This essay contains mild spoilers for A Moveable Feast, Julie and Julia, Another Marvellous Thing, Shine On, You Bright and Dangerous Object. I would genuinely recommend reading all these books so if you’d rather read them with fresh eyes, maybe hold out to read this essay until afterwards.

What connects Ernest Hemingway, a writer famous for his stoic male characters and minimal style of prose, and Jessie Ware, a pop star famous for her horny disco bangers? You may or may not be surprised when I say, food writing.

Hemingway probably didn’t think of himself as a food writer. Even his posthumous memoir, A Moveable Feast, despite the title, wouldn’t be classed technically as a '“food-oir”. Instead, it is a set of recollections of when he first lived in Paris with his wife Hadley, when he wasn’t earning much money but hobnobbing with all the literary and art elite of the time, like Gertrude Stein, James Joyce, Ford Madox Ford and more. It was Jessie Ware who introduced me to the term “food-oir”, which is what she calls the genre of her own autobiography, Omelette, where each chapter of her life is meant to be centred around some item of food or drink (although I will say some are certainly more food themed than others).

Both of these books are at their best when they are at the most entertaining when doing what celebrity memoirs do best: telling anecdotes about other famous people. Hemingway talks about F Scott Fitzgerald’s worries about his penis size and sexual prowess. Ware talks about being one of the first to read Fifty Shades of Grey, when E.L James was just ‘Erika’. Both books are short and fun and make you want to hang out with both authors. But what they both share is like any food-oir, they try to use food to speak to something else within ourselves.

The ‘food-oir’ industry itself has been booming in the last decade or so. There are big success stories like Stanley Tucci’s Taste, where Tucci tals about how growing up in an italian family and with italian food has informed his work and worldview. There are critical darlings like Crying in H-Mart by Michelle Zauner, which use food as an entry point to talk about grieving her mother’s loss from cancer (yes, it has been on my TBR for a while but also I have to psyche myself up for it). And, while food based memoirs have existed in the zeitgeist since writers like MFK Fisher and Elizabeth David first popularised the form in the 1940s and 1950s, perhaps one of the greatest influences in the last twenty years on the domain of food writing and food-oirs is Julie and Julia, the book based off a food blog and then launched a food film, which in turn must have launched so many other food blogs, and therefore food books (and occasional food films). It documents Julie Powell, who while working as a administrator dealing with the aftermath of 9/11, takes on cooking the entirety of Julia Child’s Mastering The Art of French Cooking.

The first thing that surprised me is that when I was reading A Moveable Feast, I couldn’t help but think Hemingway would have liked Julie Powell (although unsure how he may have approved of her actions as a woman). Both of whom are self-deprecating and appreciated a good drink, for one. But also there is something surprisingly thorny about both Powell and Hemingway as narrators. Hemingway slags off most of the people who appear in his book, basically calling Ford Madox Ford stinky and Scott Fitzgerald a whole litany of things. In the movie version of J&J, made by another famous foodie Nora Ephron, Powell is played by doe-eyed Amy Adams, but Powell said that Adams played her ‘too nice’. Only once reading the book did I understand what she meant.

Powell is a fun narrator to hang out with. But she’s far more prickly and interesting then the Hollywood version would connote. Some of her humour has aged incredibly badly, often punching down rather than up. And while Film Julie weeps with sympathy for the people who ring her at her job, book Julie actually specifies she is not a crier, in this passage which felt incredibly true to anyone who has had to work a customer service job over the phone.

“I am not a crier - well, not at work anyway. I maintain more of a Weimar-era tough cookie image, all paper cuts and ironic hysteria and dark circles under the eyes, So instead of crying, I sigh when asked to get a box of Kleenex for a grieving window, or bang my head wearily on my desk in the middle of phones calls from some woman who can’t walk anymore and hasn’t been out of her apartment for a week and used to be a great hoofer and was un pictures but now can’t pay her medical bills and thinks the only appropriate thing to build would be a reproduction of the ‘39 World’s Fair. Instead of crying, I make withering comments about little old men who send us poems with titles like “The Angels of 911”. It passes the time. But hard-bitten cynicism leaves one feeling peevish, and too much of it can lasting damage to the heart.”

Despite the potentially contentious material, Julie and Julia was a massive hit. But Powell’s follow up Cleaving was not received well by the press. Written in the immediate aftermath, it followed a similiar format, where Julie dedicates herself to another long-term food project, this time learning butchery, but with one major difference: the book details her cheating on her husband Eric, who had been the beloved and beleaguered second string in J&J. I have yet to read Cleaving, although reading J&J, I actually think that narratively, it kind of makes sense. Not that she should have cheated on her husband, but the primary narrative of J&J, alongside her obsession with cooking, is of thwarted desire. This is not just because she is trying to figure out what she actually wanted to do with her life after an acting career that never took off, but how often the circumstances of her crappy flat, the cooking and various mishaps interfere with what she calls “connubial bliss” with her husband. Powell also describes how being with the same man since she was 18 means she has minimal experience outside of her husband, and has two separate plot lines where she advises one friend who is the other woman in an affair, and another where she wonders whether to advise friend on whether to leave her husband and have an affair. She decides in the end not to judge her friend for it, giving more neutral advice.

One of the criticisms of Cleaving seems to be how Powell talking about meat seems to be used a clumsy metaphor for what was happening in her personal life. But for one, you can hardly blame her when she did it to such great success the first time. Also, it’s literally what every food writer does. In fact, it’s what every celebrated non-fiction writer does. You think you’re reading a book about someone making a difficult trek over a geographical space? You’re obviously reading the writer’s emotional journey over some internal conflict through their life. You’re reading about a woman adopting a goshawk? It’s about the writer coping with grief. Through the specific, we can say something universal. Sorry, that’s most writing!

But the thing with food writing, is that there is often the predominant theme of desire, and our fight against it.

“Hunger was a discipline” is a chapter in which Hemingway describes how “you got very hungry when you did not eat enough in Paris because all the bakery shops had such good things in the windows and people are outside at tables on the sidewalk that you saw and smelled the food.” He then goes on for at least a page and a half about the route he would take simply so he didn’t have to walk past any cafes, bakeries or restaurants to avoid being hungry. This sense of trying to restrain himself perhaps the most common theme underlying A Moveable Feast. Firstly, there are also a couple of chapters where he refers to about having to restrain himself from betting on horses. and then secondly, “There is Never Any End to Paris”.

The final chapter of A Moveable Feast, “There is Never Any End to Paris”, is Hemingway lamenting how terrible the rich are, and who he becomes when he is endorsed by them, calling himself a “a trained pig in the circus who has finally found someone who loves and appreciates him for himself alone”. He laments how he would even read his work aloud to please the rich people, something he never wanted to do. Then, this rant against the corruption of the rich’s influence culminates in perhaps in the most interesting revelation of the book.

“….we had already been infiltrated by another rich using the oldest trick there is. It is that an unmarried young woman becomes the temporary best friend of another young woman who is married, goes to live with the husband and wife and then unknowingly, innocently and unrelentingly sets out to marry the husband. When the husband is a writer and doing difficult work so that he is occupied so that he is occupied much of the time and is not a good companion or partner to his wife for a big part of the day, the arrangement has advantages until you know how it works out. The husband has two attractive girls around when he has finished work. One is new and strange and if he has bad luck he gets to love them both.”

That’s right, if you befriend rich people, one rich woman will supposedly insert herself into your life and you’ll end up having an affair with her, which will ruin everything. It’s interesting how this structure and the phrase “bad luck” makes him the passive victim of both fate and the rich woman’s actions, which suggests a universality and inevitability that he couldn’t resist if he tried. The writerly and more optimistic part of me wonders if Hemingway writes this chapter this way, not to give himself the pass of somehow being the victim in a scenario, but as a narrative structure to set the readers expectations and then pull the rug from under them. The knowledge of the affair is certainly surprising after he’s spent a whole book lovingly describing his relationship with his understanding first wife. At the point of writing this book, he was onto his fourth marriage, and about a year prior before he ended his own life. A Moveable Feast, which for the most part, has felt like a cheerful and amusing reminiscence, then becomes heavily tinged at the end with a strong taste of regret. He even says “I wish I died before I loved anyone else but her.”

When I went on holiday, I had actually tried to move away from food books for a bit. But I couldn’t escape the similarities. After all, I read Laurie Colwin’s Every Marvellous Thing. Laurie Colwin wrote one of my favourite books of all time, Happy All The Time and was also a celebrated food writer; I was first introduced to her via Home Cooking. Every Marvellous Thing is not a food book, but like every food writer writing prose, she can’t not use food as a metaphor. The book is also about an affair, and food contrasts between the wife and lover of Francis. Francis’s wife Vera is an excellent cook while Billy, Francis’s lover, never has much food in despite Francis’s post coital appetite. It is a sore point for Billie.

The food metaphor can be used time and time again when it comes to love because at the heart of it is the only other thing we truly hunger for is each other. While we often want things in our life, there isn’t really much else that not just our mind but our bodies desire, and then our body can actively revolt against us for if we don’t satisfy our cravings than food and physical intimacy. Clearly not trusting the reader enough with the metaphor, Colwin even lays it out plainly.

The interesting thing is this is the second of Colwin’s novels I’d read which involved an affair, and the other book I have yet to read, Family Happiness, is also about an affair. In her first novel Shine On, You Bright and Dangerous Object, otherwise a tender and excellent portrayal of a grieving widow learning to love again, ends with the final third being a trip where the protagonist has an affair with a married man at music camp, while it is implied she is still presumably dating the main romantic hero, and once the camp ends it is implied she will simply return to her boyfriend in the city. Colwin’s treatment of affairs is interesting in the way that unlike most dramatized versions, the partners are never villains to do something wrong to cause the affair, there is no big blow up, and often the characters return to their previous relationships with no grand reveal. These books are published in the Eighties, and it makes you wonder whether this casual attitudes are a hangover from some cultural affects of the post sexual revolution of the 60s and 70s, or whether Colwin herself had been informed by some particular type of thinking. Of course cheating as literary scandal has existed at least since Madame Bovary if not before, and shortly after Colwin, it’s just about the same time that Jilly Cooper and her ensemble of cheating Rutshire aristocrats are about to burst onto the literary scene and leave fictional devastation in their wake.

Reading about how Frank and Billy and Ernest cheat on their supposedly lovely competent partners and knowing how Julie inevitably will, was certainly…interesting. The writer is always the one with the appetite and an appetite that needs to be satiated drives the protagonist to action. But in all these narratives, I couldn’t help but think about the other yet equally important characters in this story. That of course, being the partners.

Firstly, the thing about being in a relationship with a writer or artist means that if they ever create anything vaguely non-fiction or autofictional, you very much risk becoming a side character in Their Story, flattened to a 2D rendering no matter how sympathetic the portrait. Ever since I used to do stand up, I have felt very uncomfortable using my loved ones who are still alive as material, and I quickly figured that I am unwilling to undress them psychologically in public for the means of public spectacle and my own ego’s gratification.

When I was reading Every Marvellous Thing, I was surprised to feel such a personal reaction. In fact, I felt a novel kind of despair. The idea that you can be the perfect loving partner, contribute to someone’s life so meaningfully, and it still not be enough to satisfy some sense of self is devastating. Then, especially for the nonfiction cases, where your real life issues are being fully displayed for the public to witness and judge is extra appalling. In fact, reading all these examples has made me realise two things.

Firstly it confirmed my current long-standing practice; bar mentioning friend’s as brief cameos that say little to their character (which they have repeatedly encouraged at this point), I will try to maintain the privacy of my friends, family and loved ones where possible and I believe this is the duty of nonfiction writers everywhere. The people in your life aren’t your characters. But of course, there has to be some grace. When you write nonfiction it’s impossible to completely remove the implication that other people were involved or even nearby, but when you write, you just have to do it with care, which is something I am always learning and will never be perfect at. But I will only more determined to try. After all, it’s not just your story to tell.

The second thing I realised was after the despair, came a strange sort of comfort. The fact is that long term relationships can feel very comfortable, but that comfort sometimes lulls us into a false sense of security. So sometimes, something shocks you in a way to realise just how fragile loving someone makes you. That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t trust people however. After all, it may be terrifying but also wonderful. The fact it can destroy you means you have the capacity to love someone so truly and deeply. This is a capacity that, in all the mundanities of day-to-day life, is easy to forget. But realising this suddenly makes even minute gestures seem thrilling. When your lover reaches for your hand, it is for the simple reason that in that moment they hunger for you, above all else. And if someone ended up hurting me because I deigned to trust them, I hope I won’t be embarrassed. It’s just a reminder that you were willing to offer them a great feast, and the time will come again when someone will come along and appreciate it.

So food writing may be about desire, but desire is not just about what we take, but what we can give too. And I think this is where a lot of more genteel food writing and food-oirs succeed. It’s about feeding loved ones, and loved ones feeding us, creating a universal language which brings people together in all sorts of circumstances.

So, to end and maybe cheer you guys up, here is a video of Jessie Ware’s real-life husband, who features a lot in Omelette rather unproblematically, reviewing her latest album while a few negronis in, which I personally found quite endearing. If he ever cheats on her though, I will be publicly mad about it.

Other books I read during this period:

Ed Gamble, Glutton

The other food book I read during this period was Ed Gamble’s Glutton, and it was one I was very reluctant to read for a long time because it was announced and published within the timeframe that my own food memoir, Fussy, was meant to come out (RIP). So of course, I was bitter. (see what I did there.)

So I wanted to hate this book. I really did. The man has had possibly the greatest ride of a straight white male comedian. But you know what? I really enjoyed Glutton. Because I quickly realised there is never any pretence of this being a serious memoir or food book. He (so far) hasn’t cheated on his wife (and he’d better not) and it’s just straight up funny. I actually laughed out loud multiple times. It’s just collating all his funniest thoughts and anecdotes about food into a book, because presumably it would be too long as a stand up show. It’s a book about just being insatiably hungry for food a lot of the time, and while it could broach into deeper topics, it shies away with a self-effacement and self-awareness that worse writers would not have.

Percival Everett, James

I really enjoyed American Fiction which is based on Everett’s novel The Trees and this is the first novel of his I read and wow! This book is a retelling of Huckleberry Finn from the point of view of Jim, and it was so smart and funny and compelling and heartbreaking in equal measure, I raced through it in one day. I haven’t read Huckleberry Finn and still loved it, and I would recommend it to everybody. I’m very excited to get into more of his books from here.

_____

That’s all for this edition, and I’m not sure what the next batch of books will be (I have a bunch of food grief books but that will depend on my mental health lol), but stay tuned as I’m enjoying engaging big brain thoughts on books again. I also will hopefully have something very cool to announce very soon, so keep an eye on your inbox!

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Otherwise I’ll see you next time my little cafe cremes xoxo

It’s been just over a year since my mum died. However, Mariah Carey doesn’t measure time, and the plus side to this would be that if I didn’t measure a year, it would just be another day. All the ordinary things I’m doing would just be ordinary, rather than feel like a tragic forced march into a continuing future without her in it. Things are moving on whether I want them to or not, and in fact, all going well, I’m hopefully moving house by the end of the summer. Therefore, I’ve started a summer reading challenge. It is nothing too crazy or themed, the main challenge being that I need to get rid of and therefore read as many of my books as possible so I don’t physically have to carry them.

I’m grouping books together by themes, and I figured the best way to start was with stuff that felt less intimidating, which in this case is the Celebrity Memoir.

I started with The Meaning of Mariah Carey, after a nostalgia trip at a house party lead me to show some friends the ‘Obsessed’ music video. It is a long-running Ruby fact that I believe Obsessed is the best diss track of all time, and I’ve always rooted for her ever since I saw her do Eminem boy drag.

While I would say I’m a pretty normal fan, but when I finished that book, I understood religion, and in the lack of it, why people worship celebrity. For context, Mariah Carey had an extremely difficult childhood, full of racism and neglect. The book obviously tracks her ascent from these traumatic times to a glittering career as a beloved famous singer, although not without it’s obstacles.

I’ll say, I liked the book on a normal level. While all celebrity memoirs have a vested interest in conveying certain angles, you could feel Mariah’s voice come through. It speaks to a lot of systemic bias and racism, especially in the music industry, that I was completely unaware of as a white girl growing up in the 2000s, and I am prone to believe her on. It was also both funny and self-aware of how the iconography of Mariah exists in the public lexicon. Even if she may not have been telling a 100% accurate telling of how events went down all the time, I don’t care - I enjoyed it!

But despite it’s generally non-linear narrative, the overall arc is from someone in a miserable situation as a child, who despite her hardships, eventually gets her perfect Christmas with her family and fans and and security. I found myself thinking it was…dare I say….inspirational.

The thing about autobiography is that often you have to make your life fit a conventional hero’s narrative. Celebrity memoir perhaps does this most easily as it is literally the rags-to-riches tale, on how you overcame adversity and anonymity to become the extremely wealthy person everyone thinks they know. This means that at the end point of the ‘story’ you have to be at some triumphant point in your life.

For Mariah, it is decades into a successful career, having the happy Christmas she always wanted. For Britney Spears, it is freedom from her conservatorship. For Jonathan Van Ness, it was being on Queer Eye. Etc, etc.

I realise as I was reading TMOFMC, I am in ‘the middle’. I would be at the part of my memoir where, while I have had some small successes, I am at my emotional rock bottom. For Mariah, this is probably characterised by her marriage to Tommy Mottola, who she unknowingly entered in a coercive controlling relationship at her beginning of her career. And the thing with memoirs like this, no one ever writes the thing from the middle. If people wrote from their terrible situations with no form of redemption or triumph, we’d all become too depressed to function.

During the reading of this book, I received a pretty big professional rejection of top of the usual good stuff I’m enjoying at the moment, like endless job hunting and the fact one of the people I loved the most in the whole world is still dead forever. This project would have guaranteed around 3 and a half years stability and losing that felt like I was suddenly skydiving without a parachute, unsure to where I would land.

In my nihilism free-fall, I realised that the outcome you want is never guaranteed. This may especially resonate with the working class creatives who may be reading this, but I have and will constantly experience institutions and people who you want to believe in, but may fail you at any given moment. Sometimes it feels like you are clinging onto the industry of your dreams by the edge of your nails, and if you slack at the wrong moment, you will be lost forever.

So when you read the aspirational narrative of Mariah in Aspen, it gives you something to believe in. You could read this and think, maybe, if I persevere with my natural talents as Mariah did, I can overcome economic and emotional adversity to achieve my dreams. It’s intoxicating as a thought, and I briefly entertained getting a ‘What Would Mariah Do’ as a bracelet. However, I realised then I was deifying her, and I had to remember that putting any celebrity on a pedestal is a bad thing to do, because they are people, not omniscient all-powerful beings and therefore likely to make a mistake you will find disappointing. Also no matter how hard I try at karaoke, I doubt I will ever be able to afford taking my entire family to Aspen for Christmas.

But what if persevering doesn’t work out?

When bad things happen to you, you wonder why these things happen to you. There’s lots of ways you can go with this thinking (a lot of which aren’t great tbh). But a realisation I came to recently is that without religion, without living in a ‘meritocracy’,because let’s face it, we don’t, without any divine order, cosmic framework or higher power that is particularly looking out for you, then the truth is that the bad things that happen to you specifically are often completely random and no matter what you do or how you live your life, could simply happen again! No matter how hard I worked, nothing I did would have stopped my mum getting cancer. And there is nothing I can do to stop any of my other loved ones from getting it again. There is no magical safety net for your life and this is, understandably, terrifying.

So when you realise you live in this ‘middle’, with no guaranteed happy ending, it puts your head in a strange space for a few weeks. I can only apologise to my friend Sarah, who I manically tried to explain this to in a coffee shop. Thanks for not sectioning me! But the thing about existing in this middle is that I suddenly felt…exhilarated. I didn’t understand it at first and don’t get me wrong, I was (and let’s be honest, still am) incredibly stressed all the time. But when you have no preordained future to speak of, you realise the future could be literally anything. Maybe I’ll become a gardener. Or a painter. Or maybe I’ll move to America and become a professional improviser. (Which I see could also be a viable reason for sectioning). In the short term, all I could do was focus on what was literally in front of me that needed doing, and not just creatively.

I’ve never been a fan of the phrase ‘trust the process’ .To me, it suggested that if you keep going with the process, even when it seems that it’s not actually doing anything, you will get the outcome you desire eventually. It’s just not true! But, and you’ll have to forgive me if I am the last person in the world to realise this, but maybe ‘trust the process’ has to mean something else.

I finished a few small things I’ve been working on. I did some painting. I knitted a jumper. And I finished a film treatment. But something I realised about finishing these things, is that they are not the end result, but a necessary stage in your journey. I could only knit a jumper, because I knitted a sweater vest (yes, the sleeve holes were too large, so I figured in for a penny, in for a cute, cropped but still baggy fit pound). I may never actually make a film, but the only way I ever could is by finishing the treatment. You cannot create the more complicated and intricate products until you have made the steps before it. All your work is not an end goal, but a stepping stone.

The reality is our lives do not follow the hero’s journey. There is no final showdown or no big boss to defeat. You don’t just get the one thing you wanted and live happily ever after. There is no ‘end’ to mourning, where you conquer grief once and for all. Things go up and down all the time, and you just keep going and developing and changing as a person until you die. It is all just process. The things you want are not guaranteed, but the only way you could even possibly get them is by going through the process. And maybe that’s what ‘trust the process’ has to mean. We just have to make the art when we can, because the art we make is the snapshots of who we were and what we care about in that moment. It is a reminder that we can always learn, and try new things, as well as hone what we do. It is a stage, and where it leads, I don’t know, but we couldn’t get there without it.

It’s been six years of writing this newsletter, and it has been incredibly inconsistent. The content is forever changing, I can never stick to a schedule and every other day a celebrity joins Substack and immediately dwarfs my personal essays into obscurity. But I keep writing this newsletter and I love doing it, because maybe that’s the point. I write it when I have to write it, and it is the tide markers of my process. I’m still here, and maybe I’m drowning, but also I’m waving, and while I’m still writing, I’m still afloat with a sea of possibilities (and disasters) ahead of me.

Maybe the appeal of the celebrity substack is that it is these god-like figures writing from the imperfect middle, letting us peek behind the curtain and writing about the process of projects and fame before we know where they will succeed once more. Or maybe we are all just nosy, I don’t know. (Although CMAT, if you ever read this, know that I love your music and writing and I will continue to butcher your songs at karaoke/in my shower - tbh, an alternative title for this newsletter could have been ‘Where’d You Go (Crazy Girl Boss))

Anyway, if you’re around in Manchester, I’m exhibiting in the Manchester Open, if you want to check out maybe my last watercolour painting. Don’t get me wrong, I love the painting itself, I just recently realised I prefer acrylics. After all, you learn something new every day.

The other books I read in my celebrity memoir journey:

Why Did You Stay? - Rebecca Humphries

I was surprised how much I zipped through this back-and-forth narrative of a toxic relationship that disintegrates in the public eye and how you recover. I’ll disclose I actually met Rebecca at a writing retreat, and not to sound like that one Limmy tweet format, but she was really funny and nice (and we had a great chat about the arts and class) , and I’m pleased with how much I enjoyed the book. She also writes a Substack for those who are interested in beauty and lifestyle recommendations!

Wishful Drinking - Carrie Fisher

Considering the intensity of this woman’s life, she handles it all with tremendous humour and never directs the blame to anyone else. Honestly it made me even sadder that she is no longer with us, as she was clearly one of the funniest to ever do it.

The Woman in Me - Britney Spears

I’ll say this didn’t quite have the same writing flair as The Meaning of Mariah Carey, but the latter half about the conservatorship will make you angry beyond belief. If anything, this just is testament to the imperfection of how people actually recover from trauma versus the convenient public narrative everyone wants to see and I hope she gets to live her life in peace and post her dancing videos to her heart’s content.

Finally, I want to say my own tribute to the creator of perhaps the best memoir I ever read/watched, Marjane Satrapi. She died this week ‘of sadness’ from losing her husband, and I was genuinely heartbroken. As a twelve year old who loved Studio Ghibli and The Simpsons, Persepolis taught me the power of animation and memoir was not just for fantasy or entertainment, but can be used fantastically to tell a powerful true story. It is still one of my favourite films of all time. Whenever I smell jasmine, I think of you, Marjane, and the final frames of your grandmother. May you and your art live on and may people for generations to come get to see it and be inspired by it also.

Also, if you enjoy Persepolis, I recommend Embroideries, a book she wrote detailing the stories of sex lives of Iranian women. My parents did not know that when they bought it for me as a teenager, but worth a read nonetheless!

That is all for now. I’m finishing up the next batch of books for the challenge, which are all Food Memoirs. I don’t know what the wider topic will be yet, but I guess that’s the fun of it!

As previously mentioned I am still in the never-ending job hunting hell/ freelance life, so if you enjoyed this newsletter, consider donating to my PayPal!

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Otherwise I’ll see you next time my little croissants xoxo

Hello all- it’s nice to see you all again so soon!

After the intensity of the last newsletter, I thought I would give a break with a more old-style newsletter before everything went Really Bad™. But of course, it’s me, so there will still be some philosophical style musings, specifically on Christmas (and also mentioning grief because it is inescapable in a really fun and chill way)!

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As I’m sure you’ve all noticed, Christmas, as always, is creeping earlier and earlier. This year, they started stocking Christmas items before Halloween even happened, which annoys me to no end. As I try to be more politically aware and conscious, I can’t help but feel the constant adverts about buying gifts and spreading the cost of Christmas to be a reminder, not only for the dire economic state of the world right now, but the unrelenting pressure from companies to consume! consume! consume!

Of course, part of me has been dreading Christmas this whole year. For one, the Christmas markets have made walking through the centre of Manchester anywhere near the weekend a living nightmare. Also, for the obvious reasons that every piece of grief and/or Christmas related media likes to tell me, grief is the worst at Christmas apparently.

But one late evening, as I walk past the brightly lit ferris wheel in Albert Square when no one else is really about, I feel my heart tug at something. I start picking up a few gifts in secondhand shops. I drink mulled wine on my friend’s couch. I even buy a tinsel tree in Poundland.

I want to hate Christmas. I do. But I can’t. Not entirely, anyway.

Perhaps it’s because this year has been just so bleak. Summer had an unseen shroud of guilt around it, asking me from my bed as I lay despondent, why couldn’t I enjoy the blue skies and sunshine more?

But the winter feels more comfortable. My grief and anxiety has definitely made me more of a hermit in the last few months, which I am working on. But it has also taught me, a people person and chronic plans-haver ( a Google calendar hates to see me coming), that it is okay to take some time for yourself. You don’t have to be busy every Saturday for it to be worthwhile!

Also, Mum did not like Christmas. She said she found it too stressful, too much and she opted out of it as much as she could. For the last ten years or so, her presents were just ones I bought myself that she compensated me for. Of course, I was appreciative but it did make me a little sad every year.

Why? Because I love gift-giving! Call it a love language or call it justifiable materialism, but I love getting presents for people. It requires delving into your trove of knowledge and memories about them, and applying creativity and logic to apply this knowledge to everything you see, like solving the missing part of an equation. When someone gets you a good present that you did not ask for, it is revelatory. It is someone seeing the real you and divining your desires. It’s magic!

But despite what all the adverts say, I want to stress that getting someone a good gift is not dependent on cost at all. Sometimes the best gifts are cheap or even better, free. On my birthday this year, Mum surprise called me from the hospice. I had a lovely birthday, but just hearing her voice was the best present I got, and I would give anything to get that present again. (Not via AI though, that shit is truly evil).

When I first found out about Mum’s diagnosis, I remember crying to my partner about how when she would be gone, there would be no one who will love me like she did. And while it’s true that there is no one who will love me in the exact same way she did, Christmas can be a wonderful reminder that there are people who love you just as much, in their own ways, and that this is your chance to show them that the feeling is mutual.

So this year, I know I will definitely be sad at points. I will miss Mum a lot. But there is so much stuff I love around Christmas, that I will let myself enjoy the parts that make me happy without guilt. Having multiple Christmas dinners with my friends. Putting up the decorations to the entirety of Sufjan Steven’s Christmas albums. The widely accepted time period where you are actively encouraged to eat a lot of cheese.

Which brings me onto the part you’ve all been missing: the food roundup!

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Sainsburys Taste The Difference smoked Shropshire Red cheese + Marks and Spencers Taleggio

We hosted a Ren Faire themed party for my partner which included large turkey legs and a cheese board, which I assembled through various post-work supermarket trips. This were the two major winners; while the shropshire was a creamy, subtler take on smoked cheese, my favourite was the taleggio, which was like if a brie didn’t taste of feet. I had it again in a sandwich with truffle pesto and pickled walnuts and it was fabulous, as you might expect.

Garlic Butter Bun, Lottie’s Bakehouse

Recommended by my friend Alice, me and another friend Jeni checked out Lottie’s Bakehouse and the clear winner for me out of their range is the Garlic Butter bun. The fluffiest bun with a featherlight butter centre and while very savoury, just a hint of sweetness in the dough. Run, don’t walk for this one.

Bon Chance Cheese and Garlic Bread Crisps

Looking at the past three recommendations, I wonder why my cholesterol is slightly higher than I’d like at the moment. But when it tastes this good, who am I to fight it? Found in the world food section of Sainsburys, this is what if you made cheesy garlic bread into a crisp, literally. It’s honestly amazing to wonder how no one has had this idea before now because they are sensational and just as moreish as you can imagine.

Veggie Biang Biang Noodles, Kung Fu Noodle

Regular of the newsletter Cherelle admitted to me recently that she searches her own name in each newsletter to see when she appears. Are you happy now? However, as always, she appears again because she has yet to steer me wrong, although I had the name Kung Fu Noodle written in my phone with no further details, so went on a chance and what a good choice that was. I got to try vegetarian biang biang noodles for the first time with marinated tofu and vegetables and I have to say, it was a bianger!

Zaatar toastie with hummus, Fiori Cafe

The other Cherelle rec of the newsletter was this impromptu lunch we went to a couple of weeks ago, which was then followed by the waffle ice cream at Hello Oriental of last newsletter’s fame. I copied her order of the Zaatar cheese toastie with hummus and by god, what a combo. I think with either on its own it might have risked being a little boring, but together it was the perfect comforting combination of creamy, gooey, nutty goodness.

No knead bread

I finally did it. I made bread that wasn’t so flat and hard it could be used as a skimming stone. And it was courtesy of my friend Sarah, who runs a very cute and wholesome Youtube channel. Not only did she introduce me to the concept of an iced cinnamon scone (delicious) but also this no-knead recipe, which mean I actually produced a loaf of edible bread! I definitely want to practice it more to get it really good, but it was a real treat to have your own bread with soup.

Veggie Festive Bake, Greggs

The time I have been waiting for all year has returned. Greggs Festive Bake season is upon us and unlike some places, they do not leave us non-meat eaters out of the joy. We get (fake) chicken and bacon in creamy cranberry and onion sauce and crisp pastry and it is a great snack if you’re having to traipse around in the cold for Christmas shopping. While I do not like to shill for big companies, if they ever discontinue this version, I will actually riot.

Marks and Spencers Extra Virgin Olive Oil Crisps with Truffle

You can’t say I don’t cover both ends of the taste spectrum. I bought this very sceptically and was blown away by the thin, crisp but also somehow melt in your mouth texture? I’m a truffle fan (AKA class traitor) but they also do ham and salted flavours if that’s more your speed.

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And that’s all for this edition, and I’m off to decorate the flat to Winter and Gold. However, as always, if you enjoyed it, feel free to share, comment or even tip me if you’re feeling the Christmas spirit:

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I’ve never been great at ‘growing’ my audience despite how many emails Substack would like to send me on the subject, but it’s been really nice having my own little corner of the internet to write my ponderings. I’ll be back before the New Year with my Best of the Rest Roundup as well as one last grief related post for the year, so do stay tuned. Otherwise a happy holidays to you all!

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TRIGGER WARNING: This newsletter will contain descriptions of anxiety attacks, death and medical stuff. The last thing I want to do is trigger anxiety attacks in someone else, so if that sounds like you, maybe leave it for now. However if reading that stuff may make you feel less alone, go right ahead.

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I am becoming obsessed with the body. Of course, in the way like every young woman who grew up under diet culture, fretting over the social currency of my aging, imperfect body, but more so, the tangibility of it all.

After months of being with my uncle, we finally received Mum’s ashes. The picture first appeared on my phone as I sit down at the pub, three boxes tucked in a backpack. I felt like someone has just winded me in public but conversation carriesdon as normal and I found the absurdity of the situation means that the words to describe this situation became stuck behind my lips. How do you tell your friends that your mum is now sitting in the bottom of a bag? After all, their mums can’t. The vertigo between my life and theirs made me feel like I’m floating away, hanging onto any conversation by one slim thread.

From that moment onwards, I thought of the dust often, when I walk to the supermarket, when I cook dinner, when I try to sleep. When I thought about the translation of the person I knew, with thread veins on the apples of her cheeks, to grey, inanimate dust, I felt sick.

I went to the doctors. I had just finished working a temporary job, so decided to immediately treat myself by booking a doctors appointment to address the nagging feeling in the back of my mind for the last month. It had started on the hottest day of the summer. Despite drinking endless water, I didn’t just feel too hot, but if I wasn’t careful, I felt like my head would explode like a cartoon boiler when the pressure valve goes. However, it was early in the contract and I couldn’t afford to lose a day’s pay or potentially the whole contract, so I went to the bathroom, frantically towelling myself off with wet tissues before laying on the floor with my feet in the air and hoped for the best. I survived that day, just about. As it got cooler, I breathed an inward sigh of relief. However, I then starting noticing something weird.

My heart would start beating obnoxiously hard and fast. I would get random pains in my right arm and chest. Often pins and needles too, in my hands or my arm or my face, My lips would suddenly completely dry. I would then have to go to the bathroom five, six, seven times in quick succession. If I even just the slightest bit of a caffeinated drink, it would set me off for an hour. After making the mistake of drinking a large iced tea during a screening of Materialists, I felt on the verge of passing out for about two hours to the point I had to get one of my friends to buy a bag of fruit pastilles.

It feels pathetic to admit this stuff. Partly because I spent so long looking at myself trying to figure out which obvious mistake I was making. I cut out caffeine as that felt like an obvious perpetrator. I’ve never been a big caffeine drinker, but I used to be able to at least have one normal cup of tea and be fine. I was even starting to quite enjoy an iced matcha latte (yes, I’m one of those white women). But whatever progress I’d made has been deleted, like someone had pressed a factory settings button inside of me somewhere.

People told me that I was fine, it was probably just anxiety. They say it with the same tone and same knitted brow and I know they are trying to reassure me, I think in particular that they are trying to tell me that I’m not dying of cancer, which I appreciated. But I couldn’t say it reassured me that much either.

I’ve had anxiety before. Anxiety is often depicted in exactly one way, which is the “character is heavy breathing while saying I can’t breathe” version. (The most recent version I’ve seen is Season 1 of The Summer I Turned Pretty, where Conrad has one over hiding the fact his mum has terminal cancer. And yes, it did make me cry, obviously). And to be fair, that is the version I had pretty early on. However, I’ve also had the “can’t physically stop shaking” version. I’ve had the “instant and frequent diarrhoea” version (the glamorous one that no one talks about)! And sometimes just the ‘nothing in your body feels quite right’ version.

When I had CBT for anxiety and depression years ago, it was about what you could do to change your situation and your feelings. And it worked when I didn’t like my job. But there isn’t anything you can do here to stop someone you loved from being dead. It just keeps being your reality. And occasionally, when you do forget, and her being alive seems too vivid, you have to remember.

I remember the feeling of my heart racing the moment I realised this was the moment my mum dies. There was no heart rate monitors like in TV or film, or a dramatic moment when someone rushes in and tries to rescuscitate. It was just watching the gentle pulsing in her neck slow and disappear. There was nothing else to do, except say something you hoped would be vaguely reassuring.

I arrived at my auntie’s house, where the three boxes of Mum awaited me on the desk outside the bedroom. I picked one up, felt the weight and then I tilted it. I hear the sound of the dust moving, some pieces larger than others, a human rain machine. She used to listen to the sounds of rain to help her fall asleep. When I return to them in the evening, I cuddle one of the boxes to myself and cry, until my Auntie gently prises her away and puts her with the drinks cabinet (where she’d like to be, to be fair). I feel strange, like when someone takes your toy away as a child. As awful as it is to experience, it was nice to hold something again.

I flew back home. I left the ashes behind for now, so not to carry them through security. My life returned. My calendar filled up. My blood tests were normal. I booked career events. I had an appointment with a heart clinic, where they strapped a monitor to me for 24 hours. I realised its been a few days since I cried about Mum at all. I wondered about the gaps getting longer.

And then I saw a video of Tig Notaro reading a poem by Andrea Gibson, Tincture.

You can read it in full here, but it’s about the concept of the soul missing the physical sensations of the body after somebody dies.

The soul misses what the body could not let go—
what else could hold on that tightly to everything?
What else could see hear the chain of a swingset
and fall to its knees?

I cried again.

My mum was ready to die in that moment, because pain was all she knew at that stage. I know there is a possibility that that day will come for me too. So when I experience these symptoms, it’s hard not to take them as a potential omen that the day I fear is coming for me, and coming for me way sooner than I would like.

But part of me knows that at least some of the sensations I am experiencing is just the sadness and the shock of my mother’s death haunting my body with phantom feelings. Some of them are just a sign that in the wake of this, I need to take care of myself more. And some of them are just signs of life itself.

This poem reminded me that we are not alive without the experience of the visceral. This week, I went for lunch with some friends and afterwards we got an soft serve in a waffle cone, despite it being November. We walked down the street, and I felt some kind of rush. Perhaps it is the childlike joy in licking the cold cream, despite my fingers already being freezing. Maybe it’s just the sugar. But either way, it was a significant moment of true, simple happiness which I didn’t realise I had been missing for so long.

I have an appointment with the clinic on New Years Eve to talk about the potential secrets of my heart. In the meantime, I will try to relish in my life, whether it’s spice burning on my tongue, the chill of the winter wind or the sting of tears while in the warm embrace of a loved one.

I am here, experiencing being alive now, and that’s all I can hope for.

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That’s all for this edition - I decided to separate my usual food roundup as it didn’t feel right for this piece, but I will be posting my autumn recommendations hopefully in the next week or two. Also as your girl is back to jobhunting around the Christmas period, if you resonated with my work, you can chuck me a quid or two here :

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However I understand things are financially tough for a lot of people at the moment, so one of the most useful things you can do for a writer is share their work! So please feel free to share on social media or pass onto any friends who may need it.

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And finally, as I always say, if you relate to anything in this newsletter, I’d love to hear from you. One of the hardest things about grief is how lonely it is.

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Otherwise, I’ll see you all soon.

hello again! It’s been a month (or so)! And what a month it’s been.

Firstly, thank you to all the lovely responses to the last edition of the newsletter. It reminded me why I love writing and gave me that excitement about why I do this again.

Secondly, I’d like to apologise to my mother after someone rightfully pointed out to me that if you read this newsletter through Substack you may not open the emails. It’s nicer to think that maybe it was simply a classic older-generation-mum-style tech issue. After all, she was one of those women who had to read her phone at an arms length over her glasses, so it’s plausible. What is annoying is that I now can’t take the piss out of her for it.

So, what’s new?

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the homeland

Well, if I could give the screenwriter of my life notes, I would say they’re overdoing it a bit now. A week or so after my last newsletter, my grandma also passed away. To be honest, it’s just rude at this point. She died of dementia, which most people are unfortunately familiar with these days, but it is still awful. When someone is dying, you have to reckon with watching someone disappear in front of you. Dementia is perhaps one of the worst versions of this, where someone can remain physically intact for years, but bears no resemblance to who they used to be. It traps you in a limbo of not wanting to lose them but also wanting them to not be in distress as they are visibly confused. So, that sucked.

Also as she was Irish, her loss has raised weird feelings about losing that connection to my family identity. I come from a family who lives all over and no one is from where they live. I moved down to Cornwall from London when I was a toddler and spent most of my childhood in Cornwall, but I can’t say I was made to feel like I belonged there. There were the kids whose families all knew each other and then there was us. We never felt like locals. But despite being born in London, when I moved to London at 18 it became clear very quickly that I didn’t really know London at all either.

So part of me likes to cling on to my Irish-ness, historically because I think a significant chunk of the Martin-Strong’s trace back to Ireland at least, and I was once told, unprompted, that I look Irish by a friend’s mum who was pissed at a campfire. (Still uncertain what that actually entails).But when I went to Ireland with my (English) boyfriend, people in the street asked him for directions and presumed he was bringing his English girlfriend home. I clearly don’t look that Irish.

Wherever I go, I cannot help but feel I am the interloper, the stranger in a new land. I would love to go somewhere where touching the soil feels like an anchor, tying me back to some rich history and family I never knew but unsurprisingly, I’ve never really found that feeling. I don’t know if it even exists. But it’s partly why living in cities feels easier. At least a lot of us are interlopers here.

Maybe it’s because I’ve moved house at least sixteen times in my life. Technically seventeen, if you count emptying Mum’s house. This means there is no childhood bedroom I can return to, except in my dreams. Instead there are just buildings I don’t belong to anymore but I watch from a distance, lingering on the outside. Home as a physical place is something I have never been able to hold onto, because I know just too well how it can be taken away. So like the hermit crab, I build a home in whatever I can hold onto in that moment. Objects - of course, I am a hoarder. But also people. Of course family, but also friends.

With these people, you create small traditions and rituals that happen time and time again without thinking. It’s having a cup of tea and watching a reality show on your friend’s couch, or having drinks in someone’s tiny kitchen at a house party, or sharing bread and dips at an evening with the girls. With Mum, it was having tea and toast in her garden in the mornings, or her making a chip butty the first night I would arrive. That was my home, more than any building or place ever was. But like every home, it can fall away. So I keep moving, and I hope I find something else that will shelter me from the rain.

the milkshake

Mum died right before lunchtime. So, when I did have to finally leave her, it was to get lunch. It feels stupid to say. Hunger should feel inconsequential to the immensity of grief but after two days of no sleep and the worst moment of your life, you need to eat something to carry on. So my uncle dropped me and Ed into town and we sat outside a cafe with toasties.

I ordered a strawberry milkshake with whipped cream. I love strawberry milkshake but it doesn’t often feel right to order with most meals, especially as a thirty year old woman. But raised on the bright pink of Nesquik, it still holds a soft spot for me, especially as it reminds me of this little cafe that me and Mum would visit near Lands End. After my parents separated, if we were at home just the two of us, Mum knew I’d never say no to a drive somewhere. Having not had a car until I was fifteen, every drive felt like an adventure to a whole new world. We’d drive down so we could walk to the beautiful hotel near the cliff face, before walking back to the cafe for a slice of cake and a milkshake. It was decorated in this slightly funny old fashioned way, with glass cabinets full of elaborately decorated cakes and pies. We’d sit just the two of us, the place almost empty. It felt like our secret. It was funny years later how the milkshake that awful afternoon looked and tasted just like how I remembered that cafe all those years ago.

the supermarket

The other place we used to drive to a lot was the supermarket. It was always easily justifiable, even on a school night. During COVID, venturing to different supermarkets provided much needed variety during the day. Because of this, I find them immensely comforting, especially in the quiet of the late evening or a lazy weekday afternoon. Or at least, I used to.

Currently, my grief is tucked away under my ribcage somewhere, I think, in order to survive. Every time a memory resurfaces it feels like that moment before you plunge under cold water, that sudden breath that you hold onto as you fall. It will surprise you what plunges you under. The other day, it was one of those miniature cans of Fanta in Lemon and Fruit Twist flavours - we’d often get one after the trip to a big Asda somewhere, and drink it in the car park before we’d set off home. I wonder what she would think about the new flavours. I get sad that I’ll never know.

But I am finding some joy in it again, slowly.

With the newsletter back, I find myself scouring the shelves for new things to try. ‘For science’, I mutter to myself as I skip to the self-checkouts with Kewpie mayonnaise in one hand, KitKat Funky in another (can recommend both, FYI.).

Some other recent highlights include:

• everything bagels - an extra savoury version of the bagels we know and love.

• higgledy halloumi and hot honey rolls -

• cheese topped pretzel roll, Lidl Bakery - finally a supermarket branching into Pretzel bread.

• Morrison’s Aioli Dip. - Morrisons had no reason to go this hard on their own garlic dip but they did. Also equally good but a bit more spenny is the Sainsbury’s Roasted Garlic Aioli Dip

• La Famiglia Rana Garlic and Mozzarella Filled Gnocchi - thanks to our friends Greg and Alice, excellent cooks and consummate hosts, who introduced these to us recently. I fried at home with sundried tomatoes, the sundried tomato oil and crispy chilli oil for extra savoury goodness.

• Four Colour Bic. Mum was always particular on pens, both on accounts of being dyspraxic and being creative (she advocated being ambidextrous her whole life). As one of the few that passed the snuff, she always had one of these pens kicking around. I don’t know if I need more pens, but when I hold it, I feel in safe hands.

the feed

One of the things I appreciated most right after Mum died was being fed by other people.

Cherelle, a good friend to me and the newsletter, almost immediately brought us over some homemade bread and butter(!!)and a delicious tomato and aubergine sauce so we could at least make some really nice spaghetti without any real effort on our part.

Then my Dad turned up at my flat in Manchester, and spent the next few days buying and making food for me and my sibling while we binge-watched Never Mind The Buzzcocks. He introduced me to watermelon, feta and mint and It was really nice to have this little bubble of a family life in the immediate wake of everything being awful.

A group of my friends from London clubbed together to get me a Just Eat voucher, which proved a godsend during the various treacherous trips to clear Mum’s house.I couldn’t bear to cook much while emptying that kitchen where we had spent so many hours.

It’s all been so, so appreciated. So, after thinking on this for a while, I’ve decided to end this newsletter the way I started it - with gratitude. Specifically, I thought in true Finally Some Good Food style, I would do a shoutout to some particular highlights from what other people have fed me over the last month or so.

Emma’s boozy tiramisu

I love my friends. I love it even more when they live physically close to me. I advocate that all friendship groups should consider proximity to each other when they move. Living right by your friends has the pros of a commune, without all the weird class politics and nonethical monogamy or whatever. Particular if your friend/neighbour makes a tiramisu and needs immediate help in eating it. So thanks to Emma for this surprise treat, and for the ingenious idea of subbing in Five Farms Irish Cream liqueur as your booze of choice! Just don’t eat it like Josh did.

Medea’s cake for MASH

I went to a pole jam at Asteria Studios in Radcliffe where Medea, one of the instructors, made both an incredible chocolate cake and strawberry and rose tres leches. Not only were they downright delicious, they were raising money for a great cause: Manchester Action for Street Health, a charity that helps sex workers in Manchester with their health, safety and emotional wellbeing, needs funds for their roof that has a leak. Without it, they can’t run their drop-in centre which provides a lot of their face-to-face support. If you have a quid to spare, you can donate below.

Raise the roof for MASH

hot honey cashews

I’ve been having a regular crafts night with some of my girl friends and it has been incredibly beneficial to my wellbeing to make things with my hands. I will write about it in full in a future newsletter, but in the meantime I can talk about how it is an excuse for us to all go true Girl Dinner mode and eat bread and crisps and many aforementioned aioli dips. Special shout out to Pascale for sourcing this Aldi rarity, a rare combination of both your fave sweet and savoury nuts!

ackee and saltfish

I got to try ackee and saltfish for the first time, as aforementioned queen Cherelle made it for us as part of a Jamaican Independence party. It is Jamaica’s national dish, and is made with ackee, which is the national fruit of Jamaica and a version of salted cod. It has a really interesting background as a dish which Jamaicans have reclaimed from its history with enslavement, which you can read about here.

To eat, it’s light but flavourful, and unlike any other fish dish I’ve had. So when I went to the Campfield Weekender market, I saw Palette Bakery at the Weekender advertising it in a patty and I had to try. The ackee and saltfish patty was a lovely portable version with crisp pastry and just enough spice for a kick, but not too much to leave me, a fragile white person, in tears. However, while eating the patty was something pretty new for me, I thought it looked familiar.

It turns out that Jamaican patties also have an interesting history; they are believed to be influenced from the Cornish pasty due to, you guessed it, colonialism. But over time, they were transformed using spices brought by indentured labourers from China and India as well as the Scotch Bonnet chili, which is native to Jamaica. It is definitely worth trying if you haven’t already, and you can read more about the history of patties and the Canadian Patty Wars(!) here.

a trip to Scotland

I got to go on a very brief weekend trip to both Edinburgh and Glasgow recently. I managed to microdose the Fringe Festival with my Dad, which was pretty good actually except when we accidentally went to Jena Friedmen’s new show about losing her mum to cancer. Whoops! But after then, I got to be hosted by my childhood friend Sam and their lovely partner Charlie in their gorgeous flat in Glasgow. It’s great to hang out with people who are not only obsessed with food in the same way, but will share their late night air fryer snacks. Here is a highlight reel from my flying Scots trip.

• Lays Green Onion crisps - so good I ate the entire bag over 1 Drag Race episode to the surprise and not horror of my hosts (hopefully).

• La Gelatessa - I’m sure I’ve mentioned in the newsletter before that I am a fan of Mary’s Milk Bar in Edinburgh, however, as this trip was during the fringe, I knew I simply couldn’t be arsed to queue. Luckily, Glasgow has their own star gelateria that I would say comfortably rivals Mary’s, La Gelatessa in the Southside. I had their peach and basil flavour as well as buttered corn and both were incredible. I love basil as a savoury note in a sweet dish so of course I loved that one, but the buttered corn was a pleasant surprise - like a slightly stronger cornflake flavour! If you’re in the area, I’d say it’s a must-go.

• Not Just Coffee’s pistachio brownie - While everyone and their mum seems to be selling a pistachio baked good these days, I wish they could make something as good as this brownie. Not only did it actually utilise the flavour perfectly, but it was just a brilliant brownie by brownie standards. The texture was perfectly fudgy with pistachio creme running through it as perfect creamy and salty notes. It’s true, they don’t do just coffee.

• Soda Folk Blueberry Soda - I’lll say it now, the ‘health food shop’ as my family call it, is a UK staple of every town and city that does not get enough praise. Anyone with a dietary requirement or a love of yogurt covered things knows this to be true. Yes, they are pricy as hell sometimes, but they are the most reliable source of your fave veggie sausages, herbal teas or gluten free pasta. Also, they are a niche food paradise of small brands and producers, and if you’re a real foodie, it’s worth checking out your local one for any good curios. In Glasgow, we went into one called Roots, Fruits and Flowers that stocked this delightful blueberry soda and personally, I’m now convinced blueberry is not used enough as a soft drink flavour.

• Pizza Crunch - a true Scottish tradition or a pandering to tourists? I don’t know - the history is hard to find online. However, do I care? No. With the crispy batter, it’s kind of like fish, if it had a thin layer of tomato sauce on the inside. Either way, what’s there to hate? Do you not want to live deliciously?

That’s all for now, but I’ll hopefully see you all again soon. If you enjoyed my work, you can either chuck me a quid or two here:

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Or if you’d like, you can check out Dementia UK, which you can donate to or you want to look at their resources, you can do so here:

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As I said last time, if you relate to anything in this newsletter, I’d love to hear from you, because one of the hardest things about grief, whatever kind, is how lonely it is.

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A key trait that most people know me by for the last ten years or so is that I hate quiche. In fact, my first proper standup routine when I was 18 was about how I hated quiche. What if we made a pizza eggy and sad? I told the audiences, who were all definitely crying with laughter. But then, recently, I went to Sainsburys and they had in the reduced section a ‘Mature Cheddar and Crispy Chilli Oil quiche’. I love both cheddar and crispy chilli oil, but was unsure about the combo I obviously had to try. Spoiler: once heated, it was delicious, gooey and savoury. So firstly I realise I’d like to apologise to quiche everywhere for all the bad things I’ve said. Turns out you just needed a better filling.

Perhaps the more important thing I realised while eating this quiche was that I realised I miss writing this newsletter.

In case you didn’t know, my mum died in May. It’s been horrid and sad, but perhaps one of the most brutal things about all of this is that when I loaded my mum’s tablet up recently, I found in her email inbox that most of these newsletters were unread. To be honest, I wasn’t exactly sure how to take that. Everyone’s a critic, I guess. After all, I’m not sure who else still reads these either, especially when everyone has a newsletter these days, and our email boxes are fighting for their lives against every subscription you’ve forgotten you’ve signed up to.

But even so, I miss it. I miss telling you all about these good things I’ve eaten. You are my community and writing this newsletter feels like talking to my friends. I care about each and every one of you! And because of you guys, I have kept writing this newsletter for over 4 years now, having written forty of them. Maybe that’s not big for some people, but that’s big for me!

At my mum’s house, I went through the boxes with all my writing so far. I have always felt bad for not writing every day and being ‘consistent’, but seeing thirty years worth of it collated reminded me that you don’t have to show up every day to be showing up. Maybe you write intensely for a week and then not again until two years later. Maybe you write a newsletter every week for a few months, then release one whenever you can. But it still exists, and I am the writer I am because of each one of those pieces of writing and the distance between them.

Grief workshops will tell you how important writing is to process, and I know I need to write about this because it’s been two months and I’m still sad. This is not surprising, but perhaps what is surprising is that I feel like I’m not supposed to talk about it anymore. I feel like everyone else is moving on with their lives and I’m supposed to be too. I should be getting on with things, rather than still bursting into tears if I even try to talk about Mum. But if anything, I miss her even more now. So, I have to write.

I can’t pretend it will be consistent to any plan. As much as the algorithm likes you to have a regular schedule, I simply can’t do it. I can’t neatly proportion and schedule my feelings for ‘the grind’ or to ‘organically build a following’. All I can do is write as much as I want to write, and I will stop when I need to stop.

I want to write about food. But also, for the moment, I want to write about stuff that isn’t food more. So I will write about both, but apologies if if reading about grief is too heavy for you or you are just here to read about supermarket/restaurant/recipe recommendations - I will include as and when, and if you read to the bottom, I’ve got a recipe for anchovy butter pasta I’ve been making. However, if you are looking for company, comfort or perhaps you are just morbidly curious, I’d love for you to stick around.

Also, I will be pausing paid subscriptions as I’m not going to put any of this stuff behind a paywall because that feels super weird! However, financially I can’t say I’m in a place to entirely say no to money, and if you do enjoy any of this work or just feel sorry for me and happen to have some spare cash, feel free to give me a little gift here:

Donate here!

I am incredibly grateful to everyone who has already been so generous lately, your kindness has not been forgotten. When I do finally get published, I will put as many of you in the acknowledgements as I can physically allow!!

Now it’s time for my personal highlights and lowlights of late:

• I have various phone calls with customer service to cancel every direct debit Mum had. Firstly, why does every customer service line make you go through 15 rounds of options until you reach an actual person? Secondly, the plus side is that having to talk to all these people means saying the words ‘my mum has passed away’ out loud don’t affect me anymore. Some people are good, some are …less good. Her union and car insurance are extremely helpful, the internet company, less so. One guy proceeds to tell me about his family’s history with cancer which would have been fine if he hadn’t emphasised that his mum had ‘luckily’ not died because they “caught it early”. Lucky you! But then the next colleague he passes me onto is a lovely older woman who talks to me about Albert Schloss, and I am endeared.

• I watch The Shrouds out of morbid curiosity. Luckily, it is far too daft and horny to actually upset me in any meaningful way.

• A mirror that a dear friend is restoring for me turns out to be a valuable antique mirror from the seventies. Of course, Mum had left it in the garden where it had been almost wrecked by nature! Because why wouldn’t you! I can’t be too mad though. I’m not going to sell it, and neither was she. If we treated everything we owned as if we were going to sell it, that would be an awful way to live. Use up the perfume! Wear the clothes until they break! Chuck valuable furniture into nature - for short periods of time, so your friend doesn’t have to dispose of all the dead bugs that accumulate within it. Sorry Josh.

• My sibling sends me a picture of a heart shaped like a cloud, which we both take to be a sign beyond the grave. Mum was always a fan of Gavin Pretor-Pinney’s book and series about Cloudspotting. It’s because of this I can still identify cumulonimbus and cirrus, but maybe this heavenly sign is a sign it’s time to finally read the rest of the book so I can learn any other cloud shape.

  

• A friend tells a story about a bride whose mother tried to wear white on her wedding day. I make a joke that at least that’s not going to be a problem. 10/10 bit from me, I like to think, and one of my new favourite things is making jokes around my friends about Mum and seeing the face they make before they allow themselves to laugh. Tee hee! In reality, unfortunately I will probably be the cliche bride who leaves an empty chair for Mum or something like that, unless it’s too expensive. Sorry Mum!

• She visits me in my dreams twice. The first in person, the second in the form of a phone call. Both were nice while they were happening, until I remembered in-dream that this should not be possible. The first one afterwards left me upset and weird all day afterwards but the second had the opposite effect weirdly. This time, she was giving me a pep-talk through some sort of magical phone loophole. At the time it applied to a dance audition (??) which I was doing, but what she was saying wasn’t dance specific at all, and felt so incredibly real, more real than any part of a dream I’ve had, that I like to think she was perhaps just talking to real-life Ruby however she could.

  

And finally, some good food (content) - I can’t remember much of what I’ve eaten recently, so I don’t have much in the way of singular recommendations bar the quiche at the moment. There is this recipe I’ve been making a lot lately, loosely inspired from a couple I’ve seen online:

Anchovy Butter Pasta - a vague recipe

You will need:

• tin of anchovies

• butter

• garlic

• white wine vinegar

• chopped parsley

• breadcrumbs

• pasta of choice

Method:

• Prepare breadcrumbs however you like- that could be buying them, or in my partner’s case, making your own using any leftover stale bread, toasting under the grill with olive oil and garlic and putting in the food processor with some leftover anchovy oil. But you do not have to be that extra (they were delicious though!!)

• Melt butter in a pan on a low heat. Add crushed garlic for a moment, before adding your tin of anchovies.

• While the anchovies break up and melt into the butter, cook your pasta. When you drain, make sure to save some pasta water.

• Once the sauce is quite reduced and sufficiently brown from the broken up anchovies, you can add some pasta water, along with a splash of white wine vinegar and some parsley. Season with salt and pepper to taste, then toss in your pasta. One of my best grabs from Mum’s kitchen draws was those tongs that look like little hands - excellent for any noodle-y dish!

• Top with your chosen breadcrumbs and/or cheese and serve.

That’s all for now, but I’ll see you when I see you - I’ve bought a different reduced quiche to try so I’ll let you know how that goes. If you relate to anything in this newsletter, I’d love to hear from you, because one of the hardest things about grief is how lonely it is. Also, if you’ve been bereaved by cancer, I really recommend The Loss Foundation, who do free workshops and support groups that have been a bit of a lifesaver at the moment. Otherwise, if you enjoyed this newsletter or found it meaningful/helpful, please feel free to share on social media or pass onto any friends who may need it. As High School Musical once said, we’re all in this together!

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Hello my little crumpets, and welcome back to Finally Some Good Food. In exciting news, we’ve got some new subscribers here - Hello! Welcome! Make yourself at home! -So I figured I’d give a little reintroduction to what to expect at FSGF.

Our humble newsletter is written by me and only me, and is not part of any wider, more sophisticated publication. I am my own writer, subeditor, meme designer, etc etc. so our house style is loose and ephemeral, like underwear blowing away on the washing line. But despite the jokes, be warned that I do sometimes take my writing seriously. Sometimes the intro is a genuinely sincere page-long treatise about some philosophical topic like death or depression, but also sometimes it is two sentences about a day trip or a meme. Truly, the two genders.

For example, when I started drafting this back in January, this newsletter was a very depressing piece. Now, finishing it off in April with blossoms and sunshine and the return of my will to live, it’s a much more optimistic affair. Don’t get me wrong, there are still current factors in my life that are too difficult to write about at the moment* which may hinder future newsletters to come (as a side note, I loved this piece on failing to write after grief by one of my fave critics, Barry Pierce). However, recently I’ve rediscovered a new kind of joy. I’m enjoying being bored.

I’m trying to get used to boredom. I was inspired by various thinkpieces and this Eddy Burback video in particular, but there are two main reasons I think this is useful. For one,I realise that I use music to get through more mundane tasks. This is not inherently a problem, but I want to be able to get better at not procrastinating and completing normal tasks without being distracted. So, I’m experimenting to see how much of my focus can be regained by changing my behaviour and lifestyle factors, versus what parts of my neurodivergence require actual medical intervention.

Secondly, I’ve realised that boredom is an excellent tool for creativity. If I have to sit alone with my own thoughts, I have to make up some interesting ones. Sometimes this also means I have to sit with some uncomfortable or upsetting ones, but I hope this means that I am actually processing what I’m feeling rather than deferring to a later date.

In the specific case of cooking however, the most notable thing I've found is that I’ve been experimenting more and improvising almost everything. This is not to say I don’t use recipes or believe in them. In fact, quite a few of the things I made sprang off someone’s beloved blog to begin with, but having to be fully present in the process of cooking means it has become a sort of creative expression, like doodling. There is something quite joyful about this - it is play!

Therefore, today’s newsletter is somewhat recipe-rich, but as usual, we will also be rounding up my favourite snacks and restaurant dishes I’ve tried as well. I’m trialling moving these free editions to a quarterly schedule to give me more time to work on my various writing projects and workshops.

Speaking of which, for those who want to do some in-person writing, my next workshop is a FREE writing workshop and walking tour with The National Trust on the 11th of May, where we will be exploring writing prompts based on Manchester’s blossoms and plants. Also I’m looking to book more writing workshops over the next year, if you are a business in Manchester or otherwise, especially if you are a food business interested in hosting a food writing workshop, get in touch!

For the final shameless plug, I’ll be releasing a travel exclusive for paid subscribers in the next few weeks about what I ate in Mexico, so if you’re a keen traveller, stay tuned!

Now, let’s get into it, shall we?

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Every season is a salad season if you’re eating salad

As mentioned in my newsletter at the end of last year, I’m still trying to eat ‘healthier’, aka trying to eat more vegetables. However, after our New Year's hangover, my partner also wanted to try, especially as he is a Type One Diabetic and wanted to improve his blood sugars. Therefore, we have been experimenting with eating fewer carbs.

Do not be mistaken!

This is not me telling you to cut carbs in any way. It is because I am too lazy to cook two separate meals, and most importantly, I am not going carb-free, just reducing it slightly. I cannot say for the most part, there has been any noticeable benefit that these fad sites might try to sell you. I am not a new woman, I haven’t mysteriously discovered some font of energy, and I am not more beautiful than before because you can’t improve on perfection. The one thing I have enjoyed is the variety it has brought to my diet; I enjoy pasta and pizza a bit more now it feels more like a novelty again.

As the unemployed person in the relationship, this means I have been doing the majority of the cooking, but most of what I have been making is salads. I have resisted the idea of salads for most of my life due to toxic diet culture, but because I want my partner to feel good in his body as much as possible, I decided I was going to investigate how I could make salads flavourful and interesting. I have boiled it down to two main steps.

1. Roast vegetables in as delicious a mix of spices and oils as possible. MSG, smoked paprika and crispy chilli oil are your friends.

2. Dressings are everything. There’s no way in hell I’m having a dry salad.

That being said, these are the big winners I’ve come across so far.

Salad #1: Fake chicken, roast veg, avocado and salted lemon yogurt

As mentioned last year, I became obsessed with Ottolenghi’s charred tomato dip. However, as I was constructing my newfound salads, I wondered if I could use the delicious salted lemon yoghurt elsewhere.

As my partner is a big fan of breaded chicken, and I was looking for a source of veggie-friendly protein for each meal, this was a fairly straightforward swap. The yoghurt dressing is just Greek yoghurt, flaky sea salt and lemon zest. The roast veg I used was primarily sweet potato and tomato, but obviously sub in what you like - tenderstem broccoli would also work well here.

Salad #2: egg fried in crispy chilli oil (Lao Gan Ma), roasted chickpeas and veg, salted lemon yoghurt, tahini dressing, salad leaves

I roasted sweet potato and aubergine with the chickpeas in smoked paprika, garlic and MSG. It uses the same yoghurt as before, which is on the base of the dish, layered with the veg, and then the tahini dressing (which was vaguely inspired by this recipe but with added Worcester sauce), is drizzled over the top before the egg is added.

Salad #3: soy, honey and crispy chilli salmon, roasted veg, pickled ginger, sesame seeds/dressing, salad leaves

Similarly to the last one, aubergine and sweet potato go well, along with some tenderstem broccoli, roasted in salt, pepper, MSG, sesame oil and crispy chilli oil. (FYI sweet potatoes tend to take slightly longer to roast than aubergines so its staggered timing). Melt some butter and mix with soy sauce, garlic, a tiny bit of honey and sesame and crispy chilli oil. Wrap a boneless salmon fillet in foil and drizzle the butter mixture over and season with salt and pepper before sealing. Once the veg have about 10 minutes left, put the salmon in. Mix the salad leaves with the pickled ginger. You can also make a bonus dressing for the leaves by mixing the pickled ginger brine with soy sauce and mirin, or if you’re lazy, I really recommend Kewpie’s sesame dressing.

If you want more carbs, I also recommend adding potatoes. But this is a general rule for a lot of dishes, not just salads.

Salad #4: Tortilla, roast veg, aioli and/or balsamic dressing, salad leaves

For a slightly more mediterranean inspired salad, I recommend using one of those ready made tortillas you get in the supermarket as your protein (I got one of those Unearthed ones when they were on Nectar card offer), and roasted tomatoes and courgette in garlic, lemon peel and olive oil, before serving with salad leaves and aioli.

Salad #5: (fake) bacon, blue cheese, avocado, butterhead lettuce, balsamic dressing

Slightly inspired by caesar salad and Niki Segnit’s Flavour Thesaurus (an indispensable guide for all experimental cooks out there!!), this is exactly as described. Cut the bacon into small bits and fry until crispy, serve with chunks of the blue cheese of your choice (I recommend a creamier one, like Saint Agur). Balsamic dressing is just balsamic vinegar and oil, but you can also buy this dressing ready-made.

Salad #6: grapes, blue cheese dressing, cashews, salad leaves

This one was almost entirely inspired by scrounging what hadn’t gone off in our fridge and cupboard before the weekly food shop, but while I hadn’t thought to put nuts in a salad, roasted cashews were a surprisingly nice addition. The blue cheese dressing is just blue cheese in a blender with a smidgeon of greek yogurt.

Salad #7: potatoes, labneh, hummus, falafel, avocado, salad leaves

My most recent experiment inspired by another Nectar card offer, this time on Sainsbury’s new ‘small plates section’ having a 3 for £8 deal, I cooked some salad potatoes (I like to parboil and finish in a pan, but do it however you like) and served with either or both of their dips, hummus and labneh (the labneh is particularly delicious, with confit tomatoes), salad leaves and avocado.

—-

That’s my top salad recipes for now, but I am looking to continue expanding my repertoire over the summer months, so please send me any certified banger recipes if you have them. (Unless they contain raw onion. Respectfully, miss me with that sh*t.)

Potatwo Pot Luck

As long term followers of the newsletter will know, last year me and my friends held a potato themed potluck for St Patrick’s Day. Of course we had to do it again this year and this year I decided to do something between a cheese and potato pie and a galette, using folded puff pastry, parboiled potato chunks and a mix of cream cheese, wholegrain mustard, salt, pepper and a lot of comte.

This was obviously delicious, but I wanted to challenge myself further and after avidly following Great British Menu this year, I decided I wanted to try making a pickled walnut ketchup. Turns out this is much easier than anticipated, as long as you’ve got a blender and a sieve - I used this recipe and it made the perfect companion for my pie.

If you’re looking for potato dish inspiration, the other dishes this year were:

• Vada pavs by my friend Joe - these were so good they gave Bundobust a run for their money!

• Emma’s potato pizza - She made not one but two different kinds, but the spiced potato was chef’s kiss!

• Alienor’s cheese and leek stuffed potato skins

• Bran’s cheese and pepper sweet potato rounds

• Will’s even more cursed-looking homemade potato smilies (still tasty though).

• Shoutout to Jake, who only got a proper oven this year for many years with some weird shit hybrid, but still made some excellent roasties.

• And not a potato dish but Cherelle made her version of Nigella’s Guinness cake, which truly never misses.

Adventures in Hot Sauce

While in the past I would have identified myself as a spice wimp (not a moral judgement if you are also a spice wimp FYI), after travelling to Mexico in February and accidentally eating a large amount of habanero sauce (more on that in the paid newsletter), upon my return I have been tentatively experimenting in a much more normal amount. If I am ever invited on Hot Ones, I don’t want to be not completely unprepared and pull a DJ Khaled. These are the preliminary success stories for those interested in branching out:

• El Yucateco Habanero and Charred Pineapple: This one was a souvenir from Tulum, and while it was more hot than I’m used to, it had a superb fruity flavour. It went surprisingly well with a grilled cheese and would definitely get again as the flavour was good enough to try working on my tolerance for.

• Pablo Diablo - Jalapeno, Lime x Coriander Hot Sauce - This is technically classified by Tubby Tom’s website as a mild sauce, and to be fair, they are correct. It is very mild, so good for complete beginners.

• Nuff Love - Tropical Hot Pepper x Pineapple Jerk Glaze and Hot Sauce: This is listed under their hot sauces, and it is slightly hotter, but good flavour. In fact, I found myself using this one more than the milder one, which I think is growth.

Pancake Day

As you can probably tell by the potato potluck, I am a big fan of single-food-item-based holidays; it will therefore be no surprise that I love Pancake Day. Who doesn’t? I once spent a solid six months with a coeliac flatmate in Venice perfecting a gluten-free crepe recipe. Anyway, this year my friend Emma hosted a pancake evening that was lovely and delicious, except for one anomaly. We experimented with mixing some crispy M&Ms into some batter, but when I took a bite, my tongue started tingling in a way not too dissimilar to an allergic response. I stopped eating immediately and had a funny stomach for an hour or so afterwards (presumably the stress of perceived potential anaphylaxis) - but I’m wondering, has anyone experienced a reaction like this? Especially with crispy M&Ms? Or am I just mentally unwell?

However, in terms of something actually useful to you guys, I do have a handy tip: if you’re looking to make buttermilk/American style fluffy pancakes but can’t find buttermilk anywhere, I have found out you can use kefir as a substitute! All the pancakes I made with it were perfectly fluffy and went very well with maple syrup and butter as a topping. (Yes I’m late to the maple syrup and butter game, but now I’m here I’m not looking back).

Bury Market, you will always be famous

Now, as you may know, I wrote a bakery crawl piece for The Manchester Mill. I loved doing it, and I’m so glad to see the bakery crawl getting wider coverage in the Guardian only weeks later. But as you can imagine, getting published in a big publication that is read by thousands of people is slightly daunting. Naturally, I reacted to its release by obsessively reading the comments. Pretty much all of the comments seemed fair; I only had a certain amount of words to try and cover every single city centre bakery (that wasn’t Greggs), and there was stuff I just couldn’t fit in. However, I was and currently still am working on a follow-up to cover the bakeries outside the city centre - please send me your recommendations! So far, I have Barbakan and La Chouquette on my list, and there is one stop I have completed already: Bury Market.

Bury Market is such a delightful find, particularly on a sunny Saturday morning. For one, it sells all sorts of food and has genuinely cheap lunch options (I got a fried egg sandwich for less than £3). Also, if you’re interested in more niche baked products, this is definitely the place to go. Not only could I found the increasingly rare Staffordshire oatcakes (like a savoury pancake made of oats) which the vendor told me he could only procure “through a favour”, but I was finally able to get my hands on more Manchester specific delicacies, including eccles cake, chorley cake, a Manchester tart of course, and my personal favourite: the Wimberry pie.

Wimberry is another name for bilberry, which is the sweeter, juicier version of the blueberry and tends to be native to the UK. Unfortunately, they are too juicy and delicate to survive the transporting to become a frequent feature in supermarkets (honestly, same), but luckily for us and Bury, some bilberries grow locally on Holcombe Hill. The flavour is sexy and jammy and somewhere between a cherry and a blueberry, which is just delightful in shortcrust pastry, ideally served warm with some form of cream or custard. I got mine from Harry Muffin, which is a family-run stall, and I can highly recommend getting out of the city centre to visit. It’s just a tram ride away!

Best of the Rest

• I attended my first friend wedding, and it was so lovely! Everyone looked great, all the speeches were lovely, and to top it off, I had perhaps my favourite apple crumble I’ve ever had. I was initially thrown off by the bright blue ice cream on top, but it turns out it was just vanilla and tasted lovely anyway. Also, they had a buffet of perhaps the nicest fries I’ve had in the late evening, which was an inspired choice considering all the wine I had consumed and the wedding cakes were two personalised Colin the Caterpillar cakes. There’s nothing more heartwarming than discussing love with your friends in your finery while munching on Colin’s face slab.

• I tried two new recipes from the Green Roasting Tin, which were both great: the crispy gnocchi with sage and mushroom, and the creole spiced leek and mushroom tart. The tart was particularly impressive as the bottom turned out perfectly crisp.

• My partner and I went to 10 Tib Lane for Valentine’s Day. It is always good, especially their cheese beignets, but I want to shout out their beetroot dish. I’m normally not a fan of this wet vegetable that tastes of soil, but they served it with pickled blackberry, whipped buttermilk and walnut, and it was surprisingly really good (and less soil-y).

• After dinner, we went to Schofields and I had the Esmeralda, which was a creamy chocolate mint cocktail. An excellent dessert alternative.

• Finally, my friend Cherelle made the nicest paneer curry, but I forgot to ask for any of the details, so if you’re reading this, drop the recipe queen.

That’s all for this edition of the newsletter, I know it’s a long one, so thanks for sticking it out until the end, and as always, if you’ve enjoyed it, please feel to share.

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I’m also still open to requests or recommendations or burning questions from anyone, and it would also make my day if you try anything mentioned, so please get in touch!

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Also if you want to keep all these cool free recommendations going, I highly suggest perhaps flinging a donation this way or paying for a subscription if you can afford to do so; I am in the process of building an archive of all my recommendations on my website, so any donation will be very useful in making this happen!

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“I’m not a sandwich person, I don’t think sandwiches are a real food, it’s what you have for breakfast.[...]I will not touch bread if it is moist.”

Kemi Badenoch, Official Absolute Weapon

You’ll have to believe me, my little piadinas, when I say that I actually chose the theme of this newsletter BEFORE this quote came out.

Hello and welcome to 2025, and for our first paid newsletter of the year, we’re dealing with our first theme request from fan-favourite of the newsletter, Emma Moran; I’ll admit the original request was for the best Christmas sandwiches I’d had. However, as a vegetarian and occasional pescetarian, the admissions are scant in this category - after all, my leftover treat is just the bowl of leftover roast potatoes. (Besides I knew it would be at least a month or two after Christmas before I got around to actually posting the damn thing). Also, I’m not going to lie to you, most vegetarian christmas sandwiches are…mediocre at best. In fact, I do kind of understand what Kemi was saying if we are specifically referring to supermarket sandwiches in general, although I find they manage to be weirdly dry and limp at the same time. But sandwiches, as much as Badenoch may dislike it, follow a strong English tradition.

Historically, as many people know, the name ‘sandwich’ was named after the Earl of Sandwich - specifically the fourth Earl of Sandwich, John Montague. However, sandwiches existed long before then, albeit in a looser sense; flatbreads have been wrapped around meats since at least 1st Century BCE across Western Asia and North Africa, and specifically what the Scandinavians and Dutch might call an ‘open sandwich’ has existed in the UK since the Middle Ages. A ‘trencher’ was where stale bread was used as a plate for meat, afterwards the sodden remains being fed to dogs or beggars.

So why the Earl of Sandwich? Supposedly he was one of the first to suggest putting the meat between two slices of bread; the story goes that the second layer of bread would protect his fingers from getting grease on them while he was gambling.

However, according to Pen Vogler’s: Scoff: A History of Food and Class in Britain, Montague’s biographer suggests the actual reason was because the man was a workaholic and lived behind his desk. It’s hard to say where the gambling story came from exactly, although he certainly had a colourful history.

According to Albert Jack’s book What Caesar Did for My Salad, Montague was known for , as well as his preference for double-breaded snacks, being what some might call a flop. Despite his supposed work ethic, not only was he known as being incompetent, but also potentially corrupt to the point where he drove the Navy into such a state that many credited him for Britain losing in the American Revolutionary War. This was combined with the fact he was part of the Hellfire Club, a secret society that were rumoured to be orgiastic Satanists. Whether any of this is true, it was clear he needed some good PR and why not be known for a popular snack?

Diane Purkiss in her book English Food: A People’s History attributes the rise of the sandwich in general with the rise of afternoon tea. The 1700s was when the concept of the afternoon tea really became popular and with it they started serving ‘rolled bread-and-butter’, as Mrs Beeton describes it in the 1800s. Sandwiches then progressed to be filled with either beef, ham or tongue (none of which will be featuring on my best-of list), with more genteel options like cucumber sandwiches only being popularised in the 1870s, showing up in their most famous form in Oscar Wilde’s play The Importance of Being Earnest.

ALGERNON: Please don’t touch the cucumber sandwiches. They are ordered specially for Aunt Augusta. (Takes one and eats it.)

JACK. Well, you have been eating them all the time.

ALGERNON. That is quite a different matter. She is my aunt. (Takes plate from below.) Have some bread and butter. The bread and butter is for Gwendolen. Gwendolen is devoted to bread and butter.”

From the 1920s, perhaps the biggest sandwich innovation came along: the invention of sliced bread. From this point, sandwiches were no longer restricted to the upper echelons, being sold in cafes, pubs, diners and railway stations everywhere. However, as these were often sold unwrapped, in a lot of places, especially train stations, sandwiches became known for dry, curling edges until the 1970s. In the 1945 film Brief Encounter, you can see this being referenced where two soldiers, after being refused alcohol by the refreshment cafe server Myrtle Bagot, insult her age by saying:

“If them sandwiches were made this morning, you're Shirley Temple!”

Luckily for train servers across the country, in 1979, Marks and Spencers started selling their sandwiches in little wedge shaped boxes in their chilled section. Within the year they were selling them all across the country. According to journalist Sam Knight, by 1990, the sandwich industry in the UK was worth 1 billion pounds.

Over thirty-five years later, the sandwich has remained a mainstay of British lunch and cuisine. A couple of years ago, my friend Ben once asked in a conversational lull does anyone know any good sandwiches? At the time, it was laughed at, becoming a recurring joke whenever there was any awkward pauses, but years later I have realised I am genuinely interested in the answer. Unlike Kemi, I love sandwiches. While I love food, if you ask me to choose a proper meal and a good sandwich, I know what I would pick nine times out of ten. So I decided to definitely rank the best sandwiches of my life so far just in case you’re interested too, and maybe provide some inspiration for your next sarnie.

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Hello my little mince pies - I know, I know, it’s been a while. This is going to be a slightly similar tune to the last roundup newsletter, but I’ll be honest, the vibes have been absolutely rancid the last few months. Yes, while the hair loss problem solved itself, it turns out things can get worse! I think I am going to write about this in more detail in the new year, as part of a longer project, but for now, I’ll just say, I’ve been ✨depressed!✨

It feels almost embarrassing to admit, as I’d hoped I’d left old-school mental illness as a phase for my early twenties, in favour of the more modern ‘undiagnosed neurodivergence in a woman’. However, as the temperature dropped and Christmas has sped towards me at a frightening rate, I felt a very old-fashioned feeling of wanting to curl up under a weighted blanket and sleep for six months. This also comes with a compulsion to eat anything and everything in the hopes that this next sweet treat will fill the emotional void.

Spoiler alert: it doesn’t.

The good thing is that being a little older and wiser this time round means I know I have to actually take care of my body and deal with my feelings rather than fulfil every base impulse. This means I have started running again (much to my mother’s horror), and while, as I said last time, I am not trying to restrict my eating, I am still trying to eat vegetables regularly. In reality, this means like most middle-class people in their late twenties, I am working my way through Ottolenghi’s Simple cookbook. So far, I’ve made the courgette, pea and basil soup (very green), the tomato and (fake) prawn orzo, and my favourite dish, the charred tomato and yogurt dip. Admittedly I used dried thyme, oregano and ground cumin, but to be honest, it’s still lovely, and relatively low effort if you need something nutritious without loads of steps.

I’ve also really got into Biotiful’s plain kefir - which was a surprise for me too. Perhaps what is less surprising is that my stomach has not been behaving normally since all this stress has occurred, and after having a very small portion during a hungover DND session, I crave this tangy milk. Perhaps it’s just the placebo effect, but I’ll take whatever I can get at this point.

I know it’s strange to be so open in what is essentially a fun food-based newsletter, but the only thing more likely to send you off the verge of madness, more than mad shit happening, is to pretend that it’s not happening at all. The last time I wrote about struggling I got a very sweet message from a subscriber wishing me well - while I thank you for your concern, I write this less as a cry for pity (although in my opinion, it’s fine to want pity!), more in the hopes that perhaps if you’re having a shit time too, please know despite what you might be reading and seeing on social media, you’re not alone!

So before I get into the usual food recommendation stuff, I wanted to recommend something else first. Be honest with your friends about your feelings! I know a lot of people worry about inconveniencing others but you’re not! Your friends can’t necessarily solve your problems but the good ones can make you feel better simply by taking an active interest in your wellbeing and willing to help in any other way. Even if, in my case, it means watching terrible films about weirdly ripped snowmen.

Anyway that’s all about my feelings this quarter, here is some foods you can ignore your feelings with:

• silesian potato dumplings, Platski

After walking past it for the last four years, me and Ed finally managed to arrange a date to Platski on Deansgate. I’ve never really known much about Polish cuisine, but have heard great things about their pescetarian friendly options from my colleague Jeni as of late. The day of our date, Platski had just launched their Christmas menu and I was immediately drawn to the veggie main of Silesian-style dumplings served with a white wine, mushroom and spinach sauce. What arrived was almost diamond shaped cylindrical dumplings, somewhere between gnocchi and tteokbokki and they were delicious! They were perfectly light and fluffy despite the rich sauce and I could have had a lot of them - I would definitely go back to see what their Spring menu has to offer - and also to have some more pierogi.

• tuna flat tacos, Kitten

For my friend Emma’s birthday, I was invited to a family meal at Kitten, an izakaya restaurant at the bottom of the Deansgate towers. We ordered quite a range of dishes, but as is often the way with a lot of small plate restaurants, my favourite was the very first thing I had, which were the tuna flat tacos. What this actually meant was very thin slices of tuna sashimi on a quarter of a crisp tortilla, drizzled with a little truffle oil, a bit of truffle mayo and a dusting of very fine spring onions. It simply melted in the mouth and was so incredibly moreish, I wanted to give the others a piece to try but it was all gone before I know it. If I was to go back, I’d probably just order about 50 of them and nothing else.

• Opies Pickled Walnuts

Ways I have eaten these pickled walnuts so far because they are so goddamn delicious:

• In a baguette with brie

• Chopped up in melted butter and drizzled over ravioli

• On crackers with goats cheese

• As a Christmas canape of puff pastry and brie, yet again

• Slivers by themselves, as a cursed snack (also refer to pickled ginger slices)

• Eaten with just a chunk of, you’ve guessed it, brie, like a mouse

I’ve found this recipe for cheese and walnut palmiers which I am definitely going to try, and I’m also looking to figure out some salad with them too, so if you have any ideas, let me know.

• Five Farms Cream Liqueur

In October, I attended a whisky tasting festival in Manchester Cathedral. In a surprise to perhaps no one, I do not remember a lot of what I drank there. However, right towards the end, there is one drink that burned its way into my memory despite all the alcohol. I remember through the haze being given this delicious creamy liqueur in this lovely glass bottle, that was like Baileys but even more luscious and creamy! I even drunkenly texted my friend Emma to tell her all about it, but what actual text I sent is between me and God to decode. However, in my post-liqueur clarity I was worried that my addled brain may have hyped it up incorrectly, but luckily I got the chance at Emma’s birthday to try it again. Drunk Ruby has been vindicated! It was even better than I remembered - I recommend having a glass with a nice big ice cube, ideally on a big cosy couch in front of a Christmas fire.

• Gold Digestive biscuits

As you may know from previous newsletters, I am a big fan of the McVities addition in recent years of the White Chocolate Digestives; however, not everyone agrees with me and that is fine. They are allowed to have their opinions, even if they are wrong. However, I have recently found that there is a new digestive on the block that is winning over even the white chocolate sceptics, and that is their new limited edition Gold bar flavour digestives. Made with the same caramelised white chocolate as the eponymous lunch box staple, I have presented these biscuits to various events and they have gone down a treat, even with the haters. Inevitably they will succumb to the curse that everything I recommend does, which means they will never be sold again; that probably being the case, I would buy the packs while you still can or before they bring in some Wicked tie-in green and pink flavour or something.

• Pancho burritos, Arndale Market

Another date visit with Ed, this time we were recommended Panchos as the closest we’d get to actual Mexican food in the UK in terms of quality. Now I can’t verify if this is true, but what I can say is that it was a very nice burrito and I enjoyed the chipotle salsa with it. If you’re spice averse, this chipotle had a bit more of a kick than most of your chipotle sauces you’ll get in the chains, but not in an unpleasant or physically unbearable way! It’s worth braving the Arndale for at least.

• Hot and Spicy This Isn’t Chicken Pho, Pho

Unlike a lot of people, I have never had any qualms about eating lunch alone. I love it. Howver, with money being tighter than usual, I’m not really able to do it much beyond a Greggs at the moment, so I was lucky this year where as part of the Pride celebrations at work, we were given a promotional set of chopsticks from Pho which we could trade for a free bowl of Pho. I only got round to redeeming it right at the very end of the offer period, but I’m so glad I did. I took myself for a lovely solo lunch date where I ordered their vegan spicy pho with This Isn’t Chicken; I will say now while it's definitely got flavour, it is nowhere near as hot as it could be, especially considering that I am a medium spice girl at best. Also the chicken was succulent and juicy and unlike any other veggie substitute I’ve had recently, which is impressive - good if you’re craving a flavourful and (fake) meaty lunch (which can be enjoyed with or without other people).

• Mushroom gang jung, Koreana

After binging yet another KDrama with my mother (who in her retirement has become an absolute fiend for them), I realised how little I know about Korean food, despite there being a lot of interesting vegetarian or pescetarian dishes. So when Ed’s mum came to visit, I took this as a perfect opportunity to check out Koreana, a Korean restaurant in Manchester that’s been on my list for a long time. I had a delicious yogurt soju cocktail (which was not too dissimilar in spirit to my adventures in kefir), as well as some tteokbokki to share and mushroom gang jung, which is deep fried mushrooms, potatoes and veg in a sticky sweet spicy sauce.

• Sweet pasta, The Sparrows

Back when I was on Instagram, I was informed by several of my followers about the existence of dessert pasta. I was sceptical, but then I noticed on the menu of popular restaurant The Sparrows they had their own version using their spatzle noodles, which was drizzled in melted cinnamon butter and sugar and served with a little dollop of mascarpone.

I am not sceptical anymore.

This might have been one of the nicest desserts I’ve had. So simple, yet so beautiful. Sweet and buttery but somehow not too heavy either. If it was acceptable to lick a plate in polite society, I would have. I mean it when I say run, do not walk.

• Chip Butty, Medlock canteen

I was alerted to the sandwiches at Medlock Canteen thanks to one of my instagram mutuals Tom, and me and Ed eventually made it there to try, and I got to order their truffle fry butty. Is this anything like a chip butty that you would expect? No. Do I wish there was another veggie option on the menu? Sure. Did I enjoy the fries covered in truffle mayo, gruyere and parmesan in a Holy Grain baguette nonetheless? Of course I did, I’m not a monster.

• Ben and Jerry’s Peaces

Last year, I randomly found in a Co-Op refrigerator a bag of Ben and Jerrys cookie dough balls as a ready to eat snack. Of course they were delicious, but true to this newsletter’s fashion I never saw them again. However, more recently, Ben and Jerrys have released instead the ‘Peaces’, which are just mini Choco Ices with a core of cookie dough. I don’t think I need to explain why I liked these, and why I will keep eating despite my sensitive teeth crying out for mercy.

• cheese and truffle pastry, Marks and Spencer

A spontaneous purchase between an extremely trying Pole session and a more chill DND one, I managed to pick this up while still warm - truly, a chef’s kiss to the M&S product development team for this one. A lovely gooey cheese filling, crisp pastry, and just a hint of truffle.

• Greggs vegan festive bake

If you couldn’t tell already, I have not felt very Christmassy at all this year. For the most part, joy and merriness is eluding me at the moment. But one of the plus sides of Christmas this year was my first introduction to the Festive Bake. Before this month I’ll admit I was completely unaware of the Festive Bake; I’ve been primarily veggie for 21 years, so sue me. But this month I was kindly bought the vegan version for the first time by my aforementioned colleague and friend Jeni, which was an instant hit. It contains Quorn chicken, sage and onion stuffing, not too bad fake bacon bits and a cranberry and onion sauce for a sweet acidic touch to cut through. It made a welcome change from my usual cheese and onion bake order and proves to all the other companies out there that you can do a decent veggie Christmas dish that isn’t just rubbery brie and some slimy chutney. A nice, cheap and Christmassy lunch option if you can get your hands on it!

That’s all for this quarter; I’m currently planning what a more feasible version of this newsletter will look like - I’m endeavouring on a new project for paid subscribers, so depending on how the new year goes/how traumatised I am, I’ll be looking at a new schedule but I will still be trying to persist in bringing you the best food recommendations when I can.

However, if you want to keep all these cool free recommendations going, I highly suggest perhaps flinging a donation this way or paying for a subscription if you can afford to do so; I am in the process of building an archive of all my recommendations on my website, so any donation will be very useful in making this happen!

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But as always, I’m still open to requests or recommendations or burning questions from anyone, so do get in touch. Otherwise I’ll see you later this week for a special paid edition about Kemi Badenoch’s favourite breakfast food…

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For full disclosure, I have been in a long-term monogamous relationship for almost eight years.  While I am happy about this development, when it comes to discussing matters of romance, according to others this has apparently stranded me into the position of both a role model to the lovelorn, but also as someone supposedly completely out of touch with the modern foibles of dating. But what I do know about love and dating, no matter what time it is, boils down to one core question: why me?

I noticed this recently because whenever my partner is quiet, I become overcome with a fear that he is pondering how his life would be better and easier without me. The fact is, even those of us in long term relationships, when we feel insecure, we need to know why me? There will be people more conventionally attractive, who earn more money, who are theoretically better than me in every possible way. I need to know why exactly you keep choosing me. After all, with every single person telling me that dating is the trenches out there, I need to know that you aren’t just clinging onto me like a life raft because I am seen as a less depressing alternative to being alone. Making a profile on the app is just an exercise in marketing; why choose me, instead of everyone else.

So what’s actually helpful for those of us struggling with finding love? I don’t know, but I do know what I can do; I can tell you all the things I’ve found attractive in men during the course of my life. I specify men because that is what my experience has primarily been with so far - a lot of this will be applicable to other genders too, but as a woman who has only dated men so far in my life, I can only analyse these traits as they exist within the context of societal expectations and assumptions about men. Of course, this is an extremely bias version, and you are welcome to take my opinion seriously or completely disregard it. But I am an Official Horndog™, both in a romantic and professional sense. I read love stories! I write love stories! I’ll consume any media with an actor I find attractive! How this translates to my real life is that I see the romantic potential in everything and everyone.

So, for better or for worse, I’ve thought about my potential why mes, and come up with a list of attractive traits based on my own real-life interactions with men and their wider implications.

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Did you miss me? As always, it’s been slightly longer than planned. I did actually draft a lot of this in August, but I’ll be honest - I became convinced I was beginning to go bald. At least, my hair was shedding at an alarming rate and the bathroom mirror was showing a surprising amount of scalp; I’ve never had the thickest locks to begin with, so losing what little I had presented a problem for my self-esteem I was not prepared for in the slightest. It turns out that you can be displeased with some part of yourself, and then it can get ‘worse’! (In your own opinion, that is).

NHS online will tell you that potential causes for hair loss include an illness, cancer treatment, weight loss, iron deficiency and stress; now I could easily rule out the illness and cancer treatment, and I deliberately don’t monitor my weight (but I hadn’t noticed anything obvious either), so as I was buying my brand new iron supplements, I thought back to the last month or so. I was using a new hair mousse. The weather had also changed. And it was also one of the most stressful Augusts I’ve had in recent memory, and this led to a completely inconsistent sleep schedule and barely a vegetable or a home cooked meal in sight.   As I looked at yet another long brown strand that appeared without me even moving, I figured that’s one way to tell you to chill out.

After a deadline extension, a haircut and some time away at my mum’s, I am starting to feel a little less insane and my hair seems relatively back to normal (even if I am brushing it as if it’s a nervous horse). But I have decided for October I am taking some measures to officially Chill Out™. I am aiming for roughly eight hours of sleep a night. I am going to have days off where I don’t commit to anything. I am going to get a scheduling app for Instagram, so I can still post relevant stuff* but spend less time doomscrolling. I will try to replace my phone with more hobbies. And I am going to eat ‘better’.

Importantly, I should say ‘better’ in this context just means eating consistently, cooking more and eating more fruit and vegetables.  So far, I have made:

• Sweet potato, coconut and ginger soup - based from this Anthony Worrall Thompson recipe, I find adding a few strands of pickled ginger on top adds a nice bit of acidity.

• Sundried tomatoes - turns out using quarters of normal size tomatoes and lots of oil gets better aka less burnt results. I also used these to make goats cheese and sundried tomato omelettes, which are a nice light veggie lunch if you don’t want to be too sleepy afterwards.

• Plum jam and brown butter cake - based off this Benjamina Ebuehi recipe, the browning of the butter did take forever but possibly made the nicest buttercream I’ve had. Bake Off is back baby!

• Blue cheese, mushroom and fake chicken gnocchi - Entirely improvised and inspired by italian ready meals of gorgonzola gnocchi, it tasted better on reheating, which was a surprise.

• Smoky chickpea, pepper and quorn chicken fajitas - fairly straight forward, roasted it all in the oven with a smoky spice mix and added some guacamole and feta.

• Ottolenghi’s tomato and ‘prawn’ orzo - based on a recipe in his Simple book, I made this very fennel heavy recipe as I’d heard great things, but used this slightly cursed looking ‘Shrimpiee’ fake prawns. They weren’t too bad actually! Weirdly smooth, but I guess prawns are too.

 So far, so many vitamins. However I am still very much on the lookout for nice and easy veggie autumnal recipes so if you’re got a banging soup recipe locked away or know the perfect salad, do get in touch.

But before we can get onto our restaurant recommendations for the summer, I must talk about *the relevant stuff. 

I am pleased to announce two things:

Firstly, I am running my first ever Food Writing Workshop! It is being held at Levenshulme Old Library on the 23rd of October! I had such a great time with the Writers Toolkit in August and I’m so delighted the space invited me back to do something so close to my heart. If you love reading this newsletter, I think you’ll really enjoy what I’ve got in store - there will be some tasty local treats to try, so I’d really love to see you guys there!! You can find more info and ticket booking here.

Announcement Number Two! I am starting my own writing coaching service; after running my workshops over the last year and having many conversations, I have learnt that I love helping people bring all your cool ideas to life. so I wanted to open my editorial and advice services to the masses:

As I’m just getting started, I’m running a special first-time offer where for £45 per session, you get:

• Editorial notes on 2000 words of your choice (and only £15 for every extra 2000 words)

• A 90 minute meeting, either online or in person, to discuss your work, help with future planning and any other writing topics you want to discuss

• Access to my secret weapon - The Master Sheet of Writing Deadlines to Apply To

• Two followup emails for accountability checking 

• And an exclusive discount code for a future writing workshop of your choice

If you’re interested, you can email me at rubymartinwrites@gmail.com.

Right, now the shameless plugging is out of the way, it’s time to get to the good stuff: 

• Celeriac burger, The Glynne Arms

So let’s start where we left off. Last newsletter, you caught me right after some pretty horrific food poisoning shortly after arriving at the Gladstone Library. This was not a great culinary time for me, as the first few meals were a real struggle to keep anything down and Hawarden has very limited food options. However after a couple of days of the blandest food possible, we decided to finally treat ourselves to a proper meal in the restaurant in the The Glynne Arms down the road. This is not your normal pub as it is run by Hawarden’s local farm shop, so the venue is a little fancier than most. Luckily for us, on a Thursday they do a burger and a pint deal, so I ordered their one veggie burger offering; I was pleasantly surprised to not be presented with one dry Beyond burger and the bare minimum toppings, but instead a southern fried celeriac patty topped with garlic aioli and big pink slices of pickled onion. As a root vegetable, I wasn’t really sure what to expect texture wise, but it was surprisingly soft and chewy. The onion kept slipping out, but otherwise it was a much better good veggie alternative than I was expecting (if very messy). Also, while I cannot recommend getting food poisoning as an aperitif, it did probably taste even better after days of plain rolls and rice krispies.

• Sips & Dips, Levenshulme

I was invited to Sips & Dips for my friends Rebecca and Clare’s birthday and you’ll be glad to know this restaurant does exactly what it says on the tin. It serves a lot of other food of course, but for my first visit, I had to get the dips platter, which is hummus, labneh, baba ghanoush and mutabbal served with fresh bread. We also ordered sides of cheese sambusak (fried cheese in pastry, what’s not to like) and falafels. This was all delightful, and I ordered the carrot and orange juice, which just tasted like nice fresh orange juice with an even healthier glow. If you like dips, and dare I say sips, you’ll love this restaurant.

• Vegan Biscoff Cronut, Fig + Sparrow 

For my friend Lucie’s birthday, we had originally planned to go to Companio’s new cafe for lunch, however, an important detail I often forget is that a lot of Manchester is closed on a Monday.. After a bit of wandering around the Northern Quarter, we found Fig + Sparrow, which I have walked by many times but never actually been inside. I bought their vegan Biscoff Cronut, which to be honest, sounded a bit much, but was much lighter and not as sweet as I anticipated. Also it didn’t taste like it was lacking butter at all, so definitely one for my vegans who are missing flaky buttery pastry!

• Another Hand (again)

You guys probably already know how much I love Another Hand, and was chuffed to finally be able to take Ed’s mum and brother there. While there were some classics, we had some good newbies too. There was a lovely artichoke dish that was just artichoke cooked several different ways; the artichoke puree was particularly impressive, adding a lovely creamy earthiness to everything. Also, I had the smoothest mackerel pate of my life, which was delicious with the always good Holy Grain bread.

• creamy pesto bucatini, Lucky Mama’s, Chorlton

After wandering around Chorlton on Sunday afternoon (and failing to get into Bar San Juan) we decided to spontaneously try an Italian restaurant called Lucky Mama’s. We were all quite hungry after all the walking, so I was definitely in the mood for a big bowl of pasta. So far, I’ve yet to find a bowl of pasta I’ve really been wowed by in Manchester. I think it's because I regularly make my own, which not to toot my own horn but is equally as good in my opinion and cost me a fraction of the price (please refer to my aforementioned blue cheese gnocchi). But scepticism aside, I got the creamy pesto pasta with bucatini, which was essentially thick spaghetti served with mushrooms and a cheese and pesto sauce. It seemed like an odd combo to me, but in retrospect I don’t know why. All these things are tasty and unsurprisingly, so was this pasta. The pasta is perfectly delicious and the portion hearty enough that the price feels reasonable. A fun addition is that you can also get your pasta served in a pizza dough bowl, but the pasta alone was enough to make you comatose, so we daren’t fly so close to the big pizza sun.

• Curry udon, Koya

With train prices to London going up, my visits to London are sadly getting more scarce these days but Ed had gotten me tickets to see Spirited Away, the stage show for my birthday, so we had to go. This meant with what precious little time I had, we had to go to at least one of the restaurants that we don’t have in Manchester that I still miss from my London days. This time, it was the turn of Koya, which is a very snug ramen bar in Soho (although it has finally opened other locations). Specifically, I had to see if their curry udon was as good as I remember it. Spoiler: it was. It was slightly thicker than your usual broth, but if you like katsu curry, you’ll love this.

• Vegitaliano, Dom’s Subs

The sub sandwich is definitely having a renaissance, with my Instagram feed constantly filling up with the latest sandwich business in Manchester (Bada Bing is definitely on my list to try!) I don’t know if it is a sign of the recession or just a desire to return to tradition/a portable lunch, but I don’t mind as I love sandwiches. While in London, we were actually blessed with sunshine for once, so me, Ed and my friend Tim went for a quick lunch to the very suspiciously named Dom’s Subs before we got on the train back. I got the vegitaliano, which is technically vegan but they kindly subbed in some real provolone for me. We ate them in the nearby park and while I was less a fan of the mess it caused, it did leave a really pleasant and moreish aftertaste.

• Peach crumble cake, Pollen 

Our friend Matt came to visit on Manchester Pride weekend and as they are vegan, we were on the hunt for good vegan food across Manchester. On the Saturday morning we walked to Pollen bakery, where we managed to snag the last two Peach Crumble cakes which were vegan, despite the large blob of cream on top. I didn’t know what to expect, but this was so good. The sponge was moist and just a little sticky, with just enough of a jammy and crunchy centre, and the cream was a welcome addition. This is the sort of thing that could persuade me there is a viable future for equally tasty vegan alternatives - please just figure out cheese!!

• Solar Wave, Sterling

One of the evenings Matt was here, we decided to try Sterling, a cocktail bar which is owned by the same people who own Schofields. Not only is it bigger, but I had perhaps the most delicious cocktail I’ve ever had, the Solar Wave which is Grey Goose Vodka, Vanilla, Passionfruit, Aperol, Citrus and Clarified Milk. The result is an almost clear cocktail with a lovely sweet creamy taste without being cloying or too sickly. It took everything in my being not to drink it too quickly. The only downside was having to listen to the lounge singer do a slightly too-loud cover of Keane.

• Veggie fry up, Caravan 

So after hitting Deaf Institute for our Pride night out, we needed some big carbs to recover; luckily, our decision was made easy by the fact a new brunch place called Caravan opened up less than five minutes from our flat. I ordered their veggie fry up, which was a thick slice of toasted bread served with a wedge of halloumi, two fried eggs, smashed avocado, cooked mushroom and tomato and a very large heap of spiced black beans. I’m not exaggerating when I say it is probably the best veggie fry up I have ever had, and my friend Joe who had it said the same as well. 

• Caramel corn

I went to a pole class one Sunday as one of my teachers had just come back from Japan and in a very sweet gesture, she gave us all Japanese snacks after the class. I got a packet of ‘Caramel Corn’, which I assumed was going to be popcorn, but was in fact, like Toffee Butterkist crossed with a Wotsit (don’t worry, no cheese involved) which may sound strange but was actually really good - lightweight and crunchy, it’s perfect as a post-lunch sweet-but-not-too-sweet treat.

• Cherelle’s homemade sourdough

Get friends who make their own bread. My DND group had their first proper DND session in a while, which was nice anyway, but being able to have a snack of homemade toasted bread with butter and slices of mature cheddar was a delicious cherry on top.

• The brat donut, siop shop

As soon as I saw this on Instagram, I knew I had to try it. After all, what better way to truly celebrate Brat Girl Summer? As always Siop Shop donuts are so light and fluffy, but this tasted like a cross between a green starburst and a Solero with the tropical creme patisserie in the centre and the limey glaze marrying well for a refreshing summer dessert.

• Bran’s chocolate strawberries 

I’m very glad that I’ve made friends with the sort of people who provide lots of food at parties, and my friend Bran’s birthday was no exception. A particular shoutout has to go for the fact she had ready-made chocolate dipped strawberries ready to serve for our arrival. White chocolate strawberries is perhaps a combo of two of my favourite things but I haven’t eaten the combo since wandering the streets of Verona in 2015. Genuinely an inspired choice which I will definitely do for my birthday next year (and probably sooner tbh).

• Tequila and Mezcal festival, Manchester Cathedral

Years and years ago, my partner went to a whisky festival without me and got perhaps the most hammered he’s been, thanks to being able to test limitless whisky samples; he then turned up at my door around 8pm with nowhere else to go and ate some carbs while slowly slumping back into sobriety on my couch. So when I saw this tequila festival advertised in Manchester, I had to share this opportunity to beat the buffet once again, alcohol edition. In the end six of us went and we were the only group who stayed from beginning to end, proceeding to get silly drunk and against the odds, still learning a lot about tequila (with the hosts who were also definitely smashed too). The two bottles I want to shout out in particular are the Cazcabel Tequila Blanco, which was perhaps the easiest to drink, and the 818 Tequila Anejo which was a lovely aged tequila. I would give you more specific tasting notes, but if you couldn’t tell, I got very drunk. But in a fun way!

• Cheese Party

As you may remember, earlier this year we held a potato themed party for St Patricks Day which was a massive success; ever since then, we had been debating what the next theme of our potluck could be. So, once we had booked our tequila tickets, we were lucky that our consummate host as always, Emma, chose the Sunday the day after the festival for us to indulge in a cheese themed party. Anticipating the tequila hangover, I managed to actually not give myself too much work to do, instead making Laura Goodman’s Honey and Mustard Cheeseballs from her book The Joy of Snacks. We also got:

• A delightful cheesy truffled gratin from Emma herself

• Made-to-order grilled cheese from Jake

• Classic mac’n’cheese from Will

• A spanokopita from Ed

• A very welcome salad from Joe

• And the best basque cheesecake I’ve had from Master Baker Cherelle

All of which we chased with a viewing of White House Down, which made for very good Sunday couch sobriety slumping. What more could you want to cure a hangover? (Our next theme is still undecided, but if you guys have any ideas do let me know)

• Vanilla Crown, General Stores Deansgate

And to end on a lovely full-circle moment, the one thing that got me through the awful days post-food poisoning at the Gladstone Library were the miniature vanilla crowns they served at breakfast. Before I thought they were two bland, but post-digestive system working again they were sweet mana from heaven. Since then, I have found myself picking up the full-size versions from supermarkets more often. 

So flash forward three months, as a woman in my late twenties, it came that special time where I had to go get my cervical smear - as fun as it isn’t, it’s really important to get tested! It wasn’t until I was walking over there, getting really anxious, that I realised the experience of previously getting the coil was somewhat physically harrowing, and to be honest, my first smear hadn’t been great, and maybe women’s healthcare is a bit fucked. But this time, my nurse was clearly in some sort of endearing and relatable tizz about being moved offices unexpectedly, which while it probably wasn’t what she intended, it did distract me from what was about to happen. And then the actual test was done as quickly as it started, which was a nice surprise. Turns out getting the smear post-coil is a piece of piss! But I still needed a reward for the emotional stress and happened to be walking past the Deansgate Convenience Store on the way home. I dropped in and what’s the first thing I see on the bakery counter? A vanilla crown! It was meant to be! Their version is definitely the nicest version I’ve had so far, and a much better ending to my morning than I expected.

And that’s it for the summer roundup. It’s a long one, but I hope some of you may genuinely find it useful. The next free roundup should be back around the beginning of November, and in the next week or so I’ll be bringing back the paid edition with something completely different to what I normally do, so keep an eye out for that!

Otherwise, if you’ve got any recipes or restaurants to recommend, as always please do get in touch!

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And if you’ve enjoyed any part of this, please like and share - any engagement is really valuable for me and allows me to keep going! Otherwise I hope to see you all soon!

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This month’s edition of Finally Some Good Food comes to you after a lovely week at the Gladstone Library, where despite getting my first bout of food poisoning [would not recommend], I’ve actually managed to get a lot done. Turns out all a writer needs to write is a room of one’s own, no TV, having all her food and cleaning needs taken care of, and a beautiful historic library to silently work in. I can see how all those aristocrats did it back in the day. But, to business.

Firstly, one of the cool things I’ve been working on that I can finally announce is that I’m running a little summer writing school at Levenshulme Old Library! It’s my first writing workshops I’ve ever run, and I’m running individual sessions on fiction, non-fiction and performance which anyone can attend (and for an incredibly reasonable price!!) If you’ve ever wanted to write or but not had the confidence, or you’ve written before but you’re in need of some new inspiration, these workshops would be perfect for you. There’s going to be snacks and games and great vibes and it is going to be so lovely; but most importantly if these go well, not only will I be able to run some more, but I want to host some more niche workshops with potentially some guest teachers in the near future (including perhaps a food writing workshop 👀👀👀) so please do come along! You can either sign up for the whole course or book individual sessions here:

Ruby’s Summer Writing School

It’s going to be lush.

My second announcement is that in the midst of trying to finish not one but two literary projects, run my workshops and work my normal job, I need to do what I can over the next month to stay chill and not burn out completely as I’ve been threatening to do for a while. This means I will be taking a much-needed summer break from this roundup over July and will return at the end August. (Don’t worry, if you are missing me, I will be scheduling some content for all my paid subscribers in the meantime).

Finally, perhaps the most important announcement: it it is Strawberry Season, when all the British strawberries don’t taste shite and watery, so grab them while you can. I got a punnet for free as some sort of Co-Op promo event and I ate the entire thing in one go lying down on my couch.

[Also, there was apparently some election on this month which has been a dumpster fire? While there is complication and nuance to the results, I do finally understand sexual voyeurism as I woke up to watch the Tories getting absolutely fucked. So that’s the joy I will be taking into the summer.]

But it wasn’t just the strawberries that were good to eat this month.

Rustik Bites

Last time you saw us, my sibling Lola was visiting. As they brought in the new month with us, we spent the first day of the month really rather hungover. Luckily for us, we were guided towards Rustik bites by Deansgate station by our friend Nathaniel, and I can say it is a truly great recommendation for those suffering. So far I have not been let down by anywhere that does a blue cheese dip for fries yet and it was truly top tier fried goods. I got the onion rings, mozzarella sticks and fries and I was restored.

getting into the tapa mindset

Emma, newsletter regular and woman who admitted to me last week that she scans the newsletter for her own name before reading (are you happy now), hosted a Pedro Aldomovar movie night just before we went on holiday. It was meant to be a double bill but because it is impossible to find most of Aldomovar’s work on streaming platforms, we just ended up watching Women on the Verge of a Nervous Breakdown, which was truly excellent silly farce, and as an unplanned chaser, the equally silly Evil Dead II. We take movie nights very seriously in our group so we all brought some tapas to share, and I thought I’d list the highlights.

• M&S labneh dip, which is a new addition to their summer picnic deli range and a lovely crowdpleasing dip. 

• Co-Op Manchego, which unlike some supermarket cured cheeses was creamy and punchy without being too dry.

• Emma’s homemade churros which she deep fried herself. While they did not keep the traditional shape, they were not only an impressive feat of fire safety but they were so delicious I ate as many as possible until I felt sick. 

Too Good to Go 

In my new era of trying to save money and be more sustainable, I downloaded Too Good to Go an app to buy food that would go to waste from shops for cheap, which was recommended to me by my dad. So far, I’ve used it four times:

• Bagel Factory: I ordered the vegetarian bag, which contained one fresh halloumi melt bagel, three unfilled bagels (plain, sesame seed and the most cursed, rainbow) and one raisin cookie. It was £4.33, which considering one bagel by itself is almost £6 and the bagel was just as nice, it was pretty good value.

• Barburrito: For dinner I got two vegetarian ones for £3. You don’t get to choose the filling, they just picked one to have white rice, the other to have brown, but considering they are normally over £10, and they were tasty (even if I couldn’t describe to you what was in them), very good value if you happen to be in town quite late.

• Caffe Nero: This one was a good haul. I got a brie and bacon panini, a mushroom and mascarpone toastie, two choc chip cookies and a lemon muffin for £3.09. Coffee chains seem to be the most prolific on Good to Go, so I’d say snap up if you can.

• Factory Coffee - in the advert, there as potential sandwiches and salads advertised, but in reality I got a lot of cakes. I had one phenomenal choc chip cookie (which seems to be a theme this month) as well as some sort of coffee pistachio donut (too much coffee for me unfortunately), some sort of apple cake and a little pistachio cookie thing(?), for £5. It’s good value if you have enough people to eat it all to go stale, but it was a bit too much pudding for me and one diabetic to get through.  

Overall, Too Good To Go is proving to be an interesting and sometimes quite economical venture, so I will continue to investigate new options and let you folks know.

Holy Grain choc hazelnut cookie with sea salt/Vakery white choc and pistachio cookie

I work near my favourite shop Eighth Day again, which means getting to peruse its veggie deli wares around lunch every so often. Since I’ve last been there, they have started stocking goods from one of my favourite bakeries in Manchester, Holy Grain, which is stunning behaviour and meant I got to have this delicious cookie. However, a couple of weeks later I went to get another Holy Grain cookie but they had run out, so I decided to try a white choc and pistachio one they sold from Vakery instead. I didn’t realise until I looked it up afterwards it was a vegan one, as the white chocolate was indistinguishable and it had that perfect chewy cookie texture. Both are great cookies and I would equally recommend.

Clippers chamomile peach and orange infusion

Speaking of Eighth Day recs, I will also give them the credit of being one of the few places that stocks a genuine wide variety of soft drinks aren’t just coke, juice, lemonade or iced tea. I’m always on the hunt for flat uncaffeinated drinks, so loved this little juicy can I found which, while being made by a tea company, doesn’t actually have any tea in it. It’s just nice fruity water with a slight floral note.

vegan pizza, Dominos

Through a work event I got to try some vegan cheese and tomato pizza from Dominos and considering some of the vegan cheese atrocities I have tried in the past, I was pleasantly surprised by this. It was very agreeable and the difference was only slight, and not the sort that leaves a bad taste in your mouth after.

It’s barbecue season baby!

Our Airbnb in Porto has a gas grill which was revolutionary, but also surprisingly turned out to be our first BBQ of the year, which is late by our standards. That meant the minute I saw there was a good weather report for the weather post-return, I had to suggest getting our English grill on. The good thing about being back in the UK is that the veggie barbecue options in supermarkets are far wider and I managed to snag a few goodies:

• Beyond Burgers: I picked these up as they were on offer with a Nectar card and while they aren’t the most appealing looking, they do turn out a juicy burger. When I’ve had Beyond Burgers in restaurants they can sometimes be a bit dry, but that wasn’t the case here - sometimes DIY is truly better.

• Sainsburys cheddar and truffle burger melts: Ready made discs of cheddar and truffle for that gourmet twist.  

• Holy Moli Aioli: a slightly fancy garlic sauce for those who want to continue in the Basque tradition.

• San Pellegrino pomegranate and orange: In perhaps the biggest news of all, you can now buy multipacks of San Pellegrino pomegranate in the big Sainsburys and they are definitely too expensive, but I got too excited and bought them anyway.

Cofresh Caramel Sesame Peanuts, Sainsburys

Emma, once again the consummate host and newsletter feature, ran a little painting session at her flat recently and it turns out doing a hobby I enjoy that has nothing to do with my career makes me feel really nice! Also we painted with watercolours and I had no pencil to sketch beforehand, so I’m pleased with the results considering. I really enjoyed painting again

But the really important part for my mental health was these delicious nuts we were served beforehand. Apparently found in the world food section of Sainsburys, I’m pretty sure they are snack crack. I even made Ed buy us some for our trip to Gladstones. That's how much I liked them. More embarrassingly, I even said out loud that they were going straight into the newsletter, which may be cringe of me, but they had to know. 

Cursed Review of the Month

Mac’n’cheese pizza, Sainsburys

I bought this out of the reduced section when I needed an easy dinner and I’ll be honest: it just tastes like a cheesy cheese and tomato pizza. However, it is a gargantuan task to get through all of it and will put you in a bigger than usual food coma.

That’s all for this June, I hope you are all enjoying your Brat girl summers and as always please feel free to share any bits you like or comment below.

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As I try to use social media less, I’d love to connect with you guys on here as much as possible. Feel free to send me your veggie bbq hot tips, your go-to summer snacks, new restaurant recs or just something truly cursed to taste test.

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Walking across perfectly polished floors, I expect to be tackled by security at any moment. Despite it only being just past ten, I have already been awake for almost four hours, my hair a mess of artificial half curls and leftover sweat and hairspray.  I am wearing a vest and repurposed pyjama shorts as I accidentally left my only other pair of shorts behind. I ask for directions in my least poor accent, and all the staff are perfectly nice, quietly gesturing me upstairs with only a gentle hint of concern on their faces (and one cleaner who just so happens to ask me which room I am going to).

I arrive at the room and a woman I don’t know opens the door. She is young, stylish with a blunt bob I have yet to pull off. They guide me through into the room, where one woman is working closely at a sewing machine; another is doing Emma’s makeup by the light of the open window. I make light, just-about coherent chitchat before placing my suitcase down. I’ve got just over two hours; it is time to get ready for the BAFTAS.

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May was a strange month, I’m not going to lie. I went to the BAFTAS but on minimal sleep because I had one of the most stressful days of my life in Nottingham the day before. I’ve got lots of cool writing ideas but I have been struggling with the same few paragraphs forever. I was ill for a week but then I got a new job. I’ve got no money but I’m going on holiday next week. I’m incredibly lucky in many ways. But in the last month I realise I am dealing with a lot of anxiety which I have been kicking down the road for a while and is becoming harder and harder to ignore. I am insanely grateful for all the cool things that are happening but also there are parts I am really struggling with and have told almost no one. I have been embarrassed to admit these parts to others, because it is far easier to present this cool version of my life than the extremely uneven reality of trying to be a writer with no inherited wealth and a litany of mental issues. 

If this sounds ungrateful, I don’t mean for it to be; but I think sometimes there is a tendency to not want to talk about our problems, even when good things happen to us, because we don’t want to seem like we are ‘looking for pity’, which is strange when you think about it. What is wrong about wanting pity? I remember growing up and a lot of teenage girls my age being slagged off by their peers for being ‘attention seekers’; it is this notion that the act of wanting attention is an inherently bad thing. We must be self-sufficient, we mustn’t need each other. Our attention is just another commodity we now trade in, something that can be both hoarded or wasted.

But in the busy and isolating lives we have to lead, I think it is perfectly natural to look for an audience, to provide comfort, reassurance or even just the act of listening so we know we are not alone in our feelings. It is why non-fiction and memoir continues to be such a popular genre. For me, the only problem occurs when you believe you are entitled to a certain level of response, even though if you are going through it, it is safe to assume that everyone is going through their own circus too. I think of all those vulnerable teenage girls and their outfits and their scars stretching out towards us and I remember it’s not a crime to want to be seen.

Anyway, perhaps a self-indulgent tangent that maybe I’ll expand into something more fully-fledged when I have the time (oh, the irony!). But to everyone out there also struggling, I see you. But for now, back to work.

Firstly I will be launching my next paid newsletter, about what it’s really like to go to the BAFTAS as a normie on the 20th of June once I’m back on English soil, so if you’re interested in some one-off reportage of the glamorous world of celebrity, you can become a paid subscriber beforehand here:

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Also I’ve just relaunched my Ko-Fi, so if you want to give a one-off contribution to my snack review budget/ stop my impacted wisdom tooth flaring up from stress, you can do so here:

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Now, onto the food.

• Potato and mushroom hash - Station South, Levenshulme

While most of my exploits at the moment tend to be based in central Manchester, I am endeavouring to explore what’s outside a bit more. Station South is a lovely cafe/bike repair shop in Levenshulme that serves a great array of breakfast and brunch items. For one of my writing sessions, I happened to stay for lunch and couldn’t resisted ordering the potato mushroom hash, which is essentially a pasta bowl full of cooked crispy baby potatoes, mushrooms, poached eggs and chutney. It was unsurprisingly nice and filling and I can always recommend a big bowl of potatoes for lunch. 

• KitKat cereal 

I saw this cereal a couple of months back in a supermarket and thought ‘that looks super cursed, I wonder how long it will last”. I then forgot about it for a couple of months until the other week I happened to wonder whether it got discontinued and then it popped up in Sainsburys the very next day. Of course I had to try it, for ‘science’, and found it was not as overly sweet as I thought it might be. It reminds me of a specific sort of chocolate Krave with a white chocolate centre they used to sell in my first year of university, which I used to buy as a delayed rebellion against my parents who (probably rightfully) decided that chocolate cereal for children was probably not a great idea. I wouldn’t recommend it as a regular breakfast but good as a treat.

• Vegetarian ramen - Umami

I had this as part of their lunch deal and while I still prefer the monks broth, it’s a tasty and healthy-feeling lunch option if you happen to be on Oxford Road.

• Lemsip Lemon soluble solution 

As someone with a very sensitive gag reflex (don’t even think about it) I hate taking tablets when I’m unwell, especially if I’ve got a sore throat. However when I got some sort of bad cold/flu earlier this month I rediscovered Lemsip’s dissolvable solutions. Last time I tried to take it I was 17 and could only take about two sips without wretching, so either the recipe has vastly improved or I’m less fussy. Either way, I meant I could vaguely become functioning again, so truly the MVP of this month.

• Home made basil oil

Inspired by the starter I had at the BAFTAS, I decided to make a breakfast of toasted bagel with cream cheese, chopped tomatoes and some sort of basil oil. Of course, it never occurred to me you could make a basil oil by simply blending fresh basil, olive oil and salt, but I’m never looking back.  The freshness and the grassiness really brings the whole dish alive, and compliments most cheeses and tomato dishes.  

• Turkish eggs a la Sainsburys

As part of their summer dips collection, Sainsburys sells a whipped feta dip, which I have used recently to create my own sort of Turkish eggs. I toast brioche buns, spread the whipped feta on them and then fry eggs in a mix of melted butter and crispy chilli oil. Simple to assemble but a good fancy brunch to impress guests or cure that hangover in a more la-di-da way.

• Broccoli orecchiette a la Eighth Day

For work reasons I’ve been near Oxford Road which means visiting my favourite vegetarian shop Eighth Day. As well as stocking the only brand of kombucha I’ll drink, it also sells perhaps my favourite veggie sausages on the market, which are the stupidly name VBites lincolmmmshire sausages as well as bags of orecchiette pasta. So, based on some reductions in Tescos and loosely skimming a recipe I found online, I sort of improvised a pasta dinner.

• Made a stock with a veggie stock cube, boiling water, MSG, Worcestershire sauce and a parmesan rind and left in a bowl to sit on the side while I cooked.

• Fried some onion in a pan and then added some chopped sausage and reduced broccoli florets I had blitzed into small pieces in the food processor (because I hate normal broccoli. Once cooked for a couple of moments, I then added the stock, simmered a little than added the orrecchiette in.

• I then cooked in the broth until the pasta was cooked through, the broth reduced and had become thicker thanks to the pasta starch. 

• Cheap Tescos Pasta

Following on from my Tesco’s reductions, there happened to be a whole block of Jarlsberg reduced, as well as a Clubcard offer on their fancier dried pastas, so I made a gigli (flowery trumpets) pasta bake for my first day at my new job.

• Firstly I made a sauce by melting together the jarlsberg with some leftover cream, cream cheese, some grana padano and some whole grain mustard and garlic the night before. 

• Then the next day I fried up some mushrooms and the remaining sausages in garlic and then added the sauce back in. 

• I cooked the pasta separately, saving some of the pasta water to add back into the sauce to thin it out before adding it all together to a baking dish, topped with more grana padano and bake until the top is golden brown.

• aubergine and smoked cheese bagel

Now I need to get back into the habit of making work lunches again, after eating pasta for several days straight, while I had planned to make another pasta bake with aubergine and smoked cheese, I decided to experiment. Roasted aubergine is one of my favourite things and I’ve been debating how to put it in a sandwich for a while.

• So firstly, I roasted the aubergine as usual with oil, salt and pepper.

• Then I toasted the bagel and drizzled the leftover basil oil on it.

• Then after topping the bread with the cooked aubergine, I put slices of smoked cheese on top (I just used the cheapest stuff you find in the co-op) and put back under the grill until the cheese had melted.

I did this in the morning and then put in my bag; I was sceptical for how well it would keep until lunchtime but turns out it is phenomenal when cooled. Would highly recommend as a veggie lunch option, especially as you can make all the components the day before or at the beginning of the week.

• Black garlic bread - Jaan @ Exhibition

My middle sibling Lola finally got to visit Manchester this month and their one request was to eat some good food, so we decided to take them to Exhibition, where Another Hand is running a Persian bread inspired kitchen. We got lots of nice bits including whipped butter bean, smoked aubergine, scorched summer squash with an onion broth, pork belly, as well as the deep fried soft shell crab and the basque burnt cheesecake from baratxuri (which, according to Lola, is ‘just the good bit of the cheesecake’. My personal highlight however was definitely the black garlic bread that was soft, creamy, chewy and with a good topping of strong punchy cheddar. Perhaps the best version of garlic bread you can get.

Weird Snack Review of the Month:

• Cheddar cheese and roasted tomato mini cheddars

A purchase made in the throes of illness, I would not recommend. Like the normal cheddars but with a strange sweet accent. In my opinion, they should just bring the stilton ones back.

That’s all for this month’s roundup - I hope you enjoyed and as always please feel free to share any bits you like or comment below.

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As I try to use social media less, I’d love to connect with you guys on here as much as possible.

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As you may remember from last month’s newsletter, April was my birthday month and I don’t know if it is something about turning 29 that makes you inherently more sensible, but I have found myself craving vegetables. While this is not an alien sensation to me (normally experienced post-hangover), normally it doesn’t last for an entire month. I can only assume this is a warning flare from my internal organs to get my shit together nutritionally before I turn 30.

Don’t worry of course; this is not some new bullshit ‘clean eating’ era and I am still eating a range of ultra-processed snacks and desserts (as our first listing will prove) which I will always review for you, my adoring fans. Turns out vegetables can taste good too (when cooked/prepared properly). But first, sweets!

• The bakery crawl!

As you may have seen, I went on a birthday bakery crawl which I wrote about for my very first paid newsletter; the thing is reviewing all the latest restaurants and snacks on a monthly basis for you guys does cost money so if you love what we do here, want to keep it going and also want to read my more in-depth cultural and historical food investigations, you can do so for a couple of quid a month here.

• Fenix 

I was very lucky that my friend Emma took me for a lovely birthday meal at Fenix, a new Greek inspired restaurant which was well-reviewed in the Guardian by Jay Rayne not that long ago. The food is good, although not sure it is good or memorable enough to warrant the price point. However, what I can recommend is the cocktails, which come in all sorts of fun glasses (my favourite was the Medusa, which did come with glass tentacles) and the hummus and pitta to start with, which was lovely and warm and fresh and creamy. I would perhaps recommend more as a fancy cocktail spot then worth splashing for a full meal. 

• Food Writing at the Portico

It’s always a difficult choice deciding what to do on the actual day of your birthday, but a couple of weeks prior I was sent the link to a food writing workshop being held at The Portico Library by the lovely Joe Fenn, who is a writer and manager of the Portico Library kitchen (a great hidden lunch spot by the way!) In the end me and my friend Tim got to spend about three hours nibbling lots of tasty snacks and dishes while doing all manner of fun writing exercises and I loved every moment of it. Joe was a great host and teacher, and I got to have a delicious garlic mushroom tostini. If you love food and food writing, I would definitely keep an eye on the Portico Library as I know Joe is planning some really exciting stuff coming up soon!

• Tres Leches Cake

The joy of a birthday is being able to request whatever cake you want (within reason). This year I requested Cherelle’s Tres Leches cake, which I had over a year prior and haven’t been able to stop thinking about since. Tres Leches Cake is traditionally a sponge soaked with three kinds of milk, whole milk, evaporated milk and condensed milk and second time round, it is still lovely moist goodness, especially with fresh strawberries on top.

• Raspberry orange blossom TRIPS

Recently, with my weekends starting to fill with consecutive parties and social occasions, I’ve taken to bringing only soft drinks to house parties for the sake of my mental/physical health. I was honoured to be invited a house party in Stockport on one Saturday by a new friend of mine who I was keen to impress, so after scouring the Piccadilly co-op I was delighted to find a new flavour of TRIP, Raspberry and Orange Blossom. I hope this gets rolled out to more places, because it tastes like a more sophisticated version of the raspberry yogurts you used to get as a kid. 

• inari tacos, Yo Sushi! 

In my search for more vegetables, I happened to be passing the Arndale one lunchtime and remembered I had a cashback offer for Yo Sushi. I used to go quite regularly in my lunch breaks pre-Covid because they used to have good vegetarian deals on a Wednesday, but haven’t been back since the deal went. So I was pleasantly surprised with this new addition of tofu pockets which are filled with rice, avocado, ponzu salsa & vegan sriracha mayo. A tasty light bite, and went well with avocado maki, the pumpkin katsu and of course, lots of helpings of the free pickled ginger. 

• Yutaka pickled ginger 

Of course, after my visit I had to buy my own jar of pickled ginger for the house from the world food section of Sainsburys and have spent the week since constantly munching some at home. I even introduced it to my mum who also now loves it. Weirdly, it satisfies the same savoury snacking urge of crisps, but I’m not sure why.

• S&B Katsu curry blocks  

I think part of my trip to Yo Sushi came after I read The Philosophy of Curry by Sejal Sukhadwala, which is a great little read that gives a brief history of curry and how it made it’s way to the UK, as well as other parts of the world. It’s a must-read for all foodies as well as curry fans. For example, a lot of the curries in the UK we know and love come from Muslim communities because the British colonisers preferred the meat-based curries.

In the book however, they also detail how katsu curry exists as Japan’s take on the Indian curry, and used an image of S&B curry blocks, which I recognised as they also sell them now in the Sainsbury’s world food section. I was inspired to try and make my own at home, which I made with roasted aubergine, sweet potato and carrot, microwaveable sticky rice and some pickled ginger on top, because I can’t help myself.

• White hot chocolate, Ditto 

It’s been a while since I worked in Ditto but I happened to pop in there the other day before a dance class; after getting caught in a bit of wind and rain I huddled inside and noticed they had white hot chocolate on their specials. Just before the beginnings of Manchester’s summer may be starting to show, this hot chocolate was just what I needed; not just for its delicious, toasted marshmallow flavour, but also holding it brought the feeling back into my hands.

• Will’s Sticky Toffee Cake

It was my friend Will’s birthday and as the system goes, he requested a sticky toffee pudding cake. To be honest I wasn’t sure what that entailed but I found this recipe on Jane’s Patisserie for Sticky Toffee Loaf Cake and gave it a go, making it into a traybake.  FYI, in a wider dish it takes much less time to bake. If you have a sticky toffee lover in your life, this cake is perfect as it tastes exactly like the sticky toffee pudding you would order in your local pub. 

• Hash brown bun, Pollen

After attending a disappointing vintage fair where the only thing I liked was £15 and had a broken zip, we were a little hungry. After some wandering, we found ourselves retracing our bakery crawl route and stopped at Pollen, where I ordered the hash brown bun. I’m a big fan of a breakfast sandwich and have often been left a little cold by vegetarian versions before, so was pleasantly surprised when this bun showed up. The hash brown was ludicrously thick, like a proper burger patty, and the combo of melted cheese, fried egg, pickled onion and chutney all worked together beautifully to make a substantially tasty breakfast. The only thing I will say is that if you have small hands like me, you will need to cut in half for ease. 

• White chocolate and hazelnut pie, Idle Hands 

Following this delicious bun, I needed to do some actual writing so decided to find a cafe to write in. Unfortunately, on the way back, it turns out there was a seat in Idle Hands so I just had to have a slice of pie while I got to work. I chose the white chocolate and hazelnut pie and this was definitely the right choice. It was gluten free, so had some sort of chocolate biscuit crumb base, but topped with a featherlight, sweet but not too sweet, mousse and the occasional chunks of hazelnut for crunch. A perfect afternoon pick me up without being too heavy.

• That’s-a Swedish meatball!

As an alternative to our usual Sunday DND sessions, our group decided to do a potluck dinner and games night. While we may all look at each other differently following a tense game of Articulate, amicable relations were kept up thanks to the food. I got to try my first jalapeno popper, homemade by Connor and not as spicy as I feared (I don’t need to be humbled in that way) which came with a very moreish sour cream and chive dip. Also, Team Jucie (Josh and Lucie) made veggie balls with a creamy gravy and mash. Truly the only substitute for IKEA I will accept.

I attempted my first smacked cucumber (swapping normal chilli for Lao Gan Ma crispy chilli) and also made these peanut noodles a la Tasty, which is a summer staple of mine, but with blanched tenderstem broccoli and raw shavings of carrot for extra veg content. Both good hits of vegetable if you are more veggie-averse.

Before I go, I do have to mention our cursed snack of the month:

• Aero Neapolitan Melts 

These are sort of Aero chocolate buttons, but with strawberry, vanilla and chocolate flavours. However, the overwhelming flavour is synthetic. At first I thought it was just the strawberry flavouring that was the problem but after I tried the chocolate and vanilla I found they all had a weirdly fake accent to them. Feels akin to licking plastic, would not recommend.

That’s all for this month, join us next time for May’s roundup, which will be full of birthdays, sunshine and perhaps one of the most insane weekends of my life.

As always, please comment, share if you enjoyed and send me any requests - I’m always looking for new stuff to try! If you’ve used any recommendations or recipes from this newsletter and want to show me some financial appreciation in time for my birthday you can do so here.

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That’s all for now, but I will see you all very soon!

So you want to do a bakery crawl?

It occurred to me almost six months prior. I was browsing Instagram instead of doing anything worthwhile with my time, when I stumbled onto the classic social media ouroboros, a Twitter screenshot on someone’s Instagram stories:

Of course, it immediately gripped me. Not for the cannibalising nature of internet content, but the actual concept of a bakery crawl. In the last two years, desperate to fulfil my dreams of being the kind of beautiful leftie manic pixie dream girl who brings gorgeous rustic loaves home and actually invests in local businesses, I have become increasingly aware of Manchester’s independent bakeries. 

These days most people get their baked goods from their local supermarket. Growing up in Cornwall, the bakeries that did exist were primarily the place to get your pasties from, and maybe a gingerbread man if you were good. Perhaps the most ubiquitous UK bakery is Greggs, which was founded in 1939; they used to sell bread and scones until 2013, when they switched solely to “food on the go” because they couldn’t compete with supermarkets. But most supermarkets have been around less than 100 years, while baking has been part of the UK’s culinary DNA for an incredibly long time. 

According to Diane Purkiss’s English Food: A People’s History, the oldest bread found in Britain was found in Yarnton near Oxford, and is estimated to be over 5000 years old. The two lumps were completely burnt, which may have been as some form of sacrifice, or perhaps the genetic origin of leaving the toast too long. However, these charred lumps were closer to flatbreads, and it wasn’t until the Romans trying to recreate their beloved wheaten bread in our damp lands did we start to get bread a bit closer to your loaf of Hovis. It took a while to get things going, the Anglo-Saxon words for lord and lady translating literally to loafkeep and loaf-kneader, with bread ovens being owned by lords and rented out to their tenants for use at home during this period. But after a while, it wasn’t feasible for housewives to be shelling out to rent the ovens and also make all the bread themselves, when they could just buy ready-made bread from someone else. At this point, baking as a profession flourished, despite even burning London down at one point, and remained largely unchanged until the reign of James I, when bakers starting selling sweet treats and cakes alongside your basic loaves of bread. Bakeries were staples of the community, in the same way grocers and butchers once were.

Of course, we’re a long way away from those times, but it’s clear we are seeing some sort of bakery renaissance. Perhaps after the sourdough craze of the pandemic, people appreciate those who can actually make bread as a living. Social media is full of the latest croissant-based Frankenstein hit (cruffin? croughnut? crasagne? who knows?), and as well as the increasing expansion of bakery/cafe chain Gail’s and the hit indie bakery Toad Bakery in Camberwell. And over the last few years, I’ve noticed more and more artisan bakeries popping up in Manchester; when the bakery crawl meme appeared, it felt like the culmination of this revived industry. Wouldn’t this be an efficient way to try them all?

So what follows is my honest account of how my attempt at a Bakery Crawl went down, along with any pointers for those of you wanting to embark on your own bakery adventure.

When?

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Happy Easter Monday everyone! Hope you have enjoyed a lovely long weekend filled with chocolate and not doing any work. Personally, the problem of being unemployed a freelance writer is that you have no idea what day it is anymore and bank holidays don’t feel the same; your work never ends and you have less money to get drunk for four days straight. 

But I’m not a Debbie Downer this weekend because I come bearing gifts. For St Patrick’s Day my friend Emma hosted a potato potluck - she is Irish, so it’s technically not a hate crime. It was perhaps the best dinner party I have attended on the sheer quality of everything cooked, and I have managed to obtain almost all the recipes to share with all of you who may be hungover and in need of carbs these holy Monday. 

But first, all the other, non-potato based food I ate this month.

• Eat Natural Blueberry and Cashew Yogurt bars

The problem with becoming someone who exercises on a regular basis and is definitely iron deficient, is that I have to start considering my nutrition a bit more.  Doing evening classes means I have to delay dinner (don’t try going upside down on a full stomach), so I’ve started looking for healthy(ish) snacks that will allow me to keep doing what I love without my body crumpling like a wet paper bag. I’m not a protein bar girlie but my mum introduced me to the Eat Natural bars during a long drive, and unfortunately the best flavour, the yogurt, blueberry and cashew, is the hardest to find. I still recommend it though because if enough of us band together, maybe we can get all the supermarkets to stock it.

• The Bulleid Buffet, Okehampton station 

As part of a writing project I’m working on, I got to spend a lovely week at a writing retreat in Devon; I had a great time with no phone signal and lovely organic vegetarian meals cooked every day.  While I can’t really recommend these dishes to everyone due to lack of access to rural houses in Devon etc. I would like to shout out Bee who was the lovely chef who helped us throughout the week - I know who’s getting the shout out in my next book acknowledgement.

However, if you do ever find yourself at Okehampton Train Station, which you may if you are taking the train to Dartmoor, I can highly recommend their station cafe. Not only did I get an insane hot chocolate, but I got a hot veggie sausage butty made quickly so I could take it on the train, along with a little gourmet ketchup sachet. It was just the nourishment I needed for a 6 hour+ train journey. 

• crispy gnocchi, mushroom and squash from the Green Roasting Tin

Recently I have found myself bored with all my usual recipes, so I decided to try to cook something new. I knew I wanted something easy with lots of vegetables; when I came across The Green Roasting Tin, which has been sitting on my shelves sadly unused for the last two or three years, I figured I’d give it a go. I was pleasantly surprised with how much I liked this recipe, especially with it’s cheese-free pesto - turns out it’s entirely vegan! I also tossed the cooked gnocchi in a little flour and salt a la Josh’s roast potatoes (see underneath for ref) for extra crispness which worked well. 

I also baked polenta using one of the recipes from the book which was a low-effort gamechanger, so if anyone has got any good polenta recipes, hit me up.

• Cherelle’s chilli, tiramisu and frozen strawberry mojitos

After one of my classes I had a group dinner with my friend Cherelle, who had won an industrial sized blender in an Instagram giveaway. Not one to look a gift blender in the mouth, we decided to have a frozen margarita night; however it turns out that triple sec is harder to source than planned however, so we pivoted to mojitos instead. (luckily I don’t have a strong preference for either). Beforehand, we had a lovely chilli which had dark chocolate in it, and while I am often ambivalent about chilli, this one was phenomenal and I am awaiting the recipe any day now. 

Following that, I had two servings of her classic tiramisu, because it had to be done, and then we finally used the blender to make the mojitos what turned out to be a delicious palate cleanser. To be honest, it was closer to a slightly boozy sorbet than an actual drink, but I’m not complaining.  If you’ve got a good blender and a bag of ice, I would recommend giving a go if you’re hosting an intimate shindig - the main tip is that you can add more booze than you think! 

• Joe’s Birthday Tart

While our friend Joe was away for his actual birthday, there was no way it could go uncelebrated, so I decided to make him The Barbary’s hashcake (no, it doesn’t have that sort of hash in it) upon his return because he is renowned for being a man of sophisticated tastes. This was the first time I had made it solo but was glad to make use of my egg yolk/white separator gifted to me by Mandy, Emma’s mum, around eight or nine months ago. I was very concerned but it turns out there was no need; as described by my friend Will, it was ‘scrum-diddly-umptious’. High praise indeed. For those who want to try it themselves, you can find the recipe right at the bottom of this article here.

The most important discovery of this was that after months of searching, it turns out you can make your own pistachio paste. Firstly buy unroasted shelled pistachios - you can get these in the world food section of the supermarket or Middle Eastern supermarkets. Then blanch the pistachios; this means putting in boiling hot water for 30 secs before putting in iced water. This softens the nuts sufficiently so they can go in the blender. I used this recipe for the paste, however you can ignore the bit where the writer says to peel all the brown skins off. My paste turned out pretty green and I gave up peeling about a fifth of the way through. This also made way more than I needed for the recipe, so stay tuned for next month’s newsletter to find out how I used it up.

And now, for my potato-loving posse out there: a comprehensive guide to all things potato.

The Potato Party 

the staples

Ed - mash

What Emma calls “Ireland’s hummus” because it turns out mashed potato makes for a surprisingly versatile dip. There was no particular recipe used for this mash, except peel and boil potatoes, add lots of butter and cream if you have it and the most important tip - use a sieve! It may give you RSI but will guarantee that silky smooth texture you want.

Josh - roast potatoes

It is perhaps the most contentious debate in my household which is better, roasties or mash and I am firmly on the side of roasties (although I do love mash too). I especially appreciated Josh making both goose fat and vegetable oil roasties for us veggies. (I personally think you can make equally good ones without goose fat but that’s just me). For those of you uninitiated in the ways of the roast potato:

• Peel potatoes and chop.

• Heat fat in oven tray at 220 degrees.

• Boil potatoes - make sure the water starts cold, until they are soft enough for a knife to go through them.

• Drain and shake.

• Let them sit for 10 minutes to let the steam leave.

• Toss in a little flour and salt.

• Add to hot oil and spin - you can add cloves of garlic and rosemary to the oil as a nice optional extra.

• Put in oven and cook until golden brown and flip occasionally.

• Add nice flaky sea salt.

side pieces

Will - homemade potato smileys

It turns out you can use mash and an airfryer to make your own potato smileys - just use cornflour and flour and a straw for shaping. They tasted much better than this picture indicates, but it was too funny not to include.

Connor - latkes

Sadly I have no recipe but instead have been instructed to shout out the great nation of Poland for the invention of this little deep fried snack; if you’re a fan of hash browns, you’ll probably like latkes. Also, as a Polish cuisine novice, if anyone has any good Polish vegetarian recipes they want to recommend, I’m always keen to hear them!

Jade - Aloo Tikki

In a similar vein, we also got a late addition of these little potato patties which brought spice to an otherwise very beige meal!

big boys

Emma - gruyere jackets with caramelised onions

Jacket potatoes are probably the kind of potato I eat the most on a day-to-day basis as I will often batch cook and put in the freezer. These are slightly fancier than my usual, but delicious (you will need quite a bit of time though).

• Cover your potatoes in olive oil and salt and prick with a fork. Bake the potatoes for between 1 and 1.5 hours; while they are in the oven, it is a good time to start your onions. Slice and caramelise the onions in a large stock pot with balsamic vinegar and sugar on a low heat for a long time, around 2 hours, using butter and oil.

• When the potatoes are done, scoop out the filling and leave the skins to the side.

• Mash the potato with cream, butter, pepper, salt and grated gruyere. If you want it very smooth, you can pulse with a hand blender. 

• Fill the skins with the gruyere mash, topped with caramelised onion, grill and serve. 

Ali - mini veggie cottage pies

Cottage pie is great comfort food, especially while waiting for spring to arrive, and this cute miniature veggie alternatives were delightful.

• Dice 3 red onions and fry in olive oil until softened. Add half a bulb of garlic, diced veggies of choice and quorn mince. Once these are cooked, add veggie stock and mush with a food processor. Leave the filling to cool overnight.

• Mash the potatoes, using the same method as Ed and Will but add some mashed garlic. Leave to the side.

• Line a cupcake tray with parchment paper and put a teaspoon of mince in each case, topped with the mash.

• Cook in the oven until the edges are golden brown.

Joe - tortilla

I actually had this on my second go as my first plate was full by the time I got to it, so I had this in a separate turn with some of Josh’s homemade slaw, which made for a lighter, refreshing second round. I don’t have the tortilla recipe, but like me if you are keen for a slaw that does not involve mayo, here you go:

• Mix together bit of orange zest, a splash of orange juice (squeezed fresh), apple cider vinegar, olive oil, lil squeeze of honey, salt and pepper.

• Julienne bramley apples and add to the liquids right away to stop it browning. Julienne some cabbage, add some pomegranate seeds and mix. 

Lucie - dauphinoise

This was one of two gratins we had that evening, and the more traditional style - it’s basically potatoes cream and cheese, what’s not to love?

• To make the sauce, add together slice shallot, garlic, fresh thyme, a pinch of nutmeg and a 1:2 mix of whole milk and double cream and strain.

• Use a mandolin to slice the potatoes- do not parboiling. 

• Layer half in your tin of choice, add the sauce then add the other half of the potatoes.

• Top with parmesan and thyme and cook until the potatoes are cooked through.

Ruby (me) - Sandbar Inspired Gratin

I ummed and ahhed for a long time what I was going to make and then, walking home from town I remembered Sandbar’s best and most unreliable pizza, which is topped with potato, taleggio (or some other kind of italian cheese) and sundried tomatoes. It has been on and off the menu so often I have (almost) learned to live without it. 

I didn’t want to bank on my pizza making skills however, and I wanted to experiment a little, so I wondered: could I make a sundried tomato and cheese potato gratin. IT turns out yes, yes I can.

Important notes:

1. I sourced some 12 month old comte and gruyere from Petit Paris Deli to use for my sauce and topping, which is a great French shop in the middle of Manchester that sells a good selection of cheese. 

2. If you go through a jar of sundried tomatoes, keep the leftover oil! You can cook with this, for that extra tomato-y flavour.

Method

• Peel and chop potatoes of your choosing. Unlike me, try to roughly cut them all the same size. Put in a bowl to rinse off starch and then boil until soft, where a knife can go easily through. Put to the side.

• Chop onions - if you are lazy like me, I use the food processor, which gets them as fine as possible. I fried in a mix of butter and the leftover sundried tomato oil. 

• When they are almost done, add in garlic and a crushed stock cube. You can use a splash of water or even white wine to deglaze.

• Add in double cream, cream cheese, and your cheeses of choice - for the sauce, I used the comte and some grana padano. Season to taste - I used salt, pepper and MSG.

• Add in the cooked potatoes and chopped sundried tomatoes (how much you add tomato wise is your preference) and stir until they are all covered. You can also add fresh basil at this stage but I forgot.

• Pour into your dish of choosing - I cooked this in an old Le Creuset dupe dish we found in my grandma’s basement, but any big dish will do.

• Grate cheese on top  - I used gruyere and more grana padano for this - and pop in the oven, bake for 20 mins or so, then grill the top until golden brown. If it is a little oily, you can pat down with a piece of kitchen roll.

For dessert, we had three options. Cherelle made sweet potato pie, Alienor made fifteens and I decided to combine Nigella’s Guinness cake and Easy Chocolate Mousse recipes, simply replacing the water for Guinness and putting the cream cheese icing on top of the mousse.

If any of you recreate any of these recipes, please send me pics, I’d love to see it! Thanks again to all my lovely friends for their excellent cooking and their generosity with their time, their effort and their recipes. This newsletter wouldn’t be the same without you!

And on that soppy note, that is all for March. It is my birthday this weekend, so I’ve got some very exciting food content coming in April, including perhaps some very delicious buttery paid content 👀

As always, please comment, share if you enjoyed and send me any requests - I’m always looking for new stuff to try! If you’ve used any recommendations or recipes from this newsletter and want to show me some financial appreciation in time for my birthday you can do so here.

Otherwise you can subscribe if you haven’t already.

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That’s all for now, but I will see you all very soon!

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I’m not the biggest proponent of Valentine’s Day, as I much prefer Pancake Day which comes right beforehand, involves pancakes and due to its sharing nature I think it is a better celebration of love, romantic, platonic or otherwise. However this year, I’m not going to lie guys, Pancake Day was somewhat a disaster. In my previous newsletter, I had been so excited by the prospect. However, at the point of arrival, I had been away from home for over two weeks into a 21 day long stint away for various work and family reasons and I was so tired. I was getting very little work done because the puppy I was dogsitting, while very cute, was also very demanding. Stress simmered in the background as we lurched over the pan, desperately trying to prise the pancake off the pan, a needy toddler. still grasping on its steel mother’s leg

In the end, I made three successful pancakes out of an entire bowl of mix. To say I was disappointed would be an understatement. I had been entrusted with my friend Nathaniel’s grandma Eileen’s (otherwise known as ImpCom to her nearest and dearest for reasons I daren’t ask) recipe and as the days went on, I couldn’t help but feel I had done Eileen’s legacy a disservice.

When I eventually did return home, it was a few days until I finally had the flat to myself for one evening and I decided that before February was over, I had to give pancakes another go. It turns out having an oven you know how to use, and a pan you’re familiar with, and scales that actually worked and being able to put an audiobook and cook them by yourself with no small furry disturbances massively improved things. The first one came out so perfectly round I made Ed take a picture of it.

As we didn’t have much in the way of toppings, I decided to take inspiration from Benjamina Ebuehi’s newsletter where she described making different butters for her pancakes - I made her malted vanilla butter and salted honey. Admittedly I only had vanilla essence rather than bean paste and an instant horlicks packet, so while the malted vanilla wasn’t my fave, I feel that was on me. However, I was a big fan of the salted honey butter! Would make again, maybe adding a squeeze of orange too.

Sitting down to eat these pancakes, after all my travelling, I realised something. I have created a home. Of course, in the literal sense, because I have a flat I actively liked and wanted to come back to, the first place as an adult that wouldn’t cause me some sort of anxiety to come back to because of mould or temperature or unwanted animal flatmates. But beyond the physical sense, I have built a life here. I have friends I see every week, I have regular dance classes at a studio where I know all the teachers, I have a cinema membership and a hairdresser I actually trust with my hair. For all my years in London, my friends had been the only consistency as I was buffeted from shit rental to another shit rental, but here in Manchester I finally have roots. Of course, everything may change and Andy Burnham may deport me for gentrifying the North, but for now, I can make pancakes and I am happy and that’s something.

But my travels were enjoyable despite my whinging, and you’ll all be glad to know that with them I bring many recommendations.

Dublin

It’s a Trap

A cute little vegan cafe I stopped for lunch - had a nice pesto mushroom toastie and a surprisingly good vegan iced chocolate or ‘choccy milk’, as my friend Clare calls it.

Pastellaria Lisboa

Recommended by the queen of the pastel de nata, Cherelle, and of course it delivered - having gotten soaked in the rain, this warm gooey tart was a welcome treat and easily one of the best I’ve had.

Okky

Tasked with finding myself a solo dinner in Dublin before Bombay Bicycle Club (which were great btw), I decided I wanted to try something a little different. I found Okky, which is a little restaurant specialising in okonomiyaki, which is a Japanese pancake usually made with cabbage, dashi or whatever you have in your fridge. I ordered their okonomiyaki osaka which came topped with scallions, crispy onion, tonkatsu sauce, kewpie mayo and sesame seeds and I added a fried egg on top. This was the right decision for me as the sauces came together when with the egg for a particularly nice and nourishing savoury hit. It’s always fun to find a completely new vegetarian delicacy.

Tayto

Everytime I go to Ireland I like to try a different flavour of Tayto, and while I enjoyed Spicy Rings on my last visit, this time I got the sour cream and onion and like most sour cream and onion crisps, it did not fail to deliver. I don’t know what it is about Tayto, but they certainly have the crisp equivalent of je ne sais quoi (or however you say it in Irish).

Falmouth

Max’s Bagels

While I continue to be disappointed in the lack of interesting vegetarian pasty flavours, (you can literally stuff anything in them! please be more specific than ‘vegetable’!!) a pleasant surprise I did get was that Falmouth has a new bagel shop. I ordered The Greens, which has cream cheese, avocado, roasted fennel and leek, pickled cucumber and rocket and it was surprisingly good. Nice and fresh but also filling - a welcome addition to the Cornish food scene!

Bath

Chai Walla

I’m pretty sure I have recommended before, but Chai Walla is great for a nice lunch on the go, with two fresh samosas excellently fried and your choice of either mango or tamarind chutney.

Beckford Bottle Shop

Me and Ed went here as a little date to celebrate keeping the dog alive as it got a bib gourmand fairly recently and we can highly recommend. As a wine shop, we unsurprisingly had a really nice wine, a New Zealand Riesling which I hadn’t had before, as well as some delicious little anchovies on toast, a Bath blue rarebit, and a really nice chocolate and honeycomb mousse dessert which felt in the same vein as the Snickers dessert at The Alan in Manchester (if you know, you know).

The Dark Horse

An underground cocktail with perhaps some questionable decor but truly delicious cocktails. I had the Galveston Punch, which was milk washed and had that lovely creaminess without being too rich.

London

Gogo Pocha

In London I got to see the brilliant exhibition Unravel at the Barbican about textile sculpture and politics (do all go if you have the chance) and after a long hearty walk around some of London’s brutalist sights, I was very hungry. Luckily we ended up by Gogo Pocha, which was recommended by ‘expert ally’ Tim, upon finding out I haven’t had bibimbap before. I would highly recommend for the uninitiated! I had the tofu bibimbap, which is served in a hot stone bowl, so the egg cooks in the rice. It’s a highly tasty way of eating a lot of vegetables and they have bottles of gochujang and soy sauce on the table to apply liberally. 

Manchester

10 Tib Lane

I think I have recommended before but me and Ed went as an early Valentines and had the nicest mash I’ve ever had, which was smoked and super buttery and I could have eaten it by itself with a spoon. We also had lovely cheese beignets (which seem to be the veggie starter of choice for a lot of restaurants), great cocktails and a custard tart which were all delicious.

Exhibition

Ed’s mum was visiting, and while it’s almost impossible to get a dinner table in Manchester on a Saturday, Exhibition, which is a cocktail bar that hosts three different kitchens did have availability so we jumped on it. We have anchovies, whipped gorgonzola and chilli honey on toast and marinated olives to start (which even converted olive sceptic Kay) and while the rest had pasta, I had crispy new potatoes with chives and hollandaise, along with sheeps milk bustard bunuelos (basically little molten fried cheese balls). Both were, of course, delicious and the potatoes were particularly nice - it turns out to make me happy I just need a bowl of some form of potatoes.

Supermarket

The Gutsy Captain Kombucha Raspberry 

Ed and my friend Josh are obsessed with kombucha - they call it ‘the booch’ - and while I’m not the biggest fan - a lot of it tastes like vinegar to me and not in a good way - I have finally found one I like. I found it in Tescos, and was pleasantly surprised to find it tasted like a raspberry Petit Filous, not too sour but with just enough of a tang to make it not sickly. I’d recommend it for the booch beginners out there.

Trader Joes Umami/Everything Bagel Seasoning

Shout out to the MVP Emma, who on her travels to America brought me back these goodies from America. Having tried my first everything bagel at Max’s Bagels, I am now putting this seasoning on every piece of bread I have. I am also very excited to try cooking with the umami seasoning, having had a little taste; if any Americans read this and know what I am talking about, do give me your recipe ideas (also if you’re not American but just creative).

Bread and Butter Chardonnay

Emma got this on Ocado and it may be the most drinkable white wine I’ve ever had. It genuinely is so soft and just sweet enough it would go well with real bread and butter. It feels like the Jammy Red Roo of white wines, so if you aren’t necessarily a white wine person normally, I would recommend.

Coca Cola Popcorn

For my new recurring segment, Deeply Cursed Items which Ali is Keen for Me to Review (anyone else remember the cookies and cream bagels? I’d rather not), I tried this new novelty product and my thoughts? Not as bad as I suspected. It does just taste like Coca-Cola, so if you like cola it may be for you. However, I don’t drink coke and I don’t really like the taste, so would not probably recommend it to most people. At least I hope you’re happy now Ali.

That’s it for food recs but one last point before I go - my friend Nathaniel, his dad and his brother are running the Manchester marathon in the great ImpCom’s memory so if you want to contribute something else to Eileen’s legacy bar sub-par pancakes, you can donate here.

That’s all for this month, but I will see you all again to find out everything I enjoyed in March!

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