A chain reaction shortly ensued: I lost my day job, I found a new one (doing marketing for a yarn trade show). I realized I could not stand corporate life and on the first day of an in-person corporate meetup, I was recognized from playing to 3,000 people the weekend prior. I quit the next day, taking that as a sign to try to just do what I’ve always wanted to do. I was quickly booked from February through mid-April on back-to-back tours, and then lost those gigs and found new ones. I was swimming full force in waters I used to just sail on.

Treading water isn’t a conducive environment for reflection. Every lapse in gig employment is spent looking for a life jacket to rest for a bit, a little money to get through the weeks until next wave crashes, just hoping the ride lasts just a little longer. In this perpetual push, I’ve lost the ability to figure out how I feel about it. I simply have no time! I want to wrap my head around it when all is said and done…and baby I’m right in the middle.

I have an end-of-summer sale going on my Bandcamp store. Use the code vark25 to take 25% off select merch items (tanks, shirts, totes, anything from my house!) in my merch store. Thanks for reading :)

Here are pictures from the last few months of travel before I set off on the road again.

Five recommendations for the week:
1. “Reseda” by Nara’s Room Emo music is so back. The whole album is so fun-nostalgic yet futuristic. This song is particularly catchy.
2. “The Middle” by Jimmy Eat World I listened to this song twice a day at my lowest point this summer and it did make me feel better.
3. Near To The Wild Heart by Clarice Lispector I really appreciate the balance between the literal and the metaphysical in her debut novel. It’s a little easier to feel grounded in reading it.
4. Lost Weekend by Phoebe Bridgers Towards the end of In The Dream House, Carmen Maria Machedo expresses that she could only write prose in fragments during the emotionally abusive relationship, as much as it was praised by her peers in her graduate program. Phoebe Bridgers takes a similar approach on Lost Weekend, taking sharp turns without warning throughout each song, never drawing a straight line. I wonder if this is what seismic grief does to us if it hasn’t already: fractures our ability to make sense of the world and shatters it into little pieces to turn over and over in our heads.
5. Forgiveness.

Some of the most fun I’ve had recently has been live arrangements with my band. Here’s an unmixed recording of “D…

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I am so excited to announce Live at TNK, a short EP of live renditions from my sold-out show in Chicago at Gman Tavern. It includes two of my favorite tracks, “Sara” and “No One Left,” and a cover of Land of Talk’s “It’s Okay.” I love how these versions come to life with new instrumentation and arrangements. A huge thank you to Evan Douglas Peters for engineering the show, Max Grazier for mixing and mastering this on the fly, and my band (Mitch McAndrew, Emily Jane Powers, and Jacob Getzoff) for playing with me. Pre-order it digitally on Bandcamp and look for it on streaming platforms May 1st.

I am also hitting the road and finally bringing Nothing Sticks to the East Coast. It’s my first time back since the new album and I am so excited to be returning to some of my favorite cities to play. Tickets are on-sale this Friday! Hope to see you at a show.

4/12 - Chicago, IL at Empty Bottle (LOW TIX) %

5/8 + 5/9 - Lansing, MI at Stoopfest

5/10 - Toronto, ON at Monarch Tavern #

5/12 - Burlington, VT at Radio Bean #

5/13 - New York, NY at Berlin Under A #

5/14 - Washington, DC at Quarry House Tavern #

5/15 - Philadelphia, PA at Nikki Lopez #

% supporting Hatchie
# headline

Five recommendations for the week:
1. “Cherry Cola” by Devon Again “Somebody’s daughter on bass guitar” is soooo me. The ecstatic vocal layers make me want to shout from the rooftops.
2. You Didn't Hear This From Me by Kelsey McKinney Part-memoir, part-social commentary, part-anthropological research about the function and history of gossip. I love Normal Gossip and Kelsey is a genius.
3. The San Jose Sharks Got ridiculously into hockey after watching Heated Rivalry. Something about a professional sports team being run by kids is awesome.
4. Asking friends for help! I have a tendency to want to do it all, but I absolutely would not have been able to get this EP over the line without my GOAT Bella Peterson.
5. Cannolis at Mike’s Pastry in Boston Life-changing cannolis, open late.

This year, I put out my sophomore record Nothing Sticks. It was a labor of love, an unanswered question, and a shout into the void. I had so many anxious days and sleepless nights in preparation for it, building up unreasonable expectations and surviving them not being met. Nevertheless, I played my first proper headline shows at some of my favorite venues and spent weeks on the road. I made Rolling Stone’s Best Indie-Rock Albums of 2025 and Hanif Abdurraqib’s Best Songs of 2025 in The New Yorker. I started playing bass for other people once more, which has brought immense joy and purpose into my life.

If The Parts I Dread helped me find home in all places and realize the possibility of the unknown, Nothing Sticks has made me feel finality with more intensity and sadness. I find myself embracing those heartaches a bit more; it is the price we pay for living. How lucky we are to have things to lose. Below is my list of favorite music from this year, albums that gave me life in all seasons. I hope you find something that carries you, too.

I have one show on the books for Tomorrow Never Knows’ 20th Anniversary on January 9th at Gman Tavern with Girly Pants. Buy your tickets here before they’re gone; it will be the only Pictoria Vark show until the summer.

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Favorite Albums of 2025

A Tropical Entropy - Nick León

If hell is other people, then the party is a site of pulsing apathy. A Tropic Entropy lives up to its name—full of the same energy and ennui of being at a party for too long, but not knowing how to leave. I’ve previously described this record as if Bladee walked into a Miami club and still think that captures it pretty well. “Bikini” (featuring Erika de Casier) should have been the song of the summer.

black british music - Jim Legxacy

By and away my favorite record of the year, Jim Legxacy makes sense of a kitchen sink full of influences and feelings. Every single person I’ve played this album for has asked me “who is this?” Breathtaking, smattering, and singular. A must-listen from the year.

Big city life - Smerz

Big city life is utterly chic. Despite the many allusions to cosmopolitan hedonism in its lyrics, the disaffected vocals and deadpan instrumentals relent throughout. They are the doldrums of city living that are pervasive and numbing—and Smerz finds the sinister joy in that.

Cosmovisión - Half Gringa

On Cosmovisión, Izzy Olive uses acute specificity to speak to the collective. She tackles impossible-to-answer questions—how do we live under fascism? How do we communicate the un-translateable? What will remain when we are gone?—with heart and fortitude. Cosmovisión features Olive’s most ambitious musical compositions to date, matching the expansive philosophical territory. I may be slightly biased, but would sing my praises all the same even if I wasn’t involved.

Heavy Metal - Cameron Winter

After years of fractured echo chambers and what some have called the “death of monoculture,” Cameron Winter’s solo work and his band Geese have become somewhat eponymous in youth culture. Yet no amount of media hype could overshadow the miraculous simplicity of his work. He taps into a universal human spirit and carries its torch. “Love will make you fit it all in the car.” “Love will be revealed.”

Luminescent Creatures - Ichiko Aoba

From the very first vocal stack on opening track “COLORTURA,” Ichiko Aoba transports us to another realm. The orchestration on Luminescent Creatures elevates Aoba’s signature nylon-string guitar and airy voice without drawing attention away from them. Its sonic palette is rich and effervescent, like beams of light shimmering upon the unknowable depths of the ocean.

Nested in Tangles - Hannah Frances

I am so taken with how Hannah Frances deftly straddles approaches on this record. Prog-rock moments are accentuated with free jazz frenzy, folk songwriting trimmed with ambient touches, tradition and avant-garde gracefully weaving in and out of one another. Listening to Nested in Tangles reminds me of my own aliveness.

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Nothing Sticks - Pictoria Vark

What more can I say about this album. I love listening to this record walking around the block and sharing it with new people in my life. I love playing it for friends and wondering what it means to them. I love not knowing who is listening to it and where and why. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Progress Bakery - Eliza Niemi

Eliza Niemi finds poetry in the quotidien. Her attention to detail comes through in her hyper-specific lyrics (“Why’d they move the rock to the other side of Ulster Park?”) and whimsical sonic embellishments, flute and cello parts that flit and dance over familiar chord changes. It feels like walking the same block over and over again, finding new meaning in the ever-changing minutia of the world.

Peak Experience - Sydney Sprague

Peak Experience finds a way to sweeten inner turmoil with sparkly production and succinct, hooky songwriting. Charming and self-aware, Sprague shows us the way her thoughts spiral before cutting herself off, like in “Fair Field” when she throws away “I should probably die of embarrassment” to end a run-on sentence. It comes to feel like a meandering conversation with a wise friend.

Spring Grove - The Ophelias

The Ophelias are masters of dark and light. Cinematic strings and haunting lyrics (“ten thousand cicadas descend on Cincinnati”) frame Spencer Peppet’s endlessly singable melodies and playful vocal delivery. Spring Grove creates a stage upon which we can access the most dramatic recesses of our minds, playing out imagined scenarios and carefully scripted dialogue to the very end, so that when we return to our lives, we can do so with more peace and clarity.

Who’s the Clown? - Audrey Hobert

I love Audrey Hobert’s uncensored songwriting on this record. Every time she rhymes “you” with “you” or skips a rhyme altogether, it makes lines like “Now I’m a box with all the tools” all the more impressive because they feel so off-the-dome. Every ridiculous reference or bad line feels like a wink, as if she’s saying “It’s pop music, it’s not that deep.” She’s never afraid to fully send a sonic moment—whether it’s the shotgun blasts that happen only happen once in “Sue me” or an over-the-top saxophone solo at the end of “Thirst Trap.” Endlessly catchy and hilarious.

Super Pedestrian - Annie Dirusso

Annie Dirusso transforms microscopic interactions into world-shattering feelings on Super Pedestrian. Even as lyrics suggest nominal ties to the people they’re about—a split second of eye contact one night on a train, not even knowing what someone’s room looks like—the infectious, wall-of-sound guitars speak to the urgency of the feelings they bring up. It’s an utterly contemporary record, holding a mirror to the ways so many of us are desperate for connection and obstructed from it.

What I Want Doesn’t Want Me Back - Cusp

If You Can Do It All reminds that we can do anything but not everything, What I Want Doesn’t Want Me Back illuminates the suffering in having to choose what you want to spend your life on. Jen Bender’s lyrics are earnest but never cloying as they meander the self-consciousness and constant comparison of early adulthood. The five-piece band provides a refreshing take on rock song structures and dynamics—not an easy feat within the well-worn genre. Cusp continually inspires me to be the best version of myself; it’s hard not to root for them in turn.

wishful thinking - Duval Timothy

Duval Timothy presents something warm and kaleidoscopic on wishful thinking. Parts are cut and pasted together in a surreal dream logic, forming connective tissue through pure proximity alone. It articulates the collapse of time and space that informs his practice as an artist taking residence in Sierra Leone and London. I love the way field recordings are incorporated to make this record feel roomy and lived in.

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Favorite Songs of 2025

“Au Pays du Cocaine” - Geese

“DAISIES” - Justin Bieber

“Halfway Up The Lawn” - runo plum

“House” - Charli XCX feat. John Cale

“Nelly In A Dream” - Half Gringa

“Mega Circuit” - Japanese Breakfast

“New York” - Addison Rae

“Top Of Cars” - Lil M.U.

“Relationships” - HAIM

“S.M.O” - Amaarae

“Yamaha” - Dijon

That’s all she wrote! Thanks for reading.

with love,
PV

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Last month was a marathon globe trot; I went from rehearsing in New York for a week to hitting the road with Poise for a week, then straight to Winnipeg for a music industry conference. The run was so much better than I could’ve imagined; it was a treat to tour with a front-person as open and hilarious as Lucie and an all-Chicago backing band that I get to keep seeing back home. I loved getting to decompress from tour in a fancy hotel room to myself, with a new city to explore and time to spend with sweet people from around the world. It was the soft landing I needed. Needless to say, I’ve been a little tired coming back from it all. Here’s some photos from my travels:

I also released a live solo version of “Lucky Superstar” with Placeholder Sessions. We filmed this on a hot, June day at Zephyr Folk Festival out near Spokane, WA. I love how spacious this song feels without the drums, how there’s enough structural integrity for it to stand on its own. Watch it here:

I have a few shows coming up in the next few weeks with some truly amazing bands putting out new music. My first time playing Lincoln Hall and in Madison and my first time in Toronto in three years. Individual shows on-sale here or down below:

10/25 - Chicago, IL @ Lincoln Hall *
10/28 - Madison, WI @ High Noon Saloon &
11/3 - Toronto, ON @ The Drake Underground ^

* with Cusp and Tenci
& with Sydney Sprague and Gabrielle Grace
^ with Boyish

Five recommendations for this week:
1. “Au Pays du Cocaine” by Geese. This was the first Geese song that really made it click for me. The tremor in his voice matches the longing of the lyrics; they fit together like lovers’ hands.
2. Women & Children First bookstore in Andersonville. Really great selection - I spent an hour there figuring out which books to bring home.
3. “The Line” by Westerman. My boyfriend showed me this song and this line has been reverberating in my mind: “You choose not to choose/ That’s a choice and it brings new choices to you.”
4. Keeping a deck of playing cards on you at all times. In case of emergency.
5. Giving yourself permission to rest.

When we were on tour opening for Annie DiRusso, she would do this extended bit about a time of her life called “Party July,” during which she wrote a lot of the songs on Super Pedestrian. All summer, I’ve been in search of a theme—femcel summer, convent summer, unc summer—coming up short each time of one that fit the mold. Every month has felt like a new year, a cascade of unknowns unravelling into one another. By the end of June, it felt too far-gone to unite the fractured vibes. But perhaps one month was a period short enough to adhere together and long enough for that to mean anything. In the constant swirling of this year, the thing I’ve wanted most is to sit down and do nothing. So why not actually…do nothing?

Thus Do-Nothing July was born. I’ve decided Do-Nothing July is more of a state of mind beyond this specific past month of exploration I’ve had for myself—it could happen to you at any time. Do-Nothing July is less about with lazing around endlessly (literal nothing) than it is about leaving space for something else to take hold. It’s about emptying your life just a little bit (or a lot) to receive more of the world’s offerings and be able to respond to what’s presented to you. For Do-Nothing July, I set a few intentions: 1) accept invitations rather than initiate plans, 2) leave my calendar as empty as possible so that I could 3) say “yes” to more things more often. In my twenties, I found myself to be the kind of person to anxiously fill up my weekends at the top of each week out of fear that if I didn’t make plans, none would materialize on their own. In the end, it became a self-fulfilling prophecy: there was not enough wiggle room for anyone or anything to prove me wrong. It left little room for spontaneity or the ebb and flow of changing one’s mind, or for natural boredom to churn. As unnatural as it felt to act against my neuroticism, my compulsive need for control, and my fear of the unknown, one month felt like a perfect amount of time to experiment and try a new ethos on for size.

To let the universe co-create with you is to accept your place in the order of all things. It allows divine timing, friends, and strangers to offer their creativity, humor, and effort as natural gifts to witness and enjoy. Here are some of my favorite surprises that happened during Do-Nothing July.

1. My friend Michael invited me to see Greg Mendez at Beat Kitchen on a whim. Usually last minute plans stress me out, but as one of the tenets of Do-Nothing July, I wanted to muster the courage to make it happen. A few hours before doors, I saw an Instagram story offering a free ticket to that show and it felt like the push I needed to get myself to the show. And I had a great time! Technically this happened at the end of June, but it felt in the spirit of Do-Nothing July. Staying open and receiving what’s in front of you—that’s what it’s all about.

2. My friend Emily gave me a free lamp for my apartment (and I had the time to pick it up the next day!). She originally got it from an Italian restaurant that was going out of business during the pandemic, which I loved as an added story.

3. During Do-Nothing July, I loved when friends would decide a time and place and I could lean into being a reliable guest. My friend Spencer made a plan for friends of her and the band to hang out at a bar the night before their big Chicago show and it was so nice to just be able to show up (thank you, Virgos of the world). My roommate and I were the last to order drinks as we arrived, so we had to wait a little extra inside at the bar while everyone else made their way back to the patio. As soon as we walked outside, I saw Jacob (who plays drums with Ella and I) getting water from the water station near the door and he told me he was on a first date. I immediately ran him over to say hi to Ella and we all had a fit of laughter—a surprise so perfect beyond anything I could’ve conceived of.

4. An Instagram reel of me playing music went viral!? It’s never happened to me before and I had no involvement in it whatsoever. Thank god, because I really do not care for trying to win over the algorithm these days. It was from the lakefront show I played with Free Range and Squirrel Flower, already one of the most magical nights of this summer and my life.

5. As we (Squirrel Flower band) were leaving night one of Real Love Festival in Winnipeg, we saw an owl sitting in the middle of the dirt road. Illuminated by the van headlights, it swooped above the windshield to fly away. I had never seen a (living) owl up close like that before. Seeing its full wingspan aglow in the dark, I am convinced owls are among the most beautiful creatures to ever exist. After that experience, I felt called to buy the owl-themed scratch-off card I saw the next day in Minnesota as we were leaving Canada. I won $50!

As we turn the page to August, I feel invited to continue this practice of receiving, of going with the natural flow of things, of relaxing into being. What Do-Nothing July has taught me most is that more often than not, that natural flow has a better plan for you than you could ever plan for yourself. All you have to do is show up.

I have only a few shows announced and on the books for now. All are Pictoria Vark shows, all in the Midwest/Chicago-land. See you there!

8/6 - Chicago, IL at Hideout (solo)
8/15 - Green Lake, WI at Avrom Farm Party (full band)
8/16 - Chicago, IL at Glenwood Ave. Arts Fest (free + full band)

Five recommendations for this week:
1. The Empress tarot card (So much of Do-Nothing July has been rooted in this archetypal energy, of learning to be a recipient of all that the world has to offer, of feeling abundant.)
2. “Bikini” by Nick Léon feat. Erika de Casier (Been bumping this track all summer in my car. It’s like if Bladee took a trip to Miami.)
3. Seared scallops with butter and garlic (Pat scallops dry. Heat oil on med/high and sear on each side for 1-2 mins until golden brown, salt and pepper on each side. Add garlic, butter, herbs at the end and cook until butter is melted. Pair with roasted veggies or salad or whatever you want. My new favorite light summer dinner.)
4. Hating on Labubus. (Ugliest recession indicator yet and they will just end up in a landfill later. I despise them openly and often.)
5. Taking the path of least resistance.

Before skipping town, I filmed a live session in Horner Park for Indie Basketball and those videos are up now! I love how these turned out and being able to play music outside on a beautiful day. I did get sunburnt from it and had to cover it up at the Half Gringa release show that evening. “San Diego” and “Make Me A Sword” are up on YouTube with a secret third thing on their Patreon.

Tour with Squirrel Flower + Annie DiRusso was so sweet and fun. I wish it lasted forever, but it can in my mind! A couple got engaged during our set in DC and then we played hacky sack with them as the sun set. We all got sunburnt at the Jersey Shore on Memorial Day. I spent my day off in New York listening to music in Central Park for two hours, writing postcards that I hope make it to my friends soon, and getting dinner at Ayat in the East Village with my friends. After the last show with Annie in Boston, Jacob kicked Andy’s hacky sack on top of the awning at the Paradise and we had to ask the venue for a ladder to retrieve it. Here’s some highlights:

We are now on the drive starting the out of town shows with Jacob (where I’m opening as PV and playing on bass in his band). I’m realizing doing double duty is going to be a lot of work, but I am loving rising to the challenge. It was such a huge undertaking to learn and memorize three different hour-long sets on bass. I’m relieved to have made the landing. No better feeling than excelling at the thing I’ve dedicated my life to thus far. Here are all the rest of those shows this week and the rest of the month.

6.5.25 - Seattle, WA at Tractor Tavern !
6.7.25 - Liberty Lake, WA at Zephyr Folk Festival !
6.11.25 - San Francisco, CA at Kilowatt !
6.13.25 - Los Angeles, CA at Hotel Cafe !
6.21.25 - Iowa City, IA at IC Pride*
6.22.25 - Milwaukee, WI at Cactus Club ^*
6.25.25 - Chicago, IL at Beat Kitchen (tour return!) &*
8.15-8.17 - Green Lake, WI at Avrom Farm Party*

! supporting Jacob Miller
^ headline show
& with Another Michael and Keep for Cheap
*full band

Five recommendations for this week:
1. HACKY SACK!! (it will lift your spirits)
2. Sonor by Enji (recommended to me by a friend, rich and warm jazz from Mongolia)
3. “Afterlife” by Alex G (many failed to consider that it could be an Alex G summer)
4. Writing postcards from the road.
5. Listening to your own music and liking it.

One thing I love about being alive is that the universe has a great sense of humor. After what felt like a non-start to the year and being bogged down in the album release cycle, I find myself less than a month out from being on the road for until July ostensibly. There is some cosmic irony in being suddenly propelled to be on tour for a month and a half straight after making an album about the perils of touring and centering your life around music. Maybe it’s a test, or at least a chance to show I’ve learned my lessons from last time. A test run for the newfound wisdom I proclaim to have. Either way, I can’t help but feel the sense of doom spawned from my lizard brain making a neural network between “touring” and “destruction” all those years ago. My body is “remembering the horrors” as I like to call it.

As a kid in high school, I was so obsessed with live music. When I was 14, I made an arbitrary goal to go to 10 concerts that year in New York. I loved checking the concerts calendar and listening to every band that seemed cool. I loved the feeling of engulfed by wailing guitars in a big room. I loved escaping the suburbs for something bigger, even if I didn’t know what that meant. Once I started playing in bands that were writing their own music, all I wanted to do was go on tour and keep going on tour. When I thought that being a booking agent seemed more viable as a career than being a musician, I chose to follow that path down because I wanted to satisfy my need for live music. And when that entire industry collapsed during 2020, I remember thinking “fuck it, let’s just be a musician if it’s all going to be that precarious.”

These days, I wouldn’t say I’m necessarily anti-touring. But there is a part of me that feels like I’m being compelled to do from a sense of obligation or commitment rather than that burning desire from within. I don’t know if it’s temporary burnout or a forever-squandered sense of adventure, but I just don’t have the warm, hazy feelings about life on the road that I once used to. That unbridled excitement has been replaced by a more muted desire to make it out the other end and be more-or-less willing and able to do it again. It’s become less of a raging bonfire and more of a dwindling candle you’re trying to make last for another week. The slow burn is less exciting, but maybe that’s a sign of building something meant to last.

I hope it doesn’t sound like I’m complaining about having the opportunity to play music every day for a season. I am grateful, just very, very tired. I hope being out for a month instills a renewed sense of purpose for why I keep coming back to the road. Until I can think of a good reason to stop, I’ll be out there, still trucking.

here is where you can find me the next two months:

5.16.25 - playing bass with Half Gringa at Schubas
5.22-5.30.25 - playing bass with Squirrel Flower opening for Annie DiRusso

…then pictoria vark on tour
5.19.25 - Chicago, IL at The Getaway (Welcome To The Show tour send-off)
6.4.25 - Portland, OR at Maps Good Space !
6.5.25 - Seattle, WA at Tractor Tavern !
6.7.25 - Liberty Lake, WA at Zephyr Folk Festival !
6.11.25 - San Francisco, CA at Kilowatt !
6.13.25 - Los Angeles, CA at Hotel Cafe !
6.21.25 - Iowa City, IA at IC Pride*
6.22.25 - Milwaukee, WI at Cactus Club ^*
6.25.25 - Chicago, IL at Beat Kitchen (tour return!) &*
8.15-8.17 - Green Lake, WI at Avrom Farm Party*

! supporting Jacob Miller
^ headline show
& with Another Michael and Keep for Cheap
*full band

Five recommendations for this week:
1. Luster by Maria Somerville (might be my AOTY)
2. Whale by Cheon Myeong-Kwan (current read—trigger warning for violence, usually not my type of read but somehow I can’t put it down. An extremely visceral novel that I can’t wait to reach the end of)
3. “Back In Town” by Annie DiRusso (I’ve had this song on repeat all week. Shout out to all the girls who are unafraid to be a little pathetic when it comes to a certain someone.)
4. Having a tuna salad sandwich at 4 PM (new routine)
5. Sitting in the open trunk of your car with an iced coffee, enjoying the breeze.

In spite of my grumblings, I am really grateful for how deeply people seem to have resonated with this music. I think there’s something really special about reaching a few people very deeply than a huge audience passively. It means so much that the people that have sought this music out seem to need it as much as I’ve needed to make it. Thank you for making me ‘me’.

Below I guide you track-by-track on Nothing Sticks, telling you a bit more about what each song is about and parts of how they came to exist. I linked each song below so that you can follow along if you’d like, so you can listen to it like one of those guided museum tours on a little device they give you with headphones. Thanks for reading and listening as always <3 Nothing Sticks is out now on vinyl, streaming, and cassette.

Sara

“Sara” was the first song I wrote after finishing recording The Parts I Dread. I was having a hard time coping with the end of college, which was going to be my first time not being a student at all. There was this one moment right after the derecho tore through my college town in fall 2021 when my roommate Sara and I went outside during the power outage and happened to see the meteor shower under the clear Iowa sky. It was so special and fleeting that I wanted to make it last forever in a song.

Writing/Production References: “Good Luck Rd.” by Harmony Woods, “Red String” by Sweet Pill, “While I’m Alive” by Rain Johannes, “Paprika” by Japanese Breakfast.

No One Left

On “No One Left,” I was trying to put myself in the shoes of one of my exes who had broken up with me because I was going on tour for too long. I was trying to speak through him, as if I was reanimating a corpse, to try and get some sense of closure. Part of why I kept going on the road that year was because I didn’t want to be home to process the ending or his absence. Can you sense a pattern here…

Writing/Production References: “Wasted” by Tomberlin, “I Am Trying to Break Your Heart” by Wilco, “Blood and Butter” by Caroline Polachek, “American Flag” by Cat Power.

San Diego

This track was inspired by a five mile walk I took on tour in San Diego where I listened to “Sidelines” by Phoebe Bridgers on repeat the entire time. San Diego was absolutely not built for walking, but I’m of the mindset that any city is walkable if you try hard enough. The phrase “crashing out” didn’t exist yet but would’ve been extremely apt. I was about to make a really bold move to advocate for myself and this was the moment I sealed my fate. More on this on the paid Substack.

Writing/Production References: “Wonder” by Lomelda, “Blindsided” by Hovvdy, “(Joe Gets Kicked Out of School for Using) Drugs With Friends (But Says This Isn’t A Problem)” by Car Seat Headrest.

I Sing What I See

Somehow in spite of being on tour for 152 days, I also managed to sublet an apartment in Chicago for two months in 2022 (if you couldn’t tell, I was not trying to be home). I remember writing this as I was preparing for the huge tour I was going to do with La Dispute that fall and my dear friend / co-producer Gavin mentioned maybe having a wedding to go to that he couldn’t miss and couldn’t go on tour with me. It brought up some latent insecurities I had (and still have) about whether or not I was making the right choices in life if I was running around the country and not building a real life. Had to take a long look in the mirror with this one.

Writing/Production References: “Glass Eyes” by Radiohead, “Small Plane” by Bill Callahan, “Smoke Signals” by Phoebe Bridgers.

I Pushed It Down

If you haven’t seen the longer piece about this one, I highly suggest checking it out for the full take. If I had anything to add, it’s that I thought it would be fun and cheeky to sneak song titles into a song. I think there’s something really cool about having a silly prompt like that be the catalyst for something meaningful and true.

Writing/Production References: “All I Wanna Do” by The Beach Boys, “In My Life” by The Beatles, “I Poured Sugar In Your Shoes (Late Night Version)” by Horse Jumper of Love.

Make Me A Sword

I wrote this one during about the halfway point of my journey through The Artist’s Way by Julia Cameron. Despite the rave reviews of the book, I was a little skeptical that it would actually lead to a sense of creative unblocking. But the way this song fell out of me so naturally felt like real proof that it works. This was by far one of the easiest songs I’ve ever written, with some of my most clever lines to date. Thematically, it’s about making yourself the bad guy so at least you have control over the situation instead of trying to fight back and losing. No one can hurt you but yourself!

Writing/Production References: “Belinda Says” by Alvvays, “Bobby Jean” by Bruce Springsteen, “deja vu” by Olivia Rodrigo.

Lucky Superstar

I remember reading this Nylon article from 2019 about the invasive ways “fans” act towards female musicians and feeling so haunted by it. There’s this one Phoebe Bridgers tweet it references where she said “I was once chased by a full grown man after a show as he shouted ‘I would never chase you’” that’s been stuck in my head for years. I wanted to write a song from the perspective of a guy like that because it felt so unbelievable to me—like how do you end up doing stuff like that and convince yourself you’re the good guy? It’s insane! I will never forget when we played this massive venue in Vancouver and some guy shouted at me from the audience “I want you to have my children” and then said it again louder because he thought I didn’t hear him the first time. I felt really small in the moment but looking back, I shouldn’t have been so scared of him. I should’ve gotten him kicked out of the show because I had the power to do that.

Writing/Production References: “Where Is My Light?” by Yowler, “Fate Is…” by Wednesday, “Big Black Heart” by Better Oblivion Community Center.

Where It Began

According to my voice notes, I wrote this song in July 2023, just before I moved to Chicago. I think I was feeling particularly nostalgic about past Julys on tour, missing something that I didn’t think was going to be part of my life in the future. I needed to find a “both/and” way of looking at the situation to fully let it go, to speak into existence the gratitude I wanted to feel for it instead of the sadness. These lyrics, which also contain the album title, were a labor of love to arrive at the bittersweet beauty and love in letting something go.

Writing/Production References: “Words” by Low, “Katy Song” by Red House Painters, “Why We Met” by Annie Blackman.

Other Things

This song is a response to “Twin” from my first record. I wanted to use this fictionalized story about two twins who grew up playing music together to work through my own jealousy and difficulty dealing with the randomness of the music industry. “Other Things” is meant to be from the perspective of the more outwardly successful twin, trying to tell their sibling that it’s far from perfect on the other side of the fence and to see the good that already exists. Much easier to write than to live by.

Writing/Production References: “Drunk For You” by Charlotte Cornfield, “Low” by Allegra Krieger.

We’re Musicians

The working title for this one was “Platitudes,” which I am so glad did not end up sticking (no pun intended). It feels strange to end the record on a song that was written relatively early compared to the rest of the record (summer 2022) but feels really in-the-moment in a way that I think captures the heart of the album. I also wrote this one in my summer Chicago sublet after crash-landing from a tour in L.A. at my friend Sara’s house (yes, the one from the first song!). And in spite of how much my life felt like it was falling apart at the time, there were still some really bright spots in it all: a beautiful day at the Huntington, a brief fling, warm beautiful weather, time with a dear friend. Good days in bad luck, so to speak. I pulled the title from the third verse because it felt a little tongue-in-cheek to have a song called “We’re Musicians” on a track list, like I was breaking the fourth wall with someone holding the vinyl in their hands. Maybe it would stick and be the reason someone brought it home.

Writing/Production References: “Old Friends” and “Old Friends (Schuykill Session)” by Pinegrove, “English Garden” by Great Grandpa, “Champagne Supernova” by Oasis.

“Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.” - Semisonic (“Closing Time”)

Against the odds, we crossed the finish line in putting out my second album, Nothing Sticks. I feel like I can confidently say I avoided the sophomore slump. We got a 4 out of 5 stars on Rolling Stone! And I turned 26! Releasing it has been more work than I anticipated, more time than I actually have, and more energy than I know how to access. My thoughts are mush and even my extremely unliterary social media captions feel hair-brained and at a loss for words. I always wanted to be an artist and more and more, I feel like the manager of a struggling small business. The emails do not spark joy.

The best part of it all has been reading earnest reactions to the new record online from people I might not otherwise meet. One thing I really enjoy about the people who tend to like my music is that they are usually really emotionally intelligent and good with words. And very nice! Here are some of my favorite fan review of the album so far:

What I find myself struggling with most in the recent aftermath of the album release (and generally on birthdays and New Year’s Eve) is the fact that it comes and goes. No matter how much you try to tamper your expectations or hopes or fears, they still hang over your head, continuing to grow in size until the day encroaches. It’s like when you’re driving on the highway looking at a landmark in the distance and the next thing you know it’s in the rearview mirror. The instant your moving object intersects with it in space and time is when you realize that you’re moving 70 miles an hour and just how fast that truly is. It’s over before you could even really feel it happening.

Ironically, this low-level of despair feels affirming to this body of work and my need to have made it. To acknowledge how fleeting this life is, to feel into the passage of time, is maybe part of a journey longer than one album cycle or sequestered to dates marred by existentialism. I’m just glad to have a whole lot of time ahead of me to do so.

The Nothing Sticks festivities begin this weekend. Nothing Sticks shirts, vinyl, and tapes are on-sale now.

Sun. 3/30 - Brooklyn, NY @ Baby’s All Right with Gemma Laurence and Carol
My biggest headline New York show to date! Would mean so much to see you there.

Sun. 4/13 - Chicago, IL @ Empty Bottle with Cusp and Prathloons
Extremely rare five-piece PV band with a special cover in store.

Sat. 6/7 - Liberty Lake, WA @ Zephyr Folk Festival
Very thrilled to be part of the inaugural lineup here.

Five recommendations for this week:
1. Progress Bakery by Eliza Niemi (Her music is like Julia Holter meets Sidney Gish. Excellent twists and turns and straight up Songs too.)
2. Choosing a task to fail at when you’re busy (Got this idea from the No Stupid Questions podcast of when everything is too much, picking one area of your life to fail at instead of letting the failure happen randomly! Smart, but hard.)
3. Granola on vanilla ice cream (Breakfast dessert)
4. “Relationships” by Haim (My icons forever and ever. This song is so good. I love to drive around with my windows down blasting it in my SUV, as god intended.)
5. 10-minute aimless walk even when you don’t think you have time for one.

Once upon a time, I spent over $6,000 up front, out of pocket on t-shirts alone to have enough merch to sell on my first six-week tour. $6,000!!! That is almost half a year of rent in my new apartment or the price of a small used car. Back then I didn’t have any numbers to go off of, but I knew that if I didn’t have that surplus of shirts, I would never come close to breaking even or turning a profit on the whole thing. I was constantly stressed out about it, questioning if I even believed in myself that much, even after that sum and more were long gone. More than anything else, I felt frustrated that I was strong-armed by the way that touring works into spending so much money on hundreds of Gildan t-shirts because it didn’t feel additive to my life or art in any way. It wasn’t guaranteed that I’d turn a profit or make a lasting career from them; however it was a guarantee that I just spent $6,000.

I bring up my own dril tweet come-to-life because living under the undue pressures of capitalism and the thinning margins of the touring circuit has made me shift gears for my own sanity. On album two, I wanted everything to feel purposeful. If something wasn’t going to “launch my career” (whatever that means anymore) or turn a sizable profit, I still wanted to feel good about making it. To feel like I invested time and money into something worthwhile in and of itself. I promised myself I would not spend thousands of dollars on things that felt disconnected, superfluous, or wasteful because I “had to.” This was the plan.

As part of this plan, I wanted to do something I always wanted to but never had the chance: make a high-quality music video. I had this medieval, sword-filled vision I wanted to bring to life for my second single “Make Me A Sword”. Even if it was costly, I knew it would be so much fun to look back on being glammed up and swinging around swords all weekend. And I was right—it ended up being one of my fondest memories of the whole album cycle. This project would not exist without director/DP of Haoshu Sascha Deng and production/costume designer Lola Selby—both of whom were indispensable in pulling this project off on the budget we were on.

From my many trial-by-fire failures and some minor successes as an artist trying my best, here is my unprofessional and unsolicited advice on how to realize the big project of your dreams under the limitations of your reality.

1. Set a budget and stick to it.

This has been my number one piece of advice to all creatives managing their own finances, especially as expenses and ambitions grow. When embarking on a big project, determine a number for how much you are willing/able/want to invest in it before the project begins.

Think of it like setting a boundary on your finances. Having a specific number in mind gives you something concrete to base your decisions around before you’re in the thick of the actual creative work. It forces you to ask in a vacuum: “How much financial risk am I willing to take on?” “How much money do I have at my disposal or how much debt am I willing to accrue for this?” “What is the maximum dollar amount I feel comfortable spending on this project?” Taking the time to sit with these questions early on in my creative process has reduced my anxiety surrounding money and given me more time to prepare for any big spends.

For this video, I came up with $1,000 as my ideal, maximum budget. This number was based off of what my label advanced for the first music video ($1,000) and what I was quoted for a few years ago for a music video I never made because it was too expensive ($3,000). Putting in $1,000 felt like a good compromise of wanting to have a workable budget without stepping too far outside of my comfort zone. While ended up going slightly over in the end ($1,320), having this number early on still set a reasonable guideline for the amount of money that would go into this project.

2. Work with friends.

This might seem like an obvious one, but no matter who you’re looking to hire for a project, the best place to start is within your immediate network or trusted friends. It can seem so shiny and appealing to work with a big professional with lots of cool credentials and amazing work, but they tend to have higher rates and less wiggle room especially if you’re reaching out cold. Leaning on friends is great because a) you can help each other build experience b) there’s more of a mutual understanding that no one has enough money / more room for flexibility or trades and c) because friends are nice and cool and it’s usually fun to work with them.

I knew Sascha through the Chicago music scene and some mutual friends. I knew she had directed a video for her band Sunshy which I really liked. Based on her portfolio and knowing her personally, I felt really good about asking her to direct this project. Once she was on board, Sascha brought in Lola for the production design/costuming, and later, the rest of the crew that worked the shoot on the day-of. All of them were people that Sascha had known and worked with previously, some of whom were our mutual friends, and it made the shoot feel so familiar, easy, and fun.

3. Prioritize your wants and needs.

Once you have your budget and your team assembled, make a mental or physical list of what is most important to you to get the end result you want. Is it having the perfect costume? More gear that you can use for future projects? Shooting on Super 8? Knowing up front what you value most is critical so that when corners need to be cut, you know which ones to cut first or where to get scrappier. Especially when you work with a team of people (who all want more money for their portion of things), it will help you negotiate your budget and your collaborators’ different needs and wants.

For this video, we knew that we needed 10 swords to recreate the tarot stills and that flimsy, fake ones would look bad on camera. We all agreed that allocating a bigger portion of the budget to the sword rental was important to give the video depth and authenticity. Our second priority was securing the right camera equipment, especially lighting, because we were planning some late night and early morning shots. Before doing anything else, we grabbed numbers for those items, knowing they would be our most important and least moveable expenses. Carving out the big expenses first made sure we covered our bases before we got carried away with the rest.

4. Reuse, borrow, make, thrift (in that order).

This point kind of ties in with #2 and is what I learned most from working with Sascha and Lola. Sascha seems to know a guy for everything and Lola’s mind palace appears to truly endless. Creative sourcing prevented the props budget from taking over the budget (more so than it already did). Before shopping for anything new, we looked at things I already had in my possession and we ended up using a corset top from my closet for the costume, my yellow velvet curtains for the backdrop, and a white bedsheet as a tablecloth. Easy peasy!

If it’s not something you own nor something you think you would use again, asking around to see if a friend or friend of a friend has one can help you save a pretty penny. One of the biggest lifesavers of this project was Gail Everding who is an amazing chainmaille artist based in Chicago who lent us the hood for the whole shoot. Paying for a rental or buying one could’ve been anywhere from $40-$100 extra (which goes a long way at the thrift store).

Figuring out some points where it’s worth it to put a bit more time to save some money can be really differential. Instead of spending $100-$150 on a heart-shaped cake done by a professional, Lola bought a cheap cake, some pre-made frosting, and lots of red food coloring to shape and ice the cake we needed. Same for the dozens of candles that were melted down to different sizes to make a massive, red center piece. It was a true labor of love (or hate) that not only made for some really unique looking pieces, but really helped us stretch the budget as much as possible.

5. Enjoy the process :)

One thing that I’ve really struggled with in turning my band into a legally recognized small business and as someone who sees creative work as labor is the amount of guilt I feel when people offer to do things for cheap or free, even when I can’t always afford to pay much more than that. As much as I think it’s useful to frame creative work as labor to advocate for better healthcare and pay for artists, it can also limit you to the possibilities of mutuality outside of capitalism—of giving and receiving, of working on something because you simply want to. I’m still working on appeasing my guilt with gratitude for the creative and kind people in my life. I feel really lucky and surprised that the people who worked on this video were down to work on this video simply because they wanted to—it reminded me of all the shows I’ve played for $20 or $0 for many years. We’re all just passing around the same $20 - but it’s still nice to know how to stretch it when it’s yours. ∎

My sophomore album Nothing Sticks is out on 3/21 via Get Better Records. Listen to “Make Me A Sword,” out now on all platforms. You can also pre-order it on vinyl, cassette, or digital with new shirts inspired by the music videos. If you’re in New York or Chicago, we’ll be playing two special album release shows on 3/30 and 4/13 respectively. Hope to see you there!

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For those of you not in those cities, Nothing Sticks is available now for pre-order on vinyl, tape, and digital as well as a pre-order for a shirt inspired by the music videos. I’m so excited to be sharing this album with you; thank you for listening so far and I can’t wait to share another single with you veryyyy soon. And now, the essay!)

It’s an old adage to say “it’s the journey, not the destination.” As an artist, I try my best to live this way, focusing on the task at hand and in the “doing” of art. Some days it’s easier than others. On the harder ones, it feels difficult to detach myself from the outward perception and cruel capitalistic metrics of my work. When you pour so much of yourself, your life, and your finite resources into a project, it can feel personal when it’s not received in the way you hope. It can sometimes feel like being shunned by the greater world, even if it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with the randomness, instability, and over-saturation of the music industry. The good news is that there are ways around this singular focus on album-as-consumer-product. I hope in sharing bits and pieces of the writing and recording process, I can honor my dedication to songwriting as a craft. To reveal its construction is to impart a piece of the magic with you.

“I Pushed It Down” is about a period of time where I fell into a spell of drinking a lot on tour. I’m doing much better now and in the grand scheme of things it was very slight—but still, two or three drinks every night starts to add up. It’s a slippery slope when you have access free drinks every night for weeks at a time, let alone three months on tour. It takes a lot of wisdom, self-control, and self-knowledge to resist the constant temptation of drinking, very little of which I had at age 23. There was one particular night in Dallas where I ended up puking in a bag in the van (because we didn’t have a green room), and then went on stage to play the show. It felt more depressing than it did punk rock, especially that far away from home and that many weeks into tour. I thought about my former teen self, the one who was so obsessed with live music that she would look at Facebook events of Shea Stadium and Silent Barn shows she would never go to just to see what tiny Brooklyn bands were playing, and wondered if she would be proud of me or embarrassed at the mess I had turned into. It literally, and figuratively, sobered me up quite a bit.

The biggest songwriting principles I hoped to hone as I was writing Nothing Sticks were song structure (arrangement of choruses, verses, bridges, etc.) and harmony (the use and arrangement of chords within a song). On this song, I wanted to write really distinct and identifiable parts, so that when the pre-chorus starts you know automatically it’s a new part and not a continuation of the previous one. I borrowed an idea that I remembered hearing in “I Poured Sugar In Your Shoes (Late Night Version)” by Horse Jumper of Love, which ironically enough our engineer Brad also helped produced. Instead of repeating the whole verse that starts the song, they decide to loop the first line a few times to create these lovely bookends. It felt really wistful to both come full circle and end on almost an unfinished sentence, as if you were trailing off mid-thought. I felt that affect would accentuate the nostalgic and tempered feeling I wanted “I Pushed It Down” to have.

The big secret between you and I is that I almost cut “I Pushed It Down” from the album, just a month or so before we went in to record. While structurally everything was above board, sonically nothing was gelling. Against my worse instinct to toss it in the bin, Gavin encouraged me to make some slight adjustments and improve this song. It was maybe the best call he made as a producer, as it became an immediate standout track for the friends who heard this record early on.

The earliest iterations of this track were melodic and lyrical explorations overtop of these moving thirds. I’m singing in a totally different key and there’s a distinct chamber pop cheeriness to the movement of the thirds. Moving the key down between November 7th 2023 and November 9th 2023 grounded the song’s moody lyrics, but something about it still wasn’t quite right. I titled it and sent it to the demo folder anyways to see if Gavin had a vision for it that I wasn’t seeing.

As former teens of the 2010s, both co-producer Gavin Caine and I listened to a lot of Vampire Weekend growing up (Gavin even more so than me). So as he started to build up demo arrangements, he leaned into the chamber pop idea set in motion by the bass chords. He created a starker gulf between the chords and the lyrics with an ornate harpsichord part that dances overtop, to see if the contrast could be the thing that makes it work. Even though nothing was wrong with the song at this point, nothing was exactly right, either. We just couldn’t hear any further arrangement ideas that would draw out the best in the song or make it make sense.

When we were stuck at this dead end, Gavin suggested I go back to square one and start by rewriting some changes to add more harmonic variety between the verses, pre-choruses, and choruses. Not only did this add some much-needed dimension to the song, but ultimately inspired me to abandon the moving thirds idea and try a totally different feel, playing a monotonous, yet driving quarter note bass part instead. Simplifying the bass part to just root notes also allowed me to make more embellished harmonic choices, creating tension and release with implied diminished chords during key lyrical moments.

With this new foundation, everything started lining up into place. Gavin found a solid, dry drum groove that felt cool and begrudging. Instead of leaning busy harpsichord, Gavin wrote the lush, emotive string arrangements to give it a baroque touch. In the studio, Tori Hall worked out some brilliant, warble-y finger-picked parts that complimented the plucky use of strings and while still allowing them to shine. Her transcription and interpretation of all the chord changes on the fly was truly remarkable. One of Gavin and Brad’s most big-brain moments in the studio was creating the song used on the second verse which *spoiler alert* is an autoharp with two layers of Organelle synth patches overtop of it (our homemade version of an Omnichord). It’s Brad’s favorite sonic moment on the whole album.

Making “I Pushed It Down” taught me that sometimes the difference between a bad song and a good song is indeed very, very small. It takes a keen ear, faith, and some elbow grease to save a diamond in the rough. The blood, sweat, and tears are what make it even more satisfying when it finally all comes together. ∎

Five recommendations for this week:
1. Hidden Cove (for karaoke in Chicago. It has the best, strangest vibe. There was a guy in a suit giving everyone pretzels. We still don’t know if he worked there.)
2. Alligator Bites Never Heal by Doechii (Her Grammys performance. Need I say more?)
3. sine by Cymbals (John O’Brien recommended this to me and Dusseldorf Funk is the best song I’ve heard all week)
4. “Cumulonimbus” by The Ophelias (This song and album have been stuck in my head for years now. Recommended if you need revenge on an ex but that revenge is having a richer life than they ever will.)
5. Hanging out instead of crashing out.

My sophomore album, Nothing Sticks, is out on 3/21 via Get Better Records. It’s about the way all things end through the lens of being a musician. This is my ode to letting go, of feeling through the big and little griefs of what we inevitably lose. Available now to pre-save digitally or pre-order a copy vinyl or cassette , with a new shirt design too!

The first singles from the new album, “San Diego” and “I Pushed It Down,” are both out now. Syd Ostrander made the most amazing music video for “San Diego” at the Iowa State Fair on Super 8 — I had so much fun time running around and riding rides and seeing the butter cow. I never got to visit the fair while living in Iowa so it was a dream come true to make. I’ll be sharing more about the writing and recording process of each single on here soon—for now, sending my thanks to Brad Krieger at Big Nice Studio and Gavin Caine for co-producing these tracks with me, and Tori Hall, Katie Jacoby, and JB Fulbright for playing on it.

For all the ups and downs of choosing this path, I mostly feel grateful to make music I’m proud of with sweet, talented people. Grateful that this is how I get to spend my life. I’ve spiraled out over my career and the industry at large and the idle time waiting for this moment and the work, just so much work, but it feels triumphant and cumulative to be here now. It even feels like…winning.

Five recommendations for this week:
1. Tunnel of Love by Bruce Springsteen (if you are feeling forlorn after a love that passed you)
2. Hour of the Star by Clarice Lispector (she is brilliant. it’s a perfect introduction to her work)
3. How to Rescue Things by Bill Orcutt (it made me truly weep the first time I heard it)
4. Call a friend out of the blue (optional: play a game of phone tag for weeks)
5. Go to bed early (even just one night)

If you’re receiving this, it’s because you’ve been a loyal, paid subscriber to my little blog. Thank you so much for the support! I know I haven’t done much on this side of things yet but know it’s a kind gesture that’s greatly appreciated and I have many more things planned for you next year… starting with telling you more about next year!

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444 - hemlock

What I love most about Carolina’s music is how process is as important as the finished product. It’s through their consistent practice that they’re able to come up with lines as clever as “I am scramblin' and exposed / Movin' backwards and up close / Surveilled with nowhere to go / Like a bug stuck on a car rearviеw camera” on any given Monday. 444 postulates that songs are iterative, subject-to-change, and communal. It’s freeing and in a way, reminds me of…

Brat and it’s completely different but also still brat - Charli XCX

Online discourse says the remix album is brat for Pop 2 era fans but I think this album offers so much more than that. It’s pop music semiotics. With completely new lyrics and instrumentals, song titles become the signifiers that tell us these completely different pieces of music are in fact related. It forces us to look for a through line, to notice that it’s their shared emotional DNA that connects them, and what Charli brilliantly and vulnerably extrapolates on in each remix. The brat remix album shines like a fluorescent light turning on in the club—blinding and bright, illuminating every insecurity and sign of aging under its artificial glow.

Bright Future - Adrianne Lenker

When I first heard this record, I knew it would hit so much harder if I was going through a breakup and luckily (or unluckily) for me, I did get to re-experience it in that context. The songwriting is biting and truthful; the spontaneous approach to production adds to the album’s immediacy. Real House moves me to tears every time I’ve heard it.

Charm - Clairo

I wrote my official bass review of this record earlier this year (and I still stand by it!). Bass tone grievances aside, I really adore the instrumental arrangements and performances on this record. It feels so lived-in—it’s a treat to listen to such high caliber musicians playing around in this space.

Here in the Pitch - Jessica Pratt

It took a really long for Jessica Pratt’s music to click for me. But something about lying on my back in Bohemian National Cemetery, looking at the stars with one of my best friends, and beholding the silent rapture that engulfed her music unlocked its beauty and mystery. Debussy once said “music is the space between notes” and you can hear that so clearly in Pratt’s approach.

I don’t care what comes next - sunshy

There’s something almost painterly about this Chicago shoegaze record. As often as it’s distant and dreamy, it lets distorted guitars wail and screech at max volume. It’s dynamic and bold, like a brushstroke you can’t take back. They’re even better live as a cohesive, five-piece band.

Interloper - Dolly

On their first EP in six years, Michael Eliran and band prove there’s power in meticulousness. The way guitar parts interlock, harmony fits together, and time changes happen all feels so effortless—a feat only possible through endless hours of contemplation and hashing out. It’s a huge stride forward from the band’s jangly, surf-rock days.

My Method Actor - Nilüfer Yanya

This record is delectable. The sound palettes are so dense, yet almost imperceptible over top of the fucking tightest rhythm section playing. Yanya pulls together a uniquely satisfying combination of textures and arrangement ideas while still shopping from a typical indie rock box of guitars and synths, like piecing together a brand new outfit from the back of your closet.

Thanks So Much - Cusp

The Chicago-based band offers a hopeful vision for songwriting as a way to change how we see the world. When repeated, lines like “I think people are good, they just make mistakes” and “Thanks so much for being brave” and “It’s good for my health” take on the feeling of saying an affirmation in a mirror until the words start to lose their meaning. With sound palettes and chord changes this enticing, it’s hard to resist the band’s optimism.

The Art of The Unseen Infinity Machine - Allegra Krieger

Compared to last year’s breakthrough I Keep My Feet On The Fragile Plane, Krieger’s latest record is starker, much less flowery in its observation of the world. Krieger is unflinching and astute in the face of life and death—whether it’s in “jubilation like a meteor shower” or a “piss-stained coffin” that a butterfly flies into. She is my favorite contemporary songwriter.

Two Star & The Dream Police - Mk.gee

In addition to his immaculate guitar playing, Mk.gee’s emotive and almost desperate voice pairs perfectly with his 80s-infused sound. His music is as familiar as it is new; warm as it is haunting. Hearing “Are You Looking Up” in season 3 of The Bear stopped me dead in my tracks — it’s just so irresistible.

Still - Erika de Casier

I only discovered Erika de Casier’s solo music after she produced “Super Shy” by NewJeans (my favorite K-Pop song in recent memory). There’s a bittersweetness to the way she leans into y2k aesthetics here, as if she’s looking back in time to find someone left behind. The beats scratch my brain in just the right way.

Thanks for reading if you made it to the end of this list! As a thank you for your time, I am here to tell you that there will be new Pictoria Vark music next month :~) Happy new year and cheers!

I believe that placing two works in conversation can transform them into one wholly new experience, like a wine pairing with dinner. It puts our tastes and values on display; it reveals how we connect things in our minds and how we perceive the world. It becomes the coveted Secret Third Thing. So to you, I offer to you some multimedia pairings that have floated around in my head and changed my life.

Our final show of the year is at Outset in Chicago on 11/1 opening for Foxing and From Indian Lakes. It’s the largest show I’ve played local to the place I live. Their new album is also fantastic. Tickets are available now and on-sale here.

And now, the list!

1. “Habanero” by Rosie Tucker + Fleabag (Season 2)
   Recommended for: Circumstantial heartbreak.
   
   I bet Fleabag would lose it over hearing the line “Wouldn’t we be perfect together if we wanted exactly the same thing.” It’s bittersweet, the connections we make with others that are doomed from the start and we can’t help but indulge in.

2. Upstream by Mary Oliver + How To Do Nothing by Jenny Odell
   Recommended for: If you ever wanted to throw your phone into the river on a walk.
   
   At the end of one of her essays, Oliver writes “Attention is the beginning of devotion.” But in a world where everything is vying for our attention, how do we redirect it to where it matters most? If Odell lays out a framework for divesting from the attention economy, Oliver shows us the treasures that await us once we do. And strangely enough, both involve looking at birds.

   Teach the children. We don’t matter so much, but the children do. Show them daisies and the pale hepatica. Teach them the taste of sassafras and wintergreen. The lives of the blue sailors, mallow, sunbursts, the moccasin flowers. And the frisky ones—inkberry, lamb’s-quarters, blueberries. And the aromatic ones—rosemary, oregano. Give them peppermint to put in their pockets as they go to school. Give them the fields and the woods and the possibility of the world salvaged from the lords of profit. Stand them in the stream, head them upstream, rejoice as they learn to love this green space they live in, its sticks and leaves and then the silent, beautiful blossoms.
   
   Attention is the beginning of devotion.

   - Mary Oliver

3. Chungking Express (1994) + Fuzao by Faye Wong
   Recommended for: Letting it linger.
   
   In his breakthrough film, Wong Kar-wai reflects on love and loneliness, bending the parameters of space and time in a way that only cinema can. It also provides an entry point to Faye Wong’s music with her Cantonese cover of “Dreams” by The Cranberries. On Fuzao, Faye Wong doesn’t shy away from these dream pop influences (The Cranberries, Cocteau Twins) but finds a way to make them her own. This pairing is to show two artists hitting their stride (and also how GOATed Faye Wong is).

4. Kiki’s Delivery Service (1989) + Frances Ha (2012)
   Recommended for: “Coming-of-age,” whatever that means.
   
   Kiki and Frances are some of my favorite protagonists in film—both are charmingly messy and deeply feeling in search of their place in the world. What I love about both of these films is that even when things come to a happy end, the resolution is never a return to the way things once were. It’s a bittersweet fact of life, that our new lives come at the cost of our old ones.

Charm by Clairo has both my favorite and least favorite bass performances of the year and it’s because of these extremes that I felt compelled to write about it. Produced by Leon Michels and Claire herself, the record takes its palette from from 70s soft rock and lounge-y pop music. Nick Movshon is the primary bassist on the record, whose old-school style of playing suits this record’s world. The chemistry he has with drummer Homer Steinweiss is molecular; the record feels so lived in because its built upon a twenty-year-old foundation of musicianship.

On “Sexy To Someone,” Movshon creates the perfect space for other players to sink into. In the verses, his bass part moves in contrast to Claire’s vocal melody—when she goes high, he drops low. Playing off the vocals in this way, Movshon expands the harmonic range of the song to give it a subtly dramatic contour. His tone is perfectly round, accented by a touch of fuzz that suits the vintage setting like the hiss of analog tape or the crackle of a vinyl record playing. Movshon also alternates between a bouncier rhythm that matches the drums and longer, extended notes throughout the progression. His part never overstays its welcome or shows off unnecessarily. It in turn rewards the listener with rhythmic elements that never feel overly emphasized—it feels cool. Against a less clever bass part, the big piano voicings and interstitial melodies would grow tiresome, especially as the song goes on. Instead, the bass line is spellbinding, pushing and pulling our attention back and forth among the song’s strongest elements.

It’s a good thing “Sexy To Someone” was the first single because the bass tone on “Nomad” is so heinous that it almost made me abandon this record altogether. For how gentle and focused the vocal and nylon-string guitar are, the upright bass is played with so much attack, only to be buried in the mix anyways. Movshon sounds like he’s fighting for his life to just be audible. The team then decides to scoop the low end of the bass in favor of…auxiliary timpani?! That only plays once every few beats?! The two instruments played together results in a bass tone that I can only describe as farty—uncontrollable, bottomless warbling that is so deeply distracting from even the subtlest playing.

This isn’t an indictment of upright bass, either. It could have been a beautiful choice that adds sonic variety and depth. Take the upright bass on Fiona Apple’s “Paper Bag”; the bass tone is round and lush, reclining into the back of a fleshed out arrangement. It grounds the light, brushy drums and orchestral embellishments that flit around Fiona’s driving and bold piano; its consistent warmth is needed to unite these disparate elements. The arrangement covers a more expansive harmonic ground than on “Nomad,” in which the arrangement primarily live in a higher register aside from the bass and cello. It may have been even more successful had they just taken bass out of the equation, letting the song float as lithely as Claire’s vocals. Instead it exists in an unhappy medium: a bass without low-end, stripped of its namesake. ∎

***

With how insane stan culture has become these days (driving writers into private accounts and having their addresses leaked for saying anything negative about a pop artist) it feels bold to state an opinion so blatantly. I hope that this criticism is positive enough and niche enough for the average Pop Crave Twitter consumer to be detered. We’ll see where I stand after hitting the publish button.

I have nothing else to promote right now in the Pictoria Vark world other than our last few shows of the summer in Wisconsin and Chicago, but we have something very special in the works to be shared early next year. I hope you enjoy the rest of your summer and thanks for reading! For extra credit, here’s my favorite Movshon performance (outside of his work with Sharon Jones - may she rest in peace) on the Lioness version of Valerie.

I used to draw a lot in high school. For a long time I thought I wanted to go to art school and be a graphic designer or something, even though I don’t think I had much to say with visual art. It’s nice to return to after many years away.

Drawing has helped me see the beautiful in the ordinary and take the time to actually look at the things around me. It’s helped me retain a visual memory of the changing scenery. The amount I draw vs. not on a given tour now is also a good reflection of how stressed I am on a particular run (I usually draw less when I’m in charge). It’s the best litmus test I know.

I also have some shows coming up around the Midwest all summer:

Friday 6/21 - Chicago, IL at Schubas (with SuperKnova and Bev Rage + The Drinks)
Friday 6/28 - Minneapolis, MN at Green Room (with Trash Date and Fend)
Friday 7/19 - Omaha, NE at GRRRL Camp

I have a new song coming out on 6/28 as well on a Gardenhead Records compilation benefitting the PCRF. I hope Palestine and the greater struggle against colonialism and imperialism remain in your thoughts and actions.

And now, enjoy the drawings.

(note: it was not COVID! but still was not well for a bit)

John wanted me to add Greg to this portrait and I gave Greg an imaginary $200.

I like being alone. I don’t have anyone to impress or force conversation with between sips of coffee. I can let my thoughts mull like wine or steep in my daydreams for as long as they need. I just wish to have another option more easily available. I want the facile ability to gather and commune. I want to believe it matters where I live and that I live here. I know I’m not alone in this feeling, but I have yet to find someone to talk about it with.

Much of the conversation around the loneliness epidemic belabors the loss of the Third Place in recent years—the church, the pub, the mall—where conversation is king. Many people are reckoning with the loss of the Second Place, the workplace, with the rise of remote work since COVID-19 started. It leaves us with just the First Place, the home. And even that is being waged war against with rising cost of rent, criminalized homelessness, cities still under the thumb of Big Tech. For many of us in the touring circuit, our dilemma is different. We are the traveling circus.

When we land a role, a spot on tour, or a part in a production, we are suddenly given a place, a purpose, and a group of like-minded people to be with. It’s like being in Howl’s Moving Castle when the doors that change color and suddenly, you’re in a new place. Travel brings you the gift of third, fourth, fifth, infinite places until it’s all said and done. The job ends and the family you assembled will re-disperse into the world, off to new jobs, new sets, or back home to the lives they had. And you return to yours, at least whatever remains of it after your stint away.

I am back home from a month-long jaunt across America and picking up where I left off in Life. The silver lining of this chaotic lifestyle is that each return home makes for a fresh start. A hard reboot to reshape habits and inch closer to the life you want to have. Renewed hope that things can be different and perhaps, this time, I *could* be a morning person.

The PV full band sets sail this spring, playing some Midwest dates with Mint Green. I’m also preparing to head into the studio in May but with no deadline in sight. I hope you’re doing well. Free Palestine.

~Pictoria Vark Spring Tour~

Sat 4.27 - Cleveland, OH @ The Happy Dog Saloon^

Sun 4.28 - Indianapolis, IN @ Healer^

Tues. 4.30 - Chicago, IL @ Downstairs at SubT^

Wed 5.1 - Minneapolis, MN @ 7th St Entry^

Thurs 5.2 - Des Moines, IA @ xBk Live^

Fri 5.3 - Kansas City, MO @ recordbar^