I watched The Patriot Games so you don’t have to.

𝘛𝘏𝘈𝘛 𝘚𝘗𝘠 𝘛𝘏𝘙𝘐𝘓𝘓𝘌𝘙 𝘍𝘙𝘖𝘔 1992 𝘚𝘛𝘈𝘙𝘙𝘐𝘕𝘎 𝘐𝘕𝘋𝘐𝘈𝘕𝘈 𝘑𝘖𝘕𝘌𝘚?

No, you’re thinking of Patriot Games. Also, the actor’s name isn’t Indiana Jones, you idiot.

It’s Han Solo.

I’m talking about that show where the wealthy totalitarians from the dystopian Capitol hold a televised contest where one boy and one girl from each district are sent to physically battle it out for the ultimate prize.

𝘖𝘏, 𝘠𝘖𝘜 𝘔𝘌𝘈𝘕 𝘛𝘏𝘌 𝘏𝘜𝘕𝘎𝘌𝘙 𝘎𝘈𝘔𝘌𝘚! 𝘛𝘏𝘈𝘛’𝘚 𝘈𝘊𝘛𝘜𝘈𝘓𝘓𝘠 𝘈 𝘗𝘙𝘌𝘛𝘛𝘠 𝘎𝘖𝘖𝘋 𝘚𝘏𝘖𝘞. 𝘐 𝘞𝘖𝘜𝘓𝘋’𝘝𝘌 𝘞𝘈𝘛𝘊𝘏𝘌𝘋 𝘛𝘏𝘈𝘛 𝘞𝘐𝘛𝘏 𝘠𝘖𝘜.

𝘞𝘌 𝘊𝘖𝘜𝘓𝘋’𝘝𝘌 𝘔𝘈𝘋𝘌 𝘕𝘈𝘊𝘏𝘖𝘚!

Okay, that would’ve been way more entertaining than whatever this nonsense was that I just sat through. No, I mean “The Patriot Games” as in—Donald Trump’s “Freedom 250” celebration event where each state sends their “top boy and girl athlete” to compete for a $125K college scholarship.

𝘛𝘏𝘌 “𝘛𝘖𝘗 𝘉𝘖𝘠 𝘈𝘕𝘋 𝘎𝘐𝘙𝘓 𝘈𝘛𝘏𝘓𝘌𝘛𝘌” 𝘍𝘙𝘖𝘔 𝘌𝘈𝘊𝘏 𝘚𝘛𝘈𝘛𝘌, 𝘠𝘖𝘜 𝘚𝘈𝘠? 𝘛𝘏𝘈𝘛 𝘚𝘖𝘜𝘕𝘋𝘚 𝘗𝘙𝘖𝘔𝘐𝘚𝘐𝘕𝘎.

Trust me, it’s not.

𝘐 𝘔𝘌𝘈𝘕, 𝘐 𝘈𝘚𝘚𝘜𝘔𝘌 𝘛𝘏𝘌𝘚𝘌 “𝘛𝘖𝘗 𝘉𝘖𝘠 𝘈𝘕𝘋 𝘎𝘐𝘙𝘓 𝘈𝘛𝘏𝘓𝘌𝘛𝘌𝘚” 𝘈𝘙𝘌𝘕’𝘛 𝘈𝘊𝘛𝘜𝘈𝘓𝘓𝘠 𝘙𝘜𝘕𝘕𝘐𝘕𝘎 𝘈𝘙𝘖𝘜𝘕𝘋 𝘈 𝘓𝘐𝘛𝘌𝘙𝘈𝘓 𝘍𝘖𝘙𝘌𝘚𝘛 𝘞𝘐𝘛𝘏 𝘌𝘟𝘗𝘓𝘖𝘚𝘐𝘝𝘌 𝘈𝘙𝘙𝘖𝘞𝘚 𝘈𝘕𝘋 𝘗𝘖𝘐𝘚𝘖𝘕 𝘕𝘐𝘕𝘑𝘈 𝘚𝘛𝘈𝘙𝘚 𝘛𝘙𝘠𝘐𝘕𝘎 𝘛𝘖 𝘉𝘓𝘖𝘞 𝘌𝘈𝘊𝘏 𝘖𝘛𝘏𝘌𝘙’𝘚 𝘏𝘌𝘈𝘋𝘚 𝘖𝘍𝘍—𝘞𝘏𝘈𝘛 𝘈𝘙𝘌 𝘞𝘌, 𝘉𝘈𝘓𝘛𝘐𝘔𝘖𝘙𝘌 𝘔𝘌𝘛𝘙𝘖 𝘚𝘊𝘏𝘖𝘖𝘓 𝘋𝘐𝘚𝘛𝘙𝘐𝘊𝘛?— 𝘉𝘜𝘛 𝘐 𝘚𝘛𝘐𝘓𝘓 𝘌𝘕𝘑𝘖𝘠 𝘈 𝘏𝘐𝘎𝘏-𝘓𝘌𝘝𝘌𝘓 𝘛𝘙𝘈𝘊𝘒 𝘔𝘌𝘌𝘛 𝘖𝘙 𝘞𝘏𝘈𝘛𝘌𝘝𝘌𝘙 𝘈𝘚 𝘔𝘜𝘊𝘏 𝘈𝘚 𝘛𝘏𝘌 𝘕𝘌𝘟𝘛 𝘎𝘜𝘠.

𝘈𝘓𝘚𝘖, 𝘐 𝘊𝘖𝘜𝘓𝘋𝘕’𝘛 𝘏𝘌𝘓𝘗 𝘕𝘖𝘛𝘐𝘊𝘌 𝘛𝘏𝘈𝘛 𝘞𝘌 𝘒𝘌𝘌𝘗 𝘗𝘜𝘛𝘛𝘐𝘕𝘎 “𝘛𝘖𝘗 𝘉𝘖𝘠 𝘈𝘕𝘋 𝘎𝘐𝘙𝘓 𝘈𝘛𝘏𝘓𝘌𝘛𝘌𝘚” 𝘐𝘕 “𝘘𝘜𝘖𝘛𝘈𝘛𝘐𝘖𝘕𝘚.” 𝘐 𝘈𝘚𝘚𝘜𝘔𝘌 𝘛𝘏𝘈𝘛’𝘚 𝘑𝘜𝘚𝘛 𝘜𝘕𝘐𝘕𝘛𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘐𝘖𝘕𝘈𝘓 𝘗𝘜𝘕𝘊𝘛𝘜𝘈𝘛𝘐𝘖𝘕𝘈𝘓 𝘌𝘟𝘜𝘉𝘌𝘙𝘈𝘕𝘊𝘌 𝘈𝘕𝘋 𝘋𝘌𝘍𝘐𝘕𝘐𝘛𝘌𝘓𝘠 𝘕𝘖𝘛 𝘍𝘖𝘙𝘌𝘚𝘏𝘈𝘋𝘖𝘞𝘐𝘕𝘎 𝘚𝘖𝘔𝘌𝘛𝘏𝘐𝘕𝘎 𝘍𝘈𝘙𝘊𝘐𝘊𝘈𝘓 𝘈𝘕𝘋 𝘊𝘙𝘐𝘕𝘎𝘌, 𝘠𝘌𝘛 𝘈𝘗𝘗𝘈𝘓𝘓𝘐𝘕𝘎𝘓𝘠 𝘙𝘈𝘊𝘐𝘚𝘛?

Ooh, you’re in for a long night, my friend. Better go make those nachos.

* * * * *

Patriot Games 2026 is the answer to the age-old question: 𝘏𝘰𝘸 𝘮𝘢𝘯𝘺 𝘸𝘩𝘪𝘵𝘦 𝘩𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘴𝘤𝘩𝘰𝘰𝘭𝘦𝘳𝘴 𝘪𝘯 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘵 𝘴𝘩𝘰𝘳𝘵𝘴 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘤𝘳𝘢𝘮 𝘪𝘯𝘵𝘰 𝘢 𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘦𝘩𝘰𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘳𝘶𝘳𝘢𝘭 𝘖𝘩𝘪𝘰 𝘣𝘦𝘧𝘰𝘳𝘦 𝘪𝘵 𝘴𝘵𝘢𝘳𝘵𝘴 𝘵𝘰 𝘧𝘦𝘦𝘭 𝘢 𝘭𝘪𝘵𝘵𝘭𝘦 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘢𝘯 𝘶𝘯𝘥𝘦𝘳𝘢𝘨𝘦 𝘒𝘭𝘢𝘯 𝘳𝘢𝘭𝘭𝘺?

While “Top Male & Female Athlete from Each State Battle it Out for College Scholarship” sounds promising on paper, you have to remember that this is the brain child of Donald J. Trump and organized by the same Freedom 250 group that brought us the Great American State Fair where the Ferris wheel didn’t work, all the ice cream melted, the “entertainment” featured more people on stage than in the audience, the stage’s ceiling literally fell off and nearly killed a tap-dancer, and Milli f*ing Vanilli was too embarrassed to show up and be associated with this sh*tshow.

Whenever we think about grandiose events put on by Don the Con, certain words always come to mind. Words like: cheap, over-hyped, ill-conceived, second-rate, uncool, cringe, and WHO THE F*** THOUGHT THIS WAS A GOOD IDEA?!?

Oh, and racist.

Here, let’s do a little thought exercise. Close your eyes and take a snapshot of the first mental image that forms when you hear “Top High School Athletes in America.”

What does that group photo look like?

If you’ve ever been to places like “society” before, it probably has at least a little bit of 𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭 𝘥𝘪𝘷𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘪𝘵𝘺, right?

I mean, we’ve all watched “sports” before. We’re aware the NFL is 25% white, the NBA is 15% white, MLB is 59% white, and hockey doesn’t count.

The best estimate is that white athletes make up about 55-60% of high school athletics in America. So, if I told you that a competition featured the top 120 high school athletes across the country, with the help of our Texas Instrument Graphing Calculator we could work out that roughly 65-70 of them would be white.

Instead, The Patriot Games gave us a roster that I can only describe as giving off strong “Scandinavian curling club bench-warmer” vibes. Tons of Kendals, Kendalls-with-2Ls, Kylies, Kayleys, Kaleighs—at least 26 different variations of Kennedy/Kennady/Kennadi—and not a lot of Sayquons, is what I’m saying.

(* editors note: I refuse to try to differentiate between all these generic blonde versions of “Kennedy,” so they shall henceforth all be know as “Kennedy of [State].”

I was beginning to have my doubts about the “athletic” quality of this competition, but morbid curiosity got the best of me and I decided to plow ahead.

“What are the rules?” I wondered. How does one qualify? What events are they competing in? Are they selecting the top (white) scorers/swimmers/sprinters/record-holders etc. from every state based on quantifiable stats or something?

Er, not exactly.

The selection process is what’s known in sports aficionado circles as “Submit a video of yourself talking about what sports you play, what winning would mean to you, how patriotic you are, and how much you love Jesus and/or Donald Trump, preferably mentioning the latter first.”

And that is how you end up with a bunch of home-schoolers who live in RVs, specialize in corn hole and tether ball, and have only ever hooped on a 9-ft rim in a carpeted gym that doubled as the youth group worship center making the cut instead of any 4A tailbacks from Chicago.

Other than loving America and Jesus and/or Trump, the only other 4 qualifications were:

• Must be between 14-17 years old

• Must be a legal U.S. citizen

• Must be in good academic standing

• REQUIRED TO ADHERE TO BIOLOGICAL SEX ASSIGNED AT BIRTH!

They were real big on that last one. Can’t have any “unfair biological competitive advantages!” That would be totally and irredeemably unacceptable.

What we apparently can do that is acceptable is take a 17-year old shot-putter and a 14-year old darts wizard and make them play Tug-of-War to see who gets to go to college.

Because a 3-year, 100-lb weight discrepancy is a perfectly fine “biological advantage” as long as everyone’s franks and beans are still in the original packaging.

Before we get to the actual competition—and trust me, you do NOT want to miss this—you’re probably wondering how we got 120 competitors when there are only 50 states.

Fair question.

They also allowed representatives from U.S. territories like Puerto Rico and Guam, the Cherokee Nation, and some overseas military districts.

But don’t worry, you didn’t actually to be from where you were representing. One of the boys selected to represent Puerto Rico was really from Texas—as was another kid representing New Jersey—and the girl representing Massachusetts attended school in California.

𝘞𝘈𝘐𝘛, 𝘞𝘏𝘈𝘛 𝘒𝘐𝘕𝘋 𝘖𝘍 𝘑𝘈𝘕𝘒𝘠-𝘈𝘚𝘚 𝘏𝘖𝘔𝘌 𝘚𝘊𝘏𝘖𝘖𝘓 𝘚𝘗𝘌𝘊𝘐𝘈𝘓 𝘖𝘓𝘠𝘔𝘗𝘐𝘊𝘚 𝘚𝘌𝘓𝘌𝘊𝘛𝘚 𝘊𝘖𝘔𝘗𝘌𝘛𝘐𝘛𝘖𝘙𝘚 𝘉𝘈𝘚𝘌𝘋 𝘖𝘕 𝘏𝘖𝘞 𝘔𝘜𝘊𝘏 𝘛𝘏𝘌𝘠 𝘓𝘖𝘝𝘌 𝘎𝘖𝘋, 𝘊𝘖𝘜𝘕𝘛𝘙𝘠 & 𝘛𝘙𝘜𝘔𝘗 𝘈𝘕𝘋 𝘛𝘏𝘌𝘕 𝘓𝘌𝘛𝘚 𝘛𝘏𝘌𝘔 𝘉𝘌 𝘍𝘙𝘖𝘔 𝘈𝘕𝘠 𝘚𝘛𝘈𝘛𝘌 𝘛𝘏𝘌𝘠 “𝘐𝘋𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘐𝘍𝘠” 𝘞𝘐𝘛𝘏???

The kind of competition that involves kicking a Velcro soccer ball at a felt target, running a rudimentary “obstacle course” cobbled together with leftover stations from those canine agility races border collies always kick ass at, and the Pop-A-Shot game from Dave & Busters, that’s what!

𝘖𝘒𝘈𝘠, 𝘕𝘖𝘞 𝘠𝘖𝘜’𝘙𝘌 𝘑𝘜𝘚𝘛 𝘔𝘈𝘒𝘐𝘕𝘎 𝘛𝘏𝘐𝘚 𝘚𝘏*𝘛 𝘜𝘗.

I most certainly am not.

𝘚𝘞𝘌𝘈𝘙 𝘛𝘖 𝘎𝘖𝘋?

Indeed I do. It’s kind of a regular segment around here.

So, the table has now been set. Everyone still with me?

We’ve got 120 mostly white home-schoolers who all play different sports and may or may not be from where they’re from, all angling for $250K in prize money—HOW DO WE ACTUALLY PIT THEM AGAINST EACH OTHER?

𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃 𝟏

It starts off with a hexathlon of sorts (that would be SIX events for all you non-home-schoolers) that involves one 𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘶𝘢𝘭 𝘳𝘦𝘤𝘰𝘨𝘯𝘪𝘻𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘯𝘵—the 100 meter dash—plus hanging on some monkey bars, a shuttle run, standing broad jump, a medicine-ball throw (WTF?), and a 55-meter hurdles on hurdles that were so low, when I first saw them I figured they were for the limbo contest.

(Alas, I am both sad and also a little surprised to report there was no limbo contest.)

Everyone got points, with the top 16 boys and girls advancing to the next round.

HOW SERIOUS WERE THE HURDLES?

Serious enough that the announcer on TV said at one point—I sh*t you not—”Kylie Ritchie—you see her ability on these hurdles. She looked up how to do them on YouTube the night before, and that’s just how talented she is.”

Don’t quote me on this, but I’m pretty sure there’s a passage in Leviticus that says “Nobody who learned something on YouTube last night is a Top Anything At That Thing. Even in Utah.”

𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃 𝟐

Having distinguished themselves from their badminton peers, the next 2 days consisted of dodgeball, kickball, Tug-of-War, the “Operation Endurance” agility course, “Victory Hoops” (the Pop-A-Shot game), and the “Varsity Circuit.” Two of these bear closer inspection.

𝐎𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐄𝐧𝐝𝐮𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞

Touted as a “military/fitness-style endurance challenge,” this event sounded like something that would really test the competitors’ mental toughness. And cardio.

THE REALITY: There was a 10-yd belly crawl, then 12 tires to step through, then 8 dog agility poles to weave between, then a 10-ft high cargo net at a 45-degree angle that nobody could fail at if they tried, then a balance-beam walk like they have for toddlers gymnastics at the YMCA, then flip a medium-sized tire, then a monkey-bar swing, then a 20-yd Farmer’s Carry with 2 unidentifiable objects that looked to be nearly as heavy as the Yellow Pages, and then 3 pendulum steps to run across.

It’s the kind of backyard obstacle course you set up when you’re filming parody Youtube content making fun of Crossfitters. The average time was 56 seconds. A real “endurance” buster.

The announcers inform us that one of the boy Kennedys “loves surfing, body boarding, and skim boarding, so his balance should be a factor here” for the balance beam that is a towering 4 inches above sea level.

Unfortunately, boy Kennedy is from one of those those stupid states like Arizona or Wyoming that hasn’t had any water since the late 15th century, so his prolific water-balancing turns out to be a non-factor.

He does not advance.

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐕𝐚𝐫𝐬𝐢𝐭𝐲 𝐂𝐢𝐫𝐜𝐮𝐢𝐭

This was another timed course featuring elements of various sports—throwing a football at a target 10 feet away, kicking a Velcro soccer ball at a felt target on a wall so it sticks, hitting a tennis ball off a batting tee with a plastic bat and then racing around bases 12 feet apart, landing three underhand volleyball services into the court—you know, typical varsity stuff.

This wasn’t the Special Olympics so much as the Turning Point USA Halftime Alternative to the Special Olympics.

For the life of me, I can’t figure out what scoring system is in place to whittle 32 contestants down to 8 via t-ball and monkey bars. It’s possible they borrowed the rule book from Whose Line Is It Anyway where “the games are made up and the points don’t matter.”

I keep waiting for Musical Chairs or Whack-A-Mole...or maybe a piñata challenge where nobody’s blindfolded—that would be too hard—and all it contains is a bunch of RiteAid-brand sugar-free peppermints, but no such luck.

With the field down to 8 boys and 8 girls, the lucky 4 advancing to the finals is determined by playing a game of Tug-of-War and hoping like hell you got stuck on a team with the rugby athlete instead of the diver.

In any event, there’s 4 boys and 4 girls left. And I’ll give you one guess what the ethnic makeup of our 8 semi-finalists is.

The GOOD NEWS is that ESPN decided to condense this 4-day cringefest into a 1-hr broadcast containing 22 minutes of commercials, so everything I just described to you was handled in a 10-min montage before we got to The Final Showdown.

And OH, what a broadcast it was!

For starters, SOMEBODY thought it would be a good idea to position Donald Trump—the man whose biggest claim to fame at the moment is starting unnecessary wars in the Middle East to distract everyone from the Epstein files where he’s accused of raping teenage girls—front and center in a sea of scantily-dressed teenage girls.

Throughout the program, the camera keeps cutting back to Trump, who is framed in the shot by the 112 losers who didn’t make the semi-finals, each of whom is wearing a gold medal and almost certainly hail from a family where they grew up hearing about “snowflake liberals and their participation trophies ruining America,” so the whole RAH-RAH ‘MURICA! lack of self-awareness is right on-brand.

One part that didn’t make the ESPN televised cut but I’d be remiss not to point out is the National Anthem clips that surfaced on Youtube before the final broadcast aired...

Trump is flanked by the 8 semi-finalists while the anthem plays, then takes his seat...then the crowd waits for something to happen...and they keep waiting...and then a maintenance guy comes out on stage with a power drill and gets down on his hands and knees and starts screwing down the stage floor where Trump was just standing like he’s oblivious this is a 𝘵𝘦𝘭𝘦𝘷𝘪𝘴𝘦𝘥 𝘵𝘢𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨

THE FINALS

The finals of this abysmal failure of a competition is basically a “Ninja Warrior Course”...like you’d find at a PayLess Shoes Store Going Out of Business Sale in a strip mall parking lot.

I’m not going to recap the runs through this pitiful course. You’ve all seen American Ninja Warrior. This was the Temu version.

And as uninteresting as you may find this group, the home-schooled competitors somehow found a way to make it less interesting with riveting exchanges after their runs such as these:

REPORTER: Kendall, congratulations. You’re headed to the finals here at the Patriot Games. What was your strategy that worked so well in that first run?

KENDALL: Um, my goal was really just to go through everything I visualized, I mean– I know I can do it, the different thing is just so that everyone here, you know, I’m just so grateful to have the honor to do this in front of everybody.

REPORTER: We saw the embrace of you and Kylie up there. We know there have been so many incredible relationships built at the Patriot Games this year—what does that mean to you?

KENDALL: I mean, when us Top 4 were picked for the Tug-of-War, our main goal— we were with each other for the end of it and, um, once it was official, we all just wanted the best for each other and we were so grateful that it was all of us.

REPORTER: That’s well said. We’ll see you in the finals.

* * * * *

REPORTER: How did you combat the speed on the other side and end up getting your way into the finals here?

MAX: Well, I just tried my hardest, but first of all I just want to say that all of this is for the glory of God. He’s always right next to me, in front of me, He’s always there for me.

REPORTER: Well said. And tell us what is going to be your strategy with another opportunity to run this course again. Anything you’d change next time?

MAX: No, everything was perfect. I like that one.

(Max will lose in the finals after falling off the monkey bars)

* * * * *

REPORTER: You just won $125K in scholarship money, Kennadi, and also you are the girls champion in the 2026 Patriot Games. How would you describe this feeling?

KENNADI: I mean, it’s like nothing I’ve ever experienced before. It’s amazing.

REPORTER: Who would you credit for getting you to this point?

KENNADI: God. All the way.

* * * * *

REPORTER: : Conratulations, Rockwell. You are the champion on the boys side. How has it been being able to compete for this and ultimately end up being the final one standing?

ROCKWELL: It’s been amazing, and it’s taught me SO MUCH. And it really, really puts an emphasis on how important it is to put God first in your life and make Him your number one priority.

REPORTER: : When you think about all the hard work that you put in and now knowing that it’s been rewarded, how does that feel?

ROCKWELL: It’s feels amazing. It really does.

* * * * *

Unfortunately, the President* of the United States was no better than the kids at the question portion of the evening.

REPORTER: It’s great to see you, Mr. President. We’ve seen some incredible competition here at the Patriot Games. What are your thoughts on what you’ve seen, the effort out of these athletes?

TRUMP: Well, number one I love Ohio, I really love it. And these are great athletes, so many- I’m sitting next to a whole group of athletes- I can’t believe how many. And they are doing fantastically well.

For once, we’re actually in agreement with his non-answer. We also can’t believe how many athletes agreed to be part of this.

* * * * *

Thankfully, ESPN eventually ended the broadcast.

𝘞𝘈𝘚 𝘐𝘛 𝘈𝘕𝘠 𝘎𝘖𝘖𝘋?

No.

𝘞𝘈𝘚 𝘐𝘛 𝘈𝘛 𝘓𝘌𝘈𝘚𝘛 𝘌𝘕𝘛𝘌𝘙𝘛𝘈𝘐𝘕𝘐𝘕𝘎?

Also no.

Was it at least on-brand for anything involving Trump?

Unfortunately, yes.

The Conflicts of Interest

1. While Donald Trump and Dana White teased the idea of a White House UFC fight last summer, it didn’t become a publicly announced reality until March. On May 12, Trump’s financial disclosure filing revealed he purchased ~$50,000 in 𝐓𝐊𝐎 stock—the parent company of UFC and WWE. He then used the White House to promote the company he just invested in, driving up the stock price.

Under any of the previous 46 U.S. administrations, that alone would be grounds for impeachment.

2. The People’s House was packed with corporate sponsorships—Crypto. com, Dodge Ram, Bud Light, Starlink, Monster Energy, EasyPost, Stake, Polymarket, and World Liberty Financial—a break from the longstanding, unwritten White House ethics commitment to keeping government and corporate sponsorships separate.

Each sponsor paid $1.5 million to have their logo splashed across the White House lawn, and every single one of those companies either 𝘯𝘦𝘦𝘥𝘴 something from the WH, or has already gotten it:

• Dodge Ram is actively lobbying the White House for an exemption from the 25% tariff on it’s Mexican-built Ram pickups.

• Polymarket, where Don Jr. is both an investor and an advisor, wants the CFTC to back off prediction-market regulations.

• Crypto.com wants crypto deregulation.

• World Liberty Financial is Donald Trump’s 𝘱𝘦𝘳𝘴𝘰𝘯𝘢𝘭 crypto company that he’s used to generate more than $1 billion in profit since taking office.

3. Can someone say 𝙋𝙖𝙧𝙖𝙢𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩?

Marco Rubio tried to spin this corrupt-a-thon as a “gift to the American people”:

“The White House is the people’s house. It belongs to the people of the United States. The America 250 celebration belongs to the people of the United States. And there are millions and millions of Americans from all walks of life that are not necessarily attuned to politics or the financial markets or anything else, but they love this sport. And every Saturday, if you’ve got a big event once a month, they’re tuning in and they’re watching and they hosted a– for them to be able to see this event with their White House in the background as part of our celebration as a country and our 250 years, I think 𝘪𝘴 𝘢 𝘨𝘪𝘧𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘈𝘮𝘦𝘳𝘪𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘱𝘦𝘰𝘱𝘭𝘦. That’s what Sunday is about. It’s a gift to the American people. They’re going to see their White House in their capital on their nation’s birthday celebrating with a historic event.”

Well, it turned out that “for America” was a mistranslation of “for Trump’s birthday.” And the whole “gift” part was somehow even less accurate. It was the kind of gift you have to 𝘱𝘢𝘺 𝘧𝘰𝘳, which you may recognize from literally anything ever as not a f*ing gift. If you wanted to watch, you needed an $8.99 subscription to Paramount+, who “somehow managed” to secure exclusive broadcast rights to the event.

On a completely unrelated note (probably), Trump’s DOJ officially approved Paramount’s $110-billion merger with Warner Bros. hours before the event.

4. Trump’s World Liberty Financial funded a $250,000 Performance of the Night bonus pool paid out in USD1, their proprietary crypto stablecoin. Meaning the President of the United States used the White House lawn to promote his family’s cryptocurrency—which previously froze regular investors out of their money—by paying fighters with it on national television while simultaneously seeking a federal banking license that his own administration would approve.

The Insider Trading Attempt

Eric Trump added to his family’s grifting legacy by trying to obtain some insider betting info from UFC legend Daniel Cormier, who wasn’t having any of it.

If you don’t know that name, Cormier is a former UFC light heavyweight and heavyweight champion, one of the only fighters to ever win a title in two weight divisions, and is widely regarded as one of the greatest mixed martial artists of all time. He now works ringside as a color commentator alongside Joe Rogan.

Eric apparently hit Cormier up for some insider information to bet on and Cormier posted the entire conversation to Twitter/X before deleting it. But not before people screen-captured the whole thing:

Cormier posted the screenshots of their text conversation with the comment: “I’m probably going to get a lot of flak for bringing this to light, however I refuse to stay silent. The UFC is a sport that I am deeply passionate about. I will not tolerate this type of insider behavior. Shame on anyone trying to ruin this beautiful event.”

THE CONVERSATION:

ERIC TRUMP: Hey Daniel, I’m gonna be attending UFC 250 tomorrow, saw you were casting, hope to see you there!

CORMIER: Yo eric didn’t expect a dm from you, excited to meet you and the family much love brother!!

ERIC TRUMP: Anything you can tell me about the the fighters tomorrow? Who you got winning?

CORMIER: Haha I like to stay unbiased but I love to watch Nickal fight.

ERIC TRUMP: You placing any bets?

CORMIER: Nah, I’m actually not allowed to bet on any cards or anything

ERIC TRUMP: Are any of the fighters injured that you know of?

CORMIER: I’m not quite sure why you’re asking me this but I think they’re all in good shape..

ERIC TRUMP: I’ll just cut to the chase. Are any of the fights tomorrow rigged? I’ve been eyeing the Lopes fight and I think an upset wouldn’t be too unrealistic. $$

CORMIER: No none of our fights our rigged and honestly I am appalled that you would even ask me something like that.

The Disrespect

Following his 2nd round TKO win over Derrick Lewis, Josh Hokit decided to bring honor to America, Christianity, and the White House’s previous occupants with this baffling concoction of word-thoughts:

"𝐈'𝐦 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐧 𝐰𝐢𝐭𝐡 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐧! 𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐲 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐭! 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐰𝐡𝐚𝐭, 𝒇𝒖𝒄𝒌 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒔𝒑𝒆𝒆𝒄𝒉. 𝐒𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐭-𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐓𝐫𝐮𝐦𝐩 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝒉𝒂𝒗𝒊𝒏𝒈 𝒕𝒉𝒆 𝒃𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒔 𝒕𝒐 𝒑𝒖𝒕 𝒔𝒐𝒎𝒆 𝒔𝒉𝒊𝒕 𝒍𝒊𝒌𝒆 𝒕𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒐𝒏! 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐟 𝐈'𝐦 𝐠𝐨𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝐬𝐚𝐲 𝐚𝐧𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠, 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐬 𝐨𝐧𝐥𝐲 𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐩𝐞𝐫𝐬𝐨𝐧 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐈𝐧𝐜𝐫𝐞𝐝𝐢𝐛𝐥𝐞 𝐇𝐮𝐥𝐤—𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝒎𝒚 𝑳𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝑺𝒂𝒗𝒊𝒐𝒓 𝑱𝒆𝒔𝒖𝒔 𝑪𝒉𝒓𝒊𝒔𝒕.. 𝐍𝐨𝐰 𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧, 𝐀𝐥𝐞𝐱 𝐏𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐢𝐫𝐚, 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐧𝐚 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘮𝘢 𝘰𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘮𝘢𝘮𝘢. 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐥𝐲, 𝐌𝐢𝐜𝐡𝐞𝐥𝐥𝐞 𝐎𝐛𝐚𝐦𝐚 𝐢𝐬 𝐚 𝘮𝘢𝘯—𝐚𝐦 𝐈 𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭, 𝐀𝐦𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐜𝐚?"

Yep, the first gladiator fight at the People’s House in American history featured a public address with off-color references, 4-letter words, Evangelical proselytizing, sexually assaulting someone’s mother, and a transphobic conspiracy theory about a former First Lady—all in a single run-on sentence.

Exactly what we needed to heal America.

Epic.

BONUS: Pilots flying into DC complained about being blinded by the lights from the arena, with one pilot calling it “10 times worse than any laser” and “one of the most frustrating things I’ve experienced in 20 years of aviation.”

Safety reports were filed to the FAA and NASA, who told the pilots to contact the White House, who weren’t interested in the problems of lowly commercial aircraft since they all fly private and just had Reagan National Airport pause flights for the event with zero warning to air traffic controllers, airport staff, or travelers.

Way back in his first term, amid ongoing national debates over monuments and historical statues and their potential removal, Trump delivered a speech at Mount Rushmore and announced his idea for a “National Garden of American Heroes”—a statuary park consisting of dozens of life-size statues of, well…American heroes.

He felt so strongly about his pandering Statue Park that he signed an Executive Order on July 3, 2020 to create it: EO 13934: “Building and Rebuilding Monuments to American Heroes.”

The Order listed 31 “Heroes” to be featured in the garden including usual suspects Washington, Lincoln, John Adams, Alexander Hamilton, Thomas Jefferson, Ben Franklin, Susan B. Anthony, Frederick Douglas, and Harriet Tubman; as well as some Tier-2 heroes like Davy Crockett, the Wright Brothers, Amelia Earhart, Billy Graham, MLK, Jackie Robinson, and Ronald Reagan.

A veritable Who’s Who of American History!

By Jan 2021, this project had taken on the two key features EVERY Trump project shares: a comically absurd increase in project scope, and absolutely no progress made on any of it whatsoever.

And so, a new Executive Order was issued—EO 13978: “Building the National Garden of American Heroes”—expanding the number of statues from 31 to 244. The new additions included Nikola Tesla, Albert Einstein, Houdini, Andrew Carnegie, Walt Disney, Babe Ruth, Frank Sinatra, John Wayne, Elvis, Ayn Rand, Bob Hope, John Muir, Irving Berlin, Steve Jobs, Alex Trebek, Whitney Houston, Antonin Scalia, Kobe Bryant, and Arnold Schwarzenegger.

A veritable Who’s Who of People Who Are Definitely Famous and Some of Whom Are Even American!

The whole thing was veering quite a bit off course from the original intent of the Garden.

Unfortunately for Trump, he signed that last EO just two days before leaving office, meaning he didn’t have time to hand out any multi-million-dollar no-bid contracts to his “regular statue guys” who had only ever carved that one ice sculpture shaped like a nubile teen for a Mar-a-Lago Vernal Equinox party.

Four months into his presidency, Biden issued his own Executive Order shutting down Trump’s increasingly grandiose Garden of American Heroes and Non-American Heroes and Non-Americans in General and Various Other People that May Have Been at a Met Gala Once.

Then Trump took office again and immediately revoked Biden’s cancellation of his Garden of Ever Expanding Absurdity with Executive Order 14189: “Celebrating America’s 250th Birthday” reviving the garden but now with 250 statues (which I assume includes Joe Rogan, George Soros, Prince Andrew, and Kid Rock.)

Importantly, all 250 statues were to be completed—as Trump’s EO implied—in time for America’s 250th anniversary this upcoming July 4.

Since there was NO TIME TO WASTE, Trump spent the next six months trying to figure out how the hell he was going to pay for 250 life-size, hyper-realistic marble-and-bronze statues in the “classical” style” that is all the rage amongst 19th-century artisans who are all very much dead at the moment.

After six months of pencil-sharpening and carrying the one and trying to annex Canada, he finally hit on a financial solution—just tuck the project into his Big Beautiful Bill and let American taxpayers foot the $40-million price tag!

While this was clearly a brilliant solution only someone who could identify the zebra in an animal lineup of three that included two birds could come up with, there was one small problem: this White Witch of Narnia garden wasn’t going to cost $40 million, it was probably going to cost at least double that.

So, the Trump administration quickly cancelled a bunch of existing grants awarded by the National Endowment for the Arts and National Endowment for the Humanities to local community arts programs and working-class educational initiatives all over the country, which allowed them to divert $34 million MORE to Trump’s Robert E. Lee-Andrew Tate Lawn Museum of Disappointment and Some Greatness.

All that was left to do—with only 12 months until showtime—was START BUILDING THOSE STATUES!

The project’s official start date was Oct 1, 2025, the delivery/completion deadline was set for June 1, 2026, meaning the federal grant guidelines gave artists about 8 months to complete and deliver their statues.

The grant structure allowed artists to produce up to three statues each and receive up to $600k TOTAL ($200k each). This meant the government needed to contract somewhere between 84-250 individual artists/sculptors who NEEDED TO START IMMEDIATELY if they were going to meet the deadline.

Unfortunately for America, this entire project was being masterminded by Donald J. Trump who is famous for any number of things, thinking anything through before diving straight in not being one of them.

No sooner was it announced that all the artists and sculptors needed to start arting and sculpting IMMEDIATELY then someone helpfully pointed out that: 1) very few American artists specialize in monumental figurative sculpture, 2) bronze foundry capacity in America is incredibly limited, and 3) realistic life-size monuments are super labor-intensive and unlikely to be finished in time.

Multiple reports highlighted concerns over whether enough qualified sculptors even existed to complete 250 statues on schedule.

Now, I know the question that’s on all your minds: Shane, the June 1 delivery date is next week. You always set up your stories with all the reasons why it WON’T work before delivering the big payoff of how it DID work. Like “Ocean’s Eleven”—explain how the job is impossible so we can all enjoy watching it get accomplished! So....how many statues DID these Very Rare Artisans end up completing just in the nick of time for America’s 250th?

None.

Not. A. Single. F*ing. One.

(Very sorry to play against type with the storytelling this time.)

In fact, as of last month, nobody had even STARTED any of the statues yet. Because nobody even knows where the stupid Garden is going yet. Because nobody in the Trump Administration submitted any project designs or construction plans to the Commission of Fine Arts or the National Capital Planning Commission, who are legally required to approve any major construction project in DC.

As of today, there are no statues, no Garden, no approved location for a Garden, no contracts, no NOTHING.

What there is is a bunch of pissed off sculptors who were verbally contracted to do the work and cleared their schedules to accommodate the project, but were then ghosted by the White House and have been unable to get a hold of anyone or find out anything about this clusterf*ck since last October. And a bunch of them are so irate over the lack of professional courtesy that has literally cost them TENS TO HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS that they're swearing they'll never enter into a contract with the federal government even IF the feds ever manage to get their sh*t together.

There is also the $40 million in taxpayer money that is just sitting around (probably in a Qatari bank account operated by Trump) plus the $34 mil stripped from art programs all over the countries (same Qatari account, probably), and now the White House is saying this Garden might be finished by 2029.

And if you’re wondering: Why the hell would it take THREE MORE YEARS if all we really need is 8 months once all the sculptors start a-sculptin’?!?—the answer is that Trump updated the scope AGAIN a few weeks ago to include a large waterfront redevelopment near the National Mall, themed “Heroes Walk” pathways, reflecting pools, cafes, landscaped promenades, and a large amphitheater along the Potomac River.

But don’t worry, Trump should be popping in any minute now to announce his Failure Garden is “under budget and ahead of schedule!”

Last week, Donald Trump unveiled a 22-foot gold statue of himself at his Doral International Golf Club in Miami—a bold move that somehow got even weirder when a bunch of Evangelicals showed up to consecrate the golden image and tried assuring everyone that this “definitely wasn’t some golden calf” idolatry, which of course it was.

(Rule of thumb, kids: if you ever find yourself forced to reassure bystanders that a golden graven image you’re bowing before and praying over “isn’t a golden calf,” it’s almost definitely a golden calf.)

Because Conservatives love to clutch their pearls and wring their hands if you so much as hint that Trump has authoritarian tendencies, you might want to bookmark this article for future reference for all your MAGA friends and family members who can still be bothered with occasional facts.

And because there are a metric ton of examples of leaders from both history and current events slapping their name and likeness on all the things I’m about to list here—and nary a one of them has ever been confused with an egalitarian ruler who shuns autocracy—let’s end this debate once and for all.

Since Donald J. Trump resumed the I̶r̶o̶n̶ ̶T̶h̶r̶o̶n̶e̶ ̶ Oval Office in January 2025, here are all the ways he’s attempted to reshape America in his own image, turning the Land of the Free and Home of the Brave into another personal branding project…exactly like every other totally-not-a-dictator before him:

Trump Passports

On April 28, the U.S. State Department announced they would be issuing limited-edition passports featuring Donald Trump’s portrait and gold signature to "commemorate” America’s 250th anniversary. Because what better way to celebrate our country’s escape from tyranny and birth of freedom than by stamping the face on the document to leave the country of the one person whose tyranny has single-handedly convinced people to leave in record numbers not seen since 1935!

Trump Institute of Peace

The U.S. Institute of Peace is an independent think tank whose mission is to promote research, policy analysis, education, and training on international peace and conflict resolution. In a supreme twist of irony, their building was taken over by armed guards and then forcefully occupied by DOGE last April. The entire board was fired—along with 300 personnel—and a new board was appointed by Trump.

After months of legal wrangling, the courts ruled Trump’s hostile takeover of the institute illegal. Then an appeals court stayed that ruling. Then the appeals ruling was challenged. And while all the legal motions and filings and briefings were flying back and forth, Trump’s State Department just went ahead and renamed the place the Donald J. Trump Institute of Peace in December.

Trump-Kennedy Center

Within weeks of taking office, Trump fired the board of trustees for the historic John F. Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts, appointed a brand new board and named himself the new chairman. And while the Center is federally-funded around $43 million annually, Trump snuck a provision into his Big Beautiful Bill for $257 million for renovations to the place.

In December, Trump’s hand-picked board voted unanimously to rename the Kennedy Center the “Donald J. Trump and the John F. Kennedy Memorial Center for the Performing Arts” despite the fact that Congress officially established the center as a national memorial to JFK, and then name can only legally be changed via federal legislation.

Karoline Leavitt announced the renaming on Twitter/X: “I have just been informed that the highly respected Board of the Kennedy Center, some of the most successful people from all parts of the world, have just voted unanimously to rename the Kennedy Center to the Trump-Kennedy Center, because of the unbelievable work President Trump has done over the last year in saving the building. Not only from the standpoint of its reconstruction, but also financially, and its reputation. Congratulations to President Donald J. Trump, and likewise, congratulations to President Kennedy, because this will be a truly great team long into the future! The building will no doubt attain new levels of success and grandeur."

Trump himself defended the name change by insisting he’d “earned it” by “restoring the prestige and grandeur” of the building that “Biden left in ruins.”

As is typical with most things Trump slaps his name on, this venture went south almost immediately. Artists cancelled appearances in protest, the Washington National Opera announced it was moving, tickets sales plummeted, and Trump was finally forced to confront the failing operation by announcing the Center was closing for two years…for renovations.

You know, the renovations that were the very thing he claimed had “earned” him the renaming privilege in the first place.

Trump Gold Card

In mid-December, Trump unveiled the Trump Gold Card—a special visa that would let anyone skip the immigration line, avoid the DHS vetting process, and receive a valid U.S. green card for the low, low cost of $1 million (plus a small $15,000 “processing fee”).

Or for a cool $4 million more (plus $15k processing fee), you can purchase the Trump Platinum Card – all the same perks as the Gold, plus the ability to spend 270 days here without being subject to U.S. taxes on non-U.S. income! (The Trump Platinum Card has been advertised as Coming Soon for about 6 months, although you’re able to pay for it now on the website. Kinda like his $100k made-in-China Trump Watches that customers are still complaining about not receiving 10 months later.)

Naturally, the visa is issued as an actual gold credit card with Trump’s face, signature, and a bald eagle sitting in his lap.

TrumpRx

In early February, Donald Trump unveiled TrumpRx, a government website advertised as a place where—thanks to The Donald’s epic “deal-making”—people could finally get their prescriptions for a fraction of their normal cost.

As the White House website explained it:

“TrumpRX is a transformative new government platform that gives Americans direct access to dramatically lower prices on dozens of common, high-cost brand-name prescription drugs. Secured through landmark Most-Favored-Nation pricing agreements with leading pharmaceutical manufacturers, these deals ensure Americans pay prices aligned with the lowest in other developed nations, ending decades of overpayment and delivering immediate relief.”

According to the TrumpRx website:

“Thanks to President Trump, the days of Big Pharma price-gouging are over. Leveraging the full weight and power of the United States of America, the President has ensured every American gets the lowest prices on prescription medications in the developed world. Introducing Most-Favored-Nation pricing, guaranteeing huge savings for Americans.”

As with all things Trump, it was all over-promise/under-deliver hype. While there are more than 32,000 pharmaceutical drugs on the market in the U.S., TrumpRx carries exactly...43 of them. Fewer than half of those are among the 300 most commonly prescribed. So, rather than serving “every American,” it just serves whoever happens to be taking TrumpRx’s sparse offering:

• Nearly half (20 out of 43) of the drugs on TrumpRx have cheaper generics widely available—even if you pay cash—through Amazon, GoodRx, Mark Cuban’s Cost Plus, and your insurers. While Trump promised “prices in line with the lowest paid by other developed nations” prices on TrumpRx are TWICE AS HIGH as in the UK and Australia for popular drugs like Ozempic.

• Most of the “deals” available on TrumpRx were ALREADY AVAILABLE TO CONSUMERS. It’s basically a giant coupon site that only has coupons that are available all over the internet.

• Purchasing drugs on TrumpRx WILL NOT COUNT TOWARDS YOUR DEDUCTIBLE, so there’s a good chance you’ll actually end up paying MORE out of pocket every year by using this “discount” site.

WAIT, IF THIS WEBSITE DOESN’T ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING THAT WASN’T AVAILABLE BEFORE TRUMP SLAPPED HIS NAME ON IT, WHAT’S EVEN THE POINT? WHO BENEFITS FROM THIS REDUNDANT, SELF-BRANDED NONSENSE?

Great question, and I’ll give you a hint: it rhymes with “blarmaceutical flumpanies."

See, other than TrumpRx being a giant sham to distract everyone from the fact that he’s ripping away health coverage from 15 million Americans—and causing premiums to double, triple, or quadruple for everyone else—drug companies who offered drugs at a discount on Trump’s site became eligible for tariff exemptions and tax breaks.

Here’s what else: the median time the 43 drugs on TrumpRx have been on the market is 26 years, during which time most of them have lost exclusivity and stopped reaping big profits for drug companies.

The Shell Game: In exchange for listing some of their drugs on TrumpRx, Trump issued tariff exemptions to those same drug companies. So, Big Pharma put a few of their outdated drugs on the site—the ones that were no longer profitable—in order to skirt the tariffs on their real money-makers that folks were still paying a small fortune for.

Is TrumpRx cheaper than your doctor’s office? Eh, probably. But as Elizabeth Warren delightfully explains to a befuddled RFK Jr., it’s also where you go if you want to pay $200 for a drug you can get for $16 at Costco.

Trump National Parks Pass

In January, the Department of the Interior unveiled their new America The Beautiful 2026 annual National Parks Pass featuring everyone’s unanimous-consensus two favorite presidents: George Washington and Donald Jesus Trump.

I guess the thinking was, “Since we’ve found ways to effectively politicize natural disasters and architecture, might as well go ahead and do it with bison and pine trees and bison too!”

Regular park-goers who didn’t like Trump ominously glowering at them every time they felt like bird-watching in a kayak found creative ways to get around it—that mostly involved covering his face with stickers.

But since no would-be dictator worth his salt can let a sticker coverup go unchallenged, Trump’s Interior Department immediately updated its “Void if Altered” rules to state: “Defacing the pass in any way, including writing on it or adding stickers or other coverings, is a form of altering the pass. Altering a pass can cover up important information and required security features necessary to prevent fraud.”

And so, in an effort to combat the rampant muskrat-themed sticker fraud that was destroying the fabric of our nation, the Parks Department non-authoritarianly explained that, from now on, anyone caught placing a sticker over Trump’s rotting-pumpkin visage on their annual Parks Pass they already paid $87.50 for would either be turned away at the gate or charged the $20-$35 Day Rate for entrance.

Trump Coins

In March, Donald Trump’s hand-picked Commission of Fine Arts (CFA)—the same 7-person panel he personally appointed to approve his tacky-ass ballroom—voted to create a 24-carat commemorative gold coin featuring the 34-time felon, con artists, pedophile, and war criminal who tried to overturn an election to stay in power.

This despite U.S. federal laws prohibiting living people appearing on currency:

• In 1866, a scandal erupted when Treasury official Spencer M. Clark placed his own face on 5-cent notes instead of the intended explorer William Clark, prompting Congress to act against such vanity. The Thayer Amendment was passed on April 7, 1866, explicitly prohibiting the portrait or likeness of any living person from being placed on “bonds, securities, notes, fractional or postal currency of the United States.”

• Presidential $1 Coin Act of 2005: This law further solidifies the rule regarding coins, stating that no coin may bear the image of a living former or current president, or any deceased former president within two years of their death

But since we’re no longer really doing “rules” or “laws” at this time, Trump and his people were perfectly fine treating codified law as polite suggestions to be ignored like the crazy guy at the back of the bus arguing with the News5 helicopter in the distance.

And just in case that ominous pose wasn’t a baffling enough choice, CFA vice chair James McCrery II instructed the minters to make it “as large as possible, all the way to three inches in diameter” (the largest size the mint has available), adding, “In terms of the diameter, I think the President likes big things. Generally, I do too.”

Okay, McCrery. Now you’re starting to sound like Stormy Daniels.

For reference, a freaking hockey puck is exactly 3” in diameter, so this tacky, comically oversized gold coin is right on brand for the man who can buy everything except class and good taste.

This new garish collector’s item comes on the heels of the $1 coin this same group of sycophants voted back in January to stamp Trump’s face and “FIGHT, FIGHT FIGHT!” slogan on to honor America’s 250th anniversary.

(Editor’s note: Neither of these Officially Authorized coins are to be confused with the “Officially Licensed” gold Trump Coins Donald Trump had minted of himself and sells on his website for $6,600 a piece.)

Trump Dollar Bills

In late March, Donald Trump decided that as long as we’re scrapping all our currency laws when it comes to coins, we might as well do it on the paper stuff too!

On March 26, the Treasury Department announced an unprecedented move: for the first time in American history, a sitting president’s signature would appear on U.S. paper currency instead of the Treasury Secretary’s—currently the perpetually- groveling Scott Bessent, who groveled very grovely:

“Under President Trump’s leadership, we are on a path toward unprecedented economic growth, lasting dollar dominance, and fiscal strength and stability. There is no more powerful way to recognize the historic achievements of our great country and President Donald J. Trump than U.S dollar bills bearing his name, and it is only appropriate that this historic currency be issued at the Semiquincentennial.”

Wow, Scotty. It’s barely been a month and a half and that statement’s already aged like milk in a Phoenix outhouse!

(Editor’s note: This is not to be confused with the fake AI-generated Trump $100 bill Trump posted to his Truth* Social account yesterday.)

Trump Accounts

As part of his Big Beautiful Bill, Trump created a child investment savings program that provides eligible U.S.-born children with a government-funded $1,000 starter investment account intended for long-term wealth building.

For our purposes here, I’m not going to get into the myriad of ways that even Trump’s most ardent supporters acknowledge the program is set up to disproportionately benefit wealthier families. All you need to know today is that he named them Trump Accounts.

Trump IRAs

While we’re on the subject of dubious investment programs…

On April 30, Trump announced the creation of another completely unnecessary retirement-account program that helps Americans—especially gig workers, self-employed people, and employees without workplace retirement plans—access low-cost private-sector IRAs: TrumpIRA.gov (Don’t bother trying to find the site. Trump’s Executive Order says it’s not scheduled to be active until Jan 1, 2027.)

How are these IRAs any different than what’s already on the market that all these people already have access to? To use a technical financial term that only the most sophisticated of investors would understand, nothing.

The only feature a Trump IRA has that a traditional or Roth IRA doesn’t is a federal “Saver’s Match” that can provide up to $1,000 annually per eligible worker. But that’s that’s not a new-with-Trump feature. It originated in the bipartisan SECURE 2.0 Act that Biden signed into law.

Apparently, Trump took one look at this thing Biden did that a bunch of people liked because it actually benefited them, and said, “What if that…but named Trump?!”

Trump Portraits on Federal Building

It’s hard to think of anything more authoritarian than a state leader putting up portraits of themselves anywhere they can find some available space…

But apparently that’s a thing America is doing now because Donald Trump has hung giant portraits of himself outside the Department of Labor, the Department of Agriculture, and—most terrifyingly—outside the Justice Department.

Because nothing screams “NO ONE IS ABOVE THE LAW!” like putting your own mugshot on the side of the building you’ve personally tasked with making sure you’re never held legally accountable for the dozens of crimes you’ve committed.

Trump Battleships

Three days before Christmas, Trump announced his intent to create a brand-new class of American-designed warships to be “the most lethal surface combatant ever constructed.”

Naturally, they would be named “Trump-Class” battleships.

The initial projected cost for the first ship—the USS Defiant—was $17.6-$18.9 billion. Procurement was slated to begin FY2028, construction starting in the early 2030s, and the first launch tentatively scheduled in the mid-to-late 2030s.

Of all the Trump-branded items on this list, this one is probably the most deserving of the name. Because on April 22, Navy Secretary John Phelan was fired after repeatedly butting heads with Trump and Pete Hegseth over realistic timelines for shipbuilding. Trump reportedly wanted his new ships “now,” while Phelan was in the more pragmatic “that’s not how anything works!” camp.

Yesterday, the Navy announced the Trump-Class ships are now going to be four times the size of modern destroyers and nuclear-powered, adding cost and complexity (and time!) to the ridiculous giant boats Trump wanted “yesterday.” And there are few things that scream “Trump” more than a pipe-dream project nobody asked for that is over-budget, behind schedule, and with the top expert fired for trying to be realistic about the project with Trump.

Trump Fighter Jets

In March 2025, Trump announced that Boeing had won the NGAD (Next Generation Air Dominance) contract to build the Air Force’s newest fighter jet—a 6th-generation AI-controlled “stealth++” craft designed to be “the most advanced, capable and lethal combat aircraft platform ever built.”

Designed to replace the F-22 and F-35 fighters, the new jet is named the “F-47” in a nod to Donald Trump as the 47th president.*

Trump Airports

In March, Florida Governor Ron DeSantis signed a piece of legislation renaming Palm Beach International airport the “Donald J. Trump International Airport,” with the name change—including changing the airport code from PBI to DJT—set to take effect July 1.

(In case you were wondering, yes, Donald Trump trademarked the name “Donald J. Trump International Airport”—along with a few other variations—after getting word that DeSantis had signed the bill, allowing his family to profit off of licensing and merchandising fees.)

To be clear, this is a separate airport-renaming endeavor than the one Trump suggested back in February. Or rather, demanded.

Back in October, as part of exercising the power-of-the-purse he doesn’t have, Trump froze $16 billion in federal funding allocated for various transportation projects including The Gateway project—a tunnel under the Hudson River connecting New York City and New Jersey.

With the Congressionally-appropriated funds held in limbo until the courts could step in and inform him that was illegal, Trump offered to release the funds he had no authority over in exchange for renaming Dulles International Airport and Penn Station after himself.

(Trump finally relented and released the frozen funds in February.)

Honorable Mention TRUMP Projects

In addition to Donald Trump’s own rebranding of America in his own image, numerous efforts are either in the works or already completed throughout the country to rename stuff after Dear Leader while he’s still in power to dole our favors (or pardons) including:

• A bill introduced in Congress by Anna Paulina Luna to carve Trump’s face into Mount Rushmore

• In November, Trump lobbied the NFL’s Washington Commanders to name their new stadium after himself

• Louisiana HB 221 to name a new $3 billion Mississippi River bridge the “President Donald J. Trump Expressway”

• A bill in Texas to rename the 1,800-mile US Highway 287 “Interstate 47” in honor of the 47th President

• A resolution in South Carolina to name future I-73 after Trump

• Oklahoma Senate Bill 624 renaming Highway 287 “Donald J. Trump Highway.” (The bill required removing a state restriction that previously prevented naming highways for living individuals.)

• Florida lawmakers renamed a portion of Southern Boulevard “Donald J. Trump Boulevard”

Of course, we’re only 15 months in to a second term that clearly plagued by dementia and Caligula levels of insanity. If the U.S. somehow manages to survive to its 300th anniversary, don’t be surprised if we’re blowing out birthday candles for the United States of Trump.

WHY NOW?

Everyone's best guess is that an Epstein-related story was about to break—one that might not paint the Third Lady in too kind a light—and she was desperately trying to get out in front of it.

We now a pretty good idea of what that story might be. And you're gonna wanna buckle your seat belts for the this doozy of a sordid Soap Opera.

It involves a former model from Brazil named Amanda Ungaro.

Ungaro was brought to the U.S. on Jeffrey Epstein's plane when she was 16. She was brought here by Italian businessman Paulo Zampolli, owner of the modeling agency ID Model Management and close friend of both Epstein and Donald Trump. (Zampolli is the one who discovered Melania Knauss in Slovenia, brought her the States on an H-1B visa in 1996, and eventually introduced her to Trump, if you believe his version of events).

According to Ungaro (detailed here in fellow Substacker Bekah Day’s excellent reporting), Zampolli began grooming her when she was just 15, and the two of them ended up in a 19-year relationship that produced son Giovanni (16). While Ungaro says Zampolli referred to her as his "wife," they were never legally married.

According to Ungaro, Zampolli was physically abusive, had substance-abuse issues, engaged is massive amounts of fraudulent business deals, committed millions of dollars of insurance fraud, and bribed numerous government and public officials.

The couple briefly split up in 2018, reconciled, and then split for good in 2021, resulting in a messy custody battle over their son.

Oh, before I get ahead of myself...

If you were sitting there thinking, "Wow, this Zempolli guy sounds like an insanely corrupt, lecherous POS—the kind of douchebag that could give Trump a run for his money!" Donald Trump certainly thought so—he invited the cretin to join the Trump Organization in 2004 as the Director of International Development.

In 2020, Trump appointed Zampolli to the Kennedy Center Board of Trustees. And this time around, Trump named him Special Envoy for Global Partnerships.

In Washington DC, Zempolli became known as a "models and bottles" guy—a behind-the-scenes operator who mingled the worlds of business, entertainment, and politics to get deals done.

Birds of a feather, amiright?

Anyway, Ungaro moved to Miami with her son in 2023 and filed for full custody, which the courts granted. This apparently enraged Zampolli, who hadn't been helping the mother and son financially and was now forced to pay years of unpaid child support.

According to Ungaro, this led to years of harassment—including being followed—and culminated when she and her new husband Joao Batista Cunha De Araujo (a cosmetic surgeon from Brazil) were arrested in June 2025 and charged with "practicing medicine without a license."

The entirety of the evidence the state of Florida was able to come with to prove Ungaro was doing any such thing was an Instagram photo of her posing next to a piece of medical equipment in their office.

Now, here's where all the swampy stuff gets swampier:

The arresting officer in the case was Aventura Police PD Detective Kenneth Sealy, who had been given the Attorney General's Award a couple years earlier by Florida's AG at the time: Pam Bondi.

As soon as she was arrested, Zampolli then reached out to ICE and told them Ungaro was in the country illegally. Since there were no real criminal charges to make stick, Ungaro was transferred to ICE detention where she was held for three months before being deported back to Brazil with her son.

Once they were in Brazil, Zampolli had Giovanni removed back to the U.S., prompting Ungaro to file kidnapping charges.

At present, she's in the middle of a legal fight with her pedo ex to get her son back. And apparently yesterday, Ungaro decided she'd had enough of this ring of pedo losers.

On Wednesday, Ungaro UNLOADED on Melania on Twitter/X with a string of posts that have since been removed. (thank God for screenshots!):

"Do you know what I think about you after 20 years?"

"Will take legal action against you and your pedophile husband. I have know you for 20 years. You knew I was detained by ICE. You were present in my life—every year on my son's birthday, even sending Secret Service and being the first to congratulate him, back in 2015."

"I will tear down your corrupt system, even if it's the last thing I do in my life. I will go all the way—I am not afraid. Maybe you should be afraid of what I know...of who you are and your husband is."

"I have nothing left to lose in my life. I will tear down the entire system—be careful with me bitch."

"Until you fall as a little chicken."

Thursday morning, it was reported on Twitter/X that Amanda Ungaro had taped an explosive, tell-all interview with the Spanish outlet El Pais, which is set to air this weekend.

A couple hours later, Melania held her bizarre, out-of-nowhere press conference.

Anyway, stay tuned for this El Pais piece set to drop...

April 13 Update

The El Pais interview was published yesterday. Interestingly, it contains no mention of Melania.

The $TRUMP coin rug-pull resulted in more than 813,00 crypto wallets losing a combined $2 billion while the Trump Organization raked in $100 million in trading fees in just the first couple weeks.

Since then, Trump has continued to use his scam coin to sell access to himself through private dinners, while his World Liberty Financial crypto-trading platform (co-founded with Special Envoy to the Middle East, Steve Witkoff) appears to exist solely to accept bribes and curry influence with foreign entities in the Middle East. The staggering number of zeroes involved in the Trump family scam almost makes you forget we’re barely three years removed from the Right having a full-blown meltdown over Hunter Biden selling some actual paintings for tens of thousands of dollars.

It’s almost adorable.

Factor in the GOP’s spineless subservience, and MAGA’s complete indifference to their Dear Leader robbing them blind so long as it means no trans swimmers at the Ivy League school none of their kids were getting into anyway, and what you’ve got is Don the Con emboldened to ramp up the corruption from the Oval Office to levels you generally only see in movies starring Joe Pesci and De Niro.

It involves a fairly new online gambling phenomenon called Prediction Markets.

Prediction Markets

If you’re unfamiliar with the concept, prediction market platforms are similar to online betting platforms like FanDuel or DraftKings, only instead of betting on sports, users can bet on literally anything.

The most well-known of these is Polymarket. Launched in 2020, it’s where 30 million global users gamble on everything from the Winter Olympics medal-count, to whether or not China will invade Taiwan this year, to how many earthquakes 7.0 or higher will happen by June 30, to pretty much anything else odds-makers’ imaginations can conjure up to lay odds on.

So, if you’re one of those people who constantly walk around with premonitions as to how many cases of measles West Virginia will log by summer, or whether or not Elon Musk’s next test launch will explode, you finally have a place where you can monetize your Psychic Friends Network abilities.

Since prediction market platforms are still in their infancy, Polymarket—and it’s main competitor Kalshi—have had to navigate a minefield of legal hurdles as U.S. regulators attempted to figure out exactly what they’re dealing with. In 2022, Polymarket settled with the U.S. Commodity Futures Trading Commission (CFTC) for operating unregistered swap markets. And though they’re currently working to remain in CFTC compliance, various international bodies have banned them completely for “illegal gambling services.”

For an example as to why U.S. regulators might take issue with prediction market offerings, look no further than everyone’s favorite niche Super Bowl prop bet: the length of the national anthem.

Yep, that’s a real thing. Every year, gamblers can wager the over-under on how long the national anthem will last (usually set around 119.5 to 120.5 seconds). But unlike the final score—which is completely objective and not open to “interpretation”—the anthem length is problematic: When does the stopwatch officially start? Is it when the intro music begins? Or with the first "Oh” if it’s a cappella? Ditto the ending.

Gambling regulators decided they didn’t want to deal with the headache of cheating allegations because one sports book clocked it at 1:59 and another had it at 2:06. Plus, the prop bet was fertile ground for insider trading if the bettor happened to have advanced knowledge about the performance. Say you’re the singer’s friend and you tag along to the rehearsal. You run the stopwatch on your phone, and since the song is done to a backing track, there’s no chance it speeds up or slows down on game day. Armed with your insider knowledge, you go bet every last penny you can scrounge up that your pal Alicia Keys drags it out for over two and half minutes.

Cha-CHING! Early retirement!

That’s why you can’t place that bet at gambling sites regulated in the U.S. You can take the spread over the over-under at BetMGM, but you’re gonna have to find an offshore gambling platform for your Star Spangled Banner wagers.

Prediction markets have a similar issue for regulators to contend with: What to do with a platform where betting is open to parties who are able to AFFECT THE OUTCOME OF THE BET?

You and I are at the whims of the gods if we’re wagering on how many hurricanes will hit Florida before Labor Day. That’s out of our hands. But imagine if one of the bets was “What date will the U.S. strike Iran by?” Definitely out of your and my hands—but not necessarily out of everyone’s hands.

Imagine what an unscrupulous character—perhaps some family with a history of scamming the market—could do if they were the ones making the final decision about striking Iran?

If you’re a person with a long history of illegal self-dealing, you’d better pray to God you’ve got some top-notch legal advisors in the industry to guide you down this potentially thorny path and keep you out of trouble—a neutral third party who can make expert and ethical recommendations.

Thankfully for Donald J. Trump, both Polymarket and Kalshi had an advisor on their board who was more than happy to walk the ethically-challenged Donald through all the ins and out of the prediction market’s regulatory considerations. And as luck—or fate— would have it, both board members were the same person:

Donald Trump, Jr.

In January 2025, Kalshi named Don Jr. as strategic advisor the week before his dad’s second inauguration, a move little Donny took to Twitter/X to announce in somewhat of a baffling choice of words:

In August 2025, Don Jr. did what most credible strategic advisors in the professional world do in such a position: he invested into their chief rival, Polymarket (through his venture capital firm 1789 Capital), joining their advisory board as well.

As one does.

With Donald Trump, Jr. now sitting on the board of the two biggest prediction markets in America, it didn’t matter one iota to President* Trump that the NFL was simultaneously expressing concerns to Congress about prediction markets in general.

Screw the NFL and their prudish “ethical gambling regulation concerns” when there’s fist-fulls of money to be made, amiright?!

And the NFL isn’t the only one with serious concerns. While commodities are regulated at the federal level, gambling is regulated by the states. And states are trying to crack down on prediction markets since putting money on whether or not the government will reveal that aliens exist before 2027 sure as hell sounds a lot more like “gambling” than “playing the stock market.”

So tasked with determining whether prediction markets should fall under the purview of the federal government as a commodities issue, or the states as a gambling issue, President Trump has sought the wise council of his eldest son and business partner, Don Jr., who happens to sit on the board of both of the largest prediction markets the regulators are looking at.

If you’re thinking to yourself right now: Holy schnikes, Batman! This sounds like the worst conflict-of-interest advisory panel in the history of everything!” sit tight because it get SO much worse.

At this point, it’s important to remember that all of Donald Trump’s sons are also partners in the family’s World Liberty Financial crypto platform. Don Jr. also serves on the board of Truth Social’s parent company—Trump Media & Technology Group—where he acts as the sole trustee of his convicted felon dad's revocable trust while pops is cosplaying as Fuhrer in Chief.

Three guesses what Don Jr. advised daddy to do, and the first two don’t count.

Yep! Placing money on if Bad Bunny’s video becomes the most viewed Super Bowl halftime show in its first month isn’t gambling—it’s COMMODITIES “HEDGING.”

It gets even better.

With President Trump taking Don Jr.’s “advice” on leaving prediction markets to the federal government, they put their two coked-up heads together and came up with the GREATEST SCAM IN TRUMP FAMILY HISTORY:

Truth Social is Launching a Prediction Market

Yes, you read that right.

The President of the United States is launching his own gambling platform—called Truth Predict—where the citizens of the country he’s in charge of can place bets on what he’s going to do next.

Now, you might be inclined to ask, “Why would Trump create his own gambling platform when they can just gamble on Polymarket or Kalshi? If the market is setting odds on presidential actions, the could just place money on every available wager and then do whatever wins him the bet.”

You would be correct, but you’re missing a big piece of the pie: THE REST OF THE GAMBLING MARKET.

Remember that Polymarket has 30 million global users? That’s a lot of people placing bets!

And do you also remember that the Trumps took in $100 million from their memecoin scam? That hundo-mil wasn’t from selling their holdings at a profit, it was from the trading fees of everyone else buying and selling theirs. When you own the platform, you get a little cut of every transaction. It doesn’t matter if the person’s buying or selling, up or down, or if the bet wins or loses. As long as there’s action, there’s a fee to be made.

This is why pundits and analysts keep saying Trump 2.0 makes Nixon look like a Boy Scout. This is Russian oligarch-level corruption.

Scratch that.

This is cartoonish, James Bond villain-level corruption—the kind of get-rich-scheme you’d expect to derive from a secret underground lair inside a volcano, not the Oval Office of the United States of America.

Jimmy Carter sold his peanut farm. Donald J. Trump opened an online geopolitics casino.

That tracks with the timeline we’re on.

At least there’s a silver lining for the rest of the world: since Trump’s new gambling platform is for the entire global market (unless you’re the Netherlands), Iranians will soon be able to place bets on which dates Trump is going to destroy their house!

Win or lose, Trump gets a vig.

(and to think Conservatives were in a tizzy over Hunter’s finger paintings!)

What do you mean “Nobody ever does the National Anthem during the halftime show because they already did it before the game?”

Is that true?

<< checks earpiece >>

Okay, I’m being told by my producers that I may have misspoke. Apparently, NOBODY does the National Anthem during the halftime show on account of they already did at the beginning of the game.

So, why are they doing it AGAIN? Because it’s MAGA, that’s why. MAGAts don’t do anything without some loud, unnecessary declaration of their PATRIOTISM lest anyone suspect them of being a filthy communist. That’s how you can always spot a MAGA table at Applebee’s—they’re the one standing up, removing their trucker caps, and saying the Pledge of Allegiance before diving into their fried pickles and loaded waffle fries.

Whatever. Hearing the Star Spangled Banner twice at the same event never turned anyone gay...unlike that woke-ass live-action remake of Beauty and the Beast. And this rendition was an electric guitar solo that was perfectly fine.

First up: Gilbert Brantley (or possibly Brantley Gilbert—either would make sense), Country Music’s answer to the question “What if Guy Fieri traded his non-stick wok for a guitar and only sang songs written by ChatGPT about shit on sale at Cracker Barrel?”

Songs about “real Americans?” Check. How about flags? Check. How about the Red, White, and Blue?

“But Shane, ‘the flag’ and ‘the Red, White, and Blue’ are the same thing!”

Shut up, no there not! Say that blaspheme to my face again and I’ll beat you over the head with an Old Glory like your* a Jan 6 Capitol cop!*

Oh, and check!

Fishin’? Check. Dirt roads? Check. Pickup trucks? Check. Ridin’ in a pickup truck to go fishin’ at the end of the dirt road? Check, check, and checkmate.

Other than the fact it’s not physically possible for a team of Nashville’s finest songwriters to come up with lyrics that are more shamelessly PANDERING to the kinds of folks who have multiple Spotify playlists named “Songs About Dirt Roads,” it’s not a bad performance. Grantley has a polished sound and a cool voice. The problem is that the polished sound and nice vocals are ruined by these insultingly dumbass words.

Plus, it looked like they borrowed this stage from American Idol’s Top 16 showcase. I’m told this show was actually pre-recorded, so maybe they’ll have the different artists in different venues? I guess we’ll find out in a minute. In the meantime, here’s another song about an American flag in the back of a pickup coming home from church (where he was sittin’ in the pew). No mention of a dirt road this time, so it’s possible these Confederate Nickleback Lites are Iranian spies.

(side note: I had to look up the names of the 2 songs they just performed and—I shit you not—it’s “Real American” and “Dirt Road Anthem.” I swear, I cannot come up with jokes that are more of a parody of MAGA than actual MAGA.)

Aannddd...here comes the next act which appears to be...former White House Press Secretary Kayleigh McEnany. Or maybe Tomi Lahren. Possibly Erika Kirk. Isabel Brown? Isabella DeLuca? I don’t know—they all look the same.

Okay, Siri tells me this particular flavor of Conservative cookie-cutter blonde is called a “Gabby Barrett.” Miss Barrett is on the same American Idol stage as Garth Fieri, so I guess this is what we’re stuck with all evening. Google informs me that the reason Barrett looks so familiar on this stage is because she placed 3rd in Season 16 of American Idol. I guess the 3rd place consolation prize is they let you borrow the Daughtry Night stage on short notice.

Barrett is cross-dressing in a wholesome blue pantsuit like some sort of rebellious, post-modern trad wife who joined the workforce to spite her abusive father. She has a lovely voice that reminds me of 3rd place for some reason. Like the last feller, she’s using it to sing about driving. Only she’s driving on pavement instead of dirt. I bet Brigantley secretly thinks she’s a liberal Marxist.

She does another song called “Good One” about how her man is “one of the good ones.” What makes him so good, you ask? For starters, he’s “like the t-shirt she’s wearing” (this lying whore is wearing a f*cking PANTSUIT), he’s “like a Bible by the bed,” he’s “like a song stuck in her head,” and he “knows where he’s from.”

And that’s about it.

I’m not gonna lie, that seems like a low bar for a Mr. Right. Dude sounds to me like the dictionary definition of any guy who’s ever made it down to the continental breakfast at Comfort Inn before the bacon is gone.

Next up: Lee Brice. Brice is different from Barrett in that I’ve heard of him before. And he’s different from Brantley in that he’s wearing sleeves. Actually, I’m not entirely convinced this isn’t Gilbert Brantley again but with a jacket. If the ladies of Conservative America have a Very Specific Look, the dudes of the same have it by a factor of three.

Brice is singing a song about being a member of the blue collar crowd, which is pretty ballsy for a dude on TV with a mic at the Super Bowl. Anyway, this crowd Brice is a part of “bust their backs Monday through Friday” and “go hard when the going’s tough,” but they also like to “get rowdy and wild and loud and drink a lot,” which I never saw coming.

Brice has a commanding stage presence that I can only describe as “The floor is lava” and his life depends on not moving more than 6 feet in any direction from that one spot way over on the left. Thankfully, that song ends.

Unfortunately, they’re gonna let Brice do another one and he’s decided to CARPE DIEM and slow things down. Because nothing captures the nation’s full-throttled energy at the Super Bowl like a singer-songwriter doing an acoustic solo. Maybe these lyrics will at least live up to the somber mood he’s setting:

“I just wanna catch my fish, drive my truck, drink my beer

And not wake up to all this stuff I don’t want to hear

Like the same kind of gun I hunt with just killed another man

Only thing mine ever shot was deer from my deer stand

I just wanna cut my grass, feed my dogs, wear my boots

Not turn the TV on, sit and watch the evening news

Be told if I tell my own daughter that little boys ain’t little girls

I’d be up the creek in hot water in this cancel-your ass-world

It ain’t easy being Country in this country nowadays

Well, sure, which of us doesn’t lie around in a hammock all day wishing that for ourselves? Dare I say this is the song that’s finally going to erase the division and UNITE THE COUNTRY the way MAGA’s been clamoring for ever since Orange Jesus told them how mad they were in, like, 2017?

Meh, probably not.

I’m not sure who’s forcing Brice to turn his his TV on and won’t let him wear the boots he’s wearing to sing about not being able to wear boots, but it sounds like ANTIFA.

Brice does one more song called “Hard To Love” that’s about him being hard to love because he drinks too much and cheats and is a short fuse wrecking ball, which all seems like a huge waste of time because we could’ve all guessed that due to the Everything about him.

Gilbert Bricely Fieri II finally exits the stage, which is hands-down the best part of this show so far.

And that brings us to the moment all us ENGLISH-ONLY lovers have been waiting for all night.........

BAWITABA DA-BANG DA-BANG DIGGY DIGGY DIGGY SAID THE BOOGIE, SAID UP DROP THE BOOGIE!!!!!!!!!!!

(cue the cutaway to Pulp Fiction’s Jules yelling, “ENGLISH, MOTHERF*CKER! DO. YOU. SPEAK. IT?”)

Everyone’s favorite meth Jim Varney makes his grand entrance to the only song of his anyone can name, wearing cutoff jean shorts, black T-shirt with a white fur vest, and a black bowler like what every private-estate millionaire imagines their trailer park 50-something doppelganger wears to their high school prom.

Almost immediately, one of the problems with airing a pre-recorded show featuring songs that are 90% backing tracks becomes apparent: there is nearly a 2-second delay between what Kid Rock is doing and the sounds the audience at home is hearing. The entire family-friendly phrase about the “topless dancers” comes out while the mic is down around K-Rock’s crotch.

Unfortunately, the entire song is like this, which sucks all the fun out of this nostalgic Conservative metal/rap masterpiece about strippers and meth. At least all the children gathered round the TV seem to be enjoying it, so I tell them I saw Kid Rock live at Woodstock ‘99 in Rome, NY, and dude can put on a show. (As a musician myself, I was blown away when he went around the stage and soloed on every instrument plus the DJ turntables. Props where props are due. Bob Ritchie is legit supremely talented. Just not at writing any other songs I care to listen to.)

So, the 2-second delay through the entire performance pretty much ruined it—like going back to Disney World after 40 years and bumping into Mickey in an alley behind Main Street USA with his mouse head off smoking a Parliament.

But at least he still can move like he’s getting stung by a swarm of yellow jackets, which is pretty impressive on 55-year-old knees.

Now that the paid-for crowd is GENUINELY amped up at the proposition of being there, TPUSA decides this is the perfect moment to bring out the big guns and really crank things up a notch with a violin-and-cello interlude performed by a lady in a cocktail dress that may or may not have been Ann Coulter and some dude dressed like Captain Hook.

It’s kinda like being slapped in the head with a sandalwood-scented yoga mat in the middle of a mosh pit by Celine Dion.

I keep waiting for Josh Groban to descend from the ceiling on wires, but the Almighty doesn’t think I’ve been living right enough to grant my wish. Insultingly, neither instrument is being played in English.

Once Disney Hour at the Kennedy Center is over, it’s time for the Grand Finale...a glorious crossover event whereby rap/rocker Kid Rock comes back out dressed like he’s doing oil changes in the parking lot to perform a slow acoustic song that involves—you guessed it—old cars, a road, taking chances, and the one activity that binds us all together as one....

FISHING!!!

PS: As the denouement, just in case everyone wasn’t sufficiently confused enough as to what the hell we just witnessed, the broadcast closes with a montage of Charlie Kirk footage set to an inspirational movie score with Charlie’s voice reminding us all that we can build a better nation together...if everyone just loves God, gets married, and has a lot of kids.

Now I have to go watch Bad Bunny again to rinse my eyes out.

_____

* Please do NOT run to the comments to type “they’re” and “you’re.” We have a very specific sense of humor around here.

That analysis will appear in the first Trumpland Briefing for subscribers.

Trump’s Sue-A-Palooza

• June: Trump threatened to sue The New York Times and CNN over “false,” “defamatory,” and “unpatriotic” reporting that the Iran missile strikes he ordered had not “completely and totally obliterated” their nuclear program, but simply set it back a few months, if they did not retract their stories (they did not). He further demanded that journalist Natasha Bertrand be fired and “thrown out like a dog.”

• July: Trump settled a lawsuit against CBS for $16 Million that he filed the previous year. In October 2024, Trump sued Paramount/CBS for $10 Billion, alleging “election interference” for airing a 60 Minutes interview with Kamala Harris in which the broadcast version edited one of her answers about the Israel-Palestine conflict to fit in the time slot. (Harris’ full, unedited answer was published on the CBS website, plainly demonstrating they weren’t trying to hide her full answer from the public. Legal experts thought it would be an easy case for CBS to win, which made it all the more shocking when they decided to settle without a fight).

• July: Trump sued the Wall Street Journal, Dow Jones, News Corp, Rupert Murdoch, and several reporters for $10 Billion for “defamation” and “libel” for publishing the lewd birthday card he contributed to Epstein’s 2003 birthday book.

• August: Trump sued his own Justice Department and FBI for $100 Million for executing a search warrant at Mar A Lago to retrieve nearly two dozen boxes containing hundreds of stolen Classified documents the National Archives and Records Administration (NARA) had been attempting to get back for 19 months. To this day, Trump has insisted it was an “illegal” raid, even falsely claiming Biden and the FBI had plans to assassinate him.

• September: Trump sued The New York Times and Penguin Random House publishing for $15 Billion for "defamatory reporting." (A judge initially dismissed the case, but Trump refiled it in October.) Among the “defamatory” claims Trump took issue with was the Times crediting creator and producer Mark Burnett (fresh off the success of Survivor) for the success of The Apprentice, rather than Trump.

• September: Trump threatened to sue ABC for “political interference,” “defamation,” and “Illegal Campaign Contributions” for bringing Jimmy Kimmel back. In a Truth* Social post, he referenced the $16 million settlement he received the prior December for a libel suit he filed against George Stephanopoulos.

• October: Trump demanded his own Department of Justice pay him $230 Million as a settlement for investigations he faced in his first term and during the Biden administration.

• December: Trump sued the BBC for $10 Billion over an edit to his Jan 6 speech in their Panorama documentary Trump: A Second Chance? The 33-page lawsuit accuses the BBC of "false, defamatory, deceptive, disparaging, inflammatory, and malicious depiction of President Trump," and accuses them of "a brazen attempt to interfere in and influence" the 2024 U.S. presidential election. (The BBC spliced together two different statements from different parts of the Jan 6 speech.) The BBC has vowed to fight the suit in court, contending that it couldn’t be considered U.S. election interference because it aired in the UK, not the U.S.

• January: Trump’s White House Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt threatened CBS to “sue your ass off” if they aired a Trump interview that was edited or shortened in any way.

• January: Trump sued his own IRS and Treasury Department for $10 Billion for the 2019 leak of his tax returns. According to the lawsuit, the leak—which showed Trump payed no income taxes in 10 of 15 years leading up to his first term—caused “reputational and financial harm, public embarrassment, unfairly tarnishing his reputations, portrayed him in a false light, and negatively affected President Trump’s public standing.”

• February 1: Trump threatened to sue author/journalist Michael Wolff and the Epstein estate for “conspiracy” to “damage him politically” over an account that his fallout with Epstein was due to a soured real-estate deal, not Epstein’s sexual activities. Following the release of 3 million Epstein files on Jan 30, Trump told reporters aboard Air Force One that he’d been “told by some very important people” that the new files “totally absolved him.”

• February 2: Trump announced on Truth* Social plans to sue Harvard University for $1 Billion in "damages" for "serious and heinous illegalities" without providing any explanation as to what they'd done wrong.

• February 2: Trump once again took to Truth* Social and threatened to sue Trevor Noah for "plenty of money" over an Epstein joke at the Grammy's.

NOAH’S ACTUAL JOKE: "That is a Grammy that every artist wants almost as much as Trump wants Greenland, which makes sense—because Epstein’s island is gone, he needs a new one to hang out with Bill Clinton.”

We’re only 25% of the way through Trump’s term, so you can bet the farm this list will continue to grow. Not because the underlying disputes are multiplying, but because the tactic is now established. The sheer scale of these threats and filings is the point: to raise the cost of scrutiny, to normalize retaliation, and to force institutions and individuals to decide whether resistance is worth the price. What matters most is not which of these cases succeed, settle, or fail — but what behavior they’re designed to shape next.

The first Trumpland Briefing will examine what these lawsuits have in common, why the outcomes matter less than the volume, and what to expect next.

The first piece – the one that brought many of you here – is still public, and it should be. It did its job.

That early moment set expectations…including some I didn’t intend.

So I want to be clear about how this works now.

First: What’s Free (and Will Stay Free)

The core reporting stays public.

That includes:

• documented facts

• source-linked investigations

• timelines

• receipts

If something matters to the public record, it stays accessible.
I’m not interested in turning basic information into a toll booth.

So What Is Paid For?

Paid is not:

• “supporting a creator”

• a tip jar

• early access to jokes

• longer versions of the same post

Paid exists for one reason:

Orientation.

The news cycle is loud, fast, and deliberately confusing. Most coverage explains what happened. Much less explains:

• what actually matters

• what’s being tested

• what will be normalized next

• what can safely be ignored

That’s what paid subscribers get.

How This Will Work Going Forward

Paid subscribers get a weekly briefing that does one job:

separate signal from noise.

It will be:

• predictable

• analytical

• focused on implications, not outrage

• written to help you anticipate what’s coming, not relive what already happened

The reporting is public.
The interpretation that helps you use it is not.

Why I’m Drawing This Line

Early on, many people subscribed – and even paid – before there was a clear product. Some of those subscriptions didn’t last. That’s on me.

If you don’t know what you’re paying for, you shouldn’t pay.

This post is about fixing that.

Who Paid Is For (and Who It Isn’t)

Paid is for readers who want:

• fewer surprises

• less whiplash

• context that carries forward week to week

It is not for:

• people who just want the headline

• people who only want the punchline

• people who are satisfied once the joke lands

There’s nothing wrong with staying free.

One Last Thing

I’m not interested in apologizing for charging for analysis – nor am I interested in pretending paid and free are the same thing.

They’re not.

If you want the reporting, it’s here.
If you want the framework that makes the next headline easier to understand, that’s what paid is for.

—
The Trumpland Diary

This latest victim of Trump’s untrained, trigger-happy Gestapo goon squad is Alex Pretti—a 37-year old ICU nurse who worked at the VA—who’s only “crime” appears to be trying to shield a woman that ICE violently shoved to the ground for no apparent reason.

Multiple angles of the murder are now available online, so it’s SUPER EASY to determine what did and did not happen.

Angle 1:

Angle 2:

Angle 3:

https://www.reddit.com/.../ice_shooting_from_the_pink.../

How Events Unfolded

Pretti walks out into the street holding his phone to film an ICE targeted operation. Several ICE agents get out of their cars and approach him in the middle of the street. Pretti turns to walk back towards the curb and encounters two women who are also getting out of the street. Pretti is seen helping one of the women back towards the curb with his arm around her shoulder when an ICE agent shoves the other woman to the ground unprovoked.

The woman Pretti is helping runs over to help her friend while Pretti steps between the fallen woman and the ICE agent, who immediately pepper-sprays him in the face. Pretti drops to his knees and then at least 6 ICE agents begin manhandling him on the ground.

While he’s down on his hands and knees, one of the agents notices Pretti’s handgun (licensed for concealed carry) tucked into the back of his pants and removes it. Once he’s safely taken Pretti’s gun, someone yells “He’s got a gun!” and shoots the unarmed Pretti while he’s on the ground. There’s a slight pause, and then 11-12 more shots are fired into Pretti’s unmoving body.

Since ICE’s policy is apparently that the lies they’re definitely going tell have to be INVERSELY PROPORTIONAL to the danger they’re lying about, the “official story” is that Alex Pretti was an “armed assassin who tried to murder federal law enforcement.”

Border Patrol chief and Nazi cosplay dresser Greg Bovino told the nation:

“During an immigration operation, an individual approached Border Patrol agents with a 9mm semi-automatic handgun. The agents attempted to disarm the individual, but he violently resisted. Fearing for his life, and the lives and safety of fellow officers, a Border Patrol agent fired defensive shots... The suspect also had two loaded magazines and no accessible ID. This looks like a situation where an individual wanted to do maximum damage and massacre law enforcement.”

Absolutely NONE OF THAT IS WHAT HAPPENED.

After lying his tiny midget ass off to the nation, Bovino released a photo of Petti’s gun, as if that somehow corroborates any of the rest of his fan fiction account of events.

Seeing the gun photo, Don the Con decided to pour some gasoline on the fire, writing:

“This is the gunman’s gun, loaded (with two additional full magazines!), and ready to go – What is that all about? Where are the local Police? Why weren’t they allowed to protect ICE Officers? The Mayor and the Governor called them off? It is stated that many of these Police were not allowed to do their job, that ICE had to protect themselves — Not an easy thing to do! Why does Ilhan Omar have $34 Million Dollars in her account? And where are the Tens of Billions of Dollars that have been stolen from the once Great State of Minnesota? We are there because of massive Monetary Fraud, with Billions of Dollars missing, and Illegal Criminals that were allowed to infiltrate the State through the Democrats’ Open Border Policy. We want the money back, and we want it back, NOW. Those Fraudsters who stole the money are going to jail, where they belong! This is no different than a really big Bank Robbery. Much of what you’re witnessing is a COVER UP for this Theft and Fraud. The Mayor and the Governor are inciting Insurrection, with their pompous, dangerous, and arrogant rhetoric! Instead, these sanctimonious political fools should be looking for the Billions of Dollars that has been stolen from the people of Minnesota, and the United States of America. LET OUR ICE PATRIOTS DO THEIR JOB! 12,000 Illegal Alien Criminals, many of them violent, have been arrested and taken out of Minnesota. If they were still there, you would see something far worse than you are witnessing today!” - President Donald J. Trump”

Greg Bovino, Stephen Miller, Krist Noem, Donald Trump—these people are the literal embodiment of pure evil.

That Christmas Eve White House address where he forgot to mention Christmas and spent the whole time talking about deadly South American snakes is a solid Top 3 Contender.

So was today’s White House presser celebrating his One Year Anniversary in office.

For starters, Agent Orange showed up a half-hour late, wielding a phone-book-sized stack of papers clipped together that just said “ACCOMPLISHMENTS,” which Trump held up and said, “We have a book that I’m not going to read to you– these are the accomplishments of what we’ve produced.”

And then having told the press room he’s not gonna read them anything in the “book” he waving at them, Trump launched into a rambling 1-hour 45-min incoherent mess that made a strong case for giving the man another one of those “preventative MRIs.”

Here’s some of the things 47 thought we would be proud of him for “accomplishing” this year:

• He held up several mugshots of Minnesota’s “WORST OF WORST” criminals, explaining that ICE had just rounded them up last week even though the mugshots we could all read said they’d been convicted last summer. One mugshot said the man was guilty of “Intentional Homicide,” which Trump read as “International Homicide.”

• Somalians stole $19 billion dollars. They’re very low-IQ people, but somehow they figured out how to steal $19 billion and spent it all on Mercedes Benzes. And Somalia isn’t even a real country. (Not sure how this is an “accomplishment,” just go with it. As we’ll see, Trump doesn’t appear to have any idea how this exercise is supposed to work.)

• Rep Ilhan Omar made $30 million without ever having a job. (she’s been a teacher, campaign manager, non-profit executive, Dept of Education staff, and City Council member. Most of “her” net worth is actually her husband’s.)

• Men in women’s sports is dumb, but not as dumb as Biden’s open border policies.

• All the oil companies are getting ready to “massively invest in Venezuela” (despite telling Trump last week that Venezuela was “univestable.”)

• Joe Biden is sleepy. And crooked. And the worst president we’ve ever had.

• Minnesota is full of the “toughest people around,” and all ICE wants to do is round them up and send them back to the mental institutions they came from, but they’re being abused by Don Lemon who’s a “loser and lightweight.”

• He really felt bad when “that woman” was shot, but some other lady was yelling “Shame! Shame!” like a professional opera singer, so that’s how he knows she was a professional agitator.

• ICE arrested “10,000 criminals in Minnesota.” (ICE has arrested around 3,000 people TOTAL in MN, 212 of which had severe criminal records.)

Read more

If you’re wondering What in the ever-loving hell are we doing with Venezuela? you’re not alone. As much as it seems to have come out of absolutely nowhere when we starting bombing random motorboats back in September, the answer may lie in a radical socio-political movement from the 1930s.

This is admittedly going to venture into some slightly conspiratorial territory, so allow me to properly set the table.

Anyone who’s been paying the slightest bit of attention the last few weeks knows the U.S. invasion of Venezuela and abduction of its president (and his wife, for some reason) had nothing to do with “drugs.”

Sure, Trump kept telling everyone it was all about drugs, but it quickly became obvious that it had nothing to do with drugs—or “narco-terrorism”—back on November 28 when Trump issued a full pardon to former Honduran President Juan Orlando Hernández, convicted and sentenced to 45 years on the EXACT SAME CHARGES Venezuela’s Maduro is now facing.

Immediately after Maduro’s kidnapping, Trump held a press conference to inform the world the U.S. would be “running” Venezuela for now—like that’s a totally normal thing we can do—on the grounds that it’s “in the U.S.’ best interest.” (Also, we’d be seizing their oil, selling it, and Trump himself would personally be in charge of managing the proceeds, because of course he would.)

And with a sudden new taste for warmongering and imperial conquest, America’s “Peace President” decided that stopping at Venezuela was so 2002—there were a number of other nations he’d like to invade next, thank you very much.

First up, Cuba.

Aboard Air Force One on Sunday, Trump mused, "I think Cuba is going to be something we'll end up talking about, because Cuba is a failing nation right now." When a reporter followed up about a possible U.S. military intervention there, Trump replied, “It sounds good to me.”

Then he repeated his threat of military intervention to oust Colombian President Gustavo Petro.

Then he threatened Mexico.

Then he repeated his desire to annex Greenland, stating, “We need Greenland from the standpoint of national security, and Denmark is not going to be able to do it.”

Trump has been talking about seizing Greenland for years (see my article: The Network State: Peter Thiel, Donald Trump, and Silicon Valley’s Quest for Greenland for an explanation why), but nobody was quite ready to take him seriously.

Until he invaded Venezuela and simply declared that America runs it now.

If Trump was simply joking, the people orbiting his ̶R̶e̶g̶i̶m̶e̶ ̶ Administration certainly weren’t curtailing the skepticism.

On December 22, Trump appointed Louisiana Governor Jeff Landry as Special Envoy to Denmark. Landry immediately took to Twitter/X to declare “It’s an honor to serve you in this volunteer position to make Greenland a part of the U.S.”

And just hours after our invasion of Venezuela, Katie Miller—wife of Trump’s White House deputy chief of staff and Homeland Security Advisor Stephen Miller—posted an image on the same platform of Greenland draped in the American flag with the comment “SOON.”

If all this was Trump and his lackeys horsing around, it was a joke horse that’s been beaten to death, tossed in the wood chipper, and turned into glue. (And then some MAGAt from eastern Kentucky ate the glue.)

Colombia, Cuba, Greenland, Mexico, Venezuela…am I leaving anyone out?

Oh right, Canada.

Trump spent the bulk of 2025 threatening in various forms to annex our northern neighbors and turn them into the “51st state.” Was this just more bloviating and hot air from North America’s biggest windbag?

Possibly.

But Canada took it seriously enough for their Department of National Defense to unveil a proposal in early December to establish a 300,000-person citizens’ army. (Their current military is ~68,000 active troops plus 27,000 reservists.)

Venezuela. Colombia. Greenland. Canada. Mexico. Cuba.

You’re gonna want to remember those names.

Enter “Technocracy”

Read more

The initial plan was to summarize Trump’s second first year with a bullet point for every post I made during the year. But it turned out there were like 1,600 of them, so I thought I’d break it down into quarters so as not to overload you good people.

I’m sure I missed a few stories along the way, but here’s everything I didn’t miss. So, without further ado, feast your eyes upon the the answer to the question: How much damage can one man do in a year?

JANUARY

• Launched $TRUMP meme-coin pump-and-dump scheme 3 days before the inauguration that briefly inflates his net worth by tens of billions.

• Trump launches MELANIA meme-coin in identical pump-and-dump scheme on Inauguration Day.

• Trump’s constant threats against perceived enemies forces Biden to issue preemptive pardons to protect people from political retaliation.

• Declined to place his hand on the Bible during the oath of office.

• Elon Musk flashes a Nazi salute at Trump’s inauguration rally.

• Signed 350 Executive Orders pre-written by Project 2025 architect Russel Vought.

• Threatened to “take back” the Panama Canal based on false claims that it’s controlled by China.

• Equated January 6 rioters with Israeli hostages while standing beside families of actual hostages.

• Pardoned nearly 1,600 Jan 6 rioters (will later say he didn’t vet them individually because “there were too many, it would’ve taken too long.”)

• Threatened tariffs on Canada while still not understanding who pays tariffs.

• Withdrew U.S. from Paris Climate Agreement.

• Withdrew U.S. from World Health Organization.

• Signed Executive Order to end Birthright Citizenship, guaranteed by the 14th Amendment.

• Granted Top Secret security clearance to White House staff without subjecting them to any of the typical vetting procedures.

• Declared a National Energy Emergency, a first in U.S. history, unlocking new powers to suspend environmental rules.

• Suspended the Refugee Admissions Program.

• Terminated all DEI programs across the federal government.

• Started feud with a bishop for asking him to be compassionate during a church service.

• Reversed Biden-era “Lowering Prescription Drug Costs for Americans” order, ending Medicare and Medicaid’s ability to negotiate for lower prices.

• Rolled back energy-efficiency regulations for dishwashers, shower heads, and gas stoves.

• Opened the Alaska wilderness to more oil and gas drilling.

• Repealed Biden-era regulations on tailpipe pollution from cars and light trucks.

• Renamed the Gulf of Mexico the “Gulf of America.”

• Implemented the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE), headed by Elon Musk.

• Revoked security clearances for 51 signers of a letter suggesting that the contents of Hunter Biden’s laptop could be Russian disinformation.

• Ordered Attorney General not to enforce TikTok ban that was passed by Congress, signed by Biden, and unanimously upheld by Supreme Court.

• Appointed Sylvester Stallone, Mel Gibson, and Jon Voight as “Ambassadors to Hollywood.”

• A Nashville school shooter cites neo-Nazi propaganda and right-wing influencers.

• Charlie Kirk uses MLK Day to declare that MLK “is not worthy of a national holiday” and that Black Americans are all worse off as a result of Civil Rights.

• The Constitution and Bill of Rights is removed from White House website. Also removed the Spanish version of the site, biographies of former presidents, pages about equality, LGBTQ-related pages, information on HIV, information on women’s reproductive healthcare, and the National Space Council page.

• Revoked Secret Security protection for John Bolton, Mike Pompeo, and Brian Hook despite them being known targets of Iran.

• Issued a legally illiterate Executive Order attempting to officially recognize only 2 genders that accidentally defined all Americans as female.

• TN Rep Andy Ogles introduced legislation to amend the 22nd Amendment to give Trump a third term.

• Released JFK, RFK, and MLK files, but signaled he will not release Epstein records.

• Elon Musk posts to Twitter/X: “Don’t say Hess to Nazi accusations. Some people will Goebbels anything down! Stop Göring your enemies. His pronouns would’ve been He/Himmler. Bet you did nazi that coming.”

• Mike Johnson blocks Jan 6 subpoenas to shield GOP members from embarrassing sex-text scandal.

• Amplified a bunch of debunked FEMA conspiracy theories while actively undermining disaster response in North Carolina.

• Installed Fox weekend host and alcholic rapist Pete Hegseth as Secretary of Defense, arguably the least qualified Secretary in U.S. history.

• Ordered removal of Tuskegee Airmen history from Air Force training.

• Started and then retreated from a trade war with Colombia.

• Elon Musk is kicked out of the White House for “abusing his proximity to the president.”

• Fired inspectors general and guts internal government oversight without legally required notice to Congress.

• A federal judge blocks Trump’s unconstitutional attempt to end birthright citizenship.

• DOJ fires everyone involved in Jack Smith’s investigations

• A pardoned January 6 rioter is killed in a police altercation.

• Rambled incoherently during press conference about California wildfires, claimed the fire itself was “a genius.”

• Wasted hundreds of millions by deporting migrants on military aircraft for optics.

• Falsely claimed the military “turned on” California’s water.

• Announced plans to deport U.S. citizens.

• Froze foreign and domestic aid, plunging the country into chaos.

• Egg prices hit all-time high.

• Announced plans for “Golden Dome” missile defense system, to be headed up by former NFL star Herschel Walker.

• 3 million people in Syria are cut off from hospital and medical services as a result of foreign-aid freeze.

• Ordered freeze on all domestic federal funding, causing Medicaid websites to crash and creating chaos for schools and law enforcement.

• Rep Ana Paulina Luna introduced legislation to carve Trump’s face into Mount Rushmore.

• Stripped General Mark Milley of Secret Service protection for preventing a coup.

• Threatened European allies by floating a military takeover of Greenland, forcing France and Germany to warn Trump not to try it.

• White House stenographers forced to hire outside help to keep up with the record-setting amount of talking Trump is doing

• Blamed a deadly plane crash on DEI and “dwarfs,” immediately gutted aviation oversight while politicizing a national tragedy.

• Installed MTV’s “Real World” and “Road Rules All Stars” alum Sean Duffy as Transportation Secretary.

• One of the pardoned Jan 6 rioters is sentenced to 10 years in prison for DWI vehicular manslaughter.

• Federal agencies banned all activities and events related to the observance of: MLK Day, Black History Month, National Spanish Heritage Month, Asian American Pacific Islander Heritage Month, National American Indian Heritage Month, National Disability Employment Awareness Month, Women’s Equality Day, Women’s History Month, Juneteenth, LGBTQ Pride Month, Holocaust Remembrance Day.

• New Press Secretary Karoline Leavitt told America that Trump freezing all foreign aid prevented the U.S. from sending $50 million worth of condoms to Gaza.

• New FCC Chief Brendan Carr announced investigations into PBS and NPR over false allegations of “on-air commercials” to justify cutting federal funding.

• Elon Musk’s aides locked federal government workers out of computer systems containing personal data for millions of employees.

• Falsely took credit for the release of four female Israeli soldiers held by Hamas.

• Meta agreed to pay $25 million to settle lawsuit Trump brought for having his account suspended after Jan 6.

That’s just the FIRST ELEVEN DAYS!

FEBRUARY

• Trump signs executive order threatening deportation of foreign students for protesting Israel

• Pentagon ejects New York Times, NBC, NPR, and Politico and replaces them with Breitbart and OAN

• TN passes law making it a felony for elected officials to vote against Trump’s immigration policies

• Trump orders mass purge of FBI leadership and paints over bureau’s core values mural on wall at Quantico

• Trump orders airstrikes against ISIS in Somalia

• USAID website goes offline

• Mass email goes out to 3 million federal workers offering a 7-month buyout of their salary if they voluntarily resign from their positions by Feb 6, told that anyone who didn’t resign may be laid off or reassigned.

• Trump announces 25% tariffs on Canada and Mexico, launching the largest trade war in U.S. history

• China files WTO lawsuit against the U.S. as Trump threatens tariffs until Canada is “annexed”

• Germany openly mocks Trump’s claim that the world “respects” the United States

• Canadians boo the U.S. national anthem at NHL and NBA games in protest of Trump’s policies

• Trump declares tariffs on Canada, Mexico, and China non-negotiable, then reverses course within 24 hours

• Trump delays Mexico tariffs after demanding deployment of 10,000 border troops

• Canada organizes nationwide boycott of American products

• Global markets crash amid Trump’s tariff whiplash

• Trump pardons Silk Road founder Ross Ulbricht, convicted of money laundering, computer hacking, and trafficking narcotics and sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole.

• After CA openly mocks Trump for falsely claiming he “turned their water back on,” he orders the Army Corps of Engineers to open the floodgates of dams in the Central Valley dumping 1.6 BILLION gallons of water into the valley—that DOES NOT CONNECT to SoCal

• OK congressman introduces bill labeling Episcopal bishop’s National Cathedral sermon “political activism” for imploring Trump to compassion

• Elon Musk seizes control of federal personnel, Treasury, and USAID systems through Trump-created DOGE agency

• Trump administration threatens arrest of anyone interfering with or investigating DOGE operations

• Trump withdraws the U.S. from UN Human Rights Council

• Marjorie Taylor Greene suggests kicking the foreign press out of the White House because the French reporter has a French accent.

• Trump suggests taking over Gaza and turning it into a US-owned riviera/beach resort

• Trump announces he’s struck a deal with El Salvador to ship both detained migrants and imprisoned U.S. CITIZENS to CECOT

• Trump orders federal employees to remove pronouns from email signatures and signs order dropping the “T” from LGBTQ

• Elon Musk pushes to keep DOGE operatives’ identities secret as his team seizes control of federal systems, threatens arrest of anyone who reveals their identities

• White House publishes “MySafeSpace” parody mocking DEI and Democrats on official government site

• Federal judge rules DOGE illegally accessed U.S. Treasury payment systems

• Trump, Elon Musk, and JD Vance attack judge after ruling blocks Treasury access

• Trump proclaims “Gulf of America Day” aboard Air Force One, renaming the Gulf of Mexico

• Private jet crashes near major U.S. airport amid mounting aviation safety concerns

• Trump and Musk extend “deferred resignation” buyouts to CIA, NSA, and ODNI

• Elon Musk calls for eliminating all federal regulations

• Trump signs EO banning trans women from women’s sports

• Marco Rubio moves to absorb USAID into the State Department as Musk puts hundreds of USAID staff on paid leave

• Trump falsely claims a USAID “scandal” as Politico payments are revealed to be government subscription fees

• Marco Rubio appoints Darren Beattie—fired in 2018 for white nationalist ties—to the same State Department role

• Panama Canal denies U.S. claim that American government ships will transit for free

• Trump’s executive-order binge accelerates as he governs by reversible decree

• Elon’s young DOGE operatives gain access to Department of Energy IT systems, raising nuclear security alarms

• Trump uses National Prayer Breakfast speech to blame aviation safety failures while admitting FAA understaffing

• Trump signs EO reversing federal policy to phase out plastic straws

• Trump DOJ moves to drop federal corruption charges against New York Mayor Eric Adams

• Dr. Phil embeds with ICE during immigration raids to film enforcement operations

• Trump halts enforcement of key federal ethics and transparency rules

• Trump fires multiple inspectors general overseeing federal agencies

• Federal court blocks Trump executive order targeting birthright citizenship

• Trump threatens retaliation against judges who rule against his policies

• Trump freezes domestic and foreign aid without congressional approval

• Time Magazine trolls Trump with cover showing Elon Musk behind the Resolute Desk

• Elon Musk reinstates DOGE staffer who resigned after racist and pro-eugenics posts are exposed

• JD Vance backs rehiring DOGE staffer fired over racist posts and attacks the journalist who reported it

• Trump signs EO cutting off U.S. aid to South Africa

• NLRB backs off court fight over its constitutionality after Musk attacks the agency

• DOGE seizes Consumer Financial Protection Bureau after Trump fires its director

• Republicans introduce bill to abolish OSHA as Musk faces extensive Tesla safety violations

• Trump aid freeze leaves 31,000 tons of food rotting in U.S. warehouses and ports

• USAID freeze halts malaria, HIV, tuberculosis, cervical cancer, and maternal nutrition programs

• Elon boosts Russian propaganda claiming USAID paid celebrities to visit Ukraine

• Trump freezes domestic programs including rural clinics, Head Start, farm subsidies, and disability services despite court orders

• DOGE blocks members of Congress from entering Department of Education while Musk’s team gains access

• Trump and Musk target NOAA and National Weather Service for cuts after Trump’s first-term “Sharpie” feud

• Fourth major plane accident since Trump took office raises alarms about FAA staffing

• Pam Bondi limits enforcement of foreign influence laws as reports surface of her foreign lobbying ties

• Pete Hegseth calls for bombing Iran and North Korea as contractor ties surface

• Trump moves to sell off half of all federal property while ordering remote workers back to offices

• Trump orders FCC investigation of KCBS radio station over their ICE reporting he didn’t like

• CDC deletes bird flu study as flu surges nationwide

• Trump sanctions the International Criminal Court after it issues Netanyahu arrest warrant

• Kash Patel took money from Kremlin-linked documentary producer before nomination to lead the FBI

• Trump and Musk claim “$1 billion in waste” per agency as math shows it barely dents the federal budget

• Trump fires Kennedy Center trustees and appoints himself chairman to purge “drag shows” from programming

• Trump escalates CBS “60 Minutes” lawsuit to $20 billion and adds Rep. Ronny Jackson to dodge venue challenge

• NFL drops “End Racism” from Chiefs’ end zone after Trump announces Super Bowl appearance

• Trump revokes Biden’s access to daily intelligence briefings in petty revenge

• Marco Rubio flips on USAID, bashing the agency he once defended to stay in Trump’s good graces

• JD Vance attacks judges blocking DOGE, declares the courts have no authority over the Executive Branch

• MAGA melts down over Samuel L. Jackson portraying Uncle Sam at the Super Bowl

• Trump makes a string of pre–Super Bowl predictions and praises Tommy Tuberville for coaching Mahomes—none of it true

• Trump slaps 25% tariffs on all steel and aluminum imports—again

• Trump equates January 6 rioters with victims of government assault and denies they attacked first responders

• Trump inflates a false USAID “condoms for Gaza” claim from $6 million to $100 million and says Hamas used them for bombs

• Trump signs EO bringing back plastic straws and mocking paper alternatives

• Trump DOJ orders prosecutors to drop Eric Adams corruption case after Adams offers to pursue Trump’s immigration policies

• Trump proclaims “Gulf of America Day” from Air Force One while flying over the Gulf of Mexico

• Pete Hegseth demands $137,000 in taxpayer-funded “upgrades,” including $50,000 for “emergency painting”

• Federal judge rules DOGE’s Treasury data grab illegal as Musk and Trump demand retaliation

• Congressman introduces bill to buy Greenland and rename it “Red, White, and Blueland”

• White House bars Associated Press for refusing to call the Gulf of Mexico the “Gulf of America”

• Trump strands Afghan allies by freezing the funding that was supposed to bring them to safety

• Trump calls Hamas “bullies” and declares bullies are the weakest people—without irony

• Trump’s Super Bowl trip costs taxpayers up to $20 million as DOGE stays silent

• Hegseth brings back “Fort Bragg” through a naming loophole—at another $6 million cost

• Navy fighter jet crashes into San Diego Bay, Trump blames DEI

• Federal judge demands answers after Trump administration deletes January 6 evidence databases

• AI rates Trump’s writing at an early-teen level after his Putin brag-posts

• Musk’s SpaceX lands $38 million NASA contract as he oversees the agencies overseeing him

• Denmark counters Trump’s Greenland threats with a viral petition to buy California

• Elon Musk changes his X name to “Harry Bōlz” while announcing mass firings

• U.S. corruption score hits record low as watchdog calls Trump’s opening weeks “most corrupt start” in history

• Trump derails a question on “fraud and abuse” into a rambling rant about aircraft carriers, magnets, tractors, and Elon Musk

• Career prosecutors revolt to keep the Eric Adams corruption case alive

• Six DOJ attorneys resign in protest over political interference in Adams case

• Elon Musk’s child reportedly tells Trump to “go away” in the Oval Office after wiping his nose on the Resolute Desk.

• DOGE staffer with prior racist posts had write-access to Treasury systems contradicting claims that Department of Government Efficiency had “read-only” access to Americans’ financial data.

• DOGE website launches—and immediately exposes classified intelligence info including sensitive details tied to the National Reconnaissance Office.

• Trump wildly inflates DOGE “savings,” claiming up to $1 trillion.

Actual confirmed cuts: about $2 billion—much of it blocked by courts.

• DOGE fires hundreds of nuclear weapons specialists—then panics and rehires them. Layoffs hit the National Nuclear Security Administration before officials realized what it actually does.

• Transparency collapse: DOGE hacked within 48 hours of launch. The same operation claiming it’s safeguarding America’s most sensitive data.

• Elon Musk becomes a father for the 14th time with conservative influencer who lectures about “traditional values.”

• DOGE has now fired / removed / forced out:

• Dept of Labor Inspector General

• NLRB Chair

• Two Democratic EEOC Commissioners

• CFPB Director Rohit Chopra

• USAID Inspector General

• DOT Inspector General

• FAA Administrator

• USDA Inspector General

• EPA Inspector General

• FEC Chair Ellen Weintraub

• DOI Inspector General

• DOD Inspector General

• SEC Chair Gary Gensler

• Director of the Office of Government Ethics

• DOGE has now gutted / shut down / neutralized the following agencies, most of whom were investigating Elon Musk’s businesses for multiple violations:

• Department of Labor Oversight capacity crippled

• National Labor Relations Board Leadership

• Office of Federal Contract Compliance Programs

• Equal Employment Opportunity Commission

• Consumer Financial Protection Bureau (CFPB)

• U.S. Agency for International Development (USAID)

• Department of Transportation

• Federal Aviation Administration

• U.S. Department of Agriculture

• Environmental Protection Agency

• Federal Election Commission Chair

• Department of the Interior

• Fish & Wildlife Service

• Department of Defense

• Trump opens Ukraine peace talks with Putin while excluding Ukraine, drawing praise from Kremlin state media

• Trump defies court orders on illegal funding freeze as allies attack judges and escalate intimidation

• Trump fires FAA staff, blames plane crashes on DEI, then fires hundreds more amid rising aviation incidents

• Trump bans Julianne Moore’s children’s book on self-acceptance from Department of Defense schools

• Trump’s FEMA denies Georgia disaster-relief extension months after campaigning on hurricane aid

• Delta jet lands upside down as Trump’s understaffed FAA briefly boasts crash-free streak

• Elon Musk amplifies white-supremacist symbolism and Nazi dog whistles through X branding and platform changes

• DOGE falsely accuses Reuters of Pentagon psy-ops after misreading cybersecurity contract, misinformation amplified by Musk and Trump

• Trump issues EO claiming only the President/AG can state what the law is, attempting to usurp the judiciary’s role

• Trump blames Ukraine for “starting” the war and justifies excluding Ukraine from its own peace talks as “they could’ve settled” by surrendering

• GOP moves to kill Biden-era CFPB overdraft-fee cap ($5) after Trump’s acting director Russ Vought shuts down the CFPB; led by French Hill and Tim Scott with bank-industry backing

• Official White House X account posts “LONG LIVE THE KING” with AI photo of Trump wearing a crown

• Rep. Claudia Tenney introduces bill to make June 14 a federal holiday (“Trump’s Birthday and Flag Day”)

• White House posts a “Migrant Deportation ASMR” video featuring deportees in chains as a propaganda-style troll

• USDA admits it accidentally fired bird-flu response staff and is scrambling to rehire them

• Kash Patel is confirmed as FBI Director despite openly promoting “deep state” conspiracy narratives and publishing an explicit “enemies list” of officials he wants targeted.

• DOGE botches its own “savings” math by misreading an $8 Million ICE contract as $8 Billion, then “fixing” the line item without fixing the total—so the website’s numbers no longer add up.

• Trump claims the U.S. is respected again while the UK response (implied) undercuts the brag.

• Trump pushes a GOP budget that cuts Medicare and SNAP to fund tax cuts for the wealthy, urging pressure on lawmakers while Congress is in recess.

• Proud Boys leader Enrique Tarrio, recently pardoned by Trump for Jan. 6, is arrested again for assaulting a female protester at the Capitol.

• The Associated Press sues Trump administration officials after being barred from the White House for refusing to adopt “Gulf of America” terminology.

• Elon Musk verifies Adolf Hitler as an “official government account.”

• Musk appears visibly impaired at CPAC while wielding a chainsaw

• Elon emails federal workers demanding 5 bullet points of weekly accomplishments

• Trump’s takeover of the Kennedy Center yields its first cultural initiative: a Jan. 6 Prison Choir produced by FBI Director Kash Patel.

• Homeland Security Secretary Kristi Noem confirms Trump personally ordered a $200 million DHS ad campaign praising himself, undercutting DOGE’s “anti-waste” narrative.

• Fox podcast host Dan Bongino appointed Deputy Director of the FBI

• A full audit of DOGE’s website shows its claimed $55 billion in savings is wildly inflated, with actual savings totaling about $7.3 billion

• On 3rd anniversary of Russia’s invasion of Ukraine, the U.S. votes against a UN resolution condemning Russia, siding with Russia and North Korea against our democratic allies.

• Trump responds to outrage over Musk’s federal worker ultimatum by posting a SpongeBob meme on Truth Social.

• Hackers broadcast an AI video of Trump kissing Elon Musk’s feet on HUD cafeteria TVs, declaring “LONG LIVE THE REAL KING.”

• Trump repeats and amplifies false claims about Ukraine aid—overstating U.S. spending, downplaying Europe’s contributions, inventing “missing” money, denying economic benefits to the U.S., and falsely blaming Ukraine for starting the war—prompting France’s President Macron to publicly correct him mid-lie.

• The White House announces it will decide which media outlets are allowed access to the White House and Air Force One

• Despite promises not to weaponize law enforcement, Trump’s FBI under Kash Patel reportedly launches an investigation into James Comey

• New data shows Trump is deporting fewer undocumented immigrants than Biden did in his final year, undercutting GOP claims of superior border enforcement.

• Trump proposes scrapping the EB-5 investor visa program and replacing it with $5 million “Gold Cards,” selling permanent residency with no job-creation requirements and opening the door to corruption, oligarch influence, and tax avoidance.

• Trump posts bizarre AI video showing Gaza turned into a Vegas-like strip fearing “Trump Tower Gaza” and featuring Trump and Netanyahu lounging shirtless in a pool while bearded women in bikinis belly dance.

• 21 federal technologists resigned from DOGE rather than help Musk compromise government systems, sensitive data, or public services.

• Trump appoints Don Jr.’s hunting buddy with no food safety background—to oversee FDA food safety, despite Don Jr.’s history of illegally hunting and eating plague-carrying marmots.

• After claiming he would recuse himself from conflicts of interest, Elon Musk helped generate false outrage about a Verizon FAA contract, paving the way for Starlink to potentially replace Verizon and capture a $2.4 billion federal contract.

• A federal judge ruled that OPM had no legal authority to fire probationary workers over Musk’s “what did you do last week” email.

• Rep. Joe Wilson introduced legislation to create a new $250 bill featuring Trump’s face.

• Trump announced an EO declaring English the official U.S. language—a legally meaningless move widely seen as a xenophobic dog whistle.

• The State Department terminated U.S. support for restoring Ukraine’s energy grid

• U.S. consumer confidence fell to an 8-month low amid Trump policy uncertainty, directly contradicting Trump’s claims of “all-time high confidence.”

MARCH

• Trump and his cabinet ambush President Zelensky in the Oval Office, calling him “ungrateful” and mocking his attire.

• Russian state media gains access to Oval Office during Zelensky meeting, live-streams event on Kremlin TV.

• Trump pressures Romania to lift travel restrictions on accused rapist and sex trafficker Andrew Tate.

• Police detain a woman in Walmart bathroom—forcing her to lift her shirt to prove she has breasts—after worker reports her for ‘looking like a man’

• Pete Hegseth orders halt to U.S. offensive cyber operations against Russia.

• While tackling “waste, fraud, and abuse” at DOGE, Elon chauffeurs his family around the country on Air Force One rather than his own private jet.

• Trump freezes all military aid to Ukraine after Zelensky refuses to publicly grovel.

• Canada, Mexico, and China announce retaliatory tariffs

• Trump signs “Free Speech” EO while threatening schools and students with funding cuts, arrests, and deportation for exercising Free Speech he doesn’t agree with.

• Trump escalates trade war by imposing reciprocal tariffs on Canada, Mexico, and China.

• Kremlin praises Trump, says his foreign policy “largely aligns with our vision.”

• Trump and DOGE’s surprise firings have interfered with the implementation of the No Surprises Act Trump created in his first term to “hold insurance companies and hospitals totally accountable” and protect consumers from surprise medical bills., creating chaos at the federal Center for Consumer Information and Insurance Oversight (CCIIO).

• During State of the Union, Trump declares “rule by unelected bureaucrats is over” before telling Elon Musk to stand up and wave at everyone.

• Congress and the White House admit to the courts that no one knows who is running DOGE.

• Trump appoints former WWE professional wrestling executive Linda McMahon Secretary of Education, immediately orders her to dismantle the Department of Education.

• Trump announces he will sell access to himself via private dinners at Mar-a-Lago for $5 million a plate.

• Confusing “transgenic” with “transgender,” Trump tells nation that the government “spent $8 million turning mice transgender,” vows to slash funding for scientific research.

• U.S. citizen is detained at gunpoint by ICE after being targeted for “looking Hispanic.”

• Trump announces halt to intelligence-sharing Ukraine relied on to intercept Russian missile strikes, prompting Putin to launch 100 drones and 35 ballistic missiles, killing dozens of civilians.

• Secretary of Commerce Howard Lutnick tells Fox News* that America isn’t currently experiencing “inflation” – we’re just experiencing “prices temporarily going up in certain sectors.”

• Trump announces plans to revoke legal status of 240,000 Ukrainian refugees amid ongoing war.

• Trump issues EO making lawsuits against his administration financially prohibitive.

• Pentagon DEI purge targets the Tuskegee Airmen, the first female fighter pilot, and the WWII “Enola Gay” aircraft (because “gay” is in the name).

• Trump threatens 250% tariffs on Canadian goods.

• Elon Musk’s Grok AI says Trump is a potential Russian asset.

• Trump defends Russian escalation after intelligence cutoff and blames Ukraine for civilian deaths.

• Trump makes 2am social media post of his face Photoshopped together with Elvis Presley.

• Trump suggests the male and female astronaut stranded on the International Space Station should “learn to love each other” (despite them both being married to people on the ground), rambles on about “the woman’s” hair.

• Black Lives Matter Plaza is dismantled in Washington, Republicans declare “America is healing.”

• Trump calls reporter “a terrible reporter” for asking him about Putin’s aggression toward Ukraine.

• Trump threatens to double tariffs on Canadian steel and aluminum, declares electricity emergency, and calls for Canada to become the 51st state.

• Senator Mark Kelly visits Ukraine and is labeled a traitor by Elon Musk for supporting continued aid.

• Idaho teacher is ordered to remove “Everyone is Welcome Here” sign for being too inclusive.

• Trump pardons convicted Tennessee GOP lawmaker Brian Kelsey, sentenced to 21-month for campaign finance fraud.

• Trump threatens 200% tariffs on French champagne and other EU spirits.

• Trump administration asks U.S. military to develop options for reclaiming Panama Canal.

• Trump celebrates K-9 Veterans Day while DOGE cuts funding for TSA K-9 units.

• Trump declares CNN and MSNBC “illegal” during a speech at the DOJ.

• Texas megachurch founder and former Trump spiritual adviser Robert Morris is charged with sex crimes against a child.

• DOJ removes study from its website showing undocumented immigrants commit crimes at far lower rates than U.S.-born citizens.

• Trump orders removal of Dr. Fauci mural from the National Institutes of Health.

• Arlington National Cemetery removes website content honoring Black and female veterans.

• Trump signs EO defunding libraries, museums, homelessness programs, and minority business agencies.

• Trump declares all Biden’s pardons void despite lacking any Constitutional authority to do so.

• Citing America’s “abandonment of democratic values,” French officials demand return of the Statue of Liberty.

• It’s revealed that all of Trump’s red MAGA hats are being made in China.

• DOGE signs agreement with Postmaster General Louis DeJoy to cut 10,000 Postal Service jobs.

• Trump revokes Secret Service protection for Hunter and Ashley Biden after previously extending it for his own children.

• Chinese state media praises Trump’s defunding of Voice of America as a victory for Beijing.

• Trump calls for impeachment of a federal judge who ruled against him.

• Minnesota Republicans introduce bill attempting to classify “Trump Derangement Syndrome” as a mental illness.

• Constitutional scholars on both sides of the aisle warn that DOGE’s dismantling of USAID violates the Constitution.

• Trump removes anti-segregation rules in government contracting established in the 60s.

• Trump signs EO dismantling the Department of Education

• ICE deports a professional soccer player from Venezuela—who had entered the U.S. LEGALLY and been granted asylum after being tortured by the Maduro regime—to El Salvador’s CECOT prison.

• Pentagon announces it is preparing for nuclear war with Iran.

• Trump administration labels Tesla vandalism “domestic terrorism” and proposes deportations to El Salvador.

• Billionaire Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick dismisses Social Security disruptions, claims “that the only people who ever complain about not receiving a SS payment on time are fraudsters.”

• Trump issues EO specifically targetting law firm Paul, Weiss, Rifkind, Wharton & Garrison LLP, then agrees to rescind the EO in exchange for them providing $40 MILLION worth of bro bono work to advance Trump’s personal agendas.

• Trump revokes security clearances from political rivals including Biden, Harris, Clinton, Liz Cheney, Anthony Blinken, Adam Kinzinger, Fiona Hill, Alex Vindman, and a dozen others.

• Trump promotes his cryptocurrency scam on social media.

• Trump has meltdown down over unflattering portrait displayed in the Colorado State Capitol.

• Trump proposes requiring green card applicants already in the U.S. to surrender their social media accounts.

• Trump announces secondary tariffs of 25% on any countries purchasing Venezuelan oil, not realizing that the U.S. buys one quarter of Venezuela’s oil exports.

• Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick claims U.S. sold 1,000 “gold cards” in a single day for $5 million each. (It will later turn out we hadn’t sold any)

• Pete Hegseth illegally shares classified war plans on Signal group chat, accidentally includes The Atlantic reporter Jeffrey Goldberg in the chat.

• Pete Hegseth defends accidentally including a reporter in the Signal chat by the claiming the war plans were not classified. (Congress will later determine they were indeed.)

• Trump demands full Iranian nuclear disarmament after dismantling the original Iran nuclear deal himself in his first term.

• Greenland residents protest visit by second lady Usha Vance with red hats that say “MAKE AMERICA GO AWAY.”

• Trump’s targeting of law firms begins to undermine Americans’ access to legal representation.

• Right-wing media ignores Trump’s use of Air Force One “short stairs” after previously mocking Biden for using them.

• National Security Director Tulsi Gabbard tells the Senate that bombing plans are not classified information, then refuses to discuss it further due to the mission being classified.

• After Maine’s governor Janet Mills rejects Trump’s transgender sports EO and defends constitutional limits on presidential power, Trump takes to social media to declare her actions an “unlawful challenge to the federal government.”

• Trump revokes legal status for 500,000 migrants from Cuba, Haiti, Nicaragua, and Venezuela, demands they “go back to where they came from” while denying they’re being deportated.

• Arkansas introduces legislation banning non-gender-conforming haircuts for minors.

• Tulsi Gabbard caught lying about what information was contained in Signal chat.

• Despite it being reported in every news outlet globally, Trump tells reporters he “hasn’t heard anything about” 4 U.S. soldiers killed in Lithuania.

• National Security Advisor Michael Waltz claims he’s “never met” Jeffrey Goldberg despite numerous photos of them attending events together.

• Trump promises “tremendous goodies in the bag for women” in proposed healthcare plan (that will never materialize), declares himself “The Fertilization President.”

• Florida advances legislation rolling back child labor protections to offset labor shortages created by deportations.

• Trump falsely claims responsibility for military recruitment surge that occurred under Biden.

• Senate votes to overturn Consumer Financial Protection Bureau overdraft fee protections.

• Trump signs EO directing Smithsonian to revise historical narratives.

• Masked ICE agents jumped out of unmarked cars and grabbed Fulbright scholar Rumeysa Ozturk off the sidewalk, arresting her and threatening deportation in response to Trump’s new “zero-tolerance” policy on speech he doesn’t agree with. Her crime? Last year, Ozturk wrote an op-ed in her student newspaper criticizing the University’s response to resolutions passed by the student body Senate regarding the “war” in Gaza.

• Trump pardons 3 more financial and crypto criminals, reminding everyone that crime really does pay. If you’re a Republican.

• Trump privately acknowledges tariffs raise consumer prices while publicly denying it.

• Pete Hegseth lets his brother and [Fox producer] wife sit in on sensitive national security meetings with foreign military officials.

• Amid historic measles outbreak in 20 states, FDA vaccine chief resigns, citing political interference and misinformation.

• Trump tells NBC’s Kirsten Welker that he’s “not joking” about seeking a 3rd presidential term.

• Pro-Trump activists vandalize NIH neuroscience research displays over misinterpreted terminology. Like Trump, they confused “transgenic” with “transgender.” And then smashed a bunch of science stuff.

• Trump’s spiritual adviser Paula White promotes pay-for-blessings scheme tied to White House faith office.

• Attempting to buy votes, Elon Musk distributes two $1-million checks to Wisconsin voters ahead of state Supreme Court election.

Because I use to sell health insurance (way back in the day ‘02-’04), I’m constantly bombarded by my circle of friends and family with questions about how it all works.

For a million bucks, the average person can’t tell you the difference between a premium and a deductible, or a co-pay vs coinsurance. And the problem with not knowing how something works is that 1) you have no ability to detect if someone is accurately diagnosing what’s wrong with the system, and 2) no way of determining if their proposed “solution” is even remotely viable or a bunch of snake oil.

Health insurance is confusing enough on its own for the average person. Couple that with the average MAGAt’s general incomprehension of how anything works—which explains their eagerness and willingness to lap up whatever nonsensical soup-du-jour BS Trump is selling that day on everything from SNAP benefits to mail-in voting to inflation to freaking windmills—and you’ve got a Perfect Storm of ignorance and misinformation.

So, when Trump comes out and says:

“Obamacare is horrible health insurance—it’s way too expensive. All it is is a way of making health insurance companies rich. We want the money not to be paid AT ALL to insurance companies... We want the money to go to the people. It’ll go in the form of an insurance account—a Health Savings Account (HSA)—we want to give the money to the People and let the People buy their own great healthcare. And they’ll save a lot of money and it’ll be great.”

...the average Joe has no idea if what he’s pitching is remotely accurate.

I’m gonna tell you the SPECIFICS of what he’s selling the American people...and then explain why it’s horrible for all of us.

And we’re gonna learn a little bit about health insurance along the way.

WHY OBAMACARE?

The Affordable Care Act (ACA) aka “Obamacare” was an attempt to address the problem of tens of millions of Americans not having health insurance either 1) because they couldn’t afford it, or 2) because they had pre-existing conditions that made them uninsurable.

Back when I was selling insurance, there was UNGODLY LONG list of conditions and maladies that disqualified you from being able to get coverage: asthma, diabetes, migraines, depression, bipolar disorder, MS, heart disease, cancer (in the past 10 years), Parkinson’s, lupus, stroke history in your family going back 2 generations, rheumatoid arthritis, thyroid disorders, obesity, endometriosis, anorexia or bulemia, substance abuse—and this is just the tip of the iceberg—basically anything a person might want health insurance for disqualified them from being able to get it in the first place.

Hell, if someone in the house was pregnant, we couldn’t write a policy for ANYONE IN THE HOUSE. (And if you wanted coverage for a planned pregnancy in the future, there was at least a 12-month waiting period before your insurance would cover it).

What this meant was that roughly 1 in 3 American adults under the age of 65 were ineligible for health insurance. If you were sick, you either relied on Medicare, paid for the entire cost out-of-pocket, or simply went without treatment.

If you’ve ever gone to the doctor or hospital without insurance, you KNOW what that bill looked like. Forget about just skipping this year’s 2-week family vacation—you’re looking at complete financial insolvency.

In the United States of America—the wealthiest country on earth—TWO THIRDS of all personal bankruptcies are due to medical debt.

Obamacare was essentially one man going, “Hey, we don’t think you should lose your house just because you got in a car accident.” What Obamacare DID was legislate that insurance companies couldn’t turn you down for pre-existing condition, giving EVERYONE access to health insurance.

Insurance companies said, “Fine, we’ll insure them–but since we know these sick folks are gonna cost us a boatload of money, we’re gonna have to jack up the premiums to offset the added costs.”

To which the government said, “Fine, we’ll subsidize the difference.” (imagine your tax dollars actually being spent on...YOU!)

Yes, you could still go buy a private insurance policy like before. But IF you couldn’t afford it—or had a condition that previously made you uninsurable—the government would step in and help you out so you didn’t have to go bankrupt buying insulin every month.

ENTER COVID

Biden’s 2021 American Rescue Plan Act included a temporary expansion of the ACA benefit to further lower premiums—extended under the 2022 Inflation Reduction Act—but is now set to expire at the end of 2025.

With health insurance companies continuing to jack up rates to maximize profits, the expiring expanded benefits means people are set to see their monthly insurance costs double, triple, or in some cases, quadruple.

Democrats want to extend the expanded benefits so that people who were paying $450 bucks a month aren’t suddenly paying $900.

And Trump, bless his heart, is going, “Let’s just give the People the money directly and let them buy their own insurance, which will save them money!”

Have I mentioned that Trump is an idiot?

TRUMP IS AN IDIOT

Here’s what this looks like in practice: Trump’s proposal is to give $1,000 a year to each adult aged 18-49, and $1,500/yr to folks 50-64. Not in cash, mind you, deposited into an HSA. (folks over 64 transition into Medicare, which isn’t eligible for HSAs)

Let’s start unpacking the idiocy of Trump’s “plan.”

Roughly 53% of Americans self-report living paycheck to paycheck. (According to LendingTree, it is periodically as high as 64%.) So, initial estimates are that ~4 MILLION Americans will instantly lose their health insurance come January because they simply cannot afford the cost hike.

Trump thinks his dumb MAGA cult followers will be totally cool with this because they can take their $1,000 (or $1,500) and “negotiate directly with the insurance companies to buy really great insurance!”

I’m not sure what asbestos-soaked rock Donald Trump has been living under for the past 80 years that leads him to believe that “negotiating with insurance companies” is a thing. This isn’t a Moroccan night market where you can haggle over the price of a puka shell necklace. Your cash has exactly as much bargaining power with Blue Cross Blue Shield as it does at Applebee’s. (”The menu says these baby back ribs are $21.99, but hows about we make it $14...CASH MONEY?”)

So no, Donny Dumbass, ”negotiating with insurance companies” does not exist.

Next, is the idea that people will somehow be “BETTER OFF” if the government deposits $1,000 a year into an HSA they can “use at their discretion” rather than simply continuing to subsidize their ACA premiums. It’s kinda like a high school going, “Instead of providing uniforms for the football team this year, we’re just gonna give all the players $20 bucks and let them buy whatever gear they want!”

WHAT IS A HEALTH SAVINGS ACCOUNT (HSA)?

It’s a savings account that can only be used for medical purposes: Co-pays, prescriptions, ER visit to dislodge the ficus plant from your backside after you tried to sled off the roof naked at your in-laws’ stupid Christmas party, etc. Standard stuff.

Hell, you can even use an HSA to pay your monthly insurance premiums...with a caveat: YOU CAN’T USE IT FOR MARKETPLACE (ACA) PLAN PREMIUMS.

Which, I will remind you, is the ONLY PLACE YOU CAN RECEIVE GOVERNMENT SUBSIDIES FOR INSURANCE!!!

Basically, Trump is saying, “Instead of us covering your health insurance, have this $1,000 that you CAN’T USE to offset the cost of your health insurance!”

BUT $1,000 IS STILL BETTER THAN NOTHING, RIGHT?

I’ll give you a real-world case study I had to field a bunch of questions for and you be the judge. But first, let’s make sure we all know what these insurance terms mean:

• Premium – the amount you pay every month to have coverage

• Co-pay – the amount you pay for things like doctors visits and prescriptions (usually ranging from $5-$50)

• Coinsurance – the amount of major medical expenses you and the insurance company split. This can range from 50-50 to 100% coverage, but 80-20 is the most common. That means your insurance pays 80% of the bill, and you’re responsible for the other 20%.

• Deductible – the amount of money you’re responsible for paying before your coinsurance kicks in. This resets every year.

• Out-of-Pocket Maximum – the cap on how much you’re forced to spend on medical claims in a calendar year. Once you hit your maximum out-of-pocket, insurance pays everything above it. Your Premium does not count towards the OoP.

Say you pay $500/mo for your insurance. The plan is 80-20 with a $4,000 deductible and a $9,500 out-of-pocket max. You end up in the hospital for a few days and get sent a $20,000 bill. How much will you spend on medical that year?

Well, you spend $500/mo x 12 months, so there’s 6 grand before you’ve even addressed your bill. You have to pay your $4,000 deductible before your 80-20 coinsurance kicks in, leaving $16,000 on the bill. You’re responsible for 20% of that, which is $3,200. Insurance pays the remaining $12,800.

You’ve now spent $7,200 (above your Premium), which means you’re just $2,300 away from your Out-of-Pocket Max of $9,500. If you have any more expenses this year at hit it, insurance covers everything above it. (No, if you don’t hit it, you don’t get a credit for next year. These aren’t cell phone roll-over minutes.)

REAL WORLD ACA EXAMPLE

John and Jane Doe are in the mid-30s with three kids. Jane’s a stay-at-home mom, and John’s work doesn’t offer heath insurance, so they have to buy their own. John has asthma and Jane is diabetic, so they don’t qualify for normal health insurance—they’ve got to buy it through the Marketplace (healthcare.gov) where nobody can be turned down.

The Marketplace has three tiers of plans: Bronze, Silver, and Gold. The Silver tier has some amazing plans with small deductibles (theirs is $500) and low Out-of-Pockets (theirs is $3,500/person). But they ain’t cheap! John and Jane’s plan costs $2,600/mo. The good news is that $8,000 is the out-of-pocket max they’d have to face in any given year. (Don’t worry, they’ve got $10,000 in savings!)

But the benchmark Silver plan has a nice feature built in (that’s about to expire): no household pays more than 8.5% of their income for it. It’s a sliding scale for everyone, based on income.

Because of their income, John and Jane qualify for a Premium Tax Credit of almost $2,300/mo, meaning John and Jane only pay about $300/mo for this awesome insurance policy.

But their plan is set to increase $400 in 2026. And the 8.5%-of-income clause is set to expire on Dec 31 because Republicans will only extend a Tax Credit if you own an NFL franchise. So, John and Jane are looking at a premium hike from $300/mo to almost $900.

They only have about $200 of wiggle room every month, so they simply can’t do it.

What they can do is drop down to a Bronze Tier plan. Those are quite a bit cheaper…for a reason.

There’s a Bronze plan that will actually allow them to pay slightly less than they were paying before (about $280/mo after the Tax Credit) but they now have a $7,500 deductible—PER PERSON—and a $10,000 out-of-pocket max—PER PERSON—meaning that instead of being on the hook for potentially $8,000 tops if it’s a bad medical year, John and Jane are now liable for $35,000.

That’s a $27,000 increase! (no biggie—like I mentioned, they have $10k in savings)

BUT HAVE NO FEAR, DONALD’S HERE!

See, Trump understands that a $27,000 annual increase in healthcare is, like, vaguely inconvenient or something. After all, this is the man who invented the word “groceries” and knows you need a photo ID to buy bread.

He’s just the SMARTEST at everything. (see also: 6 casinos)

And that is why he would like to give everyone…$1,000 a year in a Health Savings Account! To do with “however they see fit!”

“OBAMACARE IS TERRIBLE HEALTHCARE”

This is the statement Trump keeps repeating that should tell everyone he doesn’t know his ass from a hole in the ground and to go listen to LITERALLY ANYTHING ELSE on the planet making noise.

Seriously, you would get more useful medical advice putting in airpods playing a looped recording of that cargo ship knocking over the Key Bridge in Baltimore while sprinting around a pet store with a paper bag over your head.

And also the bag is on fire.

See, Obamacare is NOT “healthcare.” It’s subsidized health INSURANCE.

Big Difference.

HealthCARE is the medical services doctors and hospitals provide. Obamacare is the means of paying for it.

And you know what? Not only is it not “terrible,” it’s pretty freaking amazing.

Is it expensive? Yeah. It’s estimate that it would cost us ~$350 billion over the next 10 years if these Premium Tax Credits don’t sunset this month.

You know what would’ve easily covered that? The Big Beautiful Tax Cuts Trump extended to all his rich cronies. Those are projected to cost $4.2 TRILLION over the same time period.

Make no mistake, Trump’s not grousing about the “terrible Obama healthcare” because it’s actually terrible (or even healthcare), he’s throwing a fit because extending the Tax Credits to would mean helping out about 45 million Americans who don’t own NFL franchises—for less than 10% of the cost of extending the Tax Credits to his wealthy pedo buddies.

So, he’s whining and lying and offering everyone $1,000 as a consolation prize.

On the bright side, at least you know what a deductible is now.

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Despite previous assurances from Trump that his new golden ballroom addition to the White House would “not interfere with the current building,” he has completely destroyed the entire East Wing, shocking the entire world in the process with his heretofore unknown propensity for untruthfulness.

With the vast majority of Americans expressing their disapproval and/or disgust at the irreverent treatment of The People’s House, White House press secretary Karoline Leavitt, vying for Most Disingenuous Take of the Month Award, attempted to downplay the makeover by telling the press: “Nearly every single president who has lived in this beautiful White House… has made modernizations and renovations of their own.”

She wasn’t lying (for once), buy hoo boy did she manage to miss the entire point by a country mile!

From first-laid cornerstone to tacky Liberace ballroom, here’s what previous presidents over the years have done to The People’s House (see if you can spot the difference):

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You’ve all heard the quote by now. How could you not? Trump mentions it every time he makes a public statement – whether it’s talking to reporters on Air Force One, addressing the generals, or Charlie Kirk’s freakin’ memorial service.

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When convicted felon Donald Trump addressed the nation for the first time following the horrific assassination of Charlie Kirk, he made a choice.

He chose to single out "radical left political violence" while making sure he didn't mention anything about the "radical right violence."

"From the attack on my life in Butler, Pennsylvania last year, which killed a husband and father, to the attacks on ICE agents, to the vicious murder of a healthcare executive in the streets of New York, to the shooting of House Majority Leader Steve Scalise and three others, radical left political violence has hurt too many innocent people and taken too many lives."

Steve Scalise. ICE agents. The United Healthcare CEO. Most importantly, HIMSELF.

He made sure HE came at the top of the list.

Trump COULD have padded out the list with Melisa Hortman and her husband, gunned down in their own home on June 14.

He COULD have mentioned John Hoffman and his wife, both shot by the same killer.

He COULD have mentioned Paul Pelosi, attacked in his house by a MAGA lunatic with a hammer.

He COULD have mentioned the Kansas Somali Plot where 3 men calling themselves "The Crusaders" got convicted of plotting to bomb an apartment complex housing Somali Muslim immigrants in Garden City, KS.

He COULD have mentioned the Tree of Life Synagogue shooter who killed 11 worshippers in the deadliest antisemitic attack in U.S. history.

He COULD have mentioned the Mail Bomb Plot where MAGA lunatic Cesar Sayoc sent pipe bombs to prominent Democrats, media outlets, and critics of Trump.

He COULD have mentioned the Poway Synagogue Shooting in California where a White Supremacist shot 4 people during Passover.

He COULD have mentioned the El Paso Walmart shooting where a gunman radicalize on "Great Replacement Theory" conspiracy manifestos decided to target Latinos, killing 23 and injuring dozens more.

He COULD have mentioned the Right-wing militia members who plotted to kidnap Michigan’s Democratic Governor Gretchen Whitmer over COVID restrictions.

He COULD have mentioned the Buffalo Supermarket Shooting where a White Supremacist killed 10 Black shoppers in a racially motivated attack.

He COULD have mentioned the Allen, TX Mall Shooting where a neo-Nazi killed 8 people.

He COULD have mentioned the 2023 Power Grid Attacks where Far-right extremists targeted power substations in attempts to cause chaos.

Above all, he COULD have mentioned the Jan 6 insurrection he personally incited at our nation’s Capitol that left 147 police officers injured and caused $2 million in property damage.

But we already know Donald Trump’s position on political violence: as long as it’s done in his name, for his benefit, or against people he doesn’t like, he doesn’t have a problem with it.

Not everyone who was arrested for Jan 6 was charged with violence. But more than 500 of them were.

Trump called them “great patriots” and pardoned them all.

When Trump addressed the nation following Kirk’s death, he COULD have highlighted the political violence on BOTH sides of the aisle.

But he chose not to.

He could have reached out to BOTH sides—told BOTH sides to “knock it off.” That's what a real leader would do.

Throw water on the fire, not more gasoline.

But he’s made it abundantly clear through a myriad of rallies and press conferences and incoherent social media ramblings that he is not a president* for “all Americans.” He is only the president* for those who support him.

Trickle-down economics isn’t a real thing. Trickle-down leadership is.

The folks on the Far-right who love Trump don’t worship and adore him IN SPITE of his dangerous, hateful rhetoric—they love him BECAUSE of it. He says all the stuff they wish could say, but were always too scared to say it because even they know words have consequences.

Trump VOCALIZED all the hate, racism, misogyny, homophobia, transphobia, and xenophobia in their hearts, and they LOVED him for it.

Now, they’re trying to gaslight you, just like their Dear “Leader” taught them to do.

They’ll wring their hands and clutch their pearls and bury their heads in the sand because they will absolutely not—UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES—acknowledge that THEY have sided with and supported political violence more often and in greater extremes than all the “Radical Liberals” they love to to hate.

According to the Center for Strategic & International Studies (CSIS), Right-Wing Extremism (aka right-wing terrorism) has been the most FREQUENT and LETHAL form of domestic terrorism in the U.S. over the past two decades.

Left and Right political violence tends to have different targets that don’t put them on the same footing. They shouldn't even be in the same conversation. Hell, they don't even belong in the same ballpark.

Left-wing violence overwhelmingly targets PROPERTY. Right-wing violence overwhelmingly targets PEOPLE.

According to 2022 data from the Anti-Defamation League, Domestic extremist-related killings from 2013-2022 led to 444 deaths in America. Right-wing extremism accounted for 75% of them. Islamic extremism accounted for 20%. Left-wing extremism (including Anarchists and Black Nationalists) accounted for 4%.

The two sides are not equal.

And we’re not going to make any progress whatsoever in this country as long as the side that’s responsible for the VAST MAJORITY of it keeps gaslighting everyone about the supporting role they've played in it this entire time.

Sure, maybe they weren’t “cheering.”

But they definitely weren’t condemning it either.

And sometimes silence speaks infinitely louder than words ever could.

Back in July 2024, Paramount Global and Skydance Media struck a tentative $8-billion deal to merge into "Paramount Skydance Corporation."

(Paramount is the parent company of Paramount Pictures, Paramount+, CBS, The CW, BET, MTV, Nickelodeon, Comedy Central, CMT, Showtime, and Pluto TV.

Skydance has 6 divisions: Feature Films (Mission: Impossible, Transformers, Top Gun: Maverick, Baywatch, Spy Kids, Fountain of Youth, etc.), TV, Animation, Interactive, Sports, and New Media.)

The potential merger had a number of regulatory and legal hurdles to get over including FCC scrutiny into possible conflicts-of-interest involving CBS's News division. Additionally, Conservative public interest law firm Center for American Rights filed a bunch of objections with the FCC ranging from "a track record of ideological bias" to DEI hiring practices to "undue foreign influence from China."

The bottom line: it wasn't entirely clear if the Paramount-Skydance merger was actually going to happen The FCC had a number of legitimate reservations that could've kept the deal from going through. If it was going to happen, it would require someone higher up the food chain to pressure the FCC...IF such an entity actually existed and had sufficient incentive to do so.

ENTER DONALD J. TRUMP: PROFESSIONAL FRIVOLOUS-LAWSUIT FILER AND ACCEPTOR-IN-CHIEF OF BRIBES

Running up to the 2024 election, CBS's did an interview with Kamala Harris in which they broadcast two different versions of Kamala's answer to a question: one was a shortened clip that aired as a preview on "Face the Nation," the other was a longer version for "60 Minutes" which *appeared* to be a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT ANSWER.

Trump called foul and sued CBS for $10 BILLION, citing "deceptive doctoring," "election interference" and "emotional distress." His attorneys claimed it was "malicious, deceptive, and substantial news distortion calculated to confuse, deceive, and mislead the public."

Shortly after Trump took office, the FCC instructed CBS to publish the full and unedited transcript of the interview with Kamala, which CBS obliged on Feb 5. Once it came out, it was immediately evident what had happened: Kamala gave a VERY LONG answer to a question and CBS split her answer in half. The first half was shown on Face the Nation, the second half on 60 Minutes. But Kamala's ENTIRE ANSWER was sitting there on the CBS website if anyone cared enough to go look.

There was no editing, splicing, stitching, or otherwise "doctoring" of the script. It had simply been chopped in half to fit the time constraints of both programs.

The FCC had done exactly what it's supposed to—it forced CBS to provide transparency, which vindicated CBS against Trump's allegations in the process.

Such outcomes are unacceptable to Mango Mussolini.

Two weeks after CBS released the full transcript, Trump signed Executive Order 14215: “Ensuring Accountability for All Agencies.”

While that title sounds great on the surface, remember what our rule of thumb is around here: The NAME of a bill or EO is always inversely proportional to the goodness of its PURPOSE. The better the name, the worse the policy. In this case, "Accountability" was the key word.

Under previous administrations, independent agencies were given almost unlimited autonomy to operate in order to avoid any appearances of undue political influence. Basically, what was or wasn't allowed on TV was up to the FCC, not the President of the United States.

Trump's EO flipped that on its head. Under the guise of "accountability," the president would be implementing new controls over independent regulatory agencies, requiring presidential approval for any of their rulings or recommendations.

So, the independent agencies would now be "accountable" to Trump...who wouldn't be accountable to anyone. (See? Inversely proportional.)

Including the FCC.

Since Trump won the election << wink wink >> it was going to be pretty difficult for him to legally argue he'd suffered any "emotional distress." And since the full transcript of the Kamala interview plainly demonstrated that CBS hadn't actually done any of the stuff Trump and his attorneys were alleging, the near-unanimous opinion in legal circles was that this was just another meritless Frivolous Trump Lawsuit and that CBS would easily prevail in court.

So, it came as an absolute shock to everyone when CBS announced on July 2 that it was SETTLING the lawsuit with Trump...for $16 million.

WHY WOULD ANYONE IN THEIR RIGHT MIND VOLUNTARILY PAY OFF A LITIGANT THEY WERE ALL-BUT GUARANTEED TO DEFEAT IN COURT???

Ohhhhhhhhhhhh...... Right........

CBS is owned by Paramount...who needs FCC approval to complete an $8-billion merger with Skydance...and Trump recently signed an Executive Order making the FCC accountable directly to himself...so the final decision-maker in this Paramount-Skydance merger is ultimately...Donald Trump.

Everyone on earth who wasn't blind or wearing a red hat immediately saw this baffling development exactly for what it was: a $16-million "greasing-the-skids" by Paramount/CBS to secure Trump's approval of the questionable merger.

Among the people calling the settlement "a big fat bribe" was CBS's own Stephen Colbert, host of The Late Show since 2015 and one of Donald Trump's most outspoken critics.

On Monday this week, Colbert quipped:

"As someone who has always been a proud employee of this network, I am offended. And I don't know if anything will ever repair my trust in this company, but just taking a stab at it, I’d say $16 million would help."

On Tuesday this week, The Late Show was up for its 8th Primetime Emmy nomination for Outstanding Variety Talk Series.

And on Thursday this week, it was announced Colbert was fired and The Late Show would be ending in May 2026. Not as in a different host would be replacing Colbert on The Late Show—as in THE ENTIRE SHOW was being cancelled. You know, how TV networks always do for their multi-Emmy-nominated programs.

While most objective observers, pundits, and legal scholars saw this as an incomprehensible, politically-motivated assault on the First Amendment, one person in particular seemed to take great delight in it—the President of the United States:

"I absolutely love that Colbert’ got fired. His talent was even less than his ratings. I hear Jimmy Kimmel is next. Has even less talent than Colbert! Greg Gutfeld is better than all of them combined, including the Moron on NBC who ruined the once great Tonight Show."

I know America is currently in a downhill-slalom race into full-blown fascism under Trump, but the saddest part of this whole affair is crystal clear:

Someone in America thinks Gutfeld has talent.

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