Jerry Lewis (1926-2017) knew my husband, Bob Cowen, fairly well from Bobby’s early life and career in LA. I then met Jerry after Bobby and I were divorced, which he referenced in the opening of his message. I always admired Jerry Lewis’ work, not as much for being a comedian but for his depth as a serious actor and director. He had incredible insight.

Just to recap Jerry Lewis’ career, he was American comedian, filmmaker, actor, humanitarian and singer known by many as “The King of Comedy”. He began with the (Dean) Martin and Lewis a partnership that lasted 10-years resulting in 16 films, The Colgate Comedy Hour on TV as well as a radio series to their credit.

Solo, Jerry Lewis stared in 28 motion pictures including The Bellboy (1960), The Errand Boy (1961) and The Nutty Professor (1963) and countless appearances on television. BAFTA nominated him for Best Supporting Actor for his role in The King of Comedy (1982), a dramatic role. He was awarded with two stars on the Hollywood Walk of Fame and France awarded him the Legion of Honor in 2006. You will also remember him from the Jerry Lewis MDA Labor Day Telethon as its host for 45-years, through 2011.

I was touched that he remembered me but over there, of course they have 48/48 vision. HA.

“Your energy looked familiar to me, Sandy, so here I am. I knew Bobby from LA over the years and guess I interacted briefly with you in Phoenix when Burt Lewin invited me over for a charity event—in fact, we sat at the same table. Small infinity.”

Here is where he so deftly explains his life and his personal failings.

“What a life I had. I think a comedian’s life might be the most rewarding and the most painful in many ways. First, to make people laugh is such a gift, to the comedian as well as to his or her audience. But how we see humanity is in such nuances that the pain others feel can’t help but penetrate us too. I guess, without knowing the name back then, we are all empaths in a way. Those of us who end up directing films surely were.

“Perhaps my biggest failing was getting mad and staying mad. It’s probably because I felt so deeply about everything and merely masked it by joking around. I’m glad in the end Dean (Martin) and I made up. He died a sad case, and I was blessed not to have fallen into the bottle. I was never a big drinker, probably because I was Jewish—did you laugh?”

I suppose that needs an explanation since I used to comment about not knowing any Jewish alcoholics. That was observant of me since I lived during the Mad Men era of advertising (60s and 70’s) when two martini lunches were commonplace and drinks after work were essential to stir up those creative juices. So, there were many folks with real problems, yet I never remember seeing Jewish drunks. That was a compliment to their wisdom and likely maternal discipline. I can also say that I always felt an affinity for the Jewish people and even converted for a brief period in my twenties and early 30’s. Many of my friends were also Jewish and still there were no big drinkers among them! (smile)

Back to Jerry’s message about ego.

“What did I come to share? Well, I guess what happens to us when we can’t control our ego in life. Ego is not a good thing. Everybody has one but it begins causing trouble when it gets too big. Perhaps some of my sensitivity came from the enormous ego I had. I guess I thought the world centered around me and when a person feels like that, they can’t contribute what they should to a partnership, to building teamwork or developing others. We have to control whatever we do—rightly or wrongly. I guess in my films it worked out but otherwise, not too good a trait.

So, if any of your readers believe that they can do what they do better than anyone else; that with every problem they confront—only they have the best answer; that they expect others to see them and recognize their ability instantly; that others should be paying them the respect they think they deserve; and if they want credit, lots of credit for their accomplishments—odds are their egos needs a little deflating.

You know what’s good for that? Being fired. Having your spouse divorce you. Having your children quit seeing you. Having friends distance themselves from you and looking around to see fewer and fewer people in the audience. Big egos become tiring to others and sadly in show business, we have publicists, agents, managers and others to camouflage our faults—so most of us never change. Real life treats us differently and change is critical if we want a decent life at all.

So, look at your life and even if your ego looks pretty healthy—all of us could all stand a little dose of humility once in a while”

“Give others credit, lots of credit. Shy away from the publicity and acclaim (and you’ll receive more—trust me) and try to give love to everyone you meet (you’ll get more in return).

“Those are lessons I learned over here. Maybe I’ll get it right next time around! Thanks for the audience, my friend and I hope you remember me with a smile. Jerry”

It would be impossible of me to think of this comedic genius any other way.

Some souls come with profound missives, others bring great detail about their lives and lessons and still others, observations that are revelatory. Judy Garland (1922-1969) did none of that but regardless of the length or the content there are always bits of each message that are worth the post. This one is no exception.

This cultural icon began her four-decade career age the age of two. She became a legendary American actress, singer and vaudevillian who was known for her contralto voice and her magnetic power on the stage. Her fans adored her.

Her most famous movie was undoubtedly The Wizard of Oz (1939) and two later movies A Star Is Born and Judgment at Nuremberg, both of which earned her Academy Award nominations. She made many other films. Her signature song,” Over the Rainbow” everyone has heard.

She was the first woman to win the Grammy Award for Album of the Year and in 1961 was the first female recipient and youngest honoree of the Golden Globe Cecil B. DeMille Award. Her countless other awards included six recordings being inducted into the Grammy Hall of Fame, one Golden Globe Award, two additional Grammy Awards, the Academy Juvenile Award, Special Tony Award and nominations for three Emmy Awards. In 1997 and 1999 respectively, she was posthumously awarded the Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award, and the American Film Institute ranked her the eighth-greatest star of classic Hollywood cinema.

Having developed a dependence on prescription medications that affected her physically as well as mentally, she died from an accidental barbiturate overdose at age 47. She was an icon for sure, and I am proud to bring you her brief but touching message.

“Hello there, Sandy. I’m actually honored to be talking to you as I haven’t really done any of this before, but I sure welcome the opportunity.

“WOW. When I look around so much has changed—not all for the better, I’m afraid. The music is interesting and so unique in some respects. What we can do with the human voice has expanded dramatically as well. Guess we were more simple (in my day) but star quality is still star quality. Now we see bits of that everywhere.

“My life was rough, really. The pills and alcohol blurred the sharp edges and numbed the pain. Try as I might, I had a hard time getting it right. I did love my babies though, but I was even limited in that expression due to the need to put food on the table.”

Garland was married five times and had three children: Liza Minelli (director, Vincent Minelli born 1946), Lorna Luft (born 1952) and Joey Luft (born 1955 - with producer Sidney Luft). Her relationships were turbulent and the conflicts were fueled by her fame and personal challenges.

She died with just the equivalent of $40,000 in her estate even though she had earned millions during her career. Her body was transported to New York where an estimated 20,000 fans lined up to pay their respects—so many that the chapel had to remain open all night long to accommodate the overflowing crowd. A tiny woman who gave 150% with every performance, one friend stated at her funeral, “she just plain wore out”

“You’ve had a rough life, too, Sandy but you are strong and have better sense than I did. Be grateful for the talents you were given. I didn’t spend enough time in gratitude and see that now. Gratitude is the giant key that unlocks more and more blessings.”

It was her closing that nearly brought me to tears.

“Well, honey. I’ve gotta run. Going to chase a rainbow. Judy”

Brigham Young (1801-1877) was an interesting visitor since he talks about a religion which I knew little or nothing about. After he came, I read a little about his life and how God often picks unlikely individuals to help us humans become more focused on a power greater than ourselves.

Brigham Young was not the founder of Mormonism or the Latter-Day Saints movement. That was Joseph Smith who was also considered to be their prophet. After publishing the Book of Mormon at age 24, Smith attracted tens of thousands of followers but died only fourteen years later. It was Brigham Young who grew the church.

Young was a religious leader who was known by members of the Church of Latter-Day Saints as the “American Moses”. He was the second president of the LDS Church, founded Salt Lake City, was first Governor of the Utah Territory and was instrumental in the formation of the University of Utah and BYU. He was also a polygamist and had 55 wives.

Since I’ve always been curious about their beliefs, I couldn’t wait for his message.

“Hello from Heaven! This is an adventure to reach out to a woman who is not affiliated or even very knowledgeable about the life I led or myself, in general. I understand you knew my name and my basic role in the church but not much else. Surprised?

“I was tough, I was a leader and I made things happen. Those are all excellent characteristics for someone growing a movement and, in my case, helping build a church. The Latter-Day Saints churches today reach across the world and the character of the men, women and children who follow that religion is exemplary I believe. We may not be the strongest theological body, but we result in the strongest communities and families, which God knows, is lacking in your world today.

“I remember you saying that your friend Cathy Chamberlain reached out to you shortly after her passing. Cathy was an amazing woman, smart and clever in business and kind of heart in personal relationships. I know you were close. In fact, now that I’m in touch with you, I can see her energy near, and she is delighted I’ve connected with you. She’s telling me,
“Now, you can answer Sandy’s questions.”

That quip from Cathy made me giggle. Cathy was one of three other women with whom I traveled and explored the spiritual gifts we were all given. We were an odd collection representing Judaism, Catholicism, Christian Science and the Mormons. Anyway, we never talked about our religions and together tried to discover our individual spiritual potential knowing none of us fully use the gifts God gave us. We wanted to understand a little of that.

I’d, out of curiosity, often ask Cathy something about the LDS church since I knew the least about her roots. Poor soul, she’d always patiently answer. It was just a world that was foreign to me, and I was interested. Well, I guess Cathy was happy to pass the baton.

Brigham Young continued with a broad description of their beliefs without touching on how the original practice of plural marriage was abandoned to better assimilate with the broader community of outsiders. Their rich tapestry of teachings includes many specific practices that shape the daily lives of Latter-day Saints. Temperance was initially embraced and evolved into meaning total abstinence from alcohol in all forms. They also suggested abstinence from tobacco, tea and coffee. They were also anti-slavery.

Ther teachings were all too complex to deal with here but as you will see, Young gives us the overview of the theological part. That seemed enough.

“The details of theology are so very important to so many people with strong religious beliefs. The fervent need to “understand” every word in the Bible instead of understanding the intent of each passage. Those of us talking to you are the perfect example of that. We want you to hear our intent and you somehow (and brilliantly, I might add) formulate the words from your existing vocabulary to translate exactly what we mean. Yet, none of us would be foolish enough to tell you, “Sandy, use that word instead of this one—if the intent is exactly the same, or you are close enough!” We are just grateful that you “get it” and “get us”.

“Religion is meant to be a community of souls coming together to worship God in whatever form we design as a group, some being more rigid in regulations and rituals than others. But the chorus of voices praising the Almighty is what is important and growing that chorus so God can hear us all the way over here! Being a large enough group that the world is filled with joyous song, kindness, and love. Yet today, the world is filled with quite something else.

“I see self-serving, internally focused, ego maniacal individuals grabbing for more power, more prestige, more money, and more attention. The 15-minutes of fame is an addiction and hurting one another in the process is irrelevant since people get positive attention for the resulting celebrity and no scorn for the bad behavior. I think I need to get back there and help create a movement of religious leaders, each doing our own thing, driving God’s word and good behavior across one continent and then another; much like I did across the United States bringing Mormonism to the West.

“I’m joking, of course, but your work is healthy, Sandy. It promotes kindness, unconditional love—without judgment, and most of all understanding!

“I like you very much and you can be my friend too. Cathy is smiling. Brigham Young”

There is no question that the community of individuals that form this religion is a model many envy. For example, strong families, taking care of their own and increasing their population among them. Solid families are the root of our civilization, and many have forgotten or work to undermine that today.

I found it fascinating that Brigham Young in his message said little about the specific teachings of Mormonism that I touched on earlier and how that religion morphed somewhat over years. He also didn’t mention a thing about his 50-plus wives and more than 50 children. I don’t know whether he didn’t want to bring that up or if it was just part of the teachings in which he believed, so he considered the whole matter irrelevant.

It was also interesting to me that although this movement forbade certain things like alcohol, Young owned a series of distilleries in his professional life and in the early years of the church. It seems, for some reason, that business dealings were a totally separate issue from some of the teachings that later dominated the LDS lifestyle.

I thought he would be much different than he was. I admired his drive and obvious capability. In fact, I liked him a lot.

Years ago, I’ll bet you remember the most famous advice columnist of the day, Abigale Van Buren (1918-2013). That was her pen name, so her column was appropriately titled Dear Abby. Her real name, however, was Pauline Philips. Another interesting tidbit of the time was that there was another popular advice columnist named Ann Landers. The two women were twin sisters!

Dear Abby’s column was the most widely syndicated newspaper column in the world. It reached one hundred and ten million readers through the fourteen hundred newspapers that carried her column. The two women were competitors and that rivalry caused a lengthy estrangement between them that lasted until 1964 but until their death, hard feelings remained.

Nobody really captured the inside story of this friction or why it lasted so long. Luckily, today we can hear about it ourselves from Abigale Van Buren (Dear Abby), herself. The interesting part of the story is how she channeled that negative energy into building a career that was unsurpassed by any other columnist before or since her.

“Hello, Sandy, would you like a little advice? (smile) I promise not to go on and on with my message to everyone today. It will be short and sweet, much like the answers I provided to readers who asked me questions.

“It is perfectly fine to let animosity and fierce competitiveness fuel your career; it did mine! If you channel that negative energy into something positive, it can actually be quite energizing. Some people use fear to fuel their careers—the fear of failing, the fear of humiliation or soiling one’s reputation. Negatives work to start a fire and that fire can be used to cook food that nourishes the body!

“My competitiveness came from the challenges my twin sister and I faced together, yet we both went on to be the most popularly read columnists in the world. Your readers may not know but my sister was Ann Landers.”

The unanswered question now is why they didn’t eventually forgive and forget?

“I guess in the end we were both workaholics and never really had the time to properly reconcile, although we made attempts but there wasn’t anybody left in the world to which we could ask advice about that, unless we did that of one another! 

“Simply stated—whatever it takes to drive you forward works! Just as long as it doesn’t hurt another or is done with pure malice! I don’t think our acrimony was particularly damaging to either of us but was regretful when one reflects on our [personal] life.”

This is one time when it’s important to read the nuance within Dear Abby’s message. The negativity and animosity worked because both women felt it and had the same kind of workaholic lives—each too busy to feel the personal impact. Had one not been wrapped up in her career, that could have been a different story.

“Yet, look at all the millions of people we helped, through it all! Perhaps that sacrifice was worth it. Signing off now, Sandy. As promised, short and sweet. Pauline”

I could relate to her message, and I’d guess many of you can, also, I realized that my early career was totally fueled by fear—the fear of failure. Since my reputation was the only thing I had at the time, I wouldn’t have damaged that for anything and that fear drove me to hang in there and not give up even though I had started my business under the worst possible conditions.

Prior to opening, I had an excellent reputation in several facets of my industry, but I didn’t have comprehensive knowledge. Those critical elements had to be self-taught over the years. In 1973, when I began, I borrowed $3,000 but also was saddled with a no-compete contract from my former employer and therefore had no clients. I also had no partners or investors. I was also not a salesman—a deep flaw. But I was very smart and thought that was enough. Well, still being in my 20’s pretty much summed it up. I was in for a long haul.

Something can be said for tenacity and striving for excellence since I ended up with a fast growing, although undercapitalized, business that produced remarkable results for clients and resulted in mine being one of the largest agencies in the state, a multi-million dollar firm back in the 80’s when that was still a lot of money.

The one thing I remember about those years was that every day I woke up realizing I couldn’t quit and admit I’d failed without making huge profits. I did that for years and years until failing wasn’t an issue anymore. Yes, fear was my fuel and for all that time, I felt guilty.

Not today because that fear worked for me and hurt no one else. In fact, it gave my clients the best I could offer—the dramatic results were what drove my growth through referrals.

Dear Abby was right. Best of all, she just gave me absolution!

This post will make sense to anyone a little older, anyone who ever lived in the South back in the day, or anyone who really studied our early American History.

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