I thanked them for their comments and insights but inwardly the tears were quickly coming to the surface and that familiar sense of shame was coming for me.

In this vulnerable video I share more detail details about that scenario and then the 7 signs of being on when I call the shame-fear loop.

I also shared 5 practical tips that I personally used to break out of it and back to joy and freedom.

I am eager to hear if you can relate and if you implement these practical tips in your own life.

In joy,

Nicole Roth

Ooooh very much so being driven...the enemy’s specialty.

Yes, a lot of it was still the physical symptoms of Hashimoto’s following my dad’s suicide years prior, but if I was honest, most of it was listening to the enemy’s lies as well as throwing in plenty of my own condemning thoughts.

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I wasn’t distinguishing God’s voice from all the rest.

This is what the voice I heard most often said to me.

In my spiritual disciplines - “You’re not doing enough.”

In my side business ventures - “You’re going to be left behind if you don’t move faster.”

When going to new social events (especially women’s events) - “People are going to laugh at you and reject you. You don’t belong.”

And anytime I tried to rise above any of my current circumstances I would hear - “Who do you think you are? You’re ‘just a mom.’”

Ug.

Guess what I did in response?

I sped up.

I pressed the gas pedal of life harder and harder.

I drove both myself and my children faster and faster.

And all it brought me was more exhaustion.

More discouragement.

More physical symptoms.

And in the end?

I was totally depleted and had nothing left to give.

That’s the enemy’s specialty and I believe he has convinced a whole population of Christians that this is what faithfulness looks like…exhaustion. Weariness. Depletion.

No!!!

Have you been there, sister? Are you there now?

I sat down with the beautiful , host of the Just Talkin’ About Jesus podcast and shared my story of overcoming striving, performance, a lack of rest, and more and understanding better what was at the root.

Namely share and fear. I knew about the fear. Shame…nope! Not so much!

Tune in to the podcast here:

Audio:

Substack:

You Tube:

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And if you can relate to the above and from that “driven” place you have moved into a state of depletion (not just physically but in all the ways), I have something special for you.

The free Depletion to Delight Masterclass is part videos, part assessments and women are raving about the insights they are receiving. One recent woman had this to say: “I knew I was depleted but didn’t know how bad it was.”

You can check it out for yourself here! Time to move OUT of being driven into being led and move OUT of depletion into delight, in Jesus’ name!

PS - This is my last “Restoring Belovedness” post! The Lord told me this brand has served its purpose. Time to switch everything over to Sequoia Strong. That’s the vision the Lord gave me several years ago and it’s all starting to come together now. HALLELUJAH! Stay tuned for more goodness and updates like this one about what in the world Sequoia Strong is all about! (It’s GOOD! And it’s not my idea!!)

I prepared the strollers, snacks, water bottles, hats, and all the bazillion other things a mom needs to pack up to leave the house. We were finally on our way. Hooray!

Only problem…it started to rain. And not just rain. It was to the torrential downpour level. As in…it was raining so hard cars were pulling under the overpass to escape the pelting droplets.

I was not deterred though. We were going to the zoo by golly! I drove on.

And I began to pray. It wasn’t your normal sweet prayer of, “If it be your will Lord, please make this rain stop.” Nope! I was decreeing and declaring and likely my children thought I had completely lost my mind.

I told that storm to go back into the ethos.

And guess what?

It did.

I kid you not, we pulled into the zoo parking lot (Sidebar: we pulled right up front because we were just about the only car in the parking lot because…hehem…who else is crazy enough to be there??). We drove into our spot, the clouds parted, the sun began to shine and we never got even ONE drop of rain on us!

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My kids still talk about that story and I believe it was a test that I would need a couple decades later as I was preparing for my very first women’s retreat in Broken Bow, Oklahoma called Permission to Pause.

As the dates approached, the weather was not looking good. That wouldn’t be a problem if it wasn’t in large part an experiential nature retreat complete with fly fishing and hiking. The rain and especially thunderstorms that were being forecasted for every single day of our 5 day, 4 night trip would not fit into this plan.

We began to pray. Fervently. Boldly. With passion just like my We-are-going-to-the-zoo-today-no-matter-what day of old.

Days before I was texting back and forth with the fly fishing guide wondering what would happen if the weather didn’t cooperate. It wasn’t looking great.

The day of the retreat came. The minivan was packed to the TOP (proof below!). Thankfully it wasn’t raining when we left but as we drove north, the rain began to come down.

The flash flood warnings came on the radio.

We even saw a car underwater in the ditch on the opposite shoulder as we headed toward our destination.

And yet my faith and that of my co-host did not waiver.

We had come boldly to the throne of grace as beloved daughters to our Abba and had made our request. We essentially said, “God, You have a problem! This is your retreat for your daughters. It was your idea so please do what only You can do.” It was above our pay grade and we couldn’t do anything else about it but trust and believe.

So I drove. And I kept speaking to that storm telling it to go back where it came from. The rain was coming down so hard I almost had to pull off to see if it would abate.

Several hours later we arrived at our destination.

And guess what?

No rain. Not a drop.

And the next day for our fly fishing event? Sun for days.

And the day of our hike at the State Park? Not one smidge of moisture!

It didn’t rain the entire time we were there.

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In fact, the forecast changed completely from the day before we left.

I will forever praise the Lord that He kept that storm away from this special, set apart event where His daughters were going to begin to truly rest. To let go of the burdens they had been carrying. To enjoy His creation. To worship and be together.

If it would have rained every day and even thunderstormed, we would have pivoted. It would have been fine. Disappointing yes but we would have gone on.

But this???

GLORY to God!!! He gave us yet another “You Can’t Make This Stuff Up” story. An Ephesians 3:20 - Immeasurably more beyond what we could ask, think, or imagine situation.

And we will not stop praising Him!

That was just one of the stories from the retreat. There are more incredible God stories if you want to hear them first hand here! This was a live and I did re-counting all the Lord did. I pray it builds your faith like it did ours sharing it!

And if you want to see more sneak peeks into our set apart event, here is a brief video - sound up!

PS - The waiting list for the November 4-8, 2026 event will be opening soon! If you want to be on it, please hit reply.

Application: Where are you sensing the Lord wanting you to press in and ask Him for something specific? Maybe even something that seems really big or impossible? Where do you need to “speak to the storm” before you in faith and tell it to MOVE?

I adore operating as a Joy Coach and helping women step into greater freedom in Christ! One ways I do that is by offering free Masterclasses so women can get to know me and experience first hand what I do!

The next one is tomorrow at 10 AM CST and is titled, “Depletion to Delight: For the woman tired of operating on empty ready to live restored, renewed, and refreshed in her relationships, health, and calling.”

I hope you will join us!

Register here!

Would love to hear any response you have to this article. Please head over to the Substack app to leave a comment!

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We call them “you can’t make this stuff up” #YCMTSU moments!

Enjoy!

Nicole and Chrissy

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See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are;  1 John 3:1.

“I just looked myself in the mirror,” I announced excitedly to my husband as I exited the women’s bathroom at a Christian conference we were attending. Looking confused, he replied, “Um, great, honey.” I reminded him about why this was such a big deal.

In elementary school I experienced significant rejection from my peers over a rumor I never said that was pinned on me. I lost all of my friends overnight and that spread to the classroom, the bus, etc. It felt like the whole world was against me. From then on, I walked around with my chin down and with so much shame and self-rejection that I could not look at myself in the mirror in a public restroom if there were other women present. This went on into adulthood.

During the event we were doing a lot of healing work. In the process, that particular mirror struggle ended and has never caused me a problem since. Praise God. There were other mirror issues that were harder to face.

Fast forward a few years to a health through inner healing class I was in at church. The leader asked us to go home and look ourselves in the mirror and in light of God’s love say, “(your name), I really, really love you.” I tried to do that exercise and sobbed. It was much too painful. When I returned the following week, the leader asked how it went for the 15 or so women, all who had chronic health issues. Not one of us could receive what Jesus died to give us. How tragic!

As I studied the spiritual root of disease, I learned that autoimmunity’s root is self-rejection. As I tried to find healing through God’s word and His truth for this issue, I couldn’t find much about that topic. The world’s answer to this issue of self-rejection is self-love. However, the Bible warns us that in the last days people would be ‘lovers of self’ so that wasn’t the answer.

I began to ask the Lord to show me how He wanted me to find healing for myself and others struggling with this issue. One thing He showed me shocked me. He showed me much of this is rooted in pride. Self-hatred rooted in pride? What? That seems counterintuitive, but it’s true. God made us and His declarations over us in His word define who we are and hold the ultimate truth. When we go against that and think or say no, no that’s not for me, we reject God’s invitation into love. It’s putting ourselves in the center of the circle representing the throne of our hearts.

When we allow God’s word and the truth of our identity in Him to be our focus, we move out of the center of focus. God becomes the rightful one in the center. Furthermore, returning our focus on Christ’s righteousness instead of trying to prove our own righteousness in subconscious ways through spiritual disciplines or good works frees us up to receive God’s love.

It’s only in this “I’ve got nothing to give” posture of receiving do we have a revelation of God’s grace.

Grace leads to gratitude.

Gratitude leads to humility.

This cycle never happens if we don’t take that first step of agreeing with God’s word about who we are.

Here’s what He says about you. You are chosen, forgiven, redeemed, beloved, accepted, righteous, holy (set apart), and so much more. That’s pretty incredible, isn’t it? The question is…do you agree with Him?

As a mom of three daughters, I want them to know without a shadow of a doubt that nothing can separate them from God’s love. That He looks at them and sees only Jesus and His perfection. One of my deepest desires is for the cycle of generational self-hatred and rejection to end so we can each declare – Jesus loves me this I know – and truly mean it. I invite you dear sister to agree with God’s truth and let God love you. It will change everything.

If this article blessed you, please tap the heart below and leave a comment. I read and respond to each one.

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Once you watch, please head to the comments and share any takeaways. I would love to hear!

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P.S. - Louise is the kind of woman I want to hang out with! Despite being older, she didn’t let that stop her and this was her very first Summit that she hosted! Go, girl!!

If you know someone who needs grace-saturated encouragement, I would be honored if you passed along my publication, Restoring Belovedness. Thanks!

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At the end of the video I shared about The Joy Lab. Here is more info if you want to check it out!

Get more from Nicole Roth, Joy Coach in the Substack app

Available for iOS and Android

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Get more from Nicole Roth, Joy Coach in the Substack app

Available for iOS and Android

Get the app

Sign up for your free 30 day trial of The Joy Lab, my private membership community where we practice building joy and celebrating one another as sisters in Christ!

Many other fun bonuses will be added as well.

Cost is $5/mo or $50/year if you wish to continue beyond the trial!

We begin on Tuesday, May 12th at 2 PM CT!

If you enjoyed the presentation and want to leave a testimonial, please either comment on the post or hit reply and let me know. I love to see how God is touching each person! He is SO GOOD!

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December 2025

Sometimes joy seems elusive yes, even for me, a Joy Coach.

Over the last few days, my body has been reeling and in some sort of autoimmune flare. Yesterday I could barely walk I felt so weak.

I’ve been dealing with these issues for 20 years and I know how to get out of this crisis but in the middle of it it’s surely not fun.

Because of this chronic illness (Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis), I’ve missed out on opportunities. It has put a damper on friendships. It’s created limitations on eating out which forms the basis of a lot of of what our culture does together.

I hate what the enemy has stolen from me.

In this state, I can easily go into a pity party and I will admit I’ve been there for the last day or two.

• Angry that my dad’s choice to take his life 20 years ago is still having an impact on me today.

• Sad that I haven’t received full healing for this issue although I know it’s available. (God instantly healed my heart of a postpartum cardiomyopathy issue for instance)

• Disappointed at my responses because I know better. I teach this stuff.

No matter what has gone on though, here I am at a crossroads.

What will I choose?

• To continue to speak curses over myself and what a burden I feel like to my family oftentimes.

• To stay in a state of self-pity and sadness.

• To give in to the despair of yet another disappointment on this health journey

Or

• Receive God’s love and care once again for me.

• Hear His truth spoken over me.

• Fight with God’s truth.

• Renew my mind to what’s in His word.

I am choosing option B.

I am using my Encountering Abba journaling process to get myself back in alignment. I will fight these thoughts and feelings of hopelessness and despair with gratitude, with love, and with truth.

I know I will be back in joy in just a little while.

And that makes me smile.

What are you facing today that needs God’s touch and maybe a realignment of thoughts to match Heaven?

Ok that’s my sad story but here’s what happened next!

I got my journal out and began using this unique journaling method I created with the Lord. I never saw its power in this particular case (getting out of a stuck/shame-filled/hopeless place) but WOW!

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I was in so much despair before writing this, I told my husband I couldn’t go to our family’s Christmas celebration to a local safari place (that’s what we got for our young adult daughters instead of doing a bunch of presents).

After finishing my process, I marched out of my closet and we went on our merry way. We had an awesome time and the enemy did not win! Praise God!

Want to use this journaling practice for yourself? Great! Let’s go!

First, grab your journal or a piece of paper and a pen or pencil. Write down the date and between 1-10 what your current joy level is.

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Time for a Reset!

Let’s reset your nervous system out of sympathetic dominance (fight or flight) into the parasympathetic state (rest, digest, and heal).

First, draw this symbol or just write the word RESET in your journal.

Turn your head to one side and force a yawn until you get a sigh. You may feel ridiculous and my kids make fun of me but I don’t care!

Once you do that side go to the other side and do the same thing.

Repeat as many times as you would like.

Are you sighing and releasing all that pent up stress yet? Great!

Now write in your journal next to that symbol what that experience felt like for you. Write as much or as little as you wish.

Time for my favorite…a joy memory!

In your journal draw this little symbol of a movie screen or write JOY MEMORY.

It’s supposed to remind you of an Imax theatre experience. It’s time to blow up a scene BIG in your imagination as you go back to that place.

Think about this memory in as much detail as you can.

Use as many senses as you can. Where were you? What was the circumstance? What were the smells around you? What did you see? What did you hear? How did you feel?

Write about this memory in your journal next to that symbol.

Note: If you do this practice 3 times a day for 30 days it is said to completely rewire your nervous system. How is that for AMAZING? (credit to Jim Wilder, author and neurotheologian).

Now it’s time to ask the Lord about a “Good Gift” He gave you.

Draw the cupcake symbol or write GOOD GIFTS.

The cupcake represents God’s goodness from the verse in Psalm 34:8 - “Taste and see that the Lord is good.”

Ask the Lord, “What good gift do you want me to be thankful for today that’s from You, God?” Sit and sense what you receive.

Is it a phrase, do you see a visual, is there a memory popping up?

Trust that you can hear your Good Shepherd’s leading and write down whatever you sense.

Then if you wish, take it a step further and begin God’s response, “Dear Child of Mine…” and write what you sense He is saying in response to your gratitude.

Now it’s time to SMILE!

Draw a smiley face in your journal or write SMILE.

Then smile for at least 15 seconds recounting God’s goodness and mercy to you through these previous two steps.

Write whatever comes up. For many women, the simple act of pausing long enough to smile brings up a lot of emotion because they just keep powering through, bring the strong one, the responsible one who holds it all together.

In smiling they recognize how long it’s been since they actually smiled…or laughed. Some women even cry and that’s totally ok.

Mirror Moment

Lastly, draw the mirror symbol in your journal or write MIRROR MOMENT.

Find a private place. Grab your phone in selfie mode or go to your bathroom to your mirror. Look yourself in the mirror and say, “In light of God’s love, (your name), I really, really love you.”

That’s it. Simple but profound.

I couldn’t do this exercise when I first was invited to do so. I sobbed and so did the approximately 15 other women in the Health Through Inner Healing class we were in. Each woman present had a chronic health issue. Very telling.

Write about what that experience meant for you.

Note: This is the most powerful exercise I’ve found in combatting self-rejection, shame, unworthiness, and condemnation!

Joy Level

What’s your joy level at now? Write it down.

Did it go up? I would love to hear! Please hit reply and let me know what happened.

That’s it!

I use a more extensive process using Scripture and worship, etc. but this is “Phase 1” of the process so you can get used to it.

I can’t wait to hear what the Lord shows you in this and how this changes your JOY level!

Want MORE?

I am forming The Joy Lab for women who want to more intentionally grow their joy amongst other sisters in Christ! Drum roll, please!

What’s so important about joy you may ask?

It’s crucial for our immune systems, it helps us manage stress better, we become more resilient to the inevitable trials of life, we become much more creative, and much less critical.

It’s kind of a BIG deal!

Beginning May 12th, we will begin meeting on the 2nd and 4th Tuesdays of the month at 2 PM CT (“Tuesdays at 2”!).

On the 2nd Tuesday we will share Joy Memories with each other. This is one of my most favorite things to do!! It raises the joy of everyone in the room.

On the 4th Tuesday we will practice the Encountering Abba journaling process you just learned. On the call women will share, if they wish, what the Lord showed them. That may lead to prayer or however the Holy Spirit wants to minister to women.

This process deepens your intimacy with the Lord and is designed as a non-performative, Spirit led process. It’s amazing!

To join simply follow the 30 day trial link below. This will give you 30 day free access to these upcoming calls PLUS a number of other bonuses including the digital link to these cards in a “flip card” manner with explanations for each one.

I will also be including access to my book Being the Beloved in audio form as a private podcast - coming soon.

This free trial is my gift to you as we get this community launched!

After that the price will be $5/mo or $50/year.

Try out The Joy Lab for 30 days!

From Friction to Flow Masterclass

I’ve done this class numerous times and the response has been phenomenal!

Here’s one of the latest testimonials from Teighlor M.:

I highly recommend if you can to attend!!!

I attended the last session and it blessed me tremendously!

So happy to have been a part and can’t wait to continue! These are discussions that are not merely luxury, but are VITAL to our walk with the Lord and one another. These are discussions that shift the atmosphere, and help shift the posture of our hearts and the molding of our minds. From hurt to hopeful. From lost to “I’m learning.” From striving to thriving.

Once we are able to peel back the layers and identify the patterns from the origin of what we have been TRULY wrestling with, we can begin to do the work from a more knowledgeable angle. Ya gotta know, in order to flow! 😉 Lol! And why not do this in the comfort of community??

Thank you Nicole Roth, Joy Coach for your obedience and your beautiful heart!!

Check out the replay here!

In joy and expectancy,

Today I’ll continue the story with what happened in my health as a result.

As I shared, once I gained a deeper glimpse into God’s grace, not just for salvation, but to live the life afterward, everything shifted.

The very next day after this late night bathtub grace revelation, I felt a new boldness rise up in me regarding my health. At the time I was so weak and dizzy I could barely walk across our home. I had been diagnosed with Hashimoto’s thyroiditis (autoimmune) and postpartum cardiomyopathy.

I sensed the Lord telling me that the food issues were over. That was shocking because as I previously shared, I would even have nervous system reactions where my arm no longer could effectively bring food to my mouth if it contained something that I was reacting to. It was so bizarre.

By faith, the next morning I gathered my young children, and we set off for none other than Burger King. This literally could not have been the most challenging place I could’ve selected.

At that point, I was eating just a few foods, avoiding gluten, dairy, corn, sugar, MSG, and more.

In that moment I felt a total release to order anything I wanted on the menu.

I marched boldly up to the counter, ordered a Whopper, large fries, and items for my children. We sat down, and I began to eat.

Thus time I enjoyed every glorious, gluten and other no-no filled foods with delight.

I immediately recognized there was no strange nervous system reaction. I felt fine.

It took a few days to tell my husband what had happened. I thought he would’ve thought I had lost my mind.

In the weeks that follower we went from restaurant to restaurant and I gained back the several pounds of lost weight, he began to see there was something to what I was experiencing. There was freedom instead of bondage.

And then I saw why.

I was finally living loved rather than trying to earn it.

I was operating by God‘s grace rather than my own strong self-effort.

A while into my new found eating freedom, I experienced a setback. I was so desperate to not go back to where I once was, I cried out to the Lord immediately.

“Why is this happening God?”, I pleaded?

He simply said, “Works of the flesh.”

I saw then, and I will still say that, for whatever reason, my body has an internal, “Strive-o-meter”. If I go back to my old ways, if I’m trying to take things into my own hands, trying to accomplish things in my own strength, worry about the future, or otherwise push myself, my body reacts. Badly. Loudly.

Yes, this can be annoying but wow, has it been an incredible learning tool for me to recognize when I’m operating outside of His grace and abiding and into striving. And for that, I’m grateful.

Whether that’s when I go into full on research mode trying to figure something out about my health or that of my children, or trying to control things in my marriage so my husband gets in line with how I want him to behave (spoiler alert. It doesn’t go very well.), or trying to make things happen in my business faster than God‘s timeline, and so many other things…

It all ends badly.

And each time I’m reminded that the word says His grace is sufficient for me. His power is made perfect in my weakness.

Back to abiding.
Back to trusting.
Back to surrender.

Much better.

Do you have adrenal or autoimmune issues and perhaps do you have a “Strive-o-meter” in your body as well unknowingly? Perhaps you’ve stopped listening to your body and its need for rest, sleep, nourishing food, laughter, and more?

I get it.

Or is the Lord revealing any patterns where you are trying to take the reins yourself in life?

Where is He inviting you to lay down your own plans and adopt His direction instead?

Hit reply and let me know!

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It thrills me to be a generous giver! Here is my first gift for you!

If you are ready to replace endless effort with grace-filled ease in your relationships, health, and calling, I have something special for you!

This is a free masterclass called From Friction to Flow.

It’s for you if you’re a…

• faith-filled woman worn out from striving and ready for a new path forward

• the God-preneur tired of pushing and pressing trying to get things to work in your business (without the fruit you know God has for you)

• the woman quietly suffering with autoimmune, adrenal, or other chronic health conditions feeling hopeless for lasting change or improvement

Here’s what some others have had to say about the masterclass:

Wow!! Truly an eye opener into how life events can shape what we believe, which then determines how we respond to other life events and to people around us. Nicole has a way of sharing her own brokenness to healing journey that allows women to know they are not alone and that true hope and healing can be found. Nicole’s joy is contagious and raises the bar for all who have the privilege of interacting with her through her programs. I say, “Dig in and grow!”

From Connie W.

“I attended Nicole’s “From friction to flow” session. I saw her share this session and immediately knew I needed to be there. Nicole has a beautiful gift of breaking down some of the ways we have been handling certain life situations due to the lens we have been looking through. She helps to cleanse that lens so we can see clearly and all while connecting the biblical principles. I highly recommend this session or any of her other ones, especially if one resonates like this one did for me.”

From Jen V.

“I had the pleasure of attending this class recently. I appreciate Nicole’s efforts to make it a safe place to open up & share experiences. Her icebreaker game was fun & lighthearted to put everyone at ease. I feel validated in my struggles she taught about & I appreciate her fresh/personal perspective. There was a great balance between identifying the issues & the encouragement to move toward healing & growth. I could not take it all in on the first round & had to watch the replay to get more of the gold nuggets she shared. Would definitely recommend this to others searching for freedom.“

From Elizabeth S.

If this is calling to you, sign up for the next event. I host them regularly and LOVE to engage with the women who come. We don’t record these in order to keep it a safe space for any sharing that happens. Hope to see you in the next class (you can come and not be on camera and not say a word and that’s OK, too!

Sign up at no cost!

Only 2 spots left for our Permission to Pause retreat!

We’re heading to Broken Bow, Oklahoma for some rest, reconnection with the Lord, other sisters in Christ, and fly fishing for those who want that! I cannot wait!!!

May 27-31.

This is a unique combination of a in person retreat combine with a powerful online live course called Rested. We are diving into grace, abiding, living a lifestyle of rest, and the nutritional and other lifestyle habits that support that. (Former dietitian here and one who has walked this out over the past 21 years of healing!)

Doors close this Thursday, May 7th!

I need Permission to Pause!

The day began like any other beautiful warm spring day in Texas. I was meeting a friend at the botanical gardens. We donned our toddlers in their adorable outfits and followed our respective little ones around through the bountiful and fragrant flowers. We chatted, laughed, and re-connected while snapping photos of our adorable first born children.

Everything abruptly changed when I received the fateful call. Amid confusion and sobs I heard my mom on the other end. She had discovered my dad in our back barn. He had taken his life.

We knew he was struggling.

Panic attacks.

Anxiety.

Depression.

A loss of identity after retiring from General Motors as a Corvette engineer.

He was getting help. Sadly, that help was not enough. He chose to end his own pain but in the aftermath, the suffering his decision left still affects me (and others close to him) to this day.

I didn’t just lose my dad. Nearly overnight along with the loss of the person who knew me best, my biggest cheerleader, and my most trusted confidante, I lost my health as well.

I went from a vibrant, healthy young ambitious woman to a shell of a human being.

My weight plummeted.

My digestive system seemed to have suddenly stopped working.

Food became my enemy as nearly everything triggered my digestive and even my nervous system to react. As strange as it may sound, if I began eating something especially with MSG, I would lost control of my limbs. It was like my brain and body has decided to divorce themselves from one another. Lovely.

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On top of this, I became so dizzy and weak that even walking across our home felt treacherous.

Who had I become?

And what on earth was going on?

Doctors didn’t have many answers. As a former hospital-based dietitian, I became obsessed with the fear that doctors were missing something. Something ominous.

I went from doctor to doctor with no real answers other than the diagnosis of Hashimoto’s thyroiditis, an autoimmune condition and postpartum cardiomyopathy, a heart condition.

In desperation, I turned to natural medicine. This was “voodoo medicine” to me given my training. Now I would try anything to feel human again.

Desperation has a way of creating a new sense of openness to previously uncharted options, doesn’t it?

In the midst of all the deep grief, pain, suffering, and questions, I tried to cling to the Lord.

Sadly, I wasn’t quite sure of God’s love for me. Sure I knew it in my head but it hadn’t made its way to my heart. I kept Him at arm’s length wondering if I could really trust Him.

Secretly, I believed that if I truly surrendered, I would be bored. Not just bored. Bored to tears (whatever that means!).

I feared losing what made me “Me”.

A strong sense of adventure.

A determined spirit.

A first born responsible woman and a dependable leader.

I lived cautiously in a relationship with God. Jesus was my Savior yes but He was not yet my Lord. I was too scared to let go of the reins, terrified that if I did and truly let him lead, things would go in a direction I didn’t want to sign up for.

As a missionary in Africa

Needing to lay down things that brought me a sense of comfort.

Needing to do things that terrified me.

So I kept those reins firmly in my hand yet longed to know His love and affection. I wanted so badly to trust Him, but didn’t know where to begin.

Pain has a way of getting our attention, doesn’t it?

Fast forward to several more years of dealing with these extreme health conditions. Then I had three children and we were homeschooling full time.

Despite me being very productive and efficient pre-motherhood, motherhood plus the added role of homeschool mom brought me to my knees in a whole new way.

I was finally ready to surrender…fully. I had truly tapped all of my own resources.

What a gift!

I remember vividly the day it all went down. I had fallen asleep yet again in between my children, exhausted from a day of mothering, homemaking, and schooling.

I was completely depleted and running on fumes. The Lord very clearly whispered to me. ”Nicole, are you being led or are you being driven?”

Oh, I was definitely being driven all right.

Driven to succeed.

Driven to get everything just right.

Driven to try to please everyone around me.

Driven to pretend everything was just fine even though it felt like everything was crumbling inside

I was done.

In that moment the Lord reminded me of a Bible study my mom had sent me that I was ironically, too busy to look into. It was all about grace.

As I pondered this question about being driven or led, I recognized I really didn’t understand grace. I knew it in my head just like I knew His love in my head, but it hadn’t made its way to my heart.

At that moment, I was in enough pain that my ears and heart were open to finally receive. I got in the bathtub and it was like a wrestling with Jacob moment. I told God I wasn’t getting out until I understood this stuff.

I knew I just didn’t get it!

Hours later in the cold bathwater, it finally made sense. I finally saw what the good news of the gospel. I saw that it wasn’t just for salvation. The gospel provided the grace to live the life every day thereafter as well.

What a relief. Sweet relief.

In the middle of the night, I wanted to run around the house screaming! “This is really, really good news!”

What happened next in my body was even more incredible.

I’ll share that story next.

Reflection: What brought you to the end of your own strength? Where are you in your understanding of grace?

Hit reply and let me know. I want to hear! I read every note and personally reply.

If you want more…come to my next From Friction to Flow masterclass. We dive deeper into why we often feel the friction in our relationships, health, and calling created by endless effort and striving and what the Lord is inviting us into instead. 🌺

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If you enjoyed this and can think of a friend who needs to hear this message, I would be honored if you shared it. 🌺

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Here’s the replay. I shared an A.B.I.D.E. Framework the Lord had downloaded to me several days ago while I was biking. This can help you move out of striving into abiding and from pressure into peace!

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The persistent ladies who followed me over to the Zoom squares enjoyed the talk and they each received some special gifts for coming live (hint hint!).

Here are the links I shared during the call:

From Friction to Flow Masterclass: The next class is happening Monday the 27th at 10 AM CST. No replay will be available in order to create a safe space for women to freely share their hearts (if they wish).

Tim Ross - The Basement - Podcast episode: We cover the gamut of topics…rejection, overserving, striving, performance, and why everyone does not need to build a War Room prayer closet. SUCH a fun conversation!

Boards app - This will save your brain! I use this everyday in my life and business. Genius!

Here are some testimonials from the last From Friction to Flow Masterclass!

I can’t wait to hear what you think about the replay from the ABIDE framework! Please hit reply or head to the actual post (links down below) to do so and leave a comment!

Hello, hello! 🎉 I’m Nicole Roth, Joy Coach and Author serving the “hard on herself” God-preneur ready to move from depletion to delight, from friction to flow and from striving to surrender in her health, relationships, and calling! So glad you’re here!

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Who am I?

Beyond being a mom to three amazing young adult daughters, a wife of over 23 years to my love Dave, fur mom to a kazillion animals, and an AVID outdoor girl, I’m also…a former striver, Type A, driven, first born type who was on a pathway to destruction.

I was heading toward complete burn out in my calling
My drivenness was ruining my relationships (especially my marriage)
And it was destroying my health.

But yet I trudged on…convinced I was on the right path.

Thankfully through some very painful circumstances, God led me out of this mess to a different plan.

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Here’s the gist of my story…Suffering drove me to striving but eventually it led to surrender.

I grew up in Michigan with a loving family, a ridiculously gorgeous park literally in our backyard, and a home built on a former apple orchard. Life was good.

Beyond being an eldest daughter, I was quiet, the teacher’s pet, a responsible and good student, and part of the popular clique at school.

There were five of us in the group and we called ourselves The Fabulous Five. Because of my inclusion in this select group, I was invited to an endless stream of birthday parties, slumber parties, and I was happy.

Until one day, everything changed.

It was fourth grade. I was just eight years old and a rumor was quickly spread that the most popular boy and girl in my class had sex.

Being a shy child and living pre-internet, I didn’t know even what that was, The ridiculous thing was that this rumor was pinned on shy, quiet me.

Sadly, I didn’t have the courage to tell the truth and defend myself.

Nearly overnight I lost all of those friends. The stigma followed me in my relationships with other friends and soon it seemed that the whole world was against me.

All over something I never even said.

As a result, I grew withdrawn and became even more quiet. No more did the slumber party invitations or birthday party invitations come.

I was alone. Very alone.

The wounding and the pain went so deep and since the rumor was adult in nature, I didn’t share this with my parents.

Instead, I went home each day, hid myself under my covers, and cried myself to sleep. For months.

In the course of time my young heart became hardened. I unknowingly made an inner vow that girls were not safe. That I was better off alone. And that my path forward through all this pain was through performance and perfectionism. I would prove my value and worth all right.

So even though I didn’t understand what was happening, I shoved that pain so deep down so it couldn’t find me again. I went hard after achievement, accolades, and applause instead.

No longer was anything less than As in all my classes acceptable. I drove myself toward perfection.

This continued into college where I double majored in nutrition and psychology. I’m nearly ran myself into the ground but still, I sped on, undaunted.

When that pain would try surface, I suppressed it with more strong effort, even greater performance, and even faster speed.

I mistakenly thought that with enough effort, I could outrun the pain of my past, prove I had value and worth, and somehow feel ok with being me.

I was to learn through a series of painful situations that that’s not how it works.

What am I doing here?

Fast forward many years and LOTS of healing (along with much more pain and suffering), my life is now marked by trust, rest, surrender, abiding, and grace.

Beyond that the Lord has done a mighty work in my marriage. I live as a cherished wife instead of feeling disconnected like I did for so many years.

He has also restored my health (Hashimoto’s thyroiditis especially) in a million different ways!

Bottom line: I’m not the same woman anymore!

The irony is not lost on me.
I have transformed from Type A into the new type A - Adored.
And I don’t ever want to go back.

It’s now my DELIGHT to walk women out of the same mess I lived in for so long (and still are tempted to enter back into).

In this publication, I freely share my struggles, weaknesses, and insights from the Lord. I don’t have anything to hide or hold back.

If you’re ready for raw and real and honest (along with practical tips for healing through a Biblical lens), you’re in the right place, sister!

I would love to hear…what can you relate to in my story? Please comment below. I LOVE to build authentic community and want to know the women here who are curious about what I’m up to!

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It thrills me to be a generous giver! Here is my first gift for you!

If you are ready to replace endless effort with grace-filled ease in your relationships, health, and calling, I have something special for you!

This is a free masterclass called From Friction to Flow.

It’s for you if you’re a…

• faith-filled woman worn out from striving and ready for a new path forward

• the God-preneur tired of pushing and pressing trying to get things to work in your business (without the fruit you know God has for you)

• living with relational strife and pain unsure how to find healing

• the woman quietly suffering with autoimmune, adrenal, or other chronic health conditions feeling hopeless for lasting change or improvement

Here’s what some others have had to say about the masterclass:

Wow!! Truly an eye opener into how life events can shape what we believe, which then determines how we respond to other life events and to people around us. Nicole has a way of sharing her own brokenness to healing journey that allows women to know they are not alone and that true hope and healing can be found. Nicole’s joy is contagious and raises the bar for all who have the privilege of interacting with her through her programs. I say, “Dig in and grow!”

From Connie W.

“I attended Nicole’s “From friction to flow” session. I saw her share this session and immediately knew I needed to be there. Nicole has a beautiful gift of breaking down some of the ways we have been handling certain life situations due to the lens we have been looking through. She helps to cleanse that lens so we can see clearly and all while connecting the biblical principles. I highly recommend this session or any of her other ones, especially if one resonates like this one did for me.”

From Jen V.

“I had the pleasure of attending this class recently. I appreciate Nicole’s efforts to make it a safe place to open up & share experiences. Her icebreaker game was fun & lighthearted to put everyone at ease. I feel validated in my struggles she taught about & I appreciate her fresh/personal perspective. There was a great balance between identifying the issues & the encouragement to move toward healing & growth. I could not take it all in on the first round & had to watch the replay to get more of the gold nuggets she shared. Would definitely recommend this to others searching for freedom.“

From Elizabeth S.

If this is calling to you, watch the replay here!

If you want to hear more of my backstory, you can continue reading this welcome series here where I talk about how suffering led to surrender. It’s a great God story!