This morning, I was out walking the dog when I realised my mind was already racing ahead to September. I was thinking about everything I wanted to achieve before the end of the year when I caught myself: “Hang on….. what do I actually want right now?”

We’re always so focused on what comes next — the next holiday, the next business idea, the next fitness trend or the next thing to add to the to-do list. But do we ever actually stop and ask ourselves: “What do I want right now?”

If something feels off in your life at the moment, these two questions might be worth sitting with:

What do I want to create?

and

What do I want to let go of?

We’ve somehow decided that a good life means fitting more in. We seem to think the answer is always more. More experiences, more achievements, more memories, more things to be proud of.

But what if the biggest transformations don’t come from adding more? What if they come from making space, from slowing down and from asking what’s actually worth keeping?

Maybe you’d like to create more joy, more adventure or more laughter in your life. Or maybe you’re craving peace and quiet instead. Maybe you want stronger friendships, better health or work that actually excites you. Or perhaps you just want more time to read, more time to think and more time to simply be.

Here’s what I think most of us forget to ask: “What’s draining you? What’s taking up space that doesn’t belong there anymore?”

It might be comparison, perfectionism, people-pleasing, the guilt that somehow your life isn’t quite enough or the pressure to have everything figured out. What if you just let it go?

I’ve started thinking of life differently lately. I’m seeing it less as something to optimise and cram full of experiences, and more as something to design in a way that lights me up. I get to choose what stays and what goes.

So here’s what I’d love you to do today: Grab a notebook, make yourself a proper cup of tea or coffee, find somewhere quiet and sit with these two questions:

What do I want to create in my life right now?

What do I want to let go of?

Don’t overthink it. Just be honest. The answers might surprise you or they might confirm something you’ve known for a while.

When I answered these questions myself, the answers weren’t dramatic. I realised I was spending too much energy worrying about things I couldn’t change. What I was really craving was more time to read, to play tennis and to think. Nothing extraordinary but just a life that felt a little lighter.

I think the real shift happens in those quiet moments when you ask yourself what actually matters to you.

Recently I’ve been doing some deep thinking. I don’t know if it’s my overactive midlife brain or because I can feel life rushing past. All I know is that my thoughts have been on overdrive.

The one question that I keep coming back to is this:

When I’m 80, will I smile when I look back on the life I lived?

I’m the first one to admit that I spend too much of my life rushing from one thing to the other. If I’m honest, I spent the main part of my girls’ childhood wishing their lives away and willing them to be older.

Now, there are a few different reasons for that. One being that I found motherhood and having twins seriously hard work. I also wasn’t in the best headspace. I was stuck in the mud and I just couldn’t get myself out of it. But that’s all in the past now and has brought me to where I am today.

When you’re juggling kids, running a business and trying to live up to the ever increasing societal expectations of living a good life, everything can feel like a constant race to get it all done. Rarely do we stop long enough to appreciate what we already have. We seem to have become obsessed with the next best thing and ticking things off our to-do lists.

Everything started to change for me when I hit 40.

I started questioning if saying yes to everything and rushing around like a lunatic was what I truly wanted.

I started appreciating the smaller, everyday moments of joy in my life, and this has become a daily practice that I continue today.

Life is definitely a crazy journey of ups and downs, and I’ve also come to realise that without the downs, you wouldn’t enjoy the ups. I’ve come to accept that striving for greatness, in whatever way that might be, isn’t the path to living a content and happy life.

So anyway, back to the question at hand. Why don’t you answer this for yourself too?

When I’m 80, will I smile when I look back on the life I lived?

Yes, I believe I will. But there’s still so much more I want to do in the next part of my life.

I’m ready for more adventures with friends. For long walks in the countryside surrounded by nature and the changing weather. Coffee and wine dates with people who make me laugh. Weekly pilates and tennis practice. Box sets with hubby, maybe more date nights too! Enjoying morning coffee outside and expressing myself through my morning pages. Reading more without the guilt of needing to always be working.

Here’s the interesting thing…

I’m not describing big expensive holidays or elaborate meals out. It’s the everyday moments. The ordinary Tuesday. Lots of good days make up one good life, and that’s what’s going to make me smile when I’m 80.

It’s these ordinary days that are the extraordinary ones.

So here’s the question I’m leaving you with this week:

What could you do today that your eighty-year-old self would smile about?

Maybe it’s tiny.

Maybe it’s finally saying yes or maybe it’s saying no.

Maybe it’s booking the trip.

Maybe it’s putting your phone away for an hour.

Maybe it’s laughing more.

Maybe it’s simply noticing that this isn’t the rehearsal.

This is your life. Let’s make sure we don’t miss it.

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about success and what it means to me.

The other day, I found myself reflecting on something I’ve never really admitted out loud.

I didn’t enjoy the first few years of my children’s lives as much as I wish I had.

This wasn’t because anything was wrong, quite the opposite. I had two healthy children, a loving husband and a family that needed me. Looking back, I can see there was so much goodness right in front of me.

But at the time, I was grieving another version of life that I thought I should have been living.

Like many women of my generation, I grew up believing that success followed a fairly predictable path. Work hard at school, go to university, get a good job, build a career, buy a house, start a family and keep progressing. The message was clear: success was something you achieved.

Life, of course, had other ideas.

Instead of building a traditional career, I became the primary caregiver for our twins. It was a decision we made together and one that made sense for our family. Yet I struggled with it more than I expected.

I wanted to feel successful. I wanted to feel like I was achieving something. Yet my days with twins were filled with nappies, feeding, washing, tidying and trying to make it through on very little sleep. I wasn’t earning money. I didn’t have a job title. I was ‘just a mum’ and I really struggled with that.

At the time, it felt as though everyone else was moving forwards while I had somehow stepped backwards.

With hindsight, I can see how much of that came from the way I’d learned to measure success. I was using somebody else's definition of success rather than creating my own.

I actually wonder whether we’ve made success far more complicated than it needs to be.

Social media doesn’t help. When you open Instagram, you’ll quickly find somebody teaching you how to improve something. Your business. Your body. Your mindset. Your productivity. Your morning routine. Your finances. Your relationships. The list is endless!

None of those things are bad in themselves and I’ve learned plenty from people online over the years.

But I do think we’re living in a world where there’s always another thing to optimise, improve or strive for. Sometimes it feels as though we’re constantly being reminded of the gap between who we are and who we could become.

It can feel exhausting.

The older I get, the more interested I become in a different question.

What if success was measured by how much you enjoy your life?

What if it had less to do with how much money you earn, how productive you’ve been this week, how big your house is or how many qualifications you’ve collected?

What if it was simply about how much you genuinely enjoy being alive?

I’ve met people who look incredibly successful on paper but seem permanently tired, stressed and dissatisfied. They’re always chasing the next thing, convinced that happiness is waiting just beyond the next milestone.

I’ve also met people who seem genuinely content. They enjoy simple mornings. They make time for people they love. They laugh often. They notice the seasons changing. They spend less time worrying about how life looks and more time paying attention to how it feels.

There’s a difference.

I think this becomes particularly noticeable in midlife.

You reach an age where you realise life isn’t happening later. The days we’re living now are our lives. They’re not a dress rehearsal for something better that starts later.

More and more, I find myself appreciating the everyday moments - Monday mornings, walks with the dog, coffee in the garden, reading a book or chattting with my kids.

Life is often much smaller and much more ordinary than we imagine, which is perhaps why it matters so much that we enjoy it.

These days, I find myself paying less attention to what a successful life looks like and more attention to what it feels like.

I’m not suggesting ambition is a bad thing. I still have dreams, ideas and plans for the future. But I no longer think success is only found in achievement.

Sometimes it’s found in a quiet morning, a good conversation, a sense of purpose, a moment of peace or the feeling that you’re exactly where you need to be.

Maybe success isn’t something we achieve.

Maybe it’s something we experience.

I’m still figuring that out myself.

But I do know this:

If success was measured by how much you enjoy your life, many of us might start making very different choices.

Every time I open instagram, I’m hit with a barrage of ‘noise’ about things I ‘should’ be eating and drinking.

It’s exhausting. It’s relentless. It’s draining.

So why do I keep consuming it? Let’s try and figure it out together.

What happens when ‘Midlife’ arrives?

There comes a point when things start to change in your body and your mind - they call it midlife.

Suddenly, you notice more wrinkles, grey hairs and changes in your skin. Add to that an inability to remember anything, bouts of complete procrastination and olympic standards of overthinking and overwhelm. Well this is what I’ve experienced!!!!

Truthfully, it’s a lot to contend with and you can feel pretty lost and worried.

So then you start to engage in the midlife themes on social media, podcasts, books and beyond….. and guess what, they’re everywhere.

And once you start to engage, the algorithm kicks in and you don’t see anything else!

More protein. More fibre. More good fat. Thirty plants a week (30, I mean seriously?!). Daily creatine for your brain. Collagen in your coffee. Intermittent fasting. Veg before a meal to stop your insulin spikes. Fish oils. Vitamin D. Probiotics. Anti-inflammatory foods. You name it - they say we ‘should’ be doing it.

The real problem is that most of us are slightly worried about the changes in our body. This means, that we genuinely believe we should try and embrace some of the things the experts are telling us to do. Especially, if we want to embrace midlife and live for as long as possible.

But where does it stop?

How do we choose which ‘thing’ is right for us?

Somewhere between all the research and our crazily busy lives, ‘eating well’ has become a second job. Nourishment is not meant to feel stressful or hard. In fact, it should encompass anything that promotes your overall wellbeing.

It should not add pressure or increase the stress of daily life - we certainly don’t need more of that!

What should we listen to?

There’s no denying that our bodies are changing in perimenopause and beyond. What we eat does matter more than it used to and it’s clearly important to look after our bone density, our muscle mass, our sleep and our mood.

Everything is connected.

But there’s a difference between being informed and being overwhelmed.

There’s a difference between eating with intention and eating with anxiety.

Somewhere along the way, a lot of us crossed that line. The issue is that we don’t always notice it until we’re standing in the supermarket, paralysed in front of the yoghurt aisle, trying to remember if Greek or Skyr has more protein and whether the fat content matters.

You know the feeling.

What I’m doing instead

As a 45 year old midlife woman, I’m going back to basics.

It’s time to recalibrate my relationship with food - once and for all.

I’m not rejecting nutrition science (they are the experts). But I’m on a mission to find the meals that genuinely satisfy me. Food that makes me feel full, energised, and not thinking about it again for a few hours.

I want to consume meals that are nourishing, rather than meals I force down in the name of nourishment.

And yes, for me, that will include bread. And pasta. And all the other foods that wellness culture has spent the last decade teaching us to fear, then rehabilitate, then fear again.

I’ll be sharing that journey here. Recipes, experiments, the things that worked and the things that really didn’t. Not as a prescriptive plan, but as one woman’s honest account of trying to eat well without losing her mind in the process.

I honestly believe that what works for one person, might not work for another. It’s you find something that is right for your body and you enjoy eating it - then let’s celebrate that.

One last thing

If you’ve been feeling the same exhaustion and if the food noise is getting to you too — I’d love to hear about it.

I love surrounding myself with women who are living through the same experiences. I believe that we can help each other and inspire others to start leading a life on their own terms.

At the minute, I feel that ‘wellness’ is a performance culture. But I don’t think any of us want to perform when we’re told to and the whole things often backfires.

If we tune back into which foods our own bodies truly want and desire, our whole approach to health and wellness might just change - for the better!

Tell me what you think in the comments. I’m all for figuring this out together.

We’ve been programmed to dread midlife and see it as a decline. But who decided that this should be the case?

What if we started seeing midlife as something to look forward to rather than fear?

As a midlife woman myself, it’s easy to get carried away with all the ‘midlife noise’ on social media. I often find myself worrying about my wrinkles and changing brain. To HRT or not to HRT. Protein, fat loss, creatine, resistance training - these words are fired at me from every single angle.

In my humble opinion, I think social media has a lot to answer for.

We are constantly hit with a barrage of “health noise” around diet and exercise.

The terms perimenopause and menopause are thrown around constantly, yet we rarely hear about the positive parts of getting older — only the negatives.

We have been taught to see midlife as something to survive rather than something to step into.

Maybe it’s time for a change.

I’m Not Sure Midlife Is the Problem

So many women seem to be struggling right now. They’re overworked, overwhelmed, tired and flat. But maybe they’re not actually struggling because they’re ageing. Perhaps, they’re finding life hard because:

• they’re trying to do everything for everyone else

• they’re comparing themselves to others on social media

• they’re juggling work, family and too much life admin

• they’re suppressing their own wants and desires

• they’re striving for perfection

Midlife often exposes problems that were already there.

I think we start blaming ‘midlife’ for things that aren’t right in our lives.

I know I’m guilty of blaming every little flaw and wobble on perimenopause.

I often feel like I could be doing everything better… being more present with my kids, growing my business, earning more money, getting fitter. You name it, I think it.

Then I read something recently about moving into the midlife era and it truly resonated.

I’m a very different person to the girl I was at 21. Truthfully, I’m actually more confident than I’ve felt in years. But, I know that my wants and desires have fundamentally changed.

I no longer crave the big house and giant garden. I don’t need a zillion different holidays a year and I definitely don’t need designer clothes and shoes. If I’m honest, that has never been me - but I maybe felt like I should want that stuff.

Part of me is still striving for what the old version of me wanted, while midlife is quietly showing me that I get to choose how my next chapter unfolds.

I think women have spent years disconnected from themselves and midlife is an opportunity to become the woman you were always meant to be.

Maybe Midlife Is a Return

I think it’s time to flip the narrative on the term ‘midlife’. Let’s start celebrating this stage of life that will hopefully come to us all.

Let’s celebrate the positives and show younger females that it’s something to look forward to.

Midlife brings clarity, honesty and a deep level of self-awareness that allows you to fully understand who you are at the core.

Midlife inspires you to live a softer and richer life.

Midlife shows you how to build stronger boundaries and say no to things that no longer serve you.

Midlife is the time when you stop people pleasing, stop comparing yourself to others and live life on your own terms.

Midlife is your time to be fully present in the moment and design a life that feels genuinely good to live.

If you’re finding yourself at a crossroads, here are a few questions that you can ask yourself to help you gain clarity on where you want to head next:

• What do I actually want?

• What makes me feel alive?

• Why am I rushing through my own life?

• What would it look like to properly enjoy my life again?

The Women I Know Are Craving Different Things Now

Substack is full of the type of midlife women I want to surround myself with. Women who are interested in books, slower mornings, walking, being outside and meaningful conversations.

Women who are craving emotional peace, room to think and beauty in ordinary life.

Joy is still there for all of us.

It’s up to us to choose how we want to live.

It’s up to us to look for it in the small, everyday moments.

It’s waiting for you.

Women are not becoming smaller in midlife. They’re becoming more intentional and more powerful.

This creates the most insanely wonderful ripple effect through every aspect of their lives.

Becoming More Yourself, Not Less

So maybe now is the time to really start caring less about performance and become honest with yourself.

What do you really want to change? How are you going to do it?

What do you really want your life to look like? How will this make you feel?

Maybe midlife isn’t about reinvention at all. Maybe it’s about finally returning to yourself.

What If This Was the Beginning?

This is something I feel very strongly about and would love to spread the message far and wide.

What if midlife wasn’t the crisis we were all led to believe… but the beautiful middle where life finally gets to feel exciting, expansive and true to who you really are?

Let’s start living lives that we genuinely love living and let’s do it together.

There’s so much power in community — especially when women are involved.

Ruth xx

Life is the greatest gift of all, but at times it can feel like a rollercoaster that’s slightly out of control. And if I’m honest, there are moments where I think many of us quietly crave hopping off for a while… just to catch our breath.

And that’s what I did.

I stepped away from my life as a mum, a homemaker and a business owner, and for a couple of weeks, I put myself first. All I had to think about was what I fancied for lunch, when I might have my first cocktail, and what book I was going to read next. It was bliss in the simplest way.

Somewhere between the sunrises, the ocean, the pool and the stillness… something shifted.

I stepped away from my phone and I started to write.

Every morning, I sat on the beach and filled three pages with whatever came into my head. Some of it felt like it was just for me — a quiet check-in, a way of hearing myself again. But some of it felt like something I was meant to share.

So here goes.

Slowing Down Changes Everything

I honestly believe we all need to slow down more than we think.

Our brain needs space to think.
Our heart needs space to feel.
Our body needs space to simply be.

For the past few months, my head has felt full — thoughts, feelings, decisions, noise. And when there’s no space, everything gets tangled. Nothing feels clear.

But when I finally slowed down and gave myself time to write, to sit, to think… the fog lifted. Things started to make sense again. Life felt calmer. Lighter. More like it’s meant to feel.

There’s science behind this too. When we slow down, we activate the parasympathetic nervous system — the part of our body responsible for rest, repair and clarity. It’s why everything feels less overwhelming when we pause.

You don’t need a two-week holiday to feel this.

Try this:
Take five minutes in the morning, sit with a notebook, and just write whatever’s in your head. No structure. No pressure. Just get it out.

Nature Reminds You What Matters

There’s something about being in nature that brings you back to yourself.

Watching the waves roll in, the leaves moving in the breeze, the light on the water… it all felt so simple and so grounding. Like a quiet reminder of what actually matters.

Nature is steady. It doesn’t rush. It doesn’t overcomplicate things and when you’re in it, you start to remember that you don’t need to either.

Studies show that even 10–20 minutes outside can lower cortisol (your stress hormone), lift your mood and help your brain reset.

It doesn’t need to be a long walk or anything dramatic.

For me, it’s just going to be ten minutes outside in the morning with a coffee. Sometimes with a notebook, sometimes just sitting. Even if it’s cold, wet or windy.

Life Is Simpler Than We Make It

I don’t know about you, but I can make life far more complicated than it needs to be.

Overthinking. Overanalysing. Trying to find the “best” way to do something. Waiting until everything feels perfect before I begin.

And yet, when I strip it all back, life isn’t actually that complicated.

I’ve started asking myself one simple question when I feel overwhelmed:
What actually matters today?

Not everything. Just today.

Because most of the time, it’s not the hundred things on the list. It’s a handful of things that really move the needle… and the rest can wait.

Midlife Is a Recalibration

Let’s talk about the midlife brain for a moment.

I’m 45, and something has definitely shifted over the past few years. I forget things more easily. Names disappear. I walk into rooms and can’t remember why I’m there. It can feel frustrating at times.

But I’ve decided to see this differently.

Research shows that the midlife brain is going through a kind of rewiring process, influenced by hormonal changes. Memory, focus and emotional regulation can all shift. It can feel unsettling… but it’s not a decline.

It’s an update. A recalibration.

Midlife is a powerful moment where you start to question things, reshape things, and choose more consciously how you want to live.

I’m not losing myself. I’m becoming more of who I actually am and that is exciting.

We Carry Too Much

I think there’s a huge amount of pressure on women.

We’re often still the ones holding everything together at home, while also building careers, running businesses, and trying to be everything to everyone.

There’s even a name for it — the mental load. The invisible weight of remembering, organising, planning and holding it all together.

And it’s a lot.

Personally, I don’t believe we’re meant to do everything, all at once, perfectly.

For me, it’s about being honest about what matters most in this season of life… and letting that guide my choices.

Maybe the question isn’t: How do I do it all?
Maybe it’s: What am I willing to carry?

Joy Is Everywhere

I think we sometimes think of joy as something big. Something we have to chase or create.

But I see it differently now. Joy is already there — in the small, everyday moments.

It’s in your morning coffee.
The song on the radio.
A message from a friend.
A quiet moment with a book.

I don’t think it ever disappears. We just stop noticing it.

One thing I’ve started doing is mentally noting three small moments of joy each day. Nothing big. Just little things I would have rushed past before.

And the more you notice it… the more it grows. Try it!

Letting Go

Going forwards, I feel ready to let go — just a little.

My girls are 17 now, and it’s time to give them more space to figure things out for themselves.

My coaching business is still building, and I’m letting go of the need to have everything mapped out perfectly.

I’m trusting that I’m exactly where I need to be, that things are unfolding as they’re meant to.

Life doesn’t need to be so complicated.

It gets to feel lighter. It gets to feel more spacious, more enjoyable, more like you!

Not because everything changes overnight but because you do.

So here’s to a different way of living. A softer way, perhaps.

It’s not about making life bigger, but it’s about feeling better in the life you already have.

One of my main missions is to spread love and light and help people experience more joy.

As I get older, one thing has become especially clear: we only get one shot at this beautiful thing called life, so it’s so important that we actually enjoy it.

This is part of the reason why I recently chose to close my e-commerce business and focus on coaching, even though it meant starting all over again.

Running Coffee & Kin just wasn’t lighting the fire inside me anymore. I’ve always had this quiet, persistent pull to do more good in the world, and over the past two years I’ve trained in intuitive coaching, life coaching, emotional and behavioural psychology, accountability coaching and women’s brain health.

I started a new Instagram account and began sharing guidance and ideas for women who might be feeling overwhelmed, tired or a bit flat.

But here’s what I didn’t expect.

By constantly talking about overwhelm, stress and the struggles of midlife, it started to affect me too.

At the beginning of this year, I found myself questioning how I was feeling, lacking motivation and feeling stuck, both in my business and in my life. Not exactly where you want to be when you’re meant to be helping others feel better.

The truth is, what we focus on matters and somewhere along the way, I’d slipped into focusing more on what was heavy than what was possible. I found myself sitting in a version of midlife that didn’t feel like mine, and that was the moment I knew something had to change.

So I stopped posting.

Not because I didn’t believe in the work, but because I needed space to think clearly again and come back to myself.

I still believe I’m here to help people, but I’ve realised it has to be in a way that lights me up too. Because when it doesn’t, you feel it and so does everyone else.

We’re so used to looking around and thinking we have to do things the way everyone else is doing them, especially online. But just because something works for someone else, doesn’t mean it’s right for you.

In marketing, we’re often taught to highlight the problem and then offer the solution. And yes, it works. But constantly sitting in the problem, for me, felt heavy and honestly a bit joyless.

The truth is, most of us already know what’s not working in our lives. We don’t always need more reminders of it.

I don’t believe you have to sit in what’s wrong to create a life that feels better.

What we often need is a shift in perspective, a bit of space, and a nudge back towards what actually feels good.

So that’s what I’m choosing now.

I want to share content that feels real and relatable, through my own experience of being a mum, a business owner and a woman in midlife, but in a way that lifts you. Something that gives you a sense of possibility again and helps you notice where life could feel a little lighter, a little easier, a little more you.

I’m not here to keep you focused on what’s wrong. I’m here to help you see what’s possible and actually move towards it.

And maybe, as you read this, it’s worth asking yourself what you’re consuming every day, and how it’s actually making you feel.

So yes, I stopped posting on social media because it was making me feel flat. But now I’ve recognised that, I’m simply choosing a different way.

And I have a feeling it’s going to be better—not just for me, but for you too.

Here’s to doing life in a way that actually feels good.
Ruth x

As a life coach, part of me feels I shouldn’t admit that. Surely I should have it all figured out by now. But the honest truth? I absolutely don’t. I’m very much a work in progress.

I constantly feel like I’m living in a state of motherhood mayhem, and I often wonder if I’ll ever get to the bottom of my ever-increasing to-do list.

As a working mum of two, there is always so much to manage. The washing pile never ends, the family organisation is relentless, my business needs constant attention in order to grow, mealtimes come round too quickly and now we’re throwing Christmas into the mix. I haven’t even written those lists yet.

This morning, I took Spud (the dog) for a chilly walk in the rain. I love walking — so many thoughts and ideas flood my brain when I’m outside. It’s something that just makes me tick.

Somewhere between the puddles and the freezing wind, two questions came to mind:

• How can working mums slow down when there’s always so much to manage?

• What’s the secret ingredient to feeling calm, energised and in control?

We’re always striving for more — more energy, more expansion, more motivation, more “on it”. But what if we don’t actually need more motivation? What if what we really need is a bit more breathing space?

The art of accepting reality

Life is busy, full, rushed and chaotic at times. With two sporty kids, two businesses and everyday life to manage, of course my life is going to be full-on.

Would I change it? Absolutely not.

So perhaps the answer isn’t wishing things away, but accepting the reality of our own family life and finding ways to feel less rushed within it.

I’ve been asking myself:

• What would happen if I slowed down… without stopping everything I’m doing?

• What if the answer isn’t doing less, but doing life differently?

Slowing down isn’t about doing less

Let’s talk about what slowing down actually looks like in real life — not some peaceful retreat in the Highlands, but school runs, meetings and someone yelling that their sports bra has disappeared again.

There are a few things that have genuinely helped me soften the pace (and yes, I’m reminding myself of these as I write them).

Slowing down is choosing a pace that supports you instead of exhausts you.

It’s the difference between rushing through the day on autopilot and moving through life in a rhythm that actually feels good.

So, what does that look like?

1. Not everything needs to be urgent

Most overwhelm isn’t the workload — it’s the pressure we put on ourselves to do everything now.

Try filtering tasks like this:

• Needs doing today

• Needs doing this week

• Can wait

• Can be cancelled, delegated or outsourced

This isn’t lowering your standards — it’s valuing your time.

2. Ease comes from reducing the mental load

I feel like the term mental load was created for working mums. It’s not just the tasks that create chaos — it’s holding them all in your head.

A few things that have genuinely helped me:

• A rotating weekly meal plan (no more decision fatigue)

• A “dump list” on my phone instead of thoughts swirling in my head

• One family calendar everyone can see

• Keeping a running shopping list on Alexa

• Automated reminders for school stuff and birthdays

• Ordering repeat essentials on subscription so I’m not constantly running out

• I plan my week in business, then each morning over coffee I choose the key actions for that day

Systems and plans don’t make life boring — they make space for you.

3. Create micro-moments of stillness

You don’t need a fancy retreat. Just give yourself regular, 90-second pockets of stillness:

• Sit in the car before going inside (I love this)

• Walk slower instead of marching everywhere like you’re late for a train

• Drink your morning coffee outside without your phone

• Close your eyes between tasks and breathe

• Drive in silence

• Light a candle when you cook and focus on the smell

• Watch the sky change colours for a moment

Tiny resets regulate your nervous system more than your annual holiday.

4. Do things in a way that feels softer

Instead of rushing through life, ask yourself:

“How can I do this with more ease?”

• Tidy or cook with music

• Do one thing at a time

• Leave five minutes earlier instead of cutting it fine

• Finish tasks fully instead of half-doing ten things at once (I need to embrace this one)

• Put music on during school mornings so it feels like a vibe, not a battle

• Choose “good enough” over perfection — no one is grading your life

Urgency isn’t a personality trait — it’s a habit we learned from years of rushing, coping and proving we can handle everything. When you choose ease, even in tiny moments, you start telling your nervous system a new story:

Life doesn’t have to be a race. I can move through my day at a pace that feels good from the inside out.

5. Protect your energy like it matters (because it really does)

Your energy is one of the most valuable things you have, and yet it’s usually the first thing we sacrifice. Work needs us, kids need us, the house needs us… and before we know it, we’re running on empty.

Protecting your energy simply means noticing what pulls you down and what lifts you up — and choosing differently where you can.

Ask yourself:

• What’s draining me?

• What’s nourishing me?

• What needs to shift?

Then act on the answers — don’t just mentally file them away for another day.

At the heart of it all

We’re all just trying to do our best. But sometimes, we fall into the trap of believing we can do everything for everyone, all the time.

Sometimes that’s just not possible — and that’s okay.

We need rest. We deserve rest. And it doesn’t need to be earned.

You don’t need to finish everything before you sit down. You definitely don’t need to do it all perfectly. There is real magic in the imperfect.

Slowing down isn’t stepping back from life — it’s stepping into life in a way that feels richer, calmer and more you.

If this resonated…

I write for women in their midlife rise — a season of living with more space, more honesty, and more energy for the things that truly matter, powered by their own desires rather than pressure and obligation.

👉 Hit Subscribe if you want more like this
👉 Leave a comment and tell me which part landed

And if you’d like to explore your energy a little deeper, I’ve created a quick five-minute check-in to help you see where your energy is leaking and what might help life feel a bit lighter.

→ Download The 5-Minute Energy Audit

Do it in bed, on the sofa or in the car — whatever works.

I’m also at a crossroads with one of my businesses and need to make a decision about its future. It’s strange how something that once gave you so much purpose can start to feel heavy when it’s no longer aligned. Letting go can be hard - but sometimes it’s also the most freeing thing we can do.

And then there’s life — and the world. There’s a lot going on, and it takes up far too much space in my already busy midlife brain.

A few years ago, I stopped following the news because it’s just so relentlessly negative. Lately, I’ve found myself feeling disillusioned by social media too. It’s noisy, it’s consuming, and it can feel like hard work just to keep up. Some days, I wish phones hadn’t been invented — or that all social media platforms switched off at 6 p.m!!

Everywhere I look, I see women buckling under the pressure to “do it all.”
When did it become normal to believe we have to be everything — the devoted mum, the business owner or career woman, the one who cooks the healthy dinners, keeps the house spotless, stays on top of the endless laundry, and still somehow finds time to exercise and look nice?

This is part of the reason I started my new coaching business. I want to help women let go of the myth that we have to “do it all perfectly” — because quite frankly, we can’t. It’s just not possible and that’s okay. Once you release that belief, life feels instantly lighter.

I’m driven by a desire to help midlife women feel joyful again — inside and out — and design a life they’re genuinely excited to wake up to.

Right now, so many of us are tired. We’re exhausted from the endless striving. We’ve forgotten who we are beneath society’s expectations… and the ones we quietly place on ourselves.

When was the last time you asked yourself what you actually want?

I truly believe all women deserve to feel loved, powerful, purposeful, and fulfilled — and I’m here to show you how.

My own mind often feels like it’s running on overdrive. I’m a chronic overthinker (and I know it’s not good for me). I worry too much about what people think. But I’m learning every day to slow down, to pause and to embrace the perfectly imperfect moments whenever I can.

By sharing what I do to navigate midlife — and the beautiful chaos of family life — I hope to help and inspire you to create your own version of a joyful life.

And that’s how Notes from Midlife came to be…

Here, I’ll share small stories, musings, and honest reflections about what it really feels like to live in this chapter — the messy, beautiful, liberating middle.

So, tell me — what’s one thing you’re craving more of these days?

— Ruth x