i was lounging on the couch scrolling on tiktok, and one of my favorite creators hit me with the sentence that would change the rest of my life: your results are telling the truth about you.

i felt instantly attacked. while i respected her way too much to dismiss the message, that didn’t stop the defensive thoughts from swarming in:

i mean… i get what she means when it comes to career or maybe even personal finances, but…there’s no way she’s also applying this to body goals??? because my body is definitely not telling the truth about me. that’s not true at all. i work so hard and i’ve tried watching what i eat but nothing works on me. my body doesn’t respond the way other people’s bodies do. i’ve literally tried everything for over a decade and i can’t lose the weight, so there’s no way that’s a me problem.

but still…a seed of truth was planted that day, and i’m eternally grateful that it was.

fast forward to 2026. i just weighed in at the lowest weight i’ve been since high school. i’m more athletic, fit and sexy than i’ve ever been in my life. i have 0 visceral fat around my organs, and my lean muscle mass and bone density are off the charts.

i am redefining my prime, and it just keeps getting better.

but if i’m being real: this shit did not need to take me 16 years lol. i could have lost the 40 lbs and kept it off in just 6 months if i simply accepted what i’m about to tell you today.

my “inability” to lose the weight wasn’t because i didn’t know enough. it wasn’t even because i wasn’t doing enough. it was literally because i wasn’t being enough.

i wasn’t losing the weight and keeping it off because i was simply not being the woman who loses the weight and keeps it off. i call this embodiment for weight loss, aka being the baddie with the body, especially before you see that body reflected in the mirror.

so who was i being? well.. the baddie without the body (duh).

i used to tell myself shit like: i’ll buy new clothes when i’m thinner, or i’ll start working with a trainer when i’m in better shape, or i’ll love and enjoy my life/my vacation/my marriage/my career when i get my dream body.

my entire life felt like it was on hold. and for what? a destination that never seemed to arrive, regardless of how fast i ran. but still, somewhere in that stubborn ass brain of mine, i was convinced that putting my life on hold was the way.

i was terrified that if i gave myself the positive feelings attached to my “future body,” then i’d suddenly lose all motivation or incentive to lock in. i truly believed that if i was nice to myself before i lost the weight, then i’d no longer want to lose the weight. and somehow, not losing the weight scared me more than being a nasty bitch to myself. crazy.

so i spent nearly half of my life trying (and failing) to hate myself into a better body. trying (and failing) to judge myself into another workout. trying (and failing) to bully myself into healthier eating. the result? 16 years of losing 20 lbs, just to regain 30. 16 years of getting 10 lbs away from “goal weight” before my birthday, just to put that shit back in reverse and destroy all my progress.

10 years into this toxic pattern, and i was so confused and frustrated. so, like everyone else on a never-ending weight loss journey, i started blaming self sabotage.

i mean what else would make me “ruin everything” when i was so close? believing that there was this little tasmanian devil in my brain who would wait until i was one jeans size away before coming out and obliterating everything felt easier to accept than the truth. because the truth was actually way more sinister than that.

the reason i could never get to my “goal weight” actually had nothing to do with self sabotage, and everything to do with self concept. i wasn’t “ruining” my results, i was simply re-aligning my behaviors with who i truly believed i was.

the reason i could never “finish the job” was because…i believed i was someone who could never finish the job. i did not see myself as the woman who loses the weight and keeps it off, i saw myself as the woman who loses some weight, then regains more. the girl who locks tf in for 12 weeks and inevitably falls off.

looking back, it’s so clear to me how my behaviors were simply just aligning with my beliefs. i mean how could i possibly ever be the baddie with the body when i only ever saw myself as the overweight girl who hates the skin she’s in?

and so over and over again, the pattern would go like this:

whenever i’d see a lower than usual number on the scale, the alarms would go off immediately. almost as if to say: intruder!! you’re trespassing! you don’t belong here. time to put this shit in reverse and head back home [read: regain that 20-30 lbs and go back to where you came from].

so yes, my body was always telling the truth about me, but not in a snitch kind of way…in an obedient child kind of way. my body wasn’t rebelling against me, it was actually just following instructions. it was doing exactly as i was telling it to do.

i genuinely wish i could go back and tell younger me all of this. honestly, not even because of my fluctuations in weight, but more so because of my fluctuations in self trust, confidence and self respect all of those years.

now that i’ve officially ended my flop era forever, i can see that weight loss is disrespectfully easy. the habits that lost me the first 10-30 lbs were literally the same exact habits that lost me the last 10.

and what i chalked up to more education and execution was really - at its core - just an embodiment issue. had i focused on simply embodying the baddie with the body, this shit could have taken months, not years. i can’t go back in time and change my story (and honestly, i don’t want to), but that doesn’t mean you have to make the same mistakes that i did.

hear me loud and clear:

you don’t need to learn more about macros, workout splits, gut health or whatever the girlies are trying to sell you on tiktok shop these days. if you’ve been on this journey for years, i promise you know everything you need (and way more) to lose the weight and keep it off for good.

you don’t even need another 30 day challenge, a better accountability buddy, or that new pilates studio you’ve been meaning to try. execution is important (duh), but execution in the absence of embodiment will inevitably expire. read that last sentence again, because it explains why you’ve already fallen off 20 times this year.

whether or not you end your weight loss flop era relies on your ability to embody the version of you who already has the body on your vision board. it requires that you activate a version of you that you’ve never been before, so you can unlock a body you’ve never had before. you will finally lose the weight and keep it off when you start showing up every day like you’ve already lost the weight and kept it off.

and while that shit is disrespectfully simple, it is absolutely not easy. and that’s where i come in.

if you want to rewire tf out of your brain so you can collapse time and finally lose the last 10-50 lbs for good this time, then i designed the lock in lab specifically for you. the lock in lab (aka my favorite place on the internet) is a monthly membership for the bad bitch who wants to rewire her brain for permanent weight loss, so she can finally get back in those sexy jeans she never gave up on.

in the first week alone, you’ll recalibrate your identity, beliefs and behaviors so you can start showing up every day as the baddie with the body. as soon as you’re in, you’ll get instant access to a private portal of embodiment exercises, daily lock in lessons, and over 90 lessons that you can immediately start binging (or savoring for your hot girl walks).

you can finally end your weight loss flop era for just $33/month. come in & cancel whenever. it’s time to finally make weight loss inevitable.

for the bad bitch who wants to lose the last 10-50 lbs, so you can finally get in that sexy pair of jeans again:

1. Reprogram your brain for weight loss inside the Lock In Lab: get daily reprogramming lessons and a private portal of workshops, lessons and guides to help you completely reprogram your brain to lose the last 10-50 lbs.

2. Join the In Those Jeans Experience: a 6 month weight loss + embodiment private coaching program for the bad bitch who wants to lose the last 10-50 lbs without giving up her daily iced latte, snorting protein powder or sleepwalking to the stairmaster at 6am. once you enroll, you’ll pick out a pair of $150 jeans, and we’ll work closely together for 6 months to ensure you can buckle them up and boss up on these bitches.

and while most people would assume i got special treatment from my teachers, that could not have been further from the truth…

^ Baba handing me my diploma at my high school graduation. we had been through so much together in those 7 years and were basically trauma bonded at this point lol.

let me explain.

my dad was the first arab and muslim principal of both my middle school and high school with a heavy lebanese accent to remind you exactly where he came from.

he was the type of leader you’d only see once in a lifetime. during his tenure, he transformed the trajectory of our entire community by serving thousands of historically underserved arab kids. he had a no BS leadership style that always put kids first, and this was especially needed as an influx of arab refugees entered the district every year.

despite being so loved and respected by students, parents and most educators, a handful of “teachers” detested my dad and the high standards he demanded of them. a couple of my teachers had lots to say about my dad, and unfortunately, instead of addressing him directly, they would interrupt instructional time to make borderline racist remarks to his tween daughter instead.

so much of who i am today is a dedication to the more timid 13 year old version of me. 33 year old me doesn’t play about her - but we’ll get back to her in a minute.

change your beliefs → body your goals.

this isn’t a sob story — i have my therapist for that lol.

this is a declaration that you can change your life, your core beliefs, your identities, your stories whenever tf you want. but in order to do that, you’ll need to pay your younger self some very regular visits. we’ll come back to middle school rima in a second, but let’s fast forward for now.

i was 30 years old when i first realized that i had a defectiveness wound, or the basic bitch belief that there is just something inherently wrong with me.

it’s entirely illogical because i have always been successful at anything i put my mind to, but that’s the thing about a basic bitch belief — they aren’t rooted in logic.

the basic bitch in my head knew she couldn’t touch my smarts or my success, so she decided to do something way more strategic: get me to duck out of the game early by convincing me that i was defective, that i should quit while i’m behind. if she could simply convince me that my hard work would be frivolous, then i wouldn’t create the exact results that could disprove her logic. and when it came to my body, that shit actually worked on me.

i spent the majority of my life feeling like my body was literally broken. that despite being athletic, there was just something wrong with my metabolism.

as smart as i am, i genuinely believed that calories in, calories out worked on everyone else but me. that i could work my ass off, eat perfectly, and still not lose the weight. that i would need to devote my entire life to tracking down the one thing that would fix my broken body.

what you need to understand about core beliefs is that they are simply vehicles. so it’s really no surprise that those basic bitch beliefs drove me down a 16 year beaten path of trying and failing to lose the weight.

when i finally realized this, and decided to reframe the belief “your body is defective” to “your body is just doing what you tell it to do,” i automatically lost 40 lbs and got into a size 6 in jeans for the first time since high school.

this is literally why i became a weight loss coach, but this story isn’t even about weight loss, it’s about embodiment. and if you do not become intimately aware of the basic bitch in your head — her moves, her language, her strategies — you’ll look up one day and realize you are her.

decide now that you’re a bad bitch, and she gets no say in who you’re embodying.

know your enemy so you can catch her in the act.

becoming intimately aware of how she moved helped me catch her in the act several times over the past year. here are some examples of her failed attempts - i wonder if you relate to these:

last september, i decided i was done bullshitting on IG. i had spent over a decade trying to grow a following, but the basic bitch kept telling me different variations of her “defectiveness script”: nobody wants to hear what you have to say. your IG is broken. the algorithm is conspiring against you. your videos do better on tiktok bc everyone on ig hates you.

despite her ugly ass voice in my head, i doubled down anyway and grew from 6K to 25K in a month — just to spite her. this experience taught me that you could literally disprove her in real time, and that bitch still won’t shut up.

even now as i’m sitting at over 40K and growing by the day, she’s still talking her shit: yeah you might have a following, but what about your engagement? someone with your following should be getting way better engagement. your videos must not be getting sent out for some reason. instagram hates you.

(lmaooo… sidenote these are so funny to write bc i realize how ridiculous they sound.)

most recently, she tried to sabotage my first ever launch of my signature weight loss + embodiment program, the In Those Jeans Experience. this program — unironically — helps the bad bitches break past their basic bitch beliefs, lose the last 10-50 lbs, and get into a sexy new pair of jeans that they receive after they enroll.

she knew how much it meant to me to bring this into the world, so she set out to try to ruin it: sure, you grew your email list, but it isn’t as high converting as it should be at its size. you’re not even skinny — nobody wants this from you. idc if you hired a business coach, her stuff will work on everyone but you because there’s something wrong with you, remember?

not going to lie, she got in my head for a few days, but i still showed up regardless. guess what happened next?

→ a 5-figure pre-launch within the first week of announcing my brand new signature program in my 🗣️ months-old weight loss business.

wow. thank you god. and thank you to 30 year old me for deciding that the basic bitch no longer gets a say when a bad bitch is in her presence.

through all of this, i’ve learned that the basic bitch living in your head is just a voice.

she’s not real, she’s not committed to the truth, she is literally there to take you in the exact opposite direction that you keep saying you want to go. why would you ever listen to her?

if you take a moment to notice when she gets the loudest, it’s when you’ve decided to be someone you’ve never been before. in my case, finally deciding to get in those jeans, finally posting more on IG, finally launching the weight loss program of my dreams.

so by that logic, her voice is evidence that you’re about to body your goals — do. not. stop.

it took me 20 years to realize what i’m about to share.

as i was sitting at my desk this morning reflecting on all of this, i remembered what my business coach asked me: those beliefs don’t belong to you. when is the first time you remember feeling this way?

instantly, i unlocked a core memory that i’d tucked away for years.

when i was in 7th grade, i set my sights on the “athlete of the year” award, only awarded to 8th graders who’ve participated in all four sports. i envisioned my 8th grade promotion, being awarded on stage in front of everyone. i envisioned my family feeling so proud of me, me feeling so proud of myself for this hard earned accomplishment.

in that moment, everything would be worth it, all of the politics, the racism, the feeling that i had to constantly bite my tongue and represent my dad and my family well. winning that award would mean everything to me, because it was something i did for myself that nobody else would be able to take away from me.

and i knew exactly what i needed to do to win. i had already planned to join basketball, volleyball and track, but i decided to suck it up and join swimming so i could make sure i gave myself the best shot at winning the award. and by the end of my 7th grade year, i realized something so exciting: i was the only girl who joined all four sports. the award felt inevitable at that point, i just needed to keep doing exactly what i was doing.

you already know where tf this story is going lmao, but i’ll tell it anyway.

the day of my 8th grade promotion, i showed up in this cute ass hot pink and black bebe dress that i picked out specifically for my long-awaited moment. hair done, nails done, eyebrows THIN af (please never again), sitting in that auditorium bursting in anticipation and excitement. until…

“danielle.”

the name of the girl who they awarded in my place. a bad bitch still, but she only played 3 sports, and wasn’t a better athlete than me. i was captain + MVP of our volleyball team and the only 8th grader who played all four sports.

i felt crushed. confused. blindsided. hurt. ashamed. humiliated.

so, i did what i knew how to do best: not make it anyone else’s problem, numb my feelings, and just convince myself that it was okay. i forced a smile on my face and walked out of the auditorium to take pictures with my family.

until one of the arab teachers pulled me to the side:

i just want you to know that you deserved to win that award. that was absolute bullshit. you and i know exactly why that happened, and i just want you to know that wasn’t right at all.

i nodded my head, my forced smile putting up an insane fight against the fresh, hot tears streaming down my face.

the truth is, i didn’t know why it happened. i had no idea why i didn’t win. i had so many questions: i mean i know the head of the athletic department doesn’t like Baba, but would he really take that out on a 13 year old girl? maybe it’s not even about that…she was better at basketball than me so maybe that’s why?? who knows maybe they were trying to be fair by not showing me favoritism because of who Baba is???

i’m going to be so real with you: i cried this morning when i remembered all of that. not because i give a damn about an athlete of the year award, but because that was truly the first moment i felt like i was defective. i can’t believe that core belief got seeded when i was 13 and has been trying to infect my life ever since.

the reality is, it really doesn’t matter wtf happened that day. what matters is that i believed it had something to do with me. that i truly walked away from that moment believing something was wrong, bad, shameful, inferior about me. and i carried that shame with me into literally every room i’d enter after that day:

feeling like my high school teachers would hate me because of my dad (again). going to every single office hour in college because i believed everyone was smarter than me. having panic attacks on weekends when i was a teacher because i thought i would rob my high school students of the quality education they deserved. feeling an eruption of anxiety in my body every time i’d raise my hand in my MBA classroom because i believed i was the dumbest, least experienced person in the room.

and the wildest part is this: in every single one of those rooms, i excelled. i graduated at the top of my class in HS, graduated with honors in college, won a national teaching award in my second year of teaching, was awarded entrepreneur of the year when i was getting my MBA at Ross.

i have always had so much to be proud of. but because somewhere inside of me still existed a 13 year old girl who believed she was defective…none of that shit was enough.

ALL of that ends today. it’s one thing to boss tf up despite your beliefs, but you unlock a whole new level when you find the source, and rip them out entirely.

buckle tf up, because it’s about to get even scarier for you heaux. 🤭

kill off your inner basic b*tch (for good this time):

1. Reprogram your brain for weight loss inside the Lock In Lab: get daily reprogramming lessons and a private portal of workshops, lessons and guides to help you completely reprogram your brain to lose the last 10-50 lbs.

   

2. Join the In Those Jeans Experience: a 6 month weight loss + embodiment private coaching program for the bad bitch who wants to lose the last 10-50 lbs without giving up her daily iced latte, snorting protein powder or sleepwalking to the stairmaster at 6am. once you enroll, you’ll pick out a pair of $150 jeans, and we’ll work closely together for 6 months to ensure you can buckle them up and boss up on these bitches.

don’t get me wrong, i’ve been losing weight very slowly since 2024, and while i am proud af of that, i would do it completely differently if i could go back.

2024: the gym lock in.

in 2024, i was fed tf up. it was the first time in my life that i had to wear a size 12 pair of jeans. so i decided to lock tf in and get more consistent than ever in the gym.

i started going to F45 classes 5, sometimes even 6 times a week. after 3 months of insanely intense workouts, i could fit into my size 10 jeans again.

during this time, i wasn’t being mindful of my meals at all. i was having cheat meals like 3x a week, and definitely underestimating the amount of calories i was consuming every day. i was feeling better about some of my clothes fitting again, but definitely knew there was much more i could be doing.

2025: my active girl era.

after making a cross country move and starting a full remodel of our first home, i decided to control what i could control, and lock in on 10K steps a day. i didn’t have my own kitchen to prep in, so i chose to focus on being more active, while trying to be more “mindful” about my meals. i wasn’t seriously tracking, but i was eating less food and smaller portions, so i trusted that it would work itself out.

during this season, the walking and weekly workouts definitely changed my body. after about 6-7 months of locking in on being more active outside of the gym, i got back down to a size 8 in jeans.

i was so happy to feel like myself again. i was feeling better in my clothes, way stronger and had so much more stamina than i did in years. over the course of those 2 years, i dropped 2 jeans sizes, which translates to less than 1/3 lbs lost per week 🤭. so i guess you could say i outworked an average diet…but barelyyyy. 😅

2026: i’m different now.

being a size 8 again felt great, but here’s the tricky part: i’d been here before. on and off again for over 16 years to be exact.

here’s how it would go: i’d notice that my size 8 jeans don’t fit, i’d “lock in” for 2-3 months, get back into those jeans, then just…rinse and repeat. for over 16 years, my goal has always been to fit into a size 6 again, so i knew i needed to be different this time, that there was more i could do to make it happen.

the thing is though, i was running out of things to lock in on 😅 it became evidently clear that i could no longer avoid calorie counting if i wanted to dust off my size 6 jeans and rip the price tags off for good.

march 2026: main character meals

in march of 2026, i finally decided that i wanted to fit into my size 6 jeans more than i wanted to crumbl cookies, canes and chic fil a every week.

so here’s exactly how it went: i started building a serious calorie tracking habit in december/january to get a good baseline. in january, i realized i wasn’t actually in much of a deficit week over week. in february, i started taking things beyond just tracking, and into actually cutting.

then, in march, i finally decided to get serious about meal prepping. and i mean: weighing everything, pre-logging my meals, and putting them in those prep containers. i’ve never felt so serious about my goals in my lifeeee.

the final stretch.

only 3 weeks into meal prepping, i finally fit into two different pairs of size 6 jeans. 🥵 and not the stretchy, high waisted kind either.

for the first time ever, i actually wore those jeans to run errands for a full day, and felt SO good in them. i got so many compliments, and it felt even better than i imagined it would.

i’m here to save you from the agony of trying to outwork a bad diet. i don’t want you to make the same mistakes i did, because if my 2.5 years of barely outworking a mediocre diet taught me anything, it’s this:

meal prepping is the path of least resistance. the lowest effort, highest reward way to lose the weight — hands down. if i would’ve started with meal prepping when i was a size 12, what took me 3 years would’ve taken 3 months.

and if i could go back and tell myself just one thing it would be this: delete uber eats and give yourself 30 days of prepping. let me show you how good it can get.

if you want to shed the dead weight and look disrespectfully good this summer, you’re invited to join us for the main character meal prep challenge. this challenge is designed for the busy baddies. for the mommies. the working women who can barely figure out what to eat tonight, let alone for an entire week.

the main character meal prep system was designed to work regardless how busy or unpredictable your schedule is. i’m not giving you a set of recipes you need to follow, i’m giving you a formula that will last well outside of this challenge.

if you join by june 14th, you’ll get lifetime access to the private portal that includes everything you need to apply the exact formula i use to eat 80% of my meals at home. as soon as you join, you’ll gain instant access to the main character manifesto, a 30 page meal prep guide with video lessons to help you install your own meal prep system week over week.

the best part is, you’ll be able to build a lifelong meal prepping habit for only $33 — less than last night’s doordash order. 💅🏼

if you want to lose more weight in 30 days than you have in the last year, join us in the main character meal prep challenge.

i’d tell you to thank me later, but i know you will. 🙂‍↕️

it wasn’t a nightmare about losing a loved one (been there, done that), or even a dream about a strange creature trying to kill me — sure, those are never fun.

but this? this nightmare was absolutely petrifying because…

it was 100% real.

for my girls who are terrified of being average.

that morning, i woke up from an earth-shattering nightmare that i was living an average life. and it shook me to my core because, at that point in time, it was true.

i was working a job that i knew wasn’t my life’s calling. i felt deeply uncomfortable in my own body. i was talking a lot about the things i wanted so badly, but when life got really quiet, i knew i wasn’t being the woman who can have all of those things.

we can spend hours getting into my deep-seated motivations for wanting to live an exceptional life: immigrant parents/war refugees, living in constant survivor’s remorse, entire bloodlines who sacrificed their comfort to give you this life, losing a parent way too young and feeling like you need to extend his life through yours.

you know — the arab american eldest daughter story you won’t see on tv.

all of that is really real for me. i think about all of these things every single day. and if you’re still reading this, something tells me that on some level, you feel me.

but honestly, something incredible happened after turning 30: i stopped caring about why i wanted what i wanted. i stopped trying to make my desires seem good or noble in the eyes of others.

i reached a level of self trust (and trust in god) where having a vision alone meant i needed to do everything in my power to make it a reality.

locking in on my dream life has made me relentless about my future and much more detached from my past. it’s been so liberating and so enthralling.

but also so, so, so incredibly lonely. *sent with invisible ink*

enter, my 30+ lb weight loss journey.

it felt so good to stop trying to filter my goals through the eyes of others. to finally be on my own team, regardless who was cheering or throwing tomatoes. i couldn’t even see them because i was focused on my own game.

being an unapologetic bad bitch made me realize that i used to feel ashamed that one of my biggest goals was to lose weight. so i would lie to myself and say “i just want to feel healthier” because i felt like wanting to lose weight was vain, silly or even embarrassing.

that someone like me (read: intelligent, accomplished, introspective) should be more concerned with changing the world than “succumbing to society’s beauty standards.” this self imposed judgment and shame made locking in feel even more lonely and isolating. in this old life, i was scared to tell others what i wanted because i thought it would make them think less of me.

in this old life, i was scared to tell myself what i wanted because i thought it would make me think less of me.

so after 16+ years of denying myself the desire to feel good in my body, my one and only forever home, my inner pragmatist clearly had enough (i call her “the straight shooter).

girl we get you want to change the world and everything but like…don’t you feel like this body stuff has been distracting af?

you keep trying to convince yourself you don’t want this shit but…you very obviously do. you’re not fooling me.

isn’t it about time you just… give yourself what you want? what could be so wrong with that?

thank god for my inner bad bitch, we love a straight shooter over here.

lock tf in and throw away the key.

and so i decided — this time would be different (and it was).

don’t get me wrong though, it was still lonely af. while i was being honest about wanting to look disrespectfully good, i still didn’t really feel comfortable sharing that with others. so i turned to social media instead.

every single day i would binge watch my favorite wellness creators (hailey gamba, les alfred, kayla nicole). i didn’t realize it at the time, but i was curating my own digital world that would help me marinate in bad b*tch beliefs and behaviors. and this kept me embodied in who i knew i needed to be to body my goals, literally.

soon enough, my algorithm fell in line. my fyp was filled with other bad b*tches locking tf in, meal prepping and getting their steps in. i was obsessed with this new world i created for myself, and for the first time in my life, i had certainty that i was making it happen for real this time.

every single night, while ahmed stayed up working or watching tv, i would shower, snuggle up in our fluffy comforter, and immerse myself in another weekly meal prep vlog until i fell asleep.

curating the world i wanted to live in got me through a 30 lbs (and counting) weightloss journey. as i sit here to write this, i look disrespectfully good. like i said i would.

curating my environment for success helped me finally uproot and rewire decades of basic b*tch beliefs like: maybe this is the best it can get for you; your body just isn’t built to look the way you want it to; one bad week and you just gain back all the weight; you’re in your 30s, you’ll never get back to your high school jeans size; your body just doesn’t respond well - it’s probably because of your metabolism or something; i don’t know why nothing ever works on me.

week after week, the new world i curated around me helped me slay every single one of those thoughts. one by one by one, until i was an entirely different woman, in mind and spirit first, and in my body shortly thereafter.

let’s baddie-proof your world.

if you want this to finally be the time you make it happen for yourself, you need to be obsessed. you need to curate an environment, physically and digitally, to welcome the bad bitch you are committing to being.

i literally just recorded a 24 minute episode on “baddie-proofing” your environment that i’ll be adding to the lock in lab once it officially opens on May 1st.

i am so excited to say that i’ve literally created the exact space i desperately needed at the beginning of my own lock in journey.

a space where you are surrounded by other bad bitches who get it, like actually get it. a space where nobody will ever make you feel silly or vain or crazy for wanting to live an exceptional life. for wanting your body to reflect that excellence. for wanting to look disrespectfully good.

in the lab, you’ll get instant access to the lock in library, an entire curriculum of masterclasses, guides and workshops designed to make this the last time you ever doubt whether your body goals are achievable.

but my absolute favorite part is this: every day, you’ll receive a new audio lesson from me, where i coach you through your weight loss or body transformation journey. that’s 30 new episodes from me every month. the closest thing i currently have to a podcast.

here’s what the girls are saying about these lessons:

take it from me: locking in can be lonely af, but it really doesn’t have to be. if you’re done writing your goals in invisible ink, then come lock in with us - you’ll be so happy you did.

kill off your inner basic b*tch (for good this time):

1. Become a Lock In Lab Founding Member

   

   Join now to get locked in at the founding rate of $22/month before prices go up on May 1st. Once you’re in, you’ll gain instant access to the private portal of lock in workshops, guides and lives. From there, you’ll be invited to join the private community on May 1st.

2. Join the May 30 Day Challenge - May’n Character Meal Prep

   

   If you want to transform your body in 30 days by finally building a meal prepping habit (and making food you’re actually excited to eat), this challenge is for you. We start on May 15th, and details drop on May 1st.

3. Reveal your weight loss blindspot - Take the assessment

   

   this assessment and 90 day roadmap is for the girl who is ready to conquer her weight loss journey for good. you’ll complete a diagnostic assessment that will identify the basic b*tch within you that keeps blocking your results, having you gain the same 20+ lbs on repeat. 20 mins could save you 20 more years of feeling stuck in your own body. reveal your blind spot here.

if you’re reading this, this probably isn’t your first rodeo.

you may have lost the weight before. the “keeping it off” part is what gets you.

so you already know: the habits aren’t the challenge. holding the identity that maintains those habits is the hard part.

you just need to decide.

this is the first time in my life i have 0 doubt that i’ll keep the weight off.

“gaining back the weight” isn’t even a consideration for me. and that’s not because of a new meal plan, a personal trainer or a morning meditation.

it’s because i finally decided to embody the girl who loses the weight and keeps it off (read: i finally decided to kill off my inner basic bitch). if you want to be able to say without a shred of doubt that this is the last time you’ll ever have to do this, i recommend decentering these 5 things ASAP ROCKY:

01 | that man.

that roommate. that kid. even that “accountability buddy.”

if you want to lose the weight and keep it off for good this time, you need to recognize that this journey is yours and yours only.

it’s great to have people in your corner. but sometimes we use other people as distractions, excuses that we can blame later for why our results stay stagnant. if you find yourself depending on your man to “motivate you” or “hold you accountable,” if you find yourself quietly resenting him because he’s not “being a good influence,” you need to decenter that man pronto.

it’s time to recommit to yourself. you are the only one responsible for your body, your one and only forever home. i made an entire vid about this - watch here if you want.

02 | the day.

you desperately need to take the pressure off your daily routine.

i’m serious — chill tf out. it’s great to have daily targets, but there is truly only so much you can do in a day. what if, instead of putting so much pressure on your day, we focused on a weekly average instead? a week is so much more forgiving than a day, and the best part is, you don’t have to settle on your targets — you’re just widening the scope.

this goes for calories. steps. water intake. sleep. whatever. instead of trying to hit a daily number, add that target up and divide by 7. that’s your weekly non negotiable. pick one day a week to check in on how you did. measure your success weekly, not daily. watch how much more locked in you’ll be.

this is typically one of the first breakthroughs my 1:1 clients experience when we start working together. LOOOVED this client’s message in our private chat:

03 | the gym.

i don’t care what kind of weight you’re pushing — a one hour gym session could never counteract 23 hours of eating too much and not moving enough. period.

the gym is amazing. it makes me feel like that girl. but the gym isn’t what made me lose weight. there was a time when i was working out 5-6x a week and seeing little to no change in my body. that’s because i was relying solely on the gym to counteract all the taco bell, crumbl cookies and pad thai i was eating every week.

if you want to lose weight, you need to be focused on calories and steps. period. you’ve heard this a million times before, but it’s true: embodying an active and healthy person outside of the gym is how you’ll lose the weight. that won’t happen if you’re expecting your 30 min stairmaster session to “undo” your 3 weekly cheat meals.

04 | that deadline.

your harsh deadlines aren’t doing what you think they’re doing.

you’re not in high school anymore. strict deadlines may have helped you write your english papers, but they’re not going to help you keep the weight off.

when you set harsh and punitive deadlines, you’re communicating that you don’t trust yourself. that you are a child who needs to be micromanaged, punished and threatened to get things done.

when is the last time a deadline worked for your weight loss journey? i mean actually worked? i mean kept the weight off worked? exactly.

instead of setting harsh deadlines, give yourself a timeframe, a date, that feels expansive and exciting. dare i say: fun…and take the pressure off. you won’t die if you don’t reach your goal by that date.

i know, i know…you have a trip coming up that you want to look snatched for. i get it. it can feel so uncomfortable and frustrating to spend these exciting moments feeling preoccupied about your weight. but the truth is: you’ll survive. it’s unideal, uncomfortable, even enraging, but it’s not fatal.

until you decenter that deadline, you’ll be operating out of the exact emotions that are destroying your progress: shame, guilt, fear, scarcity. decenter the deadline so you can lean into positive emotions and finally create (and keep) the results you keep dreaming about.

05 | those tastebuds.

everything you eat doesn’t need to taste like a chic fil a spicy chicken sandwich.

stop optimizing for pleasure at every corner and expecting your body to change. instead, optimize for your dream body, and find ways to inject pleasure into those meals.

i’ve been meal prepping my ass off, and it’s been a lifesaver (this is actually how i lost the last bit of weight before fitting comfortably in those jeans). decentering my tastebuds in this way has given me my time, my sanity and my body back. i am officially obsessed with meal prepping.

i’m actually devoting an entire 30 day challenge in May to helping the busy baddies lock in on meal prepping, and embodying the version of you who makes this happen for good. I’m calling this the May’n Character challenge. 🤭 sign up for the waitlist here (we start on May 15th).

you are already that girl.

decentering all of these things is really just you pushing all of the irrelevant shit to the side and stepping front stage and center, where you belong. you are not becoming her — you are already her. the version of you who *will* lose the weight and keep it off is already inside of you.

she’s not an alter ego you are creating. she is not someone you need to learn how to be. in fact, embodying her is about unlearning who to stop being. unlearning the lies the basic bitch keeps trying to tell you:

that you’re not athletic enough to go to the gym yet. that your life isn’t calm enough yet. that you’re just not disciplined or motivated enough. that your kitchen isn’t stocked with the right containers for you to meal prep yet. that your wardrobe isn’t chic enough to go to that barre class you’ve been wanting to try. the list could go on.

trying to tackle each lie one by one will be a never ending battle. instead, simply decide you are already her, and do that over and over and over again every day. watch your inner basic bitch starve and die, without you having to lift a finger.

if you’re ready to declare that you’re already her, i’m taking on 3 more clients this month for 12 weeks of 1:1 coaching. this is for the bad bitch who is tired of trying to figure it out alone and wants around the clock coaching and guidance. claim your accelerator spot here. (1:1 prices go up on May 1st).

decide that this time WILL be different, and it will.

kill off your inner basic b*tch (for good this time):

1. (NOW OPEN!) Become a Lock In Lab Founding Member
   The Lock In Lab is a monthly membership for women who are ready to lock in and want the structure, community and recources to keep the momentum going. Inside the Lab, you’ll receive daily lessons from me, instant access to the Lock In Library, and a private community of bad b*tches who will make you want to level up.
   

   

   
   Join now to get locked in at the founding rate of $22/month before prices go up on May 1st. Once you’re in, you’ll gain instant access to the private portal of lock in workshops, guides and lives. From there, you’ll be invited to join the private community on May 1st.

2. Take the Body Blocker Assessment + reveal your basic b*tch blind spot.

   this assessment and 90 day roadmap is for the girl who is ready to conquer her weight loss journey for good. you’ll complete a diagnostic assessment that will identify the basic b*tch within you that keeps blocking your results, having you gain the same 20+ lbs on repeat. 20 mins could save you 20 more years of feeling stuck in your own body. reveal your blind spot here.

this one’s for the girls who are done playing small.

the bad bitches who will no longer pacify others with their mediocrity. to the women who are trying to be great, not relatable.

sidenote: if this sounds like you, this is your last chance to join our free april challenge. starting tomorrow, we’ll be hitting at least 7K steps daily, so if you needed a “fresh start” and a kick in the ass, this is it. join before doors close on sunday.

get off your ass with us

it’s about to get scarier for the basic bitches.

anyway, i realized something insane last year: i was scared to be great.

i was scared to offend people, because i grew up hearing that i was too intense or intimidating. that even my most watered down self made certain people deeply insecure, and because i once believed their feelings were my responsibility, i felt like i had to tone it down for them.

i thought it was the humble thing to do. the nice, considerate, relatable thing.

really, it was just…basic af.

i spent years trying this dumbass approach so that you don’t have to. i’m here to tell you that it doesn’t work. put more plainly: people pleasing doesn’t actually please people.

thank god, because now i have absolutely 0 incentive to tame the bad bitch inside of me. i mean… if they’re going to talk anyway, let me feed them some talking points.

**petty rima is fully activated in 2026**

what *actually* fueled my lock in.

it was january of 2025. i had already been working out 5x a week, but something about this time just felt…different.

i was mad and fired up as hell. i was totally over correcting: while old me felt the need to tone it down so i don’t make people feel insecure, this version of me felt like my only job was to shit on all of those bitches lol.

in my favorite philosopher meg thee stallion’s wise words: if these bitches ain’t mad i need to go harder 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️ i can’t let em think we’re the same.

the truth is that my “great lock in” was initially fueled by spite.

spite for the people who saw my realness as naivety. spite for the people who profited off of my protective nature. spite for the h*es who tried to make their insecurities my problem.

i was done. fed tf up. angry, if you will. and honestly, for a little while, it was such a vibe to be mad as hell on the stairmaster lol.

actual footage of me mad as hell at the gym lol ⤵️

as i type this today though, i honestly can barely remember what i was mad about. and it actually makes perfect sense, because somewhere along the way, your lock in stops being about anyone but you.

when you start showing up for yourself, over and over again, you remember that the most important boundaries were always the ones between you and you. that you were just using those people, those stories, as a proxy for who you actually felt betrayed by all along: yourself.

anger is really that girl: use her.

if this sounds like you, it’s okay to be fed tf with your life. it’s okay to be angry.

but in between being pissed at your man who won’t stop asking if you want to eat pizza (true story), and mad as hell at your boss who doesn’t see your true potential, don’t forget to be angry at yourself.

yes — you read that correctly.

so many of my clients come to me feeling ashamed, guilty or even worse, borderline hopeless. they operate in this state of silent self loathing.

and while those emotions seem more benign than anger, that’s simply just not true. feelings like shame, guilt or judgment are some of the most poisonous emotional states you can dwell in. they are parasitic, eating away at anything good you try to create in your life.

but anger? anger is an incredibly powerful tool if you know how to use it.

anger is a gateway to more positive emotions like courage, and even joy. anger is so slept on and demonized, but when you really break it down, anger is simply trying to tell you that you know you deserve better.

unlike guilt or judgment, anger is easily alchemized. it sends out the energetic signal that your current reality is no longer acceptable to you. that you know you were built for so much more.

best of all, anger reminds you that it’s not too late to do something about it.

i’ve said it before and i’ll say it again: the main difference between a basic bitch and a bad bitch lies in how she reacts when she’s fed tf up.

today, i genuinely get excited whenever i feel anger, because that means i have absolutely no choice but to change.

so, what about you? what will you do? stay steeped in your feelings of shame, and hopelessness? or get fed tf up with your life and demand better for yourself?

when you really think about it, your next level is really just a feeling away.

ready to go deeper? here’s how i can help you:

1. Join the Lock in Lab waitlist: get daily lock in lessons from me
   The Lock In Lab is a monthly membership for women who are ready to lock in and lose the weight for good. Once it officially launches at the end of April, you’ll receive daily lessons from me, instant access to the Lock In Library, and a private community of bad b*tches who will make you want to level up. Join the waitlist to be the first to know when founding memberships open.

   be the first to know

2. Your 90 day Body Breakthrough Plan

   this diagnostic and 90 day roadmap is for the girl who is ready to conquer her weight loss journey for good. you’ll complete a diagnostic assessment that will identify the basic b*tch within you that keeps blocking your results, having you gain the same 20+ lbs on repeat. from there, you’ll receive a personalized 90 day roadmap and video breakdown that will save you from years of trial and error.

   get your personalized 90 day plan here.

get your breakthrough

what the girls are saying about their breakthrough plan:

heard enough? order your personalized plan here.

my favorite animal is me when i get fed tf up with my results.

but it wasn’t always this way. i actually used to despise that feeling. the gnawing pain of feeling like a side character in your own life. the deep-seated discomfort in knowing you let yourself go…again. the dark cloud of dissatisfaction that seems to follow you everywhere you go.

in those moments, i would be so steeped in my own negativity that i couldn’t see the bigger picture. i was evolving, in real time.

Subscribe now

getting fed up is a beautiful thing. it means you no longer accept your current circumstances. it means you demand a better life, one that is actually aligned with your desires. every single time you get fed up, you are signaling to yourself that you refuse to settle for a life that doesn’t meet your standards.

as shitty as it feels, you need to understand that getting fed up is actually a good thing. it means you believe in yourself. it means you recognize that the life you’re currently tolerating is not the one you are meant to be living.

i mean if you really think about it, we absolutely love this energy when it’s pointed outwards. the female protagonist that finally stands tf up after an hour of us screaming at our screens, the absolute bangers where your favorite rapper brags about getting her lick back. there is something deeply gratifying about witnessing another woman say enough is enough.

but what happens when you’re the problem?

when all along, the person wronging you has been you? when you look in the mirror and realize that the most urgent boundaries you needed to set were with yourself? have you considered that breaking promises to yourself over and over is textbook self abandonment?

here’s what nobody else will tell you: you should be angry. don’t for one second mistake your complacency as compassion or patience. it’s not. it’s neglect disguised as “positive self-talk.”

real positive self-talk is rooted in accountability. it’s telling yourself that you deserve better than to send yourself down another toxic spiral. it’s not hoping that things will someday be different, it’s declaring that you’re ready to do whatever it takes to make things different. it’s believing in yourself enough to stop settling for a life you can barely tolerate.

true positive self-talk requires getting fed up. and often.

today, when i sense that feeling coming on, i genuinely get excited. i’ve been through this storm enough times to know that there’s always a pot of gold waiting on the other side. i’m at a point now where i actually induce it, because i trust that it’s killing off a version of me that has been trying to hold me back.

and without fail, every single time, i come out the other side as an infinitely badder bitch than i could have ever fathomed before.

i want that for you too, but you have to want it just 1% more than i do.

what are you waiting for? get off your ass, and join the challenge. doors close on april 5th.

ready to go deeper? here’s how i can help you:

Your 90 day Body Breakthrough Plan

this diagnostic and 90 day roadmap is for the girl who is ready to conquer her weight loss journey for good. you’ll complete a diagnostic assessment that will identify the basic b*tch within you that keeps blocking your results, having you gain the same 20+ lbs on repeat. from there, you’ll receive a personalized 90 day roadmap and video breakdown that will save you from years of trial and error.

get your personalized 90 day plan here.

get your breakthrough

what the girls are saying about their breakthrough plan:

heard enough? order your personalized plan here.

TLDR: i’m hosting a free 30 day steps challenge for the girl who wants to step into her most active era yet. we start on april 1st.

join the free challenge 👟

i’ll explain more about the challenge below, but first, lemme tell you why i’m doing this.

you know what that means…🥁🥁

my results were always telling the truth about me.

for years, i treated myfitnesspal like it was my cheating, lying, conniving ex.

it used to piss me tf off. like what do you meannnn i’m eating 1700 calories every day and still not losing weight? what do you meannn i’m burning 500 calories 5x a week but still not seeing the scale budge? like whyyyy must you continue to promise me if every day were like today you’d be 155 lbs in 5 weeks just to pump fake me 5 weeks later???

(thank god i’m not dramatic lol)

anyway, i can see clearly now, the rain is gone…

myfitnesspal was never out to get me. i’ll do you one better: it turns out that i was the cheating, lying, conniving ex.🤭 whoopsie.

every time MFP asked for my activity level, i’d lie and tell it i was active (while actively sitting on the couch lol). i would log calories on “good days” and then strategically ghost it on days that i knew i went overboard.

the worst part is that i was lying to myself too. i wholeheartedly believed that i was this calorie cutting, ass busting gym girlie.

looking back, it makes sense that i was deluding myself. we won’t get too deep in this post, but sometimes we have to believe our own lies in order to deflect the blame elsewhere: on myfitnesspal, on my metabolism, on my body being defective.

in order to protect myself from judgment, i would tell myself the most creative lies:

maybe it’s just harder for me to burn calories because i work out so much.

OMG do i have PCOS?! i mean, i have been breaking out a lot more.

maybe this calories in/calories out thing just doesn’t work on me (read: i’m soooOoO special that i defy math lol).

and while those beliefs certainly weren’t helping me lose the weight, they were helping me with something i subconsciously wanted even more: to stop bullying and shit-talking myself. but that’s a deep af post for another day.

this is what was actually going on:

i was telling MFP that i was active when i was sedentary af (thus getting more calories lol)

i was eating most of my workout calories because “i earned them!”

i was conveniently not logging my 3 cheat days a week (that’s 43% of the week lol)

i was working out for an hour a day, but sedentary af for the other 23

i was eating pasta 3X/week saying it was “healthy” because it was HelloFresh lmao

i look back now and laugh, not from a place of judgment, but from a place of relief. i am seriously so glad that i stopped subscribing to those basic b*tch beliefs and started taking radical responsibility over my results.

women lie, men lie, numbers don’t lie.

in 2024, i invested in a whoop. i was fed up with losing the same 30 lbs on repeat, and i knew that i needed to finally understand why nothing seemed to work on me.

we were on one of our family trips to dubai, and i was leaving the gym with my brother and husband. i checked my whoop data from the prior week and saw that — despite working out almost every day — my average calorie burn was only about 1700 a day.

i was stunned.

during this same period, i was working with a weight loss coach who had me eating 1775 calories (no shade to them - i told them i was “active” too lmao). to make matters worse, i wasn’t tracking honestly, and i knew deep inside i was averaging closer to 2K calories a day.

here’s the part that i’ll never forget after looking at my whoop data: instead of feeling angry or upset that my calorie burn was 500 less than i’d expected, i felt an insane amount of relief.

yes, relief. for the first time in my 16 year weight loss journey, my results finally made sense to me. when i told my brother about this little epiphany, he responded:

i feel like all this time, you’ve been thinking your body is defective or something.

if he wasn’t so sweaty, i would’ve hugged him for giving me the words i’d been needing for years. i felt so damn understood.

YES! yes! that’s precisely it. i felt like my body was broken! like nothing would ever work on me.

from that day forward, i decided to latch onto a new belief. it may not sound so empowering to you, but it has truly changed everything for me:

my body does exactly wtf i tell it to do.

30 lbs and 3 jeans sizes later, i’m here to tell you that’s 110% true.

spoiler alert: you’re probably not as active as you think you are.

since that whoop moment, i’ve become more and more into tracking data.

i don’t allow my feelings to impact whether i look at the numbers. in fact, i force myself to look, even when those numbers feel unflattering or damning. (except the scale - we don’t fw the scale lol).

now that i know that my results are telling the truth about me (read: my habits, my consistency, my actual inputs), i am committed to facing them head on.

here’s what the numbers have revealed to me:

1. i don’t burn as many calories as i once thought.

2. one hour at the gym doesn’t make me an active person (more on that in a min).

3. losing weight is boringly simple: eat less and move more — period.

when we bought our first home in 2025, i knew our renovation project would take several months, and that making it to the gym consistently might be more challenging. so i decided to decenter the gym and focus on steps instead.

what was supposed to be a temporary fix quickly became an entire lifestyle shift. i started seeing the fat fly off so much faster than it had in the year before, when i was doing HIIT workouts at the gym 5X a week.

the gym is amazing, and nothing will replace weight training. but the gym doesn’t make you active. prioritizing movement throughout my day has had such a positive ripple effect on every other area of my weight loss journey:

i feel way better in my body. i perform better at the gym. i drink more water throughout the day. i make overall better food choices.

all those years at the gym, and all i had to do was step into her? i want you to experience firsthand just how simple this can be.

for 30 days, i’m challenging you to step tf up.

i started this april challenge to help you get your steps in, sure. but more importantly, i want to help you unlock a version of you that you’ve never been before.

as i write this, i’m on my third consecutive week of traveling. travel used to be a huge trigger for me on my weight loss journey. i’d feel like it was impossible to keep up with healthy habits, so i’d just give up entirely. it would make me feel so discouraged because i felt like i’d never have enough time to actually lose the weight.

today, nothing fazes me. embodying an active girlie means the world is my oyster, and every trip is just another opportunity to show myself just how active i can be. i was active on the bunny hills of boyne, mi (lmao), i was active at lifetime fitness in novi, mi, and i’ll be active af walking all over these LA streets!

literally nothing can stop me anymore, and i want that so badly for you too.

i spent the last year moving across the country, renovating a new home, traveling all across the world (london, lebanon, egypt, ny, la, mi, etc). i confronted every single trigger head on, while still losing the weight.

less than a month ago, i finally fit into a size 6 pair of jeans, a goal i’ve had since high school. i was so damn excited because, for once, i know exactly how i got here, and exactly what to do to maintain my results.

i want to help you feel this way too. i can’t go back to 16 year old me and tell her any of this, but i can beg you to listen to me. losing weight can be so boringly simple that it’s lowkey offensive to every past version of you who has tried and failed over the years.

it gets to be simple, if you let it. maybe not easy, but absolutely, undeniably simple.

let me show you how. join the free april steps challenge. if you can’t already tell, it’s so much deeper than a walking challenge.

for the entire 30 days, i’ll help you activate a version of you that you’ve never been before. we’ll have weekly live events, a poppin group chat, all designed to help you step into the version of you who makes it happen for real this time.

and if that wasn’t exciting enough, i’ll also be awarding one bad ass b*tch with an oura ring of her choice at the end of the challenge. that’s how badly i want you to win.

anyway, sign up here, and i’ll follow up with your challenge welcome guide + the private group chat this weekend.

join the free challenge 👟

i’m so excited to help you step tf up, for good this time.

ready to go deeper? here’s how i can help you:

Your 90 day Body Breakthrough Plan

this diagnostic and 90 day roadmap is for the girl who is ready to conquer her weight loss journey for good. you’ll complete a diagnostic assessment that will identify the basic b*tch within you that keeps blocking your results, having you gain the same 20+ lbs on repeat. from there, you’ll receive a personalized 90 day roadmap and video breakdown that will save you from years of trial and error.

get your personalized 90 day plan here.

get your breakthrough

what the girls are saying about their breakthrough plan:

heard enough? order your personalized plan here.

as i write this post, i’m cozied up in a cabin in boyne falls, mi, enjoying a ski trip with the family. i’m having a blast, doing exactly what i came here for: to relax, be present, and enjoy some much needed quality time with my loved ones.

believe it or not: i used to secretly dread taking family trips. tbh, this is the first family trip in my adult life that i was genuinely excited for.

at least once a year, my immediate family and i meet up in some of the most beautiful destinations: lebanon, dubai, the uk, france or spain. we all live in different parts of the world, so these trips are our only real chance to reunite and make memories.

while i know i’m insanely lucky that i get to travel to such cool places with the people i love most, the reality is that these trips used to be really triggering for me. no matter how hard i’d try to be positive and grateful, all i could think about was how uncomfortable i felt in my own body: before, during and after the trip.

the closer we’d get to the trip, the louder the toxic thoughts would get (i now call these “basic b*tch thoughts):

the whole family is going to notice that i gained weight. i wonder if i can avoid taking any full body pics on this trip? what should i pack? i need to try things on to make sure they still fit. maybe i need to go shopping for things that actually look decent on me. ugh i wish this trip was in a few months. i was just getting into a good routine, and this trip is definitely going to derail me. i just hope i don’t gain all the weight back in these two weeks. tbh this trip hasn’t even started but i’m already ready for it to be over.

and if those thoughts weren’t stressful enough, they’d quickly be followed by a wave of judgmental and self loathing ones:

wow. you barely get to see your family, and this is what you’re worried about? you’re so ungrateful. people would kill to travel to places like this. stressing about your body when you only get to see your family once a year is literally such a vain and stupid thing to be thinking about. you should be focused on making memories, but here you are being a spoiled brat instead.

sheesh. even writing that was tough — i truly can’t believe there was a version of me who would talk to herself like that.

ffwd to 2026.

i can honestly say i’m done with those basic b*tch thoughts forever.

in the weeks leading up to this trip, i decided to do something i’d never done before: romanticize everything about our upcoming vacation. i got excited about packing, finding a cute ski outfit, the funny videos i was going to make with my little sister (like this one of us falling on our a$$es on the bunny hill lol).

lol watch till the end: this is the part of the GIF i didn’t include above hehe.

rewind to dubai 2017.

now, if you follow me, you may know that i’m currently on the last leg of a years-long weight loss journey (less than 10 lbs to go). and yes, losing weight has made some things easier. but here’s the thing: the weight loss isn’t what stopped my toxic thoughts. the truth is, i’ve been here before.

in 2017, my extended family decided to meet up in dubai for a reunion. in the weeks before the trip, my aunt told me about this “diet” she was doing where she would replace her meals with these “special shakes” for two weeks. i decided to try it and ended up losing a considerable amount of weight (lol, duh).

while we were on the trip, we had this running prank of snapping pics of anyone who fell asleep lol. my brother caught this one of me sleeping in the hotel lobby during check in, and when i saw it, i was so shocked by how lean i looked.

but instead of feeling excited about my progress, i felt terror. i was so scared that the trip would make me gain everything back. honestly, a pretty valid concern given how i lost the weight (trust me when i say: the faster it goes, the faster it returns. i tried that shit so you don’t have to).

and that’s exactly what happened.

over and over again for almost 10 years, i found myself stuck in the same vicious cycle before every family trip:

book a trip → extreme dieting + exercising for two weeks → spend the entire trip terrified of regaining the weight → inevitably regain the weight → spiral back into shame and self loathing.

it was almost insultingly predictable.

so what actually changed this time?

i used to think “when i lose the weight, i’ll feel better about my life.” now i know: “when i feel better about my life, i’ll lose the weight.”

what changed wasn’t my body, it was how i was thinking about my body.

for the first time in my life, when i was faced with two completely opposite thoughts, i consciously chose one:

a) i’m so proud of how far i’ve come and how much better i’m feeling in my body.

b) i’m not where i want to be yet. i wish i had doubled down before this trip so i could feel better in my body.

while there is truth and merit to both of those thoughts, i chose to bet on option a.

choosing to focus on my excitement and progress over my lack is what has made this trip the most enjoyable one by far.

that one decision made the previously impossible feel possible: reuniting with family without wondering how they perceived me or my body. enjoying a new restaurant without stressing over what to order. making healthy choices without feeling restricted or deprived. putting my ski outfit on yesterday morning and feeling like a baddie. finally feeling excited to take family pictures, even if i still have some weight i’d like to lose.

let me be clear: the weight loss is exciting. for sure. i love how i’m fitting in all of my clothes. but only because i am choosing to believe that i’m doing it for real this time.

and this is the part that nobody talks about.

you can literally just decide.

what i’m about to tell you would have made my last 10 family reunions actually enjoyable, so i really hope you don’t take this lightly:

you can literally just decide that you’re changing your body for good.

you can decide that you’re different now — that the past 10 versions of you who tried and failed were really just preparing this version of you to make it happen.

you can simply decide that this will be the last time you ever have to deal with this again. that every day, every meal, every moment is another opportunity to show yourself just how much you’ve changed.

you can decide right now that you deserve to feel good in your clothes and in your family photos, even while you’re still losing the weight. you can declare that this will be the season where you choose excitement over anxiety. that one trip could never derail all of the mental and physical work you’ve been putting in.

so if you haven’t already: all of the past versions of you are literally begging you to decide.

i’ve clearly made my choice — will you?

ready to go deeper? here’s how i can help you:

Your 90 day Body Breakthrough Plan

this diagnostic and 90 day roadmap is for the girl who is ready to conquer her weight loss journey for good. you’ll complete a diagnostic assessment that will identify the basic b*tch within you that keeps blocking your results, having you gain the same 20+ lbs on repeat. from there, you’ll receive a personalized 90 day roadmap and video breakdown that will save you from years of trial and error.

get your personalized 90 day plan here.

get your breakthrough

what the girls are saying about their breakthrough plan:

heard enough? order your personalized plan here.

on january 1st, i set out on a mission to look disrespectfully good by april 1st.

well…only 65 days later, and i already fit in my size 6 jeans.

*cues cardi “hello”*

why do i care so much about fitting in those jeans?

let me be clear with you: this is a vanity metric, and there’s nothing anyone can tell me about it.

i didn’t do this to be healthy — i was healthy and athletic when i was almost 200 lbs. i didn’t do this this so i can finally feel good about myself — even with the ups and downs, i’ve always had an overall positive self image.

i did this simply so i could prove to myself that i could, and here’s why:

i have been trying and failing to lose the weight and keep it off since i was 16. for nearly two decades, i eroded my self trust because i would get 10 lbs away, only to gain back all the weight…and then some.

by 2024, i was pushing a size 12 in jeans.

when i finally decided i was fed TF up with this pattern, that’s when shit got really real. like i always do, i lost the first 10-15 within a few months. by the end of 2024, i dropped down to a size 8, and i was feeling so much better about myself.

but the thing is, i had been there before, over and over again for almost 2 decades. every time i would get to a size 8, something so strange would happen: i would inevitably gain everything back and start all over again.

the pattern went something like this: i’d realize my size 10 jeans are getting tight → i’d go hard af to lose some weight → i’d drop down to a size 8 → i’d relapse & repeat

it felt almost uncontrollable. almost like the last 10 lbs were somehow different than the first. i started to believe there was something deeper that kept blocking my results, year after year.

turns out, there was. more on that below.

the year that changed everything

2025 was an insane year: i quit my marketing job, we moved across the country, we renovated our first ever home, etc. etc. etc.

because i used to be someone who was very triggered by change and travel, 2025 was supposed to be a definite weight gain year for me. but instead, it became the year i changed everything.

2025 was the year i finally proved to myself: i’m different now (bitch). lol that’s literally how i would talk to my past self, who I’ve since identified as the escape artist.

after 16 years of struggle, i wanted to finally rewrite my story: i am not the girl who destroys everything after one off day. i am not the girl who allows travel or uncertainty to overhaul her routines. i am not the girl who fits into a size 8, just to relapse and start all over again.

i’m the girl who has relentlessly pursued the same goal for 16 years, but never gave up. i’m the girl who prioritizes progress over perfection. i’m the girl who learned to look her results dead in the face without hiding or running away. i’m the girl who decided to document her journey, regardless how many times she’s failed publicly.

so yeah, I’m going to celebrate the hell out of these size 6 jeans because:

1. i look TF good, &

2. they symbolize something I have been dying to say since 2008: you’re different now.

if you want this to be the year that you, too, can proudly say I’m different now, then this next part is for you.

what’s been silently blocking your results?

the irony is i actually spent the past couple of weeks creating the exact resource that would have helped me fit into those jeans a decade ago.

while i am so proud of my accomplishment, the reality is that it should not have taken me 16 years to get here. it only took this long because there was a version of me that kept blocking my results, AKA the body blocker i mentioned before: the escape artist.

the escape artist was literally ruining my life: 16 years secretly dreading every family trip, because i felt uncomfortable in all of my vacation outfits. 16 years dodging full-body photos because i felt like i always looked big or awkward. 16 years avoiding weddings or formal events, because i never felt attractive in a dress and heels.

what lit a fire under my ass was when i realized i was scared to get pregnant because i’d feel even less in control of my body than i already was.

if any of this sounds like you, trust me, i feel you.

if you’ve been stuck in a years-long weight loss/regain cycle, i know i can help you end this shit for good.

i created something specifically for you, it’s called the body breakthrough plan. this personalized plan will help you finally stop losing and regaining the same 20+ lbs on repeat. if you’ve been frustrated because your results never seem to match your efforts, this will literally save you years of trial and error and give you your life back.

this is not another one size fits all pdf or overly complicated online program. this is a completely personalized experience, where we’ll diagnose exactly what’s blocking your results (yes, i said diagnose - it’s that serious). from there, i’ll send you your 90 day plan for locking in and losing the weight for good. as a bonus, you’ll even receive a video breakdown walking you through your diagnostic results, your 90 day plan, and what patterns to avoid to make it happen for real this time.

here’s what the girls are saying about their breakthrough plans:

i hate how disgustingly manipulative and scammy the weight loss industry is, so i’ve decided to make this accessible af at $33. i want to be able to help as many baddies as possible finally end this cycle for good - i know you’re going to be so happy you did.

end the cycle for good

and to think…$33 and 30 minutes could have saved me 16 years.

but it wasn’t always like this.

two years ago, i would have scoffed at the thought of getting freaky in the google sheets: that’s no way to live! who wants to count every single thing they’re eating?

or perhaps the loudest judgment of them all: this is way too obsessive. counting calories is seriously so unhealthy.

but here’s what else i wasn’t counting:

the number of photos i avoided taking with my loved ones because i knew i would hate how i looked in them. the amount of family vacations i secretly dreaded because i didn’t feel good in any of my outfits. the number of diets, workout plans, online programs i failed, reinforcing my lifelong belief that my body was defective.

the truth is that i have always been obsessed, no matter how much i tried not to be.

every single year over the past 16 years, i’ve promised myself that i’d finally fit into a size 6 pair of jeans. breaking that promise over and over again has only made me more obsessed with conquering it for good.

if you want to hear some deep af, never before told stories about my 16-year body image struggle, watch this video:

now, while i admire the women who feel good at any size, body positivity just didn’t work for me. it felt like i was trying to force-feed mantras that contradicted how i was truly feeling about myself. for someone as painfully self aware as i am, there simple are no direct flights from body disdain to body delusion.

so i took an entirely different approach.

instead of trying to '“un-obsess” myself, i allowed myself to become obsessed with something else: instead of obsessing over hating my body, i obsessed over changing it for good.

spoiler alert: it worked.

what i’ve learned while locking tf in:

here i am, 30 lbs and 2 jeans sizes down, feeling better in my body than ever before. now that i’m in the final stretch (literally, i am weeks away from buckling my size 6 jeans), this is what i want you to know about locking in:

“healthy” is not a one size fits all thing.

what’s insanely triggering and unhealthy for one person may be incredibly healing for another. only you can decide what’s healthy for you. for example, many people may demonize tracking, but tracking is what set me free from body dysmorphia. tracking made it impossible for me to lie to myself about my results (or lack thereof), thus freeing me from my decades-long belief that my body was defective. today, my self image is at its all-time healthiest, because taking radical responsibility over my results has suffocated every toxic story i’ve told myself over the last two decades.

changing your life requires a season of obsession.

to change your life, you need to become someone completely different than the version of you who created said life. becoming someone completely different requires an obsessive level of awareness about your thoughts. becoming acutely aware of your thoughts requires that you are relentlessly disrupting your old programming, picking apart every thought and questioning whether it’s aligned with where you’re trying to go. i will never demonize obsession again, because i understand that to be passive about changing your life means you’re obsessively attached to sameness.

taking radical responsibility over your life will trigger tf out of people.

the people who feel truly aligned with their life goals will never judge yours. it’s the people who feel like they’re wasting their own lives who will literally be offended by your come up. i can’t for the life of me understand the culture of shame around people wanting to be great. why should someone have to explain or apologize for wanting to maximize their life? the best thing i did on this journey was avoid at all costs the people who would judge me for wanting better for myself.

on that note, i absolutely loved this post:

if you’re still reading this, i can confidently say there’s a voice in your head asking you to become obsessed with changing your life. or maybe you already are obsessed, but you feel ashamed that you want to maximize this beautiful, precious life we’ve been gifted. i’m here to tell you to unapologetically lean into that obsession, even and especially if it makes those around you feel basic.

and lastly, i hope you understand that this post isn’t about weight-loss. it’s certainly not a MyFitnessPal ad (i personally use CalAi lol). this is simply a declaration in defense of personal responsibility, agency and dreaming big.

and when in doubt, remember this: the people who critique you today will be the ones watching your “how to” videos tomorrow.

ready to go deeper? here’s how i can help you:

Your 90 day Body Breakthrough Plan

this diagnostic and 90 day roadmap is for the girl who is ready to conquer her weight loss journey for good. you’ll complete a diagnostic assessment that will identify the basic b*tch within you that keeps blocking your results, having you gain the same 20+ lbs on repeat. from there, you’ll receive a personalized 90 day roadmap and video breakdown that will save you from years of trial and error.

get your personalized 90 day plan here.

get your breakthrough

what the girls are saying about their breakthrough plan:

heard enough? order your personalized plan here.

a city where our immigrant parents and grandparents know each other from back home. where your dad could instantly map your middle-school crush’s last name to a village thousands of miles away in southern lebanon. where his subtle wink assures you that you’re allowed to like him because he’s from where we’re from.

see something interesting happens when you grow up like this.

your sense of self has no clear boundaries.

on one hand, it’s beautiful because not a single one of us is truly self-made. to claim otherwise would be to denounce the generations of sacrifices made with you in mind, even before there was a “you” in question.

but on the other hand, choosing to be different feels like betrayal. you grow up hearing about those people who left home to raise their families elsewhere, even if “elsewhere” was only 25 minutes away.

you sense the awkwardness at the family gathering when that distant relative walks in with their non-arab partner. and for those of us brave enough to express a mildly unpopular opinion, you learn firsthand just how stifling silence can be.

it’s your sophomore year of high school.

your AP english teacher will urge you: to thine ownself, be true. she’ll even gift you your very first journal before summer break, tempting you to cultivate your own sense of self. what a concept.

but something interesting happens when you grow up like this.

even your own journal entries feel like a group chat, with each thought going through a series of interrogations before daring to show itself on the page. see, when you’re writing to an invisible audience of critics, there’s really no such thing as privacy.

imagine that: your own thoughts being steeped in someone else’s shame.

but that’s exactly how shame works, isn’t it? by hiding in plain sight: disguising itself as something permissible, while remaining just as pervasive.

it’s your senior year of high school.

you know deep in your soul that you need to go away for school, the farther, the better. you apply to 12 schools, 11 out of state, with the university of michigan as your safety school.

you only get into michigan, and campus is only 45 minutes from home. the word safety starts to feel ironic.

as you get ready to start your first semester, that same english teacher will share this poem with you:

life is not a journey of self-discovery.
it is a journey of self-creation.

you are not a fixed being waiting to be uncovered.
you are a work in progress, constantly being shaped by your choices.

self-discovery is an excavation.
it implies that somewhere beneath the surface there is a “true you” waiting to be found.

but life is not excavation.
it is construction.

you do not find yourself —
you build yourself, again and again, anew.

you won’t know it at the time, but those words will rewire your brain for good.

it’s your freshman year of college.

you and some of the other dearborn kids at michigan will carpool back home every weekend. you won’t admit it to yourself, but you’re really homesick.

this time, you’re the last to be dropped off. your friend parks on your driveway so you can continue your conversation. he gives you one of the best compliments you’ve ever received:

you’re one of the only independent thinkers i know.

as flattered as you are, you can’t internally accept the compliment. the flattery drowns in a sea of shameful thoughts:

that can’t be true about me. how could i be an independent thinker when i’m this obsessed with approval? when i’ve based so much of my identity on belonging?

in an effort to be vulnerable about those thoughts, you’ll say this:

sometimes i feel like i can’t actually change because everyone expects me to be who i’ve always been. i guess i feel like i’m letting people down if i choose to be someone different.

you’ll immediately feel stupid for saying that out loud, so you’ll change the subject.

as is often the case with shame, you’ll spend the next several years feeling like you were the only one who ever felt that way.

it’s 2026, and you’re writing this post.

this public journal entry is dedicated to anyone who feels terrified to change. to anyone who feels they are betraying those they love most by deciding to choose differently, to be someone they’ve never been before. to anyone who feels like their relationships rely on an outdated version of them that they no longer wish to be.

i’ve lived almost twice as much life as the girl who made that driveway confession, but i’m stunned by how life-altering her words were: for her, for me and for every version of us in between.

while i can’t offer that already-wise girl any more wisdom, i can give her exactly what she was looking for: validation from the only person who truly mattered.

what you don’t know is this: she titled nearly every journal entry to me, her future self.

somewhere in that beautiful, futuristic mind of hers, she must have known we were always communicating. that inevitably, there would exist this version of me, begging her to never stop growing.

despite the shame. despite the guilt. despite the pain.

and so here we are, still deciding that living life on our own terms matters more — even if only by 1% — than our “need” to belong.

you see, behind every vision board, every substack post, every fitness challenge or ambitious goal is a girl who refuses to take her life for granted, regardless what it costs her.

after all, what better way to honor this one and only life than by forging a path of our own.

ready to go deeper? here’s how i can help you:

Your 90 day Body Breakthrough Plan

this diagnostic and 90 day roadmap is for the girl who is ready to conquer her weight loss journey for good. you’ll complete a diagnostic assessment that will identify the basic b*tch within you that keeps blocking your results, having you gain the same 20+ lbs on repeat. from there, you’ll receive a personalized 90 day roadmap and video breakdown that will save you from years of trial and error.

get your personalized 90 day plan here.

get your breakthrough

what the girls are saying about their breakthrough plan:

heard enough? order your personalized plan here.

obsessing over the “right” resolution/s. watching hours of personal growth videos. ordering new self help books (while your unfinished collection collects dust).

still, you swore this january would be different than the ones before it. you planned, prepped and maybe even prayed on it…

…just to fall off one week later (womp womp).

if this sounds anything like you, i’m not here to shame or judge you. i’m actually here to tell you that it makes perfect sense that you flopped. and in order for you to exit your flop era for good, you need to make the right decision today:

1. spend the rest of 2026 recreating different variations of january

2. do something completely different by being someone you’ve never been before.

your choice (duh).

so why do you keep falling off?

it’s simple. expecting your old self to be the one that will change your life is just as naïve as waiting on your toxic, abusive ex to give you closure “so you can move on.”

anyone who has been in a toxic relationship knows that there’s no such thing as a good day: each high is accompanied by the fear of an inevitable low.

The same is true with personal growth: trying to create your dream life as your outdated self is like walking on a tightrope every single day—how can you feel like you’re on track when you’re constantly terrified of falling off?

let me know if any of this sounds familiar:

instead of celebrating your consistency, you’re preoccupied with the fear of breaking that streak. instead of feeling proud of your obvious progress, you’re too busy fixating on how you’re “still not where you want to be.” every plateau or detour just feels like an existential threat to this “new life” you’ve created for yourself.

if you’re ready to disrupt this pattern for good, then you really need to hear what i’m about to tell you.

*bubble burst incoming*

your fear of falling off, in itself, is proof that you haven’t actually changed.

it’s not that your goals are unattainable, it’s that you’ve failed to channel the version of you who can attain, let alone maintain, those goals. let that sink in.

enter, behavior change (for bad b*tches).

true behavior change at its core is not about perfectly executed habits or creating a 12-step morning routine. behavior change is about embodying the version of you who already has the things you say you want, and letting that person choose new habits or routines.

in other words: the only way to see something different tomorrow is to be someone different today.

this month’s blueprint will show you exactly how to make your dream life inevitable by embodying the version of you who is already living it.

a note on Rated R

before we dive in, remember: you didn’t come here for more information. you came here to change.

this isn’t another newsletter you scroll through for inspiration. the Rated R experience is a self-coaching program that will help you finally create the results you’ve been wanting. now grab your pen and journal - let’s get to work.

5 steps to actually creating the life you want:

in this blueprint, i’ll walk you through 5 steps to embody the version of you who already has your dream life, so you can create undeniable results that a bad day, week, or even month can’t reverse.

1. begin with the end: envision your life one year from today - which goal would you be the most disappointed for not achieving? clarify this goal as clearly as possible. commit to making this your #1 focus for the next 3-6 months.

2. reflect on your future self: what qualities does your future self have that you feel you’re lacking in today? land on 1-2 characteristics that most strongly differentiate your future self from you today.

3. domain swapping: reflect on a domain or even season of your life where you most closely resembled your future self. for example, if your future self is confident in whatever she wears, is there another area of your life where you exhibit a lot of confidence? the intention here is to highlight that you’re already similar to your desired self in at least one other area of your life.

   1. it could be in an entirely different domain like your role at work, or a specific role you play in your family or community.

   2. you can even draw from a completely different chapter of your life, like how creative you were as a child, or how strong you were when you grieved the loss of a loved one.

   3. for more inspo, check out this recent post where i discuss how my identity as a volleyball player/athlete has been helping me stand up for myself in my personal relationships.

4. name this version of you: to make it easiest for you to embody your future self, you’ll want to name the version of you that you outlined in step #3. give them a name that is relevant or meaningful to you and the life you’re looking to create.

   1. examples: the athlete, the thought leader, an icon, a go-getter, a winner, etc.

5. embody her today: now is where you can more sustainably install habits and routines, because they come from a place of embodiment and alignment, not from trying to force things that clearly don’t fit who you were being.

   1. to land on a couple of new habits to install, ask yourself: what would [new identity name] do? what is something i’m currently doing that is misaligned with being [new identity]?

the moral? start with embodiment, and the behaviors will follow.

comment below letting me know what shifted for you while going through this blueprint. i’m so excited to meet the version of you who comes out on the other side.

Leave a comment

ready to go deeper? here’s how i can help you:

Your 90 day Body Breakthrough Plan

this diagnostic and 90 day roadmap is for the girl who is ready to conquer her weight loss journey for good. you’ll complete a diagnostic assessment that will identify the basic b*tch within you that keeps blocking your results, having you gain the same 20+ lbs on repeat. from there, you’ll receive a personalized 90 day roadmap and video breakdown that will save you from years of trial and error.

get your personalized 90 day plan here.

get your breakthrough

what the girls are saying about their breakthrough plan:

heard enough? order your personalized plan here.

every month during this challenge, i’ll drop a new episode on what i learned, how the challenge is going, and the things i’m using to support me along the way!

ok confession: may was HECTIC.. so in an effort to NOT make this post as chaotic as i feel right now, we’re going to discuss a couple of things: 1) the burning desire to be great, and 2) shedding my lifelong habit of rationalizing (read: avoiding) my feelings. turns out, the two are more interdependent than i realized.

for practically my entire life, i thought that intellectualizing or making meaning out of my “complicated” emotions was the cheat code to tackling all of my goals. i thought it made me stronger, more emotionally mature, and most importantly to younger me, spiritually invincible.

i treated my feelings like currency, like they had to be productive for them to matter or get air time. if i couldn’t use them for fuel, motivation, or inspo for a youtube episode then what was the point of bothering with them?

FFWD to an earth-shattering therapy session i had a couple months ago, where my therapist lovingly pointed out: “you’re always intellectualizing your feelings — do you realize that? why do you think that is?”

i, of course, resisted the urge to rationalize my response to her, too.

instead, i sat with that question. for weeks. months. i observed myself in action over and over again. i realized something SO profound, and immediately called a close friend to share my findings (lol not i’m a scientist):

“girl…it turns out: i rationalize my feelings when i feel ashamed for having them. it’s kinda like: if i can get you to understand why i feel that way, and if you show me that you understand, then i’m allowed to feel that way.”

as soon as this became clear to me, i promised myself that i would stop shaming myself for my feelings — even if everyone and their mother were. instead of judging myself, i would meet those feelings with curiosity and compassion. yes, regardless how “childish” or “silly” or “ridiculous” my inner critic believes that they are.

re-parenting myself like this has been life-changing (and has made me BEYOND emo lol).

but really tho, i’m finally on my own side, and that’s *literally* what the double down diaries are all about. we’re only a month and a half in, and i would say i can’t believe how far i’ve come, but honestly, for once, i actually can.

anyhoo, i get into ALL OF THIS and more in episode 2 of the audio experience - check it out below!

THE AUDIO EXPERIENCE

episode 2 of the Rated R audio series is now live! tune in for a more in depth, uncut reflection on how May went. bonus points if you listen on your next hot girl walk :)

for a more in depth, uncut reflection on how april went, tune into the first episode on your next hot girl walk (approximately 5000 steps worth of content lol):

TUNE INTO EP 2

MAY’S R.U.L.E.S.

every month, i’ll be documenting this journey using a cute, and on-brand acronym: R.U.L.E.S. (what i’m Reading, Unpacking, Listening to, Eating, and Succeeding at). so here are my RULES for the month of may!

READING

i recently started reading Jim Collins’ book “Good to Great,” where he and his team study the qualities of leaders who were able to turn good companies into great ones, specifically focusing on what differentiates those leaders from leaders whose companies never quite broke out of “good” status.

one of the most illuminating parts of this book was the mirror vs. window phenomenon, whereby the best leaders look out the window to credit others for their success, but look into the mirror to take responsibility for their failures.

on the other hand, average leaders do the opposite; when something good happens, they look in the mirror to credit themselves, but look out the window to blame any misfortunes on other people or circumstances.

really makes you introspective about how you make meaning of your own personal successes and failures huh?

UNPACKING

mannnn where do i start? may was a month of unpacking, literally and figuratively lol.

we finally moved into our first ever home together - YAY! and interestingly enough, one of the things i’ve been unpacking is the idea that i haven’t had a true sense of “home” since leaving my hometown in michigan in 2021.

that realization has led to a slew of other feelings, which in turn led to the true thing i desperately needed to unpack: that for my entire life, i would rationalize my feelings as a way to avoid actually dealing with them.

yes, me, the girl with hours upon hours of youtube and podcast episodes of me seemingly talking about my feelings. whole time, i was actually intellectualizing them instead of just…feeling them.

to finally realize that i can just feel things without putting so much pressure on those feelings to be productive, or good, or true, or worthy has actually been life changing for me. it’s helping me show up for myself in such an unapologetic and almost maternal way. to say i’m proud of me is an understatement.

LISTENING

the other day, i woke up from a nightmare that i was average (i’m so serious). it made me realize that, above and beyond all else, i really want to live a great life.

it felt really good to own that desire and commit to it, instead of rationalizing it and shaming myself out of wanting that.

later that day, i listened to THIS episode from the She’s So Lucky pod (formerly Balanced Black Girl), and it was everything i needed, exactly when i needed it. it’s called “How to Win at Life,” and it’s all about how we can learn from athletes on how to approach our own personal goals.

been reflecting on what i learned in this episode, and will honestly probably listen to it again!

EATING

it’s so funny how cute and regimented i thought i was going to be, but life and travel had other plans. i spent the majority of may eating out, especially on our roadtrip to chicago and dearborn.

this month taught me that i can “fall off” and still be aligned. i did NOT adhere to my habits of making food 5/7 days a week, yet i still managed to stay aligned to my goal of burning fat and leaning out.

that said, while i had a blast, i definitely felt more sluggish and weighed down this month than i did in april. one thing i’m embracing in my 30s is being more aware of my body and how certain habits make me feel.

as much as i’d love to say that june will be more regimented, the reality is that we are going on 4 different international trips, and will be out of the country for 16/30 days in june (and not all in one run lol).

june will be about finding balance amid the chaos. travel usually throws me ALL the way off, so the challenge in june will be to choose 1-2 realistic habits that will ground me wherever i am — i’ll update you on how that goes!

SUCCESSES

i’ve had so many successes, internally and externally. here are two i’d like to celebrate:

1. moving my body on 4/5 days of our midwestern roadtrip: like i said before, travel used to throw me OFF, so committing to working out almost every day while we were driving 6+ hours a day was such a flex. i even tried barre for the first time on this trip and LOVED it.

2. the habibaes channel sustaining crazy numbers: we’re going to hit 10K any day on our new couples page, and that’s SO exciting. even more exciting for me though is the fact that…we’ve barely tried… it’s showing me that less can truly be more, and although traveling and moving have taken up more of my time than i would like, our numbers haven’t slowed down! we hit 1M in impressions over the last 30 days, and i’m so excited to continue building something that is super sustainable and flexible through the natural ebbs and flows of life.

   

WHAT’S NEXT: JUNE 2025

as we move into june, i just want to be real lol.

i’m going to focus on being present more than anything. we’ll be attending a few weddings and spending much needed quality time with family who live overseas. i’m taking the pressure off to walk more, post more, etc.

i usually find that when i take the pressure off, i leave room to pleasantly surprise myself, so that’s what i’m going with. that way, regardless how things shake out in june, i’ll feel great about being present with family and ready to hit the ground running when i’m back in july!

i love you so much, and i’m so grateful to have you here on this journey. if you want to start your own double down journey, download this free PDF i created to help you create your own game plan for this challenge.

i’ll be back with drop 3 of the double down diaries next month! <3

THE CONTEXT

on april 15th, i kicked off a 6 month challenge to transform my life in two areas:

1. my body, by getting in the best physical shape of my life

2. my career, by embodying the life of a full-time content creator

every month, i’ll be updating you all on my progress, reflections, and successes here on substack, and in audio form!

for a more in depth, uncut reflection on how april went, tune into the first episode on your next hot girl walk (approximately 6000 steps worth of content lol):

WHY NOW?

this isn’t the first time i’ve set big goals - i am no stranger to ambition and discipline. but here’s what’s new this time around: i fully trust myself to make it happen.

something really interesting happens when you know you’re the person for the job: you can be disciplined without being rigid or punitive, and you can be flexible without abandoning your goals.

striking that balance is very new for me.

i spent the majority of my life between periods of unforgiving rigidity (disguised as discipline) and seasons of extreme flexibility (disguised as feminine energy lol). unsurprisingly, neither of the two really worked for me.

as i do with most things, i found myself somewhere in the middle this time around: with enough structure to create momentum, and enough flexibility to keep me nimble and resilient.

the moral: i hope you can trust yourself enough to switch things up when you need to, and i hope you love and respect yourself enough to keep the promises you’ve made to yourself.

APRIL’S R.U.L.E.S.

speaking of structure, i’ve decided to document this journey using a cute, and on-brand acronym: R.U.L.E.S. each month, i’ll take you through what i’m Reading, Unpacking, Listening to, Eating, and Succeeding at to support me on this journey.

READING

been loving “be your future self now” by dr. benjamin hardy. i mean…need i explain more? only a couple chapters in so far, but i’m a sucker for a super practical, science based personal development book.

and i mean — the title just SCREAMS: “already her, so act like it.”

UNPACKING

right now, i’m unpacking the impact that our self talk has on our results. i’m unpacking the fact that i’ve tried almost EVERYTHING, and all along, the answer was within me.

like literally…in my head.

reframing our internal narrator is the single most impactful lever we can pull in creating the reality we’d like to see. so, i spent all of april getting really clear on the thoughts and beliefs that 2.0 me has, and man… let’s just say, i’ll be spending the rest of this challenge reframing my less aligned beliefs over and over again until they’re no longer a part of my new identity.

all of this reframing has made me realize that the old me was SO hard on herself (so hard on herself that she wouldn’t believe people when they tried to tell her that lol). the past version of me used to believe that being “softer” on herself would lead to living a mediocre life, that self compassion would “enable bad behavior”…

today, i realize that i can have insanely high standards and still speak to myself in a loving and encouraging way. in fact, the only way to meet and maintain those high standards is to speak lovingly and encouragingly to myself.

for more tactical advice on exactly how i’m doing this, check out the audio episode above. ^

LISTENING

i’m a podcast girlie through and through, but nobody massages my earbuds like my girl meg thee stallion. she’s been encouraging me on repeat during this double down challenge.

something about her energy and lyrics gives “already her, so act like it.” the specific Meg songs i’ve had on repeat are “bigger in texas,” “roc steady” and “B.I.T.C.H.”

try them out during your next gym session and see if you don’t go crazy!

EATING

nothing too sexy here — just pictures of some of my boring meals this month. i’m keeping it SO simple and dare i say, boring: high protein, high fiber (i also roast veggies a few times a week and eat them like chips lol).

keeping things very repeatable, predictable and simple has had me dropping weight like never before. i’ll trade a boring plate for a bangin body any day.

SUCCESSES

okay so…there are way too many successes to list (thank god!), but the one i’m choosing to highlight for april is this:

our new couples page is growing every day, and more importantly, it just feels like everything we’ve always wanted: a space to celebrate our culture, our people, our language (and have fun doing it).

more impressive than our explosive growth and engagement is the fact that — for once — i’m not waiting to hit 10K, 100K or 1M to celebrate. i felt genuinely proud of this brand since the day we recorded our first video, and that feeling has only grown since.

this is exactly what i mean when i say “already her” — it’s not the results that give you the feelings you want, it’s giving yourself those feelings now that get you your results.

so grateful, hamdillah.

WHAT’S NEXT: MAY 2025

as we move into the month of may, i’m honestly not changing much about my body goals. at this rate, if i just keep doing what i’ve been doing, i’ll be at my target by the end of june. isn’t that so wild? hot girl summer FORREAL…

as for my content goals, i’ve chosen to take my own advice and fully focus on the habibaes for the rest of this challenge, instead of trying to post weekly on ALL Rima’s Rules accounts like i’d originally intended.

don’t get me wrong: i’ll still be maintaining a consistent routine with Rima’s Rules content, but on those weeks where i’m particularly pressed for time or energy, the couples page will take priority. listen to episode 1 above for more details on why i made this pivot.

i love you all SO MUCH, and i’m seriously so excited about the momentum we’ve built moving into april. if you want to start your own double down journey, download this free PDF i created to help you create your own game plan for this challenge.

i’ll be back with drop 2 of the double down diaries at the end of may <3

from april to october, i'll drop one monthly episode to take you behind the scenes of my reflections, successes and breakthroughs as i double down.

if you want to double down with me, download the free transformation guide so you can outline your own goals for this challenge:

→ download the 6 month transformation guide 

also, check me out on youtube + substack for more details about what this challenge entails:

→ youtube : https://www.youtube.com/@RimasRules
→ substack: https://rimasrules.substack.com/

hope you enjoy this episode! <3

sidenote, this post deserves its own soundtrack, so i invite you to listen to one of my all-time favorite songs: “Am I Wrong by Nico & Vinz” - the lyrics get me every time

i mean, all of my favorite stories share one common theme: a character who went through so many seemingly random adversities, only to wind up creating something that only they — with their unique perspectives, skills and experiences — could create (AKA that amazing, wonderful, noteworthy, awe-inspiring accomplishment).

and while those stories give me so much hope, they also trigger one of my greatest fears in life: what if i never get that feeling? what if things don’t ever “make sense” for me? what if my life is just… a series of disconnected dots?

i won’t lie to you — these are the exact thoughts that keep me up at night. the fears that have me in full panic-mode during airplane turbulence because all i can think is: “i can’t die! i have so much i still want to do!” lol it’s kind of funny when you think about it, but i’m actually so serious.

and here’s the thing: i didn’t think i’d talk publicly about these fears until after they were no longer part of my reality. as a matter of fact, i always envisioned myself confessing this on someone’s podcast or talk show, you know, after i’ve successfully filled in that blank above ^^ and all of my dots gracefully connected.

yup. i’d get up on that stage looking like a boss b*tch, and i’d tell my goosebump-worthy story. i’d give all the credit to my younger, braver self. i’d talk about how impressive she was for believing in the things she couldn’t yet see. how grateful i am that she kept going, despite not knowing how her path would unfold.

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this morning, i was reflecting on all of this while listening to a podcast episode on manifestation. they were discussing a concept i’d heard several times before, but this time it just hit different:

“the how is none of your business…”

in other words, when god puts a vision on your heart, and you just know it’s real, even if there’s no evidence around you — do. not. ask. how.

the how is none of your business…

suddenly, i saw my disconnected dots through a completely new lens: see, where i’m headed is somewhere i’ve never been before, where nobody has ever been before. how could my dots possibly connect right now? that would just mean i’m tracing someone else’s story, and that’s never been my thing.

think about it: if we were to try to reverse engineer a roadmap to our longterm vision, the only tools we’d have to rely on are the same mindsets, habits and strategies that we used to get here.

and one thing is for certain: what got you here is absolutely not what will get you there.

i can’t believe i’m saying this but, i actually feel proud of my disconnected dots after reflecting on all of this. they’re my own personal fingerprint on this world, a breathtaking constellation that hasn’t yet revealed its final form.

if your life also feels like a series of disconnected dots, i hope you, too, realize how big of a flex that is. it’s literal proof that your path is so uniquely yours, that you’re en route to creating something never before seen.

your goosebump-worthy story has already been written in the stars. but when that unchartered path feels especially dark and unclear (because it will) — don’t be afraid. just know this: you will always have enough light to take that next step.

trust yourself enough to keep going.

“my 2.0 self doesn’t work here, so… neither should i.”

it might sound crazy, but i’m at a point where i’ve manifested such amazing, seemingly unlikely things in my life, so i no longer doubt that i’m meant to have everything i want in this life…

i’ve been a proud manifestation, law of attraction/law of assumption, joe dispenza girly for a couple of years now. and one of my FAVORITE manifestation tools is to visualize my higher self and do my best to embody her every day.

(hence my new catchphrase lately: “you’re ALREADY her — so act like it.”

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something SO magnetic happens when you start connecting to your higher self.

without fail, every single time i’ve gotten up from one of those meditations or journal sessions, something in my life shifts drastically. it’s almost like she heard me call her name, and now she’s pulling me in her direction.

in less than 3 months, i quit my job, moved across the country, became a first-time homeowner, started a couples IG page with Ahmad, learned to cook my grandma’s traditional Lebanese recipes, dropped two jeans sizes, and those are just the external changes.

i am 1000% sure my brain is wired differently today than it was 6 months ago, and it’s simply because i put my head down for several months and doubled down on creating my dream life.

now that i’m so sure this stuff works, i am SO EXCITED to cordially invite you to my next 6 month challenge called “double down diaries,” where i’ll be dialed ALL the way in from april 15th-october 15th (right before my birthday!).

if you want to double down with me, i’ve created a mini orientation kit to help you get ready before we officially start later this week!

• download the 6 month transformation guide to outline your own goals

• watch my recent youtube video for more info on the challenge

• follow me on IG for more daily updates on the challenge!

• look out for monthly BTS updates here on Substack

so grateful to have you here, and i literally can’t wait to check in with you as we evolve toegether.

to be clear: it’s not the nerves that i miss, it’s the version of me that those nerves would unlock.

i miss the fierce competitor in me. the permission to go after something so aggressively that you can’t afford to play small.

yes, even if you send someone else home crying.

cute lil me in my volleyball uniform circa 2007 lol - don’t let the smile fool you! ^

ch. 1 | introducing my alter ego: #7

in a way, the volleyball court was my stage, a sanctuary where my character wasn’t judged for being too intimidating, bossy or self assured. it felt so damn good to be applauded for playing hard instead of playing nice.

volleyball was so much more than just spikes and serves: it was where my alter ego thrived.

her name is #7, and she’s an absolute assassin.

even today, being on a volleyball court will unlock that competitor in me. here’s a video of me from a few years ago in my element:

ch. 2 | but what about me off the court?

30-something me needs #7 more than ever these days, because off the court, i’m an entirely different person.

i spent the majority of my life prioritizing others’ comfort over my own. i’d play small to seem relatable, and (my least favorite) i would turn the volume down on my confidence and conviction so i don’t step on any (insecure) toes.

(i can write an ENTIRE post about how people pleasing will always attract some of the most insecure, and emotionally immature people, but i’ll save that for later lol.)

anyway, i’ve been aware of these bad habits (read: survival skills) for years. and yes, trust and believe i’ve tried the whole: “stop caring what people think” thing — didn’t work for me.

but let me tell you what did…

ch. 3 | enter, rima’s villain arc (mwahaha)

months ago, i was walking around the block in freezing ass minnesota, on the phone venting to my big sis/life coach NaTasha about how playing small has been holding me back.

in the middle of her questioning me to oblivion (she’s a coach — it’s what she does), i had an idea:

“maybe it was never about not caring what they think of me. maybe that’s too far a stretch for me right now. i do care, and that’s okay. maybeeeee it’s about knowing someone thinks i’m a b*tch and just……being cool with that.”

NaTasha didn’t respond (which usually sends my people pleaser brain into a spiral, thinking i said something wrong lol).

but not this time. this time, your girl DOUBLED down. #7 must have snatched the phone because part of me is still worried you’ll judge me for what i said next lol:

i continued with this reflection:

“to be honest…what if i actually WANT certain people to think i’m a b*tch?!”

*narrator voice*

it was at that moment that rima officially entered her villain era…she didn’t know it at the time, but she’d need it for what was to come…

ch. 4 | nothing hurts like self betrayal

things felt really fun after that convo. i just felt …liberated.

almost excited. i mean let’s be honest, the villains are always the most interesting, nuanced AND SEXY characters on screen.

i mean come onnnnn, Kim Possible could NEVER:

giving myself permission to be bossy, self assured, and (god forbid!) intimidating made me feel like #7 all over again, except this time, i didn’t need a uniform to justify it.

weeks into this alter ego mode, god sent me a lil pop quiz (spoiler alert: i would fail miserably LMAO).

out of the blue, i was blindsided by a very weird, low vibe message from someone i know. the tone was accusatory, aggressive and lowkey manipulative.

it was clear the other person was upset at me, so without stopping to question where this all was *actually* coming from, i immediately started over-explaining, over apologizing and even accepting blame for things i had no business carrying on their behalf.

after multiple attempts to disarm this person, it became very clear that they just came to empty their chamber and walk off. ironically, me trying to show them i’m “harmless” just subjected me to more harm. the exchange ended weirdly, to say the least.

for days, i had this ugly, almost disturbing feeling festering in my stomach. after journaling about it, talking to Ahmad about it, and even crying to mommy, one phrase bubbled up to the surface:

self betrayal.

reflecting on this interaction shifted something in me for good. it showed me that i have this tendency to protect others before i realize that i, too, need protection. it brought back memories of multiple experiences where i sacrificed my own wellbeing to make sure someone else’s was still intact.

it taught me that i should stop trying to disarm people. instead, i should take a step back and ask myself why they were armed to begin with.

it’s one thing to bring a knife to a gunfight, but it’s a whole other trip when you pull up completely unprepared.

rest assured, i’ll never abandon myself like that again.

ch. 5 | “i have my own back”

a couple of days after that weird experience, during one of my fav youtube meditations, this super profound visual came through, and it’s the inspiration behind this post.

during the visualization, i was replaying that unsettling interaction in my head, except this time my younger self happened to be standing beside me. she was giving MAJOR #7 energy. arms folded, mean mugging and everything.

as soon as it got to the part where i was about to respond apologetically, my younger self SNATCHED my phone from me and said: no. i got this. let me respond.

i felt so protected. so safe. it felt SO GOOD to be a beneficiary of that security. and to think, all along, i had access to a version of me who would make me feel this way?

i opened my teary eyes to one sentence on repeat in my head:

“i have my own back.”

i still get chills thinking about how powerful that experience was, and i’m so grateful god gave me an opportunity to retake that pop quiz and pass with flying colors lol.

long story long…

so many people - IRL and online - describe my presence in their life as “grounding.” that i give them a sense of calm and security.

while it’s definitely beautiful and flattering, it’s definitely ironic: whole time i’m making others feel safe, i’m crashing tf out in my head lmao.

seriously though, i’m reserving this season for myself. it’s been beyond uncomfortable to center myself in this way, but my life has been changing at a lightning speed as a result of this newfound self trust and self advocacy.

safe to say, lucky #7 is here to stay. <3

(i wonder if you can relate).

don’t get me wrong — i’m not trying to go crawl back into that black hole.

i do, however, find myself trying to recreate the rawness, the resilience, the rebelliousness that seems to be a natural byproduct of hitting rock bottom.

while so many of us romanticize our future selves, lately i’ve been fangirling over my younger self. let me tell you about her:

the year is 2017. she’s 24 years young. working a mediocre job, in and out of a toxic situationship that she kept choosing to go back to. her day to day looks nothing like the life she’s depicted on her latest vision board, but, still, she wants so much more for herself.

slowly but surely, she starts making tiny shifts towards the life of her dreams: she starts working out 5-6x a week. she finally ditches that toxic relationship and starts spending more time with family again. she starts having conversations with god and finally realizes he’s been returning her calls all along.

but just as the sun starts creeping through the clouds… thunder strikes, and her life becomes a living nightmare.

it’s 8:30am on valentines day, 2017. she stops by the tim horton’s drive thru on her way to work. her dad was scheduled for a routine check in — apparently, his knee was giving him some issues. she calls her mom to check up on him.

three straight calls to voicemail. unlike her.

minutes later, her mom calls her to confess that they were actually at the hospital: “baba didn’t want me to worry any of you, so we downplayed it.”

more alarming than those words, her mom was speaking in that “strong” voice — you know, the one you use when you’re doing everything in your power not to cry.

she immediately asked her mom for the address and told her she was on the way.

as soon as she hung up the phone, she burst into panicked tears. she immediately called her boss and let him know she wouldn’t be in today. on the way to the hospital, she impulsively stopped by an edible arrangements store, grabbed some valentine’s day themed arrangements and a balloon. she wanted to preserve her dad’s dignity by lightening the mood.

she pulled up to the hospital room with the arrangements, whispering the most positive “happy valentine’s day baba” that she could muster. the look on her dad’s face was unforgettable. it’s that protective arab dad expression — the “nothing in this world could pain me more than seeing my baby in pain” look.

she sits next to her mom, and through muffled tears, her mom tells her that baba would need heart surgery in less than two weeks.

she spends the rest of valentine’s day rearranging her bedroom, sporadically crying, and taking it all out on the stairmaster. she’s usually positive, but not this time: she has a horrible feeling about it all.

at 3am on march 13th, two weeks after a flawlessly executed heart surgery, and in the middle of a supposedly perfect recovery, her dad has a heart attack and passes away suddenly.

she lost so much more than a father that night. the ground was ripped from under her. the walls around her collapsed. without him, there was no safety. no protection.

she would never be the same after that.

8 years later, and i don’t even think i truly understand what happened to me psychologically in 2017. all i know is something in me died right along with my dad.

the world inside of me changed, and as a result, the world around me followed suit.

grief had the wheel, and all i could do was sit passenger and try to navigate.

i would learn quickly that grief wasn’t there to take me off course; she was there to reroute me in such a beautiful, purposeful way.

every time i would implode with sadness, i would simultaneously overflow with gratitude. i really wish i could explain it. i had two parallel thought processes running simultaneously: one rooted in deep grief and one rooted in deep gratitude.

my brain would say: “i miss him so much - i can’t believe he’s gone,” and at the same time, my heart would respond: “wow - i’m so lucky to have had someone this worthy of missing.”

some people call it toxic positivity but honestly, they can call it what they want — i was surviving. i am so protective of that 24 year old version of me. to say i owe her everything is an understatement.

things were moving… FAST.

within only months, i quit my mediocre job and focused on applying to business school. after putting my head down for 6 months, i improved my GMAT score by 200 points (literally unheard of) and got into a top 10 MBA program. i got in the best shape of my life. i refused to date anyone but myself - i wanted to learn how to support myself emotionally. i started writing again, and even built my first website and blog for my 25th birthday.

my life turned into a montage of bad b*tch moments sandwiched between explosive cry sessions (with SZA’s “Garden” as the soundtrack lol).

i cried literally all the time. i cried in coffee shops. at the movies. on the stair master. on the highway. on airplanes. in bathroom stalls.

while some people would say i accomplished so much despite the pain, i would say i accomplished so much because of the pain.

i am so in awe of the girl who decided to alchemize her heartache in such a meaningful way - to this day, i look at that time period with a really big smile.

i flipped a downfall into a comeup.

^ my planner/journal in 2017, just months after my dad’s passing. i admire this girl so much.

8 years, one husband, and a cross country move later, and i’m craving a second act (minus the dead parent part — please god no).

24 year old me was lit, but i have so much more i want to do. the thing is, i’ve only ever been motivated by negativity. by grief and abandonment. the chip on my shoulder. heartbreak or humiliation. even by revenge at times.

i figured out how to survive in that old life, but how can i thrive in this new one?

see the weird thing about healing (read: thousands of dollars spent on therapy and personal development) is that those negative triggers just don’t motivate you anymore.

what’s left to motivate me now that life feels safe again? what will motivate me now that sad girl songs don’t resonate? how do i get the body without the revenge?

i’m ready to challenge the notion that the “highs” have to be accompanied by “lows.” that after every calm must come a storm.

matter of fact scratch that — i want to be the calm and the storm.

i don’t have all of the answers to my questions above, but what i do know is that my motivation has been on another level lately. and while i’ve drawn tremendous inspiration from younger me, this strand of motivation just hits….different.

while 24 year old me was motivated by avoiding the pits of depression, 32 year old me is driven by taking her life to entirely new heights.

i hope you’ll join me.