Alexander Hamilton’s reaction to John Laurens’ death isn’t a callous one. They had fought together and hoped together for a better future. That shared mission was the foundation of their friendship. The best way to honor John was to keep working toward the vision they had together. The Autism Pastor, Lamar Hardwick, and I shared our own mission that was the foundation of our friendship. Before we all honor his vision and work toward the goals of accessibility and inclusion he had, I want to take a moment to reflect on my friend and what he meant to me.

Lamar Hardwick and I first met online in 2017. Steve Grcevich had hired me to work for Key Ministry, and we were adding to our blog writing team. Lamar had self-published a book about getting an autism diagnosis as an adult, I Am Strong: The Life and Journey of an Autistic Pastor. We were excited to add him to our team of writers. He was clearly gifted, and some of his early posts include A Better Question: Learning to Live Beyond the Label in 2017 and Building Better Banquets: How to Prioritize Special-Needs Ministry in Your Church in 2018. As a pastor with autism, he had a unique perspective that we were all eager to learn from.

We first met in person in 2018 at the Inclusion Fusion Conference in Cleveland. All of our time together over the years has been at conferences. They were challenging in many ways for Lamar. He loved them, of course, and really came alive on stage when delivering messages. But the social expectations and sensory input were a lot. We stuck together when we weren’t speaking—on the back pew in front of the sound booth in Cleveland and in speaker rooms where it was quieter and we could catch up.

We were often on panels together, and one of my favorite stories is from 2022, when we did a breakout session on social anxiety in the church, with Catherine Boyle moderating. Lamar compared his social anxiety to how someone would feel watching kids do double-dutch jump rope and waiting for their turn to jump in. When do you enter the conversation? What if you mess up the flow? What if the game is ruined because you couldn’t keep up? It’s such a helpful metaphor I’ve told many times since then, starting it with, “My friend Lamar once shared …” (It was also during this breakout that I broke down crying over how my own social anxiety was affecting my family, and when Lamar and I told that part of the story last month in the green room at DATC, he laughed remembering how his social anxiety increased becuase he wasn’t sure what to do with me sobbing.)

Our writing careers also grew and gained momentum at the same time. My first traditionally published book came out in 2018. I had such a positive experience with my agent that I recommended her to Lamar when he was ready to pitch what would become Disability and the Church: A Vision for Diversity and Inclusion (released in 2021). In it, he writes about Steve and me in the acknowledgments: “I am also thankful to my good friends Sandra Peoples and Steve Grcevich for giving me a platform to share my story and serve the church and the disability community through writing.” We were a small part of the journey God had called him to, but we were honored to play that part.

Even after Lamar’s autism diagnosis a few years ago, our paths continued to run parallel. We were both in PhD programs and were working on our next books. He released How Ableism Fuels Racism: Dismantling the Hierarchy of Bodies in the Church in 2024, and my latest book came out last year. Eventually, he had to take breaks from his PhD work and writing to receive treatment and recover. He never stopped cheering for me and encouraging me, though. When we were together, he wanted to know what I had found in my dissertation research, what book idea I wanted to do next, and how things were going at my church. He was always encouraging me, even when he wasn’t sure he would get to complete the goals he was trying to focus on. His last message to me came after we had been together at this year’s DATC:

In his final keynote sermon to us at DATC, he compared himself to John the Baptist awaiting death in prison, asking Jesus, “Are you the one who is to come, or shall we look for another?” (Luke 7:19). Lamar wanted us to remember the truth that John the Baptist learned that Lamar could affirm through his suffering as well—Jesus is the one, and He is faithful to the end.

The musical Hamilton ends with mourning Alexander’s death. Eliza sings, “The Lord, in his kindness, He gives me what you always wanted. He gives me more time.”

I thought of that line again and again this week. On Monday, I submitted a grant proposal that, if we receive it, will establish a program over the next five years that will give me plenty to do in addition to teaching classes at Liberty and SWBTS. On Tuesday, I got an offer for my next book. On Wednesday, my younger son graduated from high school. And then on Thursday, I saw Lamar’s wife, Isabella, post that they had called in Hospice. On Friday, I saw that Lamar had passed. As I mourn Lamar’s death, I also mourn the book he was working on that he didn’t get to finish, the milestones his wife and boys will experience without him, and every future conference I’ll attend that won’t feel the same without his quiet presence and fierce leadership.

God, in His kindness, has given us more time to cast a vision for disability inclusion in our churches that reflects what Lamar is experiencing now: a great banquet like the one described in Luke 14 that includes “the poor and crippled and blind and lame.” Lamar worked to make that heavenly vision an earthly reality, and we honor him by continuing the work he so faithfully led.

Background and Set Up:

Equipping Leaders for Accessible Children’s Ministry was a master’s level class for those in the children’s ministry program. We had a mix of students in the classroom and online. I taught via Zoom, and my co-professor (Dr. Kennemur) was in the classroom on campus. The students represented five countries with different ministry experiences and plans for the future.

I based the course on my book, Accessible Church. I first started teaching the topics years ago for cohorts with Gospel-Centered Family. Then I adapted it for a class I teach at Liberty, Accessibility and Inclusion in Church Ministry. And then it became the content for my book. Even though this class was for children’s ministry leaders, we did talk about inclusion beyond children’s ministry because at many churches, disability ministry falls under children’s ministry even though it serves teens and adults. (For example, at my church, our part-time disability ministry director reports directly to the children’s ministry director.)

The Book List:

• Beates, Michael S. Disability & the Gospel: How God Uses Our Brokenness to Display His Grace. Crossway, 2012.

• Hubach, Stephanie O. Same Lake, Different Boat: Coming Alongside People Touched by Disability, Revised and updated. P&R Publishing, 2020.

• Peoples, Sandra. Accessible Church: A Gospel-Centered Vision for Including People with Disabilities and Their Families. Crossway, 2025.

Additional reading:

• Theology of Disability: The Ten Pillars from the Wheaton Center for Faith and Disability

• The 5 Stages of Changing Attitudes toward Disability by Dan Vander Plaats

• “Salvation for Children with Disabilities” by Sandra Peoples in Children and Salvation: Biblical Theological, and Practical Considerations.

They chose one of the following for a family-focused book review:

• Unbroken Faith by Diane Dokko Kim

• The Life We Never Expected by Andrew Wilson and Rachel Wilson

• Wrestling with an Angel by Greg Lucas

• How to Build a Thriving Marriage as You Care for Children with Disabilities

  by Kristin Evans and Todd Evans

• Sharing Love Abundantly in Special Needs Families: The 5 Love Languages® for Parents Raising Children with Disabilities by Gary Chapman and Jolene Philo

ThM students had to pick two of the following books and write reviews:

• Disability and the Church: A Vision for Diversity and Inclusion by Lamar Harwick

• Disability: Living into the Diversity of Christ’s Body by Brian Brock

• Jesus and Disability by Chris Hulshof

They had a reading schedule for the semester, and the lectures were based on their assigned reading. They read Beates’ book first, then Hubach’s book. They read the chapters of my book that corresponded to the week's topics. Their presentations on the family-focused book were due after spring break. Each week, they had to post reflections either on the reading or on our class lectures.

Guest Speakers:

• Charla Holst from Overcomer Ministries spoke on meeting sensory needs and creating sensory spaces. It was very helpful, and the students talked about what they learned from her for weeks after.

• We hosted a panel discussion with Gary Felton (FBC Dallas), Kathy Kovalchuk (Prestonwood Baptist Church, North Campus), and Juliana Wootten (The Village) so the students could get an idea of what disability ministry looked like at different churches.

• Diane Dokko Kim, author of Unbroken Faith, joined us to talk about her experience as a mother and a ministry leader. Diane was especially helpful in speaking about how various cultures respond to disability, reminding us of the strengths other cultures bring and the challenges we may face as we minister cross-culturally.

Assignments and Presentations:

My goal with the assignments was to have real-world application. I think overall they went really well. Here’s what was required:

• Write a theology of disability paper: They first brought an outline of their papers with the passage they chose to write about, a thesis statement, and a bibliography. We split into groups to discuss them. Then they wrote their papers. The length and requirements were based on the degree they were getting (MACE, MDiv, or ThM).

• Present their theology of disability papers in 3-5 minutes with a PowerPoint or a handout that includes the biblical passage chosen, the central theological claim about disability, and one implication for church practice or pastoral care.

• Write a ministry proposal letter to a pastor, communicating the need for a disability ministry and the purpose of a disability ministry. Students will include population statistics from their class textbooks and update them with an internet search if necessary.

• Create ISPs for fictitious ministry participants. I provided profiles of three ministry participants, and the students created an individualized spiritual plan for their time at church. They included:

  1. Classroom placement (inclusive, specialized, both)

  2. Ways to encourage positive behavior and who is necessary to support this behavior

  3. Sensory items and/or tool options needed

• Read a family-focused book and present a review, including biographical information about the author(s), the purpose of the book, strengths and weaknesses of the book, three quotes from the book that were helpful and why, and if you would recommend the book to parents in your ministry. They signed up for which book they wanted to read, with a limit of 2-3 people reading each one. The groups were put together to include at least one person who had read each book, so everyone could benefit from the reviews.

• Plan an outreach event and present the idea in class. Students will create a document that answers questions about planning an outreach event targeting special-needs families. The student will demonstrate their understanding of the importance of creating an inclusive event, advertising the event, and following up after the event. In class, students will role-play as a church staff member during a staff meeting. Each student will present their idea. The group will respond with questions, playing their part as other staff members.

• Post learning engagement reflections each week

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Reflections & Things I Would Do Differently

One big challenge is starting the semester with the hardest assignment—the theology of disability paper. But it has to come first because it’s the foundation for everything we do. I know it can feel intimidating, which is why we looked at the outline and bibliography together. That way I could give feedback before the final draft.

Having a clear AI policy will be helpful next time. To help me determine if it’s being overused, I put each assignment description and requirements into ChatGPT and Claude to see what those sites write in response. In the future, I will require the students to state the number of pages they read of the family-focused book in the document they turn in.

For the ISP assignment, I provided a worksheet to help make sure they covered everything I wanted, but it was optional. I’ll either require it for everyone or not provide it at all.

For the outreach presentation, when they roleplayed staff members, we assigned them the roles of lead pastor, youth/next gen, worship/tech, social media, deacon team, admin assistant, women’s ministry director, men’s ministry director, hospitality team/kitchen, and counseling and care. We started with three “staff members” asking one question after each presentation (the roles rotated each time). It went great, but we ran out of time (we had scheduled two class periods to present). I think asking three questions was good, but we’ll need more class time to get it done.

I really like the letter to a pastor, but if I had to take an assignment out, it would be that one. I would replace it with something related to creating a sensory room or choosing items for a buddy bag. My Liberty students do this in a discussion post one week, and it’s very helpful for them to see what other students post.

The guest speakers we had were all great. In the future, I might have a pastor share how he casts a vision for disability inclusion with his congregation (I had that on the schedule, but we ran out of time). I might also include a curriculum designer to talk about adapting the curriculum for different types of learners. We spent a class on discipleship in disability ministry, but a guest speaker on the topic would be helpful.

The week we talked about marketing your ministry, we focused on website design and what parents would look for on a church’s website. I shared a few church websites on the screen and had them tell me where to click to find info about a church’s accessibility. That was really helpful. When we looked at the website for one large church in the Dallas area, I told them that based on what we saw, my family wouldn’t be able to attend there. That seemed to really have an impact.

Another topic that was well received was ethical topics related to disability. We talked about abortion, gene editing, and physician-assisted suicide. I share screenshots of posts from Twitter on the topics so they could see how it’s actually being discussed and presented. It came in week 2, which was early (before we knew each other well and were talking more freely), but they handled the discussion well.

It would be helpful to have a class where we discuss resources they can use after the class, such as parachurch organizations they could contact. I put that on one slide at the end of our discussion on marketing and outreach, but it kinda got overlooked.

I’m so thankful for the opportunity I had to teach this class! Especially because it has led to SWBTS adding a concentration in disability ministry. Students will be able to take four classes in the field of disability ministry in one-week intensives on campus over four semesters. We’ll kick off in the fall with Theological and Biblical Foundations of Disability Ministry. The registration should be up on the SWBTS website this week! I’ll update with a link when I see it. If you know you’re interested, you could start the application process now.

God is working in so many ways to equip churches to better welcome and disciple people with disabilities and their families. If you want to take the next steps to equip yourself to be the strongest ministry leader you can be, come join us at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary.

1. Their context is not my context. At a conference like DATC, there are ministry leaders from all across the country, each serving in a church and in a location that is different from mine. What works in downtown Atlanta, Georgia, might not work the same way in suburban Houston, where I am. What works for a church of 10,000 might not work for my church of 500ish, or the church plant we were a part of, or the rural church in Pennsylvania where we were before that. What works for a church that focuses on specialized environments may not work for a church like mine that focuses on inclusive environments. Pastor Steve makes the point that Saul’s armor was designed for fighting alongside other warriors, and David was going up one v. one against Goliath. What worked for Saul in his context wouldn’t work for David in his. The advice we get from speakers and authors is best applied when we think of it as descriptive of their own context and not prescriptive for our context. We can listen for principles we can apply without thinking we have to copy and implement exactly what fits them.

2. Their capacity is not my capacity. I can be tempted to leave a conference with a long list of ideas I should do and feel guilt or shame when I can’t get everything checked off that list. But the breakout speaker’s capacity is not my capacity. Maybe he works a full-time job at his church, and you are a volunteer. Maybe she’s a retired empty-nester, and you are a working caregiver. Maybe she’s younger than you, taller than you, and doesn’t have to take as many prescriptions for high blood pressure as you 😏 In the example of Saul and David, Saul was a king described as being taller than any of the people (1 Sam. 9:10). David was a shepherd and is described as being “a youth” in 1 Sam. 17:33. Their capacities were different, but they were still perfectly suited for the task at hand. You can ask yourself what is yours to do within the capacity you have for your task and not add the extras to your to do list.

3. Their calling is not my calling. God has not called you to someone else’s assignment, in someone else’s church, with someone else’s resources. He has put you where you are on purpose. Ephesians 2:10 says, “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared ahead of time for us to do.” That means you have a path to walk, a calling to fulfill, that will look different from anyone else’s calling. No one has your exact experience, education, or personality. And God uses all of those qualities in your ministry. Psalm 16:6 says, “The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; indeed, I have a beautiful inheritance.” What is yours to do is within your boundary lines, prepared ahead of time by God for you to accomplish. You can rest in that truth.

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If you’re heading to DATC next week or applying advice from an author, podcaster, or person on social media, I hope taking time to read Pastor Steve’s post will encourage you like it encouraged me. I’m thankful for ministry leaders and content I can learn from without trying to fit in armor that wasn’t designed for me. I want to be the best teacher I can be in our specialized preschool class because that’s my context, capacity, and calling in this season!

One interesting observation as I conduct research is how the resources available and the steps churches took in previous decades compare with today. What help did they get then? What help do churches get now? How did ministries start then? How do they start now? One resource has been especially helpful in answering these questions—the special education journals published by Lifeway from 1988 to 2008, first named Special Education Leadership and then Special Education Today. In these articles, we can see the steps churches took and the topics that were popular at the time.

One article from 1988 was written by Donald L. Chapin, the associate pastor of special ministries at First Baptist Church in Hurst, Texas. In it, he outlines the steps a church took to meet a family's needs and launch a ministry.^[1] These steps show the assistance that was available at the time and the resources they took advantage of. Here’s a summary of the article:

Patsy and Ted are the couple featured in the article. They have three daughters, and the youngest one has profound disabilities. When they first approached the pastor, he seemed to dismiss their requests for discipleship for their daughter. But when Pasty asked him, “Pastor, do you really care what happens to my mentally handicapped daughter?” the pastor was moved to act.

The article lays out their next steps: “He contacted his Baptist associational office. They gave him the name of a church that had a ministry with mentally handicapped people. He and the minister of education made an appointment to talk with the pastor and Special Education Department director of that church.” Their next step was to find a leader for this new ministry. “The pastor began by calling a meeting of the nominating committee. The Sunday School director was present. The committee began the search for a department director by talking with members of the congregation who were school teachers. They also talked with Patsy and Ted. The goal was to find the right person to take the lead, a person who would follow through.”

They asked Mrs. Walker, who was teaching in the children’s department. She added two other teachers to her team. They read three books to prepare them to lead the ministry: Teaching Children and Youth with Mental Handicaps in Sunday School (1988, Sandy Harris), Teaching Adults with Mental Handicaps in Sunday School (1988, Gene Nabi), and Ministering to People with Mental Retardation and Their Families (1985, Gene Nabi). A footnote in the article states that the books were available at the Baptist Book Store. They also attended the Special Education Leadership Conference on Mental Handicaps at Ridgecrest, North Carolina.

The next step was to choose the curriculum the class would use. The Special Ministries Resource Kit was chosen. The teachers were trained in the format and use and were taught how to supplement and adapt using other Convention Uniform Series materials. A footnote says this curriculum was available on the Church Literature Dated Form.

The church was now ready to recruit members for the class. Mrs. Walker and the two other teachers visited 15 families in the community who had been identified as having members who would be a good fit for the class. They spoke directly to the young adults, inviting them to church. Of the fifteen families they visited, seven enrolled their children. The church also placed an announcement in the local newspaper about the church’s special education department. The result was, “People who never before had heard the gospel were now going to have a chance to learn about God.” The article concludes with an encouragement to pastors to recognize the need in their communities and start a ministry.

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Here are the 10 steps they took:

1. A family with a member with a disability approached the pastor

2. He contacted his local Baptist association office

3. They connected him with a church in the area that had a special education department

4. The nominating committee and the Sunday school director met to choose a leader for the ministry

5. She recruited two more teachers

6. They read books (published by Lifeway)

7. They attended a training at Ridgecrest, NC (hosted by Lifeway)

8. They picked a curriculum (published by Lifeway)

9. They visited people in the community to invite them to class and advertised in the paper

10. They shared the gospel with those who came

In addition to reviewing church profiles in these journals, I interviewed leaders who had started ministries at their own churches. They began much like this church did—by meeting the needs of one family, learning how to better include and disciple people with disabilities, and then growing their ministries.

The resources they used are also similar. Many visited churches in their area with existing ministries. They got help from state conventions, SBC entity resources, and parachurch organizations. The top five that were mentioned were: Joni & Friends, Key Ministry, Lifeway, the SBTC and the BCM/D, and the resources available on my website. They got training at conferences. And they picked a curriculum to use. (The two most popular curriculum providers mentioned were Lifeway and Awe & Wonder.)

The resources I’ve mentioned and many more are available to churches now, and even more help is coming soon through the work the SBC and its entities are taking as a result of recent motions at our annual meeting.

Even with 50+ years of work and resources, there are still families like mine without a church home. Let’s continue to pray that churches in every community will understand the need for these families to hear the gospel and take steps to evangelize and disciple them.

^[1] Donald L. Chapin, “Developing a Ministry: Pastor, do you really care what happens to my mentally handicapped daughter?” Special Education Leadership, Vol. 1, No. 1, 1988, pp. 10-12.

You can also find videos and resources that go along with each chapter on the book’s website, Accessible-Church.com

Chapter 1: Laying the Foundation - A Theology of Disability

• Wheaton Center for Theology and Disability’s 10 Pillars of a Theology of Disability

• Disability and the Gospel: How God Uses Our Brokenness to Display His Grace by Michael Beates

• Theology Of Disability And Ministry Inclusion Reading List

• 6 Passages That Help Us Develop a Theology of Disability

Chapter 2: Who Is Missing?

• Is Disability Normal? by Stephane Hubach for The Gospel Coalition

• Make Room at Church for Special-Needs Families by Sandra Peoples for The Gospel Coalition

• Churches Believe They Are Welcoming to Those with Disabilities from Lifeway Research

• Disability Inclusion for Small and Normative-Sized Churches

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Chapter 3: Preparing for Accessibility

• Overcoming Barriers to Belonging: Accessibility Considerations for Church Administrators - a Google Slides presentation

• Amazon list of items for a church sensory room

• PDF from Joni & Friends with the Three Ministry Models for Disability Ministry

• Inclusive Children's Ministry - 3 Tiers of Support - Wonderful Works

• Tour the disability ministry rooms at Heights Baptist Church, Alvin, TX

• How to Structure Your Disability Ministry video from Joni & Friends

Chapter 4: Your Ministry Team

• Video training for buddies at your church

• Buddy bag item ideas from Amazon

• Disability Ministry Adult Volunteer Application

• Disability Ministry Youth Volunteer Application

• Your Calling & Qualifications for Disability Ministry

• Solutions When You Don’t Have Enough Buddies

Chapter 5: Student Support

• Video on creating ISPs/IDPs from Lifeway

• Salvation Resource Kit from Awe & Wonder

• Sharing the Gospel with People with IDD - a podcast interview with Tammy Dunkam

• Ten Strategies for Supporting Children with Disabilities and Challenging Behaviors in Ministry from Ability Ministry

• 5 Ways to Support People with Dyslexia in Your Church from Lifeway Research

• Inclusive and Engaging Teaching Models, an interview with Tracy McElhatten

• Behavior Support tips

• Disability Ministry in the Preschool Years

Chapter 6: Whole-Family Inclusion

• Rising Above Ministries

• Hope on the Hard Road

• Creating a Family Care Plan

• A list of my sibling resources

• Amazon list of books for parents

Chapter 7: Beyond Children’s Ministry

• Video from Ryan Faulk of Joni & Friends: Supporting Students with Disabilities as They Transition from Children’s Ministry to Youth Ministry

• Student Ministry for Teens with Invisible Disabilities from byFaith online magazine

• Podcast interview on Youth Pastor Theologian: Ep. 45, Ministry to Students with Disabilities

• My Favorite Things about Night to Shine - Key Ministry: The Podcast Episode with Beth Golik

• 99 Balloons beFriend program that facilitates connections and encourages friendship

• 5 Stages of Changing Attitudes toward people with disabilities from Dan Vander Plaats

Chapter 8: Growing Your Ministry

• Video “From Website to Worship Center” from Lifeway

• Training videos from Miracle139 in English, Spanish, and Mandarin

• 8 Outreach Ideas to Target (and Bless) Special-Needs Families

• Key Ministry’s Facebook group for disability ministry leaders

For even more resources, check out this list on my website. It offers curriculum options, a list of conferences, and links to parachurch organizations that provide resources and support.

“He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God's church?” 1 Timothy 3:4-5

My husband and I have two neurodiverse sons—one with dyslexia and one with autism. The challenges they have related to their diagnoses affect how they are supported at school, how they are parented at home, and even how they are seen at church. For my family and the many others families who are in ministry and have neurodiverse children, managing our household well has unique challenges and opportunities. Especially when our children’s challenges are on display at church. But understanding their design, putting supports in place for them, and using our experiences as parents to unique kids to encourage other families has helped us see how God is at work in our family.

Characteristics of Neurodiverse Children and Their Families

Neurodiversity refers to the range of differences in individual brain function and behavioral traits that are regarded as part of normal variation in the human population. A 2024 study found that 19% of respondents in the U.S. said they were neurodivergent, with members of Gen Z and Gen Alpha identifying as neurodivergent at higher rates than other generations. Neurodiverse diagnoses include, autism, ADHD, trauma and PTSD, reactive attachment disorder in children who have been adopted, and oppositional defiant disorder.

Characteristics of kids and teens who are neurodiverse include:

• Self-regulation and impulse control challenges

• Executive function deficits

• Immature social skills

• Verbal and non verbal working memory deficits

• Rigid behaviors and inflexibility

• Argumentative or defiant behavior

Research shows that children with ADHD, autism, or sensory processing differences often respond from the “reptilian brain,” which involves the amygdala and brainstem. It can stay activated longer in neurodiverse children, making it harder for them to move into a calm and regulated state where higher-level thinking is possible. They are more easily triggered into fight/flight/freeze mode, they stay in that state longer because the brain has a harder time “switching off,” and they struggle to access the prefrontal cortex (reasoning, planning, self-control) until their nervous system feels safe again.

This leads to many challenges for their family. They can feel unequipped to meet their child’s needs. Parents often hear more bad news than good news about their child from the school. These families are isolated when their child struggles with social skills and impulse control, making it less likely for them to be invited to playdates or birthday parties. And the added expectations for how a pastor’s child should behave can add stress to an already challenging family dynamic.

What Parents Can Do to Support Their Neurodiverse Children

First, lay a Scriptural foundation for how you see neurodiversity. Parents of kids and teens with neurodiversity can remember they are made in the image of God and have value, worth, and purpose. Passages that inform our understanding of these truths include:

• Exodus 4:11: “Then the Lord said to him, ‘Who has made man’s mouth? Who makes him mute, or deaf, or seeing, or blind? Is it not I, the Lord? Now therefore go, and I will be with your mouth and teach you what you shall speak.’”

• Psalm 139:14: “I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made …”

• Ephesians 2:10: “For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared ahead of time for us to do.”

Remembering that God has a plan and purpose for the challenges our children are facing and for us as we parent them through these challenges helps us not feel like it’s parents vs. kids in this battle. We are on the same team with our kids, helping them understand their design by a loving Creator and working together to help them be used by him.

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Second, pray for Spirit-led self regulation for you and your child. Managing your household well starts with your own self-regulation. As Chap Bettis writes in The Disciple-Making Parent, “The first battleground of family discipleship is not my child’s heart; it is my heart.” When triggered as parents, we can react with the fruit of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. We can grow in Christlikeness and exhibit these evidences of His work in our lives as we parent our children. Even if your child’s hardest behavior day is Sunday with all eyes on you, can your church family look at the example you are setting on how to clearly communicate expectations, support positive behavior choices, and respond with love? If so, you are managing your household well.

When we model what Spirit-led self regulation looks like, we can encourage our kids to follow our example. That “fight, flight, freeze” reaction can be calmed by our presence and our posture toward our children. We can take deep breaths with our kids, praying over them and with them, “God is with me. I am safe.” We can also remember that behavior is a form of communication. Often neurodiverse children communicate with their behavior what they can’t put into words. We can identify their needs, meet them in a healthy way, and help our children know how to make different behavior choices when they are calm and able to listen.

Third, maintain structure in your home. Disregulated kids need predictable rhythms and routines to decrease their stress. This can certainly be a challenge as a pastor’s family, because ministry is so unpredictable. You don’t know when you’ll get a call and need to be with a family in crisis. But creating structure to the best of your ability can help your children’s anxiety and your own stress. Do you eat regular meals together? Do you have a comforting bedtime routine? Do your family devotions and worship times follow a rhythm your kids can rely on? These routines are important to help their brains and bodies relax.

Structure doesn’t have to mean a rigid schedule—it’s more about building anchors your kids can count on. Even small rituals, like Friday night pizza, Saturday morning chores, or a consistent way you say goodbye before school, communicate safety and stability. Visual schedules, calendars, or checklists can also be helpful for children who process information better when they can see what to expect. When ministry responsibilities disrupt the normal flow, you can still offer stability by giving your kids as much advance notice as possible and talking them through what will happen. These simple practices reassure your children that even when life feels unpredictable, there are steady rhythms they can trust.

How Your Church Can Benefit from Your Experience

Instead of disqualifying you from being a pastor, what if your unique family and the ways you have learned to support your children’s additional needs made you a stronger pastor and helped your church reach other struggling families with the hope of the gospel?

One of the ways we have seen this in our lives is that parents who face challenges with their children are more likely to open up to us about those struggles and ask for prayer and support. Instead of feeling hopeless and letting shame take over, other dads come to my husband when their kids get a diagnosis of their own. Moms of teens will text us when their sons or daughters struggle with addiction, body dysmorphia, self harm, or same sex attraction. These parents don’t have to pretend like their families are perfect around us because we can’t hide the fact that ours isn’t. We have modeled sharing our struggles, asking for prayer, and praising God with our church family when he answers those prayers. Other families can do the same because we have gone first.

It has also helped our church reach other struggling families in our community. We have a disability ministry because our son James could not attend church without modifications in place for his safety and for his discipleship. Most of the children we support through our disability ministry are neurodiverse kids with invisible disabilities. We have systems in place to help them feel regulated and supported, which means their entire family can worship with us.

Pastors, God doesn’t expect you to be a perfect parent. But you can manage your neurodiverse household well by understanding your unique children and the challenges they face, supporting them well, and asking God to use your experiences to encourage others. Know that just as God knit together your children on purpose and with a purpose, he also knit together your family. You also have a calling and a purpose to fulfill. Ask God to give you wisdom as you rely on him in your calling as a dad to neurodiverse kids.

For more on the topic, check out:

• Student Ministry for Teens with Invisible Disabilities from byFaith Magazine

• Boundless Hope for Every Child: Help for the Hurting, Compassion for the Misunderstood, Belonging for the Lonely by Kim Botto

• At Lifeway’s ETCH NextGen Conference, I’ll be doing breakouts on “including and engaging neurodiverse kids” and “including and engaging neurodiverse teens”

As someone who is creating resources, I was interested in what exactly these pastors needed that they didn’t have or couldn’t find. Books? Podcasts? Videos? Curriculum? We’ve got them. One pastor in a Facebook group specifically said, “I don’t want a book, I want to send my children’s ministry leader to a training.” Ok. Great! There are disability ministry focused conferences, breakouts in disability-related topics at every children’s ministry conference I know of, courses you can take, classes you can register for, and organizations that will do trainings for the volunteers at your church (many of them for free).

You can get resources specifically for smaller churches, for adult disability ministry, and for kids with mental health and behavioral diagnoses. You want a sample registration form? You want outreach ideas? You want parent support group material? VBS help? Equipment for your sensory room? It all exists. There’s no question I’ve been asked by the hundreds of churches I’ve helped that I haven’t been able to answer by sharing resources and sending a link.

This week, I was at the Southern Baptist Historical Library & Archives in Nashville. Dr. Hall helped me pull decades’ worth of resources from the SBC on disability ministry. I took 300+ pictures of these resources, and I could have taken more. My time there solidified what I already suspected. It isn’t a lack of resources that’s holding pastors and ministry leaders back.

Pastors, children’s ministry leaders, youth & next gen ministry leaders, family ministry leaders: you have the tools you need. The training you want is available for you.

It starts with seeing each child, teen, and adult with a disability as one worth pursuing with the hope of the gospel. They are image bearers—people with the potential to have a relationship with him. They were created on purpose and with a purpose.

Luke 15:3-7 is helpful as we talk about each image-bearer God wants to bring into our churches:

Jesus told them this parable: “What man among you, who has a hundred sheep and loses one of them, does not leave the ninety-nine in the open field and go after the lost one until he finds it? When he has found it, he joyfully puts it on his shoulders, and coming home, he calls his friends and neighbors together, saying to them, ‘Rejoice with me, because I have found my lost sheep!’ I tell you, in the same way, there will be more joy in heaven over one sinner who repents than over ninety-nine righteous people who don’t need repentance.

This parable is one of three parables that show us God's heart for those who are apart from him. We have the Parable of the Lost Sheep, the Parable of the Lost Coin that tells of a woman who loses one of her ten coins and doesn't give up until she finds it, and the Parable of the Prodigal Son that tells us how the father welcomes back his children who rebel and then return. In each parable, the focus is on the one. They tell of the lengths God will go to save each one and keep them close.

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Ministry leader, I’ve been where you are. When our son was diagnosed with autism, and we looked around our church, we realized we needed to take some steps to make our church accessible so he would be able to continue to attend and be discipled. At the root of all our concerns was fear, but the way forward was love. Our love for James and our desire to see him be a member of our church family were stronger than our fear. As 1 John 4:18 says, “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.”

What do you really need in order to reach “the one” who currently isn’t able to come to your church? God and Google. Pray to God for a heart like his. Google for answers to your questions and resources you can use. Then go. Seek out the one, invite their families in, and ask what they need in order to worship with you and be discipled in ways they can understand.

Pastor or ministry leader: is there a resource you need? Leave a comment and let me know. I’ll help you find a solution! My book, Accessible Church, is a great place to start, but there are other types of resources and people with experience who want to help!

Motion 10 from Benjamin Hankin of New Jersey: “On be half of the 1.3 billion (with a B) individuals with special needs and disabilities in the US and around the world, I make a motion that the executive committee create a task force or study group that will be charged to study these three items: 1) the current availability and accessibility of resources for special needs ministries across the SBC churches 2) how SBC churches are presently engaging in ministry to individuals and their families affected by special needs, including best practices, challenges, and models of care, 3) how the SBC and its churches can better come alongside and support families who have loved ones that are special needs or disabled. Further I move that the findings of this study be compiled into a report with recommendations and be presented to the messengers of the Southern Baptist Convention at the next annual meeting in 2026 in Orlando along with suggestions for equipping churches and encouraging greater inclusion, outreach, and discipleship among those with disabilities and especially their families.”

Motion from Shannon Diehl of Maryland: “80% of individuals with developmental and intellectual disability never attend church. I move that the North American Mission Board encourage Send Relief or another entity to develop resources to help churches develop and grow ministries to children and individuals with special needs.”

I asked Shannon why she directed her motion to NAMB, and she said:

“The North American mission board is responsible for growing and deploying ministries in North America - since the disability community is a massive unreached group, NAMB’s focus would equip church planters and revitalizers with resources and expand ministry.

Send Relief has a ministry focus of ‘Protecting Children and Families.’ This is also a group that could help churches grow in providing needed resources.”

Motion 22 from Sandra Peoples of Texas:  “I make a motion to request that the executive committee of the Southern Baptist Convention would consider adding Disability Ministry Sunday to the SBC national calendar of activities. Currently, the Southern Baptists of Texas Convention and the Maryland/Delaware Baptist Convention have this celebration on their calendars for the second Sunday in July.”

I’m optimistic about the motions made this year and the steps we’ll continue to take as a convention!

Steps taken from recent conventions:

From a motion made in 2024, the executive committee created a page on the SBC website with resources for disability ministry and continues to take submissions for additional resources: sbc.net/specialneeds

From 2023, a question was asked of Ben Mandrell after the Lifeway report about resources they had for kids with autism. Lifeway put together a focus group with parents and ministry leaders to ask what was needed. The result was a website page featuring existing curriculum resources, a free downloadable accessibility guide, and training videos: Lifeway.com/specialneeds

In August, I’ll be making my first trip to Nashville to the Southern Baptist Historical Library & Archives to research convention motions and resolutions related to disability that have been made over the last 50 years (since the passing of the IDEA). You can read more about it here:

In the Worship Service …

One Sunday morning Elizabeth sat in a different spot than usual in the worship center. In front of her was a family she hadn't met before—a mom and a dad with two sons. The younger of the two sons sat between his parents. Well, he kinda sat. During the welcome, Scripture reading, opening prayer, and music, he wiggled in his chair, he laid on the floor, he used his chair as a spot to draw, he stood on his toes and rocked back and forth during the music while he covered his ears, and when it was time to sit down again to listen to the sermon, he tried to get past his dad and into the aisle. His family was prepared. His mom had a deep purse with drawing paper and colored pencils, chewing gum, and a spinner fidget toy. His dad anticipated the move for the aisle and blocked it. His older brother wasn't surprised by the movements of his brother or the attention he got.

Some of that attention came from the other church members around them when the younger son spoke to his parents at a distracting volume and couldn't get comfortable during the sermon. After a few minutes, the dad took his son out of the service. The mom and older son stayed through the sermon but left as soon as the congregation stood for the final song. Elizabeth slipped out behind them and saw the family reunite in the lobby where the husband had watched the service on the TV screen while his son was entertained by his iPad. They seemed eager to get out of the doors before the lobby filled up with people at the end of the service, but Elizabeth approached them to introduce herself.

“Hi! I'm Elizabeth Jenkins. I'm so glad you guys came to church today! I was sitting behind you and realized we hadn't met yet.”

The mom introduced herself as Jessica and then introduced her husband Grant and their sons Zach and Levi. Levi continued to play on his iPad while his family chatted with Elizabeth.

“Levi has trouble sitting through church services,” Jessica told Elizabeth. “He has autism and some sensory issues. We keep trying and sitting for as long as we can!”

“I have a nephew with autism who is a couple years older than Levi! He has trouble sitting in the service for too long too, but our church came up with some great ideas for helping him participate and feel comfortable in the children's ministry and in the services. If you'll give me your number, I'll give it to our children's ministry director and she can reach out this week to get to know you guys,” replied Elizabeth.

“That sounds great,” Grant said as Elizabeth handed Jessica her phone so she could type in her number. “We've visited this church a few times, but we haven't met anyone because we are in and out so fast. We saw an announcement slide about an upcoming respite night for special-needs families, so we thought y'all might have something that would be a good fit for Levi on Sunday mornings too. We've just been so busy with school and therapy and Special Olympics, we haven't signed up or reached out.”

Elizabeth replied that she understood how busy they were! She let them know she would pass on their info and that the children's ministry director, Shannon, would reach out soon. As Grant and Jessica pulled out of the parking lot, they felt seen and understood. They had hope that this church might be a good fit for every member of their family.

In the Staff Meeting …

Pastor Nathan wrapped up the staff meeting by asking if anyone had met the visiting family he noticed in the service that week. “It looked like the dad and one of the boys left during the sermon and the mom and the other boy scooted out pretty quickly. Was anyone able to catch them?”

Shannon spoke up: “Elizabeth Jenkins sat behind them and talked to them in the lobby. God really had Elizabeth in the right spot last week because she noticed one of their boys is a lot like her nephew who has autism. She got their contact info and sent it to me Sunday afternoon. Their last name is Miller. Grant and Jessica are the parents, and their sons are Zach and Levi. Zach is in 7th grade, and Levi is in 4th. I'll be reaching out this week with the next steps they can take to join us for Sunday school if they're ready. Tyler, Zach will be in your middle school class.”

“Great!” replied the youth pastor Tyler. “I'll watch for him and introduce him around. I'm planning to make an announcement about the upcoming buddy training for our high schoolers who are interested. Let's talk later about how I can best phrase a few things so I'm sensitive to the siblings in the room.”

“Sounds good,” Shannon replied. “Actually, I had lunch last week with our new admin assistant Grace, and she told me she has a brother with Down syndrome. I asked if we could get her opinion on how to best communicate with our special-needs families and talk about our disability ministry. She said she'd be happy to help anytime!”

Pastor Nathan smiled and nodded. “Grace told me about her brother Daniel in her interview. She said growing up as his big sister really shaped her into the person she is today. I'm glad she's willing to help us be sensitive in our communication. Shannon, let me know if I can help you this week as you reach out to the Millers and get your team ready. Tyler, next week you can let us know who Zach may already know so we can facilitate his family meeting other families who may be able to step in to help if there's a need in the future, like if Zach needs rides on Wednesday nights.”

“One more thing before we're done,” said Chris. “Since we noticed they didn't make it all the way through the service on Sunday, let's make sure they saw the noise reducing headphones that are available in the lobby. And they can come to our worship team practice on Wednesday if it would help Levi to see worship center when the lights are all on and there aren't as many people in there. We always enjoy an audience when we're playing and singing!”

Pastor Nathan nodded again. “Good idea! I know we've had other kids sit through your rehearsals so they are more comfortable during the services, so we'll make sure the Millers know it's an option. Good job, guys! Thanks for thinking of so many ways we can help the whole family feel included!”

On her way out of Pastor Nathan's office, Shannon started a group text with Nikki, Angela, and Matt. “In our staff meeting we talked about a new family who visited on Sunday. I'm going to reach out to the family and get more info. Nikki, he's in 4th grade so he will be in your class. Matt, you're scheduled to be a buddy on Sunday, so I'll let you know what he likes and what he may struggle with when I get their registration form. Angela, let's be prepared for him to join you guys in the sensory room if he needs a break. I'll email on Thursday with more details for everyone!”

In the Children’s Ministry …

After the staff meeting, Shannon got back to her office and texted Jessica to introduce herself as the children's ministry director. After a few texts back and forth, Jessica said they would be interested Levi participating in the children's ministry options that Sunday. Shannon emailed her a link to the online children's ministry registration form that included questions about Levi's needs. Jessica filled it out that evening. Shannon texted again the next morning to let Jessica know they would have a buddy ready to hang out with Levi during small group time. She sent Jessica a link to a social story she could print out and show to Levi so he would be prepared. She also invited them to come by the church on Thursday after school so Levi could see the classroom he would be in and the sensory room where he could take a break if he needed it.

The next Sunday, Elizabeth and her son Gerald were greeters in the children's area so there was a friendly face at the door when Jessica, Grant, Zach, and Levi walked in! Gerald and Zach recognized each other from their science class, so Gerald asked his mom if he could walk Zach over to the middle school room. Levi was excited to meet his buddy Matt and head to his class with him. Jessica and Grant tried to hang out in the lobby “just in case ... ” but Elizabeth invited them to her life group. Shannon promised to text them if necessary. Jessica and Grant sat down in life group and looked at each other as they exhaled and let their tense shoulders drop. They both knew it was a huge step for their family to all feel comfortable and welcome at church. This could be the beginning of a new season for all of them.

Levi and his buddy Matt walked down the hall to the third and fourth grade classroom. Matt had read the info that Jessica shared on Levi's registration form, so he had prepared a buddy bag with noise reducing headphones, fidgets, a visual timer, and some sour candy (Levi's favorite!). One of Levi's special interests was maps, so as they walked into their classroom, Matt showed Levi the map of the building they were in that showed the fire exits. Nikki, the classroom teacher, approached to meet Levi. After welcoming him to the class, she pointed out the visual schedule she had on the wall. “Right now everyone is drawing pictures of their favorite foods. In a few minutes we're going to talk about our favorite foods and some that we don't like. You and Matt can work together to draw your favorite foods or talk about them together.”

Nikki got the class's attention and asked each person to stand up and name one of their favorite foods. Then she asked the rest of the class to stand up if they also liked that food or sit down if they didn't like it. When it was Levi's turn, he said his favorite food was mac and cheese. “Stand up if you also like mac and cheese,” said Ms. Nikki. Levi was sure everyone would like mac and cheese as much as he did, but one girl sat down. She said it was gross. Matt could tell this frustrated Levi. Levi kept talking to Matt about mac and cheese even after Ms. Nikki had moved on. He scribbled on the paper where he and Matt had drawn a bowl of mac and cheese. Matt whispered to Levi, “I can tell you're getting frustrated. If you can stop scribbling on the paper, we can walk to the sensory room for a break. I'll tell Ms. Nikki we'll be back in 10 minutes.”

On their way out of the classroom, Matt and Levi saw Shannon and told her they were on their way to the sensory room. Shannon was prepared with a way to pique Levi's interests to go back into his class when his break was over: “It's a great idea to go jump on the trampoline when you get frustrated! But when it's time to go back, Ms. Nikki will be talking about Daniel and his friends. They had to move away from their homes to a new place. I printed off a map that shows where they lived in Judah and where they moved to in Babylon. You can look at it with Matt and then show it to Ms. Nikki when you get back to your class. She will be excited for you to show it to her!”

Matt and Levi got to the sensory room where Ms. Angela and her class were also talking about Daniel and his friends. Matt set the visual timer for 10 minutes, and Levi went straight for the trampoline. He noticed that Ms. Angela had different vegetables that her class was smelling, touching, and tasting. She told them, “Daniel and his friends only ate vegetables and drank water when they got to Babylon. They learned God's way is best.” Levi went to the table, and Ms. Grace, Ms. Angela's helper that week, put some veggies in a bowl for him to try.

After 10 minutes, the timer beeped, and Levi was ready to go back to class. He remembered the map Ms. Shannon had given him and was excited to look at it more and show it to Ms. Nikki. Levi and Matt passed Ms. Shannon again in the hall, and Levi told her that he tasted cucumbers but didn't like the smell of broccoli. She asked if he knew why Daniel and his friends only ate vegetables. He replied, “Because God's way is best!” She gave him a high five and said Ms. Nikki's class was watching a video about Daniel and his friends that he would like.

Matt and Levi were quiet as they walked back into the dark room and sat at the table. Levi did like the video, and when it was over, Ms. Nikki talked about how Daniel and his friends moved a long way from their home. She asked if Levi wanted to come up and show his map to the class. Ms. Nikki's helper Mr. Scott passed out maps like Levi's to everyone so they could see them too. Levi talked about how far Judah was from Babylon and how long it might have taken them to walk all that way.

When Levi sat back down, Ms. Nikki talked about Daniel and his friends just eating vegetables and drinking water. She also told the class, “God's way is best!” They talked through some situations the kids faced where they had to decide if they should do what God would want them to do or do what other people told them to do. Then they got in two groups and raced to find and read two verses that went along with their lesson about Daniel: Romans 12:1 and Proverbs 3:5-6. Levi's team didn't win, which was frustrating to him, but Matt said that maybe next week they would play a different game and win. Matt also said it was time for all the classes to come together for music in the big room. He gave Levi noise reducing headphones and let him pick a fidget. They talked about how Levi could let Matt know if the noise hurt his ears, and they could take another break in the sensory room if they needed to.

When Jessica and Grant peeked into the room where Levi was, he and Matt were standing in the back of the room where there were fewer kids, but he looked like he was enjoying listening to the music. They had talked to Shannon on their way to see Levi, so she told him how he had done that morning. They all agreed it was a great first Sunday experience for Levi! When it was time to go, Jessica and Grant asked Levi if he wanted to stop by the sensory room again on their way to the service and jump on the trampoline for five minutes. He agreed, and during the service that day, he had an easier time sitting still. He enjoyed music time more because he had grabbed a pair of noise reducing headphones on their way into the worship center. Shannon had told Jessica and Grant that Levi would be welcome back in the sensory class during the sermon time if that worked best for him. So Grant walked him over to see Ms. Angela again, and then Grant was able to sit with Jessica and Zach for the sermon for the first time in years.

On the way home, both boys couldn't stop talking about the people they met, the fun they had, and what they learned. Levi was excited to tell them all, “God's way is best!”

If you want help knowing how to make an experience like this a reality for families who visit your church, Accessible Church can help!

Last year I was visiting a church that had asked me to do a consultation and give advice on how they could better include kids with disabilities and their families. And the first question I got from one of the volunteers was: “What qualifies you to do this?”

She didn’t know me, so it was a fair question. The children’s ministry leader probably told her that they had someone coming in to help, and she was invited to meet with us if she wanted to. But her question did sting a little bit. I didn’t know how to answer her. What did she think would qualify me? Education? I have a theological education, but I don’t have a degree in special ed. I’m also not trained as a therapist. Almost 20 years ago, when I was in a master’s program, I don’t think there were many degree options for disability ministry. I certainly didn’t know of any.

Maybe she was asking about my experience? But would my experience as a family member with a sibling and a son with disabilities count, or did she think only actual church experience should count? I’m a pastor’s wife, but I’ve never been on staff at a church, getting paid to oversee a disability ministry. Would she think the bigger the church, the more qualified I would be? Because the churches I’ve been a part of are normal-sized. Again, because I’m a pastor’s wife, I attend the church my husband pastors. And so far, they haven’t been in the mega-range.

On the long drive home, I kept replaying her question and all my possible answers. For every qualification I could think of that she might be judging me by, I could also think of ways I didn’t meet those expectations. It played into my deepest insecurities and doubts. Maybe you have similar insecurities and doubts about your qualifications.

So, what would qualify you or me to do disability ministry? Even though inclusion in churches has been happening for decades, disability ministry leadership as a vocation is still relatively new. There isn’t a clear path from point A to point B—from feeling a call to disability ministry to doing disability ministry. Even those in churches that are hiring disability ministry leaders don’t always know what to look for. Young people starting in the field don’t know the most direct path to reach their goals.

Let’s start with calling. In Scripture, we see two types of callings—general callings for everyone and callings to specific people for specific purposes or roles. In the context of inclusion for people with disabilities, all Christ-followers are called to some level of advocacy. Leviticus 19:14 says, “You shall not curse the deaf or put a stumbling block before the blind, but you shall fear your God; I am the Lord.” Jesus himself gave us examples to follow on how to include people with disabilities and care for others, including in Matthew 21:12-14, when he drove the money changers out of the temple area so the blind and the lame could have access to him and to the temple area.

Callings for specific people at specific times are also throughout the pages of Scripture. Mordecai tells Esther, “Who knows whether you have not come to the kingdom for such a time as this?” in Esther 4:14, because she had a unique relationship with the king and could use her position to save her people.

David also had a unique, specific calling, and we can look at how to apply his calling to our own. In 1 Samuel 16, God told Samuel that a new king would take Saul’s place. God sent Samuel to the home of Jesse the Bethlehemite, where Jesse introduced Samuel to his family. Samuel thought the first man presented to him had potential, but God said to Samuel, “Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.” Seven of Jesse’s sons were introduced to Samul, but the future king wasn’t one of those seven. Samuel asked Jesse if he had any more sons, and Jesse said his youngest was in the field with the sheep. When the youngest, David, arrived home and was introduced to Samuel, God said, “Arise, anoint him, for this is he.” (v. 12).

God picked the one with the heart of a king, even if he didn’t yet have the appearance of a king. And he was picked for his leadership role while he was already serving. He was not seeking out recognition or a new position. His role was shepherd, and he was good at it. In chapter 17, David told King Saul that when he kept sheep for his dad, he fought off lions and bears to protect the flock. But not even that was done in his own power. David said in 1 Sam. 17:37, “The Lord who delivered me from the paw of the lion and from the paw of the bear will deliver me from the hand of this Philistine.” That experience gave David confidence that God would be with him when he faced new challenges, even the giant Philistine Goliath.

When we look at David’s path to being king and compare it to our own, what do we see that’s similar? The source. What qualified David? God. What qualifies you for disability ministry? God. He calls you. He equips you. He sustains you just like He did for David.

For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10

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Because God looks at the heart, He’s looking beyond what others see. He’s looking for the characteristics that make a good leader, and those characteristics are evident in someone who is already serving faithfully in their current role. When I hear from a young person interested in disability ministry, I can recommend books to read and even degrees to get. But my number one recommendation is to start serving where they currently are, to be faithful at their home church in this season, and then see what God will call them to in the future.

Friends, your path to leadership in disability ministry won’t look like anyone else’s, but it is still ordained and guided by God. He will use all your experiences to get you ready for your leadership role. He will be faithful each step of the way, so when you face a new challenge, you can remember your strength comes from Him and that He is always with you. And if others ask, you can tell them the One who called you is the One who qualifies you. And that’s what matters most.

WHEREAS, The handicapped members of our society are often prevented by physical and attitudinal barriers from participation in the life and ministry of our faith,

THEREFORE BE IT RESOLVED, That we commend those churches, associations, state conventions, and agencies of the Southern Baptist Convention who have made the appropriate architectural changes in their buildings and expressed a positive attitude to facilitate the involvement of the handicapped in the total program of their particular institution.

BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED, That we encourage the local congregations, associations, state conventions, as well as the Executive Committee and Baptist Sunday School Board and other agencies of our denomination to utilize available resources and information of public and voluntary agencies to determine how best to motivate the caring concern necessary to minister with and to persons who are handicapped. As we seek to involve the handicapped and their families in the ongoing life of the church, work may be needed in helping persons with handicaps to grow socially, emotionally, and spiritually. In this manner the Christian community acknowledges that both their struggles and gifts are important in the family of God.

BE IT FINALLY RESOLVED, That we believe the handicapped are useful and employable both for voluntary and salaried jobs. We, therefore, encourage the various bodies of the Southern Baptist Convention to make use of their talents.

This is from Resolution On The Handicapped passed at the SBC annual meeting on June 1st, 1978.

This week I submitted chapter 1 of my dissertation prospects for peer review, and it was on a very different topic than what I had been planning for the last three years to write on. The first idea is being done by other researchers with support from a large grant, so I was happy that the questions would be answered on a bigger scale than I would have been able to do. The second idea percolated for the last few months, but I didn’t feel really excited about it. Then I went back to the ideas I had written down when I started my PhD work. And one of those ideas really stood out this time. So this week I read, researched, and wrote on what I plan to spend the rest of this year on. Here are my three working titles:

The Hand and the Heart: The Dual Role of Institutional Policy and Congregational Advocacy in Advancing Disability Inclusion in the Southern Baptist Convention Since 1975

Legislation and Lived Experience: The Evolution of Disability Inclusion in the Southern Baptist Convention Since 1975

Fifty Years of Policies and Practices: How Resolutions and Resources Supported Strides for Disability Accessibility in SBC Churches

Why 50 years? Because 2025 is the 50th anniversary of the Individuals with Disabilities Education Act. It started a significant shift for disability rights that influenced church policies and practices. The resolution above, passed in 1978, is evidence of that shift. Even just the few days of research I did this week uncovered articles from state papers about what churches have done over the decades, often led by the family members of those with disabilities. The dissertation will examine how top-down policies met with bottom-up practices from churches to create the level of accessibility we have today.

I’m excited about the change and eager for the work, which will include a visit (or two!) to the Southern Baptist Historical Library & Archives in Nashville and interviews with ministry leaders at churches that have pioneered inclusive discipleship. I hope to have the dissertation finished in December to submit in January and then graduate next May. I would appreciate your prayers!

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This month’s Q&A has two related questions and another on one of my favorite topics!

Q: How does our church move from having kids with disabilities in children’s ministry who are there but not really participating or learning to discipling them?

A: I’m so thankful for churches that want to shift from “babysitting” kids with disabilities to discipling them. But it can be hard from ministry leaders and volunteers to know what they can expect from kids who have different levels of understanding and interaction. One tool I use to help is an Individual Spiritual Plan (ISP). (When I worked with Lifeway on this idea, they changed the name to Individual Discipleship Plan, which I also love!)

Similar to what the students have at school under their IEPs, our ISPs take into consideration their likes, dislikes, strengths, goals, and behaviors. We decide on the goals after we get to know the student and by talking to the parents about what goals they have while their child is with us at church.

I have a few resources for you to check out if you’re interested in learning more:

• Here’s an article from my website: Creating ISPs (Individualized Spiritual Plans!) For Students With Special Needs, Learning Disabilities, And Behavioral Diagnoses

• On Lifeway’s special needs ministry page, there’s a video from me talking more about them

• At the end of the Be All In guide that’s free from Lifeway, there’s a rubric of IDP goals can you can print off and use!

Q: How do you keep going when it feels like no one in church leadership wants to accommodate for your child?

If you attend a church that doesn’t have a disability ministry or even a plan for inclusion for your child, here are steps you can take to encourage your church family to step up.

• Pray. Share with God your desires for inclusion in the church. You being able to meet together with other believers is important to Him. It is His will for you and your family. Ask Him to guide your conversations. Ask Him to connect you with the right people. And ask Him for wisdom throughout this process.

• Talk to your pastor(s) about their theology of disability. Maybe it’s just never occurred to your church’s leadership to form a theology of disability. It hasn’t impacted them personally, so they’ve just focused on all the other issues they are faced with and have experience with. You can meet with your pastor or email him to share what God has taught you about disability and what an important topic it is for churches to understand. Nearly 1 in 5 families in the U.S. are impacted by disability, so it’s an issue they can’t ignore. You may want to share with him what Scripture says. Some passages that have shaped my understanding of disability include: Psalm 139 – We are all fearfully and wonderfully made, Exodus 4:11 – God allows disabilities for His purpose, and John 9 – Jesus Himself said that disabilities exist so “that the works of God might be displayed … “

• Find an advocate. You may not be able to do all this on your own, and you shouldn’t have to. In chapter 6 of Acts the church was growing, but one group was feeling neglected (the Hellenistic widows). The apostles weren’t doing it with malicious intent, they were simply so busy with the growth of church they didn’t notice. The issue was brought to the attention of the apostles and they responded by appointing men to meet the need. The result—”And the word of God continued to increase, and the number of the disciples multiplied greatly in Jerusalem” (Acts 6:7). These deacons were advocates for the Hellenistic widows. You will also need advocates—people who understand your needs and can go to the leadership of your church on your behalf. Pray for an advocate and be vulnerable with that person to share what your family’s needs are.

• Share resources. Does your church leadership know what resources are available to help them disciple kids with disabilities? You may want to share about Joni & Friends, Key Ministry, and Lifeway’s resource page. They can set up a free zoom with a consultant to ask questions and get help from a dozen different parachurch organizations. In less than 100 days, they can have a copy of my book, Accessible Church. Maybe they aren’t moving forward because they don’t know how, and that’s an easy challenge to overcome!

I hope these steps help move your church forward to support your family and the other families God will bring to your church!

Q: We have decided to leave our church because they were unwilling to take steps to keep my daughter safe and disciple her. What do I do now?

Unfortunately, the reality is some churches just won’t understand the need or be willing to put forth the effort for our family members. I know we don’t make the decision to leave a church without prayer and seeking solutions with the staff and leadership. I’m sorry it has gotten to this point for you, and I mourn that loss with you.

If you’re looking for a new church, there are a few resources that can help you find an accessible church:

• Key Ministry’s database (Key is redoing their website, and it looks like this page hasn’t been updated yet. You can reach out to them via the contact form, and they will be able to help!)

• Ability Ministry’s database

• Joni & Friends regional offices

Ultimately, you’re responsible for the spiritual growth of your family and you should be in a church that welcomes and disciples your entire family. Remember that even when churches let us down, Jesus never does. He is faithful.

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Thanks for reading and subscribing! I hope this week’s Q&A was helpful! Next week I’ll be writing on using ChatGPT to make your ministry more accessible and inclusive. If you’re interested, that will go out to my email newsletter that you can subscribe to here.

1. The type of healing our bodies are constantly doing (like my body healing itself from the flu right now)

2. The type of healing we consider miraculous (he gives examples of a deaf person being able to hear and a woman in a wheelchair who can suddenly walk)

3. The type of healing that medical professionals perform day after day in the lives of patients (like during surgery after a car accident)

4. The type of healing that will come in heaven for those who are in Christ (he includes on his list of conditions that will be healed: autism, Down syndrome, and schizophrenia)

Pastor Andrew writes, “We should expect both miracles and disappointments, physical healing and physical death, to form part of our experience until Jesus returns” (pg 110). It’s part of the tension of living in a time when the Kingdom of God is both now and not yet.

I don’t disagree with his categories for miracles or the tension we find ourselves in during the now and not yet time. My concern when it comes to how we talk about healing from pulpits and in comments under Facebook posts asking for prayer is how disordered our requests can be, sometimes even to the point of hurting those we are praying for. If I look at a person with a disability and only see her need for healing, I can dehumanize her and impede what God is doing in her life and in my relationship with her.

My prayers for James’s healing are a helpful example of this. If over and over, night after night, for years I prayed for his healing from autism, how would that affect my relationship with him? Autism would be the enemy to be defeated by God’s mighty hand, but how can James and his autism be separated? It affects every part of his life. I could become bitter as the characteristics of autism continued to be present in his life, and that would influence how I treated him. So I pray a different way.

My husband has been preaching through a series entitled, “Big God, Bold Prayers.” Over the past few weeks, we’ve been encouraged to write down our big prayer requests on cards and hang them on peg boards around the worship center. Then church members pick up the cards, pray for the requests, and write the date that they prayed on the back.

My bold prayer has been this: “Peace in the lives of family members with anxiety.” It’s really for James, and it has to do with his autism. But instead of praying for healing, I’m praying for a symptom or result of his autism to decrease. There are a dozen other symptoms I could have put on the card: better sleep, less aggression and self injurious behavior, learning new words, eating new foods, more flexibility with his routine, tolerating sock and shoes (and not just Crocs), more independence with self care like bathing and brushing his teeth … And I do pray for these in his life. All of these symptoms are part of his specific autism, but instead of praying against the autism, I’m praying for behaviors, skills, and health.

I can’t separate James from his autism. To ask for healing from it feels like an erasure of who he is. And at what point would I consider him healed? How many words would he have to be able to speak? How high would his IQ need to be? What boxes would he need to be able to check off of an independent living requirement list? Instead of waiting for healing, I can rejoice in each answered prayer we do receive and see evidence of in his life. Becoming more independent with his toileting, communicating his answer to yes or no questions, finding a medicine that helps decrease his frustration all feel miraculous!

We don’t have to wait for ultimate healing to rejoice in what God has done. James doesn’t have to be healed in order to have value or reflect God’s image. When we pray, we can do so in ways that strengthen our relationships with the people we are praying for instead of putting a strain on them. And together we can find God’s grace sufficient.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is perfected in weakness.” 2 Cor. 12:9

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This week’s questions:

How can we support stressed out parents, especially in situations when it feels like all eyes are on them?

A ministry leader emailed to talk about a situation at church where a parent got very frustrated with his child, and the children’s ministry staff didn’t know how to intervene. So two people need help in this scenario: the parent and the ministry staff who didn’t know how to help.

For the parent, it’s a matter of discipleship in the area of parenting. One step we've taken is to get all the parents in our disability ministry a copy of the book Triggers: Exchanging Parents' Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses. We framed it as, "One of our families read this book and really enjoyed it, so we bought copies and are giving them away as a helpful parenting tool." You can also make sure the parent is in a small group with other parents where they are talking about the challenges they face and encouraging each other to exhibit the fruit of the Spirit in their parenting. The family may need to be mentored by another family who can have them over and show them what life looks like at their house.

For the ministry leaders and volunteers who didn’t know what to do in the moment, we can encourage them to focus their attention on the child instead of the parent. It’s less threatening than approaching the parent. For example, I would have addressed the kid when I saw signs that he was not doing what was expected. Maybe given him a fidget or redirected him so his parent could take a moment. If he was on his way into our activities, I would take over the transition. If he was on his way out and going with his parent, I would ask the kid a question or two about his time with us and offer to walk with them toward the parking lot. Often having another adult interact with the child can change the behavior enough to help everyone stay calm.

What if we start a disability ministry, and too many people come?

This question often comes from pastors or ministry leaders who are starting a ministry but are afraid once word gets out that they are open to special-needs families, then they will all show up and overwhelm the church. I get the concern. But dozens of families suddenly showing up rarely happens for two reasons: 1) they have had negative church experiences before and need to build trust before they show up, and 2) they are lost families who need to be evangelized to see their need for a church family.

I have started ministries at two normal-sized churches, and both times the number of families who have come has grown at the rate we have been ready to welcome them. That doesn’t mean we aren’t sometimes scrambling for volunteers or moving people around on a Sunday to meet different needs, but God has always provided help to meet the needs of the families he is bringing to our church. There can be growing pains as we learn to meet the needs of different families, but that would be true of any ministry area experiencing growth. Pray for God to grow your volunteer base as he grows your ministry, and celebrate the growth in both areas!

I want to become a disability ministry consultant. How do I start?

There are really three options for being a ministry consultant: you can work independently, you can work for a parachurch organization, or you can work for your denomination, convention, or association of churches.

The first is probably the hardest when starting out because you’re asking churches to pay you for a service they can get from a parachurch organization for free. For example, if a church in Florida emails me asking for a consultation, they can either pay me or I can recommend they contact Key Ministry and get a free consultation from Beth Golik (because Beth is paid for her time by Key). The second option is to work for one of the parachurch organizations. I worked for Key for years, and that was certainly helpful to prepare me for what I do now. If you work for a parachurch organization, you use their materials and represent them, which is also helpful when starting out. For example, Joni & Friends has lots of helpful resources. You don’t have to reinvent the wheel with every request you get—you can share what your organization has already created. Third, you can work for your denomination, convention, or association of churches. That’s what I do now as the disability ministry consultant for the Southern Baptists of Texas Convention. Those steps can be different depending on the structure of your denomination, but it is certainly a great way to effectively reach and serve churches.

Here are some steps to take as you get started:

• Build an email list and send out a helpful newsletter to those contacts at least once a month. Share resources and provide value so they know you can help when they need it.

• Make connections in the disability ministry field. Reach out to people who lead ministries at their churches, attend virtual networking events like Key Ministry’s Round Tables, and connect with your local Joni & Friends team.

• Attend conferences like Disability and the Church and the Together Conference to continue to get training and make connections.

• Read books, listen to podcasts, and consider getting certified or getting a degree in disability ministry.

The number one thing you should be doing if you want to be a consultant is this—be faithful to do the work of inclusion in your local church. Being a good consultant is about the experience you have with different situations and the solutions you have seen work. Like an athlete who practices day after day to be great in the game, you need to get in as many reps as possible doing the actual work of inclusion and support yourself before you can tell others how to do it. There aren’t short cuts. The work is too important.

What I’m reading and listening to:

• Why People with Disabilities Are Siloed in the Church and How to Change That from Joni & Friends

• How to Help Your Volunteers to Grow Spiritually from Danny Franks (found in last week’s Gospel Centered Family Substack)

• The Goodness of God in Scripture sermon by David Platt on Psalm 23

• The Lord of Psalm 23: Jesus Our Shepherd, Companion, and Host by David Gibson on audio book

• Where Humility Leads to Lots of Home Runs from Christianity Today, about Dallas Baptist University’s baseball program (my son attends DBU!)

In the coming weeks I’m recording videos that will be on my book’s website, accessible-church.com. Each video is from a person or ministry that’s mentioned in the book. As I was forming the questions for Matt and Ginny Mooney (of 99 Balloons) on the topics in chapter 8 (Growing Your Ministry: Marketing and Outreach Ideas), I was thinking about all the ways accessible churches can be a light in their communities. Jeremiah 29:7 is worth remembering when we do things for the good of our cities even if we don’t always see growth in our churches as a result that investment (for example, if we host respite events and families come who never visit on a Sunday morning).

But seek the welfare of the city where I have sent you into exile, and pray to the LORD on its behalf, for in its welfare you will find your welfare.

Thank you for seeking the discipleship of families in your ministry, the health of your church, and the welfare of your city. It makes a difference.

This week I got to meet virtually with moms of kids with cortical visual impairment (CVI) through Kansas’s DeafBlind Project. We talked about how to support typical siblings in our disability families. There’s a page on my website with all my resources on siblings if you’re interested!

I also had a meeting about an upcoming trip to Prague I’ll be taking to support kids with disabilities. I’m not sure what I can say about it publicly yet, but it’s very exciting! (I’ll be packing a whole sensory room into a couple of suitcases!)

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This week’s questions:

Is autism a gift?

This question was part of a conversation with a friend, but it’s also part of a big discussion on neurodiversity and functional and social impairments. I’m working on an article entitled “How Christians Should View Neurodiversity & the Neurodiversity Movement” that gets at more of the scope of this topic. But the Scripture I pointed to in the conversation with the friend and fellow autism mom is James 1:17. Is autism a gift? It is part of who James is and he is part of our family (and our church family), which means it is for our good and God’s glory. In that way, even with all the challenges for James both functionally and socially, it is a gift. Here’s what I wrote in my book for parents of kids with disabilities on the verse:

The book of James says “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change” (1:17). It’s easy to see what we would consider as good and perfect gifts coming from God: good health, happy and obedient kids, pretty weather, and extra quality time with our spouses. These are all good gifts. But we must also consider the hard things good and perfect gifts. You can look back on your life and see times when that was true, right? A cancer diagnosis is bad, but it can bring a feuding family together to support the person going through chemo. Losing a job is bad, but it can help you assess your priorities and guide you to making a different decision about your future.

When I change my perspective and see everything as coming from God, the problems don’t feel as overwhelming. I can pray, “God, thank you for trusting me with this responsibility. I want to glorify You in everything, including this challenge. I need Your help to not grow resentful but to see this from Your perspective, as a good and perfect gift.” from my book, Unexpected Blessings

What salvation and baptism resources do you recommend?

From Awe & Wonder: the Accessible Gospel & Salvation Kit

From Ability Ministry: the Becoming a Christian: Baptism Decision Workbook and video series

From Children & Salvation: This book is releasing in Sept 2025 and includes a chapter from me on children with disabilities and salvation

Should our church start with buddies or a self-contained/specialized class?

This is a great question! The first question I would ask back is, what do the kids who currently attend your church need? For most churches, that’s buddies in the typical classroom to help the kids who are struggling. Lots of emails to me in my consultant role start with, “We have this one kid …” The most immediate need for those churches is to help that kid feel more comfortable in the typical class setting.

When we came to our current church, we started with a specialized class because the immediate need was a class for James (the new pastor’s son). Over the eight years that we’ve been here, we’ve been able to expand and grow to meet different needs and serve all ages.

The good news is there isn’t a wrong answer to this question! You could even start both at the same time if you’re able. Sometimes a big ministry launch is easier to recruit and train for than getting support for one need at a time.

Ask God to show you the next right steps to take. He will be faithful to meet your needs because his heart is to reach more families!

What I’m reading and listening to:

• From Scripture, the book of Deuteronomy - I’m reading and studying for my comprehensive PhD exams early this fall, so I’m focusing my Bible reading time on the themes of children and family, discipleship, the image of God, and disability.

• Deep Discipleship: How the Church Can Make Whole Disciples of Jesus by J. T. English (for a class I’m taking)

• Rediscovering Discipleship: Making Jesus’ Final Words Our First Work by Robby Gallaty (for a class I’m taking)

• “Are We Measuring Discipleship All Wrong? A Fresh Framework for Your Church” by Justin Allison on Substack

• “5 Myths about Children’s Ministry” from Jared Kennedy for the Crossway Podcast

• Doctrine Matters podcast with Kevin DeYoung

• “Your Toughest Church Social Media Questions Answered” from The Pro Church Tools podcast

• God Attachment: Why You Believe, Act, and Feel the Way You Do About God by Tim Clinton and Joshua Straub (I have just read chapter 5 so far to better understand attachment theories)

• From the report of Lifeway’s trustee meeting this week: Mandrell also called out the “overwhelming response” to the Grace Bible for readers with dyslexia. The kids’ edition released last fall has sold more than 5,000 copies. “Within a matter of days of the release, we ran out of inventory and have been working hard to meet the demand,” he said. The adult version released a few weeks later and has already sold nearly 3,000 copies as well.

• Our Bible study Held: Learning to Live in God’s Grip is now available in what the translators are calling Tagish (Filipino/Tagalog with English). They sent us copies, and we love the cover and are praying for the families who will read it!

On Thursday, Feb. 6th, my regular email newsletter will go out with a link to a disability ministry planning calendar from Key Ministry: The Podcast that I’m excited to share. The next week (after the Super Bowl and before Valentine’s Day) I’ll be here again answering questions.

I’ll leave you with this encouragement from Deuteronomy:

“Only take care, and keep your soul diligently, lest you forget the things that your eyes have seen, and lest they depart from your heart all the days of your life. Make them known to your children and your children's children …” (4:9)

Let’s make the wonderful works of God known to our children, our children’s children, and the children God brings into our ministries to share the gospel with and to disciple!

I also turned in the final edits for my upcoming book and put the cover up on the website that I’ll be creating to go along with the book. I’ve got multiple lists of ideas for the site, and I’m excited to work with Market Refined Media on the design!

For this week’s Q&A, I’m answering what my top 5 items are for a sensory/buddy bag, the books I’m using in Congregational Care in Disability Ministry, and links to new Bibles using the dyslexia font.

Top 5 Items for Buddy Bags:

This question came at a great time since many of us are cleaning out and restocking our buddy bags! At our church, we use buddy bags two ways: the adult or teen buddy who is serving in a typical children’s ministry classroom can carry a bag with sensory items the kid(s) he/she is with may need and we have bags in our worship center lobby for families to pick up on their way in to use during the service. I’ll share two lists—one for the bags we use in a classroom and one for the bags we have available in our lobby.

In the classroom:

• Noise reducing headphones

• A small visual timer

• Fidgets that aren’t balls (so there isn’t a temptation to throw them across the room)

• A writing tool to help kids with fine motor skill deficits (like Do a Dot bingo markers, large crayons, or pencils with weights on them)

• A first/then visual schedule (you’ll want to laminate it and use velcro dots so you can change out the activities)

In the lobby: (noise reducing headphones are hanging on the rack where the bags are for people who just need the headphones and not the bag)

• Quieter fidgets like spinners and rubbing “stones”

• A writing tablet

• Crayons & coloring/activity sheets

• A fruit snack

• A small game like tic tac toe or a maze set

Full List of Sensory Bag Items

The books I’m using in Congregational Care in Disability Ministry

I’m so thankful for the opportunity to teach this class at Liberty University! I have five goals for the students in the class:

1. Analyze the concepts of biblical care and understand how they apply to people with disabilities and their families.

2. Describe the five phases of disability parenting and be able to identify the challenges and opportunities in each phase.

3. Identify potential areas where disability families would need support as they process through the five phases and through each life stage (from birth/diagnosis to death).

4. Identify and apply Scripture passages that would provide spiritual encouragement to people with disabilities and their families.

5. Create a family care plan that would provide practical and spiritual support for a family in need.

Liberty has a partnership with Logos, so students pay a flat fee to use digital copies of the books they need. This allows me to assign specific chapters in books without worrying about the cost. It’s especially helpful in this class as we draw from counseling books and books by those with first-hand experience. Here’s the current reading list:

• Unexpected Blessings: The Joys and Possibilities of Life in a Special-Needs Family by Sandra Peoples

• Unbroken Faith by Diane Dokko Kim

• The Life We Never Expected by Andrew and Rachel Wilson

• Why, O God? edited by Waters and Zuch

• Being There by Dave Furman

• Hearing Jesus Speak into Your Sorrow by Nancy Guthrie

• Instruments in the Redeemer’s Hands by David Paul Tripp

Links to These Books & Others

Dyslexia Bibles

Both B&H (publisher of the Christian Standard Bible) and Crossway (publisher of the English Standard Version Bible) have recently released Bibles using the dyslexia font. My older son David and I both have dyslexia, and this font is helpful for us. The letters are “weighted” by being bolder at the bottom, so they stay put better. Even those without dyslexia use the font to be able to read faster (which may not be a goal for your Bible reading, but is helpful for reading other books on your Kindle where the font is also available).

Here are links to the versions available and details about the font used:

• ESV TruTone, brown

• ESV hard cover

• CSB Grace Bible for kids and adults

I’m always thankful for better accessibility, and having print Bibles that are dyslexia-friendly is one more way to support those who benefit.

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Thanks for taking time to read this week’s Q&A. I hope it was helpful. Next week I’ll send out my personal email newsletter, and I plan to have another Q&A post here the last week of the month. We got through 3 of the 8 questions I’ve gotten recently, so there’s plenty more for the next post!

Let’s end with Psalm 78:5-7 as we pray for the children in our families and in our churches to know and follow Him and pray for ourselves as parents and ministry leaders to be faithful witnesses:

“He established a testimony in Jacob
and appointed a law in Israel,
which he commanded our fathers
to teach to their children,
that the next generation might know them,
the children yet unborn,
and arise and tell them to their children,
so that they should set their hope in God
and not forget the works of God,
but keep his commandments;”

I’m also a PhD student at Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary in the field of Family Ministry and Generational Studies with an emphasis on church inclusion and discipleship for people disabilities and their families. The spring semester is my last one to focus on course work. In early fall I’ll be taking my comprehensive exams and turning in my prospectus for approval (God willing!). My hope is to graduate in Dec. of 2026.

As I was thinking and praying about my goals for 2025, I realized most of the plans for the year have already been set. I’ll wrap up classwork, release my book, and take the next steps for my PhD. Most of my travel and speaking dates for the year are already set as well. I try not to travel more than once a month, and every month through October already has a trip penciled in, including a trip to Prague in August. There’s a lot to be excited about, and I want to use my time wisely while still being helpful to as many people as possible.

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One goal I’d like to adopt is to use this space differently in 2025. In order to get everything done I have to get done each week, I don’t get to answer as many emails or direct messages as I wish I could. Earlier this week I went back through to catch up on Instagram DMs and realized if one person has a question about something they think I can help with, it’s likely more people have the same question.

Instead of responding to questions just through private messages and emails, I could post the questions and the answers here as a way to hopefully help more parents and ministry leaders. I’ll also post more research and resources related to my dissertation topic since I’ll be spending more time on it this year as well. (I recently changed topics! I’ll share about that soon as well!)

The monthly rhythms I’m hoping to maintain are to post twice here and also send out my disability ministry newsletter on the first Thursday of each month and my monthly personal newsletter near the end of each month (you can sign up for those here).

Thank you for following me on Substack! I’m excited to have this direct and consistent way to answer questions and share resources. I’m praying for you, your family, and your church in this new year.

“I launch my bark on the unknown waters of this year, with thee, O Father, as my harbour, thee, O Son, at my helm, and thee, O Holy Spirit, filling my sails.” (Valley of Vision)

I have felt guilty about that for the last sixteen years. What a bad mom I must be for not remembering one of the best days of my life! I especially felt shame on his birthday. I couldn’t share details from that day as we celebrated because I couldn’t remember any.

But this year was different. It was different because I had seen a post on Twitter or BuzzFeed or somewhere that linked to an article about people who had attended Taylor Swift concerts but couldn’t remember any details from the experience. I clicked on it because it sounded so odd, but what I read made me feel more normal.

The article was from Time Magazine, “Why You Can't Remember That Taylor Swift Concert All Too Well.” After stories from concert goers who don’t have memories of the show, it goes on to explain …

As the body’s stress levels increase—in response to exciting or distressing factors—the neurons associated with memory start firing indiscriminately. That makes it “really hard” to form new memories.

There’s a scientific, biological explanation for exactly what happens when you get this excited (which the body sees as a state of stress). It starts pumping out glucose—the brain’s favorite molecule for fueling memory, thinking, and learning—from your liver into your bloodstream.

This response causes your amygdala—the part of the brain responsible for emotional processing—to release a neurotransmitter called norepinephrine. It helps tag memories as having high emotional content, enhancing the likelihood that they’ll be saved vividly in your mind. But McNay describes the process as an inverted U: A little bit is good; too much is bad, he says.

Here’s why I think I can’t remember James’s birth day: in addition to being very excited, I was also very stressed. We had left David at home in the middle of the night with Lee’s aunt. Because James was born before his due date, my parents hadn’t flown from Texas to North Carolina to be with us yet. Lee’s parents (who lived close by) wanted to be at the hospital with us—they did not want to be at home with David. Lee’s aunt had babysat David each week when Lee and I were both in class, so she knew him well. But this was the middle of the night. And it was scary for me to leave him and not know how he was going to react when he woke up and we weren’t there. I do remember sending Lee home as quickly as possible after James was born so he could be with David, and I remember leaving the hospital a day before they recommended me leaving because I wanted to be home as a family of four.

My anxiety made me unable to feel comfortable and enjoy the experience. It also kept me from making memories from that day.

On James’s 16th birthday earlier this month, I was able to be kinder to myself—to remember my inability to remember was my body and mind’s reaction to the stress and anxiety I felt, not reflection of my love for James or my mothering skills.

Unfortunately, stress and anxiety affected his big birthday celebration just like it had affected his birth day celebration.

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We started planning James’s birthday party a couple months ago. I knew him turning 16 would look different from typical kids turning 16, and I wanted to celebrate him and his interests and not overthink or be sad about missing milestones. We talked about going bowling or to the skating rink, but we decided to have the party at home, just in case he was having a tough day and would want to leave before the party was over if we did it somewhere else.

So we planned the party for the afternoon of Labor Day since he was out of school. We invited his whole class and friends from church. We rented a bounce house big enough to fit teenage-size bodies who still like to jump. We ordered pizza and nugget trays and got Blue’s Clues decorations from Party City. We were ready for big fun!

But James has an activity for every day of the week, and Monday’s activity is checking the mail and getting a package. During the school year, we set a package out and he sees it as the bus pulls up. He opens it and finds candy, a small toy, or something he has requested for weeks that we decide to buy since he hasn’t moved on from the idea. When he’s out of school, he expects the package to be there when he wakes up. For weeks ahead of this day, he had been asking for a James the train pillow. When he woke up, he expected to find it waiting for him on the front porch. Instead he found nothing. I thought having friends over and getting presents would be enough to distract him from wanting the train pillow. I was wrong.

James took a nap before lunch time, and when he woke up, everything was ready for his party, including the huge bounce house. But he didn’t want a party—he wanted the James train pillow to come in the mail. He didn’t want to jump, he didn’t want to change out of his favorite outfit, he didn’t want to greet his friends, he didn’t want to eat pizza or chicken nuggets. He did want to open gifts, which is how I got him to smile for a few pictures and at least jump a couple times and go down the slide, but that was it. He spent the rest of the party inside, back in his favorite outfit, asking for James the train every time I checked on him.

I had prepared for his 16th birthday to look different from a typical 16 year old’s birthday. I was not prepared for him to not enjoy a birthday party planned around his favorite things. I’ve got to tell you, I was pretty grumpy about the whole thing—about the planning and the money spent and how hot it was and how social I had to be when I really wanted to change into my favorite outfit and hang out on my bed too.

His birthday was a bust because his anxiety was so high that he couldn’t enjoy it. 16 years earlier we had prepared for for his birth day, and my anxiety was so high that I couldn’t enjoy it.

There are two times I long for heaven even more than usual—when things are going so well that I can’t image how much better heaven will be and when things are going so badly I can only imagine how much better heaven will be. This was certainly a time when I longed for peace to replace stress and for our brains and bodies and communication and memories to work as God designed them to work.

But there will be a day when anxiety won’t hold our minds and memories hostage anymore. That celebration will be better than bounce houses and Blue’s Clues decorations. James and I will be ready for Jesus to wipe away every tear and invite us to the banquet table, a party beyond any celebration we could imagine and one we will never forget.

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Below I’m sharing four predictions for the future of special needs ministry and a few bonus predictions that deserve a mention. In the comments, let me know if you agree and what trends you hope to see!

The evolution of language away from “special needs” will be slow but steady.

Growing up with a sister with Down syndrome has given me four decades of experience with the evolution with language around disabilities. Even the capitalization for Down syndrome has changed (and is different in the UK compared to the US). Little changes have been made over the years, but right now we’re in the middle of a big change—a shift away from “special needs” to disability.

This can come down to a struggle over control. Who gets to chose the preferred language? Parents or self advocates? Self advocates say, “Our needs aren’t special” and “Disability isn’t a bad word.” Many parents of young kids being diagnosed prefer special needs because they believe it’s more inclusive of their child’s experiences. But that changes for many of them as they get to know people in the disability world and the as they work through their own negative feelings about the word “disability.” Plus, in medical and legal situations, “special needs” isn’t a recognized term. It has to be disability because there’s a legal definition for the term.

On this topic, I’m willing to defer to adult self advocates who have a strong preference for the change. At our church and at the SBTC, we’ve changed from special needs ministry to disability ministry. At Liberty, our classes are in disability ministry. As Steph Hubach writes in the updated version of her book, Same Lake, Different Boat, “Honestly naming the disability itself does not inherently diminish the person or their God-given value” (pg 265). Let’s use words that feel most kind to the people they represent and be willing to consider changing when it’s appropriate to do so.

An increase in the number of children and teens with invisible disabilities will lead to more inclusion in regular children’s and youth ministry programing.

For the past couple of decades, if you had a child with a disability and wanted to attend church, your only option was often a big church with a separate ministry for kids with disabilities. Here in Texas, Houston’s First Baptist and Prestonwood in Dallas have had ministry leaders on staff and self-contained spaces for years. But thanks to a study done by Andrew Whitehead for the Journal for the Scientific Study of Religion, we see a huge gap in church attendance for those who have disabilities but don’t require the level of support in self-contained ministries. Many have diagnoses such as autism, anxiety, and ADHD. At school they are in typical classes with extra help and accommodations, not in special education classes.

When these kids come to church, it’s clear they need extra support to be successful in the typical children’s ministry and youth ministry programing as well. In a study done on the topic of children with autism and congregations, the authors found that “congregations are attempting to respond to children with ASD but they would like to respond more effectively, and thus recognize the need for more education and training.”1 It’s great news that children’s ministry and youth ministry leaders want to include kids with disabilities! The biggest struggles for them are a lack of resources and training. They know they need help, but they don’t always know who to ask for that help. That leads to my next two predictions:

More classes and degree options at the college and seminary levels will be available.

Currently, pastors and ministry leaders are graduating without a strong theology of disability or knowledge on how to support families and include people with disabilities. A study done by Stewart-Ginsburg, Baughan, Smith, and Collins found that most respondents to their research said they had not received training on how to support children with disabilities. In addition, “Most respondents (86.4%) indicated somewhat or not at all in agreement with the statement ‘I believe my theological training adequately prepared me to include children with disabilities in the faith community.’”2 Leaders in higher education agree with graduates on this topic. A study done by Annandale and Carter found, “the majority of respondents perceived that their graduates were not at all (3.4%) or only a little (70.7%) prepared to respond to spiritual and theological questions resulting from disability-related human experiences.”3

Since administrators and faculty are aware of this issue, I hope they will add the topic to their existing curriculum, offer classes in this area, and even create degree options for specialization. I know of some evangelical schools taking these steps, including Southwestern Baptist Theological Seminary where I am student and Liberty University where I’ll be teaching as an adjunct in the fall. With 1 in 5 families in the US having a member with a disability, pastors and ministry leaders need to know how to encourage and include them. My hope is in five-ten years the same studies will be done with a much higher percentage of respondents saying they do feel equipped!

More denominational resources and support will be necessary.

For those who have graduated and need the help now, I believe denominational support and resources will expand to meet the needs. At the Southern Baptists of Texas Convention, we’ve had a disability ministry consultant for four years. In 2022, I consulted with over eighty churches across the state. I’ve talked to people in four other states wanting to take similar steps so their churches can receive help at the state convention level.

Many parachurch organizations have existed to help churches start and grow disability ministries, but most children’s ministry and youth ministry staff aren’t aware they exist! They are used to going to their local association, state association, or denomination for help. As the requests continue, I hope associations and denominations will partner with parachurch organizations or add a disability ministry consultant to their teams. Families are being turned away from churches because the ministry leaders don’t know how to support their kids not because they don’t want to include them. There’s a great opportunity here for denominations and associations to provide training and consultations to help these ministry leaders.

Bonus predictions:

• Steady growth in small and medium sized churches focused on inclusion and not siloed ministries or self-contained spaces.

• More resources will soon be available, especially from conservative, evangelical viewpoints that have been lagging behind in this area for the last decade.

• More curriculum options from independent creators with special education and/or therapy provider backgrounds.

• An increase in the demand for adult classes and curriculum as the population currently being served gets older and still wants church involvement. At our church, the teenage/young adult class is our fastest growing class.

What predictions do you have for the future of inclusion? I’d love to hear in the comments!

The questions we asked:

Overview: So my goal here is to learn about you, your family, and your experience as a parent—especially as it relates to passing on (or not) of your religious or spiritual faith and practice to CHILD.

1. So how would you describe your family in general terms? What words or ideas best tell someone what your family is like, what you are all about?

2. How is religious faith or spiritual life expressed especially in ordinary, everyday life? Why are these important to you?

3. Why are you part of a CHURCH? How important is that? What does it do or mean for your family/child?

• What specifically do you look for in a CHURCH? What are the most important things to you in deciding where to attend? (Music, location, style of service, size, children/youth program?)

• What specifically, if anything, do you look to church to provide to child in religious influence, teaching, support, or whatever?

4. How important is it to you that CHILD grow up believing and practicing the same religious faith as you?

5. Do you have conversations with CHILD about significant things like God, spiritual matters or religion? Can you give an example? How often?

6. What role do you think that parents ought to play in helping to form the religious faith and practices of their children? That is …

• Do parents have the right or obligation to influence children to accept and practice their own faith?

• Or should they just expose children to different religious options and leave choosing up to them?

7. Are parents or CHURCH more responsible for passing on religious faith and practice to children? Why?

8. What are the most important things, if any, that you as a parent have intentionally done in the past or do now to try to pass on religious faith and practices to CHILD?

• Reading scripture or other religious texts together?

• Praying together at meals?

• Family devotions or prayers apart from meals?

• Play spiritual/religious music/talk radio in home?

• Watching religiously oriented TV shows or movies together?

• Enrolling CHILD in catechism class/confirmation/other sacramental prep programs?

 9. Is there anything you have decided definitely not to do as a parent in passing on your religious faith or practices to CHILD? Anything you avoid? What and why?

10. What about CHILD’s friends and peers? Are they a positive or negative influence on CHILD’s religious faith or practices?

11. Does your church have a youth group? (IF SO) Does CHILD participate in it? Do they like it? What kind of influence do you think it might have on them?

12. Are there other adults beyond your immediate family who play a role in the formation of CHILD’s religious faith (e.g., grandparents, family friends, school teachers, etc.)? What do they do?

13. Do you have any visual or material religious objects (e.g., pictures, statues, icons, candles, wall hangings, etc.) or media (magazines, music, TV, CDs, radio, literature) in your home?

Method for collecting data:

I asked for volunteers from my social media platforms, Facebook and Instagram. They could click a link to a Google document that asked questions about their availability. Because I wanted to do all the interviews within a 5 day span, it narrowed down who was able to participate. I needed to do 8-10 interviews. 21 moms responded by filling out the Google doc. I sent 12 of them a Calendly link to the times and days I was available. I didn’t get enough responses from those 12, so I resent the link to more moms until I had 10 interviews scheduled. I then sent them Zoom links for the time they signed up for. One mom didn’t log in during our scheduled time, so I conducted 9 interviews total. I asked the scripted questions during a Zoom interview with video turned on that was being recorded.

Characteristics of the families interviewed:

Their children ranged in age from 1 year old to late twenties.

• One family had 1 child

• Four families had 2 children

• Four families had 3 children

The families with multiple children had at least one child with a disability but could include typical siblings in their answers on passing down their faith. I didn’t ask about specific diagnosis for their children, but the ones they mention included a rare genetic disorder, autism (multiple levels), Down syndrome, and cerebral palsy.

Although I didn’t ask about marital status, in their descriptions of their families, all 9 were currently married. One said she had been previously divorced and had remarried. They all lived in the United States. All 9 said they currently attended church. 8 of the 9 attended evangelical churches. The churches ranged in size from 30 people to close to 1,000 people.

The results:

Question 2, How is religious faith expressed in everyday ways?: Answers included modeling Jesus’s love, practicing spiritual disciplines, including biblical principles in daily conversations (like memorizing a verse about fear at bedtime).

Question 3, Why are you part of a church?: Most answers were about community, fellowship, and accountability. Other answers: “Jesus loved the church, so we do too,” using our gifts, biblical teaching, support system. What do you look for your church to provide? Essentially their answers were that their child would be known and safe. This is when they mentioned either starting a disability ministry that included their kids or the efforts they put into helping the staff/volunteers support their children.

Question 4, How important is it that your children grow up to have the same faith?: They all agreed it was very important for their children to have the same faith they have. The parents of older teens/young adults were more nuanced about what that would look like, saying things like, “I know it will look different from my faith, but I want them to hold on to their faith in Christ.”

Question 5, What conversations do you have with your child about God or spiritual topics?: Many are unsure of what their children are able to understand about God, sin, salvation, and other topics. But they are all committed to praying for and with their children. Many of the mentioned reading books or the Bible together and listening to Christian music. They also have conversations about God’s purpose for them that includes their disability (both social and functional aspects of disability).

Question 6 on parents having the obligation to pass down their faith or if they should expose them to a variety of beliefs: They all said obligation to pass down their own faith. Many used the word “duty.” Parents of older teens/young adults included that they wanted their children’s faith to be their own though and weren’t afraid to talk about other religions with them.

Question 7, Are parents or the church more responsible for passing down faith and practice?: Every mom agreed that the primary responsibility for passing down their faith was on the parents (not the church). Although one mom said during a time of crisis in her family, she relied more on the church for the spiritual instruction of her typical son because she was unable to do so at home.

Question 8 on spiritual disciplines and question 13 on visual representations of faith: All the moms said they read Scripture and prayed with the children either now or when their children were younger. Not everyone prayed at meal time (not everyone had meals together). Many did not have a family devotion time (since their kids had different levels of understanding and application), but did read the Bible with their kids. They all said yes to listening to Christian music, watching movies or shows with religious themes (The Chosen, Veggie Tales, Christian concerts), and having visual religious items in their homes (artwork with Bible verses was the most popular answer).

Question 9 on anything they would not pass down to their children: Most answers were more general and about how their upbringing was different from their parenting because of the needs of the kids with disabilities. Two of the moms didn’t grow up in Christian families. Two of them grew up in more strict, fundamentalist homes.

Question 10 on friendships: Most of them reported that their children with disabilities didn’t have true friendships either at church or at school with their same-age peers. A few said their children have zero friends (others said a few friends or some casual friends). One mom whose daughter has started going to another youth group said that no one from their church’s youth group reached out to ask why they hadn’t seen her in weeks on Wednesday nights. Those with younger children were hopeful that friendships would develop at church.

Question 11 was on youth groups, but I modified it to ask if they had a ministry that met the needs of their kids, whether that was children’s ministry, youth ministry, or disability ministry: All but one of the moms who were interviewed either started a disability ministry or met with the children’s/youth ministry staff about a plan for inclusion for their child. (The one exception attended the biggest church where a ministry already existed.) They each had to create a plan for their child(ren) to be included. Some led the ministry or taught the class for their child. Others communicated often with the teachers and ministry leaders about how to best include their children. A few mentioned the challenges in moving from children’s ministry to youth ministry. A few took breaks from church when it felt especially challenging (either as a whole family or just the mom and the child with a disability).

Question 12, Are there other adults who play a role in your child’s spiritual development?: Grandparents were the top answer, although often in a general way. Others said pastoral staff (either the lead pastor or the youth pastor). A couple mentioned family friends.

Remember and Tell: The Old Testament Model of Family Discipleship

Introduction

            In Moses' final days, the people gathered to hear a song from their leader. To "the ears of all the assembly in Israel" (Deut 31:30) he spoke and included this challenge:

"Remember the days of old; consider the years of many generations; ask your father, and he will show you, your elders, and they will tell you" (32:7). Multiple generations would have been present to hear this assignment—Moses wanted fathers and elders to remember what God had done and tell the next generation about his works. The younger generation was even told to ask for the stories, not waiting on older generations to remember or initiate the conversations. Merrill writes on why this method of transmission was important: "It is impossible to know whether Genesis or any other Mosaic writings existed by the time of this poem and therefore whether or what kind of records may have been available for review. The injunction to ask the fathers and other old men about the past may, indeed, be taken literally and may suggest that most knowledge of the past was transmitted orally."^[1]

            From this example and many others throughout the Old Testament, we see a family discipleship pattern of remembering and telling. The older generation was to remember what God had done and tell the next generations. In this telling, they focused on God's power, provision, and presence even during difficult times. Following the repeated Old Testament pattern of remembering and telling helped the next generation believe that God was with them in all circumstances because they had seen and heard of God's faithfulness.

            Parents today can learn from this model of discipleship to build resiliency in the next generation so they do not turn away from their faith when they suffer. 1 Peter 4:12 says, "Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you." Building resilience through remembering and telling will help the next generation not be surprised when suffering comes upon them.

Thesis Statement

            One discipleship theme found throughout the Old Testament is remember and tell: remember what God has done and tell the next generation. This pattern of exposing children to God's power, provision, and presence would have built resiliency so they were better prepared when they faced their own seasons of challenges or suffering. 

Definition of Terms

Family discipleship: passing down faith from one generation to the next through specific practices and patterns.

Resilience: having strength to fulfill the call God has given us, even when it will be painful and difficult.^[2]

Theological Foundation:

            Throughout the Old Testament, we see examples of one generation recounting God's power, provision, and presence to the next generation. This form of family discipleship helped build a faith foundation of trust in God when young people faced suffering in their lives. As Michael S. Lawson writes, "In the Old Testament, God permeated family life. He was not conveniently relegated to Sunday morning. Nothing escaped His concern or presence."^[3] This continual, consistent pattern of remembering and telling happened in group gatherings, when the Israelites celebrated festivals, and in their daily life.

Group Gatherings:

             In 2 Chronicles chapter 20, the Moabites, Ammonites, and some of the Meunites came against Jehoshaphat, king of Judah, for battle. Ahead of battle, Jehoshaphat assembled the people to fast and pray. Brenda Pauken writes that through his words, "Jehoshaphat recounts God’s faithfulness, which provides a foundation for present hope."^[4] He ended his prayer with this: "We do not know what to do, but our eyes are on you" (v. 12b). The next verse tells us who was present for Jehoshaphat's prayer: "... all Judah stood before the Lord, with their little ones, their wives, and their children" (v. 13). The Hebrew word used for children, בֵּן, referred to a "prepubescent person of either sex; in rare cases extending to adolescence."^[5] Later in 2 Chron chapter 20, the Lord delivered Judah, and the men returned to Jerusalem "with joy, for the Lord had made them rejoice over their enemies" (v. 27b). They played harps, lyres, and trumpets through the streets. The children likely came running to join their fathers and uncles in this celebration, rejoicing yet again at God's protective power.         

            This example from 2 Chronicles shows the presence of children in group gatherings when God's people came together in suffering to ask for wisdom and direction. They were not shielded from these corporate times of prayers because their presence was important in their own spiritual formation.

            In Joshua chapter 4, God directed Joshua to create a memorial of stones after they had passed over the Jordan as a remembrance of what God had done. "The stones’ purpose was to be a testimony and a memorial to Israel’s descendants that God had worked a great miracle in stopping up the waters of the Jordan. They were not to be an altar for sacrifice, but a pile of stones for a 'remembrance.'"^[6] Howard points out, "The memorial was to be a highly personalized one: literally, the Hebrew at the end of v. 6 reads, 'What are these stones to you?'"^[7] Joshua said in verse 21, when your children ask the purpose of the stones, you will tell them what God did for us. This was a visual, physical way to remember and tell the next generation, and an example of a group gathering where the older generation is instructed to pass on their faith to the next generation. 

Festival Celebrations:

            Festival celebrations described in the Old Testament included elements of family and corporate expressions. Each one was designed for the older generation to remember and tell the next generation what God had done. This included the celebrations of the Passover, the Feast of Booths, and Purim. These celebrations showed the next generation examples from their own history of God's power, provision, and presence.

            In Exodus 12, as God was rescuing his people from enslavement in Egypt, he protected them from the plague of the death of the first-born sons by giving instructions on what to do so the angel of death would pass over their homes. As he rescued them, God gave instructions on how to memorialize this event so future generations would know his power and provision: “This day shall be for you a memorial day, and you shall keep it as a feast to the Lord; throughout your generations, as a statute forever, you shall keep it as a feast" (Ex 12:14). Commemorating this event would have reminded children of God's saving power in their lives.

            The Feast of Booths is described in Leviticus 23 along with the other feasts of the Lord. Again, it was to remind the Israelites of God's provision when he brought them out of Egypt: "You shall dwell in booths for seven days. All native Israelites shall dwell in booths, that your generations may know that I made the people of Israel dwell in booths when I brought them out of the land of Egypt: I am the Lord your God” (Lev 23:42-43). The entire family would have dwelled together in the booths (or tents), giving parents the opportunity to recount the story of God's provision to their children and encourage them to trust him when they faced trials in their own lives.

            In the book of Esther, the presence of God is seen throughout as he protects his people through the courage of Queen Esther. The celebration of Purim was instituted when the people promised "that these days should be remembered and kept throughout every generation, in every clan, province, and city, and that these days of Purim should never fall into disuse among the Jews, nor should the commemoration of these days cease among their descendants" (9:28). Children participated in this celebration to remind them God continued to be with them in their own lives.   

            In summary, celebrations remind young people of God's power, provision, and presence. As Andrew Murry points out, "Parents who know God show His praise and His strength and His wonderful works to their children. Parental instruction is in the ministry of the Spirit, not less but more than in the old covenant, a testifying for God in the spirit of praise. The children are taught not to forget the works of God, but to set their hope on Him and keep His commandments, to trust and to obey Him."^[8]

Daily Life:

            Deuteronomy 6:4-7 speaks of the importance of discipling children in the everyday events of life. Studies today continue to show this is the most effective way: "young people who discussed spiritual matters with parents more frequently tended to have a higher respect for faith in their lives, and those faith conversations were more significant than participating in spiritual activities."^[9] The books of Psalms and the prophets encourage parents to remember God's works and tell them to their children as part of their discipleship in the home.

            Psalms, with the wide range of emotions presented and the variety of authors, gives us words to pray and examples to follow when we suffer. We see throughout the book the admonition to instruct the next generation through stories of God: Psalm 78:4 says, "We will not hide them from their children, but tell to the coming generation the glorious deeds of the Lord, and his might, and the wonders that he has done," and 145:4 says, "One generation shall commend your works to another, and shall declare your mighty acts." The refrain of "remember and tell" is strong throughout the Psalms.

            In the time of the prophets, there would have been great suffering. God's people would need to hold on to what they had learned from previous generations and focus on how God continued to be present with them. Isaiah 41:4 speaks of this hope: "Who has performed and done this, calling the generations from the beginning? I, the Lord, the first, and with the last; I am he." Each generation had a calling to be faithful, and Isaiah was encouraging them to remember this calling so they would hold fast to their faith.

            The ancient view of family focused not only on the past but also with an eye on the future. They were concerned about the survival of the family lineage and their honor.^[10] Psalm 102:18, "Let this be recorded for a generation to come, so that a people yet to be created may praise the Lord," and Joel 1:3, "Tell your children of it, and let your children tell their children, and their children to another generation," speak not only of the generation of children now, but of their children and generations to come. During times of great suffering, even having hope that there will be future generations who will praise God's name is an act of faithfulness and resilience.

Ministry Application for Today's Church

            As wealth has increased and medical technology has advanced (especially in the United States), generations today are privileged and protected in ways previous generations were not. Puritan John Trapp wrote God had but one Son without sin, but none without affliction, reminding those of his day that suffering is inevitable and everywhere.^[11]The privilege and protection this generation experiences has led to inoculation from suffering in many ways, even in churches and Christian homes. For many pastors and parents, the focus is on joy and blessings.

            Unfortunately, this has resulted in generations whose faith falls apart when they face suffering because they have not walked through the valley of the shadow of death and been comforted by the Good Shepherd’s rod and staff. Instead, their churches give only praise reports and encourage them to live their best lives now, and their parents work through issues behind closed doors and swoop in with solutions when their lives become uncomfortable. But these solutions do not prepare young people for what life is like in a fallen world. As seen in the passages from the Old Testament, following the pattern of remembering and telling what God has done builds resilience and offers a better option than ignoring or hiding pain and suffering.

            The National Survey of Youth and Religion found reasons nonreligious U.S. adolescents raised in religion became nonreligious. 32% chose "intellectual skeptics and disbelief" and 10% chose "life disruptions and troubles."^[12]Those who picked both choices could potentially be helped by following the Old Testament pattern of remembering or telling. For the skeptics, they did not believe because God had not been made real to them. For the suffering, they "pointed to various life disruptions and troubles, such as deaths, divorces, and disappointments, as explanations for becoming nonreligious." Those interviewing said they said things like, "My sister got sick and died," "My parents divorced," and "Just a lot of things happened in my life that proved God didn't really help whatsoever." This second group could have benefitted the most from seeing God's deliverance in their family and church family as they grew. The application is to follow this pattern of remembering and telling again in our church services, through our festivals, and in daily family life.

            First, in our church services. Following the Old Testament pattern of remembering and telling can happen in our church services in two important ways: first, brothers and sisters in Christ can move beyond "I'm fine" answers when speaking with each other, and second, the music we sing and the messages we hear can face brokenness realistically instead of ignoring or rushing through the hard parts.

            Paul gives us this example in letter to the church in Corinth, speaking of the "God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God" (2 Cor 1:4) When we speak honestly to each other about our suffering and God's provision in that suffering, he gets the glory and the person we are speaking to is encouraged when facing their own suffering. When we hide our struggles, there is no comfort for others or trust built in God. This leads to isolation in suffering and often confusion for the one who is suffering alone. They need the truth that everyone suffers: "For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too" (v. 5). Paul David Tripp points out the importance of stories that return our focus in suffering to Christ: "He gives us stories to tell about how he lifts us up, gives us hope, brings peace to our hearts, and meets our needs. We tell others our stories not to point to us, but to point to God so that those to whom we minister will find their comfort in him too."^[13]

            This encouragement also happens through the music sung and the messages preached. Are they focused on our overcoming or God's power to overcome? Do they rush through the hard parts to get to the resolution? Even during Easter week, Christians face Good Friday with the promise that Sunday is coming. They do not have to sit with the discomfort of suffering and death for long. But what if they invited our people to sit in that discomfort long enough for it to actually feel uncomfortable? Because without the darkness, we cannot fully appreciate the light. John 8:12 records these words from Christ: “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will not walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.” As Eugene H. Peterson writes, "we need other experiences, the community of experience of brothers and sisters in the church, the centuries of experience provided by our biblical ancestors. A Christian who has David in his bones, Jeremiah in his bloodstream, Paul in his fingertips and Christ in his heart will know how much and how little value to put on his own momentary feelings and the experience of the past week."^[14]

            In our festivals the focus is celebration, but too often there is a lack of what was overcome in order to celebrate or a rush through the challenges to get to the good part.  There is also a temptation to cut God out of our celebrations altogether, our holidays looking no different from those who are not believers. Chap Bettis writes, "True transforming faith requires every generation to have a fresh experience of God's mighty presence."^[15] To build resilience, we can reorient our celebrations to focus on God's goodness and faithfulness to us.

            Remembering and telling can easily be added into celebrations such as birthdays and anniversaries. Imagine the birthday boy sharing what God has done in his life since the last time he blew out his candles! What a celebration that would be! It can also be incorporated into celebrating the end of one year and the beginning of another. Families and small groups could celebrate New Year's Day by recalling what God did in the previous year and encouraging each other with experiences of his power and provision. There might be no better way to face the new year with hope and resilience than remember what God has already brought you through.

            In our daily life with family is the most important time to build the faith foundation of the next generation according to studies. In homes where Christian spiritual faith is a normal part of daily life, the ebb and flow of the home, adolescents are more likely to have a mature spiritual faith and are twice as likely to remain connected to a Christian congregation in adulthood.^[16] It is important that real-life dilemmas be utilized that the youth can see themselves encountering, such as dilemmas that arise at school, in the community, and from current events.^[17]

            When the bank account is low, when parents are wrestling with a decision about the best school option for their child, or when the results from the doctor’s appointment are not what they hoped for, parents can invite their children in (at an appropriate level based on their age) to talk about the situation and ask for God's guidance together. They can then praise God together when he provides what they need, gives wisdom for making decisions, and gives them endurance through medical treatments. The celebration is sweeter when they felt the stress of the situation before God moved in his power.

Conclusion

            The family discipleship pattern of remembering and telling is seen throughout the Old Testament in their corporate gatherings, feasts and celebrations, and through everyday conversations at home. This built resilience in the next generation by giving them confidence in God's power, provision, and presence. Churches and families today can follow this pattern to build resiliency in our children so they are equipped when they face suffering and do not turn away from God when it happens.

            ^[1] Eugene H. Merrill, Deuteronomy, vol. 4, The New American Commentary (Nashville, TN: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 1994), 412.

^[2] Karen Carr, "Personal Resilience" in Trauma & Resilience: A Handbook: Effectively Supporting Those Who Serve God, ed. Frauke C. Schaefer and Charles A. Schaefer (Condeo Press, 2016), location 1686.

^[3] Michael S. Lawson, "The Old Testament Teaching on the Family," in A Theology for Family Ministries, ed. by Michael Anthony (Nashville, TN: B&H, 2011), Kindle location 2201.

^[4] Brenda Pauken, "More Than a ProofText: When You Don't Know What to Do Put Your Eyes on God (2 Chronicles 20:12)" Journal of Biblical Counseling 30:2 (2016): 78-81

^[5] Rob Haskell and Michael S. Heiser, The New King James Version with Reverse Interlinear (Nashville, TN: Thomas Nelson, 2009), Digital entry for בֵּן.

            ^[6] David M. Howard Jr., Joshua, vol. 5, The New American Commentary (Nashville, TN: Broadman & Holman Publishers, 1998), 134.

            ^[7] Howard Jr., 134–135.

^[8] Andrew Murray, How to Raise Children up for Christ, (Abbotsford, WI: Aneko Press, 2016), 124.

^[9] Lisa Howard, "Parental Involvement Factors Promoting Adolescent Faith Formation," D6 Family Ministry Journal, v 4 (2019), 94.

^[10] Joseph H. Hellerman, The Ancient Church as Family (Minneapolis, MN: Augsburg Fortress, 2001), 51.

^[11] Quoted in Joel R. Beeke, "Puritans Living in Relationship to Affliction, Desertion, and Sin" in Reformation & Revival vol 5, no. (Spring 1996): 104.

^[12] Christian Smith with Melinda Lundquist Denton. Soul Searching: The Religious and Spiritual Lives of American Teenagers, (New York: Oxford, 2005): 89.

^[13] Paul David Tripp, Suffering: Gospel Hope When Life Doesn't Make Sense (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2018), 183.

^[14] Eugene H. Peterson, A Long Obedience in the Same Direction: Discipleship in an Instant Society (Downers Grove, IL: Inter Varsity Press, 2000), 166-67.

^[15] Chap Bettis, The Disciple-Making Parent: A Comprehensive Guidebook for Raising Your Children to Love and Follow Christ (Providence County, RI: Diamond Hill Publishing, 2016), 166.

^[16] Howard, 95.

^[17] Edward E. Moody Jr, "Equipping Youth in the Home to Face the Challenges of Today and Tomorrow." D6 Journal, vol. 1 (2016), 12.

            In Matthew 21:12-13, Jesus entered the temple, saw it was being misused, turned over the tables of those who were changing money and the chairs of those who were selling pigeons. It is a scene familiar to most church goers. What is less familiar to most is what came after Jesus reminded the crowd that his house should be a house of prayer: "And the blind and the lame came to him in the temple, and he healed them" (v. 14).

            At this time, people with disabilities were blocked from having access to the temple. According to Craig Keener, teachings from the Mishnah Hagiga and other Jewish documents would have prevented those who were lame and blind from getting into the temple.^[1] So when Jesus drove out the money changers and those buying and selling—those who were blocking accessibility to the temple—people with disabilities could finally come close. One of Jesus' most well know acts near the end of his life was to break down barriers so more people had access to him and to the temple. 

            There are barriers in churches today that keep people with disabilities from being able to attend. Erik Cater lists five types of barriers: physical barriers, attitude barriers, communication barriers, programmatic barriers, liturgical barriers.^[2] These barriers have made an impact on church attendance for special needs families. In a survey about how children with disabilities spent their time away from school, parents reported that fewer than one-half of their children and youth with autism, deaf-blindness, intellectual disabilities, or multiple disabilities had participated in religious group activities at any point in the previous year.^[3] And when more than two hundred parents of adolescents and young adults with autism were asked about their children's attendance at religious services, less than one-third reported that their child attended religious services on a weekly basis. In addition, only 11% of youth and adults with autism attended social events at religious settings more than once or twice a month.^[4]

            Could the family ministry model a church follows be another barrier that keeps special needs families from attending and being part of a church family? This paper will compare three models: family-integrated, family-equipping, and family-based, to point out the benefits and challenges each one provides for special needs families.

            In churches that follow the family-integrated model, "all or nearly all age-graded classes and events are eliminated."^[5] As Jared Kennedy describes, "There's no youth group, children's ministry, or senior adult programs in these churches."^[6] The biblical foundation for this type of ministry includes Deut 29:10-11 and 31:12, Josh 8:35, 2 Chron 20:13, Joel 2:16, Ezra 10:1, Titus 2:1-8, and Mal 4:6.

            Although this model is commendable for its focus on strengthening and empowering families, it is a challenge for special needs families. When Paul Renfro writes, "if children choose to act up and disturb others in the worship service, parents are welcome to take the children out and deal with them,"^[7] he is assuming the child has a choice over his behavior. For children (and teens and adults) with disabilities, many of their behaviors and vocalizations are not under their control. And nothing a parent does can eliminate these distractions during a worship service, no matter how understanding and accommodating a church family is.   

            In a family-equipping model church, the "ministry reworks the church's entire structure to call parents to disciple their children at every level of the church's work."^[8] The guiding verse for this model is Deut 6:7. It also includes six goals: to call parents to partner with the church with the goal of training their children to love God as a way of life (Rom 12:1-2), to love others as a way of life (Mark 10:45), to love the church and to understand their role in the body of Christ (Eph 4:4-7), to love Scripture and to handle it properly as the authority and foundation for all of life (2 Tim 3:15-17), to love to tell others about Jesus Christ and to share their own story of faith (Rom 10:14-15), and to love to grow closer to God through personal spiritual disciplines (1 Tim 4:7-12).^[9]

            Again, there is much to commend in the family equipping model, as with the family-integrated model. Because it is a more recently developed model, the purpose and biblical foundation are clearly articulated and supported by many. However, Jared Kennedy points out two temptations: false gospel of deterministic parenting and creating gospel-preventing social barriers.^[10] The focus of this ministry model and the language used could turn off special-needs parents. It might feel like a check list of accomplishments they can't achieve because many of these parents cannot know what their child understands about God and his/her salvation experience. 

            In churches that have a family-based model, "every ministry will consistently plan events and learning experiences that draw families and generations together."^[11] Ministries and activities geared toward specific ages exists and can often be what draws families to these churches. These churches look to passages like Exod 22:22, Jer 49:11, Jas 1:27, Mark 10:14, and the Great Commission as their ministry foundation. Brandon Shields writes, "Family-based churches believe that God has commissioned the local church to reach all people, in all family contexts, in every nation, with the gospel of Jesus (Matt 28:18-20, Acts 1:8)."^[12]

            The benefit of this type of church is that it attracts and supports different types of families. Again from Shields: "The Bible presents a clear and consistent message that God's people are responsible to demonstrate compassion for orphans and widows ... and others in diverse, difficult, and damaged families."^[13] And Chris Shirley agrees: "Scripture itself acknowledges a variety of family situations, but the core teaching about the family remains consistent. Organizing and implementing family ministry with a clear definition of family allows leaders to advocate for God's best plan while applying the ministry of compassion, restoration, and redemption as families struggle to reach the mark."^[14]

            After examining the three most common family ministry models, it appears a family-based model church is the most likely to attract special-needs families and be able to support them because these churches have a variety of other age and interest-based ministries. Accommodations can more easily be made in a children's ministry Sunday school class or at a Wednesday night youth group meeting that make these opportunities accessible. That gives children with disabilities the greatest opportunity to hear, understand, and respond to the gospel. These churches can also partner with parents to support the evangelism and discipleship that is happening at home. As Kennedy writes about the family-based model, "church leaders have sought to coordinate a church's age-stratified ministry structures and the parents' ministry to their children at home."^[15]

            That is not to say that it is impossible to be accessible to those with disabilities in family-integrated or family-equipping churches. But it would take extra steps and accommodations. As Brett Webb-Mitchell writes, all types of churches are "challenged to move over, adapt, re-think, re-imagine, and re-consider what is the 'norm' for worship, prayer, fellowship, education, and service, and make a place for and with those who are part of one of the world's largest 'minority groups.'"^[16] Every church, no matter what family ministry model they adopt, can and should make the gospel accessible. Family-based models are at an advantage due to their structure and missional-mindset.

Bibliography:

Carter, Erik W. Including People with Disabilities in Faith Communities: A Guide for Service      Providers, Families, and Congregations. Baltimore, MD: Paul H. Brookes Publishing,            2007.

Garland, Diana R. Family Ministry: A Comprehensive Guide. Downer's Grove, IL: IVP, 1999.

Jones, Timothy Paul, ed. Perspectives on Family Ministry: 3 Views, 2nd ed. Nashville, TN: B&H             Academic, 2019.

Kennedy, Jared. Keeping Your Children's Ministry on Mission: Practical Strategies for     Discipling the Next Generation. Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2022.

Orsmond, Gael I, Krauss Marty, Wyngaarden, and Mailick Seltzer, Marsha. "Peer relationships    and social and recreational activities among adolescents and adults with autism." Journal            of Autism and Developmental Disorders, v. 34.

Shirley, Chris. Family Ministry and the Church: A Leader's Guide for Ministry through Families.            Nashville, TN: Randall House, 2018.

Wagner, M., Cadwallader, T. W., Marder, C., Newman, L,, Garza, N, Blacker, "The other 80% of their time: The experiences of elementary and middle school students with disabilities in     their nonschool hours." Menlo Park, CA: SRI International, 2002.             https://nlts2.sri.com/data_tables/index.html

Webb-Mitchell, Brett. Beyond Accessibility: Toward Full Inclusion of People with Disabilities in Faith Communities. New York: Church Publishing, 2010.

                  ^[1] Kenner, Craig S. The Gospel of Matthew: A Socio-Rhetorical Commentary (Grand Rapids: Eerdmans, 2009), 502.  

                  ^[2] Erik W. Carter, Including People with Disabilities in Faith Communities: A Guide for Service

Providers, Families, and Congregations (Baltimore, MD: Paul H. Brookes Publishing, 2007), 9-14.

            ^[3] Wagner, M., Cadwallader, T. W., Marder, C., Newman, L,, Garza, N, Blacker, "The other 80% of their time: The experiences of elementary and middle school students with disabilities in their nonschool hours." (Menlo Park, CA: SRI International, 2002). https://nlts2.sri.com/data_tables/index.html

                  ^[4] Gael I Orsmond, Marty Wyngaarden Krauss, and Marsha Mailick Seltzer. "Peer relationships and social and recreational activities among adolescents and adults with autism." Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders, v. 34, 245-256.

                  ^[5] Timothy Paul Jones, Perspectives on Family Ministry: 3 Views, 2nd ed. (Nashville, TN: B&H Academic, 2019), 49.

                  ^[6] Jared Kennedy, Keeping Your Children's Ministry on Mission: Practical Strategies for Discipling the Next Generation. (Wheaton, IL: Crossway, 2022), 38.  

                  ^[7] Paul Renfro, "Family-Integrated Ministry: Family-Driven Faith," Perspectives on Family Ministry: 3 Views, 2nd ed. (Nashville, TN: B&H Academic, 2019), 64.

            ^[8] Jones, 51.

            ^[9] Jay Strother, "Family-Equipping Ministry: Church and Home as Co-Champions," Perspectives on Family Ministry: 3 Views, 2nd ed. (Nashville, TN: B&H Academic, 2019), 172.

            ^[10] Kennedy, 42. 

                  ^[11] Jones, 51.

            ^[12] Brandon Shields, "Family-Based Ministry: Separated Contexts, Shared Focus," Perspectives on Family Ministry: 3 Views, 2nd ed. (Nashville, TN: B&H Academic, 2019), 133.

                  ^[13] Shields, 137.

                  ^[14] Chris Shirley, Family Ministry and the Church: A Leader's Guide for Ministry through Families. (Nashville, TN: Randall House, 2018), 17.

                  ^[15] Kennedy, 38.

            ^[16] Brett Webb-Mitchell, Beyond Accessibility: Toward Full Inclusion of People with Disabilities in            Faith Communities, (New York: Church Publishing, 2010), 17-18.