“I just can’t believe he got the job! She’s a better team player, and anyway we all wanted her to get it!”

Jenny shared this classic ‘wrong internal candidate got promoted’ story as we munched our way through a pack of biscuits.

“And now the atmosphere is awful. She’s been in a foul mood for weeks, and I’ve been asked to smooth things over - which isn’t my job by the way. I feel like I’m being pulled in different directions.” Jenny fidgeted with a biscuit, the two sides of the custard cream coming apart in her hands.

My questions were simple: “What do you think the hiring manager saw in him? And, if you were behaving like her, how would you like someone to speak to you?”

Jenny thought for a moment. “Well I suppose he is rather organised - which she isn’t. Maybe it was that. If I was acting like she is, I’d want someone to take me aside and let me know I was being a bit of dick.”

There it was. Jenny put the biscuit back together, still thoughtful.

“I don’t want to be the one to tell her that though, she’d flip out on me!”

As she crunched through the custard cream, I could see her mind whirring. Jenny picked up another biscuit - this time a bourbon - pausing before she took a bite. “I guess I could have a quick word with the boss on Monday, see if she’s picked up on the same vibe I have and go from there.”

Offering a fresh perspective.

Being in the everyday detail of the situation, Jenny wasn’t able to see the bigger picture: she felt the wrong decision had been made, and wasn’t sure of her role in all of it.

By zooming out and looking from different angles, we were able to quickly shift her perspective to see what the hiring manager had seen in both candidates - and work out a solution to prevent her from being the one to resolve the behaviour.

Jenny’s been able to share her new view on the promoted person to positively influence her colleagues. She’s even had a quiet word with the hiring manager to let them know the negative impact the other person is having.

It would’ve been easy to keep complaining about the promotion and to do as asked, but that would’ve perpetuated the situation even longer.

With some gentle guidance, Jenny has improved her department’s working environment rapidly for the better.

Sometimes, it takes a fresh perspective to see the way through - whether it be a problem old or new - and the courage to take an action.

One question from me.

My invitation today: what’s one small way you could improve your workplace? It could be smiling and saying hello when you arrive each day, reflecting on and working to stop a negative habit you’ve picked up, or not getting involved in gossip.

Whatever it is, I’d love to know in the comments!

Leave a comment

*

PS. Do you feel like you’re living a nightmare groundhog day at work? If that sounds familiar, drop me a note and let’s chat!

I expected the lyric sheet to start shaking violently in my hand, but it remained deadly still.

Next to me, my new friend Vanessa belted out ‘You’re the One That I Want’ from Grease. It sounded flawless, at least to me. Across the room, one of the other students was giving John Travolta’s Danny Zuko a run for his money.

The musical director (MD) pointed at me. Vanessa stopped. I was meant to continue the duet but I couldn’t get my voice to work.

Instead, my brain went into overdrive: SING! NOW! DO IT! SPEAK-SING IF YOU MUST! IT’S THE FRESHERS MUSICAL! EVERYONE GETS A PART!

My jaw clenched tighter, pure anxiety coursing through me. I couldn’t move. My brain got louder and more abusive.

YOU’RE SO STUPID! WHY ARE YOU EVEN HERE! YOU WILL SOUND AWFUL!

My bladder felt full and empty, my heart hurling itself against my ribs. The MD was still pointing at me. It must’ve been at least 2 hours - but we were still on the same verse of the song.

In reality, it had been less than 5 seconds. The MD sighed and moved down the line. I was still rooted to the spot.

I don’t remember how the rest of the afternoon went.

What I do know nearly 14 years later is how valuable a beginner’s mindset would’ve been in that situation.

Rather than beating myself up for not being as advanced as others - who I later learned had been singing for years - I could’ve asked for help.

Instead, I didn’t get a part in the musical, and never performed on a stage throughout my 4 years at university. I did however get involved behind the scenes of shows, a constant pull to sing, dance and act pushed deep down as I figured it was too late for me to learn.

How wrong I was.

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With gentle encouragement, I’ve since taken that first step, followed by many more. I knew I needed help to achieve my goal, so I hired a vocal coach and discovered I’m not tone deaf. I can sing, and I enjoy it too! In the last 2 years I’ve even tackled and passed Grade 2 and Grade 3 singing.

And, all these years later, I’ve also performed in a musical: while I didn’t get a part in Grease back then, 14 years later I stepped out on stage as the Tinman in Wizard of Oz.

That role challenged me in new ways as I went from singing solo with my teacher to figuring out harmonies and, most importantly, how to perform in front of people.

I could’ve continued thinking things like: Why didn’t I start sooner? I can’t believe I’m still not able to harmonise! Why are there children outshining me?

Instead, the beginner’s mindset allowed me to go from a brain that beat me up to one that worked with me, recognising we all have to start somewhere and that is perfectly fine. In fact, it’s completely normal. If I were flawless and amazing at everything I turned my hand at, life would be incredibly boring.

My invitation for you today is: where is somewhere you’re frozen and could use the beginner’s mindset to get unstuck?

Let me know in the comments - I’d love to know!

*

PS. Does the prospect of thinking about where you’re stuck feel overwhelming and you’re not sure where to start? Drop me a note and let’s chat about where you’re at.

A new email had arrived. It was the news I’d been waiting for, but I was too anxious to look properly.

What if I’d failed?

Fingers trembling, I opened the email titled ABRSM Grade 3 results. One word jumped off the screen. Congratulations! And another. Merit.

I HAD PASSED MY GRADE 3 SINGING EXAM!

This is still a pinch-me moment for two reasons:

1. As a kid, I was painfully shy, to the point of dreading reading a single word from a book out loud or being called upon for an answer.

2. I had a crippling fear of singing, as I’d been told multiple times that I was tone deaf. Even joining in with ‘Happy Birthday’ was a nightmare.

What made all the difference was finding someone who was patient, kind and a brilliant teacher. Together we have figured out I’m not tone deaf, just in a vulnerable situation my nerves bubble up and wreak havoc.

With gentle guidance in a fun and encouraging environment, I’ve uncovered a real love for singing and performing - something I never thought I’d write!

To me, this shows that anyone can learn anything if they truly wish to - and find the right people to help them along the way.

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I know I wouldn’t be as confident in my verbal communication if it wasn’t for Naomi Ash Voice Studios (NAVS), and I am forever grateful that I took the leap 3 years ago to study singing.

It’s rippled out into other areas of my life, giving me the confidence to have a go at different hobbies and to speak up at work - all because I took a leap of faith to develop my voice in a new way.

Perhaps there’s a skill you’re looking to explore, or an issue you’re trying to untangle to no avail. My recommendation? Research and reach out to a coach or teacher for support or guidance.

I’m glad I did, and only wish I’d had the right guide sooner.

*

PS. Feel like you’re hitting a brick wall in a job you once loved and not sure where to start? Drop me a note and let’s chat about where you’re at.

Weird? Maybe. What’s even weirder is that - for work - I bring the ice from home.

Without fail, 3 times a month I’m asked where the ice comes from. Every time it reminds me this isn’t normal behaviour.

Here’s how it usually goes down: there’s an initial shock that I’ve brought ice in myself. Then there is more shock that, even in winter or rainy British weather, I am drinking iced coffee.

The questions and shock used to bother me. I’d see it as an attack, and I’d say something quippy or slightly barbarous back, leaving the interaction feeling like crap.

That was until I started treating the interactions more lightly. After all, the other person just wanted a friendly chat, right?

To get to this easy-breezy lightness I had to sit with the darkness. Why did it bother me so much that someone was asking about my iced coffee? What quickly came to light was fear: under the defensiveness there was feeling like an outsider, and that I was weird or quirky (not in a cool way).

Once I realised that, it flipped the script in my head from feeling attacked to getting curious.

The conversations went from defensive to playful overnight.

And now? I don’t bat an eyelid.

I’ve gone through the fear and can now own my truth, figuring out what I like and sticking to it. Even through the continued questioning. Through the raised eyebrows and the fact that not one other person in the company does this.

What I’ve realised is that bringing in my own ice and having iced coffee is a vote of confidence for myself. It’s a nod from me, to me to say: I’ve got you, I’ll back you completely.

This has created a safety net for myself to show up more fully as myself each day.

It shows up in the jewellery I wear each day. How I wear my hair. What I laugh about, what I call out. It manifests as wearing a bright pink jumper in a Boardroom full of people in muted colours.

Something as simple as an iced coffee offers me the opportunity to live in alignment with myself every single day.

More importantly, it gives me the chance to have a fun conversation with my colleagues - something 6 months ago I resented, and now I engage at every opportunity.

My invitation is: what is one small way at work you could show up more as yourself?

Let me know what it is - I’d love to hear.

*

PS.

Do you feel like you’re putting yourself in a corporate box and something you can’t quite name is missing? I help people just like you uncover what that is, and how to tackle that feeling. If that sounds interesting, drop me a note and let’s chat.

My watch alarm buzzes.

Light peeks through the gaps in the blackout curtains.

With a gently stirring mind I get out of bed. Across the room, I switch off the 6:02am alarm on my phone. The device slips into my pocket and I head downstairs.

The first steps of my morning routine might seem boring. But to me, they’re a gamechanger. And no, it’s not the time I wake up. It’s where I leave my phone.

This habit that starts the night before to get a no-fail result in the morning.

By placing my phone across the room with a second alarm, it give me a 2-minute window to turn it off before it goes off and wakes up my partner. It also means I don’t give myself any wiggle room to turn it off and go back to sleep.

To gift yourself a no-snooze morning, your phone needs a bedtime just before you.

Nothing fancy, nothing dramatic.

Here’s the exact steps I take to wake up with no snoozing:

1. Set an alarm on a device that is not your phone for X time (e.g. 6am)

2. Set an alarm on your phone for X + 2 minutes (e.g. 6:02am)

3. When you are ready to go to bed, put your phone across the room from you.

4. Read your book, journal, breathe, whatever it is you do before lights out.

5. Sleep!

6. Be woken up by your watch or other device.

7. Get across the room to switch off your phone.

8. Go enjoy your hour.

9. Rinse and repeat.

This is so simple and effective that your brain will try to complicate it.

The key here is to keep doing it just as it is.

You might think about getting up to check your phone one last time ‘just in case’. That’s the trap I fell into, scrolling through content just in case I missed something important.

The important thing I ended up missing out on? The success of my next day.

I’m not being dramatic when I say this tiny habit has transformed my life:

• Getting up on time creates a powerful moment for my subconscious that I keep my word to myself.

• Not snoozing my alarm creates an hour in the morning that has become sacred.

• I don’t start my day in a rush - and get to sit and create on my terms before work begins.

Imagine what you could do with a little space at the start of your day, all because of where you leave your phone before you sleep.

Would you consider giving your phone a bedtime? Let me know!

*

🦋💜

PS. Do you feel like work is sucking your energy and not sure where to start with reclaiming it? Drop me a note and let’s chat about how we could work together to reawaken your energy.

And yet, that’s exactly what happened to me.

In Saturday Night Live’s (SNL) Romano Tours, Adam Sandler plays Joe Romano, a long-suffering tour guide who takes American tourists to Italy.

As Sandler explains what he can and cannot promise on his trips, he begs the holidaymakers not to leave bad reviews, as a vacation isn’t going to fundamentally change who they are.

The studio audience laughs along as Sandler laments: “The same sad you at home is going to be the same sad you on vacation”.

I watched it again and wondered: How many people would take that message away?

If they’re anything like me, they did not at all.

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Instead, like me, how many people looked to escape from a life they’d quietly fallen out of love with by booking another holiday? Or looked for a way out of a job they once loved by browsing job adverts?

Even until last year, I would’ve said changing the situation would’ve solved all my problems.

Now? I don’t believe quitting my job would solve much at all.

The message has finally hit me: You’re still you, no matter where you go.

No matter if I quit my job, the root causes will follow me. Yes there might be some temporary relief, and it might feel for a moment like everything’s sunshine and rainbows. In reality, all I’ve done is run away from a difficult situation.

To take it one step further, I’m usually looking to run away from a situation that is offering me the biggest opportunity to grow and develop.

What I’ve learned the hard way is that skills like speaking up when there is a problem or not feeling comfortable telling someone ‘no’ won’t magically become easy if I shy away from it each time.

Over time, I’ve discovered that the power to speak up or to call something or someone out honestly and fairly has always lived within me.

To create change, I needed to approach the same situation differently. I’ve worked through my fears around asserting myself with help from my coaches, finding small steps I can make each week out of my comfort zone to normalise the feeling. 6 months later, I’m just about there.

Those words have stuck with me: You’re still you, no matter where you go.

And that ‘you’ can evolve over time. I realised I had to lean into the discomfort and - most importantly - ask for help to get me there faster than I could’ve done by myself.

All I wish is that I’d listened to Adam Sandler sooner.

Maybe it isn’t just your job making you unhappy.

Maybe you don’t need to burn it all down to find a way back to happiness.

And figuring out the root cause of who you are might be a good place to start.

*

PS. You’ve built a successful career and landed your dream role. And yet, it feels like something’s off that you can’t quite put your finger on it. If that sounds familiar, the Career Reawakening might be for you. Interested? Drop me a note and let’s chat.

Like all the emails crashing into your inbox are burning fires.

Phone ringing? Petrol on the blaze.

A message request? The last straw.

This was me last year.

Everything was urgent. Everything needed doing now.

Somehow I’d put one fire out and 5 more would appear. This fuelled the anxiety that woke me up at 3am with a racing heart and clammy hands.

I felt drained. At the end of the day I knew I’d achieved something and yet I couldn’t tell you precisely what I’d achieved.

Sound familiar?

If you’re looking for one quick way to decipher what matters, the Eisenhower Matrix will be your new BFF.

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This is a simple, 4-box tool that helps you take your tasks and sort them. Instead of fire-fighting whatever lands in your inbox, it gives you a foolproof system to work out what are the most important and urgent tasks to prioritise first.

By doing so, your brain feels calmer as it can see at a glance you’ve safely captured everything.

Even better? The simple grid also lets you know what you should do with the tasks, showing you what needs doing now and what can wait:

The Board paper due for this Friday? Important and Urgent. That’s your priority.

A random meeting on a project you’re not involved with? Not important, not urgent - politely decline the meeting.

Lunch with your work bestie? Important, not urgent. Schedule some time with them.

A logo request for tomorrow, when you’ve shown the person 3 times where it is filed? It’s urgent, and less important. That’s one to delegate.

But Rose, I haven’t got time to apply this!

I hear you. When I first saw this tool, I thought it would take ages to use and master. Now? You’d have to pry this from my cold, lifeless hands.

To get started, I recommend spending 5 minutes maximum writing out all the tasks that come to mind, in no particular order. Then spend 10 minutes assigning them to their boxes.

Trust me, for 15 minutes of effort this will transform your workload. How? By handing you a smaller subset of tasks to tackle first, along with some you can delegate and others you can immediately get rid of.

With consistent application, you’ll be able to use the Eisenhower Matrix without drawing it out, allowing you to quickly and easily discern how to structure your time.

The right tools are invaluable once you’re aware they exist and use them.

I’d love to know if you use the Eisenhower Matrix, or whether you have a different task management technique? Let’s compare in the comments!

*

PS. Are you finding that the same workload is now dragging you down, and the Eisenhower Matrix didn’t cut it? I help people who have lost their spark at work find the next small steps to reawaken that joy. If this sounds like you, drop me a note and let’s have a chat.

Do it now. Say it aloud. We’ll do it together:

No.

Phew.

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As a recovering people pleaser, those two little letters hold so much resistance and fear. And don’t get me started on the weighty emotional baggage: ‘no’ must be a Mary Poppins bag in disguise.

In my eyes, ‘no’ holds a rejection, the disappointment of another person.

If you don’t say ‘no’ though, guess what?

While you’re being nice to someone else, you’re not being kind to yourself.

The ‘no’ has to go somewhere. Usually, you turn it on yourself.

This can manifest as not making a move, not trusting in your ability to build habits, or not doing something for yourself.

By consistently silencing your ‘no’, you lose who you are, especially at work.

You become a corporate chameleon rather than a badass butterfly (or whatever your spirit animal is).

Do not fear. There is a way out. And don’t worry, it’s not to be a ‘no’ person for a day.

Let me explain.

It all comes down to practice!

And I’m here to be your No Coach for today. Aren’t you lucky!

Ready?

Great! Let’s get you comfortable saying ‘no’.

Say ‘no’ in your car. In the shower. Outside in your garden. Feel it rise through you.

Whisper ‘no’. Go a bit louder, a ‘no’ whisper-shout if you will. Try a loud ‘no’. Try a sing-song ‘no’. Play with your ‘no’.

How about packaging it up with other words? No, thank you. I’d love to help, I’m at capacity so no I can’t until [DATE]? Have you tried [BLAH] instead?

‘No’ can come in many forms - at its simplest, it is a complete sentence.

As with all new habits or ways of being, this will feel a bit uncomfortable at first. Like putting on a brand new pair of shoes, you need time to break your ‘no’ in.

You might find that people who expect you to say yes react poorly to ‘no’, or make a joke out of it.

This is COMPLETELY normal. Do NOT let this discourage you!

The best part? As you persevere, it gets easier. ‘No’ becomes part of your everyday language.

The random requests subside, as does the expectation that you will just do whatever is asked.

They never truly go away. I like to see these as continual opportunities to exercise my ‘no’.

The hardest part of starting. The next step is continuing.

Be kind to yourself.

Say ‘no’ when you mean it.

You’ve got this 💜

*

Did you do your practice no-ing with the No Coach?

Let me ‘no’ how you got on in the comments!

I’d known this presentation was coming for weeks. I’d prepared. I knew my stuff.

So why did it feel like I’d swallowed a million butterflies?

Deep down, I knew why.

This wasn’t just a round-the-table conversation. This was standing up in front of a group of senior directors to deliver a brand strategy I’d been working on for months.

This meant something.

My brain went into overdrive imagining worst case scenarios: I’d freeze up, they’d trash the whole thing, or that somehow I’d get in there and realise I’d forgotten to put on clothes.

To make matters worse, that little voice inside my head kept popping up with unhelpful invitations: fake an illness, ‘accidentally’ fall down a flight of stairs, or just straight up run away.

I fumbled around for any hint of a relaxation technique, playing whack-a-mole with my ego who was trying to lure me away from the boardroom.

In the corner of my mind, I stumbled across a dusty idea from a public speaking course I’d taken over a decade ago.

That won’t work. It’s so out of date.

Pushing my ego firmly to one side, I furtively looked around before imagining squeezing a lemon between my butt cheeks.

Yes you read that right.

Squeezing a lemon.

Between my cheeks.

5-10 seconds squeeze and breathe into my stomach, and - let it go.

5-10 seconds squeeze and breathe into my stomach, and - let it go.

5-10 seconds squeeze and breathe into my stomach, and - let it go.

I wiped my palms on my dress, the butterflies were there and yet?

They were calmer, as though they’d found a flower to perch on, wings gently open to the sun.

The nerves had been stilled and I felt ready to present.

Afterwards, I got curious. Why had that worked?

The glutes (aka gluteus maximus) are the biggest muscle in the body. By giving them a good old squeeze and releasing, this temporarily restricted blood flow and, on release, diverted blood to the muscles - importantly, away from my stomach where those flappy nerves were causing havoc.

(Also, imagining making lemonade from the citrus fruit between your arse cheeks is in itself an amusing distraction to occupy the mind).

And the best part? I’ve never had this fail me.

As the saying goes: when life gives you lemons?

Squeeze those sour buggers between your butt cheeks and crack on.

🍋

Have you got any slightly off-the-wall technique that works for calming the nerves? Let me know in the comments, I’d love to hear it (and give it a go!)

If you’re like me, well into double digits.

And how many of those activities have you taken action on?

I bet you’re now frantically scrabbling around your mind for when you did so - and coming up short.

That, my friend, is totally normal.

You see, we live in a world where there is so much information at our fingertips, so many gurus and guides offering wisdom that we high-achievers get stuck.

We feel overwhelmed, unsure which step is the right one to take. The result? We end up not moving at all.

Instead, you listen to one more podcast or read one more Instagram post, searching for that one perfect answer before you move.

No step is better than the wrong step, right?

Here’s why that keeps you stuck.

By consuming more, you stay in preparation mode (aka analysis paralysis).

You wake up and somehow it’s nearly June, your hopes and dreams that were set out in January dashed against the rocks of too much choice.

Sound familiar?

Let’s cut through the noise.

Take 5 minutes.

Sit quietly where you are and answer this one question:

What one small move I could make towards one of my goals today?

Did you do it?

My guess is you’ve continued reading!

Let’s try that again, and we’ll make it even simpler.

Take a minute. Put a timer on. Do not move ahead until you’ve done this:

What one small move I could make towards one of my goals today?

Now you have that?

Go do it.

Skeptical? Let me explain why this works.

By taking a small action, this shows the brain that change can be achieved without much energy. This also overcomes indecision fatigue and creates momentum, helping you achieve your goal step by step.

And if it’s the wrong action?

Don’t sweat it! Take a step back and take a different step in a different direction.

You’ll be amazed how small steps done consistently over time create big changes.

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Have you taken the first step and don’t know where to go now? Drop me a message and let’s figure out your bridge from here to there together.

At school, I remember being hoover-like for new information and learning, loving the structure of lessons and homework, the discussions and class speaking less so (I was painfully shy until I was about 17 and a half).

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Fast forward to university where I studied Biology at University College London (UCL). I felt like Dorothy when she lands in Oz: my black-and-white world jolted into technicolour and I was obsessed with it (though, pre-uni world wasn’t quite that dull, the bright lights of London were dazzling). I discovered new hobbies: producing musicals, going to the gym, drinking and partying, and learning about complex topics from cells and DNA to plants and animals.

After graduating, my twenties were a bit of a blur as I wasn’t sure what career path I wanted to take, landing in Marketing (which I absolutely love!) and clinging on through a global pandemic to emerge as 30 in 2022.

In the last couple of years, while life has been busier and fuller than ever, I feel like I’m finally rediscovering the pre-18 year old me who loved reading and learning for the very sake of knowledge, rather than feeling like it was ticking someone else’s boxes.

I credit this to embarking on a journey of self-discovery, fuelled by the decision to quit drinking back in January 2025: after a year, it felt like the noise and fuzz gently receded, and now, nearly 18 months later, I feel like I’ve circled all the way back to 16-year-old-me, who had a voracious appetite for learning, particularly about the big and the small (in this case, the very smallest (quantum) and the very biggest (space and the universe)).

And so, as these things often happen, I have found past me was always in there somewhere and had already purchased a few books on such topics.

Unsure which one to start with, the name David Deustch appeared separately twice elsewhere, leading me to pick up his 1997 book: Fabrics of Reality. Even the title itself feels very fitting given that I feel more than ever like the guardian of my own life, the shaper of my own fabric of reality.

In the book, which I am about two chapters in on, I have so far learned all about the single particle interference theory, which is elegantly discussed here. Essentially though, this is all about shadows, and how the behaviour of individual photons - the smallest division, piece or quantum of light - suggest the presence of shadow photons and thus parallel universes.

If David Deutsch is right, if shadow photons do suggest a vast web of parallel universes, then perhaps the version of me who never stopped learning was simply waiting in one of those adjacent folds for me to find her again.

For years, I thought I had lost that girl who loved pouring over a textbook in the quiet hum of a library. Quantum physics suggests that nothing is ever truly lost; it’s just a matter of interference and alignment. Perhaps by moving through the blur of my twenties and stepping tentatively and now fully into sobriety, I haven’t just found a new hobby, I’ve collapsed the wave function.

I’ve aligned myself with the version of Rose who was always there, waiting to be seen.

Even though I am only two chapters in, David Deustch’s book offers a powerful reminder: we are the guardians of our own fabric of reality.

And right now, mine is looking remarkably bright.

That’s what happened to me yesterday morning.

From the moment I woke up, before my eyelids even fluttered open, my brain was alive with thoughts to ponder, ideas to create and problems to solve, each rushing unbidden into the next, creating a soupy amalgamation my soul was yet to comprehend.

My Ego had arrived. Racing in loud, cigarette in hand and hair hastily thrown into a messy bun, she’s demanding to know what I’m going to achieve today.

Not even today, in fact: what about this morning, or within the first hour of being conscious? There is so much to do.

How did this happen?

I set the intention before going to sleep that I would, for the first time in as long as I can remember, have a day where I do nothing but what I desire whenever I fancy it, where I don’t create a long list of tasks to complete or set a timer to curtail a certain activity, allowing myself instead to indulge luxuriously in a book, in jouralling, in whatever I feel like.

This, of course, has utterly outraged my Ego, the voice I’ve named Sophie.

Sophie likes to rear up her head and admonish me when happenings don’t live up to her imagined standard, or when I dare deviate from a perceived expectation.

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The conversation went like this:

Sophie: We should really workout. You know there are two award dinners coming up in the next month, and I want to wear that pink dress. I’m not convinced you’ll fit into it. Let’s workout, after we’ve cleaned up the kitchen. Come on, it’ll be productive.

Rose: Shhh, right now I am making coffee and going to read. I have a new book, I am going to read it.

Sophie: Reading’s not very productive is it!

Rose: So? I’m going to read.

Sophie: Well at least set a timer, you can’t spend all morning reading!

Rose: Why not?

Sophie: Why not? All of this! *gesticulates wildly around the kitchen* Washing up to do. Writing? Editing? How are the activities and tasks in the two accountability groups you’re in going? Did you do any of the work you wanted to do before your next coaching session? Have you checked your emails lately? What about that work email you meant to send yesterday and forgot to? Is the dishwasher on? The washing?

Rose: Thank you for the list. All of that will be there later, and also tomorrow. Is any of it life critical? Will anyone or anything die if I don’t do any of those?

We stare long and hard at each other, unblinkingly. Sophie drops her eye contact first.

And, it’s at this point she slinks off, muttering under her breath.

I can still sense my Ego’s disquiet as I look away and ignore her. Indeed, she’s only gone for about 5 minutes before, like a wave booming against the harbour wall, she returns, slamming the list at me once again, each word a spiky shard I rebuff with gloved hands.

This cycle happens 2 or 3 more times, the wave receding further and becoming less violent each time until, finally, Sophie retires to a low hum in the background.

Today, the conversation with my Ego has been successful. I’ve stood firm, and allowed the underlying panic of not being productive to wash over me and dissipate.

As I settle down with my coffee and book, daring Sophie to reappear, I’m reminded that standing firm against my Ego isn't a one-time battle, it’s a rhythmic negotiation.

Sophie will be back tomorrow, and that’s okay. The goal isn't to kill my Ego, it’s to stop letting her hold the stopwatch.

Today, Sophie is in the corner pouting because she didn’t get her way this morning, and I’ve realised that the underlying panic of doing nothing is actually just the sound of my tired soul finally getting some quiet.

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I’m curious: if your Ego had a name and a physical look, who would they be? And what is the one ‘unproductive’ thing they’re desperately trying to talk you out of today?

Let’s compare notes (and Sophies) in the comments!

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I’d just returned from my niece’s 1st birthday party, and a sudden burst of wretchedness caught me completely off guard, like milk turned sour.

Why was I feeling such despair, seemingly out of nowhere?

Making a cup of tea, it dawned on me that I’d spiralled into overthinking: in my mind’s eye I’d allowed the calendar to rattle through weeks and years, my niece was 10, 18, 21, 30 - you get the picture.

As has become habit, I grabbed my journal to sit with the discomfort and work through what was going on.

Another realisation arrived. Instead of doomscrolling, or sticking the TV on, I’d grabbed something that would help me untangle my mind.

It’s not a habit I’ve always had, however I did decide 10 months ago that I wanted to be someone who journalled, and I’ve faithfully stuck to that ever since - even in October when I had food poisoning and the entries for a few days simply read ‘KO’d by food’.

Flicking back through the pages of previous notebooks, I’ve distilled 5 key lessons from the last 300 days, laid out simply below.

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Lesson one: take the time to reflect on how far you’ve come, it’s often further than you think. Comparing yourself to others is unhelpful: it’s you vs you, always has been and always will be.

Lesson two: you will struggle with the same challenges repeatedly until you figure out how to meet them. Most often, this is meeting a situation with love and acceptance, rather than fighting it. Fighting that love and acceptance are the quickest way through will also bring you no joy.

Lesson three: just start. You’ve had the same idea percolating for 10+ months and it hasn’t made it out of the notebook. You’ve done enough planning. You’re ok, you’re safe to take the first step.

Lesson four: boundaries are healthy, and protect what you are and aren’t comfortable doing. No-one can dictate boundaries for you, and not using your boundaries is a form of people-pleasing which, at its core, is manipulative and, to make matters worse, always leaves you feeling rubbish. No is a complete sentence. Exercise using it.

Lesson five: get curious about thoughts and feelings as they arrive. Instead of dwelling in jealousy or regret, gently examine and turn the thoughts over, see what’s on the other side or what might’ve brought them up. Sit in the discomfort as long as you need to. Recognise it’s deeply human to have these sorts of thoughts. You don’t need to grip them so tightly, or at all.

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Which lesson resonated with you the most? Why might that be?

Do you keep a journal? What are the key lessons you’ve found in your own thoughts?

I’d love to know!

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6 months since I slid still further to a true low 1 month later in November, and 4 month since I started gently and slowly trekking back out.

In I am Butterfly Soup, I credit the ongoing metamorphosis to external sources - and today, I opened my journal on a page that made me realise the green shoots didn’t just appear out of nowhere.

I’d been nurturing a root system that entire time, developing a network to support me when the chaos swirled.

What did I do to not land completely flat on my face in a pit of despair?

Without knowing it, I’d thrown myself three lifelines as I flailed about in overwhelm and teetered on the edge of burnout:

Take the long-term view: This one was hard. I knew that circumstances hadn’t always been so challenging, and they probably wouldn’t always be. At least overwinter, until spring, give work a chance. I also - multiple times - flipped my mindset into what can I learn? Where’s the growth? To say in that mindset was challenging, and I had to remind myself often multiple times daily to look for the positives.

Write it out: Being in a regular habit of journaling was also a lifeline. If you’re not a pen-on-paper person, writing on a computer or speaking it out as a voice note would also help. Talking to a friend and feeling daunted? Suggest a walk. The psychology of being side by side means you feel they’re on your side rather than against you when you’re face to face - and you’re not looking in their eyes which can make it easier to say hard things out loud.

Be community-minded: If the main event of my life was the source of my woe, I would’ve quit long ago. If I came home, complained, binged TV then went to bed anxious to do the whole thing again each day then yes, leaving would’ve been the only path I’d see. Instead, I had hobbies and projects to sustain me - this was my third year in the community pantomime (oh yes it was!), I got stuck in with helping put up and take down the Christmas lights, and of course I had my novel to work on. Instead of dwelling on the situations at work every waking moment, I had other, fun meetups and groups to engage with and get lost in for a few hours.

I’m no expert on stress or burnout. I have lived through it, and am fortunate to be out the other side of it, slightly singed and afraid of the flames no longer.

I’m rising from the ashes of burnout, ready to begin the slow bloom back being fully the me I have always been, my fresh new wings warming gently in the spring sunshine.

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If you’ve ever experienced something similar, I’d love to know what your lifelines were.

As the world spins and undulates in unpredictable directions, my little boat feels both glacially calm and utterly rocked, the duality at times making my seasick head spin.

I’ve caught myself doomscrolling more times than I care to admit last month, each swipe on the endless digital treadmill heaping more uncertainty upon me as negative stories beyond my reach of impact are thrust before me.

At times like this, I scrabble for what I can control and, if you’re anything like me, this is the call of my bookshelf, to my ever-growing to be read pile, to see what wisdom is at my fingertips.

This week, I landed softly on Heart Minded by Sarah Blondin, a book that invited me gently back to these lines of questions.

An invitation to step back and look through a different lens at the behaviour of others closer by and myself: without judgement, with grace and compassion.

What does this look like?

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Observing the ways I react to provocative emails, outcomes not going my way, and tumble drying (and possibly ruining) my favourite jumpers.

Catching myself when I have an unkind thought about someone else or, more often, myself.

Not appreciating how far I’ve come in 3 months, instead ever vigilant and striving to uncover the next opportunity to grow.

All of these normally in some form, big or small, trigger a stress response.

I feel the anxiety, panic, and worry rising like mercury in a thermometer, waves coursing through me, unfathomable ripples spreading body-wide.

Blondin’s book - which I am not terribly far through - has shown me a path away from the racing thoughts and reactions that oftentimes are unhelpful, equipping me with a way to sink tenderly into my heartspace, to get quiet and - hand on heart - be with myself.

This, combined with the cancel cancel trick I learned from Victor Boc’s How to Solve All Your Money Problems Forever has started turning the tide against these wild horse thoughts that bolt and canter unheeded through my mind as I choke on the dust.

Now, I’m getting better at letting those horses run free as I sit, take a moment and focus on myself, consciously bringing my attention to my chest, feeling my attention shift quietly from the racing hoofbeats that originate in my head to the whispered messages of my heart.

And don’t get me wrong, there are still times I don’t notice, that I do react without grace, kindness or compassion. Where I jump bareback onto the leading pony and ride off into the drama without a pause.

What I have noticed though is when I do catch myself, it is getting, slowly and surely, easier to guide myself back to my heart, to look through the lens of love and think ‘what is the most loving way I could handle this?’

I am getting quicker at navigating conflict with kindness, at saying sorry when I snap or overreact, and at recognising that - most likely - the other person is communicating in such a way and it has absolutely nothing to do with me.

As we step into April, I invite you to join me on this gentle quest of finding a soft landing within while the world seems in disarray, and to spread love and kindness, by reflecting on one or all of these prompts.

There is no right way to do this: it could be as a thought exercise in your mind, by putting pen to paper, typing out in a free-form note, or voice noting yourself:

• Where could I add more love for myself and others during my day?

• How could I approach a reoccurring or new situation through the lens of love?

• What is one thing I can do for myself today to show self-love?

If you’re after more of a week-long approach, try this:

• Throughout the day, notice your thoughts. Keep an approximate tally of how many are kind or unkind. Review in the evening without judgement: how could you tip the scales tomorrow to be more loving?

I’d love to know how you get on!

One of my favourites that I’ve picked up is a ‘what if’ week.

Not a hard reset, not a resolution, not an overnight transformation.

Simply, what if I did this one thing differently for a week to see what happened?

Approaching a week with curiosity.

Practicing kindness and forgiveness to myself if I don’t quite hit the mark.

Gently offering myself the chance to have another go.

Last week, I asked ‘what if I woke up with a smile everyday?’

Nothing big. Nothing that needed equipment or an earlier alarm clock. Nothing radical.

Or so I thought.

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The impact of a smile shifted my mindset softly, like a flower unfurling.

A smile rather than my usual sigh or frown gave my brain its first nudge into positivity, setting the tone for my day.

Our brains are funny things. If we tell our brains what we want them to look out for, they’ll find it. If you think ‘I’m going to see a lot of red cars today’ you’ll notice more red cars. It doesn’t mean that your brain has magically created more red cars, it means that your brain is filtering more in as you’ve told it these are important.

And so, if I wake up with a smile (most days began in neutrality, then my thinking brain kicked in) and then reinforce that with thinking ‘it’s going to be an amazing day, there are going to be many opportunities in my day’ then guess what? I frontload my day with gratitude and excitement.

Do I still face challenges, difficult and rude individuals, and situations not going how I thought they would?

Of course.

Do I respond to this with a better attitude, a solution-led mindset, and not take situations to heart as much?

I wasn’t expecting it, and that’s exactly the butterfly-effect impact waking up with a smile has had.

What if you did a what if week? What would you pick?

🦋

If like me you love science or simply want to know more, I recommend researching the Reticular Activating System (RAS), it’s truly fascinating!

Through every crevasse of
our private universe I'll chase,
grasping the meteor's coat tails
as its life force is spent
creating shooting stars
for us to wish on.
(isn't it curious that
matter we'll never meet
fizzles out in lighting energy
to grant selfish dreams
and burning desires?)


Your mind is a wormhole
stuck looping and twirling
into unseen darknesses,
ricocheting silently- -
a pinball trapped between bumpers,
your lips running free with musings:
the building blocks of God
cannot be the same
as those of our existence- -
perhaps, my dear,
there's undiscovered matter
that constructs the unimaginable.


we fall into constellations
with stardust in our pockets- -
the dying bumblebees
heavy with golden bounty.
Our universe fragments,
fingers flailing and losing grip.
We are lost to one another,
a lifetime spent swimming
through sharp blackness,
reaching blindly for familiar skin
that will always be home- -


although I may never touch
that which I have sought again,
I must believe
(somewhere over the
infinite space
we hang ourselves in)
elements of each of us
will meet once again,
whether sharing electrons
or electric kisses.


Perhaps that is why people
are buried side by side
in the hope that decay
will create beauty:
molecules of
you and I
become
us
devoured by
blind earthworms
(dust to dirt).

A note underlined. Words to return to.

An invitation to look back over the last 3 days. 3 months. 3 years. 3 decades. Whatever time frame you choose.

What once seemed out of reach, and now you are doing with ease?

I’ll go first.

Last year, being 3 months sober, someone making fun of me drinking non-alcoholic sparkling wine would’ve sent me spiralling.

Now? I laugh, and throw back a quip or a question.

3 weeks ago, sharing my writing online, or anywhere, felt uncomfortable, scary, vulnerable.

Now? Still those feelings swirl, and I know on the other side of them is possibility, excitement, joy.

I look back 3 days. I can see I’ve underlined keep flowing, keep sharing in my journal. A tiny reminder from the truth of who I am to keep going.

Even when it feels vulnerable. Especially when it feels vulnerable.

I am discovering that in the truth lies the gold.

Gold that is uncovered in conversations, in speaking, in writing. In sharing and in listening.

Gold is nuggets of wisdom that can be taken, reworked, applied, shared.

I encourage you, wholeheartedly, to steal the gold with pride.

Indeed, finding the gold is a concept I’ve stolen with pride, with the hope you too will go forth and find your own gold.

And I know that you can, whether here or in your own musings, online from a stranger or in person with friends.

Find it, share it, and let’s make the world a little brighter as we shine.

I knew something had to change, that I was living in uncertainity and not in line with the potential that lives in me.

Through a series of conversations, what I came to realise is that the chaos was a lens I was viewing the world with.

That the situation didn’t need to change for me to see it and respond to it differently, to notice what role I was having and to alter my perspective without the need to change anything else.

I realised the chaos was me all along.

I realised that I’d never before built boundaries around myself.

I realised that the confidence to assert myself was living inside of me.

And that these were uncomfortable truths to sit with, to work though.

In January and February, though, that’s exactly what I did. I sat with my thoughts, and I started constructing my chrysalis around me, allowing in what I chose, saying no when I mean no, standing up for myself without trampling on others, and allowing out my limitless potential.

I am here today as butterfly soup. I am in a chrysalis of my own building, where I start dissolving my caterpillar self, and begin building to to the being I already am, to the being that’s already within me.

That’s the amazing thing about butterflies. It’s all the same components of the caterpillar, just dissolved down into butterfly soup and built back into something more beautiful.

And that’s the internal shift that I’m going through right now.

It’s uncomfortable at times as I wiggle about, wrestling with my limited beliefs, the stories I’ve told myself for years that no longer serve me, that in the cold light of day are actually lies I’ve held onto like a comfort blanket in a turbulent world.

It’s uncomfortable to sit with the emotions, the envy, the insidious stories as they pop up, time and time again.

It’s also incredible when I notice these patterns quicker. When I can forgive myself for judging myself. When I can look through the lens of love and ask, what could be bigger or more possible than that?

And this is just the beginning of my journey.

Perhaps I will never emerge as a butterfly, and that’s ok.

In fact, I imagine I will be butterfly soup for the rest of my life as I grow, change and metamorphose infinitely.

I am butterfly soup.

We can all be butterfly soup, if we choose.