Can’t wait to see you all tomorrow. Please come, even if you’ve never heard of the book (Widow In The City) until just now. We welcome one and all! It’s going be a juicy conversation (I promise!) and a beautiful community that’s just so welcoming, you’ll be supporting a first time memoirist: .

Jen Pastiloff is inviting you to a scheduled Zoom mee…

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Book Jen: Speaking/Keynotes/Corporate

Open this one on a browser please, or in the Substack app or you’ll miss the best part. I tried like hell but it ain’t all fitting in one email and it’s going to cut it off. I’ll know if you opened in a browser or the app and read it all the way to the end by putting a secret code word at the end. Email me back that secret word and also why am I this way? Why am I such a cornball weirdo? Who knows why. Why is a song by Annie Lenox. I just am what I am is why. Can’t wait to see if you email me the secret word, you sexy tortoise, you.

SHAME

For years, every morning, I licked my fingers

to see if I’d eaten in my sleep.

Crumbs on the tongue meant muffins.

For years, every morning, I licked my fingers

to see if I’d dug through the trash to shove them

in my mouth like a prisoner withheld food.

I was desperate for sustenance.

Then counted the ways I hated myself for feeding.

Who gets to stop being hungry?

For years, every morning, I licked my fingers

to see if I deserved to be a person.
All that chocolate under nails, blackberry seeds in teeth,

while my customers took careless bites of their turkey meatloaf

in bodies that stayed, that knew how to behave.
Forks in fingers free from old peanut butter,
knives when they needed to make an important point.

What a thing that must be: to know
who you were without being told!
How I wished for this fork-waving assurance.

For years, every morning, I licked my fingers
to see something, anything.
Old habits die hard.

I’d lick, expecting

to taste disappointment
from what I’d done in the dark.

Oh, what I’ve done in the dark.

For years, every morning, the things we did.

How Shame told us to be good.
How the dark allowed us to be bad.

---

Fuck shame. That poem is in my book Proof Of Life.

You get to stop being hungry.

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If you’re desperate for sustenance, come Sunday. If you’re interested in connection, come Sunday. If you think you don’t get to stop being hungry, come Sunday. If you’re curious about sex, come Sunday. If you feel awkward- or shy- about sex, come Sunday. If you are grieving, or have grieved (who hasn’t?), come Sunday. If you are a widow, if you are lonely, if you afraid (of anything, of all the things), if you are a writer, if you are NOT a writer, if you live in the city, if you do not live in the city, if you’ve ever used dating apps, if you’ve never used dating apps, if you loved the show Sex And The City, come to our Weirdo Book Club meeting this Sunday, so we can commune as weirdos and discuss all things Widow In The City: A Memoir Of Heartbreak And Hookups. Join me and author Amy Gabrielle (and hopefully you.) We don’t give a flying (or seated) rat’s ass if you have read the book yet. Just come. Not in that way. (Although the book is sexy as hell, so I dunno.)

You get to have sustenance. You get to stop being hungry.

I took Charlie on a spontaneous trip to NYC. It was perfect. We stayed up late and slept late and had bed picnics and spent time with some dear friends and I told almost no one I was coming and made zero plans (my favorite) and just let things unravel as they unraveled. Everything was easy and un-rushed and un-busy. The way I like it. And not at all the way it always is with me because: HUMAN. And because I suppose I have an UNCONSCIOUS commitment (as Katie and Gay Hendricks call it) to living in chaos. I said unconscious!

One of my favorite moments was when a fancy tortoise (it had jewels on its shell!) followed me down the street like it wanted a date. It was hard to part ways with my tortoise lover, but she (yes: she, I don’t care about the gender of my tortoises) is well-loved and cared for by her human. Anyway, I do not want to be in a throuple, tortoise or otherwise.

1 spot is open for my Italy retreat Sep 12-19th.

1 spot open for coaching/mentorship. I can only work w/ 3 people a month max.

Email if you are interested in coming to Tuscany. Just one spot! And it’s VERY SOON. Reply to this email (change the subject to retreat.) Or jenpastiloffcustomerservice@gmail.com. If we’ve never met, please share some weirdo stuff about you or just make the email real awkward, k?

Last retreat of the year is in Ojai Oct 15-18.

Both retreats are about creativity and connection and being your own weirdo self and finding your people.

I do private retreats too.

Reach out to me to book a private retreat or workshop for a group or for a corporate setting. However, if you want book me for a speaking gig or keynote or any such shenanigans, go through my agency over at Washington Speakers Bureau.

From their site:

National Bestselling Author; Keynote Speaker; Disability Advocate; Visual Artist; Celebrated Yoga Teacher; Creator of the Shame Loss Movement

National bestselling author Jennifer Pastiloff provides experiences, not “lectures.” Funny, honest, and structured around the belief that no one has to prove their worthiness, Jen’s keynotes stay with audiences long after the event. Her work has been praised by Anne Lamott, Cheryl Strayed, George Saunders, Maggie Smith, Rich Roll, Monica Lewinsky, and more.

Jennifer Pastiloff doesn’t give speeches. She creates experiences. Drawing on two decades of sold-out workshops, bestselling books On Being Human and Proof of Life (Dutton/Penguin Random House), and a life story that includes childhood trauma, grief, hearing loss, a life-threatening eating disorder, addiction, reinvention, and becoming a prolific painter as an adult, Jen meets audiences exactly where they are and moves them with fierce candor, humor, and wisdom. All of her signature talks are immediately actionable and stubbornly memorable. She is radically relatable and funny in ways that disarm people. Incidentally, she is deaf, which makes her the best listener in the room. Whether she’s speaking to a corporate leadership team, a graduating class, or a writers’ workshop, the result is the same: people leave more willing to be utterly themselves.

CONTACT WSB FOR JENNIFER PASTILOFF’S SPEAKING FEE

Oh! I’m going to Austin to do a Genius Talk for The Genius Series. How cool is that? Here’s the site. Here’s Mark Manson’s Genius Talk:

Shame Told Us to Be Good

Shame and Should tell us to be good. Meh. But what in the name of sweet baby Jesus, Mary, Joseph, and the wee donkey, does good mean? What about bad? These tired-ass binary ways of being. Go back to the 1950’s. They’re calling.

What are the “bad” things you did in the dark?

The Dark Allowed Us to Be Bad

I once drove my friend’s English taxicab.^[2] I have nightmares about this hideously poor decision of mine. I was 28. A group of us went out and when the valet pulled up with his car, my friend turned to me and said, You drive.

I don’t know how to drive that thing! I said. Plus, I am drunk as fuck, I did not say. Or did. I don’t remember.

I did drive that thing. I drove with one eye closed. I think? The other people rolled around the back like marbles. I got the marbles home safe, but in the alternate universe of my anxiety dreams, I did no such thing.

I try to beg the memory away. I’ll wake sweating, breathing hard. Like most memories (all memories), this one lives in my body. All the swatting in the world doesn’t do an [

The body remembers and all that.

We’d been at a club. Sweating women danced on bar tops, sequins glinting on their nipples and I’d wanted a rush of something. I wanted the feeling of being gone, out of my body; here but absent. Alive and dead at the same time.

I didn’t care what I was drinking as long as it made me slither into softness. I should take what I can get. I’d learned this, probably before I could even speak. Taking what what we can get. What so many women have learned. We hold it as self-evident in our bodies.

I’ll take what I can get as long as it gets me wasted. I won’t call it wasted, though. I’ll call it relaxed. Chill. Soft. I’ll call it I’m fine!

I convinced myself I was sober enough to drive an unwieldy car filled with drunk bodies, even though I couldn’t see straight. I was used to lying to myself. So many of us are, aren’t we?

Have you broken that habit yet?

When I wake up after those nightmares, I want to go back in time and say No, I will not drive.

I know no one was hurt, I know I did not crash. I know I made it home, but I can’t remember any how’s or when’s. The details aren’t fuzzy, they’re nonexistent. Who else was in the car? How did I know how to drive a big English taxicab? What did we eat that night? What was I wearing? Does it count if I make up the memories?

If I’d said no, I’d be able to revisit – to re-member the memory -- with no shame, with no resistance, but with clarity and pride. I should not have been anywhere near a steering wheel. This was long before Uber and Lyft. Thankfully those services exist now.

I am afraid once you know this and other things I’ve done in the dark that you will hate me.

Aren’t you afraid of that, too?

This is reader-supported, for which I’m so f*cking grateful. (Who am I kidding? I curse like a sailor.) I’m so FUCKING grateful. If you want to be a paid subscriber, I’ll weep with joy. Founding member? I’ll faint. Gratitude faints are a thing (why else would there be couches for fainting?) Here for free? Don’t care. Happy as a clam, because a hundred dollars, baby. $100 is my son and my code for I love you. Now, it’s our code too.

secret code: $100 or I love you.

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Jen's latest book

Jen and Valerie Bertinelli

It’s always been you. Always will be.

You are your own permission slip.

You are your own proof of life.

End of story.

Fuck that. Beginning of story…

I wrote an entire book on this, as you know. Unless you didn’t. (Get Proof Of Life here (I narrated the audio version, too.)

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Me again. Apparently, I confuse some folks, so here is the zoom info for TOMORROW 6/20 at 10 am PST with author and don’t worry if you don’t have the book yet! Just come. For real. Just show up. Her new book is called I Would Die If Were You.

Jen Pastiloff is inviting you to a scheduled Zoom meeting.

Topic: Weirdo Book Club With Author Emily Rapp Black

Ti…

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6/27 Yacht Book Club With Jen

Jen & Valerie Bertinelli

get my latest book here

I’m making this a freebie with no paywall because I want you to come to the book club and because I love you and also Widow’s Bay and Maximum Pleasure Guaranteed, both chef’s kiss, and I got my hair colored so there’s a stain across my forehead now from dye- I also love non sequiturs- and after my appointment, I stared at a tree for 46 minutes, grief fog rendering me unable to start the engine due to its lack of discernment regarding where it’ll immobilize you: parked cars, beds, cereal aisles, kitchen floors.

I’m really low maintenance (people who say that never are) and so I just get color slopped on (is that the correct verb or is it’s slapped?) and leave. I wash it out et al at home. Washing it out is the entirety of et al. I’ll often handle my business in the interim, while the dye is handles it’s business on my head. iGrocery shopping or hardware store needs care not that I have dye in my hair and a towel around my neck. I’ve been known to be seen buying almond milk or paint remover like this.

Most likely I’m not seen.

Generally, it’s worse than you (I) think: they’re not thinking of you (me) at all.

The way I don’t care about certain things boggles my mind. How I can give zero (or like maybe 1) fucks about leaving the house looking this way or that (all the ways) and do not ask me if you can post that photo of me on social media. The answer is already YES.1 I do not give a flying rat’s ass,2 you can post any photo, especially if my eyes are closed. I love photos with eyes closed; just like my pal loves drawing people with closed eyes because for her, it represents joy. I love candids; the way they seem to capture the essence of a person more accurately than a posed photo. Look, I’m just saying that I do not care about the picture, I do not need to approve any photo of myself. Do what you will, my double chin and closed eyes and all. Preemptively: yes, post away. I don’t give a shit.

What is confusing however- at least to my (seemingly shrinking) brain- is that almost tantamount to my I don’t give a shit devil-may-careness and my (almost) total indifference to how I look attitude, lies a (not mostly dormant) debilitating insecurity, paired nicely with a chilled glass of pure vintage vanity. Which, is not as rare as the price tag would have you believe.

Anywho. Being human. What a thing!

WhatathingwhatathingwhatathingWhattaman.

Being a person is so weird though. Amirite?

How weird are you?

Leave a comment

Above: a photo you’ll want to click on. Below: tomorrow’s Zoom info in case you have my kind of attention span and didn’t read past the subject line or didn’t watch my highly produced and finely edited video, I’ll share it now instead of at the bottom so that there’s a greater slight percentage of you receiving the goods.

Do come tomorrow to our Weirdo Book Club Salon (salon sounds cooler.) I sound suddenly very faux British: Do come.

Show up, even if you’ve not heard of I Would Die If I Were You until now. Show up, especially then.

Come for the delicious community. Come for Emily. Come for you. Come for the cake.

Just kidding. There will be no cake. I mean, I might have cake. But I won’t be able to share it with you through a Zoom screen. I will if you come to either my Italy or Ojai retreat though.

It’ll be amazing and you will miss out and have FOMO for ever and ever and you’ll totally regret it if you don’t come tomorrow and you’ll wish you had and that will suck and you don’t want any regrets or 7 years of bad luck, do you? Fine, I’m kidding with all that nonsense (except the 7 years of bad luck 🤷🏻‍♀️ .) I’ll try anything to get people into reading and supporting books and arts and each other. (not anything anything- get your mind out off the gutter.)

Also, FOMO is so dumb. So is YOLO. Even though that one’s true. See attached video. Of me, not Salt N Pepa, though do watch that too. (Do watch, after high tea with the queen.)

Order the book here.

Em and I did this amazing interview series for . I am obsessed with how it turned out. Check it out here. It’s fun and real and off the cuff and sad and funny and full of wisdom (from Emily, not me, duh. You nerd.) Lindzi Scharf asked me to be a part of it. I knew she’d lost a child (her beautiful daughter Evan) to a rare genetic disorder, just like Emily had with her son Ronan (Ronan is tomorrow’s Zoom password, fyi.) I thought Emily would be a perfect person to do the interview with me so that I could connect them (and also because Em had a new book coming out that I wanted you all to get your grubby paws on.) Connection. That’s what I do. Probably about the only thing I am good at for certain. Although I’m not certain.

If you are in So Cal, come hang on a yacht with me and Aloni in Marina Del Rey on 6/27. You can have champagne and I’ll have my fake ass alcohol concoctions (which you are more than welcome to haven s well. We will have our famous N/A bartender Jen Tyminski there.) I don’t know if I have ever been on a yacht. If so, wasn’t memorable. Obviously. Look, I am not fancy.

But I’m ‘bout to be! Hee- haw!

Do not make me drive all the way there from Ojai only for you to not be there and I don’t want any excuses like Oh, but I’m having a baby that day or I live in Wales bla bla. Sign up here or on the picture below with hottie Aloni Ford (who is very very tall) and it’s on sale, Weirdos. You’re welcome. Making fancy accessible since June 19, 2026.

Yesterday, while sitting in my parked car after the salon, I was not wearing my hearings aids. I take them out when I get my hair colored so they don’t get moist. Ewwwww worst word. Hard agree by everyone. I mean, I think? Raise your hand if you like moist. I should’ve said moisture but I felt like being a dick and making you read the word moist in your head (or out loud.)

I set my phone alarm so I’d know when 45 minutes were up and it was time to wash out the chemicals on my head. I just sat in that dumb parking lot in my paint splattered clothes, dye in my hair, and that ringing in my ears that never ceases. Not even when your friend passes away that very morning. Rude! If my tinnitus had any respect- which it obviously does not- it would shut the fuck up for once, but it won’t. Doesn’t care. To use the same expression twice in one email: doesn’t give a flying rat’s ass.

I sat in my car trying to listen to the bells tolling in my ears, for a change. The ones that drive me mad, especially without my hearing aids in, which make all other ambient sounds louder, resulting in my not noticing the incessant miserable godforsaken williteverstopNO ringing, as much. I tried to pointedly focus on the bells in my ears, as if they were tolling, and for whom they were tolling.

For all the whoms.

So many bells.

So, so many whoms.

I sat and stared at this tree through my filthy glasses and my dirty windshield and when I decided to snap a photo on my phone, I got a message telling me to clean my camera lens. Touché.

I didn’t. I snapped the photo.

I wasn’t going to alter the blur.

My friend was young. Her kids young.

That tree and the bells in my ears pinned me in place. I couldn’t start my car and drive away, so I just sat there.

Suddenly, there was this little boy. He exited from the back of a white SUV, helped his little sister out of the car before putting his arm around her tiny shoulders. It was so sweet that I forgot all about my tree. She slithered out from under his arm and slipped away for moment, giggling. Then, he grabbed her hand and they swung arms and held hands as they walked toward somewhere else, until I couldn’t see them anymore. At the exact moment when they were no longer within my viewing range, as I strained to still see them, my peripheral vision caught sight of my phone alerting me it was time and I startled. Naturally, I did not hear the alarm without my hearing aids. Naturally, I was caught off guard, confused at how it was even possible that 45 minutes had passed. I couldn’t account for it. It was too fast. Th blink of an eye. I hadn’t even started my car yet and yet and yet.

And yet, it was time.

See you tomorrow, I hope. And on the yacht. And maybe Italy. Or Ojai.

(Italy retreat is Sep 12-19 and Ojai is Oct 15-18.) Stop waiting, k? Email me if you want in or reply to this email but change the subject line to RETREAT so I don’t miss it.

Love you, me aka that weirdo below xox

S

If you’re feeling dispirited or depressed, do it. If you’re feeling low, not enough, discouraged, or like you’ve forgotten who you are, do it. If you feel like you’ve never known who you are, only who you were told to be, who you thought you should be, do it. Today.

It helps bridge the gap between who we REALLY are and who we BELIEVE we are, according t…

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Here’s your very special separate email with all the Zoom information for this Sunday’s WBC book club meeting.

Sunday May 24, 2026 11:00 AM Pacific Time

Join Zoom Meeting

https://us02web.zoom.us/j/83735425779?pwd=2b1bF1M68taSv55baQ1Zl8waWpdRsS.1

Password: wifehouse

It has come to my attention that some people (me,…

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Buy my book, weirdo

Subscribe now

I’ve been MIA. Again.

Man,1 it’s like I just.. go under. The unders I go:

• Underground (at least into my garage)

• Under performing

• Under the covers

• Under socializing (barf, I hate “socializing,” despite whatever story you may have made up based on how open or friendly I am. Socializing is barfy because my deaf ass makes it impossible to comprehend speech, ESPE…

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And who am I kidding? It’s never going be your final reminder, like I’m the DMV. Unless, of course, you’re on your deathbed and if you are and you’re reading this email, I feel really really sad. And also really honored?

This is your Saturday (or…

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(Who watched DTF ST LOUIS and can we talk about it??)

Get tickets for Rise Live here.

Speaking of Ojai, my next in-person retreat there (here) is May 14-17th and has a few spots left. Email me, or you can just reply to this email (change the subject to “Retreat”) if you want to join the retreat (Ojai or Italy.)

If we’ve never met, please let me know a little weirdo something something about you, if you’d be so kind (and weird?) It’s an intimate experience and I want to know at least a tiny bit about you.

Tiny bit about me: my height. Lol I’m an idiot. Such a dad joke.

Okay, for real: I grind my teeth like I’m the main character in a horror film who knows she’s going to die by the end of the movie, I have never seen the movie Titanic are any of the real housewives shows (or any reality shows period-a fact I’m irrationally proud of), I still live with my ex-husband who’s not really my ex legally yet and it’s really weird, but also not really weird which is weird, I’m working on fiction for my next project, I have paint all over my clothes and all over my home and all over my driveway and I get really mad at myself for it and yet I can’t stop doing it and that is basically the story of my life with most (almost everything) things, so now you know me.

Your turn.

Oh, and yes, we are having a prom at the retreat again. I said what I said. It’s pure magic.

So is my Italy retreat September 12-19, which is also almost full. Same deal: Reach out.

Below, you’ll find a little video of our Tuscan villa. Ours. Like we own it. We’re so fancy.

Another WBC ( Weirdo Book Club) meeting is this Saturday at 11 am pst with poet . We’ll be talking about her brand spanking new book of poetry called Conjuring The Hurricane. It will also be a poetry workshop and it’s open and free to ANYONE who’s a subscriber here, whether you are a paid or a free subscriber so please show up to support and to join our magical community. Zoom info is at the end of this email. It’s so important to show up for each other. I truly hope to see you Saturday. It’ll be recorded, as always.

Poetry For People Who Don’t Think They Like Poetry With Poet Sarah Hanson In Celebration Of Her New Book Plus A Poetry Workshop!

Time: Apr 25, 2026 11:00 AM Pacific Time (US and Canada)

Join Zoom Meeting

https://us02web.zoom.us/j/83658975507?pwd=Fbhq1VcWsbFitbT72gynlBdpibGFEr.1

Meeting ID: 836 5897 5507

Password: hurricane

It helps to beauty hunt. I’d love to hear your 5 beautiful things from right now, rather than from your entire life. This gets us to actively seek beauty in the now.

Something else that helps- helps with what? Not going crazy, not becoming overwhelmed with despair?- having things to be excited about.

What are you excited about? I want to hear. I don’t care if it feels mundane or “pathetic” and p.s. it isn’t.

It’s so important to tap into the feeling of excitement. To allow it.

In this video with River, we talk about allowing ourselves to want. Also, the novel Wifehouse, next month’s book club pick, is also about that. I sense a theme.

YOU ARE ALLOWED TO WANT.

I’m excited to record my buddy Valerie Bertinelli’s podcast. Join Valerie’s Place here and on instagram. I’m looking forward to being with you all and chatting with about HOTSHOT. I’m excited for my May 14-17 retreat to Ojai and September 12-19 retreat to Italy. I’m excited to watch the latest episode of The Pitt and to start watching Chicago Med because Steven Weber is a lovely mensch and when I asked him if he was the Dr. Robbie of the show, he laughed and said no, but I will be the judge of that! Humble dude. Lovely and funny.

Very excited for some amazing speaking gigs I have coming up (email my agency if you want to book me for a keynote or me if it’s for a workshop or private retreat.) I’m excited for Lidia Yuknavitch’s writing workshop tomorrow, for the finale of DTL St. Louis (anyone watching and what are your theories?) I’m cautiously excited for the possible hope of democracy being restored and the orange sociopath getting locked up. For the jasmine in my yard that’s starting to tease its scent out. For pizza tonight. I’m excited my son still holds my hand and that he just told me he’ll never never be too old to hold my hand. Not me crying over here. Some other deaf weirdo with ADHD probably.

I want to thank , , , , , and so many others for tuning into the conversation River and I had. The video is included if you missed it live. Per this email subject line: we dive deep into scarcity mentality in this video.

The Weirdo Book Club is open to all subscribers: paid, founding member, or free subscribers.

I want everyone to be part of the community. You can always upgrade to paid or founding member, but if not, please know your support, whether financial or not, goes a long way and is so deeply appreciated. Just sharing posts or commenting on them does a ton! As does old fashioned word-of-mouth. Douchey Amazon reviews help, too. Who the hell knows if social media helps (algorithm gods are mean) but I tend to think it all adds up. All are wonderful ways to support and I’m just so grateful.

Doing love doesn’t have to cost money. It can, but never HAS TO.

May we remember.

It doesn’t matter if you’ve read HOTSHOT yet, just show up Sunday. Zoom’s at end of the email. Comment if you’re attending? Let’s show River support. That’s The I Got You Effect.

Next month we read the extraordinary novel WIFEHOUSE by Sonya Walger, who’s an actress many of you will recognize, especially as Penny from Lost. I had the honor of interviewing her last week and simply cannot wait to hear your thoughts. Mark your calendars for May 10 and start reading WIFEHOUSE or listen to the audiobook, which she narrates! It’s the most beautiful book I’ve ever listened to.

Are you a weirdo like me? Asking for a legit answer from you. Use that orange comment button right there. Yes or no? Re: Weirdo. (Awkward, etc.) If you do identify as Weirdo: either retreat is for you. Choose your own adventure: Ojai or Italy. You’ll find your people.

Look, when I say weirdos like me- I don’t mean exactly like me (that would be just awful for you) I mean, are you a weirdo in the general sense? As in: deliciously awkward human being?

I have Ojai again Oct 15-18. That’s open for wait-listing. You can however, get on the wait list though, if you want. Wait. Fancy people have wait lists. And funnels. What the fuck is a funnel? Asking for a friend. Me. Just kidding. I DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOUR FUNNELS OR MINE ( I HAVE NONE) UNLESS IT IS FUNNEL CAKE. I LOVE THAT SHIT.

Hate to be the bearer of bad tidings, but I am the unfanciest. I hope that not being fancy is not bad tidings. If it is, we’re probably not each other’s people. But who can say?

I can get down with a fancy weirdos just a much as an unfancy weirdos. Weirdo snob I am not.

The retreats are the most magic of all experiences, where you meet your new chosen family. Fair warning: you won’t want it to end.

The retreat is especially for you if you think you won’t fit in. Or, if it sounds weird or scary.

It IS weird and scary because life is weird and scary.

You go to Ojai or Italy with a weird person (me) and spend a week ( or long weekend) with other people who are scared/awkward/fabulous weirdos. They’re intimate by design. The focus is on Creativity and Connection. Humor (obvi, duh.) Pleasure. And Rest. Joy. On turning SHOULD and SHAME on their heads.

We eat our faces off. We laugh, cry, wander, wonder, play, discover, dream, taste, breathe deeply, swim, soak, star gaze, allow. We allow ourselves to delight in everything.

There’s so many shenanigans. Writing, proms, (bad, who cares) art making, breathwork sessions, culinary experiences, yoga/meditation. Pilates (Ojai one.) A tattoo artist on site! At the Ojai one again. My wacky workshops, of course. I also teach yoga at the retreats, like in the old days. Which you do not have to do.

Everything is optional. Said what I said.

I hope you come if you’re feeling called.

Unless you’re an asshole. If you’re asshole to yourself- come on, we all are on occasion- that’s okay; we’ll just try curb the regularity of our assholiness to ourselves together.

Email asap (especially for May in Ojai- it’s nearly sold out.) For the love of non-alcoholic wine that doesn’t take like warm cat pee, would you tell me something weirdo or randomly awkward about you so I know a bit about you?

Reply to this email, just change the subject line to RETREAT, or email jenpastiloffcustomerservice@gmail.com.

If you don’t have my book Proof Of Life, I’d love you to get it. Or the audiobook (I narrated it.) If you really want a copy and can’t afford, I’ll send you one. Unless you live overseas. I ain’t rich… yet.) I got you.

Would you consider leaving an Amazon review? Amazon is douchey (even though I still order from it and then hate myself for it, just like I do with some (a lot of) other things BECAUSE I NEVER LEARN APPARENTLY EVEN AFTER I WRITE BOOKS ON THE THE VERY THING.)

I hate that Amazon reviews help. Butt they do and so it is.

Thank you for obliging my gross Amazon review request (beg?) that confirms what a crummy patriarchal capitalistic society we live in and thank you for coming to my Bed Talk.™

Here’s the link real big to make it easy.

You deserve ease, and so do I, damnit. This doesn’t mean that we’ll always have ease. What it does mean though is that HARD is not our birthright. Nor is stress. Or shame. Or feeling bad about ourselves all the time.

Thank you for obliging my gross Amazon review request (beg?) that confirms what a crummy patriarchal capitalistic society we live in and thank you for coming to my Bed Talk.™

Jen Tyminski, who came to both Ojai and Italy, before turning into my non-alcoholic bartender in residence, wrote the following words. I was so moved I had to share.

Zoom info:

Apr 12, 2026 11:00 AM PST

https://us02web.zoom.us/j/86063843592?pwd=9kRK90xJtEHWVMVVeiwaVBQFKKE1vN.1

Meeting ID: 860 6384 3592

Password: hotshot

Love you guys. See you Sunday or soon-ish xoxo, me

I wanted to show you this picture of my as a lingerie model in Paris that Henry took. (But wait, are you mad at me?)

This photo sums me up nicely. It captures my essence. My Smurf-sized self wearing my big ass ancient backpack almost as big as me, (which, incidentally, I got in April 2016 as a gift from Oprah at an event that invited me to. It wasn’t li…

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Jen on The Rich Roll podcast

My TEdx talk

Weirdos! I still can’t get over that I was spotted as a weirdo out in the wild. The wild of LAX baggage claim. My life feels complete. I feel seen. I wasn’t even wearing the WEIRDO t-shirt Sarah Grace gifted me either. Speaking of : she’s now working with me! I could not be more excited or grateful. Team Weirdo!

First, let’s talk shop. (I took shop in 7…

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Jen on The Rich Roll podcast

Jen & Katie Couric

Thank you , , , , , and many others for tuning into my live video with , , , , , and !

When I say Henry and I hung out in (our Airbnb) with in Paris, I mean it in the Zoom sense. Henry’s a goddamned movie star, after all. (His butthole is clenching as he reads this- I know already.) He was busy filming in Paris and Spain, and I am very much not a goddamned movie star. He was movie-starring and I was Pastiloffing.

Pastiloffing: Verb// spilling things on oneself, making general large mess/es wherever one goes, or, does not go, as “general large mess/es” can occur anywhere, including home. Or Airbnb.

As surreal as it was, The Notre Dame was right outside our apartment windows (!) as we sat staring into my phone that was stuck to the wall so we could do a Substack Live. You can only participate in this particular technological magical act by using your phone. (I think? Knowing me, that fact is probably not a fact.) The wall was actually a mirror. My phone was stuck to it with this phone sticky thingamajig I’d seen advertised at 2 a.m. on instagram one sleepless night. Said contraption was not working and the phone kept falling off the mirror/wall and dropping suddenly onto the ground with this startlingly loud thud that even the deaf lady-ME-heard.

I am go grateful that my beloved Henry was with me to help me translate what George was saying. If I hadn’t had him to help me interpret…I don’t want to even imagine. I don’t need to. My very much not imagined daily real life gives me enough of those maddening situations, thank you very much. Needless to say, it was a highlight (of my life) and I’m honored to have been asked. I still can’t believe it. In fact, I’d tell you I made it all up.

Except there is proof.

I hope you enjoy the proof and that you watch the entire video because everyone is simply incredible.

And ? If you are reading this: Bow down queen.

By the way, If you don’t have George’s latest novel yet, get Vigil into your grubby little hands. Stat. (Look, yours may not be, but my hands are grubby, okay?)

Share Proof of Life with Jen Pastiloff

Incidentally, George blurbed our latest Weirdo Book Club selection: HotShot by . Our WBC book club meeting on Zoom (with River) is being postponed from March 28 to April 4th. The No Kings March is the 28th, so we are adjusting accordingly. If you don’t have the book yet, get on it! Let’s support River. I hope you’ll all join, as the book club is for all members, paid or not. Also, if you have books you want to nominate for WBC (Weirdo Book Club)- including your own- please leave a comment. If you cannot afford a book, let me know. Conversely, if you want to donate to the Love Fund (helps folks get books and get to in -person retreats and whatever they need support with) please send Venmo or Paypal (or email me if you want to Zelle so I can give you my phone number.)

Venmo is Jennifer-pastiloff (0172 are last 4 digits)

Paypal is jenpastiloffcustomerservice@gmail.com.

If you do donate, leave a little note what the money is for, you mensch! In case you didn’t know, I always give scholarships to a woman who has lost a child (sometimes more than one.) Alas, my fund is currently empty.

Leave a comment

The Zoom info for the book club meeting is at the bottom of this email. Let me know if you’ve started HotShot and do start thinking about what you want to ask River.

I’m donating proceeds from my next two retreats- Ojai Calif May 14-17 and Italy Sep 12-19- to help people who have been affected by the devils knows as ICE as well as people supporting those folks (giving out free food/supplies etc) so email me asap if you want to join retreats.

I’m also selling art right now and donating the funds. Email me to see art or look on my Instagram art page: @jenpastiloff_art.

WBC Zoom Info:

Weirdo Book Club: HotShot with author River Selby

Time: Apr 4, 2026 11:00 AM Pacific Time (US and Canada)

Join Zoom Meeting

https://us02web.zoom.us/j/85970441439?pwd=D6xQCoNkYMjoYBixLqlutpY6DjSSNA.1

Meeting ID: 859 7044 1439

Password: George

I have a lot to share, so I’ll write more tomorrow.

Meanwhile, how are you?

Talk to me.

• What’s moved you lately?

• Inspired you?

• Enraged you?

• Brought you joy?

• What are you reading?

• Watching?

• What’s beautiful?

• What’s giving you hope?

Below: photo by Henry at St. Regis Cafe, one of our favorite places in Paris (shout out to Maria Bello aka , which you MUST check out.) I’m holding a copy of the French edition of Vigil.

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Just returned from a lovely slow and leisurely day with (Maria Bello), whose Substack I hope you’ll subscribe to because it is simply divine. As is she. And now, as Henry naps, I sit here at our Airbnb dining room table that I’ve scattered with fancy chocolate covered marshmallows I just went out and bought from a fancy chocola…

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If you’re anything like me—hopefully you’re not with my raging ADHD— you won’t know where you put the zoom info for the writing workshop on Sunday March 15 (that’s today 🤷🏻‍♀️)

I’m here in Paris, many hours ahead most of you, but hopefully I will see you later on the zoomy zoom. I won’t call it that again and if I do, punch me in the nose. Lightly. (Like a tickle kind of thing.)

Thank you for being a paid subscriber and supporter of this weirdo Substack. And, if you haven’t left a review and some stars for my book on Amazon, I would be so stinking grateful if you would do that, as it helps A LOT. Pretty please with sugar on top? Here is the Amazon link if you haven’t left a few stars or hopefully five and a review. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you and I hate how much it helps, but it does. It helps populate the Internet, which in turn helps the book be more visible, which, in turn helps… You get it… Hete is the (yuck, I know) Amazon link. Thank you for taking the two minutes to do it. Truly. 😭😭

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0593474074/ref=tmm_hrd_swatch_0

Don’t forget to mark your calendars: our next book club meeting is March 28. It will be with the author of our latest (amazing) book HOTSHOT. Yup, THE River Selby will be joining us, so get the book. Buy it, get it from the library, or Audible, or however you can. And if you want to donate to the fund, that would be amazing, this way, I can help provide people with books who cannot afford it and also help people get to events who cannot afford them. If you have my info to donate, go ahead and do that or else reach out to me and I will give you my info. And if not, just share about the books in any way you can because that is certainly a way to pay it forward and to DO LOVE.

Love you guys!! See you later….

ps I’m doing a substack live tomorrow night 6 pm est with George Saunders. What what? They asked and I fainted. Nonetheless, I said yes (duh) when I awoke from said fainting. Is this real life? Come on!

PS Henry took these photos of me sleeping in our apartment and they look fake. What the heck? The light in Paris is so surreal, isn’t it? And the one with just my hair is hilarious.

Zoom info is below the paywall ⬇️⬇️

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I forgot, in typical Jennifer fashion, to remind you sooner than the day before.

The workshop is free for paid subscribers of my Substack and the Zoom info will be behind the paywall, which you will not see if you are indeed a paid subscriber.

As as always, if money is an issue just reach out to me. Don’t be weird. Fuck that. Be weird, just not about that. I said what I said. I said what I always say. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I will be zooming from my apartment here in Paris and it will be recorded in case you can’t make it live. I offer perks for being a paid subscriber and this is one of said perks. Kerry’s book MOMMA MAY BE MAD was the first book I picked for my book club! The next book club meeting fyi, is March 28. We are reading HOT SHOT by River Selby.

I’m going to write you more later when my phone is not on one percent battery life but I wanted you to have the Zoom info. The workshop is at 11 AM PST/2 p est and 7 pm here in Paris.🇫🇷

love to you all from a very chilly, but beautiful Paris.

Ps I am doing a Substack live with George Saunders on Monday evening, which I will share more about Latter. Pinch me. Is this real life? George motherfucking Saunders!!

See you tomorrow at the workshop and I will write more later when I have my computer. Love, me

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