. It’s saying, you won’t get me because I’ll get you. And I’m addicted to it.

On this same trip, I had a spazz the first day I arrived because my parents booked an AirBnB for the whole family. Very nice, appreciate that, thank you, love you. I am the first daughter to land. Does my mom put our emails in the AirBnB reservation? No. She doesn’t. I still have work to do and brought my computer to do so. My parents go to bed and I, 1) cannot find the key to pop out for a bedtime cigarette and 2) cannot find the wifi password to do some bedtime work. I have no choice but to go to sleep.

So at this point, I’m enraged. Because this is not just about the wifi password or the key. This is about my mom wanting to be in complete control of everything and using this as leverage against everyone.

Is that actually what she’s doing? No.

If I had knocked on their door and asked her for the password would she have given it to me? Yes.

But that would mean that I would be effectively BEGGING for the wifi password. Which I don’t want to do. I will figure it out MYSELF. Because my mother does not respect my autonomy. I guess she is a mother... So that is normal. But she should know she has an abnormal daughter, with a power kink.

So I am forced to assert my independence by doing things the hard way. Which meant hacking into her iPad to try and share the wifi password without, which didn’t even work even after I added myself as a contact bc Google said that would fix it and eventually I just had to wait for my sister to get there and ask HER for the password because she does not have a power complex and doesn’t mind asking outright.

And in that moment, I realized that all my childhood issues are rooted in my feeling that everybody wields their power over me.

Now that I’m an adult, and rarely triggered by such events as I just described, I understand the importance and POWER in confidence. Confidence is just possession of power personified gracefully. It tells people, I don’t need to impress you. To some, it might even say: You need to impress me.

You do need to impress some people but, maybe not in the way you might be naturally inclined. And my dad’s shopping experience is a great example. There’s no need to impress those guys in that shop, who cares, but! being kind, yet confident in those scenarios gets you very far. That’s the kind of demeanour that makes people think you’re important. I learned that from my ex best friends who KNOW their way around a luxury store. I envied them for it. See, my power kink. They had aura and silent power.

Begging gets you nowhere. There’s a reason nobody wants to be friends with fans. You cannot be a fan. Learn to appreciate or acknowledge without fawning. Nobody is better than you. Some people have though, done different things than you, that you could want to learn from or that you can find interesting and important. But that doesn’t class you or your accomplishments below them. Do you see the difference? No begging.

And no excuses, either! Because that’s the other big mistake my dad made and plenty of other people do all the time. You don’t need to explain yourself to anyone, ever. Unless you do and you will know when you do.

I think it was my iconic therapist who told me, if you are declining an invitation you don’t need to give a reason. You can simply say no. “I can’t make it.” That’s a full sentence. Why, you cannot attend, is nobody’s business. And if somebody is gauche enough to ask then, you may, with composure, allow their indiscretion to stand exposed.

Saying no is one of life’s greatest thrills. And the most invigorating way to say no is with suaveness. Almost like you have rocks in your brain but, not quite. It should not feel resentful or bitter or like you’re trying to get a quiet dig in. This mostly applies to strangers.

Someone asked me on a date once and I famously responded: That’s very sweet but, I don’t think so. That’s a great and gentle yet, firm way of saying no.

You can even say no in a way that feels energetically like “no, thank you” but, without saying thank you. Somebody shouted at my mom, dad, and I across the park in London. They were selling something, I don’t know. They said, Oi miss? Jyouhave a minute? or something like that And I just said No! and kept walking.

Picture her, and how she might politely say no but, without explanation. That’s how you should act. It’s nose in the air.

But it’s not nose in the air like her. It’s not snooty. It’s just confident.

I’m tired of people always feeling bad about hurting other people’s feelings. Other people’s feelings are not your problem. It’s important to conduct yourself well and with good manners but, good manners does not mean putting the needs of others above yours. It does not mean betraying your right to privacy. Think about that. You don’t owe everybody an explanation. If you can’t, go you can’t go. People who press you are weird. And being mysterious and slightly aloof is cool.

A friend of mine has a business with employees. We were discussing the vibe of the staff, as you do. There is a word in French, that I love: prestance.

It doesn’t translate exactly into English. Poise doesn’t convey the power and assertiveness that someone with prestance has. And presence doesn’t impart the elegance or the confidence, it’s more a description of someone who is angelic and softly imposing. But prestance is what you want. You want to be self-assured, in a way that is felt and refined. It’s no easy task.

Something I realized this year is that my ability to behave like this is a marker of crossing 30. A lot of girls younger than me are obsessed with pointing out my age. I guess, like Madonna, I am finally falling victim to ageism. I keep hearing of people saying behind my back: “She’s 30” (derogatory), which, says more about them (All ~27 yo—Saturn’s return, girls. Look it up), than it does about me. But, they don’t know that because they’re not 30 yet.

And that’s okay. Because before I turned 30 I also thought 30 was ancient and that everybody who talked about how you’re “supposed to have it all figured out by 30 but, that’s just not realistic and it’s totally ok if you don’t—you don’t need to live by their rules”, were annoying and coping with their inadequacy and disappointment in themselves.

I’m of two minds about this.

Thirty is not old, and to say so is insulting to everyone older than me. And! using old as an jab is weak and immature. Do better, girls.

But, I do agree that by 30, you should have some things figured out. And if you don’t, and you’re still behaving like you’re 22, then there is some introspection to be done.

So what I’m most proud of achieving as a girl in her 30s is a sureness of self I’ve never felt before.

They always tell you that you reach a point where you just know yourself and what other people say stops mattering. And it feels cliché and annoying but, it’s true. You see those very chic women in their 60s who are so confident (Sylvie Gratteau, for example) and you think, wow. I want to be like her. TWO Saturn returns under the belt.

My mom and I had a conversation a little while ago about menopause. She told me, once you reach menopause you realize how impatient people are with hormonal women. And you think about how much of your life was spent people-pleasing and prioritizing other people’s feelings. And suddenly, you don’t care anymore.

I had a very nice heartfelt conversation with a girl at a party a few weeks ago who was 10 years older than me. She said something like, “Respectfully, girl, nobody cares. I’m 40. There are way more important things to care about.” I could hear myself sounding like an annoying 22 yo as I was talking but, I couldn’t stop. The urge to have your side in a feud validated by a stranger is powerful. But the embarrassment and shame of boring someone else with your stupid shit is even more powerful. I knew better than to get into that in that environment but, I’d had a little too much to drink, and someone else started the conversation!! No excuse.

But, I felt like I was hearing myself as I was hearing myself. I’ve felt that same way with people younger than me. And I always feel bad being that girl, because it sucks to be that girl. You always try to find the nicest possible way to tell someone, you sound like an idiot and in a few years you will think of this conversation and be so embarrassed.

I have two friends with younger sisters/cousins whatever in their teens, who have been at parties with girls in their thirties and are going on and on about their shitty boyfriends and shitty friends and you just want to shake them and be like girl, this is so dumb and respectfully, nobody cares lol. So I get her for saying that because, I know that feeling well.

In those situations I almost don’t know what to say. I don’t want to be insensitive and I don’t know how to give advice without sounding condescending or talking about myself, at which point they inevitably stop listening because they’re thinking of themselves. I also don’t want to indulge them too much when I can tell they feel superior to all their friends for being at a party with a bunch of older girls. They will go home and use it as a flex. They need to be humbled a little.

It’s important to have older sister figures in life that gently give you a hard time and make you question your behaviour. I am a big believer right now in teaching people behavioural lessons. My friend with the employees and I sometimes feel like the only people who know how to act. Which is kind of generous on both our parts lol but, when we see how the people around us are behaving we are just like woah. who raised you???

Knowing how to make people feel uncomfortable around you for their strange/uncivilized behaviour is an art. Disdain does not do in these settings. Disdain is not elegant. Calm, poise, and kindness is what shows maturity and confidence. That’s how you command power and respect. With grace.

But grace is hard to master. I think that’s what’s really attractive. People with power who understand power. There is a very fine line.

It’s easy to be forcefully powerful. To command respect without earning it. That’s what’s known as a tyrant.

It requires tact to be elegantly powerful. To command some respect to in turn earn a lot of it. To demonstrate trustworthiness. Competence.

So it’s not really just a power kink, I don’t think. But I am a Scorpio after all. So being in control is part of my nature.

Lately, I’m just finding so many people pussy footing through life. And I think everyone needs to assert themselves a little more. Be a little more confident. Own who you are.

I just watched Love Overboard and Delaney, paired with Keif, felt kind of personality-less to me the whole time. Then her friend came to visit and you could just see her whole demeanour shift when she realized her friend was not fucking with Keif’s vibe.

After a private convo they had about him, Delaney went back to Keif and repeated almost word 4 word what her friend had said about their dynamic. She also said in her confessional, my friend sometimes knows me better than I know myself. Girl. NOBODY should know you better than you know yourself. My immediate thought was that she has to be a Libra. She’s also very beautiful so that would have tracked. But, she is an Aries. Which doesn’t track and feels fake but, whatever. The point is, it felt like she couldn’t make her own mind up so she let her more assertive, opinionated friend do it for her. And that type of girl, who spends so much time and effort being beautiful, is very interesting to me right now because I just can’t imagine caring that much about what I look like, only to look like tons of other people. Need to get in those girls heads.

Idk, I’m just saying we’re human beings. None more important than the next. You deserve to be treated with dignity. And you only get it when you command it. That means respecting yourself and conducting yourself like it.

And so if there’s anyone who thinks they can power couple it up with me, I would love to hear from you x

If you prefer to listen, I recite (funnier and adlibbed btw):

My favourite part about working as a stylist at SSENSE might be being on set with a photographer who has great taste in music.

So far, there are only 2 photogs I know of with horrendous taste in music (sorry). Otherwise, everyone has great taste in music, and two of them, have exceptional taste in music. I can say that, as the authority on all music.

The photographer is in charge of curating the vibe. I used to find it, frankly, unfair that the photographer has jurisdiction over the music. Eventually, I realized that it’s a blessing and a curse and there is a lot of pressure to please that goes with it. So, I do feel bad for the ones who play bad music. Please don’t tell them I said that. And if you think it’s you, it’s probably not you.

One day, I was on set with Long Xi (1 of 2 with great taste in music), I was so deeply in the zone and was singing along to the songs all day. Long Xi asked me how I knew one of the songs I was annoyingly humming to and I was actually confused because:

1. I didn’t realize I had been singing out loud (which is a force of habit when I know the lyrics)

and 2. I thought it was Madonna?

So I said, isn’t this Madonna? It was not. And I will be asking Long Xi what the song was because now it’s bothering me but, suffice to say I was bumping the tunes all day.

I was enjoying the music so much and was having difficulty resisting the temptation to Shazam. Were it not for the fact that my hands were tied tucking in shirts and adjusting pant breaks, I most certainly would not have asked what song was playing. I would have Shazammed. Because a deeply damaged part of me hates giving people the satisfaction of knowing I like their music selections. Another part of me realizes how dumb that is and what a beautiful opportunity for connection sharing music can be. So anyway, that was fabulous. Long Xi played this Soundcloud exclusive banger, made by their friend, that I also thoroughly enjoyed:

It just feels like there is a Madonna vibe in the air.

Patrik Sandberg, former host of Not Really Pod (hilarious, no longer running but worth returning to because they were laugh-out-loud hilarious), has been singing Madonna’s praises for, probably, ever.

Patrik has great taste in everything and is the first person I remember talking about Madonna at a time when she felt completely irrelevant and sad. Now, I know Madonna is a legend and has never not been relevant, but, I think if you didn’t grow up with her as your teen idol then you probably don’t know the deep cuts or understand just how great she was. I, certainly, did not.

What makes a great musical genius, if you’d like to know, is to continuously give music a chance. It’s like food. If you don’t like mushrooms, you should keep tasting mushrooms until you like them. They are good and you just aren’t at a place where you can appreciate them. If you allow your mind to explore and remain open to discovering things then you get to experience amazing new things all time. Changing your mind is exhilarating. Not embarrassing or weak. You need to grow up.

Let’s use Headache as an example. “Truism 4 Dummies”, which many of you probably discovered through The Row playlists, is one of the best songs ever. Absolutely addictive. I found it in January 2024, seven months after its release, evidenced by my Vol. 9 story highlights. I played it on a loop for months. When I listened to the full album, I didn’t get it. I was disappointed. I was hoping for something similar and equally mind-blowing and didn’t find it.

That’s because I had blinders on. I was not open to hearing something different but, equally good (though I don’t think any of his songs have ever topped that one). It was not until my boyfriend at the time and I bonded over T4D and he played some of his other favourite tracks off that album, that I was able to see them through a different lens. I couldn’t believe I hadn’t given them a proper chance the first time. But, that happens all the time. And it happened with Madonna.

When Patrik Sandberg extolled the bounties of Erotica and Bedtime Stories, I gave them a go. But, I couldn’t hear what he heard. It was through Paloma Elsesser, divine icon, (whom I explore in my piece, The Second Coming of Paloma Elsesser) that I was finally able to hear what people, like my mother or Patrik Sandberg, had been hearing for decades.

Paloma used “What It Feels Like For A Girl” as a caption to the below post and I swear used the audio on a story not long before, and I was like hang on. what is this banger???

That banger was Madonna’s ‘“What It Feels Like For A Girl”.

Then I discovered “Little Star” on Emma Glenn Baker’s podcast, Stargirl. I don’t know which episode it was, listen to them all. Emma is an expert on Addison Rae, who famously loves Madonna and references her often. I never really understood why. Listen to Ray of Light (1998) and you will get it. The whole album has a very aquatic atmospheric sound that feels so much like Addison (2025), down to the way Madonna sings. Many of you already knew this, but I didn’t.

So I was already warming up to Madonna at this point, but had not given her a full proper listen.

I have always loved a sleepy slow song. I used to think there was something wrong with me for it. But, it was clearly early evidence of my impeccable taste.

Spice Girl’s “2 Become 1” was one of those songs. And about a year ago, when I started listening to a lot of Trip Hop, I felt like I couldn’t stop hearing 2 Become 1 in everything. This is by no means an original thought but, I think it’s interesting to look back and notice the influence trajectory of different sounds. I famously had a fight with an ex bf about how pop music does not have it’s own sound, it’s the sound of all the ‘popular’ music of it’s time. It’s kind of in the name. So, it makes complete sense that the Spice Girls could sound a little bit like Tricky or Portishead.

So I tried to make a playlist that captured those distant similarities. That kind of evolved into something else but, voici the playlist:

I lack a lot of musical terminology/skill, (why I consider myself to be the next Rick Rubin) so it has been hard for me to name what I hear but, I love this playlist.

I was at work the other week and iconic photog, Vuk, who is the other 1 of 2 photogs with sensational taste in music, was playing a bunch of stuff that felt very 2 Become 1 to me. It’s dreamy music. Selena’s “Dreaming of You” is a great example. It has a sparkly and Disney-like quality to it. Synesthetically-speaking it’s midnight blue with twinkling stars. And I probably have that association because of this particular scene in Selena (1997), where JLo is performing Dreaming of You.

I had such a fun day because everything Vuk played felt thrilling and new to me.

Vuk played Charli XCX’s Crash (Deluxe), I loved that album when it came out but, I don’t normally listen to Deluxe albums, because I just feel like they’re just a boring marketing move. Like just release it the first time with all the songs? Or put the late ones out as singles. I get that they do it for exposure or whatever but, just feels useless to me.

But, listening to Crash AGAIN through Vuk’s ears felt like a total rediscovery. There were songs that suddenly sounded different to me and better. And that’s the amazing thing about time. Because the culture keeps moving forward and re-contextualizes things from the past. So some of those songs sound better to me now in the context of 2026. Track 10 off Pop 2 is another example of a song I never would have given a chance upon release but, a few years ago when that sound was all the rage, I had new ears for it.

Vuk also played Zara Larsson who I still need to go fully explore but, grateful for the taste. I had seen lots of talk about her on Twitter and been meaning to listen but, wasn’t really sure what to expect.
**** IT WAS SLAYYYTER NOT ZARA LARSSON SORRY!!!

Then, Vuk played Madonna’s Ray of Light. When the song Ray of Light had a minor comeback like a year ago? I did try to go back and listen to the full album thinking, there must be songs on here that are good. But, I didn’t like it. Maybe because, like Truism 4 Dummies, Ray of Light is different from the other songs. It’s much more uptempo so, if that’s your introduction then everything else feels dull in comparison. But that album is kind of amazing and hilarious and when Shanti / Ashtangi came on, I almost died. Hilarious.

The best song of that day though, was “Spiritual Virginity” by Amber who many of us may know from her famous Euro-dance track, “If You Could Read My Mind”. What Vuk found though, is gold. And that is the type of treat you get when you give a full album a chance. It’s an amazing song that fits perfectly in the playlist.

So, if you have any other suggestions of what to include, please drop a comment.

So Madonna is clearly in.

Maybe that’s because she has remained a gay icon and gays are pivotal in establishing culture.

In doing some research I found that I’m not alone in the late-Madonna-discovery experience.

@senorsalsa#madonna

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@ihateskittlesonly knew the popular ones, now i’m combing through the discography #madonna #girlhood #adulthood

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@_ariesboy0419#humannature #madonna #bedtimestories #erotica #rayoflight

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“Thief of Hearts”, “Inside of Me”, and “Human Nature” are all popular song choices for these toks.

“Fever”, too, was/is? having a moment with it’s dreamy marimba chorus soundtracking girls talking exclusively to other girls about girly things like blowouts, hair pins, makeup, and glamour. It feels almost like the embodiment of being a girl. The score to a dressing room montage with a glass of sparkling wine in hand and fabulous clothes strewn all over the pink tufted ottoman. The kind of song that could really make you feel like Carrie Bradshaw, Rebecca Bloomwood, or Jenna Rink.

This girl made an interesting video about how Japan is to Gen Z what India was to Millennials. Japan offers peace and a futuristic utopia to a generation fearing chaos and the end of the world, while India offered a vessel for introspection to a generation feeling lost, burnt out, and questioning life’s purpose.

@microchipsforbreakfastJapan to Gen Z is India to Millenials #india #japan #genz #aesthetics #millenials

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I have also noticed a growing trend of anti-polyester activewear, inspired by the Gisele Bundchen yoga era.

@shelbylala_friday morning yoga therapy, my favourite 🌺 #fyppppppppppppppppppppppp #nontoxic #yogateacher #yogafit #peaceful

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And this all moves in tandem with Madonna’s exploration of Kabbalah. Her wacky gym fits from that same time have also been circulating online as inspiration, at first seemingly energetically but, slowly turning into real adaptations of her looks.

Madonna was not considered cool in the 2000s. She was getting into wackadoodle territory, not unlike Tom Cruise and his scientology shit. Any celeb that was getting too woowoo was disregarded because they were perceived to have exited the real world, ‘out of touch with reality’ is what they used to say. They lived in a celebrity lala land where they had no real worries or consequences. They could afford to explore spirituality and decide that material objects are meaningless. Angelina Jolie, for example, also toed that line. Examples of two women who famously adopted African babies.

So it means something that we’re referencing that period of Madonna’s wardrobe. Many would argue that it was one of her lowest points. She had lost so much respect. It was the beginning of her battle against ageism. Her style suffered and so did her public perception. She was ridiculed in the media.

I did some research. To prove my point to the Gen Zs who talk about stuff they don’t know and lately have been pissing me off.

Reporting on her decision to adopt a child from Malawi, who had a father that could not give him the life Madonna could, Time magazine wrote in 2006:

No, the adoption was not illegal, [her team] insist[s], she had not pulled strings, “bought” a baby; no, he was not just her latest accessory, this was not Western imperialism run amok, she would honor his heritage.

Are we really so sure we know where compassion ends and colonialism begins?

And, look, that adoption phase was weird.

Huffpost wrote a piece in 2019 “On Hating Madonna” that does a great job of contextualizing the period.

Madonna is old and washed up. An icon turned has-been. She’s desperate. Thirsty. Gross, even. Certainly irrelevant. Sure, few have contributed more to popular culture, but enough is enough. She doesn’t get it anymore. “Madonna is so easy to revile that you start to wish she’d make it a little harder,” Time magazine wrote in 2006.

She was ridiculed during her marriage to Guy Ritchie from 2000-2008 for adopting a British affect and her obsession with British culture. I admittedly, did not know she was American until more recently.

In the year 2000, she starred in a movie titled The Next Best Thing which was a major box office disappointment and still only has 19% on Rotten Tomatoes.

In 2003, at age 45, she released American Life which was a commercial failure and mocked for being ‘out of touch’. None of her albums have any misses to be honest, this album still gave us “Hollywood” and “Die Another Day”. The message around the album was a very Green Day, anti-Iraq war, critique of materialism and fame (remember, we used to hate Pamela Anderson and everything she represented). This is why I say, we cannot rewrite history. We cannot pretend like these people were not absolutely trashed in the press at the height of their fame.

2003 was also the year she planted one on Britney Spears at the VMAs.

Madonna really started to seem old. She received lots of criticism about her appearance as the public watched her age.

In 2004, Elton John accused her of lip-syncing and said she should be metaphorically ‘shot’ for charging high prices for tickets when she’s not singing live.

She had a tough go. That didn’t really end until maybe right now. Because even in the last few years she has been shredded by the media for the cosmetic work she’s had done.

Feels like she’s risen to new level of legendary where she is completely untouchable. Which also makes her jarring facial reconstruction feel interesting, absurd, and represents a sort of IDGAF energy that it feels we are drawn to at the moment. Think of Lisa Rinna or even Lindsay Lohan. Big characters who look a bit insane but, we love them in spite of it and then eventually, we love them for it. There is something about the future that feels like this type of face won’t be totally perceived as botched but, intentional and asserting a kind of prowess.

So that’s that. The straights are finally ready to accept what the gays have been preaching all along. Madonna is IN.

I had the hottest summer of my life last year. Not to brag but, I truly had never looked better. It lasted all the way through November. All of a sudden, I woke up and I was like, Dear God. Is that what I look like? How did I get so ugly in such a flash. I didn’t even see it happen.

Don’t get upset. One person’s chopped is another person’s looksmaxxing. It’s relative. You cannot get upset over that stuff.

I recently had a conversation with a beautiful model friend of mine. She told me she felt she couldn’t talk about feeling shitty about herself around her friends. I told her she had bad insensitive friends. Just because you’re prettier than them doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be allowed to tell them you feel fat or ugly and not receive sympathy. It’s not your fault you were drawn in God’s image.

As women, we need to check our jealousy. I can still have that conversation with someone who is taller, thinner, and more beautiful than me. I can still relate to the feeling of feeling a little plumpy or down on yourself. It’s universal. If you can’t support your friends when they’re feeling bad about gaining 3 lbs because you still perceive them as thin well, then you’re just a bad friend. Sorry! Theory of RElaTIvITY. You should also be able to objectively notice that they are, in fact, plumpier than they were and understand how hard that can be. You probably do know what that feels like, you just feel like she’s not entitled to feel that way because you consider her more beautiful than you. Consider the fact that, there is someone more beautiful than her that she’s comparing herself to.

Not allowing your prettier friend to feel ugly because you are uglier is simply bad etiquette. We’re not talking about you right now. We’re talking about her. Stop projecting your feelings about yourself onto her. Her existence and feelings are not less important than yours just because she wafts through the world with a bit more ease than you. You not letting her feeling shitty about herself because she’s comparing herself to people more beautiful than her, is the same thing as you comparing yourself to her and feeling pissed off that she's complaining when you’d be grateful to have half of what she has.

What ever happened to just letting a girl complain? Why are you taking it personally. She’s not thinking about you. She doesn’t care about you at all. She’s thinking about herself. Focus for a second. On someone other than yourself! We can talk about you later. If you can’t be a supportive friend to someone you think is more beautiful than you then maybe you should find other, less attractive friends.

I’m putting this bluntly because some of you need to hear it like this. Some of you don’t even know you’re being a bad friend. I once had a very thin friend. When I met her, I was sure she had an eating disorder but, nope. Just blessed. Some people are. At first, I thought, wow this girl has nothing to complain about. Her life must be perfect and so easy. After 5 years of friendship I realized, if your body’s not the problem then it’s your face or your skin or your hair or whatever other thing you can nitpick at to ensure you never reach self-fulfillment. I could tell she refrained from complaining about her body, or did so sheepishly if ever she allowed herself to, which I imagined was because she had been made to feel like she didn’t have the right to feel that way. Body image issues are democratic!

True self-acceptance and confidence comes from knowing that you are unlike anyone else. Let your friends complain. You are not her. You are she. One time the crazy ex gf of an ex bf came up to me at the bar and after yacking my ear off for like 30 min, she concluded her drunken speech by saying: I am she. And that was honestly, iconic. Because I had no idea really what it meant. I walked away stunned. But, I loved that sentiment. I think of it all the time. I am she. She is me, I think she said after.

So anyway, I’m allowed to say that I feel like shit about myself right now. I am relishing the balmier temperatures that are allowing me to get my steps in and be outside and feel alive. And I am not panicking (that much) out of fear that the summer will arrive and I will feel totally unprepared. I’m trying to prepare myself. I’m trying to eat my fruit, go to the gym. Take care of myself. Not fully succumb to winter depression. I even considered going to a tanning bed.

It’s normal to feel puffier and paler and generally speaking uglier right now. I don’t think it has as much to do with the beauty standards being shoved down our throats as we may think. I actually am fascinated with what’s going on with weight culture right now. I don’t know what it’s done to me and my psyche yet, I need more time to think about it but, I’m sure I will be back with a take. Mostly though, I think some of you need to stop feeling like everything is about you.

I did though, just read the best piece on looksmaxxing and body optimization that gave me a lot to think about. I highly recommend you read it:

Your Brain on Money

We’re all maxxing now

I wake naturally at 5:47 a.m. to my Hatch Restore 2 ($169.99). Before my feet touch the floor, I drink 16 ounces of room-temperature Acqua Panna, infused overnight with Sakara Beauty Water Drops ($40). I check my Oura Ring ($499 plus $5.99/month). My REM sleep was only 18% — probably because I didn’t take my Seed Daily Synbiotic ($49.99/month) at the ri…

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7 months ago · 990 likes · 56 comments · Hanna Horvath

I am a huge proponent of flirting. Flirting is one of the most important pillars of society. A world without flirting is one not worth living in, according to me. What is required to flirt?

1. Predisposition towards optimism

   That is to say, a belief that everyone is flirting with you. An assumption that every conversation has the potential to lead to a sexual or romantic encounter (even if it never ever does). A belief in one’s own charm and powers of persuasion.

2. An open-mind
   Which is to say, that love or romance is paramount. There is no opinion or belief that the prospect of a flirtation cannot surmount. You cannot be easily perturbed (or at least, genuinely so). There can be no barrier (or at least a very low one) to connecting with others. If every person is a subject to be flirted with then, every person must have some redeeming quality that would make them interesting to uncover, regardless of a romantic possibility. Which leads me to…

3. Genuine desire

   Curiosity to know other people. Because if it turns out that the individual is not a romantic option for you (a real, fair, and common possibility), a real flirt carries on any conversation in a playful manner and keeps the vibe light and fun. The other person might even gather that nothing’s going anywhere romantic but, that doesn’t mean we can’t still together engage in a mutual appreciation of the other’s great qualities. A genuine desire to know other people. And to make them feel good about themselves and in turn, yourself. It’s kind of like a contract.

I punched my ideas into ChatGPT and chat reworded my theory:

Apps teach scarcity: better match, hotter match, next swipe.

Flirting assumes abundance: people are interesting, connection is everywhere, attraction is not rare. A flirt doesn’t hoard attention. They circulate it.

And that’s exactly it. I love that sentiment.

I have another theory. I think men get broken up with more often than women do 💔 I don’t know that for a fact but, I think it, because, I think, even when a man wants to break up with you, he’d prefer you draw that conclusion yourself. He does that to avoid hurting you, I think. It’s sacrificial, and for that we can bestow some chivalry. Thank you, fellas. Even when it makes us look pathetic. And that, ladies, is on us to recognize. Write that down.

The 2/25 times I was broken up with were the most devastating experiences of my life. I thought I’d never recover. I did, of course. And deep down, I always knew I would; but, I will say you don’t know heartbreak until you. know. heart. break, honey! Unless you’re the rare kind of Lucy from Tell Me Lies type of girl, who viciously chases awful men who treat you like shit on purpose, you can probably relate.

A breakup like that changes you. When you’re the one who is dumped, it’s hard to stop wondering what you could have done to make that person stay. You unravel thinking of all that’s wrong with you to make you unlovable. Replaying every moment trying to figure out where they fell out of love with you. Or maybe even worse, wondering how you missed all the indications that they never loved you at all.

In my anecdotal non-fact-based experience, men seem to fixate on their past partners more than women do (that’s not a dig, BTW). I think that’s because, as I said, they’re often not the one choosing to end the relationship, even if they’ve thought about it and/or secretly wanted it forever. So they experience the above unravelling more than woman do.

If we’re operating on the basis that women mature faster than men and that they embrace committed partnerships more readily (I don’t know if I believe this to be true, but it is often said), then we can infer that a lack of maturity may lead to a lot of breakups and give men a lot of personal injury to reflect on. I’m absolutely not saying this doesn’t happen to women, I think just to a lesser degree because they’re afforded a little more agency in a breakup by virtue of the fact that they put the final nail in the coffin.

But, I mean seriously, just imagine being extremely or even at least somewhat heartbroken by almost every person you’ve ever dated? Must suck. So to all the men reading this, I understand you. I will probably get comments saying I don’t, but I do. So I’m still holding your hand as you type something rude and offensive to me. It’s okay 🫂 And to all the women thinking what is she on about?? I beg you to look inward and ask yourself if you could really and truly imagine what that feels like. You may have never even considered the fact that you’ve probably been the one to end most of your romantic entanglements. You may not even consider all the heartbreak you’ve inflicted.

I’m saying all this just to propose a theory on why men have a harder time flirting? It’s basically long story short to say that rejection really hurts and if you think about all the times you’ve been rejected then you know it’s very painful. We expect guys to get over it because it’s literally their job and yes, they should. Fellas, get over it. But, maybe I’m actually talking to the fellas, maybe you all should reframe your breakups so you’re not carrying so much baggage everywhere with you. I don’t know. Maybe I lost the plot. The next part I kind of get somewhere, I think. Keep reading.

So I noticed there were a lot of disgruntled men responding to my Hinge piece. ChatGPT also advised me not to respond to these people but I do not care.

Here is what they wrote:

These types of people do not know about going with the flow. They’re pissed off because they feel like they can’t keep up with what women want. One second it’s ‘woke culture tap into your feminine side’, the next it’s ‘be a rugged man get your testosterone up’. Which is fair, btw. It is confusing. But, I think all of that is made worse when you’ve had several heartbreaking experiences. Really devastating. So I’m sorry for all of you.

But, some of you need to come to terms with being alone. There is nothing more embarrassing than pining. Or being so depressingly alone that it becomes your top note personality trait and you punish us all with those conversations.

I like what this guy commented on a my Is Being On Hinge Embarrassing Now article, apart from when he said he almost clicked away because I referred to the ugly (btw, I don’t believe anyone is born ugly, most of you are ugly by sheer lack of effort so no, I don’t feel bad calling anyone ugly because 100% of the time it’s your fault. I know this because I’m the least attractive among my sisters but, I make an effort.). But, my other haters could take notes from this man.

Unless I accept the possibility of being alone, I would be precluded from fully accepting myself.

Very important stuff.

My dating life is a source of entertainment for my friends. I know that and I love that. It’s fun for me and I think it’s fun for them. Sometimes I can be found talking in circles, which is when I know I need to smarten the frick up and make a decision. But, when I’m able to talk about my dating endeavours with some distance and realism, I am at my best and most entertaining.

You cannot appear stressed that you do not have a partner.

That is not how you’re going to find love.

That’s what makes some of the cast of Love Island All Stars so pathetic. Helena, I simply pitied. Belle, also. In my opinion they both had forced connections, with guys who were not interested and just paired up because they had to. Belle kicking off in the episode where she was voted most incompatible is just delooj. Sorry mama. You know you guys were incompatible, stop.

Curtis is pretty bad, too. Just too available. Too eager. That is someone that needs to learn how to flirt. Needs to learn how to have a little mystery. There’s a way to be yourself while also divulging slowly and creating tension.

I love Tommy and I felt bad for him the whole way through. He is a version of Curtis that is much more respectable. He deserves a gf and I feel he has more self-respect than most of the other perpetually single islanders. His connection with Jessy was, indeed, surface as everyone pointed out. She would never date him on the outside but, she’s too afraid to say that because she doesn’t want to look bad and already almost died of anxiety when her dad told her she was mean to Lucinda. Although Tommy could also learn to be a little sexier, I was surprised and proud when he opted out of trying to pair up with just anyone. At one point he just accepted that there was nobody in there for him. He was okay with it. He said it in this way that just felt respectable. So he deserves to be adored. Because the rest of them are so afraid to get kicked off the show they’ll do anything to stay.

Jack was also pathetic... If you didn’t watch Love Island All Stars, all you need to know is that these contestants reeked of desperation causing them to lack aura which is why they could not find love.

Sher got the ick from Jack and everyone could tell. And yet, Jack, somehow, could not see it. Every single conversation with her was a ‘clarification’ of his feelings or where they stood, constantly trying to figure out if she wanted him or not. He seemed, deep down, to know she didn’t but, continued to push the subject because I guess he thought at some point he’d get a different answer. Now they’re ‘together’ on the outside ‘apparently’ until, of course, people stop caring about them and their thing fizzles out. Just like Carrington and Helena and Bella and what’shisname.

And that is exactly what I mean about not making excuses for people.

When you get an INKLING that the person you’re with is cold or distant or slowly tapping out, you need to leave. That is called having self-respect. I know it’s annoying, I know it sucks, I know it’s hurtful and most of all, I know that it should not be on YOU to make that decision. But guess what? If the other person is acting that way they’re waiting around because they’re too afraid or can’t decide what they want and they are, in fact, disrespecting you. Don’t ask questions, don’t beg for answers, interpret their behaviour and take it upon yourself to leave.

I had a therapist who changed my life and she taught me a lot about ‘setting boundaries’. Once she told me that it was normal to have a little bit of a wall up with new people. That felt insane to me at the time, which you might think is stupid of me but, I am probably a bit of a love bomber and love to be love-bombed. Or used to.

Over time, I realized she was right. If I started seeing someone new and they were too in love with me too quickly, I no longer saw it as flattering. I started to see it for what it was: alarming. You cannot fall in love with someone you don’t know. Take your time getting to know people. Don’t be so desperate for love and companionship that you sidestep the actual fun part of dating.

The best part of dating is the beginning, everyone knows that. Drag it out for as long as possible. The reason it’s so fun is because you get to have meaningful and affectionate company, while retaining most of your independence. You see them maybe once a week. It’s probably the best time of the week. And that person doesn’t know you yet, they don’t know how to read you. You get to be unpredictable, which is thrilling. And your unpredictability is exciting to them. Everything they learn about you feels like a reward.

Once you start actually dating, you lose a piece of that. You’re less independent, not only because you have someone to do things with, but also because you don’t want to be as independent. You’re addicted to knowing the other person. But as you share, you become more and more predictable and less and less flammable and mysterious. Who doesn’t want to be flammable and mysterious? The best part of dating is when the other person doesn’t know what you’re thinking. If I end up with a lover in my life, I hope he feels like he never knows what I’m thinking. Or at least pretends not to out of respect for my autonomy.

I don’t know. I’m talking shit but, I’m getting older and so are my friends and I just feel like everyone who is single is acting really desperate and embarrassing. And what they need to be doing is acting more flirty and confident.

Your prospects are not dwindling because you’re getting older and the pool is getting smaller, they’re dwindling because you’re getting annoying and nobody wants to be around you.

I’m sorry to be harsh.

You need an abundance mindset. You need to get more spiritual. What is meant for you will find you.

I was just on the horn with a friend who recently ended a long and committed relationship. I feel bad for her because here’s what I imagine goes through your mind when ur in that predicament:

you build up the courage to start thinking about breaking up, you talk about it in circles with your friends until you finally need to shut up or do something about it, then you build up the courage to actually end things, then you deal with all the logistics of it - who gets what, who’s leaving when, where am i staying in the meantime, are we still going to that concert next month together, and what about your sisters wedding blah blah blah, AND THEN you are finally alone. You thought it would feel amazing. And there is some relief, you feel like you can breathe easy again for the first time in a long time (I am obviously prOjecting, let me talk plz), and then all of a sudden you’re in your shitty new apartment whose lease you signed in a rush bc you wanted to gtfo, sitting on the floor because you don’t have a couch yet, watching sex and the city from your old portable dvd player from 2006 because you don’t have internet yet thinking oh my god. Now I have to start dating.

And that thought alone could almost make you regret your decision. It could almost send you spiralling into thoughts of, was it really that bad? But we laughed so much together. Is there really no way we couldn’t work on things? Maybe I was so deep in it that I never really gave him a fair shot to fix things. Maybe there is a way we could talk about it, properly this time and express ourselves honestly. You know you are just bargaining with yourself. You feel a little ridiculous. But the idea of dating again is so so scary.

It’s also petrifying because you think of all your single friends and what a shitty time they’re all having. Single friends are always having a shitty time btw, at least some of the time. They’re always looking for something that they can’t find otherwise they wouldn’t be single. So, think about that.

Single people really make looking single seem awful. I am here to tell you it’s really actually quite fun. All you need to do is go outside and flirt with people. Go places. Don’t hoe it up and sleep with anyone. Actually it’s better if you don’t sleep with anyone. You can kiss, if he really deserves it. But you need to be selective. And not in public. You can kiss on your stoop or whatever. He can come up to your apartment for a night cap and you can kiss for like 10 minutes on the couch. But make him make interesting conversation first for like an hour or even three, about music and books or whatever you like talking about. Make him impress you, make him stay up until 5AM talking to you and watch him fall in love with you and then only let him kiss you at the very end. When it’s basically time to go home. Doesn’t that sound fun? You never feel bad about yourself the next day when all you do is kiss and send him home!

They like it too btw.

I’m almost regretting saying this because you’re all going to take my move. Or do you all already do this? I need to know. Tell me.

Anyway, I was telling my friend on the horn, whatever you do - when you feel like you might consider dating again, do not go on Hinge. Or Feeld or Tinder or Facebook Dating or whatever. Just go out. Go out with your friends. Go out alone? Take yourself on a date. I told her that I had just picked up a ticket to a show I wanted to go to. I’m going to go alone. I don’t find that weird I actually find that very fun and am very excited to enjoy that moment with myself. I might meet someone there, that would be cool but, if not then I just had a great night by myself. My dad used to tell me to join a volleyball club and stuff to meet people (unsolicited advice btw I never asked him where I should go but, that does go back to my Hinge article - it’s so 80s).

So you don’t need dating apps. You need to accept that there’s nothing wrong with being alone. Or at least pretend to accept being alone so you don’t look pathetic. Actually, it’s not exactly accepting being alone—it’s believing that you will find what you deserve but, IF you don’t, it’s not because you didn’t deserve it, it’s because other things were meant for you. You can’t view it as anything missing. I guess it’s the kind of corny thing that’s like, you’re a complete person all by yourself. Your life would be rich and fabulous if it was just you. Love yourself xo. Otherwise you look pathetic and we’re all getting embarrassed.

Mwah.

If you’re still wearing neutrals you are living in the past. Neutrals have never ever been more dead. Ever.

The other day I was scrolling through my Saved folders and it dawned on me. Blue. So hot right now.

It’s blue, but it’s also green. It’s teal. Aqua. Turquoise. Seafoam. Mint, even. Borderline jade. Malachite. Sometimes Cyan. The entire spectrum of blue to green basically.

CONTEXT!

It is my belief that I have synesthesia. Self-diagnosed. Colours speak to me. When Bottega green was in, I predicted it. That green is obviously over. Purple is up. Yellow, also extremely hot right now. Chocolate brown, dead. Mushroom in. Mud in. Swamp, even, in.

But it’s not just individual colours. Life is about nuance. Nuance is about context.

Colours trend based on how they’re perceived alongside other colours they are paired with. It’s called colour combining. Colour combining is cultural. I don’t know why. It’s just like that. That’s called context.

Each era has a way of pairing colours that defines it. Doesn’t happen on purpose, just happens. We warm up to colours or palettes or shade we would have previously considered ugly, when they are reframed to us in new colour combinations that feel original.

I will never forget Daniel Lee’s first few collections at Bottega before it all went downhill around 2022. I would love to know what happened there, because it started off so good and took an absolute nosedive. And Daniel Lee doesn’t seem to ever get the respect I think he deserves for those first few collections. They really blew up. It changed Bottega completely. Unless, someone else was responsible for it looking so great and that person quit in 2022. Or maybe Phoebe Philo sent a cease and desist lol.

Nevertheless. I must draw your attention to the below exhibits of his powerful skills in colour combining. And actually, a lot of these colour combinations are still very hot today.

What is special about them is how earthy colours work with artificial colours. That is what makes colours interesting or lends unexpectedness to combinations that feel refreshing.

Luis Barragán was the OG of this. Sometimes he took it too far for my personal tastes but, he selected bold synthetic colours to work with the surrounding landscape’s palette. The building becomes a part of the landscape instead of existing independently of it. What’s naturally there, is a part of the project. It’s all considered. The sky, water, trees, hell even the horse all contribute to the overall palette. All possible contrasts and compliments are thought-through.

Phoebe Philo did also have a way with this. She certainly did it before Daniel Lee but, in my view, he injected brighter, more vibrant colours at a time where colours felt dead overall.

I urge you to take a close look at all the pictures I pulled from his shows to see exactly what I mean. This is my favourite type of colour combining that I am always trying to achieve. I think it takes a very discerning eye to do so.

Originally, turquoise belonged to the 1980s

Turquoise probably also belonged to a lot of other eras but, to me, my mind immediately goes to the 80s. It’s so windbreaker. My dad has a teal windbreaker with a red zipper that is famous in my family.

Of course the 80s were also pastel. Seafoam green with soft pink. Dusty rose. Dusty blue. Lilac. Periwinkle! We forgot about that colour. Peach was also huge.

The 1980s to me were very cool toned. See what I mean? Everything has a sort of cool wash over it.

This of course all turned into the Saved By The Bell sort of technicolour/computer palette that could make me hate turquoise. This type of shit:

And actually, I have a particular aversion to Shoegaze specifically because of it’s association to this type of visual. Same thing for the American Apparel era with the graph print.

Turquoise gets a pass for me because I like the idea of a 1980s Eric Rohmer turquoise. I think the way the French were colour combining in the 80s is very similar to what’s cool right now. Turquoise with red with pops of white. It’s 80s. I’ll keep saying it till I’m Blue in the face.

Like this:

And the 2000s

The teal of the 2000s is reserved for MSN. I cannot find a photo but, my MSN font was Trebuchet MS in TEAL.

And then teal and turquoise became extremely hot colours. And what felt extremely refreshing at this time was to pair turquoise with chocolate brown. This is why we hated brown so much for so long.

I guess looking back, it makes sense why these colours went together but, when you see this (below) you can just feel how dated it is. It’s bad. I hate it. It’s painful to look at. It reminds me of all the Jacob Jr. t-shirts I had.

People on TikTok are already making fun of it. It’s hard to believe my childhood is already so uncool. I am the same age my mom was when bubble skirts made a comeback and Karl Wolf sampled Toto’s Africa and I had to condescendingly explain to my mother that there was no way she knew that song because it literally just came out. And that’s when I learned what a sample was.

So that colour palette is triggering.

And so is this one:

There’s a part of me that actually understands why pink and grey go together but, this is extremely Nexopia to me, extremely 2007. Nexopia was the Albertan MySpace, for those who don’t know. And Nexopia is where I taught myself basic HTML coding so that I could give my page a theme and I almost CerTAINly had a grey/pink theme. And when I was not using Trebuchet MS in Teal on MSN, I was an Arial girl in Grey or Pink. So all this to say, these colours are triggering.

I do find those books of colour combinations interesting but, just based on my above theory I think that what we consider to be appealing colour pairings is really an ever-evolving thing that ebbs and flows with the culture. That’s all I’m trying to say. Because I actually don’t even want to get started on the folk era… Which was very obviously mustard yellow and a wine-burgundy type of purple.

Blue, so hot right now

No, this type of blue/green feels very refreshing to me right now.

Lauren Sherman of Puck’s Fashion People pod mentioned it in a recent episode. She also loves this colour (same girl) especially with shades of red (same girL) and talked about seeing it a lot on the runway.

I did some research (not much but, some) and yes, we did indeed:

Maybe if Vogue didn’t paywall the Runway pics then, I would have done more.

Could it be Addison Rae’s Aquamarine that drew us to blue?

Maybe it’s Pluto entering Aquarius. The new technological era. Chat GPT said that blue sits somewhere in between what’s natural and what’s synthetic. It’s the sky but, it’s also the printer ink.

There’s something about this blue that feels fun. It’s exciting. It’s kind of loud but, in a serene way. It says “Look at me” but, it doesn’t scream it. I think this blue is a way of saying, let’s play. Let’s not take things so seriously.

The neutrals of yore are boring. They always were. It’s easy to dress in beige. It’s not easy to colour combine. Knowing how to play with colours is the coolest thing you can do with your wardrobe rn. It’s unexpected. I think that’s what we’re drawn to right now. It says, who cares. Live a little!!

A lot of people tell me I am a ‘good writer’. I don’t think I’m a good writer. And not in an The Artist’s Way-self-deprecatory way but, because I know that technically-speaking, I’m just not.

I don’t use punctuation properly, I’m verbose, sometimes the sentences are backwards, sometimes I don’t make any sense, I repeat myself a lot, I use the same format all the time, I start sentences with And and But, I have a limited vocabulary, the list is endless.

People tell me I’m a ‘good writer’ because my writing is easy to read. It’s fluid. It’s simple. The feedback I get most often is something along the lines of: I can hear you talking as I read. Which is the whole point, btw.

I’m not sure if that makes me a good writer. And I’m also not sure who I’d consider qualified enough to bestow that distinction anyway. But, I have fun doing it and that’s what matters. And people have fun reading it, and that’s also what matters.

If I’m part of the fast food-ification of writing, well, I’m sorry to those who care.

Having said that, I’m not sure I can endure one more proclamatory article. I don’t even know what these people are talking about anymore. It’s genuinely making me feel stupid. Maybe I am stupid.

Everyone wants to make a point. They want to criticize. They want to say something ~poignant~. I guess I do too. But, it feels like the pressure to remain ‘consistent’ with posting on Substack and a desire to keep an audience engaged is really forcing people to just pull shit out of their ass and write n’importe quoi.

I know this because I have been feeling this. I feel like I have nothing interesting to say. I have no opinions on anything right now. But, I want to share something on here. I want to commit to something that I enjoy doing and keep doing it. I don’t have writer’s block. I just don’t have any ideas.

And it’s ok to not have any ideas. So instead, let’s go shopping.

I’m in a bigggggggg shopping mood. I should not be because I have things to pay for and a pathetic income situation but, I am shopping. I haven’t been taking fit pics or even selfies lately because, honestly, I feel fat and ugly. Which is probably also why I’m in a mood to shop, because of course new clothes won’t exacerbate my horrible self-image at all… It’s just winter weight. I will shed it, it will all be fine.

I wish Leset would endorse me. Their Margo t-shirt is my holy grail closet item. It’s the perfect crop, the perfect sleeve length with the perfect sleeve lift.

I wish I could be a Flore Flore girl, from the bottom of my heart, I really do but, my boobs are just too big. The t-shirt makes me look fat. It’s just not flattering, I’ve really tried. It also makes my arms look fat because the sleeves are tight so, no bueno.

I have 4 Margo tees in white, 1 in grey, I think 2 in black, and I recently added a green colour called grass and a long sleeve in a colour called midnight.

The grass green was a risk. I wasn’t sure I would like it or if it would be a flattering colour on me (It’s not my season). Naturally, I’m obsessed with it and I’m debating getting another because I want to wear it all the time.

Then I caved. I bought a pair of Levi’s Engineered. The thing is that, I’m experimenting with Buyee right now and, it was important for me to test it out. And I’m also hating all my bottoms. So, I thought why not. The cut seems like it would be flattering on me.

So far, I’m pissed off because the seller cancelled my order on the pair of jeans I thought would look the best (pictured above). I had been scientifically analyzing the measurements for days. What a waste.

Thankfully, I had ordered a ‘backup’ pair in case the first pair didn’t look good, and those, have shipped.

I’m also getting annoyed because the process is taking too long. You have to wait for them to ship it to the warehouse, then for the warehouse to like do a QC I guess and THEN it ships to you and you have to wait for that too. If they come and they don’t look good I am going to spazzzzz.

I also purchased 2 Ralph Lauren tees because they were dirt cheap and I can’t get over this outfit I saw:

And then the same seller had a really cute fur coat that seemed practical and also cheap so I added that to the lot. All of this was an experiment purchasing from the same seller. Only for me to realize that, you need to purchase each item individually so you will pay 500 Yen on each item regardless. And then they cancelled the jeans which was the whole reason I even bought from that seller to begin with. So that was fab. Whatever, it was an experiment.

Then in true shopping addict fashion, I purchased two Hermes Fourre Touts… I am not going to say anything more on the subject.

I am also attending my sister’s wedding in March so I needed to purchase my dress for that. I ordered a dress from Reformation to match my little sister. So TBD on if that will look good.

I will need shoes though. Not sure what I will get. What I would LOVe are these Miu Miu heels from Nuovo:

They are exactly my size but also 400$ so, I will not be purchasing them. I found a pair in 39 on Depop but, I’m worried they will be too big.

Un-fashion-related, I purchased Anais Nin’s A Spy In The House Of Love because someone on Twitter said it was a must-read for women in their 20s-30s. That is the exact type of marketing I fall for. I’m a woman in my 20s-30s.

I have also seen and heard so many cool girls talk about her and feel like I am missing out by not having read any of her writing. Kind of like how I still have never read 1984. I get the principle but, I know I’m missing something and should just read it. So I’m excited to embark.

Beautiful, bored and bourgeoise, Sabina leads a double life inspired by her relentless desire for fleeting romance. But when the secrecy of her affairs becomes too much to bear, Sabina makes a late night phone-call to a stranger from a bar, and begins a confession that captivates the unknown man and soon inspires him to seek her out...

Like are you kidding me? So I’m dying for the book to get here. I bought it through Thriftbooks because, I prefer reading old copies (don’t know why, I just do - I feel like less of an asshole even though, it probably makes me more of one) but, it’s taking forever to arrive. I guess that’s good, it’s building anticipation. I worked for this book. By which I mean, I waited for it. So when it gets here, I assume I will be so excited that I will actually read it. Unlike the other pile of books I bought and never cracked for no reason at all.

I also purchased these Our Legacy Karasu heels as a congratulations to myself for being me.

There is a persistent man in my DMs offering me gifts, so if you really want to buy me something, I would love to have the red pair, which I regret not purchasing over the black (they are just more special). I wear an IT 38. Thank you. There are only 2 pairs left!

I have started browsing on TRR again because I was hoping to find something second-hand for my sister’s wedding. It’s possible I will purchase a pair of shoes on there if it comes to it. So far, this is what I’m eyeing:

Kate Spade (RIP) mules. She makes great shoes how cute are these.

I couldn’t possibly tell you why, but I really want a pair of these Bottega sandals. Maybe even both pairs. I am just possessed by the colours. Imagine them with my yellow skirt. Divine. I hesitate though, because I’m worried that the square is going to be too square. I have tried to find photos of someone wearing these and it was shockingly, very hard to find. But I swear these shoes used to be cool. I know they were also tacky but, they were cool. I remember it. When we were all obsessing over the ‘new bottega’. So in my mind, I can make them cool again. They’re kind of sharp and mod. Maybe I should wear them to my sister’s wedding. They would be cool with jeans? Ok am I convincing myself. Possibly.

I also do not know why but, I am loving this Bottega dress

And this one:

My TRR Graveyard

Things that sold out that I should have bought, that I’m now kicking myself for.

These white boots and pumps from The Row. They were cheap (for The Row) and I have been whining about white shoes for ages. I also need a pair of winter boots and these would have been perfect. I’m an idiot.

If you know me then you know that ocean is my favourite colour. I actually am going to write an article on teal/turquoise/aqua being the hottest colour of 2026 but, for now. Let’s take a moment for these shoes that I let pass me by. They were the first piece from The Row that I really really wanted. This colourway is fab. Seems like nobody gives a shit about this shape though so, I’m confident another will come my way.

I do not know what it is about a boot like this but, I go googoogaga over a shoe with a seam like that. First pair are Costume National, then Loewe, then Stella McCartney. I wonder if booties will make a comeback.

I’m still sad over these Dries shoes that did not magically transform themselves into my size but, they were 95$! If you were a 35 and you passed these up, you’re an idiot. Even with socks. Freaking cute.

This Bottega dress, I do not know why, but I wanted it so badly. It’s so cute????

And THIS Bottega dress, it’s so classy??? And the seafoam, I’m telling you - H.O.T.T.E.S.T. C.O.L.O.U.R. O.F. T.H.E. Y.E.A.R.

Calvin Klein pony hair heels that were 50 bucks. Really cute. Probably too high for me to walk in but, I’m a sucker for pony hair.

Hermes kitten heels. Mwah.

Bill Blass to the left (or top on mobile) and Armani to the right (bottom). Magnifique.

Prada skirt I slept on. Again, my colour. I love the little lining poking out underneath. This feels especially Miuccia to me.

And finally, this Armani hat. Hats are sooooooo in.

Claw clips are dead. They’re for losers. You can still wear a claw clip but, in an I just Rolled out of Bed type of way and I’m running to the dep. Not in a, this is a part of the outfit type of way and I put this on on purpose.

You need to look like you are going to the dep. (Dep is short for dépanneur, which means convenience store in Quebec, very important cultural vernacular. Learn it.)

The Row’s Hegemony

Once again, The Row calls the shots. When will we stop this brand from cucking us?

They used comb pins in their SS26 show which is why pins are suddenly all the rage.

For weeks and weeks following the presentation the above images were inescapable. It was actually getting annoying. Just seeing the same pic over and over and over again.

Part of what was so irritating was that, I felt like I did it first. Not this winter but last, I purchased a set of wooden combs on Facebook marketplace. I never thought to wear them in my hair but, I carry them around in my purse along with a very cute wooden mirror they were sold with.

I assume I did everything first because I think I am the most innovative person. If you had asked me about the combs the week the pics dropped, I probably would have claimed to have carved them myself with my bare hands.

I’m not actually trying to claim anything. What I’m actually trying to do is take away credit. From The Row. The new hegemonic power. I’m tired of the pathetic worship I continue to see around anything they put forward. It’s so sheeple of everyone and frankly, it pisses me off. I hate to see people acting like they don’t have a brain. At this point, the Olsen twins could send a clown costume down the runway and you guys would call it chic and the “new luxury”.

It just feels sometimes, like nobody thinks for themselves. This is sad to me, as I’m someone who considers myself an original thinker. You would really believe I had some Aquarius in my chart the way I believe I am the Chosen One.

I am kind of kidding about thinking I did everything first and am the Chosen One (sort of) but, the more I see people act like the Olsen twins shit gold, the more I feel the need to insist I was doing XYZ thing first.

So yes, it’s very annoying for me and all the other people I see who are doing something cool that the thing they started doing/discovered is only recognized as such when The Row puts their stamp of approval on it. But, such is the lifelong curse of being cool.

Anyway so cool girls have been rocking chignons before The Row SS26 but, they did do a very nice job of interpreting the ‘trend’ and inspiring the masses.

This girl on Instagram did a fantastic job of recreating the look. Good for her. I tried and I couldn’t do it.

Back To Claw Clips

I remember when claw clips came into fashion. They used to be for aunts and then all of a sudden they were cool. They had fallen so far out of fashion that they were even hard to find at the pharmacy. I remember purchasing some on Etsy after giving up on finding them IRL.

43 doll hairs is a ridiculous amount of money to spend on clips but, this just goes to show how hard they were to find.

I already knew clips were going to be cool at that time, but then I saw Lizzy Hadfield (my idol at the time) buy some on one of her fabulous vacations to Tropea and I had to cop immediately. There was no time left to waste. I was not going to be the last of the cool girls to have a claw clip.

After that (after I purchased one, obviously) they were everywhere. Claw clips took over. I don’t know how we were tying our hair up before. I guess with a hair elastic. Basic Hailey Bieber ass girls are still wearing claw clips today.

Oh, I guess some of you were also wearing your hair “in a slick back”, which should actually be phrased as: wearing your hair slicked back, but Gen Zs are illiterate so they don’t know how to unTikTokify a term and use language properly. Anyway, I didn’t slick back my hair because I’m not a sheeple so I always forget some of you were doing that.

Moving on.

Cool girls are doing chignons.

A chignon is the picture of elegance and sophistication.

Remember this?

When Kelly Preston popped up on my TV screen with her hair like that I was taken ABACK. I had never seen anyone look more beautiful in my life. She was the real princess or duchess or whatever Amanda Bynes was.

I wondered how one achieved that hairstyle for so so long.

I purchased one of these comb things once at some random store. I fussed with it for so long trying to figure out how to wear it. I never got the hang of it so I gave up. But the idea that I could accomplish a chignon like Kelly Preston’s would have merited an award.

I mentioned it in a previous Substack but, Yesly Dimate taught me how to do a chignon. In this video:

@yeslydimateLOOK AT HOW CUTE THIS IS PLS

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After seeing that, I was twisting my hair up with a chopstick any and everywhere I went. It’s kind of a performance. People are fascinated by it.

Then I started doing some research on TikTok. I purchased a French pin (the U-shaped one) but honestly, you can do a chignon with many different types of tools (a chopstick, the comb pins etc.)

To research, I used these search terms: Hair Pin / French Twist / Chignon / French Pin.

These are my favourite girls I discovered, who make it look so extremely cool and who have an amazing collection of pins:

This girl has like 100 videos on how to do it and the coolest pins and she has gorgeous thick hair so it always turns out so beautiful:

@jessamineblackfrench pin & french comb step-by-step tutorial — the dirtier your hair the better 💋 #updo #frenchpin #frenchtwist #longhair #layeredhaircut #hairstyle #hairtutorials

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@jessamineblackmy only talent is how fast I can put my hair up into french twist <3 hair pin is from @Undohairware 🪡 #frenchtwist #longhair #longhairstyles #hairstyleideas #updohairstyle

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Like look at that one? Insane.

And then this girl is just stunning and makes it look extremely effortless:

@himichellewhiteHonestly the messier the better IMO 🥐 @Kōv Essentials #frenchtwist #hairtutorial #frenchtwisthair #frenchtwisthairstyle

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Once you start researching you will see that all the cool girls are doing their hair like this. I have a Substack in my drafts on exoticism/cultural appropriation lol that I’m too scared to publish, but it sort of touches on this topic and why I think this is trending.

Anyway we won’t get into the why today because I’m not ready for that smoke. But we will get into the what.

So pins are chic.

Prim and tidy

I wouldn’t know the first thing about doing a swirly but, this is elegance personified.

Neat or an effortless mess

It’s very hard to get a tidy chignon and anyway, I think it’s not super appropriate for most occasions. I want to look chic but, I still want to look cool. So the second row is a little more realistic in terms of vibe, you might have pieces sticking out but, the pin is hidden and the aura is maxxing.

Twisty

The easiest to execute on the fly, leave the tail out - cool and sassy

Accessorized

Someone please tell me where people are buying the pins. Because I have been looking and honestly, they’re hard to find. Makes me want to open a store or start a brand or something. But a cool pin, just wow.

The double sticks are hilarious to me because that was very hot when I was a young child. Maybe 2005. Chinese stuff was sooo cool back then. Chinoiserie in the home, chopsticks in the hair.

I could have sworn the very iconic Shannyn Sossamon had double sticks in her hair in A Knight’s Tale (2001) but, I can’t seem to find pics.

Ponytails

I think the chignon should lead to other sorts of effortless but graceful updos such as the loose pony tail. Just so chic. Rolled out of bed chic. Didn’t try.

The first two pics from the right show a sort of Topsy Tail which is the name of the hairstyle where you do a ponytail and then flip it into itself. A very cool girl at work had her hair like this one day. But she did something unique and special. She only pulled the hair halfway through which gave an effect more similar to the below.

Sharp and severe

My colleague’s hairstyle looked something similar to this:

Maybe the slicked back girls would be more comfortable with this sleek look. I also think straight hair is making a comeback.

Anyway, doing a chignon is a very elite and sexy hairstyle. You won’t know how fabulous it feels to put your hair up like that in front of everyone, much less the high of taking the pin OUT - it’s exhilarating. All eyes on me in the centre of the ring just like a circus.

It’s absolute class. Some might even call it Nonna Chic.

This has been on my mind for some time and was solidified after this Golden Globe weekend.

We have been lamenting the loss of celebrity idol culture since we revived the famous Britney Spears and Justin Timberlake denim set moment out of desperation to just feel something.

I’m not much of an ‘award season’ girl. I don’t care much for red carpets as a rule and didn’t grow up watching them because my parents had weird TV rules. Or maybe we didn’t have the channel…Don’t remember. DOesn’t matter.

I think people like ‘award season’ so much because it gives them something to talk about. It builds community. The red carpet looks don’t have anything to do with things we’d actually wear so to me, it’s all fantasy. I don’t get what’s so interesting about talking about it. And they don’t even really do anything at the award shows either. They just get their award and give a boring speech.

I, also, generally speaking, don’t really understand the obsession with picking apart the wardrobes of people I don’t know, don’t care about, and who didn’t even pick out their own clothes anyway. But, again, my parents did everything in their power to stifle my fetish for fame so, while I’m fascinated by that world, I’m not actually that moved by it.

My healthy relationship to celebrity lol allows me to observe with interest and identify powerful cultural moments as opposed to insignificant boring ones.

An award show I will never ever forget is the 1999 VMAs. Lil Kim wore a purple one-shoulder unitard? jumpsuit? that only covered one boob. On the other, she wore a seashell-shaped pasty. Completely insane.

Today, this type of outfit would not be that shocking. We’ve seen crazier. And actually, someone like Doja Cat or whatever, wears this type of shit all the time. We don’t think twice about it.

This was kind of scandalous. Today nothing is scandalous. Scandalous was actually a very hot word back then. Today, we might say controversial but, it’s not as fun and sexy as scandalous, because not much today is as fun and sexy as it was.

But, at the time it was. And if memory serves, Lil Kim wore this outfit with a more defiant spirit than the stars of today ever could. She’s a diva. A sassy girl.

The inception of the look came from Lil Kim’s stylist, Misa Hylton, who heard Missy Elliott joke about Lil Kim’s nip slips, saying:

Missy said, “Girl, your nipples pop out so much. One day, you need to just come outside with one nipple out.’”

Misa ran with it. And the purple wig happened because the hair stylist apparently oversaturated a blonde wig with purple toner. As luck would have it, it matched the outfit so, they went with it.

The 1999 VMAs was also the year Pamela Anderson wore this wacky getup:

The following was the year Angelina Jolie and Billy Bob Thornton graced the red carpet for her Gone in 60 Seconds premiere, acting like cracked out lunatics:

Celebrity culture was thriving. We lived off the thrill of these moments. We talked about them constantly. They were all over tabloid magazines (the Instagram of yesteryear).

I love nostalgia. But nostalgia can ruin your life. You can’t overvalue the past and undervalue the present, it’s no way to live. When I feel myself slipping into this type of nostalgic-funk, I must consciously remind myself that nostalgia is for losers. When I go through my camera roll and start comparing myself to myself from last week or last year, I tell myself: you can have that again but, better. Right now, those thoughts are easier as I get hotter every year but, it’s still a trap that can be hard to escape. Watch yourself. Anyway, I’m wandering…

No, we put the past on too high a pedestal. It’s nice to appreciate it, I am a firm believer of this. Read my Nonna Chic article. I think honouring what’s come before you is a crucial part of living in a society. But, just because things used to be good and cool ~back in the day~, does not mean they can’t also be good and cool today. The two are not mutually exclusive.

I can see why people felt, though, that the last 15 years of pop culture has been garbage.

There has been nothing influential since Kim and Kanye. They dominated for years. They were the beginning of the end because they took the substance out of the art and commodified it. Kanye even stopped making listenable music to focus on hawking clothes which, in the end, was a huge failure, as we know.

When they fell out of favour, it felt like everyone’s attention was fragmented. Nobody knew where to look.

We were not watching movies or even really listening to music anymore. We were just on Instagram. Looking at influencers, models, nepo babies, fashion icons, and capital B Brandzzz (Balenciaga/Gucci etc.), to lead the taste-making charge. Come to think of it, that is Kanye West’s fault. He is independently responsible for the democratization of fashion that has led to its ongoing downfall. I guess that was kind of his entire modus operandi, so mission accomplished I suppose, for better or worse. Anyway, we’re not talking about that right now, sorry. Tangential.

If you watched movies at this time (2012-2024), they were probably old ones, because the only films that played in theatres were Marvel ones or movies you’ve never heard of it because nobody watched them. They even thought the movie theatre was dead because they were making such bad movies for so long. They bored the hell out of us.

I’ve seen Twitter threads talking about the sad decline of Rom Coms. I love this observation. Rom Coms for so long were low brow cheap shots and cash grabs. They still are. They’re formulaic, designed for the masses and by definition, extremely generic.

When I was in high school it felt like a new Rom Com came out every week. The famous, Friends with Benefits / No Strings Attached year, that was 2011. This was the same period as 27 Dresses, Crazy Stupid Love, Easy A, She’s The Man, and John Tucker Must Die. Absolutely ICOnic time for cinéma.

Rom Coms are not necessarily culturally influential, but they are, in my opinion, culturally crucial.

The Nancy Meyers revival on TikTok and Pinterest for example, fascinated and perPLeXed me.

It’s famously hard to assign nomenclature to the moments you’re living in. But, with distance comes clarity.

At the height of Nancy Meyer’s career, I would not even have considered her to have a unique style. To me, it was just the dominant style. The right way of doing movie sets.

Nancy basically trademarked coziness. But, as viewers, we weren’t especially fixated on the interiors. It wasn’t really something distinguishable at that time. It was just a part of the story. The point was for it to look like a regular, real home. I guess regular homes today don’t look like that anymore. Certainly regular homes in movies today look nothing like that anymore. There is no cozy frenetic mess. It’s just clean girl vibes.

We weren’t picking movie sets apart like the Nancy Meyer-crazed girls are. We just watched the movie. We were probably more interested in Cameron Diaz, than we were in where she got her bed frame or how many piles of books she had on her nightstand.

And all this just goes to show how dead celebrities were.

Because every decade prior to this one had a set list of Rom Com actors. They were important because they weren’t necessarily great actors but, they were household names. The people’s people. Julia Roberts, Meg Ryan, Mila Kunis, Cameron Diaz, Sandra Bullock, Reese Witherspoon, Kate Hudson, Hugh Grant, Ryan Gosling, Tom Hanks, Matthew McConaughey. These types.

Over the last 10 or so years, if they even made a Rom Com, they would use the same actors from the last 10 years. There were no new heads. Where were the hunks of the next generation?

I know people kind of talked about it. The Zendaya, Tom Hollands. The Jacob Elordis. The … Anya Taylor Joy? Like literally who else? I mean Jennifer Lawrence is too old for this category now. Florence Pugh?? Sydney Sweeney? So just the cast of Euphoria, I guess.

I really thought that we were done for. No more Rom Coms. No more celebrities. Just influencers.

UnTIL. Two things happened.

I had a blossom of a thought when I saw Timothée Chalamet do a Quotidien interview. I can’t remember which one and I’ve seen a few and love him in all of them but, something about this specific one that I can’t remember, was significant.

I watched it around the time I watched Lily-Rose Depp do her press junket for Nosferatu. The two of them, famously former lovers, are both acting nerds. Which is the coolest thing about them. In her interview, she is just gushing about the preparation she did for her role and it’s overwhelmingly apparent that she is a ciné-freak.

I thought it was extremely cool of her to give genuine thorough answers to the interview questions when she really didn’t have to. She could have just sat there looking pretty without saying much. Haughty, even. When you see Jennifer Lawrence do a press tour for example, that’s basically what she does. Or gives the interviewer attitude. You don’t see her talk about movies in a way that shows she has any kind of passion for them. That she was part of the conception. She follows a sort of unwritten script. Very drab. Those types of Rom Coms actors always complain that they’re asked stupid questions but, I’ve never seen one talk about their movie the way LRD did. The only people I’ve seen do that actually, are directors or crew.

And Timothée Chalamet.

He is also a certified cinephile but, what stood out most in his interview was how much of a freaking CHARMER he is. I was sat there the entire time like:

It all made sense. That’s why women adore him. He’s flirty. He flirts with e-v-e-r-y-o-n-e. Which naturally brought to mind Ryan Gosling.

There is a 15 year age gap between Timothée and Ryan Gosling. You would think that’s kind of a lot. So there should be at least a few charming hunks in between them but, there isn’t. I guess the Hemsworth brothers but, not really. They don’t do sexy interviews. And they don’t do cool movies either. The Last Song is the coolest movie one of them has ever done.

Sure, maybe, that type of charm is only a once in a few generations kind of thing but, it just seemed to me like there were a ton and now there are two. Robert Downey Jr., Matthew McConaughey, Cillian Murphy (if he counts, he does to me), Jamie Dornan? Hot. Not sure he counts though, but he should, George Clooney, Idris Elba, Oscar Isaacs, Adrien Brody, Tom Hardy. Ok now I’m just naming my crushes.

Anyway, so I thought, wow Chalamet is a real star.

We don’t give him enough credit. He is a real life star. We just do not see that anymore. We don’t see interviews where someone has that cheeky old Hollywood charm and charisma. Marlon Brando. James Dean.

And you know who else does? Jacob effing Elordi. I thought I would fall for him in Priscilla, and I did a little bit but, not the way I was expecting to. I already enjoyed him as a hunk in Euphoria but, I did not grasp his aura. I did not understand his personality.

He is ALSO a movie nerd. Which I love.

And he’s hilarious and sexy and charming.

I am not going to lie, I thought he was a himbo. I think honestly, down to the fact that he dated Olivia Jade for so long. And Kaia Gerber right before who, I think kind of looks like Olivia Jade? Same type of girl. So I was like…ok snoozE? If you date basic girls then I will automatically assume you are kind of fried.

Like this was the coolest thing they did together and…it’s actually pretty stupid and lame. They must have had very vanilla sex, they seem SO boring together.

No, single Jacob Elordi is the people’s princess.

There was a tweet, which I won’t go fishing for, showing a video of him in some pool on vacation before he was famous. I don’t even remember the story, it had to do with some girl, but needless to say it really sweet. He’s just a sweet guy.

Then a tweet about him being so stoked to work with Oscar Isaac and telling him that he used to reblog posts about him on his Tumblr.

Then a tweet showing him at the Golden Globes this year, kissing his parents on their foreheads.

My favourite of them all:

So, yesterday or whatever day it was, when I woke up and saw all this on my Instagram feed, I concurred. Celebrities are finally cool again.

I was actually stunned. I asked myself, WHO on earth, took these photos? Because everyone seems so relaxed. Everyone is having fun. Everyone is smiling laughing and goofing off. Nobody seems worried about the cameras. They’re not paranoid about having an unflattering photo of them taken or something that’s going to get them in trouble. They’re just at a party, having a great time. Celebrating altogether. The energy is palpable.

AND, there is a LOT of PDA. Not PDA among lovers (though, that also) but, PDA among FRIENDS. So much hugging, so much tenderness. Call back to Jacob Elordi kissing his parents forehead. That type of contact. It’s so heartwarming. Actually…this is all starting to remind me of the Entourage era.

Because, ANOTHeR thing, is that all those pics, which are Getty Images, btw, are very 2004. Anyone who hasn’t, should listen to Simon Rex’s episode on How Long Gone. It paints a picture of this era that is what I’m thinking of.

Basically this:

The Golden Globes made me want to be at that party in a way celebrities haven’t made me feel in a long time. They seem fun and they seem funNY.

And then this morning I came across these photos:

They’re clearly AI-generated or photoshopped or whatever, but that’s not the point. Just the idea that this is entertaining to us today. That we care enough about these people to imagine what they’re doing at a party is indicative enough of my point.

It feels like maybe this is finally punctuating woke-culture. We are not judging them anymore. We are allowing them to live like regular people. We are not criticizing every single move they make because maybe, we’ve finally understood that they’re people too. They’re just like us.

I watched One Battle After Another the other day and while I didn’t love it, I LOVED Leonardo Di Caprio. He was so funny and I had no idea he was funny. And it was a very fun revelation. All I knew about Leonardo Di Caprio was that he dated young models and apparently smelled atrocious because he doesn’t wear deodorant so, I kind of just thought he was one of those weird Hollywood freaks. Like eventually gonna go crazy type of thing.

Then I saw these and I have just been howling laughing since:

Sean Penn also smoking inside the room is hilarious. The idgafness of it.

And I wasn’t even going to mention smoking but, everyone is talking about how smoking is back. Dua Lipa publicly smoking is again, illustrative of my point:

And I also loved the way watching all this footage felt like being at a wedding or something. Like I was at my parents table (Kylie and Timothée’s table) who were the belles of the ball and everyone was coming around to say hi and chat with them. I didn’t see them get up at all. I didn’t see them swirl around the room. I saw everyone swirling around them. And in my pretend mind as a kid, you’re just observing it all and it’s all just so interesting. The dynamics. They’re real people having real conversations about their lives, their kids and their girlfriends. It didn’t feel like everyone was putting on some sort of…idk clean front. They were being themselves. Which is kind of in the same vein as Angelina and Billy Bob but, this all felt more wholesome than that.

And then Jacob Elordi just having the sweetest interactions all night:

And Kylie just, being an admiring gf taking pictures of her man:

And then you have the real fabulous Hollywood shit like this that feels Chateau Marmont glam.

This killllled me. She’s hilarious.

And I also love that the source for a lot of this is Deux Moi. Deux Moi brought back paparazzi pics. And for that, we must give thanks.

I recently started following Just Jared on Instagram also and that also supported my idea that celebrities are cool again. Because paparazzi photos are in again. Because they finally have a place to put them. They finally let the tabloids die and moved them to where they are SUPPOSED to be. Instagram! That should have been obvious, but apparently it wasn’t.

I have been desperately awaiting the day that paparazzi pics would come back into fashion. Because paparazzi do not always need to be looking to capture a scandal. They could just be nice and take nice pictures if they wanted. That’s what we got at the Globes.

I think watching Timothée and Kylie canoodling was also very impactful for me. Maybe we are suddenly all paying attention because it’s the only time we get to see them together interacting…actually, maybe I am onto something with this? It’s kind of old Hollywood actually…Where the only time you saw celebs was at these exact types of events. We want to know what’s going on there SO badly. Unpacking all their micro-gestures is a treat in its own right.

I think we can also all agree that whatever we think of their relationship (I don’t know and have resigned not to care because, it’s not my life), it’s very nice to see her like this. It almost seems like she can’t help but be vulnerable since she’s met him. There’s something about the look in her eyes that feels deep and human. More than ever before. When you see photos of them together, you feel that she’s looking at you. With feeling, softness.

I mean, come on, that’s a smile you just can’t fake. She’s glowing. Her eyes are watery. It seems like when they’re together she has the pupils dilated. Very relaxed. Happy. I love it for her.

And just for comparisons sake:

So all this to say, celebrities are back. And I’m loving every moment. Shout out to Timothée, the king that you are, for reviving what we long thought to be lost.

Everyone told me to read Chanté Joseph’s Vogue article “Is Having a Boyfriend Embarrassing Now?”. Did I read it? No. Not only because I didn’t realize it was free until just now but, also, because I take umbrage with the title that I find to be clickbait-y and outdated.

I don’t think hating men is cool anymore. Maybe I never did. Maybe I am part of the problem. Maybe I care way too much about male validation and attention that I want to make sure they know I don’t associate myself with this type of positioning. Men actually don’t care that I’m doing this. They assume all women share this point of view anyway.

So I riffed on her title. For the clickbait of it all.

My title is not funny or clickbait-y though, because it’s just glaringly obvious. Of course being on Hinge is embarrassing. Embarrassing doesn’t even begin to describe. It’s complete and utter humiliation. Nobody is on Hinge anymore.

We’re not just talking about Hinge, we’re talking about any dating app but, over the last 5 years we’ve all collectively agreed that Hinge is the ‘normal person’s’ dating app.

Normal person accounts for those of us, women, who want to find an actual boyfriend and men, who want to sleep with girls who want to find actual boyfriends. Hence the term ‘situationship’ that has been plaguing women for the past 5 years.

Situationships are falling out of fashion too. I don’t hear people use that term anymore. It must be cheugy.