Do you ever feel sonder ?

A feeling of realisation that each passerby

Has life as vivid as ours?

If you think you don't, let me give u a glimpse

As i sit on the edge of a rooftop

Trying to inspect each passerby

as they have live their own lives

On the other side of road a view of their future

a child squeezing his mother 's hand tight

As he tries to cross minding the road light

On the other side of road a view of their future

A man giving his mother a supportive hand

to provide her the firmness she deserves

A boy with his first bike crossing

a old man with scooty who is now entering in his 60

Knowing the world better than the former he smiles

There also goes a scooty with triplet

Relishing their 3 idiots era unknowingly

Two group of ladies spilling their daily soaps spoiler sitting in a choir sipping tea

Though not all the scenes are picture perfect

A boy walking on the roadside with a school bag

Relishing their 3 idiots era unknowingly

Carrying the expectations weighing more than the bag

There also goes a girl fascinated by the world's sight but daring not to look up, if she catch a man's eyes.

A lot goes around our world for us to care care about others

So, I leave you with one question What do you think everytime you pass someone by?

-Pragati

The habit hardly died as I grew up. I became wary of how I speak, what I say in public so I hardly spoke. I might have prepped for speech, anchoring and have so many videos of me practicing it like it's the ultimate truth of my life like this is the speech that would prove if I was worthy of being alive. I know a lot of pressure to give to a kid and that's exactly why everytime I stood in front of people and held the mic everything went black. I would either fumble or speak so fast it would be impossible for human ears to comprehend what I am saying. Soon they realised it too ,everyone did and so I disappeared in the crowd, clapping for the best orator, best dancer, best anchor, best student hoping I was them. Every damn time I would see someone with medals and certificate, something in me would quietly creep up to my ears and say " See I told you, you don't deserve it and you don't really deserve to live". It's like I have this witch inside saying that's good you are happy for them but why couldn't you write like them , dance like them, sing like them.

I forgot to mention that voice in my head? She is the permanent resident. She is blunt and so freaking rude. She will use acid for my wound so they sting some more and she would relish the pain. I have grown accustomed to her being this way.

I have stopped speaking up, stopped trying to ask for chances. I wrote somewhere that I spent years after years buried in my phone watching others live the life I wanted to live.

Years that I am never gonna get back.

Years that I could have spent learning, falling and improving myself.

Years that made my voice so quiet that even I can't hear when they talk.

Now I really doubt if they even talk at all.

I can tell you all about the best outfits saved in my pinterest board, or dances I wish I did that are popular, about some movies, song, books, about this and that. I can work my way through issues other have, I can stay up for my friends if they need company, I can memorise a line or two if they make me sound intelligent or smart or articulate. I can try and catch up with slangs popular nowadays. I can pretend to know what I am doing.

But I can't answer what I want. I can't remember if I ever spoke freely with people in public. I can't remember my favourite colour, my aspirations. I can't tell you what I really want. I can't remember my childhood or tell you what I did to pass my time on a random afternoon when I was a child.

I think I died decades ago and my body is yet to catch up. Whyy? Because I never really lived. I remember faintly doubting my potential, my body years ago and then I got a phone and I would scroll and the voices in my head? She would wait for me to stop scrolling so we can talk.

I found out she shuts up when I scroll. So I started doing what any girl fed up with the voices in her head would do, I'd scroll.

She waited, waited long to have me sit with her so we can talk about our feelings, our goals, what we really wanted, what hurted us but I was too busy running from it to realise all it ever wanted was for US to have a better life. I kept running for years, mind kept waiting for years. I would distract myself with videos, with songs, with people who claimed they would give me everything. I would refresh my app for someone's text , I would wait for a message from anyone everyone and wait like she waited for me.

Only if I stopped that and went in the room she was waiting for me so patiently and pulled a chair to sit , I would have the answer tohat I want. But I didn't. Just couldn't.

So now I think I am gonna stand by the door of the room she has been sitting for years and ease myself that she won't kill myself. Might scold, might give a detailed powerpoint presentation of what I did wrong but she will smile a little that I am finally here instead of running after a text, some guy, some movie or song.

I am sorry you had to go through everything alone.

I am sorry you had to wipe your own tears and go on with life even when you couldn't do it anymore.

I am sorry you couldn't even cry wholeheartedly because the world kept rushing you to get up and go on with life everyday.

I am sorry you had to learn how to smile seeing others happy in love.

I am sorry you were expected to be strong and grateful when it hurts like hell.

I am sorry you had to smile through everything.

I am sorry you were tormented and pestered by people's constant voiceover of how the hard your life is.

I am sorry you had to continue watching life happen to you.

I am sorry you were sold the idea of perfect soulmate through movies.

But I want you know that ❤️

I am at awe of how you manage to shine and spread love even when life kept you starving.

I am proud of you for making this world a better place to live when you had every right to just turn your back on people.

I can't do anything but wish deeply with my heart that one day you wake up and the world is a little kinder to you.

I hope you experience the love even if it comes a little late.

I wish to God with all my might that he gives you a life filled with happiness and love.

I want you to know that I might not know you but I am giving you the tighest hug and my shoulder to cry on.

I love you and you make the world a better place..

-Pragati

if it doesn't come bursting out of you

in spite of everything,

don't do it.

unless it comes unasked out of your

heart and your mind and your mouth

and your gut,

don't do it.

if you have to sit for hours

staring at your computer screen

or hunched over your

typewriter

searching for words,

don't do it.

if you're doing it for money or

fame,

don't do it.

if you're doing it because you want

women in your bed,

don't do it.

if you have to sit there and

rewrite it again and again,

don't do it.

if it's hard work just thinking about doing it,

don't do it.

if you're trying to write like somebody

else,

forget about it.

if you have to wait for it to roar out of

you,

then wait patiently.

if it never does roar out of you,

do something else.

if you first have to read it to your wife

or your girlfriend or your boyfriend

or your parents or to anybody at all,

you're not ready.

don't be like so many writers,

don't be like so many thousands of

people who call themselves writers,

don't be dull and boring and

pretentious, don't be consumed with self-

love.

the libraries of the world have

yawned themselves to

sleep

over your kind.

don't add to that.

don't do it.

unless it comes out of

your soul like a rocket,

unless being still would

drive you to madness or

suicide or murder,

don't do it.

unless the sun inside you is

burning your gut,

don't do it.

when it is truly time,

and if you have been chosen,

it will do it by

itself and it will keep on doing it

until you die or it dies in you.

there is no other way.

and there never was.

It’s okay. Stop for a while and breathe. Don’t go on giving verdict in your brain that you are a bad person for feeling this way.You are not. It’s as normal as breathing.

You know I heard somewhere years ago that “If you are jealous of someone, it’s probably indication to you about what you want.”

You are not jealous of the people in your college !You just want someone's dance skills,Someone's wardrobe,Someone's hairstyle,Someone's confidence.

Remember It's everyone's first time living and they are probably jealous of someone or something too.

You know what I do when I realise I am getting jealous of someone,I observe and admire them. I give my brain every reason to see the beauty of the person and to not just hold a grudge because the person has something I don’t.

I compliment them and I mean every single word. If I am jealous of someone’s singing,dancing or way of presenting themselves, I take a step back and make a note to improve my particular set of skills and I try to improve .

Trust me! It's completely normal to feel jealous, envious and feel bitter about a person for no damn reason but you have to realise we all deserve kindness and love.

So, next time you catch yourself piercing a hole in someone’s back with your stare because you feel jealous,stop and smile. Acknowledge what it is that they have and you want and gradually work at your own pace to have it. I trust you and I know you will achieve it..

Continue to be kind to yourself and others.

You got this. Drink Water 🫂

I know. The Joy of having people to blame comes from delegating your life altering decisions on to people you know or don't.

I have been doing this for years.

It's my way of making sure I don't hate myself more than I already do by making a bad decision.

I wanted to cut my hairs and I still do. It's becoming difficult to maintain it. From neck pain while washing it to not being able to comb my hair for days because I am lazy and tired. So, I asked people around me if it's okay to cut my hair..

Few responses I got were

"Yess! Go for it"

"Noooo! Your hair is so long and pretty" 

" I mean it's your life!!!"

Last one is completely valid. I always found it weird that I depended and still depend on other people or a reddit post, or some youtube video of someone going through kinda same thing. I wanna run away from the possibility of me taking the decision as far as I can. Why?? So I can blame those who took it for me. I can say " It's YOUR fault that my life sucks right now"..

That's good! Right?? No?? Yeah didn't think so.

We all go through life being scared of the consequences of our actions. We hate sitting with ourselves and listening to our blame give us third degree torture for everything EVERY TINY THING. So, We start small. We say " I am just going for a fresh perspective" when more often than not we know we just want someone else to take the decision for us. So that we are free. 

Free from the blame.

Free from the I hate my decisions.

Free from Ahh I fucked up again.

So, Next time when you go around asking for “advice” ask yourself if you really want it or Are you looking for someone else to take the bullet for you!!

Have a nice day people!

Stop whining guys. Please be grateful for your health.

Edit: I know it's a really long post but I just wanted to share what I went through in 2025. You are free to skip so please stop commenting it's a long post.

There are 2 kind of people in this subreddit. One being career oriented and wanting to become their better version. The other being the one constantly crying how they don't have a partner, a boyfriend or girlfriend..

And I have been seeing the latter kind of people lately and I am sick of this whining.

You people should realise how lucky you guys are to think that the only unlucky thing in your life is not having a partner.

You can choose to read the entire post or skip it I really don't care at this point.

Just like everyone else,I made my new year's resolution on 31 december 2024 of how I want to start swimming and join MMA. I want to visit certain places and master certain skills. Had notes app filled with hope and dreams.

On 3 January,I got slight pain near my tailbone and I didn't pay much heed to it as my mother had a small accident on 2nd of January (She was okay just scooty was damaged)and I really didn't care about my thing.

The pain and swelling increased from 3rd and it was unbearable by 9. I couldn't walk,sit,lie and was basically wishing to die. We went to a gynecologist and she told it's pilonidal sinus and that when it goes away I will have a hole near my tailbone,my heart sank and I came home crying.

The pain increased in 11th and I was rushed to hospital in emergency ward. It was Sunday so the doctor wasn't on duty.

He came the next day and said its probably a abscess (It wasn't) and he will take it out with syringe . He did and the syringe was 18 ml filled with pus and blood. He sent it for testing and went away.

The swelling came back the next day and he said we will do a open surgery on 14th January. I was shocked and scared. Then he did my open surgery while listening to songs and stuff honestly I didn't care about it because I was scared and just wanted the surgery to go smoothly. It was later i realised what kind of shitty doctor he was.

Surgery was done I had a hole which was supposed to be recovered in 1 months.

My reports came back and I don't how I was diagnosed with tuberculosis.

I was in hospital bed and didn't think as to how did tuberculosis (with ZN stain,he didn't informed us he was gonna do them)come in picture when it was clearly pilonidal sinus.

My family didn't notice and I was put on antibiotics of tuberculosis for 1.5 years. I was taking 18 pills a day for a month.

I was recovering. The period from February to April were hell. They did my MRI too and turns out I had a minor bulge in L4-L5 too. I was quickly referred to neurologist from my surgeon. Then started my medicine for L4-L5 and shit load of physiotherapy. Completely distracting our mind from the surgerical area and I was just travelling 27 km back and forth for physiotherapy daily.

Then I went to noida in May to change my surroundings and ease my mind. I got into physiotherapy there too.

And that's when the surgery area or pilonidal sinus relapsed. I was devastated.

Started searching for doctors and eventually found one in delhi.

Went to him and he said we will have to a laser surgery.

Then comes the shocking part I was false diagnosed with tuberculosis and I took tuberculosis medicine for 6 fucking months without actually having the condition.We did a lot of test and stopped the medicine. I lost my trust in everyone,doctors, medicine, reports,even my family.

Somehow I stopped medicine.

I went through surgery again on 26 may and I was under medication with the help of cannula for 15 days. So I was given hard injection for 15 days and my veins used to get blocked. So doctors had to change 8 places in my hand for cannula in 15 days. 8 points I was pierced and I still have scars.

I was somehow recovering, slowly getting back to life. Also I am 20,I was in college,had to leave it because they were really shitty and didn't support my situation.

I started my CUET preparation and was somehow going on. There was still recovery going on near my tailbone and I was terrified and always scared, kept cleaning the area and everything in my power.

Yesterday I woke up thinking what should I do now should I take a bath or workout or start a subject .Then I got a itch near my tailbone and slight pain.I went to my sister and asked her to check She said there is a pus and a hole.I thought she is joking to freak me out but I knew she would never joke about that of all the thing.

Made her click a picture,saw it broke down into tears ,screaming Not again, please not again!!

Called the doctor's assistant she said she doesn't know fuck about this. Called the doctor he asked me to come. I went there after traveling for 5 hours in pain. I completely gave up was listening to songs , wasn't crying was not thinking anything.

Reached there ,he took sample for culture and it poked the hole causing it to bleed and me to shout. I kept sobbing and pleading him,Sir please do something I want to live a normal life.

He said let's wait for culture report and if something happens we will do a laser in OPD. It was so fucking easy for him to say that while I am scared and traumised for life.I am back to having a gauze sticked to my body.

I am just waiting for results to come and hoping it comes okay

I am tired of trying to collect strength that I no longer have in me..

I don't even know how many of you read this far but I just want to say please being grateful for your health and stop whining about relationship and stuff.

They don't matter if you are ill and dying.

So if you have your health now and you are not popping pills after pills then do something with your life ,instead of crying over stupid things.

They don't matter. Study,do your hobbies,work on skills,earn and travel..

I wanna have a normal life,go to college and travel.

Please value what you already have instead of running after what you don't.

TL;DR:

Started 2025 full of hopes and goals, but ended up going through months of medical hell — misdiagnosed with tuberculosis, had multiple painful surgeries for a pilonidal sinus, constant hospital visits, injections, and emotional trauma. I’m only 20, had to drop college, and still dealing with health issues and fear of relapse.

All I’m saying is — if your biggest problem is not having a partner, please realize how lucky you are to be healthy. Stop whining about relationships and start valuing your health and life.

I didn’t update this I got better. I was put on antibiotics and it got better. That was in october. I started preparing for CUET, used to take breaks after every 50 mins as it wasn’t advised for me to do prolonged sitting.

In May 2026, I gave my CUET. I got the permission from the director of my centre to stand for 10 mins every 50 mins for my 3 hours exam. They were kind enough to accommodate me. In June I went to my maternal relatives house, 9th June I started having pain again. I froze on the spot. I become numb anytime I get a sharp pain maybe this is what they call PTSD. Idk. I am too numb to put a label. It's 15 June today.

I went to a general surgeon to check what's happening. He examined the area and said “Yeah! It's back. Let's talk to my senior and we will perform either cleft lift or diamond flap surgery. I broke down, I couldn't take it anymore. I started crying in front of 6 people in the ward. He looked at me dumbfounded and said you are gonna give up? You are crying as if I announced a life threatening disease. I froze again, this time because apparently my pain is not pain enough in medical field. The pain, agony, constant torture, hundreds sleepless nights,1 years gone. It's apparently not enough for me to be tired.

We left from the place and went to my surgeon the one who did 26 may surgery. He said yeah it's probably back here is the medication, come back after 5 days and we will perform a OPD laser surgery (“Small one” quoted by him.

We left again. I am at my sister's place rn. It's a great society, homely apartment and all I could ask the universe is can I please please get this life? Can I please be happy and pain free? I don't know what I will do.

And yeah no matter how much I say people to be grateful for their good health,they won't listen. I don't blame them either. Such Such is human philosophy “ What you have you will never see it as luxury but a mundane item”.

Have a great day.

P.S - My brain doesn't see the point in why I am writing this article but I don't care. My grammar and sentence structure everything is a mess but I DON'T FUCKING CARE.

Thank you soo much if you read this far. Thank you for sitting with my pain.

What is God?

Who is God?

Most importantly, where is God?

I will not ask these questions as some beings claim it is disrespectful. Do you not trust him, believe in him, or follow him? They also say that He is the father, teacher, and guide of the world, that He is the one who provides for us, and nurtures us. Therefore, I will ask you: My Father, my Teacher, Who are You?

Now, do not take this as disrespect or as my inability to trust, because I am your child. Satisfy my curiosity.

What if we are merely pieces in the game you love to play—some 8 billion pieces?

Pieces to which you grant salvation to make the game interesting. Pieces you punish for their greed and wrongdoings, yet when they go to the salvation you provided, then those pieces who kill themselves because they are tired of this game.

On Earth, we call this act suicide.

What if You let them do this because you think it creates too much chaos to play with so many pieces on the same table? Then, as soon as You see a shortage of pieces to play with, You start creating new pieces—some evil, some angels, and some people caught between these two. You start making them play against each other, let them fight, let them find out who will win. It would be fun. They say nothing is permanent.

P.S - I do realise I left it incomplete but I don't wanna ruin this piece with any random stuff so when I get over this stupid writers block, I will try and complete this.

I hope you understand. Have a great day.

-Pragati

At the end of the day ♡

All someone really wants or ever wanted is not money,is not that college seat ,is not that car or that one like.

All they really want is to come home to someone waiting for them.

All they really want is for someone to miss their smile,their voice and their touch.

All they really want is to sit and share their deepest,darkest and unheard parts and know they are seen and heard.

All they really want is know for sure that they will be missed if they suddenly disappear one day.

At the end of the day, All WE really want is to have a person to share our meals with.

To share what happened,what didn’t happened ,

To share our laughter,to share our tears ,

To get the warmth of someone’s presence ,

To breathe and sense the love in the air.

So,latch on to your friends,family and loved ones ♡

Because at the end of the day

That’s what you will ever want.

We can say “ Oh! That’s just bullsh*t. I love my company ,I like being alone and I belong to my safe space” . We all have been hurt in this life and there’s no one on this earth who hasn’t lost trust in people one day or the another. But that can never mean that people’s heart stops expecting connection and someone to confide in.

I often ask myself when I see people in my contact having status put on as “Down with fever, Do not disturb”. Are they really annoyed with people calling them or is it just a helpless effort to let people know “Hey! I am sick. Can someone please call or check on me?”. And as far as I know humans I am sure it’s the latter one.

Because when I got diagnosed with tuberculosis 4 months ago* .I was alone and in bed all the time. Sure, I didn’t put on any status because I hated victimizing my condition and letting people see me as attention seeker but I would have loved if someone called out of blue to check on me. To see how I was doing.

So I don’t judge people who put status because I know they just don’t know what to do of this void and they try to make a plea for people around them to listen.

So If you know someone and you love them, Just check on them. Call them out of blue and ask how they are doing . Did they eat? Because Trust me! At the end of the day, we all want connection and someone to care about us.

Be someone who waters people’s emotions like they are small plants who need care who knows maybe one day you will wake up with a beautiful garden.

Have a great life.

P.S - *I am okay now.

I wrote this article on 8 May 2025 on medium. Reposting it here because I wanted to share it with you guys.

I heard about friends being the greatest sitcom all over from time to time. I never really paid any heed to it and I used to dislike the background laughing. I felt “ I don't like being told when to laugh”.

Fast forward to July 2024, I give the show another try and boy did I love it. I still remember me crying on 14th August 2024 in front of shiv ji that the show ended and I won't be able see my favourite people anymore.

I started re-watching the show again and again. It's safe to say I still watch it and I am on my 5th re-watch. I know every damn line that I can complete the sentence even if you wake me up and I am half asleep.

I never realised why I love this show so much. I get that it's the best show ever and it's funny and nostalgic but every human has a different story about their favourite show and here is mine.

I have never experienced friendship all my childhood and when I started watching the show. I never had friends to call and rant or just experience friendship as a whole. I used to sit alone almost all my school life. I can still remember eating alone most of the time. F.r.i.e.n.d.s The show made me experience that. I was the 7th friend. I got to experience the roasts, the fights, the love, being there for each other no matter what and I cried when it ended because I thought my friendship ended. When I re-watch friends, I skip the last episode and start again.

I just wanted this piece to exist somewhere in the internet for me to visit and read this.

I got blessed by God last year in terms of friendship that I got great friends. I know all of them are online but I know they care for me to death and I do too. I know for sure that I will experience friendship in person too. I know Universe is gonna make up for all the time Little Pragati cried from loneliness or from never having a friend..

Anyways.. Thank you for reading this and here are few ways I have made friends a part of my life for now and forever..

My phone cover ✨

My photo frame

The love of my life…

Thank you so much for reading.. Have a great day and drink water..

P.S - I should drink water.