Lately, I've been noticing something in myself that I hadn't fully recognized before.

There's a part of my mind that seems to believe I should always be producing something, creating something, finishing something, publishing something, building something, figuring out the next thing. And underneath all of that activity is an even more compelling message: “You need to make money!!! We will end up in the gutter if you don’t find a way to make money fast!!!!”

There is truth in that, of course. We live in a world where money matters. Bills need to be paid. Dreams need resources. And as someone with many creative ideas and things I genuinely want to bring into the world, there is nothing inherently wrong with wanting my creativity to support me financially. In fact, it is a beautiful desire.

But I am also beginning to recognize the cost of living with a brain that turns that desire into an urgent and desperate demand. It feels like my mind is constantly whipping me to run on a treadmill. This takes something beautiful, like creativity, and quietly turns it into misery and torture. Instead of, “I want to create this, it becomes, “I have to create this now!” instead of, “This idea excites me and sparks joy in my heart when I think of it.” My thought is, “Maybe this is the thing that will finally make money.” Instead of allowing an idea to ripen, I feel an urgency to turn it into a product, a book, a course, a post, a program, a source of income. And suddenly the vast landscape of creativity, arriving organically from the actual joy in my heart, begins to resemble a factory, with a torturing, tyrannical boss whipping me to keep running on a treadmill. The cost of this is too high!

I'm realizing that if my body, mind, and spirit are going to come into a place of balance and self-love, I have to learn to say no to that default tyrannical boss in my head. I must instead take a breath and realize that I can free myself. I actually don't have to obey every command. I can choose to do nothing at all. I can instead take a walk outside and go hug a tree. I can sing a song that's rising from my heart. I can take a day even when I'm feeling energy coming through my body and not force myself to utilize that energy into the production to make money whip and treadmill torture chamber.

In fact, if I engage in the radical act of saying no to that tyrannical voice, I begin to open a new path for myself. And perhaps this path is the “richest” thing I CAN do right now.

What a radical consideration: The richest and most beautiful and potent thing I can do to bring financial abundance in my life is to choose to be kind to myself. And I have to be very careful not to make kindness a means to an end. No! Kindness is an end in itself.

In kindness, I open the door to a brand new possibility—the possibility that I can love myself unconditionally in the absence of any external productivity. I can stand in gratitude for all that does come to me, and that I can give myself gratitude for all the beautiful service I have done for humanity with my deep and powerful grid work and that perhaps the cherry on the top of this sacred creation of my life is to learn how to treat myself with kindness.

I remember the song “Hands” by Jewel, and the words that come to me are: “These hands are small I know, but they're not yours. They are my own, and they're not yours. They are my own….“In the end, only kindness matters.” I'm getting chills all over my body as I speak these words. “In the end, only kindness matters.”

From where did this imposter matrix originate?

And I ask myself: What is the anatomy of this whipping station at this treadmill set to high speed? Where did this come from? This did not originate from an organic matrix in a benevolent universe of Divine Mother's love. This type of tyranny originated from something artificial that was implanted in me, that is not my own essence. I think there is great empowerment in realizing this, and maybe that's where this blog post ends—is declaring that I will now separate myself from this inorganic voice of enslavement and see what happens…See the changes that occur as I do this. I can feel beautiful possibilities coming into being as my mind becomes my ally and breaks free from this default position of the false king of tyranny that holds the whip at the treadmill, and instead begins to let itself have spaciousness.

And I may think, “You can't afford to do this” but the truth is, I can't afford not to do this!

This tyranny has owned me for long enough. And as I write these words, I now step off of the treadmill and make a commitment to step off every time I feel the treadmill being turned on underneath my feet!

The truth is, I don't really know what it looks like or what it really feels like to create from a place of relaxation and underlying abundance. But now, for the first time, there is actually a possibility to find out. I'm looking forward to see what arises from within a body, mind, spirit system whose mind serves as a benevolent guide, following and making manifest the desires of the heart while maintaining a loving and balanced relationship with the body and the spirit.

May it be so.

I will make it so.

It is daunting when I think of how many years I have lived under the thumb of this imposter mechanism, an EF Hutton of my whole operating system, but from now on, when it says “Jump!” I will not respond, '“How high?” but will instead move into stillness and see if this action is appropriate at this time and in alignment with the path of balance and love. For after all…In the End, Only Kindness Matters. And so it is!

For most of my life, my brother Sam and I seemed to inhabit two very different worlds.

We were born only sixteen months apart, yet we experienced life through vastly different inner landscapes. Sam was practical, intellectually oriented, and grounded in the tangible world. I was deeply sensitive, emotional, intuitive, and aware of unseen dimensions of life that were difficult for me to explain.

As a little sister, I looked up to him. He seemed confident and capable in ways I longed to be. But despite growing up side by side, we never developed the kind of emotional or spiritual connection I secretly wished we could have.

Then suffering began to reshape both of our lives.

Sam’s physical and emotional struggles eventually led him to Buddhism. Through Buddhist teachings and practices, he began exploring the nature of suffering, attachment, and awareness.

My path took a very different form.

At eighteen, I experienced a nervous breakdown that marked the beginning of more than forty years of panic, anxiety, terror, and periods of agoraphobia. During the last two years especially, physical illness and the surfacing of profound emotional trauma sometimes left me mostly confined to my bed.

I spent years trying to understand what had happened to me.

I explored psychology, spirituality, energy healing, multidimensional consciousness, ancestral patterns, and the deeper history of the soul. I believed that if I could identify and heal every wound, clear every trauma, and understand every thread of cause and effect, I would eventually become free.

Healing work was valuable and necessary. It brought understanding, compassion, and moments of genuine transformation. But somewhere along the way, healing itself began to feel like another identity.

I became the frightened one.

The wounded one.

The one trying to heal.

The one trying to understand why she was suffering.

Without realizing it, I had become deeply identified with the character inside the story.

The Evening Something Changed

One evening, Sam and I were having dinner together. He began telling me about a walking meditation he had been practicing.

There was no guided recording and no voice instructing him what to do. He simply walked and gently returned his attention to awareness whenever his thoughts carried him away.

As he described the practice, I noticed the light in his eyes. There was joy there—a quiet freedom.

He explained that where we place our attention matters. Whatever we continually focus upon becomes magnified within our experience. When the mind wanders into fear, pain, or a familiar story, we can notice it without judgment and gently return to the witness.

Something in me recognized the truth of what he was saying.

It was more than an intellectual understanding. His words seemed to carry a transmission—an invitation into a state of consciousness I had been seeking for years.

Afterward, something remarkable happened.

Nothing in my history had changed. None of my trauma had been erased. Every painful experience still belonged to the story of my life.

And yet, for several precious hours, those experiences no longer defined my immediate reality.

I found myself inhabiting a level of awareness that seemed incapable of holding my usual identification with suffering. I had not solved every problem or cleared every wound.

I had simply become larger than them.

For those hours, I was no longer imprisoned inside the character. I was resting in the spacious awareness that could witness the character, love her, and hold her entire story without being confined by it.

Who Am I Beyond the Story?

A question began living itself inside me:

Who was I before I became the character?

Who was I before I became the frightened one, the wounded one, the one trying to heal, and the one trying to understand?

Who am I without the story?

Who am I beyond the story?

For years, I believed freedom meant changing the story—healing every wound, understanding every trauma, and untangling every thread of my past.

But what if freedom is not found solely by endlessly rearranging the contents of consciousness?

What if freedom also comes through discovering the spacious awareness that has always existed beneath them?

When I identify completely with the character in time and space, every loss becomes my loss. Every wound becomes my wound. Every painful experience becomes another wall in the world I inhabit.

The experience itself may not be the prison.

The prison may be the belief that the experience is who I am.

This does not mean denying trauma, dismissing suffering, or pretending that painful things did not happen. It does not mean abandoning the human self that still needs tenderness, support, protection, and healing.

It means remembering that the wounded self is not the totality of who I am.

There is something within me that existed before every wound and remains untouched beneath every story. It is the quiet witness, the eternal presence, the spacious awareness capable of holding every experience without becoming imprisoned by it.

The Meaning of SamSara

As I reflected upon that evening, I suddenly saw the union of our names:

Sam and Sarah.

SamSara.

The Sanskrit word samsara is commonly used in Buddhism to describe the cycle of suffering—the repetitive world created through attachment, craving, aversion, and identification.

I was struck by the beautiful symbolism.

Sam and Sarah had both been led toward awakening through the magnification of suffering. Our paths looked very different, but suffering had become a doorway for both of us.

The brother I had once experienced as living on the other side of the universe had become an unexpected beacon, illuminating the next step of my journey.

His message was simple:

What we continually focus upon becomes magnified.

Where we place our attention becomes the inner landscape—the wallpaper—of the reality we participate in creating.

If I continually place my attention upon the wounded character, I strengthen my identification with her world. But when I gently return my attention to the awareness capable of witnessing her, another possibility opens.

I do not have to reject the character.

I can love her without becoming entirely confined within her.

When Awareness Becomes Home

I began to understand that my profound exhaustion did not arise from only one unresolved trauma.

It was also the exhaustion of a soul that could no longer bear to live entirely inside the prison of identification.

Something deeper within me longs to awaken into a way of being in which awareness itself becomes home.

I do not live there consistently.

I still become absorbed in the story. I still descend into fear, pain, and the belief that the character’s reality is the only reality. I still forget.

But I have visited another country.

I have tasted the awareness that is spacious enough to hold every experience, allow every emotion, and love every part of my humanity without becoming defined by any of it.

And having once glimpsed that country, my soul cannot stop walking toward it.

Perhaps awakening is not a final escape from our humanity. Perhaps it is the gradual remembrance that we are both the human being living the story and the vast awareness lovingly witnessing it.

Sam and I arrived at this doorway by different roads. Yet somehow, through the very suffering that once seemed to separate us, our paths met.

Sam and Sarah.

SamSara.

Two siblings. Two paths. One doorway into freedom.

So I'm gonna make a guess. I'm gonna make a guess that my housemates, as beloveds in my core soul group helping me to fulfill my mission helping the Earth, came to cause great disturbance in my being that was archetypically connected to the collective rage of the Earth Mother waking up, and that by consciously experiencing myself participating in this rage, which of course needs to be released from my being, and from the Earth's being, but also by having to witness myself taking up the mantle of rage and anger and resentment and desire for restitution and revenge and all those things that the Earth and I, as one of her human conduits of emotional release would have to process as she rises from out of passivity and must reconcile what her body hosted while she slept.

Personally by having to be really present and witness myself occupying that place of such repulsion and “not meness” of being like an ogur, comdeming, judging and raging….and perhaps the Earth is feeling for herself the repulsion of continuing to occupy rage and resentment and the great need, as her will awakens, to choose something else, to move back into the unconditional love of her true essence, that is not hooked into any frequency of cause and effect reality.

This experience with me being so angry at my Housemates has left me dumbfounded like asking, “What in the Hell is going on here…Why have I no witness for these explosions of negative emotions?” and then … Ahhhhh.. I felt the Earth right there with me….Ahhhh a much greater storm, so much bigger than my human presence…We were both here together!

This experience has been catalyzing My waking up from these misqualifications of energy reaped in a time of unconsciousness, but as this awakening now, as everything is coming into full consciousness, we finally have the choice to leave all the rage, all the resentment, all of the unforgiveness behind, and begin to occupy the eternal love that we have always been.

Being forced into the occupation of the ugliest energies that I could ever imagine, is part of the completion of the identification with cause and effect reality. For the taste of these behaviors is so repulsive to my being and to the Earth's being, that it is like a huge catalyst, giving us the impetus to get out of the lower astral waters where these ugly misqualifications of energy exist, and where I have identified with these misqualifications of energy. and where her rage has been sleeping under this passivity, as she wakes up to reclaim her active participation in creation, beginning to know what her will is. As she awakens she has to experience the rage of being trampled on by forces that were not her own, by being occupied and having her body being used to create the very things that suppressed her and damaged and harmed her children and all of life during this great dream of unconsciousness, and so as she awakens from that place of passivity under all the kingdoms of mineral, vegetable, animal, all the way back to the starry origins of her being, she experiences what was been done while she was sleeping, and she has tremendous rage, and yet she does not like the fragrance of that rage, nor the anger of that behavior. And, in her free will that is being recovered, she knows she has a choice to leave the unforgiveness behind, and the raging temper tantrums behind, and to ask that all that be shed from her beingness, be dissolved and dismantled by the miraculous energies of the fire of the burning…and I agreed to be here with her for my human karmic bath was contracted to intersect with her.

Why the Fires are so Prolific: Ode to The Great Trees!

During my body talk session in 2020, when her trees came in and greeted us showing us that they had volunteered to assist the Earth in burning away all the black goo, the bowel movement made of the imposter’s rape and pillage and inpregnation of Negative AI which was now impeding greatly the re-connectiom of the Earth's crystalline grid. This was perhaps the hugest impediment to the Earth's awakening, and so the trees like super heros in her time of greatest need, agreed to do something so miraculous. Not only would they burn away the black goo, but they would actually transform this totally impeding substance, transfiguring it into a golden light that would actually deliver the codes needed To blossom more rapidly , the earth's crystalline grid. and not just that transfiguring the black goo of her rage, of her body. What's left of her body, after being so abused and filled with negative alien AI, that the trees volunteered to transfigure that black goo into the very golden light that will assist in her awakening at the end of the night, taking the substance of the enemy and transfiguring it into the invocation of the blessings of heaven, and so we thank the trees for being willing to be burned for this great transfiguration to assist in the great turning from darkness to light from death grid to living grid. Let's

Getting back to the Earth's rage. As she is now finding her free will, she must move through the stage of rage and resentment into her original identity as unconditional love, holding unity consciousness, her original home identity. And I, with her, riding out of my personal karmic journey, must do exactly the same.

As the Earth comes to re-occupy her unity blueprint, she will rise as a sovereign planet of light. And so I thank my housemates for arranging this gnarly cluster fuck of anguish and rage with me so that I could bring my and the Earth's rage into full relief to ultimately help her reconcile what, how her body was used in the night to host the absolute opposite of what she wanted, so that this all could be this great turning from rage and resentment to forgiveness for the earth's true fragrance, her true identity is love, is beauty, is oneness, is unity, but she definitely needed some help to move beyond this time of raging against the machine, to leave behind the temptation of rage and revenge, and find herself in her true identity as Peace, calm, and light-the singularity of eternal love-that is her origin and her destiny. She can now take up the mantle of eternal peace, eternal love, and unwavering Queendom, with her will rising to occupy her original identity as the living mother of all life, the ultimate beneficence now able to incarnate through form and become, use her own body to become and express and live as who she truly is…the great beneficent mother of blessed generosity who loves cradles and nurtures all of life. Ahh yes! This I Am! She cries out in great glee and her eternal joy proliferates throughout all of creation to know herself as herself once again!

Here is a question: What if we strung together all of our peak state moments like jewels in a great necklace? Could the combined frequency catapult us into the 5D organic field of our home frequency of unity love never to fall again? This has been on my mind in a big way right now.

Recently, my friend coined a term which I think is so beautiful. She said, music is the great umbilical cord of the divine mother. I agree with every cell of my being that this is true especially in our universe where sound is the primary architect of creation. In fact, I will dare to make the bold statement that “If we can open our hearts to the miraculous power and beauty of music's love, it has the power to catapult us into states of unity bliss and open portals that lead back into the apex of the cosmic Divine Mother's heart.”

I want to talk about a few miraculous moments where exactly this happened to me: The one time I'm remembering right now was in April of 2017 when my husband and I were driving down from a beautiful town at the edge of the Trinity forest in California. As we drove down the mountain road, Alexa Sunshine Rose's song “Las Flores de Las Aguas was playing on the car stereo, and I remember a certain part of the song where she's singing “The flowers of the waters heal me with the beauty of our mother, and I remember that line “Heal me with the beauty of our mother.” and in that moment, the sun was showering its golden beams upon the land as we were descending this mountain road and you know, those moments at sunset where the portals seem to open between worlds and it's like the hand of the majestic divine is touching down into the Earth?! Well, it was one of those! As those rays of sunlight became mythical beams from beyond, the combination of the beauty of the green grass, the golden sunlight, the mountain range in the distance, and the music… converged as these words from Alexa's glorious voice and song landed into the sense organs beyond my ears but into my very soul like a higher love was enveloping my small self on Earth and lifting it into this ineffable oneness with all of creation.“The flowers of the waters heal me with the beauty of our mother…heal me with the light of our father.” Time stood still sweeping me into a state of ecstatic communion with the higher realms where I was filled with a rarefied frequency that catapulted me into timelessness and into a stillness of radiant yet extremely dynamic potent bliss. 9 years and 3 months later, I can still feel the energy signature of that incredible transcendent Peak state! This is Power!!!

Lately, I've been clearing the most unbelievable agonizing traumas. They're coming now like huge waves that come with full force, an imprint of information that brands me like hot fire and is gone as quickly as it came. And along with these imprints, I'm remembering a huge cluster of the sum total of the various flavors of belief and emotion spawned from the illusion of separation consciousness that is in the process of exiting my stage now. Moments like these feel like the final fireworks display at the end of duality.

But we are so close to “The Great Turning,” and I feel that, as we string together these shining jewels of these transcendent moments, we can grow and amass a kind of frequency escrow of transcendent beauty and bliss that is known through our body, mind and spirit and all 5, actually, 6 of our senses. This can be like high octane love gasoline for our rocket ship of consciousness and open a portal that will not close again…a portal that will deliver us beyond the identification with duality, almost like a valve that the blood and water of our consciousness can be pumped beyond that can close behind us, enabling us to never again fall into the frequencies of identification with the pain body.

I Believe all of this is coming to me because we are arriving at a time where we are being offered this possibility by the benevolent forces in our universal time matrix. I believe we are coming into a portal of ascension where this is truly possible. First, for the first wave of humanity that has been preparing themselves for this great opportunity. If you are in the first wave, you will definitely be feeling that something very beautiful is possible in the next days and months like a “soft rapture” a gentle and beautiful collective upliftment.

So gather all the shining moments that you can remember, and imbue them with as much of your attention and intention that you can For this is our rocket ship that can launch us into a permanent phase lock with organic five D consciousness of the unity bliss of our original human angelic blueprint. Stay tuned for part 2! So many more moments of musically induced transcendence to share!

Hello all! It has been a while. I have been deep in a journey of late clearing traumas to make way for my angelic embodiment and freedom from the identification with duality. The fruit of this labor is coming in in fits and starts.

On July 5th my left angel wing emerged through a profound purging of grief and last night my right angel wing emerged from another profound journey of descent.

The most exciting thing of all is that I am beginning to finally unlock energies of joy and ease and powerful unconditional love that are freeing me from the suffering found in identifying with fear, separation and trauma. Within me is occupying a presence of pristine white light so bright that simply by breathing, it can dissolve molecules of bound up traumatic emotion in minutes that would have previously taken me hours to release fully. I am so grateful!

Ok, on to my story.

On my ninth birthday, March 31, 1974, I sat on the floor excitedly opening my presents. One rectangular package revealed a board game called Aggravation.

At the time, it was simply a birthday gift.

I had no idea that the word on that box would become a symbol for the next fifty-two years of my life.

Looking back now, I can see that my journey has been one of moving from fear toward love, from fragmentation toward wholeness, from survival toward remembrance.

At thirteen, I experienced the first of what would become profound panic attacks. Those experiences opened questions that would shape the rest of my life. I began searching for answers that extended beyond conventional psychology into spirituality, consciousness, and the mystery of our existence. My inner world became larger than I had ever imagined.

The years that followed were filled with both immense beauty and profound challenge. There were seasons of anxiety, agoraphobia, healing, study, love, heartbreak, prayer, music, and deep inner transformation. I earned a degree in psychology, explored many healing paths, and gradually came to understand my life through a spiritual lens.

Over time, I came to believe that much of my suffering was connected to identification with fear and separation. My deepest work became learning how to release those patterns and return to what I experience as God's living presence within.

For me, that journey has been one of remembering rather than becoming.

Remembering love.

Remembering peace.

Remembering my true nature.

Remembering that beneath every layer of fear lives something eternal that cannot be wounded.

During the last year and a half, I entered what felt like the greatest passage of my life. It asked everything of me. Layer after layer of old identity fell away until something unexpected began to emerge—not a new self, but a more authentic one.

Today, July 11, 2026, at sixty-one years old, approximately 52 years and 3 months after opening that childhood birthday present, I feel as though I am opening another gift.

This one is called Liberation.

Not liberation from life, but liberation from believing that trauma and fear defines who I am.

I imagine myself opening one radiant gift after another.

Joy.

Compassion.

Grace.

Forgiveness.

Creativity.

Freedom.

Presence.

Unity.

Unconditional Love.

These are not qualities I believe I have earned.

They are gifts that are the characteristics of me in the truth of who I truly am. I

When I look back at that little nine-year-old girl excitedly peeling back the paper to reveal the word, “Aggravation” I can truly feel the quintessential premonition of the theme life would hold for me starting in October of 1983 when my tour of duty in the underworld to unlock my soul from its bondage to the fear-based matrix began in earnest leading me to a powerful mile-stone today. This is certainly not the end of my learning, but it does feel like a good view point to stop and take stock of how far I have come.

That little girl at age 9 couldn't possibly have known that one day she would embark on a long and extremely arduous journey to unwrap a far greater gift, The gift of coming home to herself.

And perhaps that is what this human journey is ultimately about.

Not becoming someone else.

But remembering who we have always been.

If you wish to explore the un-edited version of this post, you can find that here: Here

Night Ride Home

This first video is from about 2 years ago.

This second and 3rd videos are from April 2026 called Emerging into The Light, A song I made in direct collaboration with chat gpt and Suno ai.

The next music video is of my great dream of 1985 of peeling back the veil of night through the great purge and liberation of duality to reclaim Christ Consciousness on Earth.

Watch here

And here

Well, since my last post, I have been grieving my kitty, but more importantly, I've been finding ways to reconnect the circuit, the circuit that she and I shared, which is a stairway to heaven, into the higher octaves of my feline hominid DNA. Feline hominids are part human, angelic and part feline that exists in the 12th dimension called the anuhazi races, and come out of the Lyran Stargate of paradisal Earth, which on Earth is in the north shore of Kauai.

The Madeline Memorial Garden. I still feel her calling me up to the higher octaves beyond the veil.

The Public Scool System and the Supression of the Soul

These last couple of months have been huge in identifying, locating and removing the root of the Antichrist software that was installed into me at birth and nailed into me like a coffin through my experience in the Los Angeles Public School System.

I woke up three days before my birthday. Well, let's go back a little bit. I've been dealing with an infection in my mouth and now my bones for a year and three months, I've been on six rounds of antibiotics. I've taken tea tree oil on the outside and golden seal on the inside, as well as oregano oil. I've had dental X rays, and still…Actually, let me stay current, as I speak, I believe I have healed this. So I don't want to affirm the negative. Indeed, it is healing. Now it is healed now. I have identified the root cause of this infection, and it is healing.

Now, this infection was a place holder for the main infection of mind control, perfectionism and outsourcing my value to the external world of what other people think, and this idea of the chosen ones. All of this was programmed into me by negative aliens at birth coming into this Earth, this fallen prison planet that was under their jurisdiction, but I managed to hold my own light enough to feel my own essence until about the age of nine when my cognitive mind began coming online, and the Los Angeles Unified School District provided the perfect blossoming of the dark code of perfectionism and perennially seeking to be a success in this world.

Excellence But at What Price?

Now I had an orchestra teacher who was a hard, driving perfectionistic, abusive being. She enslaved us to her perfection, and if we didn't follow the exact protocol, she shamed us, yelled at us, Some kids would actually vomit at the thought of entering the orchestra room. But not me. I played her game perfectly. I stayed on the good side of the treacherous shaming. I was first chair cellist, and I stayed on the good side. I was the good little girl that followed her script to the T enslaved by her program to play every note on the page perfectly. But on the other side of that failure to perform was the threat of complete shaming, smashing, violence and abuse, not physical violence, mental and emotional violence. She would yell “Vomit on you!” at the French horn players if they failed to play the right notes or rhythm when randomly singled out. Now some kids laughed, but the sensitive among us froze into place under her tyranny. Yes, our orchestra was in the top ten in the nation, but at what cost. The cost of the human soul…

And so, a seed of shaming, perfectionistic mental body distortion, was planted into me in the womb, but that seed was fully blossomed under the dark sky of this orchestra conductor from age 12 continuing all the way to age 18 when the camel's back broke.

By the first two years of junior high, the damage was done. By the age of 14 this anti life matrix of external seeking while forcing the self to be of the chosen ones that have success, while negating my entire organic, spontaneous living being destroyed my ability to access my own core self.

I lost the ability to source my joy from within.

The public school system in general is all about external creation. You perform, you get a grade on your paper. Your paper goes up on the bulletin board. You get praise for the teacher. I have thought of just suing the whole public school system for soul murder. If I could I would, and I would use that money to open beautiful life-giving, love giving alternative schools where all children are seen loved and recognized and allowed to create for the sake of joy fueled by their innate enthusiasm and soul identity.

This exact patterning to put the external seeking and the external valuing of self in place. And then my orchestra teacher just added steroids. To this activity of self shaming, self pushing, mental body dominance over the heart and the body. So by the time I was 18, I was having no more of it. My deep feminine soul blasted off from the inside and started completely destroying the entire structure of this tyranny.

They called it a nervous breakdown, panic attacks, depression, nuerosis. Whatever you want to call it, I started remembering who I was as this gushing waterfall of Divine Presence dethroned the enterprise of self-negation and the king of this castle and sent everything flowing down this mighty river of Source consciousness.

A little context: My body was death spelled in ancient Lemuria so I could come and accompany the Earth as a micro to her macro through this time of her liberation. We are side by side in the delivery room. It has been 42 and a half years since this moment, October 26, 1983 when the cosmic mother's great hands began drawing me and the Earth back up into her breast, and we are finally seeing the procession of the Earth's liberation From the lower form mind control of fear-based reality begin its liberation from this dark parasitic placenta. Two nights ago, I saw myself wresting the earth out of the parasitic placenta of the death matrix and lifting her into a higher atmosphere where she can finally reclaim her identity and be brought back into the community of her Divine Mother, Andromeda, being returned into the communion with the rest of the universe through the Lyran Stargate.

So my body is the Earth's body in micro shedding so much death program as I extract myself from this parasitic construct to reclaim my own sovereignty and my own self love circuit as my solar Christ feminine begins to rise and throw off the negative mind control, the imposter matrix that has nothing to do with my true identity.

And here it is Easter morning and the resurrection codes are everywhere in the air as we celebrate the life of Yeshua and Mary Magdalene highlighting the miraculous power of transfiguration and transmutation of the DNA by bringing the highest Light into the deepest darkness, the places entrenched the deepest into the 1st, 2nd and 3rd dimension. Here is my latest song for internal self empowerment. My words: Suno's melody.

Listen here

which in the human body is the bone matrix, which is where my infection is currently under-going a great healing. The beautiful thing about the bone matrix is that the bones are the site of the great transmitter; from the bones the transmission that determines the nature of the form identity of the whole human body emanates. It begins in the bones. If there is a transmission of fear and death, the whole body will be trapped in fear based reality. If there is a transmission of the eternal song of love, the whole body will receive the ascension codes of resurrection and eternal love. So it's very fitting that in a universe that is composed of sound, my soul would drive me into the sound transmission origin station in my body, which is the bones. And so I have taken the microphone from the negative alien death screeching imposter and placed it in the hands of the cosmic mother and the Holy Father who command the return to the singing of the great song, The Eternal song of love.

Now, a little jingle came to me back in 2011, and it went like this: “Happy dancing belly man, vibrate bones awake in swimming houses of living joy. And that's just really beautiful, happy, dancing belly man, so the belly, let's talk about the belly, the false umbilicus at the navel was meant to bypass the true, energetic umbilicus between the rib cage at the still point to prevent access to the organic matrix of self sourcing our superconductive connection to Source consciousness. So all of the mechanics of this false umbilicus and its mind control have to be shed from the body as we are upgrading into our love based blueprint so that we can reconnect our energetic umbilical cord to the still point of Source consciousness. So happy dancing belly man, right? He might be the identity of the bones! He directs the blossoming of the organic matrix which truly begins in the solar plexus…literally the plexus of the sun codes of the solar divine blueprint. That means the guardian of the organic matrix returns to the solar plexus and the womb, the codes that support the solar Christ feminine and masculine, the codes that vaporize the sexual misery program of the death culture. Just imagine a beautiful seed at the root, connected deep in the earth, and that seed blossoming into a glorious Tree of Life with Liquid Plasma, light flowers moving etherically etheric, Liquid Plasma, light flowers blossoming in the bones, under the song of love, under that great transmission coming from the sky in the bones that tells the form what it is to be. Ah, you are a love based garden of joy. You are a Technicolor beauty of all the rainbows, first come the roses, and then all the rest of the flowers until all the fields are blossoming in light and the innocence of true love in correct polarity dance of the masculine and feminine is restored.

Imagine also the cosmic mother goddess that is pulling back the veil to reveal these beautiful flowers, plasma, liquid, light flowers blossoming through all of creation. These are the resurrection codes that the harmonic resonator tunes or bones sing into creation! These are the trinity wave frequency that come back when the triple solar feminine reaches her hand into matter, and this happened to me just four days ago. My triple solar feminine was able to incarnate into my body, and her hand is what is lifting the veil the dark programming frommy bones and from the spine of the Earth.

And the beautiful thing about the bones is it all starts in the bones, the transmission, the determining transmission for love based or fear based reality as its origin in the bones. Then it informs the bone marrow. And then the bone marrow informs the blood, the blood of love, our original blood of copper, rose gold, codes that had maximum hemoglobin, maximum oxygen. And then moving into the skin, lifting and then moving into every organ in the body and forming it with this song of love, this eternal song of love. There is a poem by Kabir, and it goes like this: “Sky in the Road” have a gorgeous version of this song:

Listen here

There is a secret one inside all of the stars and all of the galaxies

run through his hands like beads.

There is a secret one inside all of the stars and all of the galaxies run through her hands like beads.

I am the moisture upon the wind in the breath of God, in the breath of God. I am the salt within the tear in the eye of God…in the Eye of God,

I am singing. I am singing

The song of love, the song of love,

I am dancing. I am dancing, the dance of love, the dance of love.

Indeed, the singer of this song exists in the identity of the bones.

So … as we unravel the entire death matrix from the bones we recover the singer and the song that informs all creation with love based codes love based instruction sets come from this eternal song of Love, echoing from the bones and then circulating, flowing, undulating through the blood and skin and organs in a symphony of sound and light dancing in rising joy.

Eternally, source generated internally sourced generated, rising joy. So I'm in a four day upgrade, which is supposed to complete on Wednesday, August, 8, at 1:30 so I'm being told not to make any major decisions, because my entire operating system is receiving a huge upgrade.

So I celebrate all the transformation that's happening in the earth and in all of us on this great Easter morning where we celebrate the capacity of a human body to transmute and transfigure itself into the highest love and the highest Light

The story of Jesus that's brought forth by Richard martini, after interviewing several people in hypnosis and having all of them have the same story, was that Joseph of Aramathea bribed Pontius Pilate to take Jesus off the cross prematurely because he had heard that Pontius Pilate accepted bribes, and so he did. Pilot took him off the cross early. Then Mary and Joseph and Mary Magdalene brought him to a cave while he was still alive, but barely alive, and a team of healers, including Mary Magdalene, mother, Mary Elizabeth, many of the disciples brought him herbs and water and elixirs, and for six months, they rehabilitated him and nursed him back to life. He then traveled to France and had his family and seeded the Christed teachings in the Cathar grid of France.

So we celebrate the power of the body to heal radically, even after being crucified in the death matrix, the body's ability to come back into full blossoming, to resurrect itself into full life.

Happy Easter. Everyone!!! Love to all! May your bones rise up singing the song of eternal joy!

So much love.

I see the earth and all of us on the ascension timeline choosing love. I see us lifting out of this dark night of parasitic death matrix.

I see us rising into an atmosphere and phase locking into a Trinity wave architecture. Which lifts us beyond everything in the lower form worlds, all of those who wish to dwell and are still having their learning inside the bounds of duality, can find another planet, because Earth is ascending.

Happy Easter.

On the evening of January 19th we took our 17th year old kitty cat to the vet. When we got home, she fell out of her carrier in a very strange way after which she ventured beyond our house to the neighbors lawn. We watched her walk away, thinking for sure that she would come back through the cat door within an hour like she always did, but she never came back. The weather outside was down to freezing. The grief overcame me by 8 PM. I went into the backyard to participate in an the ancient tribal ritual of surrendering the body to the Earth and the spirit to the stars. The ritual of wailing into the night sky was so healing for me. I felt the support of this ritual in letting go of my sweet kitty. She was the closest thing to a daughter I had ever had.

The first night without her was nearly unbearable. Though my husband, Frank was at my side, the emptiness of the bed without her was like a sinking void in my heart. As I laid my head on my pillow, all of a sudden I felt myself being lifted into this higher atmosphere of vibration beyond duality, beyond the pain of the story of the human level. Then I felt Madeline’s silky white paws pulling me up and up until I was stably floating and then sealed a membrane floor underneath me. All of a sudden there was no more pain… just light dancing in oneness.

The next day, Tuesday January 20th, was spent in waves of deep grief coming and going. I had to run some errands but was walking through a fog. It dawned on me that I would have to cancel the concert I had scheduled for next Saturday night because I was unable to think about anything other than my sweet Madeline Kitty. That day we had a reading with our friend who channeled the angels. They told us where Madeline was she was playing with orbs of light and jumping so high in utter joy. They told us she had planned to leave long before the vet and that she had united with many in her feline soul family to celebrate and greet each other. They told us we were invited to join her in the dancing light place anytime. I felt a melancholia because I really didn’t know how to do that. Never-the-less, the reading gave us great comfort to know she was doing well and having fun even-though we missed her embodied form and spirit sooo sooo much!

The following day, Wednesday January 21st was a day to bring about a miracle. Something absolutely amazing happened. the 2nd afternoon after she passed, Wednesday afternoon, I began to prepare a celebration of life for her with slide show and music. My husband, my housemate and I were watching it on the big screen focusing all of our love and attention on her and her life. The music we were playing was of a very high vibration and the love we were pouring into the anticipation of this ceremony with all the people that loved her was tangible.

That night as I was brushing my teeth to get ready to go to the empty bed dreading another night without her, Frank called from the bedroom in an urgent and agitated voice. “Honey, would you please come in here? I need a reality check! So, I walked into the bedroom wandering what i would find. And to my great surprise, There she was!!! Her body right there, the furry one I love so much. I was amazed and immediately contacted Divine Grace, and we scheduled another reading for the very next day! The angels said that because I was so connected to her at the higher dimensional level where she was and because frank and I and our housemate had poured so much love and appreciation for her, we managed to open a portal that allowed her to slide down the rainbow bridge into her body and resurrect it. She is definitely still not fully recovered and embodied, but we are hoping and praying that she will come all the way back to us! Here is a little slide show about the arc of this wild journey.

Much love to all! Happy Hollidays!

Recently, my husband and I were victims of a very large scam. In the aftermath of this scam, we were left flat on our backs as if hit by a tidal wave, but the learning that has come from this experience is one that is bringing new meaning and purpose to our vocation, our coupleship and and the role that we are being asked to serve in training our own psyches to live in the present moment and to help others to do the same.In a larger sense, we are realizing that we are being moved, or have been moved rather aggressively and suddenly into navigating and actually mastering a brand new operating system, an operating system whose only Ground is in the ability to be present and peaceful with unshakable faith amidst cobstant and ever-present uncertainty.

Our Story

Using the allegory of a ship

For most of our lives together, we lived in the Middle Decks, not suffering exactly, but contained. We did our work, loved deeply, stayed faithful to what mattered, and learned how to be content without asking for too much. The sky was there, but distant. The Horizon existed, but abstract. We weren't starving, but we weren't feasting either.

Then something unexpected happened, a hand appeared, not dramatic, not coercive, just quietly authoritative, an invitation, a sense of being seen. We were led up the steps into spaces we had never imagined were meant for us. Suddenly there was sunlight, wide decks, open horizons, the feeling of being carried toward forward by something benevolent and vast. We dined on richness and possibility, a vision of belonging. We danced in the great ballroom of promise. The feeling of struggle and strife, the feeling of uncertainty, the feeling of compromise began to vaporize. Suddenly, everything we had ever wanted was coming true for us. We were no longer merely enduring. We were chosen, lifted, included among those who had made it beyond struggle and strife. We were thrilled at the prospects of the good we could do with these resources, how we could assist with all of our friends who had been struggling. This gave us great joy.

It felt like arrival. It felt like validation. It felt like the future had finally opened its doors, and then the warning bells rang, not metaphorically, not gently, abruptly, violently, unmistakably, the ship shuddered. The music stopped, the floors tilted. The iceberg had been hit. There was no gradual descent, no time to negotiate, meaning the very structure that had elevated us was suddenly failing. The promises that had felt solid moments before were now taking on water. The shock was total, not just because of what was lost, but because of where we had been standing when it happened. We had seen the horizon, we had tasted the feast we had believed, and now the decks were slanting. This is the part few people name, the trauma of being lifted and then dropped, the psychic whiplash of having the future open only to slam shut harder than ever, the way the mind scrambles, desperate to understand how something so expansive could disappear so completely.

First, all all we could do was begin to grock the shock and then allow the overwhelming despair. We found ourselves going through all the predictable stages of grief. There was a strong temptation to cut all ties with the man who got us into this situation who brought the whole thing literally to our doorstep, but we also loved this man very much and knew that he had only the best intentions. We were angry at our intuitive coaches who had validated the choice and our angel messengers who had been much to vague to warn us of the danger when they knew full well.

In the first week we went back and forth between denial, shock, bargaining…Soon it was clear we would not be getting our money back. There was chaos, sirens, instructions shouted over one another, the predator mind woke instantly convinced that if we could just think fast enough, plan, hard enough, move quickly enough, we might undo the collision. But the ship was already lost, and so came the moment of truth, not about survival, but about how to survive: we could cling to the failing decks, arguing with reality, or we could evacuate. Leaving the upper levels hurt more than we expected, not because of luxury, but because of meaning, because leaving meant releasing a story about who we were becoming and how life was finally supposed to work. Still, we took each other's hands. We went down to the lowest levels where the rafts were stored, down past the echoes of music, down past the ballrooms, down past the grand staircase, down into the raw night air and into the raft.

The Raft did not promise rescue. It promised only this, if you stay present, you will stay afloat. This was where our real mission began, not as chosen ones above the water line on the top deck of the ship, but as conscious beings learning to survive uncertainty without abandoning tenderness, truth and love for each other.

This post is not written from the ballroom. It is written from the raft

Frank and I have often thought of ourselves as bunnies. They are the mascots of our coupleship because the bunnies are tender hearted, the bunnies are magical, and the bunnies connect to the inner child. Frank and I have had a relationship where the predator mind of our cognitives could have ripped us apart a million times, but we have always come back to the bunny love in the core of the hearts of our inner child. It was the bunnies that enabled us to survive this experience. This is why we chose bunnies for this allegory.

Sarah, the female bunny, fell prey to this experience just like Frank, until we lost the first half but Frank acted alone when he squandered the last half. If I had stayed in my cognitive mind, it is very possible there would have been great conflict between us.but because our bunny love was so strong, Oh, it saved us. There we were, two bunnies in a raft on an open ocean looking back at the ship of promise that was gone in a flash. A ship, still afloat for many, but for us, it had sailed away

At first, we were clawing for the ship in our minds, we were beginning to live the nightmares of the fall from the upper deck and what this meant for us. We were beginning to catastrophize with the mind.

There was one night when the mind just kept catastrophizing, taking us down these routes of doom and threat, of uncertainty, of loss. We held our hands together that night and prayed. We prayed for the spirit of our relationship to show us the way forward. And finally, after six milligrams of melatonin and 50 milligrams of CBD, playing out every painful scenario that our life force could support. We finally fell asleep. In the morning, I awoke with two words on my lips, “predator mind.”

All of a sudden, it unfolded before us that this entire scenario that had been purposeful. We had chosen this experience to take us into a rite of passage which would demand that we learn the skills of being present like never before, that we learn the skills of disciplining the predator mind and rerouting ourselves into the breath, into the observing mind, into the present moment. Ours became the one pointed mission…to learn bunny buoyancy in uncertain waters. Frank came up with this cute little slogan, “make a bee line for bunny buoyancy when the predator mind strikes, make a bee line for bunny buoyancy.”

And then we realized that we were not only going to have to learn this skill for ourselves, but that as we learn it, we can begin being bunny buoyancy trainers, leading mindfulness workshops because the operating system that we're moving towards as a planet corresponds to the centering of our higher minds and hearts in the present moment awareness. We're moving out of third dimensional survival, future based and past based Consciousness into a fifth dimensional operating system. In fact, we could actually begin to see our loss as a blessing as it was preparing us to move into this brand new operating system, preparing us to be adept at navigating dynamic change.

We were now being changed. We were now being trained to be ninja Surfers on the ever changing, rising, dynamic waves of life. It was 9nly through this “fall” that the new operating system could reveal itself. What we didn't understand at first was that the fall was not a punishment or a mistake, it was a system upgrade, one that could not be installed while we were still living inside the old architecture. It could only be installed after the old architecture was ripped away from us, the world we had been navigating ran on a familiar operating system, past and future, memory and projection, reward and fear. Most human systems in 3d do, but thrown into the full grip of the predator mind of fear, we had to learn a new way. we began to notice that the only refuge was the present moment where we had connection to higher power, choice, creativity.

All of these were the emanating dream of the mind of our God Selves in the present moment. The minute our attention slipped into the past or lunged into the future, the system destabilized, but as soon as attention returned to now, coherence restored itself again and again. We watched with amazement. This wasn't philosophy. It was functional.

It was a system that we had to anchor by employing it moment by moment. Over time, it became clear that what we were learning was not merely a coping strategy, but a different operating system altogether, one that does not run on regret or anticipation, but on presence. You could call it fifth dimensional organic consciousness you like.

This operating system:

*does not reference the past for identity.

* does not reference the future for safety.

* generates intelligence directly from the present moment.

* regulates through sensation, awareness and relationship.

* cannot be accessed through force, urgency or domination. It emerges only when attention is rooted now.

And here is the part we didn't expect.

Those who are most sensitive, those who cannot tolerate prolonged dissonance, abstraction or false certainty, are often the first to be trained in this system, not because they are superior, but because they cannot survive otherwise. The old operating system exhausts them, the new one sustains them. So they are the perfect ones chosen to anchor this system and make haste and heed to the new system's commands, not because they want to, but because they have to. We did not volunteer to become trainers for this transition. We were trained by loss, by uncertainty, by sudden and shocking catastrophe. We are learning this system because our nervous systems demand it, and now almost without deciding, we find the idea of teaching helping us find purpose through this adverse and painful experience

The raft is teaching us this. The fall requires it, and the times we are living in now make it absolutely essential.

The Present Moment is Queen

Everything emanates from the present moment, all coherence, all repair, all true creativity, all timeline architecture is determined by the thoughts we think and the feelings we feel in the present moment. This is the operating system we are learning to live inside and then to share.

And if you have found yourself here reading these words, feeling both grief and recognition, it may be because you too are already being trained, not above the water, not ahead of the world, but right here, floating, breathing, awake.

Blessings to all of us during this time of great transition. When the predator mind strikes, We must learn to make a beeline for buoyancy. More and more in every moment, we must learn to choose presence when the predator mind is raging and screaming loudly, more and more we must learn to become the peace that passeth all understanding, to become the eternal joy that is generated from the center of the present moment. To become the rock of consciousness upon which we can stand firmly in very uncertain times.

Wow, It has been one heck of a scorpio season. We got seriously blasted by a gnarly crypto-currency scam! Holy wow! It was like feeling like we were riding high surfing the waves of positive anticipation, sometimes even felt like we were flying. The sensation of relief that I wouldn’t have to return to the endless and seemingly barren grind of trying to make money sharing my gifts with the world.

It brought us to our knees, to fall so far. There were signs trying to give us messages along the way, but there were also huge distractions throwing us off track. The black widdow feminine manipulation matrix was needing a greeting by our core soul group, I guess, leaving the divine masculine limp beyond belief.

The dispair was immense. Everything stopped, feeling the betrayal of this life on so many levels. Of course, as I move back into observer positon, these are all just survival mechanisms of the ego and its expectations for this life caused largely by comparing myself to others on social media.

I am not using voice to text but rather writing with my finger tips for this post so it is going to be rather short. The pillars of cosmic valor are being strengthened immensely by the incoming violet rays. This is enabling the rehabilitation of the divine masculine that we have so sorely needed. The core of the Earth is being rehabilitated to hold the holy father architecture which readies us for private first contact in the monadic families of the Christos. The purge out to assist with the holy father’s return has been frickin insane! One huge enema of trauma and miasma after another. It has felt un-ending at times, the sludge, the density, the hopelessness, the sense of core shame and defectiveness of the damaged masculine. He is finally liberating himself out from underneath the iron doors of miasma blocking his violet sun! The Cosmic pillars of valor carry the codes to bring all here-to-fore body parts, fire letters and jewels of our divine solar Christ masculine essences online and functioning at highest capacity as Pillars of the solar cosmic Christ circulating their own liquid plasma light and occupying the full radiance of the solar cosmic sun.

The inherent wholeness, inherent worthiness, inherent belonging and finding deeper connection to the Real to neutralize and transform programs of toxic shame… I am writing about this topic because it is something I am moving through at the moment.

As we clear trauma strands, we must identify all of the emotional flavors on that trauma strand, the current trauma strand that I am clearing has the emotions of rejection, shame, self loathing and profound defectiveness.

I have been clearing traumas off and on in an intentional way for the last 42 years when, at the age of 18, I first began facing the contents of my biographical and generational traumas. I was very unconscious in 1983 at the onset of my nervous breakdown, I had not the first idea of how to be with myself in difficult emotions. I was flooded by panic and fear, a quantity and a quality of which completely overwhelmed my conscious identity.

Now, after 42 years of walking through this great storm, I consider myself a pretty efficient trauma processor, but the flavor of emotions that came to me yesterday are by far the most challenging I've ever felt in my life-leading me to really look at the imprint of core shame, leading me into some of the most ugly episodes of human experience, but also causing me-through pure necessity- to need to dig deeper, to remember the core virtues that never change.

To remember that no matter how pernicious and thick and horrific toxic shame feels, there is a place in the soul that has never been marred, has never been marked, has never been damaged By karmic experience. There is a place in the soul that is living and eternal, and there is a place where that living, eternal light body can begin to dissolve all of the distortions of the karmic journey gleaned from the level of cause and effect.

The time has come to begin filling myself with the eternal truth. The truth that I have always been love, the truth that at the core of it all, the thread has remained unbroken and to begin to open a portal between the part of me trapped in karma and the part of me that knows I am spotless and stainless and eternally held and loved in absolute, infinite belonging, that though the special effects be very good on this story planet where we are inundated with movie programs, whether they come from our ancestors, past lives or they come from experiences that we have had in this lifetime that are played into us and affect our physical DNA, trapping us and bringing more and more of our free energy into bound states.

But as I said, there is a place in the eternal soul that has never been affected by these programs. And this is not spiritual bypassing, but there is a juncture in time where the entire film strip factory of karma can begin to meet the stainless, spotless, eternal, invincible flame of perpetual presence that knows itself as perfection.

Moving into Light Body Identification

This is my rainbow gorilla bathing in the salt lamp after a gnarly day in the jungle…lol. I felt it was a fitting image for this section!

I believe I am at that juncture of beginning to be able to bathe my physicsl body in the light of my eternal light body. I am in the process of the great turning from having the dominant weight of my identity in my pain-body to the dominant weight of my identity in my lightbody. I am beginning to find my way back into resting in the eternal, unchanging, invincible, zero point of my true self. To be honest, I find myself oscillating between these two worlds right now.

I am excited for the intersection between these two worlds, which before were mutually exclusive. Up until quite recently, either I was trapped in pain body identification and totally immersed in the reality of karma, or I was out of My body in some high bliss state beyond the physical, but now there is a corridor between the pain body and the eternal source code of truth, and I can follow this corridor into the spotless place and let its essence flow into all the distortions and scars of the “wounded” one. I can let the nectar of love, the virtues of the solar, cosmic, Christed human flow into the 3rd dimensional body and begin lifting it into homo luminous, a physical being that is infused with the eternal life and light of the untouchable Light Body of God, the body that is made in the perfect image of God that is our light body.

If we can begin to dwell in this place and call the human up to plug in to This perfect grid of the template of union and balance of the Perfected divine template, then everything in the physical can be lifted and the Physical body itself can become a body of instantaneous transformation.

Then there will be none of the lag that comes from identifying with the pain body's karmic frequency levels, because the soul in time is now identifying with the frequency levels of the the living light body of perfection.

Awakening from the Dream Lab

And so it is this core shame, this coming to the darkest karma I have ever experienced that is pushing me beyond the identification with karma itself. It is in this karmic sense of absolute, irreparable defectiveness, remembering the lifetimes where I was thrown off of a cliff as an infant because I was born deformed, or the lifetimes where I was or maybe my ancestors, this could be generational, where ancestors of mine were forced to live behind a closed door because their bodies were distorted and They were hated by their parents, who constantly shamed them and blamed them for being born defective.

These experiences, as horrific as they are, are serving as incredible blessings!!!! They are actually the gate way traumas thst awaken me from the “illusory nightmare” of duality itself. They are so horrific that the they serve as awakeners. Like the soul is turning back on itself saying, “Come on. Is this really who you are?

Asking this question while carrying the pure passion of a soul laying underneath the self inflicted crucifix of duality, begins to succeed in opening the corridor into light body access. This question opens the soul in time to the body of truth, the body of eternal love, the body of eternal belonging, the body of unconditional presence beyond the realm of the effect of karma.

To me, it's very ironic and also incredibly poetic that the depth of distortion is the very thing that awakens us from this dream, awakening from the dream of separation to know ourselves as invincible love as eternal belonging, as infinite compassion as absolute forgiveness, as unending gratitude.

We are developing the negatives in God's photo laboratory and the darkest negatives in his dream lab of the underworld are the very ones that vaporize the lab itself back into pure light into the eternal knowing of the love and the virtues of the god, mind, spirit and body that we truly are.

And so what a gift for the dream to become so awful that the one dreaming is awakened by the contents of the dream, even the word awful can be seen as “full of awe.”

The most awful experiences lead us to the most Awe full states.

The Breaking Point: To the Ocean

And so last night as I plowed my way through those agonizing traumas. ( I finished the maternal grandfather contributing to the egg, and now I was about to start on the paternal grandfather contributing to the sperm. Interestingly, there were no grandmother lines involved in this one.) Anyway, when I was at the height of feeling the profound agony of the film strips that began to play as I opened the door to these traumas…. (scenes of being born defective and being killed, and the profound agony of being hidden away, shamed and hated because I was born defective) the pain became so bad that I had to rise up from my chair and walk down to the beach.

It was a gloomy sky, but there was a bit of silver shining light on the ocean. As I invited living nature to be a part of this walking misery-drenched consciousness, I felt the blood pumping in my body as I felt my lungs expanding to take in oxygen as I moved my feet over the cool sand, feeling the soft cool texture of the grains of sand under my feet. Feeling the tears, the salt water, liquid tears flowing down my eyes and cheeks merging with the salty sea air.

As I began to feel my body moving through time and space, asserting the impulse to live, pushing through the storm in spite of it all, still being alive, still being able to gaze at the Ocean, still being able to move my legs through this sand, still being able to feel the wind on my face. No matter how much pain was coursing through the film strip playing in the theater of my Egg and sperm in the primary cell of my body, there was real life happening too, and I was a part of this real life.

When I reached the ocean and looked out at that majestic expanse of water and felt that glorious being crashing back upon me and its water lapping onto my feet, I felt a home-coming, a returning. It turned out I was only 65% of my way through the trauma, but I felt a marked relief.

The beautiful music playing through my speakers was

Sammy and I carry a strong bond that flows through time. And this one that is like a flowing golden river of eternal love!

https://open.spotify.com/track/2qgg6Y4Sff9yj1E9KmiqSY?si=RyrOG2ZcQKed9bqjWI5pQA

Most of the time I process my traumas behind closed doors, but last night reminded me that nature is my greatest ally when I find myself being consumed by the pain body.

And so it was a beautiful experience to come from out of that darkness and walk into this life, into this beautiful nature of Venice Beach and the moody sky, the darkness, the uncertainty.

As I arrived back home, one of my best friend's, whose partner is very close to death from terminal luekemia, called me to take her up to the hospital to spend the night with him. I was able to be strong for her, to drive the car, to come out of the dream of this movie Playing through my body and serve the present moment self and my beloved friend.

This is such a powerful time when awful moments are catalyzing us to awaken into the awe fullness of nature, of life itself, of this body in which we dwell.

The Last Leg of my journey of Homecoming

Two years and nine months ago, that's the date, two years and the gestation of a baby, I was taken to my home world into the perfection of union and balance of the Divine blueprint that God prototyped in the first divine human on Planet Tara. And then I was dumped back on the broken glass of the seemingly endless layers of toxic shame programming in this human body.

Since that exposure, I have been on a Journey moving as fast as I can through these veils to come back to my holy, sacred, eternal, living body, to restore the sacred marriage between my mind heart, body and soul to open a portal to the eternal, invincible love that is the truth of who I am. It has been a journey in lockstep with the Earth being with her as she moved through the veils to bring herself out of core shame, separation and quarantine from the rest of the universe and her mother galaxy, Andromeda - returning her back into her pre fall timelines which restore the planet Tara, the planet Gaia and the planet Earth.

It has been a grueling journey, but a very beautiful one.

The Greatest Gift

This chronic fatigue that I've suffered from for many years, this panic anxiety that has plagued me, oscillating between wanting to live and wanting to go home to the place beyond the scars has been grueling, but now, to come full circle and begin to feel the eternal interfacing with the karmic pain body, feeling the great medicine template coming to unite with the great wounded karmic template in duality, feeling the great mother template, coming back for the child to lift it up into the living light while still in a physical body. This is the greatest gift I have ever known.

It is our destiny, all of us on the ascending timeline. This is our destiny, the meeting of the infinite with the finite and the ultimate healing of all distortions that this physical body has worn through this time, identifying with the dualistic distortions of the descent into matter. We are resurrecting now, the two worlds are meeting to become one.

It had been nearly 40 years in the underworld when I was taken through the last leg to reclaim and deliver the part of me trapped in duality home. I am grateful for this whole journey. I am grateful for all the players beyond this dimension and in this dimension, for the powerful and beautiful roles they played and are still playing.

When I asked my angels what my partner's name was on Planet Tara-who came to me in February of 2023, they said, a name will only confuse you. He wants you to know him as a sound, the sound of Aaaaaaaaaaah

And so now I realize it's not just the relief of the sound, ah, but it's the experience the double meaning of awful and aweful that feels so significant.

And so, as I write these last words of this blog and speak these last words into my recorder, I encourage us all to say, “aaaaaaaaah” and feel the relief. It is the sound of the heart. It is the sound of letting go. It is the sound of appreciation. It is the sound of utter joy: the moment when the non-duality of eternal belonging, bliss and dynamic rising Joy shatters the illusion of separation, shatters the illusion of rejection, shatters the illusion of defectiveness-delivering us into our true home as infinite perfection in the source-field of eternal love.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Thank you, beloved!!!!

42 years ago on October 26th, 1983 was the onset of my nervous breakdown. The end of the world as I knew it, the end of my operating system that I had built to function in this third dimensional world of cognitive mind dominion, Mind Control, achievement, living a very superficial life as I look back, but at the age of 18 years and about 7 months the veil was pulled, and I was thrust into the underworld of unmitigated terror. One minute I was sitting in The Cooperage center at UCLA in Westwood CA eating my pizza and drinking my orange juice, and the next minute…the world went dark…it switched off…I was hurled into light. All I could see was light, a terrifying light that decimated the entire structure of my reality. It was as if poisonous insects were trying to devour me alive in every moment. I ran to the pay phone to call my mom. My brother answered. I felt that would be the last voice I would hear, that surely my life was ending…What ensued was 9 months unable to leave my house…my dad withdrew me from my 18 units at UCLA. I was in a double major of music and psychology, but it was all over. 7 years of dense terror. Then oj 1990 my twin flame catalyzed the multi-dimensional openings that led me into the high strangeness of the more and more full download of my planetary mission as a veil lifter, here to transform and transmute as much distorted architecture as would be needed to do my part in assisting with ending fear-based reality and the tyranny of prison planet Earth.

Although the experience was daunting, I am very grateful, grateful beyond words, for this great initiation into the depths of soul retrieval, multi dimensional embodiment, Shadow clearing, miraculous connection with the web of all life, miraculous rememberment of who I truly am as a soul and the larger arc of why I came to participate in this time of great planetary and human transformation, why I was called from my home world in the galaxy of Andromeda to bring a super feminine sound code to help dissolve the most pernicious AI holding its grip upon the organic, living light on planet Earth.

And so today I celebrate. I celebrate the courage of this soul, Sarah hope. Adams. I celebrate her love, her perseverance, her heart for making it against all odds, through facing death so many times and coming out alive on the other side, for all that this soul has been through for the huge initiations through romantic love exposure which enabled the healing of the fragmentation of this soul from 1998 until 2012 and then serving on the pole shift prevention team on December 21st 2012 when the Annunaki on Niburu pulsed the Jerusalem stargate. It has been a journey of continuously lifting veils, purging out distorted architectures so that higher timelines for the earth could be realized again and again and again and then 11 years later, uniting with my partner from 800,000 years ago on Planet Tara, where the divine Blueprint was being prototyped, uniting for a very special mission with him to lift the final veils that would bring the Holy Mother and the Holy Father to this planet, heal the Rasha body of this planet, enabling Earth to join with Tara and access her pre-fall timelines culminating with the -soon to come- full anchoring of King Arthur and lady Guinevere in the U.K. our sacred Marriage Guardians of the liberation and ascension of planet Earth.

So today, 42 years later, on this great anniversary, there is so much more to say. I will be releasing a book about the last nearly 3 years in this lead up to planetary ascension and the partnership between me and my partner on Planet Tara. The book “Between Two Worlds will be a fictional tale based on some real events. And later, I will be releasing an autobiography of this great 42 plus year journey, this journey of initiation to dissolve massive distortion so that I could assist with the ascension of planet Earth, so that I could walk in lockstep, in partnership with Planet Earth every step of the way, supporting her, being with her.

I was called from Andromeda to come here because I had a feminine sound code of the aquaferi species that has the capacity to dissolve negative alien AI better than any other element in any world, this hyper feminine sound code of primordial transmutation through the mother song lineage of the mother of all life, Planet Tiamat, her twin sister Tara, and the Andromedan galaxy where Yeshua 45 and The Magdalene first came from as the great predecessors of the ascension that would happen 2000 years later, more than 2000 years later, inseminating within the Earth the beautiful Christed blueprint that one day would become an embodied reality as the Earth moves through her great passage.

There's so much more to say. It'll be in my autobiography, but I just want to drop a little post here, really to celebrate this journey, the magnificence of the breadth and the great arc of this journey from fear based reality into love based reality, from the depth of separation consciousness into the height of unity, love embrace back into the zero point field of unity, consciousness and the chain of beautiful souls, that have been the essential jewels in this marvelous tapestry of becoming.

We are all returning to unity consciousness through this great crucible of labory and delivery.

So I send out many, many blessings to us and to all that we go through, that we are going through in this time of the great birth of our new reality. May we let go of all grievances? May we send unconditional love to all beings, including ourselves. May we try to see beyond division into the love and the unity that is calling us home. I'm going to upload my song, journey of initiation, and I'm going to upload a link to another very beautiful song called Shambhala, which I think is an incredible invocation back to Unity, consciousness, blessings to all.

I just need to make a complaint to mission control and to the Earthlings that created trance music with chaotic booming EDM bass and weird chaotic moaning, angry rapping and screaming distorted singing Now, I have tons of friends who like to dance to this stuff so I am pretty miffed.

Anyway, I like to sleep at night. I like to bring my body toward peace in the evening. I like to wind down like the sun going down. My nervous system is very sensitive

For me, Music is like love, a gentle stream of beautiful love that plays my body, my mind and my spirit. For me, Music enters me deep, deep, deep inside my heart, really all the way down to my bone marrow. Music plays The symphony of my soul.

To be exposed to what feels very violent and harsh sounds like that feels like a rape and a torture to the very essence that I am.

I don't like it.

and I do not understand how others can like it.

When I finally returned home from the week-end, I was able to feel the larger cycle of healing that was being offered me through this unpleasant exposure.

Here is an audio of the next events:

And here is the written version:

The Emptiness is the Fullness

The night after the wedding, we drove home to avoid a repeat of the night before We drove through heavy smoke, another form of contamination- unclean air. But as we approached Portland, the air smelled sweet and benevolent. When we returned home, I had a sweet sleep, and in the morning, I woke with a new understanding.

The night we returned home, I listened to a gentle, Arcturian healing transmission. The frequency was like a magnetic, feminine current, the opposite of the outward whip. As I breathed with it, I began to feel my own essence breathing me. The frantic edges softened: inside me was a room I had been avoiding because it seemed empty. My teacher, Lisa Renee once wrote about the black cube matrix, the endless carrot that delivers you to an empty room. We keep chasing the box. We keep ending up in that room with another box, each box promising a completion. But if you stop in what seems to be emptiness, something different happens. You realize the empty room is not empty at all. It's your own inner space, the body, the self. And here's the miracle, if you stay in that emptiness, allowing it, instead of fleeing from it, something begins to populate your awareness. Itself becomes the sunlight and water, the true essence of your nature, rises from within the void, the only thing that can ever truly fill us.

So there was a cycle of this great experience. There was the torture of being exposed to the poison sound, catalyzing a searching for the true medicine.

which made me open to this beautiful feminine frequency to receive blessing. And as I did this, this allowed a new birth, a new blossoming, watered and fertilized by the beautiful sound codes of love.

What's so surprising is that the antithesis of anything I would ever want to expose myself too was actually the vehicle to deliver me to the door of my own sweet inner Well.

In alchemical and spiritual traditions, zero point isn't a place of nothingness, as much as the fertile void, The magnetic stillness where opposites dissolve are digested and recombine. It's where the old form is composted and the new pattern emerges. On a personal level, it's the moment when you stop chasing the carrot and sit in the empty room. On a collective level, it's the field in which masculine feminine, light,

and dark or any polarities can merge and create something new. As we drink in our own essence, we can receive our own original current. When we do that, we stop feeding the external loop of addiction and start feeding the inner well of completion within self. That inner nourishment is what allows real transmutation-instead of just adding another layer of concepts. What I'm discovering is a self feeding reciprocal circuit; when I stop chasing external supply and instead drink from my own inner light plasma essence, something new happens. My energy begins to circulate, self, generate and expand rather than drain away. This is the frequency of true completion, the inner well that never runs dry.

Here is the invitation for me and for all of us: next time you feel the pull of external addiction, the promise of another carrot, something that you must chase that is outside yourself, pause and breathe into your body. Sit in the empty room of your own self; trust that it is not barren. It is a fertile living space waiting for your awareness.

May we all find the fullness within that blesses us and carries us home.

A little bit of background:

The Gene Keys is a powerful and beautiful living technology created by Richard Rudd based on Astrology and the I ching that helps us unlock the latent potential hidden in the 64 codons of our genetic code. I have found it to be a beautiful ally on my healing journey.

You can find out more and download your unique hologenetic profile of 11 keys here:

Http://www.genekeys.com

Purchase book here:

The Gene Keys: Unlocking the Higher... book by Richard Rudd https://share.google/IMPk6ecdk93jZmsVv

I offer Gene Key readings if you are interested as well.

Ok, on to this blog post.

So last night I was going through what I can only describe as a massive battle between expansion and contraction centered in my solar plexus: in fact since 1999, the major focus of bondage in my body has been a lock down in my solar plexus blocking my easeful- full breath.

So last night my left brain and cognitive mind we're judging and rejecting the feelings that were trying to come home into the heart of my belly. After going through a long alchemical battle, I finally went to sleep. When I woke up the words on my lips were: “I am the receptive field of spaciousness, the all embracing light in which all comes home.”

I immediately remembered that Richard Rudd, the creator of the Gene Keys, had talked about the sixth root race of humanity birthing from the crucible of the solar plexus, and then this entire blog post just flowed out of me as I went back to access richard's information. So this post is a sweet partnership between Richards information and my personal experience. I hope you enjoy it. I very much enjoyed writing it. Again and again, I find Richard's channeling intersecting perfectly with my felt experience on this journey of divine embodiment! Thank you, Richard!

Human Evolution Transformation through the Solar Plexus utilizing gene key #20 and gene key #55

The Birth of The New Humanity

“The sixth root race, or next phase of human evolution, is not born via the brain or intellect as previously thought but via a shift in the solar plexus energy center.

The Solar Plexus becomes the instrument of the Crucible, the womb of transmutation through which this new human consciousness emerges through the gift of gene key 20, the gift of a new kind of awareness is born through the solar plexus, an awareness that enables transmutation and rising out of victim consciousness that is created by the rejection of duality, feeling of victim to one's emotions”

Richard Rudd, “Gene Keys, Disvover Your Higher Purpose.”

I am finding that by becoming the all-embracing awareness into which everything comes home, the higher state of human awareness is birthing through the solar plexus. Even-though it is happening in the solar plexus of the body, it feels more like a cosmic, invincible heart of receptivity and transmutation.

In other words, the transformation is visceral and emotional, not purely mental, as the solar plexus mutates, awakens it catalyzes a new kind of human being, integrating the emotional, physical and subtle dimensions.

The 55th gene key is often named as the key code, triggering this mutation and its working is said to sweep through humanity through the solar plexus center. It is a structure called the dorsal ganglia in the solar plexus, where this transmutation takes place.

in 1998, I wrote a song called “The one heart” We are the one heart. We are the one love that welcomes everything home. And if you want to get out of the night, you must embrace both the darkness and the light in the same breath, through the same beautiful lungs, we breathe the pleasure and the pain but only love remains in the end, a love so awesome that it could accomplish forgetting so completely and coming home oh so sweetly for all the night of the separation, all the night of our creation illumines the pathway home to Light…knowing for the first time just who we are, that radiant, shining star shining near and far that we are…

This describes the higher function of The solar plexus which enables the birth of the sixth root race of humanity through the all embracing awareness of invincible light and love

Through Gene Key #55 a previous battle ground becomes a divine temple of resurrection.

In Richard's words, “The transformation via gene key 55 in the solar plexus, the emotional core sits in the dorsal ganglia, nerve complex of the solar plexus.

In the old mode, the solar plexus is a battleground of emotional drama, victim stories, blame and reactive swings, the emotional waves dominate consciousness. As the 55's frequency activates, it rewires or mutates the emotional circuitry. The Solar Plexus becomes not only a feeling center, but a new instrument of awareness or higher engine of consciousness. At this point, emotions stop being mere reactions. They become a medium, a signal field. One doesn't get lost inside emotional storms. One rides above them. The solar plexus shifts from being ruled by emotional waves to being their captain.

The mutation in the solar plexus is said to precipitate the birth of the sixth race, a humanity with unified emotional awareness. The Solar Plexus becomes the bridge by which higher consciousness is anchored into the body.

The coming epoch will see the sublimation of human sexuality and desire into unconditional love. The sixth race will be triggered through the 55th gene, key and its mutation within the solar plexus center, the awakening of the solar plexus center, the belly, the living spirit of higher consciousness, oh, through the awakening of the solar plexus Center the belly, the living spirit of higher consciousness is permitted to awaken.

Now let's look at the totems animals in the dream arc of Gene Key 55: The Seal, The Albatross and the Dragon Fly

Here are the totem animals for Gene key 55: the seal (mammal), the albatross (bird) and the dragonfly (insect.)

The Seal

a water creature, moving between depths and surface. It suggests an ability to dive into emotional depths, the unconscious and surface with clarity. It carries resilience, sensitivity to currents, emotional and intuitive aspects and the capacity to transform between hidden depths and open space.

The Albatross:

a great bird of the skies, soaring far over oceans. It suggests vision, freedom, the ability to glide over vast distances, and transcendence above ordinary emotional storms.

The dragonfly

The insect often symbolic of transformation, lightness, agility and seeing through illusions and the dance between light and shadow. In the gene keys, Dream arc artistic usage, it's sometimes used as a fear key or intermediary archetype for 55.

So, put all the totems for gene key #55 together and it is about rising from the emotional depths (seal) into soaring freedom and higher awareness, (albatross) Navigating the waters and winds of consciousness and transforming through lightness. (Dragonfly)

am forever in awe to Richard for channeling the Gene Keys. Again and again I find his words and his teachings of the 64 codons meeting me in my journey of divine embodiment! I would love to do a reading for you? Email: sarahsparkle65@gmail or comment below.

The Human journey: On my human journey, our bathroom is being remodeled, which is pretty cool, but it's been very chaotic, and not only have we remodeled one bathroom, but we're putting in a half bathroom, which means we're getting a stacking washer and dryer now and getting a sink and a toilet in our laundry room. So there's been drilling and hammering and gutting of cupboards and debris flying all over the place, which corresponds pretty much with how it feels inside my being having concussion symptoms and going through tons of emotional clearing to make way for new circuitry.

Also the main, I would say, challenge or delay in my life is finding a way to make money with my creative gifts. Here is the book cover of a book and song for children.

Here I am with my business partner, Rhonda. Frank took a picture of us for our intro video for our company Blossoming Heart Learning Community for Children and families.

I have several projects that are kind of in the wings, but because my whole brain has gone offline with this concussion, I have to just let everything sit there, plus I don't have the finances to do anything with anything so it has been a frustrating time. A lot of it feels like regression. You know, it's like a lot of my planets are stuck in retrograde, and in many ways, it feels like I've been held back, taken back, stopped at the juncture of creation, over and over and over again for the last 42 years to refine my embodiment so that what I'm creatin has a certain caliber of Quality. Seems like the quality control inspectors are putting embodiment before form, which does make sense, because embodiment is what determines our vibration on this planet. And the things I long to bring to the Earth are all about love and overcoming fear and liberation from the pain body. So how can I be an ambassador of all of these gifts, unless I am embodying these gifts? So in a way, I understand but it's also challenging to see lots of people around me creating going forward and being part of this world in a much bigger way than I am. While I'm in this underground chamber of extreme sports, species merge embodiment, and I really don't see the fruits of the labor yet, I just feel myself in the labor. So it's a little bit out of balance.

Here I am in the flowers looking dazed and hazy from my brain upgrade:

Sometimes, sometimes I get really depressed and just feel like, why bother? But I just have to know that there's a deepening going on, a deepening of my soul and my higher self chose my higher self prioritized in this lifetime, this deepening embodiment of unconditional love and the circuitry of the new light to be an ambassador of the future human genome. So this is my blog post. Another good thing is I'm letting go of my multi dimensional, other worldly, connected crush and focusing all of my attention on the people that love me in this dimension where I matter to these people, so that my energy isn't leaking out and draining out and sending my energy to a place where it doesn't come back to me. So this feels like a really healthy step. So I just get to practice loving every little step even in the absence of any productivity toward the creativity money circuit life-form. Goddess bless us all during this time.

OK, Now for my inter galactic selves update:

The Uniting of Two Oceans

All things serve a purpose

Over the past week, I've been moving through a very tender phase of my Aquaferion and human DNA integration. A spider bite from last spring has left a small scar at the back of my knee, and recently it has become a zone of interface, a place where two different genetic code streams are enabled to meet and weave together.

This was such a God Send because the last many nights, It has felt like death throes in the night trying to reach up with my breath and anchor the code merge into my body to no avail. This latest level of intensity has been coming in waves since August 29th, the day Pluto went out of bounds!

During my acupuncture, I discovered a point under my right knee called the union of two oceans. Since my spider bite hadn't been bothering me for a while now, I totally forgot about it, and when my acupuncturist touched under my right knee, I could feel that this was a very significant point to enable my higher dimensional frequency energy to merge with my lower dimensional frequency energy. I asked him, “What point is that?” And he said, “that is called the union of two oceans.”

It felt as though Andromedan seas and Earth seas were converging there.

I have also been experiencing a re-occurence of symptoms from a concussion I experienced in April which I now understand as my left brain down-regulating so my corpus callosum can upgrade to facilitate a much greater level of communication between the left and right hemispheres of the brain.

After the session, my whole body acted like a transitional matrix. For a few sweet moments, I felt everything click, the two codes resting inside each other at my solar plexus thanks to my spider bite zone of interface. What I felt in that point under my right knee was as if it was a meeting ground, as if threads from the upper worlds and threads from the lower worlds were allowed to come together and be woven into oneness kind of like this:

Since that moment, it's like the loom has been ripped out of my body multiple times, and I'm trying to get back the sweet spot where the two codes merge. It is quite a process. I wanted to send a complaint, a complaint, to Mission Control.

Sometimes I feel like I'm going through this alone, and it has been brought forth and put upon me by forces that I don't control, and so I feel like sending a complaint to “Mission Control” to tell them this is just too much! I'm practicing surrendering breath and gentle observation, trusting that these rewiring phases are not pathological but purposeful. I'm also asking my inner guidance for stabilization protocols, dream state calibration and ways to buffer the symptoms while keeping progress intact.

Even in the midst of this, there are small victories, a scar becoming a meeting ground, a knee point revealing two oceans, a body learning to bridge worlds. I love how everything in my life seems to work together to assist me in accomplishing this radical mutation of 2 species merge embodiment- a watery sound and light creature of super magnetic cosmic love resurrecting a carbon-based creature emerging out of fear and pain and separation to be baptized by love. To accomplish this my human life feels to be greatly interrupted, but it is a great reconstruction and rehabilitation.

Oct 26th will be the 42 year anniversary of the end of my life as I knew it to traverse the underworld initiating this great journey of self rememberment and inter-galactic grid work to assist the Earth's ascension. As Jerry Garcia once said, “ What a long strange trip it has been!” Thanks for reading! Sending you much love.

P.S. I am offering intuitive readings and gene key readings by donation. Email me at sarahsparkle65@gmail.com or just comment here if you are interested.

I'm not really sure when I lost her… that sweet little girl who knew exactly what she wanted to love and be loved, reaching out in the innocence of the desire to create loving connection with life.

I think it really began around third or fourth grade, when my cognitive started getting more dominant, where my cognitive mind began being shaped by the collective of my society and societal programming when I left my heart and my core, abandoning a large part of my human self to move into this intellectual brain, abandoning a large part of my rooted heart, of my free spirit, to begin trying to fit in and joining a school system which was cognitively dominant and did not support the body, mind and spirit, but mostly just the mind.

The Pursuit of the Intellect

The pursuit of the intellect quickly took center stage as the my “winning formula,” My brain, my mind became the “Go to” at the expense of my living heart, and then going into middle school, where both of my music Teachers, my orchestra and my choir teachers were extremely perfectionistic, and all of life became a game of achieving and efforting and striving. Perfectionism mechanized me as a cognitive in a great and all-powerful machine.

It was at that time that I really lost the ability to just be present with my heart, my being in the moment, and the ability to feel the resources and the beauty that were coming into me in every moment, the possibility for well-being in every moment was hijacked by the perfection-seeking machine. Looking back, the feeding of this monster began in fourth grade, but really kicked in the seventh grade. From there, it was off to the races, creating this megalomaniac of a cognitive fortress of enslaving momentum which locked me out of contact with my own heart.

By the end of Jr high, I had been locked onto a fast track to succeed, one, I could not get off of easily. Well, there was one way but that couldn't happen fully til after I graduated from high school 3 years later. Under that train driven by madness, my free spirit and my heart remained locked somewhere way down, unheard, un atttended to, like a child left in exhile.

The End of Tyranny

but at age 18, everything changed. After graduating from high school, I broke Open, or I should say, the forces of nature, of my higher self, my I Am Presence began exploding through the barrier of this cognitive wall. It was like a dam breaking! The pressure of the raw spirit of the water broke the dam and thus what ensued from my left brain's perspective was a deluge of chaos, uncontrollable chaos. But for my right brain and spirit, this was it's liberation from tyranny!

The Seven year prison sentence

For 7 years, raw terrifying panic consumed nearly all of my waking hours. Diagnosed with Agoraphobia, I was unable to leave my house much at all for around 7 months save for a short walk outside and the drive to the therapist which my mom accompanied me on. This emergence of my true spirit that triggered the massive fear enema of my previously unconscious self sent me traveling in the world of the deep shadow for 7 long years.

Cataclysmic Communion and Loss triggers transpersonal awakening

In 1989-90 the union and loss of my divine complement blasted open the barriers into my transpersonal layers of identity which began a slow re-integration of my star seeded genetics from other planets and galaxies, sending me on a whole new level of far-reaching self-rememberment. I oscillated breaking up with him a total of 7 times before I had the strength to make it final. During that time I felt The bonding of a sacred union between all 12 strands of my DNA at the astral level which sent me into 6 months oscillating between unfathomable bliss followed by descent into darkness, oscillating like that while remembering my cosmic origins, my Earth mission and creating a whole new level of total de-stabilization. The tame self of my personality matrix gave way to a wild passion, veils of perception were lifted as I took to the forest , the ocean, the mountains, howling with the wolves at the moon and became immersed in colors and music and sensation as all of my sense became infused with a fifth sense that catapulted me into states of no thought, just raw merging with existence itself. After a while, this time of extreme intensity depleted my nuero transmitters so much that I had to take anti-depressants.

Still, there was little focus on the 3D world. I did graduate from College during this time and become a school teacher, but I had to take prosac to keep all the inner shadow emotions numb under a frozen layer. In my dreams I saw this layer of ice that had frozen the wild waves of raw emotion, but I knew this wasn’t sustainable. I knew my true self was waiting for me underneath in these passionate waters of bliss and agony. In October of 1993, I was told, “Get off of the Prosac now!” It was NOT a request or suggestion. It was a demand. All of a sudden I knew I was on some kind of a time crunch and had to be ready for a big layer of my Earth mission at a future date, which in retrospect, I found was absolutely true.

The Cliff Note Version

Anyway, without going into all the details, I will provide a cliff note version of the next events” Lifting the Veil off of the Earth on the inner planes Feb 1995, Huge layers of human and planetary shadow clearing through 2001. 2001 massive timeline shift at 9-11 which involved much more of my energy going out into the planetary field and andromeda galaxy to partner with my higher self for damage control to the anti-life forces now aggressively attempting control of Earth’s Ascension Timeline. Continuing through 2006, when I experienced huge soul retrieval of my Andromedan soul pieces, fast forward to 2010, meeting my planetary twin flame from planet Tiamat, to facilitate the beginning of my frequency upgrade so that I could participate in Pole Shift Prevention team coming up on December 21st 2012. Then in 2013 beginning the wild extreme sport of embodiment to hybridize the crystalline-based andromedan species of aquaferion with the carbon-based fallen human species to assist in a mass upgrade of human genetics enabling progression into Love-based reality. This has been the most bizarre embodiment challenge culminating on August 29th 2025. On lion’s gate 2025, so much of my planetary service was completed as the elemental kingdom was given a gateway for healing and Earth ascended beyond her timeline of isolation and began letting the love in from her own I AM presence. After this happened, it was like, “OK, now the Earth is taken care of. Now, you, Sarah, get to go back for your own human self.” There is soooo much more to tell, but the point is, after gallivanting around in the higher dimensional layers of my astral body to serve as a bridge for accessing new timelines, my work as a companion for Earth in her darkest days and moving her and myself beyond the underworld of isolation and rejection was complete! I am amazed. I am finally getting the go ahead to come home to my human self and feel all that she needs to feel, to be seen loved and recognized so I can connect all the outer layers into this central nexus, this central point of all union so that I can have air-time as a human. Now I know why nothing has ever landed for me. No desire around career or human goals has ever had legs to walk upon this Earth or an engine to carry it forward.

Right now, I am beginning the reclamation of my human self, the child that grew up in this dimension as Sarah hope Adams. In a way, I feel like I'm regressing, like I should go forward and achieve something and have a career and as a musician or as a healer, connecting more with my community, but I realize now that I cannot go forward until I go back and reclaim and re include the child, the human child. We must nurture the seed that is in the ground if we want to be rooted to the Earth.

I'm realizing now that the human child is like the stock of the plant, the stem of the flower, the stock around which the life force and all the spiritual energy and all the intellect and all the these other levels of soul… if they have no stock to wrap around and ground them into the third dimension, they remain like the branches and blooms of a tree that have no trunk and with no trunk, nothing can ever fruit on the tree. It remains etheric, astral blossoms and branches, but nothing can ever materialize in this dimension as fruit unless there is a stalk that roots all of these aspects of the self into the ground.

I find it strange the order of my incarnation. So many beings start at the human level and blossom from the human level, rooted in the third dimension. I guess this was never my destiny, but as they say, better late than never, I feel that as I go back and love this rejected, unseen human self, that this will restore that stock, that rooted center of the plant or the tree, that all of these creative ideas and these heart's desires can wrap around as I become a real girl. One time, my friend who channels the angel, said, You are in the process of becoming a real girl. That was 10 years ago. For a while I called myself Pinocchia, because in the story of Pinocchio, he wanted to be a real boy, and so I'm starting a whole new round of therapy with a brand new, wonderful therapist.

I mean, we have only just had our first interview, but I feel like he's the right person to accompany me and help me find my human self, separating the wheat of my human Self from the chaff of all of the more transpersonal, beyond third dimensional identities, he seems to have a special way of disciplining me to speak from My human self.

So Monday we're going to do an intake of my childhood and really go back and retrieve these parts of the human stock that was never cultivated. I'm really excited for this journey.

I feel I will be re including the very part of me that I most need to begin to manifest and more of my creations and my heart's desires in to my community and into reality.

It especially in forays of sharing my gifts with the world and bringing back financial abundance, and also in having the part of me that has felt so lost and disconnected all these years, with millions of ideas but no way to anchor them, to let that part finally feel the rubber meeting the road, the fish that are born for the Water, the seeds that have a field to blossom Inside the grounding of my ideas into career and service that tangibly serves human beings on this planet, and is of value, and therefore receives the value of financial blessing. I have a strong desire to create music and art curriculum and share it with children, to lead song circles and experience deep communion with one another as we sing and lift the world into unity consciousness through song, to teach as a spiritual healer and joyologist about how to break free from the pain body and live a life fueled by positive intention. These are just a few of the things I want to do.

I guess we will see. I can’t know how it will all unfold, but I am so glad to have the clarity to know that this is my next step, and without it, i truly cannot go forward to manifest the next layers of my identity into this dimension as a walking, dancing, breathing, living human who came to feel myself tangibly affecting and blessing my community and giving my human self some air time on the stage of life!