You are the luckiest man I’ve ever known.

I believe most of your luck came from marrying Mom. She was definitely your lucky rabbit’s foot.

Awesome wife, lucky life.

Mom’s love and support allowed you to be you. And you certainly did what you wanted to do your whole life: the man with a thousand interests, from rockhounding to airplanes to woodworking. And the man with a thousand faces: from the clean-shaven, to the Hemingway solitary artist, to the French mustachio, to my personal favorite, the carefully combed full beard you grew out in the mid-eighties.

You were definitely a health nut. The lemonade diet. Acupressure. The bowl full of vitamins every morning. Choking down the first versions of protein powder that tasted like wet chalk. Mom supported your health-kick fetish by dedicating a whole cupboard above the stove to your vitamins and organizing your cases of vitamins and protein powder in the basement.

Then there was the infamous “No Sugar in the House” diet.

Mom had a secret lover, and his name was Sugar. You poured every bag you found down the drain, but she hid him in a Tupperware in the lower cabinet behind the pots and pans.

The biggest thrill of my rebellious teenage life was having you walk into the kitchen day after day while I ate what you thought were plain bowls of Cheerios. There were sugar dunes at the bottom of those bowls, and I proudly ate them right in front of you thanks to Mom’s secret stash.

You took me and Duane on many rockhounding adventures looking for gold. I remember being in some remote part of Utah and you yelling for us to run and hide behind a hillside while you and your rockhounding buddies used sticks of dynamite to blow holes in the mountainside.

You taught me grit by going to work day after day, month after month, year after year, to provide for your family. Those 32 years at Hill Air Force Base paid for your 32 years of retirement.

Who gets to enjoy 32 years of retirement? You did. The luckiest man I’ve ever known.

When I close my eyes and think of you, I think of:

• Wrestling in the living room

• How you’d tickle my neck with your whiskers

• Our dogs Sandy, Katie, Timmy, and Trixie

• Our cat Topaz, who you enjoyed teasing

• The backyard, the rope swing, the tire swing, the tricky bar

• Summers spent watering, weeding, and harvesting the garden

• Corn on the cob, fresh peas from the pod

• Thanksgivings with the Anderson & Knowles cousins

• Camping, trailers, dune buggies

• Buying ice cream drumsticks at gas stations

• Making Pinewood derby cars

• Watching sports on TV

• AYSO — American Youth Soccer Organization

• You and Mom cheering me on in sports, game after game, year after year

• Going to air shows and seeing the US Navy Blue Angels

• Going to Cache Valley to look at ancestors’ graves, then stopping by Gossner’s on the way home to get ice cream and “squeaky cheese”

• Going out to eat on Friday nights at nearby restaurants including Anthony’s

• Dairy Queen

• Chocolate malts

• Plums

• Dried apricots

• Raspberry-filled powdered donuts

• Pancakes and sausage

• Balloons on Christmas trees

• Your den

• Your binoculars

• Your rainbow suspenders (you were so unaware)

• How we wore coats and blankets in the house in the winters because you refused to turn the heat up during the energy crisis

• How we’d take rides in your Cessna small airplane and watch keys suspended in midair when you’d nose-dive into zero gravity

• How most of the swear words in my vocabulary I learned from you

• How old age softened you

• Junk mail — piles and piles of junk mail

Thank you, Dad, for saving me twice. First, when you and Mom adopted me despite you being 40 years old and already having four mouths to feed. That’s when I joined you in the same Lucky Club. Second, when you and Mom became surrogate parents every other weekend to Jake, Joe, and Miranda when I was a struggling single dad working two jobs. I couldn’t have made it without you. My kids were lucky to spend so much time with Grampa and Gramma.

Right before you passed away, you wanted a chocolate shake. And unlike your children when they were little, you didn’t have to eat your vegetables first.

The last words you said to me were, “I love you. I love you. I love you, forever.”

Rest in peace, Dad. I’m going to have a chocolate shake today — not a chocolate protein shake, but a full-sugar chocolate shake — to remind me of all your best bits and all the sweetest memories of your awesome wife and your lucky life.

Quotable

Word of the Week

Guilty Pleasure

Novak Djokovic is the greatest tennis player of all time. He broke into a tennis world that adored Federer and Nadal, chased them both, and eventually surpassed them both. His journey from war-torn Serbia as a kid to 24 majors—and still hunting a 25th at 39—is incredible.

On Repeat

“Medicine” by OUT IN FRONT is my favorite song so far in 2026. It’s been on repeat for three straight days. Listen on Spotify or Apple.

We’re so lucky to be here,
Kyle

p.s. Today’s essay is a modified version of the eulogy I gave at the graveside service for my Dad, Ariel Croft Knowles, who passed away from complications of COVID-19 on November 22, 2020. He was 92.

p.s.s. I can so relate to this!

@caitsummWho did this 😭😭 #production #lol #singer #indie #artist

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My youngest son and I are similar. There’s only one of us. No full brothers. No full sisters. The only baby made by two people. The difference is that my son was conceived a couple of years into a marriage, and, well, I was conceived by a couple of lovers in the backseat of a car.

I’ve been to the driveway in Lyons, Kansas, where that backseat lovin’ went down. From what I’ve heard, there was a lot of enthusiasm during my conception.

This resulted in my illegitimate birth. Illegitimate is the technical term for someone like me. And because of that word, I’ve had this shadow following me my whole life. It used to be a shadow of shame, for sure, but I’ve tried to embrace it.

When I’m teasing or trash-talking, I tell people they can call me a bastard, because I’m literally a bastard — a person born to parents who were not married.

Throughout my life, I’ve chased legitimization. Validation. This chase usually ends up with me losing something. Losing myself in the pursuit and service of others. Losing my SELF. Losing because sometimes all that giving away leaves you with nothing left to give.

Where do you end up when you’ve struggled with identity your whole life? Where do you end up when “family” doesn’t mean the same thing it means to the majority of people around you? Where do you end up when, despite knowing your half siblings for half your life, there will never be time enough to know them the way full siblings know each other?

But please, don’t feel sorry for me. I’ve gotten plenty of love from all of my families—especially the Knowles family I grew up with. My expectations for all the DNA relatives I finally met late in my 20s have gone from fantasy in my 30s and 40s to reality in my 50s. I am who I am through genes and peers, mostly, but also the very fortunate, loving environment I grew up in.

I think it would be worse to be legitimate and still have complicated feelings about my parents and full siblings.

I’m proud to be a bastard.

QUOTABLE

GUILTY PLEASURE

I love behind-the-scenes sports documentaries like Quarterback: Season 3. It was especially cool to watch a 41-year-old Joe Flacco continue to compete in the NFL.

ON REPEAT

Lizzy Plapinger, aka LPX, wishes she could “just move forward” in her song “New Mood.” Listen on Spotify or Apple.

We’re so lucky to be here,
Kyle

p.s. Emily Wilson is so damn funny.

@therealemilywilsonthey’re the best in the biz! 😂 #comedy #jokes #funnysong #lgbtq #gayguys

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Boy, did I love that car. My Volkswagen Golf GTI.

I remember test-driving it in the fall, shortly after my birthday. The salesman said, “Let’s head up Traverse Mountain.” He knew what he was doing.

The leaves were changing colors as I pressed down hard on the accelerator and headed up the mountainside. I’d never driven a car with German engineering. I’d only driven very practical Toyotas and Hondas. This GTI drove differently. It hugged the turns. It felt like I was one with the car. The car had some get-up-and-go, too! I easily passed several cars on the way up the mountain.

As we reached the top of the mountain, I turned to the salesman and said, “Wow! That was so fun!” If there were hearts in my eyes, there were dollar signs in his. This was the easiest sale he ever made.

A few years and a few back problems later, my fun-to-drive midlife-crisis car was too hard to get in and out of. I’d have to literally pull myself out of the car when I reached my destinations. I needed a car that sat higher so I could slide in and out easily. I traded in the GTI and bought a Subaru Forester.

11 years and 120,000 miles later, I’m still driving the Forester. It’s a turbo, but it doesn’t have the torque and fun-to-drive handling my GTI had. Despite a few repair costs, I’ve mostly only paid for gas, insurance, and regular servicing. The Forester has been paid off for over seven years.

But recently, I got a wild hair. You see, back during COVID, we had an electrician install a Level 2 car charger in the garage because I had a Volkswagen ID.4 electric car on reserve. But supply chain issues kept pushing back the delivery date, and the car’s cost kept rising. We eventually couldn’t wait any longer for the ID.4, so we bought a second Subaru Forester instead of getting an electric car.

So all these years later, I’ve had to walk past that Level 2 car charger in the garage. I was bound and determined to buy an electric car.

Of course, if I was going to invest in an electric car, I wanted to buy a bottle rocket. One with plenty of torque and get-up-and-go. I’d worked with someone who had a Kia EV6 GT, an electric car that goes from 0 to 60 in three seconds. The thought of how fun that car would be to drive became an obsession. I watched several YouTube videos and started searching for a used one. Depending on miles, a used one would cost around $35,000.

Last week I test-drove an EV6 GT with my wife.

As soon as I saw it, I started to get that new car feeling. How would this modern, electric, super-fast car make me feel? Cool? Progressive? Practical? Justified?

An EV6 would finally allow me to use that expensive night light I’d installed in the garage.

My wife sat in the passenger seat. After the test drive, she said, “The seat’s not comfortable. It feels more like a car.”

I agreed. And I felt the visibility was terrible compared to our Foresters.

Then I started doing the math and wondering how long it would take me to use up the $35,000 EV6 cost by spending it instead on keeping my 2015 Forester running. Gas? Maintenance? Tires?

Other than short commutes to and from pickleball, I don’t use the Forester that much.

I came to the conclusion that I didn’t need that new car feeling. The feeling of being cool, progressive, and practical.

I like to say to people that my favorite car to drive is one that’s paid off. I guess that’s still true.

Quotable

Worth Watching

Joanna Lumley's three-episode travel series exploring Japan was eye-opening. Tokyo is almost unimaginably large. And I had no idea how many islands there are, or how different the scenery is from one to the next — mountains and snow, fertile soil, volcanoes. All the while, Joanna is so charming, self-deprecating, and funny. The series really made me look forward to visiting Japan someday.

On Repeat

Spacey Jane opened for Rainbow Kitten Surprise a few weeks ago at the Sandy Amphitheater. They sound great live! There’s so much energy in their song “Thrills.” Listen on Spotify and Apple.

We’re so lucky to be here,
Kyle

p.s. In case you missed it:

@kylepickleballMaddy Rasmusen (@maddyrasmusen.pb on IG) is 100% to blame for me taking one for the team. She's also 100% to blame for me developing a two-handed backhand volley. #pickleball #pickleballislife #pickleballtiktok

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INDEPENDENCE DAY

Well, a crazy holiday. This morning we biked around Lake Monona with Jill and Melissa. It was a beautiful ride. Then we came back, slept till about 2 or 3pm and then went to the church. We played some cram ball on the way and then played volleyball with Tilley and Dinkle and with Sisters Lauder and Woodbury. It was fun. Then Koch and Robertson came over, and we went back to the cram ball court and played. It was a hot, muggy day. Tonight we watched some of the fireworks from the car. Judy and I plan on making next 4th of July awesome.

It is awesome because tomorrow we get to go into Milwaukee and spend the night there. All the ZL’s in the mission are coming in for a chalk talk with President Fox. It should be cool.

I’ve gotta get more excited about the work and things. I’ve just been in such a bummer mood lately. Thinking of home too much or something. I can’t coast now. I must kick butt like I never have before in my life. These are the most important 2 months of my life so far. I know this is true, but I need to feel it with all my heart and be determined to ACCOMPLISH no matter what the cost.

Quotable

Worth Watching

If you’re into music generally or guitar specifically, It Might Get Loud is a fantastic documentary. It features Jack White from the White Stripes, The Edge from U2, and Jimmy Page from Led Zeppelin.

On Repeat

I saw Wet Leg live this week at the Ogden Amphitheater. "Chaise Longue" has been stuck in my rotation since 2022. Hearing it live brought it to the top of my queue. Listen on Spotify or Apple.

We’re so lucky to be here,
Kyle

p.s. Today’s Ramble On was my last Mormon mission journal entry. I still had two months left. I must have gone into survival mode. The idea of coming home and figuring out “real life,” which included college, career, and the pressure to find someone to marry and have kids with, was swirling around inside my head.

The best thing I could have done those last two months would have been to write it all down, since writing helps me think more clearly. For some reason, throughout my life, when things have been the toughest, I've done little to no writing. Maybe I don't want to know how crazy I am. Maybe I don't want the hard answers that writing would reveal.

But when I have taken the time to write, it’s helped me move towards good things and away from bad things simply by emptying my mind on the page. Writing really is, for me at least, the best medicine.

I always thought I had a little feminine energy. But what does that mean? Nurturing? Kind? Compassionate? Vulnerable? Sharing? Caring? I think it mostly means being sensitive. Sensitive to the energy in the room, a person’s mood, my own moods, knowing when someone needs a smile, a laugh, a hug. Space. Closeness.

My two most obvious feminine behaviors—or things most men don’t do—are: (1) shaving my armpits, and (2) using a purse.

I started shaving my armpits about 20 years ago after hearing my wife talk about a male friend who shaved his. He thought it helped reduce his body odor, so I thought I’d give it a try. He was right! For several years I simply used the same 5-blade Gillette razor I used on my face. Now I use a rechargeable body shaver. I don’t have to do it very often, since my armpit hair doesn’t grow back very fast, so I shave my pits maybe every couple of weeks.

Using a purse was my wife’s idea. She pointed out that I was always getting into the car then having to go back into the house because I’d forgotten something. It was embarrassing because, inevitably, when we’d head out to eat, go to the store, or go anywhere, for that matter, I’d forget something. Keys. Glasses. Sunglasses. Wallet. There seemed to always be a reason I’d have to go back into the house.

The crazy thing was that when I’d travel, that was never the case. I always used a small bag to carry my essentials. So, instead of waiting to use this small bag while traveling, I just started using it all the time.

Why didn’t I start doing this years ago? It’s so much more convenient to use a purse, avoid bulky pockets, and keep everything handy in one place. I grab my purse, and I’m ready to go. My purse contains a pair of regular glasses, sunglasses, my wallet, keys to both cars, a pen, a pad of paper, Crystal Light packets, and chapstick. I put my phone in the front compartment that also holds a microfibre cloth.

Because I was adopted, I wanted so badly from a young age for someone to understand me and be there for me. I think that’s what made me want to be there for others. I also watched my mother’s unconditional love and grace, even when my father was not generous with her or wasn’t nice to her. This really affected me as a kid. I never wanted to see anyone suffer in tear-filled silence like my mom sometimes did.

Wherever my feminine energy came from, I don’t mind it one bit.

Quotable

My Favorite Things

150 Franklin X-40 pickleballs in a GoSports ball caddy with wheels.

Worth Watching

I thought for half my life that Prince’s Purple Rain was the greatest music movie. Then I saw Once (on DVD no less) almost 20 years ago. It features songs written and performed by Glen Hansard and Markéta Irglová. Glen passed away this week in a motorcycle accident at the age of 56, survived by his partner, the poet Maire Saaritsa, and their 3-year-old son.

On Repeat

This song from Once, “Falling Slowly,” won the Oscar for best original song in 2008. Listen on Spotify or Apple.

We’re so lucky to be here,
Kyle

p.s. RIP Glen Hansard. This opening scene from Once features one of the best songs and best performances in the history of music. I was so lucky to see Glen perform “Say It to Me Now” live at Abravanel Hall in Salt Lake City a few years ago.

@my.back.pages__Lots of love #glenhansard #once

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Nearly three years ago, I was asked by a life coach, “But what’s the one thing?” We’d talked a long time about all the projects I was working on and interested in doing. I had already sketched out an outline of a one-man play with the working title FKN55. It was kind of a “This Is Your Life” project, with me trying to make sense of my past so that I could really move into the future after turning 55.

So my answer was crystal clear: “FKN55.”

The next day I started a business podcast. Months later, an artist podcast. Despite work obligations and travel, plus busying myself with nights-and-weekends podcasts, I still drafted two of the three acts that made up FKN55. I even paid for acting lessons from an actor who just so happened to write his own one-man play.

I watched my acting teacher’s play and was really inspired. I spent each acting class reading drafts of my scripts, making minor tweaks, and talking through how I wanted the stage to look, the play to flow, all the movements and gestures, the costume changes, and the music. I even wrote the song “We’re So Lucky to Be Here” to use as a closing song.

But I wasn’t focused and writing fast enough, so the acting classes fizzled out. I unceremoniously shelved FKN55 over a year ago, even though I only had arguably the easiest part left to write.

Instead of writing and finishing, producing and performing FKN55, I’ve spent the past year doing anything but FKN55. Instead of podcasts, this past year has been all about pickleball. I’ve kept myself distracted and completely ignored the one thing.

Why have I distracted myself for so long? Is it really the fear of excommunication from my family, my friends, the community? Don’t I want this thing to be a magnet for those who really love me and a repellent for those whose fake familial love or friendship is a waste of time?

But last night, with my wife out of town on a business trip and a deadline to finish recording vocals for a song that also might be a good fit for FKN55, I opened up Act 1 and stood up at the pulpit I have placed on a makeshift FKN55 stage in my studio. I began to read the words I’d drafted over a year ago. Reading aloud into a microphone was simulating an actual performance. It’s just that I was the lone audience member.

I read some lines and edited some lines. I did this through all of Act 1, and I completed a very solid 2nd draft. Then I repeated the process to end up with a 3rd draft.

Then I rehearsed the song I need to record vocals for by a 4 pm meeting I have today with a producer. A song that will probably be used at the end of Act 2.

The juices were flowing, and the fantasy wannabe artist was flexing, moving, dancing, speaking with authority, singing with passion.

Now I was ready to commit to a small deadline. A simple read-through of the play on my birthday in September. Who to do the read-through with? Well, I was already thinking about having a pickleball party with some of my Sunday pickleball friends. Since they don’t go to church and instead play pickleball on the sabbath, I’m sure they won’t be overly offended by any F-bombs, adult themes, and the rough reality that is so much a part of FKN55.

August will be everything FKN55. Not anything but. I’ve got a September 3rd deadline.

Quotable

Guilty Pleasure

If you like funny mockumentaries and haven’t seen Best In Show, watch it this week. It’s a top 10 movie for me and features some of my favorite actors.

On Repeat

“Just Like You” by Marlo absolutely captured me. The piano flourish that bookends the song is so cool. And the drums! What a fun song. Song of the Summer contender? Listen on Spotify or Apple.

We’re so lucky to be here,
Kyle

p.s. In case you missed it.

@kylepickleballWhat's a crazy thing you did after starting to play pickleball? #pickleball #pickleballislife #pickleballtiktok

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@kylepickleballPickleball FOMO. Can you relate? #pickleball #pickleballislife #pickleballtiktok

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Genesis

November 2, 2025

Flesh On the Bones

November 5, 2025

“The End” Lyrics

November 28, 2025

Demo

March 6, 2026

Read more

JoAnn Paul Knowles was 36 years old with four children — two girls: Janet and Lynette; and two boys: Duane and Steven — when she decided to be a Mom one more time. For much of my life, I thought I was given away.

But really, I was chosen. Chosen by JoAnn.

My Dad won the lottery by marrying my Mom, but as a baby, I won the lottery when my Mom adopted me.

In 2011, Alzheimer’s hijacked my Mom’s brain and held it hostage, preventing her from doing all the things she loved to do — even blocking the part of her brain that would seek out chocolate. Oh, how I loved bringing her chocolate to the long-term care facility where she lived the last couple of years of her life. I’d give her a piece of chocolate, and before I could finish asking her if she wanted another, she’d say, “Yes!”

Despite Alzheimer’s, I continued to hear my Mom thank everyone around her, smile, crack a funny comment now and again, and even say I LOVE YOU back to me every time I’d FaceTime or visit. Even Alzheimer’s couldn’t murder my Mom’s kindness.

My Mom loved music. She loved to sing, play the piano, and listen to records. Because of her, Barry Manilow was my idol in the early 1970s. Thankfully, in 1977, my brother Steve brought home an album by Heart that included the song “Barracuda”. That took me down a different musical journey, or I’m afraid I’d probably embarrassingly be running a Barry Manilow Fan club today. Thank you, Steve.

My favorite memory of my Mom, after Alzheimer’s had mostly silenced her, was seeing her perk up and sing along to Louis Armstrong’s “When the Saints Go Marching In” as we were driving around.

Growing up, when I’d look for my Mom, half the time she would be in front of a typewriter (and later, a computer). We always had a typewriter around, and my Mom encouraged me to use it. This meant I could type really well at a young age. She even bought me a portable typewriter for my mission, probably in hopes that I’d write home more. After my mission, being able to type got me my first real job and led me down a better career path than I otherwise may have chosen.

My Mom loved books, and she wanted me to love books too. When I was in junior high and struggling with school, she made an extra effort to take me to bookstores to buy whatever books I wanted. I’m sure Stephen King’s The Shining wasn’t my Mom’s first choice, but her efforts led a boy with little interest in school and reading to eventually graduate from the University of Utah with a bachelor’s degree in English.

Thank you, Mom.

My Mom made a big deal of birthdays and holidays. Specially designed birthday cakes. Homemade matching pajamas at Christmas. And, always, always treats galore. Every time I pass the Hostess section of a grocery store and see those coconut Sno Ball cakes, I think of my Mom turning them into little bunnies each Easter. Despite working full-time, she made every holiday extra special.

My Mom took care of her husband and her children. She took care of her parents as they aged, declined, and passed on. She participated in the Native American Placement program, taking in a foster daughter.

And for four years, when I was a single dad, my three older children had many sleepovers at Grandma and Grandpa’s house and spent a lot of their childhood growing up in the same house, backyard, and garden where I grew up. The place they referred to as “the happiest place on earth.”

Taking care of others was my Mom’s gift to the world. So I’m absolutely sure that the last thing she ever wanted in this life was for someone to have to take care of her. Props to my pops for stepping up to the challenge.

I love you, Mom. I hope you can hear me. I’d like to make you smile and laugh just one more time. I hope you’re playing the piano, and singing, and listening to Barry Manilow. His song, “I Can’t Smile Without You,” seems appropriate to listen to today, except for the fact that all you ever wanted for me was for me to be happy. I will try my best to honor you every time I think of you, your smile, your kindness, your generosity, and your love.

I hope you have access to a computer so you can type up emails, your life stories (instead of everyone else’s stories), and do genealogy. I hope you are able to speak German to some of your ancestors and visit Germany again. I hope you are sitting around with your parents, catching up and reminiscing. I hope you are hanging out with Jake and giving him all the hugs and love he deserves.

Give Grandma a great big hug for me. I hope you are throwing heavenly dog treats to those yappy little Pomeranians: Timmy, Trixie, and Katie; feeding some tuna fish to Topaz; and, of course, letting my dog Sandy sit on your lap so the other pets can learn to overcome their jealousy.

I’m sorry that when I was a kid, I found out where your secret stash of chocolate mint cookies was. You deserved all of them. Every last one.

I’ll make it up to you. I promise.

Lots of love and hugs and music from your youngest.

Quotable

Worth Watching & Reading

The book The Nurture Assumption and the documentary Twinsters make a compelling case that genes — and peers, not parents — shape who we become. The bad and good news is that as a parent, you probably shouldn't take too much credit or too much blame for how your kids turn out.

On Repeat

It was so fun to see Rainbow Kitten Surprise on Thursday night at the Sandy Amphitheater. Hearing “Drop Stop Roll” live was all the feels, and I couldn’t help but start crying, wishing Jake was with us. Listen on Spotify or Apple.

We’re so lucky to be here,
Kyle

p.s. Today’s post was a modified version of the eulogy I gave at my Mom’s funeral. It's been eight years since she passed — seven years after her Alzheimer's diagnosis. I was inspired to publish my eulogy after reading my friend Norma Lee’s beautiful thank you to her mother.

p.p.s. What’s in my pickleball bag?

@kylepickleballWhat's in your bag? I've got a couple @fridaypickleball paddles (the Aura and Aura Pro), a couple of LifeTime balls, a towel, and a tripod, too. @dudewipes and baby wipes in case there are bangers. #pickleball #pickleballislife #whatsinmybag

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This week marks one year of playing pickleball. I’ve gone through the whole gamut of emotions, from embarrassment of not knowing the rules, popping up shots, or hitting complete air swings or home runs, to excitement about learning and improving my shots and shot selections, to being completely frustrated and wanting to quit.

I’ve been forced to sit it out for a week or two here and there due to injury or sickness. I’ve done multiple physical therapy sessions for my knees and my elbow. After a couple of weeks one time, I decided to go back to the courts and play left-handed for six weeks while my pickleball elbow (the injury formerly known as tennis elbow) healed.

I think the combination of drinking Liquid IV, walking, hitting the gym to do strength training, and stretching before heading to the pickleball courts has helped a lot. With a herniated disc, I’m surprised by how spry and mobile I’ve been on the court. I attribute most of my avoiding back issues to doing dead hangs for a full minute as part of my stretching routine.

For the past three months, I’ve played 18 days a month, 4-5 times a week. I’ve been surprisingly healthy. During that time, I’ve competed in my first tournaments and taken drilling more seriously by drilling once a week. This week will be a new record since I’ll drill three days in a row.

I’ll never forget that one year ago, I finally got up the courage to show up at my local pickleball park after walking by it for a couple of years and seeing some of the same people there. Jamie welcomed me and said, “Just jump into the next game.” A game ended, and there I was in cargo shorts holding a new paddle with a ball in my pocket. Greg, a pickleball OG, said: “Hey bro, you don’t need to have a ball in your pocket.”

With all the time and money I’ve spent on pickleball this past year, I think I should be much further along. But my understanding is that most people plateau around a 3.5 DUPR. I like it here. I feel confident here. It feels good.

Last night, Jack, the 76-year-old OG at my local pickleball park, came over to hit some balls. He worked on new muscle memory, trying to improve his forehand and backhand swings by hitting 150 balls. And I was right there with him, trying to do the same.

I’m not sure where year two will take me. I’m sure I won’t see the large improvements I saw in my first year, but I’ll improve ever so slightly in my technique, strategy, and consistency. Through it all, I’ll make new friends and be invited into additional pickleball communities. I’m looking forward to starting my second year of pickleball, prioritizing drilling, playing singles, and playing men’s and mixed doubles.

I know a whole lot more about pickleball than I knew a year ago. Most of all, I know that it’s been one hell of a journey, and I really love my pickleball friends and appreciate the joy that I get out of chasing and hitting a little Wiffle ball around.

Quotable

Worth Watching

This World Cup has been the most exciting soccer I've ever witnessed. Haaland has scored seven goals in the tournament with only eighteen shots. Two goals against Brazil! I'm buying a pair of cleats.

On Repeat

“Forever Lover” by Chinese American Bear is such a genuinely lovely 80s-esque song. Listen on Spotify or Apple.

We’re so lucky to be here,
Kyle

p.s.

@kylepickleballcargo shorts. a ball in my pocket. no idea how to score. 3.5 dupr now and still learning every session #pickleball #pickleballtiktok #pickleballislife

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Sidewalk, Santa Cruz, 9 AM
What separates you and me from them?
I don’t know
Rockstar rhythm to the people I see
Then down the street, she’s looking at me
We smile and go our separate ways, but hey
Glad I met you today

So glad I met you
So glad I met you today
So glad I met you
Won’t you come my way?

30 thousand feet, Delta, 7 PM
You looked like you needed a magic friend
We talk and talk till the plane touches down
It’s bold what we told then we tone it down
We smile and go our separate ways, but hey
Glad I met you today

So glad I met you
So glad I met you today
So glad I met you
Won’t you come my way?

So glad
So glad I met you
So glad
So glad I met you
Today

30 thousand feet, sidewalk
It don’t matter if we walk the talk
Gonna go now into the air
Looking for me and you
Everywhere

Break it down now 1, 2, 3
This thing that connects both you and me
Would have, should have, could have, so?
Why the disconnect when I have to go?
But don’t worry now, we’re both long gone
And all you left me with is this pop song

So glad I met you
So glad I met you today
So glad I met you
Won’t you come my way?

So glad
So glad I met you
So glad
So glad I met you
Today

That’s right
So glad I met you today
So glad I met you
Won’t you come my way

Listen on Spotify or Apple.

Quotable

Guilty Pleasure

Breaking Bad is in my Top 10 TV Series, for sure.

On Repeat

Song of the Summer? “Ryan” by Sophia James. Listen on Spotify or Apple.

We’re so lucky to be here,
Kyle

p.s. Amazing live version of “Dancing On My Own” by Robyn.

@de_niniiI'm either dancing to the OG (Dance version) or crying to this one. #robyn #dancingonmyown #music #throwback

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I was eight years old when I started playing soccer in the AYSO (American Youth Soccer Organization). My dad was my first coach, and we called ourselves the Blue Bullets. I scored a lot of goals because even though we were in elementary school, we used adult, full-size goals. All I had to do was kick it high enough, and it would sail over the goalie and into the back of the net. Soccer was new to the U.S., and we hadn’t figured out youth soccer yet.

One of my assignments as the coach’s son was to call players each week to remind them about practice and games. This was intimidating at first, but it really taught me responsibility. It’s no wonder my first job out of high school was telemarketing.

Hardly anyone was playing soccer, and it felt so much fun to chase and kick a ball around. I loved soccer so much that soccer became my identity.

In junior high, I organized a petition and gathered signatures to push for a junior high soccer team. Nothing came of it, but by 9th grade, boys’ high school soccer was born.

I made the J.V. team my sophomore year, then played varsity my junior and senior years. Unfortunately, we were never good enough to make the state tournament.

After high school, I played on two teams: Weber State’s club team and a U19 Bountiful Cougars team that won the state tournament and represented Utah at the Western Regionals. With the Cougars, I played against some of the best players in the western United States. It was fun to play with such great players and travel to tournaments together.

After a Mormon mission, life got serious with marriage, kids, bills, and a divorce. But I finally started playing soccer again, and my kids were able to see their dad run around and compete against other former high school soccer stars who were fast approaching 30. It was fun to compete again and try to relive the glory days, even though we weren't in the same shape as when we were younger.

I played soccer until I was 40 years old, and a herniated disk required surgery. That’s when I hung up the cleats, and I haven’t played competitive soccer since.

Now, after two back surgeries and almost 20 years since hanging up the cleats, watching Messi score a hat trick, and Mbappé and Haaland each score a brace on the same day, as well as the U.S. team finally looking like they belong, it sure makes me want to buy some cleats and start kicking it again.

Probably an OK idea if it’s just me by myself kicking a soccer ball around. Probably a terrible idea to join a men’s league.

We’ll see.

Quotable

Guilty Pleasure

I grew up watching cowboy movies, so The Ballad of Buster Scruggs, a six-part western anthology, was right up my alley. If you like westerns, you’ll love each of the six stories.

On Repeat

Sometimes I think my mind is 50% song lyrics and 50% everything else. Last week, I heard someone say they needed to smile more. Shawn Mullins “Lullaby” immediately came to mind. Listen on Spotify or Apple.

We’re so lucky to be here,
Kyle

p.s. Here’s a TikTok showing just how rare it was for Messi, Mbappé, and Haaland to all score multiple goals in a World Cup.

@leah.cammaranoHOW CAN YOU NOT BE ROMANTIC ABOUT THIS SPORT #fifaworldcup

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The documentary is called Evelyn. It’s on Netflix. It’s a tear-jerker and painful to watch. The film documents loved ones grieving the death of their brother, son, and friend — Evelyn.

I watched it shortly after my oldest son Jake took his own life. I couldn’t believe this family was in so much pain 10-plus years after Evelyn’s death. It was terrifying to me to think I’d be carrying so much pain from Jake’s death that far into the future.

But it was cathartic to cry so much as the film unfolded. I learned how one of his brothers hadn’t been able to say Evelyn’s name for years, and how the family had buried their grief in one way or another. It made sense to me why they were in so much pain so many years after Evelyn’s death.

I remember how I felt two years ago, watching Evelyn and crying. I watched the film again this week. I was looking forward to watching it with the distance of 28 months since Jake’s death. I thought watching Evelyn would be different this time around — that maybe I’d be stronger. But I ended up with the same hard, sobbing cries and a puddle of tears.

I once heard that grief won’t end until your love for the person you lost ends. I believe that today more than ever.

Quotable

Guilty Pleasure

What an awesome first week of the World Cup, the highlight of which was the GOAT, Lionel Messi, scoring his first hat trick at a World Cup, in his sixth World Cup appearance. Age? 38. Years. Old.

On Repeat

The cello is just so beautiful, powerful, and cinematic. Sand Drawing by Judah Earl takes you to another dimension. Listen on Spotify or Apple.

We’re so lucky to be here,
Kyle

p.s. On weeping:

@davidperellLive to the Point of TearsLive to the Point of Tears - David Whyte Full episode available on YouTube #fyp # #poetry

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I named this newsletter “Art & Artist” as a possible companion to a podcast I started a couple of years ago. I did three episodes of the Art & Artist podcast, interviewing three musical artists who performed at the end of their episode: Anna Justen, Good Shivers, and Kat Lane.

I’d like to do more Art & Artist podcast episodes later this year, so to keep Art & Artist focused on the podcast and avoid confusing it with my writing, I’m renaming this weekly newsletter RAMBLE ON.

The word “ramble” has less to do with my writing and more to do with me straying from the definite, fixed course I was on until 18 months ago.

Here’s to rebranding. Thanks to you, I’m much obliged.

Quotable

Guilty Pleasure

In an age of so many unoriginal movie sequels, Sinners is a breath of original fresh air.

On Repeat

I can’t stop listening to My Lucky #3 by Mat Kerekes. Listen on Spotify or Apple.

We’re so lucky to be here,
Kyle

p.s. Branded by Jim with a Boomstik.

I was lucky to spend a week in Hawaii for my niece’s wedding. I’ve never been this close to a rainbow.

While I was there, an email went out to my subscribers that I didn’t officially authorize — requesting that subscribers sign up for a paid membership. I can’t see any settings to turn it off, so it must be the Substack platform.

My apologies for looking like I’m groveling for money. It’s not the reason I write this newsletter or create art.

Have a great weekend!

Quotable

Worth Watching

If you’re into sports documentaries, Rafa helps you understand the mind of one of the best tennis players ever. His record 14 titles at the French Open will probably never be broken. And to find out he played most of his career while suffering from a serious foot injury makes his story even more compelling.

On Repeat

In Hawaii, my newly married niece sang “Fever” by Just Friends. My youngest son accompanied on Ukelele while the best man (one of the top beatboxers from New Zealand) spit out beats. It was definitely one of the highlights of our trip. This song should be way more popular.

Listen on Spotify and Apple.

We’re so lucky to be here,
Kyle

p.s. I’ve said it before, but discovering new musical artists is one of my favorite things in the world.

@baileysecretlaneReplying to @calloway.pdf welcome to my one woman show ;) thank u for the love on these covers. I’ve been making the next EP hence the pause but pls put your requests in for new covers and I will get to work ✨ p.s join my discord ! Link is in my bio xxx #florenceandthemachine #shakeitout #piano #singersongwriter #coversong

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@sofiaandtheantoinettes @sofiaandtheantoinettes ♬ SPIRALLING - Sofia and the Antoinettes

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@ethanfrenchmusicidea of the day - DAY 56 - 27/05/2026 🚨you can go stream this already!! 🚨 starting NOW all new ideas will be available everywhere as soon as they drop on insta - it’s been a dream of mine for ages (no more gatekeeping ideas haha). previous ideas + extended / full versions + new ideas are coming REALLY soon, welcome to release season my friends!! i’m super excited about this new chapter, thanks for being here <3

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The end of this month marks 11 months of playing pickleball. Some months I’ve played more than others, and I’ve definitely had to take a week or two off here and there due to injury or illness. All in all, I’ve put a lot of time into playing, conditioning (including PT), drilling, attending clinics, and taking lessons.

Last week I played in three tournaments, going 2-5 in singles and 2-2 in doubles. Someone joked that you can pay money to lose in a tournament, or you can lose for free at your local pickleball park.

I finally have an official, tournament-based DUPR for both doubles and singles. I’m rated 3.575 for Doubles and 3.24 for Singles. I even have an age-based (50+) DUPR for doubles: 3.821. Not. Too. Shabby.

Some people complain about their DUPR rating, but it is the only quantifiable way to see where you are and how much you can improve over time. I don’t have any lofty goals for my DUPR. I just want to be able to compete at the 3.5 level and hang with players closer to 4.0 without getting totally destroyed.

Talk about a great way to meet new people—that’s probably the best part of pickleball: the community. What other sport can you play with people 20 years older, 20 years younger, and every age in-between? It’s hard to meet people when you’re older, but pickleball provides a low-stakes way to meet people and build relationships over time as you play with and against the regulars week after week.

I’ve seen pickleball communities rally around a member who survived cancer, have a send off for members who were moving out of state, and hold a memorial for a member who recently passed away. I got an invite to play in a 16-player pickleball session the other day in honor of mental health awareness month. I wasn’t able to make it, so I sent the organizer a message saying I wished I could be there and how I appreciated they were acknowledging mental health awareness. I barely know this guy, but he replied and ended his message with, “I can’t wait to share the court with you another time.”

It’s nice to meet people who are as obsessed with pickleball as you are. Believe me, most of the community totally understands my obsession while most of the other people in my life really don’t get it.

The pickleball community at my local park is my favorite community, and it’s fun to play outside. But since there’s no temperature control and there seems to be wind most days, it’s difficult some days to gauge how well you play. Was I hitting too long or too short, or was it the wind? Right now I’ve been reserving Fridays, Saturdays, and Sundays for outside play, but the majority of the week I play indoors.

I’m a club member at The Picklr. What’s nice about playing there is that they offer lessons, Open Play, clinics, and 2-hour round robin sessions you can sign up for in advance where you know, for example, 16 people at a similar level will be there to play with and against. There’s no wondering how many people will show up or how long people will be there.

Lessons are great for getting one-on-one coaching, but I think clinics (often free if you’re an indoor club member) are better since you get to meet more people and play with them during the clinic.

But you can absolutely improve at pickleball just by watching videos and drilling. My TikTok feed is about 50% pickleball highlights and instruction since I’ve watched hundreds of videos about pickleball. My favorite pickleball influencers are Randy Pickleball, Nico the Lefty, Tanner Pickleball, and Pickleball with Tyler.

Here’s a list of some of my favorite pickleball gear:

• Hat - Since I’m pretty bald, I wear a hat as a sweatband so the sweat doesn’t get in my eyes. This hat is my favorite. Unlike most ball caps, the back doesn’t have an opening so I don’t end up with a barcode sunburn patch on the back of my head.

• Safety glasses - I don’t think enough picklers protect their eyes. I’ve seen and heard horror stories. Even your partner can accidentally rebound a speedup into your face. I feel like the blue tint helps me see the ball better and reduces glare from indoor lighting. The blue tint works pretty well as shades outdoors, too.

• Shoes - I’ve worn K-Swiss and Head pickleball shoes, but I like these Asics the best. If you need wide sizes, you can find more options by ordering directly from the Asics website.

• Balls - these Franklin Sports X-40 outdoor pickleballs are perfectly fine, but elitists prefer the Lifetime ball which some say lasts longer. Apparently, the Lifetime ball is the ball used on the pro tour. But for the four tournaments I’ve participated in, they’ve only supplied the Franklin X-40.

• Ball Bag - I remember as a kid scrounging around for a couple good tennis balls before heading to the courts. Having 100+ balls obviously allows you to spend much more time getting hits in instead of chasing a couple balls.

• Paddle - I cycled through four different paddles before researching and buying the Friday Aura then the Friday Aura Pro paddles. I use the Aura Pro for Singles, since it has more pop and power. But I absolutely love the regular Aura for its buttery-soft touch. I’m genuinely in love with these paddles.

• Lobster - it’s so much funner to drill with others, but having access to a ball machine allows you to train all by yourself. This ball machine has been great to drill with since I can chase down forehands and backhand shots, just like in real-life singles matches.

I’m looking forward to finishing off my first year of pickleball. And I can’t wait to see what year two looks like, including all the new skills, tournaments, updated DUPR ratings, and, of course, the coolest part of pickleball: all the new friends.

Quotable

Guilty Pleasure

Sex Education as a TV series? Yes, please. Putting our heads in the sand or looking away and pretending that sex doesn’t exist never helped anyone. This series should be mandatory viewing for all high school students. It would have helped me overcome the fears and phobias and irrational taboos about sex.

On Repeat

I love the song 20** by Mat Kerekes. Listen on Spotify or Apple.

We’re so lucky to be here,
Kyle

p.s. An R-rated response to someone telling you, “You’re too old to do that!”

@mandypatinktokA useful response for a tired idea. This week on Don’t Listen To Us (our advice podcast) we take your questions, ponder your experiences and sometimes just talk about whatever comes to mind! You can listen to the whole boomtooty wherever you find podcasts or watch on our YouTube. Link in bio. New episodes every Wednesday with @lemonadamedia Link in bio to write into the show or call in as well. Tell us what you are going through or thinking about and we’ll think about it with you. Also… Kathryn performing her new solo show The Unexpected 3rd in NYC @nytw79 this MAY/JUNE! Tkts at link in bio! Thanks to @lemonadamedia for hosting us and our great team for making this with us: @katrina.onstad, Debbie Pacheco, @welterweight_sound @bellowsmedia #age #family #podcast #advice

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His “open-door policy” wasn’t just filler to sound magnanimous. He genuinely cared about people. When I think about the way he made me feel, words like important, connected, and confident come to mind. He was sincerely grateful and supportive of the work my team and I did.

In my experience, a lot of executives are varying degrees of “asshole.” The funny thing is, most of them would proudly agree with that statement and maybe say something like, “Niceness never got anyone anywhere.” In fact, many companies have to pay tens of thousands of dollars to send executives to classes like Harvard’s Program for Leadership Development to learn to lead with empathy.

But he wasn’t a typical executive. He had empathy in spades.

I’m shocked and saddened to hear about his recent death.

A few years ago, I traveled with him and a few other executives to Australia to officially open up a new manufacturing facility. I was in charge of branding and played DJ before, during, and after the event. He mentioned more than once how glad he was that I was there and how much of a difference I made to the event's look and feel. I’ll never forget him on that trip and the way he warmly welcomed hundreds of new employees.

I’m glad he was able to retire and spend the past three years with family, doing the things that brought him the most joy—without the demands of a very stressful job.

He was small in stature, but you’d never know it because he had a gigantic heart. Life is unfair. He was one of the good ones.

Rest in peace, Ron.

Quotable

Guilty Pleasure

In a build-up to this summer’s World Cup, it’s been fun the past two weeks to watch U.S. Against the World — an HBO documentary series about the Men’s National Soccer Team.

On Repeat

“Headstart” by the band Bestfriend: “I can’t get you off my f*cking mind / I think about you all the time.” Listen on Spotify or Apple.

We’re so lucky to be here,
Kyle

p.s. “When we learn music, we learn all there is to know.”

@jacobcollierThis week, to my immense gratitude, I received an Honorary Doctorate from @Berklee College of Music!!

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John said goodbye that day
John lived life in a way
That left no room for regrets
John left for work that day
John didn’t know
He had only a few hours left

Johnny
Never wore a frown
Johnny
Never would back down

What would you eat today
If you knew that
You would never eat again
What would you do today
Who would you see
If you knew this would never happen again

Johnny
Never wore a frown
Johnny
Never would back down

John said goodbye that day
John lived life in a way
That left no room for regrets
John left for work that day
John didn’t know
He had only a few hours left

Johnny
Never wore a frown
Johnny
Never would back down

What words would you read
What songs would you sing
Just one more precious time
What words would you read
What songs would you sing
Just one more precious time

Johnny
Never wore a frown
Johnny
Never would back down
Just one more precious time

Listen on Spotify or Apple.

Quotable

Guilty Pleasure

The Revenant is one of my all-time favorite movies.

On Repeat

Nietzsche was right: “Without music, life would be a mistake.” This is such a beautiful song. I can’t wait to hear RKS play it live in July. Listen on Spotify or Apple.

We’re so lucky to be here,
Kyle

p.s. Hopecore.

@ageneraldisappointmenthold your humanity close my dear—it is your birthright. #hopecore

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Dear Reader,

It’s been a year now of me sending out these Art & Artist love letters, sharing my creative journey, drafts of songs, lyrics, essays, and other writings. I love sharing the songs I’ve discovered, the TV shows and movies I've watched, and the quotes I’m thinking about.

I’ve shared my thoughts on topics such as life and death, fear and love, and my childhood obsession with Dracula. Often, a picture or a song will inspire what I write. Other times, I just want to share things I’m working on or thinking about.

My favorite TV show I shared was The Big C. The writing is fantastic, and it really made me question what I would do if I were diagnosed with a terminal illness. The laugh-out-loud funniest TV show I shared was most certainly The Righteous Gemstones.

I created a Spotify Art & Artist Playlist. It’s going to be fun to continue cataloging songs I like by adding to this playlist in the coming weeks and months ahead.

Thank you for following along. And thank you for the support you’ve shown by subscribing and reading these love letters.

Love,
Kyle

Quotable

Worth Watching

Gas station drugs are harming so many citizens in the United States. Kratom, a psychoactive substance you can buy at gas stations and vape shops, was the only substance found in Jake’s autopsy report. Kratom addiction caused serious physical and mental health problems in the last year of Jake’s life.

On Repeat

This song Airplane is a banger. Listen on Spotify or Apple.

We’re so lucky to be here,
Kyle

p.s. This unreleased song wrecked me. It’s by singer song-writer Erin LeCount.

@erinlecountdon’t you see me trying on guitar outtake seeing as u were sweet about the first one :’D first verse included. love u thanku. i’m working very hard on shows. eleven days to go. #newmusic #originalmusic #singersongwriter #livemusic

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The pages keep on turning me
I move from book to book
Between what I want and what I have
Running from what she took

The plane leaves at 6 PM
Takes me to SFO
But since I’m still with me again
Nowhere I really go
I really go nowhere

But please beware
I will be there
Please prepare
I will be there

Angels don’t look down on me
Without some empathy
God in heaven so far away
Cover me with your rain
And wash away my pain

I sit alone by the ocean now
Listening to the waves
The moonlight streaks down through the clouds
God’s tears roll down her face
God’s tears roll down her face

And she says beware
I will be there
She says beware
I will be there

Listen on Spotify or Apple.

Quotable

Guilty Pleasure

Are you watching The Dark Wizard documentary on HBO? They’ve dropped three episodes so far. There are scenes in each episode that have made my hands sweaty, and I’ve had to look away.

On Repeat

I can’t stop listening to Max Leone’s “Kirkland.” He created something about the passage of time that’s hauntingly beautiful.

We’re so lucky to be here,
Kyle

p.s. This one knocked me to my knees. I found the soundtrack song on Spotify and listened to it over and over. It’s called Sand Drawing by Judah Earl. The cello is so primal and penetrates something deep down inside. My soul, perhaps? The song alone makes me feel overwhelmed. But the sentiment of the TikTok? “Homesick for a place that doesn’t exist anymore”? Same.

@kpoore2723I just miss her 💔 #Nana #Grief

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Talk about embarrassing. I was way older than all but one of the 13 in my pickleball tournament bracket.

My goal was simple: win one game. Don't go three-and-out. Mission accomplished — I won my second game. I lost my first game to the eventual second-place finisher, 8-22, never got pickled, and accidentally beat the third-place finisher, 15-8, in a game that didn't count (a scheduling mix-up). The top three finishers were 23, 22, and 23 years old. I had 30+ years and 30+ pounds on each of them.

But I was in the fucking arena! (Well, indoor pickleball facility, but you get it.)

I was willing to look dumb and be the unc at the tournament. Where were all my 55+ peers? I see a ton of them at open-play and round-robin events. But they weren’t going to look dumb playing singles. Most 55+ picklers only play doubles.

Sheesh: I wasn’t willing to look dumb in junior high, so I didn’t take band. I wasn’t willing to look dumb in high school, so I didn’t try out to join the madrigals choral group. Practically my whole life, I haven’t been willing to look dumb. I have a total of one public music performance — and that one and only sing while playing the piano was when I turned 19, almost 40 years ago!

So, if signing up and playing in a $40 pickleball tournament can be the catalyst in a series of things I do to look dumb, it was totally worth it.

We’re all going to die anyway, right? And then what? I’m sure minutes before I head into the ether, I won’t have regrets about anything except what I would have, should have, and could have done. Whether it’s my writing, my music, or my future performance art, I don’t give a flying fucking flip.

It’s time to look dumb, Kyle. Dumb and dumber. I’ve already signed up for another singles tournament in May. I’m also tracking vocals for a new song.

Quotable

Guilty Pleasure

One of my all-time favorite movies. RIP Fred Willard and Catherine O’Hara.

On Repeat

Another Jake song. Listen on Spotify or Apple.

We’re so lucky to be here,
Kyle

p.s. LMFAO.

@pantera_urbanaDestrozando clásicos Spice Girls - Wannabe #humor #funnyvideo

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