Porn Free Millennial

7 Lies That Keep You Hooked On Porn

Mac Dohm — Fri, 04 Sep 2026 00:56:49 GMT

Porn addiction survives on lies.

Some are told by the culture.

Some are whispered by shame.

And some are the stories you’ve repeated to yourself so many times that you no longer recognize them as lies.

Here are 7 I believed and that I still hear from men trying to break free:

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Lie #1 “It isn’t hurting anyone.”

"It’s private."

"Nobody knows."

"Nobody gets hurt."

Porn use rarely stays neatly contained behind a screen.

It can shape how you see sex, women, relationships, intimacy, and yourself.

What you repeatedly consume changes you.

And the person you become affects everyone around you.

Lie #2: “I can stop whenever I want.”

Okay.

If you can quit right now…

Then stop.

Not for three days because you’re motivated.

Not until the next stressful week.

Actually walk away.

For many men, the first serious attempt to quit is when they discover just how powerful the habit has become and that they need help.

“I can stop whenever I want” is easy to believe when you never seriously try.

Lie #3: “This is just what men do.”

Statistically, a lot of men watch porn.

Typically, a habit that starts between the ages of 8-12 for young boys.

That doesn’t mean you have to keep consuming it.

Common ≠ healthy.

Normalized ≠ necessary.

Popular ≠ good.

Being a man doesn’t mean surrendering your sexuality to whatever impulses and algorithms demand your attention.

You get to choose the kind of man you become.

Lie #4: “I’ve failed too many times.”

You quit.

You relapse.

You promise yourself never again.

Then you relapse again.

Eventually you stop asking, “How do I change?”

And start believing:

“Maybe I can’t.”

Don’t treat relapse like a judge (which I did for such a long time).

Treat it like a detective at the scene, tracing back the breadcrumbs.

What happened?

What triggered you?

What were you feeling?

What boundaries disappeared?

What lie did you believe?

Treat the relapse aftermath like data to inform your habits and decisions.

Find the pattern.

Change the pattern.

Lie #5: “Porn helps me cope.”

Sometimes it does help us cope.

For a few seconds or a few minutes — however long the binge may be.

That’s what makes the lie convincing and how it embeds itself in our life, replacing healthy means to approach emotions.

Stress → porn.

Loneliness → porn.

Rejection → porn.

Boredom → porn.

Anxiety → porn.

Pain → porn.

Numbing and escaping something isn’t healing it.

Eventually you have to ask a harder question than:

“How do I stop watching porn?”

Ask:

“What am I trying not to feel?”

That question can change your recovery and can put you on the right path.

Lie #6: “Nobody would understand.”

So you hide it.

The hiding creates distance.

Distance creates isolation.

Isolation creates loneliness.

And loneliness sends you searching for relief, over and over again.

Often right back to porn.

That’s why secrecy is such powerful fuel for addiction.

You don’t need to tell everyone.

But you need someone with whom you can stop pretending.

A brother.

A friend.

A spouse.

A therapist.

A coach.

A recovery group.

Shame wants darkness and you to hide.

Healing requires light and you to become visible in the truth.

Lie #7: “I’m too far gone.”

This might be the most destructive lie of all.

If you believe change is impossible, why keep fighting?

You relapse enough times.

Lose enough.

Hurt enough people.

Carry enough shame.

Eventually, you begin confusing what you’ve done with who you are.

But your darkest season doesn’t get to write the ending, you do TODAY.

You can’t repair your entire life tonight.

But you can take the next right step.

You can tell the truth.

You can ask for help.

You can rebuild your boundaries.

You can reconnect.

You can get back up.

You can do it again tomorrow.

If any of these lies hit close to home, you don’t have to fight this battle alone.

I’ve spent years learning what it takes to break free from porn, understand the patterns underneath it, and build a life where porn no longer has to be the escape.

If you’re ready to go deeper:

→ 1:1 Coaching

Work directly with me to understand your patterns, strengthen your recovery system, build accountability, and create a practical path forward.

→ Subscribe to Porn Free Millennial on Substack

Long-form writing, recovery tools, personal stories, and conversations about porn addiction, relationships, masculinity, faith, and freedom.

→ Watch on YouTube

Full podcast episodes, recovery conversations, and short clips like this 7 Lies series.

→ Listen on Apple Podcasts & Spotify

Take the Porn Free Millennial Podcast with you wherever you go.

I’m not interested in helping you simply count days without porn.

My goal is to help you build a life where you understand why you were running to it in the first place and what freedom looks like on the other side.

Keep Fighting the Good Fight!

Break Free. Stay Free. Be Free.

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Puppet Show Blues (Official Music Video)

Mac Dohm — Fri, 28 Aug 2026 00:26:09 GMT

Puppet Show Blues is a song about porn addiction, the illusion of relief, and the invisible strings that can keep us trapped in the cycle.

I thought of the lyrics while hiking with my dogs in Estes Park, Colorado back in May 2025, making my way back to my RV for the evening.

This song was created using SUNO, using my original poem lyrics. I wanted to capture what compulsive porn use can feel like from the inside—the trance, the chase, the temporary relief, and the emptiness that can follow.

And also add some soulful blues sound to the mix.

The puppet became the central metaphor.

You think you're pulling the strings.

You think you're in control.

Until you realize something else may be pulling them.

Porn can promise pleasure without vulnerability, intimacy without relationship, and escape without consequence. But every escape has a cost.

No deal is sealed without its strings.

Puppet Show Blues is my attempt to turn that struggle into music and imagery.

If you're struggling with pornography or trying to quit porn, you're not alone in the fight.

I share my own experiences with porn recovery, addiction, accountability, faith, relationships, and building a life beyond the screen through Porn Free Millennial.

Read the original poem and more of my writing on Substack:

Subscribe for more music, poetry, conversations, and resources about breaking free.

Keep Fighting The Good Fight!

Break Free. Stay Free. Be Free.

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Support the Podcast

If this conversation challenged your thinking, please consider:

Following/Subscribing to stay up to date → Substack, YouTube, Apple, Spotify
Leaving a 5-star review (if applicable, helps get the episode to more people)
Sharing this episode with someone who loves film, philosophy, or recovery

Ready to Take the Next Step?

If you’re tired of fighting this battle alone, you don’t have to.

For nearly a decade I’ve walked this recovery journey myself, and today I help other men build lasting momentum through practical coaching, accountability, and identity transformation.

1:1 Breaking Free Coaching

If you’re ready to stop white-knuckling recovery and build a life you don’t want to escape from, I’d love to help.

Momentum Coaching includes:

Weekly 1:1 coaching sessions
Personalized recovery strategy
Accountability and habit building
Identity-focused recovery
Practical tools for long-term freedom

Schedule a free 1 hour discovery call

Additional Questions?

Email: Pornfreemillennialcoaching@gmail.com

Accountability Software I Personally Recommend

Recovery becomes much easier when you’re no longer fighting alone.

I’ve personally used Ever Accountable for years as part of my own recovery journey. It’s one of the tools I trust and recommend because it creates real transparency and accountability across your devices.

Ever Accountable helps you:

Stay accountable online
Monitor phones, tablets, and computers
Receive accountability reports
Reduce secrecy and isolation
Build consistent recovery habits

Use my link to receive:

14-Day Free Trial
20% OFF Monthly or Annual Plans

Connect With Mac

Support the Publication

Check out my nomadic art gallery for pictures, posters and prints showcasing my life on the road! Use the Code FREEDOM for 20% off.

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Accountability Software PFM Discount

If you have been stuck and are tired of that horrible feeling, it’s time to test out accountability software on your devices. Software can provide that needed defense and friction to build up your confidence and discipline. I call it “rocket” fuel” for accountability!

Personally, I use Ever Accountable. Try this link for a limited 14 day free trial and 20% off after that 14 day trial expires.
To learn more about Ever Accountable, check out my interview with its CEO, Tyler Patterson.

Affiliate Partnership: Ritual Organics (Organic Tallow Based Suncare Cream)

Sun Tallow – Whipped Beef Tallow Face Cream with Non-Nano Zinc

Click Here To Purchase!

Moving Forward

If this episode encouraged you, consider sharing it with someone who needs hope.

If you’re ready to stop fighting alone, schedule a free Breaking Free Coaching consultation and begin building a life you don’t want to escape from.

How Using an Accountability App with My Brother Changed My Porn Recovery

Mac Dohm — Fri, 21 Aug 2026 13:31:03 GMT

For this week’s newsletter I am sharing a guest post that I was honored to write for my affiliate partner, Ever Accountable.

Ever Accountable is an accountability software that I have been using for nearly two years and I think it is the best on the market.

Not only does it monitor your screen activity the web and send weekly reports to your accountability partner — it actually works within major social media apps and can block/kick you off of the page or app you are on if there is graphic content or even mild sexual content (you can adjust settings).

In this guest article, I do talk about the software, but more importantly — I talk about how the software opened the door of accountability between me and my little brother.

Since we started accountability software journey together, we have talked to each other almost everyday — sending FASTT check-ins through voice memos (see articles and podcast below for more context).

And over this time, our relationship has grown and blossomed. It has truly been one of the best things in my life — this relationship I have with him and the ability to be accountable and vulnerable to each other.

If you struggle with porn in silence and shame, I recommend you read the article below and check out this software — I think it will give you a pep in your step and some momentum in the right direction. Also, it will open the door for you to share your journey with others and build connection/community — things that are crucial pillars in conquering bad habits or addictions.

If you are a parent and your kid has a smartphone — also highly recommend reading the article and checking out this software. My first exposure to porn was at 10 years old in the late 90s/early 2000s with dial up internet. Statistically, it is not an IF but a WHEN for the youth when it comes to porn (which is a lot more graphic and ubiquitous than it used to be).

And if you have a feeling of quitting porn or just feel weird after watching it — I also highly recommend reading this article and checking out this software. For many long seasons of in my life, I knew something was off but didn’t necessarily think it was a problem. And it became a huge problem later in life where I had more responsibility. Like the saying goes, 20 years ago was the best time to plant a tree — the next best time is today. It doesn’t hurt to switch things up and try out something new. I am glad I did.

Click Here to Read

Ever Accountable Discount 👇

Recovery becomes much easier when you’re no longer fighting alone.

Ever Accountable helps you:

Stay accountable online
Monitor phones, tablets, and computers
Receive accountability reports
Reduce secrecy and isolation
Build consistent recovery habits

Use my link to receive:

14-Day Free Trial
20% OFF Monthly or Annual Plans

Subscribe now

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Additional Resources 👇

Ready to Take the Next Step?

If you’re tired of fighting this battle alone, you don’t have to.

For nearly a decade I’ve walked this recovery journey myself, and today I help other men build lasting momentum through practical coaching, accountability, and identity transformation.

1:1 Breaking Free Coaching

If you’re ready to stop white-knuckling recovery and build a life you don’t want to escape from, I’d love to help.

Momentum Coaching includes:

Weekly 1:1 coaching sessions
Personalized recovery strategy
Accountability and habit building
Identity-focused recovery
Practical tools for long-term freedom

Schedule a free 1 hour discovery call

Additional Questions?

Email: Pornfreemillennialcoaching@gmail.com

Connect With Mac

Support the Publication

Check out my nomadic art gallery for pictures, posters and prints showcasing my life on the road! Use the Code FREEDOM for 20% off.

Art Gallery

Accountability Software PFM Discount

Personally, I use Ever Accountable. Try this link for a limited 14 day free trial and 20% off after that 14 day trial expires.
To learn more about Ever Accountable, check out my interview with its CEO, Tyler Patterson.

Affiliate Partnership: Ritual Organics (Organic Tallow Based Suncare Cream)

Sun Tallow – Whipped Beef Tallow Face Cream with Non-Nano Zinc

Click Here To Purchase!

Call to Action

If this encouraged you, consider sharing it with someone who needs hope.

If you’re ready to stop fighting alone, schedule a free Breaking Free Coaching consultation and begin building a life you don’t want to escape from.

For more Porn Free Millennial Subscribe to:

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Lessons From an Old Dog

Mac Dohm — Mon, 10 Aug 2026 23:54:11 GMT

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My heart is heavy, with Bo not here beside me as I write this.

Yesterday, was the day of “when you know you know” and I made the tough decision to part ways with my little shadow.

He’s was battling cancer on and off for close to 4 years, his little body driven to keep living by a love hard to describe.

But yesterday, I think he was telling me that it was time and it was.

Yesterday was a meaningful day of presence, a last day with a friend.

A day that I have mentally prepared for over and over again the past few years, but still a surreal experience.

Sometimes you’d just hope that the decision was made for you, but other times, you are the one that has to make it.

I’m relieved to say he went peacefully into the next phase of existence, in the arms of a man who had to finally say goodbye.

I miss him dearly and his spirit will live on in honor.

So in his honor this week, an article I wrote from the depths of our love.

A story about an old dog who was beside me through the thick and thin, like a compass pointing towards tranquility, connection, and companionship.

A story about lessons I’ve learned and that I will carry with me.

Rest in Peace Bo

READ HERE 👇

Keep Fighting The Good Fight.

Break Free. Be Free. Stay Free.

If you have found value in this newsletter - consider subscribing for free encouragement, leaving it a like and even a share with someone you care about. If you’d like to support my publication and mission, consider a donation or a paid PFM Patron subscription.

The more who know, the more we grow together towards breaking free.

Also, if you have encouragement and empowerment that you are willing to share, consider connecting with me for a guest spotlight or guest podcast. The door is open for collaboration and building a community of people who are tired of the status quo, those who choose rebellion over submission.

Much love,

Mac

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For more Porn Free Millennial Subscribe to:

Ready to Take the Next Step?

If you’re tired of fighting this battle alone, you don’t have to.

For nearly a decade I’ve walked this recovery journey myself, and today I help other men build lasting momentum through practical coaching, accountability, and identity transformation.

Book a Free 1 Hour Call

1:1 Breaking Free Coaching

If you’re ready to stop white-knuckling recovery and build a life you don’t want to escape from, I’d love to help.

Momentum Coaching includes:

Weekly 1:1 coaching sessions
Personalized recovery strategy
Accountability and habit building
Identity-focused recovery
Practical tools for long-term freedom

Schedule a free 1 hour discovery call

Additional Questions?

Email: Pornfreemillennialcoaching@gmail.com

Support the Publication

Check out my nomadic art gallery for pictures, posters and prints showcasing my life on the road! Use the Code FREEDOM for 20% off.

Art Gallery

Accountability Software PFM Discount

Personally, I use Ever Accountable. Try this link for a limited 14 day free trial and 20% off after that 14 day trial expires.
To learn more about Ever Accountable, check out my interview with its CEO, Tyler Patterson.

Affiliate Partnership: Ritual Organics

Sun Tallow – Whipped Beef Tallow Face Cream with Non-Nano Zinc

Click Here To Purchase!

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70. Break Free from Shame: A Coach's Guide

Mac Dohm — Mon, 03 Aug 2026 02:45:17 GMT

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Shame is one of the most misunderstood—and most destructive—forces behind addiction.

Unlike guilt, which says “I did something bad,” shame whispers, “I am bad.” It convinces us we’re broken, unworthy, beyond repair, and incapable of lasting change. Left unchecked, it keeps us trapped in cycles of secrecy, isolation, perfectionism, and relapse.

In this episode of the Porn Free Millennial Podcast, I sit down with my recovery coach and mentor, Vern Tompke, host of the Finding Traction Podcast, to unpack what shame really is, how to recognize it, where it comes from, and—most importantly—how to begin walking in freedom.

Drawing from Vern’s “Shame for Dummies” guide, we explore the stories that shape our identity, the lies we unknowingly believe, and the healing power of safe relationships, community, and faith.

In This Episode

The critical difference between guilt and shame—and why confusing the two keeps many people stuck.
Why perfectionism is often one of the strongest indicators that shame is operating beneath the surface.
How childhood experiences quietly shape lifelong beliefs about ourselves.
The “fish in water” analogy that explains why shame is often difficult to recognize.
Common shame statements such as:
- “I’m not enough.”
- “I’m a failure.”
- “I don’t belong.”
- “I’m unlovable.”
- “I ruin everything.”
How addiction often becomes a symptom of deeper shame rather than its source.
Why secret “closet stories” continue to hold power until they’re brought into the light.
The importance of trusted relationships and accountability in breaking shame’s grip.
How prayer, Scripture, and community help replace false identities with truth.
Practical steps anyone can begin taking today to identify and challenge shame.

Memorable Quotes

“Guilt says, ‘I did something bad.’ Shame says, ‘I am something bad.’”
“Perfectionism is one of the greatest clues that shame is hiding underneath.”
“Shame grows in darkness and isolation.”
“Safe people help us hear truth louder than shame.”
“The antidote to shame is being fully known and fully loved.”

Resources Mentioned

Finding Traction Recovery Program
Finding Traction Alumni Groups
Pastors on Porn Podcast
Men’s Recovery Retreats
Scripture-based identity exercises
Accountability and recovery community

Connect with Vern Tompke

Vern Tompke is a recovery coach, mentor, and host of the Finding Traction Podcast and Pastors on Porn Podcast, helping men overcome pornography addiction through faith, accountability, and lasting transformation.

Support the Podcast

If this conversation challenged your thinking, please consider:

Following/Subscribing to stay up to date → Substack, YouTube, Apple, Spotify
Leaving a 5-star review (if applicable, helps get the episode to more people)
Sharing this episode with someone who loves film, philosophy, or recovery

Ready to Take the Next Step?

If you’re tired of fighting this battle alone, you don’t have to.

For nearly a decade I’ve walked this recovery journey myself, and today I help other men build lasting momentum through practical coaching, accountability, and identity transformation.

1:1 Breaking Free Coaching

If you’re ready to stop white-knuckling recovery and build a life you don’t want to escape from, I’d love to help.

Momentum Coaching includes:

Weekly 1:1 coaching sessions
Personalized recovery strategy
Accountability and habit building
Identity-focused recovery
Practical tools for long-term freedom

Schedule a free 1 hour discovery call

Additional Questions?

Email: Pornfreemillennialcoaching@gmail.com

Accountability Software I Personally Recommend

Recovery becomes much easier when you’re no longer fighting alone.

Ever Accountable helps you:

Stay accountable online
Monitor phones, tablets, and computers
Receive accountability reports
Reduce secrecy and isolation
Build consistent recovery habits

Use my link to receive:

14-Day Free Trial
20% OFF Monthly or Annual Plans

Connect With Mac

Support the Publication

Check out my nomadic art gallery for pictures, posters and prints showcasing my life on the road! Use the Code FREEDOM for 20% off.

Art Gallery

Accountability Software PFM Discount

Personally, I use Ever Accountable. Try this link for a limited 14 day free trial and 20% off after that 14 day trial expires.
To learn more about Ever Accountable, check out my interview with its CEO, Tyler Patterson.

Affiliate Partnership: Ritual Organics (Organic Tallow Based Suncare Cream)

Sun Tallow – Whipped Beef Tallow Face Cream with Non-Nano Zinc

Click Here To Purchase!

Call to Action

If this episode encouraged you, consider sharing it with someone who needs hope.

If you’re ready to stop fighting alone, schedule a free Breaking Free Coaching consultation and begin building a life you don’t want to escape from.

Subscribe now

Share Porn Free Millennial

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IT

Mac Dohm — Thu, 30 Jul 2026 22:26:45 GMT

Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when published

Give it a second and it will cost you a day.

Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when published

Give it a glance and it will cost you a gaze.

Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when published

Give it a night and it will cost you your sleep.

Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when published

Give it a thought and it will cost you your peace.

Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when published

Don’t give it anything, if you can bear it.

Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when published

Don’t give it anything, don’t even dare it.

Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when published

Don’t give it anything, let it starve where it waits.

Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when published

Don’t give it anything, it's better this way.

Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when published

Don’t give it anything.

Text within this block will maintain its original spacing when published

You’ve given it enough.

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The Porn Free Playlist

Mac Dohm — Mon, 27 Jul 2026 18:38:22 GMT

Hi all, I hope this finds you well. July has been a BUSY month for me all around — with work, family/friend activities in town, and balancing out weekly episodes for my two podcasts.

When thinking of today’s newsletter, I thought I’d let you in on a side project I stumbled into a few weeks ago. I’ve been thinking for a while now, “how would my poems sound as songs?” and also “I need to make my own theme song for the Porn Free Millennial podcast”.

I found a way to make it happen through the site Suno.

Once I made my theme song, I started plugging in my poems and playing with different genres and themes.

What I realized was that I have written some poignant pieces that come to life through song and today I will share a few with you.

For me, listening to these poems in music form is an additional armor I can wear throughout the day, reminders that keep my thoughts pure and my purpose illuminated.

Also, some of these songs work great in the gym (The Porn Free Shuffle, What Silence Cannot Contain, Diabolic, Lobotomy). It’s like getting a natural high off your own supply.

To see my full published album click here: BreakFreeWithMe.

Below are the songs and the poems. Feel free to download them and play them when you feel the temptations swelling or if you just dig the beat.

Let me know in the comments what your favorite song was and why. Would love any feedback!

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The Porn Free Shuffle (Podcast Theme Song)

The Ballad of the Brushpopper

Puppet Show Blues

A Broken Record

A Mustard Seed of Faith

What Silence Cannot Contain

Diabolic

Lobotomy

The Unbroken Mariner

Keep Fighting The Good Fight.

Break Free. Be Free. Stay Free.

The more who know, the more we grow together towards breaking free.

Much love,

Mac

Subscribe now

Leave a comment

Join Break Free With Me (Mac)’s subscriber chat

Available in the Substack app and on web

For more Porn Free Millennial Subscribe to:

Ready to Take the Next Step?

If you’re tired of fighting this battle alone, you don’t have to.

For nearly a decade I’ve walked this recovery journey myself, and today I help other men build lasting momentum through practical coaching, accountability, and identity transformation.

Book a Free 1 Hour Call

1:1 Breaking Free Coaching

If you’re ready to stop white-knuckling recovery and build a life you don’t want to escape from, I’d love to help.

Momentum Coaching includes:

Weekly 1:1 coaching sessions
Personalized recovery strategy
Accountability and habit building
Identity-focused recovery
Practical tools for long-term freedom

Schedule a free 1 hour discovery call

Additional Questions?

Email: Pornfreemillennialcoaching@gmail.com

Support the Publication

Check out my nomadic art gallery for pictures, posters and prints showcasing my life on the road! Use the Code FREEDOM for 20% off.

Art Gallery

Accountability Software PFM Discount

Personally, I use Ever Accountable. Try this link for a limited 14 day free trial and 20% off after that 14 day trial expires.
To learn more about Ever Accountable, check out my interview with its CEO, Tyler Patterson.

Affiliate Partnership: Ritual Organics

Sun Tallow – Whipped Beef Tallow Face Cream with Non-Nano Zinc

Click Here To Purchase!

69. Why Everything on TV Is So Sexualized | A Professor Explains

Mac Dohm — Thu, 23 Jul 2026 20:46:07 GMT

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Is modern entertainment becoming more sexualized—or are we simply noticing it more?

In this deep philosophical discussion, I sit down once again with Dr. Gregory Borse, professor of English, philosophy, and film at the University of Arkansas at Monticello, to revisit one of our most popular conversations and ask a question many people have been wondering:

Why does it feel like almost every TV show and movie today is pushing sexuality?

Connect with Gregory Borse on X and Substack:

Drawing from literature, film history, philosophy, psychology, and technology, we explore how pornography fits into a much larger cultural story. From Hitchcock and Shakespeare to Netflix, Christopher Nolan, AI, and social media, this conversation looks beyond headlines to examine how technology is reshaping not only entertainment—but how we experience reality itself.

Whether you’re in recovery from pornography, interested in film, or simply wondering why culture feels different today, this episode offers a thoughtful perspective that challenges assumptions from every angle.

In This Episode

Why modern movies and television seem increasingly sexualized
The relationship between pornography, technology, and culture
Why Dr. Borse argues that porn is a symptom—not the root problem
How streaming services changed the way entertainment is consumed
The evolution of pornography from the ancient world to the digital age
Mechanical reproduction, AI, and what they mean for art and authenticity
Why technology has become an extension of the human nervous system
The erosion of standards in entertainment and society
Hitchcock, Kubrick, Christopher Nolan, and the importance of meaningful storytelling
The difference between art that serves the story and gratuitous sexual content
Beauty, mystery, and why some things were historically understood to remain sacred
How recovering from pornography changes the way you experience media
Practical thoughts for navigating entertainment without living in fear

Books & Authors Mentioned

Films & Television Discussed

Psycho
Eyes Wide Shut
The Odyssey (Christopher Nolan)
True Detective
Breaking Bad
Sons of Anarchy
The Hobbit

Previous Conversations with Dr. Gregory Borse

If you enjoyed this discussion, be sure to check out our earlier conversations together:

14. The Evolution of Pornography Through Culture & Technology
21. From Hobbits to Heroes: Talking Lord of the Rings and Conquering Challenges
28. Porn Is a Vampire (Halloween Special)
31. Lonely Fans (with Dr. Gregory Borse)
48. The Exorcist, Porn & Possession
49. Pay Attention to Your Dreams
52. Hitchcock Saw It Coming: Psycho and the Age of Porn

Connect with Dr. Gregory Borse

Dr. Gregory Borse is a professor of English, Philosophy, and Film at the University of Arkansas at Monticello. His work explores literature, philosophy, aesthetics, storytelling, and the cultural forces shaping modern society.

Connect on X

Connect on Substack

Support the Podcast

If this conversation challenged your thinking, please consider:

Following/Subscribing to stay up to date → Substack, YouTube, Apple, Spotify
Leaving a 5-star review (if applicable, helps get the episode to more people)
Sharing this episode with someone who loves film, philosophy, or recovery

Ready to Take the Next Step?

If you’re tired of fighting this battle alone, you don’t have to.

For nearly a decade I’ve walked this recovery journey myself, and today I help other men build lasting momentum through practical coaching, accountability, and identity transformation.

1:1 Breaking Free Coaching

If you’re ready to stop white-knuckling recovery and build a life you don’t want to escape from, I’d love to help.

Momentum Coaching includes:

Weekly 1:1 coaching sessions
Personalized recovery strategy
Accountability and habit building
Identity-focused recovery
Practical tools for long-term freedom

Schedule a free 1 hour discovery call

Additional Questions?

Email: Pornfreemillennialcoaching@gmail.com

Accountability Software I Personally Recommend

Recovery becomes much easier when you’re no longer fighting alone.

Ever Accountable helps you:

Stay accountable online
Monitor phones, tablets, and computers
Receive accountability reports
Reduce secrecy and isolation
Build consistent recovery habits

Use my link to receive:

14-Day Free Trial
20% OFF Monthly or Annual Plans

Connect With Mac

Support the Publication

Check out my nomadic art gallery for pictures, posters and prints showcasing my life on the road! Use the Code FREEDOM for 20% off.

Art Gallery

Accountability Software PFM Discount

Personally, I use Ever Accountable. Try this link for a limited 14 day free trial and 20% off after that 14 day trial expires.
To learn more about Ever Accountable, check out my interview with its CEO, Tyler Patterson.

Affiliate Partnership: Ritual Organics (Organic Tallow Based Suncare Cream)

Sun Tallow – Whipped Beef Tallow Face Cream with Non-Nano Zinc

Click Here To Purchase!

Call to Action

If this episode encouraged you, consider sharing it with someone who needs hope.

If you’re ready to stop fighting alone, schedule a free Breaking Free Coaching consultation and begin building a life you don’t want to escape from.

Share Porn Free Millennial

Leave a comment

Keep fighting the good fight.

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68. How the Porn Relapse Cycle Works (And How to Break It)

Mac Dohm — Fri, 17 Jul 2026 16:37:16 GMT

Why Most Porn Relapses Don’t Happen in One Moment | The Stopwatch Recovery Framework

Most men believe relapse happens in a single moment of weakness.

It doesn’t.

Relapse usually begins long before pornography ever enters the picture. It starts with a trigger... then a compromise... then a series of small decisions that quietly build momentum until it feels almost impossible to stop.

In this episode of Porn Free Millennial, I break down the Stopwatch Recovery Framework—a practical recovery tool developed by my recovery coach, Vern Tompke, that completely changed how I think about relapse.

To download the stopwatch framework, see below or click this article: The Anatomy of a Relapse.

To follow along on video, check out my YouTube Channel.

Instead of fighting at the last possible moment, you’ll learn how to recognize the cycle early, interrupt it, and build lasting freedom one decision at a time.

Whether you’re struggling with pornography, another unwanted habit, or simply trying to build greater self-control, this episode will help you understand why recovery is won long before the relapse ever happens.

In This Episode

Why relapse is usually a gradual drift—not a spontaneous explosion
The biggest myth that keeps people stuck in recovery
Understanding the stages of the relapse cycle
Why emotional triggers matter more than sexual triggers
How stress, loneliness, boredom, rejection, and shame start the stopwatch
The difference between preoccupation and pursuit
Why white-knuckling almost always fails
Practical strategies to interrupt the cycle before momentum builds
Building accountability, boundaries, and recovery systems
The role of identity in long-term freedom
James Clear’s Atomic Habits and “votes for your identity”
Daily recovery habits that build lasting peace

The Stopwatch Recovery Cycle

Peace
Trigger
Preempt
Preoccupation
Pursuit
Porn Event
Pain
Protect
Promise
Return to Peace through action—not empty promises

Key Takeaways

Recovery isn’t won at the point of temptation.
Small compromises create powerful momentum.
Every decision casts a vote for the person you’re becoming.
Freedom isn’t built through one heroic moment—it is built through hundreds of honest decisions.
Systems beat willpower.
Identity drives behavior.

Resources Mentioned

Ready to Take the Next Step?

If you’re tired of fighting this battle alone, you don’t have to.

For nearly a decade I’ve walked this recovery journey myself, and today I help other men build lasting momentum through practical coaching, accountability, and identity transformation.

1:1 Breaking Free Coaching

If you’re ready to stop white-knuckling recovery and build a life you don’t want to escape from, I’d love to help.

Momentum Coaching includes:

Weekly 1:1 coaching sessions
Personalized recovery strategy
Accountability and habit building
Identity-focused recovery
Practical tools for long-term freedom

Schedule a free 1 hour discovery call

Additional Questions?

Email: Pornfreemillennialcoaching@gmail.com

Accountability Software I Personally Recommend

Recovery becomes much easier when you’re no longer fighting alone.

Ever Accountable helps you:

Stay accountable online
Monitor phones, tablets, and computers
Receive accountability reports
Reduce secrecy and isolation
Build consistent recovery habits

Use my link to receive:

14-Day Free Trial
20% OFF Monthly or Annual Plans

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Accountability Software PFM Discount

Personally, I use Ever Accountable. Try this link for a limited 14 day free trial and 20% off after that 14 day trial expires.
To learn more about Ever Accountable, check out my interview with its CEO, Tyler Patterson.

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Call to Action

If this episode encouraged you, consider sharing it with someone who needs hope.

If you’re ready to stop fighting alone, schedule a free Breaking Free Coaching consultation and begin building a life you don’t want to escape from.

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Ripples

Mac Dohm — Thu, 16 Jul 2026 22:59:21 GMT

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Toss a stone into a still pond and watch the water ripple.

One action.

Then a reaction.

Ripples.

Nature reminds us that every cause has an effect.

The same principle plays out in our lives.

Every decision sends ripples outward.

Some build stronger relationships, healthier habits, and deeper peace.

Others can erode them.

Looking back, I can trace my life through those ripples.

The good.

The bad.

The ugly.

Some decisions brought opportunities I never imagined.

Others carried consequences I never saw coming.

None of them existed in isolation.

Each one became the cause of another reaction.

When I reflect on the most painful chapters of my life, I keep coming back to something Dr. Gabor Maté said about addiction…

Want to hear the full context?

Dr. Gabor Maté explains his definition of addiction far better than I ever could. I highly recommend taking a few minutes to watch this clip before continuing.

I think about this often and frequently come back to this description of addiction whenever I’m podcasting.

I believe many people misunderstand pornography because they view it primarily as a sexual act, a way to satisfy the male sex drive.

While sexuality is certainly part of it, I think that’s an incomplete picture.

More often than not, porn becomes a form of relief and born as a solution of escaping something.

From my experience with my story it can frequently come from childhood traumas unresolved and can show up as triggers throughout our daily life.

The “solution” can become intertwined in our emotions and our reactions to them.

Like…

A way to numb stress.

To hide from loneliness.

To avoid anxiety.

To quiet shame.

To distract from boredom.

To temporarily forget the pain we don’t know how to carry.

That’s why I think Gabor Maté’s definition is so powerful.

It shifts the conversation away from sex and toward suffering.

The behavior becomes less about pursuing pleasure and more about seeking relief.

The tragedy is that the very thing we reach for to escape our pain often becomes the thing that multiplies it.

That was certainly true in my own life.

Porn never solved the pain I was trying to outrun.

It magnified it.

Every escape carried a cost, sending ripples through my relationships, my integrity, my past relationships, and ultimately the man I was becoming.

As you go through the next few days, think about the stones you choose to cast into the pond and the ripples they’ll create.

Every thought.

Every glance.

Every habit.

Every decision.

They all move outward.

Ripples.

Your actions matter, even when your subconscious tries to justify them, minimize them, or convince you that “this one doesn’t count.”

Every stone creates a ripple.

And the question is…

What kind of wake are you leaving behind?

Keep Fighting The Good Fight.

Break Free. Be Free. Stay Free.

The more who know, the more we grow together towards breaking free.

Much love,

Mac

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Ready to Take the Next Step?

If you’re tired of fighting this battle alone, you don’t have to.

For nearly a decade I’ve walked this recovery journey myself, and today I help other men build lasting momentum through practical coaching, accountability, and identity transformation.

Book a Free 1 Hour Call

1:1 Breaking Free Coaching

If you’re ready to stop white-knuckling recovery and build a life you don’t want to escape from, I’d love to help.

Momentum Coaching includes:

Weekly 1:1 coaching sessions
Personalized recovery strategy
Accountability and habit building
Identity-focused recovery
Practical tools for long-term freedom

Schedule a free 1 hour discovery call

Additional Questions?

Email: Pornfreemillennialcoaching@gmail.com

Support the Publication

Check out my nomadic art gallery for pictures, posters and prints showcasing my life on the road! Use the Code FREEDOM for 20% off.

Art Gallery

Accountability Software PFM Discount

Personally, I use Ever Accountable. Try this link for a limited 14 day free trial and 20% off after that 14 day trial expires.
To learn more about Ever Accountable, check out my interview with its CEO, Tyler Patterson.

Affiliate Partnership: Ritual Organics

Sun Tallow – Whipped Beef Tallow Face Cream with Non-Nano Zinc

Click Here To Purchase!

The Anatomy of a Relapse

Mac Dohm — Sat, 11 Jul 2026 01:34:40 GMT

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I Live Streamed on this topic yesterday and spoke about this yesterday in my Thursday recovery group.

Podcast is coming out this weekend.

While this topic is fresh on my mind.

Let’s jump into it.

Relapses are cyclical, they don’t come out of nowhere.

It isn’t one big moment, like many of us tell ourselves with porn.

The relapse is a culmination of small decisions to pursue porn — typically days, weeks, even months before the actual “event”.

Phrases like:

“It just happened”

“I stumbled into something”

“I was caught off guard”

“I couldn’t avoid it”

“I didn’t mean to”

“I fell into it”

All are false rationalizations we tell ourselves to avoid negative consequences for our actions.

Typically, these phrases don’t always come from a bad place.

Starting out, they come from a lack of education, awareness, and maturity.

Later in life and experience, they are harder to justify, minimize, and believe.

Like I said, it is a cycle — a long developed routine, habit, ritual.

Wired into our brains for most of us at an early age — hard-circuited responses to impulses and temptations, triggered by something that disrupts our peace.

As you look at this diagram, start at the top and answer these questions as you follow the stopwatch once it starts ticking…

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1. PEACE

Recovery is built long before temptation appears.

Define what peace looks like in your life and protect it.

Spiritual Health

How is your relationship with God?

Am I spending time in Scripture?
Have I been praying consistently?
Am I attending church?
Have I confessed what needs to be confessed?
Am I living according to my values?
Do I have hope and gratitude?
For those who are not Christian, what is your connection with your higher power and are you serving the light in others?

Ask: Is my soul being nourished?

Physical Health

How am I caring for my body?

Am I getting enough sleep?
Have I exercised this week?
Am I eating well?
Am I getting outside?
Have I been overworking myself?
Am I rested or running on empty?

Ask: Is my body prepared to handle stress?

Relational Health

Am I connected or isolated?

Have I talked with trusted friends?
Have I checked in with my accountability partner?
Am I investing in my family?
Am I pursuing healthy community?
Am I carrying unresolved conflict?
Have I withdrawn from people?

Ask: Am I moving toward people or away from them?

Creative Health (Purpose & Passion)

Am I building a meaningful life?

Am I pursuing purpose?
Have I worked on something that excites me?
Am I creating instead of only consuming?
Have I challenged myself?
Am I learning something new?
Am I making progress toward my goals?

Ask: Am I building a life I don’t want to escape from?

The Key Question

What does peace look like for me?

Peace is the presence of healthy rhythms that keep you grounded when problems come.

Define your peace. Build it daily. Protect it fiercely.

Recovery is built in the ordinary disciplines that create peace before temptation ever arrives.

2. THE TRIGGER

Something disrupted your peace and started the cycle.

Not every trigger is emotional. Some come from your environment. Others come from unexpected events.

Emotion

Something shifts internally.

Stress
Loneliness
Shame
Anxiety
Rejection
Anger
Boredom
Fatigue
Frustration
Discouragement

Ask: What was I feeling?

Environment

Something around you increases temptation.

Social media
Being alone
Late at night
Your bedroom
A hotel room
Alcohol or substances
Suggestive content
Certain websites or apps
Lack of sleep
Unstructured free time

Ask: Where was I, and what surrounded me?

Event

Something happened that disrupted your day.

An argument
Bad news
A difficult memory
A breakup
A stressful day at work
Financial pressure
Conflict with family
Failure or disappointment
Success or celebration
An unexpected encounter

Ask: What happened right before my thoughts changed?

The Key Question

What disrupted my peace?

The trigger usually isn’t porn.

It’s the emotion, environment, or event that made porn seem like the solution.

Define your triggers. Make a plan for them before they happen.

You can’t always prevent the trigger.
You can prepare your response.

⚠️ ACT NOW WITH PRE-EMPTION

Pre-emption is your greatest advantage.

Every stage you allow the cycle to continue makes it progressively harder to interrupt.

The earlier you act, the easier it is to stop.

Don’t wait for stronger urges.

Break the cycle while it’s still weak.

The storm has begun, but you can still stop it.

This is your greatest window of opportunity.

The goal is to interrupt the cycle before temptation gains momentum.

Most relapses don’t happen because someone suddenly loses all self-control.

They happen because dozens of small, seemingly harmless choices are left unchecked until the momentum becomes difficult to overcome.

Think of it like rolling a snowball down a mountain.

At the top, it fits in your hand.

Halfway down the hill, you can still stop it with effort.

At the bottom, it has become an avalanche.

The earlier you intervene, the less strength is required.

The longer you wait, the more strength you’ll wish you had.

Reach Out

Isolation is gasoline for addiction.

Connection is one of the fastest ways to break the cycle.

Call your accountability partner.
Text a trusted friend.
Tell someone exactly what you’re experiencing.
Ask for prayer.
Leave the environment if needed.

The goal is to stay honest and accountable.

Set Up Boundaries

Don’t rely on willpower alone.

Create friction between impulse and action.

Examples:

Leave the room.
Put your phone away.
Turn on your blocker/accountability software.
Go somewhere public.
Keep devices out of your bedroom.
Follow your evening routine.
Stick to your bedtime.

Good boundaries make bad decisions harder.

Establish Negative Reminders

Temptation magnifies the fantasy while hiding the consequences.

Bring the consequences back into focus.

Remember:

The shame afterward.
The broken trust.
The wasted time.
The emotional crash.
The anxiety.
The isolation.
The person you’re becoming.

Fantasy asks,

“What if this satisfies me?”

Recovery asks,

“What happens after?”

The Law of Momentum

Every stage makes the next stage easier to enter...

and harder to leave.

At Peace, stopping is simple.

At Pre-Empt, it’s still very possible.

At Pre-Occupation, you’ll need intentional action.

At Pursuit, you’ll need significant intervention.

By the time you reach the Porn Event, the battle has largely been decided by dozens of earlier choices.

That doesn’t mean you’re powerless.

It means you’re fighting uphill.

Remember

The cycle becomes stronger with every stage.

Every minute you delay, temptation gains momentum.

Every action you take early weakens the cycle before it has a chance to grow.

Don’t wait until you’re overwhelmed.

Don’t wait until you’re bargaining.

Don’t wait until you’re searching.

Interrupt the cycle while it’s still whispering, not when it’s shouting.

Recovery isn’t won at Mile 99.
It’s won at Mile 5.
The earlier you act, the easier it is to stop.

3. PRE-OCCUPATION

Your mind begins orbiting temptation.

This is where acting out starts becoming mentally attractive.

Pay attention to your thoughts before they become actions.

Rationalization

You begin justifying behavior you once rejected.

Ask yourself:

What story am I telling myself?
Am I minimizing the consequences?
Am I making excuses?
Am I believing a lie?
Am I trying to convince myself it’s okay?

Common examples:

“Maybe just this once.”
“I’ve had a hard week.”
“I deserve a break.”
“I’ve been doing so well.”
“I’ll start over tomorrow.”

Ask: What lie am I believing right now?

Fantasy

Your imagination begins feeding desire.

Ask yourself:

Am I replaying old memories?
Am I fantasizing about someone?
Am I lingering on sexual thoughts?
Am I mentally escaping reality?
Am I intentionally feeding the temptation?

Fantasy is often where desire grows stronger than discipline.

Ask: What thoughts am I choosing to entertain?

Loopholes

You begin searching for technical ways to stay close to temptation without crossing your “line.”

Examples:

“It’s not technically porn.”
“I’m just browsing.”
“I’ll only look for a minute.”
“I’m only watching reels.”
“I’m just curious.”
“I’m only checking social media.”

Loopholes protect the impulse and/or addiction, not your recovery.

Ask: Am I looking for freedom... or permission?

The Key Question

What thoughts have I allowed to take root?

The longer you negotiate with temptation, the stronger it becomes.

Don’t debate temptation. Disrupt it.

Every relapse is preceded by a conversation inside your mind.
Interrupt the conversation before it becomes a decision.

4. PURSUIT

You’re no longer just thinking about acting out.

You’re beginning to move toward it.

Momentum is building through intentional choices.

Seeking Content

You begin looking for stimulation.

Ask yourself:

Did I grab my phone?
Was I browsing “safe” content?
Did I start scrolling without purpose?
Was I looking for attractive people?
Did I search for triggering topics?
Was I hoping something tempting would appear?

The search has already begun.

Ask: What am I really looking for?

Creating Opportunities

You start removing the barriers that protect you.

Ask yourself:

Did I stay up later than usual?
Did I wait until everyone left?
Did I take my phone into the bathroom or bedroom?
Did I disable accountability?
Did I ignore my recovery plan?
Did I choose secrecy over connection?

Opportunity rarely appears by accident.

It is usually created.

Ask: Am I making it easier to succeed or easier to fail?

Escalating Fantasy

Your mind and body become increasingly invested.

Ask yourself:

Is my fantasy becoming more vivid?
Am I replaying images or memories?
Am I imagining scenarios?
Am I feeding desire instead of interrupting it?
Am I craving a stronger dopamine hit?

Fantasy fuels pursuit.

The more you feed it, the harder it becomes to walk away.

Ask: Am I strengthening temptation or starving it?

Isolating

Connection fades as secrecy grows.

Ask yourself:

Have I stopped responding to people?
Am I avoiding accountability?
Have I withdrawn from family or friends?
Am I choosing isolation over honesty?
Have I convinced myself I can handle this alone?

Addiction grows in isolation.

Recovery grows in connection.

Ask: Who am I pulling away from?

The Key Question

What choices am I making that move me closer to acting out?

Notice something...

Porn still hasn’t happened.

Yet the momentum has been building through a series of seemingly small decisions.

Every choice either strengthens your recovery or strengthens the cycle.

Pursuit is a chain of small choices that lead you toward the event and build momentum. Break the chain before it reaches its destination.

5. THE PORN EVENT

This is the part everyone focuses on.

Ironically...

It’s usually the least important part of the cycle.

The event isn’t the beginning.

It’s the receipt.

The choices were already made long before the screen ever turned on.

The purchase happened through a series of seemingly insignificant choices:

Ignoring your routines.
Allowing your peace to erode.
Entertaining unhealthy thoughts.
Believing rationalizations.
Seeking stimulation.
Creating opportunities.
Choosing isolation.

Porn is rarely the first bad decision.

It’s usually the last one.

The Key Question

What decisions led me here?

Trace the path backward like a detective.

The earlier you find the turning point and understand it, the stronger your recovery becomes.

6. PAIN

The emotional fallout sets in.

The dopamine fades.

Reality returns.

What promised relief often leaves you carrying even more than before.

You may experience:

Shame
Regret
Anxiety
Loneliness
Self-disgust
Spiritual exhaustion
Emotional numbness
Loss of confidence

For many men, this is the lowest point in the cycle.

But the cycle isn’t over.

Shame vs. Guilt

Learning the difference changes everything.

Shame says:

“I am broken.”
“I’ll never change.”
“This is just who I am.”
“I’m beyond help.”

Shame attacks your identity.

It tells you that you are the problem.

Guilt says:

“I made a bad decision.”
“I violated my values.”
“I need to make things right.”
“I can choose differently next time.”

Guilt addresses your behavior.

Healthy guilt can lead to repentance, honesty, and growth.

Shame usually leads back to secrecy.

The Crossroads

Pain always asks a question:

What are you going to do with this?

Will you...

Learn from it?
Confess it?
Reach out?
Make changes?

Or will you...

Hide it?
Minimize it?
Numb it?
Escape it?

Pain can become a teacher or it can become the trigger for the next relapse.

Don’t Waste the Pain

Every relapse contains valuable information.

Ask yourself:

What was I trying to escape?
What was I actually looking for?
Where did I first lose my peace?
What warning signs did I ignore?
What will I do differently next time?

Recovery grows when reflection replaces self-condemnation.

The Key Question

What is this pain trying to teach me?

The goal isn’t to sit in shame.

The goal is to let the pain reveal what needs healing.

Shame says, “Hide.”
Grace says, “Come into the light.”
Growth begins when honesty becomes greater than the fear of being known.

One final thought that fits your identity-based approach:

Pain isn’t proof that you’re failing.
Pain is often the invitation to rebuild differently.

That keeps this section hopeful without minimizing the seriousness of relapse.

7. PROTECT

Now the focus shifts.

Not to protecting your recovery...

But protecting yourself from the consequences.

This is where secrecy often takes over.

You may be tempted to:

Delete your history.
Hide your devices.
Lie.
Minimize what happened.
Rationalize your behavior.
Keep secrets.
Tell yourself, “I’ll do better next time.”

Every hidden behavior gives the cycle another chance to survive.

Recovery Does the Opposite

Recovery isn’t easy.

But it is honest.

Instead of hiding...

Confess

Bring what happened into the light.

Secrets lose their power when they’re spoken.

Instead of lying...

Tell the Truth

Own your actions completely.

Without excuses.

Without blaming circumstances.

Without minimizing.

Instead of minimizing...

Take Responsibility

Don’t make it smaller.

Don’t make it bigger.

Call it what it is.

Responsibility is where freedom begins.

Instead of rationalizing...

Seek Understanding

Don’t ask,

“How can I explain this away?”

Ask,

“What can I learn from this?”

Instead of isolating...

Reach Out

Call your accountability partner.

Tell someone you trust.

Invite people into the struggle.

Connection breaks the power of secrecy.

Instead of promising...

Build Systems

Good intentions rarely break old habits.

Better systems do.

Ask:

What boundary failed?
What routine needs strengthening?
What safeguard can I add?
What will I do differently before the next trigger arrives?

Recovery grows through preparation, not promises.

The Key Question

Am I protecting my image... or my freedom?

Every time you hide the truth, you protect the addiction.

Every time you bring it into the light, you protect your recovery.

The choice isn’t between comfort and discomfort.

It’s between temporary discomfort and lasting freedom.

Addiction survives in secrecy.
Recovery grows in honesty.
What you protect determines what grows.
Protect your image, and the addiction grows.
Protect the truth, and your freedom grows.

8. PROMISE

Finally comes the promise.

“Never again.”

In the aftermath of relapse, you mean it.

The regret is real.

The pain is fresh.

Your motivation is high.

For a few days...

you believe you’ve changed.

But then...

The emotions fade.

Life gets busy.

The systems never changed.

Peace slowly erodes.

Another trigger appears...

...and the stopwatch starts ticking again.

Don’t Build Recovery on Promises

Build it on identity.

Anyone can make a promise in a moment of emotion.

Transformation isn’t proven by what you say after failure, it is proven by your daily actions.

The goal isn’t to become someone who promises not to watch porn.

The goal is to become someone who no longer lives like the man who needed it.

Every Action Is a Vote

James Clear, author of Atomic Habits, writes:

“Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.”

Your identity isn’t determined by one decision.

It’s shaped by thousands of small decisions.

Every time you...

tell the truth,
call your accountability partner,
leave your phone outside the bedroom,
pray instead of escaping,
go to the gym,
choose connection over isolation,

...you cast another vote for the man you’re becoming.

One vote won’t change your identity overnight.

But neither does one relapse erase it.

Identity is built through consistent repetition.

Become the Kind of Man...

Instead of asking,

“How do I stop watching porn?”

Ask,

“Who am I becoming?”

Become the kind of man who...

values integrity over secrecy.
chooses discipline over comfort.
runs toward truth instead of hiding.
protects his peace.
serves others.
lives with purpose.
keeps his word because his actions already reflect it.

Recovery becomes far more sustainable when your focus shifts from avoiding porn to building character.

The Key Question

What vote will I cast today?

Not this year.

Not forever.

Today.

Every healthy action is another vote for freedom.

Every honest decision is another vote for integrity.

Every disciplined habit is another vote for the man you’re becoming.

Don’t try to become free all at once.

Cast one good vote today.

Then another tomorrow.

Eventually, your identity will begin to match the life you’re building.

Here’s the question that changed recovery for me:

Where do you usually enter the fight?

Most men answer:

“At temptation.”

Or...

“When porn pops into my head.”

But that’s often Mile 95 of a 100-mile race.

Recovery is won much earlier.

It’s won when you notice:

you’re becoming isolated,
you’re skipping the gym,
you’re scrolling mindlessly,
you’re carrying resentment,
you’re exhausted,
you’re believing lies.

The earlier you interrupt the cycle, the less willpower you need.

That’s why this diagram has become one of my favorite recovery tools.

It shifts the question from:

“How do I stop watching porn?”

“Where did I stop protecting my peace?”

Relapse doesn’t usually happen in one catastrophic moment.

It happens through dozens of ordinary decisions that barely feel important until they become almost impossible to stop.

Recovery isn’t about becoming stronger at Mile 99.

It’s about becoming wiser at Mile 5.

Breaking the Acting Out Cycle

If you’ve made it this far, I hope one thing has become clear:

Relapse isn’t random.

It’s rarely one impulsive decision.

It’s usually the culmination of dozens of small choices that quietly built momentum over time.

That’s actually good news.

Recovery is built the exact same way.

One honest conversation.

One healthy boundary.

One good night’s sleep.

One prayer.

One workout.

One phone call.

One confession.

One difficult decision.

One day at a time.

Every one of those choices is a vote for the man you’re becoming.

Remember...

You cannot always control your triggers.

You cannot always control your emotions.

You cannot always control what the world puts in front of you.

But you can choose your response.

And every response is shaping your future.

Don’t wait until you’re at Stage Five.

Don’t wait until you’re overwhelmed.

Don’t wait until you’re negotiating with temptation.

Learn to recognize the earliest signs of the cycle.

That’s where freedom is built.

Your Assignment

Walk through each stage of this framework intentionally as much as possible.

Ask yourself:

Where do I usually lose my peace?
What emotions, environments, or events trigger me?
What lies do I begin believing?
What pursuits move me closer to acting out?
What off-ramp did I ignore?
What patterns do I notice?
What boundaries need strengthening?
What daily habits reinforce the man I want to become?

Don’t rush through these questions.

They may reveal patterns you’ve never noticed before.

Awareness is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself.

The Goal

The goal isn’t to become a man who never experiences temptation.

The goal is to become a man who recognizes the cycle sooner, responds differently, and keeps building a life that no longer needs escape.

Freedom is found in hundreds of ordinary decisions made with honesty, courage, and consistency.

As James Clear writes,

“Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.”

So ask yourself one final question...

Who am I becoming?

Not because of yesterday’s relapse.

Not because of tomorrow’s fears.

But because of the choices I will make today.

Choose wisely.

Protect your peace.

Interrupt the cycle early.

Cast another vote for freedom.

One decision at a time.

One day at a time.

One life at a time.

Keep Fighting The Good Fight.

Break Free. Be Free. Stay Free.

The more who know, the more we grow together towards breaking free.

Much love,

Mac

Subscribe now

Leave a comment

Ready to Take the Next Step?

If you’re tired of fighting this battle alone, you don’t have to.

For nearly a decade I’ve walked this recovery journey myself, and today I help other men build lasting momentum through practical coaching, accountability, and identity transformation.

Book a Free 1 Hour Call

1:1 Breaking Free Coaching

If you’re ready to stop white-knuckling recovery and build a life you don’t want to escape from, I’d love to help.

Momentum Coaching includes:

Weekly 1:1 coaching sessions
Personalized recovery strategy
Accountability and habit building
Identity-focused recovery
Practical tools for long-term freedom

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The Drug

Mac Dohm — Wed, 08 Jul 2026 02:29:22 GMT

Her body

a drug,

curves taut

and snug,

an invitation

to rub that pain away,

an initiation

to forget the stressful day.

She shifts in form

with every swipe,

but the hypnotic rhythm

stays the same,

pixelating signals

massaging that captive brain.

The gravitational waves

crave for your eyes

and patiently wait

for their gaze,

the dancing siren’s tune,

a melody that bites

with sugary lips

and a sticky swoon.

The handheld device,

a preoccupation station

of vice

and honey,

full of charm

and ecstasy,

yet hiding something deadly

behind its pollinating plea.

A trap laid

throughout the ages,

but never quite

like this.

Vampiric algorithms

fueling the feast,

harvesting desires

that never cease.

Turning isolated,

restless souls

into products

by design,

feeding ancient appetites

la matching beat

like a rhyme.

The bait has changed,

but the hunger

is ingrained

in the sands

of time.

The siren still sings,

but now

within the screen.

Freedom rings

when her lure

is left unseen,

when the spell is broken

and the soul grows keen,

when silence drowns

the constant pings

that once ruled

everything.

Vampires starve

beneath the sun.

They cannot dwell

within the light.

The screen still calls

from the darkness,

but dawn belongs

to those

who choose

to fight.

Keep fighting the good fight.

Listen to it here

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The more who know, the more we grow together towards breaking free.

Much love,

Mac

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Accountability and habit building
Identity-focused recovery
Practical tools for long-term freedom

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Why I Don’t Believe in Porn Moderation

Mac Dohm — Thu, 02 Jul 2026 23:37:05 GMT

Why I Don’t Believe in Porn Moderation

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“Why don’t you just use porn in moderation like anything else?”

I’ve been asked that question more than once.

On the surface, it sounds reasonable.

After all, we moderate plenty of things.

You can have one cup of coffee without needing ten.

You can enjoy birthday cake without eating dessert every day.

Many people can have a drink, smoke weed, or place an occasional bet without it becoming the defining habit of their lives.

So why not pornography?

Because porn isn’t like most things we consume.

It’s not simply a product.

It’s an experience engineered to keep you chasing novelty.

There Is No Finish Line

Unlike a six-pack of beer, a bong rip, a 7 leg parlay on Draft Kings, or a savory carton of ice cream, pornography has no natural stopping point.

There is always another free and accessible video.

Another category.

Another fantasy.

Another click promising something more exciting than the last.

Researchers studying internet pornography have pointed to its endless novelty as one reason some users escalate their viewing over time. The brain adapts to repeated stimulation, making the next novel image or video increasingly rewarding.

Source:
https://news.cuanschutz.edu/news-stories/pornography-may-be-commonplace-but-a-growing-body-of-research-shows-it-causes-lasting-harm-to-the-brain-and-relationships

The internet has also removed almost every barrier that once existed.

No drive to a store.

No closing time.

No cashier.

No waiting.

No one asking questions.

It’s available 24 hours a day, seven days a week, often just seconds away.

That kind of accessibility is historically unprecedented.

The Numbers Tell a Story

Pornography isn’t a niche corner of the internet anymore.

It’s one of the largest entertainment industries in the world.

Consider just a few statistics.

According to Covenant Eyes, pornography accounts for roughly 4% of all websites, yet approximately 13% of all internet searches are pornography-related.

Source:
https://www.covenanteyes.com/pornstats/

Pornography is also incredibly common.

A large national study summarized by researchers at the University of Colorado Anschutz Medical Campus found that 91.5% of men and 60.2% of women reported viewing pornography within the previous month.

Source:
https://news.cuanschutz.edu/news-stories/pornography-may-be-commonplace-but-a-growing-body-of-research-shows-it-causes-lasting-harm-to-the-brain-and-relationships

Exposure also begins much earlier than many parents realize.

A 2023 report from Common Sense Media found that 73% of teenagers reported having watched pornography, with the average first exposure occurring around age 12.

Source:
https://www.commonsensemedia.org/research/teens-and-pornography

This isn’t simply about temptation, we live in an age unprecedented accessibility.

Never before has an entire generation carried an endless supply of explicit material in their pockets.

It Changes What We Chase

Porn trains the brain to seek artificial stimulation over authentic intimacy.

Fantasy over reality.

Consumption over connection.

Isolation over vulnerability.

For many people, those habits don’t remain confined to a screen.

Research summarized by Utah State University has found consistent associations between pornography use and lower relationship satisfaction, greater secrecy, less intimacy, and increased conflict among many couples.

Source:
https://extension.usu.edu/relationships/research/effects-of-pornography-on-relationships

That mirrors my own experience.

The problem was that porn slowly replaced my attention to what what mattered the most in life.

Honest conversations.

Real vulnerability.

Authentic intimacy.

Every secret built another brick in the wall between me and the people I loved.

I have come to realize over much reflection that I wasn’t protecting the relationship, I was protecting the secret.

Moderation Never Worked for Me

People often ask whether I’ve tried moderation.

I have.

More times than I can count.

Every attempt started with the same promise.

“Just this once.”

“Just a little.”

“Just tonight.”

Eventually, “just a little” became permission for more.

Then more became routine.

Then routine became another season of hiding the secret and living in shame.

I wasn’t moderating at all.

I was negotiating with something that had already proven it didn’t negotiate back.

For over twenty years, I kept trying to strike a deal with pornography.

Every deal ended the same way.

More shame.

More isolation.

More distance from the people I loved.

This Isn’t About Everyone

I want to be clear about something.

Not everyone who views pornography develops a compulsive relationship with it (but look at the statistics and tell me there isn’t a problem here).

People have different experiences.

My goal isn’t to tell everyone else what their story is.

It’s simply to be honest about mine.

For me, moderation never led to any freedom.

Instead, it was a revolving door that always led back to the same place.

Porn prison.

Why I Pursue Freedom

That’s why I don’t pursue moderation.

I pursue freedom.

Freedom from bargaining.

Freedom from hiding.

Freedom from constantly negotiating with something that never wanted “just a little.”

There are many things in life I can enjoy in moderation.

Porn isn’t one of them.

Maybe you’ve discovered the same thing.

Or maybe you’re still trying to make moderation work.

Either way, I’d encourage you to ask yourself one honest question:

Has moderation actually brought you peace...or has it simply delayed the next compromise?

For me, the answer became impossible to ignore.

Choosing freedom wasn’t easy to begin with, but it has been infinitely better than spending another day, month, year trying to negotiate with something that never negotiated in good faith.

Break Free. Be Free. Stay Free.

And Keep Fighting the Good Fight!

Much Love,

— Mac

The more who know, the more we grow together towards breaking free.

Much love,

Mac

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1:1 Breaking Free Coaching

If you’re ready to stop white-knuckling recovery and build a life you don’t want to escape from, I’d love to help.

Momentum Coaching includes:

Weekly 1:1 coaching sessions
Personalized recovery strategy
Accountability and habit building
Identity-focused recovery
Practical tools for long-term freedom

Schedule a free 1 hour discovery call

Additional Questions?

Email: Pornfreemillennialcoaching@gmail.com

Support the Publication

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67. 7 Common Lies That Keep You Hooked On Porn

Mac Dohm — Sat, 27 Jun 2026 01:53:38 GMT

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Episode Description

Porn addiction rarely survives because of a lack of willpower.

It survives because of the lies we quietly believe.

In this live episode, Mac walks through seven of the most common lies that keep people trapped in unwanted pornography use. Drawing from nearly two decades of personal struggle, over eight years of recovery, coaching conversations, and biblical principles, he explains how these false beliefs shape identity—and how replacing them with truth is the beginning of lasting freedom.

Whether you’re struggling personally or helping someone else, this conversation offers practical encouragement and a path toward hope.

What You’ll Learn

Why porn addiction thrives on hidden beliefs
Why “I’m not hurting anyone” is one of the biggest lies
The difference between guilt and shame
Why relapse shouldn’t define your identity
Why recovery is about identity transformation—not behavior modification
How accountability changes everything
Why emotional healing matters more than white-knuckling
How to become the man or woman you actually want to become

Resources Mentioned

Article

7 Common Lies That Keep You Hooked on Porn:

🎙 Related Porn Free Millennial Episodes

Episode 50 — Matt Dobschuetz

Identity, recovery, and practical freedom.

Episode 51 — Relapse, Recovery & Renewal

Mac shares his own relapse and what happened afterward.

Episode 9 — Getting Back in the Ring

Learning to begin again after failure.

Episode 53 — The Brush Popper Podcast

Conversation with Jim & Eric about the cowboy way and rescuing men from the thickets.

Episode 55 — Jeanie Hosken, The Anatomy of a Real Apology

Biblical counseling, marriage, healing, and recovery.

Episode 66—Danielle Johnson | Re-Fined, Shining Light on Human Trafficking

Human trafficking and pornography’s hidden impact.

Books Mentioned

Atomic Habits — James Clear

Discipline Equals Freedom — Jocko Willink

Podcasts Mentioned

Porn Free Radio

Host: Matt Dobschuetz

Program: https://recoveredman.com/

Finding Traction

Host: Vern Tompke

Program: https://www.bandofbrothers.care/regular-joes

Organizations Mentioned

Flatirons Community Church

Fight Club Men’s Ministry: https://www.flatironschurch.com/men/

Re-Fined

Anti Human Trafficking Organization: https://re-fined.org/

Memorable Quotes

“Porn addiction thrives and survives on lies.”
“Addiction loves tomorrow because tomorrow requires nothing from you today.”
“Recovery started becoming real when I stopped thinking about freedom and started pursuing it.”
“Don’t become the judge. Become the detective.”
“Failure is an event—not your identity.”
“Enough coping. Start digging.”
“Lies imprison. Truth liberates.”
“Freedom starts with identity.”

Ready to Take the Next Step?

If you’re tired of fighting this battle alone, you don’t have to.

For nearly a decade I’ve walked this recovery journey myself, and today I help other men build lasting momentum through practical coaching, accountability, and identity transformation.

1:1 Breaking Free Coaching

If you’re ready to stop white-knuckling recovery and build a life you don’t want to escape from, I’d love to help.

Momentum Coaching includes:

Weekly 1:1 coaching sessions
Personalized recovery strategy
Accountability and habit building
Identity-focused recovery
Practical tools for long-term freedom

Schedule a free 1 hour discovery call

Additional Questions?

Email: Pornfreemillennialcoaching@gmail.com

Accountability Software I Personally Recommend

Recovery becomes much easier when you’re no longer fighting alone.

Ever Accountable helps you:

Stay accountable online
Monitor phones, tablets, and computers
Receive accountability reports
Reduce secrecy and isolation
Build consistent recovery habits

Use my link to receive:

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Connect With Mac

Call to Action

If this episode encouraged you, consider sharing it with someone who needs hope.

If you’re ready to stop fighting alone, schedule a free Breaking Free Coaching consultation and begin building a life you don’t want to escape from.

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The Cost of a Secret

Mac Dohm — Thu, 25 Jun 2026 13:30:17 GMT

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The greatest damage porn caused in my life wasn’t the act of watching it, it was the act I was putting on while hiding it.

It distorted how I viewed women. It consumed time and attention that could have been spent elsewhere. It pulled me away from my values and became a coping mechanism whenever life felt difficult, stressful, lonely, or overwhelming.

But more than all of these things, the greatest detriment was building a double-life around protecting a secret.

A small lie here.

An omission there.

A conversation redirected.

A question unanswered.

A string of nights spent mesmerized by pixels.

A part of myself kept hidden, even from myself.

Brick by brick, a wall began to form between who I was and who I allowed others to see.

The bricks that felt like protection were the foundations of my prison.

The Weight of Being Two People

There is a unique exhaustion that comes from living a double life.

You wake up every day carrying two identities.

The person you present to the world and the person you know exists behind closed doors.

You begin managing perceptions instead of living authentically.

You carefully decide what people can know.

What they can’t know.

How much they can know.

You become a curator of your own image.

The problem is that maintaining mutliple versions of yourself requires constant effort and it becomes exhausting fast.

You can never fully relax because there’s constant tension between who you want to be and what you are doing that contradicts that image.

Part of your mind is always on guard.

Always calculating.

Always protecting.

Always making sure the walls remain intact.

Over time, the gap between the public version and the private version grows wider.

The wider the gap grows, the lonelier life becomes and the more isolated you start to feel.

It Cost Me Authentic Relationships

One of the great lies secrecy tells us is that isolation is safety.

It is far from it.

Isolation is a place where secrets thrive.

The impact wasn’t limited to friendships with other men. It shaped many of my interactions with women throughout high school and college as well.

When pornography enters a young man’s life early, it affects how he sees and interacts with the living world, especially when it comes to the opposite sex.

Instead of learning how to build genuine friendships with women, I often viewed them through a distorted lens. Instead of seeing a whole person with hopes, fears, talents, struggles, and dreams, I frequently saw them through the filter of attraction and fantasy, and what they could or couldn’t offer me physically.

At the time, I thought this was normal for a young adult and missed opportunities to learn what healthy connection actually looked like.

I missed out on learning how to build friendships and to understand women better. I struggled to develop the trust, vulnerability, and mutual respect that form the foundation of meaningful relationships.

Porn taught me to consume and hide.

Real relationships require you to connect and share.

Looking back, one of the greatest costs was that my relationship prevented me from fully learning what genuine intimacy was in the first place — relationships built on vulnerability and trust.

Those missing lessons eventually showed up where they mattered most, in my past marriage.

It Cost Me My Marriage

The obvious damage that turned fatal to this relationship was broken trust, no sugar coating it.

Looking back at this season in my life, I realize that trust is difficult to build and easy to destroy.

Every hidden behavior, ommission, and flat out lie becomes a crack in the foundation of love.

Secrets sow distance.

Distance breeds isolation.

Isolation deepens loneliness.

Loneliness hardens into bitterness.

Bitterness fractures relationships.

Those fractures leave a void.

The void rarely stays empty.

It welcomes shadows.

Shadows that steal warmth from the hearth and light from the home.

By the time you notice their presence, they have already begun to settle in.

You can be sitting next to someone you love and still be emotionally miles away.

Not because you don’t care about them, but because you are carrying something that suffocates your essence.

The secret stands between you and the people you love.

It stands between difficult conversations.

It stands between vulnerability.

It stands between intimacy.

Over time, it begins demanding more loyalty than the relationship itself, and that is a dangerous place to be.

A place I never expected to find myself.

Yet there I was.

Looking back, the collapse of my marriage began long before the trust was broken.

It began when the secret became more important than the relationship.

It Cost Me Peace of Mind

People often imagine secrets as something hidden in the background, something that can be compartmentalized, buried, and even forgotten.

My experience was the opposite.

The secret became background noise that never turned off, like a humming saw getting closer and closer to my sanity.

It followed me everywhere.

It occupied mental space.

It created daily anxiety.

It generated daily shame.

It influenced daily decisions.

It shaped daily conversations.

It demanded energy, daily.

It was exhausting.

You don’t realize how much energy secrecy consumes until you stop carrying it.

It’s like walking around with a backpack full of stones for years, and at some point you forget you’re even wearing it—almost like it is a part of you.

What a weight that is to endure over the years.

Then one day you put it down and wonder how you ever carried it in the first place.

It Cost Me My Relationship With God

One of the saddest things about secrecy is that it changes how you approach God.

You begin hiding from Him the same way you hide from everyone else.

There were seasons where prayer felt distant.

Christ was sent to voicemail.

Scripture gathered dust in the crawlspace.

Conviction felt heavy, but I didn’t want to ask for help, because I didn’t feel like I deserved it.

But, recovery taught me something important.

God does some of His best work in the cracks, where the truth shines bright despite the darkness inside of us.

The truth of who you are.

The truth of where you’ve failed.

The truth of what needs healing.

The truth of your dependence on Him.

The truth is where freedom begins.

It Cost Me Presence

The hardest thing to recover looking back isn’t always the seasons or the years but the moments.

The conversations where you weren’t fully there.

The relationships where you were physically present but mentally absent.

The opportunities you missed because your attention was elsewhere.

Secrets have a nasty habit of dividing attention and deprioritizing the real priorities.

Part of you is always living in the present moment.

Part of you is always guarding the secret.

The result is that life becomes blurry and confusing.

You move through experiences without fully experiencing them.

You hear without listening.

You see without noticing.

You exist without fully engaging.

Before you realize it, the moments pass by and the missed moments add up.

The Secret Was Heavier Than The Habit

For a long time I believed freedom would come when I stopped viewing pornography and that has been certainly part of the process.

That isn’t the whole story though.

The deeper freedom came when I stopped protecting my secrets.

Freedom started to blossom in my life when I started telling the truth.

Freedom started to become obtainable and tangible when I allowed other people into my struggle.

Freedom’s heart began to beat when I stopped trying to manage my image and started working on my character.

Freedom sang its song when I stopped pretending I had everything under control and started to pull the weeds out of my garden.

Recovery began with honesty.

Looking back, porn wasn’t the heaviest thing I carried.

The secret was.

The day I stopped protecting the secret was the day I started becoming free.

Break Free. Be Free. Stay Free.

And Keep Fighting the Good Fight!

Much Love,

— Mac

The more who know, the more we grow together towards breaking free.

Much love,

Mac

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Personal Coaching: A Path to Freedom

If you’re tired of repeating the same cycle and ready to build something solid, I offer 1:1 coaching focused on accountability, clarity, and sustainable freedom.

Book a Free 30-Min Call

Message me “Break Free” or email pornfreemillennialcoaching@gmail.com for a free 30-minute consult.

Support the Publication

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To learn more about Ever Accountable, check out my interview with its CEO, Tyler Patterson.

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My Recent Encounter with an Old Hard Drive

Mac Dohm — Fri, 12 Jun 2026 13:10:53 GMT

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On a Tuesday night, I checked off something that has been on my list for a couple of years. I had this big black 2TB hard-drive that was collecting dust in isolation, waiting to be given life.

I had lost a power cord. One that could have been easily replaced. And yet, I never took the time to do so. Wasn’t a priority at certain times but this time, it was one. There was something inside me the past month. A yearning to answer a long lost call from a younger me.

Inside I knew there were treasures from an earlier life. A life before much adult responsibility.

Among the top of the plunder piler was:

Playing pranks on my kindergarten best friend in our makeshift basement arrangement in college, an office cubicle divider that served as a castle wall which was often in seige. Pillows would fly over as if launched by trebuchet to check if the other was awake or to stir some conversation if things got too quiet.

Old guys night out — when our rowdy yet wholesome crew clamored into Timberline Theater dressed as old men for the weekend premier of Paranormal Activity 2. We stayed in character the whole production while a cute girl I somehow convinced to come filmed our act.

And all the epic house parties we hosted on Underhill Drive which consisted of late night Mario Kart, Star Fox, lifting heavy objects, and achieving peak tomfoolery while listening to early 2000s European Techno.

As I began to enter this time capsule, my anticipation and excitement shifted into vigilance. Sure there were treasures in this hard drive, but there were also things that could be waiting to be picked up, that dormant fools gold waiting patiently to be found.

As you can tell by my publication’s name, I had a porn problem. A problem that hounded me for 20 years and change.

The vigilance was real and true that night, stemming from experience and continuity of identity. Something in prior years that would have been done on impulse, now an opportunity to prove my autonomy. A temptation noticed, but not indulged.

I had a plan because of the mission I am on and the pact I made with myself (thank you for this perspective that was shared in our chat last week, I love it). This dimension was one I lived in the past, but also in advance.

Anticipation trained through realized hardship and grit.

When I did see there were two video files, lacking a thumbnail visual, but not lacking an unmistakable title. I didn’t hesitate.

Moved the files to the trash and deleted.

Bye.

We’re done.

There wasn’t much else to say.

I ran out of excuses, justifications, minimizations, and negotiations when I realized I had too close off a call with my existence.

Not worth it because I am worth it.

Know your worth and live like you do.

Break Free. Be Free. Stay Free.

And Keep Fighting the Good Fight!

Much Love,

— Mac

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The more who know, the more we grow together towards breaking free.

Much love,

Mac

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Personally, I use Ever Accountable. Try this link for a limited 14 day free trial and 20% off after that 14 day trial expires.
To learn more about Ever Accountable, check out my interview with its CEO, Tyler Patterson.

Personal Coaching: A Path to Freedom

If you’re tired of repeating the same cycle and ready to build something solid, I offer 1:1 coaching focused on accountability, clarity, and sustainable freedom.

Book a Free 30-Min Call

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3 Themes on the Path to Freedom

Mac Dohm — Fri, 05 Jun 2026 22:32:04 GMT

Hey all!

It has been a minute.

I’ve been busy launching The Personal Freedom Podcast the last two weeks (as well as fitting in a week off of work fly fishing in the mountains of Colorado), but I haven’t stopped creating. Looking back over the past few weeks, I realized many of the things I’ve written, recorded, and reflected on seem to orbit around three recurring themes.

The Battle Within

Freedom is rarely lost all at once.

More often, it is surrendered inch by inch through small compromises, neglected disciplines, and unchallenged lies.

Article

Thriving During the Siege

Poem

Hollow Halls Reclaimed

Podcast

The 5 Winning Ws To Break Free From Porn

What if the battle isn’t simply against a behavior, but against the lies that have laid siege to your identity?

Telling the Truth

Most of us are carrying something we wish nobody knew.

Yet healing seems to begin the moment we stop running from the truth.

Article

Common Lies That Keep You Hooked on Porn

Poem

Dim Screened Liar

Podcast

Recognizing that Porn is a Problem: The Real Debt of Porn

What survives in secrecy often dies in the light.

Get your flashlight and shine it bright.

Choosing a Different Path

Many of life’s most important moments arrive disguised as crossroads.

A decision.

A conversation.

A crisis.

A chance encounter.

Then suddenly everything changes.

Article

Break the NPC Script - Take Back Your Story

Poem

Still Here

Podcast

Leaving a Lasting Impact: How Do You Want to Be Remembered?

Personal freedom often begins with a single decision to walk a different direction.

Final Thoughts

When I started Porn Free Millennial years ago, I thought freedom was mainly about quitting porn.

What I’ve discovered is that freedom touches everything.

How we think.

How we love.

How we spend our time.

How honest we’re willing to be.

How we respond when life presents us with a fork in the road.

These three themes continue to show up in my own life, and I suspect they will continue showing up in my writing and conversations moving forward.

Thanks for reading and Much Love.

Break Free. Be Free. Stay Free.

And Keep Fighting the Good Fight!

— Mac

The more who know, the more we grow together towards breaking free.

Much love,

Mac

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Support the Show

Check out my nomadic art gallery for pictures, posters and prints showcasing my life on the road! Use the Code FREEDOM for 20% off.

Art Gallery:

https://macnomadicfineartfromtheroad.pic-time.com/

Accountability Software PFM Discount

Personally, I use Ever Accountable. Try this link for a limited 14 day free trial and 20% off after that 14 day trial expires.
To learn more about Ever Accountable, check out my interview with its CEO, Tyler Patterson.

Personal Coaching: A Path to Freedom

If you’re tired of repeating the same cycle and ready to build something solid, I offer 1:1 coaching focused on accountability, clarity, and sustainable freedom.

Book a Free 30-Min Call

Message me “Break Free” or email pornfreemillennialcoaching@gmail.com for a free 30-minute consult.

Affiliate Partnership: Ritual Organics

Sun Tallow – Whipped Beef Tallow Face Cream with Non-Nano Zinc

Click Here To Purchase!

Product Description from Ritual Organics’ website:

Grass-fed tallow meets mineral zinc in one whipped, do-it-all balm. Six ingredients. Zero white cast. Zero nonsense.

Why people are obsessed:

One step. Done. Moisturize, nourish, and shield from UV in a single swipe.

Clear Zinc Tech: real UV defense, no chalky ghost face.

6 ingredients. Read every one. Grass-fed whipped tallow, organic jojoba, non-nano zinc, vitamin E, organic rosehip, organic lavender. The end.

Non-greasy, non-comedogenic, all skin types, including the dramatic ones.

Skinimalist & non-toxic: no fragrances, parabens, preservatives, or mystery chemicals.

90 days to fall in love. if you don’t, email or DM us for a full refund. No returns. No questions.

What’s inside (and why your skin will thank you):

️Non-Nano Zinc Oxide Sits on top of skin and reflects UVA/UVB rays like a tiny mirror army. “Non-nano” means the particles are too big to enter your bloodstream. And yes, it’s reef-safe.

Vitamin E Oil Smooths fine lines, fades scars, and quietly stabilizes the whole formula. The unsung hero.

Organic Rosehip Oil Vitamin A and C powerhouse. Brightens tone, fades acne scars, and accelerates cell turnover so your skin is constantly turning in fresher, glowier work.

Organic Lavender Oil Antibacterial, anti-inflammatory, and smells like heaven. Calms breakouts and your nervous system at the same time.

Made in small batches. Built to replace half your shelf.

Ritual Organics: skincare your great-grandma would recognize (:

Only One

Mac Dohm — Sat, 23 May 2026 02:22:58 GMT

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Tell me about your lover, is she much better than me?

Her curves are endless

Her figure never softens

And her eyes never leave.

She lines your bed

With her supple pixelated threads

Kissing you like throbbing lips, pulsating through your captive head.

But when she is done

with her song and dance,

Why do you look so tired when you come?

Why does it look like you’re hungover by her trance?

Was her invitation inside to house you in love

Or did she only make you come in to taste it?

Did you think our sacred walls have no ears

and who gave you the nerve to leave me

For this seductive scheme?

What made you think that this screen could

Replace me to receive your living seed?

Is she better than me?

Not at all.

Where was that man that vowed and prayed?

I’ll ask you as your other half,

Will you split or will you stay?

Will the man repent for the fall,

Or will the boy continue pleasure himself with his dolls?

I know that your pleasure is full of pain,

and that my vow too was the same.

So here’s the deal to the man I chose,

Seek to heal and move to grow.

Do not hide from me your mistakes,

Instead tell the truth and seek community

For goodness sake,

This is not to say that I do not feel the sting of your lies,

Or that I feel betrayed and that I will still cry.

But I know your heart and I married a man,

Who does love me and with all his shame has not ran.

So I will stay

I will carry on.

The choice is yours,

There can only be one.

This poem was written on my notepad on a flight from Denver to Charlotte last Sunday. The first line was given to me by a man named Bob who sat across and behind me on our flight, thanks for the inspiration and the great stories.

The more who know, the more we grow together towards breaking free.

Much love,

Mac

Subscribe now

Leave a comment

Share Porn Free Millennial

Accountability Software PFM Discount

Personally, I use Ever Accountable. Try this link for a limited 14 day free trial and 20% off after that 14 day trial expires.
To learn more about Ever Accountable, check out my interview with its CEO, Tyler Patterson.

Personal Coaching: A Path to Freedom

If you’re tired of repeating the same cycle and ready to build something solid, I offer 1:1 coaching focused on accountability, clarity, and sustainable freedom.

Book a Free 30-Min Call

Message me “Break Free” or email pornfreemillennialcoaching@gmail.com for a free 30-minute consult.

Affiliate Partnership: Ritual Organics

Sun Tallow – Whipped Beef Tallow Face Cream with Non-Nano Zinc

Click Here To Purchase!

Product Description from Ritual Organics’ website:

Grass-fed tallow meets mineral zinc in one whipped, do-it-all balm. Six ingredients. Zero white cast. Zero nonsense.

Why people are obsessed:

One step. Done. Moisturize, nourish, and shield from UV in a single swipe.

Clear Zinc Tech: real UV defense, no chalky ghost face.

6 ingredients. Read every one. Grass-fed whipped tallow, organic jojoba, non-nano zinc, vitamin E, organic rosehip, organic lavender. The end.

Non-greasy, non-comedogenic, all skin types, including the dramatic ones.

Skinimalist & non-toxic: no fragrances, parabens, preservatives, or mystery chemicals.

90 days to fall in love. if you don’t, email or DM us for a full refund. No returns. No questions.

What’s inside (and why your skin will thank you):

️Non-Nano Zinc Oxide Sits on top of skin and reflects UVA/UVB rays like a tiny mirror army. “Non-nano” means the particles are too big to enter your bloodstream. And yes, it’s reef-safe.

Vitamin E Oil Smooths fine lines, fades scars, and quietly stabilizes the whole formula. The unsung hero.

Organic Rosehip Oil Vitamin A and C powerhouse. Brightens tone, fades acne scars, and accelerates cell turnover so your skin is constantly turning in fresher, glowier work.

Organic Lavender Oil Antibacterial, anti-inflammatory, and smells like heaven. Calms breakouts and your nervous system at the same time.

Made in small batches. Built to replace half your shelf.

Ritual Organics: skincare your great-grandma would recognize (:

Breaking the Acting Out Cycle | A Comprehensive Guide to Freedom and Lasting Recovery

Mac Dohm — Fri, 22 May 2026 22:34:35 GMT

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Breaking the Acting Out Cycle

Why So Many Men Keep Relapsing Even When They Sincerely Want to Change

A lot of men think recovery is about resisting one giant moment of temptation.

It usually isn’t.

Most relapses start as small drifts.

Slow.

Subtle.

Incremental.

And the cycle typically locks in after…

One compromised thought.

One unchecked emotion.

One lonely night.

One rationalization.

One scroll.

One fantasy.

One hidden stressor left unspoken.

Before you know it, you’re sitting there afterward wondering…

“How did I end up back here again?”

That question haunted me for years.

I was lost in the dark because I fundamentally misunderstood how the cycle actually worked.

That changed when I came across a framework originally created by Vern Tompke, host of the Finding Traction podcast, through my weekly interactions in his alumni group.

For more on Vern and his coaching system - check out bandofbrothers.care.

The visual guide you see at the top of the article deeply resonated with me because it explained something most people miss…

The battle is usually lost long before the porn event ever happens.

That insight alone can completely change the way you approach recovery.

The Lie Most Men Believe

Most men fight porn at the very end of the cycle.

At the “event.”

They wait until they are already…

emotionally flooded
isolated
fantasizing
dopamine-seeking
rationalizing
halfway down the runway toward relapse

Then they try to suddenly become disciplined for five heroic minutes.

Sometimes it works, but it usually doesn’t.

By that point, momentum has already been building for hour, sometimes days, and that’s why white-knuckling eventually collapses, and why it is a losing “strategy”.

You are trying to stop a freight train after it already left the station.

The Real Battle Starts Earlier

The biggest breakthrough in recovery often comes when you stop asking…

“How do I stop watching porn?”

…and start asking…

“What happens before I watch porn?”

That question changes everything.

Once you begin studying your patterns honestly, you realize the relapse itself is rarely random.

There is usually a sequence.

A drift.

A predictable progression.

If you learn to recognize the earlier stages, you regain something many addicted people feel they’ve lost…

control
autonomy
agency
awareness
choice

Not perfect control.

But a start of something that will renew your courage, confidence, and momentum!

Peace Is More Dangerous Than You Think

One thing I’ve noticed personally, and in coaching conversations, is that relapse often happens after periods of progress.

You’re doing well.

You feel strong.

You let your guard down.

You stop checking in.

You isolate more.

You loosen boundaries.

You stop doing the small things that were keeping you grounded.

Then the cycle quietly begins rebuilding itself underneath you.

This is why recovery requires vigilance without paranoia → Living awake over living afraid.

Most Porn Use Is Emotional Before It Is Sexual

This is one of the hardest truths for many men to accept…

Porn is often less about lust than it is about emotional regulation.

Stress.

Loneliness.

Boredom.

Shame.

Exhaustion.

Disappointment.

Emotional numbness.

Feeling unwanted.

Feeling overwhelmed.

Wanting escape.

Porn becomes anesthesia disguised as pleasure.

Which is why simply saying, “I need more self-control”, usually doesn’t solve the deeper issue.

When porn is functioning as emotional medication, removing it without addressing the underlying wounds leaves a vacuum.

I think that’s why many men relapse even when they genuinely hate what porn is doing to them.

The Most Important Recovery Skill: Early Intervention

The earlier you interrupt the cycle, the easier it is to stop.

Sounds simple, yet it’s profound.

Most men wait too long, I know I have many times…

They wait until temptation feels enormous before taking action.

Strong recovery usually looks less dramatic than people expect.

It often looks like

texting someone early
getting out of isolation
admitting you’re struggling
putting your phone away
going outside
interrupting fantasy quickly
getting honest before things escalate

Small interventions.

Made early.

Repeated consistently.

That’s how momentum changes.

Early intervention → The 3 Whats Approach

Shame Keeps the Cycle Alive

This may be one of the most important things I can tell you.

Shame feeds addiction and it is a shackle.

Guilt says…

“I did something wrong.”

Shame says…

“I am something wrong.”

When a man begins believing he is fundamentally broken, disgusting, fraudulent, or hopeless…he starts seeking escape again.

That’s why many relapses become cyclical.

Pain leads to shame.

Shame leads to hiding.

Hiding leads to isolation.

Isolation leads to temptation.

Temptation leads back to acting out.

Around the clock you go again.

Why Accountability Actually Matters

A lot of men misunderstand accountability.

They think it means…

surveillance
punishment
exposure
embarrassment

Real accountability is clarity, connection, and community.

It is refusing to disappear into secrecy.

The moment something is spoken honestly into the light, its power often weakens dramatically.

I’ve seen this over and over again.

Men who spent years trapped suddenly begin changing, not because they discovered some magical productivity hack, but because they stopped fighting alone.

See how my little brother and I do our daily check ins below…

Looking to jump-start your accountability?

If you are interested in having a free call about coaching, click below.

Book a Free 30-Min Call

Ever Accountable

If you’re serious about building a life of integrity, accountability matters. Use the accountability software I use — it is rocket fuel for recovery!

14-Day Free Trial & 20% Off Monthly or Yearly Plans

Use my link here & watch my most recent podcast with the CEO!

Identity Matters More Than Motivation

This is another lesson that changed my life.

Recovery cannot merely be built on, “I need to stop”, because eventually motivation fluctuates.

Stress comes.

Life hits hard.

Emotions crash.

Temptation returns.

The deeper transformation breathes and starts to grow when identity begins shifting.

Not…

“I’m trying not to watch porn.”

But…

“I’m becoming an honest man.”

“I’m becoming integrated.”

“I’m becoming disciplined.”

“I’m becoming someone who no longer lives divided.”

That shift matters because identity transformation lasts.

Freedom Is Usually Built Quietly

Most people imagine recovery as one giant breakthrough moment.

Sometimes there are powerful moments.

But honestly?

Most lasting freedom is built through…

ordinary discipline
uncomfortable honesty
small boundaries
repeated humility
daily structure
emotional awareness
refusing to drift unconscious through life

That’s the part nobody glamorizes, but it works.

Final Thoughts

If you feel trapped in the cycle right now, I want you to understand something clearly, you need a strategy.

You need awareness.

You need honesty.

You need people.

You need systems.

You need earlier intervention.

You need to stop fighting the battle only at the final stage.

Most importantly…

You need to believe change is actually possible, because it is.

For many men, the first real turning point is finally understanding the cycle they’ve been living inside for years and taking strategic action on a daily basis.

Keep fighting the good fight and much love!

Stopwatch Analogy created by Vern Tompke, Host of the Finding Traction Podcast
Expanded by Mac Dohm, Host of the Porn Free Millennial Podcast

For a 30-minute coaching consultation, pornfreemillennialcoaching@gmail.com

The more who know, the more we grow together towards breaking free.

Much love,

Mac

Subscribe now

Share Porn Free Millennial

Leave a comment

For more Porn Free Millennial Subscribe to:

Accountability Software PFM Discount

Personally, I use Ever Accountable. Try this link for a limited 14 day free trial and 20% off after that 14 day trial expires.
To learn more about Ever Accountable, check out my interview with its CEO, Tyler Patterson.

Personal Coaching: A Path to Freedom

If you’re tired of repeating the same cycle and ready to build something solid, I offer 1:1 coaching focused on accountability, clarity, and sustainable freedom.

Book a Free 30-Min Call

Message me “Break Free” or email pornfreemillennialcoaching@gmail.com for a free 30-minute consult.

Affiliate Partnership: Ritual Organics

Sun Tallow – Whipped Beef Tallow Face Cream with Non-Nano Zinc

Click Here To Purchase!

Product Description from Ritual Organics’ website:

Grass-fed tallow meets mineral zinc in one whipped, do-it-all balm. Six ingredients. Zero white cast. Zero nonsense.

Why people are obsessed:

One step. Done. Moisturize, nourish, and shield from UV in a single swipe.

Clear Zinc Tech: real UV defense, no chalky ghost face.

6 ingredients. Read every one. Grass-fed whipped tallow, organic jojoba, non-nano zinc, vitamin E, organic rosehip, organic lavender. The end.

Non-greasy, non-comedogenic, all skin types, including the dramatic ones.

Skinimalist & non-toxic: no fragrances, parabens, preservatives, or mystery chemicals.

90 days to fall in love. if you don’t, email or DM us for a full refund. No returns. No questions.

What’s inside (and why your skin will thank you):

️Non-Nano Zinc Oxide Sits on top of skin and reflects UVA/UVB rays like a tiny mirror army. “Non-nano” means the particles are too big to enter your bloodstream. And yes, it’s reef-safe.

Vitamin E Oil Smooths fine lines, fades scars, and quietly stabilizes the whole formula. The unsung hero.

Organic Rosehip Oil Vitamin A and C powerhouse. Brightens tone, fades acne scars, and accelerates cell turnover so your skin is constantly turning in fresher, glowier work.

Organic Lavender Oil Antibacterial, anti-inflammatory, and smells like heaven. Calms breakouts and your nervous system at the same time.

Made in small batches. Built to replace half your shelf.

Ritual Organics: skincare your great-grandma would recognize (:

66. Shining Light Into the Darkness of Human Trafficking

Mac Dohm — Wed, 20 May 2026 13:00:49 GMT

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Listener Discretion

This episode contains discussions surrounding human trafficking, sexual exploitation, pornography, addiction, abuse, and child exploitation. Listener discretion is advised.

Podcast Notes

In this important educational conversation, I sit down with Danielle Johnson of Re-Fined to discuss the realities of human trafficking, online exploitation, pornography’s role in fueling demand, and the growing dangers facing children in the digital age.

Danielle shares insights from over a decade working in anti-trafficking advocacy, survivor care, addiction counseling, and prevention training throughout Colorado. Together, we unpack how trafficking actually operates, the psychological tactics of coercion and grooming, the rise of sextortion, and why digital culture has made exploitation more accessible than ever before.

This episode is not intended to shame those struggling with pornography addiction, but rather to educate listeners on the deeper systems of exploitation connected to the industry while offering hope, healing, and awareness.

Topics Discussed

What human trafficking actually is
Force, fraud, and coercion explained
The connection between pornography and trafficking demand
Online grooming and sextortion
Child exploitation in the digital age
The desensitization effects of pornography
Addiction, shame, and recovery
Survivor advocacy and long-term healing
How social media and technology have changed trafficking
Warning signs parents and communities should know

About Danielle Johnson

Danielle Johnson is the Director of Partnerships and Training Specialist at Re-Fined, an organization dedicated to supporting survivors of sexual exploitation and human trafficking through advocacy, education, mentorship, and recovery support.

PFM Writings About Human Trafficking

Resources & Organizations Mentioned

Support the Re-Fined

To Donate to Re-Fined, Click Here

Listen/Watch/Read PFM

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Listen and follow on Apple Podcasts
Listen and Follow on Spotify

Affiliate Partnerships

Ever Accountable

If you’re serious about building a life of integrity, accountability matters. Use the accountability software I use — it is rocket fuel for recovery!

14-Day Free Trial & 20% Off Monthly or Yearly Plans

Use my link here & watch my most recent podcast with the CEO!

Ritual Organics

I’d been using Ritual Organics products for over a year and love how it looks and works on my skin.

Only 6 ingredients: Grass-fed tallow, organic jojoba, non-nano zinc, organic rosehip, vitamin E, and organic lavender.

Small business. Holistic-minded products I actually use in everyday life.

If you’ve been looking for cleaner alternatives and want to support a company doing things the right way, definitely check them out. New customers can also get 15% off their first purchase when signing up.

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