Henry did start classes this week, and over the weekend we helped him move into his first apartment—I totally did that extremely mom thing of alternately crying a little while I packed up boxes and also sneaking in things I wanted him to have—a jar of peanut butter here, his favorite hot sauce there. It’s so fun to see your kids happy and excited about a new adventure, so this weekend was delightful.

Before all the college stuff, we spent the first part of the week celebrating my 50^th birthday—many, many people in my life who have crossed this milestone before me have told me that you don’t celebrate the day of your 50^th, you celebrate the year, and I like that idea very much. Let’s do that!

Last Sunday, my family planned the sweetest dinner party for me---one long table looking over the lake at the cottage, lots of thoughtful moments and old photos and games and toasts…it was absolutely perfect!

And then the next morning, the four of us drove around the lake to Chicago for an excellent birthday/anniversary trip…because Monday was our 25^th wedding anniversary! We had a super special dinner that night at our favorite spot…and I told my editor yesterday that I’m basically made of champagne at this point (not complaining!) and I don’t want to fly or drive or pack or unpack anything for a while!

One fun thing that I’ve been wanting to tell you about is this little video series that Aaron and I are starting…well, so far we’ve done 2, ok? But we have at least 2 more planned! Aaron & I invite a friend to come over for an interview in our backyard and then dinner with our family. I plan the menu and Aaron plans the interview questions—we’re a great team!

This one is with our great friend Jonathan Merritt—he’s going to be the main teacher at the upcoming Pastors, Priests & Guides one-day retreat here in New York, so we talk all about that, about the retreats in general, and also about our birthdays, as we are both August babies.

Dinner that night was a birthday party for Jonathan—burgers on the grill, sweet corn, baked beans, and for dessert, a massive homemade banana pudding for our favorite Southern guy!

Pastors, Priests & Guides does several three-day retreats and one-day retreats all over the country throughout the year, and here’s why I love them:

1. They’re planned for people who are always the boss, so that for once, they don’t have to be the boss. People who are always in charge of planning Sunday services get to walk into gatherings that are already lovingly, prayerfully planned by someone else. They get to sit, listen, receive, zone out for a minute, cry, whatever. This is so rare and so important!

PS: You absolutely don’t have to be a priest or pastor to attend—anyone can attend & lots of the attenders are writers, spiritual directors, therapists, etc etc. What I mean is that most of the people who come are people who are often the ones helping people in their daily lives, and this time is so precious because the helpers get to receive help and care.

2. You get to experience the retreat alongside people who do what you do but aren’t right in your daily world. A few years ago, I was very very much struggling with whether or not I wanted to keep writing. I felt burned out and overexposed and wasn’t sure it was worth it to keep going. I reached out to three writer friends around the country, because they had a vantage point my friends and family didn’t have that I really needed. These are the kinds of relationships I watch people build at these retreats—the “you get it” shorthand conversations we all need.

3. The centerpoint is spirituality—a reconnection with the sacred, through prayer, silence, music, solitude. There are all kinds of retreats, with all kinds of centerpoints—wellness or relationships or creativity—and I like all those things and all those retreats, but this is different: this is about cultivating and renewing our spiritual connection, and I don’t know very many places or people who are able to do this as well as this incredible team.

Okay, okay, at this point I’m just glazing them (as the kids would say) so hard. I love what Aaron and the PP & G team are building. Check out their calendar and sign up for a retreat—you’ll love it.

And before I let you go: a couple other things I love right now:

The best movie I saw this summer was The Odyssey…but the one I think of most often is Tony. Henry and I saw it together on one of the hottest nights of the summer, and afterward we ran home in a crazy thunderstorm, and I really, really loved it. I thought Dominic Sessa was fantastic, and the movie was charming and evocative and of course it makes you want to go to Provincetown immediately and eat a million oysters. It’s about food and teenage angst and summertime and the beach and of course I loved it.

A couple years ago, when one of my best friends who is a makeup artist (everyone should have a best friend who is also a makeup artist!) did my makeup before an event, she sent me to the event with this lip gloss tucked into my purse—the absolute perfect sheer not-too-pink pink--and I’ve been ordering it on repeat ever since.

I’ve been wearing this sweet lock necklace all the time lately—a little nod to our anniversary. Mine has a heart with an A & an S on either side, and I love it.

Every time I wear this dress, I get so many compliments—I think it’s because it’s a little unexpected, the combination of the print and the sportswear details. And here’s the gold standard: my teenage boys think I’m cool when I wear it—I believe one of them used the word drippy? I die :)

And have you read the Emma M Lion series yet? I’m sad for myself that I’ve finished it (for now!), but delighted for you if you haven’t started it yet…it is the most charming, most cozy, most comforting series, and I’m so happy to hear that there are more coming—I can’t wait!

You knew it was coming: every summer I tell you that, for me, a tomato sandwich is more than a tomato sandwich. For me, it’s a symbol of the sacred ephemeral—something that becomes more precious because of how fleeting it is.

Some things are sacred or beloved for the exact opposite reason—things we depend on, things rooted in history or tradition. Things that are durable, have stood the test of time, things that hold years or even decades of our memories.

This week I’ve been cooking in an old cast iron skillet on my mother’s stove and as I drag an old wooden spoon across the skillet, I feel the years and the muscle memory, a dance I’ve been doing all my life. My beloved Wrangler is a little worse for wear this summer—full of sand, as ever, but also, for example, the lock/unlock button on the driver’s side door has come loose and is hanging by wires—it’s not a big deal, but it does add to the sense that she’s seen some things in her lifetime.

The beach stairs have settled a little more after a particularly brutal winter here—they’re always winding, built and rebuilt, twisting around the roots of the trees that have been there longer than the steps, swiveling to accommodate the outcroppings of the bluffs, but also now they’re settling even deeper into the sand, a little more crooked. You can read the history of the seasons—that one summer when the water was so high it washed away the bottom steps, the winter that battered the railings with extra severity. We find things like these all the more beautiful for the stories etched into them by years and use.

Maybe, even as I write this, maybe I’m thinking about stories etched into things we love because I’m turning fifty this week. Maybe it’s my face I’m thinking of, without even realizing it. Maybe it’s my hands. My mother and I have always had the same hands—long fingers—and we use them the same way, which is to say we both talk with our hands absolutely constantly, expressing with our hands as much as (more than?) with our words. Growing up, if my brother ever wanted me to stop talking, he’d grab my hands—I can’t speak one sentence without using my hands, so it shut me up very effectively. As I type, I can see that these hands are definitely becoming an older woman’s hands—sun-damaged, age-spotted.

All that to say, I’m very aware right now of all the things that we love not in spite of but because of the old stories they tell, the memories they hold, the years they represent. And then there are other things that we love for the exact opposite reason: because of their fleeting nature. Enter the tomato sandwich.

Here I am, my age-spotted hands holding a knife we received for our wedding twenty-five years ago. Oh, yeah—how’s this for milestones: I’ll turn fifty and then one week later, we’ll celebrate our twenty-fifth wedding anniversary!

The knife is twenty-five years old, and so is our marriage, and add those two to the list of things that are so much more precious with age. I remember in the arrogance of youth feeling like anniversaries weren’t that big a deal—a big celebration just because you stayed married another year? And then we hit a couple of those years like most couples do, when staying married was actually a serious accomplishment, and I’ve changed my tune on anniversary celebrations—celebrate them like crazy! No small thing, a marriage! No small thing, another year of partnership, listening, learning and relearning!

These days, I count our marriage as one of the most precious things in my life. Not all our seasons have been easy ones, but in the last couple years, we’ve turned toward each other over and over and over, and there’s a depth and tenderness and joy in our life together that I’m grateful for every day.

When we’re in the city, often in the evenings we’ll have a drink together out on our little front stoop. At the lake, we jump in the Wrangler after dinner to buzz the beach, talking about our days, holding hands across the center console. What a gift it has been to build something beautiful and durable, something that can hold us through life’s ups and downs—what a gift to sit next to someone you love at the end of the day.

Back to the knife, the cutting board, the tomato: there are some things we love because of their durability, their decades. And there are some things we love for the exact opposite reason. They remind us that everything is fleeting. That all of life is a race against time. That one day the beach steps will wash away. One day the cast iron skillet might still be sitting on the stove, but I won’t be the one standing in front of it.

That’s why we buzz the beach. That’s why we watch the sunset like a movie. That’s why in the summertime bedtime is nothing more than a concept, because winter is always coming. Beautiful things will die. Make yourself a tomato sandwich while you can.

It sounds bleak, maybe. It sounds true. Love this world as hard as you can while you can. Love the crooked beach stairs that remind you of every summer of your life. Love your beautiful children with their insane teenager vocabulary and wild hair. Love every moment on the patio with your mom and your sister-in-law, every night swim with your nieces. Love every Wrangler ride with your husband, every boat ride with your brother and your dad.

The house is quiet—the boys will sleep three more hours at least, if we let them. Today’s big plan is making French toast for a late lunch with my parents—French toast because my dad and Henry used to make it at my parents’ house on Saturday mornings when the boys were little.

A friend of mine once told us that every young man should have one signature dish that he brings every time he’s invited somewhere, and Henry’s is that same French toast that he learned to make with my dad in their kitchen all those years ago. That little boy who stood on a chair to flip the French toast is turning twenty this fall. He’s moving into his own apartment next week (another milestone!).

Here’s the only way I know to build a life: love it all, all the time, as hard as you can. Kiss the faces of your children. Make the French toast. Hold hands in the car. Memorize how your mother’s hands look holding a glass of wine. Love it all. Love it all. Love it all.

I’ve been away from home so much this spring and summer, and now that I’m back in Brooklyn for the longest stretch in many, many months, one thing I’ve noticed is how much I love being back in my kitchen.

It’s decidedly not the fanciest, the best-equipped, or the biggest kitchen I’ve cooked in this summer, but it is mine, with all my favorite things and all my little systems, and I love cooking in it so much. It’s easy to cook here because it’s set up for my way of cooking and prepping and storing.

It makes sense to me and it makes me happy—I love how everything has a place, nothing extraneous, everything I need just in arm’s reach. Cooking here makes me feel like I’m doing a little dance I’ve known for years—knife here, platter here, favorite wooden spatula here.

When I look in the freezer, there are all the little odds and ends I love to keep, all labeled. After being in so many other kitchens, there’s something so comforting about my spices, my hot sauces, my little jar of spoons for tasting, and it’s not about having tons of space or high-end finishes or appliances. It’s about taking the time to set up a space according to your quirks and preferences. It’s about developing a handful of little tricks and routines that make it feel like it works for you, for how you want to cook and prep in your own space.

Here are a few of my favorite little kitchen tricks:

Read more

Hello! Happy summertime! We just got back to the city after a really great stretch at the lake. We’re settling back into Brooklyn life, going for walks and eating at our favorite neighborhood restaurants and talking about all our best memories from our time in Michigan.

If you’re new here—hi! :) We’ve lived in New York City for almost eight years, but my family has been spending summers on Lake Michigan all my life, and it’s so special to us to get to do the same with our boys. For all my local favorites, read this, and for a little more about why I love it so much, read this.

This summer, for a handful of different reasons, instead of all four of us going to Michigan to visit my family for one long chunk of time, we’re doing a little back-and-forth and also all sorts of different configurations—just me for a long weekend, Will & me for a few days and then Henry joins us, Aaron comes for a while and then leaves straight for a work trip, Henry goes back to NY for a couple days, etc etc…it is, I will admit, a little chaotic, but also I think maybe it helps us really soak up the time we do have in each place with a little more urgency.

When you’re in one place for a long stretch it’s easy to think, “I'll do all my favorite things later”…and then of course never do them, but the shorter trips focus our attention, I think—let’s do that bonfire tonight! Yes to that boat ride! And the same is true in the city—let’s go to Miss Ada for that incredible shawarma we like to share, let’s walk through Fort Greene park just because, let’s sit out on the front stoop and watch the sun slant across the buildings just a little longer tonight.

I say this every year, but one of the things I love most about getting to live in the city but spend a lot of time on the lakeshore is the contrast of it: when we’re in Michigan, I really really get into the simplicity of lake life—no makeup, no jewelry, sandals only, a swimsuit always in my bag, beach-ready. I don’t shop for clothes or home stuff or whatever—I exclusively shop at Meijer (the beloved Michigan-based grocery store) and the farm stand. I don’t eat out almost ever, and it takes a real event to get me to go to “town”—this last trip I was persuaded to leave the lakeshore only twice: once to go to a skate park in Grand Rapids with Will and once to see the Odyssey on IMAX at Henry’s request. FYI, the Grand Rapids skate park is SUPER COOL…and I’ve been to a lot of skate parks at this point ;)

I cook a lot when we’re at the lake, but only the simplest, most nostalgic foods—big stacks of pancakes for teenager breakfast at around 1pm, skillet after skillet of sweet corn with lots of butter and fresh ground black pepper. I love the slow mornings, bonfires in the evening, reuniting with my beloved old Wrangler—both my favorite vehicle I’ve ever owned and 100% the least convenient, but that’s part of the joy of it ;)

A few highlights:

Aaron’s family came to visit like they do every year, and we’ve established a pretty great routine over the years—slow mornings, beach afternoons, easy family dinners, games and bonfires in the evening. Farmer’s market on Saturday morning, epic bingo night led by Uncle Brad. Cousins everywhere, lots of laughter, lots of chaos but in a good way.

The smoke from the Canadian wildfires arrived the same day my in-laws did, which made for some eerie beach days, but the kids didn’t mind a bit. One of my favorite moments of the trip was a night swim with my boys and my nieces and my mom—the water was unusually warm, and my nieces and I held hands and floated on our backs out at the sandbar for a long time and I thought, remember this. Remember this in February. Remember this when my nieces are too old and cool to hold hands with their aunt.

One addition to this year’s itinerary: the avid fisher people among us went on a charter fishing trip and look at all these fish! They had the best time, and we had fish for every meal the rest of the trip AND each family took home a cooler of fish AND we filled my family’s fridges and freezers with beautiful filets, too. They went with Best Chance in Saugatuck, and we highly, highly recommend—so fun (and delicious)!

As I mentioned, we saw the Odyssey on IMAX, and we all really loved it. I found this article about it really interesting—as a writer and maker, I'm very concerned about what AI will cost our culture in terms of human creativity, and I loved siting in a theater and experiencing something historic and human and beautiful.

I did not imagine that the best cocktail of my summer so far would be at a movie theater, but when we went to the Odyssey, I ordered a cocktail called The Dark Matter—something like a Blackberry Paloma, made with tequila, blackberry simple syrup, fresh citrus juices & a splash of soda, and now that’s all I’m making for happy hour. Last night in the middle of stocking the fridge and unpacking my suitcase, I took a break to simmer down a blackberry simple syrup—priorities :)

I’m currently reading The Unselected Journals of Emma M. Lion by Beth Brower and I’m just absolutely loving it—totally the charming, comforting, gently funny reading I need right now. I’m on Book 3 and I’m so happy I have so many more books in the series to keep me company this summer.

While we’re in the city for this next little stretch, I really want to see Tony, about Anthony Bourdain, and Mary Oliver: Saved by the Beauty of the World.

We’ll be back at the lake soon—back to bonfires and nightswimming and sweet corn for dinner, but for now we’re soaking up the colors and sounds and energy of city life…what an absolute gift to get to experience both!

Here’s to summertime, wherever you are, whatever this season holds. XO—S

I did not grow up in beach sandwich culture. The Italian beef sandwich, of course, is one of Chicago’s most beloved food offerings, and sausage & pepper sandwiches and brats are right up there with pizza and hot dogs as quintessential Chicago foods, but I didn’t grow up eating them often, and anyway, they’re not beach fare.

When this Midwesterner thinks of beach food, I think of watermelon, handfuls of blueberries, bags of chips…but I don’t really think of a full meal. We spend the afternoon on the beach, and then when it’s dinnertime, we head back to the cottage for hamburgers on the grill, corn on the cob, pie from a farmstand.

All of a sudden, though, here I am on the East Coast in the summertime, and every cookbook writer I know is writing about beach sandwiches, or sometimes pool sandwiches—this is a thing, and I want to be a part of this thing.

Read more

I can always tell when I’ve been spending too much time on the internet, because it makes me cranky. First, I get cranky about the sameness of everything—same clothes, same interiors, same faces, same water bottles. I slam my laptop shut and walk around my neighborhood for a while until I remember that the real world is full of people with interesting faces and wacky hobbies and un-stylish shoes.

Related: an old friend of mine always reminds me that if you feel the anxiety-and-shame hum of beach-body beach-body beach-body ratcheting up in your ears, all you have to do is actually go to a public beach and behold all the actual beach bodies—large and small, young and old, rumpled and scarred and useful and glorious but decidedly not at all what we see on the little machines in our hands that dictate so much of our lives these days. I love this. I need it.

After I’m done being cranky about the sameness of the internet, I zero in on another zone of internet-related crankiness: language. You know this about me—I’m basically a Victorian librarian when it comes to language, a stickler of the worst kind.

When I hear someone say, “I’m in the beauty space”…well, first, saying that you’re “in the anything-space” is a dead giveaway that I’m about to be cranky. My teacher friends don’t say they’re “in the education space.” The baker at my favorite bakery doesn’t say he’s “in the baking space.” Space, in this usage, means the exact opposite of actual space, as in, location. It means internet-vague-something-something. UGH. But I digress…

The more important thing is the other word: BEAUTY. Here’s what I want for this world: when I hear someone say they’re “in the beauty space,” I want to lean in, fascinated, and I want them to tell me all about beauty, and why it matters and where they find it.

Tell me about museums and gardens and remote lands. Tell me about old films and poetry and birds. Tell me about street bazaars and spice markets and archives and dusty piles of rugs. Tell me about opera and love affairs and the faces of children and old records. Wait, when you say beauty, you mean…fillers? 10-step skin care regimens? Dermatology?!

That’s what beauty is these days? I can’t take it. I have, you know, creams and serums. Of course I do. But that’s not beauty. Beauty is something else entirely.

Beauty is the glimmer of the sun on the water, the pink across the cheeks and nose of someone you love after a day of swimming with them, lazily treading water and chatting about everything and nothing, the grass beyond the pool edges steaming in the heat.

Beauty is when the canopy of trees protects us from the falling rain in our tiny backyard so that we can eat fat olives and cheese and watch the birds just for a few minutes, a moment of exhale between the crush of the day and the stretch into darkening evening. Beauty is a novel sparkling with sentences so precise you can feel them in your chest.

And while I’m being cranky about how we’ve shrunk something as enormous and transcendent as beauty down into what we do to our faces, let me also tell you how I feel about wellness. WELLNESS. I love wellness—you know, strong bodies and vibrant spirits, the ability to forgive, the practice of resilience, breathing deeply, loving expressively…wait, that’s not wellness anymore?! Now wellness is…macros? Maxxing? Pastel matching workout sets?

Again, I walk. I lift the occasional cute little weight. (Okay, no I don’t but I often intend to). I eat cottage cheese. But I don’t think that’s wellness.

Wellness is going for a walk with a friend and carrying something hard together—not like little arm weights, but like a problem, because life is full of problems and a big part of wellness, as I see it, is carrying things together. Wellness is reading books that stretch your brain and your assumptions, making your world and consciousness a little bigger intentionally.

Wellness is sleeping in and hugging your teenagers extra tight and telling the people you love that you love them as often as possible. Wellness is ripe peaches and tomatoes and also sometimes ice cream. Wellness is learning the skills your family didn’t give you. Wellness is walking out of your way to see the water or the wildflowers. Wellness is drinking water, sure, but also sometimes drinking champagne because someone you love has something to celebrate.

Wellness is showing up when you’d rather isolate, going to therapy when you hit a snag you can’t untangle on your own, looking at your own face in the mirror and seeing the flaws but also the courage.

I am all for beauty and wellness. But not like this.

And here’s another layer: they are not ACTIVITIES. They are not HOBBIES. They are not unpaid part-time jobs for women who are being pressured 24-7 by the internet to spend massive amounts of time and money on their faces and their bodies. This is a scam. This is not beauty or wellness. This is marketing.

I want to see and experience beauty everywhere I look. I want to be well, in a soul-deep way. And I am not at all wild about the fact that we’ve reduced such vitally important concepts to serums and metrics. Beauty is not skin care. Wellness is not workouts. And if they have become those things, then we’ve reduced them tragically, trading meaningful, enormous, transcendent ideas for paltry knock-offs.

While I’m at it: I don’t want to optimize. Or hack. I categorically am not maxxing in any way. I’m taking the long way home. Long form. Long hand. Long view.

My wellness practices include:

Sitting outside w my mom in the fading evening light
Honest texts with an old friend
Happy hour in the backyard

Listening to my sons play the guitar
Cherries on ice
Bird watching
Long walks
Pancakes for dinner with warm maple syrup

Clean sheets
Prayers that sound like yelling
Prayers that sound like thank you

Prayers that don’t sound like anything at all

So yeah: I’ll still sometimes put that serum I bought on my face before bed. But I won’t call it beauty. I’ll go inside in a minute and have cottage cheese for breakfast, and I’ll make sure I walk at least one neighborhood over at some point today—but the wellness is the walking, not the step count metric it records.

Let’s live big, beautiful, deeply well lives, and let’s not shrink down our language to fit into our tiny pocket machines.

There are no hacks for this kind of life—and that’s the magic of it.

Hello from NYC, where it’s going to be ONE HUNDRED DEGREES over the holiday weekend! This is…not my favorite thing.

I keep a running list of the questions people ask me all the time about living in New York, and one of the questions is along these lines: It’s so clear that you love NYC life…but surely you can’t love every single part of it—what’s the worst thing about living in New York?

Today seems like a good day to tackle this one—since we’re living it right now! ;) And while we’re at it, I’ll go ahead and answer a few more things people ask about often…

What’s the worst part of living in NYC?

On a serious level, the hardest part is living so far from our extended families. It would be so great to go to our nieces’ and nephews’ plays and games, to have family dinners, to get to do daily family stuff together instead of just seeing each other a handful of times a year. When we lived outside Chicago, we were nearby to both sets of grandparents, my brother, one of Aaron’s sisters and his brother, and it was so so special—if you get to live that way, soak it up!

The second challenge is, of course, the cost. Rent is expensive—and everything is expensive. Food and restaurants and flights to see family and and and…we’re in an ongoing conversation about how to make it work financially, and it’s not always easy.

And then, yes, the third thing that I really do not love is the hottest part of the summer. I like a hot day, even in the city, but when it gets up into the 90s here, it starts to feel combustible, like everyone’s on edge and you’re just hiding out until the heat breaks. Sometimes people say “hot is hot no matter where you are”…well, yes, but hot on the beach is not the same as the distinct smell of hot garbage and dog pee as you’re walking down the sidewalk. It’s going to be a looo-o-o-ong week here!

Read more

Because it’s always both, right? The heavy and the beautiful, the sacred and the profane, the dark and the delightful. It’s always both, but sometimes the heavy is all we can see. One of the ways I keep myself afloat in heavy seasons is the practice of delight-spotting, and like anything, the more you look for it, the more you find it.

Tiny and Not-So-Tiny Delights:

Summer cooking: One of the surest ways for me to settle back into life at home after a trip is by cooking, and one of the best ways for me to engage the present is to engage in seasonal cooking—it’s an exercise in being right where I am, right in this fleeting moment. That’s part of why I love cooking and especially seasonal cooking…the right-now-ness of it.

One morning last week I woke up and craved pure summertime flavors. I’m sure the kids were thrown off by the smell of barbecue first thing in the morning, but by time they rolled out of bed, there was a big pan of barbecued chicken and another of corn—the first of the season, cut off the cobs and cooked with butter and shallots, showered with green onions.

It made me feel at home in such a deep good way and also firmly located in summer flavors, and both were a gift to me that day.

A clean closet: I finally cleaned out my closet and drawers, sold and donated tons of clothes I don’t wear anymore, AND moved my sweaters to the under-bed storage. That means my closet is contains only stuff I love and only summer stuff, and my drawers are not full-to-bursting and full of stuff I don’t want but haven’t taken the time to sort through. This is one of those projects that seems like it’s going to take forever but really doesn’t—especially with a bedroom as small as ours!—and made me feel ten thousand times better.

The older I get, the more it really is true that I like having less stuff, and I’m clearer and clearer on what kinds of things work for me and what don’t—there are so many lovely things about getting older, and this is one: I know what I like, and it feels really really freeing to get rid of all the things that no longer suit this season of life.

Diet Coke in a can: When was the last time you had a perfectly cold, perfectly crispy can of Diet Coke? Confession: I’ve gotten into the habit of asking Will to pick me up a can (or two!) every time he goes to our corner store, which is very, very often. DELICIOUS.

Triscuits: I’m on a serious Triscuits kick these days—name a better cracker!

An excellent Father’s Day: Aaron is such an easy dad to celebrate on Father’s Day, and we had an excellent day together. We walked down to Bar Bruno, a really great new Mexican restaurant in Carroll Gardens. The shrimp tacos were excellent, and the boys really loved their steak tacos and burritos, too.

And then after dinner, the boys surprised Aaron with tickets to Toy Story 5, and it’s great. (Yes, of course I cried.) What a sweet night!

A really special Youth Group Bash: There is nothing like seeing other people care about your kids, and our church’s youth group does that so, so well. On the very short list of things we’re most grateful for in our life here in New York, the Good Shepherd Youth Group is way up there. Every summer, the leaders throw a bash—a meal together, some silly parents vs kids games, and the best part: the leaders give an award to each student, highlighting something special about each kid. On Saturday, we had burgers and hot dogs, the moms dominated in Pictionary (!!!) and we got to see these amazing leaders and kids in action—laughing together, sharing inside jokes, telling stories about all the experiences they’ve shared over the past year…this one’s a very big delight, actually.

Six hours with an old friend: My friend Laura was in town for a screening of her husband’s new movie—we went to the screening on Wednesday night (so fun! So ridiculous!) and she invited us to her birthday dinner on Friday night, and then on Friday afternoon, she texted and asked if I wanted to come to the hotel early for a just-us-two catch up…I basically flew into the shower, threw on a dress and ran out the door. When we finally finished dinner, Laura and I had been chatting for six hours—two hours in the cozy lobby bar and then four hours with her family and other friends around the dinner table, and I don’t ever want to forget how great it is to have those moments with old friends where the hours just fly by—what a gift!

A new favorite brand:

Remember when I predicted this Splash Black Dress was going to be my best purchase of the season? I’ve worn it just about every other day, and I get compliments every time I wear it. It washes beautifully, feels fancy enough for a night out, is easy to wear on the train or on a flight.

The aforementioned closet clean-out did allow me to identify some holes, so I’ve been on the lookout for the perfect white dress shirt and I’m pretty sure this is it: The Tate White Dress Shirt. It has the same lovely collar at the shirtdress, which I love, and it’s like a great mix of structured and cozy. I tried it on straight out of the box when it arrived and then wore it for the next three days, which is about as good an endorsement as I can offer.

Also during the great closet clean-out of June 2026, I parted ways with A LOT of jeans that were just okay—my brief flirtation with barrel leg, a couple pairs that are too cropped, some that are too wide, and all that purging left room for one classic jean: The Legend Jean in Russell is just the denim I want to wear right now—I loooooove the crease down the front, and the denim is much softer than I anticipated.

And a handful of books I’ve loved recently: (reading is 1000% one of my greatest delights)

Last Night in Brooklyn by Xochitl Gonzales

Villa Coco by Andrew Sean Greer

Enormous Wings by Laurie Frankel

The Plunge by Lila Raicek

Extra Sauce by Zahra Tangorra

June Baby by Shannon Garvey

Here’s to delights, large and small, to keeping our eyes and hearts soft and open, to receiving goodness whenever and wherever we find it. Delight is the fuel that enables us to keep going on the hardest days—not frivolous in the least.

Keep a list, get out the door, be on the lookout and I will, too. XO—S

Henry’s home from college for the summer (yay!) and one thing he’s mentioned a couple times in the last few weeks is a sense of feeling like he’s in a liminal space—home but in-between, in the same apartment but no longer a high school kid who lives here full time, away from his new home (college) that wasn’t really home-home. As I’m trying to find words for how this season feels to me, that same phrase comes to mind: liminal—dreamlike, in-between, shape-shifting, temporal, sort of disoriented.

I’m realizing that summer in New York for me always feels a little bit liminal—there’s no sense of routine. The heat adds to the intensity and dreaminess—the bright blue of the sky, the high puffy clouds, the steamy air. And in the summertime we go back and forth to Michigan, so it seems like we’re always packing or unpacking, always landing in one place or the other just for a few days. The travel, the heat, the lack of routine—I think they all swirl together a little bit to create a sense of in-between-ness, a little dazed and dreamlike.

And the city definitely has its own wild, dreamlike energy right now—the Knicks, of course! The parade energy yesterday extended far beyond the actual parade route & the city is so vibrant, so happy, so connected and alive and kinetic. The World Cup energy on top of the Knicks energy, then add in Pride and the Puerto Rican Day Parade, the jerseys, the people spilling out of bars onto sidewalks, the music, the joy—it’s like New York to the power of New York right now, and I love it.

Read more

It’s soooo fun—every side of every building in the city has become a screen, and there are last-minute watch parties and neighborhood gatherings popping up all over—and it was especially fun to see Spike Lee paraded through Fort Greene like the Pope! The anticipation before Monday night’s game was absolutely electric and the entire city was friendly and excited and chatting about it…and then the next morning when Aaron and I sat outside with our coffees, every neighbor we saw dipped their head in shared sadness—"tough night" and “ugh, sad morning” and “we’ll get ‘em Wednesday!” (We will!)

Another major event around here: Aaron’s 50th birthday!

We celebrated the weekend before last when his siblings were in town and again this past weekend with a big party with friends, and both gatherings were so fun and special.

For the sibling dinner, we moved the little round dining table out and the ping pong table in, and we spent such a lovely night together, telling stories and giving toasts. I baked Aaron’s favorite carrot cake, and I was absolutely sure I had a pack of birthday candles around here somewhere but I never did find them.

At the last minute, I remembered that Aaron’s cousin Jen, who we adore, had sent us a lovely care package and one of the things inside was a pack of fifteen tall, slender beeswax candles. I think they ended up looking so great—so dramatic and lovely, and they smell like honey, too. After he blew out the candles, I stuck them all in a jam jar and put it on our mantle, and now they’re a sweet daily reminder of that special night.

Hosting recommendation #1: tall candles to add some major drama to your next birthday celebration.

For Aaron’s party with friends, we ordered huge catering orders from two of Aaron’s favorite places in our neighborhood—well, that’s another recommendation, now that I think about it: CATERING, guys! What a dream! You know I’m generally a cook-it-all kind of girl, but a couple unexpected things happened this week, and I realized that there were a lot of things I wouldn’t be able to do in terms of party prep if I did all the cooking, so I stopped in and made big orders at two of Aaron’s favorite places in the neighborhood.

Before the party, the boys and I walked over to pick up big pans of Cuban pork, black beans, rice, and plantains, a platter of Cubanos, and an absolutely show-stopping flan from the Cuban Shack, and many, many tacos from Fast & Fresh Burrito Deli—we ordered a mix of chicken and steak tacos and also lots of guacamole and chips, and they sent deli containers of all their salsas and sauces, too.

It was all so delicious, and it was so great to know that even if some extra people came (they did!) or even if the teenagers were extra hungry (they were!), we still had plenty of good food. It reminded me that the important thing is the gathering, the celebration, the people and the moments and the time together…if cooking all or part of the food serves that purpose, then great, but if not, catering is such a fantastic move!

One note on catering for big parties: I think the kind of catering that works best is casual and easy to grab. Fancy food—steaks, plated pastas—isn’t going to travel well and it isn’t going to taste great as it cools, and complicated plating kills the vibe. Stick with great deli sandwiches cut into pieces, mezze platters, tacos, a big stack of pizzas.

I set the big foil pans of Cuban food on the stove, except for the Cuban sandwiches—they’d been cut into pieces on a deep diagonal, and they looked so fun and festive, so I piled them up on a cake stand in the center of the round dining table. I stuck a frilly toothpick in each one and surrounded the cake stand with pans of tacos and salsas and sauces.

That’s my next recommendation: cake stand, even for non-cake, to add a little height and also a little instant fizz of festivity to your table.

I’ve done it with sandwiches and cupcakes and egg bites and charcuterie and fruit…no matter the kind of food, it’s a party when there’s a cake stand in the center of the table. I usually use this one, and I love it so much.

Two more ideas from Aaron’s party:

I love the idea of a signature cocktail for a special party, but I do not love mixing up cocktails all night. Enter the batched cocktail: before everyone arrived, I mixed up both alcoholic and non-alcoholic Palomas and labeled these glass stoppered bottles. I made the first round, but throughout the night, people could top up their own glasses with as much of the Paloma mix and as much sparkling water as they’d like.

One last hosting idea: we got a new outdoor drinks holder, and I’m so happy about it. Most coolers sit directly on the ground, and I like that this one is more even with the table or the counter—it can sit next to the serving table, and you can stack the bottom shelf with extra bottles. Pretty sure this was my first ever purchase from the Tractor Supply Co! ;)

4 things I’m wearing on repeat:

Aritzia Slim Sperrys I love these so, so much. When boat shoes first came back on the scene a couple summers ago, of course I couldn’t get a pair fast enough, but to be honest, I didn’t end up wearing them that much—they were a little clunky to be dressy, and for super-casual, I’d just rather be wearing sandals. But then I saw these! They’re perfect—the slimness makes them a little more polished-looking, and they’re even better as they get scuffed and worn in a little bit.

J.Crew Etienne shirt I wear an oversized dress shirt basically every single day, and this is one of my most beloved. It’s crisp and very oversized, and I wear it with everything from satin wide-leg pants to an event to track shorts for the farmer’s market.

Shopping idea: My other favorite dress shirt is from a vintage store, and these days when I go vintage shopping, the first thing I look for is men’s dress shirts—Ralph Lauren, Baird McNutt, Brooks Brothers. So many great options, the more broken-in the better.

Tortoise Jelly Flips Dressier than my go-to Havaianas, I’m wearing these all the time right now—most often with my striped Etienne and my favorite shorts.

AYR dress Calling it early: this is my best find of the season. This dress checks all my boxes—first, as much as I love the idea of a crisp white summer dress, am I wearing said crisp white summer dress on the subway? To the park? On a Citi-bike? I am not. I love a black dress for summer in the city, and when it’s really really hot, I want it to be loose and airy, and the neckline is a great mix of classic shirtdress with just a little drama. LOVE.

And finally: 4 great books

Happier Here With You by Amy Gail Hansen

Into the Blue by Emma Brodie

This Story Might Save Your Life by Tiffany Crum

Whistler by Ann Patchett

Not like in a toxic positivity way, not like pretending every hard thing is actually a pleasure, but when I take a minute, I often find that the things that frustrate me in the moment are just one part of something bigger that I really love and is really important to me.

For example: the one million shoes in the entryway that I trip over every time I walk in or out the door? Sign of a full house, a full heart, a full family. Same with the dirty dishes in the sink, the fact that we’re somehow constantly out of milk these days, and how someone’s always stealing my sweatshirts and my good socks. I love that our boys are around all the time right now, slurping down big bowls of cereal and stealing my socks. Get to, get to, get to.

Read more

Good morning from our little front stoop, where at this current moment it’s clear and sunny and positively chilly…the weather has been wild this week—in the 90s! In the 50s! Sideways rain & flash flooding! For this moment, though, I’m happily outside with my coffee, watching the cute morning stroller-and-dog-walking parade roll by on our street.

The Friday of Memorial Day weekend is my favorite day of the year because it signals the beginning of summertime—sunshine, flip flops, hot nights, picnics, boat rides, corn and berries, tomato sandwiches, all my favorite things. We aren’t going to Michigan until next weekend, so the boat rides will have to wait, but despite the weather we are hoping for some great holiday weekend/early summertime moments here in the city.

And of course my favorite thing about my favorite season is hosting—cookouts, happy hours, bright linens thrown over folding tables, the smell of the grill, a chance to use all the enamelware I’ve accumulated throughout the winter. On that topic: my newest enamelware obsession is the navy and cream splatterware from Crow Canyon Home—I have the platter and the nesting bowls with lids and they’re in heavy rotation right now—use code SHAUNA15 for 15% off.

Last weekend we had the perfect reason to kick off backyard cookout season: Aaron’s sister and brother-in-law and their kids are in town, and Sunday was my brother-in-law’s birthday. It was a gorgeous weekend in the city, mild and sunny before the heat got crazy midweek.

Of course we went to the farmer’s market in Fort Greene and on Saturday afternoon I walked home from Prospect Park and right through the most gorgeous wedding reception block party! They went to the 5th Avenue street festival and on a bike ride through Prospect Park, and of course it wouldn’t be summer in NYC without fireworks for no reason—I always forget that the way the sound travels down the blocks is weird and terrifying.

Henry’s home from college for the summer, which is just absolutely the best—I’m making cinnamon rolls and big pots of spicy curry, and the apartment is filled with guitar music, adding to Aaron’s piano playing and the near-constant sound of the Cubs game on the tv (I swear I hear Boog and JD in my dreams) and Will doing skate tricks—a happy cacophony of noisy, wonderful boys.

On Sunday night we pulled out the outdoor dining table—the “outdoor dining table” is a travel-sized ping-pong table with a pretty cloth thrown over it.

Aaron grilled steak, chicken and chicken sausages…I feel like the first cookout of the season is a prime opportunity to forage in the freezer & pull out everything you’ve accumulated over the winter to make space for summertime necessities like popsicles and ice cream. I unearthed Rosemary Balsamic steak tips, Chicken Shawarma, and Sweet Italian and Unexpected Cheddar chicken sausages, all from Trader Joe’s, and Aaron grilled while the rest of us set the table together.

I made a big snack platter, of course: fresh mozzarella, fennel salami, bread & butter pickles and grape tomatoes, sharp white cheddar and pistachios and Nut-Thins. My sister-in-law brought a beautiful bowl of berries, and I made a batch of gluten-free cornbread muffins and served them warm with butter and jam.

I made a Little Gem salad with an apple cider vinaigrette, and a quick version of risi i bisi, a simple Italian dish with rice, broth, peas, pecorino, lemon zest & juice. I had about a quart and a half of white rice in the fridge and bag of frozen peas in the freezer. In a medium-sized saucepan, I warmed up about half a cup of water and a spoonful of chicken bouillon. I added the rice and warmed it through, then added about half the bag of peas and the juice and zest of one lemon, and then showered it all with lots of pecorino. I made it early in the day and served it at room temp, and it was a hit—flavorful and springy, one step up from the ubiquitous bowl of rice I always have on the table.

As a birthday cake, I made a Three Lemon Olive Oil Cake and covered it fresh whipped cream and candles. In terms of cocktails, my sister-in-law loves a Cosmo, and I intended to run out for Cointreau but I ran out of time. What I did end up with is what I’m calling a Cape Spritz: vodka, cranberry juice and seltzer with lots of lime juice—it was summery and delicious, and I will definitely be making up another batch this weekend.

I learned something new recently: did you know that seasonal allergies can cause extreme lethargy and fatigue? ASK ME HOW I KNOW! All four of us have been absolute zombies for the last two weeks—sneezy, sore-throated, that elephant-sitting-on-your-chest feeling and also just underwater with drowsiness. I never knew that was part of seasonal allergies, but the doctor explained that it’s because our immune systems are working overtime—that makes sense, doesn’t it?

On Tuesday night, Aaron and I had the great pleasure of celebrating our friend Bruce Feiler’s new book A Time to Gather. Bruce and I met after I read his book Life is in the Transitions, which is on my short list of required reading for all of us, and his latest is of course absolutely up my alley, too—it’s all about the rituals that add meaning to our lives and how important they are to thriving communities. I can’t recommend it highly enough, especially for anyone who works with groups, events, community-building, etc.

The event was in a beautiful sparkly room at the Hotel Chelsea, and it felt really lovely and special to be back in our old neighborhood. After the party we rode bikes home, and for the first time, I biked over the Manhattan Bridge—so incredible! When you bike over the Brooklyn Bridge, you’re in the center lane, separated from the car traffic, so you feel very safe but there’s not a lot of sense of the water. On the Manhattan Bridge, though, you’re right next to the water, on your own level—it’s spectacular. Highly, highly recommend.

On Wednesday night, we made a plan for the big cousins to have an adventure of their own, and for my sister-in-law & brother-in-law to have a dinner date. We knew it might rain later, but none of us were ready for the absolutely crazy windy downpour when it arrived—we were coming from all different neighborhoods, all racing to our apartment, and we arrived in waves and in varying degrees of soaked-ness.

We wrapped everyone in towels and brought up changes of clothes for the kids, and while we dried off, we ate ice cream from VanLeeuwen, our favorite spot on Bergen—I stopped in just a second before the real downpour began, and I do feel like I’ve discovered a new favorite flavor—their Chocolate Peanut Butter Cookies & Cream is excellent. We played a rousing tournament of Play Nine, a golf-themed card game that Aaron’s dad introduced us to when we were all in Knoxville for Christmas, and while there are more glamorous aspects of their visit to NYC—Broadway shows! The Met!—I do think we’ll all remember that sweet, funny, soaking-wet night for a long time :)

This weekend will be rainy again in the city—we were planning to grill tomorrow night, but we’ll probably pivot to the oven instead: chicken thighs in barbecue sauce, shredded and served with buns, bread & butter pickles, Tennessee chow-chow and cheddar slices. Alongside, I’ll do baked beans, a creamy slaw-ish salad, and roasted potatoes.

To start, I’m thinking of that Boursin app that I made all the time around the holidays with the hot honey—yum!—and also I want to do something snacky along the lines of Anthony Bourdain’s favorite sandwich—maybe a cute plate of tiny versions of the sandwich with frilly toothpicks? Now that I’m thinking about it, I do have some ricotta left over from Sunday’s cake…maybe a summery lasagna if I can get my hands on some zucchini at tomorrow’s farmer’s market?

I’m hoping for a picnic in the park, although the weather is not on my side. What I should do while it rains is work on a huge summer apartment clean—we’re sort of busting at the seams right now. It feels like every cabinet and closet is just a little too full. What I want to do, though, is snuggle up with Elizabeth Strout’s newest, The Things We Never Say . I started it yesterday and I’m really loving it.

I did just hear that we’re aiming for Cuban food tonight at a spot we love in Fort Greene with big colorful picnic tables—that sounds like the perfect spot to kick off the holiday weekend. And also I did just witness a wild screaming fight on our block—one of the neighbors is not thrilled about the scaffolding going up around another neighbor’s renovation and boy, did he let us all know! At one point, he bellowed, “You bleep-bleep-bleeps can take your scaffolding TO JAIL!” Ah, summer in the city! :)

I hope your holiday weekend is delicious, filled with people you love and great books and a little sunshine. XO—S

My very full but really fun and wonderful travel season ended last weekend, and the last two trips were excellent--a weekend at the lake with my best friends from high school and then a weekend in the Florida Keys with another group of beloved friends. Both were such great reminders of how special it is to get away with people you love. I know it’s hard, and yes, it’s possible that the last thing I needed this spring was two more weekends away, but when the girls’ trip makes it out of the group chat, as they say, such special things happen and I came home from those two trips absolutely filled up. Friendship, man—that’s the stuff!

When I got back, I happened into a stretch of nights out that were so fun and special, but also phew!--this old lady could use a couple early nights in a row, please. I wrote all about Tim’s book launch and the next night, my pal & neighbor Erika hosted a salon at the cozy wine bar just around the corner from our apartment. It was a rainy night and I was a little tired, but then there was such a lovely, kind fascinating group of women all packed into this cozy bar and the night flew by full of conversations and stories and connection, and I fairly bounced home.

If you need me this spring and summer, I’ll be at Concrete Shoals—it’s a tiny boathouse bar out on the end of a floating dock in Brooklyn Bridge marina with excellent views of Manhattan and the Statue of Liberty. We went on Mother’s Day, even though it was a little rainy, and I loved it so much. It’s owned by the same team as Fini Pizza and Fini Patio Bar, so you can order one of their excellent pizzas to be delivered right to the dock—pizza on the water? Am I dreaming?

I had a tough week—I’ll get to that—and one of the sweetest moments of the week was when Aaron called me from a bike ride. Of course I picked up in a panic, thinking he’d been in an accident. Put your shoes on, he said. I’m in Red Hook looking out at the water, and it’s too beautiful. I’m coming back to get you. And so I put my shoes on and he was 100% right. We rode bikes in the sunshine and stood looking out over the water and it was absolutely medicinal.

Marry someone who makes you take a bike ride when all you want to do is stay home and be sad. Marry someone who knows a view of the water will heal you and changes his plans to get you there. I’ve been a handful this week (more on this below), and Aaron has been the best. No small thing.

Henry comes home from his first year of college this weekend and we’re basically counting the minutes—yay! And Aaron’s sister and her family are coming to town so we’ve got lots of fun family plans—a backyard cookout, a picnic in Fort Greene park, lots of visits to our favorite bookstores and bagel shops. Spring in the city is busy and lovely, and I love being outside at every possible opportunity, especially after such a cold winter.

Read more

Let me tell you about the best moment of my week: on Tuesday night we celebrated my friend Tim’s incredible new book, and it was one of those nights I’m going to be holding in my heart and my mind for a long, long time.

I’ve known Tim for what seems like a million years at this point—we were friends in our Chicago days, we were neighbors at the seminary, now we’re neighbors-ish in Brooklyn. We’ve worked together, gone to church together, celebrated major highs and weathered major lows in both our lives.

This book is timely and brave and important, and I was so honored to write the foreword and honored as well to host the launch party this week.

Tuesday was unusually hot in the city and the launch party was at the Stonewall National Monument Visitors Center, a place with such incredible historical significance, obviously, and also right in the middle of the West Village. It was one of those nights when absolutely everyone was out—bars packed, music and people spilling out of every window and doorway, people whizzing past on bikes, peak summer-in-the-city energy. And inside, the energy was buzzing, too—a packed room, armloads of flowers and hugs and stacks of books to sign.

There was so much love in that room, and also some tears, and while Tim and Morgxn talked about the book, you could feel the standing-room-only crowd leaning in to hear every word. Morgxn sang beautiful songs about revival and love and marriage and farmland, and we ended the night praying together for Tim, for what this incredible book will do in the lives of so many people who read it.

I asked Tim if I could share an excerpt from the book with all of you—in this excerpt, Tim takes us into a quiet but monumental moment of surrender. After years of trying to “pray the gay away” in conversion therapy, he finds himself at a conference for LGBTQ+ Christians, standing at a crossroads between the faith he was taught and the truth of who he believed he was created to be. This was the moment he finally dared to pray a different kind of prayer.

Being the good church kid I was, I had recited hundreds of prayers, thousands even. But none as monumental as the one forming in my heart. My eyes were closed tight, my hands were folded in my lap. My head was pounding, still recovering from the shots out at the gay bars the night before.

My right leg trembled from too much iced coffee and my usual dose of anxiety. My breaths were deep, my exhales shallow. My heart raced as I bit my lower lip, unconsciously trying to stop the words beginning to form on the tip of my tongue.

I exhaled with one final deep breath—one I was convinced might be my last. And then, barely above a whisper, I spoke the words that would change everything:

“Thank you, God . . .

for . . .

making . . .

me . . .

. . . gay.”

I stopped breathing for a second, waiting for a lightning bolt to strike me dead. But none came. Instead, I felt something release inside me—something I hadn’t even realized I’d been holding on to. My shoulders dropped. My jaw unclenched. My breath slowed. I couldn’t remember ever feeling this light.

I decided then I’d stop praying for God to change my sexuality and instead ask for the grace to live fully as I was created to be. No more striving to be something I wasn’t. No more pretending. No more begging for a miracle that was never going to come. This wasn’t defiance. This wasn’t rebellion. This was true surrender.

“This table is open to anyone and everyone, regardless of what you may have been told,” Justin said over the music. “You are beloved children of God. And all of you are welcome to come just as you are.”

I sat in my chair as people began to form a line in the center of the room to receive communion. I hadn’t participated in communion for nearly a decade. I had been too afraid to take it. My childhood pastor always said if we took communion in an unworthy manner, we’d be drinking damnation on our souls. It was blasphemy, he said. And I believed I was broken and unworthy to receive it. But not today. As I stood and joined the line, each step toward the front carried the pain of countless Sundays, watching others receive communion while I held myself back or let the tray pass me by.

When I reached the front, a man in his late fifties wearing a clerical collar quickly glanced at my name tag, locked his tender eyes with mine, and said, “This is the body of Christ, broken for you, Tim,” gently placing the wafer in my hands.

I stepped to the side and submerged the wafer into a bronze chalice held by a woman wearing a rainbow stole. In a compassionate voice, she said, “This is the blood of Christ, shed for you, Tim.”

Back in my seat, I held the wafer between my fingers. For years, I had begged God to make me worthy. To change me. And now, I was finally beginning to realize that God’s failure to answer all of my prayers was the answer. I had been worthy all along.

Since I had survived praying the most dangerous prayer I’d ever prayed moments before, I decided to risk one more act of holy defiance. If I was going to sin, I might as well sin boldly.

“Thanks be to God,” I whispered, pressing the wafer to my lips.

I made the sign of the cross, though I’m not Catholic. It seemed wise to cover all my bases, just in case.

As the communion wafer dissolved and the sweet grape juice lingered on my tongue, I tasted freedom. This wasn’t the freedom conversion therapy had promised through change, but the kind that came from finally embracing exactly who God created me to be. In that moment, I wasn’t just being born again. I was being born-a-gay. Loved by God just as I am.

The worship band began singing “Amazing Grace” to close the conference. The words carried new meaning as they filled the ballroom. I had indeed been lost, not in my sexuality, but in my understanding of God’s love. Now, I was beginning to see a path forward where my faith and identity could finally coexist.

Whatever came next wouldn’t be easy, but I was no longer alone. I was finding my way back to myself, God, and a faith big enough to hold all of me. I stood up slowly, my heart full and my eyes misty, and sang: “I once was lost, but now I’m found. I was blind, but now I see.”

Spring has sprung here in New York, complete with the massively unpredictable temperature swings—it went from 88 degrees to 38 degrees this week! But the tulips and dogwoods and magnolias are in full bloom, so I’ll take it.

This weekend my best friends from high school are getting together to celebrate all our 50th birthdays (!!!), and the group text about it is such a good reminder that it’s not just the actual time together but the anticipation—getting excited, chatting about flight times, making plans and packing lists. I’m counting the minutes—is there anything more precious than time with old friends?

I don't want to brag but I am feeling extremely, extremely proud of myself that I’m getting this gift guide into your inbox with enough time for you to actually order some of these items—hurrah! We’re heading into gift-giving season—Mother’s Day, certainly, but also graduation gifts, teacher gifts, host gifts, so if you’d like more ideas, here’s last year’s Mother’s Day gift guide, my favorite gifts to give and my 2025 gift guide.

Here’s something I realized about myself as I reread some of these gift guides: yes, there are a lot of repeat ideas, and that’s intentional for at least three reasons. First, because when I find something I like, I really like to stick with it—if you’re an Enneagram person, it’s that very strong 6-wing, the loyalist. When I find a blanket I like, I’m going to be buying that blanket for life. And I like the decide-once idea, that I have a go-to makeup plan, a bookstore where I know I can always find a cute gift, a tote I can always reach for. Having a favorite or a go-to in each category makes my brain feel a little less crowded, and that’s very valuable to me these days.

And as much as it’s fun to recommend my favorites here from time to time, at heart I’m a minimalist who lives in a really small apartment and loves to have just one of the right thing instead of five only okay versions of something, so when you see me recommending the same couple things over and over, that’s because it really is a beloved staple in my own house or in my ongoing gift-buying routine.

10 Great Gifts

Chappywrap blankets. Nope, I won’t stop talking about Chappywrap blankets—super soft, machine washable (key for us!) and the boys like them as much as I do. Perfect folded on your sofa for when the temp drops in the evening, but also perfect at the end of the bed in a guest room to make sure your guest has another warm layer if needed. And if you’re a person who has the storage space/inclination to switch out blankets with the changing of the seasons (we are decidedly not those people because tiny apartment), there are so many cute seasonal patterns and colors. Use SHAUNA20 for 20% off.

Earlywood flat spatula. This spatula is one of those funny little things that genuinely makes me happy to cook—I reach for it at every single opportunity. Also one of my go-to host gifts, tied with a cute ribbon. Use SHAUNA10 this week for 10% off.

Jones Road Makeup. Midlife makeup is hard—my skin is different than it used to be, and also I feel like some of the things that had worked forever are now kind of aging and heavy-looking—that’s the worst. For a while I’d been trying all sorts of things, just willy-nilly about the whole thing, and on a whim I stopped into the Jones Road shop in my neighborhood. Consider me 1000% hooked. I wear What the Foundation, Miracle Balm, Lippie Stick in Plumberry or Ruby every single day and I get compliments all the time! One of my best friends texted me the first time I posted about it—she was like, “But for real for real? Do you love it that much?” Guess who’s also 100% hooked now? ;)

Oyster Vesta. My mom bought me this Oyster Vesta for Christmas and I love it so, so much—and guess what? It OPENS, there’s a tiny pearl inside, and there’s also just enough space to put a tiny rolled-up scroll with a secret message inside…how darling is that?!

Alex Mill Perfect Weekday Tote. I’m going to be honest with you: the absolute last thing in the world I need is another tote bag, and also I’m having a realllllly hard time not ordering the Alex Mill Perfect Weekday Tote. I’m jealous every time I see someone in my neighborhood carrying one. (Remember when I said I’m a minimalist? NOT ABOUT TOTE BAGS.)

Lindsay Letters Canvases, especially Lush Garden. Lindsay Letters is an old friend and a dear friend—and she did the lettering on, I think, three of my books and also my favorite of my tattoos—so yeah, I’m a fan! Recently, Aaron & I were looking for some artwork for this huge blank space in our stairwell, and to be honest, I told myself that we absolutely could not have any more of Lindsay’s art in our apartment—branch out, guys! Come on! But then I just let myself peek at her site, and I fell in love with Grounded and Knees to the Earth. You know how every once in a while you hang a piece of art and you can’t imagine it ever NOT being there? That’s how it is with these pieces. One tip: some of her pieces are offered in Textured Canvas, and that’s what ours are, and the texture adds so much.

Books Are Magic hat My kids know that if they’re ever in a pinch gift-shopping for me, they can pop over to Books are Magic on Smith and make my day…and the same is true for my mom. There will come a day when we’ve both received every hat, every tote, every sticker…but today is not that day and we’re going to happily keep receiving Books Are Magic merch.

Olive Pinch Bowls. William got me a set of these darling little bowls for my birthday last year, and then last week at LaRina (definitely add it to the NYC restaurant list!) there was one on every table. Around our house we use them for vitamins—a little olive bowl of gummy multi-vitamins next to Will’s cereal bowl in the morning and then another cutie for bedtime vitamins in the evening.

Lundberg x Bachan’s care package. Sometimes for Easter, I tell the Easter Bunny that I don’t need a basket full of candy, because what I really want is just all the fancy food that I don’t usually buy for myself. I take myself to a specialty food shop and buy the really good rice and some sauces and condiments and vinegars—I know it’s so nerdy but I couldn’t be happier about it…thank you, Easter Bunny :) I would be SO happy to receive this Lundberg x Bachan’s care package—Lundberg rice is THE BEST around…and if you don’t believe me, let me tell you that I have a rice pudding aficionado in my life (Hi Kristi!) and Lundberg is the only rice she uses for her rice pudding. Also, Henry and I are both fairly obsessed with Bachan’s Japanese Barbecue Sauce, especially the spicy version—soooo delicious.

Adidas Firebird shorts. Okay, not a gift necessarily but I’m in love with them and will be wearing them every single day of the summer with an oversize striped linen dress shirt. They come in lots of colors, and the ones I have are green with green, white, and red stripes down the sides—Viva Italia! :)

10 Excellent Books

Famesick by Lena Dunham. Phew! A meditation on celebrity and chronic illness and the things we don’t say out loud about both. Lena Dunham is such a talented writer—and is famously committed to saying the unsayable, so this is a wild ride, but also a tender, sad one. There are moments that are so fragile and intelligent and heart-breaking…and then also there are insane stories about sharing a loft office with the Safdie Brothers and Greta Gerwig—what a fascinating life!

Go Gentle by Maria Semple. Smart and funny with an absolutely rollicking plot I didn’t expect at all. Midlife but make it really fun and sexy and a little heavy on philosophy :)

Cherry Baby by Rainbow Rowell. I will read everything Rainbow Rowell writes—the tenderness of her writing destroys me, and there’s a nostalgic midwestern thing, too. I loved every word of this beautiful book.

American Fantasy by Emma Straub. Another absolute favorite—fun fact: Emma Straub owns Books Are Magic, our beloved local bookstore/place to buy hats. :) This book is a delight—you think you know what it’s about, and then right near the end, it gets kind of kaleidoscopic. Love.

The Keeper by Tana French. I’ve heard that not all Tana French readers love this series (The Keeper is the third in the Searcher series) but I absolutely do. French does so much with the nonverbal/physical movements of her characters—it’s worth reading just for that, but also there’s so much beautiful depth, delivered in such subtle, masterful ways. Incredible.

This is the Door by Darcy Steinke. I’ve read several of Darcy’s books—I particularly loved Flash Count Diary. I read it when I was going through menopause about a decade earlier than most women do (!!!)—it was awful in about a thousand ways, and I was just desperate to feel understood and less alone. That book helped me so much, so I’ve always kept an eye out for what she’s working on. I heard her speak about this book at an incredible gathering of women last week, and I’m about halfway through and WOW. It’s about chronic pain, and it’s compassionate and wise, like all her writing is—highly recommend.

The Fountain by Casey Scieszka. This is another one I heard about at that writers’ group—Casey was another one of the speakers last week, and she read the first passage of the book, and instantly the entire room was hooked! A time-traveling story set in the Catskills, and I stayed up way too late last night finishing it.

Good Things by Sami Nosrat. For years, Salt Fat Acid Heat was the cookbook I gave as a gift more than almost any other—it’s such a great cookbook because it helps you understand some of the science behind why things work and don’t work in the kitchen. Especially for someone with a science or engineering or figure-it-out kind of bent, it’s absolutely perfect. Imagine my delight when I learned that Nosrat’s newest book is very much focused on connection and rituals of care, and specifically a Monday night dinner gathering with her friends, and all that ways that gathering has shifted her heart and her world—of course I love it so, so much. Also: it’s massive—it’s 460 pages long, which is unheard of these days. What a treat!

Pre-Order

Two of my three favorite NYC chefs have cookbooks coming out this year! (Missy Robbins is the third and her cookbooks are excellent—I especially love this one.)

Mediterranean All the Way by Ayesha Nurjaja. Chef Ayesha is the chef at Shukette, my all-time favorite NYC spot, and I can’t wait for her cookbook—of course I pre-ordered it as soon as she announced it—remember how important it is to pre-order!

Ammazza! by Hillary Sterling. Chef Hillary is the chef at Ci Siamo, another NYC restaurant I really love, and this book is such a lovely peek into the experiences and traditions that shaped her food and her perspective.

Hello from false summer in Brooklyn—phew! Even for a forever-and-ever summertime girl, 88 degrees in April is a lot :) It’s really beautiful, though—the magnolia across the street is showing off big time and we’re spending lots of hours on our little front stoop, chatting with toddlers and complimenting neighbors on their cute dogs.

The other night I met my friend Jonathan at an excellent Italian restaurant in Fort Greene, which means I got to walk through the park both ways, and a city park on a hot windy night is just an absolute dream. Tonight I’m trying a spot that’s been on my list for ages, and tomorrow morning, of course, I’ll go to the Fort Green farmer’s market and artisan fair, one of my favorite Saturday routines.

Our trip to Sicily—with a quick stop in Rome—seems like ages ago already, but then when I started putting together photos they brought me right back—what a trip! What a pure delight!

Read more

Good morning from sunny/chilly Brooklyn!

I’m just home from an absolutely exceptional tour of Sicily with Via Rosa with a quick stop-off in Rome at the end. I landed at JFK late last night—Will stayed up to greet me, and if there’s anything better than a snuggly teenager to greet you after a long trip away, I can’t imagine it. I came home with all kinds of treasures, so as I type I’m surrounded by beautiful spatterware bowls from Palermo, Italian coffee for Aaron, a jar of pistachio cream, a bottle of amaro, and a mountain of dirty laundry. It’s a happy, messy scene—I’m so glad to be home and also so absolutely heart-filled from this trip. And also: I bought a little bag of wild oregano when we visited an amazing organic farm outside Sicily and that little bag opened itself in my suitcase so now our whole apartment smells like a pizza place—you know what? Not complaining!

Of course I’ll write more in coming weeks about the whole trip but when I landed last night, I received a truly wild amount of DMs and comments asking for Rome recommendations, so while they’re fresh in my mind, here you are:

(Also, this lets me live in one of my favorite cities for just a little bit longer—I’ll take it!) All the disclaimers, of course: I’m by no means a Rome local or expert, so please follow or subscribe to Elizabeth and Sophie Minchilli and Katie Parla for all local and expert recs. That said, I do absolutely love Rome, and I’ve been there a handful of times in the last few years, and I’d love to tell you about a couple places that are on my must-go-every-time list…

Favorite Neighborhood:

Trastevere is the most charming neighborhood—all cobblestones & winding streets, twinkly lights, restaurants with outdoor seating. Tons of students, great people-watching. Maybe in New York terms it’s a little like the West Village or Greenwich Village? My favorite spot to wander, stop for a Negroni, browse a used bookstore, stop for a gelato—repeat, repeat, repeat. :)

A couple others: Monti and Testaccio are both away from the tourist-y historical center, and both very much worth exploring.

5 Restaurants:

Roscioli The first time I went to Rome, of course I asked everyone I knew for recs, and if I asked 30 people, fully 27 of them put Roscioli at the top of their list. It’s near Campo de’ Fiori and the historical city center, and there’s a Roscioli restaurant, cafe and pizza bakery all right in the same area. The reservations are for the main restaurant (also called the Salumeria), and if there’s one reservation you make before you go, this is the one. They’re known for their house-made cured meats and their wine program, but in my view they’re making some of the best pasta I’ve ever had. This time around we shared the cacio e pepe and the amatriciana and they were both extraordinary.

Da Enzo 29 A classic, bustling trattoria at the end of a winding little street in Trastavere. They fill up early and don’t take reservations, but you can line up before they open and once you’re in line they seat you pretty quickly, and even the line itself is pretty fun. Excellent food, especially carbonara.

L’Elementare Really really great pizza in Trastavere, with a great wine list, including natural and orange wines, and I’d recommend getting the pizza of the month—we did, and it was a white pie with broccoli cream, anchovies and garlic breadcrumbs, and we all agree that it was one of the best things we tasted all week. To continue the NY comparisons, this spot feels very Williamsburg to me ;)

Piatto Romano A classic, wonderful restaurant in Testaccio. I love Testaccio—it’s a little bit of a time capsule kind of neighborhood…maybe a Carroll Gardens? The first time I was there I had the most incredible mushroom pasta and a sour cherry ricotta cake that I’m still thinking about all these years later.

Forno Campo de’ Fiori Campo de’ Fiori is a big market square with flowers and fruits and vegetables, and in the corner Forno is a very famous traditional Roman bakery where they make the most delicious pizza. You can order red or white, and eat it while you stroll the market.

2 Hotels:

47 Hotel Excellent location, central but pretty quiet, and you can walk from here to Trastavere, Campo de’ Fiori, Monti, Testaccio, etc. It’s surrounded by Palatine Hill and Circus Maximus so while you’re out and about you’ll just casually round a corner and see…THE COLISEUM! The rooms are lovely, the breakfast is great, and our tradition is a rooftop cocktail to end the day—the rooftop there has a beautiful view in all directions.

Casa Monti I haven’t stayed here, but we did meet a friend for a cocktail in the lobby, and it’s darling. The Monti neighborhood is cozy and stylish and a little bit away from the main tourist-y areas, in a very good way.

2 Shops:

Flake's Arredo in Trastevere. Known especially for vintage plates with funny Italian phrases, but also lots of other cute design-y & gift-y things.

Vintage 31, an excellent vintage shop next door to Roscioli’s pizza shop, Antico Forno Roscioli.

One Tour and One Garden:

Vatican/St Peter’s Tour Okay, if there’s one other thing besides Roscioli that you should schedule before you go, it’s a tour of the Vatican and St. Peter’s. Even if you’re not necessarily a tour person, the Vatican is so big that it would be tough to see all the best parts of it without someone guiding you, and it’s so so worth doing. Incredible art, incredible history—absolutely a do not miss. And if, by the end, you’re kind of tired and not sure you want to go into St. Peters, you absolutely do! The Pieta is breathtaking, as are Bernini’s sculptures.

Borghese Gardens When I was planning a trip for my mom and I a couple years ago, I knew she would love the Borghese Gardens—a beautiful sprawl of trees and flowers overlooking the city from above. You know that feeling you get when you walk into Central Park after spending a few days in the city and it’s such a beautiful respite from the city energy, all the green and the beauty just pumping itself into your lungs? That’s how this feels, but with such a stylish, deeply Italian slant. Especially if you’re more a nature person than a city person, this will really be a favorite.

Travel MVPs:

I’m generally speaking a light packer, but for this trip I went even lighter, and I’m happy to report that the extremely light pack is my new favorite thing—I brought just barely enough. I wore the same jacket every day, I carried the same crossbody every day, I wore the same sneakers every day, and those three things working just absolutely perfectly for the situation felt really relaxing, like there was nothing extra I had to think about—I could get dressed so quickly and easily and I loved that feeling.

And after the LIRR>AirTrain>JFK>Munich>Palermo>Rome>Frankfurt>JFK>taxi schlep, I’m all the more committed to my CalPak Luka—seriously a hero, especially considering all the shopping I did along the way ;)

And of course: a book list—seven books you can read right now and three that I think you should pre-order today :)

Counterweights by Shannan Martin

Fun fact: one time I was really having a hard time with a project I was working on and as a way of cheering me on, Shannan mailed me a jar of her famous homemade pickles. It meant the world to me and I ate the whole jar in one day!

Fun fact #2: Shannan and I are doing a Substack Live tomorrow at noon EST to talk about this wonderful book—it just came out this week, and it’s such a lovely, timely, important book…I can’t wait to chat with her about it!

More Than Enough by Anna Quindlen

I’ve been reading Anna Quindlen books my whole adult life—they’re smart and comforting and this one is no exception. This book kept me company on a long ocean-crossing flight last week when I should have been trying to sleep, and I can’t think of a better compliment than that.

Service Ready by Molly Irani

I love this book so much! If you’re a fan of Will Guidara’s Unreasonable Hospitality (you know I’m a fan!) you’ll absolutely love this book. Molly and her husband started the Chai Pani restaurant family in Asheville, and Molly is both a great storyteller and a brilliant leader.

This is For You by Lea Redmond

This book is a meditation on gift-giving—on generosity, creativity, thoughtfulness, memory-making. It’s about why physical objects come to matter so much to us, how some of the best gifts we can give aren’t physical things at all, and how we love people well through the giving of gifts—not to be too meta about it, but it would be a great gift for the thoughtful gift-giver in your life :)

1000 Words by Jami Attenberg

A collection on writing by writers—it would be an excellent gift for the writer in your life, to show them that you believe in them and that you’re cheering them on. I keep it on my desk so that I can read a couple pages when I’m feeling stuck in my own writing.

You’re in Good Company by Ashlee Gadd

A lovely collection of stories and recipes from different writers, all about connection and friendship and mothering—I curled up with it a couple weeks ago on a Saturday morning. It made me nostalgic for our Chicago/little kid/Cooking Club years, and it would be a great gift for a young mom in your life.

Nervous Systems by Sara Billups

A thoughtful, intelligent, beautifully written book about anxiety in our bodies, in our churches, and in our politics.

Fun fact: Sara will be one of the guides at the Chicago Pastors, Priests & Guides retreat next month, and there are still just a few spots (& scholarships!) are available.

One more fun fact: the Chicago retreat is held at the most beautiful Jesuit retreat center in my hometown—it’s surrounded by horse farms and the property itself is so calming and grounding. If you’re thinking about attending a retreat, I very much recommend this one.

Pre-Order:

Do you remember my little speech about pre-orders? Here’s the short version: if you’re going to buy a book when it releases, every author, editor, and publisher would really really really love it if you pre-order it instead—it’s literally one of the most important ways you can support the authors and books you care about. Pre-order numbers show the publisher, booksellers, and media how many copies to print in the initial print run, how many copies to stock, and how much airtime to give a book during launch week. Also, pre-orders are counted in the first week’s sales numbers, and those numbers are THE MOST important numbers in a book launch. Pre-ordering is an absolute game changer! Let’s all pre-order!

Yesteryear by Claire Caro Burke

A writer friend & neighbor slipped me a galley of this one and it’s SO good.

A Time to Gather by Bruce Feiler

Bruce is another writer friend and neighbor, and his book Life is in the Transitions was such a gift to me during a really hard time in my life. I’m currently reading the galley of A Time to Gather, and it’s really great—you know that gathering is such an important part of my life, so of course I’m so excited about this one

Conversion Therapy Dropout by Tim Schraeder Rodriguez

Tim is an old friend, a dear friend, and a brilliant and brave writer, and I’m so so excited about his book! I was absolutely honored to write the foreword, and I can’t wait for you to read this important, beautifully written book—it’s out on May 5th, but you know what to do: PRE-ORDER! :)

One of the questions people ask me all the time is what to bring to a family with a new baby, and since I recently had a chance to do just that—twice! Lucky me!— it seems like now is the perfect time to give you my go-to plan.

I really love the tradition of bringing a meal to parents when a new baby is born. Henry’s 19 years old, and I still recall in such a visceral way those first few weeks after he was born. Your body is so deeply unfamiliar, and this little wild animal that you’re in love with lives in your house—it’s all so weird! I remember scalding hot showers, turning the taps as hot as they would go, staying under the water a long as I could, breathing in the steam. I remember being thirstier than I ever had been in my life, but I only ever realized it after I sat down to nurse, so it became a running joke between Aaron and I that every single time I got settled in and the baby started nursing, I’d yell for a huge glass of ice water—please? I’m sooooooo thirsty!

I remember that my friend Sara brought ravioli with a spicy butternut squash sauce—all these years later I can still recall the heat and the richness, eating it standing at the kitchen counter in our old drafty Grand Rapids house. I remember my friend Jessica brought over an apple cake with thick sugary icing after William was born, and every time I walked through the kitchen of our little ranch house outside Chicago, I’d cut off a slice and eat it with my fingers.

One of the reasons I’ve loved working on a cookbook is that it’s allowed me to sort of land on some very helpful routines—essentially, in the process of answering so many of the questions you all have asked me over the years, I’ve built a handful of systems that have simplified my life along the way, and one of them is the answer to this question: what do I bring to a family with a new baby at home?

Read more

One week from now, I’m leading my first Via Rosa tour of Sicily—I’m so excited! Two years ago, my mom and I went on a wonderful tour with Elizabeth and Sophie Minchilli, and when they asked if I would like to lead a tour, I jumped at the chance. This tour sold out very quickly, but here’s some good news: I’m doing another tour of Sicily next year, so keep an eye out for that announcement later this year!

Lucky for me, Elizabeth wrote this excellent ‘One Week in Italy in a Carry On’ packing list at just the right time, and I’m definitely using it as a blueprint, and also I sent it immediately to my mom and my sister-in-law who are coming on this trip with me (so fun!).

Here are a few things I’m packing for that trip:

I’m very committed to my Cal-Pak Luca that fits on top of my roller bag. After reading Elizabeth’s post, my mom and I were wondering if the best personal item is a backpack or a bag like this one, so it was on my mind when I was at LGA this last week, and I saw 4 or 5 Cal-Paks just sitting at my gate! It is too big to carry daily around a city, but for me it’s perfect for traveling—I want a bag that zips, I definitely want something that attaches to my roller bag, and I love that this one has a front pocket for easy access to wallet/phone/passport, a side pocket for a water bottle, and lots of inside pockets to stay organized.

I usually fill my roller bag with all my clothes and shoes, and then the Cal-Pak has all my toiletries, Kindle, chargers, journal, laptop, sunglasses, hat, etc. It also has a separate shoe compartment on the bottom, and when I’m traveling to a warm place, I LOVE keeping my flip-flops in there so that I can switch out of my socks and sneakers at the earliest possible moment.

I didn’t necessarily get my Clare V. Moyen Messenger with travel in mind, but I have to say, it’s perfect. It’s one of those bags that looks fine mostly empty, like if you’re just carrying it to dinner with a wallet, phone and room key, but it can also hold way more than you think—it can definitely fit a Kindle, a water bottle, a little notebook, sunglasses, etc., and I love that it can be a shoulder bag or a crossbody.

And I don’t go anywhere, literally, without a Notabag or a Baggu—a lightweight tote that folds into its own pouch or pocket—fun fact: this is also my go-to “Favorite Things” item.

I’m not sure I can get away with only two pairs of shoes for a week-long trip but I’m tempted to try: I know I’ll wear these Gold Adidas Sambas on the plane and for most of our longer days, and I’m thinking the other pair I bring might be these Aritzia Slim Sperry boat shoes. Oh, and a pair of sandals because even if it’s not crazy warm, wearing sandals makes me so, so happy.

Here’s another thing I didn’t pick with the trip in mind but that I think will be perfect: this Marine Layer Bomber—lightweight but oversized, with a cute orange lining.

My travel uniform these days is an oversized dress shirt with wide-leg pants--most often a white or blue-and-white striped shirt with navy or olive pants, and I thought a couple scarves/bandanas might be a cute addition—I’m bringing one silk and one cotton. I’ll bring both of these darling necklaces: Oyster Vesta & Blue Moon—they both go on the same chain so I can switch them out for a little variety.

And of course, my travel all-star but also regular life all-star, my Kindle. I’m skipping ahead but we spent last week at Blackberry Farm, truly one of my favorite places on earth, and on one afternoon, I drove my little golf cart from sunny spot to sunny spot, stopping for a few minutes each place to read, and I can’t think of very many things I love more in the world than reading outside. I laid in a hammock down by the fly-fishing stream, I sat on a swinging bench seat in the garden, on an Adirondack down at the boat house, tilting my face up toward the spring sun, reading and feeling extraordinarily grateful.

If you’re not familiar with Blackberry Farm, it’s a family-owned working farm and resort in the foothills of the Smoky Mountains outside Knoxville, Tennessee, and I’ve had the tremendous good fortune to host several events there over the years. This last week Henry Cloud and I hosted a Spring Reset—a small group of lovely and interesting attenders joined us for workshops and conversations, yoga and journaling sessions, and beautiful meals.

There are so many things about Blackberry that are extraordinary—world class dining, incredible fly-fishing, a beautiful equestrian center, and on and on, but for me, it’s all about their spirit of hospitality—there’s a warmth and thoughtfulness that inspires me so so deeply in my own practice of hospitality.

From the second we arrived until the moment we left, their team blew us away with their generosity and warmth. It’s unlike anywhere on earth, and I count myself so lucky to be able to learn from them every time I go. I came home with a notebook packed with ideas and stories, ways to incorporate more thoughtfulness and attention to detail and beauty into my own life as a host and gatherer.

I visited Blackberry for the first time more than ten years ago, and over the years so many people there have become treasured friends—I’m always so happy to get to see them and catch up with them. They tease me that I’m like a volunteer concierge when I’m there, and it’s true—it takes all my willpower to not check in with every guest…have you visited the lambs? Have you been down to Yallarhammer? Have you had a Blackberry Bumpkin? If you think I’m bossy when we’re pulling together a group order at a restaurant, you should see me at Blackberry—I have soooo many recommendations! :)

Earlier this winter, I took each boy down to our family’s favorite little island to spend some time with my parents—one quick long weekend each. With Henry in college and Will in high school, they don’t have the same breaks from school that they used to, so we’re finding ourselves thinking of travel in a whole new way, and I love the one-on-one time with each of them.

I get lots of messages about our favorite spot in the Bahamas, and here’s the thing: it’s pretty remote and kind of a bear to get to—at a minimum, you’re looking at two flights, one of them very small, then a taxi across an island, then a ferry. Once you get there, you need to rent a house, rent a golf cart, and rent a boat. I’m not trying to dissuade you, but I am telling you that it’s not for everyone. There is, though, that spectacular aqua water, and on our last trip, we saw turtles, dolphin, stingrays, and sharks. We played pickleball for the first time—I get it now! So fun :)

If you do want to get out of the cold this spring but want something a little easier to get to, I always recommend San Juan and Key West—I love them both!

You can fly direct into San Juan from New York and Chicago, and it’s such a cool blend of great beaches and also a beautiful city with a distinctly European feel. You can stay at the El San Juan, right on the beach, or El Convento, in the historical part of the city, with beautiful blue cobblestoned streets.

In Key West, we like to stay at the Santa Maria Suites. Make sure you visit Bahama Village and, of course, do all the Hemingway things—tour his house, get a daiquiri at Blue Heaven. Get Cuban food at El Siboney, and excellent seafood and sandwiches at Eaton Street Market.

And if you really want to pull out all the stops: charter a catamaran out of Tortola and spend a week discovering the BVIs, or stay at The Bitter End, one of my all-time favorite places.

On the topic of sunshine-y trips, I have very strong feelings about sunscreen and I feel I have finally located the holy grail, at least for my skin: Vacation Classic Spf 30 all over, and on my face, Supergoop Glow Screen with Coco & Eve self-tanning drops mixed in—self-tanner can be such a mess, but mixing these little drops right in with your sunscreen eliminates all that, and you just look lovely and tan much more quickly—hurrah!

Of course all this traveling means great reading time:

Tayari Jones’ Kin is truly incredible. Her An American Marriage was an absolute favorite of mine, and Kin is stunning—it will be one of my best books of the year for sure.

After having such a great time at Brandi Carlile’s concert at MSG on Valentine’s Day, of course I wanted to read her memoir Broken Horses, and it is excellent.

And I’m looking forward to every Friday, when new episodes of both The Pitt and Love Story drop—I’m extremely, extremely invested in both!

One thing I have learned over the years is that the only way to balance being away so much is by really being intentional about my time in between trips—being available for the boys, putting special things on the calendar for us to do together while I am home, lots of family dinners around the table and quiet nights. I’m relishing these days in between trips by being very here—walks around the neighborhood, snuggles before bed, cozy evenings together around the coffee table in front of a fire.

I know that travel is a privilege, and I feel enormously grateful. The world is vast & beautiful, and every time I get to experience another corner of it, I’m so deeply thankful.

We all have our roles, our zones of genius, as it were. If I have a question about a car, I go straight to my brother. A film? Henry (if you want to win your Oscar pool, he’s your guy 100%). All things skin care and makeup: my friend Rachel. Aaron is tech support, always. Laura for book recommendations, Emily for design questions. A Broadway show rec: Tim or Jonathan, the best Paris everything: Jennifer.

One of my favorite roles: ordering for the table…even when I’m not at the table! I get texts all the time from friends about what to order where, and to be honest, it’s one of my favorite things.

And I have friends that I met in just this way (Hi R & J!). I was seated next to them at Ci Siamo a couple years ago, and I couldn’t resist leaning over to recommend the Onion Torta--you shouldn’t be allowed to have a meal there without ordering it, and I just wanted to make sure they didn’t miss it. They appreciated my nosiness, apparently, and asked me to help them with the rest of their order…and then the family of four visiting from out of town that was seated on their other side asked me to do their order, too—what a delight! What an honor!

An old friend texted me recently about a Chicago restaurant we’d been to together years ago—Quartino, still my favorite Chicago spot—and I texted back my perfect order for their family of four. A friend texted from Lilia the other night, asking about the can’t-miss menu items.

Read more