You were a waste of time.

Took all that judgment of me ignoring what was so far beyond me

I tried to right my wrongs, but you never really explained what was in front of me

You looked me in my eyes and picked me apart

like I was a stranger.

And maybe I was,

to you

when you thought the love you gave was returned in full,

when you thought I had your back,

but I was too young to know what to do

No grace.

Your words slapped me in the face.

And I sat with it, for years.

Thinking I was right

while you were wiping your tears.

How could I have known?

Now that you’ve healed just enough to stand,

you dump on me

using the old me wrapped in this body as your stair case to autonomy.

Stop playing with me.

Because I fixed it.

We do this tip toe around one another

Trying not to offend but the truth always spills out

With time, true intentions get uncovered.

I thought we were rebuilding.

I thought we both were forgiving.

Because I had to let go, too

of all the quiet wrongs

you committed against my intelligence

With your deceitful benevolence

But maybe…

maybe we weren’t rebuilding.

Maybe I was just patching holes

in a house you already planned to leave.

I let you go with ease....ase.

Things haven’t been the same since that Wednesday.

And nobody teaches you how to grieve

with your eyes open.

How to drive the same roads,

sign the same name,

smile at the same faces

while something inside you

aches like an incurable pain

I wear my blinders like they gave me an award for it.

Straight ahead. Don’t look left,

that’s where the empty side of the bed is.

Don’t look right,

that’s where their voice used to live

In the hallway, in the kitchen,

in the space between hello and everything after.

I can carry a grief the size of an ocean

and still remember to pick up the dry cleaning.

Still remember everyone else’s birthday.

Still forget, for entire minutes at a time,

that forgetting is the only mercy I get.

Hello moon, you still rise

like nothing ended.

You still pull the tide in

like grief isn’t doing this to me, again.

Quiet, relentless, keeping time

with a heart that learned to beat

I built a whole life out of not falling apart.

Nobody ever asks what it cost me.

Audacity is at an all-time high.

So I’m reclaiming the white flag

I waved in mercy you never earned.

I lied when I said I was done with fires.

So here

strike this memory.

Watch how easily it burns.

I soak the past.

The in-between.

Even the future you assumed still included me.

Gasoline has no loyalty.

This is rebirth,

but not the soft kind you applaud.

This is resurrection with teeth.

You might wanna call on God.

I look like the version of me you remember

but don’t confuse familiar with safety.

That girl is gone.

What’s wearing her face learned the cost of restraint.

Call me a demon if you need a name for it.

I call it clarity.

I call it being done explaining

why I won’t be played with.

You got me mistaken

for someone who still negotiates peace

with people committed to war.

So let it burn.

No water. No return.

No warning shots

Just lessons learned.

I fought monsters scarier than me… mentally.

And I still ended up on America’s Most Wanted

in the lives of my betrayers, celebrators, and nay-sayers.

But silly rabbit… tricks are for kids.

I grew out of illusions they tried to trap me in

every rumor was a rope they swore would hold,

every whisper a bullet they prayed would land.

But I don’t die in the stories they told.

I outlive them.

I outgrow them.

I outshine the graves they dug for me.

They wanted me hunted.

They forgot I’m the hunter’s daughter.

They wanted me broken.

They forgot I buried girls just like me

and still came back holy.

I learned to bless my bruises

and sharpen my silence.

To rise without permission.

To resurrect without witnesses.

Tell them this

the only list my name belongs on

is the one God keeps

for the ones who survived

For the ones who are unapologetically deep

Let the monsters talk.

Let the cowards throw stones

My story isn’t theirs to sentence.

I’m not made to fold.

Once, they stood unshaken,

pillars of stone against the wind

rivers curved around them,

storms broke upon their backs,

and still, they did not bend.

But time is a quiet thief,

slipping tenderness from the walls,

etching cracks into the silence,

turning proud peaks into

soft, aching valleys, where they belong.

The places that were strong need love now.

Not pity, nor repair

but the warm weight of presence,

the steady balm of gentleness,

a reminder that love is near.

Kneel beside their weary foundations.

Whisper to the ruins with mercy.

Because strength, too, is mortal

and when the iron bones

of the world call out for kindness,

let us be the ones who answer.

When I was 13, I wrote my first fiction novel. It was a children’s story about three sheltered siblings pulled away from their overly protective lives and thrust into the chaos of the city hidden just below their quiet town.

Even at that age, I surprised myself with how alive it felt, the characters, the twists, the lessons tucked between the lines. I never finished it. But every time I look back at those handwritten pages, I ask myself why. And now, reading it as an adult, I still wonder how it was meant to end.

That unfinished story has stayed with me. And maybe that’s why I’m here now, writing a new novel, one I fully intend to finish. One I hope to publish.

I’ve always been a poet, a storyteller, a creative but for a long time, I stood in my own way. Now I’m choosing differently. I want people to experience my words and imagination the way I do; as worlds worth stepping into.

That’s why I created Tales from the Quill. Here, I’ll share pieces of my new novels, along with stories, reflections, and fragments of imagination as they unfold.

If you love to read, if stories that bend reality call to you, or if you simply enjoy wandering through the imagination of an alchemist of ideas, this is the space for you. Subscribe and join me on the journey. One day, these words may live on the big screen or in your favorite bookstore. But for now, you’ll see them here first.

Subscribe now

See you inside,

Vanessa (Poetic Nes)

I want to live in the softness that I was created to be

Tired of being strong for everybody.

Tired of holding storms in my chest,

while the world finds shelter in my silence.

Let me rest in petals and poetry,

in moments that ask nothing of me

but to breathe,

to bloom gently

without bending into armor.

I am more than what I survive.

I am worthy of ease,

of laughter that lingers,

of mornings that kiss me slow.

of a touch that can please

Let the weight fall.

Let the softness rise.

I was never made to carry it all.

I’ve been walking through hell lately.

No armor.

Calling out to God.

I’m slowly morphing into this unknown creature with wild features,

I can’t say that I’m a safe space anymore.

And that's odd.

That glow, that shimmer you see—

I can’t see behind wild, thick clouds.

It’s me.

Crawling out of cocoons I never asked to spin,

Wings torn from weather I didn’t forecast.

Even just a little sunshine would be a win.

Some days I pray just to pass myself,

To forgive the girl who keeps breaking the glass.

Still, there’s rhythm in my ruin.

A silent beat that won’t stop drumming.

Even in distortion, I’m becoming—

A myth made of fire and fragile hope.

So if I seem strange or scattered,

Understand—

The light I lost is rebuilding inside the ash.

And one day, I’ll burn so bright again,

Even hell will have to take a step back.

by Poetic Nes

I’m proud to finally share my debut poetry album, Boulevard Blues, a collection of poems born from love, loss, growth, and the rhythm o…

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One of the hardest truths I’ve had to sit with as a mother is the silence that follows the thought: “I’ll just do it myself.”

Not because I want to. Not because I always can. But because asking for help feels… heavy. Vulnerable. Like I’m admitting I’ve failed at keeping it all together.

And the reality is most mothers I know carry this same invisible load.

We navigate the chaos of parenting, the pressure of being “on” at work or in business, the emotional labor of relationships, and the aching desire to still show up for ourselves. Somewhere in all of that, we forget that support is supposed to be a two-way street.

But here’s what I’m learning:

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I held your laughter like a keepsake

Folded into the corners of my favorite books

It read out loud to me when I couldn't separate fact from feeling...I heard your voice validating me.

We have uncovered many faces between us through the war of life and inevitable changes.

I spoke bravery into your soul while you calmed the storms that fueled my pain.

But seasons changed quickly

The air got cold between us and I kept pretending it was just the weather.

But you ushered in this winter making it the coldest ever

And the devastation behind what may no longer be there sits deep inside of me,

Maybe beyond repair.

I have mourned you with no funeral

Blaming myself but I watched you choose silence over truth

Confused because I don't know if I ever knew you.

us.

What happened to us?

There's a page missing or some unspoken mistrust

This could be above me but the mysteries of navigating uncertainty shouldn't be complex with chosen family.

Leaving me to sit here alone, while you move on allowing time to dismantle so many years of effort...

Walking away not in anger but in soft surrender...accepting I did my best. No more lessons.

I cringe at the idea of missing you

I light a candle on this metaphorical grave to release the spirits

Not of you

but of who I thought we’d always be.

Some bonds break without noise,

just the soft unraveling of threads we once tied tightly.

I leave you here

not in bitterness,

but in bloom,

with a heart wiser,

and hands free enough to carry only what's mine.

I’ve been sleeping on myself lately.

Believing all the things that are opposite of me

And I know it’s not true

I've been that girl since I hit the honor roll at 54th Street School.

I know we are not our experiences or circumstances that lead us to making bad decisions but

I have blatantly lost sight of my light,

Blinded by empty opinions that bear no weight to my worth.

So I’m waking up now

shaking off the dust they tried to sprinkle on my crown,

breaking the mirrors that showed me only my fears,

pulling my power back piece by piece.

I remember:

I am the answered prayer, the walking proof,

the rooted seed that grew through cracked concrete.

I remember:

my name holds history, my smile holds storms I've survived.

And now,

I rise

not perfect, but purposed.

All I ever wanted was to feel safe.

To create a space where I could peacefully lay

Without worry of trouble coming my way, because

I am the oldest of 3.

First girl from my daddy

And...my upbringing came from the strongest example id hope to one day be

But

All I ever wanted was to be safe.

Live a soft girl life because girls should be raised that way

But I was met with absence from the man who should've taught me how to have thick skin instead of having to learn from experience.

I was never safe

From boys to men who just loved the idea of me but couldn't really tap in

Used me, abused me, cried if I ever tried to leave and when I did

Twisted the story like they were the victim.

All I ever wanted was to feel safe.

To rest in love without my guard up,

To trust without questioning motives,

To breathe without the weight of what-ifs pressing my chest.

But safety was always a fleeting thing,

A wish whispered into the wind,

Met with echoes of lessons I never asked to learn.

I was never safe.

Not in the arms that claimed to hold me close,

Not in the words that swore they’d never hurt me,

Not in the spaces where I should have felt protected.

All I ever wanted was to feel safe.

To know love without survival being a condition,

To be held without being broken,

To exist without being someone's lesson.

Maybe one day, safety will find me.

Not in another’s hands,

But in the strength I’ve built from all I’ve survived.

Mourning is heavy, a weight I can't set down.

Six years deep, and my tears have carved an ocean,

each wave a name I can no longer call home.

I reach, but my arms find only air

grasping at ghosts, longing for warmth

that left my embrace in despair

Losing someone while they still breathe,

that's a grief that weeps.

My soul aches when I can't release

the sound of love trapped in silence,

the presence of absence that won’t let me go.

Grief moves like the tide, relentless, unyielding.

How do I swim through memories

when every ripple whispers a name?

I reach for the shore, but yesterday pulls me under,

a current of goodbyes I never got to say.

Is healing learning to float,

or must I become the ocean itself

vast enough to carry tears

that wont drown me in its depths?

I'd serve all the ways I wont complain about the cold in this room

I've been tossed in places that were unruly like a tsunami under the moon

And I take back all the things I've done because regret consumes,

..I'm alone in this space where there's a lack of grace

It won't stretch…

I hear my voice bounce back, but it won't connect,

just a hollow refrain from the weight of neglect.

The air holds the dust of the words left unsaid,

settling soft on the ghosts that still live in my head.

The walls know my name, but they whisper it low,

like a prayer for the past that I've failed to outgrow.

Shadows stretch long where the light used to be,

but darkness won't comfort, it just watches me.

I breathe, but it lingers, thick with the ache,

a silence too heavy for echoes to break.

I'm hoping love finds me again

In the way I feel most desired

Unapologetic, delicate

And most of all, sets me on fire.

I'm hoping love finds me again

and this time never letting me go

Wrapping its arms around me, filling me up until I glow.

I'm hoping love finds me again

I want to drown in it

cum inside me like entries in a diary

Faded thoughts you put a pen in

I'm hoping love finds me again

Authentic like late night conversations

Night turning into Day again and again

I'm hoping love finds me again

Speak softly to me

gently

Helping me to tear down my walls

I am desperate.

To love me...over and over

And over...

I hate you.
I hate that I let yall linger where only love should stay,
That I gave yall keys to doors I swore no one would betray.
The sacred parts of me, raw, unpolished, true
Were never meant for hands as careless as some of you.

I’m annoyed it took so long to cleanse the stains of your memory,
To unknot the threads of your false sincerity.
You wore my trust like a badge,
Then left it tattered like a war-torn flag.

But hate is just the echo of the love I misplaced,
A shadow of the time, the energy I embraced.
It isn’t you I truly despise;
It’s the way I ignored the warnings, the truths in your lies.

Now I see the lessons buried in the ache,
The wisdom carved from every mistake.
And while I hate what you did, what you took, what you stole,
I reclaim every shattered piece, every fragment of my soul.

You are Heavy on my mind like the lyrics to your favorite song,

I'm unable to shake free from the grips of you,

Every thought, every breath, a pull, a longing so strong,

A quiet storm that stirs the world into view.

Like the warmth of a hand I’ve yet to hold,

You invade my thoughts in ways I can't deny,

Your presence lingers, soft, gentle, and bold,

A spark that sets my heart on fire, yet I’m a little shy.

The way you smile, like sunlight through rain,

A softness that erases all my fears,

I find myself lost, but it’s not pain,

It's the sweet surrender of love in the years.

Falling slowly, yet it's never too fast,

Each moment with you feels like it’s meant to last.

I hope you win.

I hope you mend your broken heart to allow love in again.

No walls around you, natural interactions, the opposite of pretend.

I hope you heal.

I hope you find the kind of peace that is surreal.

Mind bending, soul surrendering healing that helps you feel.

I hope you grow.

I hope you learn that even pain has room to sow.

Let it evolve into lessons you can progress in

Becoming a master in all you know

I hope you rise.

I hope you see your strength reflected in your eyes.

Plant yourself in your wealth, the kind only happiness can align

I hope you shine.

I hope you know every scar is proof that you're divine.

Nurture your wounds, they hold your story, a journey through time.