there’s probably one parastatal that keeps Kenyan families together, and surprisingly it’s KPLC. we can say what we want about it, and we’d probably be right...the alleged ‘scheduled’ blackouts with private interests, the fact that the government doesn’t provide alternative power sources for public hospitals for life-sustaining machines...etc etc. but you do know that necessity is the mother of all invention, right? I’d take it further and say it’s the mother of invention and connection.

in an age where electricity is essentially a basic need, our whole lives now revolve around it. kitchen appliances, cleaning equipment, beauty gadgets, lighting, now e-cars, everything needs to be charged or something.and of course it’s clear, for you to access the internet, you have to be connected to a power source. social media has been neatly packaged and sold to us as a space for us to be entertained, educated, and to ‘keep in touch’ with people scattered all over the world; but the more time passes and the more advances we make, that sadly doesn’t sound like a good idea anymore.

now, we’re glued to these magnetic, glowing rectangles we call phones. we think we know someone because they’re a regular on your fyp. you think you know their routines and patterns because you watch their stories. we’re living in times where you could tell me how far Pritty Vishy is post opp, but you know nothing about your own granny? how are we okay with that. (no shade to miss Vishy she seems like a lovely girl)

let me tell you it gets worse. you could probably be living a with a serial killer or a rapist and you wouldn’t know a thing. calling and texting people that are in the same house as you, having arguments with your sibling in the group chat but not saying a word to them in the kitchen, family time being everyone scrolling to death in the same room. it’s ridiculous but it’s the life we’ve chosen. so I appreciate, when there’s some sort of power outage, or a national scheduled maintenance, people realise they can’t tap-tap on their screens much longer and the trance is broken. then, one after the other, basically crawl out of their rooms and congregate where there’s a light source; whether that’s a candle, koroboi or a half-charged solar lamp that hasn’t been charged since the last power outage.

it’s not the electricity that holds us together, it’s the lack of it. suddenly we can have lengthy conversations with our siblings or chime in the same old political banter your parents have. you can sing a hymn that holds family memories or finally debrief about the wedding you guys went to recently. no stimulation. no distractions. I love how the laugh lingers a little longer then, you savor it not knowing if a moment like that will exist anytime soon.

I remember once, during a blackout, maybe a year ago, my sister and I started a puzzle. we were so enthusiastic about it, holding the rechargeable lamp against the pieces so that we match them up correctly. we never finished that puzzle. because the sad reality is, when those lights come back on and the Wi-Fi reconnects. people crawl back into their rooms and settle in their prison of choice (whatever platform they’re using)

the blackouts are terrible don’t get me wrong. I think our brothers and sisters in Nigeria will tell you that not having constant electricity is not fun. but in the midst of the inconvenience, I can’t help but notice how much I not only want to see my people but be with them as well. so yes, it is those damn phones.

scratch my brain sometime soon?x

my credentials:

1. I’m a disney/pixar nerd 2.I’ve watched 32 barbie movies(including and not forgetting all the ones made in the early 2000s) 3. My current type has been heavily influenced by these animated characters lol 4. please just trust me.

I know how my choice in men being influenced by superficial characters sounds, but walk with me here.

let’s begin with a few honourable mentions. please note that I’ll be including both royalty by blood and by marriage, and just love interests of the princesses/heroines.

KOCOUM - Pocahontas

give this man all the flowers he deserves. He was the up-coming chief, who was to succeed Pocahontas’ father and betrothed to the chief’s daughter herself. He was the sane, reasonable option now looking back. Pocahontas was mad choosing the colonizer instead of him

PRINCE ADAM - Beauty and Beast

I bet you didn’t even know his name. mostly because he’s a beast for a majority of the movie but he gets so much unnecessary hate for how he looks as a human. “he’s ugly” “he should have stayed a beast” yhooo. I disagree. the only thing that makes him unattractive is the fact that he manipulated Belle all throughout the movie and forced her to stay with him….but he’s cute I guess..

now, the real list!

9. ALADDIN - Aladdin

   

he just reminds me of someone’s bad kid. I don’t remember much that was positive about his character to be honest. he lied about his identity and status to Jasmine for most of the movie. however, he was charismatic and had good sense of humor. I get that he really liked her, that’s why he thought pretending to be rich would win her over, but lies… i don’t know man. that instantly makes him unattractive. so I’m happy with him being last.

8. ERIC - Little Mermaid

   

   gorgeous! but that’s it. he just liked Ariel for her looks and did not once suspect that the girl he wanted to marry hadn’t said a word to him the whole time. he’s dreamy but not the sharpest tool in the shed. sweet though, the date they had on the boat was beautiful.

7. PRINCE PHILLIP- Sleeping Beauty

a gentle and kind man. don’t let the shoulder pads fool you, he, in fact, will get his hands dirty for Aurora. I love the duet he has with the princess as well. it’s one of those songs that assure you that love still exists. he absolutely has a place in my 9 year old heart.

6. KRISTOFF - Frozen

he aight.

I’m kidding. Kristoff is such a sweetheart, a gentle giant if you will. He actually fell in love with Anna and was willing to sacrifice his love for her so that she’d be happy with Hans (before he betrayed her). he’s a big teddy bear, it’s just that younger me, didn’t think much of him so I have no emotional attachment to him whatsoever.

5. PRINCE CHARMING- Cinderella

I love Charming but you have to stick through all 3 of the Cinderella movies to understand the hype. he’s not just a pretty face; I’d go as far as saying he has more personality than most of the guys on this list, even some above him (but my core four is untouchable!). he isn’t shy to go against tradition or his father for Cinderella’s sake. he’s smart and quite witty; and did I mention, I love Prince Charming? because I do.

before we get to the good stuff, these are my dishonourable mentions:

JOHN SMITH - Pocahontas

colonizer.

THE PRINCE - Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs

this child was lurking in the forest and found the corpse of a fourteen year old girl and decided to kiss it. you could argue he might have thought she was alive, but that is still creepy. he also had less than 10 lines in the movie I believe, so there’s nothing significant about him.

back to the list!!!

4. HERCULES - Hercules

this is a picture of Herc after he went to give up his soul,( for eternal grief and dismay) in exchange for Meg’s. think about that. I could stop there but I love his story, seeing how he grew from an awkward teenage boy to a handsome awwwkward adult ( see what I did there? please don’t unsubscribe). not to mention that he gave up immortality to spend the rest of his human life with Meg <3

3 LI SHANG- Mulan

need I say more guys?…liiiiiiiiikkkkeeuuuhhh

I’m chill I promise. and it’s General Li Shang actually. I appreciate the humanity in him the most. he’s just a guy that lost his father to a war and tries to step up as a leader. he doesn’t grieve. he upholds honour and integrity (he allowed Mulan to be seen as the true hero of China instead of taking her spotlight) he loves Mulan, genuinely, and respects her both as a leader and a woman.

2 NAVEEN- Princess and the Frog

Naveen was the bummest of the bums, that is why his character development was so beautiful to see. becoming a frog was the best thing that ever happened to him. not just because it ‘humbled’ him but it made him appreciate love and beauty, community and work. he threw his whole life away to be married to frog Tiana even if it meant that he’d be damned forever in a swamp. what a gem!

1 FLYNN RIDER/EUGENE FITZHERBERT - Tangled

everything about this man is top tier. his backstory; he was an orphan and wanted to be more than the timid boy he was and looked up to a fictional storybook character he read about growing up, Flynn Rider. yes, maybe he was a serial thief and swindled people here and there (he is soo gorgeous btw) but his love for Goldie completely changed his life, or.. actually brought out who he really was; a man of honour, of love and integrity. this man almost got executed for the guys at the snuggly duckling! but most of all he was willing to sacrifice his own life just so Rapunzel can start hers.

mother bird?

Subscribe now

Melanie is a sweetheart. absolutely gorgeous and quite emotionally intelligent. she’s a lot more smart than what people give her credit for actually. when she was introduced to our screens, you could tell that she was a force to be reckoned with and her story of how, in the past, the men she’d dated were excited to be with her at first, then later their love fizzled out, was so sad, but so relatable and only called you to keep watching to see if our sweetheart will survive the villa (if you’re here then you know she’s been through it). then, she has since coupled up with Sincere, (a small break with Corbin in between) up to the writing of this article. Long story short, she has been embarrassed, gaslit, humiliated and cried rivers, repeatedly because of Sincere; a lying narcissist that promises to treat her right, now and the next minute does the exact opposite. “then why does she stay??”

because; there’s just something about these 20 somethings. a girl, just trying to navigate life and find love. a girl who was brave enough to try again, despite previous heartbreaks. a girl who thought she found something promising and chose to see it through. she chooses to hold on to the potential of what is in front of her out of fear that letting go would leave her empty, alone or how the show puts it ‘single and vulnerable’. and maybe this is less about Sincere and more about her as a person. maybe she believes that letting him go would be a reflection of less of the woman that she is or vice versa, who knows! those around her are not helping either, giving her unsolicited advice, confusing her further. does this sound familiar?

yo mama

they say growing up, is finally understanding your mother. now more than ever in my womanhood I resonate with this. you might have wondered why your mother, a beautiful, smart and capable individual seems ‘stuck’ in an unfulfilling and unhappy marriage; or despite her personal resources, she decides to stay and endure beatings, year after year. not to mention disrespect whether it’s subtle or very evident.

it’s because, somewhere inside her, that girl that was 20 something, fell in love or was convinced that she would someday fall in love, with the partner she chose. maybe that was the only man she ever knew and was scared to go outside of what she knew. unfortunately she had to quietly watch her knight’s shinning armour fade. unlike Melanie however, there’s now children involved, joined assets and financial responsibilities. the society’s expectations have to be annoyingly weighty as well don’t you think? it’s not easy to just ‘up and leave’. give your mommy grace, it’s her first time living too.

your graveyard of decisions

when you sit back and look at the grand scheme of things, you have made questionable choices. you’ve experienced the wrong people and have enough relationship-horror stories for you and your homegirls to forever analyze. if you were in her shoes back then, in the 70s in your 20 somethings, don’t think you’d do better or be better, you’d probably make the same mistakes or even worse.

conclusion

introspect and don’t be too quick to bash people for their choices without being patient enough to peel back a few layers and understand. whether that’s Melanie from Love Island or a celebrity, your mom or even yourself.

anyway, what do I know, right? scratch my brain sometime soon? xo

before we proceed I’ll give a gentle disclaimer. i’m not defending anybody’s son, neither am i making excuses for all the harm caused predominately by men in the recent years. i acknowledge the concerning rising cases of rape, femicide, disappearances and assault of women and children, among other violating crimes committed. i intend to peel back layers and masks worn by these men and try to answer and understand why they are the way they are.

the answers to the questions i posed earlier have been ruminating in me for months and in a nutshell i’d say; we’re dealing with a staggering number of undiagnosed, ‘unmedicated’ men and results of an even bigger number of unreported and covered-up crimes. let me land.

it’s clear that in Kenya, we raise boys and girls differently. that’s how we found it done, that’s how we’ve been doing it and it shouldn’t come as a surprise if that will continue to be our truth. so are we raising angry, incompetent, insensitive, insufferable men? yes, yes we are. sharpening a knife with vigor, only to complain later, that it cuts too deep.

A young boy, Dogo, raised in an average Kenyan home, with sisters, might have a story that goes like this: when he joined primary school, his parents drilled into him that there is no way a girl could be better than him in subjects like math and science. because these are manly subjects, therefore it would be shameful if he comes second to a girl (essentially teaching him to perceive the intelligence of woman as a threat or a challenge). he and his classmates get a little older and hormones are high in the air like pollen, and the teachers get a bright idea to keep them focused. “do you know that your wives aren’t here? your classmates cannot be your wives because women aspire to be with more ‘mature’ men. your wives have just finished kindergarten 3.” madness. now Dogo and his friends pass by class 1 with a new pair of eyes, his classmate’s sister suddenly isn’t the same to him anymore. At home, he is exhausted from school and mistakenly falls asleep on the first sofa he got to. he is awoken by slaps and an earful from his father on sitting on daddy’s ‘special’ chair. in the kitchen, some of his sisters are slaving with their mother somewhere unhanging the clothes before proper nightfall and the others dragging the heavy pile of drying maize grains outside, because it is threatening to rain again. Dogo wants to help his sisters but the slaps he received earlier also reminded him that his father said men are the head of the family and only women take care of house work. Now, Dogo goes to high school. he is enrolled in 1 West, and everyone is buzzing on how their stream has the best chemistry teacher in the school, only for them to find out that the best was going to be a nightmare. he, the teacher, mercilessly canned them with military-grade whips and no one (no responsible adult) bat an eye. when, they got to mole concept, things went downhill. the boys were beaten like dogs. stepped on, punched and contorted in different ways all in the name of discipline and having to understand titration. the teacher would even go as far as calling for your girlfriend in class and have her see you being brutally flogged saying, “look at how pathetic your ‘man’ looks when he’s crying na Dogo ukigusa tunaanza tena”. (emasculating boys every chance he gets). he seeks solace in his kiswahili teacher, at least he was friendly and he was willing to listen. then he became too friendly, calling for him at odd hours and to far off places in the school. one day, he is sodomized and now there’s no friendly face to confide in. well, the he finds one by accident. a rumour, about a boy in the same class but different stream, who had a spicy moment with a female teacher of English in the staffroom, had spread. little did they know that it happened against Tobi’s will and he was faking the excitement to mask his discomfort, because that’s the manly thing to feel right? so they bonded, one couldn’t speak up because of the shame that would ensue him and the other was made never to shut up about it because if he did, he’d be a weak man.

i wish this was an exaggeration. i genuinely wish this was the extreme of the extremes. but it’s not. sometimes we wonder why, the co-worker you share a desk with, is on the 9 o’clock news arrested for murdering his family. or your local butcher, who was seemingly fine yesterday, is in hiding because he raped a school girl. sometimes, these men just snap. all the pent up anger and frustration, the unrealistic expectations, the hurt and shame, everything they internalized, surfaces. am i saying that these men should get a pass for their heinous crimes? absolutely not! because there’s plenty more men with these same stories that are functioning members of society, or so we think. even though they don’t commit crimes this same hurt can manifest elsewhere; your difficult ‘traditional’ father who fights to feel superior in the house, your uncle that only opens his mouth to drink and disrespect women, even your cousin that barely speaks and isolates themselves completely at family gatherings. there’s something wrong somewhere.

so, no. maybe you can’t tell a law abiding Kenyan man and predator from face value. can you imagine the ticking time-bombs you encounter in a day?! it’s clear that celebrating men’s mental health month and father’s day has become a strain and a chore because of recent stats but it is specifically for that reason that we should pay attention to men. as we wrap up the month, think about your kaJayden, he isn’t too different from Dogo. you just might be raising an evil Kenyan man.

scratch my brain sometime soon? xo

i come in peace.

this particular piece has been weighing on my heart since the beginning of this year. why just this year you ask? because I had a kafriend (the Kenyan way of saying we weren’t really friends then and worse now) and she mentioned her boyfriend from time to time, which is okay. but I got to piecing the puzzle together subconsciously and then it hit me like a bus. this guy started dating her when she was in form 2.

the last thing I’m going to do here is to victim blame. in my mind (and in yours too) there was an answerable adult and a misled minor. now, I’m not shaming anyone who’s found themselves in a relationship like this or is currently in a thriving relationship that stemmed from one. this message especially goes to my friends in case this story is too close to home.

“I don’t date highschoolers.” eisshhhh.

I remember this types of girls in high school were on another level socially. they were the mature ones, mostly put together, neat and knew how to manipulate the school uniform to make them look gorgeous. and you had to admit that enyewe that’s why that older guy likes her. but I now ask myself, why is an adult so comfortable with dating a highschooler - and a minor at that? because she was an easy target, easi-er anyway. those same qualities previously described, are distorted to manipulate her into thinking that she is Eve incarnate. that she’s a true woman, save for her age of course. that she’s very ‘grown-up’ for her age. bone of his cowardly bones and flesh of his predatory flesh. there’s no way that as a grown man, women of your age group are completely out of your league, it can’t be that no woman is that unattainable to you. and if that’s the case, there’s no justification in dating a minor. (ata we can end the article here) the same goes for those creepy high school teachers. what do you mean you have a girlfriend in 3 West??? calling her to the department at odd hours for ‘extra-work’ ebu tukuwe serious for a second. and some of us would envy the special food they would get from the staffroom, the extra box of milk, and never-ending canteen sprees. a girl or two would even go as far as saying, “hadi mimi staki kudate highschoolers, working class wako better kama wa nanii” do you see how wrong that is?

imagine this; the August holiday just ended, you’re Alicia’s closest friend and the only one she confides in. she left her class and came to yours looking for your you. it’s night preps and your class is buzzing with everyone narrating their holiday shenanigans to their mates. although you just opened school, the smell of sweat, socks and wood is impossible to ignore. your eyes are still adjusting to the bright fluorescent light but you see her coming towards you. “me and Chris had sex” she tells you while you guys sharing your small metal seat, so excited. she goes on to detail exactly what happened, and how Chris almost swore with his gran’s life that he’ll be faithful and wait for her till she comes back in December...

‘‘but she consented’’, I hear you say. did she? did she really? and even if she did, statutory rape is a thing and happens more than we realize.

some times a girl just wants to impress her boyfriend or probably was guilt-tripped by the advances previously made by said boyfriend and now feels obliged to pay back with sex. it happens. but again, here we have an answerable adult and a misled minor. a victim. how are we okay with saying a form 1 student can consent to sex and in the same breath want to fight against early marriages and resulting early pregnancies? is our goal only to ensure that girls go to school, then we care less of what happens after? if a 14 year old practically being sold off to an older man as a wife doesn’t sit right with you, why should a form 1 student play house with a 23 year old man? it’s a spade and not a big spoon, this is wrong.

most of these unorthodox relationships rarely make it to a year, they become strained somehow, after you finish form 4. i WoNdEr WhY. Your knight in shinning amour doesn’t call you anymore and you step up to do the calling. he’s too busy and doesn’t have time to see you, yet you already sacrificed going to your computer classes for him. when he does look for you however, it’s for one thing and one thing only. to him you’ve lost your novelty, it was only exciting for him when he slipped off your school uniform. your palazo now is less enticing.

“but we started dating when we’re both minors..”

is it wrong? to that my dear I humbly say that I don’t know, I don’t have all the answers, I wish I did. 17 and 18 right?(this where I become a hypocrite) the main argument I have throughout is harm. psychological, physical; as long as there’s harm it is wrong. if not and the guy is a couple of months older than you, or vice versa, mapenzi inoge jamani.

my aim here is to start a conversation. if you a victim in this case take heart, what happened to you did not erode your value. you are altogether beautiful, inside and out. coming out of it stronger is what matters most.

scratch my brain again some time soon? xo

but i don't want to color it in,

not just yet

I've ruined other scribbles and ideas before, just having the sketch feels more secure

i don't want you to end up as a crumpled sheet of paper in the corner

i want you framed,in full display,everyday

if only i could just trust my brush

if only the paint would convince me,

that it's perfect for the page

until then my dear, you remain 'what could have been'

so sure that what gleemes will give joy

what sets my soul on fire,worth the blister

only for it to be my very demise

but was the burn worth it?

each time the light beckoned me, our encounter was exhilarating yet terrifying

and each time i flew away

seeing the bright yellow hue behind me,feeling the heat escape me

i longed for it like never before

a yearning that was too hard to ignore

only until i took more than i could bare

my wings badly bruised, not by the fire

but by the passion that didnt allow me to let go

~jumwa