Last summer, I spent a month in Paris with Sirena, and I returned to America a changed woman. It wasn't the severely underpriced Saint Laurent I found in every vintage store, or the €4 drinks, or the perfect Parisian friends we made, it wasn’t even the ability to smoke skinny cheap cigarettes everywhere—it was La Pharmacie.

When I was sixteen years-old, I was using a VPN to ship Eau Thermale Avène products to my apartment in Seattle. I read blogs like Into The Gloss and ogled over the sterile packaging and promising results of French pharmacy products. After I moved to New York, I had friends more constantly crossing the Atlantic, so they would bring products home for me, one by one, while I waited patiently for the day that I would step foot into a CityPharma.

On my second day in Paris, pumped full of American antibiotics and faint with tonsillitis, I dragged myself to the largest pharmacy I could find, with a handwritten list of everything that I wanted, knowing that I wouldn’t be able to ask for help—not because I couldn't speak French, but because I couldn’t speak at all.

Below is every product that I found on my trip, and have since fallen dependent on. Below the paywall, I list the secretive (unconventional) ways that I use some of them.

La Pharmacie Picks

Homeoplasmine

Famed “French nipple cream” Homeoplasmine (oh-mi-oh-plaz-meen) is a multi-purpose homeopathic ointment by Boiron (I love their American homeopathic products too). This was introduced to me by a makeup artist under the guise of being “every makeup artists secret weapon,” it’s less secret now, but still as equally weapon.

Eau Thermale Avène, Cicalfate+ Products

Every Cicalfate+ product is my favorite, I have been using these since I was sixteen. Restorative Protective Cream, Restorative Serum, the Hand Cream, the Soothing Spray (more on this later, nobody ever mentions this one but it is possibly the one I most can’t live without), they’re all rich and healing. I believe so many of the best products are ones that can be used on infants and open wounds—a foreign first aid and family product will always happily go on my face.

Eau Thermale Avène Cleansing Foam and Cleansing Gel

The foam cleanser is the perfect travel face cleanser, it has a matte effect without drying out your skin. I think that my skin was the best it has ever been when these two products were my daily cleansers.

Eau Thermale Avène XeraCalm Lotion

For those with eczema or in pursuit of the most supple skin, this is the best body lotion. It’s not sticky, it doesn’t pill, it absorbs into your skin fast and is unscented (I personally never love scented body lotions).

Eau Thermale Avène Cold Cream

My moisturizer on and off for the last 10 years.

La Roche Posay Deodorant (debunked)

When I once dated a British guy, he had roll-on deodorant in his medicine cabinet and I had never seen that before, so I found it charming. I bought the La Roche Posay variant in Paris and it simply did not work. I am all in favor of a roll on deodorant, aesthetically, but I remain unconvinced about its technical ability…

Caudalie Soleil des Vignes Oil Elixir

Only this scent will do. A fabulous scented body oil that stays. I am always weary of body oil because of the way it stains clothing, it stresses me out beyond, but I have never had a problem with this one (besides when I accidentally sprayed it directly onto a light grey article of clothing, don’t do that). You can get this in America, but it is significantly cheaper at la pharmacie.

BIAFINE Emulsion

For minor skin burns, sunburns, scrapes, and irritated skin barrier recovery. This is one of the only products that was requested by a friend for me to bring back to New York. It’s a tried and true classic, with perfectly executed packaging.

Aix-les-Bains thermal spray

I mean, it is fucking fabulous to buy an atomizer bottle of water. I love that the French have normalized that, however I don’t believe you need to buy the most expensive or name-branded one, because it is water.

Marvis Smoker’s Mint

It’s the best—in name, packaging, and flavor. I think you can get this in America? Upon Google searching, you can actually get this at Walmart. It’s staying on the list regardless…

Hexomedine

An over-the-counter topical antiseptic solution. I keep a jar of this in my medicine cabinet, and a spray bottle of it in my first aid kit. Fileable under foreign first aid and family products*

Strepsils Strawberry Sugar-Free Lozenges

I would have never discovered this product, had I not had tonsillitis in Paris. OTC medications in America are absolute bullshit in my opinion, full of absolutely nothing real or strong to help you. Strepsils claim, “each medicated lozenge contains two antiseptic ingredients (2,4-Dichlorobenzyl alcohol 1.2mg and Amylmetacresol 0.6mg) that help kill bacteria.” When I was in London I bought two packs, when I was on St Barths I bought two more packs—I now have a back stock.

René Furterer Karité Hydra Hydrating Shine Day Hair Cream

My (hot) Airbnb host gave me this product (strange, I know). I used it every day that I was in Paris and my hair looked amazing. I thought of it as a sort of leave in conditioner, “a lightweight gel-cream texture that weightlessly hydrates and enhances dry hair for soft, supple and easy-to-style strands.”

Jean Louis David claw clip

Perfectly black, practically unbranded, and nearly indestructible. I previously hated claw clips because I have thick hair and they never hold, but these do.

Klorane 3-in-1 Hair Mask with Organic Cupuaçu Butter

This is the only hair mask that I have ever trusted. It is 96% natural-origin plant based and made for “very dry, damaged, or brittle hair.”

Just Past the Paywall Secrets

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As I’ve gotten older, I’ve noticed the urge to wear more makeup creeping in, mostly to cover the tiny blemishes, lines, and other supposed evidence of my 25 years spent having a face. I’m sure some of this can be blamed on the unfortunate amount of internet discourse about my appearance, including the occasional accusation that I am, at 25, somehow “old.” It’s hard not to absorb some of it from time to time. There are things about my face I’m suddenly conscious of that I’m fairly certain I never would have thought twice about on my own. Funny how quickly someone else’s observation can become your own insecurity.

Still, I don’t think makeup has to be entirely about correcting something. I like the ritual of it. These are the products that have quietly worked their way into my everyday routine, including the days when my only plans involve sitting at home, typing on my computer, and being seen by absolutely no one. Sometimes wanting to look a little prettier is reason enough.

Here are my holy grails.

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When we began this newsletter one of our first post ideas was, “On: Basics,” because basics are anything but their name.

It is seemingly easier to find a fabulous archival dress for an imagined occasion, than it is to find the perfect t-shirt that you can buy five of and wear every day. As we get older and find our sense of self and sense of style refining, we may be coming around to the idea that having a uniform is more than an impressive feat, it is a streamlined way to feel like the greatest version of yourself, and it didn’t take 45 minutes to put together.

Below are the t-shirts, tank tops, long sleeves, blouses, button downs, hoodies, dresses, skirts, pants, and sweatpants that we love and trust.

T-Shirts

Bella

James Perse — As a kid, my Dad wore James Perse t-shirts and v-necks exclusively, daily. As an adult, I understand why, and I joke with my girlfriends, “How can you call yourself a man and you don’t own a single James Perse shirt?” The fit, the crop, the cotton. Everything that JP makes is excellent; their materials are so good that for the last three years, I even sleep in James Perse cotton and jersey bedding nightly. Every shirt on this page is recommendable; pick a shirt any shirt. And don’t let their prices deter you, because you can usually find JP shirts on almost every shopping platform for a quarter of their retail price.

The Great — My stepmother was getting rid of a bunch of clothes, and I looked through the bag before it was gone for good. I kept two t-shirts from “The Great,” a western boho sort of brand that I had never heard of, and I fell in love with them. They’re big, but not boxy, and the material is excellent.

General Quarters — Two years ago, a package arrived at my apartment. It was a Medium navy blue 100% Cotton shirt from General Quarters. It was addressed to me, but I didn’t order it. I had never heard of the brand either. If this was a PR package (I truly doubt that), then it worked. I wear this shirt all the time; I love this shirt. I had to take this shirt off my body whilst writing this to check the tag for the brand name. Upon checking their website, they disappointingly don’t seem to sell this exact tee anymore (I linked the next closest), but I am safely assuming all of their shirts are this good, and I believe these would also be an excellent blank for printing on (if anyone here does that sort of thing).

Sirena

RE/DONE — Why does it feel impossibly hard to find the perfect fitted cotton T-shirt? A few years ago, I received a PR package from RE/DONE, and it included one of the only basic T-shirts I still wear to this day: their Hanes Classic Tee in black. It has aged perfectly and has that vintage T-shirt feel that is so rarely executed well.

Los Angeles Apparel — Recently, LA Apparel released its new “Cheesecloth” line, made from a super lightweight, almost sheer cotton that is incredibly flattering on the body. I have the Fitted V-Neck T-Shirt in both black and white.

Quinn

J. Crew - A staple in my wardrobe for the last two years or so has been the Men’s Broken-in T-shirt. Whether you choose the original fit or the slim fit, it’s the perfect well-constructed, but reasonably priced T-shirt. At the end of the day, it is a Men’s fit, so if you’re looking for a baby tee, search elsewhere.

Tank Tops

Bella

Truthfully, I am not much of a tank top girl. Of course, I do own one TankAir tank top and I find it to be both incredibly comfortable and flattering, but I don’t wear it often because it’s white and white clothes fear me as much as I fear them. I love men’s and boy’s Hanes tank tops, because they come in a 3 pack and they are never wrong so long as you’ve established your correct size. There is however one tank top that I discovered randomly and I swear by, but this is a real deal “hear me out!”

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@sireenter on Youtube.

Bella M Lucio

24 mins of Screen Time and permanent DND - I have been uninterested in everything online for longer than I realized. I began to hate my phone and then my MacBook, and now I can only use my desktop iMac, which I regard as a modern typewriter… In January, I put my phone on a ‘Personal’ Do Not Disturb, only allowing texts and calls from a select sixteen people. My apps were shuffled off of the screen as if they didn’t exist, and my notifications were hidden into some sort of While You Were Away corral. I have been “Away” for six months now, and my life has never been better.

A Big Handbag - In the winter, it’s hard to carry a large handbag amongst the already large coat and multi-layers you are forced to don… In the summer, carrying a big handbag atop a glistening bare shoulder is too good an offer to pass up. On one of the first unbearably hot days, I wore my largest shoulder bag with a mini dress and wedges. I carried flip flops, a big bottle of water, sunscreen (not travel size), packets of liquid IV, a paper fan, my makeup bag, a book, my journal, pens, headphones, the crossword, two packs of cigarettes, shorts, and a t-shirt. I was out from 10:00 a.m. until midnight, and when I decided bravely to walk from Tribeca to Union Square, I threw my wedges into my bag and slipped right into my flip flops. It was the perfect day, which I partially credit to my large bag.

Staying Put - I was invited on three different Euro trips this summer, and I declined all of them. I will be having a wet, hot, American summer. I write this from a house in the Hudson Valley; I took the Amtrak here. I’m wearing a perfect T-shirt sent to me by the beautiful, lovely, and brilliant Biz Sherbert of American Style; yes, the shirt reads ‘American Style,’ kismetly… Last night, I sat on top of a picnic table in the front yard of a gas station, and I ate a $5.59 banana split before smoking a Marlboro Gold. Now, I’m planning how and where to spend August, outside of New York City, but not outside of the United States. I have always wanted to visit the Midwest. Maybe I will finally make it to Maine or Massachusetts… For the first time in a long time, I feel completely content staying put in America all summer.

Graces Ives - I have long loved Ives for her 2022 album ‘Janky Star.’ In March, she released ‘Girlfriend,’ and it inspired me to put both albums into a daily rotation. It is the perfect album to say, wear flip flops and a large handbag, and walk four miles, or ride the Amtrak. She harbors a sound that has gone missing from modern music and an accent that reminds me of my own, un-pinpointable. I want to hang out with her.

CitiBike - It only took me ten years to get a CitiBike membership, which has virtually changed my life. It is the most efficient, fun, affordable, and sexy way to get around Manhattan in the summer. My thighs are toned, my sense of direction is unwavering, and my heart is full (of joy).

Communication - If you are a reader of my old blog, then you know that I love a vague favorite, a thing such as “communication.” This year, I have prioritized bettering my communication skills. “Is it better to speak or to die?” If you don’t like something, admit it. If you feel unsatisfied in your relationship with someone, express it. If someone deserves an apology from you, give it. We have all been blessed with the gift of feeling human emotions and being able to verbalize them. I am trying to dismantle entirely the lingering patriarchal belief that being docile is beneficial or that telling someone how you feel makes you “too emotional.” It doesn’t; it makes you evolved and human!

LUSH Marilyn mask - I lather my hair with this every summer/time I’m on vacation, and then I sit in the direct sun for far longer than is recommended on the label… It softens, lightens, brightens, and shines. I use a purple shampoo after, to even out any brassiness, but bear in mind that I am a generally brassy-toned girl. I regard this product as a modern, all-natural Sun-In. While we’re on the topic, and in the case that this will inspire a trip to LUSH, I profess my long love for Super Milk, a “conditioning hair primer” that I put in my hair every single day. It smells amazing and gives my hair texture and moisture and oomph.

Having a Project - Everyone needs a project, especially in the summer. It barely matters what it is, as long as it gives you a feeling of purpose. You could be tending to plants or writing or knitting a scarf or purging your closet or re-decorating your bedroom or taking lessons or making everything from a cookbook or doing something in nature or getting through a stack of books “summer reading program” style. I believe that it is beneficial to have something meaningful and enjoyable that you are working on, even if intermittently, outside of work, or school, and the routine of life.

Accessories - I admittedly hate dressing for summer, because I love layers and I hate the feeling of being barely dressed (say, shorts and a tank top). I believe that one of the easiest ways to *invigorate* a summer outfit is to accessorize it purposefully. A belt, a brooch, a pin, a fresh flower, a funky bag, feathers, a colored shoe, a hat, fabulous sunglasses, a necklace, a scarf around the head or the arm or the neck, something in your hair, body gems, a bracelet or a bunch of them, statement earrings, an anklet, a toe ring!!! If you’ve got the real estate of bare skin, build something upon it.

Sharing a bottle of wine - With friends, a lover, an ex-lover, an ex-friend, a family member, a coworker… I detest when someone gets “just a glass” of wine. Come on, it’s summer.

Quinn Mora

Summer Skincare - My first summer after moving to NYC, my skin broke out in a way it never had before. I’d handled the usual spot or two that would pop up around my period as a teenager, but it wasn’t until I lived through a summer downtown that I experienced an actual cystic acne flare-up. Now, every spring I visit my dermatologist to get a laser treatment and a tretinoin refill. Needless to say, I put a lot of effort into protecting and healing my skin all summer. My holy grail products are Avené Cicalfate+ cream (perfect for healing pimples if you’re an idiot like me who pops them yourself), a good Korean face mask with Panthenol for deep hydration, and my favorite sunscreen: the Beauty of Joseon Aqua Fresh sunscreen (you should get it at a K-beauty store where they carry the original Korean formulation).

Analog Entertainment - Pick your poison: Crosswords, Sudoku, or just a good book. Whether I’m sitting at a park alone or enjoying a drink curbside with friends, some of my most wholesome memories this summer have been crouched around a New York Times crossword book.

NA Beverages - I love a spritz as much as the next girl, but sometimes it’s easy to fall into a hole of feeling like all there is to do in the summertime is drink… To remedy that, I’ve been loving a soft drink. Yesterday I had three Arnold Palmers from three different establishments throughout the day, and I enjoyed every one more than the last. I’ll still enjoy a drink with friends, but I’m choosing to keep it for more special occasions; I guess you could call it a semi-sober summer.

Designer Sweet Treats - On a lonely and hot Monday with nothing else to do but shop, I found myself in the Rick Owens store buying a gorgeous leather jacket. The real star of the experience, though, was when the sales associate offered me a bag of Rick Owens M&M’s. A small gesture, but I am a collector at heart, and these new treats made me realize that I have got all sorts of stupid designer candies at home: Celine mints and gummies, Supreme Skittles, etc. A new collection is coming into fruition…

My Beautiful iPad - A few weeks ago, my phone got stolen during an already stressful period of my life. Needless to say, I sort of crashed out... I spent almost a week carrying around my iPad in a tote bag waiting for my new phone to be shipped to me. It became sort of a beautiful week of my life. I had no access to Instagram or any other social media and could only be reached through my email. While I have since gotten a new phone, I miss my iPad days.

Sirena Warren

Stone Fruits - I walked past my local farmers market with a friend the other day, ecstatic that stone fruit season is finally back. She looked at me and asked, “What’s a stone fruit?” Disappointed but determined, I named them all. Peaches, nectarines, especially yellow nectarines, plums, cherries, apricots. The whole sacred summer lineup. I bought a bag of each one for $6.

Daily 3.5 Mile Loop Hike - Truthfully, I’m not a beach girl. I haven’t gone once this summer. My sun time has mostly been my daily evening hike around 5:00 or 6:00. I try to hit 10k steps a day, which is a lot easier than you’d think in Los Angeles if you actually make the effort. Afterwards I’ll usually go for dinner and end the night showered and in bed before 12:00.

Ice Cream - Shocker. I recently discovered I may have a sugar addiction. I’ve been getting ice cream or frozen yogurt almost daily this summer, but I’m allowing myself the vice. I rarely drink, and I’m on my path to quit smoking permanently, so this feels fair. If it’s not Pinkberry original tart with Fruity Pebbles, strawberries, and mochi, it’s Yoga-urt matcha strawberry combo with brownie bites, or a classic ice cream sundae from Fluffy McCloud’s.

The World Cup - Self-explanatory. Go to your local sports bar, get a pint, and get f*cking into it. I’ve been watching pretty much every single game every day. It’s the most entertained I will ever be, and then I have to wait years to feel this way again. It’s heartbreaking, it’s glorious, it’s goated.

Neon Colored Gel Pedicure - I’ve been craving color lately, but since my wardrobe is basically all earth tones, black, and white, I’ve opted to take creative liberty with my nails. I’m really into neon yellow and neon pink for toes, while keeping my hands more neutral.

Hot Sculpt- I recently updated my ClassPass to 95 monthly credits, so naturally I’ve decided I need to get my money’s worth by going to four or five hot classes a week. I’m addicted to the adrenaline rush, whether it’s Pilates or yoga. I love dripping in sweat and walking out feeling like I just ran a marathon. It’s so rewarding and never boring. I love Sweat Yoga and Hot 8 Yoga specifically.

Hair Oiling / Deep Conditioning- Before any hot class, I massage castor oil, rosemary oil, and amla oil into my scalp with a wooden scalp massager. I swear the heat helps everything absorb better. I also deep condition multiple times a week, sometimes for a full 24 hours, using the Theratis Tera Hair Pack hair mask. I bought five of them while I was in Tokyo, but sadly haven’t been able to find them anywhere else. Since my hair is colored and bleached now, and the summer sun is not exactly gentle, I’m trying to add as much moisture as possible. It’s been doing wonders.

Summer Skincare - To second Quinn, my current summer holy grails consist of Anua PDRN Hyaluronic Acid 100 Moisturizing Cream, Skin Aqua Super Moisture Gel SPF50+, Pair Acne face wash, Pair spot treatment, Biologique Recherche Lotion P50, Sana Nameraka Honpo eye cream, and the Sekkisei facial toner.

In your twenties, an affair should be a sexual relationship that you are hiding from your friends and peers, rather than a partner. Settling down into a traditional, publicized, and monogamous relationship has seemingly become obsolete, compared to the satisfaction of a fleeting, confidential, sexual liaison. I have very few friends with a “boyfriend” or “girlfriend,” but I have many friends who are seeing multiple people at once, sleeping with someone they shouldn’t be, or attempting to date someone informally without a public spectacle.

Privacy is a privilege rarely afforded when you’re dating in a city like New York, more remarkably now, with social media interconnection, parasocial relationships, and digital voyeurism in tow. At Manhattan’s widest point, you have 2.3 miles of privacy from East to West, and only 11.1 more than that from North to South. Relationships become known in public parks, in bars you believed weren’t popular, and on quiet city blocks. A fling is suddenly in the line of public perception after it is alluded to on an Instagram story, or you are captured together by BFA images, or you’re seen walking together in the background of a street style Tik Tok. The least conspicuous of all, it is concluded from your Instagram “Following” section alone. Discretion is a thing of the past, but I long for it more than any lover I have ever known.

On a Thursday night in July, one of my mutual friends, Bruno, introduced me to his “girlfriend” outside of the popular French bistro Lucien. I had never imagined him to be the girlfriend type, as I had only ever seen him kissing women in the common spaces of nightclubs. She was a lovely girl, and they seemed smitten in their new, and real, love as they kissed under the red awning and giggled. While I smoked and watched the lovebirds, another friend of ours asked me, “Can you believe he brought her here?” I thought it was surprising that he had a girlfriend, sure, but not that unbelievable, I explained. “No, she has a boyfriend, he lives in London,” she replied. This was real adultery, with much less discretion than the “affairs” that I was used to. I shuddered at his unabashedness in bringing a girl with a boyfriend to a place like this on a Thursday night, and proudly introducing her to people as his girlfriend.

Two weeks later, I told four female friends about Bruno’s new “relationship” over drinks. “Why would he bring her there?” echoed across the table from every direction. Nobody was shocked that they were seeing each other, but rather how overtly it was done. We were all seeing men quietly, but not because they had another girlfriend. They are men who are older or younger than us, public figures, a friend of our ex, an ex of someone we know, plainly disapproved of, or someone that we are keeping private for benign reasons. They are men that we like, but we don’t love, and we don’t wish to be formally affiliated with.

The five of us sat with our drinks, like a committee panel, and discussed whether we should share my guide with Bruno, the only con being that then we might see him somewhere with someone else’s girlfriend. I was long delegated as the savant of secret dating in our friend group. I found a slew of places within thirty minutes of Central Manhattan where we could go on a date and never be seen; saving them to a shared Apple Maps guide titled, “Use with Discretion.” Of course, it would never be airtight; we would always run the risk of seeing someone, because there is someone in all five boroughs, but litmus testing new places to see if they fit the criteria became my new hobby.

Since ending my last publicized relationship, I have had affairs with three men, all inconspicuous in their own right. One musician, one actor, and one artist; precisely the kind of men that I would hope to have an affair with in my mid-twenties. I spend most of my time in Lower Manhattan, more East than West, while living in South Brooklyn, which in itself affords me an immense amount of privacy as a starting (and ending) point. I can’t speak to how you should get someone home with you if you live somewhere socially dense. Due to the parameters I have set, I must avoid both of these areas.

You should opt for somewhere just far enough from where you live and spend most of your time. If you live in Chinatown, try Gramercy. If you live in Kips Bay, meet them on the Lower East Side. If you live in the East Village, go to Tribeca. If you live Downtown, go Uptown, and vice versa. If you both live in Williamsburg, you should take the L, separately, and meet anywhere West of Park Avenue S. If they are of public prominence, you should leave Manhattan. And if you want to ensure you will never be seen together, you should go to FiDi after 8:30 p.m. Four major neighborhoods become desolate after 8:30 p.m. on a weekday: Tribeca, Red Hook, The Upper East Side, and FiDi.

In the case of “dive bars,” the dive bar that you have heard people talk about is not a dive bar enough; it is presumably barely a dive bar at all. Look for shotty reviews, or better yet, no reviews. Don’t ever search for a place on social media. Don’t use this as an opportunity to go to that place that you’ve been “dying to check out.” Try to find somewhere that you have never even heard of. This is an opportunity to step out of your comfort zone and go somewhere new, if not entirely to you, at least to your concealed lover.

When I was dating The Actor, I often felt I had to take him to Brooklyn to avoid being stopped by someone or captured together. He had the social self-consciousness of a stray cat, and every time that we made plans, it was as if I was attempting to lure him out of a wet cardboard box. We had gone to concerts in Williamsburg, bars in Greenpoint, and restaurants in Cobble Hill, but when Brooklyn became a problem, I made one last-ditch attempt in Tribeca. I tested a new bar through two rounds of drinks with him, without a familiar face or the request, “Can we take a photo?” When we were leaving, he kissed me on the sidewalk. This place passes the test, I thought, while dropping a pin between the barren cobblestone streets.

The Artist didn’t like to drink, deeming all of my vetted bars useless, so I had to find restaurants. He also loved to dance, so I had to find clubs. We went to Astoria twice, for Egyptian-style seafood. We went to a “popular one” both times, but we knew the odds of being there on the same night as someone we knew Downtown were still slim to none. For another date, we took the ferry to a restaurant in Red Hook, followed by one singular drink at a bar within walking distance. If we were having breakfast, we went all the way to a diner on the Upper East Side, which always felt exciting. I even found a dance club in the industrial part of East Williamsburg, which satiated both my love of discretion and his love of techno music.

If it’s late enough at night, the zones that I have deemed “safe” broaden. People talk about the “marathon date,” an unusually long date that includes multiple activities and locations. I have been on many of those, and I have deemed this my version. If you plan to meet past 11:00 p.m., you can walk from 35th Street all the way to Battery Park City with minimal risk of seeing someone you know. In those 20+ blocks, time ceases to exist, and intimacy swells with each neighborhood. You can stop for a drink, you can talk to strangers and tell them that you’ve been together for years, and you will inevitably stumble upon the very kinds of places that I have spent a year carefully vetting.

When I was dating The Musician, we once met at 9:00 p.m. on the corner of Baxter Street in Chinatown and walked the whole of FiDi together. We stopped into an Irish pub for a drink, and our company couldn’t have been less familiar. We stopped at a deli for water and told the cashier that we were married, but we don’t believe in rings. We did pull-ups on the scaffolding along Broadway, using a hotel restroom to wash our hands afterward. Eventually, we landed outside the New York Stock Exchange. We sat together, with the only human in sight being a lone hot-dog vendor watching YouTube videos on his phone. The whole night felt jarringly private, as if we were the only people who knew that the Financial District existed. As we walked back to his, I dropped a pin on the New York Stock Exchange and added it to my guide.

I have a short list of places in the South Bronx and Staten Island that I have always wanted to vet, but most of my lovers have been averse to “going that far,” and that is part of the reason why they will remain a secret. I’m holding out that one day I will date someone who doesn’t want to be seen with me either, so much so that they are willing to go “that far.” I imagine us laughing playfully, riding the Uptown 6 train to get Italian food. Or taking the Staten Island ferry back with only the most touristic of company. I imagine these places would be so perfectly private that I would add a pin with each stop. I would drop one right in front of Lady Liberty, because that would be a great place to take a secret lover.

I have to credit my first boyfriend for having an actual affair and deciding that I was the woman that he needed to take somewhere more secluded. At the unbeknownst decline of our relationship, he took me to Spanish restaurants on West 200th Street, pizza shops in Bensonhurst, and burger joints in New Jersey–an entirely different state. We once traveled from SoHo to Riverside Park, just to sit in the grass together. At the time, I was obliviously enamoured by these “adventures,” but I recycle those places for my dates now, because if you’re going to cheat or get cheated on, you should at least learn something from it. Each time that I go back to one of these places, I remember my innocence and my excitement, and I hope that my new company is equally as enamoured as I once was.

When I recall my relationship, before I was on the receiving end of true infidelity, I remember that I did enjoy being loved, flaunted, and introduced to people as “my girlfriend” outside of a place like Lucien. I have since accepted that love is inherently embarrassing, particularly when you’re in your twenties. Trusting someone to become part of your life and identity is my generation’s version of choosing the parent of your child. We have all dated someone that we wish we hadn’t told so many people about, because now, we’re stuck with the association. We have all dated someone that our friends loved, or hated, a little too much, and that swayed how we felt, too.

It was humiliating to find out that most people in my inner and outer circles knew that I was being cheated on, because he was cemented publicly as my boyfriend, and he chose the most populated places in town to take other women, as if it didn’t matter. I imagine how many friends of friends had the same conversation that I recently did, “Can you believe he brought her here?” they would have remarked. I find the possibility of this being said much more embarrassing than the cheating itself. Of course, I would have liked total devotion, but at the bare minimum, I would have appreciated discretion.

The night after one of my own discretionary dates, I was sitting next to a table of twenty-something girls at dinner. I eavesdropped as they went in circles discussing the boys they had dated, boys who didn’t want to date them seriously, and the girls they knew that he had hooked up with before them. It was a style of conversation I have had with my own girlfriends too many times to count. It is a conversation that, while lighthearted, is not generally positive. We have all become accustomed to sharing the details of our lives with our closest friends, with mutual friends, and even with strangers on the internet. We do it to have something to talk about, or because we aren’t over it, or because we can’t contain the excitement of seeing someone new, or simply to prove that we are, or were, desired, wanted, and loved.

I thought about my date with the Actor the night before, and I realized that I hadn’t told anyone about him. I hadn’t told the four girls with access to my shared guide, or my best friends, I hadn’t even written about it in my journal. Nobody knew what we did together, where we went, or what we had said. Nobody could say that he was good for me or bad for me. This was entirely my own experience to navigate. That is when I realized the significance of the “Use with Discretion” guide.

To have a relationship with someone, whether emotional, physical, or platonic, that is only intricately known between two people, is something to value. There is a strange security, even if faulty, in having the power as a young woman navigating dating to choose privacy in your life, because secrecy, for so long, has always been pushed upon a woman. The pitfall of a once hopeful relationship becomes admitting, “but he didn’t want to date me,” or hearing, “but he kept you a secret.” I think about the women who were seeing my ex-boyfriend while we were still together, and I wonder how they felt, or what their friends might have said about it over dinner. Maybe they wanted discretion just as much as I did.

A relationship being sensational news has never been exclusive to public figures. Everyone has their hometown celebrities, or those two people you knew separately who are suddenly sharing a life, or a noteworthy couple who just got engaged. A new relationship is “hard launched,” and the post amasses twice the number of shares as it has likes. I receive updates from the 22.7 square miles of Manhattan about people who live 4,000 miles away from me, because “you won’t believe who they’re dating.” We talk about the uncoupling of our parents, our friends’ parents, our neighbors, and mutual friends. We gasp over the dirty details of real affairs. We root for television relationships so much so that we almost begin to believe they are real. We do all of this because relationships that aren’t our own are fundamentally more interesting.

Relationships that are our own should be exactly that. An affair in your twenties should be a relationship that you conceal from your extended friends and peers, rather than a partner, and it shouldn’t be because you are ashamed; it should be the opposite. There is nothing wrong or embarrassing about being in love, being monogamously coupled, and happily publicizing it. Just as much as there should be nothing wrong or embarrassing about dating someone and not wanting anyone to know about it.

It is a choice that every woman should make at least once: to cherish every detail solely. To enjoy, fully, the privilege that is privacy. To have a relationship with someone that doesn’t need to be made “official,” and it is more interesting and real to you than any third parties. We have been led to believe that romanticizing our lives is necessary, and to do that, you must provide proof of how grand your experiences are. The experiences of dating, however, are imperfect and they always will be, but they are an experience that you get to have exclusively, if you want to.

It’s been nearly two years since I took a proper vacation. Largely because I’ve been working almost nonstop, and frankly, I’m not one to lock in and plan a vacation for myself. While I am proud of my work ethic and very fortunate that I get to travel often to beautiful places for my job, it’s not the same as being in a beautiful place with beautiful friends and shutting off from the rest of the world.

When Sirena invited me to hang out with her in Ibiza last week, I jumped at the opportunity. A beautiful place with beautiful people, and I didn’t have to lift a finger planning it. Sirena and I talked excitedly about the awesome blog posts we were going to write chock-full of beach outfits, Spanish lunches, and wholesome activities. Unfortunately, life got in the way, and the trip fell through, but not before I had already packed.

While this post is perhaps a shell of what it was supposed to be, I took the photos against the concrete sidewalk in New York rather than the rocky shores of Spain; maybe it can serve as inspiration for you (and me) to plan a vacation in the future, or at least to integrate more vacation-inspired pieces into our summer wardrobe, for the partial effect.

I would have worn this Saint Laurent dress over my bikini for a nice little Spanish lunch. I could have also worn it out to dinner; this dress was born for day-to-night under the hot summer sun.

When in Spain… I would’ve worn this Barcelona jersey I stole from my brother years ago, where else are you supposed to wear a neon orange jersey that is three sizes too large for you? I would’ve worn my Alexander McQueen jersey too, because it’s fabulous and people always think it’s some unknown sports team when I wear it in New York… The Spanish would have gotten it!

I am not brave enough to wear these Gucci shorts in the streets of Manhattan; they are like underwear, but I was feeling optimistic about wearing them with a flip-flop and a bikini top after one or two drinks… Maybe a little too optimistic. The cheetah shorts carry a similar sentiment to the Gucci by Tom Ford, albeit Brandy Melville. I packed this pair of denim shorts from EB Denim (not pictured), and I had planned to wear them every day, which I suppose I can still do in New York.

Believe it or not, I have brought this bag on every vacation I have ever been on. I actually only wear it on vacation. I bought it for $18.00 on Depop, back in 2020. It’s brand-less and perfect. This bag loves Ibiza… She’s been there twice before!

It’s short, it’s see-through, it’s by a Spanish brand, Gimaguas. This may have been the very first thing I packed into my suitcase.

Honestly, when I pack for vacation, I always choose the most basic, comfortable, and most worn shoes. These three go with everything that I packed. I am a die-hard flip-flop fan, no further explanation necessary. My Repetto heeled ballet shoes have already seen many miles in spring. I bought the Saint Laurent sandals last summer because I didn’t own any nice flat sandals. They can be dressed up or dressed down, and that’s another essential quality for me when vacation packing.

I packed my Christian Dior lock and key kitten heels in Mint (I also have them in fuchsia snake skin) because they’re the most interesting, while still being comfortable, heels that I own. Surprisingly, they go with everything, even though they’re Mint Green…

While I own a similar pair of riding boots from Celine, when vacationing, I try to bring the more affordable version of my favorite pieces, because they create the same effect with less of a preciousness. These Marc Jacobs boots would have loved Spanish bars and beaches and rocky roads. Sigh…

All that to say, I was going to bring this precious 2001 Prada lipstick dress, because it just looks too good on me against a European backdrop with a fresh tan.

I bought this crochet dress from The Row, and despite its slightly heavyweight knit, it is (would have been) perfect for vacation.

I had just bought two new bikinis from Los Angeles Apparel, and I was excited to wear those… Of course, I always bring my Galliano bikini, something leopard print, and per On: Undergarments, a Tropic of C bikini.

I would have worn this Christian Dior top with those little beige shorts and my Saint Laurent flats to write this blog post after a few beach cocktails, but instead, I’m in sweatpants, on my couch, dreaming of what could have been…

Hopefully, we all find our beach soon.

May 6

I woke up at 9:00 AM and went to the gym with my Ion water. Afterward, I made a quick breakfast: Burdock root tea, Greek yogurt, strawberries, papaya, blueberries, honey, and homemade granola I had bought from a Michi-no-Eki in Mashiko a few days earlier.

That day, I was spending the night in Fujiyoshida, so I got in the car and drove solo for a few hours.

My first stop was Hamilton, a dead stock early 2000s store I had stumbled across a few years before. I bought a tank top, a long sleeve, and a studded leather bracelet.

I went to see the Kitaguchi Hongu Fuji Sengen Shrine for the first time and hiked nearby. There have been a lot of bear attacks in Japan this past year, so while I was on the trail, an elderly woman stopped me to warn me. She ended up giving me a bell to ward off any predators and alert them to my presence.

On the way to my accommodations, I stopped at Oshino Hakki Springs for fresh Mochi.

I pulled up to my hotel around 5:30, had a cup of tea, and rested in my room for a bit.

Later, the hotel owner drove me to a local bathhouse to rinse off my day.

When I returned, a hot pot dinner was waiting for me. I ate the entire thing while sitting next to the hotel owner’s cat named Speaka, due to her talkative nature, of course. I talked with the owner for an hour about the ancient lore of the surrounding mountains that I would be hiking up the following morning.

I’ve stayed at this B&B before, though I would hardly call it a hotel. Each room is divided by thin paper walls, thin enough to hear the guest next door snoring. There are definitely spirits there. I felt it the first time that I went, and even more this time around. The owner confirmed it to me casually, saying he had seen them too. He told me that some energy beyond himself had called him to buy the property years ago, pulling him away from his life in Tokyo and into the powerful nature surrounding it. He believes he was drawn to the land because he had lived there in a past life.

I went to sleep, though not peacefully, waking up several times to bizarre dreams…

May 7

The next morning, I woke up at 8:00 a.m. feeling incredibly unrested and completely unready to set out on my five-mile hike up the mountain with a view of Fuji. I had done the same hike a few years prior and remembered it as one of the most difficult hikes I had probably ever done, but I was determined to do it again.

Two hours later, I had reached the peak. The first time that I went, I had woken up at 6:00 am and completed it before 12:00 pm, and was lucky enough to see Fuji completely clearly. This time, I had arrived at the peak around 11:00 am with Fuji completely covered by clouds. I was also nearly out of water and had a two-hour hike back down.

I got back to my hotel around 2:00 pm, devouring the food they had waiting for me, before heading back to Tokyo.

I ended the night with dinner, ice cream, and 11 miles completed on my fitness app.

May 8

The next day, I went to Tokyo Sea Life Park, which felt like a complete time capsule of 80s Tokyo architecture. Designed by Japanese architect Yoshio Taniguchi, it felt almost untouched, maybe even slightly in need of an upgrade. There were surprisingly no foreign tourists, just elementary school field trips and couples on cute dates.

The hammerhead sharks were breathtaking, and so were the bluefin tuna, which, for size reference, were maybe as long as me.

Afterward, I took the train to Edo Castle, but when I got there, it was closed, so I ended up just strolling through the park instead. It is strange to stand in the middle of Tokyo and remember there was once a castle there, even if most of what remains now are moats, stone walls, bridges, and wide empty lawns.

After wandering around for a while, I went to eat at one of my favorite traditional meal set restaurants in Tokyo, Tanbo near Yoyogi Park. I ordered the miso cod meal set and a pickled plum onigiri.

I had been wanting to go to the Park Hyatt forever, but every time I was in Tokyo, it was under renovation. It recently reopened, so I took a 15-minute stroll to the New York Bar on the 52nd floor of the hotel. I sat there through sunset, journaling while the jazz band played, and drank two of their house cocktails called the “L.I.T,” naturally.

In desperate need of something sweet, I closed my tab at the Park Hyatt and went to one of my favorite kissaten in Shinjuku, Coffee Seibu. I ordered coffee jelly with ice cream and hot tea.

I stopped into a drugstore and bought sheet masks and eyeliner before I took the train home.

May 10

A few days later, my friend Ako invited me to stay at her house in Hakone for the night, so we took the train there together on the cutely named Romancecar.

She took me to her favorite gelato place, and we ate it while on the bus to her house.

We stopped at the grocery store to buy ingredients for dinner. We both carry a deep love for food, so I knew we were going to make an epic dinner for the two of us.

I helped start the charcoal grill, where I made us fish, mushrooms, eel wrapped in bamboo leaf, and scallops. She focused on the soba and the raw dishes. We plated everything outside and ate together at the table. The air there was crisp and quieter than almost anywhere else I had been in Japan.

We ended the night using her in home onsen, and fell asleep by 10:00pm.

May 11

The next morning, Ako prepared us Greek yogurt with honey and bananas before we went on a hike. She assured me there would be food at the top, and, unsure of what she meant by that, I spent the whole walk wondering what could possibly be waiting for us. Compared to the five-mile hike I had done a few days prior, I felt more than equipped to handle this one.

An hour later, we reached the top and found two restaurants sitting at the peak of the mountain. I have no idea how they manage to run something like that with no roads leading up to it, but somehow, they fed me the best miso soup I have ever had.

We hiked back down, walked back to her house, and caught the bus to the station, where I said goodbye to Ako before heading back to Tokyo.

I had tickets to go to the Studio Ghibli Museum with my boyfriend. By 3:00 p.m. I was back in Tokyo and meeting him there. It was my second time going, but it was something that I wanted to share with him since we both have such a deep love for those films.

After, we grabbed a quick drink at the Park Hyatt before stopping at home so I could put on something cute for our first omakase of the trip.

After a meal like this, we went home and crashed with my new cat bus plushy from the museum.

Tokyo forever has my heart <3

What should you do after a breakup? It’s a question that everyone wants to ask, but one that rarely leaves our mouths. Surely, it’s easier to type, so we search Google and Reddit, and soon our social media feeds become flooded with sentimental text posts tinged with motivational hope. We click ‘Add to Cart’ on self-help books that we couldn’t bring ourselves to a bookstore for. We search for answers in playlists and friends, mental health amateurs and experts. This question is one only brought up in the pitfalls of uncertainty, instability, and change.

Google says that you should try the “333 method”: 3 days of intense emotional release, 3 weeks of active reflection, and 3 months of intentional rebuilding. Reddit says, “Try going for walks, doing audio journals, being around close friends, and crying it out.” The self-help books get tucked away on a shelf, hopefully after they get read, but not always. Our friends give us mixed advice derived from their first or last heartbreak. The mental health amateurs and experts give heavy-handed guidelines of Do and Don’t. The songs that weren’t sad before play on repeat through our headphones and our car speakers as we walk or drive, trying to ignore the emptiness beside us, where that person used to be.

We have been made to feel like there are right ways and wrong ways to be sad, and more particularly, there are right and wrong ways to break up. You should get out of the house, or you should stay home to reflect. You should talk to your friends, but you shouldn’t talk about it for too long. You should go for a walk, or you should go back to therapy. You should call them, or you should block their number. You should start seeing someone new, or you should never date again. You should delete every photo that you have of them, or you should look through every photo and let yourself be sad. If there were a one-size-fits-all road map for breaking up, we would probably be a lot happier to do it.

Someone asked me the question:

What should you do after a breakup?

My answer was: Whatever you want.

It seems too simple to be helpful, but this is the advice I have given to myself every time that a connection ceases. When exiting a relationship, via great escape or leaving claw marks, one of the biggest changes is that you are no longer expected to do or be something for someone else. Nobody is relying on you. Yes, that is not always what we want, but if you are willing to see that as a positive thing, it can transform the way that you end your relationships, be it romantic or a friendship. You are leaving a version of yourself behind and receiving a new kind of freedom to do anything that you want in return.

My first breakup was a devastating one. I thought that surely I was going to die without this person, and in the weeks, months, and years after, I recognized just how many things I would not have gotten to do had I still been in the relationship. He hated going out, so we rarely did. In the months after we broke up, I never said no to dinner with my friends or even acquaintances. I went to concerts, parties, the movies, sports games, karaoke bars, strip clubs, farmers’ markets, events, and museums. Of course, most of the time I wished that he were there with me, until I remembered that he wouldn’t be. We would have argued about me going, and I would have stayed home in hopes of just being with him. The more that I realized this, the more that I valued the re-established freedom in going wherever I wanted, and the more I enjoyed the reality of being there alone. I still missed him, I still listened to sad songs and thought of him, I still came home from places and cried. I looked through old photos, and I wished things could have been different, until I remembered that they were, and this new life began to outweigh my old one.

My next breakup didn’t fit the same mold. It wasn’t devastating; only hard and necessary. Severance was handled between us in a much different way than I was previously used to, so any breakup rules that I had made for myself were useless here. That is when I truly embraced the “Whatever you want” mentality. Two months after we broke up, he invited me to come with him to Miami. It was a trip that we had already planned and one that we were both looking forward to. All of my friends argued that I couldn’t go, because it was too soon and too messy, “backsliding” is what they called it… But if I wanted someone to tell me “You can’t go to Miami,” I would still be in my first relationship. I knew how I felt about him and our breakup; I knew that I wanted to go, so I did. Looking back, it was an unorthodox thing to do, but it was the right thing for me to do, and I have never once regretted it.

It’s not to say that I’m advising everyone go to Miami with their most recent ex… But it is human nature to look to others to guide your own thoughts and actions. When true step-by-step advice isn’t available, here’s what I did sometimes feels like the next best thing. Each time that one of my girlfriends goes through a breakup or an impending breakup, we all relish stories that we couldn’t tell before. We admit to the things that we did, what we wished we did, and what we were once too ashamed to admit was done to us. When we beat the dead horse that is our past relationships, it’s almost always triggered by a familiar feeling or in an effort to reassure the collective and unavoidable experience that is heartbreak. It doesn’t matter if it is years past when we viscerally felt crushed by a crush or emotionally battered by a boyfriend, we can always meet each other on the astral plane of “When ____ and I broke up, I ____.” And whatever we fill that blank with is never wrong.

In between my two biggest romantic breakups, I had a profound friendship breakup after I thoughtfully ceased contact with my best friend of seven years. A friend breakup is an entirely different territory from a romantic breakup. It’s a different companionship to miss; it’s a different bond to mourn, but the ‘whatever you want’ advice still reigns supreme. There were people that my best friend didn’t like, whom I didn’t like in solidarity, and once apart, I realized that wasn’t an opinion of my own. I arrived at parties without my permanent plus one, and once I got past the discomfort of arriving alone, I realized how much more room I had in my life to make new plus ones. I wore things my best friend would have remarked as unwearable. I dated people my best friend would have deemed undateable. Once we were living entirely separate lives, no longer speaking every day and sharing our every opinion, I came to recognize how much of what I wanted differed from what my best friend wanted, and the many ways that we had constantly tried to change each other. I very happily became more of the person that I wanted to be and less of the person that my best friend wished I was.

The truth is that in every breakup, you have left each other’s lives for a reason. If you were supposed to be with this person, you would be. If it fit perfectly and required minimal compromise and discomfort, if both of you were happy and certain, and this relationship was prospering, it probably wouldn’t be ending. Certainly, there are things that you didn’t like about them, and there are things that they didn’t like about you. There are things that one or both of you felt that you couldn’t have while in your partnership. Over time, you innately felt less like you, because you are not just you in your relationships; you are you with someone else, depending, opinionating, and imparting on you.

I have always found it ironic that the person I am when someone meets me and falls in love with me is not the person that I will always be while we are in each other’s lives. The only thing in life that is certain, besides death and taxes, is change. Accepting connection, in partnership, love, and friendship, will change you. Experiencing life with another person inevitably shapes you to become more this, more that, and ultimately, less of the person that you were when you were chosen and chose them back. For better or for worse, you will both be different. You might outgrow each other or the person that you were when you arrived, and you might come out on the other side of it as someone that you have not yet met. I believe that the answer to “What should you do after a breakup?” is whatever you want, because re-establishing your own wants is the most effective way to remember who you were, while becoming acquainted with who you are now.

I’ve been skincare-obsessed for as long as I can remember. My first real routine started at 12, in seventh grade, the day I got my first period. My mom picked me up from school with a little drugstore haul: Clean & Clear face wash, a basic moisturizer, sunscreen, and a spot treatment. It felt like a rite of passage, my first real introduction to womanhood, and I was instantly hooked.

Since then, my skin has taken me on a journey. I dealt with perioral dermatitis for years, which, if you know, you know. It is equal parts frustrating and humbling trying to treat something that flares up the second you get too experimental. My skin leans sensitive and dry, but I have been lucky to avoid consistent breakouts and generally keep things clear.

At this point, I have it dialed. My philosophy is simple: less is more. I stick to what works and rarely stray.

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Traveling is an unavoidable aspect of my job that can often be lonely and exhausting, but it’s also a rewarding privilege, because I get to spend time in beautiful places, eat good food, and meet people I might not have met otherwise.

This past week, I traveled to Italy, Rome, and Stockholm, and upon returning to New York State, I drove straight from Newark to the Hamptons. All of this to say: I am great on planes, trains, and automobiles, and I have an epic travel bag (I will do a WIMB specifically for travel one of these days).

Here’s what seven days in my life looked like.

Day 1

When I arrived at my hotel in Sorrento at 9:30 a.m., I was informed that my room wouldn’t be available until 3:00 p.m. I left my bags with the front desk and set out to wander around town. I followed the local street cats, peeked into old churches, and navigated the skinny sidewalks, trying not to get hit by cars. Then I stopped for a pizza to kill more time.

I finally checked into my hotel, dropped off my stuff, changed, and went to dinner with the client team of the shoot. After eating as much as I could of the biggest bowl of gnocchi I’d ever seen, I thanked them for the meal and dipped out early so I could get some much-needed rest before waking up for work the next day.

Day 2

The first shoot day started with a mediocre hotel breakfast, followed by an hour-long drive to Praiano. We spent the morning finding the sunlight in the narrow walkways of the town before heading to a beach nearby, where we ate a seafood-heavy lunch.

In the afternoon, we continued shooting along the coast. I found myself running in the middle of the street through round tunnels set into the cliffside, and I realized that I was having a dream-come-true moment resembling my favorite Harry Styles music video, ‘Golden.’

I rarely post on Instagram, but I felt this moment needed to be shared…

Day 3

After another mediocre breakfast, we journeyed to Positano, wandering the streets to shoot in front of all the quintessential Italian coastal backdrops. That’s why we’re here, isn’t it? While waiting between shots, I struck up a conversation with a couple who had traveled from our hometown of Seattle for an Italian vacation of their own. We chit-chatted about our favorite Seattle restaurants and the neighborhoods we hail from. I worked at a restaurant in high school, and I asked if they knew it, to which they said, “Of course! We love that place.” It was a sweet moment of “small world” while thousands of miles away from the city we call home.

For lunch, the team trekked across the town to a hotel where I had my favorite dish of the trip, a spaghetti al limone with anchovies. It was a divine meal only made better by the beachside view.

The work day came to a close as I ran through the streets, suitcases and all, to hop in a car for a four-hour drive to Rome. My driver was kind enough to stop at a McDonald’s and let me eat Chicken McNuggets in the backseat.

I checked into my hotel in Rome at 11:30 p.m. and promptly checked back out of it at 6:30 a.m.

Day 4

In Rome, I did limited sightseeing from the van to set, which was a very quirky house about an hour outside the city. The owners of the house had an awesome cat that went by the name Cicio. He and I were fast friends.

I had my final Italian lunch followed by the most perfect dessert, fresh strawberries with whipped cream and a miniature tiramisu.

Once we wrapped on set, I hopped into yet another van, this time to the airport. Here, I ate airport carbonara, perused the souvenir shops, and boarded my flight to Stockholm.

Day 5

Now in Stockholm, I was finally on my last day of work for the week. I know I can’t complain too much about working four days in a row, but it does get a bit exhausting when you’re traveling to different cities and or countries every evening. Suffice to say, I happily got into my hotel bed after work and had a good cry rewatching Season 3 of The Summer I Turned Pretty. From bed, I did a pre-flight face mask, ordered a chicken Caesar salad, and fell asleep early, eager to get back to New York.

Day 6

One early morning flight later, with lots of sleep on the plane, I was back at Newark Airport. I hopped in a car and stopped to pick up my ex-boyfriend/current good friend, Sage, in the city. Together with the driver who dropped me at the airport six days prior, we were en route to Long Island for my other friend Sage’s art show. After a quick stop at our friend’s house in Mattituck and a much-needed shower, we drove in a sick vintage Lincoln to Wainscott for the show. The show was great. Proceeded by a long dinner and a night of singing and dancing at Talkhouse, a bar with a live band performing the most awesome, but random, pop covers.

Day 7

I woke up in the Hamptons, very ready to get back to the city. We got bagels in the morning before making the journey home. Bella was kind enough to drive me and our friends Charlie and Sofia back to Manhattan, promising a few stops on the way. We stopped at the Big Duck, and I got a magnet. We stopped at a Farmer’s Market and shared a bag of fresh chocolate chip cookies. Then Sofia slept while Charlie, Bella, and I did intense car karaoke for the rest of the drive. Once back in the boroughs, we decided to end the night with Hometown BBQ in Red Hook (I have wanted to go for years). I finally made it home, around 8:00 p.m., and was sound asleep by 9:00 p.m. What a week it was…

Bella M Lucio

On a cold day in December, I stopped by the Beacon’s Closet in Greenpoint. I had never been before. I walked through the round racks lazily, barely able to see over the shoes on top of each. From across the room, I saw python skin and a vinyl yellow trim. I thought that I must have been having a heat stroke hallucination from too many layers of cashmere, because there was no way that a pair of Miu Miu SS1999 runway shoes were in this store… I scrambled through the racks, across the room, and picked up the pair of stilettos, the Miu Miu SS1999 runway stilettos. These had long been my dream shoes, I mean, I had three pairs already: two boots, and one flat. On December 3, 2024, I acquired the stiletto iteration, in my size, for the menial price of $29.95 because the “Miu Miu” label in their insoles had worn down to just a shadow. I regard this as one of the luckiest days of my recent life.

In Tokyo and Osaka, I can’t walk past a consignment store without going inside. On my last trip, I found 90’s Prada shoes for $4.00, a Valentino dress for $7.00, the perfect 2013 Comme pants for $60.00, a Comme sweater for $12.00, and Chanel ballet flats for $100.00 in perfect condition. I spent the 13-hour flight home simmering in a sort of shopping contentment that I had never felt before. Since my last trip, I have had recurring dreams where I am shopping in Japan, sometimes Quinn and Sirena are there, and one time we were all fighting over the same coat. Another time, I found this beautiful Alaïa belt, and then I threw up outside of the store. I hope these dreams are omens of great shopping to come…

At a thrift store in Palm Springs, I found a Jean Paul Gaultier FW 1995 cyber-dot mesh top. It was the Fall of 2019, and I had spent the year prior working at a clothing archive in New York—I recognized the top immediately. When I flipped the tag and saw the price: $200.00, my jaw fell, because we had rented this top for $200 before. I bought it with the clearest intention of holding onto it until enough re-releases and reproductions were made for a first edition to inflate further. I bought it believing 1stDibs worked similarly to the stock market—buy low, sell high!!! Admittedly, I have only worn it one time. And upon this Google search, the time to sell high might be near…

In August of 2021, I found a Miu Miu skirt from SS2001 Look #34 on TheRealReal, for $32.00! I have always loved the bra tops from this Miu Miu collection, so I began searching around for one… I found it, in the same print, NWT, on Poshmark. Within 24 hours and for under $100.00 total, I had both the skirt and top en route to me. I wear the top much more than the skirt, but owning both and having the possibility to wear them as a set excites me beyond.

I honorably mention the great state of Pennsylvania. Pennsylvania, for me, is like where a dog goes when it dies: heaven. I drive there two to three times a year to hit all of the Church thrift stores. You have never met a girl with more pewter trays in her home, and they’re all from PA. On past trips, I have found fur coats and collars, religious knick-knacks, Tiffany jewelry for pennies, handmade wooden lamps, an Elsa Peretti bean dish (for $12), and some of my favorite furniture, like a Danish Domino Mobler desk (for $200) and Niels Gammergaard shelf (for $300).

At an unassuming thrift store in Los Angeles’ Little Ethiopia, I found a Fendi spy bag for $375.00 I talked the woman down to $270.00 which was brave of me, as the tag stated “Check eBay,” but there was nothing else in this store that was even remotely interesting and I had absolutely nothing to lose on that day—only a Fendi spy bag to gain.

Sirena Warren

One of my most infamous thrift finds to this day, and one that led to a completely warranted point of contention with Bella, was when I scored two Chanel bags at Red White & Blue in Miami for under $200 each. And to be fair, I would have lost my shit if I were in her shoes. One was a white Chanel 2003 Chocolate Bar shoulder bag, and the other I had no interest in keeping and sold it to a consignment store in LA for $2,500.

In that same thrift trip, I also scored an original Elsa Peretti Tiffany cross necklace for $30 and an early 2000s Roberto Cavalli leather jacket for $70, which I gifted to my mom.

At Animal House in Venice, I scored an original hand-painted t-shirt by Star Shields. Unknown to them, I had just found an incredibly rare piece of 1970s history for $37. In 1973, Star Shields airbrushed personal stage and tour clothing for Robert Plant, Jimmy Page, George Harrison, Paul McCartney and Wings, the Allman Brothers, the Moody Blues, and many more goats.

I spent almost three months in Japan a few years back and came home with some notable finds. I had been hunting for the SS1999 Miu Miu python snakeskin boots, which Quinn, Bella, and I all own, each of us finding them separately. I bought mine for around $150 on Mercari while I was in Tokyo.

More Mercari scores on the same trip consisted of a pair of real rabbit fur Zucca boots for $40 and a Chloe python Silverado bag for $200.

I also found a t-shirt (2005) from Sofia Coppola’s now-closed clothing brand, Milkfed, for $3

Though I was mostly online shopping during my time in Tokyo, I did find a lot of really good pieces in various consignment shops such as 2nd Street, TreFacStyle, Mode-Off, and Bazzstore. My favorites were a 100% fox fur shawl for $10, Gucci Tom Ford silver velvet mary janes for $100, Dolce & Gabbana ripped jeans for $35, and an A.P.C. 100% cashmere striped sweater for $10.

Continuing with more online thrift scores, last summer I bought a Gucci Tom Ford era black snakeskin bag for $70 on Poshmark. Noticing a pattern here, I clearly have a thing for snakeskin.

I was living in London in the winter of 2022, I often found myself wandering through different charity shops and car boot sales. My favorite find was a pair of classic Givenchy Shark Lock boots for around £200. Still one of my favorite going-out boots.

While shopping in Pigalle with Bella last summer, I came across two beautiful pieces. A vintage Agnes B. blue striped tulle skirt & a purple silk Emporio Armani top, €10 each.

Quinn Mora

A couple of years back, I was lucky enough to be the first one to respond to an Instagram story posted by The Blackwell Collection selling the Gucci by Tom Ford S/S 2003 Cherry Blossom dress for £395 pounds (about $533). I didn’t hesitate; as every other listing I have ever seen has it priced between $2000 and $4000. Needless to say, it’s a cherished item in my collection. The photos of Carmen Kass wearing it on the runway and Gisele in the campaign speak for themselves.

One of my most loyally worn The Real Real finds is these Miu Miu Leather Moto Boots. I purchased them for $132, and they have been resoled beyond that amount (multiple times). I have never seen this exact pair listed anywhere else. They go perfectly under my favorite Galliano jeans that I purchased in Paris (I stupidly don’t remember what store or how much they were, otherwise I would include them, but they have prompted me to scour the many eBay listings of dead stock Galliano jeans to find more pairs just like them).

The first thing I ever purchased on eBay was my high school prom dress. The listing read: JIL SANDER Black Silk Chiffon Avante Garde Patchwork Slip Gown, $350. It was one of the first designer pieces I ever purchased, and I can honestly say I still love it to this day. I recently brought it back to NY from my parents’ house with hopes of finding another event to wear it to.

Another runway piece I found for a solid steal is this Miu Miu S/S 1998 Golden Silk Mini Dress. I purchased it on Depop for £440 pounds, it’s another piece I’ve seen listed for at least $2000 by other sellers. Shout out to G&G Alterations and Dry Cleaners for getting an oil stain out of it after I wore it to my Uncle’s wedding.

While less glamorous than some of the other items on this list, this T-shirt is a personal favorite of mine. I really feel it speaks for itself. Best $24 I have ever spent.

I got these fabulous Miu Miu boots on Depop for $140. I’ve never seen them listed anywhere else. I usually wear them underneath pants in the winter, and whenever someone compliments them, I get very excited to show off the fact that they are, in fact, boots, and they do in fact have a shearling lining.

Like the girls, I cherish the find that is my S/S 1999 Miu Miu boots. Bella found the pink version for me for $132, and we drove to Harlem to pick them up. We took the above photo in the car after.

I recently renewed my Brazilian passport for the first time in over twenty years. Until now, my Mother and I hadn’t returned to São Paulo since 2005. I was so young that the city felt less like a memory and more like something I had inherited. Over the years, I lost count of how many times I asked my Mother to take my brother and I back. She was always hesitant, shaped by what it was like to grow up in a place that wasn’t always forgiving.

My grandfather, his sister, and parents arrived there in the 1950s, leaving China during the height of the Communist Revolution. Like many immigrants, he built a life while holding onto the idea that it might one day lead elsewhere. In his case, to the United States. I grew up knowing I was Brazilian the way you know a word in another language, technically, but not in your body. Maybe this trip changed that.

I spent four full days in São Paulo eating plates perfectly ripe papaya, feeling the Brazilian sun on my face, and drinking one too many caipirinhas and água de coco. I loved every second of it. I saw my grandmother for the first time since I was a kid, and got to reconnect with more family than I could keep track of. In Los Angeles, Brazilian culture mostly lives in my mom’s cooking and our family friends. Being surrounded by it completely, and getting to share it with my partner for the first time, was something else entirely.

Here’s everything I did.

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Two nights ago, Quinn and I went to the Knicks vs Celtics game with our girlfriends, Tina and Sofia. We had been looking forward to this game since December. The Knicks vs Celtics is a big game, when all of the Boston fans take the train down, and all of the New Yorkers yell at those in green, and this particular game would be a playoff-determining one…

We FaceTimed before to confirm our outfits. Quinn would wear jeans and a tight tank top, “Because I’m buying a jersey.” Tina would wear a Chanel leather jacket and Christian Louboutin boots, “It’s the only orange I have… And Louboutins feel right for the occasion.” Sofia had planned to wear a Victorian gown, but once she heard all the jeans talk, she changed, “I’m wearing a green shirt, with a soccer ball on it… Wrong ball and color but it’s all I’ve got.” I wore jeans and a sequined top with Miu Miu heels, “An orange square toe is more than enough.”

I met the girls at Tomo21 at 6:21 p.m., and I was late, the last to arrive. When I sat down, a ‘Sushi Regular’ was placed in front of me. We had exactly thirty minutes of gossip and sushi before getting into a car.

We were three blocks away from Madison Square Garden, in bad traffic, with 13 minutes to tip-off. “We can’t miss tip-off,” I told the girls. We jumped out and hustled the three blocks in heels. This was Tina and Sofia’s first basketball game, and when Sofia heard “we can’t miss tip-off,” it sounded serious, and it stuck. We were running up the escalators while she yelled back at us, “WE CANNOT MISS TIP-OFF!!!!” in her British accent.

Sofia, Quinn, and I got tall boy White Claws in the flavor Black Cherry, while Tina opted for nothing. We found our seats, and we did not miss the tip-off. We picked out all of the hot players and agreed to yell the loudest for them. We also spoke the loudest about them, so our neighbors now knew our Knicks fantasies.

There was a little kid in front of us with his dad, and this was his first basketball game, much like Sofia and Tina. He taught the girls the rules of the game and broke the news to Sofia that her crush, “isn’t that good of a shooter.” Beside the kid was a couple, from Boston, a Russian woman and a whiter than white guy. She turned around to agree with us that Jayson Tatum was hot a great player, before her date subtly barked at her, “Oh, so you can talk to them but I can’t…?” Beside the couple was Jayson Tatum’s son, which made us all feel bad for yelling so loudly about how hot his Dad is… Behind us was Ron Harper (I texted the man who taught me basketball, to confirm this, admittedly); he passed his championship ring to the kid in front of us for a photo, of which Sofia and I took many.

About halfway through the second quarter, my eyes wandered across the court and landed right on my ex-crush. It was, unfortunately, but not as dramatically, SATC S3, E7. I considered it the unluck of the Irish we were up against. I took the next timeout to grab popcorn and laugh at the odds (they were never good).

When halftime came, we went to the lounge and ran into two friends. I gleefully ended every conversation in the building with, “Go Knicks,” and this one was no exception. In fifteen minutes, Quinn got her jersey, Tina got cotton candy, Sofia got another drink, I got a coffee, and we all peed.

We returned to our seats just in time for the second half. The game was a close one and a great one. Every time Sofia’s crush scored, we jumped out of our seats. Every time Sofia’s crush fell or missed, the Dad in front of us joked about all the ways that she could comfort him. Every time the Knicks scored, even the un-hot players, I jumped out of my seat. Quinn’s family sent a photo of the TV to their group chat, and in the photo, I am standing front and center, viciously and embarrassingly, locked in. Hand in a fist, coffee in the other, lips pursed…

We became obsessed with the Knicks cheerleaders, in their vinyl-silver boots and blue sweatbands. Equally as obsessed, but in a heart-melting way, were the little girls who received the Dave DeBusschere Award. We were as enthralled with all of the attendees as we were with everyone on the court. “This is great people watching,” Tina noted, multiple times throughout the game.

Quinn and Sofia caught t-shirts and offered them to the kid in front of us, but he knew that the girls needed them more than he did. The Knicks won 112-106, which meant we needed to go out for at least one more drink! Sofia got a thick Sharpie from the bartender at Lucien and insisted everyone in the room sign the shirt that she caught, a keepsake since she can’t have one of the players (for now). Tina hand-carried a copy of the ‘NYK Press,’ since it couldn’t fit in her tiny Chanel bag. Quinn wore her jersey for the rest of the night, with another shirt hanging out of her coat pocket. And I, somehow, left the game with almost exactly what I came with.

One of our readers requested recommendations for a New York weekend, “preferably for shopping and eating.”

When I began writing this, I focused heavily on the “weekend” element until I realized that while a New York minute is very long, there is only so much one person can do in three days. This guide quickly became everywhere that I like to go in New York. It is organized by neighborhood, and it is a paid post because I have listed all of my favorite places to eat, drink, shop, smoke, browse, loiter, laugh, and cry.

I must preface this with, I really only shop online, but there are a fair number of stores that I do like to browse if it is convenient, and I have included them.

The Neighborhoods: Chinatown, Lower East Side, SoHo, West Village, East Village, Tribeca, Upper East, Upper West, Harlem, Inwood, Steinway, Astoria, Elmhurst, Flushing, Jackson Heights, Greenpoint, Williamsburg, Bushwick, Bed-Stuy, Crown Heights, Fort Greene, Dumbo, Vinegar Hill, Brooklyn Heights, Boreum Hill, Caroll Gardens, Cobble Hill, Park Slope, Crown Heights, Red Hook, and Gravesend.

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I go to Erewhon a few times a week. It is slightly embarrassing to admit how much I frequent it now, considering how passionately I used to mock it a few years ago. It is overpriced. They sell the same Driscoll’s strawberries Ralphs does, just $4 more. It is where you are guaranteed to run into the last person you would ever want to see, especially after profusely sweating through hot yoga. People put on their best outfits and pretend they are casually buying groceries while scanning the room for celebrities. It is where I discovered that provoking strangers online, or rather “ragebating,” is not confined to the internet. Seeing it unfold in real life at the Silverlake Erewhon is far more unsettling. It is where you will inevitably end up in the background of someone’s TikTok reviewing the new KATSEYE smoothie. Somewhere along the way, it stopped being just a grocery store. It became a place to see and be seen. At times, it feels like a zoo; we are both the spectators and the animals.

It embodies the worst impulses of Los Angeles. Exclusive access. Privilege. Manufactured attention. That being said, I am, quite literally, the exact demographic. I’m no better than anyone else. Since I have recently become a member ($10 monthly), here is how I justify it.

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Sirena Warren

My bag is a 2010 Fall/Winter Chanel fur runway bag, otherwise known as my dream bag. Ever since I got it, every other bag I own has essentially been retired. It carries everything I need without feeling like I am hauling my entire life around. This is my ultimate lineup. The contents of my purse are my lifeline. A handbag is essentially a well-curated survival kit.

Inside the inner pocket: my dark blue snakeskin cardholder, tea tree oil toothpicks, Pur gum, Mintia mints, a wooden comb, Touchland hand sanitizer in the rainwater scent, an Apple AirTag, and a mini Mophie power bank.

The main part of my purse is mostly organized with a few pouches. The most important one is my Montbell makeup pouch I purchased in Tokyo at the Shibuya location. Inside I keep Tweezerman tweezers, bandaids, Swingers diner matches, a Saint Laurent lighter, a jade fish pendant my friend bought me in Vietnam, mini Neutrogena makeup wipes, compact mirror, mini bottle of Trace mineral drops, a Tide stick, stain remover wipes (I’m a mess), eyedrops, blotting sheets, Saie peppermint essential oil, Bulgarian lavender essential oil, an eyebrow spoolie, DigestZen essential oil roller, floss, my favorite Japanese pen, antiperspirant wipes, a Juul charger, and makeup…

Detailed makeup products: Laneige lip balm, La Roche-Posay lip balm, Damone Roberts clear brow gel, Benetint stain in dark cherry, Mac pencil, Pat McGrath pencil, Kosas wet stick, Japanese liquid eyeliner, Revlon lipstick, NYX suede matte lip liners in colors Maison & Downtown Beauty.

In my leopard print suede Brandy Melville pouch, I keep a little medicine kit with Advil, Midol, papaya enzyme chews, cough drops, Japanese digestive powder packets, a Thai inhaler, and Chinese white flower oil. My last pouch is dedicated entirely to tea. Right now, I’m carrying fennel, elderberry lemon balm, peppermint, and ginger aid.

The items floating around in my bag: rose hand cream, my iPhone 5, Erewhon throat spray, a hairbrush, perfume, Moonshine bitters spray, Apple earbuds in Cat Bus pouch, Sanrio pill case, kitty tissues, loose malas I’m not wearing because im constantly interchanging them, A small Hindu devotional card for protection, velvet scrunchie, claw clip, Avène spray, recently Psilo gummies, Tom Ford sunglasses, Gucci prescription glasses, and my car keys.

Quinn Mora

Last year, I bought The Row’s Nuance Two, and it has been a blessing and a curse. A blessing because it’s the perfect everyday bag, and a curse because the rest of my bag collection has been sitting in my closet collecting dust ever since. It may be small, but I manage to cram quite a lot in this bag when I need to. The essentials are obvious: keys, wallet, and earbuds. I take a lot of pride in my “Daddy’s Girl” keychain that I stole from my high school boyfriend and have used loyally ever since. My wallet is a Men’s Celine wallet that I bought many years ago. It has my ID, credit cards, a bit of cash, and admittedly, some crumpled-up receipts and coat check tickets. I always carry my favorite gum, Dentyne Ice Arctic Chill. I usually have loose assorted teabags, most of which are stolen from airport lounges or hotel rooms. I keep my essential makeup products floating in the inside pocket: eyelash curler, eyebrow pencil and gel, Homeoplasmine, a small Chanel mirror, mascara, a lipliner, and sometimes an eyeliner, or two. Not shown is my Touchland hand sanitizer, which I can’t seem to find at the moment. I also carry my Olympus digital camera, a Christmas gift from my sister. I am not the most talented photographer, and most of the time I forget it’s in my bag, but hey, I try my best.

Bella M Lucio

I cannot leave the house without headphones, Homeoplasmine, and, unfortunately, my phone. In an old Bobby Brown lip balm container, I carry two Tylenol, a strawberry Strepsil, a Vitamin C tablet, and an emergency beta-blocker. In a mesh bag from Muji, I store my cosmetic products: a Chanel mirror, eyebrow gel, Cocofloss, one hair tie, Tic Tacs, lip liner, an Hermes nail file, a comb, a Muji eyelash curler (the best), a sample of my daily perfume, and a roller of perfume oil. I regrettably never keep my sunglasses in a case. I try to carry two packs of cigarettes: one American, and recently, one French or Japanese. I like the Bic mini lighters more than the regular ones. My wallet is the room key card holder from The Setai, Miami. My lucky coat tag and Brooklyn library card go into my wallet. I rarely carry cash. Today, I have sixty cents loose. I keep a few strips of Topstick in whatever pocket my bag has and safety pins on my keys at all times. I carry my iPhone 5, if I have remembered to charge it. I need to get a new pencil case (mine is peeling) to carry four pens and one Sharpie. I started carrying two notebooks, because they serve different purposes. This is what I carry with me every day, and it fits into all of my daily bags: the Balenciaga Rodeo, the Chanel classic flap in medium, my Birkin 35, and the Louis Vuitton Alma bag by Alaïa. When my bag has more outrageous contents, I try to post it on TikTok; this is what’s in my firkin, this one is WIMB after a day of errands, and this is my bag contents after traveling to Paris. In the first one, I lie and say that I always carry cash!

I am obsessed with Millinery: the specialized design, crafting, and sale of women’s hats and headwear, ranging from formal fascinators to everyday styles. It’s a lost art, the forgotten accessory. I fell in love with the word first, millinery, and the result of the craft followed closely behind. Now, I have been down the headwear rabbit hole. I have spent months talking about milliners, and I have yet to find the right crowd to receive it.

500+ images of hats sit in a folder on my desktop, for no reason other than curiosity, until writing this piece. I have been saving hats for sale across different shopping platforms, wondering if I could introduce headpieces into my daily wardrobe. And how outrageous could I get before becoming obstructive or a woman who is marked by the ornamental accessory?

This is all of the information that I found interesting while on my manic Millinery mission. It includes pioneering milliners, new Gen milliners, hat culture, millinery history, great hat shops, and milliners you might already know. If you aren’t interested in a history lesson and just want to look at fun hats, that’s okay too; there will not be a quiz.

The Black History of Millinery

Mae Reeves was an American-born pioneer milliner and the first black woman to own her own business in downtown Philadelphia, opening Mae’s Millinery Shop in 1942. She made hats for Ella Fitzgerald, Lena Horne, Eartha Kitt, Marian Anderson, and socialites from families like the DuPonts and the Annenbergs. She made each hat herself and continued to do so until 1997, when the shop closed. The store was a gathering place for the city and a community institution, and on election days, she turned the shop into a polling station. In September of 2016, a partial recreation of Mae’s Millinery, with the original red neon sign, sewing machine, antique furniture, and hat collection (pictured above), opened as a permanent exhibition on display in the National Museum of African American History and Culture in Washington DC. Reeves passed away that December at the age of 104. In 2018, Stephen Jones presented a collection, Crowns, which includes a hat in her namesake.

While researching Mae Reeves, I thought about the importance of Church hats, also referred to as ‘Crowns.’ The customary use of hats worn by women in the church is considered to have originated in accordance with 1 Corinthians 11. But Church hats, as we know them now, evolved during and after slavery, becoming a symbol of cultural and spiritual significance. From the 1960s to the 1990s, the hats underwent a significant renaissance, first rejected, then reembraced. There is a wonderful video on the History of Church hats, as told by retired Milwaukee teacher Willie Robinson. During the Church hat deep dive, I found two milliners of interest, Grace Bustill Douglass and Mildred Blount.

Grace Bustill Douglass was an abolitionist and women’s rights activist, and her family was one of the first prominent free black families in the United States, settling in Philadelphia. Douglass learned a trade, millinery, and was able to open a milliner's shop on the corner of Arch and Front Street next to her father’s bakery. She hired young black women as apprentices and taught them the trade herself. She later married Robert Douglass, a Presbyterian minister. She is credited as one of the first African American women in millinery, but it is relevant to note that her family history is one of the most well-documented of black families during this period, dating from 1732 until 1925.

Mildred Blount was seventeen and had no formal training when she was commissioned to make headpieces for the bridesmaids at the New York City wedding of Mae Walker (granddaughter of Madam C.J. Walker, the first self-made black female millionaire). She was the first person of color to apply at John Frederics, and in 1939, when the company was commissioned to make headwear for the film Gone with the Wind, it was tasked to Blount, though she would not be given credit for the designs. She was the first person of color to be accepted into the Motion Picture Costumers Union when she began her solo career, and she went on to make hats for Joan Crawford, Ginger Rogers, Mary Pickford, and the headpiece and veil for Gloria Vanderbilt’s first wedding.

Millinery in Politics

Luke Song is a South Korean-born, Detroit-raised milliner. He studied biochemistry before transferring to Parsons to study Fine Arts. After college, he moved to Paris for his art career, but couldn’t pay off his student debts, and returned to Michigan. He worked in his parents’ hat shop to pay off the debts, and his brand, Mr. Song Millinery, became one of the primary suppliers of Church hats to women in the Detroit area for twenty years. He famously created “The Inaugural Hat,” worn by Aretha Franklin for the 2009 Inauguration of Barack Obama. The hat platformed both him and the art of millinery. It has been copied relentlessly in the years since, with replicas found on Amazon, while the original hat resides in the Smithsonian.

I didn’t want to talk about the hats worn for the 2025 Inauguration, but I do have something to say, so instead, I will not credit or spotlight the milliners in an act of protest—lol. Melania Trump’s hat is most interesting to me because it breaks the “Royal rule of millinery,” hats must never disappoint by having brims that obscure the face from onlookers. On a day in which America’s first family is meant to be presented as the face of a nation, the first lady chose a hat in which you cannot see half of her face. Meanwhile, Ivanka Trump’s headpiece for the inauguration doesn’t break any rules; it just looks like a sad cosplay of regality, as if she quite literally made a Pinterest board of British Royals. At the very least, Melania’s hat has an incredibly authentic air of I really don’t care and I’d like to look purposefully deceitful and menacing. That is all on that…

Royal Millinery

John Boyd was a milliner to three-generations of Princess Diana’s family: her grandmother, her mother, and her. When Diana was 19 years old and soon to be married into the royal family, she visited Boyd’s West London studio with her mother. She picked out a tricone hat that was to be shown in a new collection, prompting Boyd to remove it from the collection and reserve the shape for her. Queen Elizabeth II upheld a millinery dress code requiring female royal family members to wear hats or formal hairpieces to all official, daytime public events. Hats must never disappoint by having brims that obscure the face from onlookers, and they can never fly off. In the early years of Diana’s public appearences almost all of Diana’s hats were made by Boyd. Later, Philip Somerville was chosen by the Princess as her personal milliner and designed many hats for her. In his NYT obituary, it is said, "he helped to mold her style, and with it the country's taste in hats.” Somerville was the designer of the famous turban-style hat worn upon arrival in Dubai, United Arab Emirates, on March 16, 1989, which is considered one of Princess Diana’s legacy fashion moments. The matching hat and dress worn for a passing out parade at Dartmouth Royal Naval College in April 1989 is a personal favorite of mine.

To be completely transparent, while I respect the British Royal family and their extensive contributions to the world of millinery, I really only care for Princess Diana’s hats. If you want to go down the royal rabbit hole, be my guest. There are plenty of hats to see, but my fixation has not taken me there.

Iconic Milliners (and their wearers)

Caroline Reboux opened her Paris boutique in 1865. She was the first designer to add a veil to women’s hats. She is credited with creating the large-brimmed straw Gainsborough hats and the cloche hat introduced in 1914. Reboux was dubbed “Queen of the Milliners.” The black cloche hat with fringe is in The Met’s permanent collection, but I would really like it to be in my suitcase on the way to a tropical vacation.

Stephen Jones is considered one of the most radical and important millers of the 20th and 21st centuries. He opened his first millinery salon in London’s Covent Garden in the early 80’s; it remains open today. At Central Saint Martin's, he was the sole male student in his year. Emerging in the wave of the New Romantic movement, he hung out with the likes of Spandau Ballet, Duran Duran, Isabella Blow, and Jean Paul Gaultier, in 1984 he designed hats for JPG, marking these the first designs for a Paris courtier. In 1993, he became a friend and collaborator of John Galliano, a relationship that flourished for 20+ years (he most recently produced the headwear for Galliano’s Maison Margiela Haute Couture SS24 show); their work together from 1994 to 2013 can be found in a dashingly old-school PDF. His work at Dior can be found here, where he beautifully explains each hat. His CV is stacked, and I can guarantee that you have seen at least one of his hats before.

Philip Treacy is recognized as a premier, if not the greatest, living milliner. He studied at the National College of Art and Design, where he spent six-weeks working with Stephen Jones, before graduating in 1987. In 1989, he took one of his hats to Tatler Magazine, and there he met style-editor Isabella Blow (my favorite hat-wearer of all time), who became his mentor and muse. He has credited much of his early career success to Blow, and their names became in many ways synonymous. In July 2002, the Design Museum in London hosted an exhibition of the 30 most iconic hats Treacy had designed for Blow, titled: When Philip met Isabella. He has made hats for Chanel, Valentino, the British Royal family, Grace Jones, Madonna, Lady Gaga, and more. The ‘Press’ section on his website is separated into only two sections: Editorial and Legends. I highly recommend clicking through the imagery.

Isabella Blow was born for headwear. She lived in New York from 1981 to 1986 and worked as Anna Wintour’s assistant briefly before assisting André Leon Talley. Three years after returning to London in 1986, she discovered Philip Treacy, while working as an editor at Tatler Magazine, and put him up in her London flat to make hats. She is also credited with discovering Alexander McQueen, after she purchased his entire 1992 graduate collection. In a 2002 interview, she is quoted as saying she wore hats, “to keep everyone away from me. They say, Oh, can I kiss you? I say, No, thank you very much. That’s why I’ve worn the hat. Goodbye. I don’t want to be kissed by all and sundry. I want to be kissed by the people I love.^” Her Wikipedia page is surprisingly short and absolutely riveting from top to bottom.

John Frederics was one of the most influential American makers of women’s hats during the 1930s and 40s. But I personally don’t care all that much about their work… They make fine hats and are important to note, but in my opinion, their work with Mildred Blount is the most interesting thing about the company.

Lady Gaga is one of the most pro-millinery of modern-day pop stars. Hats have been used in Gaga’s world-building since the music videos for Bad Romance, Just Dance, and Paparazzi. The styles are vast: pillbox, full coverage, fascinators, sculptural, made of meat, hooded, veiled, feathered, and made of hair. Many of them were made by Arturo Rios, Carrie Jenkinson, and Philip Treacy. There’s a great Variety article in which they rank every hat from each music video—that is not to say that I agree with their rankings… But in every single one of her eras, she has found a way to incorporate hats, and I commend that. She may be one of the best hat-wearers since Isabella Blow.

Patricia Underwood is a prolific milliner in fashion, producing hats in New York City from 1976 to 2019. In a 2015 interview with W Magazine, she says it began when, “I took an evening class at FIT because I could not find a hat that I liked that fit me.” Her work gained attention when fashion editor Polly Mellen styled a hat on Lauren Hutton for a Richard Avedon shoot. She has designed hats for Oscar De La Renta, Karl Lagerfeld, Calvin Klein, Marc Jacobs, Bill Blass, Ralph Lauren, and others. In 2015, Rizzoli books published Patricia Underwood: The Way You Wore Your Hat, “a 192-page celebration of the acclaimed milliner’s career.” She is a member of the CFDA and her hats are apart of the permanent collections at The Met Costume Intitute and FIT Museum.

Prudence Millinery is an independent couture milliner based in London. She constructed hats for Tom Ford while at Gucci, Saint Laurent, Balenciaga, and Saint Laurent’s pret-a-porter Rive Gauche. She also produced all of the hats for Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire (awesome). She still produces the hats for Vivienne Westwood and James & Lock Co., London’s oldest hat shop. Her work was most thoughtfully highlighted in Vivienne Westwood: 34 Years in Fashion, at the V&A Museum. The press release is still live, here.

Marianne Jongkind is a Dutch milliner with more than 60 years of hat-making experience. I stumbled upon her in my hat research, and I hadn’t been previously familiar with her work. All of her knowledge is now combined in a workroom technique book called “Hat Couture.” The book is 225 pages, published in English and Dutch, and can be enjoyed by everybody interested in hat making. “Throughout her career, she kept a detailed archive of sketches, photos, and materials from her non-standard assignments. Selecting some of her favourite designs, she breaks down each one with step-by-step instructions.” I will declare her an iconic milliner on the sixty years of experience alone. I love Dutch women, and I want to hang out with her.

The 2010’s Lull

Gabriela Ligenza trained as an architect and interior designer before becoming a milliner. In 2010, alongside the London Festival of Architecture, she hosted an exhibition in her London storefront, commissioning young artists to construct hats inspired by the city’s infrastructure; the only remaining press I can find is this video, which is so perfectly 2010. Ligenza hosted interactive events leading up to the 2011 Royal wedding, in an effort to engage young people with millinery. And in 2014, she released a collection of 3D printed hats timed with the annual British horse racing event Royal Ascot. A marriage of modern millinery and one of the largest cultural events for headwear. Ligenza’s hats are made by the long-honored craftsmanship practice of wood blocking, but she is an interesting (to me) example of modern approaches applied to millinery in the 2010’s during a period where interest in the craft tanked.

Millinery at the Racetrack

When most Americans think of big, extravagant hats, they think of horse racing. Royal Ascot is Britain's most important race meeting, beginning in 1711, founded by Queen Anne. On the Ascot Racecourse website, the Dress Code states: “Millinery is not compulsory, but hats and headpieces are encouraged.” For the American horse racing event, the Kentucky Derby, hats were encouraged after a Churchill Downs founder spent time in London and Paris before the inaugural US event in 1975. He and his wife admired the elegance and extravagance of horse-racing attire abroad and hoped to inspire a parallel back home. American attendees embraced the use of extravagant headwear so completely that the style is now widely referred to as Derby Hats. A belief that “the bigger the hat, the better the luck” led styles deeper into extremes, while Ascot Racecourse currently requires that attendees’ hats and headpieces have a solid base of at least 4 inches (10cm) in diameter.

Milliners in New York

Leah Chalfen and Gigi Burris are two of fashion’s favorite modern milliners. On nearly every editorial job that I have worked on, if we need hats, we look to these two New York-based milliners. Burris studied under Chalfen while attending Parsons, and her namesake millinery company was born soon after graduating. Chalfen studied under Patricia Underwood, as well as training with the head milliner of the Metropolitan Opera’s costume department, before beginning her company, Leah C. Couture Millinery. Of course, the two designers make vastly different hats. Chalfen excels in fine silk veiling, feathers, and ornamental detailing. Burris produces minimalist, structured classics.

Mains De Vapeur is a New York-based millinery studio led by designer Mariela Alexandra, who studied at UDEM in Mexico. The brand came across my metaphorical millinery desk because they were hosting a sample sale and I considered attending, solely for my love of the craft. Upon studying the website more recently, the Pillbox Beanie is my favorite of their styles, made of Fur Felt (premium, durable, composed of rabbit or beaver). I don’t know what to make of Mains De Vapeur's quality and construction, and as the days pass, I wish that I had attended the sample sale just to find out. But I do know they have piqued my curiosity, and at a sample sale pricepoint, I’d buy a hat.

Esenshel on E 4th Street in New York is a black-owned accessory store by milliner Rodney Patterson. I pass this store bi-weekly, and each time, I admire the millinery on display in the window. For the majority of winter, the display has been all available styles in Leopard print. Their hats are handmade in New York, and they are beautiful. I want one, badly.

Hat Shops

Lock & Co. Hatters is the world's oldest hat shop, the world's 34th oldest family-owned business, and a royal warrant holder. Lock & Co. started haute millinery for women in 1993, but it is primarily known for its traditional men’s hats now. The store is located at 6 St James’s Street in London and remains a historic landmark for hat makers and wearers alike.

The Hat Shop at 148 Sullivan Street in New York is considered one of America’s best hat shops. They offer an in-house line and custom hats, as well as designs available from several milliners. The owner, Linda Pagan, opened the store in 1995 after trying many different professions and returning to the memory of her school uniform millinery back in London, “after all that exploration, it turned out that what I had been searching for was right there, atop my head.”

Stephen Jones Millinery at 36 Great Queen Street in London.

The Philip Treacy Boutique at 69 Elizabeth Street, SW1 W9PJ, Belgravia,
London.

CA4LA is a hat shop with multiple locations across Japan. I went to the Shibuya location last time that I was in Tokyo. They have a selection of varying styles (casual, classic, traditional, ornamental). My Dad used to get a lot of his hats here.

Tit fer Tat (great name) located at 5 Paved Court, Richmond, Surrey (UK). The website is literally useless, but they’re open, and they have great hats.

John Boyd Hats at 16A New Quebec St, in London. This is the location of both the workroom and showroom; the hours are complicated, see here.

Hoeden/MV is located in central Amsterdam. They carry mostly modern and simplistic hats, but in an Amsterdam way… And they have Philip Treacy hats! The address is HERENGRACHT 422 1017 BZ AMSTERDAM.

East Village Hats is a store that I have walked past a million times, but I’ve never been inside (I will change that next time I’m on 7th). They carry an array of styles, both handmade by a team led by milliner Julia Emily Knox and from emerging milliners. The shop is located at 80 E 7th st, East Village, New York.

Modern Milliners & Milliners on the Internet

Maryam Keyhani is an Iranian-born, Berlin-based artist and designer, and one of my favorite modern milliners. I have followed her work for several years, and I aspire to own many of her hats (In an essay I wrote for Byline, I include her soufflé hat as one of my dream pieces). She is brilliantly vibrant, and her pieces are both slightly grandiose and entirely wearable. Her Instagram is one of my favorite accounts to follow. When I think of hats that I want to wear in my day-to-day, I think of Maryam Keyhani.

LilyPhat is a new Gen milliner based in New York. I found her account in the fall of last year because obviously I follow the millinery hashtag closely… I have thought about her hats at least once a month since then. I don’t know nearly enough about her, but I’d like to. She is alluring, her hats are compelling, and this is exactly the kind of millinery that I think my generation can relate to and interact with.

Sideara is a New York-based milliner whose work I discovered very recently, after seeing photos of familiar downtown faces adorned in beautiful hats at a party this past fashion week. I immediately traversed the Sideara Instagram and website, top to bottom. She constructed all of the headwear for the late designer Bella Pietro's FW25 show, Diaghilev, and the result is awe-inducing. Headpieces for Pietro’s collection include a 3D printed carousel with a working music box, a headpiece (posted here) made of two ethically sourced bird wings, and a hat with a taxidermy white pigeon suspended in velour ribbon—each piece is authentically theatrical and beautifully executed. This is an exceptional example of how you contribute to a designer’s world-building with millinery.

Barnaby Horn is a graduate of Central Saint Martins with an MA from the Royal College of Art. In 2025, he was awarded the King's Foundation Young Entrepreneur Award for his work in millinery. During his time in the King’s Foundation Millinery Métiers d’Art Fellowship (which partners with the craftsmen at Maison Michel), he created a yellow porcupine quill cocktail hat that is both strikingly beautiful and completely inspired. I thought that the porculine hat sealed the deal, until I found this interview he did with Vada Magazine. He is an absolute rising star in the art of millinery.

Nyassa is an Australian singer with an impressive hat collection. If you scroll her page, you will find custom stage outfits, designer runway looks posted for reference, and a hat worn in almost every press photo and reel. Curious to know more about her hats, I sent her a message. She clarified that she designs all of the hats, and her mother makes them for her. “I had seen images of the stewardesses in The Fifth Element, and I asked my mum if she could make something like that. She knew how to sew, but she had never really made hats before.” Since then, she has made over 50+ hats that have become part of Nyassa’s signature look. “You could say my mum is a self-taught milliner.” Together they have recreated the Moschino teddy bear hat, Vivienne Westwood-esc pirate hats fit with a veil, YSL inspired cube hats, and countless pillbox hats. “It really is a gift you can’t buy… And I’ll always cherish every hat that she has made for me.”

Emily Rose is a King’s Foundation Millinery Métiers d’Art Alumni from the Class of 2025. She utilizes traditional techniques and her formal training in pattern cutting and garment construction to expand beyond hat making into garments, interiors, installation, and sculptural art. She interned with the Philip Treacy. Her work is sculptural, modern, and it does feel informed by the body, space, and the earth. A lot of the time, people say their work is informed by something, but you don’t feel it; this I do feel. The ‘Hoodoo Hat’ is my favorite, and when I saw the ‘Layers Cloche’, I squealed, Caroline Reboux!

James Rushfirth, of James Pink Studio, “refrains from using the title ‘milliner’. He prefers ‘hatmaker’, though the hats he makes do possess a nostalgic sort of glamour that is reminiscent of the millinery greats,” is how his interview with Another Magazine opens. The Leeds-born hatmaker studied at Central Saint Martins (this seems to be the new-age hat star equation) and launched his first collection in 2020. He has made hats for brands like Renaissance Renaissance, Phoebe Pendergast, Denzil Patrick, SS Daley, and a black velvet beret famously worn by Harry Styles for Variety Magazine. His hats are wearable, while still being beautifully constructed and fresh in design. Rushfirth insists to The Sunday Times Style, "I don't consider it as special occasion millinery, it's supposed to be special for every day.” Amen.

Roberta Cacuzza is a London-based milliner working in theatre and fashion. A graduate of Millinery at Morley College in Chelsea, and recipient of the Feltmakers Innovation Award in 2024. She is a pioneer in the use of biomaterials in millinery, incorporating bioplastics and recycled materials into her graduate collection. She has worked on the teams for The Lion King, Moulin Rouge, and Robert Wun. “Hats for divas—on and off the stage!” is her tag line, and I find that fabulous and fitting, like a hat.

Claire Strickland is a theatrical milliner with twenty years of experience creating headwear for TV, film, and theatre. She trained on a five-year apprenticeship in the workroom of James Lock & Co Hatters, where she developed skills in traditional couture millinery and bespoke dyeing. She has worked on Bridgerton, Vogue: World, Wicked, Doctor Who, and within the workroom of the English National Opera.

Lia Gureeva is a Moscow-based milliner. I fell in love with Lia’s work when I found a sculptural red-brimmed hat (pictured above) in the tag, #millinery. Her hats are sculptural and elegant, and the color composition kills me; they’re perfectly stark. From what I could translate on her website, she studied as a fashion designer in Russia, graduating from V.M. Zaitsev Fashion Laboratory in Moscow, and then trained as a hat-maker in England. I can’t find much additional information about her, but the hats speak for themselves!

Eden Meidl is a milliner and designer based in New York, currently studying at FIT. Her most popular of hats is the “collared hat,” featuring the detailing of a collared shirt. I think it is genius. In this video, you can see the many ways in which ‘The Maybel’ can be worn.

Jill Humphries is an Australian-based milliner with an expertise in floral leatherwork, featherwork, and vintage-inspired pieces. In 2019, she became the first international milliner selected to join the Royal Ascot Collective at Fenwick’s in the UK. Her headwear combines traditional silhouettes with modern shapes and materials. The names of each style on her Shop page are perfect.

Arakne is a sustainable couture company based in Vienna. The few hats posted on their page are fabulous, and I believe they use traditional millinery methods. Fabulously feathered helmets, wig-like headwear, and an embellished top turned mask. It’s mostly videos of the hat... Which leaves very little to show here, but a fun find.

Personal Hat History

I can recall many hats that my father, Nick, donned through the 2010’s. Back then, he was a straw boater-hat kind of guy, “I’m not as into the eastern hats much right now,” he tells me. He and his business partner were hat guys, and our New York apartment, even in the 2018 listing photos, had stacks of hats for their daily choosing. In the last few years, western hats have been his new thing, and he recommends Grand Central. I texted him just as I had planned to wrap this story up, but this recalled a whole personal hat history that I had forgotten about. He bought many of his hats in Japan and Europe, but he had a favorite milliner in New York’s Lower East Side, Kelly Christy, “She’s gone now,” he says as he sends me this Refinery29 article.

My dad reminded me of my two favorite hats that I own, both of which he found for me. A Mühlbauer pink-felted hat with a brim, “One of my fav brands, old school,” he adds alongside the website link. I recognize the logo immediately and realize that I actually have more than one hat from them, but I love “the pink hat” so much that I made a playlist for it in 2017, which I have revisited much this month, without plans to even mention the hat here... “And don’t forget about your fur hat that I lost and you rebought,” an Angora hat from Reinhard Plank. I wear this hat almost daily; it is my favorite hat. It’s a beanie-style fur hat with room in the top, so I pull it up or push it inward to give it shape, and my friends make fun of me when it looks like a fez cap—which I find chic, thank you very much… I take an additional moment to reflect on sun hats found in the fray of my mom’s closet, wearing my dad’s cowboy hats at the beach, and my Comme Des Garçons collar that I fasten as a hat.

Millinery in High Fashion

Yohji Yamamoto is not an immediate mention in the dialogue of hats, but he should be. Last year, after The Row Tah hat was released, people were quick to point out here that the hat is a near-exact copy of a vintage Yamamoto hat. I think that the only thing that Yamamoto loves more than a hat is a wedding. For the SS98 collection final look, it took four men with poles to carry the bride’s hat down the runway. Next year, the entire SS99 collection was bridal themed and contained some of my favorite hats of all time. I have searched far and wide, but no specific milliner is named for the SS99 collection. For the SS08 collection Just Married, Japanese milliner Misa Harada created the hats.

Gabriella “Coco” Chanel began as a milliner before founding Chanel. She opened a millinery shop in 1909 on the ground floor of French textile heir Étienne Balsan’s Parisian flat, of whom she was his mistress. It is said that at Balsan’s salons, she met Arthur “Boy” Chapel and became his mistress. In 1910, Boy Chapel financed her first independent millinery shop, Chanel Modes, at 31 Rue Cambon in Paris. Coco was nearly always pictured in a fabulous little hat, and Chanel has long championed the use of headwear in its haute couture collections.

Maison Michel is a sister brand to Chanel, joining Chanel’s Métiers d’art in 1997. The company designed and produced the majority of hats for Chanel from 1997-2021.

Laetitia Crahay was the artistic director of Maison Michel and the head of accessories and jewelry at Chanel from 2006 until 2015. She has been the Saint Laurent accessory design director since 2016, but Saint Laurent isn’t hat-heavy anymore, so there’s not much to be said here about it. She is absolutely fabulous and incredible at what she does.

Yves Saint Laurent revolutionized 20th-century women’s fashion, with the introduction of “Le Smoking,” the women’s tuxedo, fine masculine tailoring, and the first ready-to-wear collection, Rive Gauche. The Rive Gauche AW1988/89 collection was the introduction of “cube hats.” Though this wasn’t the first incorporation of hats on a YSL runway, it is perhaps the most notable. There is a similar hat, in satin, available on the Real Real right now (tempting…). The boxy hats are true to YSL form, with strong lines, cubist references, and strong geometric shape.

Vivienne Westwood is famed for the grandeur of her runway hats. The SS94 moment when Kate Moss covered her bare breasts, ate an ice cream, and walked the runway in a felted pirate hat is etched in the brain of every archive-obsessed girl and fashion historian. Prudence Millinery has produced all of the brand’s headwear since 1991. Before that, Westwood worked with Stephen Jones in the 1980’s to create pieces like the tweed crown and tricone styles. Designer Andreas Kronthaler and Prudence have carried the millinery-loving torch after Westwood’s passing, with pieces like the fish hat, wire masks, and outstanding sculptural headwear.

As of the date of publishing, March 11, I’m feeling a bit tapped out on hats. I’ve been thinking about them incessantly for the last six months, and writing about them intensely for eight days now… My therapist is back from maternity leave, and suddenly I don’t feel as inclined to use millinery as my escape, but I do feel both fulfilled and inspired by all that I have learned. Hopefully, you concur.

Sometimes the only way out is through Millinery.

Makeup did not come easily to me. I never wore much as a teenager, and I had an extremely limited skill set and awareness of products. My everyday makeup was mascara from the drugstore, and eyebrows overfilled with a product I couldn’t even remember the name of now. I attempted winged eyeliner once or twice, and that was the limit of my comfort zone.

In the nine years since I was sixteen, I have worked full-time as a model, and I have had the privilege of sitting in the chairs of some of the most talented makeup artists around the world. I decided a few years ago that while I sit in the makeup chair, I might as well pay attention. While I am far from professional, I still don’t know how to properly apply a face of foundation... I know that these are the products I love and trust.

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I scroll TheRealReal like it’s Instagram. A rough 60% of my day job is online shopping, and when I’m not working, I still love the act. I love to search and scroll and save, and imagine what life would be like with that thing. I don’t always need to own it to fulfill the prophecy; often, owning the fantasy alone is enough.

I have all of my girlfriend’s shoe sizes happily memorized, and I keep their full body measurements in my Notes app. I receive daily emails for Google search hits on ‘Gucci Tom Ford for sale,’ ‘Balenciaga by Nicholas Ghesquiere,’ and ‘Phoebe Philo Celine for sale.’ I have long been appointed as the friend who passes off a listing when it’s too small or too big, more “you” than it is “me,” or simply too perfect for one of us not to own. My Likes across every shopping platform are overflowing with items that I will never buy, and my shopping carts are abandoned daily.

I believe that the best way to shop online is to know your measurements. Compare them to the listing measurements, message the seller incessantly if you need to, but buying blind and receiving something ill-fitting is what leads people to believe that online shopping is inefficient. On sites like Poshmark, Depop, Vesitiare, or eBay, you should always make an offer, because the worst thing they can say is nothing… Reverse Google image search is your friend. ‘Save this search’ exists for a reason. And material composition seems like a “technical thing,” until you pay $200.00 to receive something synthetic.

I’m neurotic enough to keep a spreadsheet of everything that I “Want to Buy,” and I try to only purchase things that align. This holds me accountable in the years since my genuine addiction to shopping. You should always try to buy “for life,” but fashion is circular for a reason. If you bought it from someone, you can sell it to someone, and I believe that donating clothes returns good karma to you when you enter a thrift store or set your sights on acquiring a holy grail item. Banking on “If I don’t like it, I can always sell it” is uncertainty in its most denial-driven form. When you know, you know, and then you let it go to be loved by someone else, or maybe you’re just strapped for cash.

Buy with the intention of “for life” or “for an occasion.” Buy what you cannot imagine not buying, but know that the true meaning of “for life” is in maintenance. You should tailor your absolute favorite articles of clothing, as if it’s as moral as washing them. New heel taps are $20 at most cobblers. Retro Clean restores nearly all discoloration on white fabric. I flat-dry or hang-dry almost everything. I buy Metatarsal Pad inserts for all of my heeled shoes. If I’m continually not wearing something because of its color, but I love it otherwise, I dye it Black with RIT dye. Learn how to use a needle and thread. Caring for your clothes is an act of love.

Below is an extensive list of Women’s clothing that I think someone should buy. It’s shoe-heavy and laden with designer. Nearly all plucked straight from My Likes.

Alaia, Alexander McQueen, Balenciaga by Ghesquiere, Calvin Klein 205W39NYC, Celine & Chloe by Phoebe Philo, Comme des Garçons / Junya Watanabe, Givenchy, Gucci, Isabel Marant, Jil Sander, Marc Jacobs, Marni, Miu Miu, Prada, Rick Owens, Saint Laurent, The Row, Yohji Yamamoto, and more…

I hope that you find something that you’ve been looking for, or that you cannot imagine not buying.

$50 & Under (41 Items)

$111 & Under (21 Items)

$111-$500 (36 Items)

$1000+ (10 Items)

Accessories (40 Items)

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