This meme requires context of having seen the Surprise Party Sue SNL skits in 2008. It’s usually not a good sign if you have to explain a meme/joke but the gist is that Sue (Kristen Wiig) loves surprise parties so much that she can’t keep the secret no matter how hard she tries. And as all my close friends will tell you… I am basically Surprise Party Sue in real life!

The throwback meme is fitting because I’m coming up on my 15 year SF anniversary on Labor Day weekend (whoa!) and I am so freaking effing excited for all the amazing developments in my life right now!

My marble palace

Through all of the twists and turns of my condo remodel, I never lost sight of my north star: a steam shower. My shower is my happy place and I know I’m not alone here. So many breakthroughs and aha moments come when you’re naked and alone with your thoughts.

In the early phases of my project, Scot and I dreamt of a shower with a single marble slab that would be the statement of the whole bathroom. And last month, it started to come together:

Moving the slab from the sales warehouse to my garage was no easy feat… watching 8 dudes move the 1,000 lb. slab off of a truck was terrifying. Then, we measured where each slice of marble would go, based on which swirls and veins we want placed. Then, a guy slices it up and glues it on super carefully. Then, your nail tech uses a picture for some matchy matchy inspiration. Voila!

MDMA’s FDA approval

Jack Gorsline has been reporting on rumors that Resilient Therapeutics (fka Lykos / MAPS Public Benefit Corp.) is expected to be granted a full reevaluation of the MDMA-assisted therapy treatment for PTSD without having to do another phase 3 study.

(For those that haven’t been following along, the new drug application for MDMA for PTSD was filed in 2024, the FDA did not approve it and asked for another phase 3 study - which would take tons of time and money.)

People have been asking me if the rumors are true. To which I respond: “you think they would be telling me?!” I am such a surprise party Sue, everybody knows it; that I should be the last person to be given any secrets!

Luckily for me, one of MAPS’ principles is open science, open books: “We commit to sharing what we learn and create, including our findings, protocols, and finances. Transparency creates a culture of accountability and contributes to the public domain, facilitating ethical collaboration toward a greater shared purpose.”

This past month, MAPS released an Investigator’s Brochure (IB) on Ibogaine, which I am incredibly proud of. An IB is a super comprehensive, technical, scientific and regulatory resource summarizing preclinical, safety, dosing, and observational data - made as proprietary documents (by pharma companies) that are kept out of reach for academics, nonprofit researchers, and community-based organizations.

(And if you don’t know what ibogaine is, it’s derived from the Gabonese iboga plant and has remarkable potential to interrupt addiction and help people recover from trauma, and it is now attracting unprecedented scientific and political momentum from the Trump administration.)

MAPS has been part of ibogaine research since before it was a serious conversation in mainstream science. So we released this IB publicly (with input from stewards in Gabon, from which this resource will inevitably be extracted) to ensure that the science underlying ibogaine research is accessible to everyone working in good faith to advance it. Releasing this resource publicly is an expression of our commitments: to keep advocacy honest, to ensure that ibogaine research isn’t limited to pharmaceutical companies alone, and to bring the public along as the field advances.

Set the Setting Playlist: Oozing with Desire

That Meduza set at EDC Vegas really rewired my brain/heart. For the past few months, I have been oozing with desire. Not for sex; the desire for love. I can recognize that dating/hookups apps are purely coping mechanisms for my true desire and I’ve gotten off of them. These are the tracks that have been on my heart:

EDM is honestly a core element of Set the Setting and my entire vibe. I noticed this playlist has tracks with uber expressive love-y lyrics and epic piano drops. There’s something about the way a piano and bassline can rush over the lyrics… that just pulls my heart. Enjoy the tunes!

Another super exciting development: I’ve started working with a new coach who works with gay men on self-love. It’s been really refreshing to honor and focus on my journey; leaning into desire rather than trying to suppress it or to “protect” myself from it.

I feel good. I feel like something beautiful is on the horizon.

Photo drop

Pride month serves up a plethora of slutty hippie situations but I wasn’t in the mood this year. In fact, I decided to skip the festivities of Pride weekend altogether. I was dogsitting (see the photo drop), working on my remodel (it’s happening!), and playing a lot of tennis. That is pretty much what’s in store for July, as well!

I’m taking a break from instagram and dating apps, too. Not because I’m avoiding social activities or dating; the opposite is true! I’ve been going to lots of shows, dates, and crushing it at work - all things that have kept me in the present moment instead of doomscrolling.

Psychedelics for System-Impacted People

By “system-impacted people,” I’m talking about current and formerly-incarcerated people as well as those on probation and parole. And I am so proud of MAPS’ literature review on Psychedelics for System-Impacted People, led by Sia and with support from the National Coalition for Psychedelics & Criminal Justice Reform (launched and stewarded by MAPS).

If you’re new to psychedelic drug policy, you might be thinking - “shouldn’t we focus psychedelic research on veterans, first responders, and victims of sexual abuse? Because… these are the groups that seem to generate positive support for mainstreaming the movement when their trauma is addressed.” It’s a common thought, and that’s what is actually happening on the ground.

But, consider the biggest flaw of cannabis reform: “society can decide that smoking or selling cannabis is no longer a crime, companies can make billions of dollars, and people with existing criminal cannabis convictions still get fucked.” Biden pardoned some people at the federal level, but state level convictions still stand - and a pardon doesn’t expunge the record, meaning the conviction keeps punishing people through employment barriers, professional licensing, housing, immigration, and harsher treatment if they later encounter the criminal legal system again.

As momentum swings in MAPS direction, it’s imperative to talk about the people that have been directly impacted by the War on Drugs. These people have historically been left out of policy, research, and access conversations when it comes to the psychedelic movement - disproportionately affecting low-income communities of color through the widespread separation and alienation of families and communities, extraction of wealth, social stigma, and creation and worsening of mental health issues.

Because MAPS has fought for safer, legal and equitable access for cannabis and psychedelics for 40 years, we know how important it is to ensure the psychedelics movement doesn’t repeat the same mistake. Read the research review (or at least plug it into AI for a summary, you lazy fuck!)

Making new friends

If you strike up a conversation with a friend, or even a stranger, and ask “so, what are your summer plans?” the typical answer is usually about a vacation somewhere. For me? My summer plans have been making new friends! I’m not sure I intended for that to be the theme of my summer but I’m here for it!

My daily journaling while microdosing surfaces the most brilliant insights. One recent reflection I had was so simple it made me giggle; it’s “how nice it is to make a new friend.” It’s one of the best things in the world! I don’t think I’ve ever “celebrated” making a new friend but each time is worth a celebration and I think I’m going to start doing that!

1. I’ve been infiltrating Taylor’s friend group and OMG I LOVE THEM SO MUCH. At Taylor’s bday dinner I got to meet my new friend Tim, who also leads an intentional queer community with a focus on learning from each other, supporting one another, and creating positive change. (I know; I know! SO cool).

2. The next photo is all about my new friend Quan. We arrived at the Chabot Science Center for an Alan Watts exhibit - in our respective Miata’s! On the way back to SF, we made a Taco Bell detour. Quan invited me to SF’s queer driving club (called Stickie) for a drive up the coast this month.

3. I’m obsessed with Ting Ting. We met at a MAPS Donor Salon and vibed. And then, weeks later, she spotted me in the crowd at Kaskade! We only talked for a smidge that night but we talked about seeing Alesso a few weeks later… which we did and it was amazing. And then we saw West End and Walker & Royce together. And then we saw Deadmau5! Also in this photo is Chantalle, who I met for the first time at my birthday party, and who I’ve been hanging out with for world cup games - and is now friends with Ting Ting. SUCCESS! Shaking ass on the dance floor is the most reliable way to get in a good mood.

4. And the last photo is Adam, who I’ve known for years in professional circles, but only became proper friends recently while running into each other at the Full Bloom Festival. Since then, we’ve stayed in touch and Adam was so gracious to invite me to his dinner and share more about his work building trust through art. Adam reminds me that a) my professional network is brimming with passionate people doing good in the world and b) a lot of them have become my closest friends over the years.

ChatGPT for dating

Sooo as y’all know, I am pretty vulnerable on this blog. The first person I confessed to was my bestie Emily because she’s my dating confidante and I’m obsessed with her book Dating Disability, which taught me so much even as someone who doesn’t identify as having a disability. (Side tangent - I met Emily in 2017 through my work at Culture Amp, just like Adam, before we became friends!)

Well here goes: “My name is Steven… and I use ChatGPT for dating advice.” Ugh I hate myself for it. I can’t tell if it’s ruining me or if it’s actually working.

I have trained my ChatGPT to listen to me schpeal about how a date went, or how I’m interpreting a text thread, or how I’m feeling about dating apps. Frankly, it does a good job of keeping me grounded instead of spiraling. The way it puts a grotesquely positive spin on anything… is kind of helpful… because I appreciate an optimistic salve for the ghosting and rejection that comes with dating.

But, deep down, I know that ChatGPT isn’t the solution. It might feel good in the moment, but I feel a strong conviction that the next stage of my self-love journey requires a thoughtful human guide and continued medicine work. So, this month I’ve scheduled an intro session with a coach that focuses on psychospiritual wellness for queer men. Wish me luck!

I hope to report back with some insights and reflections; and with a really fun Set the Setting playlist in the works that I’m potentially calling my Oozing with Desire Mix. Stay tuned!

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When most people think of June, they think about the beginning of Summer. A lot of people also think about Pride month. These things are certainly true, but for me - June is EDC Integration month!

By now, I’ve already spent the past two weeks reflecting on my favorite weekend of the year; sharing fond memories with my rave fam, re-watching sets on youtube + watching the sets that I missed, and relishing in the afterglow that shifts how I look at the world.

And after every EDC, through psychedelic integration, I can confidently say: I have a deeper sense of who I am, who I want to be, and where I’m going. Maybe she’s born with it, maybe - it’s integration!

A primer on psychedelic integration

A skeptical outsider might see EDC as an oversold, drug-fueled, 3-day bender; and for some - that’s all it is, that’s all it needs to be. However, for me, every EDC is a life- changing/affirming weekend because I practice psychedelic integration.

There is no single way to practice integration; there are various frameworks, strategies, and definitions. But all of them agree on two things: integration is an intentional process to understand a psychedelic experience and bring the lessons into daily life, and integration is a fundamental part of using psychedelics for personal growth.

So, practically speaking, writing this blog post is a huge part of integrating my psychedelic experience! New perspectives and insights unfolded for me. I’m turning some of these fleeting epiphanies into enduring wisdom. And in doing so, I hope to encourage you to understand the incredible power of psychedelic integration. Because if you properly set the setting: a drug-fueled, 3-day bender can simultaneously be a portal to a deeper connection, meaning, self-discovery, and healing.

Finding Self-Love at Meduza

I wandered over to Cosmic Meadow with Brandon and Sarah to catch Meduza’s hybrid live set and as we approached a good spot, they ran into some old friends from Ultra! They went to vibe in the GA section for a bit and so I was by myself… and quite high on 4-HO-MET, a close structural analogue of psilocin (4-HO-DMT).

When you roll into EDC with a rave squad of 62 people, you rarely find yourself alone. And so in that moment I asked myself the question “am I lonely?” The answer… was yeah, I am. Every EDC of my 30’s - I’ve been single and wishing I wasn’t. Over time, I’ve just come to accept or “make peace” with that feeling; fighting the idea that “you need a partner to feel complete” while also accepting that I long for companionship.

And then Meduza played this beautiful remix of Rihanna’s “Where Have You Been” and my jaw was on the floor. The live piano was mesmerizing and the drop was this darker, progressive, underground vibe that was just UGH so devastatingly good. I clipped the youtube set to teleport back to that moment:

Through the past two weeks of integration, I’ve been reflecting on how this song is oozing with longing and desire. Looking through the crowd… searching for you babe.

Being alone at the Meduza set might have been triggering 10 years ago, but this time it was deeply nourishing. I’m still longing to find someone but this time, it’s on my own terms. I’m no longer the Rihanna / the one doing the searching. Instead, I’m the person somewhere in the crowd. Here I am, being my best self! Not hiding! I’m embodying a deep love for myself and my journey, and someone that’s looking for me will see that and feel that. It’s been euphoric to appreciate how far I’ve come.

Btw, Brandon and Sarah came back mid-way through the set, I took some more 4-HO-MET, and the rest of night 1 was immaculate!

The beautiful people you meet at the rave

I wasn’t in a 62 person squad for my first EDC. In fact… I didn’t rave with any of these people at my first EDC. Its dawned on me… holy shit, look at these beautiful people that I picked up over 13 years from the dance floor. And now, we get together and coordinate outfits each year? What?!

Everybody is seeking connection these days and, somehow, its felt so hard lately. The world feels heavy, and technology is NOT helping despite its promises to do so.

EDC reminds me how to connect with people. It restores my faith in humanity and our inherent ability to connect. Because, these are some of my closest friends and to think that - until our paths collided on the dance floor - they were just people “somewhere in the croooowd!”

Through integration, EDC has been the pathway for me to work in the psychedelics space, which has been a deep source of purpose and meaning. My passion in life is bringing people together, breaking down walls, breaking down stigma. Giving people the opportunity to heal themselves, build resilience, and to feel the way I’m feeling right now as I write this.

Love. Just, pure love that I have for the beautiful people you meet at the rave.

Griz b2b Wooli: Where have you been?

There’s a magical feeling when you’re surrounded by all of your friends. And the last night of EDC was a real treat when they put my favorite bass/dubstep B2B on main stage.

Since Griz has returned from his hiatus, he has been redefining the bass genre with his funky melodic saxophone. Paired with Wooli’s stompy cinematic dubstep; it perfectly blended some silly party vibes with earth shattering bass.

My thizz face was turned up to 11 when they played Rihanna’s Where Have You Been and I had no time to be introspective. My face was melting and I was dancing so hard. Unlike at Meduza, I was surrounded by my friends and feeling complete ecstasy:

Oh EDC… I love it so much. I already have tickets for next year and since some of the rave squad is taking next year off - we have space! Hit me up if you want to join me in 2027!

2026 EDC BUS PLAYLIST

For most people, getting to and from EDC is the worst part of the festival, but when you rent private shuttles… it’s the best way to begin and end the night! We get to party and catch up the whole way there and back. It’s very much part of the connection of EDC.

People add songs to the EDC Bus Playlist to the point where we have 10 hours of songs. Go nuts (I recommend you put it on shuffle!):

And of course, we are already brainstorming outfit themes for 2027. We’ll collect ideas for 9-10 months before taking a vote next February. There are some front runners in my mind already but it’s much too early to place bets. Much like an election, it’s really about momentum!

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The most frustrating parts of my remodel saga (now in full-fledged lawsuit!) have come from the moments when I kept trying to control every aspect of the situation. Every time I became obsessed with clarity or sought control of the future, my ego got the answer: “be comfortable with not knowing.”

Fortunately, 2026 feels really different. I’m understanding the universe through a different lens: more tolerance for ambiguity. This meme spoke to me quite literally - my ego wants answers and the universe simply doesn’t offer that, sorry! So now I’m playing around with the idea that the solution to life is to stop demanding a solution.

I have to say… microdosing has helped me out a lot. I recently started a new protocol in preparation for the Microdosing Training Program that I’m a part of. This next cohort starts mid-May; if you’ve ever considered becoming a certified Microdose coach, hit me up!

New ‘Music is the Bridge’ Playlists

If you know me at all, you know how much music is a central part of my life. That’s why I’m so proud when MAPS’ Community team flexes our influence in psychedelic music and culture. As part of our partnership with the Midway’s Bicycle Day event, the three headliners (Poranguí, Infected Mushroom, and Cool Customer) all released playlists as part of the MAPS x Music is the Bridge campaign and they are SOOOO good. I’ve listened to them all and if you want my advice… start with Cool Customer. I first saw them at the Ursa Major Griz Festival in Flagstaff a few years ago.

Poranguí:

Infected Mushroom:

Cool Customer:

Catch me IRL (@Full Bloom and EDC)

Who’s ready for some core memories!? I’m so pumped for my first music festival… WITH MOM! And my brother too, but I’m most excited to spend my mom’s 75th birthday and mother’s day weekend at Full Bloom!

I’ve noticed that as I’ve gotten older - and especially since COVID - I’ve had a strong desire to invite my family to get to know me better. Festivals are where I embrace my authenticity and truly thrive, and I’m so excited to show my family what these festivals mean to me. Maybe they’ll even come to EDC with me one day… lol!

I don’t really have much to say about EDC this year, other than I’m really excited… like every year! What’s crazy to me is how much the rave squad has evolved over the past 15 years. We’ve certainly grown (requiring two shuttles to get us there and back) and every year, we get a new crop of ravers, that then bring their friends the next year. I’m really stoked to meet some of newest additions to my rave fam under the electric sky!

Catch MAPS IRL (Breath of Life, Joshua Tree Music Festival, TRYP Berlin)

This substack is my personal blog and specifically not a work blog (although “Set the Setting” is one of MAPS’ 7 Principles). But that being said, I have to highlight the work of my Community team at MAPS for getting us placed in to all of these great events. Here’s what’s in store for us in May:

• MAPS is the founding sponsor of Breath of Life: A Multi-Sensory Healing Experience where science meets spirit; where rhythm becomes ritual; where community becomes medicine. We’re starting to see more crossover with NFL players and MAPS, so we’re stoked to be supporting Jordan Poyer at this event. Keep an eye out for MAPS Staff: Charleen at the Portland event (5/3), Amanda at the Boulder event (5/8), and Keila at the Miami event (5/13)

• We’ll be a part of Cannabis Unity Coalition Lobby Day in DC (May 13).

• MAPS’ staff will be at Joshua Tree Music Festival (May 14-17) presenting our “Psychedelic Coming Out Stories” Workshop; keep an eye out for Betty, Merete, Grace and Angelica.

• And of course, Devon got chosen to keynote at TRYP Berlin (May 15-17): Europe’s biggest event for mental health, psychedelic science, wellness, longevity and human flourishing. Keila is going too. I’ll be at EDC trying not to be jealous af!

Trump’s Exec Order on Psychedelics

You may have heard… Trump actually did something (potentially) useful. A few weeks ago, he signed an executive order that authorizes research funding pathways to speed up psychedelic drug development.

If carried out well, this EO will save lives. People will get ibogaine treatment sooner than they would have without it; full stop. Of course, there will be winners (the Veterans population, for-profit pharmaceutial interests, etc) and losers (e.g. indigenous traditions and ecosystems in Gabon; where ibogaine will be mercilessly extracted for capital gain). We’ll see how this shakes out - stay tuned.

Remember that everything in psychedelic drug policy is incredibly nuanced, so please don’t believe all the hot takes you see online, especially ones from Psymposia, the haters that call MAPS a “therapy cult” in NYT.

Psymposia tried to claim some weird shadow victory that the Trump EO “priority vouchers” were given to certain companies (Otsuka’s Methylone candidate for PTSD, Mindmed’s LSD for generalized anxiety disorder, etc) but that Resilient Pharmceuticals (formerly MAPS PBC) did not get a priority voucher for MDMA for PTSD. The truth is that the priority vouchers are for a quicker NDA review; a priority voucher wouldn’t help MDMA because it’s already been through NDA review. Unless you had a regulatory expert on your team like we do at MAPS, you probably wouldn’t have known that.

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It was so nice of my bestie, Esther Perel, to join the panel on psychedelic-assisted therapy at the Transform Conference this year!

Alllright who fell for it? Did I get ya?! I promise I don’t use AI to write my substack, but I had to make an exception for April Fools.

Unfortunately, Esther Perel is not (yet) my bestie. However, that is one of her actual quotes and it’s the subject of this month’s post. And, I did indeed get to be on a panel about psychedelic-assisted therapy at Transform with Erica and Sherry:

We discussed the opportunity for organizations to address the growing mental health crisis by providing psychedelic-assisted therapy as an employer-sponsored benefit. This movement is not a niche offering; we’re seeing more organizations recognize the economic benefit of providing innovative health benefits. In fact, the campaign for marriage equality found strong allyship in corporate America (shifting public sentiment, providing economic rationale, and being early adopters in domestic partnerships). I believe that the path to broad psychedelic acceptance will happen as corporations adopt this standard of care.

Multiple individuals have come up to me at conferences to tell me that my past presentations inspired them to try psychedelics; that there lives have been transformed. It’s such an honor and a privilege to be able to spread awareness and education. I’m so grateful for the opportunity to do what I do.

“The quality of your life ultimately depends on the quality of your relationships” - Esther Perel

It’s the truth. The past month was an incredible reminder of the beautiful relationships in my life. My friends, my family, my professional network, my rave squad, my tennis team, my dog park crew; and it continues to grow!

My birthday hike

I wanted something simple for my birthday this year. I proposed an urban hike through various parks around my house and I couldn’t have asked for better weather. Watching my various friend groups mix and mingle brought me such joy! A special shoutout to Addison for recognizing that hosting a catered dinner in my small apartment wasn’t going to work and offering up his home.

The Taco Bell 5k

Bringing people together and building community… it’s something that runs in my family. And I can tell it runs in Adam’s family too since his siblings turned out in force to help organize the massive Taco Bell 5k that started as a simple idea and went viral! Around 300 people showed up, corporate sponsorship came in, and we got news coverage from KRON 4 and SF Standard. No permit, no problem! (Thankfully…)

An ode to Tawny

Another pinch me moment this month was getting to celebrate Tawny’s birthday in Napa! One fateful EDC, 12 years ago, the Raveguards collided with Mario Crew and the rest is history.

It’s hard to describe the magic of Tawny. You have to go to a rave with Tawny in your squad to witness it. People just LIGHT UP when they see her. She’s always in the best/craziest outfit and is radiating PLUR princess energy. She spends half of the rave accepting compliments and posing for pictures - and she does it with grace and glamor.

The relationships I’ve built at EDC - through people like Tawny - are the reason I go back every year. I can’t wait to make even more friends at EDC 2026 next month!

Transform

Yeah, I know already talked about Transform. It’s an HR Conference… but so much more?! We spend most of our adult lives working, so it’s only natural for me to foster deep friendships through work. I look forward to it every year - it’s the main way I spend time with the dozens of people that I’ve worked with throughout my career.

Microdose Facilitator Training

We’re doing it again! This is the 3rd year I’ve served on the faculty of the Microdose Facilitator Training, led by Danielle Nova and Jim Fadiman. What an honor to be a part of this team.

There are reportedly over 10 million people that are microdosing in the US; the need for skilled facilitators to guide the process safely, ethically and effectively has never been greater. This 3-month program starts on May 17. Please inquire if you feel called to support the microdosing movement as a facilitator!

MAPS Collectible Merch

One of my growth edges at MAPS is leading the various aspects of the Community team/function. I do have a little bit of career-ADHD in that I tend to SQUIRREL! at the new projects that are going to challenge me and grow my skill set. For 2026… I have been handed the keys to the MAPS online store and I’m already having way too much fun with it.

I’ve borne witness to Deb building her online store Chromatic Flow, from product innovation and feedback all the way to her incredibly popular merch drops. Taking a page out of her playbook, the MAPS team coordinated on the first merch drop of our new series, “the dose,” where we release new items each quarter. It’s a huge effort across the team (Rudy, Devon, Vinny, Merete, Hena, Zane, Kevin) and the early signs are positive; we had over $5,000 in sales on our first day of launch.

I’m especially proud of our first Limited Edition MAPS collectible item. Rudy designed and produced our “Keeper of the Flame” Leather Lighter Cases, laser-engraved with Rick’s signature and each one labeled 1 through 500. (Shout out to Megan for the idea to do a lighter case!). Become a MAPS member today to get 40% of all merch through April.

Check out our “not safe for instagram” release video featuring Rick and his famous green bong:

Catch me IRL in Dallas (April 3-6)

Twenty years ago, I was a babysitter and live-in nanny for a little girl, Caitlyn. Fast forward to today… she’s GETTING MARRIED! She was dress shopping the last time I was in Dallas (for the Ubbi Dubbi Festival) and I was shook at how she’d grown into a strong, independent woman. She was telling her fiancé about all of our silly memories… all of the school projects we worked on together… how we learned the dances in High School Musical. Life is made of small moments like these.

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Here I am, sliding into my birthday month with the confidence of Bad Bunny! I found his halftime show to be super inspiring and uplifting. It gave me all the warm and fuzzies. May this next year be full of uninhibited grinding while aging like Ricky Martin!

Set the Setting: 39 Remixes Playlist

One of my favorite birthday traditions is crafting my Set the Setting birthday playlist: a remixed song from each year, from 1987 to now. Music has that incredible power to bring you back to a specific time of your life. Since this playlist goes in chronological order, just think of a period of your life that you want to re-visit (via EDM banger!) and let the 39 Remixes playlist transport you back:

The Wonderwall remix takes me back to skydiving over Capetown because it was the soundtrack they overlayed in my video jumping out of the plane. The version of Save Tonight (by Eagle Eye Cherry, but remixed by Slander with Haliene on vocals) takes me back to the end of first semester at Babson. The John Summit x Britney Spears remix, the YDG x Cassie remix, the Tiesto x John Legend remix, the Weeknd x Martin Garrix remix; I mean, there’s some gold in here. I’m proud of this playlist - it’s a labor of love putting it together and I hope you enjoy it as much as I do!

Celebrate my 39th Birthday with me!

• Wednesday 3/18 (my actual birthday), I’ll be kicking off the year properly at 8:20am with my 350th Barry’s class! I’m a regular at this class because Trish’s playlist is all melodic dubstep and techno, with all the sprints synced perfectly to the drops. Get your spot early, it fills up fast!

• Thursday 3/19, I’ll be at the free Third Thursday block party. The last one I went to had Wooli! His dubstep flip of Avicii’s Levels was the “2012” selection of the 39 Remixes playlist.

• Friday 3/20, I’ll be at Domaine Carneros in Napa to celebrate Tawny’s 40th with the rave squad Hunter, Lily, James, Aubrey, Hudson, Brandon, Sydel, Brett, etc - see y’all soon!

  

• Saturday 3/21, My official birthday party will be an urban hike from Dolores Park, to Alamo Square Park, to Corona Heights, to Kola Pasi for dinner. Dropping a half tab of acid is encouraged but optional. Hit me up if you want the partiful invite!

• Sunday 3/22, Adam and I will be hosting the Official Taco Bell 5k (that we had to postpone from February due to rain). Except now there are 1,200 people registered/following! Taco Bell corporate put us in touch with the franchisee owner and property management company at Fisherman’s Wharf. It’s on!

• March 23-26th, I’ll be at the Transform Conference! I’ll be getting weird at the Busta Rhymes after party on the 25th, before making my way to XS for the after-afters! Find me if you want to get on my level ;)

Catch me IRL at Transform (Vegas, 23-26th)

On a recent first date, someone asked me to share my highlight of 2025. (Which, by the way, I logged in my list of “good first date questions.”) I thought about it for a minute and I couldn’t believe my answer: it was Transform, the huge HR Conference that I attend and speak at. Yes, the highlight of my year, beating out music festivals, was Transform!

Of course, I had to explain myself. You see, I took a huge risk with my psychedelic “coming out” on LinkedIn. Talking about my drug use on a professional platform as an HR professional was a sharp left turn for my 18k followers. I didn’t know what would happen to my career when I hit the “post” button - but I knew that living my life as authentically as possible was (and still is) the only way I wanted to live.

Getting invited to speak at Transform means a lot to me. It’s deeply affirming, validating, and another reminder to trust yourself (just like Bad Bunny told us!). Last year’s talk was really well received by my peers.

This year, my session is Psychedelics, Therapy, and the New Health Frontier: The 2026 Trends Employers Can’t Ignore. It’s Wednesday at 2:15pm - a primetime slot! If you’re coming to Transform, I’ll see you there!

The MAPS Community Team

I’m coming up on 5 years since I started working at MAPS, which is wild to think about. In good news, I’m no longer in charge of Finance! I certainly appreciated the challenge of overseeing this function, but I’m glad it’s in better hands with my colleague Matt. This frees me up to focus more on running Community team and MAPS Store!

Last month, Devon kicked off the next evolution of MAPS’ Music is the Bridge campaign, with Reggie Watts performing inside the Shulgin Lab (where hundreds of psychedelic compounds were synthesized). The educational tour of the Shulgin Lab with Reggie Watts and Hamilton Morris (of Hamilton’s Pharmacopeia) is on youtube.

Next month, Rudy is releasing these sexy limited edition lighter cases, numbered 1-500 with Rick Doblin’s signature laser printed into each one. He sourced the leather and brought this vision to life:

Another Community team development: Gina has joined the team to run Community Partnerships for Psychedelic Science 2027. We announced the Save the Date, May 3-7 2027 — planning is already underway! And with a borrowed budget from the Philanthropy team, we’re putting together Community events for MAPS supporters all over the country. Stay tuned for an event coming to your city soon!

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I don’t know how I got roped into this. Adam and I are co-hosting the OFFICIAL Taco Bell 5K Run on February 16th (Register on Partiful). I guess 2026 is going to be a year of Live Más! This 5k run/walk starts at the Taco Bell Cantina in SOMA and ends at the new Taco Bell Cantina in Fisherman’s Wharf. It started as a joke (I think?) but now it’s featured as “trending in the bay.” If this gets out of hand I will be recruiting volunteers!

Sin City Classic Recap

I had the most amazing weekend in Vegas competing in the 2026 Sin City Classic, which is a huge gay sports tournament. The competition is as fierce as the parties!

Ben and I dominated our way through the competition! We had a tough quarterfinal match that stretched to a 3rd set tie-break, but we persevered. Ultimately, we fell in the finals as the weekend of partying probably caught up to us. But honestly, I was super proud of how we played and that my body somehow handled 6 tennis matches in 3 days, along with nights at the club and all sorts of extracurricular activities 😈

Among the highlights:

• Getting to recharge between matches at Caleb and Josh’s mansion. 10/10 would recommend. These boys sure know how to host. #makethefrontroomhappen

• Partying with Taylor, our PAC cup captain who first paired Ben and I as doubles partners!

• The surprise of the year - running into Ken - he was playing in the Sin City Basketball tournament. My heart exploded. We were shrieking and squealing because we didn’t know each other was going to be there (clearly he didn’t read my last Set the Setting!) and we kept telling people “we met on ok cupid!”

Back on Instagram

I met so many amazing guys that weekend. And each time, it was “let me add you on instagram!” Ugh, I HATE instagram. But rather than explain my position to people over thumping music, I just gave in and did the whole instagram exchange. I met so many wonderful, kind, sexy, athletic gays… that I am starting to accept that I need to be back on instagram to stay in touch; at least to stay pseudo-connected until I get to see them again.

In the subsequent 2 weeks, I got totally sucked into the algorithm, doom-scrolling about the ICE raids and shit. Ok, there was some quality cute animal content in there too (pit bulls, pigs, capybaras, etc). I deeply want to stay in touch with my new acquaintances — and hopefully find ways to develop them into friendships beyond the weekend, I just struggle with the Instagram platform. I find it so bad for my mental health that I’ve deleted the app again. I’m going to try to find a middle ground; my current attempt is to install it on my phone for 1 day a week. So, here goes, I’m “back” on Instagram (@joinmyrave).

What do you love about yourself?

Last month was full of first dates; a couple of second dates (and more than a couple of last-minute cancels…). I’m back in the dating arena. Ahh, here we are again.

On one of my first dates, we were talking about building confidence and overcoming feelings of not-enoughness, which we both agreed was an easy trap to fall into in SF. And so we took turns answering the question “what do you love about yourself?” I’m logging it as a good “first date” question. I recommend it - if there’s a good segue into the topic. First dates in particular can be stressful because you are literally being evaluated by this stranger. And it’s mutual. And it’s just… awkward. But this question allows both to reflect, earnestly, on what we like about ourselves - and give the other person a chance to chime in (and hopefully, affirm!). The actual qualities/traits they say are important; and, you can learn a lot about how someone sees themself.

Catch me IRL at Illenium (Feb 5), Zingara (Feb 20), Monolink (Feb 28)

For the record, I’m not a huge Illenium fan but Ryan’s making his first trip out to SF! I’ll be enjoying Crankdat for sure. Spotify told me I was in the top whatever percent of Zingara fans out there - I’m obsessed with her! Monolink… is a vibe. I think the Warfield will be the right venue. Come dance with me!

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On New Year’s day 2022, during a consecutive night of ayahuasca and immediately following a large double-dose of rapé (a ceremonial tobacco shot up your nose); I purged my gender.

It was the most intense, full-body purge I’ve ever experienced. I was on my hands and knees and it felt like my insides were being vacuum-sucked out of me. Every muscle of my body was at full tension for what must have been several minutes. At the peak, the vacuum force was so strong that I swear it inverted my penis and balls and I yacked it out of my body and into my purge bucket. It was awesome!

Psychedelics for gender fuckery

Four years later, I was beyond thrilled to read the BBC article “Beyond Gender: Psychedelics are revealing hidden sides to people’s identity.” It has some incredible insights from two of my favorite psychedelic therapists, Jae and Rachel.

In the subsequent weeks after that purge, through gender- and sexuality- affirming psychedelic integration, I now identify as “gender-relaxed.” Before that experience, I rarely spotted a crop top and had never painted my nails. After that experience, my nails are always painted and I have realized that crop tops are the epitome of confidence and comfort.

I understand that gender might not be a “relaxing” part of one’s identity if they do not fit into a societal blueprint of how their gender is supposed to look, sound and dress. I certainly never felt gender-relaxed before that moment; I would describe most of my life as having gender-anxiety.

But in the days and weeks following that ceremonial purge, I came to understand that my true identity went beyond a gender binary. In fact, the concept of gender no longer made any sense to me. He, she, they; I don’t give a fuck because none of them are relevant to me.

Psychedelics did not directly change my perception of gender, it created space for me explore my innate sense of gender fuckery. And every time I put on a crop top, I cast away the tortuous gender norms that had tormented me throughout my life.

Psychedelics can also be used therapeutically to help people who feel they have been harmed in a world isn’t always supportive of sexual and gender minorities. I am so incredibly proud of Jae and Rachel who regularly use ketamine-assisted therapy to help queer, trans and gender-expansive clients see themselves more positively. In fact, Jae and Rachel recently developed a novel program designed by and for transgender and gender-expansive people to use ketamine-assisted group therapy to explicitly target identity-based trauma. That is life-altering, life-affirming work that the world needs right now.

Single again, but with style

Entering 2026, I’m still single! Single “again” I suppose? It was for the best.

We both cherished the night of our meet-cute. He was grabbing his late-night, post-gym take out order at the Indian restaurant on my corner. I was walking past said restaurant, on my way to a cave rave, wearing something outrageous. Neither of us were on dating apps or instagram. We just happened to frequent the same Indian restaurant and became friends with the proprietor-hostess, who took it upon herself to make sure we met. That first connection was brief, but there was a spark and a magnetism that intrigued us both.

Fast forward four months, we were winding the relationship down with mutuality and respect. And he told me what he liked about me, from the moment we first crossed paths. He said: “I could tell you were cool.” He talked about my unique haircut (I cut my own hair) and the leggings I had on (that I found in the women’s section). He explained that it wasn’t a trendy cool, it was an authentic cool. It was the calm confidence that I carried myself with. The “cool” that afforded me the ability to carve my own path through life.

Breakups are tough, especially around the holidays with its long nights and rom-com sensibilities. But in this case, I got an affirming reflection from someone who spent time to really know and see me.

My new year’s resolution for 2026 is to embrace my own cool. And I know exactly how I developed this sense of cool from a young age. I LOVED shopping.

Growing up without Facebook or Youtube, adventure was found… at the mall. The Alderwood Mall in Lynnwood, WA, specifically (a very mid, very suburban mall lol). I started working at the mall in high school, as soon as I could. My first job was at a Pottery Barn because they needed seasonal workers and paid above minimum wage - $7.50 an hour! During my lunch breaks, I’d shop. Nordstrom was the mall anchor, there was also an American Eagle, Abercrombie, Zumiez, Express, etc. Without a credit card, I wasn’t able to actually buy anything but those early shopping years were about play, imagination, and self-discovery.

Shopping was an invitation to dream about the person I would become. I would try on SO MANY things. Each time I tried something on, I wondered if this aesthetic was “Steven”… or not. I wanted my style to be discerning and I knew it would take a lot of tries to create the right look. I was charting the path of my future self. I was self-actualizing in the dressing room.

As I grew older, came out of the closet, traveled the world - my love for shopping grew. As my sense of style became intimately intertwined with my sense of self, the dressing room became a nuanced way to test and define my self expression. Does this cropped, white, baby tee convey my sincere innocence? Does this woven leather jack create a silhouette of someone who commands attention?

The best things in my closet weren’t purchased online. For something to have meaning for me, I need to try it on and consider how it makes me feel. The clothing in my closet that I really consider special; I can tell you where and why I bought it, and how it made me feel when I tried it on.

I can’t say for sure if my personality was shaping my closet, or if my closet was shaping my personality. On occasion, I would take a risk on a purchase - something unusual. Sometimes it would pay off and I found a new avenue of self to explore and create. But there was chance it would go straight to a second hand store for pennies on the dollar. Through shopping, I learned to take calculated risks with my life. If you don’t mess up from time to time, you aren’t taking enough risks. (I take this principle to Costco, as well).

So 2026 is going to be a year of embracing my own cool. The past few months have sapped my energy. I need to bring some of my mojo back and I have a feeling I know just how to do it. I plan to continue honing my sense of style and self of self; something money can’t buy. Wish me luck. And hopefully I’ll meet a handsome man who sees me and thinks “I can tell this guy is really cool.”

Catch me IRL in Las Vegas at Sin City Classic (Jan 15-19)

Once I’ve won my January court hearings (stay tuned!), I’ll be on my way to Vegas for my second consecutive year of Sin City Classic, an awesome queer tennis tournament. Lex and I last year made a courageous run for the championship, falling in a 3rd set tie-break in the semifinals. Unfortunately, Lex has been injured but I’ve been playing well with Ben (my partner from PAC Cup in August) and we’re going to see how far we can get! If you’re going to be in Vegas, hit me up!

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Each December, I reflect on the anniversary of my ayahuasca retreat, easily one of the most profound experiences of my life. As part of integration, I was asked to imagine my “perfect day 10 years in the future.” With the most clarity that I’ve ever had, I wrote it down and each December I ask myself if I’m 10% closer to that vision. By now, I should be 40% of the way there to waking up to my perfect day - which is pretty much like this capybara.

Honestly, I think I am 40% there; not quite halfway, but enough progress to feel the change, knowing I still have a long way to go. For that reason, I’m calling 2025 an overall success in the general direction of where I’m taking my life, despite it being a really hard year.

I’ve also found this question about “your perfect day 10 years from now” to be an excellent 1st date question - more so than anything else. Of course, our paths can and will change over time (mine has changed slightly), but this psychedelic integration question is incredibly telling; misalignment is a non-starter. The fact that I’m using it to find my ideal partner is further evidence that… I am indeed 40% of the way there.

2025 in memes and lessons learned

Lesson learned: Unless you’re job hunting, stay off of LinkedIn.

I started the year with a vulnerable, confronting admission: I had started considering moving on from MAPS. Frankly, there was a solid chance that as the Finance and HR leader, I would be ushering in another round of layoffs at MAPS and my own role would be impacted.Luckily, we stabilized the org and no layoffs were needed! During that tumultuous time, I logged back onto LinkedIn and I hated every minute of it.

I’m happy to announce that I’m leaning into my new role at MAPS in 2026 as the Director of Operations. I’m going to be heads down bringing psychedelic healing to all. I’ll be on LinkedIn to hire for roles at MAPS, but feel sad about losing what was a useful social media networking app to the ragebait/spam algorithm. I will miss the genuine connections that LinkedIn used to provide.

I’ll also miss being the subversive voice on the internet that says “yes - psychedelics do belong in a corporate conversation!” I was recently on the Second in Command podcast; the host and I went way off script - we didn’t cover a single one of the questions discussed in the prep chat. Turns out, the guy who talks to COO’s all day just wanted to talk about his psychedelic experiences - and I was here for it!

At the very end, he asked me what I would tell myself before I took the role. In that moment, I gave myself the impromptu pep talk that I deserved: believe in yourself, Steven. Have some faith. You got this.

Lesson learned: When your mental health suffers, don’t forget your physical health.

If you’ve been following my legal/remodel drama month-to-month, you’d know that by now… yes, I’m officially in a lawsuit. Getting sued sucks. 2025 was supposed to be the year I moved back into my condo. Instead, I’m in a bitter dispute with my HOA neighbor with seemingly no end in sight; only more court dates and legal fees.

The silver lining is that I always seem to unanimously win these Board of Appeals hearings. And the fact that they’re publicly recorded gives me content (people love courtroom drama!) and these hearings are ultimately used as evidence in my other hearings. So stay tuned, I’m due back for 2 more hearings in January!

There are many lessons being learned throughout this ordeal. One lesson I’ve learned is to really focus on my physical health. Since the mind-body connection is so strong, mental stress can impact sleep, recovery and all the aspects of my physical health. 2025 was the year I really started to notice more gray hairs!

I had moments this year when I really felt like I was in a downward spiral because so much of what’s happening feels out of my control. This loss of control has felt debilitating at times. Fortunately, psychedelics have really helped me manage and process difficult emotions.

During the integration of a ketamine experience, I reflected on how - even though I’m feeling this loss of control, there’s so much I can control. I can choose to eat nutritious foods, to dance at music festivals, to workout at Barry’s, have sex, go to bed on time, practice yoga, meditate, and all of the things that make me feel good. All of these choices are quite literally powering me up to persevere through this war.

Fortunately, I can report that this year has given me many opportunities to foster strong mental health strategies and coping mechanisms (through years of therapy and coaching). Thank you to everyone who has been a part of my life in 2025 and for giving me excellent mental health guidance!

Another physical health lesson I learned in 2025 - let your injuries fully heal before working out. God, this is such an obvious one. I tweaked my neck in June from sleeping wrong. And after taking a week off, I decided it would be ok to go to Trish’s Barry’s class and Charlotte’s pilates class back-to-back. I then spent 5 weeks recovering from that. Stupid stupid stupid.

Lesson learned: Budgeting is hard. Find the right balance.

To be completely honest, I’ve never really been in a bad financial situation before. My net worth had always gone up… until my remodel went off the rails when my contractor took his life, my neighbor started suing me, and I realized I’ve been making a non-profit salary for 4.5 years. All of sudden, things got bad. Up till now, budgets were… theoretical.

So in 2025, I went on a serious budgeting adventure. I was using an app to track every purchase and cutting back on everything. I was dog walking during my lunch breaks for extra cash. But when I realized I would have to walk dogs for 20 hours to pay the equivalent of 1 hour of my lawyer’s time - I realized that my mindset around money deserved a LOT more examination. I put in a lot of work around figuring out what aspects of my lifestyle were runaway costs that I could pull back on. I feel like I have a re-calibrated lifestyle where I still spend money on some luxuries and experiences that deliver joy. For everything else, there’s Costco.

Lesson learned: Bauer needed Prozac

For over 5 years, I have been trying to address Bauer’s intense separation anxiety and get him crate trained. This year… after multiple incidents of Bauer injuring himself in his crate and needing surgeries, I opted for the puppy Prozac.

I had some weird hesitation around drugging my dog, but as Pietro put it - he’ll be a happier, healthier dog. He encouraged me to try it and its worked wonders! Bauer is still anxious when I leave, but he doesn’t destroy anything or hurt himself. Addressing Bauer’s separation anxiety has been a consistent project (and a consistent “failing”) for years. Bauer’s my best friend and seeing him happy makes me happy.

LSD Microdosing fails placebo-controlled clinical trial

Many of us in the psychedelic community were looking forward to the readout of Mindbio’s Phase 2b study, which was the largest placebo-controlled LSD microdosing trial to date.

The study was set up well and proactively addressed some of the issues the FDA took with the MDMA trials: It recruited psychedelic-naive participants where half of the group received a caffeine pill placebo. However, none of the primary or secondary endpoints (e.g. MADRS scores to evaluate major depressive disorder) were met when compared to placebo in this trial.

This doesn’t mean LSD doesn’t have therapeutic potential; it only means that “microdosing LSD likely does not treat depression.” I’m still an advocate for microdosing for those that anecdotally report benefits and look forward to more psychedelic science in our future. And of course, still very much an advocate for the heroic dose!

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Tragically, yet predictably, my neighbor continued to appeal my building construction permit. In her appeal, she claimed she had “new or different material facts that would have changed the outcome of the original decision.” (Hint: she did not.) Unfortunately she didn’t have any outbursts in court this time, so her performance was rather uninspiring.

The recording isn’t that satisfying but if you love following my drama, here it is! The Board of Appeals ruled unanimously in my favor, again.

Valley of the Seven Stars recap

Just 12 hours after clinching my courtroom victory, I was on a plane to Valley of the Seven Stars - GRiZ’s comeback music festival! It was the perfect transition to shift my focus from drama to pure joy. Valley of the Seven Stars came at the time that I needed it most.

GRiZ opened his Catching the Golden Hour set with 7 lessons from his mental health hiatus and it was exactly what I needed to hear:

Some of my Seven Stars reflections and affirmations:

1. Through my work at MAPS, I get invited to sold-out music festivals to jam out to my favorite DJs - and get paid to do it. Throughout my life I’ve made some good decisions and bad decisions, but when you put them all together, I still come out on top. This is “Exhibit A” that I am winning at life.

   

2. Delivering psychedelic workshops that empower people to embrace their own psychedelic healing journey is exactly the kind of impact I want to have in the world.

   

3. I am so proud of my colleagues Devon, Rudy, Laura, and Gina (and Jakeee) for choosing this path with me. The amount of love we received at our MAPS’ booth is the inspiration to keep doing the work, even when budgets get tight.

   

4. The type of people that come to these festivals are my community; my chosen family. Throughout the weekend I got to spend time with Ryan, Dallas, Jake, Steffi, Molly, Cami, and Jeremy - all people that I met at EDC. And I made new friends Robert, Tyler and Jess! Getting to dance and laugh with these people is an experience that I get to cherish over and over and over and over and over again.

Psychedelic resources for home-tripping

While working the MAPS booth at the festival, a common conversation we had was a request for resources/support for tripping at home. It certainly makes sense — people want healing psychedelic experiences and until there’s an affordable and accessible option, they’re just going to do it themselves, as best they can. Here are some common resources that every psychedelic user should be aware of to set the setting for a home trip:

Unlimited Sciences Psychedelic Info Line: It’s a 100% free and confidential info line to get answers to your psychedelic questions. Unlimited Sciences offers trained navigators that provide reliable information from an extensive research library of peer-reviewed studies. I wouldn’t advise going into a home-trip feeling scared or anxious; so take the steps to feel confident about what you’re about to experience.

Psychedelic Passage - If you actually want to connect with a psychedelic coach or practitioner, check out Psychedelic Passage. You work together to build a program plan that includes substance choice, dosage, and timeline. Under the guidance of your practitioner, you’ll develop the foundation, skills, and frameworks that take you from psychedelic curious to psychedelic capable.

Fireside Project Hotline - Call or text 623-473-7433, everyday from 11:00 a.m. - 11:00 p.m. PT, if you’re in the middle of a psychedelic experience and want to talk to someone. Fireside Project sitters/helpers are here to listen deeply and from the heart during a transformative experience. To hold space. To be your loving rock. To tell you it’s all going to be okay. 100% compassionate and judgment-free. You can also schedule a trip-check where a volunteer will call you at a specific time during a planned home-trip. You don’t have to pick up, but it can be helpful to know that someone is going to check-in on you. You are never alone!

MAPS Integration Workbook - Don’t forget to integrate! Use this workbook to make sense of the insights, emotions, and changes that may arise during a psychedelic journey. Integration is an essential aspect of the psychedelic experience because these substances can bring about intense and often challenging shifts in perspective.

Why MDMA for couples therapy?

One thing that retail business and non-profits have in common: the importance of Q4. Non-profits get ~30-50% of their annual giving in November to December. Some orgs get 10% of their annual donations in the final 3 days of December! So MAPS’ philanthropy team is doing a big push to make sure our donors understand what they’re contributing to.

Most people know MAPS for our work with MDMA, training MDMA-therapists around the world where trauma is unfolding, and for our cutting edge policy and education work, like building psychedelic response training for First Responders.

So, where does couple therapy fit it? Why are we so focused on couples therapy - isn’t treating PTSD a more “impactful” purpose? It’s a valid question.

The short answer is that we believe MDMA for couples therapy is worth pursuing alongside our humanitarian focus on trauma because it would present the first opportunity for a psychedelic to be prescribed for elective care; that is, for a condition that does not exist in the DSM. The FDA’s division of psychiatry has never approved a drug for a non-DSM condition, however, they explicitly told us there is no reason they cannot do so.

In one couples study, where one partner had PTSD and the other did not, MDMA was introduced as part of cognitive behavioral conjoint therapy (CBCT). This helped the couple separate the PTSD from the relationship. There were significant improvements in clinician-assessed, patient-rated, and partner-rated PTSD symptoms, as well as patient depression, sleep, emotion regulation, and trauma-related beliefs.

That MDMA for CBCT study was certainly not the first couples therapy study, but it was a nice tie-in for treating PTSD in a couples therapy context. MAPS is proud to be sponsoring Dr. Anne Wagner’s current MDMA for Couples Therapy study to deepen out understanding of the pharmacological effects as an adjunct to psychotherapy:

Part of our mission at MAPS is to sponsor cutting edge, precedent-setting research that would not otherwise get funded without for-profit pharmaceutical interest. If you believe in the power of psychedelics to heal our humanity, to create happier, healthier and more resilient communities, please consider a donation to MAPS if you have the financial means to contribute.

Catch me IRL at Dreamstate and Sedona (November 22-30)

You and me both, Jon! I grew up on trance, it will always have a special place in my heart. My taste in EDM tends to match the vibes of my life, so as I’m entering a season of love, I am thrilled to announce I’ll be at Dreamstate! And after that, driving to Sedona to meet up with family for Thanksgiving (and hikes, energy vortexes, and pickleball). Hit me up Dreamstate/Phoenix fam!

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According to the DEA, these are the common emojis that dealers are using to sell drugs on social media. I… have so many questions. Why is xanax a bus? Is the maple leaf really universal for all drugs?

Anyway, consider this your reminder to test your drugs! Check out DanceSafe’s reagent kits and other safe drug checking supplies. I recommend the complete set of 9 reagents that can test your MDMA, LSD, cocaine and ketamine. As we’re approaching the holiday season, a drug testing kit makes a great gift!

Catch me IRL at Valley of the Seven Stars (October 10-12)

Once again, the MAPS team has been invited to GRiZ’s Cosmic Campout to deliver psychedelic education workshops! We’ll be presenting our signature Psychedelic Coming Out Stories workshop and debuting a new offering around Psychedelic Intention and Integration (built by one of MAPS’ freshest employees, Laura!).

I am such a stan for GRiZ: he’s hot, gay, produces deliciously bass-y vibes, and a huge advocate for MAPS and the work that we do. He’s been on a two year hiatus focusing on his mental health (which I also admire him for) and he’s returning to the scene with a sold out 15,000 person festival.

By giving us the platform to share our knowledge about psychedelics with attendees, he’s really showing how a festival can embody all the magic of a festival; balancing play, community, inclusivity and education.

I’m so delighted to get to take a work trip with Devon, Rudy, Laura, Gina, and our newest volunteer, Jake. Keep an eye out for us! (Also, Ryan, Dallas, Steffi, and Molly - I’ll see you soon!)

More bass in my face, please

Taylor asked if I wanted to fly up to Seattle just to see Rezz at the Tacoma Dome — and fly back to SF — all within 24 hours… I said no. But damn, I’m glad he convinced me to do it! While tripping on acid and getting rocked to these demonic bass vibes, I was laughing because my first concert ever was at the Tacoma Dome, probably around 2001, when Tony and I went to see Britney Spears. My oh my, how my taste in music has changed! All I want is grimy, filthy, disgusting, abusive bass in my face!

So, what’s the deal with my bass infatuation?! Apparently, an EEG study found that bass tones make your brain lock onto rhythm more tightly than higher tones. Your limbic system (emotion + arousal) and motor cortex (movement) are co-activated when the bass drops.

I spent way too many years of my life trying to fit in — those early years of being the nerdy gay kid. But bass music helps me tap into my own power. I feel big when I’m rocking out to bass. I feel like I can take up space. And I can’t get enough.

I even took myself out to see YDG by myself on a Thursday night:

A book for perennially disillusioned daters

MUST READ ALERT! Emily had sent me an advanced copy of her book Dating Disability; each chapter is a story about her dating life. I’m a gay, able-bodied, Asian man and Emily is a straight, White woman with a disability, so I was thinking “am I really going to connect over these stories?” My recommendation made the back cover:

What was most relatable for me, and I imagine for many other “perennially disillusioned daters,” was reading about how hard Emily/I develop a crush. How often have you built up a story about someone - only to be let down when the fantasy doesn’t materialize into reality? That “story” has happened over and over for Emily and me. But in her book, Emily examines how that story developed for her and how she’s breaking that cycle. I’m so proud of her, so inspired by her. If you consider yourself a perennially disillusioned dater - Dating Disability is for you.

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VICTORY IS MINE. It was a total smack down. I sashayed into that courtroom, looking fierce with my chrome french tip nails and flanked by my construction team. It wasn’t “real” court (e.g. no judge or jury) but it was in a court room and there were oral arguments, rebuttals, closing statements, etc. I was totally channelling my inner Elle Woods in my Alexander McQueen shoes, even though nobody could see them from behind the podium. And I watched my favorite Legally Blonde clips to prepare.

And now I can share the back story because it’s in the public record! My neighbor appealed my remodel permit 6 weeks ago! I didn’t even know building permits could be appealed. She’s a crafty bitch… but so am I. I spent all my spare time learning about building codes, city inspections, and the permitting process. I wrote and re-wrote and re-wrote and re-wrote my brief, together with 108 pages of exhibits. Though let’s be real, I couldn’t have done it without my owner’s rep, Kathleen, who has been my sidekick throughout this journey.

Here’s a link to the recording where you can watch me bend and snap my completely unhinged neighbor: SF GOV TV - Board of Appeals - Appeal 25-029. (I come on around 2:21:00). My neighbor structured her case against the San Francisco Department of Building Inspection, claiming they were negligent in issuing my building permit. Let’s just say… It didn’t go well for her.

The Board of Appeals is held on the top floor of City Hall, so we took a victory pic under the dome. I am so impressed with my team y’all. Their loyalty to seeing the project through to the end is how I sleep at night. Let me know if you need a referral for any/all of your SF construction needs: architectural, engineering, general contracting, seismic retrofitting, and owner’s representation!

Embracing nostalgia

I’ve been feeling nostalgic lately. Labor Day weekend is my “moving to SF” anniversary - meaning I just crossed 14 years in the city (holy shit!). My 20th high school reunion was last month, so seeing old friends and listening to my throwback playlist had me in a very nostalgic mood. I was feeling grateful for my journey but also had some moments of longing for a simpler time. Wistful, even.

I was wondering to myself… am I embracing nostalgia in an unproductive way? Am I trying to escape the darkness of this legal drama by letting myself fixate on the past? I think I was on the edge of that for a little bit. But getting to the other side of that court case; I think that month of nostalgia was meant to serve as a source of comfort, guidance and inspiration. Spending time with friends and recanting stories was really what my soul needed.

High school was full of the types of uneasy feelings I am experiencing today - fear of the unknown, “what would it be like to come out of the closet,” etc. These difficult emotions are part of our contract with life. And with a good attitude and hard work, everything should turn out just fine.

Gay camping! Gay tennis!

I had a pretty gay August, I must say. I attended the Yuba River Gay Days, a clothing-optional bacchanal for the hundreds of gays that descend on Hoyt’s Crossing the first weekend of August. One of my besties Derek secures a 50-person glampground every year. It was truly refreshing to be out in nature, au naturel. Twenty years ago, the nerdy, high school, 18 year old version of Steven could never have imagined the sense of freedom and authenticity that I get to embrace as my authentic self today.

I also played in my 4th Pac Cup Tournament in Seattle. Pac Cup is part of west coast consortium of gay teams (Vancouver, Seattle, Portland, SF, LA, San Diego) that meet in the rotating host city each summer. Ben and I had a decisive victory over our Seattle opponents, but lost a tight match against our LA opponents.

I love gay adult league tennis. It’s competitive; we practiced a lot leading up to the tournament and really challenged ourselves physically and mentally. But it’s also… like, gay adult league tennis… nobody is taking it too too seriously. It’s centered on community, joy and belonging.

Catch me IRL at the Conference for Conferences (Oakland, September 16th)

I’m thrilled to be speaking at the Conference for Conferences! It’s a day long conference about shifting the paradigm around gatherings. Because how many panels have you been to in your career? And how many of them were actually memorable? Exactly.

If you’re interested in coming, please reach out! I have discount codes!

Photo Drop

Damn I was doing a lot of winning this month! Here’s my victory speech from winning the Mission Dinner Club! The theme was “school lunch” and my pizza bagels took home the trophy for the very first time.

A little snippit from the cave rave I went to. What’s a cave rave you ask? It’s a rave in a cave, duh! Just San Francisco things…

I suppose the Double Rainbow youtube video from 2010 is breaking my typical meme format but perfectly apropos to describe the past 12 months. Last August, in the immediate aftermath of the FDA’s decision on MDMA-assisted therapy, I stepped into an executive position at MAPS alongside Betty, Izzy and Lindsay. We needed a code name for our meetings. We called it Double Rainbow:

• :00-:25 - “whoa… oh my god… it’s so intense…” was the period of trying to grapple with team layoffs, while restructuring teams and filling holes with contractors

• :26-:1:15 - “it’s FULL ON! wooo!” was the next few months of unconsolable sobbing and joyous exaltation; feeling simultaneously overwhelmed and exhilarated at the opportunity/challenge

• 1:16-3:15 - “what does this mean?!” followed by intense moaning because I feel like I am barely holding it together. Followed by laugh-crying and more moaning because I can’t tell if it’s so beautiful or if it’s too much

• 3:16-3:29 - a moment of quiet reflection, some deep breaths… “whoaaa”

Remodel Update

People have been asking. I wish I could share more.

The truth is that I’m going through a really difficult time and I can’t hide the fact that I’m struggling. If I’ve seemed distant lately, less present, or taking longer to get back to you, I’m so sorry.

I have an incredible team by my side: my loyal general contractor, my badass owner’s representative, my dedicated architectural engineering team, my prudent seismic team, and yes, my lawyer (we’re at that point now - it’s why I can’t share more at this time). And of course, my family and friends have given me so much support throughout this challenge.

Two recent gifts that have really helped:

1. Aaron gave me the best advice for dealing with heightened baseline anxiety: don’t stop doing the things you love. It was a really good reminder to not wallow in sadness and to just get out there and live my life.

2. Mitsu gave me a shard of blue kyanite for my altar. It’s a water sign stone that helps reduce anger and promote love, allowing it’s holder to find the truth within themselves, in another person, or in any situation.

Adaptogen Queen

While we’re on the woo woo topic of precious stones and altars, I am now claiming the identity of an adaptogen queen! What are adaptogens, you might be asking? Fair question.

Adaptogens are remarkable botanical treasures that help the body restore balance and adapt to stress. They work by increasing the body’s resistance to multiple stressors, including physical, emotional, chemical, and environmental. They also shield against acute and chronic stress. By working nonspecifically, they alter base operations within an organism, regaining homeostasis through their regenerative properties and helping to harmonize the body, spirit, and mind.

This means that Mateo and I make our morning coffee with a quarter teaspoon of ashwagandha, eleuthero, and jiaogulan; adaptogens with a focus on brain function and muscle recovery. Maca in our protein shakes for mood and energy boost. Nettle powder in my matcha for it’s digestive health and anti-inflammatory properties. I also have licorice root powder but I haven’t found a good way to integrate that one in yet.

Note that some of these have contraindications, so if you have any underlying conditions or are taking medications, do your research. If you are in SF and want any of the adaptogens I mentioned, let me know. I only use a quarter of a teaspoon at a time, so I have plenty to share!

My prozac puppy

Bauer is named after Jack Bauer, the highly skilled special agent of the show 24. Like his namesake, Bauer knows how to break through a door - with his teeth!:

Bauer’s only flaw is that he loves me too much. I’ve tried to manage his separation anxiety with CBD, and then trazodone, with no success. Last month he broke his tooth (requiring a surgery) trying to break out of his crate, I knew it was time for prozac. I was nervous at first, but I’m happy to report that we’re just over one month in and the drugs are working:

He’s noticeably less anxious. Ok, so truth be told he has another flaw: he has overactive anal glands and he squirts them when he gets spooked by sudden/loud noises. But ever since he’s been on puppy prozac, he hasn’t squirted his glands and even tolerates the Dark Lord of Vacuum!

Catch me IRL in Seattle (August 13-18)

On Saturday, I’ll be reconnecting with old classmates at my 20th high school reunion and on Sunday I’ll be competing in my 4th Pac Cup Tennis Tournament at Lower Woodland Park near Green Lake. I probably would have come up to Seattle for either of those things independently, but I love a chance to get two birds stoned (as we say at MAPS!).

Photo drop

After many months of planning and some looong hours, Psychedelic Science 2025 came to life! All said and done, we CRUSHED! One of MAPS’ strategies is to “be the bridge” in the psychedelic ecosystem. Because, nobody else can bring together the scientists, policy makers, celebrities, therapists, educators, and Indigenous communities under one roof. Seeing it all come together — and knowing that the psychedelic movement has been powered by MAPS — gives me so much pride.

Yeah, I’m tired. Yeah, I miss my Bay Area tech salary, equity package and cushy benefits. But, I still feel that the opportunity to follow my passion is a worthy trade off.

PS2025: The Integration!

The theme of this year’s conference was “integration,” the intentional process to understand a psychedelic experience and bring the lessons into daily life. In my mind, it’s the most fundamental part of using psychedelics for personal growth.

The highlight of my PS2025 was having Mom there to support me. We started each day with breakfast and I got to watch her mind and heart expand each day as she learned more about the power of psychedelics. Shout out to her friend Lai who joined in on the fun! And for the Asian Psychedelic Collective crew (Mitsu, Harpreet, Nadia and others) for showing her that we have a right to heal our collective trauma.

I spent so many years of my life trying to keep my parents at arms length, and to be completely honest, I haven’t figured out why yet. Their love was always unconditional, but I always wanted to be independent. I was sort of closed off most of my teen years.

Well, I’m choosing to bring my parents into my life more. About a year or so ago, I invited them to subscribe my substack. Yes, I’m gay! Yes, I do drugs! I still love them and I know that I’m making them proud.

We welcomed 8,148 unique attendees to PS2025, and this is the team that pulled it off. (Plus dozens of hired contractors and over 300 on-site volunteers.) This team though… they consistently amaze me.

Another important realization that I’m integrating is how much I enjoy working on a team of this size - and unlike tech where the median tenure is 2 years, this team builds and sustains some serious talent in the niche of drug policy. I don’t know what comes after MAPS, but for me, it’s going to be working at a company of about this size.

If I’m going to be in the trenches Monday through Friday with a group of people, I’m going to want to know their partners and dog’s names, where they went on vacation, and to be able to recognize their work and have them appreciate mine. I love this team!

As much as PS2025 was a success, it was still a major financial investment and MAPS’ future is still being written. It’s been nearly a year since the horrible no good FDA decision to punt MDMA-assisted therapy. But hey, that’s the world of drug policy. It’s not meant to always be up-and-to-the-right. I’m excited to be a character in this next chapter of the organization. I’m celebrating, integrating, and ready to get back to work.

Set & Setting Clinical Trial

Dear readers, do I have an opportunity for you! The Carhart-Harris Lab is currently enrolling healthy adults for their clinical trial focused on measuring the impact of set and setting:

This is one of those opportunities to get paid ($420 lol) to take drugs legally — all while contributing to the academic literature on psychedelics. There’s some chance you’ll get the placebo instead of the psilocybin… but you can still buy a lot of drugs for $420. Learn more here.

If you’re not eligible or too far from SF to participate, know that you can always search for ongoing psychedelic clinical trials at clinicaltrials.gov! You’ll find that the Psychedelic Science Program at Yale is recruiting veterans, first responders, and frontline healthcare workers for their next psilocybin study. Participating in a psychedelic study is one of many ways you can contribute to the psychedelic movement. You can also buy a hat!

Set the Setting Playlist: 20th High School Reunion

This playlist is still a work in progress, but I’m sharing it early because I need your help to finish it. Come August, I’ll be heading up to Seattle (specifically, Mukilteo) for my 20th high school reunion!

You know I love EDM remixes; they’re perfectly suited for the occasion, delivering nostalgic memories in an contemporary package. Ocean Avenue by Yellowcard - I remember jamming out to this in Rikka’s car on the way to Jeff’s cross country meet. Hey Ya! by Outkast - I have this memory of Josh starting a shampoo fight in the gym showers “shaking it like a polaroid picture” and laughing hysterically covered in bubbles!

It’s not easy to find remixes from 20 years ago, so I’m asking for your help! If you have EDM remixes of songs from 2000-2005, send them my way. Here’s what I have so far:

Photo drop

Every June is essentially “EDC afterglow” month where I watch my favorite sets on youtube over and over and over. I can close my eyes and imagine that I’m still there! I’m shaking my booty with my best friends, looking fine and flirty, trading kandi with fellow ravers, and creating a whole set of core memories that will make me remember that my life was worth living.

Over 13 years of EDC, I’ve amassed a huge bank of memories, accessible at any time, available whenever I’m feeling down, tired or lonely. I just need to take a deep breath, close my eyes, and remember that I’m never alone ✨

It harkens back to psychedelic ceremony, where you respect people’s experience by not talking or touching them. Some even say you should avoid eye contact. However, in some instances where you might want to signal your support, you simply whisper “yana” which stands for “you are not alone.”

I bookmarked the exact moment I melted: at 5AM when Gorgon City played their remix of John Summit’s Where You Are — YOU ARE NEVER ALONE! **beat drop**

EDC Recap + Integration

Squad Goals

Look, raving isn’t a contest. But if it was… I’m pretty sure we’d be winning! I’m simply obsessed with my rave fam. Anybody with a rave fam knows that your squad is as close to real family as it gets. If I had to pick a single thing about EDC that I love the most, hands down, it’s my squad.

It’s bursting with people so beautiful inside and out that it couldn’t be contained by a single bus — I had to rent two this year! I was a little nervous about having 60 people... Would everybody vibe? Would anybody get lost?

The anxiety of being my group’s bus daddy faded quickly; everybody brought such positive energy that I felt like I was in a warm embrace the whole weekend.

Looking at these photos and recognizing that I met most of these people on the dance floor over the past decade-and-change… I… I… how do I even begin to explain? Being surrounded by the purest love and vibration while the serotonin faucet is on full blast… I’m speechless!

But working in psychedelic research, I can tell you there is actually a term for this feeling of interconnectedness and transcendence: awe.

Awe, in a psychedelic context, is the profound emotion arising from encountering an experience so vast, it expands beyond the bounds of your existing worldview. A central hypothesis in psychedelic research is that the intensity and transformative nature of these experiences can create opportunities for individuals to reframe their perspectives, challenge limiting beliefs, and adopt more adaptive coping mechanisms.

I am in awe of my rave fam. They continuously expand my life in ways beyond my the bounds of my wildest imagination.

Silly moments & core memories

Not all memories are captured on camera… nor should they be! I can’t believe I’m sharing this picture 🥴 The one on the left was a candid that Ryan snapped at this EDC Orlando afterparty the night Brian ordered 100 bottles of champagne to the table (don’t be impressed, we were in Orlando).

If you really knew me, you’d know I’m sort of in my own world sometimes. I’m happy to buck a trend, like how everybody was wearing black / club gear but I was in my “whose jizz is this” shirt and purple shorts. Classic #sanfrancisco. Everybody was lit but I don’t drink so I was gnawing on some pizza when Ryan took this devastating photo.

It’s one of the objectively worst pictures of me and I love it! I mean, I hate it, but it was a core memory of that festival so much that I decided to recreate it with the pic on the right! One of my favorite joys of EDC is creating these silly moments and inside jokes that re-surfaces years later.

Falling in love with love

If you’ve known me in my 30’s or even if you’ve just followed this blog, you know I’m a perpetually disillusioned with dating in SF. I’m not shy about the cycle of getting hopeful and then feeling disappointed. But EDC is where I get a boost of faith to put myself in the dating arena again.

Dallas and Ryan celebrated their 5 year anniversary by renewing their vows at EDC in a touchingly cheesy ceremony with the entire rave fam surrounding them with love:

We have so many strong, resilient, raver power couples in the squad. Being in the orbit of rave love fosters my inner knowing that there’s someone great out there who is going to be an awesome love story for me. Maybe he’s right around the corner? Or maybe he’s already in my life and I don’t even realize it yet!? I might not know who or where, but I am confident that he’s out there!

We’ve been back from EDC for a few weeks now, but the magic of the group text continues since we’ve already bought our tickets for next year, reserved two shuttles, starting planning outfit themes, and changed the name of the group chat from EDC 25 to EDC 26! Start the EDC 2026 countdown - let’s gooo!!!

A big gay Tahoe weekend

After a quick EDC recovery, it was off to Lake Tahoe to celebrate Taylor’s 36th 33rd birthday!

Even though I’m living my best gay life in the best gay city, many of my close friendships are with straight people. I’ve been consciously trying to expand my gay circle of friends so I developed a “Steven-make-gay-friends” strategy. It’s simple: find a super cool gay friend and then infiltrate his friend group!

Taylor is someone I connected with during covid when we realized we loved the same music and were better off as friends vs. dating. We collaborate on a bass Spotify playlist called “bass wubs” that we’ve been building since we met. Every few weeks we send a text, like “hey, added a few tracks to bass wubs - check em out.” If you’re into the wubs, let us know what you think:

Taylor, your friendship means so much to me! Thank you for supporting me through hard times, inviting me to the coolest spas, bringing me to Dreamstate, Comfort and Joy parties, and celebrating who I am at my core. I am beyond excited to see Chime go public in a few days and watch you reap the rewards of your dedication and perseverance for as long as I’ve known you. Calling in “relaxed growth” for your next year!

Not pictured: an intention-setting ceremony (in a hot tub) followed by a night of howling laughter with a group of handsome, genuine, loving, queer men. Did I say handsome?! Now - press play here:

And press play here — and remember that every once in a while, you should do something that scares you!:

Catch me IRL at Psychedelic Science 2025 (Denver, June 15-25th)

The entire MAPS team is heads down planning the final aspects of our bi-annual Psychedelic Science Conference in Denver. If you’d like to attend, please reach out. If you’re planning on attending, let me know which parties you’ll be at! I’m committed to the Reggie Watts / Flying Lotus party on Tuesday, the Queer Magic Sequel at X-Bar, and the LSZEE concert on Thursday.

While I am always fascinated by the talks on policy and clinical trials, most enthusiasts love the more “pop culture” sessions that feature celebrity musicians and athletes. Aaron Rodgers made headlines after speaking openly at Psychedelic Science 2023 about how ayahuasca “unlocked a whole new world of healing” for him. His willingness to go public inspired a wave of athletes to explore—and share—their own journeys.

Jordan Poyer (Free agent, former Buffalo Bills), Jon Feliciano (San Francisco 49ers), and Robert Gallery (retired Raiders All-Pro) will share raw, first-person accounts of that journey. A growing number of sports icons are turning to psychedelic-assisted therapy to rediscover purpose, resilience, and healing beyond the game.

There is still space in some of the workshops, June 16-17! Personally, I’ll be busy with staff obligations but if I were free, I’d be hopping into one of these:

Manesh Girn is on the Microdosing Facilitator Training faculty with me and I’ve learned so much from him on the basics of how psychedelics work in the brain. Dr. Anne Wagner is leading the way in MDMA-Assisted Couples Therapy, and Bessel van der Kolk shot to fame after his book, The Body Keeps the Score, became a NYT Bestseller as society became fascinated with how trauma is stored in our bodies.

My job is hard. Please don’t make it any harder:

Many attendees are planning on consuming psychedelics at PS2025 because Colorado allows individuals 21 and over to cultivate, possess, share, and consume psilocybin, psilocin, DMT, and mescaline — except from peyote, (collectively referred to as “Natural Medicine”) without a license.

However, regardless of local law, attendees of PS2025 should not:

• Provide Natural Medicine in connection with any promotional or advertising activity;

• Sell Natural Medicine or connect it to any commercial activity;

• Provide Natural Medicine to persons under 21;

• Consume or display Natural Medicine in public

Photo drop

Crunch time at MAPS! It’s truly all hands on deck putting on Psychedelic Science 2025, our week-long conference for 12,000 attendees, 500 speakers, and hundreds of community partners, parties, and sponsors. Putting on an event of this scale among 27 full-time staff, on top of everything else we do at MAPS is… hard to describe. Disturbing, maybe? Unhinged? Well, it’s happening. June 16-20 in Denver. Be there! (If you need a discount code, hit me up).

Across our 14 tracks, we do pull some big names a la Aaron Rodgers. We’re still waiting on RFK Jr. to confirm so we’re beaming our invite straight to his brainworms!

One of my roles for the conference is to be the party planner: check out the Psychedelic Science Fun Page! I’m coordinating the happy hours, meetups, concerts (Tycho! LSZEE!), after parties and after-after parties. The primary purpose of PS2025 is the educational content, so I do not advertise any afters after the after-afters. (But if you do want to party past 2am… just ask 😉)

My body is amazing

Last month, when I took some birthday acid at the Transform HR Conference and partied until my 9am flight home — I had this thought “wow, my body is amazing.” I am still young enough that I can party alllll night long if I want to!

It’s easy to fall into this trap of getting older and noticing all the things you can’t do anymore. But I realize there’s still so much I can do. To prove my point in April, I took my first back-to-back Barry’s class! My 300th class was led by Trish and my 301st with Anthony!

I know some people that take back-to-back classes (Phil, Craig, Dave - you animals!). But me?! Oh no, I could never do that because just a single class has me completely wiped out. Well I proved myself WRONG! I crushed it. The beginning of the 2nd class was devastating, but I broke through the wall and ended up sprinting the hardest at the very end! It was euphoric, like, I couldn’t even feel my body. The weights felt weightless. When I finally finished class I had more confirmation: My. Body. Is. Amazing.

Catch me IRL at EDC Vegas (May 15-20) + Official EDC 2025 Playlist

For my next feat of “My body is amazing,” I will be making my annual pilgrimage to Vegas for Electric Daisy Carnival, where each night of the 3 day festival logs about 25k steps! I think it’s my 13th year, but I’ve lost track at this point. I remember hitting my tenth EDC a few years ago. Anyway, who’s counting?

The Official EDC Vegas 2025 playlist captures a good cross-section of all of the PLUR vibes I’ll be surrounded by:

My squad, The Raveguards, has grown to 50 people this year! I had to rent two shuttle buses to get us to and from the venue. Our outfit themes are Neon Jungle Safari, The Gay Agenda, and Ooooh Shiny / White Wedding (since Dallas and Ryan will be renewing their vows at the Electric Chapel on Sunday). Gesaffelstein, my favorite dark prince of techno, will be making his EDC debut. And I finally get to meet one of my direct reports at MAPS, Amanda, IRL!

See you freaks underneath the electric sky! Look for our totem with a blinking light on top. Catch me if you can! (I’ll be in VIP, obviously):

Psychedelics shift your personality

EDC is more than just a party for me; it’s actually a psychedelic ceremony. Like any ceremony, I set the setting by identifying an intention of what I want from the experience. And in the subsequent weeks, I consider what aspects of my experience I want to integrate into my future. So, what’s my intention this year?

Well, I want to explore what I want to change about my personality.

I’m an advisor for Unlimited Sciences, a research and education nonprofit organization that conducts real-world psychedelic research. In a recent publication about a large-scale naturalistic psilocybin study (with 2,850 study participants), the authors deepened the literature on how psychedelics fundamentally shift how we perceive and interact with the world, in turn, how they can precipitate changes to our personality.

So for this EDC, while I’m tripping with friends, bopping to the beat, bouncing around to different stages, exploring the art, embracing the PLUR, entranced by fireworks and entrenched in love… I’m going to get curious:

Commune Living

I love google’s example: “she went to California and joined a commune” 💀

Deb brought it up a few weeks ago, I thought about it for a few days, and I’ve decided yes - I’m ready to live in a commune! Not because I’m trying to chase the glory days of living in the Ravehau5 in my mid 20’s, although those were the best of times.

This month marks two full years that I’ve been living outside of my condo (and the anniversary of Scot’s passing), and I’ve come to the conclusion that I would rather live with friends than alone. In fact, I’ve always preferred living with friends. Pooling your resources gets you more value. I don’t mind sharing space; I enjoy it, actually. And being a generally, chill, positive, accommodating person - I’m a great roommate.

Wouldn’t society be better off if we lived in communes? With communal values instead of the individualistic values that we have today? Since when did housing become a speculative market instead of a basic human need, anyway?

I’m at the beginning phases of exploring this idea. If you have resources, ideas, and/or connections to people who can explore this with me (or tell me reasons why this is not a great idea), please send them my way!

The only way through is through

The standard saying is “the only way out is through” but I’m not a fan of that. Sometimes the way out is back where you came, like, running away can be an underrated strategy. But let’s not get lost in semantics. The reality is that I need to finish my remodel.

I’ve been avoiding the most difficult parts of this project. I’ve been using my busy workload at MAPS as a diversion. I’ve been treating my construction partners like friends. And subconsciously, I’ve been moving slow because I’m enjoying my current living situation more than living alone, like I have the 6 years before that.

I haven’t faced this challenge head on, but that started to change in the past few weeks. I’m making steady progress now. Seismic work is almost done. Electrical work behind the shear walls are ready for pre-inspection. Framing is going up. A little behind on plumbing. For every step forward, there are setbacks too - needing a revision permit due to my neighbor’s insistence on structural work .

Juggling this and PS2025 right now is longgg hours. But, the only way through is through.

I am grateful for my parents for being able to support me financially as this has gotten way out of hand. And so many friends for the immense support through this project. Addison and Hilarie for hosting me for a few months, Lev for letting me borrow a parking spot in the Mission, Land Daddy Vic for the cheap rent and month-to-month terms, Mateo for being a great roommate and dogsitter, Teddy for the construction advice, I mean the list goes on. Perhaps, the only way through is together.

Photo Drop

I’m relieved that I booked that meditation retreat in March! I needed it, especially with all of the chaos between work at MAPS, my remodel, and everything happening in the world. Despite having many reasons to be anxious (anybody look at their 401k recently?!)… I’m not feeling that unsettled. Like, at all. I’m here, right? I’m healthy, I’m having fun. During those 90 minute meditation blocks, I was able to get really still, quiet the noise, and find peace and joy within. Ahhhh it was really nice!

Along with the meditation guidance, the focus of the retreat was “knowing and trusting your inner guidance.” I learned a TON, particularly around trusting my intuition. Because we all get thoughts, but how do you know when to trust them?! Sometimes, my intuition has been solid and other times… so wrong. Hit me up if you want to hear some of my learnings; I’d be happy to share!

For better or worse (ok, worse), I went straight from the meditation retreat to Vegas for the Transform conference; skipping the integration and sliding right into Aries season.

I wasn’t able to pick up the phone for birthday calls because I was at Transform! There were so many highlights, I can’t fit them all into one paragraph. It was definitely a highlight meeting people IRL that I’ve only known through zoom for 5 years (hey Alisha!). And meeting people on the dance floor that read this blog (FIZA!). If you don’t believe that an HR conference could be the best place to spend your birthday, well I would share some stories but what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas.

Set the Setting Mixtape: Daily Bread

Even though I’ve been given dozens of talks over my career, I always, always, always get a little nervous. I practice a lot in the 1-2 weeks leading up to it, but I don’t review my slides in the remaining 24 hours. Instead, I find a playlist that’s going to hype me up, like this 25-track mixtape from Daily Bread. His sound is hard to describe. According to AI, it’s a mix of electro-soul and hip-hop featuring nostalgic, soulful melodies, gritty hip-hop hooks, and bass-driven flare, creating a cohesive sound. Give it a listen and read on!

Later that night, my friend Torin, who I have mad respect for as a professional speaker, gave me the best compliment. He said I was “oozing authenticity on stage” and that’s exactly the energy I wanted to bring to my talk. I give to credit Daily Bread for giving me the power, the swagger, to take space and deliver a nuanced topic to a packed room.

Daily Bread was also on my mind because I’m seeing him tonight at Regency Ballroom (SF homies, hit me up!).

HALT Fentanyl Act: a drug policy failure

The clumsy and misguided HALT Fentanyl Act was one of many shit pieces of legislation that was signed into law last month. It’s like we’ve learned nothing from decades of our own failed and racist drug policy.

Say it with me now: Drug addiction and overdose deaths are a public health issue - not a law enforcement issue.

The HALT Fentanyl Act imposes mandatory sentences on people with small amounts of fentanyl, sweeping low level dealers and couriers into prison. This is what we did with the “tough on crime” crack cocaine law in 1986 - which led to more drug deaths, more gang violence, and an almost fivefold increase in the federal prison population.

Locking people up will sound like “getting tough,” but it does nothing to disrupt the global fentanyl supply into the US. This fentanyl sentencing regime will add federal prisoners for decades-long sentences. The cost of a prisoner, paid by taxpayers, is $44,090 per year per prisoner. Data on fentanyl convictions show that 80% of defendants are Black or Hispanic, so we’ll be perpetuating the same racial disparities that defined the drug war in the 1990’s. Adding insult to injury, the HALT Fentanyl Act blocks research into fentanyl analogs (which is how naloxone/narcan was developed).

We know what works: expanding access to naloxone to reverse overdoses, promoting additional screening for students and at-risk populations, investing robustly in treatment capacity and expanding access to medications for opioid use disorder. These initiatives are working on overdose deaths are going down! We can save lives at the fraction of the cost of putting people in prison.

Keep in mind that 70% of people with an opioid addiction today got their first opioid legally through a prescription like Oxycontin. They were told these substances were safe and did not carry significant risk of addiction. These people don’t deserve to be punished - they’ve been fucked by pharmaceuticals and capitalism.

The horrors persist, but so do I. I will continue to fight for drug policy that regulates drugs according to their risks and educates people that are looking for simple “tough on crime” solutions to be smarter, more empathetic and at the end of the day, more effective.

MDMA-Assisted Therapy Training in Ukraine

I know this sounds crazy but we’re moving forward with our first Ukraine MDMA-Assisted Therapy Training this month! Trump said he was going to end the war by now but… maybe he was lying about that? Or maybe it’s happening in a different signal chat? 🇺🇦🕊️🇷🇺

Jon, a veteran and MAPS alum has visited the front lines in Ukraine. He reminded us that our mission to heal trauma around the world necessitates us to go where PTSD, depression and other mental disorders are forming. The scale and complexity of war-related psychological trauma is staggering; MDMA-Assisted Therapy complements current tools for the mental health of Ukrainians.

By this time next month, we’ll have Bruce, Marcela and our fearless leader Rick in Ukraine training 50 therapists, psychologists and psychiatrists in our bold mission to heal trauma where it’s needed most.

FDA Disclaimer: MDMA-assisted therapy has not been approved by any regulatory agency. The safety and efficacy of MDMA-assisted therapy have not been established for the treatment of PTSD.

Catch me IRL at Ubbi Dubbi (Dallas/Ft. Worth, April 25-28th)

Are you enjoying Set the Setting Mixtape: Daily Bread? If so, come on down to Ubbi Dubbi, a bass festival in Ft. Worth! Even though it’s already getting close to EDC, I always try to make it to one new music festival each year. Ubbi Dubbi has the smaller-festival, wooky vibes I’m looking for. Anybody else going? Check out the line-up! More Daily Bread anyone?!

And while I’m in the area, I’m hoping to see Caitlyn, the 9 year old I used to babysit in college back when I was a live-in nanny. She’s not 9 anymore, she’s actually going to be wedding dress shopping that weekend(!) JESUS CHRIST time flies!

Photo Drop

Nothing about meditation has ever felt “easy” to me! Many times in my life, I’ve attempted to build a regular meditation practice as a means of exploring a deeper level of consciousness. But to no avail.

This month, I’m going to take another crack at it by attending my first yoga and meditation retreat at this center for hippies that Mike recommended. It’s centered around the theme “How to Know and Trust Your Inner Guidance” which sounds like exactly what I need as I embark on my 38th solar return.

I’m attracted to the belief that life can be easeful, rather than a never-ending chase of external stimulation; and fulfilled, despite the inevitability of change. I’ve never identified with any particular religion, but in the past 3 years, have started to identify as spiritual. One of my intentions for this retreat is to explore and define what my spirituality means to me.

Catch me IRL at Transform (Las Vegas, 17-19th)

The day after I return from my retreat… I head back to Vegas, the most mindful place on Earth 😬

This will be my 5th year attending the Transform Conference, but the first time it falls over my birthday! I’ll be celebrating in style at the Awana Spa at Resorts World (thanks for the rec, Tawny!). The celebrations will continue through catching up with old friends, making news ones, attending some enlightening talks, eating great food on somebody else’s corporate card, and the closing party features a performance by… Timbaland! It will be so cringe and SO FUN!

More than ever, people are excited to learn about the growing intersection of psychedelics, leadership, coaching, and business. My session “Psychedelics in the C-Suite: A new frontier in leadership development” will be a kickoff for my refreshed website www.setthesetting.com to offer consultation for those seeking healing and purpose.

To all my Transform homies, I can’t wait to see you!

Set the Setting Playlist: 38 Remixes

Thank you everybody who sent me rave reviews from last year’s “37 Remixes” Bday playlist! It was such a success that I immediately started working on the “38 Remixes” playlist and I’m so stoked to unveil it.

This playlist has a remix’d song from each year of my life, starting in 1987, all the way to today. For months, I’ve been keeping an ear open for good remixes - and then googling the year it came out to see if I had logged a song for that year. To fill in the gaps, I’d google “best songs of xxxx year” and then try to find remixes that slapped.

Last year, I recommend listening in chronological order. This year, I recommend putting it on shuffle and trying to guess which year you’re listening to!

As you can imagine, I’ve been listening to lots and lots of remixes to put this together and I had this epiphany about why remixes resonate so much with me: remixes spark my imagination (my 2025 theme word!).

You start with a classic song that was constructed a certain way with a particular sound/vibe… and then you can imagine it in a completely different way. You can make the bass kick harder to enhance the energy, or, you can soften the vocals to evoke more feels. You can speed up the tempo, or, strip it down to focus on its core elements. You can twist the song into a new genre for a fresh take, you can combine two songs together for a clever mashup. You can add soul, you can turn heads, you can make it silly. All of these takes are in this playlist.

In music — and in life — there are so many different reinventions and realities available to you. Seemingly an unlimited amount. There’s a world in front of you that’s familiar — and there’s a completely different world if you care to change your point of view. I want to live my life like a remix; a little this and a little that and little bit of something you’ve never heard of before. Freeing oneself from societal boundaries and expectations can allow you to live life more authentically, or “on your own terms.”

You’ll recognize the songs but you won’t have heard of these remixes. Enjoy this 38 year journey of twists and turns; maybe afterwards you’ll be ready to remix an aspect of your own life 😉

“So, What are you looking for?”

Ahh, the age-old question. If you’ve been single for as long as I have, or really any amount of time, you’ve been asked this question. Same goes for any time you’ve thought about changing jobs — it’s the first question you answer on a date or interview. For as many times as I’ve been asked, I’m accepting that I still struggle to provide truthful answers.

My approach in life has been to stay open to surprises and opportunities; to sort of… not know. Like I just said, to live my life like an evolving playlist of remixes.

But now I’m wondering if there comes a time in your life (like… maybe when you’re around 38?), when you’re supposed to know some things with clarity. Not every thing, but am I doing myself a disservice by not bringing clarity to at least some things?

During an ayahuasca integration protocol 3 years ago, I was tasked with writing down a day in my life, 10 years in the future. I’ll spare you the whole vision (it’s quite long) but the type of clarity you can achieve from psychedelic-assisted therapy is profound.

So, I at least know one thing, which is how my day starts: I wake up next to my partner and my dog. I fart. And there is laughter.

That’s how my morning starts. Crystal clear. It doesn’t matter where I am. It doesn’t matter what the thread count of the sheets are. What matters is that there’s a moment of pure bliss, where I’m sandwiched between my partner and my dog. The dog is under the covers and I’m giving it belly scritches. And there’s a human pressed against my back and smooching my nape and whispering sweet/sexy somethings into my ear. In that stillness, I know that every challenging emotion I experience that lies ahead that day is completely surmountable.

I’m going to continue to make decisions that move me toward this vision. When I’m not honoring that vision, I am not living in integrity to myself or the person I’m dating.

Grief is an honest emotion

With that clarity, a budding romantic relationship came to a close. While it ended mutually and respectfully, my friends know that I’m a sensitive human. I tried to distract myself with work, which is my go-to activity to avoid facing difficult emotions.

But, I also got hurt on the professional front when a DEI client relationship of over 5 years came to a close (due in part to the DEI backlash and chilling effect we’re seeing in corporate America). This was my favorite client - ever. We practiced the type of DEI that I liked, that I was good at, that I was proud of. I know this was out of my control, but losing this client has hurt me more than I realized. It felt like a part of my identity is under attack.

My community of friends has been continuously rallying for me - and their supportive check-ins and platitudes are always there to lift my spirits. But this time it was Vicky who struck with me with her reflection: “Grief is an honest emotion.”

It’s so tempting to suppress grief or to counter it with gratitude about all of the good things in my life. That’s often what we’re told to do! But if you ignore the grief or rush through it, you might be missing out on an important lesson.

I’m not dwelling in the grief, rather, noticing the range of feelings beyond sadness. Sometimes there’s anger. Ooh, there’s a little guilt in there. Surprisingly with my romantic relationship ending, there was even a sense of relief that I reaffirmed my commitment to my future vision. All of these emotions are valid and deserve to be acknowledged; beyond the surface are layers of truth about yourself that grief, in its honesty, can be revealed.

A few friend shoutouts:

• Teddy, who holds up a mirror so I can accept accountability for my own actions. Teddy serves tough love. He pokes and prods and it’s uncomfortable but you need someone like him in your orbit so you don’t skip over the hard part.

• Phil, who I’m getting to know deeply since we met at a psychedelics conference. Phil caresses you with the right GIFs, allows you to be vulnerable through deep listening, and reaffirms you for just being you. Both Phil and another friend David called me… inspirational. That gave me the warm and fuzzies.

• Lex, who made sure to visit me in person, to just let me be miserable and mopey with him for a few hours.

Wanna feel into your grief? Check out these songs in the Set the Setting: 38 Remixes playlist:

• The song Children by Robert Miles (from 1995) was meant to calm ravers before they drove home. Post-rave car accident deaths were making the headlines at the time.

• The song Running to the Sea by Röyksopp (from 2013) is about the Utøya massacre in Norway. Now that you know that… try not crying to that remix by Seven Lions.

• The remix of Where are ü now (from 2015) is obviously about grief but hits different with a female vocalist in place of Justin Bieber in the Ember Island remix.

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This meme is an inside joke at MAPS — our website went down one day and as the Director of People, Finance, and IT, it was my job to fix it. Honestly that’s a joke in itself because I’m not tech savvy at all. It turns out that our AWS bill’s auto-pay had malfunctioned! Once that was resolved, our website came back online. You know, it’s also my job to make sure all of our bills are paid on time… I’m trying my best, y’all!

Also is it just me or has Jeff Bezos been extra Voldemort-y lately?

Set the Setting Guest Playlist: S M Rrrrrr

Shout out to Aubrey for this month’s Set the Setting playlist: S M Rrrrrr! (Which stands for Self Myofascial Release). Aubs has building this playlist over 5 years which explains why it’s 111 songs and nearly 8 hours of vibes. I would describe this playlist as “off the beaten path, uplifting, deep/progressive house and mellow pop” that will have you bopping your head, shimmy-ing while shimmering. Like you’re on a private jet and you’re taking off while the sun is setting behind you and you’re on an adventure to a place you’ve never been.

So yeah, break our your foam roller and theragun and Rrrrrrrrrrrr stretch yourself out!

Eight hours of myofascial release was exactly what the doctor ordered after 3, very, very full days of tennis in Las Vegas. I made it to the Round of 16 in singles (woo!) and Lex carried us into the semi-finals of the doubles bracket! Literally all of our matches came down to a 3rd set super tie-break, and luckily — we practiced a lot of tie-breaks over the past few weeks to simulate the type of pressure we knew we’d encounter at Sin City Classic. While our luck eventually ran out in the semi-finals, I was proud of how we found our groove and fought through tough matches. It was exhilarating to be back on the court! Tennis has always been such a constant source of joy in my life.

Does polyamory work?

As an HR & DEI leader, I have been an advocate for creating legal protections for diverse family and relationship structures. Employees shouldn’t have to worry about being judged if they’re polyamorous, and they certainly shouldn’t face any discrimination. That’s why a few organizations, like JP Morgan, Dell, and Airbnb have codified protections for diverse family and relationship structures in their employee handbooks. Legislation has already been passed in a few cities (e.g. Oakland, Berkeley) that prevent discrimination based on family and relationship structure in housing, businesses and civil services. Check out the Modern Family Institute if you’re interested in learning more or supporting these initiatives.

So does polyamory work? Yes, it does. But the real question on my mind these days is “does polyamory work for me?” Does it work for me right now? Will it work for me as I grow and evolve? Does it need to work in the future, or is it good enough for now? Am I actually practicing polyamory or am I just in a ho phase? Hmmm… 🤔

I’ve been listening to podcasts on polyamory which have helped me realize how much there is to learn about the practice, and about myself! One shift I’ve made is from only orienting on the hard parts (e.g. how will I manage all of these challenging emotions?) to imagining the good parts (e.g. how might it feel if I let all of these people love me?).

Whether this is my new reality or just a phase, I can already see how I’m strengthening my communication skills and dissolving past feelings of scarcity around love. So, here’s to imagining a life where I love myself deeply enough to accept all of this love from multiple partners (…who are all probably reading this.)

DEI isn’t newsworthy

It’s so wild to see DEI in the headlines the past month. Like, front page headlines?! The plane crash in DC a few days ago was blamed on DEI. As were the LA fires because the LA Fire Chief dared to be a lesbian. The bridge that collapsed in Maryland - DEI did that - because the commissioner of the port was a Black woman. Boeing 737 door popping off… also DEI’s fault, according to Elon Musk.

I’m trying to take these critiques seriously because there is a real impact to people that work in DEI - like me - and our careers, and the work to create more fairness and belonging. But… I also can’t help but laugh at all of this too! I’m sorry, but no, DEI isn’t a shadowy cabal that is trying to give jobs to unqualified people and create an underclass of straight White men. Lol am I actually typing this right now?!

DEI isn’t newsworthy. Take it from me, as someone who’s been doing this professionally, day in and day out, for 8 years.

The standard Diversity playbook involves posting your jobs in a wide range of places (increasing the number of qualified applicants) and implementing a structured recruiting process (that minimizes bias so the best one gets picked). In other words - a process that finds the best talent for the job. This is known by another name: meritocracy. So it’s hilarious to me that some people are demanding a “meritocracy” because this is what what I’ve been doing… this whole time. That’s why Bain, BCG, McKinsey, etc each have multiple case studies showing why diversity is good for business. We all agree then? Cool.

Equity work is boring as hell. Think of auditing salary bands and performance reviews (easily people’s least favorite HR process). It’s mundane and fairly procedural work to make sure people are evaluated and paid fairly. This type of work does not belong in the news; it belongs at the HR conference at the b-rate hotel with the carpets with the ugly patterns. Everybody has had a boss that got promoted because they were friends with an executive — instead of the qualified person who runs circles around everybody else. It ruins morale and if there’s blatant unfairness - can be grounds for a lawsuit.

Inclusion work is about making sure everybody can contribute their ideas and feels respected. This sounds easy but can get complicated because employees are human and humans are complex. Like, when you have Zionists and Palestinians working on the same team. In these tricky scenarios, you can call me and I’ll show you why DEI consultants are helpful. (Just to be clear, I will send you an invoice because I don’t work for free). Even with my most challenging clients… there’s nothing newsworthy.

In the past few years, DEI did go too far for my taste. The Academy Awards implemented DEI requirements to win “Best Picture” that are so easily gamed, even Oppenheimer won (an all White case about powerful men from elite institutions during a time when our military was segregated lol). There was a push in the scientific community for “citation diversity” in research papers, that you should cite research from people of different races — not a strong idea, imo.

But the beauty of DEI is that it’s not a bible; it’s a collection of ideas from activists, business leaders, policy makers, etc. Don’t feel obligated to support all of the ideas wrapped up in DEI. You have my permission to try some of them out, kick the tires. You can change your mind as your lens of the world expands; I certainly do.

It’s a bummer to see DEI professionals lose their jobs. We do this work - when we could be doing other things - because we imagine a world with more fairness and opportunity, less trauma and fewer billionaires. Don’t hate on us for believing the world can be a better place.

But don’t get it twisted, I feel the most sadness for the people who write clickbait stories about DEI being blamed for a tragic plane crash or wildfire. These claims are deeply unserious and I imagine these people are at best, uninformed; but likely, deeply unempathetic people. If you see a headline about DEI being blamed for something - you can probably skip it because true DEI simply isn’t newsworthy.

Rooting for the TikTok ban

I was excited for the TikTok ban to happen because of the impact that social media is having on us - especially younger people. But when people were downloading the Chinese TikTok 🤦🏻‍♂️ it was evident that banning one of the social media apps wasn’t going to matter. If they do ban it, people will move to Instagram, or Reddit, or Snapchat, or just make a new TikTok.

The irony of hating on social media is that yes, I worked at Facebook for a few years. But now that I’ve sold all of my employee Facebook stock and enriched myself personally, feel free to delete it 😇

In my defense, I joined Facebook a long time ago when Facebook was about fucking around with your friends. We hadn’t yet let Russians meddle in our democracy or devastated the self-esteem of teenage girls everywhere.

When I speak to folks about digital wellness and implementing healthier digital habits, they tell me how hard it is. People are addicted to social media apps and, frankly, they’re lonely and ashamed to admit it what that means for themselves.

During my time at Facebook, we cared about growth - not your mental health. I don’t recall the mental health of our users ever being brought up. We were told we were making the world “more open and connected.” The algorithms are still meant to hook you. They promote content that blames DEI when a bridge collapses.

The more triggered you are, the more time you spend on the app, the more ads you see, the more profit they make — at the expense of your health and wellbeing. There’s a lot of profit in a dysregulated population. The companies that make antidepressants and ozempic are stoked to be profiting off of your dysregulated mind and body. Does that sound like a conspiracy theory to you? Or more like, an observation of the world around you?

I encourage you to reduce your usage, be mindful of how it’s impacting you, and feel empowered to control what media is put in front of you.

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One of my favorite quotes is a Picasso quote: “everything you can imagine is real.” There’s a lot of room for interpretation. For me, it’s about the power of manifestation — that if I can imagine a reality for myself, I’ll actually start to take the steps to make it happen.

As a young, closeted teen, I imagined myself having a boyfriend one day. I also imagined getting a scholarship to college. In fact, I imagined each career move (from an actuary into the tech industry, then into DEI, then into psychedelics). Using my imagination as inspiration to take action is what made my life as magical as it is. So, I’ve chosen the verb “imagine” as my theme for 2025!

Joshua Tree Trip Report

There were a few reasons I wanted to go to Joshua Tree. I wanted to spend time with Eric and Brayton, I also wanted to take my first trip with Aaron, I also wanted to take advantage of cheap travel prices between Thanksgiving and Christmas. But the main reason was to do some acid and figure out… if I should stay or leave MAPS.

I know, I KNOW! Obviously, I’m not delulu enough to think that MAPS would be the last job I ever had. But also, I never imagined that a job could bring so much purpose and meaning to my life. So, my internal compass is spinning! This is going to be the hardest job to leave - I don’t want to leave - but the past few months since the August FDA decision has made my work life, and subsequently my life life, so turbulent.

For months, I kept telling myself - just make it to the end of the year in order to create some spaciousness to really think this through. After intention setting and lots of anticipation, I took one of my last unicorn (LSD) and embarked on a long hike through Joshua Tree National Park.

Eric, Brayton, Justin and Ryan went pretty far ahead; I could hear them thoroughly enjoying the day and was delighted to hear their laughter echo in the distance. Aaron walked behind me, carrying the backpack of water and snacks, keeping track of the group ahead, and consciously giving me the space to be in my thoughts.

As the rocks and trees started to wave back at me, the colors and contrast of my vision pulsed, I asked myself aloud “how are you doing, Steven?” Instinctually, I already knew the answer: sad! So fucking sad. And exhausted of trying to put on a brave face.

The second half of 2024 was supposed to be a victory lap! MDMA would have been automatically re-scheduled by the DEA upon approval of our New Drug Application. My vision of using MDMA as a tool for social justice was tabled. Relief from the pain and misery of PTSD would be on its way people and their families. But no, none of that happened. Instead, I would be taking on the roles of multiple teammates that were laid off - and there certainly isn’t money to go around to bump up my compensation to do all this work. No more work trips to music festivals. No more work trips, period. Just grinding; unrelenting pressure to figure out how to keep the wheels from flying off.

I let myself grieve for the first hour of that hike. I didn’t try to “look at the bright side,” “stay positive,” “practice gratitude,” or any of the strategies I used to get past the drudgery of the past few months. I sulked and bore witness to the disappearing vision of what MDMA “could have been” in 2025.

I resisted the deep urge to “problem-solve” my sadness that day. But, I did ultimately get a sense of relief, probably from the physical exertion of the hike, the natural beauty of the landscape, and the safety I felt from understanding and compassionate friends. I used MDMA to grieve my Grandpa’s passing in May, and ketamine to grieve Scot’s death in July; so it was only fitting that LSD also led to a grieving moment this year.

By the end of the 3 hour hike, I was at the peak of my trip. Surrounded by love and nature, I had this emo thought of “there can be such beauty in sadness.” And then I was like… “does that make sense or am I just tripping dick right now?” Well, it would be something I would take with me to integrate later!

MAPS Playlist Collaborations

MAPS recently announced our Music is the Bridge project - where we asked celebrities to curate psychedelic playlists that go with our Integration Workbook & Resources. (If you don’t know what psychedelic integration is - just click on the link!)

I’ve been utilizing these playlists in combination with our integration workbook to integrate the experiences of my acid trip and imagine (see what I did there) what 2025 could bring. My favorite playlists from the initial release have been CloZee, Brandon Boyd (of Incubus), Melissa Etheridge, and Lil Yachty. Each is distinctly psychedelic and totally unexpected. Enjoy!

In the days and weeks after my Joshua Tree trip, I’ve focused on the feelings of sadness and let them pass (like visitors… just passing through). One of my aha moments was that in order for me to have actualized all of the wonderful things in my life, I have had to let go of something safe and familiar. Coming out of the closet - letting go of attachment to heteronormativity. Going to college across the country - letting go of familiarity. Working in psychedelics - letting go of the safety of career progression and tech salary. I can think of dozens of examples in my life where letting go, even when it’s scary, ultimately led to the next beautiful thing in my life. And if I had clung on to whatever was safe/familiar… who knows?! No offense to the insurance actuaries out there - but yeah, not for me.

I can say that I’ve let go of what I hoped 2024 would be. I’m in the process of letting go of my need to cling on to MAPS, though I’m not going to walk away without a fight. Writing this blog is helping immensely, quite honestly. I’m letting go of expectations — and imagining instead. In aspects of my career, my love life (exploring polyamory), my home, my health — I’m imagining what could be! Because, everything I can imagine is real.

Check out the playlists and sign up for new artist drops and integration resources at our Music is the Bridge homepage. You also support me by repping a Set the Setting t-shirt! Very demure.

Catch me IRL in Las Vegas (Jan 17-21)

I’m starting off this year by competing in the Sin City Classic, a gay tennis tournament in Las Vegas. I’m in the draw for singles and doubles (with Lex!). Did you even know there was such a thing as gay adult league tennis? Now you know. You probably wouldn’t even know it was a gay tournament until you hear one of the cheers (e.g. Ace! Ace! Sit on his face!)

I was resistant to the idea of gay tennis leagues at first. I played in college, I’m still pretty fierce on the court, and besides - not everything in my life needs to be gay. But truthfully the quality of competition is just as good in the gay leagues as the normie leagues and the outfits are cuter. So… why not?

If you’re in Las Vegas, come watch me destroy some bussy at the Darling Tennis Center. And when I’m putting away volleys/overheads, the appropriate cheer is “PUNCH THAT HOLE!”

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