It’s currently exam season for most of us high-schoolers means that, we don’t have fill up our everyday school bags with 8+ books, so us students discard our R700 Nike bags for something more causal.

Something simplistic but simultaneously can act as class indicator the same way that our branded school bags do on a everyday basis. That is where the Woolworths tote comes into play.

Now the act of choosing the woolies bag for “causal” usage, isn’t just by happenstance. From my point of view it’s intention action; subconscious action if I’m be lenient.

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The woolies bag just like the larger brand of Woolworths sheds light on Woolworths impact in society. This retail store does not just to sell frankly overpriced groceries but it exists to sell a lifestyle to consumers. This lifestyle is one of exclusivity that one is only able to access because of their higher socio-economic standing in this country.

Woolworths has always relied on marketing itself as brand that can provide loyal costumers high quality products that you can in fact can not find anywhere else, therefore, the existence of high quality products working in combination with the element of exclusivity serves as a justification in consumer mind as to why the prices are so high.

However, that the justification to why Woolworths is so economically exclusive to most people is just because to high quality products is not enough. This leads talk about the Woolworths aesthetics and how cemented the aesthetic is in the minds of the general public in . This imagery moves on passed the minimalist white with green accent packaging that projects an image of elegance and polish – all adjectives I would use to describe the general of “old money”, an aspiration that most middle class and upper middle class households seek to emulate.

At this point while writing this article I had a mini epiphany. Woolworths operates like a luxury fashion brand in the same sense of Hermès, Dior or Chanel. The obvious reason why I’m making this comparison is that luxury fashion houses thrive on selling the a aspirational lifestyle that is wrapped exclusivity but there is second aspect that expands on everything I been saying.

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Luxury brands survive to sell people a lifestyle. Not only do these brands survive because of their important clientele whose net worth accumulate to multi millions that allows them to be to attend Fashion week and them to order custom dresses. However, the middle class demographic is also crucial part into why these are able sell to this image because middle class it’s biggest endorser- even they could not access all the items that brand has to offer.

Your mom owns Gucci sunglasses but not a Gucci dress yet she’s the brand most loyal costumer. Your dad uses [insert stereotypical masculine name] by Dior and thinks that he has made on the front cover of Vogue. I’m not judging how they chose to spend their fruits of their labour bur why don’t they feel the same way about themselves when they not wearing well respected logo. They still worked hard at the end of the day.

That’s why nicknamed the woolies bag the South African Birkin because the simple black bag is supposed to signal, that yes my family well off and that of course Woolworths is my parents main source for grocery shopping due to my parents hard work I can live this lifestyle.

But is that really the truth ?

I ask this because witness on many occasions a family packing their new brought groceries in a Woolworths bag even though the slip clearly states that the purchase was made in a Checkers store.

That’s where most my frustration around Woolworths and most luxury brands, it that if aren’t seen with an item that sports a certain label to your expected to feel a sense shame. I’m pretty the student who decided to pack their books in a Woolworths bag would not move with same conviction he does if it were a Shoprite branded bag instead.

Why do as people attach human worth to inanimate objects. Why do we think showing off that we live a certain lifestyle means our confidence and self assurance is justified? Why can’t we as children recognize that yes our parents work hard but not be able to afford to shops that are deemed a sign that you made it in life if your household shops there?

I walk through the many aisle of the black beauty essentials retail store with my bonnet weighing on head. I’m not yet sure what want do with my hair this month, I have saved to many variations of hairstyles on Pinterest to make a solid choice thus, today I will let whatever product that I gravitate towards ( and that’s in my budget) make choice for me.

The first thing my eyes land on was the ‘Darling’ braids hairpiece. I could do braids this month; that has been always a classic hairstyle. I have already done mermaid braids, fulani braids maybe this month it’s time for goddess braids but as reach out grab #27 darling blonde hair extensions, the voices in my head stop me.

These aren’t just any voices, these are voice of authority at my school telling me to tie up my braids- telling to long or even that styled them wrong way. Sometimes they will tell to remove down, theorizing that their presence will distract me from my studies. “This not a beauty salon” they criticize me but not the other girls of other races with the same hair length.

Regarding, the colour: Blonde on a black girl is a sign that she’s fast and wants to attract male attention but on a white girl that’s a sign that they are just fun to be around with the whole “blondes have more fun” stereotype.

Blue hair leads a white girl to be classified as “Alt”- while I’m demonic. Even then the colour change is a sign of white teenage rebellion that will inevitably pass and if not the worst insult she will receive that she’s “woke” in the future. Contrast that with me someone who’s a few shades in darker in terms of skin colour :

Blue or any colored hair for that matter is not rebellion- it’s me being ratchet . My hair being bright red is a clear indication that I’m walking down the path being a baby momma two 3 different men . Clearly in this scenario I’m being compared Sexy Red even though I’m still a teen.

I guess my black skin does dust this white tuxedo.

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So, I leave the “Darling” hair extension hanging on wall. I turn around and come to face with in an entire shelves filled to the birm with natural hair products from top to bottom. Maybe this will just go natural or let’s take it even further let me lock my hair; I heard sister locs are in style.

With my hand around the ‘MLP Black castor oil’ , imagining how with enough sculpting and nature my Afro can emulate Zahara hair or even maybe my locs can become personal signature just like it was for Lauryn Hill.

Yet, I still pause . While having braids make people believe that you will distracted from your goals in life; natural hair will cause you to distract others you end up occupying the same space with.

The distraction doesn’t happen because they are admiring the clouds like texture or how when are hair is in it’s natural state seems to defy the laws of gravity- no, it’s not a distraction that sense. The people distracted because from their perspective had to take a moment to pause in disgust that specific hair texture always seems to be naturally unkempt, fizzy and to always take up to much space.

Your locs to them are not to admired for how the ability for your natural hair can adapt into becoming in something beautiful even after you containing them. For the fact that your hair continued to grow even after being locked to me is a biological achievement that I think to be celebrated but for them locs are something that will always associate with drug usage, the same drug usage that they predict will end in anyone who rocks this hairstyle becoming a hobo on the streets.

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I stop myself once again by putting down the product. At this point I don’t know any way to style my hair that will not lead to scrutiny. I think my hair texture triggers a lot of people.

Perhaps, the best solution is alter it for it to mimic the European standard.

Down the aisle is where containers of relaxer chemicals opposite of that shelf I can see wigs, frontals and ponytail clip on that vary in colour, texture and length. However, deep down I know that won’t be the end of the policing of my hair. Trying emulate the acceptable straight long Rapunzel adjacent hair texture will just lead to accusations of hating my black blackness and that “I’m acting grown”, which that accusations may have some merit but we were so quick to forget that society hated my genetic make up first.

Even so maybe changing my hair texture isn’t me directly me wanting be grown. What if want to look like my favourite Disney princess. I’m sorry if you aren’t aware but their isn’t a lot of representation for black teenagers out there. What I genuinely want experiment with my self expression and just end taking inspiration from all adult figures in my life, who seems to figured out.

Comments like these for me tend to ignore that most teenagers not fully formed identities but what do have have creativity mixed in with curiosity with their bodies being the blank canvas.

At this point I wish I could shave off my hair, there should be an electric razor in the aisle next door but as much the negativity perceives my hair; I fear the of it will evoke a worse reaction. If woman shaves off her hair is for people to deny her access to her femininity. Society already denys black women femininity by default therefore the act of cutting it off may just worsen the dehumanization I go through due my intersecting identities of being black and a woman.

This how I ended up starting back at my reflection, not knowing how I’m going to show up in the society because someone always has something to say and some of those people have influence of on trajectory of my life like my school principal or the bursary interviewer.

Sometimes I wish people see things from my perspective.

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My Afro is the closest I will ever get to feeling the clouds.

My locs mimic the patterns of the waves

My braids, frontals and other extension serves as grounds for experimenting with style with causing much damage the foundation it was built on.

As illustrated by this article black hair expression is very versatile field but neither form is acceptable.

At this point the question raised in article know extends beyond my hair but to my existence in system that always has a comment to make.

What should I do with myself

If the universe was kinder I would have been the middle child of 5 – baby number 3 to be exact.

I’m meant to be the younger sister of twin brothers and the older sister of 2 younger sisters but that’s not how it worked out.

I’m what you a call rainbow baby. The multi-coloured soul created after years of a never ending storms. The only baby that survived out of 5 pregnancies so from time to time, I tend to lose myself in side what it would be like to have them around.

It’s very common for only children to fantasize about what it would be like to siblings. However, when also factoring in what could have been in terms of my circumstances it becomes less about feel of less lonely or wanting someone your age around most times or wanting to share a closet with someone.

No, it’s about mourning the reality you would have lived if life had been kinder to itself.

I mourn memories that could have played out different if they were alive.

I look at my baby pictures and feel like their a few more people missing. Smiles that were never captured, moments never immortalized.

Congratulatory celebrations don’t ever sound loud enough. Some cries never being heard or been given be comforted. It’s as if their voices have been involuntary muted before I had the chance to associate their with protection, familiarity and affection.

It feels like was robbed from experience a form of love – a form of love that was never and will never be in the cards for me.

My heart will just have to live with a void until I’m hopefully reunited with them, once the universe decides to pity my longing for this specific form of familiar connection.

( I'm might write individual letters to each but I can’t promise anything)

Maybe I was unprepared that's why this grade has been beating to a pulp. I went into year with all the propaganda that has been sold about Grade 12 internalized into my mind.

You know what I'm talking about:

"Grade 11 is harder than matric"

"Matric is just revision"

To whom ever promoted this line of thinking is our country is the world most successful propagandists; like Trump wishes he could be you. This person had to be enlisted by the CIA, their is no way that I'm not going to believe that all of these common conceptions about matric were not spread with malicious intent in mind.

Give me a moment to break down these two misconceptions .

" Grade 11 is harder than Matric" in what world may I ask? Now I'm not disagreeing with Grade 11 being hard because you can never pay to repeat that grade but saying that Matric is easier in comparison is just straight up lie. Grade 12 is truly the final boss of high school years. The difficulty of each grade increases year by year, it doesn't peak in Grade 11 . I might just give this saying some merit because saying that curriculum wise Grade 11 was harder ( and more boring)for me but overall Grade 12 has such a huge workload that it overrides the difficulty of Grade 11 content.

This leads to straight into my next point . "Matric is just revision" is the revision in the room with us? Cause from my perspective, it seems like I'm expected to learn something new everyday. This phrase pisses me off more than the previous one because with this phrase the full information is being with held . What is really meant by "revision" is that you are expected to finish the whole grade 12 syllabus in plus minus 5 months then their will given an interlude of 3 weeks then go straight into writing premils to add you be expected to do multitude of SBA's accompanied by end of term exams throughout. Even if you survive premils with it's horrible subject scheduling ( have you seen the papers we are expected to write back to back in the second week) their is only exactly 32 days- a month essentially between premils and finals.

Tjoo, and the somehow we are supposed to preserve our health.

Guys I don't think my health has gone down the drain the way it has this year. When speaking to people are finished with high-school they will so causally tell you that they were having mental breakdowns, experiencing rapid weightloss, some even said that were hallucinating - and all of this is treated like it's a right of passage.

We have normalized the degradation of one’s overall well-being in matric. We really do need start questioning why a grade no matter how important it is in the grand scheme of things should cause so damage.

Matric will make you feel guilty for taking care of yourself. 8 hours of sleep? I don't know her. Want to eat a full meal ? Well why don't eat it 2 minute noodles instead so don't waste time. You want to take a shit? How about you read Life of Pi , while your in there, so you can do something productive with your life.

Yho guys I'm pretty sure developed an eating disorder because of this grade but can't deal with that now because I genuinely got lock in.

I have no doubt that I will get through this year but at what cost? I don't think I will be the same person I was before this year got serious.

And all for what just to get rejected by universities not because your grades are bad or you didn't work hard enough; no it's because they is no space because our president is busy participating in Gen z trends instead of clocking that we need new universities to built to be able to accommodate everyone. Even then their are so many other things that keep demotiviated like the possible unemployment rate or student debt that I will probably to deal with after or even during university.

Honorable mention to how the thought of having to write a paper generated by AI decease my spirts even more . How do I even study for that? Exams these days aren't set with the intentions to see if you learned anything but to prove that in fact you don't know nothing.

Oh my God, I feel like being experiment on. I never thought I would say this mara Angie must comeback.

The sad thing is for most of us it's not just Matric that is our only hardship that were dealing with. My friend earlier in the year told me that you always go though something in matric and for me it has been my home life . Some of you it may grief, financial issues or mental illness that are all being multipled by the stress of finishing school. I admire people who can go through matric without feeling suicidal.

I wish I had words of encouragement to close off this article but I can't lie and say it will get better because we are all aware that it's only going to get worse from this point going forward. I guess the best I do is to remind you that made it this far, most of us, I think are already registered to write the finals already so you can't tap out now.

If you ever need to crash out ( or leak exam papers) my chats are always opened

And to all the people who are finished with school, I think I speak for every matriculant on this app when I say we are kindly requesting a braai held in honor at the end of this year. Please and thank you

Let me set the scene of what initially inspired this article. It was English period and the topic was a character analysis surrounding King Hamlet. What me and my classmates were debating was whether if it was a selfish decision for King Hamlet to put the responsibility on Prince Hamlet to in act vengeance for his death . This debate somehow lead us as class expressing how from a child perceptive parents don’t apologize for their objectively wrongful actions they commit against their children.

My English teacher counter argument to this was that she doesn’t apologizes to her kids directly with words but she just hugs them after the altercation or maybe make them their favourites food or even buy that one item they have been begging for.

No direct acknowledgement of her wrong doings, it’s as if the expectation that her kids would be smart enough to interpret her actions as apology. Which I’m sure they are smart to interpret as apology- just like how I know that my mom is signaling her guilt to me when she washes the dishes after she figured out that she offended me somehow.

However, even most of classmates can recognize when their parents are signaling their guilt, we still want the guilt to acknowledge in words. Something one of my classmates yelled across the room stuck with me is:

“I want an apology, not a new IPhone”

This quote revealed what many of us, young children felt when it comes to accountability coming from our parents side because we taught to apologize almost immediately for our misbehaviour but the same energy can not be reciprocated?

I don’t think parents would like that strategy of apologizing to be duplicated by us because imagine me resorting

Again, my English teacher added her perceptive stating that if she was to apologize directly with words, her children would become entitled to an apology every time she’s does something wrong. In essence what I’m hearing is that you don’t to apologize directly because it will lead having to take accountability for actions each time you mess up and you want to avoid that.

Mara ma1k but moving on to why this article was actually written. It’s has been a few days since the debate happened and as thought deeper into this exchange like I always do, I realized how all of this is connected to how the phrase “actions speaks louder than words” has been co-opted by people to avoid accountability.

This phrase from a young age has always bothered me because I knew people were misinterpreting the saying, I just couldn’t prove it- well now have the words to do .

“Actions speaks louder than words” is a saying that is supposed highlight how people have to follow through on their promises. For example a partner who promises to be loyal but goes out there to streets to do exactly the opposite – they actions here demonstrates how their words hold no weight at the end of the day. The phrase does not seek to diminish the value of words because a promised has been made as reassurance and the action must serve as a follow through.

Now, with the value of words being diminished, it directly leads to importance acknowledgement of itself being diminished because when you are aware of the pain you caused someone and taking the first steps to seek forgiveness, all of this without person who is the vitcim of your actions having to do emotional labour having to decoding your actions to see whether it’s good enough to forgive you or not.

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Also lack of acknowledgement leads to people not wanting to take accountability to change their actions because your mother brought you an IPHONE, she didn’t promise that she will stop body shaming you. She doesn’t even know that you were crying because you didn’t like the comments she made about your body actual reason you started crying. Form her point of view she was just criticizing then you proceed to start crying.

That is the central problem with not starting off with verbal communication in the process of apologizing – is that we can rarely get to the root of the emotional issue. Where does someone even start the process of forgiving if the person that wronged you doesn’t even know the reason why your actually hurt, only knowing that they were the cause.

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Even focusing on the actions being done. The action is not done in a manner of improving upon their previous behaviour but the action committed is always a form distraction from confronting the root issue of what is going on in a relationship.

Take for example, a partner buying you a boutique of flowers every time, they end up not keeping up with the promise of consistent communication but either way, you forgive him then proceeded to inform the group chat that he promised to change -for the 5th time. Your mom brought you that R3000 sneakers you been begging her for the whole year because it’s serves as a means of distracting herself and you from the cycle of generational trauma that she knows are continuing by not apologizing directly to you.

Additionally, this normalizes the belief that you only get to receive gifts as an act reconciliation not just because you deserve gifts because you existence needs to be appreciated. Why are dates only had the day after every time you confront them about your suspensions of them cheating?

To add on, let me tell you that your caregiver was always going to cook your favourite dish; I’m mean they brought the ingredients needed before you even fought with them. The fight just prompted them to make that dish sooner, then originally scheduled.

Either way to conclude this structured rant of mine, may we please recognize that significance verbal communication backed up by action is needed in all relationships that you intend to become successful. It’s the simple things that usually matter, most especially to kids because it shows that let go off your pride and to show just because you are technically in position of power, you a humble enough to admit when your wrong and held accountable.

There was a passing interaction that I had with my mother that has been has been replaying in the back of my brain until I finally decided to write this article.

A few weeks ago me and my mom were browsing through my baby pictures upon coming across this certain picture consists of me, her and my dad she then made a comment saying:

"But I really did bless your father with a light skin child"

That statement made me pause because what do you mean by bless? It implies It would have been a curse if I ended up being dark skinned - just like my father. Thing is I wasn't even always this light.

Their was a time where I was closer to my father in terms of complexion. What did she think about my appearance then? I would like to think she found me beautiful either way, just like all mothers should find beauty their daughters but it's comments like this that make back on my childhood through a cynical lens.

Maybe that's the reason my mom always has been critical of me sitting out in the sun this past few years not because she sacred that may trigger skin cancer but because of the formation of hypopigmentation that will put a tint on what she considers a blessing that she's do gracefully passed down too me.

But their was approximately 50% chance that I would inherit my father dark hue or at best , my skin tone would be an intermediate between their contrasting skin tones, like I had exhibited in my childhood.

I ask myself how would she had treated me if in long run resembling stared the dark skinned man, she willing chose to procreate with.

However, my "what if" is someone's lived reality.

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There are dark skinned women and girls out there, who had to watch their mother's fawn over the complexion of their father's , while having to deal with colourist the jabs from the same person, all because for the same trait, they inherited from their father's . Long before the world would reveal it's colourist nature, it started at home with their mom's warning them to stay out of the sun in fear that their complexion would only darken further . Self hated was not first learn by the multiple blurry faces of society but the rather familiar single face of her birth giver.

So it no surprise to me at least, that when these that kids step out into this harsh world with a already shaky foundation of their on appearance that was built at home, have work hard on their confidence just to keep their head held high for the remainder of their life, . It's no surprise that some even crumble under the weight low self-esteem and end bleaching risking serious damage to one's skin barrier, in order to become a few hues lighter.

However, can you even blame them because they don't get break from societies brutal commentary, even in their own house . They might be making this altercation to their skin to quiet down the noise.

Their lies a deeper implication of a " tall, dark and handsome" being seen as the epitome of masculinity, especially in the black community. While traits like tall and handsome are not as alarming, when they are considered a standard for the ideal masculine physique but it's the dark part, I want to deconstruct. Why is being dark skinned associated with masculinity and the other implication being light skin is feminine in nature. Sorry to break it to you the genetic code for skin colour does not correlate with that of gender, meaning mostly skin colour and gender operate largely operates independently of each other.

This leads as realize that assigning certain genders to specific physical traits, especially one that is many variations such as skin tone is ultimately a social construct that many of us buy into. This analysis as to why colourist light skinned women find dark men attractive but not dark skinned women because to them, to be dark skinned is to be inherently masculine so if that physical feature that represents masculinity is present in a women or girl then that girl or woman has been denied of their femininity.

All in all , I would like to conclude please understand that whom ever you decided to get romantically involved with to the point where you conceive a child with them realize that due to the laws of genetics that child will inherit some traits from both biological parents. Therefore, know that features that you may love or not find attractive in your partner will be passed down to your offspring and it is an obligation as a parent to find said them beautiful and if that sounds like something you can't do then does have kids, it's that simple.

Scarcity Mindset: Acting as though a good thing is limited and will never happen again, so you hold back from engaging with it.

Now, I have criticized the scarcity mindset many times on this publication, often framing it as something old people suffer from when comes to not wanting to utilize many of their material items because they think they are just good to be used just yet .

However, approximately a week ago, I decided to start binge reading many of and I many of the substack articles I had saved over the span of time that I have been on this app. Some of those articles have been saved since the have started out . This not say I haven’t been reading articles – I have been but my subconscious habit is all save an article rather than read it on the spot.

After, going on that binge reading journey I found myself actually enjoying most of them, just like I thought I would; that’s why saved them. The reason I saved them in the first place is that I thought they were to good to engaged with immediately. They were something that had to be savoured for the prefect occasion.

I know flawed logic on my part but that whole process lead me to realize that, I’m exhibiting the mental scarcity that I dedicated time trying to dismantle- the only difference being that I’m not hoarding utility items but hoarding other people pieces works.

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I wish could my behaviour is only visible on substack but the signs have always been there on another platform that I use to find entertainment. The first app and the subsequently longest app have had is YouTube. Just to take a glance at my Watch Later playlist and the severity of my hoarding tendencies is on display. There is no way can get through a binge watching journey as easily as I did with substack. I haven’t even tried because so overwhelmed because I where to start. When I sometimes do want to watch a specific video which in saved , there is a good chance that it another has been taken down or significant changes had to be made due to it creators trying to appease copy right claims or avoid demonstration.

I even with music, an everyday consumption at least in my life this scarcity mindset refuses to detach myself from my brain. A confession I have to make when Cowboy Carter dropped in March of 2024, only sat down and fully listened to in September of that year. For context Beyoncé is my favourite artist but even she couldn’t escape being a victim to my scarcity mindset. At this point I’m scared that Frank Ocean may drop an album today and will only listen to it in the next 5 years.

So why do I act like this? Usually when the scarcity mentality is discussed as concept we can quickly recognize is a symptom of poverty but the scarcity mentality I’m exhibiting about does not necessarily revolve around physical items so it’s harder to pin point the exact cause of this behaviour of mine. However, upon further introspection, have managed to compile a few answers.

The few surface level answers that maybe most of us are thinking is that I just have short attention leads me to subconsciously not wanting immediately engage with something that is considered “long form content” because I want to continue to droom scrolling.

Sometimes, it’s also about their being a lack of time. For instance, I can’t really get myself watch a 45 minute YouTube video when their only 20 minutes left until break ends, then class resumes once more. So it just convenient, when to saved it for later when can watch it all in one sitting.

Also weird quirk of mine is that I can not re-read anything. The phrase “I would sell my soul to experience reading [insert title] again for the first” is actually my reality. No matter how good a book or article was or life changing it maybe; under any circumstances I am not for revisiting it.

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This time looking at it more deeply, I realized how much my mental state influences how willing I am to engage with something. Obviously concepts like being in a reading slump factors but mean in sense I feel overwhelmed by any emotional including happiness I will not consuming anything no matter how much I’m interested in.

Sometimes, when engaging with art or literature that I know I will like but I know that if I’m not in the correct mental state, I will not be able to appreciate the little details that the creator put in to their creation. Honestly think is tad disrespectful to the creator who put in all this effort into what whatever work they produced – so would rather not engaged at all until I’m know will able fully appreciate it with all it’s elements.

Which is somewhat of a noble action but again it can take months until I consider myself to okay and with all the current things that are going on in my life I think the only will be achieved in 2027 because this year is out to get me.

Anyway to round off this article, I’m obviously going to try actually get rid of this mindset because it is genuinely holding me back from fully existing within creative spaces with another creatives because at end of the day I understand how much supporting people matter and to myself so if maybe you recognize a bit of yourself in this article take the small bits to rid of this mindset by at least trying to engage with something every few days after all you might be missing out on something that has the potential to genuinely alter the way you view things but that piece of work is currently rotting in that saved playlist.

To read some of the another articles that I have written on the scarcity mindset. Continue here

Or

You say you got a girl

Yeah, how you want me?

How you want me when you got a girl?

The song starts off with SZA being approached by man, who she clearly knows in relationship with another woman. Her tone here indicates that she’s that is bit taken a back that this man can find in himself to betray his girlfriend just so he can be with her.

The feelin’ is reckless

Of knowin’ it’s selfish

And knowin’ I’m desperate

Getting’ all in your love

Fallin’ all over love, like

Do it ‘til it hurts less

Sza, in this part demonstrates herself awareness in this situation. She knows that she is getting off of the adrenaline and the validation of being chosen by someone who is already taken. She knows that she’s being desperate for the feeling love and deep down does feel guilty about getting in between this relationship, hence why she’s sings “Do it ‘til it hurts less”. This line can also refer to the self destruction that she is causing herself to go through by being in this less than ideal arrangement.

Hangin’ out the back, all up in your lap

Like is you comin’ home? Is you out with her?

I don’t care long as you here by 10:30, no later than

Drop them drawers, give me what I want

Firstly, she starts by describing how they sneak around with each other with implication being it’s mostly based on the satisfying each others physical needs. However, the seeds of SZA delusion has already been planted with her referring to her place as “home” as if she’s not the side chick in this whole dynamic. When she says “Is you out with her?” It’s like she referring to his actual girlfriend as the inconvenience in their somewhat scandalous arrangement they got going on.

In the following lines Sza conveys nonchalance telling us, she doesn’t care If his spending time with his girlfriend as long as he arrives at her place at the set time they agreed on and continues to satisfy her physical needs, then doesn’t bother her.

My man is my man, is your man

Heard it’s her man too

My man is my man, is your man

Heard that’s her man

In the chorus is where we really see the effects of being validated on SZA mentality. In her mind that is her man. In a way she probably thinks was their from the beginning or that he actually loves her more than his main. Sza in this part of the song just might be throwing shade at the actual girlfriend because “Heard that’s her man” is a crazy thing to say when you’re the side .

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Tuesday and Wednesday, Thursday and Friday

I just keep him satisfied through the weekend

You like 9 to 5, I’m the weekend

Make him lose his mind every weekend

You take Wednesday, Thursday

Then just send him my way

Think I got it covered for the weekend

Here, Sza runs through their set schedule informing us that mainly entertain each other on the weekend. Her having him on the weekend is implies that she is experiencing more bliss in the relationship compared to actually girlfriend who is the “9-5” that has to deal with the less ideal parts of being in a relationship such as the emotional labour , the arguments etc.

Also, just like how during the week, it’s common for people to look forward to the weekend because of relaxation that comes with it , Sza with this comparison of the “9 to 5” to “the weekend” might just be her saying “ that every time has with you his really thinking about me” .

I gotta say I’m in the mood for a little bit more of that

I mean I’m saying what kind of deal, just two days?

I need me at least ‘bout four of them, more of them

More you on me, on us

Just tell me you want me, yeah

Monday and I’ll be at your door

Ready to take her place

Ready to give you

What you’ve been missin’ on weekdays

What you’ve been waitin’ for

10:30, no later than

Drop them drawers, I know what you want

This where actually see Sza full on attachment to this man develop into her wanting to spend more time with him outside of the weekend with even being willing to replace the space in which that his 9 to 5 girlfriend usually occupies . Even her wanting to see him more still framed around sex in this, there is still room for the suggestion there is emotions being factored in because, why would she be so willing to become the new “9-5” even though it comes with a lot of labour as she once implied?

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Even the way the one line that was once used to convey her nonchalance: “I don’t care long as you here by 10:30” is now restructured to “What you’ve been waitin’ for 10:30, no later than” now the first time this line was said, she didn’t really care about if this man was with her girlfriend as long as when he was when he was supposed to be with her, he should be there but currently she actively waiting for him so they link up to give him want he has been waiting for in her words. This new intense attachment even leads her to break the set boundaries of only seeing other on the weekend suggesting maybe to extend their time to Monday.

My man is my man, is your man

Heard it’s her man too

My man is my man, is your man

Heard that’s her man

Tuesday and Wednesday, Thursday and Friday

I just keep him satisfied through the weekend

You like 9 to 5, I’m the weekend

Make him lose his mind every weekend

You take Wednesday, Thursday (don’t worry ‘bout none)

Then just send him my way (don’t worry ‘bout none)

Think I got it covered for the weekend

We come back to the chorus, while it can be reasoned at when Sza started listing of the days of the week, when she leaves out Monday it is done to better the flow of the song, but with added context of the previous part, the exclusion of “Monday” can be interpreted as a way to illustrate the listener how Sza is slowly breaking her original plan of only getting involved with this guy on the weekends- a call back to the previous part.

Ayy

Bright ideas

We’ve got bright ideas

Ayy (ayy)

Bright ideas

We’ve got bright ideas

Ayy

Bright ideas

We’ve got bright ideas

As we close out the song we hear Sza chanting “We’ve got bright ideas” to me it is a cheeky way to highlight the lengths that Sza is willing to maintain this relationship, with her interpreting her actions as a sign of her intelligence.

It also be interpreted as also highlighting how sometimes friends can encourage this behavior in each other because Sza in this part is chanting over harmonies creating the illusion that she is not talking to herself but to probably a group of people, thus we can conclude that someone is enabling her behavior.

Usually when I conclude this kinds of articles, I sum up the overall points of the article while simultaneously relating it to my own experience but this song alone inspired me to write another article somewhat related to this song therefore, for you will just have to wait for my full thoughts in the next article but will say is that I love this song because can clearly see how someone like Sza ended up in situation. I also love who each part of the song expends and has the potential to change the way one interpretation of the part that comes after.

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1.Baking together

I usually don't like people in the kitchen with me but their something that once to experience making a something sweet with someone. I want to experience this because baking is less stressful then cooking, because when your baking your not in a rush. However, knowing me I would still end up burning whatever we put in the oven.

2. Arcades or game night

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I like this concept because it brings out the competitive spirit that mostly lays doormat inside. Partaking in competitive games like shooting basket ball hoops or a simple game like UNO can show how a person thinks under pressure. It also serves to show the desire and ambition in someone . Their is no nonchalance when playing a game like crazy 8. A game night can even be been in group settings with other mutuals.

In the context of an Arcade regardless of who wins we are still walking out with prizes.

3. A joint playlist

Music is such an intimate way to bond with someone. This way you can easily have access to want kind of music they enjoy in contrast to yours. I feel like it's a good to do this in the beginning stages and see how the playlists evolve from the early stages of a relationship to the more mature phases and to how your taste basically influenced each other overtime.

NB: If you guys breakup, their are some certain songs or artist that you won't be able to listen to again because you will forever associate them but if you do last I'm pretty sure you will ready know what song to work down the aisle too. High risk, high reward type of situation.

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4. Solving a puzzle together

For me this a more calm version of the game night. The game night is where we competed against each other now here we are focused on collaboration. I can just imagine us trying to figure out which piece goes where while catching up on each how each of our week went. Something a bit slower , quiet but bonding experience.

5.Ice Skating/ rollar skating date

I do not even know how to ice skate nor do even like the cold, let's not even talk about how I have no sense of balance, but you just allow a girl to fantasize for bit. Imagine being guided on to ice by them holding your hand while you are trying to defy gravity by not falling down or how we were so focused on each other that we eventually bumped into each other.

6. Watching something to together even though we are not physical in the same room.

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I could imagine that we are watching together while simultaneously sending commentary to each other through texts while everything is going down. Most likely at some point we may even when lose focus and drift into a whole new different conversation losing sight of what actually brought us together in the first . I think I like this concept because it does let distance stop us from sharing moments together.

7. Styling each others hair

I am being so for real when I say I'm willing to learn how to braid, cut or style hair just so can I can be a convenience because why would you pay over R400 for a skill we could both easily learn . Their something so intimate at least for me about let's someone manipulate your hair because I'm pretty sure that my person, would rather spend time with me, with my gentle hands dealing with their hair than go to the salon and risk heat damage and hairline damage.

8. Photo booth pictures

Obviously if I'm dating someone, my phone gallery will be filled with pictures of us together but for me experiencing taking pictures in a photo booth creates so much more memories . Their is something about having physical evidence of something happening that can not be easily lost due the simple act of losing your phone or not having enough cloud storage to back up some pictures.

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9. Photo album

Piggy backing of the last item, I would like to create a physical photo album that hopefully one day we can flip through maybe once have grown old together because I don't trust technology to be able to preserve our moments together.

10. Hand made crafts

I much as I would appreciate actually store bought gifts their is also a place in my heart that would love to receive and give out hand made crafts. This could range from crochet items to origami made flowers to hand written love letters. Like I'm willing to learn most of these skills just so my gifts to my partner can feel more personalized - Heck I'm willing to fix up my most ineligible handwriting just so I can write you an aesthetic love letter that you can keep somewhere so you will always think of me.

That is honestly all I can think of at the current moment. Now, I would like to hear from my substack crush and rest of you guys reading what would like to experience with your ( albeit non-existent)romantic partner.

This is article is a small continuation of my last article

When "Stylos" was first introduced it was through South Asian owed spaza shops and also through hand to month street venders, who knew that this new chip brand will be the next best thing in the hood. This chip brand to the kasi by storm to the point it even rivaled the monopoly that Go-slow's at the time. Children would buy this snack almost everyday weather it was them coming back from school or it being eaten in causal spaces. Stylos was the snack that feed not only the kasi consumer but also no matter how small the contribution was help to feed the people that introduced us to the snack in the first place.

So could imagine the eyebrow raise a give as a reaction to see it being sold in some retail stores in the same aisle where Doritos and Lays was being sold. At first I brush off the slight unease I left at seeing this but after seeing a TikTok video where this person come across the same thing I'm describing in this article, his commentary on this was that

"Stylos made it out the hood before you". While he said this in a humorous tone, this observations upon further inspection is scarily accurate from my stance.

You might think I'm reaching here but I think this is a recession indicator and I want to explore what does that mean for the people who relied on the snack.

A recession is a significant and widespread slowdown in economic activity, marked by falling business sales, rising unemployment, and a shrinking overall economy.

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Sounds like I'm pretty such like describing the current state of South Africa as a whole, even though officially as nation we are not experiencing a recession, thus this where the indicator part comes in.

Now in recession or rather approaching a recession corporations try harder to make as much profit as they can when the public is not willing to easily spend money as carelessly as they used too. This leads to them using the concept of product gentrification comes into play.

Product gentrification is when an affordable, everyday item is redesigned, marketed, and priced as a luxury good for wealthier buyers, which prices out original customers.

While yes I don’t think that Stylos is marketed as luxury good the same way as Lays chips are but I think this Stylos being positioned next to Lays and Doritos functioning as a soft launching pad because if what initially a low cost product is being positioned next what we already accepted a luxury good, it makes sense that a corporations would start increasing the cost of the initially low cost price.

In simple terms what I'm trying to say Stylos being in the same aisle as Doritos and all these another imported brands is going to lead us to paying Doritos prices for something that once priced less than R10.

And the thing is that most of my problems don't even lie in the fact that corporations are gentrifying local products but I'm concerned about how it will affect the people the snack was once for. If the average kasi resident can not afford to eat the snack that has been a staple in the community, isn't that a sign that this is concerning.

I ask myself what will happen to the street venders and spaza shops that rely on about only the profit made from Stylos and other kasi coded products.

While yes, the argument can be made that these local business owners can still sell these products but you fundamentally forget that we live in classist society. Take for example buying Lays from a spaza shop is perceived differently from buying the same chips from let's say Pick n Pay - the only tangible difference being the process of a barcode being spanned and I receipt being produced as evidence of a purchase occurring.

Same brand, same taste but one site of purchase is more legit than the another.

Also take into consideration that while I chose to center this article around Stylos but product gentrification can apply to any local snack . I can honestly see a dystopian future where ama skoppers now have a barcode slapped on the plastic with contains them . I mean has happened to goods such as matcha on global scale or more local example such as Rooibos.

Some of you reading may think I'm reaching but Stylos being sold at Woollies is on my bingo card for the year 2035 don't say I didn’t warn you guys. The same way we don't believe our parents, when they say bread used to cost R5 will be the same way the next generation will feel when tell them about how Stylos used to be affordable.

I never thought some of the most important relationships, I would form this year would come from substack. Now it’s not new information that I was not expecting to find genuine connections on this app but another thing I did not expect in entirely is said connections to transcend outside of Substack chat and incorporate it’s way into my daily life.

When the chat was first formed, I really didn’t see myself being an active participant for a few reasons. Firstly, I was intimidated I was in a chat with people who I looked up, people whose articles served us inspiration for why, I continue to write. For a lack of a better I had Imposter syndrome. Besides the intimidation on my side I honestly thought that my personality was to brash or not palatable to most people; just like in real life I would have to water myself down to be tolerated in spaces that I occupy. Finally, I thought that this group would be a failed experiment like #DateMySubscriber – I really didn’t we would stick.

Oh, how quickly you guys proved me wrong from the beginning we had entered a flow state that is still being maintained to this day. I no longer feel intimidated by others or by my own personality. Initially thought I would stay to collect some stickers, then dip on some @ElsSaidIt type mentality but soon found myself falling in falling in love with you all then later finding myself getting attached.

They are have been some texts messages, that the first time I saw them it caused me to eyebrow but now they have been a staples in my life. When I see these specific messages pop up in my notification bar, I know I have to drop what I’m doing and login into the chat so I don’t miss out.

Messages like:

“I have an aks”

“Sbwl a kota”

“Sending jealousy from Auckland Park”

“A ke happy 🩴🩴🩴”

Those sentences alone will always occupy a space in my vocabulary.

It’s not even just about the humour but about how we show up for each other with the same intensity regardless of the situation.

You got a got a job or you passed a test – Einstein warona

You got your hair got done or you brought a new outfit- you deserve to be on someone Pinterest board

Someone did you dirty- they are officially on our hit list

Even when it comes to more to grim topics that may not call the immediate celebration that we are accustomed too are still given the attention and tested with gentleness it requires. Maybe that is my favorite part about the is that a regardless of how big or minuscule something is expect will be treated with the same level of importance.

Even when someone isn’t being active, their presence is immediately notable. Questions start flooding the chat with one of us probably reaching out on the side to make sure that “missing” person is okay. In a situation where we are informed that the person maybe taking a break from the group for a multitude of reasons that alone doesn’t cause them to lose their place with the group – you will still be welcomed back with open arms the only downside- it’s that you will have many chats to catch up on when do come back and rarely will the minutes of the meeting will be provided.

But on a serious note, I really do love you guys. I know I don’t say it much or even at all because I struggle with affection but all of you girls do truly brighten my day and never fail to put a smile on my face so hope you feel the same way about me .

Again ka le rata

Each of are going to be rich, famous and fabulous so never forget we were their for each other from beginning .

Yours truly

Amukelani

(Aka Matriculation)

Recently, I have been high on nostalgia, which lead to try to replicate some of my most joyous moments from my childhood. I re-watched movies, shows and went down my childhood rabbit hole to find music that remember fondly. During this process, while still found myself enjoying things of the past, it really didn't hit the same. Which in it of itself is not a big deal. I acknowledge that I'm a bit grown now for the things I'm watching but it wasn't that made this whole process of revisiting feel off though. After thinking deeper about it for a hot minute I realized the content wasn't the problem but rather the way was consuming it.

I realized revisiting most things on streaming platforms. The whole process of was navigating said streaming platform was to first the find search bar and type in a title from memory then cross my fingers that I find what I'm looking for.

Honestly, a sharp contrast to I would consume media as a child.

I distinctly remember having this on Barbie movie on DVD, if I'm not mistaken it was Barbie as Rapunzel. That was truly one my of my first hyper fixations as child; there was no piece dialogue, song or choreography that didn't have memorize, give a me a random timestamp and younger me would know what would happening that scene.

Then came the first ever Disney movie I ever watched that being Disney Hercules and all I can say is that the songs, specifically the harmonies mixed the vocal agility that could never be matched. It wasn't only girly cartoons that I watched but I also had the fast few fast and furious movies with scenes being recreated by me and my cousin during playtime.

Then, their was Sarafina, me owning the DVD meant I didn't have wait for the SABC to play it annual on Youth Day just like everyone else, I had the chance to be able to learn the choreography everyday.

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When it came music, my mom had a CD bag full of CDs that she would play in the car, when ever we were traveling also including her habit of never skipping songs regardless if liked we the song or not. I remember their was this CD, I think was centred around Latin music - that was where I first heard Maria Maria by Santana and The production G&B. Even though my memory is a bit fuzzy now I do remember younger me knowing the exact track number on CD .

I even miss something like the magazines that we would eventually cut up to play Home Choice in with some of us already planning what your future houses were going to look like . We were really reusing, reducing and recycling before we ever when taught in schools.

The newspapers, where the matriculants of each year would purchase to be able to look through ( albeit anxiously) the many student numbers surrounded by family reassuring them in the background. I fear this is something wouldn’t experience the same impact of that cannon event because what's the point if an SMS is already going to inform me about my results.

Sana, the smell of books when I first opened it, the way I would mark the progression of a book to with a bookmark or if I didn’t have a bookmark at current moment I would fold the concer of a page despite the librarian clearly stating that I should not cause any damage to the book while it's in my possession.

Even something as simple as the afrocentric paintings, vases and rugs that added character to my grandmother house are now harder to come across in most of younger aunts and uncles homes.

Now, when trying to recreate such memories with this small revelations of what an impact physical media had on my childhood I realized how much of it I took it for granted.

It seems like photo albums are now a thing of the past , something your mother spends time reminiscing on while flipping through the pages, while you try your hardest not cringe at the actions commit toddler you, that you yourself don't even remember doing.

I used to get frustrated when CDs and DVDs would scratch but I would now honestly that over streaming and it's ads any day. I miss when I could clearly see the progress when reading a book without having to glance down at page on pdf reader. When I lost access to physical media, I simultaneously lost the ability to sit through content that I don't like. Most of all I miss the certainty, when popped a CD into a CD player I knew what to expect but now if I search up something on Netflix, there is risk that has been already taken down. This adjacent to the same way I feel about how I could easily just all the artwork I saved and all pictures of took if I just forget to back up one day.

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Even, if I have the desire to return to physical media again it isn't easy as it was to come across as it was back then. It seems like society is making it harder to own things these days. The prices of books and vinyl’s cost an arm and leg . Most tech companies don't even include disk or CD players more and don't even think movie studios are producing VHS tapes or DVDs anymore.

I don’t even know where to even start collecting this such as painting or vases anymore that fit the same vibe of those that brought colour into my childhood.

To end off this love letter of sorts, I have a confession to make. When I first experienced the rise in digital platforms in it's first few phases, I was happy that physical media was dying simply because digital platforms meant more access and more control over what I wanted to consume but now all I feel fatigue at all the subscription fees have to pay and acts of piracy I have to commit to keep myself entertained in current times.

They say you never know something value until you lose it but this phrase forgets to mention how it takes a while to even recognize the impact of the loss until to too late to go back .

I’m someone who is very passionate about things I put my mind to whether it be my interests, values or subjects relating to my ideology. I would even say sometimes I struggle to comprise on some of these aspects. This means to compensate for my stubbornness the mentality which I have adopted when to what I consider my ideal partner, I have been the person who opted for similarities attract. Obviously as my partner you can have different interests but what I really care about is that we share similar ideology when it comes socio-economic and political state of the world, said ideology being quite radical one revolving around feminist ideals, true liberation for minorities and the dismantling of the capitalist system we live under – just to name a few.

Now, when I find myself engaging in conversation with people where their interaction of relationships and my personal ideologies, the conclusion in which many people make at the end of the conversation is that : “only a white man could date you”

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Many of these people who make this comment ignore two things. Firstly, when I saw a believe in similarities attract it also applies to race and class; meaning as black girl who doesn’t come from the best means, I want to date other black people who come from similar circumstances with the add on fact of having similar views on life.

And secondly they don’t seem to fully understand the implications of their statement cause what do mean only a white man would date me because I could myself radical thinker.

You mean the same white man who not not long ago was going around trying to suppress any black person to sought of liberate themselves from the mental and physical shackles of white supremacy.

The same demographic of people that are the reason why my radical ideology had to be created by my ancestors as a direct counter to the White man’s oppressive ideology that was governing everyone during the time of segregation.

That is who you think is my soulmate?

Why are people so quick to rewrite history to paint white people as more liberal than black people and worse the rewriting of this history is actively being done by black people on some “go and go it the land back chomii”.

Guys apartheid was 32 years ago- it’s to be early to playing in snow.

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In connection with assuming white people are more liberal, this means there is also an assumption being made that black people are more conservative or backward thinking in this modern day. This implies that from their perspective that black people do not want to liberated – they okay with operating by the white man’s ideology; essentially meaning that black people are responsible for their own oppression. Which maybe true in some context, I still see this ideology still being acted out in black community but frustrates me that it is framed that it cannot be changed. White people can change all of their racist, misogynistic and homophobic mentality and actions then be forgiven in approximately 3 decades but black people are struck like that forever with no hope for change.

Another thing that bothers me is when I also factoring in class into conversation. I realized people think that only radical thoughts can only be shared between white people with maybe the inclusion of black middle and upper-class.

Why is that though ?

Is not black radical thought meant to liberate everyone or do you think Bantu Biko black consciousness philosophy is to difficult for us poor black people to comprehend. Is It really to complicated for us to understand to the point where, I need Jan Van Riebeeck grandchildren to explain the ideology that a fundamentally a black line of thinking because I guess they get it better than I do despite me having lived experience being black person in this country.

I need people to understand radicalization thinking is native to kasi, hood or ghetto- whatever you want to call.

I really have ask may I ask where do you think Bantu Biko was born and subsequently raised?

Do you really believe that it was in the gated in the predominantly white suburbs?

In fact, my desire to want to spend someone fundamentally like me is radical because black love is inherently radical especially when it is rooted in the hood . This act of wanting to love within my community despite every systematic factor that may be against us such as lack of capital or how our nerves systems may not most regulated, we still find comfort in each other’s minds – this is an act of refining black love. Black love that is often to struggle love can be an act of defiance to the notion at the thought you have to love a person when they are fully formed or gotten their life together.

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With the factoring in the educated part of it all, this black love is choosing to actively heal your wounds for the betterment for yourself and others around you using the philosophies of those who come before you . Here, black love acts as an intentionally act of healing and cultural preservation.

The part I’m looking forward to when loving an education hood nigga is that, I’m will able to express myself without having to worry about softening my ascent or disregard the medium of communication that is often reduced to being “slang” to get my points across. This is subconscious act of not forgetting the ghettoness that made me when discussion the serious socio-economic issues affecting the world, is a direct rebellion to the notion that arguments made in fluent English are valid because the ghettoness in which my partner and I will hopefully communicate in will serve as constant reminder to who is more affected by the continuous operation of white man system.

To conclude I don’t want to sound as if I’m Dr Umar in this article but we must stay focus don’t let them rewrite history into thinking that you can only get into intelligentually stimulating relationships with white person. You can in fact find fulfilment in among your people.

It was only until recently, when I was in conversation with one of my friends, who was basically describing how he went on his first in 2 years, that made me realized that I had never been taken out on date . Mind have been in relationships where we were officially partners ( like boyfriend and girlfriend) and I have been all over the spectrum of situationship but none of resulted in me taken out on date.

In fact after this epiphany I started having a lot of other revelations of things when it comes to my dating life. I haven’t experience a lot of things despite having been in relationships before. I never got a valentines gift or birthday gift – heck even birthday acknowledgement from many of my significant others. It’s even only about the material stuff, I have never got a playlist made for me, never fell a sleep on call and again I have never been on a date. I would like to especially harp on the date aspect because not even about complaining that have never been taken out on fancy date. I have never even the most causal sort of meet ups like: watching a Netflix movie together, going on walks around the neighbourhood or even the classic kota date is something I’m yet to participate in.

During the time when I was in these relationships, I had justified their lack of presence in my the relationship as a sign that my relationship was more authentic. I didn’t need flowers, gift baskets or continuous texting back and forth because that’s what the over-exaggerated romance genre has sold to us what sustains a relationship. However, this reasoning did not my longing for these experiences but at the time, I interpreted is me wanting too much, when in my head emotion was the only thing that was needed to sustain my romantic bonds - which this mentality is something I have now grown out off, it is not crime that want you as my significant other to express your adoration for me in more ways then one .

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I think this lack of experience, while at that time still being actively in a relationship has effected me too how I even see break up’s . For instance if anyone where to come to me wanting relationship advice on a conflict that they and their partner are going through, nine times out of ten my advice is just to leave the coupling.

This even applies too people going through heartbreak.

I, in theory understand why it takes a long time for people to heal from a relationship ending because it some point you probably thought that person was your one true love; that person who create so many memories, shared so many intimate details with now no longer exists in your life like they once did . Knowing this it’s understand why the healing process my be messy but to someone who has no experience in dating, I have not formed any attachments to the person outside of the physical needs that were the backbone bond thus I assume that every bond is just like my previous ones where it’s really easy for me to move on due no deep emotional connection that was formed.

This might be naïve for me to say but I want not only good aspects of being in a relationship but also the bad in sense of heartbreak.

I know crazy thing to say because on the outside looking in, looking at someone experiencing heartbreak genuinely looks like they are losing their sanity so why would I want that for myself?

Well for one, I feel left out in most conversations when relationships pitfalls are being discussed, I feel like can add nothing to the conversation therefore, I’m forced to an observer rather than an active participant.

Secondly, the time to left for me experience teenage romance is ticking. Infact, I have accepted that the are certain things that I wouldn’t experience such as not ever having a Matric Dance proposal directed towards me. I will be leaving school soon and the thought of having maybe having to confront adult heartbreak with no prior experience with heartbreak in youth sounds like it’s going to be hell.

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In the words of my friend: “Heartbreak is like chicken pox it’s better if you go through it young”

It’s honestly really sad that can only say I have been loved in title . In a way I’m kind of contemplating to start telling people that I have never dated because how I exist in the dating landscape. I’m not looking a rebound, I don’t have an ex that is still attached to me and so on and so forth.

A part of me still feels like I’m missing out on crucial development and memories. What will have to show about for my teenage besides my academic achievements and my school uniform. That is something I worry about in the back of my mind because, me not dating is not something that keeps up at night but it’s a feeling that always lingers in the background, where my insecurities produced said lingering feeling sometimes take centre stage.

One, two, three, uh

My baby don’t mess around

Because she loves me so

And this I know fo’ sho’ (uh)

But does she really wanna

But can’t stand to see me walk out the door? (Ah)

The song begins by painting a picture of couple who is every much locked in, with André partner being described as someone who doesn’t mess around.

“Mess around” in this context can refer to how she doesn’t cheat in the relationship because she loves Andrè yet at same time it’s implied Andrè knows that she wants to explore other connections but that will only result in Andrè walking out on the relationship. Which is something she doesn’t want.

Don’t try to fight the feeling

Because the thought alone is killin’ me right now (uh)

Thank God, for mom and dad

For sticking two together

‘Cause we don’t know how (c’mon)

Here, Andrè is advising his partner to just act on her feelings and leave the relationship for someone else, simply because he cannot exist in a relationship where his partner affection is also being directed at someone else not just him .

He then acknowledges how compared to the modern dating landscape, our parents back in the day had longer lasting relationships in contrast to the recent generations whose relationships to die upon the first sign of conflict.

Hey, ya, hey, ya

Hey, ya, hey, ya

Hey, ya, hey, ya

Hey, ya, hey, ya

The repetition of the chant “Hey ya” over the upbeat production is supposed to get the listener up on the feet to dance – probably as a way for him to distract the listener from remembering that he was being vulnerable about a few seconds ago.

It also away for him to reaffirm what he was saying in the first verse.

You think you’ve got it

Oh, you think you’ve got it

But got it just don’t get it ‘til there’s nothin’ at all

This part of the songs speaks to how you think you found love however, just because you got it doesn’t mean you understand it. You don’t really understand the value of having love in your life until it’s gone.

We get together

Oh, we get together

But separate’s always better, when there’s

Feelings involved

This describes how when you get into relationship with intentions of having fun; it essentially being a light hearted situation. What happens when not so light hearted feelings start appearing. Feelings such as jealousy, anxiety and trust worthiness, that would lead to the parties in the relationship to break it off because this is not what they signed up for.

If what they say is

“Nothing is forever”

Then what makes, then what makes

Then what makes, then what makes, what makes (what makes, what makes)

Love the exception?

So why, oh, why, oh

Why, oh, why, oh, why, oh

Are we so in denial when we know we’re not happy here?

The saying that “nothing is forever” when applied to love and relationships makes Andrè question, why would they spend said limited time, in a relationship that ultimately doesn’t make them happy- no matter how deep in denial the people involved in the relationship are.

(Y’all don’t want to hear me, you just want to dance)

This line right here stresses that the listener does not want confront the harsh realities of relationships rather, implying people would rather live in that state of denial mention one line before.

Hey, ya (uh, oh) hey, ya (uh, oh)

(Don’t want to meet your daddy)

Hey, ya (uh, oh)

Just want you in my Caddy (uh, oh)

Hey, ya (uh, oh)

Don’t want to meet your mama

Hey, ya (uh, oh)

Just want to make you cum-a (uh, oh)

Hey, ya (uh, oh)

I’m, I’m, I’m just being honest (uh, oh)

I’m just being honest

We come back to chorus but this time we are given more examples of what he expects to be accepted if you want to have a relationship with him. This also serves as larger commentary on functionality of modern relationships as a whole.

The expectations being listed are not wanting to meet each other’s parents and having a relationship based solely around sex.

Hey, alright now

Alright now, fellas (yeah?)

Now, what cooler than being cool? (Ice cold)

I can’t hear you

I say what’s, what’s cooler than being cool? (Ice cold)

In this verse his referring to the men, telling them it’s good for their reputation to be nonchalant or emotionally closed when being in a relationship essentially because of being seen as someone who cares would be seen as you as a man being seen as being uncool.

Alright, alright, alright, alright, alright

Alright, alright, alright, alright, alright

Alright, alright, alright, alright

Just like “hey ya” being chanted through out the chorus was a way to reaffirm what he was saying in previously; the same reasoning still stands with the repetition of the word “alright” but I think difference is that Andrè isn’t trying to distract the audience this time because here he isn’t being vulnerable. In fact this is where he starts expressing what the audience wants to hear and dance too.

Okay, now ladies (yeah?)

Now, we gon’ break this thang down, in just a few seconds

Now, don’t have me break this thang down for nothin’

Now, I want to see y’all on y’all baddest behavior

Lend me some sugar, I am your neighbor

Ah, here we go

This is where Andrè starts addressing the ladies telling them to break it down on the dance floor.

Maybe I’m thinking to deeply into this but line referencing the women and him being neighbours and them lending him sugar – not giving him sugar could be a way to show that this is a temporary endeavour not something long lasting worth with pursuing, even if they are already familiar with each other existence.

Shake it, sha-, shake it, shake it, sha-, shake it (uh, oh)

Shake it, sha-, shake it, shake it, shake it, sha-, shake it (uh, oh)

Shake it like a Polaroid picture (hey, ya)

Shake it, sha-, shake it, shake it, sha-, shake it

Shake it, shake it, shake it, sugar

Shake it like a Polaroid picture

This part paints a picture of how exactly to break it down – using the imagery of a polaroid picture being shaken after being taken .

Now, all Beyonce’s, and Lucy Liu’s

And baby dolls

Get on the floor

Get on the floor, you know what to do

You know what to do

You know what to do

Andrè repeating “you know what to do” just illustrates just how this type of relationship expectations have been internalized.

Hey, ya (uh, oh), hey, ya (uh, uh, uh, oh)

Hey, ya (uh, oh), hey, ya (uh, oh, hey, ya)

Hey, ya (uh, oh), hey, ya (uh, uh, uh, oh)

Hey, ya (uh oh), hey, ya (uh, oh)

The song close off with the chorus, as it’s full rounding off of the song.

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Even though this song come out in late 2003 in still irrelevant in the sense that it perfectly encapsulates the dating scene today, the only thing that’s missing is the recognition of social media influence on the dating seen but I don’t think I can fault Andrè 3000 for predicting that.

I’m not going to lie, I was one of those people who would dance rather than listen to lyrics, so I guess the goal Andrè 3000 sought to archevie through this was complete. Making sure people were up on their feet dancing instead of listening to how sad this song actually is

I hope my analysis can finally help you to stop playing this song at family gathering, weddings or any type of celebrations from now on .

The way we were taught about peer pressure especially in Life Orientation is that it’s primary occurs in one’s adolescence. The examples given within the subject always occurs between teenagers influencing each other to do some inappropriate things such as Thabo influencing John to have sex or how Anna feels like she to abuse substances to fit in.

With how peer pressure is always framed around teenagers, the implications being made is that once you become an adult, you will grow out of it and that you will start living for yourself; which is just not true . The feeling of wanting to fit in with your peers is still present most of adults, especially our parents.

Have ever wondered why despite the fact we grew up in such a variety of different family structures and economic social classes, we all have similar items in homes that have become essentials at least in the black household.

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Think about all the Tupperware, blankets that are placed on top of the wardrobe and the display plates that never seemed to get used. I find it hard to believe that these items that can be found in the average black households it’s not just because your parents have similar taste in home curation. Rather, I feel that was what some of our parents felt pressured to buy to obtain, the image that was sold of the prefect household.

I think why we are unable to identify that our parents are victims of peer pressure is that their peer pressure manifest in a way that not widely talked about. The way peer pressure is often presented as a form of overconsumption. Always about wanting the latest phones, clothes or trending item on social media but peer pressure can also manifest in the form of scarcity.

For instance your mother might judge you wanting a another Stanley Cup but the thing is, you are probably going use that Stanley Cup everyday just to show you own a Stanley Cup. In contrast to your mom having a whole cupboard of Tupperware but always uses old Rama containers anytime she had to dish up food for guests to take home with them .

Your mom might criticize you for not allowing your younger cousins to have chance to play on your Xbox but she doesn’t even allow you to uses the plates on display even though you are a regular resident in the house.

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The way peer pressure is expressed by older generation is through the scarcity mentality and that’s why I think that items that are coveted by adults have now become essentials. Contrast that with overconsumption that forms as a result of never ending trend cycles largely experienced by younger people.

Which I honestly don’t have problem with this kind of peer pressure, I’m not going tell what adults to with their hard earned money as long as it’s not us as parent you don’t prioritize your wants over your basic necessities.

However once children start getting added into the mix I am firmly against that.

In the pursuit of the ideal family image you are comparing your children to other children within the neighbourhood or the extended family structure . Now your kids grades are not good enough for you not because you want better for child but because you want something to brag about at the next family gathering. A child can no longer dress they way they like, do their hair how they like or when have certain hobbies because a parent wants their child to fit in such an ideal image for the community.

What about more serious issues like what if their they somewhere on the spectrum of being gay or queer- then what will that act as trigger for you to disown them. Peer pressured within parental spaces can harm the child in the situation- whether it be mentality, emotionally or even physically.

We need to recognize that peer pressure as phenomenon is not only experienced, when you are young . Those same age mates you tried to impress in high-school are the same age mates your going to spend your 20s comparing yourself to asking yourself if you are behind in life and continue comparing yourself to when you have children then grandchildren.

We always centre the affects of peer pressure in teens but never in adults. I’m even saying that one form of the manifestation of peer pressure is better or worse than the another; overconsumption is just as bad as having a scarcity mind set to this you buy and the comparisons that come with peer pressure stop us all from living our true individualistic lives .

And not say all peer pressure is bad, look how mother’s low-key peer pressured each other to buy air fryers and now everyone in the household is happy. If only they could somehow pressure each other to get dishwashers then peer pressure would have worked in my favour.

I would like to think that speak for most of the substack community when I say, that when most of us started out, weren’t expecting to form such intimate bonds with people on the platform. My intention when starting out on substack was to read, write and gain subscribers then dip. I saw Substack as akin to YouTube, a way to intellectually support someone from a distance by liking and viewing something but Substack’s restack button took it to another level, it promoted sharing and community building.

Restacking someone’s article to me is the equivalent to your friend putting on to some underground music. Listen liking a post is one thing restacking it is another thing . It’s like your signaling to the people to give me chance. It’s almost like saying you don’t what to gate keep greatness and to someone just starting out it’s the validation some people need to continue writing.

Even better when your articles get restacked by someone you look up to, it feels like a co-sign. I take it as a sign of you are trusting me with your already established audience. This is probably how Doechii felt when Kdot co-signed her. Out here making me feel like I could be the next goat .

Also restacking with a note it’s almost, like your transcending sending the game. My post made you think , made you take notes and you came to the conclusion that your observations could not be relegated to a simple comment section. No, you thought that my article could serve us a foundation for a larger conversation and this something I appreciate because I intent to believe that I look to deeply into things .

Even outside of articles and just looking at regular notes and observing the homepage ecosystem overall. I can confidently say that the homepage with all of it’s restacks serves as a daily informant for me, to the point where in my head I have dubbed it “The daily sun of substack”. As someone who’s only active social media platforms are YouTube and Substack I can detached from what’s happening outside, my bubble. So I something being rapidly being restacked, I know something is up .

Like would have never found out about the “Substack prefects” on TikTok or about @ElsSaidIt “borrowing” people ideas for Twitter clout.

Oh, what time. Can we take the time to appreciate all the trends that came out of that whole situation. The copyrighting of notes and [insert username] from substack, credit to .

Or one of the greatest times was when we were all crashing out because we thought Oceanofpdf was gone forever, which lead us to think it was the death of literature as we know it .

I probably missed some events, I’m still fairly new on this platform, we can all agree that none of this would happened without the restack feature.

Most importantly, restacks have been a way to convey our thoughts without the polish of our editorial voices. This is seen when someone asks questions then tags another creators for their input, thus starting a chain of getting to know people outside of their writing.

Not say we’re being performative in our writing but restacking have given us why to gain insight to people everyday interests, thoughts and opinions that they may never consider about expressing in an article.

But us much as I love reposts I acknowledged that I haven’t mastered the “art of restacking” like and so take this article as dedication to yall. I know guys have put me on to some of your audience so I would like say thank you.

Firstly, I’m sure you are curious if we actually became 6 foot tall, like our uncles. The answer is no, we peaked at 5’0 but we are taller than most in our family so that’s a win.

Secondly, we are not yet university, still in grade 12. That is actually why I’m writing this letter to you, we are so close to archeving our dreams and I just want to give you a life update on this the process so far .

Character wise, I think you still are the core of who I’m now. I’m glad I have not lost the empathy that defined me when was your age . The trait that taught me not judge, to listen and feel. It is because of the foundation you give that I can confidently say that I want to dedicate the rest of my life to improving the conditions of other people’s lives.

I’m also like to inform that we have been more comfortable expressing our voice. I don’t if you would believe it or not but we started letting people reading your thoughts. I remember the days, where you would write stories enough to fill 72 page A4 books but then proceeded to hide said books under the mattress of bed because we were too ashamed to share our writing with anyone. Well now that has changed and I’m saying were famous or anything but their some people who have resonated with what we’ve made and that is again another win in our book.

Unfortunately, I was unable to keep all parts of you . I find myself unable to love unabashedly so, like you once did. I have been hurt by others and I have caused hurt to some people also. I currently I find myself questioning people’s intentions, I began questioning, do I really need the presence of love in my life or I’m I destined to be alone. I sometimes question whether I’m too much, when I’m both on the giving and the receiving end of affection. A sharp contrast to how you made sure everyone around you were felt secure, when in your presence.

On most occasions I even started giving up on my optimism for the future of the world and more cynically for our own life. Sometimes I feel like this are never going to get better – growing up wasn’t the solution that you thought it was . Between the time period of 12 years a lot of things have changed .

We have gone go through so much we had. I have had falling outs with the closest people in our life . Some of your favourite people back then, are now currently the people who have caused us the most hurt . It’s not like I haven’t tried to move on but the connections, I try to build never seem to last . Logically I know that it’s not always my fault , sometimes it’s just how life works but I find myself asking is a life like that worth living .

This is not life you expected to be living 12 years later so should I just give up ?

Hopefully I’m not going to give up because you made came up with a goal that wanted to archevie and I’m so close too archeving it now . That I just can’t give up now .

What comes after that I don’t know but I will have to take it one day at a time.

To close off this letter I hope to become someone you can be proud of. Someone you are not ashamed to point to and say that you grew into because for me I’m not ashamed to say that you are someone I started off as and reason for who I am today.

Expect more letters from, after all we are always evolving and changing.

Sincerely

Amukelani Senior

(2026.07.19)

Prompt: “I seem like a complex person with interesting dreams and aspirations, what do you think prevents you from reaching them, be it you or the systems around you , I want to hear what you have to say and how you want overcome them”.

I feel like for me to be able to even eloquently get my points across, I’m going to have to break down the question being asked.

• Being a complex person with interesting dreams and inspirations

When writing this I really struggled to condense my dreams and inspirations into one simple cohesive concept that is easily digestible. I have many instests most of them revolving around biology ( evolution and human behavior), history( black and feminism )and the arts ( fashion, music and literature) , with all of those interests, I have quite ambitious goal to leave a mark in of each of these industries not to necessarily become to big figure who discovered something new or made revelations but a simple acknowledgement of presence.

Simply put I want be a “Jack of all trades” that is my goal.

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I think that’s the best way explain this goal is that, my dreams and aspirations is that I don’t revolve around being ultra famous or even be the best in a specific field simply because I don’t want to be deified. Deification in from my perspective is a form of dehumanization – which causes people to want not acknowledging, my complexities and contradictions that make me the person I am.

• Acknowledgement of systems that are preventing me from achieving my goals

I’m going not to spend a lot of on this section because I think, we are all aware that systematic barriers that we are all governed by especially if you want to exist within a creative space in general.

I could talk broadly about new and still withstanding systematic barriers such as the lack of investment and education in young black talent leading most of us to have to refine our skills from the comfort of your own houses. I think how the lack of investment in arts general causes my uncertainty to actually one day put my work out their for the general public. Take for instance the day where I would want release a book , I don’t know how the whole publication process works because nobody taught me in case I wanted to venture into that field one day.

Another honesty recent systematic barrier that has emerged is AI . I don’t I have to go into detail pertaining why, the introduction and the goal to normalize AI in creative spaces makes it harder to gain acknowledgement because now know longer completing against fellow artist , who share a similar drive to succeed within the community but now all of us is fighting against a technological entity that claims to never make mistakes.

Could even mention of more localized systematic barriers here on Substack and how in my opinion the algorithm seems to prioritizing short form context like notes over articles – but hey, that’s my observations I could be wrong.

• Internal struggles

This for me is the most interesting part of this article because although there are a lot systematic things that are genuinely holding me back form archiving my dreams, their also many internal factors that I have recognized that I believe are holding me back .

Honestly, most of the problems I possess internally are just the downsides of having a “Jack of all trades ” mentality.

When your someone like me and identify with this archetype, while being a creative comes with whole lot of set backs mentality.

For one , I really suffer from “Imposter Syndrome” because in theory I know enough about a certain subject to get into a conversation or a room but, I feel like I don’t belong there, because I don’t share the same intensity that people that have mastered that one thing . However, it’s not like I don’t want master something but that’s not how my brain works . I will hyper fixate on something, gain a bit of skill and knowledge then dip on to the next interest.

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That’s another thing about being “a Jack of a trades” , your entire being is defined by potential. You see, if I just stayed longer, worked harder and remained focus one thing; I possibly would have gotten to places that I dreamed of arriving at .

This might be my biggest fear being known for having of what I could have become if I just tried. Maybe that’s why sometimes I’m sacred to try some hobbies that I wouldn’t be immediately good at because in order to get extremely good at something you need at put in work – I’m many things but the most hardworking person in the room that I’m not .

Let me use my Substack profile as an example every time I look at my posts I’m always the thought of “damn, I yap about anything” which to some people is a sign of versatility but to me, most of the time I question if not having a niche that I consistently talk about is somehow stopping me from getting, a core audience. I usually contemplate about how maybe I gained a subscriber from that one article I did analysing that one song from last month and said subscriber is probably shocked that a don’t plan on doing another one anytime soon .

Those are factors are what makes pause a bit because what if I can’t give my audience what they are asking for?

All of the components above all coalesce in me either stopping half way through a project or deleting a work completely ( I have deleted a whole month’s worth of work of this app alone ) simply because it was good not enough in my eyes.

Which in all honesty, I feel like I’m contradicting my dreams and aspirations cause I don’t want to be the best but I hesitate to create and put myself out their because I don’t feel it’s or I’m good enough to be seen simply because I’m not expert .

But I think just highlights my complex and contradictions as mentioned in the topic in which this article is based off of .

• How I plan to overcome them

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I have come to the conclusion that most of my problems especially the ones that are internal can be solved by adopting the “fake it until you make” mentality. In some ways this mentality is an antithesis to the “Imposter Syndrome” mentioned suffering from. Existing in space where I act like I already belong there in if deep down, myself a esteem tells me another wise , just might be what I need . Telling myself something over and over again might just end in me believing in whatever I keep telling myself.

I also want to try be more kinder to myself regarding, my imperfections in my work. I want limit the amount of article that I delete on this here platform because if someone can relate or find solace in my work despite what I perceive to be imperfections, that shows its made enough of an impact on someone keep it up on the app.

Which now that I think about isn’t that my goal is it not – To be acknowledged without necessarily being the best.

To close off this article, first I would like to thank anyone how has made it this far, I highly doubt this was a straightforward read. Then thank you and subscriber chat for featuring me and I hope for more writers challenges like this one . This challenge really made think, I almost procrastinated this article because I thought it was to deep but hey I’m did it and I’m kinda proud of myself forwriting.

No one really tells you, how being a matriculant and how the whole process of transitioning to tertiary education can be really costly on most households. Most people think that the mostly costly part of being in matric is the aesthetics of all of it . The MD or the matric jacket but we fail to dicuss the actual financial barrier that comes with being in Matric. This in part a failure on ourselves as society for not talking about it and the education system ( specific Life Orientation as subject) for not preparing as beforehand.

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In this article I will be highlighting all the barriers, I have come across when starting my transition towards tertiary education

1. The Application Fee

Maybe, I just naïve but I didn’t know that you had to pay just to be able to submit your application to institution that operating in the public sector . I understand if these fees were only targeted to international students or if application fees were only required by private institutions. An institution that claims to public it’s implying that it’s accessible to the general public. However, these application fees leave a dig dent in the pockets of most households. Furthermore, the fact that it’s non refundable shows that the priorities lie into making profit.

This limits the options that prospective students have because they are unable to apply to every university in order to maximize their chances to get at least into at least one university. Also take into account that their deadlines for certain degrees in tertiary education. For example one the most coveted faculties in universities is the Health Faculty, a faculty that usually closes application admissions around June/July . This means a prospective student that may come from an economically disadvantage background may not be given enough time to gather all needed the money in time for them to even able to submit their application.

While some of these universities do allow application fees waivers or exemptions based on your household income, they do not promote this feature very much, leading to financially disadvantage prospective students paying the application fees anyways.

2. NBT registration fee

In all honesty I knew about the National Benchmark Test from the Life Orientation textbook so I knew I probably had to write it at some point during the year. However, what the textbook had failed to mention is that to even register for test(s) I had to pay borderline R400 not even counting the amount of money, I had to spend on transportation to get to and from the venue.

The NBT is a test that is a supposed to assess a prospective student readiness for university level work so why does it cost so much . I don’t even have to pay to write my final exam but I have to pay for this, with no guarantee of admission. Again this is another barrier that I have come across. It is then further worsened because the narrative that, it’s better to write NBT as soon as you can possible; soon as possible in this case being between the time period of April to Early June – This the same time period in which I’m currently paying for application fees.

You see how financial draining this process can be?

This a conspiracy of mine because past papers for the NBT are so gate kept that it’s harder to study efficiently. Not access to effective can lead to preforming bad on those tests, which will result in the need for a rewrite again as soon as possible meaning more money being spent in a short period of time- for them the NBT institution making more money. Yes , I am aware that their no failing the NBT test but a test taker who got a “92.00” on their MAT is still considered better then a tester taker who got an “34.00” on the same exam .

3. Miscellaneous costs of everyday being matriculant

All of costs discussed in this part may not be directly the university fault but there are factors that can act as financial barriers to accessing tertiary education.

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Firstly, day to day transportation . When you are in matric, it’s most of the time mandatory for to stay after-school and attend both on weekends and during the holidays . Transportation becomes a problem when your school is not a walking distance from where you live so in turn you going to have spend more money on transport whether it be public ( taxis for example) or private . You really can not miss out on these classes because they will efficient in you getting good marks at the end of the year, therefore increasing the chances of getting accepted into a university.

Internet access is also another financial barrier. At this point in matric you needed to have Wi-Fi or a sustainable data plan – “Once -off” data bundle will not be helpful in your application process will not go as smoothly if don’t have this consistent internet access. Imagine you are in the middle of applying and Telkom then notifies you that your “Campaign Paid Telkom Mobile Date Bundle has been used up” just when you are about press the submit button for your application.

You need consistent internet access for online tutors such as Kevinmathscience became the things that they teach you in class are not enough.

You even internet access to be able to internet surf for bursaries, scholarships or leadership that are being offered that are not NSFAS because you know NSFAS reputation for defunding students or how they don’t cater to the “missing middle”.

Consider, the small costs of constantly having to be in and out the Internet Café, printing out documents and having to go certify them can really be a big financial strain on households that trying to survive day by day .

What inspired me write this article is because my younger cousin is going to matric next year and my advice to him is that his parents should open a savings account for all the expenses listed that he will face next year . I doing does nobody warned about “matric tax” I will have to go through before I started matric. I hope with me writing this article, we can a conversation about the financial barriers in place are not only face in tertiary but during the transition out of secondary school.