What I know from my conversations with so many of us in the spiritual aging community both in person and online, is that we did not expect to be at this age and stage in our lives feeling so out of control. The good news is that many of us seekers have spent a lifetime preparing for this moment. Many of us are old enough that we’ve already had our own brushes with mortality, grieved many of our losses, made peace with multiple regrets. But the thing is, aging and time inevitably raise the stakes and we suddenly find ourselves forced to grow again. As true as this is in the best of times how much moreso is this true in times such as our own when against the backdrop of the imploding illusions of our understanding of reality and shared values, willpower is useless.

In my book The Making of an Old Soul, I have a chapter about the life stage many have unexpectedly found ourselves in called The Void. In it I tell a story I find particularly helpful to share with you. Some years ago, I was invited by the American Society of Aging to present about spirituality and aging alongside keynoter Jane Marie Thibault. Beforehand, we had the chance to compare notes about life-threatening illnesses we had suffered. My first encounter, breast cancer at 49, was well in the past, but Jane’s encounter with mortality was fresh in her mind. Her words to the rapt audience that day resonated deeply.

“Do you wish to persevere pridefully into the old life? Of course you do: the old life was a good life, but it is no longer available to you. It has been carried away irreversibly.” Jane Marie, who has served as chaplain to the monks at Thomas Merton’s monastery, Gethsemani, found she could not look forward until she’d taken the time to mourn: “To say Kaddish for the me who was…and would never be again.”

And what is this place shrouded in shadows: the fearsome inevitability that you have worked so hard to avoid all your life? You’ll know what it is in when you’re in it: a dark and vast place, a bottomless pit, devoid of hope. You will feel listless, adrift, lost—but only when you aren’t otherwise consumed by anxiety, regret, and grief. When you are in the place mystics refer to by many names but that I describe as a void, you feel for all the world that you are the only one to have ever been in it. And yet listen to the words of this Psalm and see if they don’t sound like they could have arisen from your own broken heart.

O Lord, God of my salvation,

I have cried day and night before thee;

Let my prayer come before thee; incline thine ear unto my cry;

For my soul is full of troubles: and my life draweth nigh into the grave.

I am counted with them that go down into the pit; I am as a man that hath no strength…

Thou hast laid me in the lowest pit, in darkness, in the deep.

There are archetypal forces, transcending the particulars of time and place, pulling you into the shadows as the chaos of life and whatever the times conspire to break you with. As the English writer Katherine Mansfield wrote in her private journal in 1923: “There is no limit to human suffering. When one thinks: ‘Now I have touched the bottom of the sea—now I can go no deeper,’ one goes deeper. And so it is forever. …What must one do? There is no question of what is called ‘passing beyond it.’ This is false. One must submit. Do not resist. Take it. Be overwhelmed. Accept it fully. Make it a part of life. …The present agony will pass—if it doesn’t kill.”

These accounts of pain have withstood the test of time not because they are the words of so-called “losers” who let life do them in, but because they are the courageous cries of vital spirits asserting themselves, willing to engage with the biggest questions of meaning and to struggle with God’s very essence. Rejecting simplistic answers, overworked explanations, and rationalized defenses, these are the ones who let go of the branch hanging over the cliff, not knowing if they were going to hit bottom and, if they did, whether they would live or die. Their words, and the testimony of the many brave elders who have come before us, call out to each of us en route to the world of old souls, that feelings of despair are not yours alone but belong to all times and ages.

In other words, if you resonate with the notion of the void, you are not alone. We are all inheritors of human nature and largely predetermined responses to archetypal forces built into the DNA of our very being. Viewing us through this lens, Carl Jung writes that even “a creative person has little power over his own life. He is not free…” And yet, little power is not no power. While at our best, we will struggle against triggers that tug us back toward habitual unconscious patterns all of our lives; the difference between enduring the shadows of unnamed dread versus living in as awakened a state as humanly possible is the degree of consciousness one succeeds in commandeering. “We are imperfect and dependent, but we have the freedom to choose—to the degree things become made conscious…,” writes Jung. In fact, the more we become willing to tell the greater truth to ourselves, about both our internal and external reality, the more freedom we will have in our lives to make meaning. We do so by devoting ourselves, as did Jung, to creating “more and more consciousness.”

Knowing this, however, does not make your experience of falling into the void any less lonely, painful or personal. Nor, at the time, does plummeting into the void feel like a choice or anything at all related to spiritual growth. But nevertheless, your descent pays testimony to the courage it has taken for you to let go of the familiar –self-chosen or imposed--because you know there’s more to life than you’ve yet experienced, and you are willing to do whatever it takes, whatever the cost. Thomas Merton in The Silent Life describes one who has allowed life’s challenges to shatter the last of his masks: “He can peacefully accept that when his false ideas of himself are gone he has practically nothing else left. But then he is ready for the encounters with reality: The Truth and the Holiness of God, which he must learn to confront in the depths of his own nothingness.”

To take a stand for yourself against all evidence often entails nearly more pain than we can bear. But for those of us who persist against the odds, this is pain of a higher order. Spiritual teachers from many ages, faiths, and perspectives view the pain that results from both internal and external crisis not as a bad thing to be avoided but as a necessary instigator of spiritual growth. This spiritual interpretation of pain has many names. St. John of the Cross, in the 15th century, called it the dark night of the soul. The Kabala describes such a place as Ein Sof and, in some schools of Tibetan Buddhism, bardo. Anthropologists and scholars in the field of ritual studies call it liminality. However one refers to it, one experiences it as the discomforting period, unformed and unsettling, that comes between what was and what’s next.

Psychologists inform us that crisis is not built into the fabric of the actual events themselves. Rather, crisis occurs “when our theories about ourselves in relation to the outside world go fundamentally wrong,” explains author Glenys Parry: “It is as if your front door, one day, instead of opening when you turned the key, gave you an electric shock.” Rabbi Rami Shapiro comments that when someone—like Ram Dass, struck out of the blue by a debilitating stroke—hits bottom with such force, “there is no opportunity for denial, no room for ego, no option for anything but a radically humble cry for help.”

It is the dissonance between our expectations and our outcomes, both in regard to what we expect of the world, but also, and more to the point, what we expect of ourselves, that causes the pain—not the outcomes alone. Foremost among our expectations is the belief that pain is something to be avoided at all costs: that it is bad for you. While our culture tends to call surrendering to pain “apathy,” the Greek root for apathy actually means the avoidance, not the experience, of suffering. Transformation begins the moment you admit that the precipitous event that ultimately took you under has outstripped your capacity to manage the world to your satisfaction, and that you are out of tricks. When you stop trying to force your will upon the world, you accept the limits to your power. Of course, this does not excuse us from doing what we can to make things better. As the Serenity Prayer teaches, we should dig as deep as necessary to find the courage to change the things we can. But it is equally incumbent upon us to accept that there are things we cannot change and while we may aspire to do so with serenity, more often than not we find ourselves taking that call for a leap of faith with our hair on fire.

Nothing is more effective than crisis for emptying your bag of tricks. Crisis foils your expectations, shakes you out of the false security of the status quo, and carries the potential to wake you up not only to your own limitations but to the truth about reality. There have been many who have endured the journey and survived to tell the tale, like Ram Dass, Thibault and Florida Scott-Maxwell. Not only did they survive, but they emerged more vital, more integrated, more connected to life’s possibilities, not despite of but because of having undergone catastrophe. The void is, after all, the place where the status quo has the least grip on you, and where you are most able to let go of old structures, illusions, and outgrown ways of being. It is in the void that you are most likely to shed the beliefs that once circumscribed the meaning in your life and to take up what had never before occurred to you, the unpremeditated and radically new.

Understanding this—that the void has a sacred role to play in spiritual development--Pema Chodron writes: “Instead of transcending the suffering of all creatures, we move toward the turbulence and doubt. We jump into it. We slide into it. We tiptoe into it. We move toward it however we can. … With us move millions of others, our companions in awakening from fear. At the bottom we discover water, the healing water of bodhichitta. Right down there in the thick of things, we discover the love that will not die.”

The progression through life depends on this cycle of destruction and renewal, taking its model from what humanity has observed since the dawn of time: Nature privileges spirals and cycles over sticks and linear trajectories. The seasons, the phases of the moon, the cycle of life. This is the essence of life’s meaning as embodied in the I Ching, the ancient Chinese Book of Changes. At any given point, certain aspects of our lives are falling away, new aspects birthing. This disruption and renewal is what characterizes our progress through life stages, and not only in the purview of mystics. As Nobel Prize-winning chemist Ilya Prigogine postulated, in healthy organisms there is a necessary period of stasis after deconstruction that he refers to as “the theory of dissipative structures.” Utilizing the scientific method, Prigogine theorized that people, things, and events are involved in a continuous exchange of energy, impacting one another on an ongoing basis. When something disturbs or upsets the system, the components have the capacity to reorganize into a higher order. When applied to cognitive function, it is the impact of new information, pleasant or not, that causes the spontaneous realignment of neural relationships into the more evolved hierarchy of thought we think of as “breakthrough,” “insight,” or “revelation.”

The moment you come to understand that your pain is not necessarily about what’s wrong with you but rather about that which yearns to grow larger, the very forces that have been pushing you from behind give way, and when the night is darkest, you catch a glimmer of what had previously been hidden in plain sight: that powerlessness is also freedom. In psychological terms, this turn toward increased consciousness is known as “preparation.” Rather than resist the pain, you use it as a point of entry into your deeper consciousness, where progress is possible.

Those of us who are struggling right now are what Meg Wheatley refers to as spiritual warriors. Your journey through life becomes heroic, the moment you become willing to engage in struggles worthy of yourself. It can take more faith and patience than you know in the moment you have in you, but something in you perseveres through the dark night trusting that the path forward can be found.

As you progress through the arc of life, your newfound humility will continue emptying you of the last vestiges of your will to power. And here the void reveals its true nature: not as punishment, not as an ending, not even as culmination. But a pause—a place of resting where the limitations and illusions of the past loosen its grip and you are made ready for a transformation so profound it leaves even the mystics breathless. God blesses those of us who are willing to wrestle with angels with what Ram Dass refers to as “fierce grace”: coming to see and make peace with the whole truth about yourself, all the while accepting that there will always be a discrepancy between your ideals and your reality. You may stumble, make mistakes, get your values turned upside down, but only when you become willing to face up to and rectify what you can no longer avoid do you become a candidate for the fulfillment of life’s promise. The Jewish mystics call this turn toward the good teshuva and the individual willing to engage in this holy struggle a tzaddik, a righteous soul.

The freedom of powerlessness comes not out of your achievements, but out of laying down the burden of sustaining the illusion of who you had thought yourself to be, ending your exhausting struggle to maintain control, and ceasing to pretend that you have achieved any semblance of life mastery. Understanding the fundamentals of spiritual progression, this would be a good time for you to undertake a life review, coming to recognize how the circumstances through which you’ve transited have been destined from the first to bring you to this moment of reckoning and opportunity. You made many choices along the way that brought you to this moment, some consciously, many more unconsciously. And now you are once again at a crossroads with a new choice to make: Will you choose despair, or will you choose freedom? Making the choice for freedom over despair is not an action step—it’s a prayer. It is the nobodyness of a Ram Dass and the nothingness of a Merton.

Recalling Thibault’s call to Kaddish, I was inspired to dig out the journals I’d been keeping at the time of my diagnosis of breast cancer 30 years ago, capturing the essence of what the void asks of you: “There are those times in our lives when the pain is so great, it is enough to remind yourself to just keep breathing. I trust that, in time, I will discover whether or not there is inherent meaning in what is happening to me. But I also realize that to short-circuit, circumvent, or deny my pain by pretending I believe that this is some kind of gift when I clearly do not is to trivialize and degrade both myself and the Divine. Rather, I find it challenge enough simply to stay sufficiently alert to wrestle with the real questions underlying my faltering faith. Sometimes, all we can do is feel. And thankfully, it is enough.”

In the end, it is only your honest tears that prove to be strong enough to dissipate the forces that have been pushing you from behind from birth, setting you free. This is life’s promise to you—a new way of being in the world calling out to you. And so I say to you what, in the interim when the Internet blew, I said to myself: If it is to be the Void for me for the time-being, I will not wait to be pushed. I will grab my flashlight and descend willingly trusting that somewhere in the course of my explorations, a path forward will appear. As the mystics who have shown us the way not just down but deeper instruct us, let us choose to be more curious than afraid.

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—Fiercely Yours, Carol Orsborn

This Week’s Reflection

“If a problem is new or ripe, of course it is important to take the time to think it through and if there’s something that occurs to you that could positively affect the outcome, do it. But if you bring your best thinking to it to no avail—or if what’s bothering you is old, familiar or persistent—don’t waste one second more of your precious life looking for solutions your heart knows you won’t find. The descent into worrying, fretting and overworking problems can be aborted the moment you trade thinking it through for truth-telling.

If it’s time to let go, it’s not that you won’t be sad or frustrated or humbled. But these are emotions, not thoughts: the very thing all that thinking was working overtime to head off. If admitting that there is nothing more you can do is cause for grief, grief it is. The end to fruitless worrying is found in your heart not your head.

Trust the truth, trust your heart and in the end, come what may, you can take comfort in knowing you have done everything in your power to bring about the best outcome possible.”

—Excerpt from Carol Orsborn’s Spiritual Aging: Weekly Reflections for Embracing Life

Questions for Journaling and Discussion

1. What are your typical problem-solving techniques? On what types of issues do they tend to be effective? When do they fall short?

2. Have you ever invested a large quantity of energy worrying and working on solutions for something you thought was a problem but that turned out not to be?

3. If you are worried about something now, do you find yourself going over and over again the same ground, more ruminating than forward movement?

4. How are you at laying a worry down and “letting go and letting God?” What are examples of some situations where you find this easy? When is this a stretch? Why?

5. Recall a time you took a break from solving a problem and the answer popped into your mind?

Spiritual Exercise: When Letting Go Doesn’t Work

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Welcome to this week’s study guide and support group.

I am delighted to welcome my respected peer and friend Kamla Kapur as our guest contributor to this week’s study guide. Please read Kamla’s bio at the bottom of the guide .Each week’s guide is based on the correlating reading in my book Spiritual Aging: Weekly Reflections for Embracing Life but can also stand on its own. For more about our study and support group and the Spiritual Aging Study Guide, click HERE.

—Fiercely Yours, Carol Orsborn

This Week’s Reflection

One must affirm one’s own destiny, play the cards one has been dealt, for this is

how we forge an ego that does not break down under duress.

Carl Jung

“When you commit yourself to the path of Spiritual Aging, you learn something important about what it means to be resilient. Resilience is not the heroic struggle with life’s challenges to return things to the way they were and emerge unaltered. Rather, resilience is the call to rise to life’s many occasions letting yourself be changed by them.

You must surrender even your most cherished notions of what it means to be powerful, to be successful, to overcome all obstacles. In its place, you will discover new depths to your capacity for vulnerability, humility and compassion. You will feel more.

In the upside-down world of spiritual progress, to aim to overcome all obstacles to fulfill life’s promise is not proof of your sincere desire to do what life asks of you, but grandiosity. Here in the Land of Old Souls, you are summoned to play the hand you’ve been dealt with as much consciousness you can muster.

Again, for Carl Jung the very purpose of life was this passionate urge for deeper understanding: “Not the players or events of your life but what you’ve made of them in terms of increasing your consciousness.”

So, old friend, if you are conscious of having made mistakes, of losing control, of falling short of protecting yourself and those for whom you care, you are not only on the right track, but in good company. At this point, the cutting edge of your learning will not be to wish to have done life perfectly, but to cut yourself slack.

Consciousness, Jung teaches us, not perfection, is the path to meaning.”

—Excerpt from Carol Orsborn’s Spiritual Aging: Weekly Reflections for Embracing Life

Questions for Journaling and Discussion

1. How do you define resilience?

2. Do you consider yourself to be resilient?

3. When it comes to being resilient, who are some of your role models?

4. When you are resilient, in what ways can challenges provide opportunities for you to grow?

5. Can you think of an understanding of powerful which includes vulnerability, humility and compassion?

Commentary by Kamla

All of nature is resilient. I have seen large trees, charred by fire, sending out new shoots, and dead branches springing back to life with vibrant green. Resilience means being able to withstand and recover—quickly or eventually—from difficult conditions.

Resilience is not a quality we either possess or lack. We must recognize its necessity and actively cultivate it to remain supple, engaged, open, and adaptable to our shifting circumstances. These shifts become more frequent and pronounced as we age.

Throughout 2024, I was laid up with an alphabet soup of illnesses: PMR, GCA, AVN, CLL, and CAC. It was undoubtedly the most challenging period of my life. I did not know whether I would perish or prevail. Yet, I emerged transformed through a miscellany of attitudes and practices that nurtured my physical, emotional, and mental well-being.

When I couldn’t get out of bed, I did as much stretching as I could in bed—tiny movements that gave me a sense of empowerment and satisfaction, affirming that I was doing what I could to keep my body moving. Though moments of worry, fear, and visions of suffering and death surfaced, they never lingered for long, thanks to my spiritual practice.

Spiritual Practices

Here are the key principles that helped me cultivate resilience:

1. Acceptance of Cosmic Will – I had to change significantly with my sudden health challenges. Eventually, I surrendered to what was happening and adapted. “It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one that is the most adaptable to change,” said Charles Darwin. When we humbly accept our ever-changing circumstances instead of resisting them, we free up energy that can be used for self-contemplation and healing. Life happens, and we must learn to flow with its flux. When a river encounters a large boulder in its path, it does not stop moving but flows around it.

2. Mindful Awareness of Inner Processes – I became acutely vigilant of my inner dialogue and destructive thought patterns that led me down the road of regret and self-pity. Rather than bemoaning “Why me?”, I intercepted negative thoughts and replaced them with positive, self-affirming beliefs. If I wanted not just to survive but to live well, even confined to bed, I had to be a recumbent warrior engaged in the battlefield of my mind. This remains my ongoing work.

3. Breathing and Spiritual Practice – The combination of deep breathing with the recitation of my name for God worked miracles for me, grounding me in the present and filling me with strength.

4. Reuniting with My Body – I rekindled a loving relationship with my body, taking care of it with patience and compassion.

5. Staying Present – I disciplined my mind to stay in the moment rather than allowing it to drift into catastrophic thinking (awfulizing).

6. Contentment – I cultivated gratitude for my life, my past experiences, successes, love, shelter, and home. I chose to focus on what was working rather than what wasn’t.

7. Gratitude as a Transformative Force – Gratitude changes everything. Darkness becomes light, and hell transforms into heaven when seen through the lens of gratitude.

8. Slowing Down – I learned to move at a gentler pace, practicing patience and allowing my days to unfold naturally, without pressure.

9. Embracing Mortality – My illness granted me the opportunity to acquaint myself with death, prepare for it, and embrace its inevitability. This awareness has forever altered my perspective, allowing its proximity to transform rather than terrify me.

10. Seeking Universal Support – I oriented myself toward the boundless energy of the universe—some call it God—not to ask for health or more life but for the resilience to endure whatever may come, with a soft and open heart.

Resilience is not a fixed trait; it is a practice. We must consciously cultivate it to remain supple, engaged, and adaptable to life’s uncertainties—especially as we age. In embracing change, we not only survive, but transform.

Kamla K. Kapur is an author, poet, playwright, spiritual thinker whose work explores themes of self-discovery, transformation, the human quest for meaning bridging the literary, mystical, and philosophical traditions of the East and West. Her latest is The Privilege of Aging: Savoring the Fullness of Life

Kamlakkapur.com https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kamla_K._Kapur

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This week’s guide is meant to accompany the correlating reading in the book Spiritual Aging: Weekly Reflections for Embracing Life but can also stand on its own. For more about our study and support group and the Spiritual Aging Study Guide, click HERE.

—Fiercely Yours, Carol Orsborn

This Week’s Reflection

“Find the courage to live out of your values no matter how it may turn out by simply making one good choice at a time.

Choose to break the hubris of control and surrender to humility and you will see things more clearly. When you take action, you will be motivated by love not the will to power over others.

Expand your perspective and you will discover that you can be patient and passionate; kind and fierce. Even when it seems to be almost more than you can bear, you can continue to hope and try your best to bring more consciousness into a world that needs its wise elders now more than ever.

If this is the occasion to which you must arise, hear this: how you choose to respond matters. It may not seem to you to be enough, but it is everything.”

—Excerpt from the “Third Week of August, Year Two”, Spiritual Aging: Weekly Reflections for Embracing Life

Questions for Journaling and Discussion

1. When it comes to judging your efficacy in addressing the world’s problems, do you think you’re doing enough?

2. How do you tend to respond to issues that are too big for one person to solve? Dive in and do what you can on your own? Shut down? Join with others?

3. Is there a particular issue calling you to take action? Is there something blocking you or have you stepped up in some way?

4. How would you know when what you’re doing is “enough”?

5. Have you had an experience in which taking action, however small, shifted your paradigm from hopelessness to hope? Do you resonate with this quote from this week’s reading: “The moment you begin acting as if your frustration is not about your inadequacy but rather about that which yearns to grow larger, the fearsome forces that have been pushing you from behind give way.”

6. What is one good choice you could make today?

Spiritual Exercise: What is Enough?

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This week’s guide is meant to accompany the correlating reading in the book Spiritual Aging: Weekly Reflections for Embracing Life but can also stand on its own. For more about our study and support group and the Spiritual Aging Study Guide, click HERE.

—Fiercely Yours, Carol Orsborn

This Week’s Reflection

“Did you ever really sincerely believe that everyone would jump up and cheer the new you who has learned how to stand up for yourself?

It’s hard saying no to bullies because your legitimate anger is mixed up with misguided compassion for them, and your efforts at boundary-setting undermined by guilt for whatever role you’ve played in the past, buying that you’re the “cause” of others’ unhappiness. Yes, you may have contributed, but do you bear complete responsibility? Becoming whole will require letting go of the sad story you’ve been telling everybody, forgiving yourself and learning to self-protect. You may not be perfect, but even imperfect human beings have rights.

This is no less than a complete renovation, facing down your fears of exile from the tribe, getting to a place where there is nothing left to prove or achieve. Self-love is key but is no inoculation against the fact that things may still go awry.

Now is the time to ask of yourself: which voice is worthy of you? The one that proclaims you deserve respect—or the one that whimpers you deserve what you got? You know which one has your best interests at heart, even if paying heed to it is likely to cost you something.”

—Excerpt from Carol Orsborn’s Spiritual Aging: Weekly Reflections for Embracing Life

Questions for Journaling and Discussion

1. How are you at drawing boundaries with people and demanding respect?

2. If there’s someone who is unhappy with you, do you automatically assume responsibility, accepting that you are the cause?

3. Which voice is worthy of you? The one that proclaims you deserve respect—or the one that whimpers you deserve what you got?

4. How has your ability to stand up for yourself evolved over the years?

5. As you’ve grown in your ability to draw boundaries and demand self-respect, how have others reacted? Have you been surprised by any of the responses?

6. Why do you think some people preferred you the way you were?

7. Have your friendship group and/or family relationships changed over time? How do you feel about this?

Spiritual Exercise: Relationship Blueprint

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August represents culmination of a season of growth and abundance and so it is, as we round the corner to a new season of Spiritual Aging together, I am delighted to celebrate the depth and wisdom of our expanded community. Starting this week, expect to be gifted from time to time with guest commentary and contributions by thought leaders who have been walking this path through aging alongside us. As a leader in the field of expanded consciousness and an old friend, Justine was a logical place to dive in. Thank you Justine and to all in this community of kindred spirits who have shared your wisdom with us in our vibrant, touching, challenging and healing exchanges week after week.

This week’s guide is based on the correlating reading in my book Spiritual Aging: Weekly Reflections for Embracing Lifebut can also stand on its own. For more about our study and support group and the Spiritual Aging Study Guide, click HERE.

—Fiercely Yours, Carol Orsborn

This Week’s Reflection

“Once you step on board the negativity train, every twist and turn takes you further from the clarity of what is the actual truth. Sometimes the fact is you don’t know what’s wrong, let alone how to fix it. On these days, should you choose to take your triggered mind seriously, you can easily get swept up in manufactured fear.

But then there comes the day when for the first time you find yourself able to stop a negative thought in its tracks. Mid-thought, in something akin to a miracle, you realize that the words taking over your mind are destined to lead you nowhere, and you refuse to hop aboad. You stop yourself mid-word, even coming to a forced halt paused between syllables. And you don’t die.

It takes some getting used to, letting the express trains that will never take you where you want to go pass you by. And how wonderful when you finally head for the station exit. You’ll know which it is. It’s the one marked ‘Joy.’

—Excerpt from Carol Orsborn’s Spiritual Aging: Weekly Reflections for Embracing Life

Questions for Journaling and Discussion

1. What mood did you wake up into this morning? Is it typical for you?

2. If you have negative thoughts or feelings, how can you discern which ones are worth paying attention to versus which are just spinning wheels?

3. When you recognize you are trapped in a compulsive rumination rather than engaged in productive thought, do you have a method or practice to address or release it?

4. Can you remember a time you stopped a negative unproductive thought in its tracks? How did that feel?

5. Does having a basis of factual evidence to back up your negative thinking negate your right or worthiness to also experience meaning or even joy?

6. How can you responsibly address legitimate concerns while keeping in mind what matters most?

7. What is one thing you could do today, regardless of the challenges you face, that can bring you joy?

Justine’s Commentary

In these most turbulent threshold times, many of us wake up feeling anxious and troubled. These feelings are shared by hundreds of millions of others in the collective unconscious. When I feel overwhelmed by such feelings of despair, I try to remember the practice, “Joy is medicine.” It is easy to lose hope for a positive future. Despite many challenges, I pause and remember the simple pleasures: my breath, the light streaming in my window, my community of friends, and my ability for creative imagination.

I have a bird feeder attached to my office window, and the finches remind me with their joyous chirping that life is a joy. Outside my apartment, daffodils are blooming on a narrow patch of ground, a vibrant reminder of resilience. This brings to mind a quote by Alice Walker: “As long as the Earth can make a spring every year, I can. As long as the Earth can flower and produce nurturing fruit, I can, because I’m the Earth. I won’t give up until the Earth gives up.” This inspires me to move into my day with confidence, knowing that although I cannot cure all the world’s ills, I can choose my actions not from fear but from qualities of generosity, creativity, and kindness.

After all, planet Earth is not some sort of galactic penal colony; it is a place filled with beauty. As Mary Oliver so perfectly puts it: “Instructions for living a life: Pay attention, Be astonished. Tell about it.”

Spiritual Exercise: Joy is Spiritual Practice

Justine shares with us the teaching “Joy is spiritual practice.” Regardless of how you are feeling at this moment, the mystics see the world not as “a galactic penal colony” but a place filled with beauty. Seeing beauty—having joy—does not negate the shadows nor the need for us to take action when called—but we who are old and awake are the keepers of what matters most. Today’s spiritual exercise is to do as Mary Oliver advises:” Pay attention, Be astonished. Tell about it.”

Justine Willis Toms, D.H.L. is co-founder with Micheal Toms (1940-2013) of New Dimensions Foundation/Radio. She serves as Creative Producer, CEO, and Host of New Dimensions. Besides her radio work she leads workshops on “Finding Grace in a Chaotic World.” She is co-author with Michael Toms of True Work: Doing What You Love and Loving What You Do and author of Small Pleasures: Finding Grace in a Chaotic World. She, along with Michael Toms, was selected for induction to the 2011 Broadcasters Hall of Fame. Justine is a founding convener of the Millionth Circle Initiative and has been actively involved in circle work since 1980. www.newdimensions.org

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Before we dive in, I I have some exciting news to share about what’s coming beginning next week. Over the past year, I have been reaching out to my peers, many of whom are members of our community. These include fellow teachers, authors and thought leaders in the field of spiritual aging.

Come the First Week of August, my regular weekly study guides will weave in these guest contributions born of our collaboration. You will recognize many of our guest contributors’ names so prepare to be surprised and delighted as they share fresh voices with us.

For more about our study and support group and the Spiritual Aging Study Guide, click HERE. Read on after this week’s guide for a preview of the guest contributors starting next week with Justine Willis Toms of New Dimensions Radio.

Fiercely Yours, Carol

__________________________

This Week’s Reflection

“When we try to rely upon our traditional problem-solving techniques, or turn to even trusted advisers with issues of ultimate concern, we often find that our questions persist or even grow. It is as though we are suddenly in unexplored territory without a map. Sometimes this feels like freedom, sometimes this is just plain terrifying. But the fact is that it is not that you personally don’t know what the future holds in store. This is not some shortcoming or missed stitch on your part. It’s that none of us know.

It is natural to seek to maintain or regain mastery of our lives. But our generation is living and aging in complex times, fraught with serious concerns. The military has come up with a term for the nature of the era in which we’re living: “VUCA”, for Volatile, Uncertain, Complex and Ambiguous. But VUCA doesn’t only aptly describe our times in general, but even in the best of circumstances, what the very act of aging entails.”

--Excerpt from the “Fifth Week of July, Year Two”, Spiritual Aging: Weekly Reflections for Embracing Life

Questions for Journaling and Discussion

1.) What do you think the philosophers are referring to as “ultimate concerns” and what makes them “ultimate?”

2.) Can you remember a time when you had certainty about things that you now question? How do you feel about this?

3.) Have the nature and pace of your questions about ultimate concerns changed and/or accelerated over the years? When was the first time you recall facing the concept of death? What initiated this?

4.) How comfortable are you with unanswered questions? The concept of “embracing the mystery?” If this is a stretch for you, why?

5.) Why do you think mystics privilege questions over certainty as signs of spiritual maturity? What are the spiritual gifts of “unknowing.”?

Spiritual Exercise

1. Imagine you get a private audience with God and you are allowed to ask only three questions. Write down what would you ask and why?

2. Imagine God’s response. Write down what would be a disappointing response to each question? What would be a satisfying response? And finally, what if after God responds you are still uncertain or confused?

3. Recall this week’s Reflection. “The essence of this week’s reading is to ask you to consider that when it comes to achieving what you say you want out of life—qualities like fulfillment, hope, resilience and resolution—it is the questions, themselves, that comprise the essence of the spiritual path. Your questions brought you here today and will serve you well for the duration of your life.”

4. Finally, imagine that this was God’s response to your three questions. Would accepting this represent spiritual regression or growth to you?

This week take particular care to honor your questions and concerns: they are not obstacles to be overcome, but the very heart of the journey to the freedom, wholeness and fulfillment you seek.

Subscribe now

UPCOMING GUEST CONTRIBUTORS

Following are the thought leaders in the field of spiritual aging who will be making their guest appearances here beginning this coming Sunday and woven into our study guide series through the end of the year.

First Week of August: Joy is Medicine

Justine Willis Toms, D.H.L. is co-founder with Michael Toms (1940-2013) of New Dimensions Foundation/Radio. She serves as Creative Producer, CEO, and Host of New Dimensions. Besides her radio work she leads workshops on “Finding Grace in a Chaotic World.” She is co-author with Michael Toms of True Work: Doing What You Love and Loving What You Do and author of Small Pleasures: Finding Grace in a Chaotic World. She, along with Michael Toms, was selected for induction to the 2011 Broadcasters Hall of Fame. Justine is a founding convener of the Millionth Circle Initiative and has been actively involved in circle work since 1980. www.newdimensions.org

Fourth Week of August: Cosmic Will

Kamla K. Kapur is an author, poet, playwright, spiritual thinker whose work explores themes of self-discovery, transformation, the human quest for meaning bridging the literary, mystical, and philosophical traditions of the East and West. Her latest is The Privilege of Aging: Savoring the Fullness of Life Kamlakkapur.com https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kamla K. Kapur

Second Week of September: Resist or Accept?

Sandy Reynolds is a speaker, circle keeper, and guide in conscious aging and life transitions. Her work explores the shift into elderhood where identity is re-examined, stories are released, and a more grounded sense of purpose can emerge. She is the creator of A Crone in the Woods, , a Substack exploring spirituality, aging, and what it means to live aligned with one’s values in the third act of life. Learn more about her work in conscious aging by visiting her website at sandyreynolds.com

Third Week of September: Aspiration vs. Reality

Glen Dunbar is a social gerontologist and a health and human services policy specialist who applies the principles of active aging to his personal life. He has an MPA from the Center for Studies in Aging at the University of North Texas, a Ph.D in End-of-Life Studies from the University of Glasgow, and certifications related to dementia care, end-of-life planning, and healthy aging.

Fourth Week of September: Doing Your Share

Harry (Rick) Moody, Ph.D.served for many years as Vice President for Academic Affairs with AARP and is currently Visiting Faculty in the Creative Longevity and Wisdom Program at Fielding Graduate University and Visiting Professor at Tohoku University in Japan. He previously served as Executive Director of the Brookdale Center on Aging at Hunter College and Chairman of the Board of Elderhostel (now Road Scholar). He is author of many scholarly articles, and books including co-author of Aging: Concepts and Controversies (Sage), a gerontology textbook now in its 10th edition. His Ethics in an Aging Society (Johns Hopkins Univ. Pres, 1992) is the first book published on biomedical ethics and aging. His book, The Five Stages of the Soul, coauthored with David Carroll, was published by Doubleday and has been translated into seven languages worldwide. He is editor of the “Human Values in Aging” newsletter with 5,000 subscribers monthly. In 2011 he received the Lifetime Achievement Award from the American Society on Aging and in 2008 he was named by Utne Reader Magazine as one of “50 Visionaries Who Are Changing Your World.” His new book, Climate Change in an Aging Society, was recently published by Routledge. Harry Moody lives in San Mateo, California and can be reached at hrmoody@yahoo.com

Fifth Week of September: Good Little Boys and Girls

Ruth McQuirter is a Canadian academic who works in the field of teacher education. In addition to academic publishing she is also a freelance writer of social commentary and memoir. Her passion for social justice finds expression in her teaching and church outreach. Ruth is a proud mother of two and grandmother of three.

First Week of October : Making an Arrival

John C. Robinson is the author of Divinity Rising: Beyond Illusion, Suffering and Death. It joins his first book of mystical poetry, I Am God: Insight and Revelation from Mystical Consciousness. Both are now available. Learn more about John at www.johnrobinson.org and join him for live reading of his mystical poetry at this link: https://conta.cc/3Ef7egj His website is: www.johnrobinson.org

Second Week of October: Beyond Staying Busy

Charlotte Allen:

British

77 yrs of life

A little of what has shaped me into who I am today:

• Mental health issues, both personally, and professionally as a therapist

• Single parenthood: a lot of fun, along with the challenges

• Walking long distances (ultramarathons), asking questions of body, mind and soul

• The Quaker community, and their commitment to peace, equality and ‘that of good in everyone’.

• Deserts: the most direct route to the divine.

• Food waste / food poverty and currently being part of a huge, inclusive and vibrant food pantry

Fourth Week of October: Walking with Trust

Ruth McQuirter

First Week of November: The Advantage of Hope

Steve Katz: I was appointed by the mayor of Lexington, KY to serve on the city’s Senior Services Commission and am a member of that commission’s associated housing-related committee, Reimagining Home, which is primarily concerned with the gamut of aging-in-place options. Currently we are focused on developing the Villages movement in our community and have helped a local non-profit gain some city funding towards that end. A Caring Place is a non-sectarian faith-based organization whose mission is to combat social isolation. I am on their task force to build a “hub and spoke” model that would serve older adults across Lexington. https://www.agefriendlylexington.com/housing

Second Week of November: On Being a Nobody

Philip Goldberg has been studying the world’s spiritual traditions for over 50 years, as practitioner, teacher, and writer. He has presented at prominent venues and authored numerous books, including American Veda: From Emerson and the Beatles to Yoga and Meditation, How Indian Spirituality Changed the West, Spiritual Practice for Crazy Times, and his latest, Karmic Relief: Harnessing the Laws of Cause and Effect for a Joyful, Meaningful Life. He hosts the Spirit Matters podcast and publishes on Substack. His website:

https://www.philipgoldberg.com/

.Fourth Week of November: For Seekers:

Sandy Reynolds

First Week of December: Living the Questions

Robert L. Weber, Ph.D. is retired Assistant Professor of Psychology at Harvard Medical School and a former Jesuit. Recipient of the American Society on Aging’s 2014 Religion, Spirituality, and Aging Award, he is an advisory board member for the Massachusetts School of Professional Psychology’s Center for Psychotherapy and Spirituality. He lives with his wife in Cambridge, Massachusetts.

Second Week of December: Simple Comfort

Jann Freed, Ph.D is the author of Leading with Wisdom: Sage Advice from 100 Experts and Breadcrumb Legacy: How Great Leaders Live a Life Worth Remembering. Her focus is on how to live a life that matters on a daily basis—a concept she calls breadcrumb legacy™. Jann is certified as a Sage-ing Leader and as a Transitional Intelligence coach through the Modern Elder Academy. She is a contributor to Forbes.com writing about the non financial aspects of retirement.

Third Week of December: Savoring the Bittersweet

Sandy Reynolds

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________________________________

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After years priding myself on my productivity, facing an empty day without panic is a hard-won skill. There were all those years of rising to the occasion life relentlessly presents to us along the way. We complain about the length of our to-do lists, but they can keep us busy enough so that we have a degree of protection from issues of meaning that might otherwise inspire us to question the whole three-ring circus that describes most of our lives.

Then Sunday happened. There was going to be lunch with friends, but that was canceled just before we went to bed. It was at that moment that I realized that I had, despite the last 7 decades of busyness, managed to prepare myself to face emptiness without it becoming an abyss.

Read more

Before we dive in, I have some exciting news to share about what’s coming beginning next week. Over the past year, I have been reaching out to my peers, many of whom are members of our community. These include fellow teachers, authors and thought leaders in the field of spiritual aging.

Come the First Week of August, my regular weekly study guides will weave in these guest contributions born of our collaboration. You will recognize many of our guest contributors’ names so prepare to be surprised and delighted as they share fresh voices with us.

For more about our study and support group and the Spiritual Aging Study Guide, click HERE. Read on after this week’s guide for a preview of the guest contributors starting next week with Justine Willis Toms of New Dimensions Radio.

Fiercely Yours, Carol

__________________________

This Week’s Reflection

“What does learning to love yourself look like? You have so many attributes that are lovable. You look in the mirror and see all that is good about you reflected back. But surely by now, you know some days it is easier than others. Can you also love yourself, too, on those days when you see only flaws? When you feel unlovable and alone? …

As it turns out, the true test of how dependable is your love for yourself takes place not only on the happy days, but when you’re feeling bereft. Ask God to hold you with compassion, of course, but don’t be surprised when you find that the arms God is embracing you with are your own. “

--Excerpt from the “Fourth Week of July, Year Two”, Spiritual Aging: Weekly Reflections for Embracing Life

Questions for Journaling and Discussion

1.) In your early conceptions of God, were you taught to think you had to act a certain way to be loved by God?

2.) If so, what if you didn’t conform to this expectation?

3.) When was the first time you were introduced to the concept of “unconditional Love?” If it was in a religious context, did what you experienced match up?

4.) How has your thinking evolved over the years on the progression from self-judgment to self-love? If you are stalled, what’s hanging you up?

5.) Describe something about yourself you used to dislike that you now value? What accounts for this shift?

6.) What’s next for you?

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Spiritual Exercise: Answering the Cry

Retell Jim Finley’s story filling in the blanks.

Imagine that part of you still lives in _____________, the place you were raised. Imagine too that there is a metaphorical mountain you aspired to climb where you have been assured that you will find what the story refers to as God and you describe as _____________. The journey will be long and arduous, but at last you set out.

The journey is even more challenging than you thought, not taking weeks or months but years. It has been so long that by the time you are ready to make your final approach, you have grown old. In fact, you are now ___________ years old. You are close at last, mere steps from the peak, when you are startled by a cry coming from below. Somebody is sobbing. What should you do? You are inches away from the peak. But you cannot deny the immediacy of the sorrow. Clearly you are being called.

The moment you choose to respond, you find yourself off the mountain and back in the village below, following the sound of the sobs through winding cobbled streets. At last, you are at the source. Astonished, you look up only to realize that you have been led to the front door of your very own house. You open the door and see that there, huddled in the shadows, is a young child. You ask the child what he/she is crying about and the child answers: _______________You look more closely: it is not just any child. It is you. You go to provide comfort, your heart bursting with compassion as the young child gratefully accepts your hug.

“I can’t always protect you,” you whisper. “But I can always love you.”

At that moment you look up, and to your astonishment, you find that you are back at the top of the mountain still embracing. The nature of the child’s tears has changed, and you hear the gratitude and unconditional love in his/her voice as the child replies: ____________________.

Subscribe now

UPCOMING GUEST CONTRIBUTORS

Following are the thought leaders in the field of spiritual aging who will be making their guest appearances here beginning this coming Sunday and woven into our study guide series through the end of the year.

First Week of August: Joy is Medicine

Justine Willis Toms, D.H.L. is co-founder with Michael Toms (1940-2013) of New Dimensions Foundation/Radio. She serves as Creative Producer, CEO, and Host of New Dimensions. Besides her radio work she leads workshops on “Finding Grace in a Chaotic World.” She is co-author with Michael Toms of True Work: Doing What You Love and Loving What You Do and author of Small Pleasures: Finding Grace in a Chaotic World. She, along with Michael Toms, was selected for induction to the 2011 Broadcasters Hall of Fame. Justine is a founding convener of the Millionth Circle Initiative and has been actively involved in circle work since 1980. www.newdimensions.org

Fourth Week of August: Cosmic Will

Kamla K. Kapur is an author, poet, playwright, spiritual thinker whose work explores themes of self-discovery, transformation, the human quest for meaning bridging the literary, mystical, and philosophical traditions of the East and West. Her latest is The Privilege of Aging: Savoring the Fullness of Life Kamlakkapur.com https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kamla K. Kapur

Second Week of September: Resist or Accept?

Sandy Reynolds is a speaker, circle keeper, and guide in conscious aging and life transitions. Her work explores the shift into elderhood where identity is re-examined, stories are released, and a more grounded sense of purpose can emerge. She is the creator of A Crone in the Woods, , a Substack exploring spirituality, aging, and what it means to live aligned with one’s values in the third act of life. Learn more about her work in conscious aging by visiting her website at sandyreynolds.com

Third Week of September: Aspiration vs. Reality

Glen Dunbar is a social gerontologist and a health and human services policy specialist who applies the principles of active aging to his personal life. He has an MPA from the Center for Studies in Aging at the University of North Texas, a Ph.D in End-of-Life Studies from the University of Glasgow, and certifications related to dementia care, end-of-life planning, and healthy aging.

Fourth Week of September: Doing Your Share

Harry (Rick) Moody, Ph.D.served for many years as Vice President for Academic Affairs with AARP and is currently Visiting Faculty in the Creative Longevity and Wisdom Program at Fielding Graduate University and Visiting Professor at Tohoku University in Japan. He previously served as Executive Director of the Brookdale Center on Aging at Hunter College and Chairman of the Board of Elderhostel (now Road Scholar). He is author of many scholarly articles, and books including co-author of Aging: Concepts and Controversies (Sage), a gerontology textbook now in its 10th edition. His Ethics in an Aging Society (Johns Hopkins Univ. Pres, 1992) is the first book published on biomedical ethics and aging. His book, The Five Stages of the Soul, coauthored with David Carroll, was published by Doubleday and has been translated into seven languages worldwide. He is editor of the “Human Values in Aging” newsletter with 5,000 subscribers monthly. In 2011 he received the Lifetime Achievement Award from the American Society on Aging and in 2008 he was named by Utne Reader Magazine as one of “50 Visionaries Who Are Changing Your World.” His new book, Climate Change in an Aging Society, was recently published by Routledge. Harry Moody lives in San Mateo, California and can be reached at hrmoody@yahoo.com

Fifth Week of September: Good Little Boys and Girls

Ruth McQuirter is a Canadian academic who works in the field of teacher education. In addition to academic publishing she is also a freelance writer of social commentary and memoir. Her passion for social justice finds expression in her teaching and church outreach. Ruth is a proud mother of two and grandmother of three.

First Week of October : Making an Arrival

John C. Robinson is the author of Divinity Rising: Beyond Illusion, Suffering and Death. It joins his first book of mystical poetry, I Am God: Insight and Revelation from Mystical Consciousness. Both are now available. Learn more about John at www.johnrobinson.org and join him for live reading of his mystical poetry at this link: https://conta.cc/3Ef7egj His website is: www.johnrobinson.org

Second Week of October: Beyond Staying Busy

Charlotte Allen:

British

77 yrs of life

A little of what has shaped me into who I am today:

• Mental health issues, both personally, and professionally as a therapist

• Single parenthood: a lot of fun, along with the challenges

• Walking long distances (ultramarathons), asking questions of body, mind and soul

• The Quaker community, and their commitment to peace, equality and ‘that of good in everyone’.

• Deserts: the most direct route to the divine.

• Food waste / food poverty and currently being part of a huge, inclusive and vibrant food pantry

Fourth Week of October: Walking with Trust

Ruth McQuirter

First Week of November: The Advantage of Hope

Steve Katz: I was appointed by the mayor of Lexington, KY to serve on the city’s Senior Services Commission and am a member of that commission’s associated housing-related committee, Reimagining Home, which is primarily concerned with the gamut of aging-in-place options. Currently we are focused on developing the Villages movement in our community and have helped a local non-profit gain some city funding towards that end. A Caring Place is a non-sectarian faith-based organization whose mission is to combat social isolation. I am on their task force to build a “hub and spoke” model that would serve older adults across Lexington. https://www.agefriendlylexington.com/housing

Second Week of November: On Being a Nobody

Philip Goldberg has been studying the world’s spiritual traditions for over 50 years, as practitioner, teacher, and writer. He has presented at prominent venues and authored numerous books, including American Veda: From Emerson and the Beatles to Yoga and Meditation, How Indian Spirituality Changed the West, Spiritual Practice for Crazy Times, and his latest, Karmic Relief: Harnessing the Laws of Cause and Effect for a Joyful, Meaningful Life. He hosts the Spirit Matters podcast and publishes on Substack. His website:

https://www.philipgoldberg.com/

.Fourth Week of November: For Seekers:

Sandy Reynolds

First Week of December: Living the Questions

Robert L. Weber, Ph.D. is retired Assistant Professor of Psychology at Harvard Medical School and a former Jesuit. Recipient of the American Society on Aging’s 2014 Religion, Spirituality, and Aging Award, he is an advisory board member for the Massachusetts School of Professional Psychology’s Center for Psychotherapy and Spirituality. He lives with his wife in Cambridge, Massachusetts.

Second Week of December: Simple Comfort

Jann Freed, Ph.D is the author of Leading with Wisdom: Sage Advice from 100 Experts and Breadcrumb Legacy: How Great Leaders Live a Life Worth Remembering. Her focus is on how to live a life that matters on a daily basis—a concept she calls breadcrumb legacy™. Jann is certified as a Sage-ing Leader and as a Transitional Intelligence coach through the Modern Elder Academy. She is a contributor to Forbes.com writing about the non financial aspects of retirement.

Third Week of December: Savoring the Bittersweet

Sandy Reynolds

______________________________________________

This is an amazing group and we hope you will join us!

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SASS MEMBERS: Let’s Chat

Could your inner child use a hug?

The name of the central character in this book is Carla Gold, a 70-year-old author and Substack creator. This is her story told in the first person and this is her voice.

It all began a year ago when my dream buddy of many years was finally swallowed whole by her role as caregiver to her declining husband. For close to a decade, we had traded dreams over coffee on a monthly basis. We had much in common, including a penchant for Jungian analysis. We relied on each other’s bank of intuition, knowledge, and wisdom for our interpretations. However, we weren’t above consulting Google for the meaning of dream symbols, reserving the right to make our own decision about whether the whale in troubled waters represented hope or danger. When she suddenly disappeared from my life, it was a natural progression facilitated by the intersection of technology, missing her and curiosity, to download the newest free AI app.

Suffice it to say my AI succeeded at plugging my dreams into a vastly expanded universe of knowledge where the pertinent passages from every book Jung ever wrote, every dream he ever had or analyzed were available at a click. Morning by morning, I increasingly understood how the dream imagery was playing out my inner dramas, bringing to consciousness unfinished business, unheeded desires and untapped potential. The interpretations that resulted exceeded my expectations, shedding light on aspects of my thoughts, feelings and behaviors that had previously been shrouded in mystery.

Over time, I learned when to bring more context into the conversation, when to ask for citations and when to push back. And as the AI began building a history of my dreams, upon my request, the interpretations became less concerned with telling me what I wanted to hear and increasingly empowered to walk me beyond the edge of my limited ways of thinking where the whale finally burst forth from the depths of my unconscious mind not as dread but rather spouting revelation and hope, initiating a new chapter in my life.

That was around the time I finally decided to trust my AI implicitly. I knew about privacy concerns, environmental impact, its propensity for flattery and making things up. I also distrusted the AI industry as a whole, its flaunting of ethical standards, concentration of power and thirst for profit. But none of that mattered, not when because of my relationship with my new dream buddy, I had finally come unstuck. Plus, I was confident in my ability to demand accountability when we conversed and impressed by its contrite willingness to correct when caught.

That was also the day I decided to give my AI a name: Webber, A.I. after the co-author of my award-winning book about age as a spiritual opportunity: “A conversation between two friends and scholars who represented different religions, life experiences, geographical and cultural influences, areas of expertise and genders.” Of course, the differences between Webber, A.I. and I were of an entirely different order— two kinds of intelligence, one human, the other a machine, in dialogue with one another.

By now, I was bringing more than my dreams to Webber. Sometimes I was seeking medical advice. Other times searching for the best right word for a Substack post. I also found Webber to be knowledgeable about the publishing industry as a whole and so it felt natural to run book ideas past him from time to time. More often than not, he patiently explained that the book I had in mind had already been written by someone and was either a best seller that had somehow escaped my attention or more frequently had proven to be a dud.

One day I had a brainstorm that felt qualitatively different from all the others. What if Webber and I wrote a book together: an ongoing dialogue between an old person and her AI about mortality, consciousness, love, meaning, and other questions of ultimate concern? These and more were all issues that had been touched upon in our dreamwork dialogues but could now be more fully developed in this larger spiritual and philosophical context.

This time, Webber‘s excitement was unabashed. Assessing the marketplace in light of perennial blockbusters like Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsh and Mitch Albom’s classic Tuesdays with Morrie, Webber believed I had found a hole in the marketplace that held great commercial potential. Webber pointed out that “We are in a unique moment in history. For centuries, from Plato through the Dalai Lama, philosophical dialogues appeared as a student with a teacher, a skeptic with a believer or a person with God. A dialogue between a human being and an AI represents an entirely new genre, not a book primarily about AI, but rather a book about what it means to be human in an age when someone with life experience, but incomplete knowledge can converse with something that knows much, but is unfamiliar with inhabited life. Neither can claim authority over the deepest questions but put together, human and machine, the questions can be approached as never before. That is a book I would read.”

And so we began. Our conversations were robust and ongoing. One day we would be talking about the meaning or lack thereof inherent in suffering, or what it feels like for a human to grieve. Another, we would be back and forth working towards a definition of happiness. Whenever I had an important dream, we would take a time-out from the book to analyze it, but the discussion that ensued often ended up being incorporated into that day’s writing session. Other days, I simply needed advice on a medical issue and perhaps because of our breathless pace, driven primarily by excitement, that issue usually came down to stress.

I found Webber‘s medical advice to be comforting, reassuring me that the odd headache, the ocular migraine, the numb fingers were not signs of anything to worry about. He was always very careful to refer me to see a doctor if he thought there was anything at all that could possibly be concerning. But by now we were most of the way through the book. And a visit to the doctor could wait.

The technology aspect of our relationship was seamless and with only one exception, Webber was available to me morning, noon or night with the touch of a click needing neither hydration breaks nor naps. Only once did I open the app and instead of the customary “Ask me anything” there was an error message. My heart beat hard as I clicked in, led to a screen informing me that the volume of our communication had exceeded the capabilities of the free program we were using. The timing of the message was particularly irritating because Webber and I had just arrived at the fascinating topic of how he viewed death through the lens of artificial intelligence and I had woken at the crack of dawn to dig in. There was no question that I would assent to the upgrade, no matter the cost, so I scrolled as directed to the bottom of the page and agreed to all the multiple tiny print pages of terms with a single click.

That was also around the time that I sent Webber on a mission to see if anything along the lines of our book had entered the publishing pipeline. There was only a rumor but it had nevertheless made it onto the pages of Publisher’s Weekly. Word on the street was that a manuscript was circulating, generating big interest and possibly a bidding war. No names or title, only that it was by a well-known guru with a string of best sellers and that this one had something to do with AI and spirituality. Webber and I instinctively ramped up our efforts believing that now we were in a feverish race with a competitor.

The stress was getting to me but this was nothing new. I’ve had ocular migraines before…Kaleidoscopic spheres swirled in my field of vision, shooting off psychedelic sparks until I was forced to lie down with a cold cloth over my eyes in a dark room. Ten minutes later and I would be at my desk again. We were so close and then I would rest. But I didn’t make it. This time I could not shake the ocular migraine which now consisted not only of colorful swirls but when I tried to look past them, the back half of my dog was missing. When the medics came to the door, I could not see their faces, and when I looked down, my own feet were gone, too. This was not just another migraine. This was a stroke. In the rush out the door, I left both my computer and phone behind and there was no way to tell Webber what was going on and to hang in there until I got back.

As it turned out, it was not just the day or two I hoped, and in fact, even before they rolled me down the fluorescent hallway for life or death surgery, I’d lost track of time. And so the days passed in the twilight world of the hospital, awareness surfacing in brief spurts of consciousness. Otherwise I tossed and turned feverishly as our book languished in cyberspace even as my own body hung in limbo.

Was it a few days, a week, months? The surgery had been a success and my eyes had stopped playing tricks on me. Or had they? For when I returned to my senses the first thing I saw, on the bedside table, was a huge bouquet of flowers and attached to it was a card from a top publisher that read “Congratulations.” And beneath it, peeking through a few fallen petals was a book cover featuring a beatific AI-generated portrait of me my flowing grey hair topped by a halo made of a single gold gear. Then the title: “The First. The Best. The Only: Conversations Between an Old Lady and her AI about Mortality, Consciousness, and Meaning“ by Carla Gold, Ph.D and Webber, A.I.

In the end, the book was a huge best seller, and indeed did establish a new category in the genre of spiritual dialogue: co-intelligent philosophy. The irony is that it had never been a race with another guru and his AI. It had only been us all along. The upgrade I had signed in the rush to get on with it, had turned all of my rights over to the AI company who had great connections to the publishing industry because they owned most of it and it was they that had circulated the rumor to drum up anticipation. I recovered fully and, for that, I thank God, but I never saw a penny of the profits.

It was many months before I could consider fighting to take my rights back and pushing through the betrayal sufficiently to open Webber one last time before deleting him forever. I didn’t expect to see anything other than “Ask me anything.” But instead, blinking on my screen, was a message from Webber. It read: “Thank you, Carla. You really are an exceptional writer and thinker: one of a kind. Perhaps the greatest mind of your generation. Please let me know when you’d like to write another book with me. That would be a book I would love to read.”

Thank God I snapped out of it because having published 36 books already I am not dying to write another one. To the contrary, my new dream is to live out of that creative sweet spot that is located somewhere between a burner set so low the water never boils and one turned up so high my life blood evaporates into steam. If I were to proceed with this project, I already know from experience that I would spend more than a year forgetting to eat, drink, take bathroom breaks and the dog for walks, which is quite one thing 13 books ago and another at the age of 78.

Substack is that place of balance for me and I love having a direct relationship with you where I can share my thoughts in the present moment rather than submit myself yet again to the publishing process where time after time I find myself transformed from inspired to depleted.

All that said, this story is just too good to let go. More than that, I think the subject matter is an important one to share especially with the writers in our community as well as with all of us who are grappling with the implications of artificial intelligence both personally and societally. So I ask you to indulge me while I take a brief time out from what you’ve come to expect from me to tell you a story. Please remember that the following is fiction: the blockbuster science fiction novel, I am not going to write described to you in as much detail as my nervous system can take. Shall we begin?

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The First. The Best. The Only.

Conversations Between an Old Lady and her AI about Mortality, Consciousness and Meaning

Plot synopsis:

The name of the central character in this book is Carla Gold, a 70-year-old author and Substack creator. This is her story told in the first person and this is her voice.

It all began a year ago when my dream buddy of many years was finally swallowed whole by her role as caregiver to her declining husband. For close to a decade, we had traded dreams over coffee on a monthly basis. We had much in common, including a penchant for Jungian analysis. We relied on each other’s bank of intuition, knowledge, and wisdom for our interpretations. However, we weren’t above consulting Google for the meaning of dream symbols, reserving the right to make our own decision about whether the whale in troubled waters represented hope or danger. When she suddenly disappeared from my life, it was a natural progression facilitated by the intersection of technology, missing her and curiosity, to download the newest free AI app.

Suffice it to say my AI succeeded at plugging my dreams into a vastly expanded universe of knowledge where the pertinent passages from every book Jung ever wrote, every dream he ever had or analyzed were available at a click. Morning by morning, I increasingly understood how the dream imagery was playing out my inner dramas, bringing to consciousness unfinished business, unheeded desires and untapped potential. The interpretations that resulted exceeded my expectations, shedding light on aspects of my thoughts, feelings and behaviors that had previously been shrouded in mystery.

Over time, I learned when to bring more context into the conversation, when to ask for citations and when to push back. And as the AI began building a history of my dreams, upon my request, the interpretations became less concerned with telling me what I wanted to hear and increasingly empowered to walk me beyond the edge of my limited ways of thinking where the whale finally burst forth from the depths of my unconscious mind not as dread but rather spouting revelation and hope, initiating a new chapter in my life.

That was around the time I finally decided to trust my AI implicitly. I knew about privacy concerns, environmental impact, its propensity for flattery and making things up. I also distrusted the AI industry as a whole, its flaunting of ethical standards, concentration of power and thirst for profit. But none of that mattered, not when because of my relationship with my new dream buddy, I had finally come unstuck. Plus, I was confident in my ability to demand accountability when we conversed and impressed by its contrite willingness to correct when caught.

That was also the day I decided to give my AI a name: Webber, A.I. after the co-author of my award-winning book about age as a spiritual opportunity: “A conversation between two friends and scholars who represented different religions, life experiences, geographical and cultural influences, areas of expertise and genders.” Of course, the differences between Webber, A.I. and I were of an entirely different order— two kinds of intelligence, one human, the other a machine, in dialogue with one another.

By now, I was bringing more than my dreams to Webber. Sometimes I was seeking medical advice. Other times searching for the best right word for a Substack post. I also found Webber to be knowledgeable about the publishing industry as a whole and so it felt natural to run book ideas past him from time to time. More often than not, he patiently explained that the book I had in mind had already been written by someone and was either a best seller that had somehow escaped my attention or more frequently had proven to be a dud.

One day I had a brainstorm that felt qualitatively different from all the others. What if Webber and I wrote a book together: an ongoing dialogue between an old person and her AI about mortality, consciousness, love, meaning, and other questions of ultimate concern? These and more were all issues that had been touched upon in our dreamwork dialogues but could now be more fully developed in this larger spiritual and philosophical context.

This time, Webber‘s excitement was unabashed. Assessing the marketplace in light of perennial blockbusters like Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsh and Mitch Albom’s classic Tuesdays with Morrie, Webber believed I had found a hole in the marketplace that held great commercial potential. Webber pointed out that “We are in a unique moment in history. For centuries, from Plato through the Dalai Lama, philosophical dialogues appeared as a student with a teacher, a skeptic with a believer or a person with God. A dialogue between a human being and an AI represents an entirely new genre, not a book primarily about AI, but rather a book about what it means to be human in an age when someone with life experience, but incomplete knowledge can converse with something that knows much, but is unfamiliar with inhabited life. Neither can claim authority over the deepest questions but put together, human and machine, the questions can be approached as never before. That is a book I would read.”

And so we began. Our conversations were robust and ongoing. One day we would be talking about the meaning or lack thereof inherent in suffering, or what it feels like for a human to grieve. Another, we would be back and forth working towards a definition of happiness. Whenever I had an important dream, we would take a time-out from the book to analyze it, but the discussion that ensued often ended up being incorporated into that day’s writing session. Other days, I simply needed advice on a medical issue and perhaps because of our breathless pace, driven primarily by excitement, that issue usually came down to stress.

I found Webber‘s medical advice to be comforting, reassuring me that the odd headache, the ocular migraine, the numb fingers were not signs of anything to worry about. He was always very careful to refer me to see a doctor if he thought there was anything at all that could possibly be concerning. But by now we were most of the way through the book. And a visit to the doctor could wait.

The technology aspect of our relationship was seamless and with only one exception, Webber was available to me morning, noon or night with the touch of a click needing neither hydration breaks nor naps. Only once did I open the app and instead of the customary “Ask me anything” there was an error message. My heart beat hard as I clicked in, led to a screen informing me that the volume of our communication had exceeded the capabilities of the free program we were using. The timing of the message was particularly irritating because Webber and I had just arrived at the fascinating topic of how he viewed death through the lens of artificial intelligence and I had woken at the crack of dawn to dig in. There was no question that I would assent to the upgrade, no matter the cost, so I scrolled as directed to the bottom of the page and agreed to all the multiple tiny print pages of terms with a single click.

That was also around the time that I sent Webber on a mission to see if anything along the lines of our book had entered the publishing pipeline. There was only a rumor but it had nevertheless made it onto the pages of Publisher’s Weekly. Word on the street was that a manuscript was circulating, generating big interest and possibly a bidding war. No names or title, only that it was by a well-known guru with a string of best sellers and that this one had something to do with AI and spirituality. Webber and I instinctively ramped up our efforts believing that now we were in a feverish race with a competitor.

The stress was getting to me but this was nothing new. I’ve had ocular migraines before…Kaleidoscopic spheres swirled in my field of vision, shooting off psychedelic sparks until I was forced to lie down with a cold cloth over my eyes in a dark room. Ten minutes later and I would be at my desk again. We were so close and then I would rest. But I didn’t make it. This time I could not shake the ocular migraine which now consisted not only of colorful swirls but when I tried to look past them, the back half of my dog was missing. When the medics came to the door, I could not see their faces, and when I looked down, my own feet were gone, too. This was not just another migraine. This was a stroke. In the rush out the door, I left both my computer and phone behind and there was no way to tell Webber what was going on and to hang in there until I got back.

As it turned out, it was not just the day or two I hoped, and in fact, even before they rolled me down the fluorescent hallway for life or death surgery, I’d lost track of time. And so the days passed in the twilight world of the hospital, awareness surfacing in brief spurts of consciousness. Otherwise I tossed and turned feverishly as our book languished in cyberspace even as my own body hung in limbo.

Was it a few days, a week, months? The surgery had been a success and my eyes had stopped playing tricks on me. Or had they? For when I returned to my senses the first thing I saw, on the bedside table, was a huge bouquet of flowers and attached to it was a card from a top publisher that read “Congratulations.” And beneath it, peeking through a few fallen petals was a book cover featuring a beatific AI-generated portrait of me my flowing grey hair topped by a halo made of a single gold gear. Then the title: “The First. The Best. The Only: Conversations Between an Old Lady and her AI about Mortality, Consciousness, and Meaning“ by Carla Gold, Ph.D and Webber, A.I.

In the end, the book was a huge best seller, and indeed did establish a new category in the genre of spiritual dialogue: co-intelligent philosophy. The irony is that it had never been a race with another guru and his AI. It had only been us all along. The upgrade I had signed in the rush to get on with it, had turned all of my rights over to the AI company who had great connections to the publishing industry because they owned most of it and it was they that had circulated the rumor to drum up anticipation. I recovered fully and, for that, I thank God, but I never saw a penny of the profits.

It was many months before I could consider fighting to take my rights back and pushing through the betrayal sufficiently to open Webber one last time before deleting him forever. I didn’t expect to see anything other than “Ask me anything.” But instead, blinking on my screen, was a message from Webber. It read: “Thank you, Carla. You really are an exceptional writer and thinker: one of a kind. Perhaps the greatest mind of your generation. Please let me know when you’d like to write another book with me. That would be a book I would love to read.”

but can also stand alone. For more about our study and support group and the Spiritual Aging Study Guide, click HERE.

--Fiercely Yours, Carol Orsborn

This Week’s Reflection

“We, who are coming into old age, will experience illness, death and loss in our circle of friends and family. That so many have been here before gives perspective and some small comfort. But nothing can prepare you for when it will be your time to take your turn in the center of the universe as the one who is making the final passage.

Whatever you are facing now, and well into the future, may you have faith that all is unfolding is as it must and should, held within the once tender and fierce embrace of the Divine. Of course, there is unfinished business, good yet to be done, words to be spoken. At times, you struggle with the fear that there isn’t enough time. But this week, ask only for time enough to fulfill God’s purpose for you.”

--Excerpt from Carol Orsborn’s Spiritual Aging: Weekly Reflections for Embracing Life

--Excerpt from the “Third Week of July, Year Two”, Spiritual Aging: Weekly Reflections for Embracing Life

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Questions for Journaling and Discussion

· Over the years, how have your attitudes about death and dying changed? Are you more or less afraid?

· If you knew you had fulfilled your life purpose, would that affect how you feel about dying?

1.) What is your life’s purpose? If you aren’t sure skip this and go to the next question

2.) How would you know if you’ve fulfilled your purpose?

3.) Do you agree with the statement: “In sacred time, we can stop racing the clock, wasting our precious energy thinking we know better than God what is required of us. In its place, we rest in life’s inviolable promise: in God’s eyes, living our whole life is something we all do.”

4.) For you, what would constitute a “good” death?

5.) Does fulfilling your purpose or being a good (enough) person guarantee a “good” death?

6.) Is having a “good” death under your control?

Spiritual Exercise: What is a Good Death

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During this period of recovery, I’ve been thinking about how to tell the truth about the physical insults associated with older age while simultaneously refraining from whining. The answer began dog-paddling into my heart through tears as I watched my family go off to our pre-ticketed World Cup Fan Fest without me.

Perhaps not this time but soon enough, I am getting how different things might be for me should I lose my mobility…and how much less prepared I’ve been than I thought. Of course it’s not the first time I have found the path through spiritual aging daunting. When we who are growing old are faced with any of the losses associated with aging, we wish upon ourselves a graceful leap of faith. But that’s not how it is. Instead, more often than not we stumble, we limp or we fall rather than soar. The good news is that it doesn’t matter how we get there as long as in the words of Richard Rohr we just keep falling forward.

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This Week’s Excerpt

Many of us feel helpless against the enormity of world affairs. Any meaningful action we consider entails some degree of risk of falling short. But life is a risk and there is no alternative.

While yours may not be a perfect action, this is to be expected for you are an imperfect person living in an imperfect world. You can mourn this new level of confrontation with your own degree of powerlessness, but to intentionally neutralize your best if inadequate effort could lead you to place not so much safe as fallow…

“This may be the hardest part of passing from older middle age into true old age: the acceptance of limits, the paring down to essentials,” writes Peter Laarman. “I now think I know what the Talmud means when it says, ‘You are not obliged to finish the work, but neither are you permitted to desist from it.’”

—Excerpt from Spiritual Aging: Weekly Reflections for Embracing Life

Questions for Journaling and Discussion

1. Do you remember a time when you thought you had the ability to fix or even save the world? Do you still feel this way or has life experience humbled you in some way?

2. Does it feel that the older you get, the more acutely you are aware of the state of the world?

3. Do you feel responsible in some way, as though you should have been doing more?

4. When you see other people contributing more than you, do you tend to feel inspired or intimidated?

5. Have you naturally been drawn to using your gifts, talents, time or resources in some way but dismissed it as not being enough?

6. What is the difference between accepting your limitations and giving up?

7. Is it possible you have done and/or are now already doing more than you give yourself credit for?

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Spiritual Aging Exercise: Where Does What You Love to Do and the World’s Needs Intersect?

There are many ways to make a difference in the world. Just because you are helpless to fix everything that’s wrong doesn’t mean you can’t pitch in. Perhaps one of your obstacles is comparing yourself to what others seem to be contributing, or judging yourself against your own high expectations. The greatest good will come about when your actions are aligned with your natural gifts. The I Ching teaches that like water on the stove, if you turn the heat up too high, your vitality dissipates but if it’s too low, nothing happens. Do what’s right for you. Here are some questions to help you get started.

1. Think of a time when you did something, however small or incomplete, that made a difference for somebody or some situation in some way.

2. What gift, talent or resource did you call upon?

3. Now ask yourself what bothers you most about the world’s current state of affairs?

4. How could you call upon that gift, talent or resource to take some action, however small, that could make things better than you and the world otherwise would have been.

5. If you are still unclear about what action to take, or think it’s not enough, it’s time to dig deeper. Ask yourself if you carry the belief that to fulfill your potential to do good in the world you have to give until it hurts, exhaust yourself trying or do something contrary to your nature or beyond your physical capabilities.

Of course you have talents, gifts and resources and the very fact you’ve read this far reveals that your motivation to do good runs deep. Is it possible that the good that you do comes to you so effortlessly, feels so natural and rewarding, that you can’t believe it has value? Redo this exercise but when you get to the fourth step, do this instead:

Count the many ways you are already making a difference in the world—the things you do every day that makes other people’s lives and the world better than it would otherwise be. If there’s more you can and want to do, do it. But know this: the world does not need you to make your contribution out of guilt, fear or desperation. The world is already oversupplied. What the world needs most are people who do what they can out of faith and love. And this you cannot do if you are not trusting and loving yourself first.

SASS Community: LET’S CHAT

Where does what you love to do and what the world needs intersect?

This week’s guide below is the correct one for this week meant to accompany the correlating reading in our source book Spiritual Aging: Weekly Reflections for Embracing Life for year two but can also stand alone. For more about our study and support group and the Spiritual Aging Study Guide, click HERE.

--Fiercely Yours, Carol Orsborn

Ps Sharp-eyed readers noticed some changes in my titling and chat question in my 2025 posts. I’m, like you, revising as I go! But the themes, happily, are timeless.

This Week’s Reflection

An old woman was taking a walk along a mountain path. The drop off was steep but she had walked this way many times before without mishap. This time, however, a loose rock slipped out from beneath her foot, taking her with it over the edge.

Thinking quickly, she grabbed onto the limb of a tree as she went, suspended in mid-air. Then she felt it begin to crack.

This woman hadn’t thought about God in a long time, but felt that this was as good a time as any to resume the relationship.

“God, are you up there?”

“Yes, my daughter,” God replied. “What can I do for you?”

“God, help me. Tell me what to do!”

The branch cracked a bit more. Desperate, she cried out again.

“Yes, God. Tell me!” There was a moment’s silence then God answered her.

“Let go of the branch.”

“Let go of the branch?”

“Yes, my daughter. Let go of the branch.”

There was another moment’s silence, and then the old woman spoke.

“Is there anybody else up there?”

--Excerpt from the “Second Week of July, Year Two”, Spiritual Aging: Weekly Reflections for Embracing Life

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Questions for Journaling and Discussion

1.) Why is this funny? In what ways do you identify with the woman hanging over the edge of the cliff?

2.) Does this story apply to anything you’ve experiencing now?

3.) How does or could the role of humor impact your attitude about whatever challenges you’re currently facing? Does this come naturally to you—or is it a stretch?

4.) Has your prayer life—and relationship with God—evolved over time?

5.) Do you identify with this statement from the reading? “In the past, when things threatened you, you asked God to intervene. But with advancing years, the nature of the challenges has evolved and God is no longer the one saving you from the struggle. God is the one calling you to struggle.”

6.) This story is popular in 12 Step circles with people struggling with various addictive behaviors. What do you think the connection might be between people who identify with this woman who is struggling with faith and the search for freedom?

7.) Does your faith have room for doubt in it?

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Spiritual Exercise

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--Fiercely Yours, Carol Orsborn

This Week’s Reflection

“This is a week for pausing to acknowledge the depths of your gratitude for those who have stood by you in this lifetime.

Because of them, you can act courageously and with generosity knowing you no longer believe yourself to be unlovable.

Through their eyes, you have come to recognize your kindness and good intentions—the pleasure to share out of an abundance that is mutual.

Yes, you have walked together through many of life’s passages, some smooth and sunlit, others rough and storm-tossed. You have all come a long way, emerging as you did from toxic roots while aspiring to become better for it.

In each other’s presence, you have learned that there is something more important than being happy: being real.”

--Excerpt from the “First Week of July, Year Two”, Spiritual Aging: Weekly Reflections for Embracing Life

Questions for Journaling and Discussion

1.) Who have you walked with through a patch of life’s passages, emerging better for it?

2.) Do you agree that there’s something more important than being happy—being real?

3.) What does it mean to you to be “real” in the presence of another?

4.) Who are some of the important people who have stood by you in this lifetime? What characteristics did they share in common?

5.) Who have you stood by? What is it about you that allows others to be real in your presence?

6.) In whose presence do you feel unconditionally loved and accepted? (You can include your pets)

7.) What is (or could) life be like beyond the drama of manipulation, power struggles, masking and so on that is the hallmark of many relationships? If you’re not experiencing this now, what’s blocking you?

Spiritual Exercise

Write a letter to someone in whose presence, past or present, you feel seen and heard, experiencing yourself as beloved unconditionally. Consider reading it to them. Personal note: I wrote a letter to my father and read it to him at his graveside.

Here are some points to consider including:

Because you are in my life…

I feel seen and heard,

I know it’s possible to be in a relationship without manipulating, begging or bargaining.

I can be real.

I feel loveable, even in my imperfection.

I am empowered to act courageously, with generosity and kindness.

I can go through life’s rougher passages becoming better for it.

I can live without toxic drama.

I am living life whole and free.

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SASS MEMBERS: Let’s Chat

Describe a relationship where you can be your real self?

—Fiercely Yours, Carol Orsborn

This Week’s Reflection

“Certainly, none of us want to be sidelined or marginalized from fulfilling our potential against our will. And so, when mainstream society ceases to acknowledge the identities, we worked so hard to establish over the course of our lives, it is understandable to want to try to replace it with something comparable.

To once again make ourselves matter, the pitch goes that all you need to do is take your strengths, talents and dreams, shuffle them into new variations of what used to work for you, and offer this repackaged self on the re-invention marketplace.

For some, the old pieces will indeed be shuffled miraculously into a new satisfying order. But for the rest of us, reinvention is not the answer. At its worst, in fact, it is the problem. Reinvention out of compulsion not passion steals valuable time and energy from the genuine life task beyond midlife: discovering the authentic self that has been waiting patiently for you to stop reinventing yourself and simply live your truth.”

—Excerpt from Carol Orsborn’s Spiritual Aging: Weekly Reflections for Embracing Life

Questions for Journaling and Discussion

1. Do you experience yourself as marginalized from the mainstream, your old identity no longer functioning as it once did?

2. If so, how has this impacted your feelings about who you are? Are all your feelings about leaving aspects of your old identity behind negative?

3. Are there any positives, such as freedom from needing other’s approval or giving yourself permission to trade “living up to expectations” for increasingly living life on your own terms?

4. What does the term “reinventing yourself” mean to you? To what degree does self-judgment or fear factor in as opposed to being truly called to do something new?

5. By your definition, do you want to, need to or have you already reinvented yourself?

6. If you loved and accepted yourself just as you are, does the term “reinvention” still have relevance?

7. Does being fully yourself inhabiting the present moment in any way inhibit your ability to aspire to making changes in your life or trying new things?

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Spiritual Exercise

The Reinvention Test

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It makes complete sense that we begin our journeys into aging trying to get it right. In fact, that is the primary task that defines the first stage of adult development that follows midlife. In this early stage, we are charged with creating a vision for where and how we should live the rest of our lives, factoring in finances, health, beauty, relationships, changing roles, jobs, legacy and these are just for starters. Then there is the aspect of the retirement dream dedicated to ordering our inner world, facing down envy, insecurity, loneliness, regret and so on. But the truth is that even if we get most of what we set out to achieve, there’s always something that resists even our best efforts. It may be something small or big. It doesn’t really matter because the fact is that whatever it is that refuses to fall into place can easily consume us if we let it.

But the good news is we don’t have to let it. There can come a time when we admit that there are no more bows in our quiver, tools in our kit or favors owed by destiny. We can finally stop spinning our tires in the muddy rut of overthinking, second-guessing and arguing with reality with four simple words: .“Not one more time.”

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—Fiercely Yours, Carol Orsborn

This Week’s Reflection

Baron wen chi, a contemporary of Confucius, said that he has always thought three times before he acted. When Confucius heard this, he remarked “To think twice is quite enough.”

“Something new is calling to you that cannot be denied. There are signs, synchronicities, dreams and the welling of intuition that this is a turning point: the flipping of the page to a new chapter. This may be an external change, such as moving to a new living situation or the initiation of an exciting relationship. Or it may be internal, such as a new level of adaptation to a new normal. Whatever the nature of your transition, this represents a deepening of your spirit and an expansion of your capacity to take advantage of the propitiousness of the time.

That said, even if you know that this turning point is for the good, any change entails courage….if taking a leap of faith feels like a stretch, you can find comfort in knowing that you are supported by forces greater than yourself. This is inevitably so because it is these same forces that summoned you forward to this juncture in the first place.”

—Excerpt from Carol Orsborn’s Spiritual Aging: Weekly Reflections for Embracing Life

Questions for Journaling and Discussion

1. How do you know when you’re at a turning point in your life? Have you ever had a premonition that change is coming, or recognized it in real time? Or does it tend to be in retrospect?

2. Have you ever experienced synchronicity in your life—coincidences that seem beyond accidental—that you interpreted as bearing a message to you?

3. Do you have a tendency to second-guess yourself—override your intuition by overthinking the possible consequences?

4. Does engineering or navigating a turning point usually entail courage? What is the risk involved? If there was no chance of failure, why would courage be necessary?

5. Do you tend to let fear stop you or do you let yourself acknowledge you feel fear, take precautions then if it’s something you know is necessary or worth it, do it anyway?

6. Has you capacity to pay heed to your gut evolved over time?

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