Earlier this month I started a strength training program (yay!!!!), and ended up in a pelvic flare-up (boo!!!!!).

So now I’m starting a very specific program that integrates pelvic floor health/support with strength training. But here’s the thing… it starts slow… super slow… like I focused on breathing into different parts of my body for a half-hour kind of slow.

It was wonderful, insightful, and to be quite honest- at times, really freakin’ hard.

In the last year I have literally had to relearn something as basic and automatic as breathing.

Ummm…What…How…. Huh?!?!?

A lot of people with pelvic floor issues have learned non-supportive patterns over the years… sometimes as compensation, sometimes as guarding/protective mechanisms, and almost always unconsciously. Because really, how often do you think about how you’re breathing?

And even if you’re thinking it (box breath anyone?), how often do you somatically notice where in your body that breath is going and what the rest of your body does in response?

I am living proof that you can practice deep relaxation and breathing exercises for years without full awareness of how your breath is moving through - or affecting - the rest of your body. Crazy, right?

My brain, however, is telling me “Hey, we just were doing weights 4 times a week - that was awesome, you felt so strong and accomplished!!!”

I am like yes, and… I also ended up in a pain flare… no bueno… nor sustainable.

So I chose to ask myself: How do I keep moving towards what matters when my current capacity doesn’t match the speed I’d prefer?

Exploring with compassionate curiosity:
What’s working right now?

What’s not working right now?

What I’ve come up with is this: Modify. Moderate. Meditate.

Modify: What can I change so I can keep moving without forcing?
In this case, starting a new exercise program that builds a healthy foundation and adds load gradually.

Moderate: Where can I adjust the intensity, expectations, or pace?
I’m still showing up consistently, but inside a supportive structure that meets my current baseline while building in pace and intensity.

Meditate: Where do I need to get quiet enough to actually hear what my body/life is telling me?
Bringing ease where I can and accepting that progress may be slower yet steady.

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There’s a great saying often used by the Navy Seals - Slow is smooth… smooth is fast.

Trusting myself is a process, built choice by choice. For now, I’m working to celebrate the progress instead of judging the speed. I’d rather move slow and steady towards the life I want than race toward it and burn myself out along the way.

My brain may still be yelling “Faster!”, but I choose to pause, observe, and respond rather than simply react. I’m learning that slowing down doesn’t necessarily mean I’ve stopped moving forward.

I focus on staying present and steady, and trusting the process (and progress) as I continue to show up.

Consistency isn’t always fun, but it’s always how stuff gets done.

So today I invite you to ponder… Where in your life might slowing down actually help you keep moving forward?

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Years ago, I was introduced to the spoon theory, created by Christine Miserandino as a way of explaining to a friend what it was like to live with Lupus and limited energy. Having navigated chronic pain myself, and having a daughter who lives with chronic illness, the concept resonated deeply with me.

The basic idea is that we only have so many “spoons”, or units of available energy, to use in a day, and everyday activities cost us some of those spoons.

While the Spoon Theory was created specifically in the context of living with chronic illness, I have found myself borrowing the metaphor for many other areas in my life.

The number of spoons we start the day with can vary due to many circumstances. People who experience chronic illness and/or pain live this in a very real way that is often hard for others to see or understand.

However, I think that everyone can relate to the idea that everything we do either costs or gives us energy, and the cost can vary depending on how we’re feeling or what else is going on in our lives.

So if you start the day with low spoons (i.e. imagine waking up tired because you didn’t sleep well or are having a pain/symptom flare), then you have less available to use for your daily life.

Lately, I’ve been thinking about this idea and how it relates to our decision spoons and discipline spoons.

Every decision that you make takes a spoon - I’m sure you can imagine how quickly that can add up! And when you use discipline to override resistance - working out when you don’t feel like it, choosing the foods you know will make you feel good… the list can go on and on… you can quickly run out of spoons.

That may be part of why many people have a harder time sticking to healthy choices at the end of the day - they’re all out of “discipline spoons” (and often that’s combined with decision fatigue - which, especially if you’re the one managing everything in your world, is a real thing).

So lately, I’ve been looking for places where I can stop asking myself to have more discipline - and instead make the thing I am motivated to do require less of it.

One solution for me has been prepping healthy options ahead of time so the nourishing choice is the easiest (or at least easier) choice.

Now I know everyone talks about how and what to prep… but I want to be honest about something that I realized this year… Sometimes things that we think are silly end up being things that actually serve us well.

Earlier this year I bought what I thought was a bulk bag of fruit & veggie blend for smoothies… when I got it home I realized that they were individual pre-portioned servings or “kits”.

Now, I had seen these in the past and if I’m being honest, kind of scoffed about them.

I mean, really - how hard is it to scoop your fruit into the blender?

And then I used them…

And I was astonished.

Because you know what… it was easier. It took less spoons.

I think that’s part of the bigger picture. It doesn’t have to be hard for something to be worth making easier.

That ease in the morning when I’m trying to get a quick meal made… I feel the impact.

So now, I make my own smoothie packets.

In case you’re wondering here’s what’s in them:

• ½ cup berry blend

• ½ cup Daybreak fruit blend (pineapple, mangos, peaches, strawberries)

• ⅛ cup riced cauliflower

• ¼ cup spinach

• ⅛ cup avocado

• 1 Tbsp chia or ground flax or hemp

All I have to do is add some water or juice, my protein powder and any other supplements I may feel like adding, blend and voila - a smoothie is made.

Finding healthy “hacks” like this helps me to reduce friction and use less spoons in my day, protecting them for things that matter most.

What’s one little routine or shortcut you use that saves you a discipline or decision spoon?

And would you like me to share more of mine?

Let me know in the comments below, I’d love for us to create a little collection of ways we can bring more ease, and maybe a little more joy, into our daily lives!

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“Go try to pee before we leave”.

“I DON’T HAVE TO!”

“Just try”

…30 seconds later…

Tinkle tinkle tinkle.

Honestly 🙋‍♀️ - we’ve probably all done this as adults too. You don’t think you have to go… but you try anyway. And somehow your body says, “Oh… actually… thanks for checking.”

We don’t ask children to “try” because we don’t trust them. We ask because we know awareness often comes after we pause and slow down.

It got me thinking… What if we treated our emotions the same way?

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You may have heard the term or phrase reparenting your inner child. Here’s one of the simplest (and funniest) ways I’ve found to practice it.

Instead of assuming we’re fine because nothing is screaming for our attention, what if we simply paused and checked?

Sometimes I’m not consciously aware of what I’m carrying emotionally until I metaphorically “sit down on the potty.” Then suddenly… “Oh. Apparently there was something there.” 😂

They weren’t hiding.

I just hadn’t slowed down long enough to notice.

If you’re like many women I know, you’ve learned along the way to always scope out where the bathrooms are wherever you go. Just in case.

What if we became just as familiar with our emotional needs?

Learning our own cues for when we’re “getting full” as well as having the understanding of the places, practices, and people that can help us process what’s needing to be released… before it becomes an emergency and you’re hopping across the room with your legs crossed praying you can get there in time… oh wait, is that just me?

The more aware we become, the easier it is to notice what needs our attention before we end up with an emotional “accident.” 😂

So I’ll leave you with this to ponder…

How’s your emotional awareness these days?

Do you ever give yourself permission to simply “try”... just in case?

Or do you usually wait until your emotions become impossible to ignore?

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This phrase was picked up somewhere along the way on the mental health journey of one of my children, and it’s so applicable to everyone.

During my workout this morning I told myself “I can do hard things” during the last few reps of the 2nd set (out of 3).

At PT this morning as my therapist worked through a trigger-point… I told myself again “I can do hard things”.

It’s become a mantra when things are important AND they’re hard.

It’s become a way of acknowledging the inner strength and resilience I have - in body, mind and spirit.

A gentle nudge to keep going, take that step, make the decision, show up for myself again and again and again.

This doesn’t mean that I don’t need to modify or moderate sometimes.

It doesn’t mean to push through and not listen to my inner wisdom.

It’s an access point into the well of strength that’s already within us.

I can do hard things… even when I’m crying inside because it hurts or how heavy the load is that I’ve had to carry.

I can do hard things… even when it means trusting others (or even trusting God) and letting go of outcomes.

I can do hard things… even when it’s creating new habits that support the woman I want to be and the life I want to live.

I can do hard things… even when it’s changing both personal and generational patterns of overfunctioning.

I can do hard things… even when it means having an uncomfortable conversation.

I can do hard things… even when it means making space for my own wants and needs instead of always putting everyone else first.

I can do hard things… even when it’s choosing strawberries instead of a brownie.

And you know what… when I can’t do the hard thing? That’s ok too.

Sometimes the hard thing in front of you isn’t the hard thing to focus on…

Sometimes the hard thing is asking for help.

Sometimes the hard thing is resting (especially when there’s more to be done).

Sometimes the hard thing is trusting that slowing down isn’t the same as giving up.

Sometimes the hard thing is meeting myself where I am with compassion instead of criticism.

Hitting the reset button and restarting again isn’t abandoning myself or my goals - because every moment offers a fresh beginning.

It’s also an opportunity to lean into my why.

Because that’s part of the power in this.

Is my why important enough to work through the hard?

It’s also an opportunity to be really honest with myself… is this something I simply want or am interested in, or something I’m truly committed to?

As Art Turock said “There’s a difference between interest and commitment. When you’re interested in doing something, you do it only when circumstances permit. When you’re committed to something, you accept no excuses, only results.”

I will add my own caveats here - commitment doesn’t mean ignoring inner wisdom. Excuses don’t mean unreasonable timelines and results doesn’t mean perfection. Sometimes commitment looks like slowing down... celebrating progress… and not giving up.

I had to come to terms with the fact that it is completely ok to be “only” interested in something. It’s ok to dabble. It’s ok to test the waters without committing.

Being radically honest with myself about the difference between a want and a commitment has created freedom in my life, compassion in my thoughts, and has helped me to take off the “weighted vest” of perfectionism.

It has also helped me to look at where I’m not making progress on something I want and my actions (or inactions) around it… and gently ask myself (with compassionate curiosity): Am interested or committed.

It gives me permission to focus my energy where it actually matters, redefine progress and to be honest… I’m finding that I’m meeting my goals and making progress more consistently than ever before.

So I now choose my words carefully when talking about what I want to create and focus on, and what are my commitments… because those are where affirming “I can do hard things” matters.

Where showing up even when it’s hard matters.

So in case you need to hear it today: You can do hard things.

You have done hard things.
You will continue to do hard things.
You are resilient.
You are strong.
You are capable.
And you are competent (even while you’re still learning).

I’d love to hear from you in the comments, even if it’s simply “I can do hard things”.

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The younger they are the more narrow the lane so to speak. But as they get older, that lane gets wider and, then as they get even older, even more space and gaps as “sections” of the guard rails get taken down.

The goal is to eventually not be the one controlling THEIR lanes with OUR bumpers. If they decide they need them (structure, support, etc) then they will have the ability to put them in place or ask for help in doing so.

When I think about this in relation to over-functioning I can see how easy it is to keep those bumpers in place.

You see, the nervous system loves structure and predictability.

When someone else is throwing their ball (aka living their lives)… you have neither structure nor predictability. So we instinctively keep the bumpers up to protect them - and sometimes to protect ourselves.

Which means sometimes it’s easier to keep outdated guardrails up than to risk watching someone we love throw a gutter ball.

Because learning to bowl doesn’t look like getting strikes every turn… It involves a lot of gutter balls - which can be deeply uncomfortable to watch.

While keeping outdated overfunctioning barriers in place may keep things predictable, it can come with a steep cost:

• Isolation and burnout from trying to control other’s lanes.

• Resentment toward the very people (and relationships) we’re trying to protect.

• Robbing others of resilience as it prevents others from learning that they can throw a gutter ball and still survive it.

Part of working through this is recognizing what bumpers you have in place, which are still appropriate and which are outdated. And while you’re doing that - bringing in huge boatloads of compassion - because they were all put in place with love and the best intentions.

Sometimes it’s really hard to put those down when they’re no longer appropriate.

However, our job isn’t to keep the ball out of the gutter forever. Our job is to help them become someone who keeps bowling anyway and still enjoys the game.

Kind of gives a new meaning to the phrase “Stay in your lane” doesn’t it 😉

So I invite you to consider this… where in your relationships are you putting up bumpers that are no longer appropriate, and what would it look like to lower just one section of the rails?

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It’s not a new concept, and it’s one that I both see the value in and am STILL learning to live in real time. It’s that we should only give from our overflow. That we first need to fill our own cup, and then with what’s pouring over - give from that.

I feel like when I’m working with clients, I’ve got that dialed in. It’s very rare these days where I’m giving from my energy or feel drained from clients.

However, when it comes to the people in my life who are the closest to me… I feel like my cup gets emptied, sometimes before I even realize that I’ve even tipped it over.

Mentally, I have a fire hose aimed at them and ready (if not active) at all times. While I honor that there have been many times in the last several years where I was actively putting out major fires, my nervous system developed the pattern: always ready to spring into action at a moment’s notice, constantly scanning for signs of smoke or a spark.

When we overcarry and overfunction for others we are keeping so many mental tabs open that silently drain our processing power in the background.

In society, it is often normalized to live from an empty cup. But I don’t believe we were made to live that way.

I don’t believe that God, the Divine (or any great spirit that you connect to) wants our lives to be lived from a place of depletion. When I look at what an amazing and abundant world is before us, I can’t help but ask how could that same creator want anything else for us?

This is where worthiness, self-love, and (for me) my connection to God become more than nice ideas. This is where the rubber meets the road.

So I began to think - (a dangerous past-time, I know 😉 ).

What do I feel like when my cup is filled?

When was the last time my cup felt full?

What does it look like when my cup is filled?

How do I show up when my cup is filled?

I want you to pause and hear something really important here… if you answered “I don’t even know” to any of those questions, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

But I came back to them (more than once), and am getting more clarity and building more determination that that IS how I actually want to live and enjoy my life.

Then I got curious and took an honest audit of my energy… where is my cup at right now 🫣?

I’m going to be totally honest with you - it’s not uncommon for it to be at 30%, and my average these days tends to run around 50-80%.

Ouch… but that’s my truth in this moment.

I’ve identified many of the things that drain my cup… and recognize when (and where) I’ve mistaken my cup for a colander.

Becoming aware of what (and who) drains my energy and learning to “plug those holes”.

That’s part of the journey of no longer over-functioning. This (in part) may look like:

• Trusting that others are capable… and letting them build those skills even if they’re not there yet

• Building reciprocal relationships

• Setting Boundaries… and saying “No” when it’s not a clear yes for me (still working on “no” being a full sentence, lol).

• Listening and honoring my needs

• Shifting patterns and healing hurts and traumas

At the same time we’re identifying where our “leaks” or outflow are, it’s important to get curious on what actually fills our cups.

Friends, at first, I thought it was just me, however - I’m beginning to recognize that so many people have a hard time answering this question… What actually fills my cup?

This takes courage, curiosity and flexibility. I’m learning that it’s not always the activity itself. It’s how I feel when I’m doing it.

• Present

• Spacious

• Calm

• Energized

• Creative

• Connected

• Unhurried

Then, I have to give myself permission for all of it, to honor all parts of myself.

Once you do all that, then it’s down to the nitty gritty…How do we actually take/make the time to consistently do those things?

At a conference this past weekend, Lisa Nichols asked a question that stopped me in my tracks: “What does that look like on Monday morning at 10AM?”.

Breaking down the things we identify that fill our cups into actual action steps that are realistic and reachable.

So that’s where you’ll find me this week - practicing filling my cup. Not by overhauling my life, and not by waiting until conditions are perfect to start… or by knowing exactly what I need to completely fill my cup… but through small “Monday morning at 10 AM” steps:

• Prepping healthy snacks so I eat before I’m starving.

• Stepping outside between clients to look at the sky.

• Using my calendar to keep me focused and productive (rather than scattered and overwhelmed).

• Doing my diaphragmatic breathing between tasks (nervous system support + PT exercises = double win!!!!)

Overflow isn’t something to wait for. It’s something to practice.

Small choices. Repeated consistently.

Building new patterns and creating overflow in real time.

So I’ll leave you with these questions - Where’s your energy % at today, and what’s one “Monday morning at 10 AM” thing you can do to fill your cup?

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Here’s the sequence of exercises and mantras:

• Eye Reset (Vagus Nerve Reset): Look left and right with your head still, waiting for a yawn, swallow, or release.

  • Mantra: I am Safe and Supported

• Cat/Cow:

  • Mantra: There’s nothing to fix

• Flat Back Hip Internal Rotation: Keeping your back flat, feet going out (clapping feet).

  • Mantra: I am supporting myself

• Quadruped Hip IR (Block + Lift): Block under the knee, slow rock back and hold, return to center, lift the knee, and hold to reset.

  • Mantra: I’m allowing my body to open, not forcing

• Dynamic Downward Dog:

  • Mantra: I can move through life without holding tension

• Pigeon Pose:

  • Mantra: I am safe, I release with ease

• Child’s Pose: Feeling the pelvic floor expand with your breath, using an “s” sound on the exhale if needed (2+ minutes).

  • Mantra: I don’t have to hold anything in my body, God’s got it for me.

Today, while resting in Child’s Pose, I had a beautiful experience where in my head I heard a song that I learned way back in children’s church called “He’s got the Whole World in His Hands”. Like most children’s songs, it has a catchy tune and a very repeatable chorus which basically rotates between people/places/things that God holds in his hands… and every chorus ends with “He’s Got the Whole World in His Hands”.

And while I allowed this song to flow through me, I pictured so many people and situations being held by these beautiful, loving, and capable hands.

In the past, when I have thought of surrender I sometimes see myself placing worries/people/situations in a set of loving hands to be taken care of (better than I can even imagine is the thought I like to think for what God/the Universe, or the Divine wants for me). However, this was the first time this particular song came to me in this way.

I felt so loved, supported and taken care of. Like a friend was telling me that I’m not alone and gently reassuring me that I don’t have to hold these things in my body or carry them by myself.

I allowed myself to fill with peace and contentment and took a moment to send love to all the people and situations that came to mind as well as myself.

Our bodies are incredibly smart.
Sometimes, when our minds refuse to put down the weight of the world,
our muscles step in to carry it for us.

Our nervous systems are designed to keep us safe, but old neural pathways run on auto-pilot and sometimes we end up somewhere without recognizing how we got there in the first place.

While resting on that mat, I affirmed once again that I don’t have to carry the weight alone and that I’m consciously choosing to change the old unconscious pattern of holding things in my body.

Like most things that are worth having, this isn’t a one-time revelation. It’s a practice and process that builds upon itself - a series of (often small) practices that I choose again and again so that they become my new auto-pilot.

• Practicing compassion instead of criticism.

• Choosing empowerment instead of over-functioning.

• Leaning into releasing instead of gripping.

To do that, I have found that it’s deeply helpful to have the concrete visualization of actually letting things go. For me, if I believe that the Divine is capable of holding the whole world, then surely, these hands can be trusted to hold my worries, too.

I’ve shared here before that sometimes I use other visuals, affirmations, or tools to release and focus my faith and attention on what I do want to experience and create. This experience happened so beautifully and was so natural that it felt simple and deeply moving.

So I invite you to consider…

What is your body trying to hold right now?

If you paused for just a moment and imagined placing it into a set of loving, capable hands, what would it feel like to let your body soften - even just a little?

I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comments. ❤️

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I don’t wanna

I don’t wanna write

I don’t wanna fight

I don’t even know what I want to do tonight

I just want some peace

I just want some space

I just want my feelings to not feel so all over the place

I want to feel peaceful

I want to feel calm

I want Divine Timing to hurry along

I want my kids out

But I want to feel close

I want to feel healthy but still enjoy toast

The world is your oyster, there’s so much to choose

But also i want it simple and maybe only one or two?

I can hold all these things

I can hold lots of space

And I can want to escape and give myself grace

I’m not going for perfection, not even a try…

In fact I think I’m just going to go and look at the sky.

What about you?

When resistance is strong, how do you give yourself a permission slip to just stop forcing or fighting… not in an avoidant way, but in a meeting yourself where you’re actually at kind of way?

Let’s normalize needing to pause. Share in the comments below!👇

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Like any good manifestation journey, this one starts with something that we don’t want…
My husband was part of the Epic Games layoff in April (1000 people were let go). He’s the main income provider for our family, and so this is not… ideal, should we say.

As he’s been looking for a new job I have had the opportunity to “sharpen” my manifestation skills, clarify my focus, and to deeply lean into my faith.

A lot of this faith was developed in 2024 when (less than a year after moving to a new house, in a new state), he was laid off from a different company. If that experience was a deep dive “Master’s Course” in trusting the Divine… we’ll say I’m now earning my PhD.

It’s funny (not in the haha sense) how the God/The Universe gives us the opportunity to heal and go even deeper than we knew we could.

And now… I realize that I fully trust the Divine to provide what I need… that the how will unfold in perfect order…

AND

I recognize that the area I am currently struggling with is the Divine’s timeline.

Internally, I’m like “I’d really like an ETA here please?!?!?!”

To hold both the belief that things are unfolding in divine timing AND that I want to know exactly when that timing can be expected, lol.

It’s interesting (and sneaky) because for me, this doesn’t show up as a specific feeling of fear most of the time… sometimes it’s mental spinning… or I notice that my breath is shallow, or my shoulders are creeping up to my ears… or a heaviness in my stomach. Sometimes it comes from me, and sometimes it’s triggered by someone else.

So here’s what I’m doing about it.

• Awareness: Noticing what I’m holding, where I’m “should-ing” on myself, where I can be proud of myself, and what I’m grateful for.

• Meditation: specifically focusing on compassion, releasing, and then bringing in the feeling sense of what I want to create. This is not a bypass - this is deep healing work.

• Journaling: One that I love is using Gabby Bernstein’s journaling exercise to get out the heavy thoughts so I can shift to the next best feeling.

• Cord cutting: An energetic technique for intruding thoughts. I use a physical chopping motion with my hand to separate the energy and push it away. (Energy loves when the physical body gets involved!)

• Compassion: Giving grace to myself in this very real, uncertain human experience, and to others walking through it with me.

• Surrender: While it’s important to know what I want, the how and details are something to let go of. Even on some level, the want is surrendered because when I get down to the feeling of what I’m wanting… that can look very different than what I thought would happen. The “magic phrase” of “This or Something Better” helps me both for what I want as well as trust that the highest good is unfolding.

• Discernment: recognizing what’s mine coming up versus someone else’s energy as well as what’s mine to do and what’s not.

• Focus: Getting clear on what I want, as well as what I can control, contribute and focus on. Also, taking time to fill myself up with positive resources like podcasts, programs, and books.

• Mind Candy: Giving myself permission to decompress with books or shows that require zero heavy lifting.

• Talking: I’m not trying to “do” this alone, I have built and lean on my support system, and sometimes I have to borrow their faith for a minute.

None of this is ‘easy’, but it works.

None of it is instant fixes… but the more I do this work the more I see that when I’m caught up in fear and urgency, I feel stuck.

When I come back to peace, gratitude, trust, and align with the feelings I want to create, movement tends to happen. For example, after doing some of this focused work the last couple of days, today Brian received an email requesting next steps in an interview process.

Not necessarily because my meditation “caused” the email, but I do know that I felt more peaceful, more grounded and more trusting (even in the when). When I’m in that energy life seems to flow more easily and is definitely more tolerable.

Do I still want that ETA? Absolutely.

But while I’m still in the messy middle, I can (and will) create pockets of peace that give me a safe space to rest.

What about you? When you’re stuck in the messy middle of a major life transition, how do you create pockets of peace for yourself?

Let’s talk in the comments.

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During this time of recovery I leaned into what my body was telling me and got a lot of really good insights into listening and what it means to honor where I’m at versus where I want (or expect) myself to be.

One of the ponderings that came to mind was about balance.

And how I’ve really come to dislike the term because it feels like balance means equal… and that’s not reality.

The thought (or feeling) of if I’m not “in balance” it must mean I’m doing something “wrong”.

So I’ve avoided using the term balance when talking about creating much of anything in my life.

But then I had this thought… what if balance isn’t a destination but a practice?

As I rested and let my body take the lead for a while, I knew that balance wasn’t asking me to do the same amount of everything.

Balance isn’t about equal distribution. Balance is about appropriate response.

• When you’re recovering, rest gets more attention.

• When you’re building something, work gets more attention.

• When a friend (or family member) is struggling, relationships get more attention.

In all of these cases, it’s responding to what is needed at the moment. And none of them are meant to stay that way forever.

What comes to mind is yoga, when I practice a balance pose, my focus isn’t actually on balancing (honestly, that usually makes it worse, lol).

• It’s about finding something steady to focus on.

• Staying connected to my center.

• Feeling what my body is doing.

• Making tiny adjustments as I wobble.

That sure is a lot like life, isn’t it?

And when I fall down when practicing? (notice the when, not if - because it is going to happen now and then)

Sometimes I laugh… Sometimes I sigh… or I shake it off, reset and then restart - sometimes in an easier variation or modification of the pose - but always I get back up and get back into a pose - even if it’s resting into child’s pose.

Do I always like that I’ve lost my balance in the pose? No.

Do I sometimes wish I was stronger or steadier than where I’m at? Yes.

But to the best of my ability, I keep coming back to the practice.

Noticing what I’m noticing.

What if being balanced in life isn’t just about finding the “right” amount or way to distribute your time and energy?

What if it’s about the actual practice of being in the process… feeling the wobbliness… finding those minute changes, shifts and awareness of where to focus so that it becomes easier and easier the more you do something.

Learning what adjustments feel good and bring more stability.

Learning what falling out of alignment and finding our way back feels like.

With practice you never expect to just be done. There are always new poses, new challenges, new seasons, and new opportunities to return to yourself.

This is something I both love and struggle with, can you relate?

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this perspective!

How do you think about balance in your life?

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It can help shift energy, focus and perspective.

There’s a reason gratitude is one of the most talked about and accessible healing tools. It impacts our mental, emotional, physical, and even spiritual well-being.

Our brains are naturally wired to automatically be on the lookout for danger (perceived potentials and/or actual ones), and gratitude helps train our brains to look for the good that is present.

Thinking about this from a protective parts viewpoint gave me more understanding and compassion for myself during the times when I’m not automatically seeing the good in my life.

It gives me permission to not be perfect, to be human.. with a human brain… that’s doing very human things.

It’s really freeing to recognize that gratitude is actually a skill. That means that it’s something we can practice and train our brains on so that it becomes more natural (neuroplasticity for the win!!!!).

When it’s something to practice rather than perfect, it feels much more achievable.

One of the powerful things about gratitude is that as we focus on the positive things in our life that we’re grateful for, it often shifts our feelings and energy… but sometimes it’s not that easy (or quick).

Like most things in life, gratitude works best when it’s connected to honesty, embodiment, and presence.

As I’ve been really leaning in to listening to myself more fully I’ve recognized that there are times where I have used gratitude as a bypass.

I’ve discovered a part of me that sometimes… just wants to slap an “I’m grateful for” list on my day and not deal with the often complex underlying feelings that are actually present.

That productive part of me wants to just “do it”, feel better, and check it off my list.

I’ve come to see how that part of me is trying to help. It wants the relief of a finished list… but gratitude isn’t a task to be completed.

I’ve learned that when I say the words without the feelings… it falls flat.

Think about someone telling you they’re glad to see you with a scowl on their face or sarcastic tone… it wouldn’t feel authentic would it?

If you’re saying I’m grateful for something while ignoring what you’re feeling, something inside you knows it’s not authentic.

Now don’t get me wrong - if that’s where you can start then that’s awesome (see above… progress, not perfection 😉).

There are neurologic and chemical changes that absolutely start to happen in the brain simply by beginning to focus on positive things, which helps your physical body and more.

But if that’s where you stop… It’s like staying in second gear when you’ve got so much more available.

Gratitude is not meant to diminish your reality or bypass the complicated and sticky parts of life.

It’s meant to expand your perspective and enjoyment of it.

Even during the hard times.
Especially during the hard times.

Authentic gratitude invites in a feeling of appreciation for something (or someone). It can be so much deeper and have more meaning than a simple awareness that you like something.

But here’s a real truth - sometimes authentic gratitude coexists with hard feelings.

When you’re in a space of struggle or not feeling good, it can take a little extra time, attention, and creativity to shift into that space.

So, in those times, instead of creating a list of things you’re grateful for, it may be helpful to shift your approach.

Instead of forcing gratitude, it may help to:

• start smaller (even the tiniest appreciation is progress)

• get sensory (think cozy blankets, tea, looking at art or picture)

• borrow gratitude from tiny moments or memories

You can appreciate without pretending everything is okay.

Sometimes, mixing your practice up can be a helpful and fun way to inspire gratitude in a new or deeper way.

Here’s a creative activity that can be a lot of fun and invite in a feeling of playfulness - The Gratitude Alphabet Game (can be done by yourself or with others). From A-Z list items for each letter that you are grateful for, pausing with each one to really be in appreciation. It was the first time I really thought about how grateful I am for Q-Tips, lol, and now I regularly appreciate them… how about zippers, they are so convenient and make our lives so much easier! The trick with this one is to challenge yourself to not simply re-use items each time you practice it! I personally find this one great to do when my mind is busy as I’m going to sleep.

Another fun and powerful practice introduced by Christy Whitman is picking one thing, and then listing several reasons you’re grateful for that one thing.

Here’s an example -

I’m grateful for the privacy window “clings” that are in the door to my office.

• I love that they are unique and a beautiful stained glass pattern that I enjoy seeing, almost like a work of art.

• I love that my husband and I worked together on the project and that it was an opportunity for connection and for making this home feel like ours.

• I love that I have privacy and an office to work in from my home.

• I love that I had the creative idea to find this solution.

• I love that there were options to choose from and I was able to find one that I really love.

In this moment, as I looked for reasons why I love those window clings I felt a softening within myself, a small smile spread across my face, and I took a deep breath. I feel more grounded and in true appreciation for something that often becomes background “noise”.

Going deeper into one thing and the multiple reasons you are grateful for it, really helps connect to the feeling sense of gratitude and to begin to embody it within your nervous system.

These fun versions of gratitude can help us shift into a different mood or mental space… even if it’s only for a little while.

It doesn’t magically make everything better… but it can magically shift the energy that you’re feeling. And the more that we are in that better feeling place, the more we find reasons to stay there.

Gratitude is a beautiful way to hold the ANDs in our lives.

I can be disappointed… AND… I can be grateful for many blessings.
I can have uncertainty… AND… I can be grateful for the support that has shown up.
I can be frustrated with my children… AND… I can be grateful to be their mom.
This is hard… AND… I am held.

And if you’re in a place where gratitude isn’t helping you shift… or you have to keep coming back to it over and over again… have compassion for yourself.

You’re not “doing it wrong”.

One tool… even if it’s a really great one… doesn’t always work for every situation, or in a one and done way.

Being real about where you’re at takes courage and vulnerability.

At the end of the day, gratitude isn’t a destination where we arrive and stay forever. It’s a tool we use to build the bridge while we’re still in the messy middle.

When we stop using gratitude to cover up our pain and start using it to expand our capacity for what we can hold, things change.

We aren’t bypassing our lives, we’re honoring all parts of ourselves (even the beautifully messy ones).

I’d love to hear from you! Pick just ONE thing in your room right now ~ what are three reasons you’re grateful for it? Let’s practice going deeper together in the comments.

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Keep an eye on the chat this Friday, I’m going to start a thread so we can play the Gratitude Alphabet Game together!

Because this is one of those times where more than one thing can be true.

I can have evidence of lack…
of contrast…
of something I don’t want.

AND

I can feel the energy of what I do want.
I can connect to the experience I’m calling in, and visualize what having it will look and feel like.
I can choose actions, thoughts, and feelings that align with that future.

It’s the AND that matters.

The AND is where we get to hold more than one truth and begin to stretch and grow.

Manifesting isn’t about ignoring reality and pretending everything is fine.
It’s not about slapping positive thoughts on top of something that feels hard.

It’s more nuanced than that… more honest… and frankly, more challenging and more powerful.

The AND has given me the gift of getting to know the complexities of who I am, and meeting myself where I’m at… even when that’s not the pretty “look at what I’ve got” phase.

Manifesting always starts with contrast — with noticing something you want that isn’t here yet…. or experiencing something that makes you realize you want something different.

Some contrast is bigger or more intense than others.

But if you were in a place of total fulfillment, you probably wouldn’t want anything more.

It’s seeing something you want and feeling inspired (I had to learn to feel inspired rather than jealous by the way, but that’s another story for another day)… or experiencing something that shows you what you want to be different.

It all starts with the lack of something you want or need.

There’s a gap between where you are and what you want… and the GAP is where the work happens.

Shawn Fink, a great coach I know and have followed for years calls this the messy middle. And I honestly can’t think of a better way to describe it.

And when we’re in that messy middle, we need compassion — boatloads of it.

Through my work with Christy Whitman, I’ve come to understand compassion as “the great neutralizer”. And I’ve experienced that firsthand more times than I can count.

Compassion softens the edges.
It helps us stop fighting what we feel… and start meeting ourselves where we are.

Not so we stay stuck there… but so we can actually process and release it.

And from there… something opens.

Perspective.
Possibility.
Clarity.
Gratitude for what is, while becoming joyfully open (even expectant) of good.
And eventually we get to the place of inspired action.

It’s not a one and done process either. Depending on the level of contrast (and how messy your middle is), you may have to go back to compassion over and over and over.

If you can stay with yourself in the AND… through the messy middle… through the moments that don’t feel resolved yet… you begin to build something deeper than just the outcome.

You build trust.
In yourself.
In the Universe, the Divine, God… whatever higher power you relate to.
In the process.
In what’s still unfolding.

Even if it’s not exactly what you thought it would look like.

Even if where you end up results in new desires or clarity of what you want to be different.

This has been especially real for me lately — holding the vision of more stability and flow in our life… while also navigating moments that feel uncertain.

This is where I come back to the AND… to compassion… and to consciously choosing to focus on what I want, without abandoning myself, or what’s real.

This is me choosing to stay present and true to all parts of myself.

If you’re in your own version of a messy middle, I invite you to pause and find the space for AND, and give yourself both compassion and the room to breathe in the middle of it all.

If this post resonates I’d love to hear your comments below.

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Just because something feels hard…
doesn’t mean I’m doing it wrong.

It doesn’t mean I’m behind.
Or that I missed something.
Or that I should be handling it better.

Emotional intelligence doesn’t mean we stop feeling the weight of things.

Love adds weight.
History adds layers.
And recognizing we can’t make choices or create motivation for others?

That’s both freeing and scary.

So if things feel heavy sometimes…
it’s not a failure of skill.

It’s what happens when you care deeply
and stay conscious.

To be perfectly honest, this is still hard for me sometimes (like right now, for instance… lol).

Sometimes I still struggle with feeling like I must be doing it wrong if I’m feeling overwhelmed, tired, or sad…

when people in my life are struggling or making questionable decisions…

or when old patterns of wanting to fix, over-function, or distract myself pop up…

And I have to sit with that part of me with compassion.

Sometimes I vent.
Sometimes I ask for honest feedback from trusted people.

And slowly — sometimes very slowly…
I start to soften.
I start to shift.

And that shift isn’t always in making it lighter right away…

but in how I meet myself inside of it.

Because the way you show up for yourself in those moments?

That’s where self-love lives.

We’re not meant to exist alone.

Being in relationship is like a Venn diagram — separate, whole… and still affecting each other in the overlap.

And sometimes that overlap feels beautiful.
And sometimes it feels heavy, chaotic, and full.

And yes… sometimes those moments call for clearer boundaries.

But feeling something deeply in the middle of it is not the same as doing something wrong.

All of it is part of being human.
Of being in relationships.

Pausing long enough to recognize my discomfort…
and yes, even my own dysregulation…
is a skill I’ve built over time.

And some days, I’m better at it than others.

But even in the moments where it feels messy or slow…

I can see it.
I can feel the difference.

And truly, that in itself is something worth acknowledging…
and even something worth appreciating.

Because learning to stay with yourself in the discomfort…

without rushing to fix it, escape it, or make it mean something about you…

That’s not failure.

That’s growth.

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No one is coming to schedule your self-care for you.

(Not because you’re not worth it…
but because it’s actually yours to choose.)

So this is your unofficial, lovingly sassy nudge:

Drink some water.
Take a breath.
Step outside for a minute.

(You’re basically a houseplant with more complicated emotions).

You don’t have to overhaul your life today —
just take one small step towards honoring yourself.

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In this 90-second reset, we move away from the “chase” and back into the body. Take a breath with me and notice what’s already here.

But if you’re consistently — and often quietly — exhausted, resentful, or overwhelmed…
there’s a good chance you’re carrying more than is actually yours.

Let’s talk about that.

The terms overfunctioning and over-carrying can be used separately, and sometimes interchangeably. And for many people (myself included), they’re relatively new ways of understanding patterns that have been running for a long time.

According to Mental Health America, overfunctioning is a behavioral pattern where someone consistently takes on too much responsibility — managing or solving problems for others who are capable of handling those tasks themselves.

It’s described as an anxious, often unconscious response to stress… one that tries to create control and stability.

Over carrying (not in the dictionary, btw) is how I describe something similar —
holding, managing, or emotionally carrying things that aren’t actually your responsibility… often for longer than is healthy (for us and for others).

These patterns can show up in both obvious and sneaky ways.

And at the root of most of them?
A genuine desire to be helpful.

But when that desire isn’t checked or balanced… it can lead to burnout, resentment, and strain in our relationships.

Let’s come back to this part of the definition:
“an anxious, often unconscious reaction to stress that aims to control situations…”

If you’ve ever been told you’re “controlling,” I want to gently invite you to pause for a moment.

Take a breath.
Wrap yourself in a little hug of compassion here.

Because more often than not… this isn’t about control.

It’s about a nervous system that’s looking for safety.

When we become dysregulated — oftentimes before we’re even consciously aware of it — our system looks for ways to create order, stability, and relief.

That might look like:

• wanting things done a certain way

• stepping in to make sure something gets finished

• taking on one more thing because it feels easier than leaving it undone (or having that conversation again…)

Sometimes it’s not even about the task itself.

It’s about completing something — anything — so your system can feel a sense of closure.

It’s why so many people clean when they’re stressed.

There’s a dirty counter → you wipe it → it’s done.
Immediate result. Immediate relief.

Your brain gets a little hit of “ahhh… better.” (Yay dopamine 😃)

And over time… this becomes a pattern.

It becomes easier to just do it yourself.
To handle it. Fix it. Carry it.

Little by little, you take on more…
often without even realizing it’s happening.

Sometimes to help.
Sometimes to avoid.
Sometimes because it just feels easier in the moment.

Until one day… you’re exhausted from carrying a load you didn’t consciously choose.

Let me give you an image.

Imagine you’re going for a walk.

And along the way, you come across stones in your path.
Instead of stepping around them… you pick them up and put them in your backpack.

One here. One there.
No big deal.

Until eventually… the weight starts to add up.

That’s what over carrying can look like.

We move through life picking up “stones” that were never ours to carry in the first place.

The work begins when we pause long enough to look inside the backpack.

To notice what’s there.

And then gently ask:
Is this mine?
Is it not?
Do I actually want to keep carrying this?

And if the answer is yes…
How can I carry it in a way that doesn’t weigh me down?

And if the answer is no…
How can I give it back in a way that is healthy… not just chucking it at the owners head, lol.

That’s the work after the realization.

Not dropping everything overnight.
Not getting it perfect.

But slowly… intentionally… choosing what’s actually yours.

And remembering that your worth isn’t measured by how much you can hold.

It’s not easy.

But it is freeing.

And yes… it’s messy… in a really beautiful way.

You might even pause today and ask:
What am I carrying… that isn’t actually mine?

If this resonated, feel free to share it or reply — I read every message.

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Sometimes it’s subtle — a vague sense of dissatisfaction.
Other times it’s clearer — “well… that wasn’t what I needed.”

And what’s interesting is… we don’t always realize we were needing something in the first place.

But we were.

Lately, I’ve been paying closer attention to this in real time.

That moment when I feel the pull to text someone.
Or call.
Or reach out.

Instead of immediately acting on it, I’ve been pausing just long enough to ask:

What am I actually wanting right now?
How do I want to feel?

And the answers have been… illuminating.

Years ago, I noticed something about an old relationship.

Every once in a while, he would pop into my mind. And for a long time, I thought it meant I missed him.

But when I slowed down and really looked at it…

I realized I didn’t miss him —
I missed how he made me feel.

Special.
Seen.
Chosen.

That awareness changed everything.

More recently, I caught myself wanting to call my dad.

On the surface, it seemed simple. Just a normal “I should check in” kind of thought.

But when I paused…

I realized something deeper was there.

I didn’t just want to talk.
I wanted to feel supported.

And here’s where real-time healing comes in.

Because I know my dad.
And support… isn’t something he consistently has “in stock.”

But a younger part of me?
She’s still in there… and she still wants what she wants.
She still hopes.
She still reaches.
She still wants her dad to show up in that way.

This is where the vending machine analogy comes in.

Not every vending machine stocks the same things.

If I go looking for a snack… but the machine only has drinks, I’m going to be disappointed.

If I want a Snickers… and all that’s available are Kit Kats, I’m going to be disappointed.

It doesn’t mean anything is wrong with the machine.

It just means…
I’m looking in the wrong place for what I need.

(I wrote more about this idea in a previous post — you can read the full version here.)

This is the shift:

Learning what people actually “stock.”
And choosing accordingly.

Not from judgment.
Not from resentment.

But from clarity.

One of the most helpful takeaways for me (inspired by Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents) is setting a clear intention before I reach out (or reach for a snack… or hit play on that next episode, lol).

Sometimes that intention is simple:

“I just want to hear his voice.”

In that case, the conversation can be light.
Neutral.
Even enjoyable.

But if I notice I’m wanting comfort… support… reassurance…

I pause.

And I don’t make the call.

Not as punishment.
Not as avoidance.

But as self-respect.

Because I’m no longer asking someone for something they don’t have to give.

Instead, I meet myself where I am.

Sometimes that looks like reaching out to someone I know is able to hold that space.

And sometimes… it looks like turning inward.

Wrapping up in my “compassion blanket.”
Letting myself feel held.
Letting myself feel seen.

Listening to what’s actually moving inside of me, instead of trying to bypass it through someone else.

And what I’ve found is this:
There is something incredibly empowering about being able to witness the part of me that is reaching…
…and stay with her.

To soothe her.
To support her.
To love her.

Not because I’m alone in the world.

But because I trust myself to show up when it matters.

For someone who learned early on
to read the room…
to prioritize everyone else’s emotions, needs and wants…
to over-function in relationships…

This has been a profound shift.

From reaching outward for regulation… to creating it within.

From disappointment… to discernment.

From hope that someone else will meet the need… to knowing I can.

And the beautiful thing is…

This doesn’t just apply to relationships.

It shows up in food.
In habits.
In impulses.
In patterns we’ve repeated for years without questioning.

Every time we pause and ask:

What am I really needing right now?

We open the door to something new.

If you met that need the way you would for someone you deeply love… what might change?

I’m curious — have you noticed this in your own life? Has there ever been a time when you reached for something and recognized the deeper need underneath?

If this resonated, feel free to share it or reply — I read every message.

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This meditation came through recently as I was supporting my son through a moment of anxiety and overwhelm.

It’s a gentle practice to help you ground, feel supported, and softly shift your energy away from stress and into possibility.

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Now, before you run to the pantry for a snack, stay with me here for a moment.

Last week I shared how I experienced the power of pausing and listening deeper for the thought behind the feeling (you can read that post here if you missed it).

But there are often more layers to this.
And sometimes, those layers are sticky…

Which brings me to one of my most used analogies…
The Sticky Biscuit.

You know those flakey layered biscuits (not naming any brands here… but you know the ones)... the ones that when pulled apart some of the layers come apart cleanly, with ease, while others have the thin, almost tissue-like layers that aren’t quite attached any longer, but are clearly stuck to the other layer?

Whelp, that’s what our emotions are like.

Sometimes it’s one layer - clean, “easy” and understandable.

But sometimes (many times in fact) there are multiple layers of feelings stuck together.

And this is one of those moments of invisible inner work… the kind that isn’t often talked about.

Like when you feel irritated at someone…
but underneath there’s actually hurt.
Or disappointment.
Or feeling unseen.

Anger often comes with sadness.
Fear comes with doubt and/or worthlessness.

So many layers.
So many combinations.

No wonder it doesn’t always make sense right away.

And for those of us who are used to carrying a lot… it’s easy to react from that top layer without ever realizing there’s more underneath.

But learning to “pull” them apart - not by forcing… but by noticing, in a loving, curious and compassionate way - takes time, awareness, and patience.

And this is where slowing down really matters.
Not to fix anything… but to actually hear yourself more clearly.

Because once you do, your capacity and understanding bloom in richer and deeper ways.

If we react from only the top layer,
without understanding what’s underneath,
we often misinterpret ourselves… and our deeper needs.

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When we start to see the layers, our complexities become something we want to understand… not fix.
Something we can hold with steadiness.

They say knowledge is power (I don’t know who says it, but if it’s a they it has to be right, lol)... and on this one I agree, but I’d take it a step further:

Self-knowledge is power.

And we access and build this power by becoming aware.
By utilizing a pause.
By learning to quiet ourselves and become curious rather than critical.

This is the kind of space where we practice that - gently, imperfectly, and in real time.

And I invite you to think about your life and your emotions…

Where do you have “sticky biscuit” situations going on?

How might you utilize a pause to begin gently pulling apart the layers and see what’s actually there?

If this resonates with you (or even if it just makes you hungry 😝), feel free to share it or reply. I read every message.

And if this is the kind of reflection you’ve been needing… I’m really glad you’re here.

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And if you’re someone who tends to carry a lot —
who’s used to being the strong one, the aware one, the one who processes and keeps things moving —
you might relate to this more than you think.

A big part of learning to stop over-functioning has been learning to actually listen to myself.
Who knew that loving myself would require that, lol.

Because in all seriousness…
many of us have deep wounds around not feeling seen, heard, and valued.

But if we won’t do that for ourselves… 🤷🏼‍♀️
who will?

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Recently, I was driving and noticed a heavy feeling in the pit of my stomach.

And I immediately thought:
“Of course… this is about Brian’s layoff.”

That would have been the end of it before.
Feel the feeling. Process the energy. Move on.

But this time, I paused a little longer.

And with curiosity (and honestly, a little skepticism), I asked myself:
“What is the thought underneath this feeling?”

And what came forward?

Something completely different than what I expected.

Like… completely different.

And it stopped me in my tracks.

Because I realized something in that moment:

I had learned how to feel my emotions…
But I hadn’t fully learned how to listen to the thoughts underneath them.

HOLY CRAP.

THIS IS HUGE.

Because how often do we do this?

We feel something…
we assume we know why…
and we stop listening too soon.

I’m a big feeler.
I know how to move energy. I know how to process emotions.

But how often have I only been partially listening to myself?

How often have I bypassed the deeper truth — not by avoiding… but by assuming?

How much more of me wants to be fully, deeply, truly heard?

That question alone opened something new for me.

Because once I actually saw the real thought… working through it was surprisingly clear. Almost easy.

And it made me realize something else:

The pause isn’t just for calming down. It’s not just for “feeling your feelings.”

The pause is for listening.

Listening a little longer than we’re used to.
Long enough for something deeper — and more true — to emerge.

And maybe this is especially important right now.

As life starts to fill back up again… as schedules get busier, energy shifts, and everything begins to move faster…

The pause doesn’t become less important.

It becomes essential.

So the next time a feeling comes up, try this:

Pause.

And instead of asking:
“What am I feeling?”

Ask:
“What thought is underneath this?”

And then listen…
just a little longer than usual.

If this resonated, feel free to share it or reply — I read every message.

I’d genuinely love to hear what came up for you.