I had a conversation with someone one Sunday afternoon, after coming back from church and waiting for the rice to be fully cooked on time.

After all the giggling and laughing, he looked at me and said, “Tosin, this gra gra you’re having, you will calm down once you marry and start having kids” (Gra gra is a Nigerian way of saying you’re doing or saying something in a way that is considered too much) 

Of all the things he said that afternoon, for some reason, my brain held onto that in the most unhinged way possible; then guess what it did after: it added it to my list of reasons why I don’t want to get married early. 

Because what if he is right?

What if the things I am so hungry to become gradually become less important because there is now a husband, children, a home, and a hundred other things that need my attention?

This, in particular, is where a lot of my anxiety around marriage comes from: the possibility of losing myself inside it.

So when I am in a potential talking stage, my brain tends to scan for green flags in our conversations: how do they talk? What are their ambitions? 

Yes, in a cultural context, I know I am supposed to be talking about marriage now, instead of spending time in and out of a talking stage. 

I mean, I am the first daughter of the first daughter and first granddaughter, so you can imagine what this must look like from the inside, especially now that I’m in my mid-20s. 

In fact, society has a benchmark for the age at which women are expected to get married, and I am sorry, but to the disappointment of my mother and many other aunties, I don’t give a damn!

I’d rather stay single than watch my potential being reduced simply because of a marital partnership with someone. I refuse to reduce all I could be to what could be in a marriage. 

Fortunately for me, my parents are not the type to call and interrogate me about marriage. But now and then, I hear the worry in my mum’s voice.

“Is it that men are not coming?”

And I always have to assure her that, fortunately, that is not the problem. ( At least 70% of the men I’ve been with have been ambitious one way or another, but we all know this alone is not a yardstick.) 

I want someone that inspires me, someone that feels inspired by me and would call me out if I am not doing enough to support him, I want someone that would not be afraid to tell me when I am being complacent with my goals and aspirations, and I want someone that would say “Babe, I booked a reservation for us at lilies, let’s analyze our career goals and financial goals.” 

I want someone who would wake me up at 2 am simply because he is having sleep disturbances from an idea he just had. I want someone I would have healthy competition with.

I want someone who will come back in the evening and say, “Babe, I got suya and red wine; let’s mass apply, or let’s look for global opportunities, or let’s think of what we can do to increase our net worth. 

I want someone I can play with and lock in with. We can be in different fields and still push each other to be the best at that field. That, to me, sounds like a partnership.

And I know life is not always this serious.

I know there will be days when we are not discussing career trajectories or goals in general. There will be days when the biggest decision we make is whether we are ordering shawarma or turning semo. But I want to know that underneath all of that, there is still a shared desire to see each other grow. 

This is not the case for everyone, though, but this is largely because cultural conditioning often teaches women to view marriage and caregiving as their final destination, leading them to sacrifice personal ambitions.

You hear stories of women who stop pursuing their own ambitions because there is a household to run and a million invisible things to remember.

And I don’t think there is anything wrong with a woman choosing that life if that is genuinely what she wants. There are women whose greatest dream is to build a home and take care of their families. 

That is a really beautiful life too. But it becomes a problem when a woman is taught that marriage and caregiving are the final destination of her life simply because she is a woman.

At the same time, I really appreciate the women who have sacrificed a lot to raise us. Sometimes you look at your mother and realize she is just a girl too. She had a version of herself that existed before you called her “Mummy.” More than 20 times in a day. And I wonder how much of that girl she had to put away to become the woman we know.

This is why I strongly feel choosing a partner matters so much, because the right partner should not make your world smaller but make it possible for you to explore more of it. There are so many successful couples and women whose lives show that marriage does not have to mean shrinking yourself.

And yes, I know I may sound like I am asking for a lot, but by extension, this means I am also asking myself to be that person. I want to be the woman who inspires her partner too.

So this is not me placing all these expectations on some poor imaginary man while I sit pretty and wait to be inspired. I want the same thing from myself.

This is why marrying a non-ambitious partner scares me to a certain level. I know how much I want from my life, and I don’t want love to become the reason I ask for less.

Until then, I am still here with all of you single Pringles. 🫶🏽

What I’ve Been Up To

Well... nothing much, to be honest. Work has me in a serious chokehold right now. 😂 At this point, I’m just patiently waiting for December to rescue me.

Movies/Series I’m Watching

My loveeee, I’ve been watching the K-drama series My Bias, My Boss, and tell me why I keep catching myself giggling like a two-year-old. It’s so worth it. If you’re a K-drama fan, I highly recommend adding this one to your watchlist.

Books I’m Reading

I just picked up Loving Ada by Ima Nenty. A friend of mine wrote her very first book (still so proud of her 🥹). I haven’t had as much time to dive into it as I’d like, but I’m definitely going to share my thoughts as I read through it.

Hi, my love, how are you doing?

I hope you’re making the best of this public holiday. I’m really hoping I can use today to batch-create content for my socials, but aside from that, let’s talk about today’s topic. When I started YABB, I said it would be a collection of stories, some mine and some from other people. So, going forward, every last week of the month, we’ll be sharing someone else’s story.

Today, we’re talking about Patrick.

What drew me to Patrick’s story was the fact that basketball is painstakingly more than just a sport for him. He once thought it could be his career, sought opportunities, and had to make tough choices about money and work. But even after all of that, he never stopped playing.

So I definitely feel there is something we can pick from his story… without further ado, grab your popcorn and let’s go.

When Did You Realize You Cared About Basketball?

I actually started as a volleyball player. I played volleyball in secondary school and won quite a few competitions. At some point, my dad told me,

“If you’re looking to play a sport that’s going to be encouraging with your height, why don’t you look into basketball? You should try it.”

I kept telling him, “I’m good at volleyball. Look at how many trophies I’ve won.” But he wasn’t forcing me. He just told me to give basketball a try. So after I finished secondary school, I started giving it a shot. I realized there was potential there, but I wasn’t very good at first because I had to learn everything from scratch.

I kept improving, but I think the point where I realized I really cared about basketball was during the coronavirus pandemic in 2020. When I got back home, I met a coach who started training me. At first, I thought this man was just stressing me. He drilled me so hard.

There were times I felt sick. I even had malaria at one point and couldn’t come for training, so I started dodging training. I don’t even know how the coach knew my dad. We knew each other because he used to live around the area where I lived before, but somehow, he saw my dad and told him that Patrick needed to resume training on Monday.

My dad came home and said, “The man said you should resume training on Monday. Please, you don’t want to disappoint him.” So I went back.

The coach just laughed at me and said, “I told you. If I trained you, you were going to run. You told me you would be able to handle the training.”

And he was right.

You mentioned 2020; what did that change for you?

2020 had a huge impact on me because that’s when I really discovered how much I cared about basketball. At some point, I was even sad because during that period, it felt like everybody was learning something. People were cooking, programming, designing, doing affiliate marketing, doing digital marketing, and all sorts of things.

And I was busy playing basketball.

But so far, I won’t lie, basketball has introduced me to a lot of people I never expected to meet or be around. I’ve met people from different backgrounds and found myself in places I probably wouldn’t have been without basketball.

So looking back, I’m glad I cared about it.

What Has Basketball Cost You?

I think at some point, basketball cost me my studies. When I was in Year One, I played a lot. I played basketball so much that I barely focused on my studies, which was the major reason I was in school. I carried over my Chemistry 101. At the time, I blamed basketball and decided to stop playing so I could focus on my studies. But even after I stopped playing basketball and focused on my studies, I still carried that course.

That’s when I realized it wasn’t really basketball. It was just my time management. I didn’t know how to manage my time. Later, I spoke to one of the senior players, and he told me,

“Don’t worry, this is how you balance it. This is how I did my own, and you just have to prioritize your time. Always keep to time.”

From Year Three, I started combining both efficiently. So yes, at some point it cost me my studies, and I was happy that I figured it out on time.

What Would Be Worse: Losing or Never Being Able to Play Again?

I think never being able to play basketball again would be worse. I’ve had a friend who can’t play basketball anymore because of an injury. He sustained a severe injury to his knee. Even when he plays, you’ll see it in him that he wants to do it, but his body can’t let him do it.

And because he didn’t have the proper medical finances to treat it well, that was basically the end of basketball for him. I’ve lost a few games in basketball, and I’ve been knocked out in competitions, but every time I fail, I always learn from it.

I always ask myself, “What did I do wrong? How can I improve on it? Okay, next time I’ll make sure I fix it.” But not being able to play basketball again is something I’m not sure I can comprehend or live with. Although, you know, life happens, thinking about it alone, I wouldn’t want something like that. I wouldn’t even wish that for anybody.

Did You Ever Try to Pursue Basketball Professionally?

Yes.

In 2022, I was supposed to get a scholarship. That same year, from OAU, I played NUGA. This is one of the most popular university games in Nigeria, and from there I was trying to push my scholarship offer.

It later turned out that you still had to pay for the scholarship offer, plus visa and everything. It was quite expensive. My dad couldn’t afford it. And I think that was when reality hit me at some point.

So it was about time to learn a skill and add other stuff to my skill set so that I won’t fall back on nothing.

What Happened When You Got Another Opportunity?

An offer came in last year, but it was for me to play in the Nigerian League. I was really deep into it, but I was already deep into work, and tech marketing. And I compared how much I was going to be earning in the league as at that time, it wasn’t encouraging for me to leave the kind of skills and work I had built and go play in the Nigerian League.

I just had to be realistic at that moment so I didn’t take the offer.

So, Do You Still Play?

Absolutely. I play basketball leisurely now, but it’s still something I’m passionate about.

I don’t even need to force myself to play. You would mostly find me on the court by 4 pm, days that I don’t go to work. I have more basketball sneakers than I have regular shoes. I have six basketball sneakers and only one proper office shoe because I don’t want to find myself lacking shoes to play basketball.

What Does Basketball Mean to You Now?

Even though I don’t play professionally, basketball has given me a lot. It has introduced me to people I never expected to meet and taken me to places I probably wouldn’t have gone otherwise. And I think that’s one of the things I value most about it. I’ve also learned how to deal with failure through basketball. When I lose a competition, I don’t just see it as a loss. I think about what went wrong, what I could have done better, and what I need to improve. So even though basketball didn’t become my career, it continues to shape me.

What Would You Tell Someone Waiting to Figure Out Their Passion?

“I think the most popular advice people give is to wait until the time is right.

I don’t agree with that. For example, someone might say, “I want to start playing basketball, but I need nice shoes first. I need a ball. I need nice jerseys. I need to look physically fit. I need to look built.” But when I started, I couldn’t even afford one proper basketball shoe.

If I had waited until I could afford proper basketball shoes before starting, I probably wouldn’t be playing basketball today.

There’s always a non-financial way to start something.

You just have to start with what you have. There’s a saying that yesterday was the best time to start, and today is the second-best time. When you start, that’s when you begin to figure things out. If you keep waiting because you don’t have enough time or money, you’ll never start. There is almost always a non-financial way to begin something. Start first, and then you’ll discover where you actually need money.

Have you tried new things, and why do you think trying new things matters?

“I think trying new things is what makes life interesting. For example, I recently started reading books. I barely used to read, but now I force myself to read every day. Even if it’s just one chapter, I try to read something. And I’ve noticed that reading exposes you to so many things you’ve never experienced.

Once you’ve read about something, you have an idea of what it is. It makes you a more interesting person because there’s always something to talk about.

I actually learned that from my boss. He told us not to always see ourselves as salespeople. Instead, we should find ways to make ourselves interesting. Read about physics. Read about geography. Read about nature. Read about history.

I took that seriously. If you’re someone who only talks about one particular thing, there are limits to how much people can engage with you. But when you constantly bring something new to the conversation, tell people something they’ve never heard before or give them an unpopular opinion, you become interesting.

So that’s one thing with passion. Don’t wait for the time that you feel is right. Just start and try new unfamiliar things.

That’s what makes life interesting.

Okay, my love, I think Patrick has accidentally answered the question I started this newsletter with.

What if the thing you love doesn’t become your career?

Well… Maybe it doesn’t have to. Patrick thought basketball might become his career. But look at what it became instead. It became community and discipline. It became a way to meet people, a way for him to learn how to lose.

We have become so obsessed with turning every interest into an income stream that sometimes we forget that some things are allowed to simply make us happy.

Your passion doesn’t always have to pay you, and your dream doesn’t become meaningless just because it takes a different shape. I hope you always remember this.

Thank you so much for reading this week’s YABB story and a huge thank you to Patrick for trusting me with his story. Here are the things I’m taking away from our conversation:

“There is always a non-financial way to start something.”

“Just start.”

“Try new things. That’s what makes life interesting.”

But now, I want to hear from you.

What is something you love that you’ve secretly been wondering if you’re “supposed” to turn into a career? And if it never becomes one…

Would you still do it anyway?

Hi, my love,

Before you read any further, I want you to think of your friends. When was the last time you actually expressed your love to them? As I write this, I’m thinking about mine too. In fact, I’m this close 🤏🏽 to writing their names down and putting them on blast because how many times are we going to plan a trip that never leaves the group chat?

If you are reading this, please changeeee, anyway

I’ve been thinking about the dynamics of friendship since last 2 weeks, especially how they evolve as we get older. As I previously stated, my friend group and I have talked about going out numerous times, but the topic has never left the group chat.

And that is to show you that adulthood requires so many things from us at the same time. Due to this, we can care deeply for someone but not speak to them in months. As long as we see their status or Instagram posts, we assume they are fine. This is not meant to criticize anyone; I mean, I should probably be the last person writing this. I have friends I haven’t spoken to in months; something about being an out-of-sight, out-of-mind person. Yet, if you asked me whether I still love these people, the answer would be yes.

That is the peculiarity of friendship in adulthood. We look forward to having the freedom to do as we like and even spend more time with our friends once we finally leave the bird’s-eye view of our parents. However, this so-called freedom has proven that you can love your friends just as much but not see them in 5 years or check in on them in 2 months.

I wonder why this happens… As we become older, why do we become so much more reserved about loving our friends?

I have always been the type to love my friends loudly. When I was younger, my dad would occasionally drop my siblings and I off at a friend’s house. The firstborn daughter was around the same age as me, and I would spend hours playing with her.

I remember one day we were running around the center table when I stopped and said, “I’m not your friend again.”

She paused.

She looked like she was about to cry.

And I replied, “I’m just kidding!”

I did this several times playfully, and she kept falling for it.

My brain decided to open that old chapter when I came face to face with her at Berger, the same girl I had not seen for 15 years if not more, the same girl who would attempt to cry because I mentioned I was not going to be friends with her. This was the same girl I was exchanging surprised pleasantries with.

My mind went to how uncomplicated it felt to love someone then. I didn’t wonder whether I was doing too much nor calculate whether she liked me as much as I liked her.

Then the much-anticipated adulthood came knocking.

I had another friend. Everybody in church knew how much she meant to me. Unfortunately, she passed away, and not to go down the hole, but it was my first real experience of loss. Then I grew older and had another best friend. A guy this time. Let’s just say things happened, and we eventually grew apart. Those experiences shaped the way I understood friendship.

You start to protect yourself bit by bit with every hurtful friendship encounter. You learn that people can matter immensely to you and still leave your life, and that loving someone doesn’t guarantee that they will love you in the same way. You learn that some friendships are only in your life for a particular season.

However, despite this, another side to it is that we definitely do not treat friendship with the same seriousness we give romantic relationships. Adulthood taught many of us to reserve our loudest expressions of love for romantic relationships.

“Relationship people,” as the single ones call them in NigeriaWhen, celebrate anniversaries, study each other’s love languages, and strive to communicate in that language. They do everything to ensure their partner does not doubt, even for a second, that they are loved. But when it comes to friendship, we don’t want to be seen as doing too much.

And it gets worse as some begin to get married. In an effort to concentrate on their family, they abruptly stop communicating with their close friends.

Well, I am not a saint in all of these.

When we were children, friendship had an unfair advantage: proximity.

In fact, you don’t really pick who your friends are. You just find yourself in the same class as someone, start talking to them, and before long, they’re your friend. Then you move towns or change schools and make another set of friends.

You make friendship bracelets. You write “best friends forever” in notebooks. You celebrate every tiny achievement like they’ve won an Oscar. You go home, and seeing your friends alone is enough for you to pack your bags and head to school the next day. Friendship was just easier to make; however, adulthood makes you flip the coin without realizing it.

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You start becoming selective about the kind of friends you want around you. You care about values, character, emotional maturity, ambition, and trust, which is actually recommended. But why don’t we treat maintaining these same selected friends with the same intentionality we had while choosing them?

Many people start to desire intentional partners as they grow older but forget that their friends are a form of relationship too. We start reserving our biggest expressions of love for romantic relationships. We plan dates with our romantic partners and see to it that they happen. We constantly reassure the person we’re dating that they are loved. But your friend gets “proud of you” after accomplishing something they’ve spent five years working towards. We write long birthday paragraphs for the people we love romantically but keep it short and simple during our friends’ birthdays:

“Happy birthday bro, God bless you.”

We don’t even realise how funny this is, but I understand it; I just think friendship has simply suffered from terrible PR, and we have started to romanticize low effort.

There is a popular idea that says real friends can disappear for months and return as though nothing happened. I used to believe this school of thought. However, Watching the Prime Video series Harlem made me question it. Yes, some friendships can withstand long periods of silence. But I don’t think that means healthy friendship should be defined by how little effort it can thrive on.

We need to know when our close friend is having a terrible week and when they’re genuinely happy. Instead of depending on daily WhatsApp statuses.

Come to think of it, what would it take for you to call your friend to check in for at least 5 minutes a week? We need to care enough to ask how they are truly doing, and this is why friendship deserves better PR. I need you all to realize that you’re dating your friends too, not just in the romantic sense.

This does not mean we have to make friendship identical to romance. You don’t need to speak to your friends every day. But I do think we should be intentional about the people we say we love.

I really love people who are loud in love when it comes to friendship.

People who aren’t afraid to tell the world how much they love their friends. People who celebrate their friends without feeling threatened by their light. People who speak about their friends with so much pride that you can tell they genuinely feel lucky to know them. There is something beautiful about being loved by someone who isn’t embarrassed to love you loudly.

That is what I want us to reclaim.

The courage to be a little embarrassing about how much we love our people.

Don’t wait for some other big life moment to remind someone that they matter to you.

Tell your friends you love them. Celebrate their wins, sometimes even louder than they would. Speak well of them in rooms they aren’t in. Root for them loudly. Show up for the moments that matter to them, even when they seem insignificant to you. Remember the little things they tell you. Send the random “I was thinking about you” message. Plan the outing instead of talking about it for six months. Tell them you’re proud. Tell them how much you miss them when you do. Tell them you are glad they exist. Be the kind of friend who makes another person think:

“Damn, I’m really loved”

To my dearest friends,

I hope you know how deeply loved you are. I hope you know that I see you. I see how hard you work and how you put effort into seeing that the dreams you’re chasing become a manifestation. I am embarrassingly proud to know you. I’ll always be in your corner reminding you of who you are when you forget.

Thank you for letting me be a part of your life.

I love you.

Loudly.

Always. 🤍

Okay, your turn.

Send a message to that friend you’re ridiculously proud of and tell them how much they mean to you.

What I have been up to.

Movies/series I am watching

I have barely had the time to keep up with my favorite shows recently, but I watched a couple of insightful videos on YouTube over the weekend. I watched 2 videos on financial modeling. I also watched a TED Talk, and I think you should see it too. Link here for those interested. 6 Tips on being a successful entrepreneur

Events attended

I attended the Zedcrest Investors Forum 2 weeks ago, and I found every bit of it insightful. Also, I met someone new whom I constantly talk to on WhatsApp. She seems sweet.

Alright then, see you next week.

“Can you date an upcoming musician?”

After scrolling through another upcoming musician’s TikTok video, I asked my roommate this question. She looked at me in a confused manner, seeing that I had asked it out of the blue. Then she took a deep breath before saying,

“It’s going to be tough.”

I knew that was going to be the answer, so I giggled a bit. Then she went back to watching Abbatoir (the YouTube movie she’s been watching since we were in uni).

But she wasn’t wrong.

Dating someone deeply passionate about their craft means their passion becomes a third person in the relationship. You’re dating the constant music you keep hearing whenever you’re around them. Their music becomes who they are. You can’t casually dismiss the thing they spend nights losing sleep over because it matters to them, and they matter to you.

There’s someone I follow on Instagram who promotes his songs almost every day. At first, I thought it was cringe. Sometimes the videos barely crossed ten likes. Yet he would show up at least twice a day. Now, every time I come across one of his posts, I like it and comment when I can. I’m genuinely rooting for him out of respect.

I’ve always been strangely attracted to passionate people. There’s something admirable about someone who keeps making things the world hasn’t rewarded yet.

Which probably explains why I once had a tiny crush on a stranger on X… So permit me to divulge a little and share a confession with you.

I once had a crush on a stranger on X simply because of how passionate he is about his work. And if you know me personally, you would know “feelings” is not a word I joke around with. Neither am I the type to have a crush on a boy every four market days. There has to be some interest from the other party.

But it was different this time.

I didn’t care to see what he looked like. His tweets appearing on my timeline every day would make my chest tighten, like I was a 15-year-old. Out of every seven tweets, at least one would be about what he did.

Over time, I realized how drawn I am to people who have a childlike wonder whenever they talk about the things they love. I like to refer to myself as a sapiophile. (I would have said sapiosexual. Thank God for a friend who corrected me.)

A sapiophile is someone who finds intelligence deeply attractive. Definitely not the “I have three degrees” type of intelligence. I’m talking about curiosity. The type that makes someone’s eyes light up when they explain something they’ve probably explained a hundred times already, and you sit there thinking, I don’t even care about Formula 1, but now I’m invested.

Don’t get me wrong, looks still matter to me. A young looking handsome man wouldn’t be bad, yunno?

But I’ll always place curiosity over facial symmetry.

I love passionate people. I’ll remember how a conversation made me feel long after I’ve forgotten the color of the shoes they wore. Apart from that, you leave conversations carrying a little bit of their excitement (if you like them enough).

But anyway…

You didn’t subscribe to this newsletter just to hear me gush about a stranger on the internet.

This is actually about passion.

After spending so much time thinking about why passionate people fascinate me, I found myself asking a different question.

Why are we so drawn to passion in the first place?

That curiosity eventually led me to the origin of the word itself..

It comes from the Latin word passio, which means “to suffer” or “to endure.”

Which is a stark contrast to what the media sold to us for free: excitement and stomach butterflies at the mere mention of your passion. That thing that supposedly makes you jump out of bed every morning.

However…

History tells a different story.

And nowhere is that original meaning clearer than in Christianity.

The Passion of Christ wasn’t named after just a feeling. It refers to what Christ willingly endured. Which means the original idea of passion had almost nothing to do with excitement. It had everything to do with devotion.

Once I read that, a lot of things started making sense. Passion isn’t what makes you feel alive on your best days. On the contrary, it can be quite exhausting. More like a beautifully packaged burden you never asked to carry, yet never want to put down.

I love writing and creating content, but on some days, I don’t want to pick up my camera

I’m sure Davido doesn’t wake up every morning with alacrity because he has another tour stop. Some days he’s simply tired and wants to go home to his family. But that doesn’t diminish the passion he has for singing

Which made me come to terms with something else. Real passion has a way of leaking into everyday life. In fact, I don’t think you like something enough if the people closest to you don’t know that you do.

I know that sounds dramatic, but think about the people in your life.

There’s always someone who’s obsessed with football. Someone who can’t stop talking about skincare. Someone who notices every font on a billboard. Someone who somehow manages to relate every conversation to psychology or Formula 1.

Their curiosity is almost infectious. It lingers in their YouTube recommendations. Their Twitter bookmarks. The Notes app filled with random ideas at 2:17 a.m. The books they buy. The podcasts or Instagram reels they save “for later.”

Or send to you.

Interestingly, psychology seems to agree.

Angela Duckworth, who popularized the idea of grit, describes passion less as intense emotion and more as a sustained commitment to something over a long period of time. More like an ember that refuses to go out.

So If you find yourself looking for your passion, relax a little. Finding your passion is not as difficult as a treasure hunt. You can start by asking yourself this..

“What am I willing to keep showing up for, even when nobody is clapping?”

Unfortunately, this idea has become a little distorted. The internet has done us a slight disservice. Every hobby now feels like it needs a business plan. Like you need to open a social media account for it and monetize it.

And this isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Good for you if your passion can feed you. But that isn’t going to be everyone’s story. There will always be trade-offs somewhere along the way.

That’s probably why some of the happiest people I’ve met have passions social media knows absolutely nothing about. They go twice a week to play flag football.

We spend years trying to discover ourselves while abandoning the clues sitting in our browser history all along. So I’ll leave you with this.

If your closest friends had to describe you without mentioning your job, what obsession would they talk about?

What would they say lights you up?

What have you kept showing up for, even when nobody noticed?

The answer has probably been leaking out of you this whole time. You just have to pay close attention.

What I’ve been up to

Movies/Series I’m Watching

I decided to start watching Rick and Morty. I find myself getting pissed at the drunk scientist who keeps taking his grandson out of school to fulfill his science escapades in unknown lands. (Blame the Nigerian mom in me)

I’m also currently watching See You at Work, a workplace romance K-drama.

Books I Read

None, unfortunately. Spent last week learning how to play chess. Let’s just say, out of 5 friendly tournaments, I won 2; we go again this week.

Events attended

Yesss! My work bestie got married recently, and it was so beautiful seeing her dance with her man. I would have shed a tear out of happiness but thank God I am a hard girl

Alright my love, thank you so much for reading. I hope you’ve been doing well. Please do remember to subscribe if you haven’t, or share with your friends if you find this useful. See you next week, Tuesday.

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So I do what I always do when my thoughts feel tangled.

I open YouTube Music and search for coffee shop jazz. It’s become a little ritual of mine. Something about the soft orchestra tricks my brain into believing I’m sitting in a quiet café somewhere, and the words usually find me there.

Tonight, they don’t.

Then, just as I feel the first sentence beginning to form…

My phone rings.

OBED.

I stare at the screen for a second.

Do I answer?

Or do I protect this tiny spark of momentum I’ve been waiting for?

I answer.

Twenty-seven minutes later, I’m back where I started.

The cursor is still blinking.

Patient.

The only difference is I’m the impatient one now, because in truth? This blank page has been waiting for me for much longer than tonight. It’s been waiting through all the times I said:

“I’ll start next month.”

“After this birthday.”

“When I have more time.”

“When I’m a better writer.”

“When I know exactly what I want to say.”

Funny how “one day” becomes months. Then years.

Well, you get the point.

Today is one day.

The day I clock twenty-five.

Twenty-five balloons later, I’ve collected more stories than answers. Some make me laugh. Some still sting when I think about them. Some arrive casually while I’m washing dishes or waiting at Marwa traffic light after a long day at work.

And some have changed me so much that I didn’t notice until I looked back.

I’ve started to realise there’s no manual for adulthood. It slips into your life the day you wear a white shirt for people to sign after your final paper. Sometimes, it starts much earlier.

If I’m being honest, the last twenty-five years have felt less like a straight line and more like a series of plot twists. If my life were a K-drama, people would spend half the season rooting for me and the other half screaming, “Tosin, don’t do it!” or “Tosin, oh the woman that you are!”

I’ve lost a job.

I’ve walked away from another.

I’ve found work that makes me excited to wake up in the morning and somehow got promoted in the same year.

I’ve had afternoons where I questioned whether I wanted a nine-to-five at all… while still aiming to climb the highest corporate ladder ever to exist.

I’ve dated.

Let’s just say my longest “successful” relationship lasted about a month and it was online lol. 

I’ve watched friendships drift into silence, and through all of it, one thing has remained true.

I don’t think anyone really knows what they’re doing. We’re all just making decisions with the information we have.

Sometimes we get it right.

Sometimes we don’t.

Sometimes life surprises us in the best ways.

Other times, it knocks the wind out of us.

Either way, morning comes, so we get up and try again.

That’s what becoming looks like.

Just refusing to let uncertainty have the final say.

I almost didn’t publish this newsletter. Partly because I wanted the first issue to be perfect. Mostly because putting your thoughts on the internet feels a bit like standing in front of strangers in red pants and saying,

“Here. This is me. Crucify me. Judge me.”

It’s terrifying, but that’s exactly why this has to be the first story I tell. Because if this newsletter is going to stand for anything, let it stand for this:

You don’t have to feel ready before you begin. Sometimes the bravest thing you’ll do is press “Publish” while your hands are still shaking.

So here I am. Twenty-five balloons later.

Yaaayyy

Before I leave, I should probably tell you what this is.

Young, Anxious but Bold wasn’t born because I have life figured out. It was born because every time life has asked me to choose between waiting until I felt ready and showing up anyway, I discovered that the word “ready” can be a trap, depending on the state of your mind.

Some weeks, I’ll write about work.

On a random Tuesday, it’ll be about friendship, purpose, family, love, Lagos men, Lagos MEN again, money, or the experience of becoming someone your younger self would probably shout, “Haaa, the same you?”

Some weeks, I’ll tell you stories from my own life. Other weeks, I’ll share stories from people who are navigating this decade the best way they know how.

And on some days, I’ll simply write about the thoughts that won’t leave me alone at 2 a.m. (Trust me, there are a lot.)

Like I said before… heck yes. There’s a part of me that wants to keep editing this until every sentence is perfect.

Another part keeps asking,

“What if nobody reads it?”

Or worse,

“What if they do?”

But I’m pressing publish anyway and that’s exactly the whole point.

Young, Anxious but Bold isn’t about magically becoming fearless overnight. It’s about refusing to let fear have the final say.

It’s about applying for the job while wondering if you’re qualified.

Starting the business before you know everything.

Leaving what no longer fits.

Beginning again.

Trying again.

My love, life is too important to spend waiting for your hands to stop shaking before you climb onto the stage to sing.

If there’s one thing I hope this newsletter reminds you of, it’s this:

You don’t have to stop being anxious before you start being bold.

So if you’re reading this and you’re twenty-one and feeling behind, twenty-five and questioning everything, or thirty eight looking back at the person you used to be, I hope you find a little bit of yourself here.

Welcome to Young, Anxious but Bold (YABB).

A place for honest stories about becoming.

I’m really glad you’re here, in the midst of everything competing for your attention. If  this feels like your kind of corner of the internet, I’d love for you to stay a while.

Grab a coffee.

Or a bottle of Coke…

…and subscribe If you haven’t 🥹

Wanna say hi? Feel free to hit me up on IG @ Tosintayo

I think we’re going to have some really good conversations here. We’re in for a ride, lad.

With love,

The girl who can’t decide if she should call you “my love” or “lad.”

Side note: Time will tell, although lad sounds pretty cool, though. Learnt it from Voicemail from Isabelle, a Netflix series you can watch during your spare time.