The Compassion Cure

🎧 Listen to Live Well Be Well: The Dark Side of Human Optimisation: Nicotine, Peptides, NAD+ & the Enhanced Games | Longevity Doctor Explains

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They are the No. 1 tracker for nervous system regulation.

Non-addictive tech that will support you, not deplete you.

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🧠 PULSETTO is a vagus nerve device I have been using that supports your stress and sleep

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There is also a 30-day money-back warranty.

1. The most worthwhile health upgrade is a personal trainer

If you have money to invest in your health, accountability and consistency may give you far more back than another supplement or biohack. Exercise is still the ultimate longevity drug

Before peptides, NAD or expensive protocols, getting stronger, fitter and more mobile remains one of the most powerful things you can do for your future health.

2. The best longevity investment might be your friendships

Longevity is usually sold as an individual pursuit. But perhaps one of the best reasons to stay alive is having people you actually want to stay alive for.

3. Nicotine can improve your output without improving your capacity

Nicotine can make you feel more alert and focused, but it’s also potent and addictive. His bigger question is whether we’re using it to enhance cognition, or simply to push through exhaustion that would be better addressed with sleep and recovery. His rule: “endogenous before exogenous.”

5. If NAD declines with age, should we simply replace it?

Not necessarily. Jack’s argument is that falling NAD may be a symptom of what is happening in the ageing body, rather than simply a deficiency that needs topping up. If you do intervene, he thinks supporting the body with an NAD precursor, like NMN may make more sense than flooding it with NAD itself, but the long-term outcome data still isn’t there.

6. Women may be better built for extreme endurance

In Jack’s South Pole research, the performance gap narrowed as endurance became more extreme, with women potentially preserving muscle and physiology better. He also found that communication, recognising strain and sharing the load mattered enormously, suggesting endurance may reward a very different kind of strength.

7. The most useful data from the South Pole didn’t come from a wearable

Despite measuring almost everything, Jack found that feeling supported and knowing when to share the load appeared to predict how well people coped. We’re obsessed with measuring the individual, while performance may depend far more on the people around them.

8. Burnout isn’t an intensity problem, it’s a recovery problem

“Cadence is king.” Nature works in waves: exertion, then recovery. The mistake is expecting the body and brain to perform in a straight line indefinitely.

9. Are you burning the candle at three ends?

Jack sees people who are functioning, achieving and getting through the day, but that doesn’t mean they’re well. His three warning signs are neglected health, chronic sleep deprivation/burnout, and becoming so accustomed to it that it starts to feel normal.

The question I left with

Are we enhancing our lives - or just our output?

Imagine your life as a line. A longer line means more years, but the shape of that line represents how much you actually lived within them: the relationships, risks, adventures, firsts, love, setbacks, recovery, curiosity and experiences. A perfectly flat 100-year life may contain less “life” than a shorter one filled with depth and variation.

The goal isn’t simply more years. It’s more life within those years. Don’t die dull.

PULSETTO is a vagus nerve device I have been using that supports your stress and sleep

Try it HERE or use my coupon code SARAHANN at checkout. There is also a

30-day money-back warranty, with code SARAHANN.

Big Love, SA x

The patterns we repeat after we think we’ve healed

Sarah Ann Macklin — Wed, 19 Aug 2026 14:01:53 GMT

“People are far more at ease with using one hand to throw a stone than they are using both to applaud. And that’s a really sad world.”
- DJ FAT TONY

Addiction may or may not be part of your own story. But I imagine most of us know, or have loved, someone whose life has been touched by it.

And even if you haven’t, I don’t think addiction sits as far outside our own lives as we sometimes like to believe.

Because underneath addiction are often very human things: the desire to escape an uncomfortable feeling. To numb. To soothe. To distract ourselves. To reach for something that gives us relief, even when we know that relief won’t last.

Maybe for you it isn’t drugs or alcohol.

Maybe it’s work. Food. Shopping. Sex. Your phone. A relationship you know isn’t good for you. Constant achievement. The need for reassurance. Even drama.

Tony and I have lived very different lives.

But listening back to this conversation, I realised there is a common denominator between our stories, and I think it will resonate with so many of you.

The journey towards self-acceptance and self-compassion.

For Tony, that journey has meant facing addiction, childhood trauma, sex addiction, destructive relationships and the behaviours that followed him long after he stopped using drugs.

For me, it has looked very different.

But underneath both journeys is something I recognise deeply: what happens when you spend years fighting yourself, judging yourself, or believing you need to become someone different before you can finally feel okay.

And that leaves us with a question I haven’t stopped thinking about since this conversation:

What do I keep reaching for when I don’t want to sit with what I’m feeling?

And that was the part of my conversation with Tony that I think will speak to far more people than those who have experienced addiction themselves.

Big love, SA x

🎧 Listen to Live Well Be Well: DJ Fat Tony: From Drug & Sex Addiction to “I’d Live This Life Again”

My partners 💛

Nowatch, the world's first aware-able.

I have been wearing Nowatch for a full year (as of today!) and perfectly fitted for today’s episode.

They are the No. 1 tracker for nervous system regulation.

Non-addictive tech that will support you, not deplete you.

15% off with code LWBW15 at www.nowatch.com

🧠 PULSETTO is a vagus nerve device I have been using that supports your stress and sleep

Try it HERE or use my coupon code SARAHANN at checkout for 15% off.

There is also a 30-day money-back warranty.

1. Tolerated and accepted are not the same word.

Where are you still waiting to be liked instead of becoming someone you genuinely like yourself?

You can be surrounded by love and still feel unloved if, deep down, you don’t believe you’re worthy of receiving it.

2. Getting rid of the thing doesn’t necessarily get rid of the problem

You can stop the behaviour and still keep the pattern. If you don’t understand what it was helping you escape, it often finds somewhere else to go.

Tony described recognising the same addictive thinking in his GLP-1 use: losing weight wasn’t enough, so he kept wanting more. Sometimes the most important thing to watch isn’t what we’re using, but the pattern we bring to it.

3. We are often drawn to what is familiar, not what is good for us

Tony described an exercise he did in therapy.

While drawing people from different periods of his life, he realised he kept colouring certain people blond. Eventually he connected something he hadn’t consciously recognised: many of the people associated with abuse in his early life had been blond, and yet, throughout adulthood, he repeatedly found himself attracted to blond people.

What feels magnetic isn’t always what’s good for us. Sometimes we’re drawn to what feels familiar, even when that familiarity comes from an old wound.

5. Being loved and feeling loved are two different things

You can receive endless reassurance and still not believe it. External love struggles to land when something inside you keeps saying you’re not enough.

6. You don’t have to be fully healed before you can be loved.

The idea that we must completely “fix ourselves” before entering a relationship sounds healthy, but humans often heal through safe relationships too. The important part is being willing to take responsibility for your wounds rather than asking someone else to fix them.

7. Real happiness is often remarkably ordinary

We’re sold happiness as achievement, status, money and extraordinary experiences. Yet so much of what makes life feel good is painfully simple: someone you love, somewhere you feel safe, a walk, music, a dog doing something ridiculous.

8. The goal isn’t to never fall back into an old pattern

Under stress, old behaviours can come back remarkably quickly. Progress is noticing sooner, staying there for less time, and knowing how to find your way back.

9. Maybe the greatest sign of healing is wanting your own life

Not somebody else’s body, relationship, success or story. Just reaching a place where, despite everything that has happened, you can look at your life and think: I would choose this life again.

The question I left with

Why do we keep reaching for things that stop us having to feel what we’re feeling?

And perhaps the more important question is not simply how do we stop? But what is the behaviour giving us that we don’t yet know how to give ourselves?

PULSETTO is a vagus nerve device I have been using that supports your stress and sleep

Try it HERE or use my coupon code SARAHANN at checkout. There is also a

30-day money-back warranty, with code SARAHANN.

Big Love, SA x

DJ Fat Tony: Spending £1m on drugs & How GLP-1 Addition Made Me Skin & Bones

Sarah Ann Macklin — Wed, 19 Aug 2026 05:00:00 GMT

This week I'm joined by Fat Tony, DJ, author and one of the most honest voices in British culture on addiction, identity and what it really means to find yourself after years of hiding.

We explore recovery, relationships, shame and what happens when you finally stop performing and start living.

Fat Tony is one of the UK's most iconic DJs, having shaped the sound of London's club scene for over three decades. He is the author of I Don't Take Requests, a raw and honest memoir about addiction, shame, sexuality and recovery. Known for his sharp wit and unapologetic honesty, Tony has become one of the most compelling voices on mental health, sobriety and self acceptance in British public life. He knows what it means to lose yourself completely and to find your way back.

What we explore together:

Why acceptance is so much more powerful than tolerance and what the difference really means
Why addiction is never really about the substance and what we are actually trying to fix
How Tony went from one addiction to another without realising it
What happened when Tony finally let love in and why he had always avoided it
The therapy breakthrough that changed everything and what his attraction patterns were really telling him
What Tony would say to anyone who feels like they have given up hope
Why Tony says he has never been happier in his life and what it took to get there

Love, Sarah Ann 💛

My book 'Healthy Shouldn't Be This Hard': https://www.amazon.co.uk/Healthy-Shouldnt-Be-This-Hard-ebook/dp/B0G1DHNRV5

This episode is sponsored by:NOWATCH: The compassionate health tracker Connecting body and mind with unique stress recovery insights so you can live fully today👉 15% off with code LWBW15 at https://nowatch.com/

PULSETTO: Vagus nerve stimulation for stress, sleep and calm👉 Use code SARAHANN at https://pulsetto.sjv.io/SARAHANN

The Great British Veg OutHow to support your gut, energy, and hormones by eating more, not less.👉 https://sarahmacklin.substack.com/p/t…

Reset Your HealthIf your body feels off after stress, travel, or burnout, this is where to start.👉 https://sarahmacklin.substack.com/s/r...

👉 Practical beats perfect. Here's a free 5-recipe PDF I use to support energy and stress during busy weeks.https://sarahannmacklin.com/5_free_recipes

👉 If this resonates, you can join the thousands who read The Compassionate Cure each week.https://sarahmacklin.substack.com/

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Why Your Brain Treats Social Threats The Same As Physical Ones | David Rock

Sarah Ann Macklin — Mon, 17 Aug 2026 05:00:00 GMT

This week's Live Well Be Well Moment with Dr David Rock, neuroscientist, author and founder of the NeuroLeadership Institute.

We delve into why everything in life is processed by the brain as either a threat or a reward, why being left out hurts as much as physical pain, and what understanding this changes about the way you see yourself and others.

My book 'Healthy Shouldn't Be This Hard': https://www.amazon.co.uk/Healthy-Shouldnt-Be-This-Hard-ebook/dp/B0G1DHNRV5

This episode is sponsored by:
NOWATCH: The compassionate health tracker Connecting body and mind with unique stress recovery insights so you can live fully today. 👉 15% off with code LWBW15 at https://nowatch.com/

PULSETTO: Vagus nerve stimulation for stress, sleep and calm
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More from me: The Great British Veg Out How to support your gut by eating more, not less https://sarahmacklin.substack.com/p/t…
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The 5 Things Your Brain Obsesses Over Every Single Day | David Rock

Sarah Ann Macklin — Fri, 14 Aug 2026 05:00:00 GMT

This week's Live Well Be Well Moment with Dr David Rock, neuroscientist, author and founder of the NeuroLeadership Institute.

We delve into the SCARF model, the five things your brain is constantly scanning for in every interaction: status, certainty, autonomy, relatedness and fairness. Once you understand these, human behaviour starts to make a lot more sense.

My book 'Healthy Shouldn't Be This Hard': https://www.amazon.co.uk/Healthy-Shouldnt-Be-This-Hard-ebook/dp/B0G1DHNRV5

PULSETTO: Vagus nerve stimulation for stress, sleep and calm
👉 Use code SARAHANN at https://pulsetto.sjv.io/SARAHANN

Let's be friends!

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What We Were Never Told About Antidepressants

Sarah Ann Macklin — Wed, 12 Aug 2026 15:27:46 GMT

It’s not that your brain is broken. It’s that you have overwhelming problems in your life that you need help with.”

— Dr Mark Horowitz

For me, this is one of the most eye-opening episodes I have ever recorded on Live Well Be Well.

It wasn’t meant to be an exposé. But by the end of the conversation, that is almost what it felt like, simply because I couldn’t quite believe some of what I was hearing.

Most of us either know someone who has experienced depression, or have experienced it ourselves. Antidepressants are now incredibly common, yet how many of us really understand what these drugs do, how the brain adapts to them over time, or why coming off them can be so difficult?

That is what makes this episode so important.

Dr Mark Horowitz gives you the evidence, the practical protocols and the questions I believe everyone should understand before making a decision about antidepressants: what we actually know about how effective they are, the potential side effects, what physical dependence means, how to taper safely if you are already taking them, and what other options exist to support your mental health.

And Mark isn’t speaking about this only as a psychiatrist and researcher. He took antidepressants himself for more than 20 years and experienced first-hand just how difficult withdrawal could be. That experience ultimately led him to challenge established thinking, publish research that has helped influence clinical guidance, and dedicate much of his work to helping people come off these medications more safely.

I went into this conversation wanting to understand antidepressants better, and I left wondering why so many of us have never been told this information before.

I haven’t stopped telling people about this since recording it, and I hope you do the same. Share this one, please!

SA X

🎧 Listen to Live Well Be Well: Top Psychiatrist: Are Antidepressants Making Depression Harder to Escape? | Dr Mark Horowitz

My partners 💛

Nowatch, the world's first aware-able.

I have been wearing Nowatch for a full year (as of today!) and perfectly fitted for today’s episode.

They are the No. 1 tracker for nervous system regulation.

Non-addictive tech that will support you, not deplete you.

15% off with code LWBW15 at www.nowatch.com

🧠 PULSETTO is a vagus nerve device I have been using that supports your stress and sleep

Try it HERE or use my coupon code SARAHANN at checkout for 15% off.

There is also a 30-day money-back warranty.

1. 70% of people meet the criteria for clinical depression or anxiety by age 45.

If 70% of us experience something that meets a clinical threshold, where do we draw the line between illness and a human response to difficult periods of life?

It raises a difficult question. Are stressful life events a major predictor of depression, and does it question whether our first instinct should always be to locate the problem inside the brain? Have we become too quick to pathologise what it means to be human?

2. Depression is not caused by a chemical imbalance.

For decades, many people were told that depression was caused by low serotonin, almost like diabetes being caused by insufficient insulin; it isn’t.

The serotonin theory originally began as a hypothesis. Decades of subsequent research have shown that the evidence does not show a simple relationship where depressed people have abnormally low serotonin compared with everyone else.

We still don’t know what causes depression, but we know it isn’t low serotonin.

3. Antidepressants may work less than we think

Across the trials Mark discusses, antidepressants improve depression scores only slightly more than placebo, around 2 points on a 52-point scale.

I am not sure many know this before they start the drug.

That doesn’t mean they can’t help individuals. It means the average drug effect in clinical trials is much smaller than many people assume.

5. Side effects deserve to be part of the decision before someone starts

We talked about weight changes, sleep, memory, concentration, emotional blunting and sexual function.

The sexual side effects were particularly striking. Mark discusses loss of libido, difficulties with orgasm and erectile problems, and a condition called post-SSRI sexual dysfunction, where symptoms may persist after medication has been stopped in some people.

6. Withdrawal can sometimes look like the original illness coming back.

For me, this may be the most important practical insight in the entire episode.

Imagine someone reduces their antidepressant and then experiences severe anxiety, insomnia, panic or other symptoms.

They may understandably think:

“My depression/anxiety has returned. Clearly I still need the medication.”

But Mark explains that, in some cases, those symptoms may instead be withdrawal caused by reducing the medication too rapidly.

He describes how that can create a cycle: withdrawal is interpreted as relapse, the medication is restarted or increased, and the person may subsequently be told that they have a chronic condition requiring lifelong treatment. This happened to Mark, and now he has created a protocol for coming off them, and it is not halving the dose each time.

7. The final part of an antidepressant taper may actually be the hardest

This is counterintuitive.

You might think going from 20mg to 15mg should have roughly the same biological impact as going from 5mg to zero. It doesn’t.

Mark’s graphs show (which you will see in the episode) why that isn’t necessarily true.

He explains that the relationship between dose and effect on the brain isn’t linear. At low doses, seemingly tiny reductions can cause disproportionately large changes in receptor effects.

That’s why simply going:

20 → 15 → 10 → 5 → 0 may look mathematically tidy, but the brain treats it very differently. Going from 5 → 0 is actually the hardest on the brain.

This is the basis for hyperbolic tapering: reductions become smaller and smaller towards the end, and why it is important to ask for a liquid and not a tablet so you can measure more precise doses.

This is also why nobody should read this episode and suddenly stop their antidepressant.

8. For some long-term users, coming off safely can take months or even years

Mark says that among the long-term patients treated in his clinics, tapering takes around 18 months on average, with roughly one to three years being a broad range he sees.

That doesn’t mean everyone needs 18 months. Some people can taper considerably faster.

The important principle is that the taper should be guided by how the individual responds rather than an arbitrary timetable. However, a patient should know this before being prescribed an SSRI.

9. Many people get better with time.

Drug companies’ own internal documents recognised an uncomfortable problem: many people get better with time.

In the episode we talk about research that suggests that even among people with severe depression, around 85% were better within twelve months without intervention. Mark describes internal company documents acknowledging that the natural course of depression was so favourable it made it harder to demonstrate a need for medication.

I don’t quite know what to do with that. The companies developing the treatment were themselves grappling with the fact that, for many people, the wound may heal with time. Should that be on the label for antidepressants?

The question I left with

What if, when someone is struggling, our first question wasn’t “What’s wrong with your brain?” but “What has happened in your life, and what do you need right now?”

That doesn’t mean medication is never the answer. For some people, it may be an important part of getting through an unbearable period. But this conversation made me realise how much power there is in understanding the full picture before we reach for a solution: the evidence, the risks, the alternatives, and the plan for what happens next.

More than anything, I left thinking that suffering doesn’t always mean something inside us is broken. Sometimes it means something in our lives needs care, support or change.

And perhaps that is a much more hopeful place to begin.

PULSETTO is a vagus nerve device I have been using that supports your stress and sleep

Try it HERE or use my coupon code SARAHANN at checkout. There is also a

30-day money-back warranty, with code SARAHANN.

Big Love, SA x

Top Psychiatrist: Are Antidepressants Making Depression Harder to Escape? | Dr Mark Horowitz

Sarah Ann Macklin — Wed, 12 Aug 2026 05:00:00 GMT

⚠️ This episode discusses antidepressants, mental health treatment, withdrawal and sensitive topics around psychiatric medication. Please seek professional guidance before making any changes to your medication.

This week I'm joined by Dr Mark Horowitz, clinical research fellow in psychiatry, co-author of the Maudsley Prescribing Guidelines, and one of the most important voices in the world right now on antidepressants and how to come off them safely.

We explore the science behind antidepressants, what they actually do to the brain, and what nobody told you about coming off them.

Dr Mark Horowitz is a clinical research fellow at University College London and North East London NHS Foundation Trust. He co-authored the Maudsley Deprescribing Guidelines, which have begun to change clinical guidance on antidepressant withdrawal worldwide. His research on tapering and withdrawal has been published in leading medical journals and has directly influenced NHS and international prescribing guidelines. He founded the National Prescribing Support Service and has trained clinicians at Outro Health in America in safer tapering approaches. He has personal experience of antidepressant withdrawal, which led him to dedicate his career to helping others through the same process.

What we explore together:

Why 1 in 6 people in England are on antidepressants — and whether we are overprescribing
What antidepressants actually do to the brain and why the chemical imbalance theory is misleading
Why the clinical trial data on antidepressants is far less impressive than most people realise
The emotional blunting effect — what it is, why it happens and what to do about it
Why 85% of people recover from depression within 12 months with no intervention at all
What withdrawal actually feels like — and why doctors so often get it wrong
How to taper safely and why doing it too fast causes so much unnecessary suffering
What the alternatives to antidepressants are and why they are rarely offered first

Love, Sarah Ann 💛

Learn more about Dr Mark Horowitz and his work:Dr Horowitz on X: https://x.com/markhoroDr Horowitz's website: https://markhorowitz.org/Outro Health's virtual tapering clinic (US): https://www.outro.com/

My book 'Healthy Shouldn't Be This Hard': https://www.amazon.co.uk/Healthy-Shouldnt-Be-This-Hard-ebook/dp/B0G1DHNRV5

PULSETTO: Vagus nerve stimulation for stress, sleep and calm👉 Use code SARAHANN at https://pulsetto.sjv.io/SARAHANN

The Great British Veg OutHow to support your gut, energy, and hormones by eating more — not less.👉 https://sarahmacklin.substack.com/p/t…

Reset Your HealthIf your body feels off after stress, travel, or burnout — this is where to start.👉 https://sarahmacklin.substack.com/s/r...

👉 Practical beats perfect. Here's a free 5-recipe PDF I use to support energy and stress during busy weeks.https://sarahannmacklin.com/5_free_recipes

👉 If this resonates, you can join the thousands who read The Compassionate Cure each week.https://sarahmacklin.substack.com/

Let's be friends!📷 Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/sarahannmacklin/

📹 Subscribe: https://youtube.com/@livewellbewellsarah

🐦 Twitter: https://x.com/SarahAnnMacklin

📱 TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@livewellbewellpodcast

💌 Newsletter: https://sarahmacklin.substack.com/

How Hypnotherapy Works And Why It Gets Results Nothing Else Can | Marisa Peer

Sarah Ann Macklin — Mon, 10 Aug 2026 05:20:49 GMT

This week's Live Well Be Well Moment with Marisa Peer, world-renowned therapist and founder of Rapid Transformational Therapy.

We delve into how Marisa discovered hypnotherapy in West Hollywood, the extraordinary results she saw immediately, and why the subconscious mind responds to hypnosis in a way that no other therapy can replicate.

My book 'Healthy Shouldn't Be This Hard': https://www.amazon.co.uk/Healthy-Shouldnt-Be-This-Hard-ebook/dp/B0G1DHNRV5

PULSETTO: Vagus nerve stimulation for stress, sleep and calm
👉 Use code SARAHANN at https://pulsetto.sjv.io/SARAHANN

Let's be friends!

📷 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sarahannmacklin

📹 Subscribe https://youtube.com/@livewellbewellsarah?si=UbuuWvMjAcTkELPN

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Why You Keep Choosing The Wrong People And How To Break The Cycle | Marisa Peer

Sarah Ann Macklin — Fri, 07 Aug 2026 05:00:01 GMT

This week's Live Well Be Well Moment with Marisa Peer, world-renowned therapist and founder of Rapid Transformational Therapy.

We delve into why we keep going back to the wrong relationships, how Marisa met her own husband, and why you were born worthy of love and just need to reactivate what's already there.

My book 'Healthy Shouldn't Be This Hard': https://www.amazon.co.uk/Healthy-Shouldnt-Be-This-Hard-ebook/dp/B0G1DHNRV5

PULSETTO: Vagus nerve stimulation for stress, sleep and calm
👉 Use code SARAHANN at https://pulsetto.sjv.io/SARAHANN

Let's be friends!

📷 Instagram https://www.instagram.com/sarahannmacklin

📹 Subscribe https://youtube.com/@livewellbewellsarah?si=UbuuWvMjAcTkELPN 📱 TikTok https://www.tiktok.com/@livewellbewellpodcast?_r=1&_t=ZN-96iOW29jTRm

You Can Reverse Lactose Intolerance By Eating More Dairy, Not Less

Sarah Ann Macklin — Wed, 05 Aug 2026 14:30:48 GMT

Lactose intolerance can be reversed — with more dairy, not less.

Everything we've been told about intolerance is "remove the trigger." But what if you give your gut more of what it's supposedly reacting to, and it can relearn how to handle it?

That’s the finding that stuck with me most from this conversation.

Consider this: almost everything we’re taught about discomfort is “remove the source.” Something in your gut reacts badly to a food, so you cut the food. Something in your life causes friction, so you cut the friction. We’ve built an entire industry, set to be worth $8.5 trillion next year, on the idea that the correct response to discomfort is subtraction.

Jordan’s research says the opposite can be true. Give your gut more of what it’s reacting to, in the right dose, at the right pace, and it can relearn how to handle it. The intolerance wasn’t a life sentence. It was a system that had gone untrained. This isn’t universal; in many cases this won’t work, but this angle is less spoken about.

I recognise that pattern outside of digestion, too. I came out of the modelling industry having learned the exact opposite lesson, that the way to deal with anything uncomfortable was to remove it. Cut the calories. Cut the softness. I did “everything right” by that logic, and it made me sicker, not healthier, because I was subtracting my way toward a body I could never actually trust.

The truth, in guts and in everything else, seems to be closer to this: avoidance doesn’t build tolerance. Exposure does, the right amount, on purpose, over time.

So here’s a question worth sitting with: what have you cut out of your life that you should actually be doing more of, not less?

Here’s what I learned talking to him — some of it his, some of it mine, sharpened in the conversation

🎧 Listen to Live Well Be Well: Eat More Kiwi, Use a Poop Stool & Don't Use Mouthwash - Top Gut Scientist

My partners 💛

Nowatch, the world's first aware-able.

I have been wearing Nowatch for a full year (as of today!) and perfectly fitted for today’s episode.

They are the No. 1 tracker for nervous system regulation.

Non-addictive tech that will support you, not deplete you.

15% off with code LWBW15 at www.nowatch.com

🧠 PULSETTO is a vagus nerve device I have been using that supports your stress and sleep

Try it HERE or use my coupon code SARAHANN at checkout. There is also a

30-day money-back warranty. with code SARAHANN.

1. Lactose intolerance can be reversed, with more dairy, not less.

Give people with confirmed lactose intolerance two weeks of daily live yoghurt, then retest them, and their symptoms improve. Eating more fermented dairy retrains the gut to break lactose down again.

Related, if you’ve seen it online: cow’s milk protein comes in two types, A1 and A2. A1 releases a peptide (BCM-7) that’s been proposed to cause gut discomfort separate from lactose entirely, which is why some “lactose intolerant” people tolerate A2 milk (Jersey cows, sheep, goats) just fine. For most people it’s not worth worrying about; the evidence isn’t strong enough to indict A1 broadly, and A2 milk mostly just costs more.

2. Your brain can manufacture a food intolerance out of nothing.

eople who believed they were gluten-sensitive were given two muffins — both secretly gluten-free — and told that one of them contained gluten. They got sick after eating the one they were told had gluten. It didn't. This is the nocebo effect — the evil twin of placebo. If believing a food is harmful can make you feel sick, the same logic works in reverse: believing you've removed a harmful food can make you feel genuinely better, whether or not that food was ever actually the problem.

3. Trying too hard to fix your gut can be exactly what breaks it.

This is the question I actually opened the episode with, and I still think it's the one that matters most: can the optimisation itself — the supplements, the eliminations, the stacking of protocols, be the thing doing the damage? His answer, again and again, was yes. Cutting gluten and dairy "to be healthy" removes food your gut bacteria were relying on.

4. Mouthwash may be raising your blood pressure.

Bacteria in your mouth convert dietary nitrates into nitric oxide, which relaxes blood vessels. Antiseptic mouthwash kills those bacteria, and studies have found blood pressure rising to levels seen in people at heightened cardiovascular risk. Oil pulling, using coconut oil to help rinse your mouth, seems to be the ‘healthier’ option.

5. Most probiotics on the shelf are fake

This is the most confusing area for most: which probiotics actually work? If the label doesn't list a strain identifier after the bacteria's name, it's not an evidence-backed probiotic. And bigger doesn't mean better; a 1-billion-CFU product with the right strain beats a 100-billion-CFU one without it. Strain-specific is the way to go.

This is a free resource to help: tummymot.com, unbiased probiotic/prebiotic/supplement reviews; no companies pay to be listed.

6. Modern toilets fight your anatomy.

A muscle called the puborectalis only fully releases when your knees are above your hips, the squatting position most of the world still uses. A footstool fixes it in seconds.

7. The psyllium jelly — a "one wipe guarantee."

His words…can’t quite believe I just wrote that.

This is the thing that already went viral on Jordan’s socials.

Three heaped teaspoons of whole psyllium husk (not the powder you lose the texture) stirred into about 150ml of juice, left to sit for ten to fifteen minutes, and it sets into a gel.

Psyllium is a soluble, viscous fibre, it works like a sponge, and lab studies show it can bind to heavy metals and even microplastics on its way through. It works for constipation and diarrhoea, because it regulates in both directions. A kilogram bag costs under £15 and lasts two to three months, about £5 a month, and is better than any fibre supplement.

8. Three reason’s to include kwiw’s in your daily diet

Kiwis contain an enzyme called actinidin that stimulates the bowel to contract, green kiwis have more of it, so they're the better pick if you're constipated.
Eat the skin, and you also get a hit of vitamin C: in one study, people given two kiwis a day for eight weeks had visibly thicker, more collagen-rich skin afterwards, because that vitamin C gets shuttled straight to the skin to build it.
They help sleep. Eaten before bed, kiwis have been shown to improve sleep quality, partly because they contain melatonin (which, unlike serotonin, can actually cross the blood-brain barrier), and partly because their fibre balance stops the blood sugar dip overnight that wakes people up.

9. Fear is measurably bad for digestion.

Researchers measured stomach activity on a monitor while people ate a meal and watched either a horror film or a guided meditation. The horror film significantly disrupted digestion; the meditation didn't.

So if you're someone like me who hates horror films, turns out it's not just the jump scares getting to you.

The question I left with

We're all kind of searching for that more regulated state in a very dysregulated world.

The vagus nerve is a nerve running between your gut and your brain,the longest cranial nerve in the body, and it decides which mode you're in. Fight-or-flight, and digestion basically shuts down. Rest-and-digest, and it works the way it's meant to. Jordan's point was blunt: if you've got IBS, or any disorder of gut-brain interaction, and you go straight for probiotics or an elimination diet without touching your nervous system first, you never actually get better.

There are many ways you can help support your vahus nerve, exhaling longer than you inhale, humming before a meal because the vibration stimulates the nerve directly, EFT tapping, just standing on grass and vagus nerve devices, like the one I am currently partnering with (info below on this!)

So the question I left with wasn’t really about food at all. It was: what’s actually putting you in fight-or-flight, long before your diet ever gets a say?

PULSETTO is a vagus nerve device I have been using that supports your stress and sleep

Try it HERE or use my coupon code SARAHANN at checkout. There is also a

30-day money-back warranty, with code SARAHANN.

Big Love, SA x

Top Gut Scientist: Stop Avoiding Gluten, Eat Dairy & Skip Expensive Supplements: Jordan Haworth

Sarah Ann Macklin — Wed, 05 Aug 2026 05:00:00 GMT

This week I'm joined by Jordan Haworth, registered dietitian and gut health specialist, and someone who has dedicated his career to understanding one of the most overlooked systems in the human body and how fixing your gut can change everything.

We explore the gut microbiome, what we're getting wrong about healthy eating, and the surprisingly simple changes that can transform your digestion, sleep and wellbeing.

Jordan Haworth is a registered dietitian specialising in gut health and the gut-brain axis. He has worked extensively in both clinical and research settings and is one of the UK's leading voices on the microbiome, IBS, and evidence-based nutrition. Known for cutting through the noise of wellness culture and social media misinformation, Jordan brings clarity, humour and science to one of the most confusing areas of health.

What we explore together:

•Why farting is actually a sign your gut is working and how many times a day is normal

•How trying too hard to fix your gut can actually make it worse

•The eating disorder Jordan developed from trying to eat too healthily — and how he recovered

•Why most of the probiotics on the shelves are what Jordan calls fake probiotics

•The nocebo effect — why your brain can make you physically ill just from believing something

•How you can reverse lactose intolerance by eating more dairy

•Why two kiwis before bed could be the simplest sleep hack you've never tried

•Why squatting on the toilet is better for your bowel movements than sitting

•The link between your oral health and your gut and why mouthwash could be raising your blood pressure

Love, Sarah Ann 💛

My book 'Healthy Shouldn't Be This Hard': https://www.amazon.co.uk/Healthy-Shouldnt-Be-This-Hard-ebook/dp/B0G1DHNRV5

This episode is sponsored by:

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Viktor Frankl, Meaning Through Suffering And What It Really Means To Live Well | Arthur Brooks

Sarah Ann Macklin — Mon, 03 Aug 2026 05:00:00 GMT

This week's Live Well Be Well Moment with Arthur C. Brooks, Harvard professor and New York Times bestselling author.

We delve into meaning, suffering and what Viktor Frankl's story teaches us about finding purpose in the hardest moments of our lives and why the things you don't put on social media might be the most important things of all.

My book 'Healthy Shouldn't Be This Hard': https://www.amazon.co.uk/Healthy-Shouldnt-Be-This-Hard-ebook/dp/B0G1DHNRV5

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The Four Things Your Brain Thinks Will Make You Happy And Why They Won't | Arthur Brooks

Sarah Ann Macklin — Fri, 31 Jul 2026 05:00:00 GMT

This week's Live Well Be Well Moment with Arthur C. Brooks, Harvard professor and New York Times bestselling author.

We delve into the four idols — money, pleasure, power and fame, why your brain is hardwired to chase them, and why none of them will ever give you what you're actually looking for.

My book 'Healthy Shouldn't Be This Hard': https://www.amazon.co.uk/Healthy-Shouldnt-Be-This-Hard-ebook/dp/B0G1DHNRV5

PULSETTO: Vagus nerve stimulation for stress, sleep and calm
👉 Use code SARAHANN at https://pulsetto.sjv.io/SARAHANN

Let's be friends!

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Why Knowing Better Doesn’t Mean You’ll Do Better

Sarah Ann Macklin — Wed, 29 Jul 2026 14:43:32 GMT

What if your worst habit was once trying to protect you?

A few years ago, Marisa Peer hypnotised Steven Bartlett live on his podcast.

The session focused on his relationship with sugar. Rather than telling him to use more willpower, Marisa took him back to a childhood memory and tried to uncover what sugar had come to mean to him.

By the end of the session, he reportedly no longer wanted it.

That is either remarkable or, depending on your opinion of hypnosis, very difficult to believe.

I suspect most people fall into one of those two camps.

But the more interesting question is not whether Marisa can make someone stop eating sugar during a podcast. It is why a grown man’s craving might have anything to do with an experience he had when he was seven.

This is the premise behind Rapid Transformational Therapy, or RTT, the method Marisa developed after decades of working with people’s habits, fears and compulsions.

Her explanation of it is simple:

Find the pattern. Understand the pattern. Change the pattern.

Most of us concentrate on the final part.

We want to stop eating, scrolling, worrying, checking, controlling or returning to the person we know is wrong for us.

Marisa is interested in what came before that.

When did the pattern begin, and what did your mind believe it was doing for you?

Here are ten ideas from our conversation that made me see some of my own patterns differently.

🎧 Listen to Live Well Be Well: World-Leading Therapist: 3 Simple Ways To Stop Negative Thoughts Taking Over | Marisa Peer

My partners 💛

Nowatch, the world's first aware-able.

I have been wearing Nowatch for a full year (as of today!) and perfectly fitted for today’s episode.

They are the No. 1 tracker for nervous system regulation.

Non-addictive tech that will support you, not deplete you.

15% off with code LWBW15 at www.nowatch.com

🧠 PULSETTO is a vagus nerve device I have been using that supports your stress and sleep

Try it HERE or use my coupon code SARAHANN at checkout. There is also a

30-day money-back warranty. with code SARAHANN.

1. The habit may not be the real problem

We tend to treat unwanted behaviour as evidence of weakness. You lack discipline, you have poor boundaries, you need more self-control, or you simply need to try harder.

Marisa believes many of our most frustrating behaviours began as attempts to meet a genuine emotional need.

Food may have offered comfort when comfort was unavailable elsewhere.

Perfectionism may have created order in a chaotic home.

Overachievement may have earned attention for a child who felt invisible.

Controlling everything may have made someone feel safer when life was unpredictable.

The behaviour can become destructive later, but it may not have begun that way.

This does not mean every craving contains a profound childhood story, nor that we should excuse harmful behaviour because it once served a purpose.

It means that asking, “What is wrong with me?” may be less useful than asking, “What has my mind been trying to do for me?”

2. Insight does not always create change

Many people can explain their patterns extremely well.

They know why they become defensive. They understand why rejection affects them so intensely. They can trace their attraction to unavailable people back to childhood and describe their attachment style in impressive detail.

Then they repeat the same behaviour the following week.

You can know that food provides emotional comfort and still find yourself standing in front of the fridge after a difficult day.

This is where RTT attempts to go further. It uses hypnosis to revisit the meaning attached to an earlier experience and introduce a different interpretation.

The aim is not simply to discover where the pattern came from. It is to help the mind recognise that the old response is no longer required.

3. The mind prefers what is familiar, not necessarily what is good

“If it’s familiar, I’m going there. If it’s unfamiliar, I’m not going there.”

The mind often treats familiarity as safety.

If criticism was normal when you were growing up, being criticised by a partner may feel strangely recognisable.

We often assume attraction is evidence of compatibility.

Sometimes it is.

But sometimes what we call chemistry is simply recognition.

Perhaps the question is not only, “Am I attracted to this person?”

It is also, “What exactly am I recognising?”

4. Your brain is trying to keep you safe, not fulfilled

We often talk about the brain as though it has our happiness as its highest priority.

Marisa argues that it does not. Its primary concern is safety.

This explains why we can desperately want change while resisting everything that might create it. It already knows we can survive the old situation, even when that situation makes us miserable.

That changes the way we might interpret fear.

Fear is not always a warning that something is wrong.

Sometimes it is simply the sensation of entering unfamiliar territory.

5. Hypnosis is less mysterious than it sounds

Marisa believes hypnosis quietens the part of the mind that immediately rejects any belief that contradicts the existing story.

You might say, “I am worthy of love,” and another voice instantly produces a list of evidence against it.

You might say, “I can give this presentation,” and your mind begins showing you every possible way it could go wrong.

You might decide, “I no longer need this habit,” while another part of you insists that you cannot cope without it.

During hypnosis, Marisa tries to make the mind more receptive to another interpretation.

A child may interpret a distracted parent as evidence that they are not important.

An adult can understand that the parent was overwhelmed, depressed, working constantly or dealing with problems the child could not see.

The event has not changed. The meaning attached to it can.

6. Stop saying “sorry I’m late”

“Sorry I’m late” places the attention on what you did wrong. “Thank you for waiting” acknowledges the other person without immediately making yourself smaller.

She is not suggesting that we should never apologise. If you have hurt someone, ignored something important or behaved badly, then of course you should say sorry.

Her point is that many of us apologise when no apology is required.

Sorry to bother you.

Sorry, can I ask a question?

Sorry, I don’t understand.

Sorry, could I have five minutes of your time?

nstead of “Sorry I need your help,” try “Thank you for helping me.”

Instead of “Sorry I don’t understand,” try “Could you explain that another way?”

Instead of “Sorry to bother you,” simply ask, “Have you got five minutes?”

An apology should acknowledge something that needs repairing. It should not be the price you pay for taking up space.

7. Nothing feels like enough when you do not feel like enough

Marisa told me about working with a successful man who had a beautiful home, considerable wealth and had a BAFTA.

None of it made him happy.

He disliked the house. His relationships disappointed him. The award felt like a burden because winning it meant he now had to win another.

Marisa concluded that nothing in his life could feel like enough because, underneath everything, he did not believe that he was enough.

That belief had helped drive him towards success.

It had also made success impossible to enjoy.

We often assume ambition is evidence of confidence. Sometimes it is fuelled by the opposite.

Achievement can become an attempt to collect enough external evidence to overrule an internal belief.

The difficulty is that each success provides only temporary relief. The mind soon moves the target and asks what you will achieve next.

It is possible to build an extraordinary life while remaining unable to experience it.

8. We make difficult feelings larger through language

Language surrounding an emotion can increase its intensity.

We do not merely feel nervous. We are terrified.

A difficult week becomes a nightmare.

A painful experience becomes unbearable.

A moment of uncertainty becomes evidence that everything is falling apart.

Marisa’s advice is to stop adding fuel to an emotion that is already uncomfortable.

“I feel some anxiety about this” is not a denial.

It is simply a different instruction from “I am completely consumed by anxiety.”

We are rightly warned not to minimise what we feel.

Perhaps we should also be careful not to maximise it.

9. Stop trying to fall asleep

This was one of the most practical moments of the conversation.

Marisa thinks the phrase “trying to fall asleep” is an appalling instruction to give the brain.

Trying implies effort and the possibility of failure. Falling is associated with danger.

Instead, she tells herself:

“Sleep is coming to me now, and it is staying with me until my required wake-up time.”

There is something appealing about the certainty of that language.

It is not a desperate request or an argument with your own mind. It is a direction.

Marisa also suggested looking upwards with the eyes, taking several slow breaths and repeating the sentence.

Will it cure every sleep problem? Of course not.

But it made me notice how often we lie in bed telling ourselves that we cannot sleep, that tomorrow will be awful and that we are running out of time.

We may be trying to create sleep while simultaneously giving the brain a detailed explanation of why sleep is impossible.

The question I left with

Choose one pattern you are currently trying to change.

It could be eating when you are not hungry, overworking, checking your phone, needing everything to be perfect or feeling drawn to someone who cannot give you what you need.

Instead of asking only, “How do I stop doing this?”, ask:

What does my mind believe this behaviour gives me?

Does it provide comfort, attention, certainty, significance, familiarity or a temporary sense of safety?

The answer may not transform the pattern overnight.

But it might help you see the behaviour differently.

Perhaps it is an old solution that once made sense, which your mind has not yet realised you no longer need.

If you are a paid subscriber of this newsletter, you would have received a code to my compasionate tool kit I created for free. If you haven’t received it, hit reply and I will send it, but you do need to be a paying subscriber.

Secondly, I am off to Wilderness this week speaking; come say hi if you are there!

Big Love, SA x

World-Leading Therapist: 3 Simple Ways To Stop Negative Thoughts Taking Over | Marisa Peer

Sarah Ann Macklin — Wed, 29 Jul 2026 05:00:00 GMT

This week I'm joined by Marissa Peer, world-renowned therapist, bestselling author and founder of Rapid Transformational Therapy, and someone who has spent four decades helping people understand why they do what they do and how to change it permanently.

We explore the brain, belief and what it really means to rewire the way you think, feel and live.

Marissa Peer is one of the most sought-after therapists in the world, having worked with Olympic athletes, rock stars, royalty and CEOs. She is the founder of Rapid Transformational Therapy (RTT), combining hypnotherapy, NLP, CBT and neuroscience to create lasting change. She is the author of eight books including I Am Enough and has trained over 10,000 therapists across 170 countries.

What we explore together:

Why we keep going back to things we know are bad for us
Why 80% of people share one common belief that holds them back
How the words you use are literally shaping your biology
Why your brain cannot hold conflicting beliefs and what to do about it
How visualisation during IVF can increase your chances of success by 50%
What Rapid Transformational Therapy is and why it gets results where other methods don't
Why happiness is not a destination and how to choose it right now

Love, Sarah Ann 💛

My book 'Healthy Shouldn't Be This Hard': https://www.amazon.co.uk/Healthy-Shouldnt-Be-This-Hard-ebook/dp/B0G1DHNRV5

This episode is sponsored by:

NOWATCH: The compassionate health tracker Connecting body and mind with unique stress recovery insights so you can live fully today
👉 15% off with code LWBW15 at https://nowatch.com/

PULSETTO: Vagus nerve stimulation for stress, sleep and calm
👉 Use code SARAHANN at https://pulsetto.sjv.io/SARAHANN

The Great British Veg Out
👉 https://sarahmacklin.substack.com/p/t…

Reset Your Health
👉 https://sarahmacklin.substack.com/s/r...

👉 Free 5-recipe PDF: https://sarahannmacklin.com/5_free_recipes

👉 The Compassionate Cure: https://sarahmacklin.substack.com/

Let's be friends!
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Why Self Compassion Isn't Weak And What Happens When You Finally Let It In | Ruby Wax

Sarah Ann Macklin — Mon, 27 Jul 2026 05:00:00 GMT

This week's Live Well Be Well Moment with Ruby Wax, comedian, author and mental health advocate.

We delve into why self compassion feels so cringeworthy and why Ruby believes it might be the most important thing you can do for your mental health. Plus the moment Ruby discovered what took the poison away.

My book 'Healthy Shouldn't Be This Hard': https://www.amazon.co.uk/Healthy-Shouldnt-Be-This-Hard-ebook/dp/B0G1DHNRV5

Let's be friends!

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What Mindfulness Actually Does To Your Brain — Ruby Wax

Sarah Ann Macklin — Fri, 24 Jul 2026 05:00:00 GMT

This week's Live Well Be Well Moment with Ruby Wax, comedian, author and mental health advocate.

We delve into the real science behind mindfulness, not the colouring book version, but what actually happens in your brain when you practise it, and why Ruby had to go to Oxford before she believed it herself.

My book 'Healthy Shouldn't Be This Hard': https://www.amazon.co.uk/Healthy-Shouldnt-Be-This-Hard-ebook/dp/B0G1DHNRV5

Are You Stressed or Are You Frazzled?

Sarah Ann Macklin — Wed, 22 Jul 2026 14:37:58 GMT

A little bit of certainty is a reward. But a little bit of uncertainty is a strong threat. In many situations, uncertainty is actually stronger than the threat itself.”
— Dr David Rock

I’ll start this with some honesty, because a slightly ironic situation unfolded before my recording with Dr David Rock.

David has spent nearly three decades researching what drives human behaviour. He is best known for creating the SCARF model, a framework explaining how five social needs; status, certainty, autonomy, relatedness and fairness- shape the way our brains respond to the world.

When he arrived at the studio, I was beyond frazzled.

It was one week after launching Healthy Shouldn’t Be This Hard. I had already recorded three podcasts that day, David was my final guest, and afterwards I was heading straight to give an evening talk to 500 people.

He walked in, looked at my eyes and asked:

“When did you last eat?”

I gave him some vague answer about being busy.

He told me we weren’t recording until food arrived because he could see that my eyes were glazed over.

Surely I should know this, but I hadn’t stopped (not an excuse but truth).

That is the strange thing about overwhelm: the more you need the basics, the easier they are to abandon.

I did order food before we began; luckily, I have kind and wise podcast guests.

What followed was one of the most fascinating conversations I have recorded about what the brain is actually doing when we feel overwhelmed.

He explained why “frazzled” is not simply a throwaway description, but a genuine threat state. Why uncertainty can feel worse than knowing something bad. Why suppressing emotions does not make them disappear. And why, once we are sufficiently overwhelmed, thinking harder may be the least useful thing we can do.

Oh, and sometimes the most intelligent intervention isn’t another mindset tool.

It’s lunch.

🎧 Listen to Live Well Be Well: No.1 Brain Doctor: Why You Can't Stop Worrying Even When Nothing Is Wrong

My partners 💛

Nowatch, the world's first aware-able.

I have been wearing Nowatch for a full year (as of today!) and perfectly fitted for today’s episode.

They are the No. 1 tracker for nervous system regulation.

Non-addictive tech that will support you, not deplete you.

15% off with code LWBW15 at www.nowatch.com

What I took away

1. Your brain is judging the world five times a second

Your brain is always deciding to do more of something or do less of something on every axis. Smell, taste, colour, movement, ideas, everything. And these two dynamics shift about five times a second: the brain determines danger and opportunity five times a second, mostly unconsciously.

Your brain is driven simply by do more or do less.

2. Frazzled” is a genuine brain state

David described three levels of brain threats:

Level one: Mild pressure that can help you focus.
Level two: The “wired but tired”, distracted, brain-fogged state many of us live in for weeks or months.
Level three: A full emotional hijack, where it becomes almost impossible to think clearly or make long-term decisions.

Level two is the problematic one because people don’t know they’re in it. Level two is frazzled. A lot of people are spending many, many weeks and months just in ‘frazzled’.

When I asked whether this was the state in which people experience brain fog or feel “wired but tired”, David said:

“You lose your place a lot. You can’t focus deeply. You get maybe snippets of it, but you keep getting distracted. You’re a little bit jittery.”

3. Different threat levels need different interventions

Label it at level one. Reappraise at level two. At level three, you have no cognitive resources left; you need something biological for your brain to shift: a meal, a nap, a power walk, 100 push-ups.

4. Your senses can interrupt a thought spiral

We move between two competing brain states.

The narrative network is where we replay the past, anticipate the future and become lost in stories and rumination.

The direct experience network processes what is happening through the senses right now: what you can see, hear, smell, taste and physically feel.

Being connected to your senses and not blocking them out changes which networks receive your brain’s resources.

5. Don't look at your phone until after your shower

There’s a ridiculous amount of intelligence in your brain as an adult. Pretty much every question that we ask ourselves, there is an answer in there.

The difficulty, he explains, is that a relatively quiet network may represent the answer while the rest of the brain is extremely busy:

“Anything that quietens your brain makes it more likely to hear these quiet signals.”

This is why ideas often arrive while showering. When you’re quiet, when you’re not actively thinking, you’re internally focused, slightly positive and not working directly on the problem. Still, you’re playing with it; you get into a brain state that radically increases insight.

It’s called mind wandering, and that’s why you get sudden insights in the shower.

6. Five social needs may explain much of human behaviour

David’s SCARF model identifies five things the social brain is constantly monitoring:

Status: Am I respected, or am I beneath you?
Certainty: Do I know what is happening?
Autonomy: Do I have any control?
Relatedness: Are you one of my people?
Fairness: Am I being treated justly?

This gives you a much better question to ask during conflict.

Instead of only asking, “Why am I so upset about this?”, ask, “Which of these has just been threatened?”

Perhaps your partner changing the plan isn’t only about the restaurant. It threatens certainty and autonomy.

Perhaps feedback from your boss isn’t only information. Your brain experiences it as a drop in status.

Perhaps being left out of a gathering hurts far more than you expected because relatedness is not a luxury to the brain. It is evidence that you belong.

Which social need has just been threatened?

7. Treat yourself like a plant

You would not place a plant in the wrong temperature, deprive it of water and sunlight, and then accuse it of lacking resilience.

You would change the conditions.

Human beings also have conditions in which they function better. Enough sleep. The right amount of solitude. Meaningful connection. Movement. Food. Novelty. Stability. Time without input.

And those conditions will not be identical for everybody.

The more useful question may not be:

“What is wrong with me?”

It may be:

“What conditions does this particular human being require in order to function well?”

8. Being precise about your feelings can reduce the threat

When you’re accurately labelling, you’re turning down even mild threats. The more accurately you name an emotion, the less power it may have over you.

9. One of the quickest tools is: “That’s just my brain”

When something triggers us, we tend to move very quickly from having a reaction to making it mean something about who we are. Or we can take ages to mentally decode it.

Try using this phrase next time:

“That’s just my brain.”

That’s my brain reacting to uncertainty.
That’s my brain feeling threatened.

You are recognising that it is a brain response, not necessarily an accurate verdict on you, the other person or the situation.

Guys, 100K now on YouTube!!! We hit it a few days ago…a milestone and a goal on the YouTube journey.

Thanks for being a part of it; so much work goes into creating our content.

Love SA x