The day came for me to meet with the lawyer’s clerk for a very simple exchange but in my fight or flight state I was freezing and fearing I would not be able to move.

That is when I received the guidance to follow the only thread of royalty I had in my life which was, I am a teenage beauty queen. Most people that know me now barely believe it, but I assure you I have a sash and everything. That being said I have held the archetype of the Beauty Queen in contempt my whole life. I used to think she is such a fool! Can you imagine the naivety to get up on a stage and wish for world peace? I judged her so harshly when I was interrogating my beliefs, I said, “I’m not a beauty queen!”. And then I heard the denial and it broke something open. “But you are”, whispered a voice deep within me.

As I softened toward the Beauty Queen and decided to look at her for value, I did see a very strong and idealistic woman who holds hope! And to me she grows into this charismatic platinum blonde beauty who is a community leader. She cares about people; she is always ready at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee and sometimes a cigarette. She listens without an opinion and shares your journey with delight and interest. She is basically Dolly Pardon in my mind and that is where my inner Queen landed.

As she landed, I was again shocked that my inner authority was so Southern because I don’t favor The South either. I grew up in North Dakota, and I find The South of the United States to be challenging and cherished. Now, I do and did know that several of my ancestors were Southern Women living in the mountains of Tennessee. Following that path even further I wondered how women in previous generations protected themselves. Thought about all the women who have lived before me and what would they say if I had to kill a marriage.

The answer was clear. I could see a beautiful steely eyed woman, holding a shovel and dragging a full bag of lye, she locks eyes with me and says with that deadpan Southern intonation, “It had to be done.”. I do not argue, I know the truth of this, I know my ancestors have my back, and I know that sometimes there is no discussion, sometimes stuff has to get done.

As I headed out to meet the clerk, I keep that steely-eyed lady supporting me within and decided to just act like Dolly Pardon would when taking the meeting. Disappearing into a role, into an Archetype where the path is well worn in order to accomplish something is possible. I would argue we are actually pretty well practiced at this cope.

But how do I figure which Archetype will work the best for me? You can take your favorite childhood myth to start and cast them into the four directions of the medicine wheel. You can also investigate yourself offering an empty room in your imagination and just see who shows up. Ultimately, you are looking for what makes sense to yourself. Symbolic language is always very personal.

For your reference my chart here with a few over lapping layers so you can get an idea. An invitation to make your own chart as it comes, no need to rush, though if you are needing some specific help soon you can always focus on one direction first. Need a Warrior to get some things done work on that relationship. Need a Magician to enlighten a path, what magicians resonate with you? I have a friend whose magician is The Genie and I can tell you, she shows up just like a Genie, it is amazing.

As you can see, I have pulled some characters from mythology that brought me understanding in my youth. I have also cast characters coming from my interior space and imagination. Some areas are still developing. But when I see who I identify with in any given space it gives me a deeper understanding of myself and coping mechanisms.

For the record, I did get my divorce. It was quite the challenge and one that only I can acknowledge from the inside. From the outside it looked like not a big deal but from the inside it was definitely a part of my Hero’s Journey that required of me for the first time in my life to get a hold of myself as Queen/Authority. Pretty big deal y’all.

Peace, Love, Massage.

Seeing ITB in practice and what releases could happen within a bodywork container was amazing to witness. Knowing it was in a school space and Geoff Koshin being a great container holder the results of touch looked cathartic and everyone had their clothes on. It is that great balance of intuition and science, boundaries and kindness.

I solidified my commitment to ITB at a ceremony sometime later but consider my years with ITB to start as early as 2009. And here I am 17 years later. This context all matters, I promise.

So fast forward to last month and Geoff Koshin puts the word out we would be gathering for another bodywork container, and I am, after all these years, still a sucker for bodywork. I got a ton out of that session. Lots will follow.

Today I want to write about experiencing the truth in Toko-Pa Turner’s wisdom in “Belonging; Remembering Ourselves Home”. She writes of how the commitment can be a container for transformation. How this simple and not so simple act can trigger transformation is great news. Once you commit that is enough to rely on for your own healing. Be discerning about what to commit to, but once you do it, stay with it and it will guide you along, you may just not be able to see how until years later.

I went to ITB that night with the agenda to resolve what felt like a very apparent and elusive wound that I could not fully feel or name. The therapeutic container did its’ job and later on that evening, in the privacy of my home, I could finally name that which I was repressing since I was five and it was “rejection”! So, it was a big deal - a 17-year journey big deal.

Having projected “rejection” onto others since I was five (Hello Power Self) was finally confronted that night, in one layer, thanks to commitment. I realized around the dinner table how many years, I had been in this community, and it blew my little rational mind. But I could see for the first time how I was the one who kept thinking that any day these people are going to wake up and reject me from their lives and their community, it was just a matter of time.

So, who was carrying the rejection? Me. It was me. It is always me.

You can laugh, I am.

And a huge reason I can see this insight happened is because I kept returning to my commitment found in this community and container. If I had not remained, I think I could have continued to tell the story of rejection being on other people. I could have left ITB thinking that if not today then for sure tomorrow they would reject me. So, I better reject them first because I “know” it is coming.

But I stuck around in part thanks to that commitment ceremony, and it gave me this valuable insight I’m not sure I could have found another way. In particular that this is a relational wound it had to be healed in a relationship container. And it had to take time!

I think this is important to acknowledge because commitment is a very relationship heavy realm which overlaps with the Feminine Realm. And I am happy to report sometimes we get this great transformational support through a gentle pace.

It reminds me of the support symbolized in Cinderella. She committed to going to the ball and instead of being able to assemble her own new garment she was “working for The Man”. Unbeknownst to her The Spirit Realm (birds) and Timing (mice) were assembling her new “life”. This is what happens when we commit to our intentions, The Great Weaver immediately goes to work pulling together that new life for you and even has a backup plan or two (Fairy Godmother).

While I write about a community commitment that helped me, there is also a lovely elemental commitment that you may not have made yet and that is the commitment to love yourself. And once you do, exclaim it, write it down, have a ceremony, let it be resolved and go about your business knowing that behind the scenes your new life (garment) is being pulled together with Timing and Connection.

There is so much peace in this approach to transformation. Which is allowing life to be a long-term commitment to living each day one day at a time. Committing to finding your happiness today. And believing you are being supported though you cannot always see all the threads that are necessary for a happily ever after promised by The Myths. This is Mysterious and I have no defense. How will it come together. I don’t know. Life is a real nail-bitter!

So, one moment at a time - an offering to take this moment to explore your relationship with The Feminine Realm. (spoiler alert - it is stunted).

What was her message to me about femininity and how I should express it?

Magic/Mythic Self 1-3 years ‘Keep the spirits happy and the tribe’s nest warm and safe’, magical thinking. Quest: safe mode of living, security. Methods: Petition to God, Power in Ritual.

1. Her message was femininity is sweet and gentle. I should express it through gentleness.

Power Self 3-6 years Aggression, might makes right, be and do what you want regardless. Quest: heroic states, power, glory, rate and revenge. Method: align with power, take what you need, power over others, force.

1. Her message was femininity is weakness and deference. I should express it through deference.

Rule Role Self 7-8 years Ethnocentric, life has meaning, direction and purpose with predetermined outcomes. Quest: ultimate peace, good vs evil. Method: fit in, follow the given rules, don’t exceed your role, discipline, faith.

1. Her message was femininity is strength and this strength shows up in the roles that women take on and they do not complain.

Rational Self 9-14 years Act from self-interest by playing the game to win. Market-Driven Meritocracy. Quest: rational truth, material pleasure, in defense of civilization.
Method: science, learn to excel, set goals, achieve, measure success.

1. Her message was femininity is beauty and to a certain extent objectification. That to be seen by people as a person is rare. Most people are objective in that way.

Sensitive Self 15-21 years Seek inner peace within a caring community, power with solidarity, human right activism. Quest: peace, affectionate relations, beneficial resolution, dialogue and consensus. Method: appreciate diverse views, listen well, consensus, empathize group needs, marginalize no one.

1. Her message was femininity is beauty and weakness, she needs protecting. I get the feeling she wants it expressed through silence and compliance.

What was his message to me about femininity and how I should express it?

Magic/Mythic Self 1-3 years ‘Keep the spirits happy and the tribe’s nest warm and safe’, magical thinking. Quest: safe mode of living, security. Methods: Petition to God, Power in Ritual.

1. His message was femininity is dainty, little like me and I should express it like, he does not like temper tantrums.

Power Self 3-6 years Aggression, might makes right, be and do what you want regardless. Quest: heroic states, power, glory, rate and revenge. Method: align with power, take what you need, power over others, force.

1. His message was femininity is smart and pleasant. So he is happy I am smart but to express is quietly.

Rule Role Self 7-8 years Ethnocentric, life has meaning, direction and purpose with predetermined outcomes. Quest: ultimate peace, good vs evil. Method: fit in, follow the given rules, don’t exceed your role, discipline, faith.

1. His message was femininity is beauty and brains. It should be expressed on a stage.

Rational Self 9-14 years Act from self-interest by playing the game to win. Market-Driven Meritocracy. Quest: rational truth, material pleasure, in defense of civilization.
Method: science, learn to excel, set goals, achieve, measure success.

1. His message was femininity is beauty and brains but now with the caveat that it NOT be sexual. Hilarious.

Sensitive Self 15-21 years Seek inner peace within a caring community, power with solidarity, human right activism. Quest: peace, affectionate relations, beneficial resolution, dialogue and consensus. Method: appreciate diverse views, listen well, consensus, empathize group needs, marginalize no one.

1. His message was femininity is smarts and drive and to express it through capableness.

Peace, Love, Massage

I would like to add this to the message offered here:

I watch a lot of cult documentaries, so I know there are many stories about terrible commitment. I was very blessed by Fate to have found ITB. It has been for the most part a very safe community and when we faltered, we admit our issues and correct them asap. I know a lot of communities like ours are rife with predators and manipulation. So, from this perspective I can see indeed how impactful commitment is, especially when we think about committing to something toxic and how terrible that would be. Proceed with caution Loved Ones.

We can also add another really important layer of context to our life story if we map out when and how old we were when we went through our challenges. When my little sister was born, I was three and a half and my brothers were 11 and 9 so different stages of consciousness, same event for the household. A variety of interpretations and impacts. Plus, we will see with more accuracy what stage of consciousness tried to process the change/trauma. A life change at 3 will be interpreted by a 3-year-old with all the limitations of a 3-year-old.

It is not helpful when people talk about their childhood trauma at the power self-level (elementary school) and then apply their rational stage of consciousness to the trauma and end up dismissing the wound. Yes, rationally it is not a big deal but that is not where you were at the time of the trauma. Your child self cannot access that reason so it will never heal that wound. If reason worked so well, we would live in a utopia at this point. The solution to all our problems lies in the realm of Mystery. Not reason.

My timeline of major changes (challenges/trauma) looks like this (not all events represented).

Born in a hospital (vaginal birth)

3 ½ years - little sister born

5 years - started school

9/10 years - financial wipeout of my immediate family and moved houses

13 years - puberty/first period

17 years - hometown flooded with extensive destruction

18 years - leave home for the first time

Our egocentric years DO make everything about us. And as a main character in your story the impact is intense. Please do not compare Hero’s Journeys nor trauma. Another huge waste of time.

The next question in our series is taking us in the direction of yin and yang. Yin is the feminine energy that encapsulates the anterior aspect of the body and can be related to the river of energy (meridian) that runs down the front of the torso from top of the head to base of the pelvis (perineum). The Yang is the masculine energy that encapsulates the posterior aspects of the body and can be related to the river of energy (meridian) that runs down the posterior of the torso from the top of the head down the back to the base of the pelvis (perinium). An invitation to deepen your relationship with these rivers of energy while you explore yourself through the continued conversation. Let the body and energy-self join the conversation always :-)

How did my mother feel about her own femininity/masculinity?

Magic/Mythic Self 1-3 years ‘Keep the spirits happy and the tribe’s nest warm and safe’, magical thinking. Quest: safe mode of living, security. Methods: Petition to God, Power in Ritual.

My mother feels positive and burdened by her own femininity. She is happy to exercise her own masculinity through reason and duty.

Power Self 3-6 years Aggression, might makes right, be and do what you want regardless. Quest: heroic states, power, glory, rate and revenge. Method: align with power, take what you need, power over others, force.

From here it feels like my mother’s relationship to femininity is through motherhood and she is happy for that. Her own masculinity shows up as a career woman. That is how my five-year-old sees her be like a man.

Rule Role Self 7-8 years Ethnocentric, life has meaning, direction and purpose with predetermined outcomes. Quest: ultimate peace, good vs evil. Method: fit in, follow the given rules, don’t exceed your role, discipline, faith.

My roles/rule self is always very clear to me - she is the first part of me that I developed a relationship with. Here is see clearly the roles of woman and roles of man. Mom says femininity is service and sacrifice and masculinity within is to be tamed. And no feelings about this just duty.

Rational Self 9-14 years Act from self-interest by playing the game to win. Market-Driven Meritocracy. Quest: rational truth, material pleasure, in defense of civilization.
Method: science, learn to excel, set goals, achieve, measure success.

At 13 my mother shows me she feels indifferent to her femininity, it seems at this point I am picking up a lot of be tired overall. She does like her masculine part in the rational debate and thinking in strategy.

Sensitive Self 15-21 years Seek inner peace within a caring community, power with solidarity, human right activism. Quest: peace, affectionate relations, beneficial resolution, dialogue and consensus. Method: appreciate diverse views, listen well, consensus, empathize group needs, marginalize no one.

The last impression from my mother and how she feels about her own femininity is resigned. It is a man’s world kind of thing, and I don’t feel her feel much. Mostly numb at this point. Her own masculinity seems more comfortable, maybe less vulnerable to her but the masculine perspective in my household has always been valued more than the feminine.

How did my father feel about his own masculinity/femininity?

Magic/Mythic Self 1-3 years ‘Keep the spirits happy and the tribe’s nest warm and safe’, magical thinking. Quest: safe mode of living, security. Methods: Petition to God, Power in Ritual.

I don’t feel my dad have much of a relationship with his own femininity. I get the message real young that women are beneath him. He feels okay in his masculinity, he is older when I am born so he seems secure with life experiences.

Power Self 3-6 years Aggression, might makes right, be and do what you want regardless. Quest: heroic states, power, glory, rate and revenge. Method: align with power, take what you need, power over others, force.

My father feels indifferent about his own femininity. He seems to feel saturated in his masculinity. Anything he doesn’t agree with ends up being irrational to him and he dismisses it.

Rule Role Self 7-8 years Ethnocentric, life has meaning, direction and purpose with predetermined outcomes. Quest: ultimate peace, good vs evil. Method: fit in, follow the given rules, don’t exceed your role, discipline, faith.

My father feels very sad to me when I tune into his relationship to femininity, I think it is the weakness part that I am picking up on. He is frustrated with Mystery right now and very angry. He feels also frustrated with his masculinity because this time of our lives he was not being obeyed by the IRS and he was shocked to say the least.

Rational Self 9-14 years Act from self-interest by playing the game to win. Market-Driven Meritocracy. Quest: rational truth, material pleasure, in defense of civilization.
Method: science, learn to excel, set goals, achieve, measure success.

When I tune in here, he feels like femininity within him is his relationship to pleasure and he is very comfortable with that. He feels some contempt for masculinity; I may be one of the few to have accessed this as his daughter because he did not paint men as trustworthy. And I feel like he included himself in that.

Sensitive Self 15-21 years Seek inner peace within a caring community, power with solidarity, human right activism. Quest: peace, affectionate relations, beneficial resolution, dialogue and consensus. Method: appreciate diverse views, listen well, consensus, empathize group needs, marginalize no one.

My father feels confused by his femininity, and maybe it is because I am more open here, but he also feels more open here to understand and continue to grow. I think it is my maturity here that says more. He feels solid about his masculinity; I think it is the familiarity that helps the security.

I have spent a lot of time pulling apart the Yin and Yang. I am very much looking forward to more conversations; more critique and break down to the bones that we have built our entire civilizations on. Welcome to the conversation.

Peace, Love, Massage.

I grew up in the Catholic Church, and we are rife with ceremony and ritual. Ceremony differs from ritual in that ceremony is flexible, but ritual must be performed exactly right. I am more a Ceremony person because ‘getting things right’ most often paralyzes my progress.

I remember watching the priests perform the rituals of Catholic Mass and I thought that would be the coolest place to be. On an alter guiding people to love God. But alas I am a woman so no Catholic priesthood for me. (As a side note, I think the current Pope could do something really cool for society by opening up that long-standing institution to women priests and leadership - pass it around).

So, when I was introduced to ceremony as part of my own personal growth and journey, I was pretty happy but also terribly bigoted around the practice being foolish for me, but not for institutions. That, at the beginning, I did not have the authority to lead a ceremony and recently, I was the guide for the ceremony for my father’s funeral summer 2022. But my first steps into the practice of ceremony absolutely included my own doubt and bigot, so no need to leave them out. Ceremony will make a believer out of them.

My first ceremony was my own adult initiation ceremony. I had one witness and it was awkward and I felt foolish so very much a leap of faith. Ceremony is the start of the conversation, not usually a conclusion though we can have those intentions. Often the unraveling from others and life can take a few weeks, months, and years. At the same time, I acknowledge time is tricky and instant relief exists.

As I don’t know all that ceremony has to offer, please don’t be limited in your experience based on mine. My entire guidance here boils down to follow your own conversation with Ceremony. Make it matter to you and your psyche cuz it is the only one that has to understand. You can hold it up to outside judgement but there is no value. When you use ceremony to move along your transformation it becomes all about YOUR transformation and that language is very intimate. It is highly unlikely someone else is going to understand the significance. (Keep a journal for yourself if you like).

That being said I have written down some basic guidelines of ceremony that I use myself. It is an amalgamation of my culture and spirit and exposure and world view. A very sweet, “take it or leave it, or take a part, or be inspired by it”. I am a firm believer that Ceremony loves to be expressed.

Basic Practice of Ceremony

Ceremony as a tool is often about initiating intent to move onto new horizons. The context offered about ceremony here has to do with the need of the self to initiate progress vs ceremony that is done to “please God”. This isn’t about God like that, ceremony here is about yourself and how important it is for you to see yourself. So, you take these intentions to grow, and you bring them into the outer world through ceremony and then you get to see how Mystery works in your life to support this intention.

It is taking the first step into a relationship with the irrational. The ceremony won’t reveal its’ power until after you take the first step. It is a way to show trust to the intelligence of The Universe and a way to show your own psyche that you are ready to be transformed. For some of us it may be the first time in our lives that we have truly consented to transformation.

The characteristics of ceremony include:

You can start by creating a sacred space for your ceremony. One practice of creating a sacred space can be found in Shamanism. Within Shamanism is the belief of being in the Web of Life and containing this web is the six directions. A homogenized offering for you is:

North – That which is sacred
South – That which is of the physical realm
East – That which is of the masculine realm
before the West invite in a protection layer like Ancestors or Angels.
West – That which is on the feminine realm
Above is Father Sky
Below is Mother Earth

You may invite out loud or in your mind the above support to put you smack dab in the middle of a medicine wheel. And when you think of, for example, that which is sacred, and you are a Christian you can think of Jesus. I know I do. So, like I said all this is fully customizable to your own mythology and belief system.

And remember to dismiss the six directions and close the space after you are finished collaborating with the edges of the Web of Life.

Have a theme or intention. Collaborate with the Intelligence of Ceremony. This can look like talking to Ceremony in your imagination like a friend and ask what needs to be done, how it should look, any advice and then write down all these ideas. Let the ceremony come together with Ceremony.

Have something tangible in the ceremony. This shows up as having something you take away with you from the ceremony. In the interest of sustainability consider something from The Earth (a rock or twig – but always ask The Earth permission to take said item. And leave something of your own in return ((hair, spit)) and bring it into the ceremony and take it with you when it is over. A token from the ceremony is really valuable.

Make some noise. In whatever way this resonates with your agenda making some noise to be notice by The Universe. Expresses your seriousness by wielding your own unique vibration. Let your Spirit shake your body and create a vibration!

Offer a talent / self-expression / vibration. Here you get to show up as your most vulnerable self, that is who will be just desperate enough to change and transform. So have part of your ceremony be where you take center stage and offer your own “Little Drummer Boy” song for The Universe and express it afraid. Be brave.

Ceremony can be performed alone or with friends. Your own witness/Witness is enough to be seen.

Above is my basic overview - below is an example of ceremony in practice - my personal construction for an adult initiation ceremony - see the elements. You can also explore other cultures around the world and see what inspires you. But let Ceremony lead the way and create a space for it to converse - I prefer a piece of paper out for at least a month. But your conversation could also be instant. Who knows if Ceremony hasn’t been waiting in the wings of your life to leap into action the minute you look Their way.

Step One:

Create a sacred space by calling in the Six Direction – a start to the ceremony.

Step Two:

Write words to your first caregiver – say your peace to your human mother or primary parent for you are saying goodbye to their control over your life.

Step Three:

Speak vows to Kosmic Mother. Promises you are making to Mystery.

Step Four:

Cut the cord from human mother and connect to Mother Earth. In Japanese tradition the energy line to The Earth is called the “Hara”, consider it the umbilical cord to The Earth. When you unplug from the horizontal plane (belly button to belly button) it is important to plug into the vertical plane (between Mother Earth and Father Sky).

Step Five:

Arrange to collect something tangible from the ceremony – Kosmic Mother is very much a generous grandma, take a gift. (see samples)

Step Six:

End the ceremony, dismiss the Six Directions.

All-righty Beings of Light! Here is my info dump on my own practice and relationship to Ceremony. I have recently initiated my own conversation. See Substack from Spring 2026. It is lingering, it feels like a big one and taking it’s time to come together but when it does, I will invite y’all along.

Peace, Love, Massage

Ego-centric is instinctual self to the power self to some of the roles/rules self. Egocentrism is the cognitive bias or tendency to view one’s own perspective. It may also contain the inability to accurately step outside of one’s own experience to fully comprehend or consider the thoughts, feelings and viewpoints of others. Sound familiar in others? In yourself? I have spent a lot of time with my magic/mythic self, but the power self is new to my awareness, and she is egocentric to the max, y’all! This is where the world revolves around me!

Ethno-centric is roles/rules into the early rational self. Ethnocentrism is the tendency to evaluate and judge other cultures based exclusively on the standards, values, and norms of one’s own culture (confirmation bias). It often involves the belief that your own ethnic or cultural group is superior to others, leading to the perception that foreign customs are strange, incorrect or inferior. Sound familiar in others? In yourself? Here I am distinctly born in the 80s raised in middle America, Catholic, Patriarchal and working class. It is the home for many of my projections and the container that I have run to in order to feel powerful and in control. And the home to many of my internal sexism, racism, ageism, ableism and bigoted beliefs. Whew!

World-centric - higher rational self and sensitive self. World-centrism refers to an ethical or philosophical perspective that expands concern beyond oneself or one’s specific social group to embrace the well-being of all humanity and the planet as a whole. Sound familiar in others? In yourself? Many people do not have this level of awareness. They often try to filter that awareness through the ego and cannot “handle” the awareness of world conflict because they often put the saving the world on their ego’s shoulder. For my experience here, I love how big my awareness is. It is so big, in fact, it is a joke that I could save the world. Here I see all of human history, all countries and all years, all cultures and struggles and the Earth itself. World-centric I am an Earthling first, like the trees and mammals and insects we are all a part of this transformation planet, and it lightens the load for me knowing just how magnificent just being an Earthling is. It is humbling in the best way possible to get so big as to then understand how small I am. These are the paradoxes the Heart-Centered Meditation helps to reconcile.

Friendly reminder the stages of consciousness I am working with here is not complete and there are higher and lower I am cutting out for this series. So yes, this information is reductive, but I am such a fan of reducing things down to these understandable bites and I hope others feel the same way. Plus, I put it in the sub-title, no?

An invitation to see if you can see the pattern change in my world view as I go from ego-centric to ethno-centric to world-centric but to also notice how my parent’s own stages of consciousness and their progression either helps or hinders my own growth. Society will have a center of gravity for the stages of development and if children move to grow beyond it, will sometimes be pulled back into lower stages of development because their parents are guiding them to. We know that we know.

How did my mother feel about lies and trust?

Magic/Mythic Self 1-3 years ‘Keep the spirits happy and the tribe’s nest warm and safe’, magical thinking. Quest: safe mode of living, security. Methods: Petition to God, Power in Ritual.

I have a lot of trust here; my mother tells me that truth is important and I obey.

Power Self 3-6 years Aggression, might makes right, be and do what you want regardless. Quest: heroic states, power, glory, rate and revenge. Method: align with power, take what you need, power over others, force.

This is very sticky for me here, my mom tells me to keep things private, and it does involve lying so I learn that but also, she wants me to tell the truth. And the application feels very arbitrary. I try so hard to please her and obey everyone, but it backfires a lot if you ask my Kindergartner.

Rule Role Self 7-8 years Ethnocentric, life has meaning, direction and purpose with predetermined outcomes. Quest: ultimate peace, good vs evil. Method: fit in, follow the given rules, don’t exceed your role, discipline, faith.

So here I can tell here are different rules for truth and honesty that vary from home to public. Trust is expected even though people let me down but also my mother tells me to ultimately rely on God as people are unreliable.

Rational Self 9-14 years Act from self-interest by playing the game to win. Market-Driven Meritocracy. Quest: rational truth, material pleasure, in defense of civilization.
Method: science, learn to excel, set goals, achieve, measure success.

My rational self is about 13 - and this window my mother coaches me a lot driving me around town. Truth and trust here is some learning to trust myself, but not from a place of confidence. I don’t think my mom liked me confident. The trust myself and God comes from a place of scarcity.

Sensitive Self 15-21 years Seek inner peace within a caring community, power with solidarity, human right activism. Quest: peace, affectionate relations, beneficial resolution, dialogue and consensus. Method: appreciate diverse views, listen well, consensus, empathize group needs, marginalize no one.

I remember learning that lies do hurt. For the first time I see first-hand how my subterfuge hurts my mother. This lesson feels more about the relational impact of lies and trust. I need to tell the truth because it hurts relationships.

How did my father feel about lies and trust?

Magic/Mythic Self 1-3 years ‘Keep the spirits happy and the tribe’s nest warm and safe’, magical thinking. Quest: safe mode of living, security. Methods: Petition to God, Power in Ritual.

My dad is very clear about telling the truth and how important it is. And he often is gentle in those moments when I feel the most scared to tell the truth. My mom would yell at me, so she sucked to come clean to. My dad would tell me it was okay. Just proud that I told the truth. I would hide a lot of things at that age.

Power Self 3-6 years Aggression, might makes right, be and do what you want regardless. Quest: heroic states, power, glory, rate and revenge. Method: align with power, take what you need, power over others, force.

My dad seemed very honest to me. He would tell a lot of adventurous stories, and I believed every one of them. I could see at that point faithfulness was important to him. But I lied a ton at school. Especially faking sick in the second grade to get out of school. I don’t think I separated lying from manipulation.

Rule Role Self 7-8 years Ethnocentric, life has meaning, direction and purpose with predetermined outcomes. Quest: ultimate peace, good vs evil. Method: fit in, follow the given rules, don’t exceed your role, discipline, faith.

Here I can feel my dad encouraging me to trust myself. Like he knows I’m a “good girl” who follows the rules, so he seemed okay with empowering me in that way of servitude. I’m sure his own sexism was a huge influence on that. He seemed to convey women can be trusted but men can ABOSLUETLY NOT be trusted.

Rational Self 9-14 years Act from self-interest by playing the game to win. Market-Driven Meritocracy. Quest: rational truth, material pleasure, in defense of civilization.
Method: science, learn to excel, set goals, achieve, measure success.

There is a big part that feels this expressed in his political conversations. I learn about truth and trust as he rails against crooked politicians. I learn that truth is very important in leadership. Truth survives not just the role/rules self but also the rational mind gets it.

Sensitive Self 15-21 years Seek inner peace within a caring community, power with solidarity, human right activism. Quest: peace, affectionate relations, beneficial resolution, dialogue and consensus. Method: appreciate diverse views, listen well, consensus, empathize group needs, marginalize no one.

As I leave high school and the idea of marriage is possible, I feel my dad wanting me to find a trustworthy partner. His pressure applied to truth and trust is on others. Here I feel him irrationally trusting me and my narrative.

Peace, Love, Massage

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Early in my training I was on a phone conversation with a family member, and it was bothering me physically enough to wonder what was going on because the topic and language was pretty normal. So, I asked within my interior space who was actually talking to me, and I got a very clear response that it was this woman’s six-year-old self. That she is sixty I was expecting to be hearing from a sixty-year-old but that was not accurate and when I asked from a more integrated Heart centered space her wounded six-year-old became apparent to me. It does help now when I interact with her because six-year-olds are limited and I adjust my expectations for her and her behavior. Just because someone ages in their body it does not necessarily mean they grow through these stages on consciousnesses.

In everyone’s defense, our cultures will find a center of gravity for a certain stage of consciousness, and it will pull people to that level of maturity. But if people try to move beyond the culture’s center they will be pulled back down. An example of this is the Catholic doctrine that if you are not baptized, even as a baby, and you die you go to hell. That would be a roles/rules stage of consciousness - and offers no explanation beyond “thems the rules”. And with enough people at this stage of consciousness our cultures stay here.

But as you know just above that stage of consciousness is the rational stage and here a person would go “yah, I don’t think God would damn a soul to eternal fire just because they died the day before their scheduled baptism.” It is good to know where our belief systems are in relation to these development stages. And good to know that just because our culture has a propensity to a certain stage it does not mean that we aren’t meant to grow beyond it. And there is community for these higher stages of consciousness, all over the place. I promise.

Pushing culture up is a very difficult thing and one of my most recent lessons was how energy is more easily pulled than pushed. And I do see the wisdom in pulling people up through these stages enticing them with True Love and Peace because there is a lot of that at the higher stages as long as they are shinning down into the lower stages. Don’t leave your inner children behind.

So take a listen to how people talk. Statements that reduce complex topics down to easily understood binary reasoning is usually a child’s stage of consciousness talking. They cannot understand the complexity of life yet, so they find the roles/rules stage to be most helpful. Boys are boys and girls and girls, yet we know with biology and the way God makes the world that there is a ridiculous amount of diversity and most children have not had a drop of that creative reality. But it makes them feel safe that they understand the rules and if they perform their roles then they will get to heaven and all will be well. God as Santa at these stages. I understand why so many people return to this stage of consciousness, but there ARE higher stages. We are not finished expanding into our grandiosity.

The other interesting thing I learn listening to these stages of consciousness is where we go when we are stressed. If you throw what can only be described as a temper tantrum when things don’t go your way you are acting from your magic/mythic self, that inner 3-year-old just took over your 40-year-old body. When we are feeling insecure it is almost automatic to return to your oldest neural pathways and all of us start to deal with frustration as early as 3. The cure for this is Heart-Centered Meditation where our neural plasticity can change viscosity and create opportunities to move into more mature coping mechanisms. The ‘sitting in empty’ creates space to dissolve these old patterns, it is no work, it is the work of staying with the breath.

But in the end, we cannot do the work of investigating others if we are not working to dive into our own interior space. And if you find this space to be overwhelming and scary please, PLEASE reach out for immediate and local support because yes, this stuff kills people and you are too valuable to the human race!

This week you are asking yourself (or maybe you are with an emotional support group asking the group) …

Was she supportive of me being emotional?

Magic/Mythic Self 1-3 years ‘Keep the spirits happy and the tribe’s nest warm and safe’, magical thinking. Quest: safe mode of living, security. Methods: Petition to God, Power in Ritual.

• I feel my mom’s impatience with emotion here. Just a real small capacity for me. So, it is better that I don’t express “negative” emotions.

Power Self 3-6 years Aggression, might makes right, be and do what you want regardless. Quest: heroic states, power, glory, rate and revenge. Method: align with power, take what you need, power over others, force.

• No, not supportive of me being emotional, in particular not in public. It was a big deal to keep family secrets and not seek help from public people.

Rule Role Self 7-8 years Ethnocentric, life has meaning, direction and purpose with predetermined outcomes. Quest: ultimate peace, good vs evil. Method: fit in, follow the given rules, don’t exceed your role, discipline, faith.

• I feel her frustration with my emotional needs; she seems tired all the time here so I do feel bad for my feelings and even at this young age I could see how much was on her plate.

Rational Self 9-14 years Act from self-interest by playing the game to win. Market-Driven Meritocracy. Quest: rational truth, material pleasure, in defense of civilization.
Method: science, learn to excel, set goals, achieve, measure success.

• At 13 and the heart of my meritocracy emotions are a huge liability. My mother is very interested in my popularity at this age from a place of fear. It feels like she worries people won’t like me because of my emotional outbursts.

Sensitive Self 15-21 years Seek inner peace within a caring community, power with solidarity, human right activism. Quest: peace, affectionate relations, beneficial resolution, dialogue and consensus. Method: appreciate diverse views, listen well, consensus, empathize group needs, marginalize no one.

• My mother was supportive of “positive” emotions but not “negative” emotions, she would exclaim “why are you watching something so sad” more than once during this window of my life.

Was he supportive of me being emotional?

Magic/Mythic Self 1-3 years ‘Keep the spirits happy and the tribe’s nest warm and safe’, magical thinking. Quest: safe mode of living, security. Methods: Petition to God, Power in Ritual.

• My dad and me at 3 years old, I could sit in his lap. My little sister was born at 3 1/2 and then I became a knee baby, but I could also sit in my dad’s lap even if I was emotional which was a real refuge. It was wonderful.

Power Self 3-6 years Aggression, might makes right, be and do what you want regardless. Quest: heroic states, power, glory, rate and revenge. Method: align with power, take what you need, power over others, force.

• At this age my dad had a very apparent short fuse for everything, patience for me would run out quickly during emotional outbursts so, no, not supportive of me being emotional. Keep it together.

Rule Role Self 7-8 years Ethnocentric, life has meaning, direction and purpose with predetermined outcomes. Quest: ultimate peace, good vs evil. Method: fit in, follow the given rules, don’t exceed your role, discipline, faith.

• At this age, I asked my dad, “what I do with “this negative emotion”’? And he responded - “Don’t feel that”, and this started years and years of coping with numbing. That didn’t stop until I was close to 35. Not great advice by the way. In general, anyone who coaches you to not feel your feelings have probably not done it themselves and found the gift of freedom on the other side. Feel your feelings, y’all.

Rational Self 9-14 years Act from self-interest by playing the game to win. Market-Driven Meritocracy. Quest: rational truth, material pleasure, in defense of civilization.
Method: science, learn to excel, set goals, achieve, measure success.

• At this age my dad is holding some space for emotional expression and labor, he will sit and listen and have uncomfortable conversations. I remember many times of him hearing me out and treating these emotional conversations with respect.

Sensitive Self 15-21 years Seek inner peace within a caring community, power with solidarity, human right activism. Quest: peace, affectionate relations, beneficial resolution, dialogue and consensus. Method: appreciate diverse views, listen well, consensus, empathize group needs, marginalize no one.

• From a personal place my dad is sensitive to individual pain and struggle but HUGELY indifferent to the cultural swaths of pain and injustice and here I get both messages to express my emotions but also stop using those feelings to feel for others and consider their plight. ‘Bleeding-heart liberals’ he would call “them”. For the record, Jesus’ Heart Bleed.

Thanks again for joining me on this journey. I think about y’all all the time. I hope this find you well and with some moments of good cheer. Light has no shadow.

Peace, Love, Massage

I have been looking for a way to bring this ‘down the rabbit hole into the darkness’ to my Substack neighborhood. But I hesitate because it is going to be dark. All the shadow material that is going to trigger you, stimulate anger and shame. Make you think “how could someone write something like that” will be written so yes, I am proceeding with caution. One, by putting this series behind the paywall. And two, I will be identifying all offerings with the Alice in Wonderland identifier so the receiver knows it will be dark.

Be a lamp, or a lifeboat, or a ladder. Help someone’s soul heal. Walk out of your house like a shepherd.

Rumi

I have come to believe if NOT talking about all of this darkness worked we would be living in a utopia. I know I have been holding my tongue for years. And it has not gotten any better so I am going to try a different approach and have some very tough conversations around sexism, racism, ageism, classism and abuse.

I will be offering no solutions just pulling apart of my own darkness (and cultural darkness) and seeing where I go wrong and hopefully giving people encouragement to be brave and look at their own darkness.

You know your shadow follows you wherever you go and you will never out run it. And there is very little collaboration that can be done with an enemy. Most people make their darkness their enemy. Or deny its existence all together.

So an invitation into the darkness, into the soil of the body. All the answers you seek lie in the realm of Mystery.

Peace. Love. Massage.

I totally blocked out the power-self stage of consciousness. It is because it is the stage of my life that I like people the least. Going from 3 years old and being universally loved by the public as a doe eyed toddler into kindergarten really made me hate people (for a five-year-old). But hate nonetheless and she is the part of me that finds society the most difficult to work with. She talks about people behind their backs; she is often frustrated and confused. Trying to follow the rules but finding they are not as consistent as the grown-ups’ claim. The pain of being socially rejected at this stage of development was keen and brutal. It always hurts so much more when we are helpless little children. In that innate and physical vulnerability do we severely feel the reality of our fragility.

So, I stifled her, pushed her away no matter how many times she came around to be seen and it wasn’t until the start of this series when I wrote out all the stages of consciousness I would be working with, did I see that power-self come to light.

Memory is created within the mind on two basic layers. The explicit memory which is the narrative the storyteller offers and the implicit memory which is all the environmental information taken in. Implicit memory includes the feelings and sensations of life, the energy of other people and the energy of Nature at the time. All this data is collected in the mind, body (fascia), spirit. So, when I say I remember, know it is a combination of these layers. Yes, I have explicit memories of elementary school years, but I also remember through my fascia that stage of my life. As if I am like a tree and the sapling rings are still here, I just have to go deep within to access those layers. And you can too.

I have been courting anger for quite a while now and once my power-self came home and I read “might is right” description I realized she is that part of me that believes the biggest expression (explosion of anger) will be the winner. I also found within her the part of me that desperately wants to talk about people behind their backs, so to speak. As I feel into this age it is the frustration with her confusion about society that she wants to discuss and while the grownups and kids tell me that is gossip and I am dishonoring others that is not my goal. I just need someone to listen to me. Listen without an opinion. Ah!

As I continued the conversation with my power-self I told her I understood and that it was okay to have a confidant to share her frustration and there is indeed a Savior within who listens without an opinion very well. It was in this moment that I understood the value of sitting in Heart-Centered Meditation, listening without an opinion I was preparing a space for Jesus Christ. A space for Universality within. And though it has been here this whole time my ego had to visit again and again until I was conditioned to rely on Their response. When we are children our “saviors” lie outside of us, so it is important to choose a practice that transcends this expectation and we find the savior we all sought is within.

She knew who Jesus is but believed Them to be far away from her so when I showed her that indeed Jesus is here, I could rely on my YEARS!!!! of sitting in meditation practicing listening without an opinion to prove to her I was telling the truth. And as my power-self reached for Jesus who would NEVER turn away a little child she believed me because she could feel for the first time that Savior within.

And often what starts as a desire to get to know my own rejected self I find amazing insight and support. It is the reason I share these parts of the journey. Where you can see even after all these years of script work I, too, am continuing to call myself into Wholeness.

Light chasing light doesn’t get us as far as light penetrating the darkness. You and I are villains as well as heroes. We are the whole story.

And whether or not you use the language of Jesus or Savior or Sovereign or Love or Wisdom I am personally not concerned at all. The ENTIRE POINT on this exercise is for you as the receiver to listen to your own interior space. Use your own mythology and culture of course! You are vast and you aren’t even close to exploring a fraction of it. Isn’t that amazing. The Mystery abounds.

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An invitation to ask the following question:

How did my mother show and use her emotions?

Magic/Mythic Self 1-3 years ‘Keep the spirits happy and the tribe’s nest warm and safe’, magical thinking. Quest: safe mode of living, security. Methods: Petition to God, Power in Ritual.

• My mother is usually sweet here - her emotions are kindness and gentle. She used her emotions to support me.

Power Self 3-6 years Aggression, might makes right, be and do what you want regardless. Quest: heroic states, power, glory, rate and revenge. Method: align with power, take what you need, power over others, force.

• I see more often my mom as kind of frantic, busy and overwhelmed. She tries to hide it.

Rule Role Self 7-8 years Ethnocentric, life has meaning, direction and purpose with predetermined outcomes. Quest: ultimate peace, good vs evil. Method: fit in, follow the given rules, don’t exceed your role, discipline, faith.

• This age I can see how much my mother is carrying; her emotions are hidden but I can see them now and I want to help. I don’t feel manipulated by the emotions, but I do want to change me.

Rational Self 9-14 years Act from self-interest by playing the game to win. Market-Driven Meritocracy. Quest: rational truth, material pleasure, in defense of civilization.
Method: science, learn to excel, set goals, achieve, measure success.

• Here my mom models keeping her emotions hidden. But this is the age my grandpa died, and I remember seeing my mom cry and that was a big deal.

Sensitive Self 15-21 years Seek inner peace within a caring community, power with solidarity, human right activism. Quest: peace, affectionate relations, beneficial resolution, dialogue and consensus. Method: appreciate diverse views, listen well, consensus, empathize group needs, marginalize no one.

• My mom continues to hide her emotions and encourages me to do the same. She relied on duty and responsibility and often complains how emotional I am.

How did my father show and use his emotions?

Magic/Mythic Self 1-3 years ‘Keep the spirits happy and the tribe’s nest warm and safe’, magical thinking. Quest: safe mode of living, security. Methods: Petition to God, Power in Ritual.

• My father is pretty grumpy here - he can be sweet and kind in the right moment, but it is unpredictable and in his anger I am afraid.

Power Self 3-6 years Aggression, might makes right, be and do what you want regardless. Quest: heroic states, power, glory, rate and revenge. Method: align with power, take what you need, power over others, force.

• My father showed a lot of emotion from frustration to joy, and he will use his anger to get his way. My family moves around his anger.

Rule Role Self 7-8 years Ethnocentric, life has meaning, direction and purpose with predetermined outcomes. Quest: ultimate peace, good vs evil. Method: fit in, follow the given rules, don’t exceed your role, discipline, faith.

• This is the age when I asked my dad “what do I do with this feeling?” and he responded, “Don’t feel that.” - it messed me up pretty good. But that was my dad’s answer to unwanted emotion which was repress.

Rational Self 9-14 years Act from self-interest by playing the game to win. Market-Driven Meritocracy. Quest: rational truth, material pleasure, in defense of civilization.
Method: science, learn to excel, set goals, achieve, measure success.

• Here my dad seems to show a lot of proud emotions for his children. I don’t feel manipulated by it.

Sensitive Self 15-21 years Seek inner peace within a caring community, power with solidarity, human right activism. Quest: peace, affectionate relations, beneficial resolution, dialogue and consensus. Method: appreciate diverse views, listen well, consensus, empathize group needs, marginalize no one.

• My dad continues to encourage and practice repression of emotions. But at the same time, he will have a very deep and emotional conversation with me if I ask.

Thanks again for joining in this self-exploration. As you can read it helps me learn about me. So, thank you for sharing space for my own expansion. I’m excited for us to grow side by side.

Peace. Love. Massage.

In Joseph Chilton Pierce’s “Magical Child” he writes of the Balinese Fire Walkers of Bali as an excellent example of how our beliefs are embodied. How with that culture they are taught the fire will not affect their body and their body arranges to match the culture container. How all of us have a stage of development where we will believe what we are taught, no questions asked, and it does change us on a quantum level. It also is manifested in the fascia of the body.

He goes on to share a story of a father, once visiting his lecture, recounted a time when the father was with his son whittling. The son’s knife slipped and severely cut his own wrist. When the son looked to his father in panic and said, ‘what do we do?’. The father responded, ‘Son, we are going to stop this blood right now! Okay?’ And together they yelled at the wound and the wound stopped bleeding. The father was at the lecture seeking answers to what he witnessed. And Piece lectured about that specific window for a “magical child”, and that magical child exists in all of us.

Neither of these people had heard of fascia at the time but that is exactly what fascia does. In times of trauma, it can clamp down on blood vessels to reduce bleeding. The child was young enough to transfer his belief system to his father’s and thus manifested something the father thought impossible. Sometimes the science of the body looks like magic. As they say in Integral Theory, ‘Transcend and Include.”.

Like the Russian Nesting Dolls we have all our stages of consciousness working to manifest their familiar reality and the first step to ensure we are sitting in our best selves is to observe what is being said at each stage of consciousness. Where is your interior home base? What age do you obey the most? How old is the being inside who is calling the shots?

This is what fascia looks like - the web of life within. The soil of the body in which everything is planted. Let your transformation include the fascia which will happen when you spend time listening to your interior space. You are listening to the echoes held in the fascia. And fascia believes in magic. And Quantum Mechanic contains so much magic!

This week our questions continue to stimulate what we believe around intelligence. A powerful building block for our entire lives. Belief you are stupid or that intelligence comes in one form is terrible sabotage. Root those parts out!

What was her message about me being intelligent?

Magic/Mythic Self 1-3 years ‘Keep the spirits happy and the tribe’s nest warm and safe’, magical thinking. Quest: safe mode of living, security. Methods: Petition to God, Power in Ritual.

I feel her respect for intelligence; I don’t feel her observing my intelligence. This part of me doesn’t remember that kind of connection.

Power Self 3-6 years Aggression, might makes right, be and do what you want regardless. Quest: heroic states, power, glory, rate and revenge. Method: align with power, take what you need, power over others, force.

My intelligence was filtered through the teacher’s opinion; my mom’s opinion was on the side of whatever the teacher said.

Rule Role Self 7-8 years Ethnocentric, life has meaning, direction and purpose with predetermined outcomes. Quest: ultimate peace, good vs evil. Method: fit in, follow the given rules, don’t exceed your role, discipline, faith.

Me being intelligent doesn’t seem super important, she would prefer I clean. I get a lot of messages that my value is there, not being smart.

Rational Self 9-14 years Act from self-interest by playing the game to win. Market-Driven Meritocracy. Quest: rational truth, material pleasure, in defense of civilization.
Method: science, learn to excel, set goals, achieve, measure success.

At this age, I get good grades, but my mother doesn’t seem impressed. She is more interested in my emotional intelligence, but I don’t really understand that at the time.

Sensitive Self 15-21 years Seek inner peace within a caring community, power with solidarity, human right activism. Quest: peace, affectionate relations, beneficial resolution, dialogue and consensus. Method: appreciate diverse views, listen well, consensus, empathize group needs, marginalize no one.

At this time, I see more my whole family as being very intelligent and compared to them I think of myself as fairly dumb. Today this part of me is really disappointment with this offering. She thinks it isn’t good enough but I’m posting it anyways.

What was his message about me being intelligent?

Magic/Mythic Self 1-3 years ‘Keep the spirits happy and the tribe’s nest warm and safe’, magical thinking. Quest: safe mode of living, security. Methods: Petition to God, Power in Ritual.

He calls me a very smart girl! I can feel his pride!

Power Self 3-6 years Aggression, might makes right, be and do what you want regardless. Quest: heroic states, power, glory, rate and revenge. Method: align with power, take what you need, power over others, force.

He likes that I am intelligent and speaks of future goals - going to college and dreaming big.

Rule Role Self 7-8 years Ethnocentric, life has meaning, direction and purpose with predetermined outcomes. Quest: ultimate peace, good vs evil. Method: fit in, follow the given rules, don’t exceed your role, discipline, faith.

Here I feel an impossible standard of what I would call intelligence; it maybe conflated with accountability - at this age my dad is telling me to be smarter than my friends and know more than them.

Rational Self 9-14 years Act from self-interest by playing the game to win. Market-Driven Meritocracy. Quest: rational truth, material pleasure, in defense of civilization.
Method: science, learn to excel, set goals, achieve, measure success.

This age is very much my dad excited for me to go to college. He talked with me about it a lot and it was a foregone conclusion which makes me feel like he thought I was smart enough for college.

Sensitive Self 15-21 years Seek inner peace within a caring community, power with solidarity, human right activism. Quest: peace, affectionate relations, beneficial resolution, dialogue and consensus. Method: appreciate diverse views, listen well, consensus, empathize group needs, marginalize no one.

My dad did seem to appreciate my intelligence. At this age I would challenge him a lot and we would debate a lot and once in a blue moon he would acquiesce to my logic, but it was rare!

As always please feel free to share your own scripts you hear when you listen to your younger selves. Part of this process is seeing how it is NOT universal and when we realize that this is so subjective you can start to really call your own shots and change your belief systems if you want.

Thanks for joining! Peace, Love, Massage

The parasympathetic nervous system is that state. It is aware but doesn’t give an opinion (just yet). When we first practice it will seem the moments so fleeting that the effort and time isn’t worth it which is really why I love massage as an avenue for this transformation. It can be tough to sit on a cushion a meditate but I think booking a massage and setting time aside to not only sit in a meditate awareness but also be able to focus on the body through touch which helps build the awareness.

There are helpers on your hero’s journey, and they may be your local massage therapist. So, when you have your session, please use that time to change brain states and practicing that neural engagement is going to help open up a space where these little children can speak. As Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me” and Christ is homed in our hearts listening without an opinion.

This week we continue with exploring intelligence. The two realms of masculine and feminine may seem reductive but to a certain extent it has to be. Don’t forget those years of childhood where the world was so big we had to reduce it down to some basic structures. And we have built our ENTIRE LIVES on that scaffolding so yes, this is a productive practice.

Did she act in a way that was supportive of me being intelligent?

• Magic/Mythic ‘Keep the spirits happy and the tribe’s nest warm and safe’, magical thinking. Quest: safe mode of living, security. Methods: Petition to God, Power in Ritual - Self Says:

Yes, my mom loved intelligence and would offer up thinking and talking with a very serious respect.

• Power Aggression, might makes right, be and do what you want regardless.
  Quest: heroic states, power, glory, rate and revenge. Method: align with power, take what you need, power over others, force - Self Says

Yes, I remember her reading has well as my dad and she shows me school is a good thing.

• Rule Role Ethnocentric, life has meaning, direction and purpose with predetermined outcomes. Quest: ultimate peace, good vs evil. Method: fit in, follow the given rules, don’t exceed your role, discipline, faith - Self Says

She is supportive of intelligence but also warns me of correcting others too much. It is a message about balance, but it feels a lot like fear.

• Rational Act from self-interest by playing the game to win. Market-Driven Meritocracy. Quest: rational truth, material pleasure, in defense of civilization.
  Method: science, learn to excel, set goals, achieve, measure success - Self Says

She does support intelligence, but it has less to do with good grades because I excel at school, but she does not tell me she is proud of that.

• Sensitive Seek inner peace within a caring community, power with solidarity, human right activism. Quest: peace, affectionate relations, beneficial resolution, dialogue and consensus. Method: appreciate diverse views, listen well, consensus, empathize group needs, marginalize no one - Self Says

She is supportive of me being intelligent but also gives me the sense I will still need to be paired with a partner to survive. There seems to be a message that there is a limitation to how valuable a woman’s intelligence is.

Did he act in a way that was supportive of me being intelligent?

• Magic/Mythic ‘Keep the spirits happy and the tribe’s nest warm and safe’, magical thinking. Quest: safe mode of living, security. Methods: Petition to God, Power in Ritual - Self Says

Yes, my dad loved smarts!

• Power Aggression, might makes right, be and do what you want regardless.
  Quest: heroic states, power, glory, rate and revenge. Method: align with power, take what you need, power over others, force - Self Says

Yes, my dad offered the modeling that reading and school was very important.

• Rule Role Ethnocentric, life has meaning, direction and purpose with predetermined outcomes. Quest: ultimate peace, good vs evil. Method: fit in, follow the given rules, don’t exceed your role, discipline, faith - Self Says

Yes, my dad would have serious conversations with me at a very young age, always led by me but he took my little mind seriously and would engage. I miss it.

• Rational Act from self-interest by playing the game to win. Market-Driven Meritocracy. Quest: rational truth, material pleasure, in defense of civilization.
  Method: science, learn to excel, set goals, achieve, measure success - Self Says

My dad loved smart talk and conversation, he did seem to hold many people in contempt including women’s intelligence but at the same time I felt like an exception to his rule.

• Sensitive Seek inner peace within a caring community, power with solidarity, human right activism. Quest: peace, affectionate relations, beneficial resolution, dialogue and consensus. Method: appreciate diverse views, listen well, consensus, empathize group needs, marginalize no one - Self Says

My dad had very high hopes for my life and school. He would always dream big with me which included valuing intelligence.

A list of the stages of consciousness we are working with currently (for your easy reference):

Magic/Animistic Self
Age 1-3 years - SDi purple
Tribal Order - starting 50,000 years ago, egocentric, impulsive
‘Keep the spirits happy and the tribe’s nest warm and safe’, magical thinking.
Quest: safe mode of living, security.
Methods: Petition to God, Power in Ritual
Pitfalls: borderline, narcissism, omnipotent fantasy, tribal conflicts.

Power Self
Age 3-6 years - SDi red
Early Mythic, Feudal and Exploitive Empire starting 10,000 years ago
Aggression, might makes right, be and do what you want regardless.
Quest: heroic states, power, glory, rate and revenge.
Method: align with power, take what you need, power over others, force.
Pitfalls: gangs, anxiety, depression, phobias, bullying terrorism

Rule/Role Self
Age 7-8 years SDi blue
Late Mythic, Nation States, Authoritarian, Absolutistic Religious - starting 5,000 years ago
Ethnocentric, life has meaning, direction and purpose with predetermined outcomes.
Quest: ultimate peace, good vs evil.
Method: fit in, follow the given rules, don’t exceed your role, discipline, faith.
Pitfalls: archetypal role identification, script pathology, fundamentalism, fascism

Rational Self
Age 9-14 years SDi orange
Capitalistic Democracies - starting 300 years ago - Scientific Rationalism, world centric
Act from self-interest by playing the game to win. Market-Driven Meritocracy.
Quest: rational truth, material pleasure, in defense of civilization.
Method: science, learn to excel, set goals, achieve, measure success.
Pitfalls: scientism, flatland, identity crisis, role confusions, consumerism, ecological crisis, workaholism, goal-fixation, over-attachment to successful methods, denial of spirit.

Sensitive Self
Age 15-21 years SDi green
Social Democracies, informational - starting 150 years ago, Pluralism
Seek inner peace within a caring community, power with solidarity, human right activism.
Quest: peace, affectionate relations, beneficial resolution, dialogue and consensus.
Method: appreciate diverse views, listen well, consensus, empathize group needs, marginalize no one.
Pitfalls: nihilism, in-authenticity, excessive relativism, lack of discernment, endless consensus, heartless irony.

Peace, Love, Massage

Good morning and welcome back as we continue to discover ourselves in an orderly fashion :-) Just kidding, the truth is depending on our life story we could be severely wounded in one stage of consciousness over many others and if that is the case feel free to focus on just that stage for a while.

Using your body to feel into the sensations that come up when you read through these touch points in human development is a good guide. Often using the body as a guide can be more accurate to reality than relying on the ego’s narrative. Human beings are vast and complex, and we have more than one avenue of feedback. The irrational mind in the subconscious is not stupid; it just means reason comes in second place. And to be led by the subconscious like Alice in Wonderland we find Wisdom, but She does lead us on a merry chase.

Speaking of stupid, this week’s questions are about intelligence.

How did my mother show and use her intelligence?

Magic/Mythic Self Says

My mom was magic, she just knew things and it made me feel very safe.

Power Self Says

My mom was a working woman in the 1980’s and that is something to be proud of, but she did forget to bring me lunch to school one day.

Rule Role Self Says

My mom continues to be the executor of the household, it is her mind that gets things done and she is overwhelmed sometimes, I can see it and desperately want to help.

Rational Self Says

My mother shows her intelligence through community service and clubs; she garners approval for her talent as an artist and in that way is a brilliant person.

Sensitive Self Says

My mother shows and uses her intelligence for her community and to be a breadwinner. She does her duty and somehow that is relayed as a smart way of living.

How did my father show and use his intelligence?

Magic/Mythic Self Says

Books, books, books, he read to me and was always reading.

Power Self Says

My father would instruct and run the household, we circled around his mind and instructions, he was the smartest so he should be in charge.

Rule Role Self Says

My father would show his intelligence with pontification and sometimes debate and would also get very angry if you did not submit.

Rational Self Says

My father was involved in politics and the community before I was a young adult, and I saw that as very smart though I did not witness his “heyday” his reputation was what I clung to.

Sensitive Self Says

This is the first time I could see my father’s intelligence not extend to any kind of relationship or emotional intelligence. He was well read but so dumb in relationships it showed me the limitation of reason intelligence.

A list of the stages of consciousness we are working with currently (for your easy reference):

Magic/Animistic Self
Age 1-3 years - SDi purple
Tribal Order - starting 50,000 years ago, egocentric, impulsive
‘Keep the spirits happy and the tribe’s nest warm and safe’, magical thinking.
Quest: safe mode of living, security.
Methods: Petition to God, Power in Ritual
Pitfalls: borderline, narcissism, omnipotent fantasy, tribal conflicts.

Power Self
Age 3-6 years - SDi red
Early Mythic, Feudal and Exploitive Empire starting 10,000 years ago
Aggression, might makes right, be and do what you want regardless.
Quest: heroic states, power, glory, rate and revenge.
Method: align with power, take what you need, power over others, force.
Pitfalls: gangs, anxiety, depression, phobias, bullying terrorism

Rule/Role Self
Age 7-8 years SDi blue
Late Mythic, Nation States, Authoritarian, Absolutistic Religious - starting 5,000 years ago
Ethnocentric, life has meaning, direction and purpose with predetermined outcomes.
Quest: ultimate peace, good vs evil.
Method: fit in, follow the given rules, don’t exceed your role, discipline, faith.
Pitfalls: archetypal role identification, script pathology, fundamentalism, fascism

Rational Self
Age 9-14 years SDi orange
Capitalistic Democracies - starting 300 years ago - Scientific Rationalism, world centric
Act from self-interest by playing the game to win. Market-Driven Meritocracy.
Quest: rational truth, material pleasure, in defense of civilization.
Method: science, learn to excel, set goals, achieve, measure success.
Pitfalls: scientism, flatland, identity crisis, role confusions, consumerism, ecological crisis, workaholism, goal-fixation, over-attachment to successful methods, denial of spirit.

Sensitive Self
Age 15-21 years SDi green
Social Democracies, informational - starting 150 years ago, Pluralism
Seek inner peace within a caring community, power with solidarity, human right activism.
Quest: peace, affectionate relations, beneficial resolution, dialogue and consensus.
Method: appreciate diverse views, listen well, consensus, empathize group needs, marginalize no one.
Pitfalls: nihilism, in-authenticity, excessive relativism, lack of discernment, endless consensus, heartless irony.

Peace, Love, Massage

I often hear “I’m stressed!” as a repeated statement in my mind and when I ask, “How old are you?” the information comes from a few layers these days but in the beginning, it was a straightforward visual. I am a very visual person, I picture everything in my head, and I acknowledge that not everyone is like that. And in the end, however your system “speaks” to you honor your individual language. So, I see me at 13 in junior high with a funny perm and an arm full of books and that is where I start the conversation.

Each stage of consciousness has a full life of thoughts, feelings, sensations, emotions and fascial memory that can put you right back into that layer of life. Feel free to go full on improv. Play act you at the stage you are looking to deepen your understanding. Change your voice, posture and action to match what you are accessing to learn more, you are actor and audience in this process.

But also have fun with these questions and bring them to a trusted circle of friends as each added voice is its’ own unveiling into the structures you have built your life on. Take these questions and stages of consciousness to your partner so you can both learn how your early selves expect life to go.

My mother believed that being a “good” person meant…

Magic/Mythic Self Says - 1-3 years old

At 3 a good person looks like a lady in church. Someone who is helpful.

Power Self Says - 3-6 years old

A good person follows the rules and makes her teachers happy.

Rule/Role Self Says - 7-8 years old

Being a good person means looking out for those that are younger or more helpless.

Rational Self Says - 9-14 years old

Following the rules, rules will keep me on the side of good. Everyone should follow rules.

Sensitive Self Says - 15-21 years old

Being a good person involves focusing on the other person and their feelings as well as my own feelings.

My father believed that being a “good” person meant…

Magic/Mythic Self Says - 1-3 years old

Strong and smart and to a certain extent infallible, I can feel a sense of good means permanence of good and smart choices - like he cannot make a mistake or he is bad.

Power Self Says - 3-6 years old

Being well liked and respected.

Rule/Role Self Says - 7-8 years old

A good person would not get in the way of my father’s needs. Goodness was contingent on a person’s role and following the rules but also the rules should be bent for my father.

Rational Self Says - 9-14 years old

Being a good person is well expressed with a zest for life and a good work ethic. Handouts are off limits. (What a bummer)

Sensitive Self Says - 15-21 years old

Working well in society but only a certain segment - his views were to be of service but only to fellow white Christian conservatives of a like mind. One can be a bigot but also be of service.

I’m excited to read the communities own answers to these questions - it is also fun to see how varied the responses are. Humans are so vast and complex I’m happy to be guiding on the topic - gives me infinite things to explore.

Until next time.

Peace, Love, Massage

This origin story is one of my favorites because I saw the move with Alieen Quinn at my Godmother’s house and fell in love. With the story, the music, the characters and their lovely red hair. I loved Annie’s confidence and charm and hoped that one day I would be charming like her and win the hearts of people.

The Christmas after I first watched “Annie”, I got it as a gift! It was amazing and at the time thought my mother knew of my love of “Annie” and gave her the credit for bringing it into my life via VHS. Little did I know, the truth was my mom went into a video store and told the clerk ‘I have a 9-year-old at home and what movie should I get for her?’. It was the clerk without any context that told me mother to buy “Annie” for me. To me this is evidence that Nurturing Mother was looking out for me in those years of development and got me this fairy tale to bridge my childhood into adulthood.

And I do find the symbolism of “Annie” to be full of lessons in transformation, specifically the idea that one can go from rags to riches in their lifetime. When we first meet Annie, she is used to working for food. So much so when she arrives at Daddy Warbuck’s house she assumes she is there to clean. The orphans under Miss Hannigan’s care are not taken care of because they are children, they are taken care of because they do their part in the transaction of life. It makes sense to a certain point, but it is not all that life is. While transaction is great because it can be easy to understand there is a whole other part of our lives that are rooted in Mystery and those places have some of the greatest riches on this Earth.

And at 46 years old I find I may not have much of a choice when it comes to earning my keep. That my body is starting to slow down, perimenopause is a very impactful hormonal reality, and I have also been gathering wisdom from my practice for over a decade so, I am here laying the groundwork to be taken care of because of my wisdom and charm. It feels like a brand-new adventure and one I want to shrink from.

So, thank heavens just the other day my inner secretary came to the spotlight. As I was following the wisdom of the fairy tale and asked myself, ‘who was it that got Annie in the position to persuade Daddy Warbucks?’ It was the secretary! Miss Farrell who initiated the meeting and surreptitiously got Daddy Warbucks a girl orphan instead of a boy orphan. She knew he would be resistant, but it was her wisdom in that sneaky way that got Annie in the door. She is here right now getting the work done of typing out Annie’s optimism and faith.

The sun will come out tomorrow.

So indeed, consider become a paid subscriber of my work here. It is the early years, and I understand there are many people who cannot afford a monthly subscription of 8 dollars - I pinch my pennies very tight for my own situation. So never any condemnation from me.

At the same time, if this message reaches anyone who can afford to support the work of transforming the War Machine (Daddy Warbucks) into investing their money in social programs that help the weak and poor that is why I’m here. Big picture I hope to bang the drum of self-love to add to the echo chamber of love that is being built right now. I am a small part of a larger group of people who are working to remind people that the savior you seek is within and you don’t have to earn your keep anymore. You just get to live and be loved and supported because you are a member of the human race, no more, no less.

Let me tap dance for you paid or not. All the orphans are welcome here and I am happy to be a sheep and a shepherd. Let’s gather a lovely flock and allow many hands to make light the work.

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Peace, Love, Massage