Books:

• A Hymn to life: Shame has to change sides by Gisele Pelicot (the audio book - read by Emma Thompson)

Aaah, what an INCREDIBLE woman!! She received an International Women’s Day award and absolutely deserved it. The courage that she had, and the truthfulness of her experience eeek! I honestly sat there, in silence, for ages after finishing this audiobook. It was heartbreaking, but empowering.

• The New Age of Sexism: How the AI Revolution is Reinventing Misogyny by Laura Bates

Bleghhh!! & scary! scary! scary! Especially for me working in a secondary school with very vulnerable young boys (and girls). It talks about digital harassment, ai biases, commercialised misogyny. very interesting, very scary.

Movies:

• The Invite

I kinda liked it? not my usual format, and I thought it was cool that it was all based in one room basically with four actors!!

• The sheep detectives

omg my heart!! if you haven’t watched this, please do. it’s the absolutely cutest and I cried at the end lol.

Songs:

• Take Me To Beijing (一起回北京) by Chinese American Bear

• Cherry spice - by moonvine

• Honeybee - by Olivia Rodrigo

• Eternal summer - by The Strokes

Drinks:

• Orange drinks (aperol spritz and orange wine hehe)

Food:

• Strawberry smoothies

• Burrata salads

• Bruschetta

• Rare tuna steak

& to end with my:

INS AND OUTS

Ins

• stretching

• cocktails

• audiobooks

• biking

• spf

• trying new things at the gym

• cuddling

• reciprocal voice notes

Outs

• being tired

• clutter

• big sunglasses

• small talk

• airport queues

• hair straighteners

• tight hair ties

• sweat

hope you guys had a lovely summer!! ✨✨✨

Of course, every ASD person is different. But many of the students I work with experience communication differences - which is why speech- language therapists are supporting students.

One thing I love (and occasionally hate) is their honesty.

Some of my students don’t really see the point in niceties or sugar coating their thoughts. If they think something, they’ll just… say it.

Sometimes that means saying exactly what’s on their mind (even if it’s unkind lol).

As I’m getting ready for summer break, I was thinking about some of the humbling things students have said to me throughout the school year.

About my voice (which, unfortunately, I can’t change):

• “Your voice hurts my ears.”

• “G’day mate!”

(For context, I have a Kiwi accent. Not Australian. This matters to me, but obviously not to them lol)

About my appearance (again… not things I can change quickly):

• “Yuck! What’s that on your face?” (It was a pimple)

• “I didn’t know girls get moustaches!”

• Me: “We’ve got the same hairstyle!” Student: “No. Yours is super messy.”

About my coffee habit:

• “Oh my God… what’s that SMELL coming from your mouth?”

I mean, embarrassing but so fair. I basically always have chewing gum in my mouth for this reason now.

About my age:

• “OH MY GOD, YOU ARE SO OLD.”

Again for context, I am 30 years old 🫠

Now, don’t get me wrong. I use these moments as learning opportunities. I will remind students that we don’t make comments on someone’s appearance or things they can’t easily change might make them feel. Social communication is something many of our students are constantly learning.

But one time, when I was saying this to a student they replied:

“Why not? It’s just the truth.”

And, it made me think…

Yeah? It is - just the truth.

I did have a pimple.

My hair does get messy.

I do have a different accent to them.

And yeah, i guess to them 30 is old (i mean help it kinda is to me, too, ahah)

But, it made me realise how much energy we spend trying to hide perfectly normal things about ourselves. We hide our bad skin, laugh off our age, fix out hair, hide our opinions, and hope nobody notices the things we’re insecure about.

My students notice them immediately.

And then, five seconds later, they’ve forgotten them.

Because it doesn’t really… matter?

Because accepting the truth is often far less exhausting than trying to hide it.

I can’t change my voice.

I can’t change if I get a pimples.

I definitely can’t change my age.

And so why try to?

(although, I did go home and wax my moustache) hehe xx

Don’t have sex. You’ll get pregnant and DIE.

I remember sex education classes at school. The statistics about teen pregnancy. The warnings.

I remember being genuinely terrified of accidentally getting pregnant.

I remember:

• going on the pill.

• going off the pill (because it made me depressed).

• taking Plan B (oopsie)

• getting an IUD so that wouldn’t happen again.

And I remember, if anyone ever took a pregnancy test, there was only one answer you hoped for: Not pregnant.

Then, somewhere along the way, things started to shift.

You get to a certain age where pregnancy isn’t automatically a mistake anymore. When someone announces they’re pregnant, you start to think: “Congratulations?”

It’s strange because I never really thought about wanting a baby.

Until I couldn’t stop thinking about having one.

It started at Christmas (2025), some friends came over with their cutie pie newborn daughter. We all live in London, but our families are back in New Zealand, so we were doing an ‘orphan Christmas’

Because they had just had a baby, we hosted Christmas at ours.

And eeek!! The moment my partner and I held her, we were obsessed.

^ the moment

And don’t get me wrong - I know newborns are hard work. I know there are sleepless nights, nappies, stress, exhaustion, etc. bu

But I also saw something else.

I saw how my friends had become a team.🩷

A team raising their little girl.🩷🩷

And later, I just went for it and asked my partner!!!

“Do you… want to try for a baby?”

And then we both

!! freaked out !!

We didn’t really talk about it for a while after that.

But the lil seed had been planted.

🌱

After that, the conversation kept resurfacing

…

And so, I did what probably most 30 year olds do. I asked Chat

Signs you’re ready for a baby.

Answer: none

And so I kept freaking out!! If there are NONE. Then what if I have MANY reasons to not have one:

1. Is our home okay?

2. Are our finances okay?

3. Is our relationship okay?

4. Are we okay?

5. AM I OKAY?

6. IS THIS WORLD OK OR ARE WE ALL FUCKED????

And underneath all those questions was the one thing I was actually worried about:

What if it’s a bad idea!!!

Because surely everyone else feels ready, right?

but I guess, no one is ever really ready for anything.

At some point you just decide that uncertainty isn’t a reason not to do something.

Although the concept of “trying” is still completely insane to me.

You decide to try and one of two things happens:

1. It could be really hard to have a baby and actually it takes ages.

2. You could have a baby in nine months.

You genuinely have no idea?!

So yeah, it is strange to spend most of your life desperately trying not to get pregnant…

To then deciding …

maybe it’s time?

(I reckon that’s why they give you nine months to get your head around it hehe).

They don’t give everything away. They’re cool because they’re actually cool, not because they’re trying to convince anyone of it.

They have hobbies and favourite places and inside jokes and stories you’ve never heard. If you ask, they’ll tell you. But otherwise? Their life is their life. They don’t feel the need to announce every thought, plan, feeling, or minor inconvenience to whoever.

They move through the world with you’ll find out when you find out.

Not me!!

Unfortunately!!

I’m the:

• first to share a secret.

• first to overshare.

• first to tell you exactly what happened, how it happened, why it happened, and how I felt about it afterwards.

And then,

• the first to be embarrassed for overhearing

There are definitely downsides to not being a mysterious girl.

Downsides:

1. You can come across a bit intense.

2. You can be a bit annoying.

3. You accidentally say too much.

I do sometimes wish I was more mysterious.

I love the idea of having that cool-girl energy that’s not available to everyone. The kind where people actually have to spend time with you to get to know you.

But I just can’t do it!!!

I’m an open book.

If you ask me what I did on the weekend, I won’t say, “it was super chill.”

I’ll will say: what I had for breakfast, what I wore, who I saw, what we talked about, whether the coffee was good, and how unexpectedly windy it was.

And if, at any point, your eyes start glazing over, I’ll panic and throw in a dramatic!!! plot!!! twist!!! to get your attention back!!!

The truth is, mysterious girls probably spend less time cringing after conversations.

But I also think they maybeee miss out??

Because when you’re an open book, people know where they stand with you.

Nobody has to guess what you’re thinking.

Nobody has to work out whether you like them.

Nobody leaves a conversation wondering who you really are.

So maybe I’ll never be a mysterious girl.

Maybe I will always be the:

• first to share a secret.

• first to overshare.

• first to tell you exactly what happened, how it happened, why it happened, and how I felt about it afterwards.

Maybe I’m ok with that? :)))

There are worse things to be than someone who can’t wait to share their life with other people.

& to ask others about theirs -

so helloooo!! tell me - who are you?!

Xo

Apparently, 10,000 is an arbitrary number anyway. The idea actually originated in 1965 when a Japanese company called Yamasa Clock released a pedometer called the Manpo-kei, which translates to “10,000-step meter.”

And apparently (although, not sure how true this is?), it caught on partly because the Japanese character for 10,000 looks a bit like a person walking:

万

I mean…

I can see it.

:~)

But somewhere along the way, walking stopped feeling simple, and 10,000 seemed challenging and stressful!!

I think it got swept up in a collective obsession with optimisation.

Must walk 10,000 steps.

Must go outside to walk 10,000 steps.

Must wake up at 5am to go outside to walk 10,000 steps.

And suddenly this thing that humans have been doing for thousands of years became another task on the to-do list.

Another thing to achieve.

Another thing to fail at.

It got stressful.

So I just kinda…

stop

            ped.

But recently I’ve started walking again, just differently.

I’ve been doing what I call “colour walks.”

I pick a colour - let’s say yellow- and then I go for a walk looking for as many yellow things as I can find. A flower. A road sign. A raincoat. A front door. A discarded tennis ball.

I take photos as I go and, before I know it, I’ve been walking for ages (probably over 10,000 likely!!)

The funny thing is that I’m barely thinking about the walking.

I’m thinking about finding yellow lol

And I’m happier, more present, and weirdly proud of my pictures of yellow objects.

It made me realise that maybe the secret isn’t forcing ourselves to do things that are good for us.

It’s finding ways to make those things enjoyable.

Pair something fun with something beneficial and then it’s overall F U N.

So here’s my yellow collection from this week’s walk:

And now I’m trying to decide…

What colour should I do next?

xo

There were two different rows of contestants. The front row is for ‘singles’ - people that had come alone, and didn’t have a partner. The back rows was the ‘couples’.

Lee Mack asks the questions and hosts the show. But he also chats to contestants throughout the episode.

Something strange started happening.

Whenever he spoke to someone from the singles row, they’d talk about their job, how nervous they were to be there, or - because it was the Valentine’s special - what they were looking for in a partner.

But whenever he spoke to someone from the couples row, they all seemed to say the same thing:

“I just want to beat him.”

“I want to stay in longer than her.”

That was it.

And when one partner got a question wrong and was knocked out, Lee Mack would sometimes cut to the partner who was still in.

And instead of being disappointed, they’d be thrilled loool.

“Yesss- I beat him.”

“Hahaha, I’m still in!”

Maybe I’m overly sensitive, but I found it super weird?

Because if I was on the show with my partner and I got through while he got knocked out, my first thought wouldn’t be, “Haha, I won.”

My first thought would be, “awww that sucks/is annoying/ is sad.”

And if he laughed at me on live television after I got eliminated? I’d be m a d 😡.

So why are couples so competitive with each other?

^ me confused watching them

Don’t get me wrong - I used to be competitive (waaah? Meeee??? 👼)

When Andy first came to my house (and he still reminds me of this), we played pool.

He won.

And I was so competitive that I said, “I should have won. I played better.”

Then I stormed off.

So cringe lol.

But at some point I realised something: what exactly do I gain from competing with him?

And what would he gain from competing with me?

We’re supposed to be on the same team.

We’re supposed to be each other’s biggest cheerleaders.

That’s why watching those couples celebrate each other’s failures felt so strange.

Surely if your partner gets knocked out, you’re disappointed for them.? Surely if they stay in and you don’t, you’re proud of them..?

Surely when Lee Mack asks how you’re feeling, your answer is:

“I’m so happy for them.”

Not:

“SO HAPPY I BEAT THEM”

Maybe that’s why another thing has been driving me slightly mad recently: couples who constantly bicker.

There’s a couple at work (and I really hope nobody from work ever finds this) who often take little digs at each other.

Nothing dramatic. Just constant tiny competitions. Tiny arguments. Tiny digs.

And I don’t get it.

(And it’s annoying as the person being the third wheel)

Life is already stressful enough.

Work is stressful.

Money is stressful.

The news is stressful.

The Tube is stressful.

Life is already stressful enough.

Why would you come home and choose to compete with the one person who’s supposed to be in your corner?

Maybe that’s what relationships become when we forget we’re playing for the same team.

Because the older I get, the less interested I am in winning.

I’d much rather have someone sitting beside me saying, “You’ve got this.”

And I’d much rather be saying the same thing back.

Anyway, go tell your partner that they got this & remember

YOU GOT THIS xoxox

I’ve been in London for 3 years now and, I’m not going to lie, it’s been kinda hard to make friends with British people.

I think it’s a mixture of London being a very transient place, me arriving with lots of Kiwi friends already (and therefore not having to rely on making new friends asap), and maybe a culture difference of not “putting yourself out there”.

But, I’ve made a few friends (particularly work friendships) with British people and it actually got me thinking maybe they are showing love/ friendship in different ways, and maybe we all show love in different ways…

I think you are either the type to say:

Orrrrrr you show it/ say it- in different ways- and then it got me thinking… how do people show they love you, without saying it straight out.

In my opinion,

Words that actually mean “I love you”

1. Get home safe

2. Text me when you’re home

3. I had so much fun with you

4. I saw this and thought of you

5. I thought you would like this

6. I saved you some

7. I can pick you up

Anyways hope you all have people that say this to you, and you say to them💕❣️❣️🫶🏼🫶🏼

Let me explain!!

I live with my boyfriend (of 10 years!!!), and maybe this is just co-dependency exposing itself a little bit (ouch), but I get weirdly overwhelmed at the thought of having a whole week that’s just… mine…!

And I always feel ~ guilty ~ admitting that out loud because HELLOOOO - a whole week off where I can do whatever I want? how! am! I! not! excited!

But Andy works a corporate job, so he doesn’t get half terms off like I do. Usually during bigger holidays we’ll go away somewhere together, which makes the time off feel exciting and fun!

this is us, in Grasse:

When I first moved to London, I was doing agency / locum work as a speech and language therapist, so I’d usually work through the school holidays because otherwise… no money lol. I’d pick up random jobs during breaks just to keep things going ££ wise.

But now I’m permanent at a special school, which means holiday pay!!! & I don’t have to work in the holidays anymore!!!

Last half-term was the FIRST time I ever went on a solo trip. Andy was supposed to come too, but… visa issues 🙃

But this half-term feels different because it’s the first one where I don’t really have plans. It’s just me and an empty week ahead of me. Eeeeek!

I think what’s helping, though, is having a plan. Nothing massive - just little things to look forward to each day. (also, this sunny weather!!)

So here’s the plan:

Tuesday: Pilates class and then sunbathing in the park, which I’ve done:

Wednesday: charity shopping / op shopping. Current wishlist:

• white linen trousers

• longer denim shorts

• covered sandals

• literally any cute summer shorts

Thursday: maybe getting my eyebrows done? hehe

Friday: possibly tennis with some friends from work who are also off for half term.

And then it’s basically the weekend anyway, which feels normal again because we actually have plans:

Saturday: Andy and I are going to a BBQ.

Sunday: I’ll visit my grandma with my sister.

So yeah, I think I’m starting to realise that being alone for a week doesn’t automatically mean being lonely. Sometimes it just means - s - l - o - w - I - n - g - down a bit and filling your days with small things that make you feel good.

And honestly, having little things to look forward to changes everything. It makes the week feel exciting instead of empty.

Anyway ~ hope you guys are enjoying the sunshine too ☀️🌞🌤️

and where am I?

in a chicken shop, obviously! drunkenly ordering a four piece chicken meal with chips and a pepsi (!!) while standing underneath lights so bright it’s beginning my hangover (grr!!)

and who am I with?

the people I went out with. the people that love chicken. the people that love me <33

because I actually think chicken shops are one of the purest forms of romance we have left.

no first-date “I booked us a wine bar”, “should we watch that new movie?”, “one more round?”

I mean real romance.

there is something so deeply affectionate about ending the night in a chicken shop. everyone’s slightly sweaty. everyone’s too drunk. everyone’s ears are ringing.

in a chicken shop together, nobody is trying to impress anymore. the glamorous part (if there was one?) of the evening has ended.

& you are left with the ogs. you are left with the forevers.

maybe that’s why chicken shops feel romantic. that’s why they are the most romantic date spot.