People who can articulate this process better that I can:

These conversations between Katie Kiss and Gareth Jenkins have been a guiding light for me, particularly in the past 6 months, as a lot of things stopped making sense to me this year and I needed a new framework to orient to. I have been really drawn to Arcturian starseeds in part because I seem to keep meeting them! While I understand the fears around channeling—the ego always finds a way in— when the messages are benevolent, soothing, kind and loving, I find minimal harm in listening to an entity that can provide a larger perspective than the human mind can hold down here in this 3D reality. And let’s face it, it is polarizing down here.

View at your leisure and read the description for details on who these two are. There is a larger story and history to be understood first to fully understand what Gareth is speaking about, but this recent video is a good starter/teaser:

And these well articulated words from Alexander Quinn on the process that is unfolding now during this eclipse corridor:

Do not confuse the feeling of something leaving with the prediction that something will be taken from you. Sometimes you are simply feeling the emotional echo of an energetic structure that consciousness has already begun to release.

And for some, this period will feel almost like an enormous wave moving through the system for several days at a time. If that is happening, please understand something very important. You do not necessarily have to cognitively solve the wave while you are standing inside it. This is one of the things the human personality continually tries to do. An emotion arrives and immediately the mind says, “Why am I feeling this? Who caused this? What does this mean? What am I supposed to do about it?” Sometimes the answer is simply that something is moving. Let it move before you name it. Let the wave pass through before you decide what the wave was. Because of all of this, some towards the end of August will suddenly become emotional, irritated, withdrawn or unusually sensitive.

Because this is a lunar eclipse in Pisces, I would expect the emphasis to be much less on understanding everything intellectually and much more on allowing the emotional body to empty itself. Tears may arrive without an obvious story attached to them, or you may simply feel extraordinarily quiet, detached or inward.

For others, the experience may be the complete opposite, an enormous sense of relief, as though pressure that has been building for weeks suddenly begins to break. This is not a day I would encourage people to force decisions, manufacture releases or endlessly analyse what they are feeling. Let the emotional body speak in its own language.

—Alexander Quinn, spiritual guide

A “sense of endings” being reflected in the outer world:

• Deepak Chopra writing his final farewell book providing a sense of a much needed ending for corrupted leaders.

• New book on Princess Diana titled Swan Song by her brother coming out September 22nd. May have to read this one.

• Jasmuheen completing her final book on source feeding before preparing to take mahasamadhi.

Interesting new health resource:

For those readers who originally came here for plant knowledge:

https://www.trillium-botanicals.com/contact/

Use the inquiry page to get a bespoke treatment. From what I understand he has both mushroom and cannabinoid products. I have not ordered from them yet and I believe he ships internationally.

Good novels: Sally Rooney’s Normal People and Conversations with Friends

Wow, does her writing offer prescient psychological portraits. Take this zinger: “in late-stage capitalism, we must love everyone.”

I really let that one sink in. When everything is a commodity, love must become free.

As for me, it is back to releasing energies through my jaw and the tectonic plates of my skull. Not the most fun, I will admit.

This time of invisible labor will pay off, my friends.

Carry onwards. With love,

A leaf standing perfectly on its side after I walked through a spider web.

Slowness is sacred and deeply boring to the untrained senses. Organic timelines converge all at once unlike synthetic linear ones that require constant vigilance and manipulation.

This is the new consciousness that some of us are birthing, others not, but it is important to know which lane you are in so as not to harm yourself with undue comparison and judgement.

Elevating into 5D consciousness means a lot of things cannot come along, including control and fear. And if you are on this path you know it is the psychological, somatic, and emotional tests that are the ones to be alchemized and burned up within the fires within first before physical reality then responds.

The sun is shining brightly out, yet I still feel an intense heaviness in the air. Seismic activity is higher than in previous years and with so much shaking loose, sensitives almost always carry the burden of feeling first, but this also means a lot of things are clearing out and paving the way for new things to come. Think about that nice release after a chiropractic adjustment. Earth is re-aligning herself day-by-day.

Adding to the list of ironies, we wanted the time changed and they are changing it to the time we did NOT want. hahaha. As if we needed more evidence that our world is controlled by inverted truths.

This journey ain’t for the birds, but at the very least, it is a Divine Comedy (of errors).

Stay strong, my friends.

Patience, delayed gratification, and disciplined action in alignment with your higher self are practices the world will not mirror back to you as honorable, but I will, in this teeny, tiny Substack.

All my love,

Call “Ma” by her name

Like many others, I first encountered Anandamayi Ma while reading Autobiography of a Yogi. Her energy was so strong I remember slipping into samadhi over and over and was unable to finish her chapter despite all my desire to do, finish, and complete it. That was my first experience of being completely taken in by the divine mother. And to be honest, I forgot all about it as a fluke until I met Jasmuheen who reminded me of this blissful essence. Now, I tap in by calling ‘Ma’ and meditating with Kate White.

“The Bliss-filled Saint”

Deva Premal on repeat

Bathe in the essence of divine union with this.

You can also find it on loop with this.

Lyrics

Jai Radha Madhav

Jai Kunj Bihari

Jai Gopi Jana Vallabha

Jai Gire *Balihari

(Jai Giri Vara Dhari)

Translation

Glory to Radha and Krishna (the divine couple)

Glory to the one who plays in the sacred forest groves Glory to the beloved of the gopis (devotees) Glory to the lifter of Govardhan Hill.

Consuming high art brings you closer to the zero-point

I had this realization that high art (classical music, theatre, dance, opera, literature, fine art) endures because it brings you closest to the zero-point (aka God consciousness) and that is why there has been such an assault on this frequency. How could you possibly control whole swaths of people in bliss?

• Genevieve O’Reilly’s performance as Mon Mothma in Tony Gilroy’s Andor

O’Reilly’s performance drew me in and reignited my curiosity into the art of acting. Legendary screenwriter Tony Gilroy (Michael Clayton, Bourne Identity franchise) called O’Reilly a ‘Steinway’ and I could see why. In watching her, I learned a lot about the art of being watched (ah, actors like this!) and how one conceals and reveals this, especially in the role she is playing in this political thriller. Every movement, micro-facial expression, and restrained emotion cascades across her whole body in the most elegant and beautiful of ways. I was captured. Andor is essentially the best of London’s West End theatre on display saying the best lines of any modern day screenwriter. This is not your average Star Wars journey.

Photo credit: award-winning set design by Rebecca Alleyway

Photo credit: Disney+ (only the audience is privy to what is happening here)

• Soviet Director Andrei Tarkovsky’s Nostalghia (1983) is breathtaking

In a conscious effort to consume more high art, I found this movie.

What is it about? Barely a clue. Did every scene look like a fine art painting or photograph? Absolutely. Watch the full movie here.

• The need for Brahms

Anne-Sophie Mutter is why I tried to put my chin rest at the center of my violin. Key word, tried. It ended up being way too hard on the neck. And for the non-musician, holding your violin at the scroll is very badass as is not using a shoulder rest. Mutter famously does not use a shoulder rest so she can feel her Stradivarius against her skin. Bathe yourself in the frequency of virtuosity below:

Pu’er Tea

On my Mom’s latest trip back to Taiwan, she brought me back a large cake of pu’er tea. I accidentally consumed about double the recommended serving size of around 8g instead of 3-5g and had a full on bliss trip. Surprisingly, unlike coffee, the caffeine in pu’er does not effect my sleep.

Pair with a piece of strong dark chocolate and Deva Premal and you will be on your way to a very nice bliss-filled experience.

You can find pu’er tea here.

Homeopathy

My nervous system still feels under a lot constant pressure and tension, so I have been experimenting with Nux Vomica and Kali Phosphorous. I have noticed my scrolling and cravings for cold and sweet greatly diminished with these.

Candles, candles everywhere

Beeswax, scented, tea light or candlestick, any size, any shape, any scent.

During my last darkroom retreat, UHT Senior Instructor Andrew Jan often spoke about making himself open and sexy to attract the Tao and I liked that. It is a seduction, but only between you and the beloved with no expectations.

Give yourself a good soak in some beauty, my friends.

We need it for beauty is an essential life nutrient.

How do you seduce yourself into the now?

With love, always.

A little joke from my teams:

Lissa Gotwals photography

Where does a good story end?

The opposite of where it began.

In the Book of Genesis, Joseph was unjustly imprisoned for two years before God delivered him.

In the Book of Jonah, Jonah spent three days in the belly of a whale until he fully surrendered to God’s will and was then released.

Moses led the Israelites as they wandered in the desert for forty years before God brought them to the Promised Land.

Some manifestation teachers call this, ‘the magic dark,’ ‘the rock bottom,’ or ‘the long dark night(s) of the soul.’

I call this steeping in the waiting room of the beloved. The divine grooming process. The choiceless choice.

Like the precision of a Swiss clock, I am often drawn to read or experience certain things before turbulent cycles hit. Last Fall, I remember avidly reading about Jasmuheen’s process towards become fully source-fed ie) becoming a walking miracle.

Broke? Check. After years of helping rich people get richer with her computer skills, all work dried up until she had to ask for money from her parents. Humility.

Near-death experiences? Check. Two cancer diagnoses including a deadly carcinoma. Trust.

Jail? Check. Conjugal visits to her husband who was imprisoned for embezzlement of employee pensions. Forgiveness.

Humiliation by public opinion? Check. An Australian 60-Minutes interview that later turned into a hit piece. Fear.

What is the purpose of these trials, you might ask? To get you to completely let go of your attachment to this physical reality and to trust in divine timing. Life hammered her, but Jasmuheen still found a way to come out on top and deliver her message: Humans do not live off of bread alone.

What most manifestation teachers do not teach is, manifestation is the seduction, but not the final destination. Jasmuheen did not set out to become source-fed, she simply followed the path that was laid out before her. Moses did not go to the desert to receive the 10 Commandments. He was led there to work out deep karmas so his people could learn how to become strong leaders that walked with God.

Old souls and chosen ones do not walk a linear path and cannot manifest by free will alone. Those who can? Well, how nice for them. Their assignment is different. They are here to master the physical reality. Old souls are here to master spiritual dimensions in order to usher in a higher order consciousness based off of unconditional love.

Once the old soul’s vibrational blueprint has become fully activated, they must align with a larger truth—one responsible for Earth as One Family, rather than the singular fulfillment of their own wants, needs and desires.

But one is not better or worse than the other. It is simply about different evolutionary paths and what you came here to master.

A question I have been wondering is, why do old souls seem to get buried for much longer periods than most?

One answer I am hearing is, because the nervous system is the final boss on all that you can hold and communicate. In order to hold wisdom, the body must learn how to calibrate and hold higher frequencies, including some of the most powerful feelings of them all, uncertainty and doubt. In this phase, there are no short cuts. Learning how to regulate in the void and in the fire of transformation is the training and the work.

If you are too excitable, fearful, impatient, prideful, greedy, ashamed, or righteous, the mind will warp truth and you will fall prey to “whatever monster screams the loudest1.”

It takes time to bring down your gifts and to have them successfully upload onto the server of your divine template—months, years, decades, even. And any person selling a plan, protocol or short-cut I have learned to eye carefully.

Which leads me to my next realization, only take advice from people whose lives you would actually want to live.

Cut out the noise, focus on the signal.

Keep refining the feeling you have with your beloved.

I am lovingly calling this period my time in spirit jail—an intense trail by fire with no manipulation and a choiceless choice. Every day a new trip. A new journey. What frequency am I being asked to love today? Despair, confusion, isolation, pain, lots and lots more pain. Being misunderstood, feeling lost…At the very least, I know I understand that unconditional love often means loving the opposite of your preferred destination.

Want to be rich? You are going to have to feel impoverished on all levels.

Want to feel strong and healthy? You are going to have to love the sensation of feeling feeble and weak.

Want to be successful and useful to the world? You are going to have to love feeling unaccomplished and incompetent.

This physical or “fallen” reality works on inversions. Feel tired? Drink coffee. Feel unworthy? Seek external validation. Feel poor? Hoard resources.

Advanced souls are here to metabolize these inversions to come back into wholeness via our natural state, which is the ability to have all needs met in the present moment as a cosmic dance of divine synchronicity and fulfillment.

While younger souls are here manifesting this and that, guess what the old soul is doing?

Yep.

Wandering the desert with two pennies and a heart full of faith and a mind full of doubts.

Wherever your path takes you, let the feeling guide you.

I’ll see you on the other side.

Love love love

• watching leaves twirl in the wind

• watching tree boughs sway during thunder storms

• watching any plant grow

• making any kind of herbal tea (I’m still on oat straw+nettle and chaga, not all three together)

• putting a pillow underneath my knees while I read (laying down)

• remembering to wear the nice outfit and to use the nice linen sheets

• remembering to use the nicer version of anything I have from bowls, cups, shoes and perfume

• Rose oil, Vetiver oil

• loosely learning how to play chess

• discovering new series like ‘Clarkson’s Farm’ and ‘Andor’

• any book by Matt Haig

• talking to any vendor at the farmer’s market (loved learning about Iran from the persian food lady)

• grounding my feet in the sticky wet heat

• talking to Yeshua

• complaining and whining to my guides, a lot

• having my guides show me Clarkson’s Farm donkeys to cheer me up (true story)

  

  photo credit: how did i not know donkeys were this adorable? These are different donkeys, not from Clarkson’s Farm

• slathering castor oil on my face at night (it’s always the simple stuff that works best)

• talking to bugs and asking them to leave the house or else (it works!)

• talking to the cells of my body (i love you, i love you, i love you)

• any old Jasmuheen meditation on YouTube

• sitting in stillness and silence as often as possible

What is comforting you these days?

with love,

S

• what is my purpose?

• what is next for me?

• what should I be doing now to help serve humanity?

• am I doing enough?

• should I be doing more?

With the closing of CERN until 2030, I feel we are in a special window of being able to restore our sense of time back into an organic and natural flow.

• trust rather than push

• flow rather than force

• to pause rather than rush

• pressured feelings yield into surrender

Even though certain things have not yet manifested for me on the physical, I know that I am restoring back into my most organic and aligned timeline by:

• releasing my worth being tied to the physical and what I can accomplish

• releasing the feeling that there is something 'to get’ or ‘to do’

• releasing the story that there is something for me ‘to fix’ or ‘to heal’

• releasing the need for machine-like consistency or over-explaining myself

• releasing the idea of earning rest

• releasing the belief that I need, “a tactic, plan or protocol” to survive

Love surrounds us, heals us and restores us back into our natural state, which is wholeness. As we come into union with this wholeness, our purpose arrives to us and we remain open to receiving its gifts. This is also the reclamation of divine feminine energy as the shift in the earth’s poles become mirrored within us. The inner Tao of shadow and light, doing and receiving becomes stronger and stronger as we learn how to alchemize confusion into knowing.

I just finished the spectacular series “Andor” from the Star Wars universe and will leave you with this quote: “The Imperial need for control is so desperate because it is so unnatural. Tyranny requires constant effort. It breaks, it leaks. Authority is brittle. Oppression is the mask of fear.”

We restore ourselves back into our Edenic nature’s through the living memory fields of whole and unconditional love.

Love on.

On a personal note: Things felt very bad when the earthquakes hit. My central nervous system felt like it was being rocked and quaked on a minute to minute basis. Many souls were leaving earth and the suffering was immense. Today, I feel a bit more centered, but I am guessing I am not alone in feeling that a lot of things were shaking loose for other people as well. I have to remind myself that it is the darkness leaving that feels bad, not that things are getting worse. The forces of light are always with us. When the earthquakes hit, I felt a terrible sense of deep suffering rising. I searched for Yeshua and Mother Mary in my consciousness and could feel all hands were ‘on deck.’ Feeling intense strain in trying to connect with them, Saint Francis of Assisi popped into my field (for the first time ever) as well as a golden angel to deliver some relief. It was a magical reminder of all of the support we have for this journey.

Photo credit: Crop circle, Wiltshire UK, July 5th, 2026

Ask not what has been taken from you, but what you can give back.

In the Tao, they have a saying: if you teach Tao secrets to the wrong person, Heaven will punish you. If you do not share Tao secrets with the world, Heaven will also punish you.

I did some research into the current ibogaine situation and came across two articles by ibogaine entrepreneur and advocate, Jonathan Dickinson. In addition to being detailed, I found his perspectives balanced and thoughtful.

You can read about his assessment of the U.S. ibogaine executive order here and Gabon’s response to it here.

His articles got me chewing the cud, especially after watching this video that he included from Bwiti elder, Master Moubeyi Boualé. In summary, Boualé states in a recorded message to the Psychedelic Sciences 2025 conference:

…since [iboga] was appropriated by the omniscient and omnipotent west… the roots of this plant and its wisdom have been dramatically drying up…we have been dispossessed… (minute 3).

The words dispossessed and omniscient and omnipotent West stood out, which I will use this essay to explore further.

After reading Dickinson’s articles, I feel somewhat encouraged that Blessings of the Forest continues to monitor supply issues and the Nagoya Protocol will give Americans For Ibogaine (AFI) enough of a red-tape headache to slow them down from over-poaching and expanding into foreign markets. There is also tabernathe voacanga, instead of iboga, which is far more abundant and easier to grow, which may help to alleviate supply concerns. I am also questioning scarcity narratives as I continue to learn more on how elites use social programming to control resources (see oil and water which are in fact plentiful and ever-producing).

While it used to concern me that the ibogaine movement was taking iboga without their sacred teachings, I see things a little differently now. Now, I see shadow victim consciousness and excessive exclusivity on the side of the Bwitists. After all, no one owns Iboga. Bwiti are to be faithful stewards, not staunch and prideful gatekeepers.

The victim ego has a sneaky way of seizing the moral high ground, which in the game of separation is accurate and true. How dare we take more from these poor and disenfranchised indigenous folk? We raped their land and took their resources. And on the other side, how dare we withhold precious resources to our poor veterans? They are suffering and need our help.

As I am seeing more clearly, however, both parties are crying wolf for in the game of unity, unconditional love and presence, there are no winners and no losers. The vital question love would ask is, is that really true? how do you know this is true? And is this a hill you need to die on?

Spiritual initiates understand this lesson, and I know my Nima does as well. He does not paint himself as a victim for happiness is his main priority. In short, all spiritual initiates must face the karmic law of cause and effect.

Is it possible that some Bwiti ego’s have gotten too comfortable living in the past and too high on the righteousness of their victimization?

Is it possible that ibogaine, too high on the hegemonic and ontological power of their God-science, have forgotten to humble themselves in front of the Divine?

Examples of Successful Spiritual Diaspora

Paramahansa Yogananda

This 20th Century Yogi brought over sacred teachings from India and revealed the secret identity of Babaji—their sacred immortal Yogi-Christ figure—to the West in the early 1940’s. Yogananda continues to be loved and cherished all around the world (including by this writer) and people continue to receive Kriya Yoga initiations—a process he developed with his Masters before him, to help students accelerate their spiritual growth. The exchange? Westerner’s gave Yogananda precious financial resources. Resources that allowed him to create ashrams in India and California, USA to continue his teachings to this very day, almost one hundred years later.

Tao Master Mantak Chia

Master Chia had several different Tao masters throughout his life and one of them made him promise that he would teach Tao secrets only to Chinese people for five years before spreading these teachings to Westerners. He made good on this promise and has been running Tao Garden retreat center in Northern Thailand for over 20 years. His famous students include source-feeding pioneer, Jasmuheen, Gene Keys creator, Richard Rudd, Australian martial arts champion and writer, Andrew Jan, and American qigong teacher and writer, Lee Holden.

Countering the ‘dispossessed’ narrative with examples of Africans remembering their creator consciousness

Malidoma Somé, PhD, and writer of the classic “Of Water and the Spirit” with degrees from La Sorbonne and Brandeis University. In his last initiation, he journeys into the cave of his own mind to become self-realized (Chapter 21). This is my interpretation of that event, at least. If anyone could complain about being ‘dispossessed,’ it was Somé, who was abandoned and taken by Jesuit priests at age 4, abused by them for many years before, on his own accord, he walked out of this boarding school to travel back to his tribe on foot—with no money, food or shelter—where he eventually undertook the rigorous (and deadly) Dagara initiatory rites at the age of 20 instead of 9.

Christal Brown, Professor of Dance at Middlebury College, former dancer with Chuck Davis and Urban Bush Women. In her coaching, she emphasizes the process in which she had a vision and went from small town Kinston, NC to dancing on stages all across the world. Recently, she took Dance Company of Middlebury to Ghana—a feat previously thought impossible. Brown is an example of someone who makes her visions come true with grit and faith.

Frederick Douglass, former slave and writer of the classic memoir “Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, an American Slave.” The title is the message. He created his life by freeing his mind from enslavement into liberation.

What can Bwiti do now instead?

Can Bwiti produce a leader strong enough to lead them out of the dark-age of victimization and tribalism and into the new-age of spiritual materialism and modernity? In other words, can they create a safe and open border approach to their wisdom?

Yogananda and Mantak Chia are unique and powerful beings that come from traditions far older than Bwiti (The Tao and the Vedas). Can Bwiti evolve enough to keep up with the times or perish by their own entrenched ideas of ownership, excessive authoritarianism, and victimization?

Can they modernize responsibly enough so as to cause no undue harm by revealing some, but not all of their ceremonial secrets?

Another genius of Somé was his ability (with approval from his elders) to teach Westerners how to engage in Dagara rites (divination, grief and celebratory rituals) without mind-altering substances. Surely Bwiti can come together to do the same with minimal risk1.

Bwiti, your magic is leaving. This is true. Indigenous cultures across the world are also experiencing this same problem2. While some might blame this on the “omnipotent and omniscient white man” or the magnetic excursion and pole shift happening on our planet, others might say this is due to the magic spreading out and entering into the bodies of every day humans to take back their power and engage in a Golden Age of Awakening. Magic no longer needs to be reserved to exclusive communities, but rather cultivated with enhanced awareness of one’s relationship to Soul and to God.

How Bwiti can open up their wisdom to the west

• Write more books

• Sell Bwiti products like shakers, pygmy powder, okumé torches, incense, perfumes, ceremonial clothing, herbal teas and baths. See what ayahuasca shamans are doing here with Four Visions market.

• Offer Bwiti music lessons

• Sell Bwiti musical instruments

• Offer Bwiti dancing lessons:

  I think many people around the world would pay good money to learn how to dance like that. Video credit: Courtesy of my Bwiti Mama Anoushka

• Offer Bwiti singing lessons

• Write books or sell courses on how to properly eat iboga

• Offer courses on how to cultivate the iboga plant

• Explain initiatory rites and processes and the symbolic meaning behind them

• Reveal how to run an iboga ceremony

• Reveal healing protocols + shamanic scripts

• Reveal how to work with the spirits of iboga

• Continue opening up and offering initiatory experiences to Westerners with modern equipment and facilities

• Infiltrate academia with your wisdom like Malidoma Somé and Christal Brown

• Instead of further restricting the sale of iboga (restriction never works, see: ‘The War on Drugs’), control out-flow by selling in sustainable batches (never enough for a full flood dose), along with manuals on how-to properly eat and work with the spirit of the plant.

Iboga is not inherently dangerous. It has become dangerous because too many are gate-keeping its mechanisms of action. And in the Tao of spirituality, this is hurting Bwiti possibly more than they realize.

In my humble opinion, Bwiti is suffering because of their false belief that they own iboga. No one owns Nature. This may prove to be a critical mistake if they do not learn how to open their doors to the modern world. For example, Yeshua did not create Christianity nor ask you to become a Christian. He taught unconditional love and how the Kingdom of Heaven lies within.

Roots that are compacted in too small a pot cannot grow and spread. Using this metaphor we might ask, perhaps the only thing holding Bwiti back are the restrictions they put on their own traditions?

Creating the Future You Want to See

“Checkmate” by Friedrich Moritz August Retzsch year 1831

Bwiti can level the playing field with ibogaine by relaxing its restrictions and opening up their wisdom to Westerners to consume at fair market value. Not everyone wants an ibogaine journey and many would prefer an organic process over a westernized synthetic one. Bwiti would do well to incorporate the scientific method and modernize their rituals to prove that their process is just as safe and effective as ibogaine. Or, at least explain how it is different.

Bwiti may thrive by becoming more open, not less, as a way to respond to ibogaine’s influence and popularity. Ibogaine is by no means “omniscient and omnipotent” in the eyes of Westerners. From my perspective, many more would prefer a sacred indigenous processes rather than a cold and clinical one; however, Bwiti has not kept up with modern times to produce scientific evidence proving the long-term outcomes (and safety) of their sacred rituals. This will become a critical mistake if not amended.

In alchemical processes, one takes the poison to learn how to turn lead (unconsciousness) back into gold (consciousness). Bwiti must learn how to take the poison of the West’s scientific processes and socio-economic prowess (ego consciousness) and turn it into gold by proving the power of their customs (soul consciousness). In the modern era, however, all parties would do well to remember that Ego, Soul and God are all needed in order to prosper safely.

Love always prevails. Spirituality demands that we forgive, forget and let go of past trespasses and resentments. This may be the only way forward for both parties to succeed. Bassé.

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Who said this was going to be easy?

-Alexander Quinn

Seriously.

A couple of months ago, I cried when I realized the level of nervous system regulation and grounded-ness I needed to have to continue walking this path.

Impossible, I thought, I can’t exist in the zero-point all the time.

Here I thought being able to guide a 3-day iboga journey would surely be enough. It seems God only laughs at our plans and perceived limitations. And so the divine comedy of life continues on…

Recently, I picked up a chakra clearing technique from Alexander Quinn and the Arcturians and practiced it with a long-standing client of mine with good results. I thought I would share the technique here.

Or, you can “buy me a coffee” using this link.

Your readership is much appreciated and duly loved.

Arcturians are known as some of the most advanced-race beings in the universe with their technology highly revered and sought-after. It is no wonder that many in the new age community resonate with Arcturian channelers such as, Jasmuheen, Dr. David Clements, and Alexander Quinn, and well-known incarnated beings, such as John the Baptiste, which is mentioned in the channeled book We, the Arcturians by Dr. Norma J. Milanovich1 (highly recommend).

My personal evolution out of being a psychotherapist and psychedelic-assisted therapist has happened for several reasons. From what I can discern at this point—and this is constantly shifting—the main purpose being, we are here to learn how to access all information from within, and perhaps with enough self-mastery, help others on the path as well. As I have written about before, psychotherapy can take on shadow-traits of codependency, long, drawn-out transference-countertransference issues, and prolonged victim consciousness. I find popular medical writer Lissa Rankin, MD as a good example of these issues. Despite the good whistle-blowing work she does on the psychotherapy community, she has still has not found her way out of victim consciousness, which in the game of evolution, will hold her back. She has something critical to say on almost every teacher she meets, which is not a good sign that her 11k+ followers have not yet figured out. If her critical eye turned back on them, I am sure they would not be cheering her on so enthusiastically. Worse still, wait until the moment of self-realization dawns upon Dr. Rankin that the finger she readily points outwards has three more pointing back at her! TL;DR: best not to make a career out of criticizing others. Building and creating what you want to see in the world is much harder than simply deconstructing everything around you, but this is what academia programs you to think is worthwhile and ‘smart.’

Meanwhile, shadow-traits of psychedelic-assisted therapy include, magic bullet fantasies, magnification of messiah-complexes and personality disorder traits, and general ungrounded-ness—the latter which I have been working hard to correct personally. These substances are permission slips to access what is already inside of you. For example, influencer Aubrey Marcus has stated on more than one occasion that he cannot access his own inner knowing without substances or breathwork, which I find troubling and sad. (I often use Marcus as an example of an unintegrated figure in the field of psychedelics. I also have great sympathy for him as I could easily see if I had that much power, money and influence that I could deceive myself to that degree as well. Heavy is the head who wears the crown…)As I am discovering, it is much easier to be no one. This allows for more flexibility with evolution as there is no grande facade to maintain. This is the great balance of the eternal Tao.

Onwards to my primary teaching:

How to Access Higher-Self Intelligence2

• Be very clear with your questions

• To start, ask only ‘yes or no’ questions eg) Higher-self intelligence, is it in my highest and best interest to…?

• Calibrate your ‘yes’ with a sway forward facing north or ‘yes’ with inter-locking fingers staying locked upon added pressure.

  

  Photo credit

• A ‘no’ is the body swaying backwards south or linked fingers breaking upon added pressure.

  (*I use the vortex of my heart. The heart is a vortex and will only hold the highest truth of your soul. These days, I do not bother testing if my intuition is incorrect because it is not worth the pain ie) the true root of heart problems is not listening to your soul.)

• Once you find a ‘no,’ locate where the problem is by assessing each chakra.

• Is this a problem in my Soul star chakra?

• Crown?

• Third eye?

• Throat?

• Heart?

• Solar Plexus?

• Sacral?

• Root?

• Earth star chakra?

For example, my client found that their visibility issues surrounding their career was located in their solar plexus with father wounding at the emotional level. My client was able to do this because their spiritual perception is open, but anyone can practice this technique.

When you find a ‘yes,’ proceed to the following:

• Is this a problem at the emotional level?

• the physical?

• the mental?

• or the spiritual/energetic?

Note every ‘yes’ then ask:

• Is this a father wound?

• Is this a mother wound?

Chakra Clearing Protocol3

Once you have located which chakra, at which level, and at what level of wounding:

• Using your third-eye/imagination, go inside the chakra that requires attention.

• Imagine it as a giant warehouse.

• What do you see?

• Imagine a door on the left and right-hand side of this warehouse.

• Depending on the wounding, you might notice one door is stuck or not there at all. Left-hand side is mother wounding, right-hand side is father wounding.

• Open a portal of light above you and in front of you.

• Flood this chakra with light, and if you fancy, the particular color of that chakra (this is my personal addition).

• Notice what changes in this warehouse and the doors.

• Once completed, using whatever door was once stuck, walk outside the warehouse into your favorite place in nature. Clear and ground in this space.

• Continue on with the next chakra.

• Some other commands I add:

• I am clearing and healing this chakra with the light of God/Source Creator

• Yeshua and the Archangels Michael and Raphael, please help me to clear, ground and protect this chakra in the perfect way that I can metabolize. Please continue this healing until it is complete.

• Higher self, please complete this healing in the perfect way and the perfect time with ease and grace.

• Feel free to create and add your own depending on your own individual practice and the particular guides that you work with.

Quarantining Difficult Emotions, Traumas, Societal Programs

There are likely some sticky traumatic memories, thoughts, feelings, sensations or emotions hanging out in your chakra warehouse.

• While working with that particular chakra and in that warehouse, imagine a crystal cube in front of you.

• Begin to fill it with any difficult emotion you are wishing to alchemize.

• Then, fill that crystalline cube with the feelings you wish to feel instead.

• Imagine yourself walking away from that cube, walking backwards, seeing it grow smaller and smaller.

• Continue on with the next chakra.

The benefit of this practice is once you start to hear, see and feel answers for yourself, this builds confidence and greater alignment with your higher self.

To close, I think these exercises can keep you busy over the next few days :) This could also be the perfect exercise to add to your Summer Solstice ritual happening this weekend. The summer solstice being about harnessing the standstill of the longest day of the year.

photo credit

love x infinity, forever & ever,

S

The love that you want, wants you.

— kate white

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Chapel Hill does have nice oak trees

I have been deeply immersed on this ascension journey—and unknowingly on the front lines, since 2024—when the tide of matrix normalcy began to recede. No longer could I hide out in the safety of both worlds and was pushed into this new 5D paradigm: Time to fly, Sonia! I have made the metaphor more than once that this process is like high-altitude training and learning how to drive a Ferrari instead of a Toyota Camry. There are a lot of new factors and sensitivities to attune to, and I will be honest, it has been very intense.

I have written several articles, including one about a 10-day water fast I completed a month ago (my first ever!), one on Jungian archetypes, and another that unpacks two of Jack Kruse’s latest Patreon blog posts. I have not published any of them because, in the new paradigm, we are to be guided by joyful expression and the flow state—not obligation or fear—and a couple of those articles had started to carry a twinge of the latter. Note to self: Not everything needs to be published. Written down is good enough.

As always, my intention for my writing is to educate and elucidate aspects of the spiritual path so that others may walk theirs with greater peace, ease and wisdom.

Since my last darkroom retreat, it has become clear that my light body is still adjusting to the higher frequencies and I am still shedding density as contained within the 97% of DNA science knows nothing about. In other words, most of this journey cannot be explained by the mind, science or our current medical model, which makes seeking assistance a little tricky.

Here are some tools and teachers that have been helping me ground, stay sane, and keep evolving:

Light body activations:

• Kelly Kolodney, The Angel Raphael

• Dr. David Clements

Meditation Teachers:

• Mother Meera

• Kate White

3D to 4D explanations:

• Jack Kruse, MD Patreon and podcasts

  His last blog post “Physics over Pharma” is truly mind-blowing

Space weather updates:

• Stefan Burns

• Schumann Resonance chart

Inspiring Spiritual Teachers

• Darius J. Wright on controlled out of body experiences

Lightworker/Starseed Updates:

• Alexander Quinn— total character but often spot on

Lifestyle adjustments

• Sunrise

• Grounding

• Cold plunging

• Sea Moss (this is an extremely good brand)

• Carbonated water

• Mastic gum

• Gentle qigong, fascial releases, spontaneous dancing

• Gentle breath holds on the exhale to improve CO2 tolerance

• Still omnivore with gentle vegan slant (great digestible chickpeas, I normally struggle with beans, but not with these)

• Skin fasting (no product 2x/week to repair skin barrier)

• Wearing more cotton and linen clothes

• Hobbies: learning chess, making sourdough

  I found italian flour on amazon. If you cold proof the sourdough for 72 hours, this supposedly breaks down the gluten further. I don’t really eat bread, but am doing it for friends and family as an easy hobby. If you know of a good knitting teacher, please let me know! I am trying to use my hands more to get off my phone.

WHaT Is GOinG ON?

We will see YouTube titles like this for many more months and years to come, but I thought I would share just in case someone needs it ;-)

Listen to your body.

Breathe into your heart center.

This too shall pass.

More soon.

With love,

S

“The path is love.

The destination is love.”

—Anandamayi Ma

dancing shadows at dusk

In love, all motivations are revealed.

Photo credit: unknown source

This article is written for spiritual coaches, teachers, healers, psychedelic guides, laypeople, and therapists seeking a review. A strong foundation in the basics of human ego psychology can dramatically improve your own life—and therefore your client outcomes—through better behavioral pattern recognition. As much criticism and controversy as Sigmund Freud garners1, it was his daughter, Anna Freud, who further developed his ideas into what is known as the “Ego Psychology” school of psychoanalysis. She was the one to further categorize the ego defense patterns that we know of today. What follows is a list of most, but not all, in order of least healthy to normal. While none are ‘bad,’ some reveal a healthier ego structure, which is important when deciding if someone is an appropriate candidate for deeper psychological work, such as psychedelics or breathwork. The point is not to never engage in these behaviors, but to become aware of them as self-awareness is what leads to steady transformation.

Lower level ego defenses:

• Splitting: black and white thinking

• Manipulation: actions designed to control or influence another person negatively

• Repetition compulsion: OCD like symptoms

• Fantasy: using idealization and the imagination to escape from painful situations

• Suicidality: mental fragmentation due to trauma, the compulsive desire to end one’s physical existence

• Psychosis: soul fragmentation due to deep trauma

Mid-level ego defenses:

• Denial: refusing to accept a painful realization or reality

• Projection: viewing and placing one’s own unacceptable thoughts, feelings and emotions onto other people

• Displacement: acting out one’s own unacceptable thoughts, feelings and emotions onto other people

• Dissociation: numbing out, leaving one’s body unintentionally due to trauma

• Defensiveness: emotional reactivity due to perceived threats to one’s self-esteem, identity or security

• Reaction Formation:2 doing, thinking and feeling the opposite of how one really feels

• Somatization: creating sickness in the body due to unfelt unbearable emotions

• Suppression: inhibiting the outward expression of distressing feelings

• Externalizing: projecting one’s internal state onto the outside world ie) the weather looks depressing instead of ‘I feel depressed’

Higher order ego defenses:

• Humor: making a joke to lighten an awkward situation or to protect one’s self

• Sublimation: turning uncomfortable thoughts, feelings and emotions into something else, think creative endeavors

• Intellectualizing: turning uncomfortable thoughts, feelings and emotions into something else like academic or scientific pursuits

Relational Dynamics:

• Parallel process: a process whereby a client acts out what is happening in their personal life with the healer, coach, boss, partner, etc…acting out unresolved Mommy and Daddy issues in the therapy encounter

• Shadow projection: seeing in other people the worst most unacceptable parts of one’s self

• Transference: the client’s unresolved feelings towards the therapist, this is normal and is used to teach the client to have greater self-awareness

• Countertransference: the therapist’s unresolved issues towards the client. This is when therapists, coaches and healers must seek consultation with colleagues. In other words, when the healer’s unresolved issues are interfering with the process.

In my opinion, this is the advantage trained therapists—and more specifically, insight-oriented psychotherapists— have over other modalities. There is nuance to each of these defense mechanisms and being able to spot and name them—both within yourself and within the therapeutic encounter— takes time, skill and emotional tact. Having been on both sides as a client and helper— and seen the ways in which my stuff has inferred with the process and experienced other healers projecting their unresolved issues onto me—I felt it might be helpful to add this resource into the mix.

Did any of these defense mechanisms stand out or surprise you in their resonance? Feel free to share your reflections in the comments below to add to the conversation.

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Need more one-on-one guidance or consultation? I am offering 40-minute zero-point centering. Email to schedule: sonia@soniahsieh.com

Zero-point centering is a quantum physics term roughly signifying the center of all potential energy creation. In spiritual terms, we know this as the Tao or presence. By sitting in the field of presence together, one may receive healings and answers to life’s questions.

The Void is Where the Light Gets In

Photo credit: screen shot via instagram

Online coaches and spiritual teachers love to preach yang approaches to life because doing more sells: one more new protocol, another new mantra, another breathwork session, another new supplement, another drug, another surgery, another new hobby, another new pet. More, more, more.

Therapists and writers, on the other hand, tend more towards what psychoanalyst Melanie Klein, PhD coined the ‘depressive position’ — the ability to sit in the fact that this world is wonderful and pretty crappy at the same time. To be more in the receptive yin state allows one to turn on the receiver to receive answers and allow space for the body to do its miraculous self-healing, self-guiding thing.

In this article, I share my personal theories on the benefits of dorsal vagal shutdown, and why, from a spiritual perspective, it is portrayed as something to fear or get away from.

Theory #1: We do not trust our bodies because we are actively programmed not to.

The matrix operates at a specific frequency pattern counter-to our natural state or soul frequency. Our naturalness is turned against us because when we go natural, we become sovereign. The freer we become, the more difficult we are for centralized systems of power to control.

Theory #2: More people can tangibly afford to go into dorsal vagal shutdown, but are pressured and pathologized into maintaining the status quo, which isn’t healthy in the first place.

I have met many people who, under threat of total nervous system collapse, then pulled themselves out of it via medication or surgery ie) harsh medical intervention. In my view, I feel those people actually could have afforded to have spent more time in bed, but were too scared/pressured by society to get on with it. What I have noticed about these people is that because they did not allow their nervous systems to fully regulate in the void, they remain hovering above or slightly distanced from their true state. [But even understanding what your true state is requires awakening, so the process I am describing does not apply to everyone.] Yes, they cut out X organ, did the functional medicine 50-step protocol, IV drips, HRT, Joe Dispenza meditations, EMDR, and EFT, but did the true healing happen? In my opinion, sometimes yes, sometimes no. For some, they simply dissociated further from that ‘broken’ part of them. They traded that ‘bad’ part of them for that ‘good’ protocol.

Theory #3: “The dead in bed” phase of life is the reset needed to elevate you into your next chapter.

Success requires capacity. While capacity for more clients, more money and more responsibility can happen in survival mode, in the new paradigm, this does not work for awakening souls. Old souls need absolute refinement of all four bodies: mental, emotional, physical and spiritual in order to achieve success because their viewpoint is more saturated with wisdom and knowledge. Their cells hold more information and the whole system needs to be fit enough to hold this. Fitness requires discipline and rest. If you don’t know how to stop, you also can’t learn when to truly ‘go’ based off of the energy of the present moment. As polyvagal theory suggests, if you don’t learn how to get out of survival mode, you are pressing the gas and brakes at the same time, and wonder why you feel exhausted.

Theory #4: The soul’s recharging station is the zero-point, but most are too afraid to live in the void for more than a few seconds and are bullied by our medical system and new-age dogma to get out of it as quickly as possible.

The New Age labels this as ‘dark’ and allopathic medicine labels this as ‘sickness’ or ‘depression,’ but these are labels created from an incorrect perspective based off of fear and judgement. Taking an SSRI or positive-thinking (spiritual bypass) temporarily fills the void, but if you are someone whose soul is trying to come fully online, numbing the old parts that need to emerge in order to die off pushes you further away from that much-needed rebirth.

Remember, more symbolic deaths = more rebirths = more rejuvenation.

A symbolic death is the realization that any program you used to follow based off of fear is not, in fact, unconditional love, and that you will survive without that old belief pattern, despite what your ego may protest.

Theory #5: The body inherently knows how to heal itself once subconscious tension is released layer by layer over a slow and long period of time.

You do not heal yourself. You teach your mind how to hold space for your body and soul to come into alignment. This vehicle is a self-driving, self-knowing, and a self-guiding miracle. It just needs your thinking mind to get out of the way.

Theory #6: The Soul has an innate set-point frequency as programmed by your divine blueprint.

What if what we are termed ‘collapse’ was in fact your soul trying to come into truer alignment with its divine purpose. What if you did have more time to do nothing, sleep and stare into the void than you think? What if you need to go further into freeze in order to thaw out and ‘warm up’ again?

The Divine Reframe: What if your soul purpose is so big that it needs more than a month’s rest, but several years? Or decades, even, to recalibrate?

If you knew everything has already worked out—because linear time does not exist—would that help you relax your shoulders and put aside your to-do list, at least for today? Would that help you be less productive and hard on yourself? Would that help you relax further into trust and love?

Love is unconditional surrender into the NOW. The now is what transmutes your future. And if the now feels heavy, dense and dark, then what if that is the space that must be met with love before you can get to the other side of that dark SEASON of the soul?

There is nothing wrong with you and what your body is doing—only wrong interpretations based off of fear and judgement.

I am opening a couple of slots per week for zero-point centering.

Email to schedule: sonia@soniahsieh.com

$85 for 40-minutes via Zoom* Countering inflation pricing, just for you <3

Now, this has larger trickle down implications, which I will get into later.

Many of you have likely heard of Dr. Masaru Emoto, who discovered that intentions can shape the crystalline shape of water as seen under a microscope. He discovered that water lost its crystalline shape and became more incoherent when sent negative energy. Why his work is being discredited, I am not sure, as this is a harmless and low-stakes intervention. Makes one continue to wonder.

Emoto’s Crystal Photography of water: https://masaru-emoto.net/

Then, there is Gerald Pollack, PhD, who discovered the fourth phase of water or EZ water (exclusion zone water). He discovered that there is a phase beyond liquid, solid (ice) and vapor, that holds a certain gel-like or viscous state. This is related to the work of Gilbert Ling, PhD, who discovered that the cell wall acts more like a multi-layered polarized structure, rather than a pump, and whose maintenance is upheld through the electromagnetic field of the body (See Robert O. Becker’s The Electric Body). Translation: pathogens may have an easier time getting in when the charge within our cell membrane is weakened. Our electromagnetic charge can be weakened by negative internal beliefs such as, “I hate myself, I hate you, or I am unworthy,” iatrogenic causes by our medical system such as misdiagnoses, and contaminants in our environment through nn-EMF, heavy metals and pesticides.

Currently, there is contemporary water researcher, Veda Austin, whose work I have not yet explored, but who is popular in the new-age community.

Then, there is the polarizing work of Jack Kruse, MD and his understanding of biophysics and the positive effects of deuterium depleted water (DDW) on our inner mitochondrial membrane. Kruse’s critical reminder is that life is more about maintaining electron flow and not necessarily calories in and calories out.

And for those of you who know to vortex your water, this comes from researcher Viktor Schauberger, PhD, who observed that water moves in spirals and vortices in nature. He noticed how trout and salmon are able to generate energy to swim upstream by entering through the vortices of water. (Kruse is beginning to put this idea into his work as well by breaking down the biophysics of torque). Schauberger theorized that is there is more energy and charge created within the spirals of water. This has led to the popularity of people vortexing their water. See below.

If you want to get super fancy, there is blue bottle love. I have not tried this, no affiliation.

I enjoy Gerolsteiner when I am feeling low. It is very high in calcium and magnesium. Reminder that a lot of bottled waters, including Mountain Springs, have been found to have high levels of heavy metals, plastics and PFAS. Be sure to research before buying.

Reminding myself to bless my Reverse Osmosis water. Add pinch of sea salt or chia seeds to re-mineralize.

Current experiment: analemma wand, chlorophyll and DDW. I have not noticed much difference in drinking DDW, but I am also fairly healthy. Analemma wand structures your water.

Hydrogen water bottles and tabs: I have not noticed a difference from trying H2 in the past. Would not recommend.

Water, as we are discovering, holds memory and information. We are almost entirely made up of water, so it makes sense to send ourselves loving prayers of good health, wealth, and abundance, and for our cells to respond to this.

What I have been noticing lately is that my body has stopped responding to supplements—and even food has not been sitting right—but blessed water has been allowing me to feel clearer mentally and physically.

This now leads me to the uncomfortable topic of self-created disease, which I spoke of in my last article, here, and have struggled with myself. It is difficult to broach these topics because the idea that you might have created your own illness1 elicits much shame, so I will keep it simple: “The unforgivable sin is the one you cannot forgive yourself for.2”

Whatever difficulty you created for yourself in a state of unconsciousness is not your fault because you were unaware. Evolution is the process of adding more information as to how—through the power of our minds and intention—we can create a more harmonious, peaceful, and successful life.

What I am learning is that the potency of the interventions we decide to undertake in our lives is dependent upon our level of consciousness, and thus, readiness to receive universal truths. Even though I had known about the power of blessed water for many years, my subconscious mind had not fully clicked into it until recently. Over time, in studying the above figures, this has allowed my mind to gain evidence to create an empowered personal belief on the impact of my own love given to myself!

The process of undoing and doing again requires careful narrative re-writing of old unconscious scripts running through the subconscious mind and bringing newer, more loving beliefs into the light of our awareness day-after-day, moment-to-moment.

I truly believe we are moving into a time where we will fully realize the inner-technology of our consciousness and how we do not need to depend on external forces for survival or guidance.

We, ourselves, are the golden era.

How are you inviting in more blessings into you life? Have you tried blessing your water? What shifts have you noticed from this?

If my writing helps or resonates with you, please feel free to share with friends or consider becoming a paid subscriber today.

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Writing with fierce and intense honesty may still be your ego hiding in plain sight.

Being vulnerable does not mean you have integrated or felt your own words.

In the beginning of my awakening, I caught myself trying to sell everything that I was healing as some sort of award—a self-congratulatory act. Over time, I began to see how this was another kind of addiction—to healing, to fixing myself, doing another protocol, etc… They were false dopamine hits to avoid extreme feelings of pain and sadness, and I understand, now, why I have/had been avoiding them and why others do as well—those feelings and sensations are extreme and deathly, especially if you are an old soul. There is more stuff trapped in there than most others.

This essay is written in service to discernment, love, compassion and forgiveness as we learn to evolve to become better consumers, more balanced humans, and come to accept our flawed naturalness over synthetic and artificially perfected ways of being. As challenging as evolution can be, I have heard it be advised that, it is better if you choose it ie) go with the flow, do no resist it.

This essay is not meant to call people out or call people in, but rather to teach how to see from a multi-dimensional perspective. With new understandings of the problem, new solutions manifest. What we think of today as chronic conditions, may be immovable and terminal thought-forms running the body in unthinkable and unspeakable ways.

Deep thoughts by Ray Ploshansky from Season 6 of HBO’s “Girls”

In a female millennial bout of nostalgia, I decided to read Lena Dunham’s latest memoir, Famesick, and then, during my scrolling time, took a free subscription to glance at Jordan Younger’s The Balanced Blonde Substack, only to discover that they are online friends.

Younger made her shift into internet fame through her social media account, The Blonde Vegan, but after multiple health issues has now shifted to The Balanced Blonde. I will cut to the chase with my diagnostics. In my albeit brief perusing of her writing, I can say with decent probability that there are strong themes of coded eating disorder behavior seen throughout her health choices. For Dunham, it seems that unprocessed early childhood sexual abuse detonated a tsunami of coping mechanisms, including addiction, OCD, and disordered eating. There is nothing wrong with any of this as many can relate to these problems, including myself. They are the stuff that makes us human.

What I would like to shine a light on is that while diagnoses such as MCAS, Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome, endometriosis, and lymes disease are debilitating, difficult and painful, Dunham and Younger are selling the label of ‘chronically ill’ as a more dressed up version of a potentially darker truth.

Unprocessed trauma, suppressed emotions, disordered eating and addiction fries your nervous system and your brain, in particular, your dopamine-reward system, which is why you need to do more and more extreme things in order to feel better. For wellness girlies, this means more extreme routines, protocols, tattoos and plastic surgery. For famous people, more drugs and more depravity. For us regular folk, it looks like more shopping, scrolling, work, travel, and caffeine.

This is the protocol Younger states healed her: microdosing 5-7 different peptides, including BPC-157 and tirzepatide, nicotine, methylene blue, amino acids, creatine, sauna (and ketamine, ayahuasca, juicing, and coffee enemas). Shadow Translation: this is how I maintain my eating disorder.

For example, veganism is disordered eating with great marketing. It is the most compassionate diet and we do not need to harm another life in order to survive; however, a. evolution is a process b. most people use diets as a form of egoic control or ego-boost c. the ego wants to be something and the Chronically Ill Ego or the Spiritual-Materialist Ego are some of the most deceptive and profitable ego’s in the new age space today.

The purple pill? Dunham and Younger’s unintegrated shadows are making them rich and famous and keeping them chronically ill.

Dunham hit #1 on the NYT Best Sellers list, now back at #3 (Screen shots: www.nytimes.com)

Younger knows how to SELL. (Screenshot, www.thebalancedblonde.substack.com)

These tactics do work, but I want to clarify some things so we do not harm consumers in the new age health and wellness space. If you want to be skinny and rich, Younger is demonstrating how to do this along with the costs to your health, mental health and possible longevity1. More money buys you fancier cages, but at the end of the day, money ideally provides freedom, including medical and mental, which neither of them are free from. If you want to be famous, Lena Dunham, amongst many others, are cautionary tales.

Dunham demonstrates through her latest memoir how fame and notoriety in and of itself is a sickness that she cannot shake. Take this fashion choice, which I find to be yet another stroke of her contradictory genius. Dunham is playing off of her ‘gelatinous’ (her words) and infantile body-type by dressing up in a onesie with a bib. The sickness is that she is still sexualizing and objectifying herself by refusing to cover up (in the name of pride), but that is what the excess weight and endometriosis are trying to do for her (soul protection). Comedians are so self-aware that they know how to make themselves the butt of the joke before you can!

Dunham continues to pursue her dreams even though her creative impulses tend towards self-destruction. Her descriptions of what the surgeons find during the multiple surgeries she undergoes to remove her ever-growing cysts are shocking, including finding blood in her stomach due to how much the growths and scar tissue caused her blood to reverse course. Ouch!

As readers, we have the uncomfortable upper hand in consuming Dunham’s gift and sickness from a distance. While she is truly talented, if we track the roots of her trauma, we find that she was molested as a child, then molested her sister/now brother (victims become perpetrators), developed OCD and addictive behaviors as coping strategies, these coping strategies then became her creative genius, which then led her to sacrifice her internal organs in order to keep up with her girlboss career. And what my awakening eyes can witness is that her hyper-vulnerability is likely an extreme psychological defense against unbearable feelings of shame, pain and terror. There is a similar thread found in Younger, and I foresee stem cell treatments and blood filtering, à la Bryan Johnson, in her future.

The lives of Dunham and Younger demonstrate the razor’s edge of reason: Are you willing to sell your soul and body for fame and fortune?

I remember learning that Ram Dass’s guru, Neem Karoli Baba, requested that Dass donate his inheritance to charity as part of his commitment to service (and to offset the negative karma on how that money was acquired in the first place). Having too much, of anything, will inhibit you from living in harmony with love, if that is what you are intending for in this life.

To clarify, what Dunham and Younger are struggling with is neither wrong nor bad. In fact, most starseeds and old souls have some sort of addiction (we are more accustomed to a high vibrational state and do not ever fully adjust to the density here) and most women have disordered eating patterns (because of deep conditioning by society that our worth is tied to our looks and/or from past life/ancestral imprints). I am speaking from experience here and this is not the problem. The problem is dressing up our shadows as something prettier than what they actually are. Diagnoses are symptoms of a soul in deep conflict with itself, and when we sell our souls for fame and notoriety, this is what is to be expected: a body in chronic states of extreme distress.

Other examples of this distress: Younger had pneumonia and broke a rib during her last pregnancy. Translation: under-nourishment causes frailty. Dunham set herself on fire after a disappointing conversation with her ex, Jack Antonoff. These events are not random and good soul detective work can help alleviate the shadow from taking over someone’s life, but first we have to be willing to let go and face the darkness within.

My prescription for these ladies? They must learn how to STOP doing the thing that is making them rich and famous. Spiritual translation? Massive ego death. No writing for Dunham and no health protocols for Younger. Who in their right mind would want to do this? The Balanced Soul, that’s who.

For the rest of us, let us thank our lucky stars for not being too famous, too wealthy, or too attractive because Oh! do those extremes get you into more trouble than most realize.

It is okay to be average, in fact, it is probably the healthiest thing you can be right now.

Back to my above poll, I hope you were able to see the metaphor. It is better to be a beautiful and whole soul in a soulless world than a hollow human shell with a Malibu view.

My friends, let us go and celebrate the Hidden Gift of Being No One.

Cheers xo

PS: If you are struggling with shadow beliefs or addictive behaviors, come sit with me for zero-point centering and soul re-focusing. I am opening up a couple of sessions per week.

Email to schedule: sonia@soniahsieh.com (please share with me your optimal times)

$85* for 45-minutes *countering inflation pricing, just for you ;-)

“Bhagavan is running this body” —Sri Anandamayi Ma

As I sat with the discomfort of stepping outside my curated self, here is what I discovered:

1. My Inner-Hater is an Incredible Bullsh*t Detector

   Trying to reign in feelings of hatred as ‘not spiritual’ or ‘being kind’ has been holding me back from seeing further layers of distorted truth. When I let myself surrender and relax into those uncomfortable feelings, I saw that the anger was trying to get my attention into a discordant energy running through my energy field. I saw that my anger was tuning me into that feminine knowing when something is off and a feeling of pain I have been unconscious of for a long time. In this process, I re-enforced a lesson that I had already learned before which is that my negative emotions are compasses back into alignment and not things to be brushed under the rug or reframed. I let myself trust the feeling over logic to rediscover that negative feelings clarify and tonify my desires by showing me what is not in my best interest.

2. Be a B*tch or Develop an Autoimmune Disorder

   

   Years of TMJ and skin issues disappeared overnight from this little experiment. It is truly shocking how much more gripping and clenching is left to surrender.

3. Shame is a Superpower—Not Something to be Ashamed of

   Last week, I learned that conscious shame, ie) feeling my shame, can feel incredibly grounding and empowering, and that I don’t need to be afraid of this sensation in my body because that is all it is, simply sensations. Shame controls human behavior because it is the most unpleasant to feel. It feels hot and sickly—a mortifying annihilation of the self—and a most unpleasant death. But as I have been learning, feeling everything, including pain, is what allows personal empowerment or our true yang to return.

4. Forgiveness Follows Truth

   The ego operates through defense, suppression and justifications until we train it to accept its own death. After I allowed the lower thought brigade through, I remembered the power of the Ho’Oponono technique: I love you, Thank you, Please forgive me, I’m sorry. I said this over and over again as the shame of not being able to live up to my own expectations washed through.

5. Anger at the Entitlement of the System that Thinks it Can Take Without Giving is Discernment

   As we wake up as a collective, I hope we begin to see through the money games of scarcity, fear, pride, greed, envy, and coercion that run through our financial systems. This experiment has taught me to have higher standards for myself when it comes to being a lighthouse of wisdom for others to take comfort in and that spending money can be done as an act of love when the value of the energy exchange feels clear and altruistic.

   

   This was my jab at the system that thinks it can demand and take without any real cause.

   As I have written about before, I am not a fan of the ibogaine movement because it is taking without giving back to the Bwiti people in Gabon under the false pretense of “helping Veterans” ie) victims of the war machine. I am learning that this is anger directed in the proper way.

6. Contribution is an Act of the Heart not of Coercion or Pressure

   Learned this one from Darius J. Wright. This language softens the tightness around giving and spending.

7. Continued Dissolution of Distorted Masculine Energy

   Coming from a high-achieving family has required constant examination of my programming to be impressive, smart, and to work hard (in the left-brain, linear sense). Becoming conscious requires a deeper questioning into motivation and asks you to reformat into your Soul’s divine blueprint moment-to-moment. How do I know when I have cleared distorted patterns of doing-doing-doing from my field? My breath flows easier in those vulnerable areas such as the solar plexus, lower abdomen, and lately, a larger focus on my womb space. There is a lot of ancestral trauma held in the female reproductive area. Remembering that these energies are inherited and not mine, helps me to relax into letting them go to the divine mother frequency.

8. Being You Versus Being a Construct is an Evolving Process

   Do I have to put on a mask to function in society? To be successful? To continue in certain relationships? Do we need friction and hardship to survive? Is this way of being serving me or holding me back from inhabiting my most authentic expression? These constructs continue to be up for grabs as I keep evolving.

9. Loss of Motivation is a Sign of Healing

   Why is it that after awakenings we lose motivation to do the things we once did? It is not depression but sacred realignment. We are programmed to behave out of survival and coming out of survival means cocooning and rest without guilt. The more stillness I have invited in, the stronger and healthier I feel. This week I learned that sometimes it is the threat of obligation that is the block instead of surrendering into the purest streams of love.

As we enter into this powerful full moon in Scorpio this friday, happy shadow out-ing! It is coming up whether you like it or not. It ain’t that bad. I mean it is. And it is meant to be excruciating, but the benefits of facing your deepest fears might surprise you.

With love and mighty courage. Onwards.

P.S. Neem Karoli Babaji chanting RAM for one hour. Helps to cut the energetic tension circling in our fields.

The rub? The business of spirituality seriously bums me out. I don’t want to sell my soul to make money. The idea of ‘brand identity’ and ‘messaging’ makes me feel ill. I don’t want to pimp myself out to offer you ‘my services.’ I don’t want to do the jig just so you can ‘pick me’ as your healer. I don’t want to give into scarcity and I am moving past survival mode one mid-afternoon nap at a time. I don’t want to optimize myself. I want a beautiful, soft and slow life that fills me with a sense of boredom, awe and safety.

I believe humans need to be paid to exist. Money is a scam and a system of slavery. Centralization of power is the feeding system of all evil.

I don’t want to be anyone. I don’t want to influence you. I don’t feel like striving or achieving anything any more. I did all that and it was just exhausting.

I want to be no one and have my nothingness be my purpose.

My breathing, existing and transmuting lifetimes of trauma through my pain body is enough.

Which leads me to this: is this the final phase of awakening?

Just using the microwave again and getting a job bagging groceries? Maybe.

I don’t want to be a therapist. It literally spells the-rapist. The spelling is much worse for massage therapists. Massage the-rapists.

I don’t want to put money into the stock market to grow my portfolio to fund both sides of these terrible wars and to fund our birthing surveillance state.

Admittedly, I am still semi-holding my breath for the aliens to come and/or universal basic high income, but I know, no one is coming to save me. Aliens are already here, and your frequency dictates your ability to see and communicate with them.

I want my essence-beingness to be my credit card, 401K, husband, best-friend, all of it because we are infinite and eternal.

Hi, my name is Sonia and I am a former licensed clinical social worker navigating this evolution in human consciousness while trying to remain sane, grounded and connected to the magic that is life. I refuse to write out all of my credentials. It all just does not matter to me anymore.

Over the years, I have found that I have an extreme distaste for marketers and the fraudulence of marketing in general. Using human psychology to manipulate others into spending money ‘for their own good’ (or my other favorite ‘as an investment’ in yourself) is gas-lighting par excellence. And the people who do it have that manipulation turned back on them whether they understand this or not. If they understood this karmic dance, they would probably stop, but they don’t.

Our true nature is wholeness and vitality. The pathway of healing is simply remembering who you are. A healers job is to simply hold space for you to come back to that knowingness.

I once guided a group of wealthy clients who I saw turn into demons before my very eyes. The greed of their jobs literally shaping their energetic physiognomy to look evil. I shook my head in disbelief and left their enormous mansion shaking (after the journey was complete, of course). Lesson? The prettier the exterior, the uglier the interior…

I can see entities coming out of people, especially those who drink alcohol.

I cringe at new agers using their knowledge of energy, frequency and vibration to manipulate others or to promote their latest pyramid scheme.

This is my rant. I am tired. And I cannot believe we have to maintain these facades for survival and to make money. We are so much more than this.

I am ready to shut the door on all of it.

Well, Sonia, we have to eat…Actually, we may not even need to do that anymore as evidenced by the huge number of source-feeders in our midst! (They hide themselves away from fearful muggles.) Plus, I am already at the point where I wear the same clothes over and over again, happily, I might add.

Our evolution is heading here.

What am I grateful for?

I am grateful to have the ability to meditate for four hours every day and I love it. And if the energy of the day allows for it, a nice walk in the woods by my family’s house. It is excruciating sitting through sensations of pain ripping through my body day after day, but honestly, it feels like the most purposeful thing I can do right now and have ever done yet1. More than sitting with over 150 clients for psychedelic-assisted healing, more than becoming an iboga provider, more than any other DMT-experience—ok, maybe not that… those encounters are pretty special—but raw-dogging reality with just my breath and my body is pretty freakin’ miraculous.

In Charles Eisenstein’s last article, When the Rituals Stop Working, he details why ceremonies of old (plant medicines and going to the Doctor) are not working as well anymore. He believes the underlying mythology is crumbling. Nothing seems real anymore and nobody seems to care.

Rituals lose their power as the agreements beneath them unravel…The suspicion grows that we are all playing a game of “let’s pretend.” The rituals that run the world have emptied, and we wonder if we are doing anything real.

The game of social media, especially Instagram, is dead, in my opinion. It is one giant advertisement on there. The new Queen is this, Substack, where we at least get to read long form essays to try and improve our attention spans.

But for me, the game of—I need to do something to prove my worth in order to exist— is ending for me. This is the unconditional love part that I am re-programming into my mind as I write these words.

Unrealistic? Not in the 5th dimension where the indigenous would contact regularly to produce something out of nothing, which is the definition of magic.

While Eisenstein thinks the magic is leaving because the underlying agreements have been diluted and adulterated to the point where nobody knows what to believe in anymore, and Jack Kruse believes the magic is leaving because of magnetic declination (poles shifting) is causing the South Atlantic Anomaly, I take another approach. The magic is leaving because it is going inside all of us.

Eisenstein describes two traditions from South America and South Africa (sangoma) as observing the decline of their ritual magic. You can see from these images that this is exactly where the magnetic decline is the strongest. Kruse hypothesizes that this is where catastrophic loss of life will begin and has already begun— not because of pollution or climate change—but because no magnetism=no life.

Maybe this is what this crazy paradigm shift is all about. The door on the old world is firmly closing (for those choosing it) and some of us wait at the threshold ready to jump into the new. Locked and loaded. Parachute packed by the One Source Intelligence.

See you in the 5th dimension (and beyond).

Photo credit: the strength of the mountain is ours also

Things are very intense right now and it is taking an extreme, almost heroic, effort to stay grounded and centered. I have committed myself further into my meditation and energy clearing routines and thought I would offer some words of encouragement in case you are feeling the strain of these immense ascension energies as well. You are not alone.

What follows are some tools that have been assisting me in releasing density and inviting in more light in all four bodies. Remember, this journey is energetic, so further trust in the unseen world is needed now more than ever.

Prioritizing the Emotional Body:

As the emotional body releases, this allows for the mental, physical and energy bodies to align themselves naturally. At least, this is what I have found works for me. Regardless of which one needs the most attention1, all four bodies need to be attended to. For me, emotional releases look like crying, but for others this can look like yawning, sighing, coughing, shaking, humming, pushing, squeezing, tapping, or burping.

A lot of trauma lives in our fascia and cellular memory from past lives and ancestral karma. It is not personal, nor a punishment, and the more we can simply soften and allow it to run through us, the easier it gets [sort of ;-)].

Attending to the Physical Body:

I have been supporting my physical body with chlorophyll water, herbal teas, chaga mushroom tea 2-4g/day, and cooler foods such as mung, adzuki and soy beans. I have also started cold plunging again. 50 degrees for women, 10 minutes per week, not during luteal phase. This has helped to cut the brain fog and lethargy. Jack Kruse, MD has been recommending chewing mastic gum and listening to 20-40 herz frequency tones to support brain wave harmonization. In an interesting turn of events, Kruse has switched his priority from light to magnetism, which you can learn more about here.

Speaking to the Mental Body:

While I have mixed feelings about Byron Katie and her work (some of it seems too spiritually bypass-y for me), asking myself, is this really true? Can I know this to be true? Has been helping with the extreme mental chatter that comes with the territory of frequency wars. Certain frequencies cause the mind to descend down into negativity and thought-looping. There is nothing wrong with you. We are simply discovering the power of the unseen world and its effect on us.

Aligning with the Energy Body (spirit, higher self):

Along with softening into tense areas of my body and using the Tao practice of steaming my inner organs in order to cleanse them, I have been getting a lot out of Kelly Kolodney’s energy activations. I have been making my way through her “Resurrection Light Codes,” and I find them to be very powerful. In an effort to learn more about spiritual protection, I have also signed up for her “Protection Light Code” journey in May. I have also been practicing further protection and shielding with this practice:

Protection Rite

Close your eyes and settle your breath. In your mind’s eye, draw a circle around you using mugwort and St. John’s wort—mugwort to open intuitive sight and deepen perception, St. John’s wort to bring protection, clarity, and light. See the circle complete and intact. Around its edge, place black diamonds and smoky quartz—black diamonds to absorb and fortify against interference, smoky quartz to ground, transmute, and steady your field.

Now, call forward only what is clear and benevolent: your most intuitive, most aligned, and most fiercely protective guides, ancestors, and angels. Invite them in with discernment. If it resonates, you may also call in mer energy—ancient, fluid, and deeply intuitive—to support emotional clarity and psychic attunement, along with crystal beings, particularly those aligned with quartz consciousness, to amplify truth and stabilize the field. Dismiss anything that is not of your highest good, without resistance or engagement. Feel the circle refine.

Within this space, place white yarrow and angelica at the center—yarrow to create a clear, protected boundary and sharpen discernment, angelica to invite benevolent guidance and higher protection. Allow insight to arise without forcing it. Let what is true come forward cleanly. Ask that anything misaligned, unnecessary, or no longer supportive falls away with grace and ease—without disruption, without residue. At the same time, allow what is aligned, supportive, and meant for you to find you just as smoothly, without strain.

I am right here with you in the WTF is going on. I don’t really know either but supporting each other is a nice start.

Your energy matters and can be used as an organizing force for more peace as shown by the Maharishi effect in the 1990’s.

What tools have been supporting you? Feel free to share here to share with others.

All my love,

PS—Some heavenly music to accompany you

It all started with this viral Lizzo article published a while back titled, Why is everybody losing weight and what do we do? Sincerely, someone who’s lost weight. I really do not know much about Lizzo, but I thought the title was catchy and that her article was vulnerable, well-written, and brought up some interesting tensions between body positivity, marginalized communities, trauma healing and overall health and self-esteem. Most importantly, it brought up the societal tension of why we struggle to hold an image of ourselves that simply exists, without it being judged as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ because we are ‘thin’ or ‘thick.’ Again, I hope societal insanity will continue to pressurize us towards soulfulness.

Weight is a touchy subject because it is tied to many deeply emotional, cultural, and psychological conflicts that take a lot of time and effort to untangle. Effort most do not wish to exert at this time, which leads me to the thesis of this article: I am feeling nervous and suspicious about the explosion of GLP-1 usage. Something feels very off—as if everyone is on one, pushing us faster toward end times. Are we really that sick that we need medical intervention this often and to this degree?

I am certainly not the earliest adopter of an alternative and holistic lifestyle, but my prediction is that more people will become disillusioned with our current health care system and will be willing to pay more out-of-pocket to become sovereign humans instead of semi-healthy, yet fully-dependent medicated ones.

In this podcast, featuring our favorite polarizing neurosurgeon, Dr. Jack Kruse, he describes why GLP-1’s are so dangerous. In summary:

They impair mitochondrial function by blocking the cell’s exhaust pathway, which increases heteroplasmy and prevents proper regeneration, leading to premature aging. They also degrade muscle tissue, including the heart, resulting in atrial fibrosis and other silent cardiac events. (Minute 48)1

In true Kruse genius, he connects this all to Epstein’s interest with chromosome 2 and the BCL-11A switch that controls the transition from adult to fetal hemoglobin (the Ambrosia process). He highlights how elites funded MIT and Harvard researchers (Blau study) to explore this pathway. The obsession with youth hormones for power, longevity, and health ultimately reveals another core issue at work here: Are you willing to trade your life for vanity?

From a conspiracy perspective, we could say that this gaunt-ification of society is preparation for Human-AI hybridization, after all, robots do not have excess fat or souls for that matter.

From the mainstream health narrative, losing visceral fat is better for longevity, joint health, managing cholesterol, and lowering your risk for cancer, diabetes, and other co-morbidities.

From a decentralized health perspective, fat acts as a faraday cage against excess nn-EMF, toxins, circadian mismatches, and most importantly, cellular dehydration. Fat also acts as emotional shielding, as Lizzo astutely mentions. Even if you do lose weight, the emotional conflicts driving your need to have it in the first place will still be there.

Personally, I am still grateful for my bioresonance machine. I use it at least once a month. It helps jumpstart my period and cleared up some junk-y energy I picked up while in Vermont. Mantak Chia uses it for his health check-ups, as did Jasmuheen. It is a useful and non-invasive way to check-in on what is happening between your brain and organs. [Just a small plug.]

And yet, I understand why people lean so much on centralized healthcare. For one, that is all people know. It feels safe because it is familiar. Number two, most are not accustomed to the courage it takes bringing health into your own hands. (I have made a lot of mistakes on this path!) We have fear and have been programmed to ignore our intuition and to see failure as a moral failing instead of what it actually is, a learning experience. Lastly, when it comes to weight, dealing with the emotional undercurrents of our eating patterns can feel, at times, nearly impossible to overcome. It took two flood doses of iboga to get me over the hump of my disordered eating, so I get it. I truly do. It is hard, and we sometimes do feel desperate enough to try a quick fix.

Here, I thought I would offer some gentler approaches for those seeking a smaller tummy and a little weight loss because you love yourself, not because you hate yourself. And I guess that is the scariest part about this weight loss craze—it has a shadow root of perpetuating self-hatred instead of embracing how you are right now. This shadow root also manifests at the level of wanting to lose weight for outward appearances, while likely sacrificing the long-term health of your organs, begging the question: is it really worth it?

Will the long-term effects of these GLP-1’s be as dire as some, like Kruse, are predicting? Perhaps not, but it is worth pausing on what is trending as we continue to wake up to the impacts of social engineering. They have got our minds in the palms of their sick, pedophilic hands: We keep eating from it and I am one little voice out here saying, perhaps you should stop. For when, in the past 6 years, has mainstream advice ever been about looking after your best interests? Here is another evocative title, Starving Yourself For People Who Want You Dead.

Lifestyle suggestions that do not involve food or drugs:

1. Sunrise every morning

   You have heard it before. This acts as a natural GLP-1. No sunrise = no beta-oxidation ie) your body can’t burn fat and will only use sugars for energy. If you can’t get up, just open a window and go back to sleep.

2. 300mg lactoferrin/day2

   A twitter-acquired cheat code. Reduces belly fat over the course of 2-3 months. You may notice fewer colds, too. I have not gotten sick since taking this.

3. Red-light therapy 20 minutes/day 3-5x week (or month)

   RLT can drop your glucose levels too low making you feel hungry, so aim for after meals and before 4pm so as to not interfere with sleep. 380nm light activates mTOR, 630, 670, and 760nm light each have unique healing properties as well. Do your own research.

4. As much UVA and UVB as possible

   I use MyCircadian app to tell me when UVA and UVB light are available. Some days I feel so tired and do not want to go outside, but I aim for at least 20 minutes/day or keep my window open. Obviously, be smart here. Build up your tan slowly and cover up once sensing your skin is too hot.

5. Grounding sheet on mattress or work space

   Add more electricity into your body.

6. Chi Nei Tsang

   Abdominal self-massage for releasing trauma and repressed emotions.

7. Try Hydro-Colon Cleansing

   It is worth trying at least once to see for yourself. My digestion always improves afterwards. (1-2x/year.)

8. Sauna 2-3x/week (or month)

   Open up those detox pathways. Also great for skin issues.

9. Say ‘no’ to restrictive diets

   This will tank your hormones and thyroid. I enjoy reading Nouri Paris for elegant encouragement on eating.

10. Deep Core Exercises

    Like dead bug or anterior pelvic tilt correcting exercises for better posture and to alleviate back pain.

11. No blue light after sunset

    Incandescent light bulbs and blue blockers on.

12. Yogic Belly Breathing

    Lowers cortisol instantly

13. Easy Qigong exercise 5-10 minutes/day

    Improve your bio-electric power ie) your body’s ability to regenerate itself with intentional breathing and slow movements

14. Chew your food 20x per bite

    Better absorption = greater satiety

15. Herz frequencies to quiet the mind

    I enjoy 5 herz.

16. Deuterium Depleted Water

    For metabolic-related issues. Do your own research.

17. Build Spleen-Trusting Power

    In the Tao, they say that the spleen is the first to sacrifice itself for the sake of the other organs. And most of us in the West have weak spleen qi. To rebuild your spleen, which holds the energy of trust, imagine you are charging your spleen with the color yellow. One can also use the mantra, I trust in life.

18. Feel your emotions daily

    Rage, laugh, cry, grieve, and acknowledge your fear, terror, guilt, envy, and anger. Use your emotions to set boundaries. If you are constantly feeling off-kilter, it may be because you have outgrown a certain situation, place or relationship.

19. Sleep in complete darkness (and try meditating there, too)

    I notice if I don’t get enough time in complete darkness, I lose some violet light—the primordial life force, according to the Tao. Darkness builds melatonin and melatonin has many magical healing properties.

20. Be the villain

    Old souls and empaths heal when they become firm with their boundaries and finally say that, Fuck no.

21. Improvisational Movement

    My time back at Middlebury reminded me that I can just move, any way I want to, at any time. You do not need to learn anything fancy or do anything hard. I love moving with spirals and asymmetry, but most importantly, from the inside out.

What new habits—that do not involve food or drugs—are you adding to reinforce the feeling of self-love into your life?

Let us know in the comments below.

Yours in health and in love,

Sonia

Photo credit: images via Pinterest

A few months ago, I heard the idea that old souls and sensitives often step in to fill the ‘love gap’ — and this instantly resonated with me. That awkward dead space between conversations and texts, the tension helpers feel for their struggling clients, the missed opportunities for connection, and all that energy wasted… It is difficult to explain, but if you know, you know.

Lately, however, I have been learning how to let the dead air hang. And it is hard. Why? Because it is not our job to constantly fill in the gap of where love should be and isn’t. And gee, is there a lot of love missing.

Why is it important to let the love-gap linger?

A lot of people’s receivers are not on, so even if you rush to fill it, they likely will not take it in. This is a waste of (your) energy and builds co-dependency. This also makes you vulnerable to manipulation.

For us love-gap fillers, the benefits of letting go of this behavior include:

• It builds affect tolerance.

Learning to sit with more discomfort? Yep. Keep going.

You are sensitive to other people’s suffering, and yet, it is still not your job to fix it, unless there is a very specific contract to do this. Every day conversations and situations do not need your help. It is okay to move along and tend to your own needs.

• Build relationships with higher dimensional beings instead.

Most people do not know how to love, and that is why we are here. What most people think is love is actually conditional love and manipulation. This is part of the world-rocking realization of awakening. It sucks and sort of gets better over time. Though, to be honest, not really (the grief can be intense). What has worked for me? I have stopped waiting for people to learn how to love and turned my attention to higher-dimensional life forms for support. God, Yeshua, Babaji, Yogananda, Anandamayi Ma, Mother Mary, your own Higher Self, Guides, Angels, Guardian Angels, Archangels and Ancestors… There are plenty of beings here to help us. We only have to remember to ask and make enough space for stillness and silence to receive their subtle streams of energetic support. They are subtle, but definitely there.

• Say good-bye to highly fragmented people and co-dependent relationships.

Sensing other people’s pain and trying to take it away (or manage it) is like breathing to most old souls, so learning to let this go takes time and tends to improve the kinds of relationships you attract in the long term. Remember that peace and loneliness are two very different energies.

• You end up finding the real ones.

It is normal to feel depressed when you realize certain relationships were entirely one-sided (and it is important to grieve this), but the benefits are you get to clean house on all parasitic energies and remember you deserve better. Over time, you will grow to appreciate the real ones and learn to keep those people even closer. I know that I have.

• You save yourself from accumulating unnecessary karma.

From the Dagara perspective, when you rescue or protect someone, you are actually doing them a disservice, as no one can truly protect another person from what is their destiny, and if you do, you may end up taking on their karma as well.

Protection is toxic to the person being safeguarded. This is because no one can effectively protect anyone. When you protect something, the thing you are keeping safe decays.

“People come into this life with a purpose that enables them to protect themselves. You are your own and best guardian. You go into Baor (initiation) to save yourself from the lethal protection of other people. If I told you what my Baor was like, I would have to be your protector for the rest of your life, and that is deadly.” 1

While from a modern perspective, protecting others may make you the hero, from an indigenous perspective, you may have thwarted a necessary process in that soul’s evolutionary process, thus adding extra karma to your ascension pack. This is where a 5D understanding of energy comes into play. Doing or saying certain things will start to feel wrong and you have to learn the discipline of listening. It is tough, but again, necessary for reclaiming personal power, boundaries, and worthiness.

Reflection time: In what situations, and in which one of your relationships, do you notice this behavior the most?

Reflect. Make a shift. See what happens.

Warning: “Among the dagara, the more you dwell in the other world, the more you shock those who don’t” (Somé, pg. 76). To walk this path means becoming an initiate of misunderstanding. Tumultuous reactions will happen when you speak your truth, and those are the most toxic energies clearing house first. Do not let it hinder you. Trust yourself and keep going. Be gentle with yourself as each day is another level of the ascension game to be experienced and mastered.

This is how you shift your reality. Through one subtle change at a time.

In the Darkroom, we activated our ancestor gate to allow for our “True Yang” to re-enter — the part of you that does not fully incarnate here on the earth plane. A modern interpretation of this might be, true yang are aspects of our higher dimensional selves that return into our light bodies as we shed more density. [My senior dance thesis was called, Incarnate. Ha! My thesis committee commented that I did not incarnate anything from A Passage to India by E.M. Forster—the literary part of my degree—but in hindsight, of course, I did not literally translate a book into movement. I was trying to capture the essence of soul returning back to the physical body, which I can articulate, now, 15 years later. Alas, this was all preparation as Starseeds face countless misunderstandings in this 3D reality… ]

Usually when I travel, the weather is unusually good. My visits to Costa Rica in the rainy season, grey Ireland, and polluted Taipei were met with unusual amounts of sunshine, fresh air and warmth.

Photo credit? Not a chance. Weather was so bad, I did not even bother!

Thick grey cloud cover, cold and windy temperatures, plus a nice blanket of snow—my flight out was even cancelled requiring me to stay two more days!— grated against my preference for lightness.

“It builds character,” my former dance professor remarked. This is a type of resilience I know I do not wish to build. I felt oppressed and the thick clouds had an almost suffocating quality. Probably because my mitochondria were literally suffocating from lack of sun!

I got the full drama report of the college as ‘an adult’ and laughed. In family systems therapy, children are always a symptom of the problem and college is no exception.

All the rumors about kids these days being not as smart, inattentive, (or whatever) are, of course, incorrect. More psy-ops to promote needless separation and division. I found the kids to be open, ready to learn, attentive, engaged, respectful and adorable. And, unlike my generation and beyond, less body-image obsessed. The girls seemed more comfortable in their skin, at least to me.

I chuckled at one of my professors’s belief that college is really “High School Plus”—she might be right about that—and I simultaneously marveled and felt insecure about the level of talent (and intelligence) of the students. This, I knew, was old academia scarring.

The wealth gap between Middlebury College and the Town of Middlebury made my stomach churn. It did back then and still made me extremely uneasy. The campus is largely the same except for a new roundabout where ‘the milk truck turned.’ This made for some humorous small town talk.

Middlebury is an odd place with many juxtaposing factors, such as, the need to import black and brown students to add diversity—many of whom are overwhelmed by the wealth gap, extremely wealthy themselves, or unable to assimilate into the literal whiteness of Vermont. I fell somewhere in between. I had never encountered WASP’s until that age and haven’t really since! Seeing the preppy kids again made my stomach churn. Old northern wealth hits different than southern wealth, in my opinion. Or maybe it was just the cold weather that made me more sensitive and I only need to look at Duke University and Durham to see the same trope.

This trip was to view an old version of me (because Middlebury holds a certain frequency that I was once drawn to) that I can now see through and was able to move through it with new awareness and skill; however, the whole week felt like one long MDMA trip without the MDMA ie) all purge no vomit.

The familiar exhaustion — why so exhausted?! The constant (and I mean constant) feelings of insecurity, anxiety, pressure, urgency (everything needs to happen now), the mind-y ness of everything (no room for soulfulness), again, made me feel sick and was a good reminder of where, how and why my digestive issues came from. You aren’t meant to feel to be successful there or anywhere in the matrix.

And through all of the challenge, I was glad to go back to re-plant where those tender seeds of insecurity and doubt became crusted into my young mind and to see where my first forays into mysticism and magic were experienced. I told the kids, my first journeys into altered states of consciousness started here through the practice of Authentic Movement where my advisor, Andrea Olsen, correctly predicted my turn into african shamanism through my movement qualities. I thought this had a nice ring to it, how it landed with the students, I do not know.

I glanced back at some of my old dance writings and surprised myself at how deep and thoughtful I was, even back then. Sort of miraculous really. Even my writing was pretty darn good, maybe even better than it is today. (Years of clinical writing whittled away some of my creative elegance, which I am gaining back with this Substack.) I also told the students, you are young, but the through-line of all your interests now will turn into something that makes greater sense later, which I hope landed. It did for one senior who approached me after class. (So sweet.)

The week was also hard because every inclination I had, I had to override with the opposite. And the amount of sorcery I had to use to get the vibe right for every class, well, was nothing short of the kind of energy I use for sacred journeys and then some. After only 4 hours of teaching a day, I was completely spent by the end—thrown back into the hazy exhaustion I felt as a student. I was so tired, it made me feel high— a familiar feeling for this North Node and Midheaven in Pisces. (I do love an altered feeling.) I did not understand how anyone could keep up at a place like academia, and then I realized, they don’t. Like most places, everything is about pure survival and productivity, not necessarily quality or truthfulness.

I hope that with this trip whatever value I once placed on this centralized system has been further dismantled, and that an old, deep part of me has died along with it. It feels odd, empty and disorienting, like I will never be the same person before and after this trip. Vermont changed me in an almost disturbing way. The way it rocked me to the depths of my physical, emotional, and spiritual core was completely unexpected. It was a true death, but without any altered brain chemistry to assist me!

In some ways, this trip was like “Darkroom Plus” and I can’t seem to put my finger on why. The air in Vermont felt creepy, almost haunting and so desolate. I guess some people call that northern beauty, but I just felt suffocated and like an un-named sickness pervaded over everything, which I guess forces the opposite to occur as well. You either rise with more love or get swallowed up by the dark. Middlebury has had a mental health crisis with at least 2 student suicides in the past few years. This is completely unsurprising from a new-age perspective: way too much pressure, too much junk light and nn-EMF’s (blue lit streets and classrooms, solar panels galore, and 5G towers everywhere), unaddressed pandemic PTSD, social engineering, and academia dark sorcery that requires you to exchange soulfulness to become ‘smart.’ It is dark, but one can’t see it unless the level of consciousness shifts out of it, so I tried to kept my observations to myself.

To close, Academia, you do not hold the same spell over me as you once did.

And I am grateful for this recapitulation back in time. Shamans must undergo these kinds of return cycles as a way to re-unify fragmented aspects of self back to Soul. This was another initiation I am glad to have passed.

My farmer’s market Ranunculus still in full bloom after my return — praise God.

I will not take North Carolina sunshine for granted ever again.

Why play the Game of Presence? “Show me proof that it works!” Well, I’m working on that…

During my last darkroom retreat, I had a series of precognitive visions that Mantak Chia and senior instructor Andrew Jan would then later name and speak about shortly after I had just received them either the night before or during our morning break time. [We had from about 9am—2pm of free time before Master Chia lectures from 2pm-6pm. And yes, those 5 hours of unstructured time did feel long to this darkroom newbie.]

It takes around three days before enough melatonin builds in the physical system for it to break down into 5-MeO-DMT and DMT, which is why darkrooms under 5 days are a bit pointless, unless you want deep rest, which pure darkness provides. My journey began around day three with the arrival of giant spaceships. I tried communicating with them (“move left and right or up and down to confirm”), but they were so huge they kinda just stayed in my field of vision. Later, I heard that Master Chia said he loves the darkroom because the first thing he sees are giant spaceships.

Next, I started journeying through what appeared to be large red veins. Later that evening, Jan mentioned the same thing.

Next, around day 5, I had a giant white tiger spring out of the dark abyss towards me. That evening, Jan led a meditation to receive a spirit animal in the lower world to ground and comfort us after “spirit flight.” My tiger was so cozy.

Photo credit: MidJourney is the perfect playground for the non-visual artist

Then, I also started to see many adorable dogs come to greet me. Later, during Master Chia’s lecture, he spoke about how dogs are good for people with trauma because they comfort and love you unconditionally. True.

On nights 5, 6, and 7, I had a series of intense ego-death dreams that later stopped after Jan’s evening meditation on dreaming. He said that Taoists don’t dream — they simply exist in the Tao. Amen.

Before Jan spoke about “the Great Thoroughfare” and “The Watchmen,” I had pre-cognitively seen them appear in my third eye. Like magic.

The Great Thoroughfare — right thrusting channel (like a great thunder of energy rising from within)

The Watchmen — I forget what this represents

On day 8, I had a beautiful golden DMT angel appear and pull a giant sword out of my energetic body—my sternum to be exact—which then allowed me to cry out a lot of old pain I was carrying around my heart. Very powerful.

Now, who is seeing what first? I don’t know. Or, are we all tapping into the Universal Field and reporting/recording back the same images? Likely more so the latter.

Towards the end of the 11 days, when I would release thoughts and emotions, the birds would sing in response. Later, while in Chiang Mai, I would do the same and everyone around me would cough. At first this annoyed me, like, ugh, everyone is sick! And then I realized, oh, I’m helping people clear out their sick energy! This goes back to the concept I wrote about in “you are a thought form in the mind of god.” Your energy ripples outwards, so make it good!

A big realization from this last retreat was understanding how the things I can do during psychedelic journeys, I can now do on my own without them, which gave me a good feeling. I believe becoming more sovereign and less reliant on external substances will make my life easier in the long term. (Less dancing around legalities.)

For example, I was able to activate my own third eye, as I have learned from my iboga training, and I did not need to use my eye mask. Eyes open or eyes closed/mask on or off, I was seeing the exact same thing.

With both retreats, the DMT started with a golden color dripping down into my awareness. This video doesn’t quite capture it, but it’s what I could manage. It’s like gold filament, with tiny black lines unfolding and unfolding, like tessellated gold foil. Did I stumble upon the frequency of The Secret of the Golden Flower by Lu Dongbin? Who knows?

Master Chia is known for giving everyone the Violet Light — the primordial life force. Once you have it, it never leaves you and you can program it to do as you wish. See this meditation with Jasmuheen and “The Violet Light Cocoon.” After Master Chia’s darkroom, many people report seeing the violet very strongly when they close their eyes, including me. It looks a bit like this:

Now, back in North Carolina, it is back to the ecstatic mundane. Laundry, food prepping, cleaning, answering emails, re-connecting with clients, preparing my taxes, exercise and meditation on repeat… Less fun? Absolutely. But what I love about post-retreat life is how new everything feels. Sunrise feels raw and fresh. I get to look upon my surroundings with new tenderness and appreciation. I get to use my new eyes to see the same world anew again and again. And when the time comes when I get jaded, the process of death and renewal will come for me once more to remind me of how precious life truly is.

Have I sold you yet on this process? If not, that is okay. There is still plenty of time ;-)